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Regrets

Summary:

One failed marriage that caused a lot of damage to Sigyn's state of mind but somehow she was able to find her way back to society. Finally being able to move on from the years of torment, she lives by herself peacefully. When her worst nightmare comes back to haunt her, she doesn't know how to approach this. The monster's here to stay, and all she can be is the loyal gullible wife he always took her for.

Notes:

just couldn't stop thinking about Sigyn and her life so I thought of this

Chapter 1: Welcome Back

Chapter Text

        She sunk her body into the bathtub, reveling in the consuming warmth. It had been a long week of working labor and she needed a break.  After this she was going to make herself dinner and probably read herself to sleep. She lowered her head deeper into the water up to her nose getting a whiff of her rose scented soap that's been simmering in the tub. She reached for her loofah scrubbing her arms slowly with it. Her body loosened as all the knots began to unwind and her mind drifted off to daydream. Her solemn time was interrupted  by the banging coming from her front door that caused Sigyn to jump out of the tub shaken by the violent banging at the door.

        Grabbing her faded color towel, she wrapped it around her tucking the end to her side keeping up and putting her soaking hair in a messy bun. She enjoyed the peacefulness and silence that crept in the room, but for it to be at a wildly abrupt stop honestly annoyed her. Yet, she was too kind of a person to express anger in any sense of the manner and usually let things go easily like water under the bridge. She was dripping all over her carpet making a trail of water to the door where the knocking originated. “Coming,” she reached for the knob opening the walk way only to be greeted by a familiar face. Sigyn was left with horror in her eyes, her mind hazy and her body stilled with fear.

          “Hello love,” she slammed the door back locking and falling against it, before sliding down it slowly. Tears filled her eyes as the memories of this man gave her pain in the pit of her stomach. Her previous emotions for him hit the brim of the surface begging to be released.

        “They said he was bad for you,” she gripped her hair pulling on it, flabbergasted. She didn't know what to do and the more he asked for entrance caused her to wince and twitch from his words. How smooth they flowed as they rolled off his tongue made her whine and squeal quietly. She didn't want to deal with this man again, not like last time and yet he still gave her that bubbly warmth. That feeling that always seemed to show whenever she was near him. She knew her love didn't matter to him, but she gave it up anyways even after all he's done to her, she couldn't get the shaky feeling that he cared even if it's just her fantasy. In reality, he was a cheating, lying, bastard who didn't deserve any of her respect or sympathy, but revenge and malice wasn't really part of her nature.

          Sigyn tugged at her hair harder expecting hair to come out, but she simply wasn't strong enough to do that. She wiped away the few tears that streamed down her face, picking herself up off the ground and using the door for support. Sigyn took a moment to think about the consequences that could generate from even talking to this man. He was the darker part of history in her mind that changed her fabric of reality. Something she didn't want to look back to but now the past had come back to haunt her so she had a choice. On the other side of that door was a man who brought pain and misery to her and her lifestyle, but there was also a chance of opportunity held in their torn relationship. Sigyn always thought the brighter things in situation even if there's only negativity surrounding her. She held her towel up while reopening the entrance  hiding her emotions with a blank expression. She was ultimately filled with excitement to this man, her only man, coming to her instead of the other way around. He made a half-hearted smile putting slight charm to his words.

            “I know this was short notice but I requested assistance and you were the first person to come to mind,” he was out of breath and sounded as if in a hurry, “may I please access your abode,” Sigyn was feeling mixed emotions simultaneously, but nodded calmly, stepping aside for him to enter and closing the door behind him. He rested on her couch placed on the center of the room catching his breath. Sigyn was careful to walk near the couch the velvet haired man laid in and she was cautious to speak to him. He seemed to pay little to no attention to the creature standing behind the couch. Before Sigyn to talk, he glanced at her observing her small stature before he spoke, “you look as beautiful as ever,” he said breathless before turning back. Sigyn couldn't respond still unsure of her decision she made, inviting her ex-husband into her home but, something took over her thoughts that agreed with this idea.

          “What happened to you,” she noticed the bruises and cuts covering his face, wounds involving his abdomen, arms and legs. There were gashes in his legs deep enough to reach his bones and gaping holes in his abdomen that went through his body. She didn't honestly know how to approach this, she wanted to yell at him for betraying her and throw him out on the dirt but, she didn't have the courage or strength to say her true meanings. She was going to give him elusive words to see whether or not he understood what she meant, “after all these years you come back, why?” Her sadness was shown blatantly clear and from what he could tell she was desperate to know. He sat up looking over his shoulder, talking to Sigyn.

         “As you can tell, I am deeply injured and I knew you were the only person who could and will help me,” he said almost warning, “I need a place to lay low for a while. Do you think I could stay here while I hide away,” he smirked recognizing the weakling of a person he easily manipulated. Sigyn stared for a moment mesmerized before she snapped out of it nodding to him hastily. “Your cooperation is greatly appreciated,” he began to stand moving towards her, but she avoided his touch, backing away from him like he was yellow fever.

         “You may stay here but you may not get near me. I will help you, after all we were married before,” she said strict to make her point clear. Sigyn headed to her chambers where she could change privately. She pointed at the couch before sharing, “you can sleep there for now until I’ve gotten the guest room settled,” he followed her back to her room either way she liked it.

         “Sweet Sigyn-” she retreated to her quarters cutting him off and closing the door in front of his face. He grinned walking back to the couch resting his sore muscles quickly  falling unconscious.

          Sigyn collapsed on her bed tears streaming, “mother told you,” she sobbed. She wasn't agreeing with her feelings about this God awful man, “he doesn't deserve you,” she shook her head trying to compose herself, “how many times has he taken you for a fool, abused your trust, even bended your sanity,” she angrily said trying to convince her mind, “you’ve saved him from peril multiple times on different occasions, nothing's new. He just going to use you like always,” she said through her teeth grunting, “don't help the damned said father,” the rage was building on top of her mental stability. “He plays with you like a toy,” the rage that was once there soon decreased when her memories shifted. “But when he did love, it was so passionate,” she latched onto to her shoulders arms crossed, “he was gentle and soft, it was always sweet.” Her brain had a war within itself arguing which side they'd choose.

         Sigyn wanted to be mad but it wasn't her nature, and the more she was self aware of that, the easier it would be for her to lose her mind. “He called me beautiful,” she smiled feeling that warmth that filled her heart with joy. “I was on his mind,” she laid in bed with no other thought than Loki. Sigyn should've listened to her peers, her guardians, they told her many times to leave this sinful man but she couldn't help but adore him. Something about him drove her towards him and being forced into an arranged marriage only gave her happiness from the inside. When Sigyn was called to Odin to marry his brother, she was happy to oblige to his request leaving the palace with a smile plastered on her face. The better she got to understand the deceiver, the more she fell for him. Maybe she liked being mistreated, she wasn't entirely sure anymore. For now she would do what he asked and heal him, since they were divorced she didn't have to worry about any conundrum happening between them. Once he goes on his merry way she can go back to her daily Asgardian life.  

Chapter 2: Introductions

Chapter Text

           Sigyn woke early in the morning as she usually did. She put on a white gown leaving for the bathroom to freshen up. She splashed water in her face putting her hand against her chest feeling her rapidly beating heart. “You know him, you know what he's capable of,” she reassured herself, “you are not his,” looking at her reflection in the mirror, Sigyn put on a weakened smile.  She left her room headed toward the kitchen to make breakfast before her eyes switched to the couch where the malicious fiend slept. He was still asleep which brought her some bit of relief, but she wouldn’t know what to do when he woke. His body was motionless with little to none movement of his chest rising from the breaths he took. The way he slept reminded her the very few fond memories she shared with the monster but, she knew thoughts like that were forbidden and refused to dwell on them long. Whenever she was alone or in her own head, she had glimpses of Loki. He was an impact to her as many people weren’t, many different stunts were pulled from him that inevitably got Sigyn involved. Most of them were selfish deeds that didn’t benefit their family a single bit, but Sigyn being the loyal wife she was (and possibly still is), helped anyways getting caught in his spider web of lies and deceit.

            Sigyn reheated the leftover ham from days ago and put a few rolls of dough in the broiler to toast in. On the stove she placed a pan on top cracking a couple of eggs into it to scramble. While she let the eggs sizzle in the butter pan, she pulled out some passion fruit from the crisper reaching for the cutting board across it placing it all on the counter. The sound of shuffling came from the living area, and from what she could tell Loki was waking up from the aroma. Sigyn grabbed two silver plates and silverware out of the drawer, setting both with a variety of assortments. She glanced at the chef’s knife held in her hand to cut the fruit staring at it as he groaned sitting up. She ended up cutting herself making her wince from the sudden pain. She quickly removed her hand from the board and held onto the bleeding finger. She rinsed it in the sink letting the air dry it out while she took the two plates from the counter.

           Loki was already at the table when she came with breakfast combing his hand through his curly hair. She made it to the table averting her glance from him as she placed his and her food down and the utensils to them. Sigyn wanted nothing to do with the nefarious creature across from her other than doing a favor. Barely any interactions other than the times she’d patch him up and little words said to each other. It would make her life easier if that was to happen. She would’ve kept far distance from him, but her conscious made her eat at the table with the monster. She was raised that way, she couldn’t eat unless it was at the table so it was almost instinct to sit there. Sigyn did, reluctantly pulling herself a chair and digging into her food still averting his defining stare. The ambient, long lasting silence was beginning to get to both of them until it was broken by the silver tongue himself, “I know I have been gone for some time-”

         “Ten years Loki, it has been ten years since you left,” she retorted looking down at her food as she played with it. Sigyn accepted their divorce long ago but he never kept contact with her after which quite frankly bothered her.

         “What’s happened with you while I've been away,” Sigyn couldn’t help but glare at his pathetic attempt to communicate. The last ten years hadn’t been easy on Sigyn and only got worse after the funeral. She wasn’t going to mention the funeral to him, she didn’t like to think back on it, and reminding him would cause a whole ordeal. She didn’t respond turning back to her plate that was covered in food she hadn’t touched. Being near him made her lose her appetite so she pushed her food away and gained the decency to look at him.

        “Ten years,” she scoffed, “it has been like hell,” she said in a breathless laugh. She didn’t want to put any more thought into the past than she already did. “How are you feeling,” changing the subject she didn’t want to sound anxious asking him as much as she felt it.

         “Better than last night but I am barely able to walk,” Sigyn hummed quietly as she nodded. He finished his plate while picking up the wine bottle that was set on the table and drinking from it. He offered her some, but she shook her head giving him the opportunity gulp it all down.  Sigyn flushed seeing as he was making a mess over his tunic by the droplets of red wine that seeped into it. She cleared her throat earning his attention before he put the wine bottle down. He earned a faint smile that stretched across Sigyn’s lips which made him grin. She tried covering it but couldn’t resist the urge to smile and Sigyn knew this would be her downfall. It faded away from lack of enjoyment as she turned back to Loki, speaking.

       “You should get washed, when you come out the bath, I will patch your pesky wounds,” she took the plates and the empty wine to the kitchen, throwing the wine bottle and left food off the plates and rinsing the dishes. Loki did as told using his chair to stand and limping all the way to her bathroom. Once the door closed Sigyn could drop the facade smiling widely. She sat back at the table contemplating in a daydream, she indulge into the little things and littlest they were the more she loved it. Loki pouring the brand new wine down his gullet until it was empty  gave her a ticklish feeling that she never wanted to go away. For the moment, she day dreamed about him and his flaws.

        Sigyn rested her head on the couch waiting for Loki to leave the bathroom. It felt like hours before he came out since Sigyn was close to losing consciousness, “I hope I wasn’t in there for long. I tend to bleed easily in hot water,” Sigyn picked herself up rushing to the bathroom to check. The tub was filled with bloody water and the floor had footprints and smears of blood. Her jaw dropped for how much blood redecorated her bathroom. She knew Loki wasn’t going to help with this dilemma which only made her increasingly annoyed. Loki stood behind her, latching onto her shoulder firmly which caused her to jump in his grasp. She quickly turned, grabbing his hand and yanking it off of her.

         “Do not touch me,” she raised her voice pointing at him warning, “you may-,” she stopped herself putting her hand over her mouth as she choked on her words. “Lay on the comforter while I prepare the supplies,” she said soft sounded. He smirked before turning away from her and walking to the couch. Moments later, Sigyn came out with the proper utensils to patch the minor cuts and advanced potions to help with the fatal ones. She went straight to work, starting from his lower half and working up from there. She went to the major ones first finding them important to get to quickly. She fixed up an elixir to numb the pain and speed the process of healing. The gash went down his calf all the way to his ankle, and the wound was deep enough that one could see a bit of bone. She poured the elixir into the wound that made it burn like hell. Loki winced grabbing his thigh, and pulling his leg back as he groaned angrily, “I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. Sigyn never enjoyed Loki in pain and did her best to lessen his pain in any way she could.

         “It is alright Sigyn, I have felt worse. It was only a mere momentary reaction,” he stretched his leg out allowing her to finish what she was doing. Sigyn smiled to herself reminiscing all the other times he was in terrible conditions and how many times she was there for him. It made her solemn when she thought about it, she was there for him but not vice versa. Sigyn pulled out the needle and began digging under his bruised skin and tugging at it until it connected to the other swollen piece of skin across the oozing wound. She was alone in that relationship, and had no one to save her or even vent to when she needed it. It made it a lot harder to cope with things when their was no one but herself to really talk to. Tears swelled her eyes as she made her last stitch on his right leg. The needle dug deeper in than it was supposed to causing Loki to flinch and look back at Sigyn. She didn’t gaze back but continued to work on his injured body while wiping away the few tears that would roll  down her cheeks.

         There was a few more vital cuts and potential infections that were taken cared of but other than that, Sigyn could move forward. On the day Loki was assigned the punishment of the venomous snake, Sigyn didn’t know what to do but follow behind. He was chained to a boulder with an almost unbreakable  chain, that was also tied to a giant acid spitting snake. The years she spent there holding a bowl above his head as the snake poured its venom into it, occasionally getting it splashed onto her skin, was agonizing. She felt like they were staying forever but after years of service, the chain finally broke and both spouses were free. Sigyn didn’t think it was all bad after all that was only the gist of what happened. Besides them both going a little insane from the experience, there was much to discuss since there was nothing else to do. Loki did most of the talking while Sigyn listened with little responses. In the beginning his structured sentences were a lot different from later on as the years went by. Soon after having acidic venom poured onto his face for the thousandth time, his words started jumbling and merging on his lips. They weren't full sentences anymore, they became blurted sayings of subjects Sigyn didn't understand. He started talking to himself more and more as the pain grew and his mind was turned into soup. Surprising to see him still functioning as well as he is now, Sigyn wasn't sure what brought him back to sanity 

           Sigyn patched his lower body and now went to his upper body. “I believe I have caused war against realms,” she looked up curiously at him, “probably why they are after me,” he breathed a laugh, “Odin is going to send his idiotic son to come and fetch me but he will never find me. That brute has the brain size of a squirrel,” she giggled from his frustration. He wanted to believe that Thor was never going to discover his hide out, but he had a bit of doubt. They were still on Asgard after all, but miles away from the city, a more secluded part of the realm. He sighed from annoyance rubbing between his eyes to calm himself while Sigyn snickered through the corner of her mouth. His gaze was an instant on Sigyn vibrantly, “but I have you to aid me in this challenging time, right?”  He sat up interrupting her work. Sigyn paused taking the little time she had to respond to contemplate. It was almost instinct to nod yes, but she thought back on the notion before giving her true answer. Her mind said no but her body language said yes, which inevitably made her nod her head.

        “Of course,” she said anxiously wanting to add something to it, but something told her not yet, so her voice went silent.  Loki smirked pleased with her answer as he laid back on the arm of the couch. She sighed quietly ashamed of her weakness before stitching the rest of him back into one piece. By the end of it, she and her couch were covered in a mixture of dried and fresh blood. She put her items in the bathroom, planning on washing them later before helping Loki off the couch, “you have a few bruises on your face but I have ice for that,” she grabbed a bowl and a cloth placing the ice in the cloth. Keeping her distance, she handed the bowl filled with ice to him stepping away once it made it to his hands.

          “If I did not know better Sigyn, I would say you are nervous to be around me,” almost dropping the bowl he picked it up before it could fall, placing it on the table.

          “I stitched you to health,” she said denying his presumption. Sigyn left the kitchen walking towards the guest chambers to clean whatever mess she had in it. The room was barely touched with little to no mess in it other than the few pieces of clothing thrown on the floor. Loki appeared at the frame of the door resting his back in the frame. Sigyn’s back was turned to him as she was crouched down picking up old dresses and scarves she kept for winter. She simultaneously stood while turning around getting a small greet from the God of Mischief. She jumped from surprise of his presence earning a smirk, “your room is ready,” she escaped the discomfort being in this room. Sigyn slipped on her sweater grabbing a scarf as well as rushing into her room.

          “Where are you off to run now?” Sigyn didn’t reply until the last minute when she was almost out the door.  

          “I am going out for a walk,” Sigyn wasn’t going to tell the exact location but she needed privacy to think. She knew where she was headed and it was an area she kept discreet, it was a garden that she kept track of. She could speak her thoughts aloud to the plants surrounding her, basking in the smell of pollen and roses that flourished in the thorns. Sigyn even set up a stone bench dead center for her garden to sit on whenever she came there which was often and possibly everyday for what she has at home. She plopped herself on the bench sighing, “my mind deceives me,” she picked a rose off the bush near the vine covered bench. “You are a fool, you always were” she breathed a laugh at herself. Picking away at the rose, she removed each blood red petal carefully before dropping them onto the cool grass.

           “He is controlling you again,” a voice inches away said. Sigyn turned towards the person speaking noticing how close she was. She had hazel brown hair that was wavy and dark brown eyes. She wore a gown as well that was lavender, “you and I both know better than that,” Sigyn’s surprise faded away being familiar with the old friend. There was another person Sigyn allowed in the garden and that was the woman next to her.                                                

           “It's the least bit likely. He has only been here for mere days,” she said defensively.

           “It only takes a second for you to be wrapped in your head,” she was in Sigyn’s face about it, “now you're hooked,” she said with disdain holding Sigyn down on the bench, “you are truly an idiot-”

           “I am not a fool, I know what I am doing.” Sigyn stood pushing her, “he is not in control of my life,” she raised her voice to stand her falling ground.

          “Sigyn,” she laughed, “you have no control over your life,” she placed her hand on Sigyn’s shoulder, “you respond to his unnecessary questions and you have been thinking about him since he came,” she shoved Sigyn to the ground glowering, “he has you at the palm of his hand and you will sit there and follow like the good wife you are,” she said mockingly.

          “You’re wrong,” Sigyn whimpered trying to hold in the tears that were breaking the barrier between eyes, “it’s not like that anymore, I have changed.” She desperately tried convincing her, “I settled my boundaries.”

           “Lies,” she shouted pointing at Sigyn before pointing towards the bench viewing an holographic illusion of Sigyn and Loki, “this is what you envision,” he slipped his hand under her dress, wrapping his other hand around her waist. “All you want is him, all you ever wanted,” Sigyn was curled into ball crying her tears away. She picked Sigyn up by the gown using one hand to hold her jaw while the other kept her from falling. “Look at it, “she forced her head to turn and watch the graphical imagery before turning her head back. “Do you want this to end like last time,” she shook Sigyn for an answer.   

         “No,” Sigyn didn’t open her eyes to look at the furious woman shaking her.

         “Good,” she dropped Sigyn stepping back, “take care of this,” she began walking away, “because if you do not, than I will handle this matter personally,” she walked a distance away before fading into nothing but air. Sigyn sat back on the bench wiping her tears as she contemplated.

         “It is certain Sigyn,” she grabbed the rose she left on the bench plucking off the rest of the petals hasty, “you have lost it."

Chapter 3: Seduces

Chapter Text

           Sigyn stayed out until the late afternoon during the sunset. She wasn’t ready to go home yet and maybe not at all. It would be wise to go inside since she was only in a gown and a jacket which wasn’t going to last for the night. Preparing for her departure she grabbed a few other roses from the bush ignoring the thorns that shielded them. Sigyn began her travel back, feeling the weight of the world being pushed down on her shoulders, making her slump. The only way to get rid of this internal struggle was to abandon Loki, but she couldn’t do that to him. No one would disagree with her decision, they’d probably applaud to her accomplishment. Sadly she wasn’t capable of doing something as kicking Loki out of her house, she wouldn’t have a viable reason in doing so.

         The house was silent and the lights were off. Sigyn desperately needed a bath to calm her nerves, she was shaken by her friend and what she spoke was a warning. She rushed to her room glancing at the shut door across from it. Reaching for the knob she slowly entered, watching the door across carefully. She wanted to knock on the door and asked how he was doing, but she knew it would make her life easier if she didn’t talk to him directly. She skipped his chamber, moving on to the bathroom, turning the lights on as she remembered the mess left behind.

          Everything was spotless as if it never happened. Sigyn was at a bit of shock for how neat and clean it was. She clenched her fist wishing she didn’t think the way she did but she couldn’t help it. One thing she wasn’t going to do, was thank him for what he did. He didn’t deserve her gratitude.  Sigyn started her bath water while throwing in a few of her own scented scrubs in it before undressing and dipping her body into steaming water. Sigyn tried to find some bit of peace but she couldn’t help this pain in her chest.  She was considering making Loki leave and never return, but her moral compass told her not to. She giggled, “wasn’t satisfied with his decision was he,” speaking of the events in the living room. She sighed heavily in disappointment, “but I’m glad he showed.”

          

        Sigyn had work today but decided not to go. She actually planned not to go until Loki was gone, but by then she would’ve probably been fired. Sigyn was ready accept that, but she didn’t know how long that was going to last before she ran out of money. She waited, for that day when she would have financial issues but she set that notion aside momentarily, as she couldn’t rid of the splitting headache she woke with. It was one of the side effects she had whenever she talked with her ‘friend’. She drank herbal tea which usually helped, but it didn’t seem to work today and only got worse. She sat at the table face down with her ginger brown locks covering her face as she groaned in pain.

       Her hearing kept going in and out with sounds of ringing and her vision was blurry to the point where it faded to black. Her stomach had a slight ache to it, but not enough to make her want to vomit. Loki entered the kitchen drowsy as he reached for a fruit in the bowl laid out on the table. Sigyn tried ignoring his presence but she knew better, he wasn’t going to leave unnoticed. “You do not seem your best Sigyn,” he sat right across from her. All she did was groan miserably, “I could help with that” she shifted in her seat. He stood, slowly making his way behind Sigyn’s chair. She sat up sloppily, trying to watch his movements carefully but her sound mind and conscious thoughts were elsewhere. She flinched when he gradually moved his hands onto her shoulders, gripping them with his long fingers.

      “Loki,” she said almost warning, but it wasn’t conveyed well enough with her soothed voice.  His hands rubbed against her shoulders as the tensity of them began to loosen in his grasp.

       “I can make you feel better,” he continued rubbing her shoulders gently causing her to melt in her chair.  The headache was starting to fade away as she sighed in relief. His voice lowered as he spoke next to her ear, “I can make you feel better like I used to,” he said seductively. The words ringed in her head but her mind drifted off from reality. He reached down, kissing her neck causing her to release an eased moan. He used his hand to tilt her head towards him as he kissed the side of her neck repeatedly, earning more outburst moans. Something was banging in her head anxiously, desperately reaching for her attention. Soon the headache that was once soothed, came back and jolted her to reality. She jumped out of her seat before Loki could make his final move.

        “I need to go out,” she said before rushing out the door. Sigyn needed to think about what just happen, what could’ve happened. She was going to the garden to think things through before going back there. She felt betrayed, violated, she let her guard down for a moment and it almost cost her. She didn’t walk in any particular direction, just far away from one of the biggest mistakes she could’ve made.

        Loki didn’t know what he did wrong. He was aware of the tension he had between him and Sigyn, all he wanted was to release it. The door slammed with a thud before he quickly moved on to do his own business. As much as he’d love to pursue in Sigyn’s apprehensiveness to his affection, he had to make sure his safety was insured first. He didn’t know exactly how he was going to achieve this goal yet but he was certain he would figure it out. Odin had a bounty out for him alive- as if death could stop him- but Loki knew what was in store for him if he went back to the palace. For his well being, he was going to wait out here with his former ex-wife and distract her from reality.

 

           Sigyn was freezing by the time she went back inside. No lights were on and deafening silence echoed in the room with only her footsteps from her heels  bouncing off the walls. Sigyn sat on her bloody couch, jumping off when she felt the puddle of blood that soaked in and stained her furniture, “that was one of the things I forgot to clean while you were away,” the room was lit by the lamps hung around the walls as the quiet voice spoke up. Sigyn froze in place as her body began to tense and her stomach churned.

           “I thought you asleep by this hour,” Sigyn said motionless as her hands reached the head of the leather couch. Taking a seat across from her, the mess laid across the couch disappeared.

           “I don’t want-”

           “I could care less for what you want. I strictly said you were forbidden to put your hands on me unless asked to and you demolished that rule,” she kept her poise and her voice firm as she lifted from her couch, “the next time this happens, I will be forced to tie you to your bed post,” she said incredulously as she walked toward the hallway, she stopped at the corner where it began to look back at him. 

          “A punishment for a child, you’ll have to try harder than that,” she watched as the faintly scarred lines across his lips formed a greedy grin. Sigyn sighed breathlessly as she departed for bed, questioning her decisions as usual.

          

          Sigyn was beginning to get used to Loki’s presence and wasn’t feeling the same discomfort she felt when he first showed up.  It was time for her to change the bandages and replace the bloody covered ones, with fresh ones. She bent forward, kneeling while doing this, as she cleaned up the stained blood on his skin, removing the wrap from his leg. She knew she was going to regret this but, she couldn’t resist to ask, “what did you do to anger the Allfather,” she asked curiously as she worked.

         “I killed someone, sort of,” he said bluntly, “he was annoying and I wanted him dead. I sent a blind man to kill him but, they still find me guilty of these crimes so now, I’m being hunted,” he shrugged, he didn’t have much to tell.  He was only going to touch the tip of the iceberg and keep list of bad deeds, underwater.

          “And who is it you killed?”

          “Baldur, son of Odin, brother to Thor, that whole spew,” Sigyn was shocked to hear that, “I know the news hasn’t spread far but aesir are hearing about his death. They say it was an accident but you and I know the truth,” she tried focusing on repairs but knowing that one of the princes of Asgard was dead made it hard to do so. She sat back to take a moment of silence for the prince, puzzling the god of mischief. “Do not mourn for that spoiled brat, he deserves what was served-” he said with disdain.

          “He was still the prince and I must show my respects-” she began saying a prayer as Loki slipped off the couch watching his opened wounds as he sat down to her level on the ground.

           “He was no better man than you or I, respect is earned not given Sigyn and I do believe he’s done nothing for you to earn that,”  he said genuinely with earnesty. Honest words were spoke and she could sense it, that’s what he believed in and no one could change nor alter it. He stared at her intently waiting for a sign of understanding but she only looked back blankly at him. Once she registered everything, she nodded slowly before agreeing verbally.

           “Okay,” she said slowly, grabbing her supplies as she moved it aside and patted the couch for him to take his seat.

          “I think I’ll leave it the way it is, let the air dry it out,” he knew that leaving the still very fresh gashes open wouldn’t be wise but he didn’t care enough to bother with it any longer.  He stood, using the couch as support as he wobbled to his feet, “for now I’m going to lie down and rest for the hour,” he made his way to the hallway leading to his temporary chamber, “feel free to join at your own risk,” he left a trail of blood behind him as it dripped from his legs. Sigyn smiled, later on she was going to have to fix it before he’d die from blood loss. Until then, she cleaned up the trail of mess and packed up all her medical equipment. She laughed to herself,  for Loki to open up to her about what was common sense to his mind, made her feel that once lost connection they had between each other. It also worried her, she wasn’t ready to start a relationship again with someone who was the biggest mistake she’d ever made. She was going to distract herself with other things instead of bottling herself with emotions, she had other work to take care of.

Chapter 4: News

Chapter Text

             Sigyn was reading the mail she occasionally got by a messenger. A majority of it came from her relatives, asking her to come visit once in awhile and the rest were news from the AllFather. Lately it’s been about his brother, little information was given to the exact reason why they wanted him captured, but it didn’t really matter since she already knew why. Loki entered the living room eating a piece of bread he retrieved from the cabinet. “Another one of your crimes have been notified by the people,” she passed the papers to him for him to look over, “you’ll be keeping that infamous name forever,” she walked back to the kitchen to get a glass of water.   

            “Loki, the official God of Chaos… I like it,” he smirked at the bold letters spelling the words out. He repeated it back to himself quietly, hearing the rhythm to each sound, how they correspond to each other, “what do you think of the name Sigyn?” Sigyn took a moment to respond to his question, she didn’t know what would be the best answer for her.

          “Another name for another god in my opinion, suited for you but it is only a name,” she answered plainly but truthfully. She stood near the window by the door with Loki across the room from her.

          “Like yours,” Sigyn’s heart skipped a beat, “you are the Goddess of Fidelity-”

          “Was the Goddess of Fidelity,” she corrected, “that lifestyle is beneath me,” she almost spat out.

         “That title was given to you by the gods, Odin himself announced you goddess of-” he was only slightly offended by her commentary but Sigyn seemed to take it as threat from the way she spoke.

         “Because of you, I have never married to anyone else but you,” she said with her silent anger but clear frustration.  “The AllFather felt like I was now worthy enough to be called a goddess and gave me the golden apple-”

        “That is not true, I was there when he was picking out my br-” it started to make sense by the time he got to the end of his sentence, why she was upset about it. Covering his mouth before he finished, he listened to Sigyn’s words and intentions.

         “Now that our marriage has ended, I have no worth in his eyes,” Loki took the time to think of a solution to her self-pity.

         “You are truly a buffoon,” he smirked as he walked towards her.

         “Excuse me-”

         “I think that is why I love you so much,” he began to improvise, “my brother’s an idiot. He never knew how to show affection correctly, but I know one things is certain,” Sigyn looked at him impatiently, “ he knows me, he cares for me, in his own twisted way but love none to less. Almost like my own distorted love for you,” she breathed a laugh. “I’ve made a mark in his life as much as you have with me and because of this, you have made a strong enough impact for him to notice you,” he said, satisfied with his answer.

          “That was the worst lie I have ever heard come out of your mouth,” she walked past him to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of wine before drinking from the bottle.

          “You know me so well,” he grinned as he sat on the couch, “what would you prefer?”

         “The truth, that’s all I ever want with you,” she leaned against the counter waiting.

         “Fine,” he took a breath, “stop asking for pity, that will get you nowhere. The AllFather’s opinion on you or anyone, should not matter at all to you. Majority of the time with him I spend, my mind drifts off somewhere else. You are the only person who can decide their worth, doing something drastic can always give you attention if you want it so desperately and since I’m getting all this honesty out, I hate these types of discussions. They seem superfluous to me, you will never get anything out of it,” Sigyn took the bottle of wine to couch taking a seat across from him.   

          “Your truth always felt like lies, I used to deny it but now, I know when you tell truths” she chuckled.

          “Like I said, you know me well,” Scooting closer to her to try and comfort her, she stopped him.

          “Do not get any closer,” she stood up, “I am the goddess of fidelity, but that makes you the god of infidelity.” Sigyn made her departure, being interrupted by an incredulous and angered voice.

          “You couldn’t possibly still be mad for what I did in the past-”

          “If you were in my shoes, you would understand, but you’re not, you’re in your own head.”

          “I would be over it by now-” Sigyn took a step forward, grasping the wine bottle tight in her hands as the fury was beginning to boil.

            “How would you know how I felt,” she kept her poise as her grip tightened. Loki stood to step closer to her, noticing her grip on the bottle.

           “I know you as well as you know me,” he tried lowering the tension building between them by his calm and collective movements.

            “No, you do not and the fact of the matter is, you betrayed me and my trust,” she was desperately keeping it together but her urge to express her emotion made it forcibly release. “How dare you presume what I should feel,” her finger pressed against his chest causing him to go back, “The things I did for you, the things you have done to me and now you say you know me,” she shoved him back against the wall as she stepped closer, “you know nothing of me,” the space between them was slim as Sigyn’s eyes narrowed to his widen eyes. Loki took his opportunity, lowering his head, pressing his lips against hers roughly, ordering for entrance and holding her by the waist.

         She pushed herself out of his grasp in shock and disgust. Out of anger and confusion, she smacked him across the cheek. His face was turned to the side where she had slapped and his hand was placed there to feel the mark. It was burning and it stung which made it itchy, but he put that pain to the side as he stood back up straight. Sigyn took a few steps back, afraid of what his reaction might be. “Loki,” she questioned if he was alright while reaching for his lowered face. He grabbed her forearm, pulling her back into his grasp with his grip being tighter. Sigyn was in shock and a bit of fear for her life as she grabbed onto his tunic, looking into his menacing eyes full of malice and wickedness.

         Sigyn was vulnerable at this very moment of uncertainty and Loki was going to manipulate this to his favor. His hand reached for the back of her head as he forced his lips upon hers demanding entrance to her mouth. Sigyn instinctively placed her arms against his shoulders, crossing her hands in the back of his neck. She was uncertain of what she wanted and he was going to steer her towards his.  He pulled her closer, causing their bodies to be in contact, pushing his pelvis forward. Sigyn let out a breathy moan allowing Loki access to enter.  

          Sigyn seemed to succumb to his actions as he began to undo her dress.  Loki started working down,  kissing  her neck as his hands slowly unzipped her dress. She moaned, throwing her head back when he found the sensitive area in her neck that would leave her squirming. He made his way back to her lips  as the last of the zipper came down. Loki wanted to call this a payment for her hospitality, he wanted to show her his gratitude and this was one of the ways he could. He removed one of the shoulders to the dress, placing his hand on the other, he felt Sigyn’s body tense. She released him to push him off as she tried putting her thoughts together.

         “I almost bedded you,” she said covering her mouth in shock.

         “It would seem so,” a little disappointed from the turn out, he tossed it aside and walked behind Sigyn. Her back arched forward as he grabbed her zipper, “do not fret, I only wish to help,” pulling the zipper back up, he left her side and went to lay on the couch, closing his eyes. Sigyn walked passed the couch before taking a glance at the man lying in it. She looked back for a moment before strutting forward towards her bathroom to cleanse herself. Once the door was closed, Loki opened his eyes slowly only to sigh, “oh Sigyn,” he said looking at the door with steam coming out of it.   


          

Chapter 5: Choices

Chapter Text

 

           Sigyn was out shopping for groceries, grabbing consumable materials that people considered for a king. She wasn’t aware of the items she paid for and even the seller ask her what the special occasion was, which left Sigyn befuddled. She had been doing small acts such as this since the time Loki showed up at her door bruised and beaten. In the back of her mind she knew of this but she rather stay in denial of her true intentions and repress any thought about it. Sigyn walked away from the shopkeeper with luggage worth of food in a few baskets she carried.

          Shopping for the two of them reminded her of the time she and Loki first left the palace in search for a new one. Odin sent the best craftsmen to help build a house for the two to live luxuriously in, one of his many personal gifts. Odin seemed to appreciate Sigyn and her entirety, never was bothered by her kind and soft presence, even if she barely spoke to anyone but Loki.  It only made sense for him to give her her wish to have a home of her own to live in with her spouse. Sigyn hadn’t the courage to ask the AllFather for a new home, it was Loki who had spoke with the AllFather about the arrangement. Although he preferred to stay in castle with the rest of the gods, he decided to pull at least one selfless act for his lover to make her happy.

          They lived in the perfect place, at least in Sigyn’s eyes it was, with enough space for her to have a liter and still have room. Their time there, felt everlasting and all she ever wanted in her life, and only better when she birthed the twins.  For years, it was her, Loki, and the twins and for a short moment it felt like a paradise, a fool’s paradise. The AllFather order for Loki’s presence in the kingdom for assistance and was sent back to the castle, leaving Sigyn and his children on their own. Sigyn, being the pacifist that she is, accepted Odin’s request, not questioning the words of the king.

          He was gone for years and no one bothered to tell her what had happened. They would wave her off or tell her not to worry about the God of Mischief  which didn’t appease her worry. The gods wouldn’t give her a full answer or no answer at all and Sigyn built the courage to demand the AllFather tell her where he had sent him. He only laughed hysterically, holding onto his stomach before he could calm down. As offended and upset as Sigyn was, she was not to talk back to the AllFather like he was her equal so she took the humiliation. After a good laugh he told her Loki had been banished and he ran back to his kind’s realm for heresy. As devastated as she was and inflicted with this side of hate she had for aesirs all together, she had children at home to care for,  forcing herself to swallow the throbbing pain of emotions  and accept the new information.

          She hated thinking about the twins, it made her stomach churn every time she thought about them, what could’ve been. She wished she could go back and change things, just to see her children again. The amount of damaged caused to her by Asgard and every aesir on the forsaken realm; when they took her children away, she knew she couldn’t stay in the civilization for long, it became overbearing. Their names always being said in her head like a broken record, just to torture herself for what she didn’t do. She kept trinkets from the twins as a way to remember but also a reminder. She knew she was never fit out to be a parent but she tried, she tried so hard to be a good mother and ended up getting her children killed. Sigyn blamed herself everyday for their deaths, beating herself over for not protecting them good enough, not even to keep them breathing.

          Sigyn was close to approaching the house to see the bastard that left and didn’t have the means to tell her all those years ago. She tried to keep herself from getting worked up over things in the past and wiped the thought aside before getting to the door. Entering the establishment, she found Loki passed out on the couch solemnly. She sat the food items on the counter near the kitchen,  putting the items in the places they belonged in. She wasn’t obnoxiously loud about putting away the groceries but it was loud enough for Loki to stir on the couch.  Sigyn preferred to keep Loki asleep, it gives Sigyn a break from the stress that shoots up her spine.

          It was five till noon by the time she finished putting away the food, planning to go to her private garden afterwards. Sigyn grabbed her coat from the rack and put it back on as she prepared for her departure, “may I join you,” she heard from behind. She turned around to see the once unconscious god, now fully awake sitting up straight on the couch. She questioned if he was actually ever asleep or if he lied about it to cover up his spying. He removed himself from the couch as he stumbled towards her, “I would’ve joined earlier but I was uncertain you wanted company.”

         “What gave you the idea I want it now?” She showed her impatience for him when he was being indirect.

        “The moment you stepped back in the house,” he smirked, knowing his former wife’s physicality well enough to determine her mind set. To most people, Sigyn came off as a simple girl with easily accessible desires, but he knew her person was more in-depth than what she gave. Her aura was darker than many assumed, probably one of the few reasons she could manage the God of Mischief himself.  Sigyn overlooked him, deciding whether or not to bring the scandalous man with her. She always found his reddish-orange eyes alluring, there was an attraction to them she found that common Aesirs did not have.

        Aesirs stuck with the brunettes with dark brown eyes as ‘attractive’ such as Baldur, but not Sigyn. She didn’t find it as appealing as the features only Loki possessed. The first time she had seen him, he was covered in his and other’s blood and stunk of decay, dragging a dead body to the throne room for the AllFather to see. That was when she still lived in the walls of the kingdom, watching as that man brutally killed a militia of aesirs all for his king, when he still cared. Everyone saw a god burning with chaos, but Sigyn read something different; something broken in his soul she saw through his red eyes, and it was beautiful.

        Sigyn could deny herself no longer, “fine,” she crossed her arms over her chest. She knew this was going to be a bad idea but, she didn’t care enough to stop herself from granting his boon. He opened the door gracefully, waiting for Sigyn to exit first. “Would you like shoes before stepping outside,” she asked, remarking his bare feet.

       “I’m better without,” she shrugged before leaving, with Loki stepping out behind her.

 

       The walk to her private garden was silent. Sigyn paid most attention to where she was going, at least she tried to make it seem that way. She’d gone to her garden thousands of time, she could navigate to it blind, but her thoughts were what really kept her focused. Loki was busy memorizing every detail of the area, leaving an imprint on each item in his mind while keeping a third eye on Sigyn. Although they were spouses long ago, he couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied, the story had gone out unfinished. He also thought about other reasons why he  kept an eye out for Sigyn, but he kept those ideas repressed even when they forcibly came back to haunt him.

           Sigyn could tell she was getting closer to her destination from the sound of the familiar voice that came from the garden. The garden was always her place to discuss matters privately, but now she brought company by, a special guest to both of them. She knew better, no matter what her friend said, she wasn’t going to give her a moment of her time, though she’s never done that before. They reached the benches in the middle of her sacred garden and found their individual seats around the vicinity, Sigyn choosing to keep her space away from the God of Mischief. Loki understood from what happened nights ago and rested his head on the wall shielded by vines, curling his bare feet underneath a few of the entangled vines.

          Sigyn picked out roses throughout the garden in silence while Loki rested as she heard the woman behind her. She spoke but Sigyn didn’t listen, giving her attention to the roses she plucked, “you brought him here,” she  said annoyed and worried, “why?” She said through her teeth, feeling her anger rise, “what do you hope for this to prove-” she asked, fueling with rage but cut off by another voice.

           “Sigyn,” he asked for her attention to which she hummed softly to in response, “why do you come to the gardens frequently,” he questioned, curious of why she favored this spot as her getaway. Sigyn’s eyes shifted to the woman glaring at her before looking back at the bloomed flowers.

           “For the solidarity,” she kept it simple as she picked a bouquet of flowers.

          “There must be another reason. You have no one else around here to speak with,” he said blatantly, finding the cracks in the words she spoke. She sighed calmly as she took her seat at the benches across the wall he laid upon.

          “I have friends in high places,” she said glancing back at the woman who walked towards Loki, “what else would you go to the gardens for,” she asked a rhetorical question but Loki didn’t catch her tone to realize. She became curious to hear his notion. He sat up from his positions looking around the garden, wondering.

         “So far…answers,” she looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, “…of course many people would search for answers here,” he said turning to her, “nature is key.” He jumped down from the wall taking his steps towards Sigyn. She sat back keeping her poise, watching his hypnotic eyes stare back.

        “Why so curious? Curiosity killed the dwarves y’know,” she stated, passing the first bouquet of flowers to him before picking out another batch.

        “Well, I’m not a dwarf, I know how to wash myself,” He said accepting the bouquet before sitting on a bench near him. “I have a quarrel over mysteries, I have to know the answers to the unanswerable. Call it a hobby of mine.”

         “Explains many things,” she concluded, figuring that’s what he does to use for his manipulation.

         “What is that suppose to mean,” he said nonchalantly.

         “Don’t act foolish with me Loki, I don’t appreciate it,” she crossed her arms over her chest, turning to look at him.

         “Why? Is it not better than if you were treated the fool,” he smirked, trying to get on her bad side.

        “I am only treated a fool by a buffoon, you,” she claimed, dropping the plucked roses in her hand. Loki threw another insult in to cause the pot to stir to which Sigyn replied with a snarky comeback. She knew the game he played  and she took the challenge blindly, not realizing what he was doing until she heard her friend speak to her calmly.

         “He’s toying with you, seeing what makes you tick, “she spoke next to Sigyn’s ear, “he’s manipulating you, as usual,” She said low, rolling her eyes.  Sigyn froze in place, noticing Loki’s widening grin, “idiot,” she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air as she walked past Sigyn. She looked at Sigyn with contempt, expecting Sigyn to do something to take care of the man controlling her. She snatched the bouquet out of Loki’s hand before walking out of her garden. He stood quickly, chasing after Sigyn like a pet searching for its owner, grabbing her by the wrist to stop her.

       “Where are you going,” he asked in a bit of a panic. He was startled to see her walk away from him like that, he was shaken by her action to leave.

       “I don’t have time for your childish games Loki,” she raised her voice, snatching her hand back. Sigyn tried moving forward but he stepped in front of her, towering over her. “Step aside,” she sighed as she pressed her fingertips against his chest, walking past him with the bouquet. As she walked away, Loki felt a burning sensation in his chest build up, not so much as anger but an urge like an itch. The way she raised her voice at him, turning away from him and how her hips sway side to side as she walked away,  gave him a desire to pull her back. He reached for the free hand she had swung beside her hip causing her turn around to face him

         “Don’t go,” he begged, “not yet,” she narrowed her eyes in warning, “please. I acted out of order, my apologies,” he sad courteously, “the bright sky is out and I don’t leave the house as often as you do or can. Please, stay,” she stared at his vibrant colored eyes, burning more outside in the light than inside in the artificial one. He had a firm grip on her hand than he had the last time he grabbed it, worried she’d say no.

           “Fine,” she walked back towards the garden with Loki behind her. She walked past the center of the garden where they entered until she reached an entrance to the other side of the garden wall where there was a field of oak trees.  Sigyn went under the biggest oak tree she could see in the distance, resting her head upon it before sliding down into a sitting position. Loki sat on the other side of the tree, knowing of the distance she wanted between them and finally respecting her choices.

            Silence filled the air for long with tension from the frustration Sigyn felt by the confliction. Her mind was set on a single path but when she thought about him, it was another story. She hated thinking this way but she always had that second thought. The second thought that told her there was a second life with this man and if she didn’t take it now, she’d never get the opportunity again. It made her feel vile to think their was another life with the god who laid across from her, but it was wonderful to think. It was like her mother said, she was a born pacifist, no matter how hard she tries not to be, it’s in her gene. She just didn’t know how long she could keep this act up till it all comes crashing down on top of her.

           “Ten years,” he said  loud enough to interrupt Sigyn’s train of thought. He laughed half-heartedly, “it’s been long,” he admitted jokingly, “too long,” he said with sorrow. “Won’t be doing that again,” he said under his breath, low enough for Sigyn to miss, “the last ten years have been chaotic,” he said openly, “but then again, so is my existence,” he said discontentedly. He sighed heavily, huffing angrily before taking a deep breath. “It’s too late,” he thought about it for a moment, what it would've been if he hadn’t left, what life could’ve been.

           “You left me here waiting,” she said distastefully with regret.

          “They banished me,” he said outraged, raising his voice. “I saved those abominations and they all thought I was a traitor. Wasn’t good enough, they wanted me gone,” he said with indignation, “and when Odin told them-” he stopped himself from finishing, choking back his words. He continued to spew out his venomous words towards this false realm, “I, am not supposed to be here Sigyn,” he professed.

           “After the crime you did, why would they let you in again-”

          “That act was recent, but I was never allowed back into the Asgard those many  years ago, since the day  I left,” he commented. Sigyn processed the new pieces added to the puzzle, questioning what Odin had told the gods that made them against Loki. She knew of the incident that caused Asgard to be in a panic but, she never had the full story, only bits and pieces. Events like those weren’t consulted with common aesirs, not even with the royal court. Very few things were shared outside the kingdom of Asgard, most things were kept between the royal family.

           Still, her heart cried out for him, understanding his pain in clear view. A bit of her wanted to forgive him but she thought about all the mistakes he made, some unforgivable ones. She felt the flames building in her chest as she thought more about it, the anger and hate beginning to rise. But her soul couldn’t hold it long enough, and the fire burnt out, falling into the pool of water safely kept in her heart. Sadness was the residu from the built anger and the tear welled in her eyes. So much anguish and heartache, being near him brought the familiar pain back, she didn’t know if she could go through the trauma again. Sigyn covered her face with her hands as the tears rolled down her cheeks and the whimpers spoke for her.

        “Sigyn,” he asked, hearing the quiet cries on the other side of the tree. He stood once the whimpers became clear as he advanced towards her side, “Sigyn?” He kneeled, looking at her covered face that was hot and wet with tears. His heart skipped a beat before speeding its normal pace as he began to panic why Sigyn was crying. “Why are you crying,”  she didn’t respond but kept shedding tears. He thought about what he could’ve said earlier that made her upset as his panic worsened, “it was rude of me to call aesirs abomination, their not all monsters,” he said as an attempt to calm her which it didn’t. “What I did earlier was childish, I only did it to ease my pain,” she mumbled a few words, that Loki couldn’t catch, that made her sobs worse.

           Loki grabbed her arms that covered her face, ripping them away and holding them in his grasp, “please, stop,” he begged, “no more tears from the beautiful Sigyn,” he stated. Sigyn didn’t know if she wanted to kiss him or kill him but, she was too emotionally exhausted to do either. She stared at him with her tired eyes, removing her arms from his hold as she wiped away the drying tears. She rested her back against the oak contemplating, Loki lying next to her. They rested there for a moment as Sigyn was in thought.

           Forgiveness was her foe and ally, sometimes she believed it was her sixth sense. She gave it to people who didn’t deserve it like the man besides her, it was almost instinct for her, a way to survive. She knew she was going to have to make a choice sooner or later and she didn’t like her options. For now, she leaned her head against Loki’s shoulder, basking in the moment she had now before it would be ripped away by reality.

Chapter 6: Surt the Demon

Chapter Text

           Sigyn always dreamt of her children, some dreams, some nightmares. She dreamt mostly about them in her arms when they were infants, growing up to be defenders of Asgard. In a more pleasant state of mind, she dreamed they would work as honest men; craftsmen or blacksmiths and start a family, have kids who’d also grow up to have kids, spreading the bloodline down to next generations. But, there were the not-so-pleasant dreams she had of her children, where all the guilt and blame resonated from. Narfi and Vali blaming her for what she didn’t do to stop them, haunting her everyday of her existence. Sometimes they talked to her, usually leading to the screaming but, most times they’d ignore her. For her only children to ignore her was worse than being yelled at or even being gutted alive. They treated her like nothing and she knew she deserved it.

            Her dreams were cruel to her but, her mind was blank. Instead she was woken by the disturbance of another dream, one she didn’t have. She heard the sounds of torture bounce off the walls, causing a  reverberation that lead to her room. Her eyes opened to the faint but familiar sound, and she swept the covers off her stomach and  sat up simultaneously. The noise staggered, mostly faint but at times, it was loud enough for all of Asgard to hear. As her foggy mind focused at the sounds that woke her, her eyes widened in realization from the sound. She stepped out of her bed cautiously, as if not to make sound but a way to give herself time to think.

         She was certain it was Loki who made those sounds, but wasn’t sure why. His room was across from hers and Sigyn was uncertain she wanted to go in there. They were subtle cries and groans of pain, ones she recognized, but her fear dwelled on whether to help or sleep till the morning. Her morals pointed towards the door with the burning man inside, but her principle aimed for the exit where her bed laid. She thought for mere seconds before she opened the door, calling his name softly.  He didn’t respond but grumbled as he tossed in his bed. She crept in carefully, not to wake him, as she moved to the edge of his bed near his feet.

       He mumbled a few words she couldn’t catch but the rest were sounds. Sigyn watched him toss and turn, having a clear view of the struggle he was having in his dream. His body stiffened and he made more restricted movements, like he was bounded to something. Her confusion was shown clearly from her expression of concern as she called to his name more loudly. She walked closer to the bed he shuffled hastily in, lowering her body to have a better look of him. The muffled moans and furrowed expression indicated something wasn’t right. Sigyn called to him, putting her hand on his shoulder and shaking him slightly in attempt to wake him.

           He jerked upwards, stopping midway and falling into his bed. She said his name questioning, watching his breathing and his eyes. He didn’t shift in his spot and he made no sound, he was still . Sigyn figured he’d be alright for the rest of the night since there wasn’t much of the night left. She stood straight, heading for the door before her hand was snatched from her side, “you know how much I don’t like being disturbed in my sleep,” Loki said, pulling himself up.

           “You were having a nightmare that woke the heavens,” she said taking her hand back, “and no, I didn’t know since you rarely slept,” she proclaimed, turning to face him.

           “Only because of you,” he reached for her hand again, pulling her closer, “with someone as beautiful  as you, who would ever want to waste their time sleeping when they could be sleeping with you,“ he commented the double entendre as he traced his fingers against her forearm. She snatched her hand away from him, looking at him with disgust.

          “You are such a dog,” she said with a bit of disdain in her words.

         “Well a dog has to eat,” he snickered as he noticed the unpleasantness she felt. He was silent for moment, thinking of a way to subdue her irritation, “unless the dog runs away, then he can wait to eat,” she looked at him questioning but acquiesced to his gesture. “Now that I’m awake, what can we do to make this time fly,” he said, sitting on his knees, crawling slowly to her.

         “Go to bed,” she answered, pushing him away, causing him to fall back. She rubbed her eyes, reaching for the lit lamp that illuminated the room and shutting it off. She stopped at the frame of door, grabbing onto it as she hesitated to speak, shifting in place, “good night,” it slipped off her tongue by somewhat mistake, promising to curse herself once in bed.

        “And you, the same,” she didn’t look back at him as she departured for her room.  His eyes lowered as well as his pretentious grin, watching her figure disappear into the darkness. His eyes burned boiling blood red, showing the deepest pit of darkness, and chaos buried inside his soul. The Surt that burned in every individual, stayed closer to him and he could feel its power pulsing in every nerve of his body. He smiled maliciously before he chuckled at himself, covering his eyes from Sigyn and wiping them, allowing the glow of them to fade.  He wasn’t going to be able to sleep the rest of the night, with only his thoughts to company him.

       

        Sigyn cooked breakfast, as usual, placing the plates full of different assortments of food for the two of them on the table.  Loki already swapped from her, the wine bottle as he guzzled it down his throat, drinking almost the whole bottle before Sigyn snatched it out of his hand, pouring herself a glass and passing it back to him. “I choose to be civilized, and drink out of a glass, especially when the wine does not belong to me,” she took her seat, sipping her wine as she watched Loki clumsily take his. He combed his hand through his greasy red-orange hair, pushing them out of his face for her to see the sickly look molded on his face. “By Vahalla, what happened to you,” she asked reaching across the table to examine his face more closely.

       “Rough night,” he answered, pushing her hand away from him.

        “Clearly,” she said shocked.

        “No worries Sigyn, it will pass, for now let’s eat,” that didn’t lessen her concern. He looked drained, and dying of the plague. She knew she shouldn’t care what happens to him, she’s already done so much, letting him step foot in her house. Sigyn couldn’t help it, he was paler than usual and, he had dark circles around his eyes. Loki finished the bottle of wine , standing up and reaching for the cabinets that held the various bottles of wine. Even his strides lack their usual poise, his stance was sloppy as he grabbed the white wine from the cupboard. Loki pulled the rag from the furnace handle, wiping the sweat off his face  before throwing the dirty rag in the sink. She watched him stumble to his seat as he downed another of her bottles of wine. The bitterness of each bottle he drank was worse than the last, it burned his throat feeling the poison slide down it. He enjoyed every minute of the pain, encouraging him to drink as much as he could before his body would go numb from the symptoms.

        Sigyn couldn’t watch him drink himself to intoxication, snatching the bottle from and setting it on the table. She stood between him and the liquor he reached for, holding him steady by the shoulders. She stared at his tired eyes, seeing how weary they were as he released himself from her grasp. He finished the last gulp of white wine in that bottle before he reached for the cabinet for more. Sigyn pulled on the hem of his tunic, dragging him out of the kitchen into the living room, forcing him to sit on the couch as she snatched the wine in his hand. “Two is enough, you’re sick,” she said, pushing him back down as he tried to stand. “Maybe you had gotten an infection from a wound,” she thought, contemplating whether it could be true for him.

       “I’m a god Sigyn, I don’t get infections. It will pass Sigyn, make nothing of it-”

       “And let you drown yourself with fermented grapes, no,” she said crossing her arms over her chest.

      “It’s only su- it will fade,” he hesitated before he attempted to stand, sitting down before finishing his sentence. “It will be harder to handle without drinking mead, but as we have only wine, I’ll have to consume many bottles of it,” he said eyeballing the wine in her hand.

       “No Loki,  you have had enough for today,” she said as she walked to the kitchen to put the alcohol away before walking back to him. “What you need is rest,” she said pushing him into the couch, placing her hand on his neck, “you have an illness-”

       “No I don’t,” he grabbed her hand from turning away from him, “Sigyn… there’s something I have to tell you,” he swallowed. He knew only the AllFather knew, and a few of the royal family, who hated him more because of it. He tugged her hand for her to sit with him, gaining the courage to regurgitate the sentence he forced to come out all those years ago. His words were on the verge to choke but, the buzz from the wine slipped its way through to his mouth to form the words for him, “you already hate me so, what the hell,” he said to himself, “I am not Aesir, I never was,” Sigyn looked at him puzzled, having no clue to what he was talking about.

    “Loki,” she placed her hand on his arm.

    “No Sigyn, you need to know,” she realized what he was leading up to and stopped him before he could finish.

    “Loki… I already know,” she smiled to his surprise, “Odin told me before we were married. He knew I’d be the one person to accept a Jotun in my home,” he turned to her in a bit of shock. “He also wanted this marriage to be true, so he had to tell me,” she said simply. Loki held back the words that wished to come out and thought what to say. He questioned the AllFather and his decision and knowing Odin, his decision had a bigger purpose than Sigyn would realize.  

    “But why, you could’ve easily said no to the marriage,” he was still shocked to know that she knew all these years and said nothing to him about it.

    “Have you ever said no to the AllFather,” she asked rhetorically, knowing that he’s never. “Besides, you were my first love,” she looked away thinking to herself, “my only love,” she said to herself.

     “… I could say the same,” he admitted. He had slept with many women (and a few men) but he never felt anything for them, not like with Sigyn and now knowing about his kept secret, his perspective shifted.  He tossed the thought aside, moving back to the original conversation, “but why did you keep it secret? I would think you would have told your peers, mother, father, someone,” she stood releasing her hold on him.

       “I know how Aesirs can react to something… different, so I told no one. Not a soul,” she shrugged, going to the bathroom to grab a cold rag. He couldn’t help but feel gratitude for her years of silence of his true heritage. He shouldn’t had expected any less from her, but after all he’s done to her, he thought that would make her crack and tell everyone just in spite of him. Even more harder to believe that she would let a Jotun in her home, no Aesir he knew would let him in their home let alone invite him when knowing his true nationality. He watched Sigyn walk the distance to get the wet rag, forming a small smile across his scarred lips. “But why not say anything to me if you knew,” he asked loud enough for her to hear across the room. She stepped back in, holding a bucket of materials to help with whatever illness he carried. She placed the rag on his forehead, lying him on couch as she kneeled down in front of it.

         He didn’t fight her treatment, even if it was pointless, he was too tired to. “I never thought much of it, that week you had done so much for me, I didn’t want to burden you with the many questions I wanted to ask. As the days passed on I didn’t care much to ask, you were mine and that’s all that mattered to me.” Sigyn checked all his bandages for any infection and found none. “Mind telling me why you drank so much this morning,” he felt more comfortable to talk to her about it, knowing that she already knew he was a Jotun and still accepted him in her life.

        “It is Surt,” her eyes widened with worry, freezing in her spot. “It burns in all Jotuns but it burns its brightest in me. I’ve been able to sustain the energy, but occasionally I struggle to hold back,” Sigyn stepped back taking in the shocking information, “the aftermath of that requires me to consume an excessive amount of mead the rest of the day to keep the feel of the symptoms at bay,” Sigyn scooted forward, replacing the old bandages with new ones. She contemplated, questioning the decisions she had made to lead her to this point of her life. Living with a person who has the infamous demon Surt inside of them. This could be the only time he was opened to tell her the truth about himself. She’d rather enjoy that moment then to spoil it over a nefarious demon.

          “I don’t know why it calls to me often. Maybe genetics, but Surt takes time to develop,” Sigyn hummed, thinking of what Surt means to Jotuns if not an actual being. “It’s rage fuels me whenever I’m with most Aesirs, and I can lose it sometimes,” he said with discontent. Sigyn was the only Aesir who didn’t anger him to the point of Surt, and he didn’t understand why. He thought it was because of her kindness and understanding, the main trait all Aesirs lacked. Her obedience could’ve been what kept him from Surt, but even she could go off the rail when dealing with him. Knowing she’d keep a secret for the long years they’ve been together, he could see why he would never be mad at her.

         She finished the repairs, “Surt or not, you are not getting drunk in this house, not while I’m here. We’ll figure something else to help with the remnants of Surt. Starting with getting the fever down,” she said taking the dirty bandages to the trash can.

        “I think it’s too late for that,” he laughed, removing the rag from his face. The wine made his body warm causing him to remove his tunic from the heat that made him sweat. Sigyn walked into the room to  see a shirtless Loki, shifting her eyes to the many scars on his top half, some she remembered and a lot that weren’t recognizable. She wanted to ask where they came from but left it alone instead.

       “Any other symptoms besides a risen temperature,” she smiled charmingly as she grabbed the rag he had tossed aside on the couch.

       “A terrible migraine, a little vomiting but that comes from the alcohol. Rough patches of the skin and blisters, but nothing you should worry about,” he smiled back hazily. She sat on the coffee table watching over him as she folded the small towel and placed it on his head.

       “I always have to worry when you’re around Loki,” he chuckled, agreeing with her. She reached to grab the towel and re-wet it but Loki grasped her wrist, placing her hand on his cheek. Sigyn tried pulling away in surprise of the act but Loki had a strong hold on her hand.

       “Your hand is cooler,” he claimed as he relaxed under her touch. She soon relaxed as well, seeing no harm in doing so. He asked for her other hand and placed it on his neck causing goosebumps to go up his arms and spine. He removed her hands slowly from his warm skin, thanking her for the gesture. Sigyn placed her hand on his exposed collarbone and the other on his neck willingly. She knew he would want her hands later and decided not to waste time, but also for other reason she chose to keep them on. He put his hand on hers, putting it on his chest where his heart was located. Loki dozed off into a daydreaming state, dropping his head and resting it on the arm of the couch.

        Sigyn removed her hands once he was fully asleep. She watched him sleep in his drunken state, having to stretch his large body on the small couch was enjoyment enough for her to watch.  His lean body was tempting to lie with, but his mind was another story. Sigyn was infatuated by the hidden secrets behind the closed doors in his mind. He kept secrets from even the AllFather that he told Sigyn. He had more trust that she wouldn’t tell anyone since she knew and understood what would happen to him if she did. The AllFather didn’t suffer any consequences from the decisions he made making him less of a person to tell. Then again, he also knew everything, which made it pointless to tell him something he already knew.

         Sigyn smiled, feeling her heart beat faster than normal as she grasped Loki’s clammy hand on his chest. “Sweet Loki,” she said in hope before she heard a knock on the door for what she thought to be mail. She released her grip, cracking the door open so the man delivering the messages couldn’t see the god of lies lying on her couch. He passed her the news to her then a letter in her name for her to read. She closed the door, walking into her kitchen as she set the news from the kingdom on the table and opened the letter. She read who it was by first, seeing it was from an old friend of hers, Thrym. “Oh no,” she said knowing that any association with Thrym didn’t end good, and with Loki there, it was going to end in a catastrophe. She frowned deeply, in fear of what the letter said and what Thrym wanted. She hesitated but started from the beginning, reading from dear.   

Chapter 7: Thrym

Notes:

I know, it takes me a thousand years to post a chapter, but I can't help. I think of so many different outcomes but I have to choose the one that makes sense

Chapter Text

            The letter was supposed to be delivered a week ago, by that time Thrym would’ve been a week away from her, but the letter was sent late, making it a day before he would show. Sigyn didn’t expect any visitors after she left Asgard for solitude, Loki was an exception but now Thrym. She enjoyed her seclusion with the side of company given by her former husband, but Thrym was a noble and would surely want her everlasting company. She prayed to the heavens that it would only be for the day, he could stay as long as he pleased and she didn’t want it to be long. She wouldn’t know what to do about Loki, he could not be spotted by a royal of Asgard, but she didn’t know where to keep him hidden that Thrym wouldn’t eventually find. She also didn’t want Loki to be playing tricks on the day he arrived, he didn’t know Thrym, and he wouldn’t know his strong intuition and cleverness.

          Sigyn woke Loki up from the couch, having to shake him harder than she expected to wake him from his intoxicated state. She let him sleep a few hours before shaking him to consciousness, placing his hand over the letter and curling his fingers under it. His vision was blurry which made it hard to read but she spoke to him, explaining the predicament  they were soon to be in. He rubbed his eyes to clear his vision as he sat up from the couch reading the note. He looked at Sigyn with disconcern, “who’s Thrym,” he said with little discontent but noticeable enough.

          “A noble, and he’s either coming today or tomorrow which means you have to leave before he comes-” Loki interrupted her, already knowing the solution to their problem.

         “When he shows, I would’ve already changed,” he thought about what he would shapeshift into, “into a bird. Your magpie, and he wouldn’t know,” Sigyn questioned him, unaware that jotuns could change shape, after all, it wasn’t common knowledge of jotun’s physiology.

         “But no tricks, I can’t afford you slipping up,”

        “It’s just my life on the line,” he said passively.

        “And mine, do you know what the AllFather will do if he found out I kept Asgard’s most wanted enemy in my home?” He knew all too well, but worse since he was that criminal.

        “He wouldn’t touch a hair, besides, I would tell them I held you captive this entire time and Thrym had found you locked in here,” he said simply. She couldn’t argue with that, and agreed that it would be the plan if it ever came to it. She figured it was settled, when Thrym came; Loki wouldn’t be seen as himself, if what he spoke was true. She wasn’t certain he could transform  into a bird, and she wondered why he’d pick that specific animal, but she put somewhat of trust in him to pull through.

        “Then it’s settled,” she said to herself before looking at him, “but let's hope he doesn’t show at all,” she laughed slightly.

         “That can always be an option,” he pulled out a long dagger from the cushion of the couch. She asked where he had got the weapon, responding that he has shivs placed all around the house. She looked at him with disappointment but expected something similar to this out of him, smiling to the idea. Her smile faded when she noticed Loki staring at her for too long in what looked to be in awe. She walked away from him towards her room, leaving him by himself and time for her to think in peace.

       Sigyn was getting used to his company, that’s all she could think of as an excuse. It wasn’t a matter of interest, she was just more comfortable around him now that she was used to him. Sigyn was going to have to stop the nervous act knowing that the clever Thrym was coming sooner rather than never. She knew it was bad for her health, but she wanted to be less weary of Loki, she wanted her guard down because, it became tiresome to keep it up. Loki wasn’t anything different for her, she knew she could handle him like she did in her past life. The only reason why she couldn’t before was because of the inconvenience and, surprise of the man she hadn’t seen in many years.   Still, her mind drifted to her other friend that told her she was steering to the wrong place. She was in a solace place, and didn’t care to listen to what may become true about her suspensions.
           Sigyn wondered the day when Asgard would go after her. At this point, they would do more than just kill her, no, her punishments would be as severe as the ones given to her former husband. She waited the day for einherjar to come, and pull her out of her own home,  dragging her back to the palace for an insufferable punishment. All of Asgard would agree that being in close range of Loki would be a merciless and malicious treatment for someone like herself. She didn’t believe Loki was as bad as many aesirs had assumed, sure she knew he was insane, but part of her knew it was because of the living conditions he was under. Any outsider was driven insane by the laws and beliefs of asgardians. She understood that Asgard was known for breaking the spirits of many strong figures, it was their guilty pleasure.

         The day they would come to drag her under, would be the day she’d be pulled out. She had her fair share of broken spirit by not only Loki, but by asgardians in general. How shocking it was for people to hear that Loki had chosen her as his bride. Her village weren’t full of opening people, or anything different, and Sigyn was qualified as different to her people which meant she wasn’t  welcomed often. People took her kindness for weakness and took advantage of her because of it.  She would never let them break her, no matter how much they overwhelmed her, her nature wasn’t to give in.

        As for Loki, she wasn’t sure what went through his head. A clear hatred for her race understandably, but his crazed mind had more than just a few screws missing. She wasn’t certain whether he had cracked long ago or if he was on the verge of going on a homicidal rampage. This man would pull any strings or cut them to get what he wanted, and part of her feared that she would suffer the consequences of a maniac. Most days, it wouldn’t dawn her the idea of it happening, but on Loki’s worst days, she questioned whether or not he was going to kill her.

       Her biggest problem now, was Thrym. Her past experience with him was not a good one, and thinking that she would never have to see his smugging face again, it killed every part of her to know she was wrong. She was afraid to tell Loki about her connection with him, but he would kill him for it. Although it would be a worthy punishment, he was a royal which meant if he died, asgardians would be snooping around her place for evidence. She’d rather have Thrym live another pathetic day, than have Loki be found and lose him again for what could be potentially forever. She knew Loki noticed the nervousness in her voice when she spoke about him, and that he was suspicious about  the so called “man” coming to their house.

 

       Night had hit before Thrym had showed. Sigyn thought he wouldn’t come at all, hoping that it was the case. She was disappointed to hear a knock on the door with a man’s voice of Thrym asking for entrance. She looked around the house quickly for any sign of Loki and found none before she walked towards the door. She had seen his clothes on the couch, and threw them in her room, under her bed. When she opened the door, she was greeted by a bouquet of roses, then the man holding the bouquet.

       She thought she could handle meeting the killer himself again, but her heart dropped at the sight of his ominous grin. She wanted him dead, knowing the truth about him and what he did. She didn’t bother to fake a smile, taking the bouquet and setting them on the kitchen counter to burn later. “Sorry for coming on such a late notice, my messenger had a hard time finding you,” she poured him and herself a glass of wine, politely telling him to sit at the table with her. “On the other hand, I was able to track you down easily,” he said smirking. She sat across from him, sitting back in her chair as she gulped her drink.

         “Why did you come,” she asked in a bit of disbelief.

         “Two reasons; Asgard’s been searching for the infamous God of Chaos, and when I heard that you had been formerly married to this psychopath, I had to ask if you knew any whereabouts on him. You were very loyal to that man, even with everything he had done to you, he would only trust you to keep his secrets on his location,” Sigyn sunken in her seat, pouring herself another glass. He reached his hand out on the table for hers to tell her the second reason, before he saw a lycaon wolf casually walk into the kitchen from the halls. Both Sigyn and Thrym jumped from their seats, Thrym pulling out his sword from its scabbard, connected to his belt as he stepped in between Sigyn and the wolf to protect her from its wrath.

         The wolf glared at him before gradually stepping towards Sigyn. Sigyn moved away from Thrym, stepping aside for the wolf to come into contact of her. He was more than half as tall as her but heavier than she probably was. She stared at it for another second, realizing in his eyes that it was Loki. She reached her hand out to it, causing Thrym to step up with his sword pointed at the wolf. Sigyn told him to put the sword away  as she knelt down to pet him. “It’s fine, he is mine,” Loki walked away from her into the other room.

         “I thought most aesirs kept your muts outside,” he questioned, staring at the wolf suspiciously before it exited. Sigyn felt her skin crawl to the sound of his voice. It was strange how he referred their people by their technical name, like he was isolating himself of his own kind.

         “I’m not like most people,” she played off a smile as she walked back to the working station, preparing a dinner. She picked the drained bore meat (to keep it from rotting and spoiling) and put it in the burner. It was going to take some time for the meat to fully cook, which meant she was going to have to entertain until food landed on the table for him to engulf. For now she kept  herself distracted with chopping the vegetables she had bought earlier. Picking out the largest knife out of the drawer. Thrym watched the wolf from afar as he slept in the living room. His scent felt familiar to Thrym but he couldn’t pinpoint it, something was blocking the full aroma of her pet and it made him more suspicious.

        As she diced the carrots and tomato, her mind went wild with ideas. She thought about it, hundreds of times since he’s entered her home. All she had to do was set his plate down from behind his chair and slice his throat. She thought of different ways of ending his life, she wanted it to be painfully slow. Maybe she would smash a pot in his face over and over again until there wasn’t anything to recognize. She wanted to see that smug look on his face to be wiped away by fear and regret. The longer she thought of it, the more it felt easier to do. It wouldn’t be too hard, he was vulnerable at this point, she could sway him to a weaker state where she could strike. Woo him to remove the sword from his belt, then jumped on top of him, cutting off his air circulation by crushing his throat in her hands.

        It felt so easy in her distorted mind, she wanted to kill him desperately. It was killing her not to, her focus on dicing shifted and her eyes focused on her knife. It could be better if she’d kept it fast and clean, one fast motion and he’d drop to the floor. It was making sense the more she thought about it, the knife in her hand started looking promising. The blade was sharp enough, she had resharpened it this afternoon while Loki was asleep. She placed it up to her thumb to test the rigidness of it, feeling a slight sting when she put pressure on her thumb and saw a droplet of blood pour down her hand.

       She saw her reflection in the knife and the blood that ran over it. She told herself it was time to let go, to stop trying to hold herself together. She had lost everything, but the emptiness left in her chest. Killing this monster for a man could end it all, it could start a new for her, the her she was holding back. She wanted it all gone, this whole world destroyed and everything it brought down with it. With every new thought, her heart skipped a beat as the hidden rage and sadness built up inside her. She wanted all of it erased and she was going to start with the man in the kitchen. Everyone in Asgard and the nine realms were going to pay for her suffering and her lost. All the people in the damned royal family, were going to atone for their sins.

      Sigyn was spiraling herself toward madness, she couldn’t see it until Loki showed. Her thoughts about mass genocide brought her to Loki, what she was going to do about him. Her breath stopped when she thought of him, having a hard time deciding. The idea of killing him didn’t feel like an option to her. It was a small price to pay for all the damage he caused, but she could not bring herself up to do it. It would do everyone a favor if he wasn’t existing in this world anymore, but somehow, all she saw was pain in act of doing that. It didn’t make sense but, she took second thought of all she’s been thinking.

       She sounded like a lunatic, she was losing it and she saw this. She didn’t know what she was saying, washing the blood off the knife. She washed her bleeding thumb off, shocked to see how much blood spurted without her noticing. She was losing her grip and she didn’t know whether Loki’s presence caused it. Maybe her isolation made her this way, and Loki was the only thing that kept her from losing her sanity. All she knew for a fact was, she can’t lose him, she wouldn’t be able to afford it. He was the last bit of good in her life, whatever bit of good that was.  

         She sighed heavily before setting the knife beside her cutting board. She finished cutting the remaining herbs  and leaves for the dish, placing it in a pot she had heated with other liquid substances to make up soup. She hesitated to sit with Thrym while she waited for the portions of the meal to be ready. As much as she wanted to let go of consequences, something told her no. It wasn’t time yet but soon she’d get what was deserved. Thrym almost had to call for her to come before she gained the strength to go.

         “On to the question that need to be ask. Have you seen your husband recently,” he said leaning across the table.

         “I haven’t seen him in years,” she glanced at the wolf, “it’s much of a shock to me to hear him back in the city. Not surprising to hear him causing havoc,” she admitted.

        “Good, I came in replacement of Thor and his brothers barging in like savages. They felt like hostility was necessary but I was sure you’d comply if we asked, for the safety of Asgard.” Sigyn gulped her drink down as she hummed her answer. She filled her cup and drank the whole bottle in one swig, barely taking a breath before she moved to the next. “I see you have a thirst, as do I,” he finished his glass slowly, savouring the  taste as he stared at her. She stood uncomfortably before she went back to stir the soup and preparing the other sides. She began toasting the bread and making the gravy to keep her busy for a bit longer.

       “Tell me Thrym, what have you been doing these past years,” she asked to open conversation.

       “Everyone had to fall back ever since Baldur’s death. The AllFather wants us to capture Loki, at all cost. Something has the AllFather scared, from what I could see and Loki’s the cause of it. If he’s still in Asgard, he’s not done with it, Baldur was just a start,” he said unfazed by the fact. It answered why he hid in Sigyn’s home, there was unfinished business he needed to take care of. It was heart stopping to hear that Odin was scared and she almost couldn’t believe it. He knew all, nothing could be done that he hasn’t seen before and for him to be scared of an event yet to come, worried her. What was Loki going to do that would scare the AllFather?  

        “Well I hope you find him, I love him but he has to pay for what he’s done,” she said, talking out her neck.

        “Glad to see you’re on side with Asgard. Odin told me how much he meant to you, and I almost believed you would be working with him,” he laughed at himself for the ridiculous accusation. It took her a moment before she laughed with him. He moved on to another subject, other missions he had been assigned by the AllFather. There were parts of Asgard they had to terrorized whenever there was a threat of secession or revolting. Groups of militias piled up only  to be knocked down by Asgard’s finest warriors. Now that one was dead, chaos reigned over Asgard and it became a challenge to keep things in order. If Ragnarok wasn’t going to exterminate their race, then Asgard’s people would do it themselves. If the thunderer was to die, Asgard would be doomed to hell with the rest of damned souls.   

        “But I’ve rambled long enough, please, I want to know what you’ve been doing these past years,” no one has heard from Sigyn for a decade now. After what happened, she left the city of Asgard and all its people. She stayed outside the walls where most aesirs stayed away from, where there wasn’t much civilization. It did become a challenge to find survival resources when they were inside the barrier. She had to rely a lot on magic for her travels, (the little travel that she did) but being the only person she took care of, it wasn’t as problematic.    

      Thrym wasn’t dumb nor was he blind. Her physical being was fine, any ordinary aesir could see that she hadn’t aged a bit, and to most people that would be all that matter. Her mind had aged and her eyes had darken over the years, it was almost as if her spirit was broken and the small spark of light that held onto her soul was ready to burn out. He could practically smell the darkness creeping up inside her, it was a familiar scent to him but it also scared him. He thought careful of his word choice as to not trigger inauspicious acts from her.

       Sigyn drank another glass of wine before answering to him, “keeping mostly to myself. I just needed time alone,” she struggled holding back her true words, “Asgard is…I needed to get away from it all. I’ve been collecting herbs for potions as a hobby.” She finished another bottle before she felt the heat of the room increase. She was feeling stupid for doing this to herself, the world was starting to look more appealing when she was like this. Her cabinet was running dry with wine bottles when she pulled the last one out, downing it before she could take a seat. She took the toasted bread out of the burner and finished making the soup.

         Thrym stood up from his seat, moving his way deeper in the kitchen where Sigyn prepared. “You mustn’t have to do this work alone,” Thrym announced, coming from behind her. “You probably were close to sleep before I came and interrupted. Please, allow my services to help,”  he reached over her to grab plates and silverware as he was getting inches too many closer to her. Sigyn grumbled and picked the chef’s knife off the cutting board, moments before she’d turn around and stabbed him. He was focused on getting the materials for the small meal as she turned to him with the knife held tightly in her palm. Before he looked down to see her, he turned frightened by the sound of a loud howl. Her suspicious pet re-entered the room he stayed in and made its entrance noticed.

        Sigyn snapped out of her homicidal trance and quickly looked away from the both of them, setting the knife down carefully. She glanced at the wolf, noticing its visual darken eyes stare at her. He spoke with his eyes, Loki knew the look on her face, that face was all too familiar to him. The rage and thirst for revenge was coursing through her as it did for him everyday, and it was apparent enough for Thrym to see it, and Loki didn’t want that. “Your hound seems to be repeatedly startling me,” he said as his shoulders relaxed.

        “Yes, he does that,” she stared at Loki, she couldn’t help but look at him. It was her only way to keep herself calm and collective without tearing Thrym apart. Her fasten breathing slowed, as her heavy breathing stopped. She could feel herself becoming light headed from the drinking and the stress, but she barely kept herself together til the night was over.  Thrym had chuckled to her statement as he set the table, cautiously watching her wolf.

          Sigyn had finished cooking, and placed the different entrees and sides on the circular table. She went into her room for a bottle she might have kept under her bed. She hadn’t been a alcoholic in over 5 years, maybe she was going to start again soon. When she sat with the wine bottle in her hand Thrym gave her a look. “I think tonight has been enough drinking for you Sigyn,” he said deadpanned before he finished his plate, moving on to his second. Her and Loki both growled at him for his insolence as she finished the bottle in gulps. She barely touched the food but that didn’t stop him from swallowing it all up.

         “That’s a mighty appetite for even a warrior, aesir,” Sigyn slurped, feeling her intoxication consume her. He sat back from his seat, eyeballing her before he glanced at her pet. He smiled, realizing how drunk she was becoming, her uncomfortableness was clear after he saw the many bottles she had partaken in drinking.

        “For an aesir yes, but not me. I have a large appetite for many things: food, war, intimacy, I am a very abnormal aesir as many would say. But it matters not, I am dying to know what has happened to you this past decade?” Sigyn laughed hysterically cutting off everyone’s train of thought before calming herself down and staring at Loki who stared back with the same seriousness.

       “Nothing, trying to recuperate all the years lost to me. For a while, it was getting lonely; tried a job for a while but, I realized it did nothing for me. Nothing to fill the hole where my soul lied, so I stayed cooped up in my home, searching for another way to fill the gap. I guess the loneliness and isolation started driving me insane, but then I found him,” she pointed at the dog. “At first I thought it wasn’t going to work but, he came to stay and I think it’s what I needed,” she didn’t want to regret those words but she did question them. Was he truly her remedy or her curse?  Many people said she was bound to him, but what if it was he who was bound to her?

        Thrym looked back at the wolf before turning to Sigyn, he felt this force that was happening between them and it concerned him. “I see…I can see your connection with this dog. How long have you been giving the hound shelter,” she replied a month or so. Thrym attached it to the day Baldur died, a few weeks before that. “I hate to keep calling him a hound-do you have a name for him?”

       “Narfi,” she smiled hazily, keeping her eyes on Loki. Loki’s head lowered from sadness before he stood to take his leave. Thrym also frowned upon the name, throwing him off his point to keep him distracted. He couldn’t help but feel a form of guilt, he cursed the AllFather everyday and prayed he’d perish. “The next wolf I’ll tame, I will name Vali,” she knew that was just Loki playing as a wolf, but she was drunk and knew no better.

        The memories of her children caused her to put her head in her hands and sob. She was an emotional wreck when she got like this which only made her want to drink more, drink herself to death. Thrym stood to comfort her in her broken state, but his touch only made her cry harder. Loki almost ran in barking at Thrym to back off of her, growling as he got closer. He let go of her, removing his rubbing hand from against her back and the other hand from clasping her shoulder. Sigyn looked down at her wolf before she petted it, reassuring her well being. She let another tear drop before wiping her watery face off and cleaning herself up, “I’m such a mess,” she said to herself.

        “Sorry, I don’t usually get this upset when I think of my children. It’s just-” she stopped herself from finishing her sentence, realizing who she was talking to. She filled the black space-meant for the truth-with lies, “I have had too much to drink,” she chuckled sorrowfully as she wiped her eyes the last time.

        “It’s quite alright Sigyn, you’re going through a rough time. It’s only been 10 years since their deaths, it must be a fresh memory still,” he said sympathetically. She nodded slowly as she sniffled, averting his gaze as well as Loki’s.  She grabbed both their plates and the different platters she had set on the table, placing them in the sink to clean later. Loki circled around the table, eyeing Thrym with his own suspicions. Sigyn choked her words before finishing her sentence, she was hiding from both of them and Thrym was the reason why.

         It was clear to Loki who Thrym was, but did Sigyn see it. She was married to him for more than a century, she had to have realized it. It beckoned the question of why he was here, and what does he want from her? Thrym spoke more to her of the mourning for her children, Loki could see the hatred and despised feeling Sigyn showed while listening. He didn’t notice, his rambling and hearing of his own voice distracted him enough. Loki wanted to follow her command, her eyes read death and that was enough to make him pounce on Thrym. He saw her earlier, she wanted to stab Thrym intentionally, until he showed up to stop her.   She was upset and he wanted to make the pain go away by any means necessary.

He did want to believe she had some form of control over him or what he does, but when she got like this, it broke him. It ripped all the shells of lies built over his soul to protect the truth, the humanity left in him.

       Her silent cries of desperation and need for mercy, made his own self feel vulnerable. The many times he’s tried pulling himself back made it an even harder break for him, but it was necessary. “I think I’ve had too much as well,” he spouted lies, finishing his cup. His face dropped, having a hard time speaking, “you know, there were other reason why I showed to your door step,” Sigyn sat down, listening to him closely. He cracked a smile, staring into her beautifully glossed hazel eyes. Her smooth peach skin matched her rose brown orange hair that fell to her shoulder. Her rosy lips and glistening skin, burned a fire in his chest that urged him on more.

       She was a different but fascinating creature, she wasn’t an average aesir to him, and most people who knew her for this long. She was a wonderful woman, and even though he shouldn’t fall for her or any aesir, she was something else. Something better than this race he despised, and he wanted it. He was a man of sly and cleverness, Sigyn wasn’t bothered by the sense of brains rather than brawns though he lacked none of.  “You’ve been here by yourself for years. You said yourself, the isolation was killing you,” maybe if this did work out, he could tell her the truth. Who he was, or what he did all those years ago.

         Thrym stood from his chair walking around Loki who stood in his way. “I suggest maybe company wouldn’t be fatal for your spirit,” Sigyn stood from her seat, flabbergasted. She knew what he was moving towards and she wanted nothing to do with this killer. He saw the frown formed on her lips that told him to take a step back. “The AllFather will send his warriors to vacant your home until they find your former husband. I know it would be best if you didn’t have other guest snooping here. I could stay for the time being and assure Odin that Loki is no way to be found here.” He took a few steps closer to her, waiting for a response.

        Sigyn stared at him blankly, before looking at Loki for answers. She wanted to kill Thrym with every bit of sanity she had left.  “Beautiful Sigyn,” he said as he got closer, touching distance from her. She was stunned to hear the words coming out of his mouth. She didn’t react to his touch as she would have if she wasn’t shocked, allowing  him to wrap his arm around her lower back. Sigyn wished for a simple dinner, nothing that would get her riled up. All she could think about were her babies, he took them from her and delivered their deaths to the AllFather. He was pouring himself all over her now after all he’s done, she was going to kill him.

       “Those years your husband was away, I was there to help you,” she did remember the times he had visit often when Loki had disappeared. He was a great remedy for her pain during those times, he was there to comfort her through her rough times. “It could be that way again, but different,” he hinted. Sigyn would never be with the murderer of her children, but he also didn’t think she knew.

        “Why did you come,” she questioned again, knowing now there was a deeper reason why he came.

       “Well,” he smirked as he pulled her closer, startling her. “When I heard the AllFather speaking about finding you, I knew I was the only one who would be able to. I went here to find Loki, but I have ambitions of my own,” he smiled, inches away from her. Sigyn had a bit of horror to her face, holding herself back from losing it. She knew if she did it, that would be the last of her and all there’d be left is broken woman running on the rage built inside her for years. His hand down to her waist, seeing as she felt no discomfort in his touch. “I came here for you Sigyn. The only aesir worth my time,” her face only read astonished in his eyes.

       “The only aesir,” she asked, staring into his brown eyes.

      “The AllFather calls me a strange aesir, but I think that’s only because he knows I am not. I hope a jotun doesn’t bother you,  I know your husband was,” he said knowing it wouldn’t as he pulled Sigyn in for a kiss. Before his lips could come into contact of hers, she placed her hand over his mouth and used her other hand to grab his around her waist. The pure anger was shown on her face as her eyes began to water with blood rage. Her eyes burned a hole in his soul, it surprised and scared him to see her fury through one glance.

      She yelled as she shoved him off of her, wiping away the fresh tears from her face. He stumbled as he tried capturing his balance while trying to process what had happened.  “Why,” she yelled as she grounded herself. Thrym was caught off guard, not knowing what she was talking about, “why did you do it,” she shouted louder. “Why did you take my babies from me,” she grieved. At this point, she didn’t want to hear an explanation, all she needed to hear was his screams and see the life drain from him.

     “Sigyn I don’t-” he said nervously as he slowly began to realize what she was talking about. Sigyn wiped away more tears, feeling as the wine was starting to wear off.

     “Tell me why,” she said through her teeth as she took a few steps closer to him. She was gripping the chair as she spat her words, keeping herself from jumping at him. He didn’t answer her question, finding it challenging to put it in words.

    “Sigyn I-”

     “You knew what you did, and you thought you would show your face around here,” a large knife began forming around her palm as she took hold of it. Her fury was consuming her as the world around her began to burn in her eyes. He walked backwards into the living room as she got closer. He attempted to pull out his sword, but a hand pushed it back in. Thrym stared into her malice eyes with fear of what was behind him. An arm wrapped around his neck while his hand removed the sword from his belt.  Magic suppressed his jotun strength to break free as the choke hold cut off his air circulation.

       She wanted answers and he knew she wasn’t going to let him free until she had them. “You seem to attract all jotuns,” Loki said to Sigyn coolly, holding Thrym’s head to snap it on her command.

       “And you,” she gave him the same look of bloodthirst as she proceeded to throw the knife near his head. He missed it by inches, feeling the same shock Thrym was feeling in his hold. Thrym choked the words he forced coming out, saying the name of the man holding him surprised. Loki loosened the grip from the sudden threat he felt, giving Thrym the chance to escape. He looked to see where his sword was thrown to, rushing his way to get it. Loki grabbed his arm to pull him back in, placing his hand on his head, using a spell to make him fall. Thrym felt his knees collapse as he dropped down, feeling the weight of gravity increase on his body.  

       Sigyn respawned the knife in her hand, going down to slice Thrym’s throat, asking him the last time to answer her. He stuttered to say his words, trying to find his breath from the previous choke he was held in. Sigyn’s eyes were raining with angry tears and she was pressing the knife harder against his strained throat. Blood rolled down her hand, and her hands held on tightly that they begun to shake. She hesitated to slide the blade across his neck, fearing of what will become of her. Killing him would only be the start for her and all her thoughts were scrambled. She wasn’t sure if she was thinking straight, she couldn’t tell what she was doing.  She held the knife tighter as she was frozen in place, trying to contemplate what she was doing.

      Loki took action, seeing as Sigyn’s mind was cracking before her. He stepped forward to grab her attention and talk some sense to her. She took no more than a second to switch her blade onto him. She forced him to walk back from the blade that was coming right at him. The blade pressed against his neck once he hit a wall, afraid of what Sigyn was now capable of. He placed his hand on the blade, summoning the flames of muspelheim, coursing through his hand. The blade heated as it changed color changed to a bright orange-red. Her hand shook, fighting to keep the knife in her hand and against him but it burned her, and she felt her skin sting and peel against its touch.

      She removed her hand from his neck but still held onto the knife. The heat died down when he wasn’t touching it but she was focus on the pain going through her hand. Loki snatched her wrist, dodging her other hand and capturing in his. “Sigyn stop,” he said as she struggled to release herself from his grasp. He was stopping her from killing him but also to stop her from killing anyone.

     “Why,” she said in anger and anguish, “he took my babies, he has to pay,” everyone had to pay but Loki stopped her. When her struggle slowed as she realized she couldn’t escape, she broke down. Losing the feeling of her legs, Loki kept her up as she covered her face crying.

      “His blood isn’t going on your hands,” he whispered behind her ear, feeling the curse of Surt burn through him. Thrym laughed, feeling the pressure of gravity crush him as he failed to sit up.

     “No wonder he loves you, you’re just as crazy as him,” he said before coughing up blood. Loki set Sigyn aside, letting her slide down the wall into a fetal position pouring her eyes. Loki walked towards him, kneeling down beside him. He observed the jotun in its weaken state, feeling its powerful arora if he was able to escape his magic. Thrym was barely able to look up at him as he struggled to stand, only glaring at the infamous creature.

    “What village are you from,” Loki asked curiously before ending his life. He didn’t respond, making only struggling noises from the strenuous amount of pressure. Loki hummed, seeing the markings on his face, “from the forge possibly,” he said furrowing his brow, “did you know you killed your own kind when you snuck into my home and slit their throats while they were in the cribs,” he said in his ear, feeling his anger grow. Thrym stuttered Odin’s name, trying to explain himself before Loki wrapped his hand around his neck, crushing his windpipe. “You didn’t want to hear them scream, didn’t want to wake her,” he said as he placed his hand on his forehead. “You moved on with your pathetic life, knowing what you did to your own people.” He felt his neck collapsing in his palm as his grip tightened more. “Death is going to be your savior for what I have planned for you,” he put a spell on him that caused him to collapse.

       Loki stood back, waiting for him to wake up, and when he did he was screaming through his crushed throat. He was looking around in a panic as visions he saw caused him to cry for help. Loki kept the magic on him to keep him from shape shifting causing him to yell his lungs out. His motions were sharp and quick as he looked around himself as if he was surrounded. His screaming brought music to Loki’s ears as he began to start scratching out his eyes. He was banging his head against the wall, yelling for the voices to stop as he clawed until something bled. His heart was racing from the infinite fear and terror he felt through the things he was seeing. He felt his heart stop as he dropped to his knees, falling face first into the ground, taking his last breath before his movement went to sudden stop.

         His screams shook Sigyn as she snapped out of her trance. Thrym was lying on her floor and Loki was standing in front of him, almost naked with only linen to cover his privates. She noticed all the scars and sores placed in random spots of his body, colored a darker red than his normal skin tone. She could see in her angle, the smile that formed on his scarred lips before it lowered when he glanced at her. “I’m sorry Sigyn.”

Chapter 8: Aftermath

Notes:

Short chapter I think, but hey.

Chapter Text

         He was in control of the situation and he needed it that way. Sigyn stared at the corpse in the floor stunned, wanting to question why he did that for her. He turned to her, pulling her off the ground and holding onto her. He wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks, “I’m sorry,” he whispered. she couldn’t help but notice the open wounds on his face that bled which didn’t help with her fear. She looked at the dead body before wondering whether it was worth it. His death didn’t fill the empty hole he had caused in her life, but made it wider. Thrym was knocked off her list but it accomplished nothing, her children were still dead and nothing would bring them back.

         She pressed herself into Loki, weeping until she had no more tears to shed. Her legs were weak, and she couldn’t keep herself standing but Loki helped her stand as she let go. It was better to see herself let go emotionally instead of physically, it was her sadness that took over ultimately and her anger subsided. She held onto him tightly, tightening her grip with every cry, leaving red marks on his back. She realized, it wasn’t worth it and it only made her feel worse, but having someone to comfort her made it lighter on her shoulders.

       Loki couldn’t let the anger go, his body trembled in rage as he held Sigyn. Ymir knew of how much pain he wanted to cause Asgard, so much carnage that even Loki lost track of the different ways he’d cause it. It made him want to take action but he knew now it wasn’t the time or place. Sigyn almost lost herself to her own rage and he didn’t want another monster from Asgard. He lifted her face, “what have I done,” she realized as she stared at the corpse. The consequences that will be brought to her for killing a royal of Asgard. What was she going to do when they came searching in her home for the disappearance of Thrym and find Loki instead. She didn’t want him gone, not now, not with the things she is finally dealing with.

     “Nothing,” he answered, “and I’ll make sure of that,” he reassured her. She did nothing, all of his actions were his own and she had nothing to do with the death of Thrym. He was already devising a plan to make Thrym disappear, and leave everything of his persona in the dust. No one in Asgard is going to remember Thrym when he was done with him, and Sigyn won’t have any part of this. For all he thought, Sigyn wasn’t even there when it happened thus, none of it was her fault.  Anyone who thought  otherwise didn’t live long enough to say the words. He released her and grabbed the decaying body, “the earth can eat away at him,” he knew of a way to dispose of the body, he could name  fifty off the top of his head.

      He threw the body over his shoulder and headed for the exit, telling Sigyn not to leave before he came back. Her expression showed nothing but unpleasantness with fear drowning her. It made him rethink his decision to kill Thrym, Sigyn didn’t seem to appreciate it as much but the crime made his death worthy. Sigyn couldn’t speak and only nodded for him to leave, before breaking down again. She had never killed a single living being in her life, and even with his blood being on Loki’s hand, she knew deep down it was her fault. Loki wouldn’t have made a move if she didn’t make one herself.

      She didn’t know why she was being as hysterical as she was now. Thrym deserved what was handed to him. She never thought she would kill somebody in her lifetime, and it was shocking to see someone die like the way Thrym did. His screams rung in her ear and it caused her to quiver, feeling no satisfaction in hearing a person in pain. Loki on the other hand, seemed to love every second of the man’s weeps and cries for help, licking his scarred lips for every vibrating screech.

       The evil in his eyes didn’t help Sigyn either. Nothing about the situation seemed to benefit her or feel good in any way, she wanted it to end. That’s what kept her knees quaking and her body trembling. She didn’t know what she was going to do now that she was a killer and now she saw the genocidal maniac in Loki people warned her about. She didn’t know if she could continue like this anymore, she put Loki up to murder and she could do it again.

       She will do it again, she was too weak to put the blood on her blade but Loki wasn’t. She wiped the dried tears on her face as she realized it. She sniffled her sadness away as she looked in the spot Thrym had died on. She killed him, and she was going to have accept that because it was too late to turn back now. Her nerves were still heightened, but lowered as she began to understand what she caused. She wondered how long Loki would take before he’d return, wanting to discuss what they should do next. She pushed her previous pain in the back of her mind like she did with most of her feelings, keeping herself calm in the situation.

 

     It wasn’t until morning when Loki entered, no body in arms but he wreaked of the dead. Sigyn had lied on the couch having a hard time falling asleep as her eyes stayed glued to the ceiling. She had too many questions she wanted to ask Loki, but couldn’t find a way to speak, staring at the wooden ceiling. Loki stepped behind the couch, noticing Sigyn’s blank stare into the sky. He knew she wasn’t okay and she was probably never going to be fine. It wasn’t Thrym’s death that could’ve possibly disturbed her, she’s seen worse from Loki. For a hundred years she had to watch his face deteriorate from the acid of the snake and replenish every bone, muscle, and vein only for it to be burned off again. No, this was a moral compass ordeal and Sigyn was questioning hers.

     Loki didn’t know what to say, knowing his words could do nothing to solve this. It would be her own internal struggle to figure, only he hoped she’d stay faithful. Sigyn felt his eyes on her, hearing the one question she wanted to ask him  repeat in her head, being altered in different ways to seem better. She could only think of that question, but she didn’t want to say, not until he’s earned it. She sat up from her lying position, “why did you kill him,” she asked as she slowly removed her body from the couch. The fire in the pit of her stomach began to rise as she challenged him.

     “He wasn’t going to leave this house alive,” he answered over her nonchalantly, as if he knew her questions before she asked. “Not with the blood of our children on his blade,” he turned away from her, afraid to look her in the eye. She stepped in front of him, looking at him with content but sadness.

     “But where were you when he came into our home and killed Narfi and Vali?” She asked with more calmness than earlier, “why weren’t you there to protect them,” she felt her heat rising.  Loki was taken back by her statement, but he knew she would want to know but now was not the time. When he didn’t respond fast enough Sigyn continued her tangit, “where were you Loki,” she demanded an answer as she stepped closer to him.

       “Banished,” he claimed, turning to her in frustration, “there was no way of me returning without being killed in the process,” he argued, defending himself as he felt the pain he fought against long ago creep inside him.

       “But you are here now, but you couldn’t be here then,” she questioned what exactly was his plan in this charade. Why he decided to come back now when he could’ve came the years between. He didn’t like the questions he was being ask, wanting to end the conversation now. She was pushing the right buttons that would get to him. He couldn’t look at her as he thought of a way to get out of this calmly. He tried stepping away from her but she grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him back to her.

      “You don’t understand,” he said, trying to get her to back away. She didn’t let go as her grip tightened around his wrist. The more he answered wrong, the tighter she held her grip. Her small hands wasn’t able to wrap around his whole wrist but her nails dug deeper into his skin as she confronted him for his absence. “I had no access to Asgard-”

     “Excuses coming from the god of lies, tell me Loki; what were you doing in Jotunheim other than  sleeping around,” she released him on instinct as he stepped back from shock.  She shoved him back causing him to grow aggravated, clenching his jaw to hold back.  “Tell me Loki,” she shouted at him, trying to get an aggressive reaction out of him that would encourage her own rage towards him.. “Tell me why you weren’t here to save our children,” it was more difficult to look at her when her hate was directly towards him. His own fury ignited from the frustration he felt from himself. He didn’t protect his children which caused their inevitable and untimely demise.  He didn’t like her speaking the truth to him, bringing the hate he had for aesirs to himself truly.

       “Look at me, answer me Loki,” she said his name derogatorily.

       “I don’t know,” he yelled back as he looked directly at her with the same look. The same anguish and shame he had in himself that she had, the same anger and hate for the world. Loki headed for the exit, needing to get away from it all and think but Sigyn stopped him.

      “You didn’t kill Thrym for me or to avenge our children,” she realized, “you did it for yourself.” She pushed him back more waiting for him to react. She wanted something to fuel her anger, but he kept holding back. She wanted a reason to get physically violent with Loki, but he wasn’t going to give her the chance. She was encouraging him to do so, but he couldn’t do that with Sigyn, anyone but Sigyn. All she told was the truth, and with Sigyn, he couldn’t argue with that. “Only to feed the Surt that burns your soul,” the sores had not healed and had bled throughout their argument.  “Our babies are dead and you care none for them,” she accused, not sure what he felt most of the time.

      “A day hasn’t passed by without me thinking of my dead children,” he shouted back as he felt his crippling grief overwhelm him. “I killed him because he took my flesh and blood away from me,” he stepped closer to her, giving her all the intensity he had been holding in. “I killed him because I knew you couldn’t,” he grabbed her by the arm. She didn’t stop him, wanting to hear what he had felt for a long time, “I killed him because I want everything around me to die …just like I have,” he said more to himself, seeing the horrible irony of it all.

     “Then why am I still standing,” she said knowing she was starting to see the real Loki. The one that hid behind the misery and internal hatred. He released her, not wanting her to see his face as he wondered his own self. She was one of the few things in his life left alive, and worse, somebody he didn’t deserve.

      “Because, you’re the only thing keeping me from it,” he turned to face her. He didn’t have the strength to shed a tear, having lost the ability to weep long ago, if he ever had it to begin with it, along with the rest of his humanity. Sigyn didn’t know what to say or do, her anger dropped as her risen temperatures lowered. She knew he didn’t want to admit the truth to anyone which made it even harder for him to accept telling it.  It made him feel strange and out of place whenever he told her about his true emotions, almost icky. He didn’t know what to do with himself after telling her, having walked towards the cushion and placing his hand on it. He stared at the wall in thought, feeling as though he had no control over the situation.

       Silence dawned over them for a long moment as they both were lost in their thoughts. Loki sighed heavily from the weight he carried over his shoulders, feeling as more piled on top of him. Sigyn’s frustration had subsided and only her need to comfort Loki strived her to step towards him. She knew now that both had suffered a loss, and both were still in mourning. She stood beside him, glancing at him before placing her hand over his, sensing the grief he felt. It took him a moment before he could look back at her, not having his usual façade to protect himself from what would be thrown at him. He was lucky enough to have someone as gentle as Sigyn to aid him to good health. He thought he fell farther than the depths of Niflheim where he could never return, but Sigyn gave him the small hope that he could.

      “Let me…fix your wounds,” she thought they must have stung badly but he didn’t seem to be fazed by the pain. Her hand tightened around his as she led him into the bathroom where she kept her elixirs and tools. There she took him back to living area to lay him on the couch  and proceeded to clean the open sores on his body.

 

          Both were stuck in a room filled with each others thoughts. The hidden meaning behind every glance and stare, the small sounds that would escaped their lips indicated much but silence reign over them. The silence was hurting both their souls, each wanting to say something but neither had the strength or courage to do so.  Sigyn was able to stop the continuous flow of blood that poured out of his bubbling skin but wasn’t able to stop the pain. While external pain didn’t seem to disturb or bother Loki anymore, it would slow him down if he didn’t clear them.

       “I am sorry Sigyn,” he said with as much sincerity he could’ve brought to his voice which wasn’t alot. Sigyn dropped her hands, setting the tools in her hand on the ground and sighing heavily.

       “I know,” she said believing him for once, “but an apology isn’t going to bring them back. It’s not going to make the pain go away and it is not getting rid of the guilt we’ll face for the rest of our lives,” she placed the materials into the small basket she kept them in. “As much as Thrym deserved to die, he wasn’t the only person to blame.” Loki looked down at himself, feeling all the responsibilities for his children’s death.  “But I can’t blame it all on you either. This is as much as my fault as it is yours,” she wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek while keeping her composure. She sighed again, wiping the other tear from her cheek, “so, I forgive you. I forgive you for walking out on us, and I forgive you for not being there.”

          Sigyn was heartbroken but somehow she was able to forgive him. Even after all he had done and didn’t do, she saw a way to forgive him for his actions. He really didn’t deserve somebody as forgiving like Sigyn, he deserved to be in the deepest and darkest pits of Niflheim where he be faced with only the teeth of Garmr.  Loki knew he wasn’t much of a sociopath for how much his heart felt for her. It was hard for him to experience the emotions a regular person would have, but for Sigyn, she made it easy. Part of her knew it was hard for him to express himself, maybe why she understood why he did the things he did. It was her only way from going insane as much as he did. He had already sat up, not knowing what to say. She had him in a tight rope that he couldn’t loosen from, having no words that would please her.

         “But I can’t forgive you for coming back,” she said standing, a calmer and silent anger building. “Because I don’t know why you came back,” she admitted, “I don’t know what your plan here is; with them, or with me. I just…wish I could,” she turned to leave for the bathroom. Loki wanted to stop her and tell her the truth, but even he didn’t know why he showed his face again. He wanted to kill all the aesirs and make them burn in hell but why did he come to her? He removed his hand that reached for her before she left, having no real answer to her question.  He sat there quietly in thought as he contemplated the rest of the morning of his answer. What she had said hit him hard and he needed time to fully understand what was thrown at him. She spoke truths to him and the least he could do was respond truthfully as well, he just didn’t know what to say.

        Sigyn went straight to her room, feeling the drowsiness overwhelm her. She had just killed a man, and it may have not been the most agreeable situation to her mind or morals, he did deserve it. Admitting the truth to Loki and pouring her emotions out tired her. She noticed Loki was in deep thought, as he had not moved from his spot. She bothered little to think of it and went to her room, collapsing onto her bed and having the lack of energy both physically and mentally to stay awake.

        She didn’t quite know where to go from here, with Thrym dead she knew Asgard would be snooping. Maybe this was the end of the line for both of them, she wasn’t going to let Loki take all the blame. Generous of him to say so but she wasn’t letting him do it, if he was going to fall, she might as well fall too. There was nothing left for her to stay afloat, so why keep trying? She tried not thinking about it as much as she fell unconscious into a deep slumber.

Chapter 9: Loki

Notes:

A Loki chapter

Chapter Text

        Loki shifted in his bed, finding no comfort in it. He grumbled before turning to his side and opening his eyes slowly in a small groan. He was almost surprised to see Sigyn lying next to him asleep. His body relaxed once he realized where he was and the sudden discomfort he felt faded away along with the rest of pain he woke with every morning. He sighed in relief to know he had made one good choice in his life. Loki placed his arm around her hip, pulling her closer to him under the covers. She woke under his touch which made him smile. She didn’t seem disturbed to lay next to him, it was natural which fed into the fantasy. She pulled herself closer as she subtly wrapped her leg around his, returning his smile. She caressed his cheek before closing the little space between them, pressing her soft lips against his rough and scarred ones.

         Loki jolted into a sitting position from the couch. He had manage to sleep and with that sleep came a dream, only a dream. He breathed a sigh of misery, placing his hand over his head, feeling the crippling headache roll in. All the pain he thought to be gone, returning to him  as it always did whenever he had these dreams.  He checked his wounds, noticing the sores were healing faster than he had expected. He combed his fiery red hair out of his face as he stood, making his way to the bathroom to wash himself, hoping the hot bath would rid him of some of the pain. Before he entered the room, he looked at the door a few feet away from it. Sigyn’s door was presumably lock as to not disturb her though he wasn’t, being well trained and behaved not to.

          Loki was in a permanent debt to Sigyn. He was going to owe her for the rest of his life and he didn’t know what that could mean. It took him this long to see how much damage he had caused in her life and it was going to take her to show him the rest. He didn’t know what his plan was in all of this or why he came back to her for help. She was his last chance for salvation and maybe that’s all he needed to come back to her.  He pushed the feeling aside and entered the bathroom.  He started the bath water before  unclothing himself, dropping his pants to his ankles. He had no shirt to remove since he kept his chest bare after he disposed Thrym’s body. He wasn’t sure whether he should tell Sigyn, it would piss her off to find out. It was the only place she and he knew that no one would go to look or to find. It mattered little now, the living organism would eat away at his decaying body before anyone knew.

          Loki had a plan to get them off the hook of the murder. He needed a chance to talk with Sigyn about it, he need her to understand the terms and conditions and to see her follow through with them. If she didn’t agree then he would have to scrap and start a new plan which he didn’t mind. He had come up with 50 other ways to keep Asgard from becoming suspicious. Loki stepped into the tub once it was full of hot water, dropping his body into the steaming water. The tub wasn’t big enough for his whole body to be in it and he sat up leaning against the wall to rest.

          It burned his wounds to feel the boiling water touch them but he ignored it, knowing it wouldn’t help him in the long run.  He lifted his hands out of the water to relieve some of the pain but also to stare at the ones that would never go away. Rings were imprinted on his wrists, ankles, and stomach, a small reminder of the time he spent tied to a venomous snake. The physical pain was gone but the trauma was stuck with him, it warped his soul as all the experiences he’s had in his long and pathetic life. He instinctively rubbed his wrists as if the chains were never removed from his flesh. He could still feel how deep they went in his skin, tightening around his bones whenever he struggled to break free. His eye still burned from the acid that poured on top of them. Melting away along with the rest of his face before it would heal to make him go through the pain again.

       His right hand held a tattoo on his middle finger. Etched in old nordic characters to symbolize a promise that he couldn’t keep. Another shameful reminder of his regrets, a person he couldn’t keep safe nor the children she bared with him. His hand balled into a fist he dropped it as he tried washing the thoughts away. He used a clean rag off the rack and grabbed one of the many scented soaps off the end of the tub that Sigyn kept.  He scrubbed away at his skin roughly, trying to scratch the skin he saw mutilated off of him. He began remembering all the awful deeds he did and every marking left on his body as a fresh reminder. He scrubbed harder and faster at his arms hoping that if the marking was washed away so would the pain.

     Loki blamed them for the pain he felt and for the reason to make malicious acts. It only made him hate himself more but it was his only way to cope with the never ending suffering. Maybe that’s why he came to her doorstep, to face the ugly truth that he was the destroyer of his own making not theirs. With her, he could deny the fact no longer, and that’s what he needed from her. Even with knowing that he knew she would be there to reassure him. To show him that it wasn’t the end because he wanted it to be. That there was something better and brighter at the end of life and they could find it. He didn’t know, no matter how much he wanted to know, nothing told him why he was drawn to her.

      He stopped scrubbing and realized the soapy water was now bloody water. He checked his body and noticed the sores bled from where he scrubbed, everywhere. He exasperated a sigh before he dropped the rag in the water and stood up out of the dirty water. He pulled the plug that kept the water in the tub and watched it drain, leaving rings of dried blood around the tub. He wrapped the towel from the rack on his hips and tucked it to keep it attached. He was tired of leaving a mess whenever he left the bathroom, bloody ones worst of all. He would clean it, but for now he would get dressed. He left the steaming bathroom with bloody foot prints following behind him.

      Loki heard Sigyn leave her room through his closed door as he dried himself off. It was harder to dress when he had to stop the bleeding before he could put clean clothes on. Once the towel he used was dampened from the blood, he could dress appropriately. Wearing a long sleeve tunic and pants, he lazily braided his hair down his back before stepping out his door to meet with Sigyn.
        “You seem to sleep much more on the couch than you do your own bed,” he found her sitting at the table drinking wine from a glass.

       “I tend to like the hard surface of the couch than the soft cushion of a bed,” he sat down with her, observing her carefully. This didn’t look to be her first bottle nor her last, “I thought there to be none left,” he said pointing at the bottle.

       “I keep a few in my room for headaches,” Sigyn admitted before taking another sip. Loki realized how much wine she kept in her house, more than someone should if they lived and kept to themselves.

       “Early for a drink, don’t you think Sigyn?”

       “I killed a man only days ago, I have earned a drink,” she said before filling her glass again.

       “Well then I suppose I deserve a sip,” she shrugged before passing the bottle to him. He gulped the rest of the wine down his throat as to stop Sigyn from doing so. He licked his lips as he looked back at her noticing her glare towards him. She knew what he was trying to do and as much as she didn’t appreciate it, she could respect it. She sat back in her seat arms crossed and brooding as Loki set the bottle back on the table empty.

    “What are we going to do,” she asked after the long pause in between.

    “Hmm,” he looked up at her, stuck in his own thoughts.  She was surprised, not realizing he had heard her.

     “Nothing,” she rubbed her temples in attempt to ease the headache. Another talk with her friend  and another headache for the morning. She sighed heavily realizing she finished her last cup and Loki drank the rest of the glass bottle. She grumbled, catching his attention before propping her head on top of her hand.

     “There are alternatives to caring for headache-”

     “Try to suade me and I will cut you,” Sigyn managed to threaten. She held her blade close and tight and he knew well of the intensity her simple kitchen knife held.

    “No Sigyn, no suading just a spell. Something to block the pain out of mind."

     “I believe I can recall you teaching me this,” Sigyn said remembering slowly of the procedure. He was the reason why she knew as much magic as she did now. Everyone had it but not everyone had the will to use it and for Sigyn, Loki was her will. She rarely used it now, only using it when she felt right to or if she was curious enough to see if she could still do the little tricks she was taught. She had been touching on her enchanting and conjuring since he’s come back, feeling the energy cycle through her again.  “But it won’t help, I know this ache and it doesn’t go away with force,” she said as she removed herself from the table.

     Sigyn stopped in front of Loki from the blood she noticed stained his shirt. “You’re bleeding,” she realized where it came from, “let me wrap them,” she remembered Loki refused to have the sores wrapped. It was to only keep them from bleeding into his clothing like they did now. She also realized how much blood he was losing and how it was going to affect him soon if he didn’t wrap them.

      “I’ll be fine Sigyn, you know I have been through worse,” she did but she couldn’t accept that. Loki didn’t find it as important as Sigyn was making it out to be. He couldn’t help but feel this talk about his sores was only small talk. A distraction from the real context hidden underneath.

      “Alright Loki, but you can’t go out in public like that.” Sigyn walked over to the bathroom door before leaving.

      “I don’t think I can be seen in public, every aesir knows who I am and what I’ve done,” he realized how much Baldur’s death affected them.

     “Yes and the Queen’s issued a new law for every aesir to have a mistletoe in their homes,” she crossed her arms over her chest as she turned to him.

     “A what,” he couldn’t recognize the name.

     “A mistletoe. Some strange plant with white berries on them. I’ll have to see if there are any in my garden,” she said before entering her bathroom.

     “Oh, the Santalales,” he thought them to be. It was the only item he found that would harm Baldur, the only plant Frigga hadn’t blessed. He smiled to himself, proud that the hard work had pulled off. The time it took searching for something that would hurt Baldur and the time took to scheming the plan which wasn’t very easy. Though that time was wasted since they still found out it was him who sent the old man after him. He had to pat himself on the back for the accomplishment still, ridding the world the nuisance of Baldur’s presence by his blind brother's hand. He realized Sigyn walked into a room of blood, stepping into the bathroom and he got up from his chair to stop her from seeing the mess.

     Loki opened the door to see Sigyn untying her gown from her waist. The bathroom wasn’t the same when he left it, cleaner than he remembered. He looked at Sigyn who turned to him holding her gown from falling, “you’re not the only one with tricks,” she smirked before pushing him out.

      Every moment of the day he thought of what his answer was. Why he had come back. It would determine everything; every action and feeling would alter depending on the answer. It was a question he had never considered or expected to be asked and somehow it meant the most to him. It brought him conflict within his thinking to know his answer. He didn’t know if he still loved her or if it was out of self-pity, if it was out of satisfaction or compassion. He didn’t know what his answer was but he was searching for it.

       Loki was curious, also thirsty. He was thirsty for everything but water and he wanted booze. The wine bottle he finished did something for him, he thought but he couldn’t tell. Instead of thinking himself to death, he wanted to drink himself to sex. Just to get his mind off the emotions captive in this household. His head hurt thinking about the truth behind his actions. He was tired of thinking about Sigyn and it drove him to take a drink. Sigyn was making it difficult for his thoughts to flow through his mind and process in his body easily. Clottage from his second thought because he couldn’t stop thinking about Sigyn.

        Her person grew on him, just as before but this would be permanent. If he didn’t make a decision soon, it would be too late before he could back down from this relationship. If that’s what he considered calling it.  Expressing emotion was already hard for Loki to do, but to process them was nearly impossible. Sigyn brought feelings back he knew to be long gone but somehow, she managed to revive what was dead for eons. It hurt him in a way he wanted it to stop but wouldn’t. A way he couldn’t handle, like he has everything else in his existence, and he didn’t want to face it. It was feelings that he feared for a long time, something he hoped would never come back, but sadly it did.

       For the moment, he wanted it to disappear. The resurfacing feeling-he wanted to sink one last time before he would face them. The wheel was in motion but he would pause it once more. The leash Sigyn had on his tortured soul would be unchained and he’d be free the last time. Loki needed alcohol in his system only to feed into his lust. He was bound to Sigyn to a certain extent, his mind but not his body. He wondered how Sigyn would feel if he left for the day without her knowing where. He questioned whether she’d worry about his being if he disappeared. The obvious answer would’ve been yes, but for all he’s done, he wasn’t worth a second of her thought while she deserved better thoughts than his.   

      This kind of thinking was the reason why he needed to leave. Loki headed for his room to dress before his departure. He changed into a faded green tunic and brown linen pants. Loki contemplated on whether he should tell Sigyn he was leaving and whether to tell her it was temporary. The thought made him hurry faster, desperately needing to escape. He’d stay in the outskirts for the time being, he still was a wanted criminal. People on the edges of the city typically didn’t receive all the news Asgard’s golden city kept. He walked for the exit, glancing at the room Sigyn occupied.

      Maybe it would only be a few drinks and he’d come back. Loki didn’t want to leave Sigyn like this. No one said the leave would be permanent but he thought it would be a while. He needed to get his head and priority straight. If he didn’t have at least  one of them then he would be lost in this world. He left on that notion, knowing the answer to the thought. Once he stepped outside, he planted himself on the ground. His toes rubbing against the soft grass merged into three sharp, signified talons. His skin slowly faded into a dark shade of black and out the pores of his body came the shaft of the feathers growing out of him.  His arms joint bent backwards as longer feathers grew out of his skin and his body shrunk. When he finished his transformation, he opened his wings wide before boosting himself off the ground with a push. Leaving with the mindset of a crow.

          The good thing about shapeshifting into an animal was that his thinking was slower. Loki thought but it wasn’t as intense and strenuous as it is when he’s man. He still couldn’t shake the feelings away no matter what animal he chose to be. The inability to rid himself of this burden led him to a small tavern he found while flying around the area. He chose not to go to the kingdom of Asgard, figuring it would be best to wait a bit longer before causing more havoc.  He flew down to the back wall of the tavern and shapeshifted into a man again, clothing himself appropriately. He entered the bar noticing the few occupants drinking their troubles and sorrows away. He searched the room looking for the perfect place closest to the bar, finding a seat near the cabinets of alcohol.

         The place was gloomy, nothing he hadn’t expect. It was in the morning and anyone in a bar this early wasn’t looking for happiness. In the morning this place was for pity, self-loathing, and regrets. No one looked for joy and scorned it whenever it came through the doors. The air smelled of broken dreams and misery. The image of the tavern gave off the hint of desperation and plead for liberation. It felt like home to Loki which encouraged him to stay more. He asked the man near the cabinet to give him the strongest drink they had and to give him the whole bottle.  The man stared at him for a moment of confusion before he recognized the face in fear. He did as asked, not questioning the request before moving to the next person with a drink.

      Loki smirked in satisfaction before twisting the cork off and gulping the beverage down.  He was halfway finished with the bottle before setting it down, realizing a woman had taken a seat besides him. “Not going to offer a woman a sip?” She asked slyly as she noticed the bartender staring at him concerned.

     “I’m no gentleman to do so,” he rebutted as he turned to her.   

     “And I’m no proper woman to ask,” she said holding her hand out for the drink. Loki passed her the dark brown fluid with a sense of curiosity. He wondered if she’d be the woman he’d take to bed to distract him of his worries temporarily. The bartender couldn’t help but stare at him in horror. He kept an eye on Loki while he continued doing his job, afraid of what might happened.  She passed the liquor back to him, barely giving him enough to finish. He looked at the bottle annoyed but figured it was best, besides, he had a new goal in mind. “Sorry,” she said realizing she had practically drank the rest of his drink. He waved it off and pushed the bottle aside.

      Loki sighed heavily. He was finally feeling sensations other than his emotions but his thoughts always ran back Sigyn. He couldn’t keep her out of his head as he could everything else. His hate and rage slowly depleting because of his irrefusable care for her. It was driving him insane, and not the insanity he’s held so close for centuries. The insanity that made him sane, made him a functional individual of society. He was far too deep in the hole to ever be apart of society again and as much as Sigyn left an impact on him, he knew he could never change. His mark already stained the book of life and it would never erase. “What ails you so,” she asked curiously. Loki looked back at her, remembering where he was. “Your mind is more drifted than the man who sits at the corner table.” He turned to the direction she looked at, seeing the man whose mind was lost to Valkyries.

     “That is an understatement,” he admitted before ordering the bartender another bottle which he attended to hastily. He took another swig at the alcohol given to him, wiping the liquor that was left on his mouth. His focus left the building as his mind did.

    “So, tell me,” he turned back to her confused.

    “About what?”

   “What keeps you up after dark.” She rested her head on her hand placed on the table, spreading her body out for him to view.

   “Why so interested?”

    “I’m a drunk and loathsome woman with nothing but aesir stories to keep me occupied. I know everyone’s sin in this establishment but yours. So what’s the depressing tale weighing your shoulders-” she traced her fingers along his arm before she was grabbed by her shoulders.

     “Leave the man alone Amora,” the bartender said from behind her. “They do not want your business,” he glanced at Loki before turning his attention to Amora.

      “It’s not business, it’s pleasure,” he forced her out her seat, pushing her for the exit. She pushed him off of her, wiping the dirt she collected from his touch. He placed his hand on her shoulder, looking at Loki who watched destitute of any shown emotions.

      “Please do not mind her, she is only a call girl,” he tried making her leave but she was planted to ground, frustrating him more.

      “I’m only going to walk back in,” Amora said to him before turning to Loki.

      “Not today,” he said in worry, using all his strength to get her out the door. Loki stood from his seat causing him to stop and stepped towards him. The man stepped back to keep a full view of Loki but he walked closer.

      “Do you know who I am,” he asked knowing the answer.

      “The God of Chaos, the bringer of destruction himself,” he answered quickly. Loki placed a hand on his shoulder making him flinch.

     “Then you know that I will burn your family in the fiery pits of Muspelheim and feed you to Surtur himself.” He waited for a nod of understanding, “don’t bother me or my harlot again.” He released him, grabbing Amora instead and walking back to their table. The bartender stood there dumbstruck, contemplating his decisions up to this point. Amora looked at Loki in a bit of awe and confusion, crossing her arms over her chest.

    “Who are you? Whenever I threaten his life he is not affected, but you? He is nailed to the floor because of you.” Loki contemplated whether he was going to have to kill this man, afraid he might warn the king of his sightings.

    “I am known somewhat here, he recognized me and he knew what I am capable of doing here.” He gave his attention to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. “If you are a whore, why waste your time talking to me?”

    “It’s not business, it’s pleasure. Budolf only thinks I am one because I wear scantily clad dresses and have unkempt hair. But like everyone here, I am only a drunk who swallows her troubles down with alcohol.” She pulled him down, whispering to his ear, “but I will let you slide since I’m enjoying your company.” She bit the bottom of his ear, pulling it gently with her teeth before she looked back at him. He grinned knowing she would be the perfect distraction.

    “Where can I take you to bed Amora,” he pulled her up against his private.

    “The man keeps a few rooms open upstairs for women who pay, but with the authority you have over him, we will not need to.” She grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to the owner’s bedroom. Amora knew she was going to get away with anything while he was around, so she might as well treat herself to a better bed. She closed the door behind them, observing the cleaner room she stepped into. Her attention was brought back to Loki when he leaned in and kissed her deeply, pressing her against the door. She smiled to the eagerness as she placed her arm over his shoulder, pushing herself closer to his scarred lips.

     “So eager, have you found interest in me,” he kissed her again with more hunger filled lust to be inside another being.

    “I have found a distraction to push my problems away,” Loki knew it was only temporary and wouldn’t last long but it was worth it.  He kissed her jawline as he undid the tie of her dress behind her back. He loosen the laces of her dress as he explored the tender parts of her neck with his mouth. Amora moaned in excitement before Loki licked the edges of her neckline. “You taste like misery,” he whispered to her ear.

     “I didn’t come in smelling like a bouquet of flowers,” she breathed a laugh before letting him continue. Loki grabbed a lock of her dirty blonde hair, pulling her head back to kiss the exposed part of her neck up to her jaw. He pressed his lips against her roughly as he pulled the shoulder part of her dress down. She hummed to the feel of his touch and gripped his shirt to hold him closer. She placed her hand under his tunic as she bit his neck softly. She continuously bit parts of his neck until a small moan was released from him. He grinned and she smirked as she leaned in and kissed him.

       Amora pressed against him, forcing herself off the wall. She itched him to take the tunic off as she lifted her hand under his shirt causing him to remove the piece of clothing. She pushed him back with every step she took forward until he hit the bed. Amora pushed him onto the bed, placing both hands on each side of him, blocking him from escape. She licked his happy trail from bottom to top as she slipped her hands into his pants, feeling his growing erection. She attempted to pull his pants down but he stopped her, grabbing her hand and pulling it from under.  He forced her onto the bed and climbed on top of her, “you are for me to distract.”

    “Whatever you say,” he grinned widely, her compliance reminding him of a woman he may love. He loosened the dress' laces making it accesible to move. He lifted the bottom of  her dress, leading his fingers to the strap of her underwear. He licked her cleavage before yanking the underwear off of her. The heels came off as did her underwear before Loki went down on her. He grabbed both of her thighs and pulled them far apart from each other.  He lowered his head, getting a strong taste of her. She moaned softly to the feel of his cold tongue rub against the lips. The cold sensation being strange and unique, she mewled at the new experience. Her body tensed in pleasure as his tongue went deeper inside her and she gripped the sheets of the bed. She moaned not so quiet when he hit the right point on her clit.

    Amora grabbed his hair to keep him in the right spot while he held her legs from closing. He began licking up the juices that spilled out of her before lifting his head up. Loki wiped whatever was left off his mouth before biting her neck. He kissed her deeply before pulling his pants down. He moaned in her mouth when he felt his penis rub against the lips. He prepared to enter her but he began to think about Sigyn again.

     He was ready to undo himself and this woman but now he couldn’t. He wanted to finish, but he wanted it from Sigyn. He wanted to go down on Sigyn, and make her howl before spilling himself inside of her. He wanted to grip her sweet, soft flesh, and grope her beautiful body. The simple thought of his wife caused him to feel disgusted in what he was doing to this other woman, ashamed even. He didn’t know if it was a curse or his intuition that forced him to be turned off but he couldn’t finish. He grunted irritably at himself as he pulled his pants up standing. Amora sat up watching him confused, “what’s wrong,” she asked holding up her dress.

     “Nothing with you, I need to head home to somebody,” he said disappointedly.

    “Oh, your wife,” she assumed.

    “Something like that,” he grabbed his tunic off the ground. Amora stood, fixing her dress as she put her underwear on.

    “Won’t say I’m not disappointed but I understand.” He thanked her in gratitude for the service, “just know my doors always open to new consumers and hopefully regular ones too.” With that she let him out, staying in the room to fix herself properly. Loki hurried his leave out the bar, feeling it was a mistake coming there. He felt guilty but he shouldn’t, he knew he belonged to no one. Yet his heart ached for Sigyn even though he couldn’t have her. He left the tavern quickly before transforming into a crow and flying back.

     Loki transformed back when he got back to the house. Sigyn was placed curled up on the couch reading a book when Loki entered. He closed the door gently as he walked in before Sigyn sat up, turning to him, “you were gone for a while,” she stood up walking towards the kitchen. “I suppose I can start lunch,” Loki grabbed her shoulder, keeping her from going to the kitchen.

     “No Sigyn,” he didn’t look at her but he felt her glossy stare. “I’m filthy. Let me wash and I’ll make you a meal,” he decided not to tell her where he went until she’d ask about it. He left for the bathroom leaving Sigyn alone again. Sigyn did smell a certain aroma coming off of him,  a familiar smell, but she wouldn’t ask about it. She was in no position to question him for where he goes, but it wouldn’t stop her from thinking about it. Sigyn sat on the couch, picking her book up and continuing her read, feeling her mind drift back  from the book to Loki.

Chapter 10: A Hay-wired Trick

Chapter Text


       Loki’s sores were gone, he thanked the Valkyrie for ridding him of the blisters. None of it meant the feeling or pain was gone but it was reassuring to see the clear view of that disappear. He thought about all the mistakes he made over the past few months and wondered why he stayed this long. He knew he would only keep regretting but staying until he thought himself to leaving again. He disgusted himself with the indecisiveness and was ashamed of his hesitations. It broke his character, and no aesir could fear the wrath of his hiding rage. Although he knew the source to be Sigyn, it brought more than her memories but all the horrifying memories of his life. He wanted it away but it kept coming for him and now there was no stopping it.

      Sigyn couldn’t help but sense a difference in him. Something in the air was released and it attached itself to both of their broken hearts. It slowly manifested and grew out of the cracks of their hearts but no good came out of it. Her heart was heavier than before and it made her sick. Her feelings were strong but nothing he did could make her fall for him again. She kept pushing the thoughts away but they came back to her with more powerful intent and she’d come with more force to push away. It became harder to deny her feelings for Loki as the days went on and every second was spent with him. The more he was changing the more she opened up to him and that was going to be a problem.

    Sigyn hated talking to her friend. She knew Sigyn’s psychosis that went through her mind and told her bluntly. The truth always hurt when it came from her but necessary for Sigyn to hear. She always got to her but she had the choice to listen and most times she chose wrong. It was today she didn’t want to hear her friend speak. Sigyn stayed deep in her gardens to hear her friend’s words but what she said contradicted both their thinking process. Sigyn rested on the bark of a large oak tree, pulling the petals of a golden poppy. Her friend paced the floor wondering where to begin. She still wore the lavender gown but her hair was braided down her back as Sigyn’s was. “There’s nothing to speak about-”

     “There’s too much to talk about,” she dropped down to her level. “Like why have you pushed me back,” Sigyn ignored her but it didn’t stop her. “You’ve been ignoring me Sigyn, but why?” She asked rhetorically as she moved closer. She took a large sniff of her, “disgusting,” she stood making Sigyn stand out of irritation. “All you’ve said to him and you still can’t keep him,” she said holding back her anger. “Look what you have done. He’s gone a day, then another, soon a week, and then forever. What are you trying to do,” she slammed her hand against the tree.

    “You told me not to trust him,” Sigyn recalled. She went in her face breathing heavily as she combed the strands of hair out of her face.

     “I say what you think,” she emphasized. “You can make him kill,” she whispered to her ear, “go or not. You have him in your palm.” She pushed her back, “but you’ve ruined the chance and now he’s leaving you, again-”

      “Stop it,” Sigyn walked away but she grabbed her hand and pulled her back in. She was behind Sigyn pulling her into her arms.

     “You saw what he did to that fiend.” Sigyn shook her head in disgrace, “at least be with him for the murder. Think about all the people you thought deserved death sooner than their time.” Sigyn pushed off of her and stepped away. She frowned to the sight of her distance, “closing your mouth won’t keep your thoughts away from me,” she said walking in front of her.  

     “You are making me sick,” Sigyn announced as she rubbed her head. She grabbed Sigyn’s wrist shaking her violently. She stopped herself from blurting anything she’d regret and released her.

      “Why fight the feeling,” she wrapped her arms behind her and rested her head on her shoulders.

       “Because all this time we were against this,” she said exasperated. She was the gentle Sigyn, kind and soft spoken girll with simple desires. She was not a person who wished death upon others. No, she couldn't be. 

       “Something has changed in your heart, your objectives shifted and I know it.”

       “Shut up,” Sigyn demanded. She laughed at the attempt to shut what she knew to be fact. Sigyn felt her body grow against hers and her grip tighten around her. Her hair grew out and changed from hazel brown to a deep red. Her stance was no more that of Sigyn’s but of the man she feared the most would haunt her.

        “But you’re only pulling yourself into my arms,” Loki placed his hand over hers, curling his finger between hers. “Pull yourself too tight and it will break again,” he leaned in to kiss her as his grip tightened around her hands, crushing them under his. She ignored the pain as she tugged him closer. He kissed her deeply as he bent her fingers backwards. She pulled away in agony as she lifted her fingers to see them in their proper place. She looked up to see her friend cross her arms over her chest.

       “You are despicable,” Sigyn wiped her mouth.

       “And you are crazy, it is why you get along with him so well.” She rested against a tree, glancing at Sigyn in thought, “listen to yourself Sigyn. Let that night go and let him in, for the better,” she said plainly. Sigyn covered her mouth pacing slowly as the words worried her. She looked back at her with tears watering her eyes as she bit her hand.

      “Why do you play these games with me?”

      “It isn’t I who plays games,” she proceeded to walk away.

     “And if I do,” Sigyn yelled before she shrunk from the realization. She sat at the bark of the tree, holding the pain that came from the fall, “then I’m crazier than I thought.” She tugged at her hair to extinguish the internal pain she felt but it ceased to help.  She decided to head home thinking it would bring her some comfort though she was beginning to lose the meaning of comfort. She hated herself feeling this way. Having this confliction in her head on what to do and having no right answer.

     She wanted to leave knowing her two sides couldn't agree on anything. There was something admitted by Loki that stuck with her. It must've been the one thing that gave her this internal struggle on her decision. She knew she shouldn't be with  him but if she had a slim chance of making it work, she wanted to take it. It was undetermined whether it was out of love and compassion, or desperation and guilt. Everyday the thought became fuzzier and every breathing moment with Loki, it became clear. The aching she felt in her heart and the churning in her stomach was no surprise. Her mind controlled her body in ways she never could have thought. She stood, heading for the exit where her head could pull back together and be sane for another day.

      

         Sigyn entered her home with Loki lying on the couch panting heavily. He had covered the couch in dirt and blood of his own and that of another. Sigyn stepped closer with worry as his attention turned to her. She noticed the deep claw marks located in the center of his chest and the scratches that covered the rest of his body. “Loki, what happened,” she asked with concern as her hands glazed over his body. She looked over each wound, figuring ways to heal them quickest but still worried for his well being.

     “I needed a distraction. I went hunting.” He touched the hole in his chest, wincing at the pain. She grabbed his hand and held it from touching the mark again.

     “You went to get mauled,” she corrected.

    “You live near many different creatures of the wild. It's strange to see them in one vicinity,” he used her grip to lift himself into a sitting position. She released him coldly as she went to grab her equipment. She entered the room dropping her basket of medical equipment and fell to her knees, grabbing a potion like gauze but stronger.

      “I don't know what would make you want to hurt yourself.” She stood holding a damp cloth and pressed her hand against his shoulder blade as she dabbed the edges of his wound. He reflexively grabbed her hand in attempt to rid the pain that came from it.

      “It wasn't intentional, it was a large beast that questioned its inferiority to me.” Sigyn rolled her eyes before dousing the rag with the gauze.

      “This will hurt a lot,” she warned as she leaned to press the rag against the clawed skin. He grabbed her hand with more purpose and settled it to her side.

      “I can heal better without that.”

      “This can make you heal faster,” she said attempting to use it.

       “I can do that as well,” he said as he grabbed the rag from her. He set it back in the basket in hope she wouldn't grab it again. She gave in, picking up the bandages she would wrap him with. He stopped her from continuing in reluctance. “I am in much pain, I don't think we should wrap it now.”

     “You will be worse off if it gets infected,” she said forcing the bandage on him. He moaned in pain and clenched the bandage in his hand. “I know, it hurts and I will not lie; I doused it in herbs. Only for your being,” she placed her hand over his to keep him from removing the bandage. “You weren't as shaky the first time I patched you,” she said curiously while finishing the last wrap.

     “These wounds are fresh. I walked out days with those damages,” he lied. He didn't wait long to find shelter and security when he was injured. He was gaining the ability to “express” how he was feeling with Sigyn now that his body grew accustomed to her being. He himself didn't begin to comprehend what was happening and told a fib to cover it. Sigyn moved to the smaller cuts and patched them easily and quickly. She took her basket and brought it to the bathroom where she would clean off the blood she collected from him.

        “When did hunting become a favored activity,” Sigyn wondered, knowing his past hobbies never included hunting.

       “This morning when I went,” he said plainly. Sigyn sat beside him, ignoring the blood splotches decorating the couch.  He tried to stop her before she sat but she didn't mind getting dirt on her gown.

    “Right, and what reason would drive you to hunt,” Sigyn asked as her body loosened in his presence while his did the opposite with her.

     “Many,” he stood heading for the kitchen, “where do I begin?”  He said to himself, shamed by the fact. He left the dead animal leaning against the cabinets as its entrails spilled out of its stomach. Loki picked up the being twice his size and carried it out in the open for Sigyn to see. Sigyn jumped to see the large horned beast in the arms of Loki. Its innards poured out from the side of its stomach and blood dripped from its mouth. Its eyes were rolled into the back of its head, and its legs were curled up like a spider.

     “Ugh, the smell,” Sigyn covered her nose in disgust, “why did you bring the beast inside,” she asked horrified. The smell of rotting flesh was incapacitating.

     “To store it, but you don’t have enough space to keep it all fresh. You also know how to gut the thing, but you weren't here.” He grabbed the paw of the beast and examined its sharp claws. “I will have to skin it instead. Mind giving assistance, it's inside are slipping out,” he said trying to keep them from hitting the floor. Sigyn was reluctant to get near the dead creature, afraid it might move if she touched it. The creature was large and its dangling lifeless body gave an intimidating and almost eerie effect. “You seem sick Sigyn, is something wrong?” He asked as he walked towards her, making her step back.

     “No,” she said uncertain before opening the door. “I wish you hadn't put it in our house without covering it.” she crossed her arms over her chest as he walked out the door, holding her breath as he did. He dropped the creature a few inches away from the entrance, stepping back in and grabbing a knife.

     “It was idiotic to bring a bloody corpse into our home, but I can make it up,” he smirked.

    “In what way,” she asked not so confidently, noticing the big mistake in her wording.

      “In many but one,” he said, lifted spirit.

      “Is that why you grabbed my favorite knife?” She smirked remembering the blade to be the one she placed against his throat.

       “Not exactly,” he said as he dragged the dead animal farther out into the woods, it's guts leaving a trail behind him. Sigyn sighed before closing the door behind her. The awful smell distracted her, all she could think about was the putrid stench of death. Its dead eyes haunted her and it's limp swaying body shook her. She realized she found dead animals to be worse to look at than aesirs.

      The mess Loki left behind annoyed her. It felt like they were getting bigger each time, but it did give her a reason to use magic. She rarely used magic when she lived by herself, feeling it unnecessary to use alone. With another being around-a very nefarious being-she had the energy and reason to use what spells she knew. It also became easier and the magic was beginning to flow through her vein like it used to. She tried it again, speaking in the tongue of the older language and trailing her eyes over the blood smeared across the floor. The energy always juiced her, it gave her this sense of revival and liveliness that was missing in her life if only for a short time. Her body tingled from the power generated by Yggdrasil itself as the mess washed away and dispersed into air. A smile grew on her face from the cleansing of her home and the power running her.

       It did drain her to use it. It was thrilling for the moment but tiring the next. She did admit the exhaustion was worth fixing something faster and more efficiently. Sigyn took a seat on her clean couch sighing from satisfaction, closing her eyes.  “It is exciting using magic for the first time in a long while,” Sigyn jumped up, turning to see Loki resting on the couch beside her.

      “That was quick,” she responded startled, “how did you get in here?”
      “The same way you cleaned my mess. It’s not hard skinning an animal when you have magic to help you,” he pointed out. He stood, walking around her making her nervous, “and yours has improved, but it has been held back from our time of separation. More practice and maybe we could break that branch you have on the Yggdrasil and introduce you into real power,” he slipped his hands under hers and lifted them from her sides, pulling them closer to him. She felt around his damaged hands and sensed the power he was conveying under his fingertips. Sigyn pulled her hands away in acquiescence, losing the connection she felt to that side of magic.

       “No Loki,” she said certain she was making the correct decision. His grin widened by the expected gesture and he lowered his hands.

      “What do you fear in this,” he referred to magic.

      “It is not something I want to envelop in,” she said, feeling the uncomfortableness of their little distance between each other.

      “It wouldn’t hurt,” he assured her. Her skepticism rose as she took a step back. Sure she may have wanted to learn more about the art that is magic, but not at a price. A price she knew Loki had paid to be where he was now. It was addicting to perform spells and do tricks but her life wouldn’t be dedicated to it. The idea may have sounded like fear and part of her did fear what she couldn’t understand, but that wasn’t an excuse to move into the laws of magic. She wasn’t the person to constantly pick at things she didn’t understand until she did, she felt safer with sticking with what she knew.  

     “I am certain that it wouldn’t,” he read her face like a book. She did fear what would come of this, but not only of magic, but of what would become of them. It was true, he wanted to use this as a way of getting closer but she too saw the risk of their separated relationship if she were to follow him.  His eyes encouraged the fondness of the idea but she would hate to admit she enjoyed the idea. Her friend had influenced her for only a little with her emotions towards him. They were more light hearted and less hidden the months prior. It was possible it was caused by the events prior that made her open to the truth with more force. She may be fighting to keep herself isolated, as she felt comfortable with old ways, but her shell began to crack and ability of bonding became an option.

        Sigyn looked up at him in content. He gave her pleading eyes (if she could call them pleading) and she denied them no longer. He was keen on teaching her magic, as he did with teaching anyone magic, but with her it sparked a flame inside him. She grabbed his hand calmly, “what trick would you grant me with your pallet of spells,” she exaggerated her acceptance, bowing mockingly. The gesture still made him smile and he bowed himself before using her hand to pull her body up against his. Her hand latched to his waist, digging her nails into it as the other pushed on his chest to be freed of the embrace. The struggle slowed as the surprise wore off and she was left with only the discomfort of constraint.

       “No tricks, only readings,” he looked over her before stepping back, showing a clear sign of ravishment. “Auras are an amazing source to a person’s soul and easier to see,” he kept his hand on hers as he sat down with her. “It is simple really, reading auras. Depending on the size and color, auras can say a lot about a character.” Loki used magic to help her see what he spoke about. She felt a wavy glow surround herself and she looked down to see a bright dark golden glow shine around her for a short glimpse. Her eye went wide from shock and she jolted up to look at Loki for reassurance. The connection was cut when she looked at him and second sight disappeared.

      “You said no tricks,” she said after checking herself for sign of the entity.

      “It isn’t, it is the wall that blocks the other world from view,” Loki said simply. “We’ve only made a scratch in it. To access this sight is harder than it seems to be but you have a closer source than the Yggdrasil,” he held his hands out for her to grab.  She was hesitant but eager to see what he meant. Placing her hands on top of his, she saw the same result as before. There was a golden glow surrounding herself with a darker orange on the surface of her skin. She was in awe for a moment and couldn’t stop staring at the illuminating color reflecting her person. She couldn’t tell what it meant and the question made her ask, but she noticed the absence of the glow on Loki’s person.

      He seemed calm and collective about his lack of color as he watched her realize it. The sight made her think of possible reasons why he didn’t have an aura but he seemed to have caught it before she could ask. She was confused but she thought she must’ve not had the full ability to see auras, she was now learning. He squeezed her hands, causing her to look down. “what does it mean?” She decided to keep the subject off his missing aura and bask in the discovery of hers.

       “It’s bright,” he leaned, “the golden yellow symbolizes your sincerity and ambition. The streaks of orange is your will and judgement.” he leaned in to where he could locate the thin line of vibrant red in parts of her body. “The red is your aggression and other matters of the sort,” he sat back, cutting the connection of magic off. “The concept is a lot more complicated than how I vaguely described it, but you have much spirit,” he admired a bit, showing signs of respect.

      “But how can I read them,” she asked wondering how if he wasn’t here to help. He placed her hand on her chest, telling her to close her eyes.

     “It’s simple, focus your energy in touching a person’s soul and it shall come to you,” he released her once she was stuck in thought. He gave her no resources and left her to fend for herself.  She didn’t quite understand what he was saying as the result she gained before didn’t come to her now. She opened her eyes but Loki ordered her to keep them closed. She tried focusing her energy to her center again, more frustrated than before. She peaked to see any changes but found none. She huffed and tried the process again, more intent on touching her soul. She heard snickers coming from Loki as she watched her struggle, giving her advice and tips as she focused. She tried letting all that surrounded her disappear and her mind focus on the reading.

          She began to hold her breath which Loki suggested was not a good idea. Her body tensed as her thoughts ran back and forth from what Loki said and what she wanted to do. She grew more frustrated with every inhale but was determined to get what she wanted.  Loki kept her hand on her chest as a reminder of how close something she wanted was to her. She kept her mind on the prize and felt the magic course through her. A smile grew on her face as she felt more of the Yggdrasil’s magic flow through her. Feeling that she had a chance, she grabbed Loki’s hand and pulled him closer to her. Face to face, she placed her other hand on his back while keeping him in place. Out of surprise and realization of what she planned, he tugged to be released but she had him tightly around her arms.
      “Sigyn don’t,” he pleaded but she opened her eyes before he could do anything. She only had a half second glance of what it looked like before she closed her eyes quickly in pain. She fell over, holding her hands over her eyes to erase the burning brightness of colors she barely had view of. She whimpered and groaned in stingy pain while rubbing her eyes to ease it. Her eyes continuously water to blind her from the outside as the wound needed time heal. “Dammit Sigyn,” Loki said in a frustrated panic as he moved over to her rocking body. He picked her upper body off the ground, resting it in his arms. “How much damage was done, how long did you look?”

      “It hurts so much,” she managed to say as the constant crying and need for cries of pain made her voice tighten in restraint. She tried opening her eyes but Loki placed his hand over them to shield her eyes from any source of light. “Am I blind?” She cried in worry. Loki picked her up off the ground and told her to keep her eyes closed. He wasn’t sure the amount of damage and chose not to answer her question, he only prayed it wasn’t much

       He carried her to her room and rested her on her bed. He tried keeping his voice calm but there were cracks of worry with every other word. Her crying couldn’t stop and it took a spell to make the pain subside. “Are you okay ” he sat next to her as he tended to her wounds. He ridded her of the stingy sensation she felt on the surface of her eyes. The crying stopped and the whimpers began to lower as well. “Your eyes are very sensitive now and they will be for a while.” Sigyn didn’t speak, she needed time to process what had happened minutes ago, and what she had saw surround Loki’s person. She saw small glimpses of the whole image before the it began to burn her retinas. “I am so sorry,” he said in sorrow as he petted her hair. “I should’ve never shown you your aura-”

     “What was it,” she asked, cutting him off. She wiped the tears that poured down her face. Loki hesitated to answer but knew he had to give her one for all he’s done. He stood from the bed, walking away. Sigyn sat up, staring at him, her eyes still watery. “I don’t know what I saw, and I’m not sure if it was normal so I must know,” she said as she walked towards him. He tried putting her back to her bed she was determined for an answer. Her eyes, though blind, was filled with concern and fear for his well being. “What was it,” she asked again, more stern, “why did it hurt to look,” she said wiping another tear.

      “It was something tainted.” Sigyn seemed unsatisfied with the simple answer. “Please Sigyn,” he surrendered, wanting only to help heal her. She backed down, wiping the tears rolling down her cheeks. What she saw was more than a tainted soul and Loki was too afraid to talk about it. He led her back to her bed and asked her to rest and not to open her eyes any longer. He watched over her and checked her vision occasionally. When she finally found the courage to sleep, Loki was lost in thought. He was terrified of what she had sight of, it was the true reflection of his character and he often avoided to look. It showed everything he was made of and everything that made him. It was another repulsion he lived with that gave him reason to hate himself more. It was the reminder of what he truly is and always will be. He didn’t want to talk about the painful reminder, but now with the injury he left Sigyn, she was going to need all the answers to forgive him.

Chapter 11: Friend

Notes:

It's just honestly ridiculous for how long it took for me to finish this chapter. Writer's block aside; here's the chapter.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

          “You act as if I have no limbs to move,” Sigyn said, trying to get up from bed but Loki held her down. Days had past of this and she wanted to get some fresh air. Her vision came back steadily but, images were a haze when she looked at them. Her eyes were covered with bandages to ensure she wouldn’t have her eyes open for too long. Loki was glad that she hadn’t lost sight permanently and nursed her with every bit of bone and magic in his body. The process went faster that way which Sigyn was glad of. The pain was gone but the effects of whatever she saw were still there. She removed her bandages once she removed his hand off of her. The milky brown eyes were a constant reminder of his mistake. The horrible mistake of hurting Sigyn. It made him step down whenever he wouldn’t, like now. “I am going to bathe,” she said before leaving the room, “I smell of a stable.”

         Loki felt much guilt for her blindness and rightfully so. He should’ve known she would be too curious to let the hidden aura slide. He usually kept it well hidden around anyone, but he couldn't deny he had his guards down with Sigyn. He should’ve seen it coming, maybe he was warped in the moment and didn’t see it, or maybe he ignored it for reasons of his own.  It was good that she hadn’t asked anymore questions about that day, she was more worried about her sight than his hidden secrets. She also seemed to stay quiet most of the time, having only her hearing to navigate her around. Her ears were her sight while she recovered and she rather not waste it by talking. He heard the sound of water running and assumed she was settling into her bath. Knowing she was able to do a simple task without assistance brought him some relief. He had not crippled her to an irreversible extent but it didn’t stop or slow the pain creeping up inside him.

         He held back the thoughts that manifested in his mind that led him to the state of insanity he was in now. Even Sigyn couldn’t look at his soul without having an ill effect. To cause harm to the one person who didn’t deserve it, made him sick. He has hurt her in more ways than one and this piled onto the debt he owed her. His life was payment but it was going to take his soul to pay full. He hated himself more than already for the dirty deed he pulled and cursed himself with words of disgust.

       It took long for Sigyn to finish bathing and she had forgotten to grab her clothes since Loki occupied her room. Wrapped in a tan towel, she entered, rushing in to grab what she came for. Loki had stopped her before leaving and offered his aid, a grin spreading across his lips not being able to resist. Sigyn promised she would blind him permanently before allowing him the task. She decided not to let him stay and ordered him out of the room for her to dress. He followed as asked carefully and reluctantly, knowing that he was going to earn it like everything else he’s lost. Sigyn looked back at him but closed her eyes when it began to burn as she quickly changed.

          Sigyn came out in a dress and heels and walked past Loki to the door. “I’ll be going to the garden,” she announced before he stopped her. She knew that if Loki went with her, she wouldn’t have to see her friend but she didn’t know whether that was a positive reaction. She’d say her sanity levels would increase when she was surrounded by another being, but then again it was Loki and he was no better than her.  It had only been a few days since the incident and she was still overwhelmed by the act. She had given them both time to recover but she wanted answers. She despised the idea on not having a real diagnostics as to why his aura was so bright it burned like the sun.

       Loki asked to come, feeling as they both needed air to clear their heads. She agreed and was led out to her garden with the help of his guidance. With the loss of her sight, everything was more spacious. Without her sight, the garden felt like a forest and the large space made her feel free.  She had sat on the soft grass once she knew where she was. Beside her was a small bench with a water pot on the edge of it. She felt the roughness of the bush behind her and lied against it. Loki let go of her once he knew she was secure and sat beside her, leaning against the bench.

        She took a deep breath in before opening her eyes slowly as she exhaled. It stung slightly to feel the sun’s rays on her eyes but it was still pleasant to see the outside. Though it was blurry, she could recognize  her surroundings she’s been used to seeing for years. The soft grass under her feet brought her comfort and solace and her body relaxed under the feel. She watched one spot, feeling no need to look around for what she could not see. Through her peripherals she noticed Loki staring. It wasn’t uncommon for him to stare, she was once married to him after all.

       There was clearly something on his mind, she wasn’t blind to that. It was obvious she had something to say but she didn’t know if she could ask. It was the probable reason for why he stared. The question was on her mind every time she looked at him, but she too didn’t have the courage to speak. Her thought ran back to the questions eating at her and her peacefulness drained with the passing moment.  “Why did you let me stay,” Loki asked. Sigyn turned to him, cocking her head to the side from confusion. He had already turned away from her but still pondered on the question. She didn’t know how to answer that question, it wasn’t something she’d expect him to say. He could usually assume the occasion, especially when it came to Sigyn. There was something off about him, and herself as well. Unspoken truths.

      “Because,” she swallowed, “I have to.”

      “Your lies hurt,” he said earnestly. She didn’t respond nor did she look at him. “You could’ve released me anytime but you chose not to.”

      “Why ask now?” She asked, turning it around. She didn’t wish to answer the question and he could see it now. Loki was lost in thought after her statement. They both didn’t want to admit anything to each other, but someone was going to be the icebreaker. Sigyn smirked, turning back to the scenic view, “you’ve grown soft Loki.” He turned to her fully, practically offended by the claim. He couldn’t get sound out before she cut him off, “that’s a good thing,” she faintly smiled. He set his objection aside, finding it a pleasant surprise of opinion. He combed his hair out of his face, smiling half-heartedly. Her smile lowered as her answer came up short, “I don’t know,” she said having no better response. Loki knew the answer would be uncertain, as he felt the same for his.

       They sat in the silence for a long while and let the sounds of the breeze flow through them. Loki sighed frustrated, having inner conflict with himself and conflict with speaking the words he could only dream of saying. It was pathetic in his mind, but it became harder with every passing moment he spent with Sigyn. It made him want to leave, the tightness in his throat, the struggle in his mind, the anger he felt from indecisiveness, it was overwhelming. To leave was to be a coward and he promised himself, and to her, that he wouldn’t be a coward again, even though she didn’t know that. He didn’t know a way of expressing his feelings properly. The only way he knew how was through intercourse, but that wasn’t going to work this time.  He had no idea how to approach the situation, but the first step was honesty, the hardest step of all.

     Sigyn picked a flower near her legs and picked at the pedals to distract her from her thoughts. The flower only kept her mind occupied for a short second before she drifted off, thinking about the one man she ever loved. She sighed to herself, out of frustration she caused. She wanted answers to many questions, but knew she wasn’t going to get them. She didn’t bring him just to keep her friend away, and she started realizing it. “Loki…” she managed to say before cutting herself off to gather her thoughts.  Loki stood instinctively, feeding himself with the excuses to leave. He couldn’t help himself, it was almost an addiction, to leave those in need. She was hurt because of him, and now he wanted to no longer be there. He called himself a coward, but only for a noble cause and shame had no effect on him, as most pain didn’t. There was one feeling that did cause him to run away, fear. Fear was his main motivation for running away all these years, and just as before complied to his weakness.

          Sigyn looked up at him before standing herself. His eyes widened as the fear rolled in, showing him the truth behind his lies. It was wrong to think he could stay with her, when he’s already hurt her so much. To stay was to cause more harm , something he wanted the least done to her. He hated when his mind was indecisive, but there was one idea his mind could agree on, and he wanted to leave. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. “Loki,” she repeated herself as she grabbed his arm. She looked at him with her semi-milky eyes, reading the looks he gave her. She knew that gaze all too well for her to forget it, and it angered her.

         She guessed her friend was correct, and she hated when her friend was correct, at this point in time at least. Just when she thought the pain was getting easier to bare, he had to ruin it.  Just when she began to believe the wounds were being patched up, he tore them apart. She grabbed his wrist, noticing his body faced the exit, which he didn’t seem keen on. “Loki we have to talk,” she said stern as she turned him around.

        “There’s nothing to talk about,” he tried to reassure to make his inevitable escape.

       “Yes, there is,” she said as she pulled on his shoulder, turning him to face her. “There is still the matters of speaking about what I saw-” she demanded frustrated.

      “I’ve already told you,” he snapped, growing annoyed by her constant pressing on the issue.

     “You have only told me the surface,” he turned away, taking his needed distance from her. “Why you have been scared to tell me the truth is beyond my knowledge, but I know you Loki. Know you more than we both ever thought I could-” this would be the few chances he could finally be honest with himself, and with the ones he loved. He didn’t want to make that deal, he didn’t want to show himself to anything or anyone ever again. He’s done too much to ever be forgiven for his crimes against the realms across the nine, and he never wanted to be.

     If he stayed with himself, he wouldn’t have to worry but any outside sources trying to change the choices he’s already made. Sigyn made it harder for him to accept the choices he’s made, making him believe there was a way to fix it, to undamn the eternally damned. This hope she gave him angered him, knowing if he put his trust in it, it would end with pain and regret. “Give me the answers you have choked on for so long,” she saw the cracks in his words. The truth was on the verge of spilling, and with that, a new coming for them both. Loki shrunk, feeling his small hope shrivel and die with what was left of his internal pain.

    Something did breakthrough, but it wasn’t what she wanted, and possibly what he didn’t want either. He wasn’t ready to be open and vulnerable to even Sigyn and it left him shielded. She had reached to touched him but he turned to her, grabbing her wrist, “there’s nothing more to give you woman,” he warned through his teeth. He had shut her out, and she knew that, but she wasn’t going to stop. Only continue with the same force and intensity. “My words aren’t for your pleasure,” he let go of her wrist of which he held tightly. All he wanted now was to leave.

     “Your intentions were in fact, the opposite before, why do they change now,” she scoffed, sensing her anger build.

     “Because my life is the one on a thin string,” he raised his voice, taking a step closer to her.

    “Selfish! You always were, but you can not tell me whose life is in danger,” she shouted. “I have kept you, a criminal, in my home and allowed you to murder in it. All of Asgard is after you, and I have been protecting you these months,” he couldn’t speak to her about sacrifices. She’s made the greatest one to ever be apart of Loki’s life.

     “Why do you always do this,” he grabbed her by the shoulders, exasperated and angered. She messed with his mind, his thinking, and he needed to know why. Why it was such a struggle to keep himself structured when with her. She removed his grasped from her, not too gently.

      “What? Tell the truth? Because I am the only one in this relationship willing to admit it,” she pushed him back with the steps she took and the words she spoke. “Tell me Loki! You owe me the truth,” he owed her much more than that, but it was a start.

     “Fine,” he yelled, succumbing to her request. He held his breath as he’d have to repeat the mistakes he made, “do you know how it feels to make a deal with the devil?” He felt his tone lower from sadness, “to deal with another? And another? And another until you slowly start to become one yourself?” It was rhetorical, no one has ever did that. He was far older than he looked, as old as Odin himself, possibly older. He wasn’t quite sure anymore, those day were far behind him now, but the experience was still there. Every last breath still came out of his body and as well as the past. “All the pieces of my soul damaged and ripped, ripped and torn again. That’s what you saw Sigyn, a devil’s deal after another.”

   Each scar and tear represented the deals he pulled to become who he was now. He didn’t know why he did it. A lust for power, or a paranoia against those stronger than him. He wasn’t sure, and he would never be. There was only one person who knew in detail of all his deals, and how they came to be, and that was Odin.  It was he who could relate to Loki and for the tasks he did, which ensued this brotherly bond between them. Things changed once Asgard was made and populated, but he still remembered those days before the realm and had a fondness over it. It didn’t help with the constant pain in his body and mind, having a broken spirits makes living normal, harder to be.

     “I’m… so sorry Loki,” she didn’t have any remedy that could ease that everlasting pain that will exist in him.

     “Don’t be, I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself,” he said frustrated. He was scared of this world and armed himself, no one else forced him to. He averted her gaze as she stepped closer, placing a hand on his warm cheek. Sigyn forced him to look in her milky eyes, “your blindness is only a reminder of all the mistakes I can’t change,” she got him to confess. There was sorrow in his words and pain in his chest that he knew would never go out. He rubbed his thumb against her soft skin near her eyes, coursing a strain of energy speed the process of her healing. The milkyness of her eyes cleared only a small amount, causing him to frown, proving his point.

    His hand lowered in disappointment before she wrapped her around and pulled him into embrace. He was reluctant to accept the sudden affections, but she didn’t let go until he eventually wrapped his arms around her, tightly.  He buried his face in her shoulder, sighing heavily, “why do you make me feel this way.”

     “Feel what?” She asked curious now that she was getting full view of his person.

    “… hopeful,” he shrugged aimlessly. He hated it, but he needed it. He was the one to break the embrace, still holding her by her sides, “can you not see I am a lost cause,” he was sure if he told her, she’d see it.

    “No. “ She pulled him back in close, “I see you past that Loki, it is why I have kept you so long,” she answered truthfully. She was the only person in the nine that could ever believe he could be save. He didn’t think he could be saved, but she was willing to help him anyway even if it left her with nothing, and he loved her for it.

    “I am in your debt for eternity,” he smiled halfheartedly.  She smiled faintly to his before releasing him, turning back to her garden. She may have been blind, but she still had a garden to tend to. Now that she knew Loki wasn’t planning on going anywhere, she could do what she had planned to, other than deal with him.

    After a few hours of tending to her plants and him observing her work, they went home. Sigyn didn’t seem to need help guiding her way back. They travelled in a calm silence, both in deep thought. Loki couldn’t believe he was able to meet someone like Sigyn. He almost wanted to thank Odin, since he was the one who suggested her. He couldn’t give all the credit to him, Sigyn was the one who decided to stay and it seems that it’s going to be that way for a long time.

    There was no backing down out of this one. He made his choice, and maybe this time it was the right one. He would stay with Sigyn, as whoever she chose to associate him as. He owes his life and beyond to  her and he was going to repay it. He promised to her and to himself, he officially bounded himself. Sigyn had opened the door, entering before him. His thought escaped him as he walked up to the door, forgetting for a second of where he was. When he reached the entrance, he was halted by Sigyn who stood in front, facing him. She grabbed his tunic, pulling him closer and pressing her lips against his scarred ones. Loki was surprised by accepting of the kiss as he leaned in, pulling their bodies closer to each other. She wrapped her arms around his waist, deepening the kiss. She supposed he deserved it for telling her the truth, and maybe, to show her friend was wrong.

      

Notes:

Short, I know. I just had to post it so people wouldn't think it was dead.

Chapter 12: Tease

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

      Loki told Sigyn a story of a time he spent with the AllFather as they ate breakfast. She was curious to know the small tales of he and Odin before when they weren’t considered foes.  It was also to be lighten to the side of Loki she was blinded to, though she did it in secret. He wasn’t ready to tell her his story openly, but she would take glimpses of his past and piece them together. She now wished she could’ve talked to Odin more when she still lived in the kingdom of Asgard. He found an interest in the woman his brother had married, but she was never able to speak to him as an equal as he falsely made it seem. There was a clear strong bond between him and Loki that she wished she had asked upon, knowing that he would have been willing to share the secrets of her lover.

     Loki mindlessly told her, not realizing how much he remembered from long ago. The creature they hunted was an inhabitant of Midgard, a beast held on the stomach of Ymir.  Although Odin was meant to bring order across the land, Loki was the one who did the work. Odin ordered him around, and he’d follow behind, doing the deeds needed to bring peace as Odin explored the lands, gaining knowledge with ease compared to Loki’s hardship to find knowledge. When he thought second on it, he realized how much Odin used him for his own purposes. Loki was gullible and naive at the time to ever see the manipulation happening around him.

     They were hunting creature by the name of; Mørkt Merke of the boreal forest.  The beast was a black figure that lurked in the trees, waiting for unsuspecting villagers to snatch and take away to the deep depths of the forest. Later it was discovered the creature was a Jotun, eating people for survival and covering itself in dark cloth for protection. His life was quickly ended after that, claiming he did it for the death of Ymir. Many Jotuns were after the midgardians for using their ancient as a colonizing place. Even more after the aesir being responsible for the murder of their most ancient. Naturally it was Odin who was targeted, being the main culprit for slaying the magnificent creature. By the time they started coming after him, he was strong enough to save himself from the forces of cold winter.

     Although the winter creature was stated as a terrorist to the midgardians, he was considered a hero to Jotunheim, having killed half the population. Back then there was only twelve midgardians. Loki could recall reading about the jotun when he visited Jotunheim for spell books, claiming the frost giant had the best enchantments for camouflage and blending in. That’s where he discovered Mørkt Merke of the boreal forest was merely a jotun for his realm. Loki felt some guilt for slaying the “creature” after discovering the truth of its heritage, and it angered him to find out Odin knew. He didn’t bother the AllFather after the incident, holding in his aggression for later discussion.

     Sigyn wasn’t completely surprised by Odin’s trickery. She had witnessed the old man’s wicked behavior before, once or twice in her lifetime, and never wished to see it again. “Odin is a jackass,” Loki said nonchalantly as he finished his plate of breakfast. Sigyn nodded incredulously, agreeing to his harsh but necessary phrasing to describe the AllFather. Sigyn removed herself from the table, picking her plate up and reaching for Loki’s to put on top of.

      The short story was a distraction from their thoughts, something that happens a lot in this house, to cover their true thinking. He wondered if she would acknowledge the affection she expressed towards him. He knew there was sexual tension between them, but now that he knew she as well wanted the problem to be resolved, he was curious to know when they could. Not to say he didn’t have more feelings towards her than sex, but she was a beautiful woman that teased him on constantly, which left him rubbing and adjusting the pelvic area of his pants. Knowing he had a chance with the woman, he wanted to show his feelings for her.

      It wasn’t as if he could give intimacy to any other being. He was already invested in her, and couldn’t betray her again, he owed too much as it is. He needed clarity, if she nodded, then the world would be at peace in his mind. If she said no, then he would never be able to bed with someone forever. Forever was a long time.

     Loki stood, walking over to where Sigyn was putting dishes away, and swept her off her feet making her gasp by surprise. He placed her on the sofa in the living room, blocking her from escaping. Sigyn looked at him for answers, and glared when she realized what he was trying to do. She pushed him off of her, making him fall to the ground. She placed her foot on his stomach, questioning him for her suspicions, inconspicuously. He didn’t want to break the small bond that was forming, and replied with nothing. When her trust was gained, she removed her foot and agreed to herself to help Loki off the ground. She did push him for no valid reason as it seemed.

     Being pulled onto his feet, Loki stumbled closer to Sigyn. He remembered distinctly the soft and warm feeling radiating from her tight grasp. He never knew how much he enjoyed hugs until she gave him one. A real, caring one, one that he never wanted to let go of. It was genuine, and he felt it in her and her hold. He wanted-needed more of that feeling if he were to get better. Even now, he held her hand tightly, there was more to his grasp than both thought. It took Loki a moment to realize how long he held her hand, and stared intently in her gaze. Tension was building, carefully but certainly he would break. He wasn’t eager to let go, but Sigyn wouldn’t be happy if he didn’t.

    Sigyn turned and walked back to the kitchen, clearing the mess they made. She needed space from the man, she still couldn’t trust him. He hurt her in more ways than one, and she couldn’t put herself through that again. It was a constant struggle to remind herself the possible consequences of getting in a relationship with the maniac in the other room. The horrors she would have to endeavor before being shown any happiness, it would be overbearing. She couldn’t handle it, not a second time. She barely made it out the first, still recovering from the trauma.

   But she kissed him. She despised to admit it, but she felt more than attraction in that kiss. She didn’t want to think of the word, and phrased it instead as affection. Affection was the replacement for the word she dared not to use, afraid of the rippling effects it would cause in her mind and body. She had affection for Loki, he was the only person left she had that for. It has been a long time since she’s had that feeling, and now that it had surfaced once more, she didn’t want to let go.  She finished cleaning the dishes, and put them away, being interrupted by the presence of the man she was thinking of.

    “We should go dancing,” she stopped her work at his horrible notion. She turned to him in surprise of the suggestion.

   “No, I can’t,” she breathed out, “It has been too long since I have danced,” she excused.

  “Not good enough,” he smirked as he clasped her hand. He always did come up with the worst ideas that he convinced Sigyn to follow through in.

  “I am blind,” she could practically see, but there were areas in which it were blurry.

  “I can lead you,” there would be no arguing, he would convince her to do this activity. She was silent as she was coming up with more excuses, “it would be nice.” He tossed in a small smile for charm, “we need the social activity, being isolated is never any good.” He stepped forward, making her step back.

   “It was fine when I was alone,” she dropped her hands.

  “No, it wasn’t,” he whispered to her ear.

  “Fine Loki,” she glared as she pried him away from her. “Where,” she said irritated. It wasn’t like the palace where there was a ballroom every floor.

   “I know of a place,” it was the perfect place. Secluded enough that he wouldn’t be found, but populated enough for them to socialize and be distracted. He would have to prepare it first, pulling strings would be easy when it was for Sigyn. He would be back once the place was set, for now Sigyn would stay here and prepare herself.

   He may have suggested it would be good for her health if she socialized again, but she knew that to be false. Sigyn has lived with herself for her entire life, she knew exactly what she needed. She had doubted herself about her decision, but slowly came to realize it was her best decision. Not being surrounded by people helped her understand her mind and body, even if it wasn’t much. The little to no interactions with other aesir helped her cope with her stained past. Days on end of silence, nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. It gave her a sense of equilibrium, of peace. She wanted to believe it did.

     Her friend  was a byproduct of silence. Sigyn talked to herself about her past, her children, her husband. Mostly asking why, she always thought she would be given good fortune. Being blessed by the AllFather himself, the heavens above shined upon her. That is what he claimed, but she was damned. The heavens looked down upon her, and set fire to her soul. She couldn’t help but ask why. Why she had to endure much agony. The AllFather saw all, he saw what would happen, and he still made her suffer. Was it just a game to Odin?

    Odin must’ve sent Thyrm. To watch over her while she lost her mind. He was guilty for what he did, but his pride kept him from repenting. He sent the bastard as a show of sympathy, a pathetic and weak attempt, but Sigyn fell for it anyway. After the death of her babies, she accused Thyrm. No one else could’ve done it but him, yet the AllFather wanted to investigate. Part of her believes Odin had ordered Thyrm to kill them, she had no evidence pointing in that direction, but her mother’s intuition told her otherwise. She couldn’t prosecute the AllFather for what she thinks he might have done, but she would always be suspicious.

    By then, she was a mess, and she didn’t want it to be public. Alone is what she thought she needed, but it truly wasn’t. It made the situation worse. She lost her mind, and her friend appeared. It was a daily appearance before, but it has died down since Loki came back into her life. Though he wasn’t the best example of sane, he was the exact opposite, but another head in the room brought her back to reality.

   Maybe it was a good idea to socialize once more. Twist the screws on tighter that way, she would be able to have a life again. “I don’t plan to dress formal,” this life, would possibly be with the only man she respected. She didn’t know  what that meant or what it would lead to, but he didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon and she didn’t want him to.

     “There would be no need,” Loki smirked before heading for the door. Loki said goodbye before transforming into a crow, and lifting off into the air.

     Of course the place he spoke of wasn’t far, not by flight and certainly not by horse. That is how he planned to travel with Sigyn, she couldn’t exactly ride him as a bird. He was quick in getting there, wanting the meeting to take up little time. He circled around the vicinity, he knew the man would be watching. He always did since he came. Loki landed in front of the entrance, shapeshifting to man and entering the small structure.

   The place was as he remembered, filled with despair and hopelessness. Every person having a tale of dishonor and regret, his favorite tale. The air smelled of loss and eternal suffering to which he spoke to. Each aesir sitting tables away from each other from their dislike of other living creatures. It was a place he had began to enjoy, and at hard times, he called it home. The same tavern he visited a while ago which he perceived to have the adequate attitude for the meaning of life. But that was going to change. For one night, this place would be lively and full of masquerades. He would make it so.

     The owner of the bar greeted Loki carefully, moving on to his bartending duties swiftly. Loki had been watching the owner ever since their first encounter. Loki didn’t trust he could keep a secret as of where Loki was hiding in Asgard. From a distance, he would watch the man. His golden red eyes always peering in the windows of his home, every end of his dream. Loki had terrorized the man in fear of what he might do or say. He kept a very close eye on him, and he knew it. He was welcomed in the bar for intimidation. The man was scared of giants  Loki supposed.

    It wasn’t the owner he needed help from. He was simply a pond made to obey his orders. “Oh, my mister,” he heard from a distance, the woman he wanted to see. In a revealing scampered silk and leather dress, Amora smiled as she walked over to Loki excitedly. She was dirty as she always was, not afraid of the filth and stench of reality, he truly enjoyed that in her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her lower body against his. He allowed her to, seeing no harm when it was someone he actually appreciated.

   “Maiden,” he reached behind, grabbing her hand and kissing the knuckles of it.

   “Do not try to be modest,” she removed her hand from his grasp, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him down to her height. She eyed him daringly as their lips were inches away from touching. “Came back to finish what you started,” she asked as she used her other hand to grab his, placing it on the lowest part of her back. She was eager to see the mysterious man return to the small establishments. There were little to no men that could satisfy her, but he was able to put her on edge with just a few licks. He was a keeper, and she wanted the full experience. His wife was a lucky woman to have that every night, Amora just wanted it once.

     Loki chuckled to himself as he removed his hands from her.  She frowned, “you are a tempting woman, but I came for other matters,” he pushed her away. “That I need your help with,” he cupped her hands in his, tempting her with his affection. She agreed to listen to what is was he desired, even if it wasn’t  her body.

    The task was simple, he knew she had what he asked for, but the question was; what was in it for her? If she were to help him please his wife, what would she get in the end? She did like this man, but she did want a reward for her services. He didn’t plan to offer a night in bed with her, she would have agreed instantly if that were the case. Loki would give her anything, but what she wanted. She still planned to help him, she liked him too much not to support him. She only needed to seem the business transaction type for principal. There had to be a compromise, an ultimatum for them to settle. She needed to think quick on her feet for what the alternative was.

    “What is it you ask of me?” Amora bowed courtesy, making him smile from her cooperation. “Of course, you will pay me back, but not now. Right now, let’s talk about your terms.” She smirked as she placed her hands on his chest, gaining the close intimacy they once had.  

   “I want to impress my maiden. I want her trust, but I want it to be real for her.” He wanted this tavern to come alive. It was time he and Sigyn went out in a public space with other people present. What better way to clear their minds than to socialize with individuals. He had a plan to this soon to be a dance room.  Harmless he hoped as well as successful, “you are my messenger to the owner of this establishment. This place is depressing-”

   “I thought  you enjoyed it that way,” she smirked.

   “Always, but I feel passionate today,” he chimed. “today, we change that.”

   “By we, you mean I and my other people,” she had girlfriends who are begging to have a good time. A place with a bar and lonely men is the perfect place to have sparks fly. She could make it work, but she didn’t know if the owner was willing to let her invite her kind of people. “I can make this place a celebration, but the owner will kick us out before we touch the door.” She crossed her arms over her chest knowing he would be stubborn to talk to.  

    “Tell him; Loki’s watching, he will allow you then,” she nodded making him grin.  Her smile lowered when she realized what he said. She opened her mouth to ask something, but decided against it. She would save it for later, when he would pay her back.

    “Alright then. I have work to do,” she pushed him towards the exit. She stopped when he didn’t move an inch.

    “I have other business inquiries to take care of,” he kissed the tip of her nose, “I am not leaving until it is done.”

     “You’ll ruin the surprise,” she spoke in her comfortable out-of-the-city accent, knowing he wouldn’t be leaving her anytime soon.

     “Illiteracy, I like it,” he wrapped his arms around her waist, making her subjective to his charm.

    “Insult to compliment, I despise it,” he laughed as she removed his hands from her. His laugh eventually made her smile to the quip before she mindlessly wrapped her arms around his waist. She could sense this relationship would last a long while of them aimlessly laughing for each others amusement.

 

     Sigyn wasn’t going. She already had to socialize whenever she went to the store, now she had to do that for an entire night. Worst of all, she would be doing it for Loki. She didn’t know if she could go through with this, which is why she wasn’t. She would have to be crazy if she thought she could be around “normal” aesir. She did have a personal grudge towards the royals that manifested into this general hatred for her race. She couldn’t be near aesir long before her mind would become foggy and someone would be on the floor.

     She would never tell Loki that, about her homicidal tendencies towards aesir. She blamed Asgard for all the wrong done to her. She believed in the AllFather, his law, his rule, but that’s gone now. After years of torture, decades of pain, she started losing faith in the golden city and the truth became clear.  Odin’s absolute rule had done a toll on her spirit that was irreversible, and murder became a solution. The thoughts that is. Thyrm was going to be her first victim, but Loki took that chance away from her. Her murderous side was enraged by the fact, but her humane side was deeply grateful. Some could consider he even saved her, knowing she had a homicidal part to her damaged mind.

    Maybe she could return the favor with this one night. This horrible night that she internally wished to enjoy which is why she agreed to it. It was only one night, only a few hours of toleration before she could run to the security of her isolated home. Sigyn could last that long, just as before. A million times over. A single, dark, gloomy night with the one man she ever loved. Her legs lifted off the couch and onto the floor, bringing her body up from her resting position.

    It was love that drove her, truly. Her interest and attraction to the very unique jotun hiding away in her hovel, gave her a newly found ambition to live again. She didn’t want that  feeling to leave, and if that meant keeping the small giant, than she was willing to hold onto his cold person. If he wanted her to dance with him, than she would sway to the rhythm to keep him from leaving. Sigyn left the living room to her chambers in search of clothes to wear for the event.

    She searched her wardrobe for a better fitting dress meant for public. All her royal clothing was burned to ash in attempt to wipe the memories away. Every gold rimmed and silk laced dress was scorched in a pit that would become a void.  An empty void consuming the horrific thoughts and feeling running through her body, never being gorged. Once she realized the thoughts would never escape her, her reality warped itself to fit her thoughts. Once her reality was warped, her life plummeted into the pit of darkness that was the void.

    There was one dress she kept. In all the trauma she endured, she had a dress she couldn’t toss in the flames. It was a silk green dress with gold on the hem, the back dragging onto the floor. Most aesir did not enjoy the attire, how it hugged on her prenatal shape or how much green was exposed making her look inappropriately clad. None of those people mattered in the end, because it was about what the man in red thought.  Everyone else might have hated the dress, but Loki adored it. Part of the reason why was because every aesir hated it. There was much fondling on the ballroom floor that night that she recalled distinctly. The sensation and love, she wished it could be apart of her life once more.

   Maybe that could be today, she slips on the dress. They go dancing, the moon lights shines, the moods right, it would feel like the golden ages. The thought gave her butterflies, she would feel new again, innocent. She would once more be the carefree girl with a good hearted attitude who didn’t know of her fate. Simple minded, only in search of true love, oh how she was a fool to ever believe. The thought passed as quickly as it came, and the dress was soon looked upon with disgust. Sigyn tossed the dress aside quickly, wishing to embark no more of the horrid memories or thoughts. She wasn’t naive anymore, and she certainly wasn’t innocent. She was a killer, a failure, and that was all she was ever going to be.

    She told herself not to attend to Loki’s obvious trap, but she did against her better judgement. It felt almost as second nature as she prepared her hair. She eventually picked a dress she found was formal enough to not be colloquial, but comfortable enough to move her body in. It was a rose pink dress, reaching to her feet,  that was flowy at the end of it. Her dress covered her entire body with only her collar bone being exposed and the laced back. She worked on her hair, wondering what she would do with her ginger brown curls. She may have been blind, but she knew her hair was a mess. She hadn’t needed to do her hair in a long while, she was curious to know if she kept the skills from the castle.

    Sigyn had taken a bath to wash away the filth, physical and mental. Her head needed to stay clear, she could not lie to herself. She was somewhat nervous, she hadn’t been in public in a long while. She had long since been forgotten from the ears of the aesir, but she was scared to be recognized. What if they recognized Loki? Word spread quickly on the land of Asgard, and if the word was Sigyn had hidden a fugitive in her home, her fate would be worse than death. She knew Loki had reassured her if anything like that were to happen he would keep her out of the fire but she never knew. The AllFather was capable of anything, and from her previous meetings with him, he was a cruel, old, sadistic man.

    Torture she had little fear of, she had suffered enough with being trapped with the serpent to fear the thought no longer. She didn’t want to speak it aloud, but there was excitement holding a fugitive in her home, let alone her past lover. To have a second chance at the fiery spark they once had, while also keeping him hidden and secret. The feeling brought a form of thrill to her life which she had not been given for a long time. She was sounding like a maniac, finding enjoyment of keeping Loki all to herself. She threw the thought aside realizing how crazy she was, to ever think the situation she was placed in is good.  

    It was a misfortune for her to be forced to relive all the horrific memories that were her life with the god of chaos. She still had nightmares, nightmares of her children, of her husband, of her murder. What she dealt with was not a thrill or enjoying, but painful and filled with much regret, and that made her hold back.

    From her happiness and hatred came her solace, a peace with what has happened and  of what’s to come. She was hesitant to admit it, but she was willing to open up to her former husband. There were too many signs telling her the opposite, but she just kept following her path. Now she was in the between, wondering whether to choose yes or no. If she were willing to let go and follow her heart, she could allow herself the chance to forgive. Forgive Loki and all his mistakes, and in some way, forgive herself in the process. If she listened to her mind she would be spared of heartbreak and insanity, fueling her hate and despair which at this point were the only two things keeping her alive.

     It was a difficult decision, and it became harder with each passing day. Her absolute hate towards Loki had sizzled out over the time he spent hiding in her secluded home. With their arguments, confrontations, and her attempt of murder, she was finally getting an understanding of him and vice versa. She was slowly getting why he was gone all those years, and why he acted the way he did. She didn’t considered the explanations as excuses, but they were a deeper dive in the mind of the psycho she happened to fall in love with.

     She had forced herself upon him the other day. Though it did not lead to much more, she had kissed him while their feelings were in the air. He seemed almost shocked by her bold and rare act, but his face quickly turned to a satisfied look. Before he could start, Sigyn had already turned away and ended the moment of fluttering butterflies. In that moment of pity and sorrow, she felt like giving herself to him, to let him know he wasn’t alone. Truly he wasn’t, she understood how it felt to be a broken soul but she halted her body. Her heart told her yes, but her mind said no. She listened to her mind, and part of her regretted that.

    Her hair was pinned into a bun with strands hanging low at her sides. After too much time contemplating whether she would go, she heard a knock at her door. She hurried to putting on the dress, but had a slightly difficult time tying the back. With another knock  she tied a loose knot and answered the door.

     Loki’s grin was glowing on his brighten face. Sun was setting and the source of light was from Sigyn’s home. He dressed differently for the occasion. His blood red curly hair was hanging low past his shoulders, it had grown over the months he spent hiding and it reached his mid back. When they lived in the city of Asgard, he would typically be covered with armor and under armor that it would be difficult to remove his clothes bare without assistance. Things were different now, they weren’t in Asgard’s kingdom anymore and Loki was no longer a puppet for Odin to use. He dressed as he pleased, and he wasn’t trying to impress anyone so he had not tried hard dressing.  He wore hazel brown linen pants with dark brown fur boots. He wore no shirt, but an animal’s hide rested on his shoulders.

       Sigyn couldn’t say she didn’t like what she saw, the little that she did lacking her peripherals. She always did feel a shiver from her back when she caught sight of Loki’s body. Lean and tone with a happy trail following down his chest. She was tempted to touch him, but she controlled herself. His demeanor was different, she could not tell what it was but his expression wasn’t as condescendingly narcissistic as usual. The  smile that spread across his face seemed genuine when catching glance of Sigyn. “You look as beautiful as ever,” Loki said in awe although knowing she had changed nothing of her person.

     Reality had set in, and Sigyn realized it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a dream where her children were alive, and Loki had never left and she had never fell into a deep depression. It was real life and she was going to have to face it. Those words he spoke to her, one of the first things he said to her after a decade of being completely silent. “I…can not do this,” her mind was ringing and she felt she would not be able to go through the night.

    “Nonsense, of course you can,” he clasped his hands with hers for comfort. She used to love going dancing. “Do you not remember,” his hands trailed up her arms as he got closer before falling to her waist. He controlled their steps as he swayed her hips in correlation of his own, “how your hips moved sensually against my own,” Sigyn pressed her hand against his chest and separated him from her. It was true, she was prone to publicly display her affection in an inappropriate manner when she was dancing with him. The nerves she would get in any other public setting would be shaken away from all the different bodies in motion. No one would be paying attention to everyone else’s dancing when they focused on their own. She would fill Loki up on the ballroom floor  even in Asgard, and he was never against being turned on before sex.

     “Let us go,” Sigyn sighed realizing Loki would not keep his hands to himself if she didn’t go. She followed him out the door and into the forest where they were met by a horse tied to a tree. “Where’s the second horse?”

     “It’s a lot harder to steal a horse than it seems,” Loki admitted although he was a wooer of horses. Sigyn knew this was all apart of some plan to get Sigyn closer to him in hope something will spark. Shamefully, it was partially working. Sigyn hopped on top the horse as Loki untied it from the tree, sliding back to gain more room while also having Sigyn’s body pressed against his back. She wrapped her arms around his bare abdomen, resting her head against his back. He was cold and she was warm, bringing them a harmonious temperature that made them both smile.  

       

      The place she did not expect to be a tavern. Taverns were not usual places for music and dancing, but more of the drinking, fighting, miserable with the occasional whores kind of place. Loki’s tastes had not changed at all since them being together and  separate. There was music playing to her surprise, music she could see herself moving to. It was cheery music, and from the entrance she could see men and women laughing, drinking, and dancing. Loki pulled her into the tavern to get a closer look, noticing the center floor was cleared for any person wishing to move, which it had not been vacant.

     Sigyn may have been feeling dejected, but the sight of other people enjoying themselves and other people's company brought a joy in her. For a moment she just observed the small place, distracted by the smallest detail with awe. Her trance was pushed aside when a woman walked up to her and handed her a mug of honey sweet mead. “Have a drink, you look tense,” the blonde woman said smirking. She was taller than Sigyn by inches, and she wrapped her arm around her neck keeping them close.  “Come, sit with me and my friends, you look lonely.” Sigyn didn’t have a moment to react as she was being dragged off by the mysterious woman. She looked back at Loki, but the woman kept her attention from what was in front of her.

   Loki thanked the stars for bringing Amora into his life. She was absolutely incredible. He didn’t know if she was a mind reader or the other half of his soul, but she knew exactly what he wanted. She did liven the tavern to his liking, and Sigyn was amazed by the cheerfulness as well. He had business to attend to before he could truly enjoy himself, and that involved the owner. Amora immediately swooped in and distracted Sigyn, yet he had not told her about his confrontation with the owner. He did not know how to explain it, but they were one in the same. She was-what he could never consider anyone else as-a friend.

    Sigyn took a sip of the mead, too sweet for her tongue. The honey coded her throat which prevent the alcohol from burning but she didn’t appreciate it. Still, she wasn’t a rude person and she drank half the mug before setting it down. The woman she met was named Amora, and another girl she met hanging around them was her sister Lorelei. Their resemblance was slim, Lorelei having brown hair and a more round face while Amora blonde hair and an angular face. The one thing they had in common in appearance were their green eyes. Amora seemed to be the more wild, free, outgoing sister, and Lorelei the more compact, hidden one.  They were both observant of their surroundings. Although they looked and reacted different, they shared the same mind which could only be from being siblings.

     Another woman known by Amora sat and drank with them as well, her name was Frey. Her parents believed ever since she was born that she would become the next goddess of love, hence the name. From the greeting she was kind, but when given a few drinks and a few names, she became rowdy. Sigyn was the calmest out of three women she met. Having not drunk much, and feeling awkward around other people, she was quiet most of the time.  

    She drifted into thought of Loki. She didn’t know why he left her when he suggested they go out.  It almost felt like a waste of time, but she was getting some bit of entertainment from watching drunk people act foolish. She couldn’t say the company she had now was any bad either, they gossip, insult, and argue with other people and each other but it is all in good fun. The women accepted their role in society, and spat it back out in society’s face. They didn’t care of what they could or could not do, they did whatever was the funniest.

    Sigyn had grown a quick attachment to the women laughing besides her. She could never act as vulgar as they did, and she had admiration for their boldness.  “Remember what I said,” Amora whispered to the two other women, excluding Sigyn from the conversation. “We’re all having a good time here,” Sigyn didn’t want to appear rude with her eavesdropping, but she wanted to know what they were trying to hide from her ears.  “So favor me and, don’t fuck me over,” Amora was serious as she dismissed the two girls. Now it was only her and Sigyn sitting at the bar, and Amora gave her a glance of seduction.

     “So, why are you here tonight Sigyn,” Amora asked as she leaned on the counter, propping her head with her hand. The dress she wore was green and silk-she had to have gotten the silk from afar-with gold on the sides. Her breast were pushed up in the dress, making for a large cleavage. Her blonde hair draped over her shoulders and breast, and her lips a deep red. She was a pretty woman.

     “Lo-someone I know said we should go,” she did not know this woman, and if she was associated with Asgard. She couldn’t say Loki’s name aloud.

     “The red-haired fellow, the one who left you alone,” Amora pretended to look around for him and found nothing.

      “Yes,” Sigyn sounded a little annoyed by his stunt.

      “His loss, he is going to miss the good time we’ll be having,” Amora stood, grabbing hold of Sigyn’s hands and pulling her out of her seat.

     “Oh I don’t know, I haven’t been in social events for a long time,” Sigyn was reluctant to do any movement. She wasn’t sure she was ready to be social just yet.

     “Nonsense, I am sure you a have a backbone that needs a little bending,” Amora pulled her close and moved her to the dance floor where she began swaying her side to side. Sigyn was horribly uncomfortable with what Amora forced her into. She was shaking and she couldn’t understand why. She had done this many times in her life, but after more than a decade of isolation she couldn’t move her feet. “Relax under me,” she asked Sigyn to and she tried hard to.

     All those years she spent going crazy, and here she was being treated normal. Of course the person she was dancing with did not know of her history, but it was a bit reassuring to know she could still function in society. The reassurance brought her ease and she was becoming less tense in Amora’s arms. “There you go,” Amora smiled as their movements began to match  rhythmically and Sigyn’s steps were lead with confidence. Amora smiled as Sigyn was starting to enjoy herself, and she spun Sigyn in circles tossing her to the person closest to them.

    Sigyn was disoriented when she was spun to a new partner, a tall, bulkier man. He spun her before holding her close as they continued to dance. “You’re a pretty little thing,” he smirked as he pulled her out and in. Sigyn didn’t comment on his words as they continued their motion, she was loosening and letting herself free.

    “Thank you,” she finally replied remembering her etiquette. She smiled at the man, and his smirk dropped to a smile as well. Surprised by her reaction to his strange compliment, he allowed her to spin him around. She giggled to how ridiculous it looked for someone as small as she to spin someone as large as him. “What is your name?” She wondered before being dipped.

    “Bjork, and you?” She opened her mouth to answer but then closed it. She was lucky enough Amora didn’t know who she was, but she didn’t know if Bjork would. Sigyn switched partners and left Bjork to wonder who she was. She danced with another man, not as tall but taller than her. He was soft in his touches to her, making their moves elegant and graceful. He lifted her up before setting her down, her dress lifting and dropping shortly behind. She was surprised by the lift, but saw no harm in it and continued her merry way.

    Euphoria was being released and Sigyn was having the best time. “How about you and I have a drink.” The man in her arms was slender, he wasn’t a well dancer but he only wished to learn. Sigyn was teaching him. She snatched his hand into hers and led him to the bar. The man she drank with was Uun, a former soldier to the kingdom of Asgard, but left the life of a warrior to become a farmer. He had interesting tales from battles  with two of them being his near death experiences. He took a long sip of his mug, “it is why I had to leave the warrior life. I knew the next battle would be my death, and I had a life ahead of me. It was cowardice I know, and I am sure I am going to Hel but hey. I got to choose my story and how it ends.”

     “To want to live is not cowardice, and I am happy you got to live in the outskirts and be a farmer.” Her smile lowered, “that is a future I had hoped my children would have had,” the sadness in her voice told him that something happened between her and her kids. She finished her mug of alcohol quickly afterward. She drunk a lot in her moments of despair.

    “What happened to your children if you don’t mind me asking?” He was a curious fellow, but he didn’t want to step his boundaries.

     “Someone killed them while they slept in their crib,” she said coldly, emotionless even.

     “I am…so sorry. Did they ever find the man responsible?” He could feel his own anger building knowing some dishonorable man would slay a child before they can even talk.

     “I did, and I killed him,”  she felt no remorse, regret, she wasn’t even satisfied. At this moment, she felt nothing. Uun looked shocked, she didn’t look like a murderer. He wished for more details, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn’t need a former warrior knowing she held a fugitive. He asked if she wanted to continue dancing, but she shooed him away. He knew she needed her space, and went back to the dance floor by himself. She sat at the bar pushing her mug aside knowing a drink would not help.  She put her arms over the table and she cried.

      Amora had been talking to Loki after his “conversation” with the owner. She helped him clean the mess to her dismay, but the owner was a dick anyway. She spotted Sigyn at the bar head lowered, and decided it was time she reunited with Loki. Amora sat next to Sigyn’s sad state. She could hear the small whimpers coming from Sigyn as she contemplated her life.  “Chin up Sigyn, why are you so down?” She was trying to sweet talk Sigyn to calm down. Amora rubbed her back to comfort her. Sigyn’s head lifted which was a start. “It is a party, these tears are unnecessary.” She wiped her face with a small green cloth in her pocket.

     Sigyn could not speak, so much was on her mind and it was overwhelming. Anything she said would come out nonsensical. She cried more in her hands as she regretted everything. “Oh no, don’t shed another tear,” Amora lifted Sigyn’s head with her finger, “it is not something to die for,” Amora chose her words carefully. Sigyn sat up in shock of her response, her tears stopped streaming. “You have to heal from the wound you were given, not cut a deeper hole.” Amora grabbed her wet hands and got her out of her wallowing seat. She began swaying with her. Sigyn had lost the vigor to move when she realized who she was. “It wasn’t a mistake why you came here Sigyn. You are here to live, and know you can live.”

     Sigyn thought about Amora’s words, they were getting to her mind. With her doubts and self shame, she could still find a way to live a little. Before she could realize, Amora passed her to another person. Sigyn wasn’t in the mood for dancing or being with other men, but the man was too distracted with dancing he didn’t notice her struggle to be released. When she pried his hands off of her, she was snatched by another. Her sadness turned to anger as she didn’t want to be touched by anyone attempting to dance with her. She was frustrated, angry, upset, in pain. She was getting thoughts of murder. Murder everyone in this room, kill Amora for her words, and kill Loki for his betrayal.

    A knife formed in her hand, she was going to stab the next person to touch her. She was going to get rid of the noise causing her so much ache. She was going to kill until she reached the AllFather, the man responsible for her pain. She didn’t care how, she just knew she would.

    She fell into someone’s arms, and her hand lifted. She looked up to see who her victim would be, and dropped the knife in her hand when she saw it was Loki. “Careful Sigyn, people might suggest you were trying to kill them,” he said cooly.

   “Am I crazy,” she clenched his arms searching for an answer. An answer to explain her thoughts, her feelings. He could see her desperation, her need for safety and security. She didn’t know her own mind, and he saw her losing it.  He knew that feeling, he understood it all too well. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his body.

   “Yes, yes you are,” there was a tone of sadness in his voice. He told her the truth. Unlike she, he was given lies, told he wasn’t and so he delve deeper into madness. He wasn’t giving her the same fate as he. She was a good person who only wished to do good, and she deserved so much better. She deserved a much better life. She rested her head on his wounded chest contemplating. Even Loki knew she was not sane and that brought a relief in her. As shocking as it was, she felt herself calming in his arms. She knew now she was no longer alone with this struggle. Loki would be there to catch her if she were to fall.

    “Then why did you leave me with these aesir?” She asked the strangely phrased question  nonchalantly, her entire mind set shifting.

    “To keep you away from me, you needed the break,” the upbeat rhythm had long since slowed to a low motif to which they had cradle to. Sigyn chuckled to herself seeing as he was right. The break was nice, getting to meet other people was refreshing but she knew where she belonged.  For a while, they stood there making little motion as their thoughts became one.

     “Thank you,” Sigyn looked up at Loki who was baffled by her sudden gratitude. She realized she was never normal, she never belonged, not as an aesir. She was weird and so was Loki which is why they clung to each other tightly. They were the only ones who knew each other which is why they still were together. “I’ve come to terms with my mind, and I think-” her train of thought was interrupted when Loki lifted her head to look him in the eyes. Those mesmerizing blood eyes, it still gave her same feeling it did when she first saw them.

   Was she really about to confess to him? Her confusing feeling that have been giving her this reluctance? Her fear made her hesitate, she wasn’t certain she would handle the effects if she told him how she felt. That there was still a flame burning inside her to be with him. That the spark resided within them waiting to burst, that she had hopes of them making through their hardships. She held a lot of hate towards him, but she believed they could get past it. She lost her voice as she parted her lips to speak, afraid of what would come out. “I-” her voice strained as her mind told her no.

    “Sigyn-” Loki finished for her as he slowly leaned in, closing the small gap between them as his lips pressed against hers softly. “ I want to be with you, I want to fix my mistake.” He caressed her cheek as he watched her eyes tear up.”I want us to get better.” His words were true, he hadn’t realized until now that all his confusion and frustration was his endearment for the woman he’s had eyes on for centuries.  He wanted her to heal from the injury he had caused, he wanted to help her heal. Sigyn wrapped her arms around his neck as she pulled him into another kiss.

   “I’m so tired of being angry at you,” she was able to admit for once. He tugged her close into embrace before kissing her again, deepening the kiss. Sigyn cupped his face in her hands as she was eating at his face hungrily, she wanted him so bad.

   “I know, I’m so sorry Sigyn,” he kissed along her neck making her moan a sigh.

   “I know you are,” she pressed herself against him making him grow hard. He sighed when he felt her thigh rub against his growing length. She stopped what she was doing, “take me home,” he swept her off her feet as he carried her out of the tavern.  He filled with eagerness and lust as he quickly rode the horse to her abode, Sigyn rubbing her soft hands against his phallic region ever so slightly for motivation.

    He closed the door behind him to be met by Sigyn’s lips. His hands reached behind her to the string holding her dress together. He pulled the loose tie to nothing and her dress slipped right off. Loki pressed his chest against her breast, enjoying the way they felt on his flesh. He pushed the animal hide on his shoulder to the floor before pushing Sigyn into a wall. He kissed her jawline, down her neck to her collar bone. He remembered all the sweet spots of Sigyn and how she liked it.

    He licked the side of her neck up to her ear. She moaned softly as she stuck her hands in his pants, stroking him gently. His leg twitched in pleasure as she rubbed the right spot, and his kisses turned to bites. She pulled his pants off of him as her strokes became more vigorous. He groaned in her ear as he held his release. Loki pulled down her underwear, sliding a hand between her thighs. It had been so long since Sigyn had been touched in anyway, her face burned making Loki chuckle devilishly.

    He felt the prickles on her, lowering his touch until he reached the lips. His fingers rubbed against the clitorous in circles. His scarred lips formed a smile when he watched her squirm under his touch. He missed this.

    He teased, tempting to insert two fingers in her but always pulling out before he can start. He kissed her roughly, her back pressing against the wall. He was hungry for her, and it didn’t help that she herself was playing with him but he waited. He wanted to enjoy her for a little bit longer before the time was over. She moaned in his mouth before lifting her head as he attacked her neck. She panted in pleasure, digging her hands into his back and wrapping her leg around his waist.

   Sigyn glanced at his greedy smile before he stuck two fingers in his mouth, coding them in his own saliva. A string of saliva followed after his fingers before he connected his mouth with her neck while simultaneously inserting his fingers in her. She threw her head back as her breath stopped until his hand began moving up and down. Her breath followed the motion of his fingers, stopping every so often when he pushed in the right way that made her twitch. Her panting and his heavy breathing made a harmonious noise of pleasure that turned them both on.

    Loki moaned when she began kissing his neck, grinding herself against him. She wanted him inside her now. Her grip tighten as she got closer to her end and she grabbed his undergarment, pulling them down to expose his harden phallic. Her other leg wrapped around his hips as she rubbed her moist womanhood against his erect penis. He removed his fingers from her, and licked the substance off of them. He replaced his fingers with the real thing, pushing himself into her with a groan.

   Her nails dug into his back, carrying skin with them as he thrusted into her. He was not soft on her as he pushed himself into her repeatedly, groaning to the sound of her body slamming against the wall. Her hand made bruises on his back as her moans grew louder with every thrust. His pace quickened as her breathing did and he was close to orgasm. Her moans became cries of pleasure as she felt herself cum and euphoria settle in. Loki came himself with a final thrust and groan as he buried his face in her neck, panting heavily.

     Loki pulled himself out as her legs lowered from his hips. He kissed her neck gently, up to her jaw before looking at her pleased face. Sigyn stared at his sweaty face, locks of his hair in his face. Her breathing slowed and she caressed his cheek, pushing the hair out of his beautiful face. Her vision was blurry, but she felt the small smile on his lips. They both missed this. They stared at each other for a long while before Loki leaned in, kissing her softly. He picked her feet off the ground, carrying her to her bedroom where he would take it slow. Having gotten it out of his system, he could began exploring all the times he’s missed being away.

Notes:

Six months... I really gotta better myself.

Chapter 13: Snake

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

     Sigyn woke in her bed alone. She sat up and wrapped herself in a loosened sheet. She stepped outside her room to find no trace of Loki. She checked the guest room for his person and found nothing. She knew what she witnessed was not a dream, but she hated to think he would have left afterwards. Her paranoia was immediately erased when she heard the splash of water from her bathroom.  Sigyn headed towards the noise, entering only to see steam blinding her already blind self. When the steam cleared, she saw Loki resting nose-deep in steaming water.

     Loki noticed Sigyn enter, and he sat up lowering the water level. “Join me Sigyn,” he invited her to the bath, but she could see just how hot the water was. She walked over to the tub and, dipped her hand in, pulling back from the stinging feeling passing through her burning finger.

     “Maybe when it cools,” she couldn’t understand how he tolerated that high of a temperature. He still wanted her near, and called her to his side. She knelt beside the bath, ignoring the puddle the sheets rested in. He turned his body as he leaned in to kiss her deeply. She had not resisted as she had long before, things were changing between them. He cupped her face in his warm, wet hands, pulling her closer to the hot water. The warmth brought a shiver to her now seemingly cold body, her heart skipped a beat.

     Sigyn broke the kiss, she knew how wrong this was going to be. How disappointed her family, former friends would feel if they knew she was back with the man who caused her all the pain. They would even considered she was brainwashed or had a form of stockholm syndrome before thinking it was ever okay what she was doing. She didn’t care anymore, she was tired of the hate and she wanted to forgive. She would never forget, but she was willing to live-on.  She stared at him for a while, a small smile forming on her lips. Maybe this could work.

    “Did you miss me in your bed?” Loki broke the silence and asked with his cocky smile, knowing what the answer would be. She pushed him back from his snarky and obvious rhetorical question, it was only a split moment she did.

  “I am not responding to your condescending remark,” she stood, walking away from the tub but Loki grabbed her hand, pulling her back down with him.

 “It is all in good fun,” he tugged her close to the edge of the tub. They were inches from each other, staring into each other’s eyes with intent. Loki smirked at her tempting face, but frowned when she slowly pulled back. Her thoughts betraying or saving her, she didn’t know, but she asked herself over and over again if what she did was a mistake. She loved him and she could express that to him, but the doubt still crept in her mind. The little moments she had with Loki brought up the question; did she deserve happiness? The thought made her sad, and she drew herself away from his warm touch. Loki’s flirtatious, sensual behavior dropped as worry settled in.

     Loki noticed the reluctance in her eyes, and it brought him a sort of fear. A sort of he didn’t want transforming fear, a fear he want to have. He didn’t want to lose Sigyn again, not like last time, he promised. He grasped his hand in hers, squeezing slightly to capture her attention. He pleaded her to tell him what ailed her mind  although he could capture a sense.

     Sigyn looked at him, her own worry in her eyes. “Do you really think this could work,” in the moment it was great, but now reality showed its face.

     “I want it to Sigyn, I do,” he caressed her cheek for comfort. He searched her eyes for reassurance, to see if she also envisioned a life of them together. She placed her hand on his as she took in a deep breath.

     “I do too,” she said almost shakily. She dropped the sheet that covered her body, and entered the pool of hot water.  It burned her sensitive skin, but it no longer mattered to her. She just wanted to be near him.

    They washed themselves from each other's fluid, but their smell could not escape them. Loki still smelled of the sweet scent Sigyn bathed herself in that day, and Sigyn, the smell of the wild. Her hair was a mess, and Loki helped with cleaning. She laid back against his healing chest  as he massaged her scalp. He had her in his grasp now, and he wasn’t planning to let go any time. With her eyes closed, he leaned down and kissed her softly. She turned to him surprised, but after a moment’s thought she pressed her lips against his. Even if it were a mistake, she was going to enjoy the moment while it last.

     After they washed, Sigyn made them breakfast. It was mostly the meat from the creature Loki had killed since she was trying to get rid of that meat fast. They had it with some bread and glasses of wine. Sigyn in her lavender gown, went and grabbed the letters sent to her during the days of her recovery. She couldn’t see, so there was no point in picking them up. Her vision practically being returned to her, she was able to catch up on the news with the kingdom of Asgard.

     Sigyn’s eyes widen  to see her letter was coded in gold  with a rose pin holding it close. She remembered this letter all too well, and the thought brought complete fear throughout her body. She walked back to the table, sitting down cautiously. Loki’s attention was quickly drawn to the shiny golden letter held in Sigyn’s hand. He remembered those letters distinctly, he made one himself before in the past. Sigyn would know, it was his letter that was given to her. “What is that for,” he asked passively, staying calm. She looked up from the letter to Loki before opening it up. She read every word carefully, her face falling the more she read. “What does it read,” he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

     She read it a second time, then a third before she could respond. She set the letter on the table as her heart dropped. “By decree, I must attend the house of Asgard in weeks time-”

     “Whose decree,” she could hear the annoyance in his voice.

     “The AllFather’s” he grabbed the note from her and began reading it, “they are going to send a watcher to the house while I am away.” She noticed the paper crumple in his hand the angrier he got.

     “You sly bastard,” Loki crumpled the paper completely and threw it aside. Odin was going to isolate him, that way he had no other choice but to give himself up. Odin wasn’t getting the chance, and he wasn’t giving him the satisfaction. “This was personally written by him, meaning he is keeping it between him and us.” Loki couldn’t help but feel his blood boil, he knew exactly what the old man was doing, “he is toying with us Sigyn.” Odin thought of this as a game, and now he knew Sigyn would be apart of this battle. Loki never did get the chance to tell Sigyn his entire plan against Asgard starting with Baldur. He never wanted to.

     “What will this mean?” She would have to go back to Asgard, and Loki would have to leave again. She only had him for such a short amount of time, and he would have to runaway. The thought made her sick, she knew but she didn’t know why she felt this way. It was only yesterday they begun wanting to fix their destructive relationship. Only yesterday she was willing to give him a second chance, yet it felt like years they had been working at this. She shouldn’t feel  this horrible but, her heart ached to the point she couldn’t handle it. Loki walked over to her, and comforted her. He wrapped his arms around her small figure, and she couldn’t help but hold him tight.

    “Nothing. Odin holds no fear over me, and he will not hold any over you,” he lifted her chin and her spirit. If he wasn’t lying to her, he might have been able to smile as she but he couldn’t.  Both Odin and Loki knew he wasn’t ready for this fight, and Odin had an entire arsenal at his disposal. Loki knew how crazed the old man was, and how powerful he was with a kingdom of loyal idiots to bend to his will. He also had his son Thor for Loki to worry about. The man was a brute, a very physically strong freak of nature. Loki wasn’t a brawn based character, magic was his strongest attribute. Who would need muscle when you could make the strongest man’s blood boil him to death.

       Thor was strong, too strong for his own good. Magic wouldn’t be able to stop him. He would need the same force and freak of nature to distract him. Thor could take down jotuns by the dozen, nothing anyone in the world could do. Loki knew Thor was stronger than his father, if he were to eliminate the AllFather he could. Part of the reason why Odin invested in dark magic intensively, his fear of his own son’s strength.

     This was the split difference between he and Odin. Odin was afraid of people overpowering him, and he would have to become stronger or kill the person before they exceeded him, especially if it were his own children. The only reason he did not kill Thor was because of his blessing by his mother, the Gaea herself, Jord. He was already too strong for Odin to kill. The harder Odin worked to be stronger, Thor easily overthrew him. The next option he had was to keep Thor loyal to him, lie and say he is aesir with his mother being Frigga. Loki saw the blood pumping through him, the thoughts in his head. It was sad to see his father would never tell him he was slaughtering his own kind.

     Maybe on his final days of life Loki would tell him. As brutish as Thor was, he was the only child of Odin’s he had a sort of connection. Miniscule it was, but it was more than Tyr or Baldur would ever have. Thor was different, weirder, an outlier to his fellow aesir. An outcast to most, but his anger and strength kept people’s mouths shut. If only he wasn’t so stupid, Loki could probably convince him to join his side. Alas, Thor would follow behind his father blindly and so he would have to suffer with him.  

      Loki wasn’t ready to face the ruthless leader yet, but Odin was ready for him. He wished he had more time, just a little bit of time. More planning, more moves, but Odin made sure he had no more. “What are we going to do?” He had one option.

      “We have a week to think of a plan, but it looks we are going to Asgard.” She looked at him befuddled from the ‘we.’

      “But it won’t be safe for you to be in Asgard,” she was relieved to hear him considering going with her but she also cared for his chance at living. “I think you should-” she choked back her words, but if it were for the safety of him, she would force the words out.

      “The safety of my well being matters none if it comes to you.” The AllFather knew Sigyn would have a location of where Loki was, and would be interrogating her for answers. Torturing her to reveal Loki to him. Loki would join in her travel for her protection.

     “Loki, I-” she  couldn’t think of what to say. She was happy she wouldn’t be alone, but Loki would be putting himself in high risk of being captured and killed. She didn’t know if she was worth the risk.

     “Always stuck in your own head Sigyn,” he petted her hair smiling. She was always distracting from his anxiety, it brought relief from the stress he was dealing with. She had doubts about him, and she would for a long while, but in there time of distress she needed him around. “We have a few days before departure. A few days I will dedicate to you,” he kissed her neck feeling thirsty. Sigyn would be a good distraction from the worry that would soon ensue.

   Sigyn pulled out of his grasp, “I have to go… and think.” She slipped away from him, and made her way for the exit. Loki thought of going after her, but decided against it. He would only make it worse, Sigyn would have to decide this internal turmoil. All he could do was be there as he swore he would, and help her when she fell. Loki watched her leave, the coldness and loneliness seeping in his mind and body. Sigyn’s warmth was gone, and he felt miserable.

     Sigyn ran off into the gardens where she would soon have to say goodbye to. She plopped herself onto one of the stone benches with her face in her hands. She didn’t want to leave her home for Asgard, and certainly not for the AllFather. She wasn’t ready to face the place that gave her the nightmare she received on a day to day basis. The place that made her who she is today, a psychotic freak. While keeping her information on Loki a secret. There would be so much she would have to do and keep track of if she were to go back to Asgard.

   Her hell was Asgard, the birthplace of her torture. Odin being her Satan, tricking and deceiving her into commitments she never knew would escalate to this codependency. Now he wanted her back for reasons that were obvious, but she didn’t wish to face them. She had to remove herself from Loki’s touch, knowing that touch would be gone sooner than she thought. There was much she wanted to say, and Odin was tearing her chances with Loki. She was conflicted with what she wanted-needed to do, and what she was afraid of. “What should I do?”

    “Kill the AllFather,” her friend said simply. She was in white, her hair wet and drooping over her shoulders. She stood next to Sigyn’s slumped figure, glowering her.

  “You know I can’t do that, it would be impossible,” she had been suggesting it a few times in her head. Fantasizing about his death in various, creative ways. Sometimes the thoughts made her smile which she mentally frowned upon, seeing how sadistic it was to enjoy a person’s death. Odin would deserve it, for what he did to her and laughing about it, he deserved all the pain received to him.

   “Not entirely, you have some power,” she grinned and Sigyn scoffed.

  “Shut up,” Sigyn seemed to be telling her a lot, and surprisingly she obliged. That was until she had another subject.

   “Good job on that by the way, sealing the deal,” Sigyn hated when she phrased it like that. Sigyn winced at her phrasing, “but you are not doing what was asked. What our plan was-”

  “You talk too much,” she was dumbfounded by her statement and stopped her train of thought. Sigyn wasn’t in the mood for her horrible advice, she needed a friend and she wasn’t being a very good one. She lowered to Sigyn’s level and grabbed her dress.

  “I wouldn’t have to if you would take action,” she said through her teeth as she shook Sigyn. “You’re pathetic,” she concluded her character before Sigyn shoved her off of her. She looked at her appalled and shocked, Sigyn was not typically physically aggressive.

  “You were much more understanding when we first met,” Sigyn crossed her arms over her chest growing frustrated.

   “That was before I knew you,” she said accusatory. “Look around you Sigyn,” she referred to the garden and her home, “I am tired of this place. I’m tired of old habit, I’m tired of you,” she admitted exasperatedly.

    “Then leave! I don’t want you here, you don’t want to be here, go!” She was taken back by Sigyn’s hurtful words. Sigyn retracted, realizing how much she affected her friend. She stepped towards Sigyn hesitantly realizing her mistake. She shouldn’t fight with Sigyn when she was clearly in distress. She was only there to help, not to cause more trouble for her.

    “I’m sorry,” for the first time in a long time, she apologized. Sigyn turned away from her, tensing more. She latched herself to Sigyn, and it was driving her mad. “I am here to help you, not destroy you,” she lied. She kept lying, and Sigyn knew it. She was here to kill her and Sigyn wasn’t blind to that. She held Sigyn by the waist, and Sigyn pulled at her own hair.

     “Just leave me alone,” she tugged the more closer she became.

     “It is us against the rest,” Sigyn banged at her head.

     “Get out of my head,” she felt her world crashing in front of her and she fell to her knees.

    “I am here to stay,” she tightened her grip and Sigyn screamed. She wanted the woman gone, but she would never let her be. She would always be there in the dark, watching over her as Asgard had always been there watching her. Waiting for her return.

       Loki went his own way, wanting someone to talk to but having one person in mind. Sigyn didn’t want to see him which he would respect, and headed to the tavern he had left with her the night before. He entered casually, recalling his evening was spent dealing with the owner. He was now…missing so Loki had no reason to worry about his presence. He was bewildered to see Amora behind the counter which held the alcoholic beverages, serving other people nearby. Loki took a seat near the shelves of wines, and waited to be served. Amora walked over with a mug and a bottle, but jumped when she saw who it was she was serving.

      Amora sat down after searching for any eyes on them. “I didn’t expect you back so soon. Thought you might want to spend time with your wife," she said inquisitively. He had long since told her the true relationship he had with Sigyn, but now she called her that to mock him. "You two seemed filling up on each other.” She poured herself a glass of ale, and drunk it all in one. Loki chuckled to himself, always finding her bluntness appealing.

     “Yes of course, but it is a new day and the moment of sexual frustration has past.” He sighed before taking a drink from her newly poured cup. “She still hates me-” he looked at Amora for answers of his misfortune.

     “Well what do expect? You had one night of forgiveness, but that won’t make up years of mistake.” She laughed at his pain, detaching her empathy for his situation. He couldn’t find it within himself to laugh it away as she laughed at him. He was silent, and her laugh died down from the lack of fuel. He was clearly unsatisfied for how his life was going, and she didn’t appreciate that. She placed her hand on his cheek, grabbing a sense of his feelings and desires.

    “What are you doing?” He looked at her, then her hand in confusion. Her face softened, and it was a strange shift from her apathetic look. She removed her hand when she mustered the questions aching at her. She was reluctant to tell him what she did, afraid of what his reaction might be. She decided against her past experiences, and would tell him.

    “Reading your mind,” she exaggerated her ability for comedic relief. She took a sip from their cup. “You are a troubled man,” Loki smirked, but she frowned. “I have to ask and you owe me,” her finger circled the rim of the mug. If Loki didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt, he would say she was nervous. She breathed a laugh before looking up at him, “who are you? Believe me, the bastard deserved what was coming but-” she couldn’t glance at him. “Was what he spoke true? Are you… that Loki. The one who did all those things.” She seemed nervous to get the answer, and he sat back.

    “Depends, does it scare you if I am?” He leaned forward making her sit straight.

    “I have my superstitions, but I have handled worse.” She would not lie, she was intimidated, but it wasn’t the first time she dealt with an overpowering man and definitely not the last. He told her the truth, and she was taken back. Her shocked changed to a wide smile on her dirty face and she laughed. “I thought the man was crazy, but he was right.” She combed her hand through her hair as she sighed in relief. She was excited to hear what most aesir would call bad news. She cleared her throat as she got to the serious question, “the rumor is you are trying to kill off the royal family.”

    It was much more than that, but for now, he would go with that. “Are you against it?” He searched her face now curiously seeing as she was fine with who he was.

   “You know, I can do more than help you with your marital problems.” He grinned, wishing to hear her pitch, “I hate the Odinson bloodline and you are killing them,” everyone in Asgard knew of the incident with Baldur, and who the true culprit was to the murder. She was the few who celebrated. “You don’t have to be alone in this fight. That is what you are trying to do? Start a fight?” She knew his intentions, and although she could not alter them like she could everyone else she was able to sense them. Loki smiled, Amora wasn’t lying about her gift in a way. “I am a clever gal with connections, I can help.” She said almost cocky as she crossed her arms over her chest.

    “What would you get in return?” His mind was already set, but he wanted to know where her loyalty lied.

    “My sister doesn’t get killed in the crossfire, and I would see Thor die.” Loki raised an eyebrow to her specified grudge, “I have a history with the prick.”

    “Sounds petty-” her reason sounded.

   “And yours is not?” In the grand scheme of things, her ultimate reason was petty but she did not care.

   “They killed my wife and kids. Enslaved another, and tied me to a serpent that fed acid into my eyes. My reason is valid,” he said nonchalantly and she glared. He was right.

  “Do you need my help or not,” she spoke her magic words, but he was unfazed. She cursed herself.

  “This fight is leading to a war. Are you certain you wish to attend?” She nodded without second thought. He took a moment of consideration. Amora was willing to do tasks for him that would result in a war for Asgard for a petty feud she had against Thor. She was going to keep her loyalty to him through this fight without question. Amora, he did not know how to describe her. A strange woman, with a strange name, with strange ambitions who planned to follow a crazy man till his death. She was either crazy or stupid to want to associate herself with Loki, but it brought an unfamiliar feeling to his mind. The feeling of genuinity and care for someone who wasn’t a lover. A different feeling that made him feel, better. “Why?”

   He didn’t understand. Her reason for sacrificing herself to his cause were nonsensical. Why would she waste her time with his problems? Would he do the same? He was confused, he felt confused, he didn’t know if he earned her loyalty as much as he appreciated. She smiled earnestly, “because, you are my only friend and I want to see you through this.” He wasn’t the only one who felt the connection between each other. She poured him a drink and passed the mug. He took the cup and smiled, Amora was a different creature. A whore, drinking buddy, and a friend. She was a keeper.

    After finishing two jugs of ale, Amora and Loki talked about their problems. Loki spoke about his dead wife Angrboda, and their children. He spoke about her fondly, a short lived pleasant time in Jotunheim with the giant. She was aggressive, and wasn’t afraid of her mind and the contents within them. Jotuns referred to her as “she who brings anguish” and Loki was the only one of the village dumb enough to knock on her door. She wasn’t ecstatic to see the god of fire at her door, but she took what she got.  After a while of meeting each other, sparks flew and the fire spread like wildfire. They had much in common, enjoying chaos around them and sadistic nature of watching others suffer. Angrboda had her warrior lifestyle to compensate while Loki was stuck in a crossroads between Asgard and Angrboda.

   His love and devotion to the unstable giant eventually overthrew his hatred towards Asgard. He planned to stay with the beautiful dark giant for better or worse. It wasn’t long after their marriage when she got pregnant. Amora wondered how he slept with a creature fifteen times his size. “I will tell you one thing, it took hours to make her orgasm,” he didn’t share in detail how he had sex with her, but how exhausted he was afterwards. He had the stamina of a jotun to go on for a long time, but Angrboda was also stubborn. She was hard to satisfy.

   After the kids they both seemed to settle down. Jörmungandr was the eldest of the three, but Fenrir was the biggest. He didn’t get to name his last child before the…event, but Angrboda occasionally called her Hel. It was a weird name for a little girl, but half her person was rotting away so he could see why she named her after the underworld. Amora wondered why he wasn’t creeped out that his child was half dead, but her phrasing irked him. It reminded him of how Baldur and Tyr described her to Odin after they killed her.

    He remembered the scene of the crime. Walking into his home to see blood covering the walls, Angrboda’s head hanging off her body and Hel in her arms silent and cold. Stabbed in her one good eye. Jörmungandr and Fenrir missing, it was his breaking point. It’s what made him start this crusade, to punish the royal family and all of Asgard for their ignorance. Freyja was to blame for the murder and kidnapping of his family, so he started with her. Her favorite most cherished son Baldur who was invulnerable to any living and non-living thing on the planet, killed, by a mistletoe. He was going to enjoy when he had his hands wrapped around her neck. Every lie spoken out her mouth would be trapped in her throat for her to choke on.

     The thought made his rage grow, and he wanted the royal family dead more and more. Amora eventually had to calm him down by reassuring him they would get revenge if he was patient. He had been patient for so long, planning and plotting yet he would still have to wait. He was a patient and impatient man, depending on how his day was going. “Then I heard what happened to Sigyn,” he wanted to visit the twins. His only family he thought survived. In the search for Sigyn and on his way to  kill Baldur, he was on the run in a crazed haze.

   Being honest with himself and to Amora, he was relieved to see Sigyn was not dead. Upset Narfi and Vali weren’t with her, but glad not all of his loved ones were killed by the Odin family. Later to only find out it was one of his kind, for it to be Thrym, he delved deeper into madness. The hole grew bigger, and the only way to fill it was through mass murder. That was until Sigyn interfered.

   He tried blocking her out of his mind and focus on his hatred but, she touched his mind and his body. Sigyn was the only person who knew and understood his grief, she may have her hate towards his neglect but she understood it. It made him seem less crazy on this conquest, and maybe he could try to recover even in this state of genocidal thoughts. He didn’t feel completely alone and afraid. “Now Odin’s taking her away from me.” They finished a fourth bottle and Loki was feeling tipsy. “I am going to stab that bastard in his one eye,” he said banging his fist on the table.

     “You will, but I think your intentions lie elsewhere,” Amora said, being fairly sober compared to Loki.

    “What are you talking about?” He sounded more annoyed than usual.

    “Sigyn is your last chance for salvation, and you don’t want to let that go.” She stated things he already knew, “yet here you are not talking to her, and instead getting drunk with me. Are you stupid?” He glared at her, but it didn’t change what she said. “You need to go to her, and cry to her-”

   “Oh no, I am not bringing this home.” He could never tell Sigyn about his time with Angrboda. She didn’t need to know he was married and had children with his “mistress” in the eyes of Sigyn. She wouldn’t forgive him.

   “Yes you are, because we are done.” She was forcing him to talk to Sigyn. She got him out his seat, and was kicking him out of the bar. “She will be leaving your side soon, and you haven’t revealed your feelings.”

   “You can’t remove me from the bar,” she was pushing him towards the exit.

   “I can, I am the new owner,” she smirked before shoving him out the door. He turned to her irritated and she smiled at him whimsically. “You care for her, more than you realize. Talk to her for both sakes. When you are done, come to me. I love a good romance story,” she turned on her heel and walked back inside. Loki scoffed before turning away and heading home. She was right. If their relationship was going to work, he had to tell her everything. He told her his past, but it was the present that was affecting him. The present that was haunting him. The decade he was away had more than just a woman, and Sigyn would have to know the whole tale.

    

   Sigyn closed her eyes as her friend was whispering things in her ear. Horrible things that made Sigyn sick, but she couldn’t stop the flow of words streaming out her mouth. “Stop it,” Sigyn couldn’t get her voice out of her head and it drove her mad.

   “I am only saying what you want. You are going to watch them burn, all of them, and smile with satisfaction. Like a freak,” Sigyn covered her ears shaking her head, but she wouldn’t deny her fantasies for much longer. Her friend sat across from her, smiling wickedly. She was helping Sigyn see her true self, and it was beginning to work. “When we go to Asgard, you are killing the first person you see. Man, woman, child, they need to die,” her smile widen.

    “No,” Sigyn shouted as she curled. She was beginning to consider it, they would deserve it-but they were only kids. Her children didn’t get a chance to live, but Asgard’s demon spawns get to. Why should they get a chance if hers didn’t. It was making sense, the more she agreed with herself, the less painful her migraine. “No,” she yelled looking at herself, seeing her friend just as a mirror. It was becoming clearer, the more they agreed with each other the more Sigyn saw the resemblance. She realized how much of reality she lost grip to, but she was stuck in her own world and then it was reality. She saw her friend, but then glimpses of herself, she couldn’t understand. Her friend repeated horrendous acts for her to do, “please stop, please, please, please-”

    “Sigyn,” her name was called and both women looked at the figure calling it.

    “Loki,” Sigyn said surprised, but her friend said in disdain. “What are you doing here?”  

    “I came looking for you,” he walked towards her. He noticed her eyes shifted from his presence to something across from her. He looked in that direction but found only plant. She noticed his walking was wobbily although he believed he was walking straight. He sat across from her and her friend moved to a bench. Sigyn was sad to not see her leave, and watched her wait for Loki to leave. She said little once he was here, but she was still talking. Sigyn tried her hardest to ignore her as Loki spoke to her. “Who were you talking to?” He slurred his words, but he was self aware of what was happening.

    “No one,” she glanced at her friend.

    “You don’t have to lie to me Sigyn,” he lifted her chin with a finger. She stared at him on the verge of speaking her mind but stopped from the glares her friend gave her. He frowned, “fine Sigyn, hide your secrets, but I won’t. I can’t.” He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her close to his body. For a while, he held her, afraid to let go. She was disoriented by the sudden attachment, with acquiescence she wrapped her arms around him.  Her gripped naturally tightened as the weight of her pain began to settle on her body. Loki buried his face into her neck as he sighed. “Sigyn…”

    “Yes?”

    “I know I was gone for years without telling you,” her heart dropped. “Horrible things were done to you and our family,” her eyes sunken, “but there was more than one reason why I came back to Asgard. Angrboda…” he sighed and he could feel Sigyn’s grip loosen and her body removing itself. He grabbed and held tighter but she did not show the same affection. “I loved her. I loved her so much,” Sigyn felt her stomach churn and her heart ached. “I gave up my hatred for Asgard to marry her. I had children with her,” he named them off for her. Sigyn felt her eyes watering. “Then in one night, the aesir took her from me. Her and my three blessings. They slaughtered my family and felt no remorse.” His voice trembled, “I loved her Sigyn and now she’s gone,” he breathed heavily in her shoulder.

    Sigyn didn’t know what to do, to say. She felt a tear fall down her cheek and she looked up at the bench. “Why are you telling me this,” she felt tears falling down her cheeks as her heart was being broken.

     He lifted his head to look at her. Her beautifully flushed faced producing tears with strands of her auburn hair in her face. “Because I love you too much to watch you perish like the rest. Asgard is a place of the wicked, and we will have to face our greatest obstacles there. I want you to know I loved you, I still love you.” Sigyn unconsciously placed her hands on his back, comforting him. She cried to hear him love his mistress, but she understood his pain and knew he wasn’t alone.  

     Neither of them wanted to go to Asgard yet they felt obligated to. They could always try to runaway, but in the same breath they wanted to go to the kingdom Asgard. His confession although upsetting, brought a lift to her pain that she couldn’t explain. Sigyn looked at the bench to see her friend was gone, and she lowered her eyes onto Loki. Relief washed over her as her grip around him tighten. Her head lowered as she rested her head onto his shoulder, and she let out a small whimper.  

Notes:

I am slowly destroying my writer's block

Chapter 14: Secrets

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

   “I told you Sigyn, if you were unable to, I would be the one to take care of this mess,” she said dropping her act. Sigyn frowned, recalling her time saying those words along the line. It did not stop Sigyn from getting angry, walking towards her friend, ready to attack her.         

   Loki had gotten good hours of sleep in Sigyn’s arms for the first time in a long time. The evening before he spent time talking of his past lives. She felt betrayed and found it hard to listen, but she felt his sorrow as well and showed sympathy for his loss. She hated the thought but it was fact, one man can love many women. A lingering thought still remained; does he love her more? It was inappropriate sounding in her head since the one he loved had been brutally killed, but if Angrboda still lived, would he had come back? Was Sigyn ever in his mind while he was away? He was in her mind constantly, but was it the same? She contemplated her feelings, not sure how she felt about the ordeal.

     Sigyn had to see he was not in his right mind, certain words slipped that would otherwise seem dramatic or exaggerated. He did have a few bottles of hard alcohol to occupy his thoughts, and fill them with other meanings. Sigyn knew that deep down, that is what he felt, and it was only then the thoughts surfaced. She spoke with her friend, her only consultant to these matters. Most of their conversations were of her friend talking down to her, Sigyn desperately resisting her temptation and ultimately failing. Nothing was new now, but Sigyn was beginning to agree with her. Something she thought would never happened.

    Her friend stopped Sigyn in her tracks before she could turn her denial against her. “Face it Sigyn, you are too weak to do what needs to be done. Give me the knife, and I will do all Asgard a favor,” she smiled wickedly as she held her hand out.

   “What about Odin,” she asked of curiosity and fear.

   “We will slaughter them-give me the blade.” She ordered more than asked. “I will protect you Sigyn, I always have.” She stepped closer to Sigyn, grabbing her clasped hands around the weapon. Sigyn frowned, staring down at their hands intertwined before she lifted her face. She stared into the brown eyes of her green and gold dress wearing friend. She felt the mirroring metal slip out of her hand reluctantly, and into the grasp of her friend. Sigyn smiled, and a tear slid down her cheek.

    

    Loki rested his head on her chest, wrapping his arms around her waist with his face buried between her breasts. The drinking helped with his heavy sleeping, and he slept peacefully as Sigyn’s mind was troubled. She had lulled him to sleep earlier from her fingers rubbing against his scalp. She played with his hair while she thought, finding peace in mind through that. She just couldn’t understand how he could want her, but have a heart for another. She wished she could understand his confusing mind, his mixed message words but she couldn’t. Sigyn was stuck with this indecisive, inconclusive, broken man that was her former husband. She wanted a relationship but, her doubts grew as more was revealed.

 

   Sigyn woke from her dream. A dream. Part of her wished it were true, but she quickly took the thought back. The consequences she would suffer for agreeing to such a thing. Her friend did not know what was best for her, and she would not be swayed because her heart was broken. “Just a dream,” she shook her head to reassure herself.

     Loki began to stir in his sleep as his eyes slowly opened. He realized where he was, and who he was next to and he sighed. He soon after remembered the evening before and what he said, and he slid out of her arms into a sitting position. Turning away, he moved to the edge of the bed. Sigyn said nothing, she didn’t know what to say, what to ask. The silence told him the evening he spent with her was not as pleasant as he recalled. Not being intoxicated, he realized it wouldn’t be for someone like her. He had more to say, but he wasn’t certain it was the right time to say them. If he left, it would be cold and his relationship with her would worsen.

    He turned around, noticing her sadden state. He knew that blank stare all to well. In their time in Asgard it was different, he had places to be, things to do, Odin to worry about. His work and schemes were more important than the woman he loved, and he took her severely for granted. She was always such an obedient wife, and he hated himself for that. With all the noise around him, she was quiet and kind, an ease to his troubled mind. Someone to come home to who didn’t argue or fuss. Now the silence drove him mad.

      “We have to ready ourselves,” she looked at him, obligating him to stare back, “for the journey to Asgard.” She held her breath with the statement, her face showing clear signs of distress. A mixture from all her troubles, that of Asgard, of Loki, of her dreams. A weight non-existent to the normal eye, burdened her heavy shoulders and she tried little to hide it. They watched each other’s small movements, having no true words to spare.

    Loki was not one to hesitate when he was determined. He was on a mission, multiple missions, but he was not sure where to start. He went with his instincts as he placed a heavy kiss upon her soft lips, catching her off guard. Sigyn looked befuddled as she pulled away, shocked by the sudden affection. “Asgard is not the best place for…us” he declared as his body began to take up more of the bed.

   “Yes,” she didn’t deny the emphasized part of his phrasing, and she looked another direction, averting his spell casting eyes. He moved on his knees until he was in between her legs, hovering above her. He lifted her head with a finger, and she glanced at him worried before he sat on his legs.

   “Last night…”

   “You were drunk, you tell the truth when you are,” she said coldly, holding back the venom captured in her mouth.

   “I, am sorry-”

   “No apologies Loki, they get you nowhere,” she sighed, holding back her emotion for the sake of herself and him. She understood his pain, and in some strange way, she was glad he was willing to speak to her about his problems. It was at the expense of her well being, but when did she deserve a peaceful mind. “I am, sorry for what happened to-”
   “It’s your turn not to be sorry,” Sigyn stared at him with hurt yet hope. She wanted this to work. “It is true, I was filled with anger and rage, and she fueled the hate. She gave me passion to destroy all life, and happily went along with it.” He held his breath as he spoke, “Even in my drunken state, I can exaggerate my meanings.” Sigyn watched him, waiting for his point. “Time there, exiled, I belonged in her eyes, I was something to someone. It was love to me, a love I never realized could exist.”

    Sigyn placed a hand on his cheek, caressing him gently. He still had a hard time talking about his mistress, especially to Sigyn but Amora was right. Sigyn loved him, she never stopped loving yet he claimed there love to be false. That her endearment for him was non-existent in the palace of Asgard. She teared up, not realizing she was crying until Loki wiped a tear from her eye.

    “That is what I thought it was, ‘love.’” Loki realized the mistake in wording the night before. He had much liquor in his system, his mind was jumbled and his words inaccurate. Having spoken to Sigyn, he saw the error in his thinking. “Now, I realized something; It was not love that drove me to her. It was desperation.” She took a moment to process what she was being told, and what it meant for them. Before she could react, Loki placed his arms on both of her sides, blocking her ways of leaving.

    Sigyn knew this wasn’t a fairy tale. She wasn’t Brunnhilde and he was not Sigurd. She was not waiting for the bravest warrior to jump the rings of flame to save her. She was not a little girl that could easily be swayed by words, her children slaughtered, her husband was a cheat, and her people abandoned her. Life was bleak, and it was far from perfect, and she had no choice but to accept it. She placed her hand against his cheek, “lies from the God of Lies,” she denounced. His head lowered in a form of defeat before he festered the words to speak.

   “What would you want,” he spoke of their relationship as a whole.

   “I want the truth Loki, I want you,” she pulled him in for a lingering kiss.

 It was love she wanted, and compassion. Two things she accepted she would never get again; yet whenever she received these intimate moments with the God of Chaos, her heart pulled on the thin threads connected to that belief. Even the times they never escalated more than the pulling of her dress, she was filled with a sort of excitement. The future looked brighter on those dark days even when it felt like they weren’t.

   Loki didn’t hesitate to bring forth his agenda, what he wanted.  Sigyn may have not been able to voice her demands, but his actions were enough to voice his. She stiffened from the wet kisses placed on her neck while in mid thought. He kissed her passionately, and he felt her body relax under his touch. She wore  her dress from the night before, it wouldn’t be easy removing the fabric as it would if it were her nightgown.

   His hands made their travel to the hem of her dress, and he pulled it up. She sighed to his cold hands caressing her warm thighs. His fingers were quick to wrap around her underwear as he tugged them off her body. His head lowered to her inner thigh, giving himself a small taste of what was to come. His cold lips pressing against her warm thighs made her squirm. She never did get used to his touches there, unironic her most sensitive part of her body being sensitive. He laughed making her wiggle more, and he grabbed hold of her legs to keep them from closing.

    Loki heard her breathing pause when his tongue came into contact with her clitorous. His mind playing tricks on him, she tasted like roses inside and out. Her back did little arching as she was pinned down to the bed, but she sighed and relaxed as he continued at his work. He licked from her vagina back down to her clit, moistening her womanhood. His tongue would stroke her sex, and each time he would hear a voiced shock of pleasure. The sound made him smirk, and he continued vigorously.

     He knew he touched her soft spot when her breathing stopped and quickened rapidly. He had not forgotten the parts that pleasured Sigyn the most, this one being his favorite. Sigyn’s hand pressed hard on the bed and she gripped the sheet beneath while his tongue penetrated her womanhood, shooting a feeling of pleasure to her brain. She moaned uncontrollably with a sigh of pleasure resonating through her body. He paused a moment to bask in the moment of her panting. Her voice husky and pitched for more that she wasn’t receiving. His mouth met with her sex again, and she moaned louder, her juice slipping out of the hole he was slurping from. She was getting closer to her end, and her legs instinctively wanted to close but his tight grip forced them down.

    Sigyn sighed a laugh to think about the mess she would make if Loki continued his path, pleasing her. Her laugh turned into a loud moan as she knew she was on the verge of cumming. Her hand latched onto his long hair as she tugged him closer to her sex. He stopped again, and she frowned. His head lifted and he licked his lips grinning wickedly. He gave her no time for her heat to cool as he leaned forward and kissed her deeply. His hands now cupping her face, she wrapped her legs around his hips. She moaned, asking for release through her hip motions.

   He chuckled before placing kisses along her jaw.  Every touch of his was heightened, and she moaned with every shock going through her body. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and tilted her head to kiss him with the same passion. He caressed the curves of her body  as she attacked his mouth with her own. His small pets shot pleasure through her body, but it wasn’t enough to make her release. She needed penetration, she needed him inside her.

    “Oh Loki,” she said in a hushed breathy voice. She looked him in the eyes, her plea for release from the hold he had on her. “Please,” her face was hard to deny. She heard his pants hit the ground, and she smiled before pressing her lips against his softly. She broke the kiss when she felt him slip inside her. He thrust in her, causing her to halt her breath. He pulled out of her only to enter again harder. Her moans were cut short with each hard thrust and started again. Her body rocked against the bed, rocking it the harder he forced himself upon her. Her end near, she felt herself clutch to his body. He groaned as he thrusted in her, and she came crying out gripping him tightly.

    Her legs weakened, they loosened around his hips but he was not done with her. Planting wet kisses on her neck, he entered her more slowly. Her soaked cunt made it easy to slide back in and out. His hips made a rhythmic motion as he penetrated her, ravishing her neck with kisses. Her legs tighten around him as she felt her heat grow a second time. She moaned in his ear making him quicken the motion. He breathed a moan as he was feeling he was getting close. Her nails dug into his back the closer she was getting to her second end. His pace quickened, and his breathing heavy, each sway inside her made him groan on her neck. As her second release came, she pushed herself against his groin and cried out in pleasure. Loki went into her deep as he found his own release, and he sighed a moan against her neck.    

     Sigyn’s face was flushed, she had not expected to be that vocal of her endeavors. Loki chuckled as he lifted his head to see her expression. She showed a flash of embarrassment and satisfaction and he smirked. He caressed her cheek and kissed her ear, “you can scream to the heavens my angel, no one would hear you but me,” he whispered to her sending chills down her spine. He kissed her as he pulled himself out, her body planting softly on the bed. She leaned into the kiss, pressing her hands against his chest.

   She could never voice it aloud, but she loved this man. The thought was louder especially when their intimacies were as good as this. The brief euphoric feeling made her feel good-great, and she could not deny, she enjoyed morning sex.

 

      Sigyn packed the materials she wished to bring along the trip she was forced to go on.  She grabbed a few of her dresses, a few formal, most casual. Her nightgowns and other raw material were placed in a large pouch for her to carry with the horse Loki was retrieving. She was not truly excited to revisit her hell hole, and she much rather stay in her hovel in the woods, but Odin was testing her. She frowned as she finished her room, moving onto the kitchen.

    If she were to stay, Odin would still send his loyal watchers to spy on her, and if she were to respectfully decline the invitation, he would become suspicious. She wouldn’t get what she wanted either way, so she had to choose the least terrible option. She sighed at the thought as she grabbed her favorite knife from it sheath. She looked at it yearningly, she never did get to use it on a living, breathing creature as much as she dreamt it. She saw her reflection in the silver gloss, but her mind was focused on death. She believed it to be her only hope to pain. To rid the realm of all the people who ever wronged her. She put it in her bag, she had to get the ideas out of her mind. She had to focus.

     “Asgard,” she frowned the word escape her lips as she contemplated what her future held. She heard the door open and Loki enter.

    “Are you ready?”

    “Yes.”

     Sigyn walked her distance towards the exit, a hand getting in her way from leaving one last time. “There is something I must tell.” Loki glanced at her darkness swirling in his red irises. “Thrym’s body…I buried him in your garden,” Sigyn’s eyes went wide. Why her garden? Why did the bastard get to sleep beneath her home as if he belonged there?

   “Why? The Aesir will no doubt be looking for clues as to where the noble went-”

   “He is buried far beneath the large oak tree planted deep in your gardens. The likelihood of them finding him is slim.”

   “Then why are you telling me,” she sounded annoyed. He did defile her garden with the corpse of a monster.

   “You have to know my methods,” he spoke cryptically as he placed his hands on her shoulders. She stared at him confused. He didn’t want to tell her, he didn’t want her to get wrapped in his messes, his affairs. Now she was going to the place he planned to destroy, she had to know. Even Amora knew, and he’s known her for less. Her image now still blossomed with innocence, even with all she endeared. He couldn’t help himself, he loved the obliviousness to Sigyn. The purity she held within her aura, within her soul.

    When the time came, and the war begins, he would tell her. Everything. The one thing he kept from his loyal partner, Amora. The promise he knew he was going to break with her. The future he had to accept, he wasn’t going to have. The Surt that burned within him, that Sigyn tried to protect him from. Asgard would be the beginning of the end. The end of all days, and he would hide it from Sigyn. Just a little while longer, he would lie to Sigyn before revealing the truth.

    “What do you mean,” she asked, concern on the surface of her voice. His hands caressed her cheeks, and he smiled, bringing more worry to Sigyn.

  “I will tell you when we are there,” he swore before pecking her lips. Sigyn decided not to question his strange words or strange actions. He grabbed her belonging, and she led them outside. He hooked the luggage on the sides of the horse he retrieved. Tying the bags with the rope attached to the horse.  Sigyn hopped on the large beast, Loki snatched a good fit one that was sure to take them to Asgard in no time. Once the bags were tied, Loki jumped behind Sigyn, scooting as close he could get.

    He wrapped his arms around her small waist, “do you remember how to get to Asgard,” he spoke to her ear, his breathing heavy on her neck.

    “Yes,” she said irate, “are you doubting my abilities to lead you?” Her voice had an edge to it that lighten a flame between them. She still had questions, ones Loki would never answer  and she would never ask. Her mind ran through the day, past, present, future. She may have laid with him, but the unending questions still exist. She wondered if fate put her on this path on purpose, with Loki  coming back to her. Their eventual attraction towards each other overthrowing the damage between their relationship. She wondered what her future held, what their future held.

    “Not at all m’lady,” he mocked as he placed his hand on her exposed thigh, rubbing gently against her soft skin. He heard the crack of a whip, and the horse moved to its hind legs. Thrown off balance, and having nothing to grip he slipped right off, falling onto his back. He coughed up air before sitting up, glaring at his former spouse. “You did that on purpose,” he stated.

     “Not at all m’lord,” she bowed her head with her mocking tone. She looked up when she heard him laughing. For the first time in many, many years, he laughed. Genuinely cracked a smile, and allowed his lungs to do the work.  There were few times when Sigyn could get Loki to laugh unironically, to let his true joy and bliss out. Rare as it was, she could recognize it as she did now. Old names used for an old place, it was funny to refer each others as their old titles. The sight of his laughter made her smile, and she began chuckling herself.

     Sigyn hopped down the horse, and helped Loki to his feet though he needed no assistance. When their laughter subsided, they feared the weight of the pain would return. They wanted to keep the charade going, “how will I see you,” Sigyn asked, a bit of strain in her voice.

   “I will be around time from time, I will generally stay in the shadows.” He stepped towards her, exploiting their height differences. “On nights when I feel lonely, I will come to you for aid,” she tilted her head and gave him access to press his lips upon hers. She always tasted sweet and refreshing, he never got tired of those lips. Sigyn was a great kisser.

   “You make me sound like a toy,” she said with disappointment.

   “Yes, but you aren’t old and worn like I, you are new, pristine, and all mine .” He spoke in a low rumbling voice, emphasizing his allureness to Sigyn’s purity. His possessiveness was flattering considering the fact that she always wanted to be put on a pedestal in his eyes. He was the only man she wished that from. Sigyn got back on the horse, keeping the moment from escalating. They didn’t have all the time in the world as they used to. Loki followed behind her, pressing his body against her back for her to feel every inch of him.

 Sigyn smiled knowing Loki wouldn’t see it. She was going to enjoy their moments while it lasts. She kicked for the horse to began moving in a full sprint. It would take days for them to get to Asgard, and they had already wasted too much time. It mattered little, she wanted her time spent with the only man she ever truly loved.

Notes:

Kind of a light hearted chapter if I do say so myself.

Chapter 15: Nine Days

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

     Loki set up base while the night rode out. Sigyn found a place to tie the horse, and feeding it a few peaches,  she walked back to the small fire Loki forged. Loki managed to kill a few rabbits while on their trot, and he made them meals. He would have made soup, but the nearest river was miles back. He believed it impractical to have a base away from water, but Sigyn insisted they kept moving forward. He wasn’t the one to be trapped in Asgard, she was, so he did as she bid. “Another mistake was wearing a dress, temperatures drop out in the wilderness.”

   “I know. I just…forgot them,” she whispered as she buried her face in her knees. She did underthink this trip. Distracted by her thoughts and emotions, she didn’t bother to think of her survival in the forest. She felt the cold hit her nose, and she shivered to the snow. Winter this soon?

  “Here,” he passed Sigyn a pair of his pants. She took them, finding them to be four or five sizes larger than hers but she didn’t complain.

  “Winter already,” she lifted her hand to see more snow falling on it.

  “I didn’t expect it for at least two more full moons.” Loki questioned as well how odd it suddenly began to snow. He removed his tunic, and the fur pelt he kept in his bag.

  “What are you doing,” she asked before her teeth began chattering. She knew what the pelt was for, but the removal of his shirt was weird.

  “You are cold, here,” he offered his tunic first before the pelt. “You forget sweet Sigyn, I am of jӧtun descent.” She did forget, knowing his heritage for so long, nothing had changed for them. He was basically aesir to her. She took the faded tan tunic, slipping it over her head. She gave a brief thanks before taking a bite of her rabbit.

  She realized, “you came to my home with nothing but the clothes you wore. How do you have more clothing.” Loki chuckled, it was strange how he could change outfits with no clothes. As a demonstration of how, he lifted his hand. It was as Sigyn did with the knife, pulling it out of its universe and unto theirs. His empty hand suddenly held a horn filled with mead. He drank the substance down quickly, parched and satisfied.

  “You have to memorize the map of every place you go,” he tapped his head signifying where the information goes. Sigyn knew where her weapon was, she thought about the specific blade long enough that when it came down to killing someone, she had an idea how. Tearing the blade from reality until it reached hers. She could become as good as he if she practiced, but it was pointless. Years of training for an ability that wasn’t all the best. He wouldn’t lie to himself, it was worth it.

  They ate in their silence, listening to the sounds of nature. Loki stood, dragging the pelt over to Sigyn, “tired?” She nodded and he helped her onto her feet bringing her to the small shelter he made. Maybe it was the dreaded idea of being forced to Asgard that made her more content with sleeping with Loki, or maybe she was truly beginning to warm up to him. She wasn’t sure at this point, but she didn’t argue with herself on her decision. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and shuffled to press her body against his. He was cold, his skin being exposed to winter for too long.

   It felt rejuvenating to have Sigyn next to him, as if stealing her energy from her. He buried his face in her neck, placing small kisses upon it as his hand travelled around her body. He loved feeling her curves, even with his clothes on, he knew her body well to imagine the feeling. The sigh released from her lips led him to do more and he was ready to ravish her in woods. “Sleep. Now.” Sigyn said, knowing it was her doing that caused him to act like that.

   “I can't,” his warm breath sent shivers through her spine. “You are distracting me from rest,” he kissed her jawline as he pulled her leg over his hip, rubbing up her thigh to her tailbone. She removed her leg and gave him a stern look.

   “I will not hesitate to tie you down.”

   “With what, you couldn’t stop me,” he spoke confidently, a smirk tugging his lips. She leaned in, her lips grazing his  ear as she whispered.

  “Oh no, but I can make it hurt, immensely,” she growled, and for once in his life, he obeyed. He gave her one last lingering kiss, making sure she had a full taste of what she would miss. The hum that came from her was a sign it worked, and he could sleep knowing his hold he had over her.

 

    The next few days came and went as they travelled the green of Asgard. When they met another river, they decided (mostly Loki) to take a short stop there. While Loki bathed in the running water, Sigyn cleaned the horse. Loki saw no point in doing so, the beast would be cleansed once they return to Asgard, but it was Sigyn's excuse to have her own space. She absentmindedly scrubbed the horse clean, her blank stare very present at the moment. It happened when she was in deep thought, glancing as if stuck in the void of time and space.

   She was lost in her mind that she didn't notice when Loki splashed water onto her powder pink dress. She jumped, startled by the sudden dampness she felt on her right side. She whipped her body to the source, her face fuming. She stood there, staring at the culprit responsible for her discomfort, who was grinning with amusement. Her frozen look of anger and shock changed when he splashed more water, this time hitting her face. Loki was not a man known for starting problems directly, he usually is more discreet, and more mischievous but this, this was something new. His grin lacked the typical wicked and malice charm, this grin was of playfulness. “Well Sigyn, what do plan to do about your predicament?” Before he could continue his taunt, Sigyn threw the rag she used to wash the horse at his head. She missed by millimeters, and the rag grazed his cheek.

   He was in complete shock leaving Sigyn to say, “well Loki, what do you plan to do about your predicament?” His words were thrown right back at him, and he smirked.

   “I’m going to throw you into the water,” he said as he stood out of the river, revealing his naked form fully. Sigyn took too long to catch his words before his arms wrapped around her small frame, pulling her closer towards the freezing water. She shouted, ordering him to let go, desperately trying to escape his cold hands. His hold was tight and firm, she wouldn’t be able to pry from him. She wailed but he was much stronger than her, “there is no use, you have already lost.”

   “Loki, I swear if you throw me into th-” splash . Too late. Sigyn submerged from the water was furious. Loki held in his laugh just to  watch her reaction. “I am going to be freezing,” she shouted at him, making him laugh harder. Sigyn threw the ice cold water into his face, and his laughing ceased. She threw more water in his face and her own laughing begun. She was prepared for an attack this time, and when Loki ran towards her, she stepped out of the way. She pushed his body forward, and laughed when his face fell first into the water.

    Her laughter continue, distracted by her thoughts. She loved it when he was humiliated like this, his veil torn open by his own foolishness. It was always a pleasant surprise to see he was more than just his title. More than what he was told he was. That he was as much being as Sigyn was. She laughed her heart out, she was enjoying herself. She was having fun.

  She didn’t register when Loki swam to her feet, and swept her from under. She fell and her body was completely soaked. She yelped underwater as he dragged her, following the ways of which the river ran. She flailed her arms for him to release her, but she knew it would never work. “Why fight it Sigyn, I beat you,” Loki said as he pulled himself out of the water. Sigyn grabbed his arm, and yanked him down with the weight of water to help her. He followed pursuit, and submerged for her liking.

   She forced him down, and hoisted herself up and out of the water. Sigyn caught her breath, and watched as Loki jumped out from underwater. “I’m not the one still in the water,” she pushed her hair out of her face . The dress was wet and transparent, it clung to her shape and she crossed her arms to cover her hardened nipples.

   “Well my objective was to wash, while yours… was to stay out of the water. In hindsight, I won the war the minute I begun the battle.” He smirked, satisfied with his answer. “I also found this,” he pulled out of the water, the rag she threw at him earlier. He tossed it back for her to catch, the rag soaked in river water.

   “In that case, you won the war with a weakened army and a destroyed kingdom. I ran with my life and army, and am sure to launch an attack while you are still weak,” she emphasized ‘weak’ as she intensified this hypothetical situation. He stared in awe of how she spoke of her made up conquest to him. It was kind of sexy…

  Now that he thought about it, her dress was see through, and it grabbed her hips tightly. He realized she was covering her breasts, and his smirk turned into a grin. She was looking vulnerable for someone speaking defiantly, and he was making himself hard thinking about. His top half rested on the grass, and he kept his bottom hidden in the water. “And what pray tell, would you do in this real circumstance?” His voice was calm and smooth, covering  the quickened beating of his heart.

   “I suppose, take you out of the water,” Sigyn said, but she stared at the rag intently. His eyes lit up to the idea, “but I would be satisfied with this,” she threw the rag and this time it hit his face. She threw it harder than expected, and she heard the wet splat it made in contact with his face. The air was silent  briefly, and she searched for a reaction from him. She wasn’t sure if it was anger or disgust, his face was blank, surprised by the second attack. He looked at the rag in his hands once more, before a chuckle escaped his lips. His chuckles increased until they transformed into full on outbursts. His laugh was contagious, and Sigyn erupted in her own joyous laughter.

   “I deserved that.” He commented as his laughter calmed.

    “Yes, yes you did,” she stood, holding her hand out for him to grab.

    He seemed to be laughing a lot more in their time together. She supposed he was also opening up to her. Even with Angrboda haunting her mind, it was relieving to see him enjoying her company, almost reassuring. The thought itself made Sigyn winced internally, she shouldn’t have to feel this way. Not as if she had to prove herself or judge every move she made. She was the lawful one. He left her, and indirectly told her he would have never come back if his mistress still lived. She was hurt, and it was he who had to prove his faithfulness. Then why was still comparing herself to the woman?

     “Since you are wet, you should come in here,” he insisted with his double entendre, but he knew he would not leave the water with an erection.

    “No,” she said, the tease gone from her voice. She was frustrated with herself and with her previous husband. She hated that he made her second guess herself. She loved him as much as any lover could, even more so. She loved him, and he still doubted her. He still wanted greater from her. How much farther must she reached before she had him at the palm of her hand? Why did she want to be his so badly? She should be content with who she is now. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted higher, she wanted deeper.

    Sigyn hopped on the wet stallion, deciding against changing out of her soaked clothes. She would be freezing but she didn’t care, “come on Loki.” She ordered, the bluntness in her tone present. She contemplated intensely, growing aggravated by the passing minute.

   “But I am barely cleaned,” he said, indicating to the rag, but also wishing to keep his privates under.

   “Let’s go,” Sigyn reiterated, poison held in her voice.

   “Woman-” Loki spoke, annoyed but her immediate glare forced him to silence. Loki wanted the last words, but it seemed Sigyn was furious of another dilemma. Loki kept his tongue against his own wishes, and walked out of the freezing river. Sigyn hadn’t been staring at him, she was focused on her changing thoughts, or distracted by them that is. Loki joined her on the horse after he dressed, and she rode off quickly, not giving him a second to catch his bearings.

       The next couple of days. Loki had his head stuck in a book. It was a better distraction than watching Sigyn be trapped in her own mind. She hadn’t spoken much since their last river, and the few times Loki tried conversing with her, she dismissed him in some way. His attempts were futile, and he realized that promptly so he put his time into other activities such as reading.

    These were the last few days together and Sigyn was being distant. She shouldn’t be acting strange, she wanted to be with this man and vice versa. Why was she being so difficult? The aching feeling of another lover left her with doubts that kept her from getting what she wanted. She couldn’t move forward knowing the truth, she couldn’t force herself to lie.

    She noticed Loki reading a small leather book. The outside cover of it had words Sigyn could not understand carved into the leather. She didn’t appreciate the look of the book, the leather covering sewn in the pages gave the visual of flesh. She didn’t want to believe that was aesir flesh he held in his hand, but at the same time, it wouldn’t make sense for him not to, being the freak he is.  She wanted to ask about it but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was carbon dioxide. “What keeps you from speaking Sigyn? Are you bewitched?” Loki asked with concern leaking in his voice as he put the book away.

   “No,” she said quietly, an audible whisper.

   “Then something or someone distracts your thoughts,” she glanced down at him. He had a look of knowing and understanding. Maybe he could read minds, or he was a sterling face reader. He stood from the patch they set base on, taking Sigyn’s hands in his own. “Please Sigyn, do not make me solve this mystery by myself,” the mystery being her brain.

  “What was that book,” Sigyn wasn’t going to voice her doubts about his devotion. She would sound utterly ridiculous. Loki frowned for more than one reason. She avoided to answer truthfully, and she asked about the book.

  “Nothing of importance,” it was his turn to dismiss. Sigyn on a whim decided to fight him on this and shook her head. She asked again firmly, and Loki stared at her as if she were crazy. He denied her, and he saw how she was losing her patience which she never did. He restricted her the knowledge of the book for fear of what her reaction would be. She kept insisting, and he continued resisting but then she shouted. Ordered him to explain the significance of the leather book he held moments ago. He was uncertain of the reasons behind her actions or why he had been lenient because of her insubordination but he was.

    He opened the book for her to look through. Graphic images of different creatures cut opened and examined from this world and beyond. Different sets of organs described throughout the journal that Sigyn could not read, but the images were enough to disturb her. She took a step back instinctively, and gagged, the images were distorted and well-drawn. She swore she could smell the rottenness radiating off of it. “This journal, is the only known journal to hold the answers to necromancy.” Sigyn gasped, and her eyes widened with fear.

   “How-”

   “The cover is actually made of many different creatures: Ulik, the old king of the Nidavelir, Ymir of Jӧtunheim, Sigmund of Midgard, the list goes on.” Each patch of sewn skin was a new creature from a new realm, and there were nine patches. “But the aesir takes a large portion of the cover,” he said nonchalantly but Sigyn was visibly disturbed. “You wanted to know what it was, I told you,” he responded grimly, his annoyance prominent in his words. He wouldn’t be responsible for any emotion she felt at the discovered information. Sigyn had to take a step back, far from the book held in Loki’s clutches. He turned to her when he heard her gag, and before he could say anything, she ran off into the deep woods.

    Loki sighed before dropping  his book, and going after her. “Sigyn,” he shouted for her, but all he received were the sounds of rustling. He followed the distant noises, hoping he would find her soon.

   Sigyn scrambled to get her thoughts together. She didn’t know why he needed a book like that. What would be the purpose of it? When something dies, it stays dead. To bring life to those whose life was drained is to break the balance of the world. It’s to wish to break the balance. To bring the bouts of Ragnarok. She knew Loki wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t try to begin the end starting with that book. Or would he? He’s crazy enough. He hates Asgard, there was nothing holding him back from performing the task. But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. All these conflicting thoughts forced Sigyn to run, to have her head clear.

   She should have kept her anger in check, then she wouldn’t have forced him to answer, and therefore preventing freaking herself out. The cluttering thoughts about that awful book made her forget her other troublesome feelings. Just for the moment.

   She heard Loki call her, but she ignored it. The drums were banging in her head, and she wanted the thumping to stop. Her babies, her children, Narfi and Vali. They were dead. Dead forever, they were gone, never to come back. If she had the chance, the opportunity to bring them back… she shouldn’t think of such things. They were dead, and yet, that journal made it illogical. Nothing truly ever dies. Where there is life, there is death, and death, there is life. Another chance with her babies, a second time to make it right. The time in which she has a family, they live on a peaceful farm, and the trauma is wiped away. A life she only saw in her dreams.

    Loki was playing with forces he couldn’t ever hope to control. Death was death, there was no changing that, but Sigyn couldn’t help herself. That small sliver of hope she had, praying it was true. Praying necromancy worked, and the other part telling her how wrong it would be if it were true. She found herself hyperventilating, and she had to stop running before she passed out. She spent the next minute catching her breath while her mind went a mile a minute. Loki’s voice was closer, but she couldn’t keep running. When had running ever helped her?

    “Sigyn,” Loki saw her behind a large bark, calming herself down.

    “Stay away from me!” Loki jumped back at her snap reminding him of when she almost stabbed him in the throat.

    “I know how you are feeling, but you have to understand that it’s for a good cause,” he tried reasoning with her, and she stared at him appalled.

    “What cause,” she said, the anger present in her tone. This messed with her head in a new, wrong way. There was already so much wrong with her, she didn’t need anymore from him. “Why would you possibly need a book about bringing the dead to the surface?” Loki realized, she wouldn’t handle the war well. He held his tongue, he would speak none of it. She was already breaking from the journal, Ragnarok would only make it worse.

   “Curiosity-you’re right, I shouldn’t have that book,” he decided he would appease her good side. He would have to gain all her trust if he were able to tell her the truth. He would keep holding the truth from her, she was not ready for it. He bit the inside of his cheek, “the book is gone,” he flicked his wrist to indicate its disappearance.

   “How long did you have that book,” it was highly suspicious that he was ready to give it up without a fight, especially since it was Sigyn he was giving it up for.

   “Not long,” a very long time . It took him long to find the book, and he wasn’t going to throw the information away. This was his one piece that might turn the tables on this soon to be war with Odin. If he could bring the dead back, he could be unstoppable. Nobody, not even Odin would be able to push back his wrath. Sigyn was unconvinced, she wasn’t deceived by his lies. “Sigyn,” he spoke softer this time, “I did not have much to lose when I had this book.” He gradually made his way into Sigyn’s bubble, and he silently asked for her hand. “I have a lot to lose now Sigyn, that book means nothing.”

      “Why were you reading it now?” Her frustration went nowhere, only festered and worsened. He had failed to calm her nerves, and he kept his touch light and gentle.

       “Because you were silent, and it was driving me mad,” he said calmly but it had a sharp edge to it. Sigyn sighed heavily as the main problem resurfaced. She was bothered by necromancy, but it only set her off the edge. This all built up from something somewhere, but she couldn’t speak it out loud. Angrboda was apart of the past, and the past she had to leave behind. Angrboda was dead, the damage she caused can cease. She was gone. Angrboda…  

    “It’s just when I think of Angrboda,” she covered her mouth. Why had she said that out loud? For Loki to hear. Why did she find immediate relief revealing that to him? To Loki. Loki didn’t make any movement, the words clearly reaching his ears. The information finally received, the silence was deafening but necessary. The words echoed in the lush forest like an empty hall filled with bells. “I’m sorry,” she prepared to say, knowing how much it hurt him to talk about dead loved ones in such a demeaning way. But in her gullet, defiance peered through and suddenly that no longer mattered. “But I loved you.” She turned to face him, “I loved you dearly and you called it fake,” she grabbed his face, forcing him to hear every word. “You never belonged in Angrboda’s eyes or her arms. You belonged to me.” She looked crazed with her tense hands and intense stare, but she had to get the words out. She needed for him to know.

     They were still before Loki slowly shifted his hands from his sides. His arms wrapped around her body, and his own body pressed against hers. The more he dwelled on the words, the tighter his hold was.

      He leaned in, resting his head against hers, breathing her pleasant smells of rose. He couldn’t apologize, it would only aggravate her. As she said, they got him nowhere, so he kept his embrace instead. Sigyn took a breath of relief before she settled into the seize. After a long pause, she lifted his face and kissed him longingly. He gave her access when he parted his lips, and she swiftly entered and turned the passionate kiss into a hungry one. He broke the kiss to catch his breath, “okay-” Sigyn didn’t want to hear the silver tongue speak.

   “Silence,” she commanded before pressing her lips firmly against his.

   

   After the endeavor, Sigyn was able to travel the rest of the way with ease. They could spot Asgard’s kingdom on top of the hill. As they walked, Sigyn became adventurous, wandering off path and taking detours. “Let us take the scenic route,” Loki wasn’t one to care about the look of nature, but he would humor Sigyn since they would soon be leaving each other. They set their supplies down, and took a stroll to view the beautiful forest.  

    They managed to pass by a few critters on their wander. Deer scattered when they came into view, and Sigyn spotted a large boar trampling the woods. Standing in the center as if it had nothing to fear, as if it owned the land. Loki could help himself, he picked up a rock and threw it at the swine. Sigyn smacked his arm, and he shook it to wear the stinging he felt afterward. “What was that for?” Loki whined as he watched the boar run off.

    “If you are going to kill a creature senselessly, give it mercy,” she said as she picked up the rock he threw, tossing it where he couldn’t reach it. It mattered little, there were rocks all around them. Loki was feeling rather charmful at the moment, and spotted a large patch of Baby’s Breaths. While Sigyn observed what was in front of her, Loki plucked a bouquet of white flowers. When she turned around, she was greeted by the bouquet Baby’s Breath and she tried hard to hide the smile that lifted her features.

   “That’s my girl,” Loki grinned, “you look happier when you smile.” He nipped her chin with two fingers before pecking her lips. She took the bouquet, pleased at the idiotic compliment.

   “That statement is absurd.” She smiled to herself as she smelled the Baby’s Breath.

   “I am serious Sigyn,” she knew he was once he stood in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. “Your beauty is truly glowing when your lips curl like that,” he was able to get her, for the first time in a long time, blush from his compliment. Light, the blush was, but it was visible.  He was observing her like an item in a glass case, discovering new features about her everyday that he hadn’t noticed before.

    It wasn’t as if she hadn’t heard the compliment before. He’s said that plenty of times during their marriage, but this one, seemed genuine. The lightness to his tone told her the compliment was just that, a compliment. No strings attached. “Thank you,” she said softly. She flinched internally, she sounded like a little girl speaking with who they admired from afar.

    “You know, these flowers are used as an aphrodisiac in Jӧtunheim,” there it was. She passed the flowers back to him, and he began chuckling. She stared at him questioning, “I jest Sigyn, I would not need to do that to you-”

    “What is Jӧtunheim like?” Sigyn never asked since that cold land is associated with a colder part of her heart. She was getting past that. She was going to better herself as Loki planned for himself.

   “Other than cold,” she nodded and he realized she was being serious. “Oh, okay.” He began with how the land is set up. The land is protected by natural stone spikes near the edge where it meets Midgard, the land that keeps Asgard and Jӧtunheim separate. The land has different kingdoms within it, but the most famous and powerful one is Útgarð, ruled by Útgarða-Loki, no relations. Loki talked mostly about the village he came from, the village of small Jӧtnar. Despite popular belief, being a “runt” giant, wasn’t actually being a runt. It just meant you weren’t a giant. There was a lot of intermingling from different shapes and sizes, it was like being with a bunch of rabbits.

    Loki, being the God of Fire he was, helped civilians in the winter. The Jӧtnar would go into a sort of hibernation state for the winter, but the winter was so cold that even after the season passed, they would still be in a coma. Warming their bodies, Loki woke them from their long naps. “You were like a healer,” Sigyn connected the dots. He would stay in the “infirmaries” and help the sleeping giants.

    “Or a witch, but yes,” he chuckled at her comparison. Útgarð had the warriors who were in fact, the biggest giants Jӧtunheim had, and were the forefront for when Jӧtunheim was attacked. That was why when told tales in Asgard about Jӧtunheim, they only know about the largest ones, and not the small villages where the populus lived.

    He then talked about the geography of Jӧtunheim. Winters were catastrophic, lethal and the worst time of the year. Summer was the best because it was actually hot. Though short, food grows in abundance, and is ready to be harvest by the end of it. Really, Jӧtunheim looks like Asgard and Alfheim, but also Niflheim. Fall is a better winter, and spring is a colder summer. He mentioned the creatures that resided there, since the Jӧtnar had no specific shape, everything was considered equal there. The people honestly were not sure what was their people, and what was just nature, it was quite hard.

    Loki started laughing mid speech, and Sigyn wanted in on the inside joke to himself. He calmed after a good laugh and explained, “I had a cousin. Arkin the weak,” he snickered, “he was a lizard, and he had visited my village for the winter. My father thought he was a meal, and so he cooked and ate him.” He burst out laughing about his cousins death, and Sigyn stared at him dumbfounded. She didn’t see the comedy of the situation. A family member was eaten by another family member, she found that to be atrocious. He nudged her elbow as he enjoyed a good laugh, and his bright laughter was intoxicating.

    She found herself chuckling to the event to her dismay. This shouldn’t be as funny as Loki was making it to be. It was not funny at all, yet here she was laughing with her former husband as if it were a shared memory. His laughter died down, and he caught his breath. Sigyn watched his character, satisfied of the view. He was in complete and total bliss when he laughed about his cousin’s death. The image brought a faint smile to her face. Loki saw in the corner of his eye, Sigyn was staring and glanced at the woman. “Could you…take me there one day,” Loki looked at her in amazement. He didn’t expect her to ask that. No one wanted to go to  Jӧtunheim.

    “Of course,” he tried playing off the surprise as an expectation. He picked up her hand, and kissed the knuckles, “anything for you lovely lady.” Sigyn took her kissed hand and plucked a flower from his hand, burying its essence into his braided hair. She placed her hand on his cheek once she finished, and he leaned into her touch. “Are we not too old to be setting flowers in each other’s heads,” Loki smirked but Sigyn’s smile did not falter.

   “I like to think we are not,” she continued her project since he had yet to stop her. He sighed in defeat as she lined the small flowers with his single braid trailing down his back. He admired his view of Sigyn, a perfect starlight in his peripheral. Focused on her menial action as if they had the leisure to enjoy little moments such as this. He wanted to hear the voice that belonged to that beautiful face.

    “What about your village. Were you any sort of ‘witch’ in the area?” Sigyn frowned, and Loki believed he made a mistake. She had not been able to speak about her history. What it was like to live the life of Sigyn. It wasn’t a horrible story of abuse or neglect, but it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows.

     Her family was considerably large. She had her mother and father, but they had at least a dozen siblings. They all lived in the general vicinity, together, with their parents as well. Sigyn, being the one byproduct of that family, was a loner. She was a strange child and it showed, not many people spoke to her, not even her family. Isolation was nothing new to her, she was always a quiet person, but the effects were the same. “There was one person I talked to, his name was Theoric.” The memories returned to her after being buried for ages, and she spoke of them as if she was discovering them herself.

     Theoric was a farmer boy. He watched over the cattle in his home. During the sunset Sigyn would go on top of the hill to watch it set. Typically, she would bring a book with her, and read until she could no longer see the pages. Then one day, a boy had walked up and sat with her. She was surprised and skeptical, afraid the boy might be playing a trick on her. After several days of convincing, she allowed him to join her. And by doing that, a friendship bloomed, and through that, a love began to grow.

   Theoric was a boy who couldn’t read, and Sigyn helped teach him. Every sunset she would wait for him to run up the hill after a long day of labor, sit down with her and read. They found their own happiness with each other through books, and soon their friendship became more. Or at least, they both wanted it to. Neither ever admitted their attraction, and so it was never acted upon. Years went by, and their interest in one another became blatantly evident, yet nothing happened. “This sounds like a fairytale,” Loki remarked and she yanked his hair causing another whine.

    “He was real,” Sigyn stated firmly, recalling the years definitely.

   “You never mentioned a Theoric before,” Loki voiced his skepticism.

    “I never mentioned a lot of things, but since you finally asked, I can mention him.” She spoke with viper, and Loki felt the sting in her words.

     “Whatever happened to your ‘Prince Charming’?” Loki mocked and he received another pull that was harder than the last one.

     “We got older. He was no longer a farmer but a warrior, and I was sent off to get married. We tried keeping contact, but our lives became more busy and we didn’t have time to stay friends.” It was easy at first, sending letters to each other, but as more things happened in their lives, the less they had time. Loki paused for a moment. He didn’t recall Sigyn getting letters from anyone during their marriage, certainly not from a Theoric. Her mother, maybe, but another man, no. Especially a man who she just admitted, she was in love with for a portion of her life. She didn’t find it vital to tell her husband or now, ex-husband, about this mysterious man? “After I left the kingdom, I heard he joined the Þing-men of Bragi.” He lived in the main kingdom, and Sigyn was moving back into the main kingdom. Loki saw a disaster happening soon.

    “It will be nice to see an old friend then,” he deliberately stated. She needed someone who was on her side while in that hell hole. He hoped Theoric still had those feelings to feel motivated to help her when he couldn’t. Sigyn had to have allies if his plan were to go into full effect.

   “Yes, it will.” She finished doing his hair, “there. Now you are a beautiful girl,” she showed him his curly red hair was now drenched in white. The Baby’s Breath buried in his braid made the style look as if it were a replica of red velvet cake. Loki chuckled at her insult. She still didn’t know he could change gender to match her description. She already knows how much he sleeps around as a male. If she knew he could be a woman too, she would call him a whore.

  Sigyn took Loki’s hand and rose it to her lips, pressing them gently against his rough patch. She swore she heard a shudder escape his lips. She couldn’t believe she made Loki, the God of Lies, Mischief, and Chaos, shudder to her touch like an actual woman.

    Sigyn ended their little break, and they made their way back to the horse. Hopping on, Sigyn rode off till she got to the start of the hill. Loki gave her one last kiss before she would be confronted by the AllFather. “Where will you reside?” Sigyn asked with concern.

   “In your heart,” Sigyn glared at him and he laughed. He truly enjoyed annoying the hell out of her. “I will be travelling, it is not safe to stay in one place. I was lucky to have you, and your humble abode,” he bowed earnestly. As earnest as Loki can be. “And don’t worry, I will come periodically if only to see you,” he grinned and Sigyn pushed him away.

  “Leave before Huginn or Muninn see you,” Loki nodded, and he transformed into a raven, taking one last look before flying off into the opposite direction.

   Sigyn let out a long anticipated sigh. She could already see how wrong this was going to go, but she still travelled up the hill. She would have to revisit old friends and family. Relive old memories, and also hide the fact that she’s been in contact with the number one criminal. She rubbed her temple, already feeling a headache spurring on. She only hoped her friend would not come to make matters worse. She saw it, the golden doors to her future, and as she walked into view, the guards opened them wide for her. Sigyn shook her head, unprepared for this trauma, and as her feet carried her through the door, she swallowed hard.

Notes:

This chapter for some reason was hard to write, and basically, a Brain Blast saved me.

Chapter 16: Asgard

Chapter Text

    It had been a long way coming to Asgard. Sigyn was greeted by Asgard’s finest when she entered the large door. Freyja, Frigga, and Idunn. They anticipated her arrival, and her entrance was announced. The three women would be her host in welcoming her back to her old home. Sigyn put on a smile when each put their own on their faces. They were strangers to her, she didn’t know these people. “Welcome Sigyn,” Frigga greeted as she walked over to Sigyn’s space. She wrapped her arm around her in an emotionless hug, and Sigyn didn’t bother to hug her back.

  “My return was…destined to happen,” she couldn’t lie but she wasn’t one for being rude. Idunn chuckled to her comment, the only one out of the three to do so, and Sigyn glanced at her. Idunn was an interesting being, not exactly a child, but not exactly a woman. She was puerile for someone her age, but Sigyn theorized that would befall a young woman when caretaking the golden apples. Idunn was as old as the AllFather, but she certainly didn’t look or act the part.

  “It is good to see you again. Most thought you were dead,” Frigga smiled as she got a lingering look of Sigyn. “You have not aged a day,” Frigga said surprised as she felt her face. Sigyn was a little annoyed by Frigga’s touch, but she had to allow the wife of the AllFather sate her desire.

   “Yes well that is what happens when you eat the golden apple.” Sigyn remarked, and did her best not to roll her eyes. Frigga realized how long she had been smothering Sigyn with her long gazes. She cleared her throat, and gave them distance.

   “Freyja and Idunn will show you your chambers and help you get associated, and I will take you to the AllFather later in the evening.” Instead of asking questions, Sigyn nodded, knowing full well why the AllFather would wish to speak to her, probably in private. She had to keep her head clear, not expose any secrets on the whereabouts of the God of Chaos. “We have missed you so much Sigyn. Enjoy your stay,” Frigga gave her a bright smile before letting the other two women take over the hosting.

   Frigga was a sweet woman, worrying about the care of other people. She put herself last, that was until it affected her well being. When Sigyn first lived in the kingdom, she found the woman to be a pleasant surprise. There weren’t many people like Sigyn, and Frigga was a replica. So when asked to help to find her husband, she expected Frigga to be willing, but her fear of disobeying her husband forced her to stay in his shadow. Sigyn knows how dangerous it is to go against the AllFather’s wishes, Loki is hiding from his wrath. But it didn’t change her new opinion on Frigga, she was as useless and unreliable as everyone else in this place.  

   Freyja and Idunn both took a side of her, taking an arm and passed by Frigga as they guided Sigyn deeper into the kingdom’s walls. Once Frigga was no longer in view Freyja spoke, “it is good to have the Goddess of Fidelity back in our midst.” Freyja said with a sharp edge to her tone. She was not one for liking Sigyn, strange since she was the Goddess of Love. Sigyn never did get to find out why she had a hatred for her, maybe she would have time here now to investigate. “How was being dead? Or being considered dead by your loved ones.” Her statement was meant to bother her, and Sigyn glared her way making Freyja smirk.

    “How is the daughter you didn’t raise,” Sigyn retorted and Freyja frowned. It had been a lapsed memory for Sigyn, other important things to remember, but the thought came to mind at the sight of Freyja and her hatred. Hnoss was raised by hand servants to Frey while Freyja spent her time searching for a golden necklace made by witches. Ódr left her and Asgard because of her disobedience, and Freyja travelled the lands to find him. By the time she returned, her infant was now a beautiful young woman. In another life, Sigyn would sympathize with her. They both had husbands who abandoned them, but then Freyja tried seducing her husband. She was a whore in Sigyn’s eyes, but she never voiced her opinions.

    “She is doing well,” she said through her teeth as she was fuming. Idunn interrupted their conversation to deter from an argument.

    “What have you been doing since your years away,” Idunn asked and Sigyn sighed. She would have to come up with a story, and she knew multiple people would ask when they faced her.

    “Worked,” that was true. Before Loki came back, she had a job, she made money. Although the gold gifted to her from Odin was vast, she didn’t mind adding more revenue. She learned expeditively that Odin meant what he said when he promised her riches. She has never been out of money.

    “As what?” She worked on the fields, plucking the potatoes. The job was nothing interesting and the conversation concluded promptly. They found her quarters, and she opened the oak door to witness a large space. It was her living room and kitchen combined, only told as a bedroom. There was a bed meant for two, a small desk with a handful of literature, and another door to what she understood led to the bathroom. There was a window that was perchable for when she wanted to sit on the window seal and read. It was a simple room designed for her. Odin knew her so well.

    The bags she came with were set on the side of her bed. Sigyn went over, and began organizing her belongings. “Servants will come to your aid soon for any of your needs.” Freyja said blatantly, “we must get going Idunn, we have more important matters to attend to,” she grabbed Idunn by the arm and dragged her out. Sigyn was left alone. Finally.

   Sigyn let out a prolonged sigh before looking out the opened windows. On the outer ledge, a crow was perched, watching her attentively. She walked over to the obsidian crow, and swatted at it. The bird flew off, but tried once more to be perched, and she closed the window and shut the curtains. “Odin,” she said through gritted teeth, and she released a grunt. He would be eyeing her day and night to see her slip, but she wouldn’t give him the chance. Realizing she wouldn’t want to stay in her room in case of suspicion, she decided to see more of the kingdom. See if she could recall all the spots where different activities were held. See if any of the same people still resided there. If there is one thing that is not appreciated in Asgard, it’s change.

     She walked the halls as she thought about the conversation she would have with Odin. Would he be straightforward about it? Tell her to tell him where her husband is. Does he already know? He is the all-knowing creature, it wouldn’t come as a surprise if he told her he already knew of her endeavors. It sure would scare the hell out of her though. That could mean a lot of things, but her main thought is; it means this was a convoluted trap and she was going to die tonight. She prayed Loki would be there to stop it if that were the case, which it most likely is.

    Fear bubbled inside her at the thought that was too logical not to be true. She was going to die today, and she was wandering the halls like she had a lifetime to live. She was distracted by death that she didn’t notice the voice calling her name until the person began waving their hand in her face. “Sigyn,” the woman questioned and Sigyn looked up to see it was Sif, wife of Thor. Sif was smiling when she did recognize her face.

   “Sif,” Sigyn said in a lighter tone than she did anyone else she has met so far. Sif was a beautiful woman. Mostly because of the gold she wears for hair. She glistens in the sun, and she wore simpler outfits that defined her perfect features. She was wearing a white dress with simple designs lined with the edges of flowers. There were certain parts of the dress that were more transparent compared to others, exposing her stomach and her legs. There was sunlight beaming on her in the right angle that made her face glow, making her smile brighter. Thor was a lucky man.

   “Odin’s beard, how long has it been? Ten years? More,” she wrapped her arms around Sigyn in a tight embrace. Sigyn flabbergasted, hesitantly hugged her back. Sigyn may have had a few pleasant conversations with Sif, but it wasn’t as if they spent a lot of time together. They rarely did, and only because of her husband. Sigyn was suspicious of why Sif acted as if they were old friends from a long time relationship when that was untrue. “How are you?”

   “I have seen better days,” Sigyn wondered why she told the truth to Sif.

   “Oh that is misfortunate,” Sif empathized. She comforted Sigyn with a rub of her back, revealing how much taller Sif was compared to her. Sif was a tall woman, exceeding her husband a few inches, though to be fair, Thor was not the tallest man. He was in fact, considered short.

  “What about you,” Sigyn felt obligated to feed into the conversation even though she truly didn’t want to.

 “Pleased, not long after you left did I become a mother myself.” Sigyn’s eyes went wide, having forgotten she was pregnant when she left. Sigyn asked how the baby was, “Thrúd is well. Her father is her personal training mentor in the arts of swordsmanship.” Sif chuckled, and Sigyn joined in after. “We have all missed you,” she hugged her again, leaving Sigyn more confused. No one ever tried getting to know her in this place, why would they miss a forgotten face?

   “So I have heard,” Sigyn fixed herself once Sif released her. Sif placed her hand on Sigyn’s shoulder, capturing her attention once more.

   “Enjoy yourself. I know life has not been easy since Narfi and Vali, but it is easier as time goes,” Sif said lowly and Sigyn stared at her befuddled. She didn’t appreciate her mentioning them, and her eyes narrowed. “And do not worry about the rumors, I certainly think them untrue,” Sif assured her and Sigyn glanced at her thrown off by her comment before settling into an apprehensive stare.

   “Sif, there you are,” Sigyn turned around to see the famous Tyr walking down their alley. Right on cue. Sigyn noticed Tyr the Fair no longer had two hands, but one and a nub. Her eyes widened as her suspicions blew away, and worry settled in. Tyr was the bravest and fairest warrior of them all. He was honest and humble , his heart made of pure gold, and a lady killer. That was if he ever kept a woman. His heart and body belonged to the warrior's life, and he was not to be tainted by the sins of fornication. All the girls wanted him, but he just wasn't up for sale. When Tyr reached them, he halted, staring at Sigyn in complete awe. Here we go again…

     "Sigyn?" Sigyn didn't know what made her feel this way, but hearing Tyr say her name in the same dumbfounded way as everyone else, didn't bother her as much. It in fact, made her sad to have been gone that long. Maybe it was the way his hazel eyes stared with betrayal and hurt that drew her in, or how his short light brown hair drizzled to his face, covering parts of his lifted brows. He was almost innocent looking. Almost.

      He did what most people that met her did, hugged her, but this she did return sincerely. "I am here," the weight of her words held in those moments hit her, and she blew out a shaky breath. She didn't want to be here, she didn't want to return yet here she was having to face people like Tyr. Her cabin was better. Being alone was home.

     "We thought you died. Ended your life from the overbearing pain of the loss of your children," Tyr seemed to have breathed as if he’s been holding the grief in for far too long. Sigyn contemplated while in his hold, wondering why Idunn, Freyja, and Frigga knew of her inevitable return, but not Tyr or Sif. Sif made sense, this weaving woman had no business in the immediate family affairs, but Tyr, he had all the business. He was Odin’s son, second heir to the throne, right next to Baldur  who now laid with Hel. It was not just necessary but vital for the next king to know everything about his kingdom. The good and the bad.

   Sigyn pulled away, realizing how long he had been holding her. “It is reassuring to know that is not the case.” Tyr smiled wistfully, before slithering his arm around her waist. He called forth Sif to follow as he forced Sigyn to come along. “You have to see the others Sigyn. They have to see you,” he sounded excited to reunite Sigyn with old family, but she wasn’t. She should have stayed in her room.

 

   Tyr dragged her to the banquet hall, his body still close to hers, and hands touching all the wrong places. The banquet hall had every person of the kingdom, drinking and fighting, being rowdy and singing. They were having fun, a really good time. And then Sigyn showed.

   There was a long pause of the people staring, a few whispers, but mostly silence. Sigyn knew something was amiss. Everyone was out of character, no one gave a damn about Sigyn, why would they care now. Because she may know the whereabouts of Loki? The real scoop of the story. Or was it the idea that she was a ghost? A wandering soul mourning her losses for endless eternity. Blasphemy. The AllFather put these ignorant people up to this. He told them to act a certain way, because he knows, but he fed the people different tales. That filled Sigyn with worry. He did know, and it was the end of her. But what is Odin without playing a little game? Bounce the Sigyn ball around a few times before he would ultimately pop it. She was growing to truly despise that old man.

    She wasn’t going to play. She wasn’t his brother, she wasn’t her husband, she wasn’t Loki. The games end today. Right here, and now. If she was going to fall, she was falling straight. She removed herself from Tyr’s now obnoxious grasp, and stood on the many banquet tables set parallel to the throne that was coincidentally empty. “I must say my first day returning here has been the worst,” she started and everyone tuned, “but it is not because of me being forced out of my home. It is because of these stupid, idiotic, insane notions that I have been told about why I have been absent so long.” The dwellers looked to each other as if they knew nothing of what she spoke. She continued her words, “I have not come back from Hel’s clutches for taking my own life. I am not a ghost, and I certainly have not been hiding away with the infamous God of Chaos.” Well, she spoke the truth until the last one, but no one caught her. Except maybe Odin. Sigyn has yet to see him.

      Whispers spread through the dining room and then a voice spoke, “what about Thrym?”

      “What about him,” Sigyn said under her breath as the anger filled her. Before she could respond, a louder more robust voice spoke for her.

      “Is out speaking for the AllFather across realms. Atli, you are too hilarious,” to people’s surprise, it was Thor defending Sigyn. “What is with this discussion, one of our own has returned to us, alive and healthy. Should we not celebrate instead of berate her. Fight, drink, sleep, what I say. To Sigyn,” Thor raised his horn and the dwellers followed.  They all cheered, and drank, fought, and sang. Everything was back to normal, for the time being of debauchery. The pressure was off of Sigyn just until she spoke to Odin.

     Sigyn glanced at Thor with gratitude but the gesture was not returned. He gazed upon her with his lightning blue eyes which bore a hole into her soul. His expression was not that of obliviousness, and the joy he managed to bring forth in his body earlier was absent. It wasn’t animosity in his gaze, but he was not content to see her. Contempt? Maybe. He would have to tolerate her for now. But in that case, why had he saved her hide? Why not let the crowd chew her out for the rumors spread by the AllFather? Sigyn was not able to hold her gaze with Thor, and she quickly avoided his looks. She stepped down with the help of Tyr, and tried ignoring the sinister look given by Thor.

    Tyr wished to show her around more, and Sigyn wanted to go home. She was not welcomed here and she knew she wouldn’t, but the gaze from the thunderer scared her. The God of Thunder was a powerful creature and with a temper, and if a being angered him, they might as well burn themselves on the pyre. There were going to be others like him, but he was honestly the worst of them all. She would have to watch her back meticulously, she would not be able to sleep tonight.

   She could not deny Tyr, in case of suspicions. People were already wary of her and, if she left the celebration early they would confirm their bias against her. She had to act normal, as if she hadn’t held a fugitive in her home for a year. She put on a weak smile as she greeted the dwellers of the kingdom, a few faces she recognized, a few she didn’t, but it all blended towards the end.

  The drinks took off the edge of the evening. Sigyn was passed a few horns, and she guzzled them down. Being a little intoxicated, she was able to release her inhibitions and talk to these people. She came into contact with Frey, Freyja’s brother. He had a woman glued to his hip, tan skin, chocolate gleaming eyes, and a beautiful colorful silk dress clinging to her hourglass shape. Her hair was pinned in different intricate braids, and her smile was that of a foreigner. She was not from here.

    “Yes, this is my wife, Gerdr. She is a giant,” he spoke proudly of her, parading her around like a trophy. It was sweet, and Sigyn found herself smiling sheepishly. Talk about progression. From hating giants to marrying them, Sigyn wondered how that came to be.

  “How did you two come about?” Sigyn said with a light head. Frey frowned at the question.

  “If you have yet to look, my sheath is absent of a blade. A small price for a greater worth,” he smiled, looking at Gerdr fondly before capturing her lips with his own. If Sigyn remembered correctly, his sword was the most powerful of all the realms. Made of sun and moon, pieces of the four seasons, and other unrealistic ingredients. That blade was meant to kill powerful creatures. Specifically one powerful creature, Surt the fire demon. But the creature resides in the giants. The cold beasts had a burning feeling in their soul that would never dissipate until Ragnarok.

    Still, it was not smart of Frey to throw his sword away for a woman and Sigyn frowned. “What then of Ragnarok,” the inevitable doom and fall of the nine realms, and Frey threw away his blade meant to stop it.

   “It will not come, the AllFather has made it so,” Sigyn placed her hand on her hip as her brow rose. Her mind was loose and disbelief dropped as she giggled. She was done with drinking for the rest of the night. She giggled, knowing the AllFather was a pathological liar. He filled their heads with lies, as he did with her, and now that she was broken from the spell, she could witness what blind following was like on an outside perspective. This is what it must have been like for Loki.

    Thinking of the AllFather and Loki, Sigyn stopped laughing. She would be confronted by the AllFather of her crimes. She had to come up with a way how she would somehow live this day. Begging might work, feed into his ego until he showed mercy. Go to prison, and find a way out. Leave for Midgard and never come back. It sounded easier in her head, but the reality was that she wasn’t  going to be given mercy. She didn’t know how Loki was given any from the AllFather, but whatever the long relationship, the AllFather owed Loki something. He didn’t owe her anything in his perspective, so she was stuck with the next option. Run.

   Right here and now. Sprint for the exit and run away with her life in her hands, and not the cold clutches of Death. She didn’t owe the world anything, she didn’t need to be here. Sigyn was calm about her escape, heading for the nearest exit to the outside, the front doors. She would cut through the dining hall to the outside, then around the guards, and then she’ll be free.

   Sigyn gingerly walked towards the large doors, checking her sides to see if anyone was watching. When her small hand  grazed the oak door, another, much larger hand slammed against it. She jumped in surprise, and looked up to see the man responsible for the hand was Thor. “Thor,” her voice cracked and she winced internally for how scared she sounded.  He wasn’t that much taller than her, yet his figure was hovering over her. Threatening to consume her person. She swallowed hard.

   “Where are you heading innocent Sigyn,” his words had venom to them that startled Sigyn. He did have a grudge against her, and that did not mean well for her. Odin set her up to fail. If only Loki were here, he could hold off the thunderer’s wrath from reaching her.

   “My… chambers. I had too much mead, I am ready to retire.” She played it off as smoothly as she possibly could. Her nervousness was horribly evident.

   “The celebration just started,” Thor smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Sigyn, stay,” he more ordered than insisted. He leaned closer, and Sigyn could smell the mead that engulfed his being. “Tell me what you have been up to,” his choice of phrasing was specific. He did believe she performed a crime. His voice was calm, collective for someone who typically has a short fuse.

    Tyr stepped into the conversation, saving Sigyn from Thor’s wrath. “Why so tense Thor? It is as you said, a party.” Tyr passed Thor a horn, and he drank it swiftly, “how long has it been since your last fight, two, three minutes?” Thor laughed and the intensity of the situation lessened. Sigyn let out a breath she had not realized she was holding.

   “You speak truth Tyr, it has been too long since my last squabble.” Finishing the last bit of substance in the horn, he threw the drinking tool onto the floor. He turned around to the dweller and shouted, “who is next try and conquer the mighty Thor!” There was a roar of voices, and men jumping out their seats to basically have their faces beaten into oblivion.  Sigyn thanked Odin his son was not the brightest, and could easily be distracted by the call of battle. Tyr placed his right hand on her shoulder, capturing her lost attention.

  “Give it time, these last ten years have not been easy on Thor, and then Baldur’s… Just give him some time,” they both heard the groan of a man before it was cut off by the sound of a blunt object hitting flesh, or a fist. “That is my cue,” Tyr turned around to see Thor plummeting his fist into a man’s face repeatedly, leaving only a bloody splatter on the ground. Tyr left her be, and she stared at his missing hand. She would have to ask him one day  about what happened, but first, she had to run.

  The cold breeze was refreshing on her warm face, and she removed her heels to step on the nice, soft grass. She hesitated to leave. She didn’t know what was holding her back. Loki? Possibly, but it was easy to tell him if she were going to leave. So why did her feet stop moving as soon as she was out the door? Guilt.

      She shouldn’t feel responsible for these people’s torment. No one felt remorse for her children, nobody cared that she left, why should it mattered how they felt? She wasn’t involved in the affairs of Asgard for more than ten years, keeping to herself. Nothing was her fault. Yet, she felt guilty. She did feel as if she betrayed her people by leaving them, but she had no control. She was in charge of herself, and only herself. So why in the nine realms does she feel so guilty? Why does she feel responsible for their pain?

  She tried to shake it away. The way the dwellers of Asgard looked at her, the way the hostesses watched. The crow, Thor. They stared at her like she was the criminal. She couldn’t let the looks get to her, she wasn’t used to all eyes on her. That’s it. That’s all. She needed to lie down, she could feel a headache coming on. Sigyn rubbed her temples in hopes it would help, but it never did. Her empty space was no longer empty when she heard the voice of a woman. “There you are Sigyn.” It was Frigga speaking. Sigyn had almost forgotten about the conversation she would have with AllFather. “I come to tell you; the AllFather won’t be able to see you this day. He has gone on an asomatous journey.”

   “When will he return,” in all the distress Sigyn felt, her voice was calm.

   “Only the AllFather knows,” Frigga said before turning on her heel and walking inside. “It is freezing dear, you should head back inside,” Frigga said over her shoulder.

   “No… the cold is nice,” Sigyn said slower than she realized, emphasizing her statement. Frigga responded a brief pause later.

   “It is good to have you back,” Frigga said before leaving. Sigyn took a moment, thinking of her words before glancing back. She supposed she wasn’t going to leave. She was going to have to face her demons.

Chapter 17: Love and Affairs

Chapter Text

      Sigyn took a stroll around the kingdom to keep her head clear, the events of last night left her drained and tired. She did end up falling asleep, the alcohol helping immensely in that process. when she woke, she snatched her knife, afraid Thor could have entered her room anytime and hid. Thankfully,  he had more pressing matters to attend to than to terrorize the guest. She had found an area in which their was little inhabitants. There was an observatory that Odin kept public (since the only other one was kept locked away) which held a library of vast knowledge and a telescope to record the stars.

      There were scholars in Asgard, a well amount of them, but they either came in the early morning or the latest of nights, never in between. Sigyn figured she could rest there for a few hours, she wouldn't be pestered by any aesir. Sigyn sat down in an armchair across the telescope, closing her eyes and calming the loud throbbing she felt banging against her skull. She hoped her friend would not show, she truly hoped she didn’t. She sighed in relief when silence filled her ears, and she was left with meditating her mind. 

    The peace was soon interrupted by a knock on the door. She cursed quietly, and got up from her chair to open the door. The person behind it clearly knew that someone was in here, because she didn’t lock the door. Which would also include that the person watched her as she headed to the observatory, which means they knew her and knew it to be rude to open the doors without knocking. At least Sigyn would believe it to be. So the person had to be someone who respected her enough to warn her of their presence. Sigyn guessed it was the noble Tyr awaiting for her acquaintance. She hesitantly grabbed the handle, and peered through only to be met by Tyr’s lightly armored chest. 

     Sigyn looked up to see Tyr’s sheepish smile as he peered down at her. She didn’t want to think it, but she was catching the feeling that Tyr may have an interest in her. Watching her from afar, holding her the way he did her first day back. Strange, she didn’t assume Tyr had interest in her. She’s seen him like other women, but not her. Honestly, she didn’t seem his type. Her ginger brown hair, and hazel eyes weren’t in his descriptions. He liked a woman named Kelda, blonde, blue eyed woman with a grace to her that made all men’s knees weak. Sadly, the woman went mad after her midgardian lover died in battle and became an einherjar, never to be seen or heard of again. 

     “May I come in Sigyn?” Tyr snapped her out of her trance, and she stepped out of his way. He sat in the seat she had just vacated, and Sigyn huffed in annoyance. The short table near the chair was the only other seat, although it technically wasn’t a chair. Sigyn sat down across from him, pulling her dress over her knees to hide any exposed flesh she wished to not be seen. When she finished fixing herself, she glanced at Tyr to see he was staring. She cleared her throat and captured Tyr’s attention.

    “Was your purpose of coming here only to sit?” Sigyn placed one leg over the other. Tyr realized he didn’t have a reason and shook his head and laughed. She was catching onto his ways.

     “No sigyn, it was not,” he thought quickly, “I came to see how you were doing.” Sigyn folded her arms over her chest and her brow rose. 

      “Is that why you were watching me?” She was planning to accuse him, make him embarrassed of his horrible attempt to spy on the maiden but he seemed to be just as sly as her former husband.

      “If ‘watching’ you means ‘saw as you entered the chamber when I searched for you’ than yes. I did.” That could also be true. He spoke with honesty and innocence, and Sigyn let go of her defenses.  She looked away and unfolded her arms, a bit ashamed to call the humble Tyr a stalker. “How are you?” He asked once more, and she wondered why he would care.

      “I feel like a hundred years have been weighed upon me,” it was nice to have someone to talk to. It was assuring, comforting even. 

     “Thor really scared you didn’t he?” Sigyn shamefully nodded. Baldur died long before she even realized Loki returned to Asgard. It wasn’t her fault for his anguish, yet his gaze made her feel guilty, therefore instilling fear in her. If she believed it, everyone else did too. "Well don't be, he needs time to heal," Sigyn sighed, the weight felt like a ton. "You know, Baldur wasn't the first person Loki killed." Sigyn looked up at him, curiosity and worry filling her features. He nodded and she gulped, "Thor was his first victim. Sad really, they were getting along so well." Tyr explained the tale of when Thor was ambushed by the jӧtnar, organized by the nefarious God of Evil. Thor confronted him on the day he was banished, and then a few years later, Baldur is dead. Thor was betrayed, more than anyone in the kingdom, and he wanted blood. He is going to get it one way or another.

       Sigyn's face was pale. Telling her that worsened her fear, and she truly wanted to leave. "Don't worry Sigyn, no one will let him put a finger on you. The AllFather commands it." Sigyn didn't know how to feel about that news, safe or dread. Whatever spiritual journey Odin was going through didn't stop his watch over Asgard. She was in constant fear and it had only been a day of her being here. The overwhelming pressure of knowing that two powerful beings wanted her head made her breath short. Her heart rate sped, and she needed space for air. 

      She stood up, having to catch her balance. Tyr stood and grabbed a hold of her to keep her from falling. She breathed a small thanks, and Tyr helped her out of the observatory. "Where do you wish to go Sigyn," she pointed towards an exit and he led her there. She found her breath in the outside, holding her chest as she did. Death was too close to her. She could feel her cold breath brushing against her skin. The feeling made her ache. Sigyn could feel her stomach twisting and turning, and she was on the verge of throwing up. She hunched over, ready to let the contents spill within her gullet but it didn't. The nausea subsided and she had pulled herself together. Not without Tyr placing his hand on her back for comfort. "Are you alright?"

       "I wish I was," she spoke under her breath. She nodded falsely, and he relaxed knowing she was fine. 

       "I didn't mean to scare you to sickness, my apologies." He bowed his head slightly, and Sigyn quickly forgave him. .

       “It is alright, I just need…space.” Upon that request, Tyr hesitantly left Sigyn to her own devices.

      After taking a long moment of calming her nerves, she walked the palace walls. She was surprised by how much she remembered, having had tried desperately to forget everything about the kingdom. She guessed her attempt was futile, since she still knew the way to the Yggdrasil. Sigyn wanted to visit more places, but she also didn’t want to run into Tyr again. Their interactions were becoming stranger with the underlying fact that he had interests in her body. She was not stupid, and she was too old to be flattered nor disatisfied. Though she must say, it was intriguing to see that she had attracted the eyes of more than one man. If she lived a different life, maybe she could have experienced a night with each of them.

      Sigyn saw the golden roots of the Tree of Life, outside in an isolated area that was kept sterile and restricted from any other creatures but one. Idunn. Idunn was picking the golden apples off the perfect tree, and placed them gently into her woven basket. She was enjoying herself, a sheepish smile permanently plastered on her face, and she hummed a small tune to herself. She had not a care in the world, completely oblivious to the horrors of reality. Sigyn was jealous of her ignorance to the terrors that lurk behind closed doors. Sigyn wished she could see the world with sunshine and rainbows. but that just wasn’t realistic. Sigyn knew the truth, that behind every rainbow lay a dark cloud. 

      Life flourished in this area where the giving tree rested. Plants of different origins prospered in Idunn’s home, and she would periodically walk over and sniff them. Most had the scent of dirt and green, but to the girl of youth, they smelled like angels. The bliss Idunn experienced from being near life, brought a small smile to Sigyn’s features, and Sigyn knocked on the wall to warn Idunn of her presence.

    Idunn turned to the source of sound, and her smile grew. She allowed Sigyn into her abode, not without taking her heels off first. Sigyn did as ordered, and took a long step into the house of the Yggdrasil. The bark took most of the space, and Sigyn was sure it was only a branch of the giving tree. Idunn offered an apple to the red head, and having to prove herself to these people, took the apple. Idunn stared in awe, waiting for Sigyn to take a bite out of her delectable piece of fruit. Sigyn glanced at her awestruck face, and it worried her. She was uncertain what brought Idunn so much joy in her eyes. Sigyn hesitantly took a chunk of the golden fruit, chewing its substance slowly. She swallowed more than the apple, and looked at Idunn again. The same face still laid there.

      “How was it?” Idunn asked, her eyes wider than before.

    “Sweet.” Sigyn managed to smile, and Idunn nodded in understanding. Idunn turned away from Sigyn, and continued picking up fallen apples off the ground. Sigyn felt it, the rejuvenation she received for consuming the apple. It was as if her soul was replenished, born anew where the world wasn’t dark and gloomy. Her eyes widened, she could truly smell the air the tree produced, sweet and plentiful. A smile grew on her face, and she saw the beauty that was this place. Asgard, an amazing place. The architecture of their history, etched into the walls of the kingdom, and the life that surrounded the palace. Odin may be an old crook, but there were good people who unfortunately lived with him.

    Sigyn felt as though the breath was taken from her, as her mind was forcibly opened to this perspective, and she took a seat on the ground. It had been a long time since she’s taken a bite out of the blessed apple, and now she recalled the effects. Not necessarily a bad feeling, this overly positive attitude, but it could make Sigyn say or do things she might regret. “Are you alright?” Idunn asked and Sigyn nodded. Idunn sat down next to her, playing with her bleached strands. Sigyn was focused on her symptoms, she didn’t realize Idunn was staring for too long. “How are you Sigyn,” Idunn asked with her soft voice, but there was an undertone of order. 

   “Better than I was ten years ago,” the words flowed easily from her mouth, and it was a relief to admitting the hidden truth. Ten years ago, her children were murdered, she was divorced and thought widow, and forgotten. The last year has been filled with the return of her spouse, vengeance, and as a revelation, love. Idunn asked for her to elaborate what the last ten years have been, and she did without a second thought. 

    She was a trainwreck. She lost her mind from grief and isolation from which she never truly returned from. She has her friend to thank for that. Sigyn kept most of what she thought, out from what she spoke. She did explain explicitly how much anguish she felt for the last ten years, using as many hyperboles to describe it to Idunn. By the end of it, Idunn was tearing, and she had to quickly wipe the tears away. “I am, so sorry Sigyn,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “The life you must have lived,” Sigyn didn’t believe it be that compelling a tale, but Idunn’s eyes spoke otherwise.

    Idunn sat there quiet for a long time and Sigyn didn’t mind it. It left her to think what her former husband was doing. If he was okay and if he got away. She also wondered when he would see her or how he would. She didn’t know if he would send a note or just catch her in a secluded area. She didn’t think about her future with this relationship she now hid to the royal family. She didn’t wondered how long she would want to do this “keeping it a secret” relationship because, she did love to admit, they were healing. She didn’t wonder if she would ever want the life they had before. Her, being his wife. Her, being the mother of his children. She didn’t wonder. 

     “I wish to tell you, and this is embarrassing now to say to you, I used to have a hidden love for your husband.” Idunn spoke and Sigyn glanced at the woman. “It was of course, not reciprocated, and I kept the feelings suppressed.” The words did not sit well with Sigyn. They made her stomach churn and they shouldn’t. She wasn’t one for getting jealous or suspicious, but after years of betrayal, the skepticism was deserved. Sigyn was a patient person, and she wasn’t rude and she decided to ask Idunn what spurred this on. Idunn chuckled a bit before explaining how she gained these feelings. 

    Apparently it began developing after Loki had saved Idunn from the talons of Thiazi. Breaking her out of her cold, isolated cage, and carrying her to safety, feelings blossomed. Sigyn would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that Idunn still had a tingling sensation when she thought about him. Sigyn found it inappropriate for her to be talking about her husband as she did. Complete admiration and desire leaking from her voice. Sigyn hid her inner seething but she felt her hands clench. She ate the apple making her more complacent, but Idunn’s talk angered her. It made her skin crawl, and her blood boil. 

    She shouldn’t feel this way. She should feel more confident in her and Loki’s relationship. He wanted to try again. He was obligated to show his faithfulness. Idunn was no threat, Sigyn didn’t understand why she felt angry. She would not act on her anger, she was raised better than that. Sigyn also needed to keep anyone from suspecting she was in contact with Loki. Sigyn smiled somberly as she looked up to Idunn. Idunn was smiling fondly before staring at the tree. 

   The effects of the apple faded, and Sigyn sighed in relief. It usually lasted longer but, the effects can be rejected. She looked up at the tree with Idunn, engulfed in its beauty. There were many lumps of infecting bacteria in the trees bark that added to it gorgeousness. An imperfect tree that was the perfect tree. Sigyn smiled, a genuine smile to stare at the giving tree. “Do you still love him? Even after all he’s done and put you through?” Idunn spoke out, and Sigyn stared at her feet. 

    She would always love him. She would always want him, and she didn’t appreciate other people professing their love for the only one she ever loved. “Yes,” Sigyn said in a shameful whisper, and Idunn rubbed her back to soothe her pain. 

    “Do you know where he is?” Sigyn didn’t look up but she shook her head. In truth she didn’t, she didn’t even know how to contact him. For all she knew, she was just as questioning of his whereabouts as everyone else in the kingdom. It didn't help with how she felt about being questioned. She was only here because she knew 'where' Loki was. Idunn got Sigyn on her feet as if dismissing her from the interrogation. "Ah, it's girl talk," Idunn said suddenly, convincing Sigyn it was only gossip. "My husband would not appreciate me speaking of your ex-spouse in such manners." She laughed and Sigyn managed to chuckle.  Sigyn was ready to leave and she crept her way to the exit. Idunn grabbed her wrist, "Sigyn, if there is anyone you need to talk to, I am always here."

     Sigyn smiled genuinely and turned to leave. Idunn was a strange woman-child but Sigyn had to admit, she hated her the least. Her mind wandered to the AllFather and his spiritual journey. Why he took one when Sigyn shows up, she didn't know but she had a strange suspicion it was apart of his plan. He was the AllFather, he knows everything that ever was, is, and will be. All his moves related to what is to come and she had to be prepared. Hell was going to break loose and she was going to be in the center of it.

    Sigyn retreated to her room, afraid she would bump into a being that was less than friendly. She didn’t feel safe here and for good reason. Without fear, she would’ve died a long time ago. Without blending in, she would’ve murdered long ago. She couldn’t do that now, she was the center of everyone’s world and it was her husband’s fault. It aggravated her knowing it was Loki’s fault. He had to kill Baldur. An eye for an eye, but was it worth it? Sigyn learned the hard way, it wasn’t. 

    She walked the halls silently as to not be detected. She shook when  she heard the loud sound of clanking metal and the robust laughter of thunder. She froze  at the corner, and she slowly peeked. The thunderer was not on the other side, but she could still hear his voice. She was truly losing it. Hearing the voices of her enemies when they weren’t there. This was the doing of her friend, it had to be and if it was, she was in for a trip.

    Her thoughts paused when she spotted an open window. She sighed with relief before walking to the window, making sure the noises were from the outside. She checked briefly and saw Thor beating on a log with another man sitting on the ground holding his head. He had bruises and cuts, and he looked half dead. The man was clearly dazed, and exhausted, he looked ready to go home. Thor was not finished with him, and beaten the man down to a bloody pulp. The man was larger than the thunderer, but Thor’s might reached much farther than that of his own. Thor looked mad, but when did he not? After punching the cut tree a few times, his fury overcame him and, he grabbed the log with both hands and broke it in half with a loud grunt. 

      Thor’s shoulders eased and he turned to his fallen partner. “You alright Vaughn?” Vaughn nodded slowly as he wiped the blood slipping out of his mouth. He smiled to reveal his bloody filled mouth, and he spat a wad of blood and spit. Thor lend his hand and Vaughn took it. Thor patted his back for being a good sport and walked with him inside. 

     “Are you alright sir? You seem more bothered than usual.” Vaughn wondered and Thor sighed.

     “Nothing, and yet, everything. I can not stand it,” Thor spoke his mind to his punching bag. Vaughn was clearly his right hand. Strange since most royals were given a handmaiden to be their personal  service. Sigyn supposed it was because of Thor’s violent tendencies why he was given a man to do his bid, and as she could tell, Odin did right by those women. Thor glanced at the nearby window, and Sigyn knew it was time for her leave before she gave Thor another reason to be angry. 

    Her mind shifted to Tyr’s words. Thor was his first victim. Thor was betrayed. The words came to her over and over again as she walked to her room, her palms becoming sweaty. She wasn’t guilty. She was not to blame. She did nothing. She repeated the words to calm her heavy beating heart. She was not guilty. She did nothing wrong. She was not to blame. Sigyn felt as though her heart was the loudest thing in the hallway, and every guard, god, and in between could hear it. She was not to blame. She did nothing. She was not guilty. She hit the door, and she entered her room quickly.

     Her back slid down the door as she collected herself. She took a deep breath and groaned. How many lives had Loki affected, and how many in a negative way? Sigyn soon realized she was not the only person to be infected with the corruption that was Loki, but she wondered if she was the last. Loki wasn’t done with his wrath on Asgard. What did he plan to do?

    Sigyn wasn’t sure she could live in Asgard knowing these people’s pain and knowing she loved the one who caused it. It made her feel an obligation to the two, to fix one and rid the other. She couldn’t have both, and she didn’t want both. She wanted the one. The one and only thing she ever wanted.

Chapter 18: Brawl

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

    The next few days, Sigyn stayed in her room. Occasionally she would go outside to get fresh air or head to Frigga’s chambers to question where the AllFather is. He most certainly would still want to “talk” to Sigyn, she wanted to be prepared for when that day comes. She had not received any news on it.

    Every night was a celebration for her return. Parties typically lasted a few nights in Asgard so she wasn’t surprised, but it was hard to get much sleep. She missed her home. The silence. The only sounds heard was that of nature. Instead of the banging of tables, singing and roughhousing. The noises were distorted when combined, and it would leave her disoriented. 

    She lay in her bed, wrapped tightly in her furs as she tried thinking of peaceful sounds instead of the dysfunctional noises across from her. She tried to relax but the sound of breaking glass made her tense immensely. She grunted in irritation. Her methods were clearly not working by the fact that she hadn’t slept in hours. She groaned when she heard knocking on her door. She removed her covers and made her walk to the front door. 

   Sigyn hoped it wasn’t a drunken sailor searching for a night in a woman’s bed because then, she would be obligated to slap them. She sighed before opening her door, only to be met by a handmaiden. “Excuse m’lady, but I was sent to retrieve you.” Sigyn sighed once more and placed her hand on her hip.

   “By whose accord?” Sigyn could make an educated guess, but even she liked surprises.

   “Tyr’s,” Sigyn nodded knowingly before getting dressed and  taking the maiden’s hand. She dragged her to the dining halls, and once they were inside, the maiden scurried back to her master. The place was as she heard, loud and rowdy. The smell of the room was of debauchery, and Sigyn wanted to sleep. This would surely throw her sleeping pattern off its course. She knew she would have to accept because it was Tyr and no one denied the innocent Tyr of anything. A small invitation was just that, small. She would stay around for an hour, and head for her room. Simple and easy. 

       Aesirs were dancing, singing, fighting, the usual. Sigyn found herself lured by the mead set aside in barrels and made her trot over there.

     Sigyn didn’t wear revealing clothes. Winter peaked through the mountains quicker than the sea level ground. Sigyn was given thicker, warmer clothes. She wore warm leather boots, stuffed and tied with patches of fur. She had linen pants this time, and a thick, laced blouse tucked to keep the cold from getting under her skin. She didn’t have a fur coat to cover her arms, she would have to hunt for luxuries such as that. Sigyn wasn’t wearing any revealing, suggestive clothing so she was surprised when she heard a smack and felt a stinging to her backside. She turned to see the culprit, and she was snatched by the waist and moved to sit on the man’s lap. 

     “What’s your name, ay beautiful?” A drunken sailor, she wasn’t surprised. He placed his finger on her lip and trailed down her collar bone until it reached her cleavage. Sigyn smacked his hand and it retracted quickly, but the man giggled. “M’not allowed access,” he chuckled. “What will a man have to do for ya?” His smile was devious as his grip on her waist tightened.  Sigyn decided against her anger, and hopped off the man’s lap, removing the man’s hold on her waist. “Eh lady? If not a night, then a drink,” he waved his horn but Sigyn ignored both requests. 

      Sigyn resided with the barrels and her own horn. The unwanted touch left her on edge and she found herself scanning the room multiple times. She was finishing her cup when she felt a tug pull her arm. Her head snapped to the intruder, but was shocked to see a blonde hair, blue eyed, silent man staring back at her. Sigyn recognized the face. It was more youthful than what she’s known but, that was unmistakably the face of the AllFather. This was his son. His silent son, which in comparison to his other children, makes him a great conversationalist. Vali was his name. She could never forget that name.

    Sigyn decided to sit down next to the silent Odinson. He offered a seat, so she took it. Settling down, she could feel her heart calming too. “What brings you to this evening?” She asked and Vali shrugged, combing a hand through his hair. His blonde strands reached his shoulder, with a long braid falling down his back. There were rumors of Vali’s origin. Aesirs believed his mother to originate from Midgard, and because midgardians were half-blood compared to the Jӧtnar and Aesir, Vali’s body always fought over control. He fought to be human, but his god-like nature seeped through often. It left an inner turmoil that broke his voice. Many think if he were ever given a voice, it would shatter the nine realms.

    Sigyn made conversation with the man knowing that. She believed that tale as well, but at this point; shattering the nine didn’t seem too awful to her. Odin kept Vali away from the family affairs although he was family. Isolating him from the Aesirs only made the rumors seem that much more true. “Enjoying it?” She asked and Vali shrugged once more before downing his drink. He smiled at the ale, and went to the barrels to get another drink. He offered to pour her some more but she refused. She was fine for the night, and preferred to stay sober. 

    Their conversation was pleasant. It was only her talking, but his physical reactions to the things she would say were more exaggerated which made it interesting to talk to him. Vali seemed otherworldly with his reactions as if it was his first time going to an Aesir party. Sigyn talked about a few of the participants in the event, the baseline of what she  knew about them. She spotted Freyja talking to a few drunken men in a scantily outfit. Sigyn couldn’t help herself, and she began making fun of her. How cold she must be, or what reasons she could be showing off her body. 

    Vali began laughing, but the only sounds that came out were the noises of his body moving, teeth clanking, and breaths being taken. No vocal cords to give him an octave or a tenor. Just silence. Sigyn found it so strange and fascinating at the same time. She wondered if he was cursed. “Do you have a voice,” no one who has met Vali has ever asked that question. Afraid he might vex them with his witchcraft. He didn’t know magic. She would be the first. 

     He shook his head and shrugged. She nodded in understanding. Maybe he was cursed. His smile lowered which didn’t come unnoticed. He took a large drink of his ale and his eyes wandered the room. Sigyn wondered if it was what she asked that made him less social, but she wouldn’t ask about it. 

   The large doors to the entrance of the banquet were forced open. Cheering filled the room, and a militia of armored men walked through the room. A path was cleared and people banged the tables in unison as they called the man of the hour. Sigyn stood to catch sight of the man and Vali followed after. Freyja and Frey ran to the older man, greeting him respectfully but informally. He was Njӧrd, hostage of the Vanir. From the look of blood on the warriors beside him, and the lack of blood on Njӧrd, the pillaging was successful. 

    Njӧrd threw silver from his pouch and people began scrambling for the change. He wouldn’t throw his gold, it was worth too much to him. Voices roared but they were silenced by the calming but demanding voice of the man himself, “friends of this land, enjoy my small riches. For they are the gifts of my travels, and a gratitude of your continued hospitality.” He had been handed a horn, and he lifted it into the air. Everyone followed his lead, and he made a small chant for which the aesirs repeated. Cheer overthrew the room and the celebration continued on with more vigor. 

     Instruments played and a choir of drunken sailors sang. For those who could catch word of their rhythmic tune, they tapped to the beat. Sigyn was a victim to the tapping, finding herself nodding to the tune playing. She was remembering the feel of a party, and how vigorating it was. Vali enjoyed the music as well, willing to express his fondness physically.  He stood up to dance with the others, but he realized Sigyn still stayed seated. She was enjoying it too, she should join them as well. Vali tapped Sigyn’s shoulder, and she looked up at him. He held his hand out and she was reluctant to take it. Sigyn didn’t know why she hesitated. It was just a dance. 

    She placed her hand on his and stood. She knew if Loki saw her dancing with another the way she did, he would be furious. Maybe that’s why she was nervous to get up and move. Loki wasn’t here, she didn’t have to worry about his scolding eyes. Sigyn laughed at the thought. A form of freedom even if she were still bound to him. She let Vali take lead, and he spun her to the rhythm. Sigyn tapped her feet and swayed her hips instinctively, she danced the only way she knew. Sensually. Vali’s eyes wandered to rocking hips, his eyes widening. Once he remembered he was staring, he blushed and looked away. 

    Sigyn chuckled before taking his hands and forcing him to look at her. She pulled away and switched sides with the silent demigod, clapping to the sailors willing to share their voices with the dwellers of Asgard. Everyone was clapping and stomping, breaking furniture or breaking heads. Sigyn was distracted by the show, she didn’t notice when Vali came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist. 

    He turned her around and dipped her. She was caught by surprise and she looked at him with shock. He smiled, lingering there for a moment before lifting her up to stand. She had never been dipped before, no one had in Asgard. That was something new Vali showed her and she liked it. He was clearly other worldly. Sigyn placed a hand on the center of his chest, catching her balance and using him for support. “Where did you learn that?” She asked but remembered he couldn’t speak. He took a breath as if he was, but was interrupted by the call of  Njӧrd.

   “Who wishes to challenge the great Njӧrd of Vanaheim?” Vali released Sigyn and he smirked. He began making his way towards the makeshift arena, pulling his sword out of his sheath. Sigyn frowned and grabbed his wrist.

   “What are you doing?” Sigyn asked, a bit of concern leaking from her voice. Vali frowned, holding his sword toward Njӧrd, wishing to challenge the Vanir. Sigyn shook her head, “you fight with your hands, not an actual weapon. This is roughhousing. You will get yourself killed if you walk toward him with a blade,” she held her hand out and Vali placed the grip of his blade in her hand. He nodded his thanks, and rolled up his sleeves. He had a medium build, Sigyn imagined Odin looked as him when he was younger. 

    The crowd was loud, and Vali had no voice to call Njӧrd back. He pushed and shoved through until he reached the arena. The crowd silenced at the sight of Vali who was smiling and breathing heavily from the work it took to get there. Sigyn watched the faces of the aesir change from happy to anxious and scared. Vali was an otherworldly creature. “Are you all shaking for fear of the Odinson’s life.” Njӧrd chirped and he removed his tunic. Battle scars littered his withering body, and Vali followed his lead. Njӧrd laughed at the youthful body, “look at this lad, not a scratch on him. He’s never seen battle let alone a fist fight. Go home boy.” Njӧrd dismissed the embarrassed man.

    Vali didn’t give up, he stood his ground and held his stance. Njӧrd glanced back at the young man, looking him over once more. “Fine boy, but I gave you a chance to step away,” Njӧrd cracked his neck and his knuckles. Vali smiled and did the same, and Njӧrd cried before charging toward the boy. 

    Njӧrd tried knocking him down with his charge, but Vali held his earth. Vali began slowly pushing the elder man back. He made little progress. Njӧrd had a tight grip around Vali’s waist, and he lifted him off the ground. Vali was larger than him, not by much, but enough to make a difference. The older man was trained, and he was trained well. Njӧrd threw Vali to the other side of the arena, he didn’t want to end the fight this quickly. He watched and his eyes widened when he saw Vali land on his hand and lift to his feet. Njӧrd was genuinely surprised. “This boy has tricks,” Njӧrd said to himself. 

    Vali  ran towards him, and latched onto his waist. His grip was tight, and he easily crushed Njӧrd’s insides. He crumbled and he plummeted his elbow into Vali’s back repeatedly. Vali’s hold loosened and he swiped Njӧrd’s leg. The man fell and hit the ground, back first. Vali attempted to fall on top of him, but Njӧrd rolled out of the way. Njӧrd wrapped his arm around the man’s neck and pushed his head forward into the lock. His leg pinned Vali’s as to keep him from wiggling and he could not escape.

   Vali struggled, feeling himself slip away from consciousness. He grabbed his arm, and pried Njӧrd’s arm off of him. The audience watched in awe and fear as the true strength of Vali Odinson peered through. He broke out of the neck hold, and he bent Njӧrd’s arm back. Njӧrd writhed with pain and his grasp on Vali disappeared. Vali took the opportunity to lift the god as he did him, but with his might, threw him to the ground. Njӧrd was on the ground, fallen. Defeated. He didn’t get up for quite some time, and the audience didn’t cheer for the victor.

    Vali’s smile lowered from the lack of praise, and worry settled in. He heard a groan, and his eyes flashed to Njӧrd. Njӧrd got up slowly, holding his side before calming the fretful crowd. He placed his injured arm onto the shoulder of Vali and smiled, “this lad is a true son of Odin!” Cheers erupted, and Vali was accepted among the aesir. If only it were that easy for Sigyn.

     She watched the fight with anticipation. It was quick and it was clear who would be the winner. Vali was younger, stronger, more mass. Njӧrd was trained, but he just wasn’t as quick as he once was, and nowhere near as strong as an Odinson. Everyone saw it, Sigyn witnessed it, the way Vali got back on his feet. That was not normal. Sigyn knew it, the aesir knew it.  He was trained, but from someplace else, for something else. Sigyn lifted her horn to Vali who glanced at her in the crowd of aesir surrounding him. 

    Sigyn clapped for the victor, a gentle smile on her face. Sigyn’s clapping ceased when a chill went up her spine and past her shoulders. She turned her head, and she heard laughter. Sigyn jumped when she saw her friend standing next to her chuckling. She dropped her horn as she backed away. Her body shook violently as the realization hit her. 

   Before she could truly freak out, her hand was held in her friend’s hand. She couldn’t escape. Sigyn tried forming words to speak but her voice was lost to her. She didn’t think she would show. She thought she left her behind with the rest of her home just as she once did Asgard. Sigyn was clearly wrong on both accounts. Sigyn quivered and she froze when she heard her speak. “Are you alright Sigyn,” Sigyn paused for a moment. The voice, she did not recognize to be her friend. Sigyn looked away, and blinked a few times. When she looked up, her friend was gone. She sighed with relief.

      Frigga stared at Sigyn in confusion. “I did not mean to scare you Sigyn.” Sigyn breathed relief before dismissing Frigga’s assumption. “You look as if you have seen a ghost.” Sigyn breathed a laugh and Frigga smiled. 

    “What is the queen of these lands doing out so late?” Sigyn asked in lighter tone to her earlier reaction. Having been pleasantly entertained, her nerves were down as well as her guard. She was open to conversation. 

    “I have to watch the kingdom, even in times of joy and recklessness, while Odin is away I am the keeper.” Frigga stared as another round began with Tyr and a nameless sailor. She expected her son to win. “How are you,” she asked gently and Sigyn frowned. She was getting tired of being asked if she was fine. She was getting used to Asgard, it was an old familiarity. She was getting used to old familiarity. 

    “Do you have an estimate of when Odin will be back?” Sigyn countered instead of answering her superfluous question.  Frigga shook her head, giving the same response in their previous meetings. No. Sigyn sighed but resigned herself to be patient (as if she had a choice) and wait for when the AllFather did wake. Sigyn focused on the fight but she noticed in the corner of her eye, Frigga was still staring. Sigyn held her annoyance and instead glanced back, waiting for Frigga’s explanation. 

   “Did you notice it? The winter snow?” Sigyn frowned, hearing the worry in Frigga’s voice. “The snow should not have fallen for at least two more full moons.” Frigga shook her head, she wasn’t one for worrying. That’s what her husband was here for, but she couldn’t help but see the falling snow. She tried pushing the anxiety away, but it was present and it didn’t plan on leaving. “Bah, nonsense.” She dismissed passing the stress onto another person. She would keep her worry to herself. Frigga told Sigyn to enjoy the party and walked off, continuing her queenly duties.  

    Sigyn did enjoy the party. Tyr as he battled the nameless sailor, glanced at Sigyn for support. Frey called out to Tyr. distracting him for a moment which led to him getting tackled. He got on his feet quickly and brushed off the blood dripping down his nose. Sigyn got closer to the action since Vali was led away. As she honed in, she realized the sailor Tyr fought was the one who assaulted her. At least, she was sure that was. She hadn’t got a good look at the man to know his exact features but she remembered brown curls covering his head, and that shit-eating grin. Now Sigyn wanted blood, and not from Tyr. 

    With the roar of the crowd, Sigyn barked at Tyr, ordering  for the sailor’s face to be beaten in. She had to know it was wrong what she was doing. Abusing the power she knew she had to get what she wanted, but the man deserved it. If she wasn’t able to hurt him, someone had to. Tyr stared at Sigyn for a moment, curious to her sudden interest in the bloody violence. Then he saw the way she glared at his opponent. There was a grudge between the two and Tyr was the soul to alleviate that. Her voice were clear as day, “blood!” Tyr nodded and did as bid. 

    The sailor made another attempt to knock the god off his feet, but Tyr anticipated the charge and stepped aside in time to slam his fists into the man’s back. The sailor fell with a cough and from the grumbles that escaped his lips, he was angry. He flipped over and attempted to kick Tyr in the leg. Tyr stepped aside and pressed his booted foot on the man’s chest. “Knock him down,” a crowd member shouted and the sailor smirked. He tugged at Tyr’s leg, putting him off balance. The drunken man pushed his legs and made him land on his knees before pinning him to the ground. 

    Tyr was underneath the large man, face being forced into the dirt that covered the arena. He kept hearing the words “blood” and he would grant his lady’s wish. He mustered the energy to lift his own, and the weight of the sailor off the ground. His arms pushed up and his body followed his command. The sailor was caught off guard and Tyr flipped over, the sailor now under him. When the man tried to stand, Tyr headbutted him with the back of his head. He heard a bone crack and the sailor dropped in defeat. The crowd cheered and Tyr caught his breath as he stood. The man had a broken nose, blood poured out his nostril as he held onto it whining. Tyr picked him up by the shirt and smiled. Sigyn would be very pleased. He patted the man’s shoulder, and tossed him to the crowd to receive aid. 

    Sigyn was thrilled by the end result of her request. She smiled widely as she saw the sailor squirm from his cracked nose. Tyr did right by headbutting the sailor. That was the least he deserved. Sigyn ran up to Tyr with a smile and embraced him for a job well done. She could get used to ordering men around. She still held him but she looked into his confused glance. “Something tells me you wanted the man hurt.” Tyr said, a smirk creeping on his face. 

   “I will never tell,” she put a finger to her lips to signify her promise. Tyr smiled warmly before leaning forward. Sigyn realized Tyr wanted a reward for his efforts to please her, and she realized her mistake. Before his lips could touch hers, she tilted away and pressed her lips against his cheek. That seemed to satisfy him since when she pulled away, his smile was wider. 

     Tyr lowered his head to her ear, speaking in a whisper, “I like a challenge Sigyn.” Tyr chuckled and Sigyn frowned. His voice was low and husky, and Sigyn did not enjoy his implications. She released Tyr and brought a fake smile to her lips. 

    “I suppose it is time for me to retire,” she managed to yawn and she took a few steps away from Tyr. She didn’t have more to say to the noble Tyr and she bowed and dismissed herself. Tyr stared at her with a wolfish grin. and Sigyn wanted to leave fast. She left without another word. 

   Sigyn felt silly for having given Tyr any idea that she was interested. She felt ridiculous for embracing the man and kissing his cheek. And she felt ashamed for her pleasure in another person’s pain. The man deserved it, but the residue of what she felt is what worried her more. She liked seeing him in pain, but it wasn’t because of his actions against her. She shook her head in fear, trying desperately to wipe the thoughts away, but they kept coming. She needed sleep, and she needed sleep now. 

    Sigyn entered her room swiftly, removing her thoughts of pain and suffering. Her friend was here. She realized that now, and she had to be on edge. She could be lurking at any corner, in any dark shadow waiting to strike. Sigyn strpped herself of her warm, furry clothing, into her under armor, a tunic. She tied the lace in the tunic and headed for bed. Sigyn froze and held a scream when she saw a large dark figure laying in her window. “You look like you have seen a ghost.” The dark figure chimed and she recognized the voice. For some reason, she didn’t stop holding her breath.

Notes:

Vali is Vidar as well. I merged them as one.

Chapter 19: Date

Chapter Text

    “The party is a banger,” Loki spoke smugly as he hopped into the room of Sigyn. She stared in disbelief, his frontside covered by the overcasting shadow of the chased moon. Sigyn took a few broken steps toward him, her hand slowly reaching out to touch. She couldn’t lie to herself, she was spooked by Tyr’s comment. To see her lover here, now, was the most reassuring feeling she has felt in decades. She was shocked, she needed to know if this was real, if any of it were real. “Have you nothing to say woman,” he said nonchalantly but he noticed her look of distress. 

     Her hand rested on his cheek as she answered, “You, should not be here,” she said through her teeth, searching in his eyes, the answer. “You will be caught quickly-” she steamed, her worry for her former spouse affecting her emotions.  Loki snatched her wrist near his face, placing it against his chest as he pulled her closer.

      “I told you Sigyn, on nights like these, when I feel the most vulnerable and need the touch of a woman, I will come to you.” He stated simply as he grabbed her face and forced his lips upon hers in a passionate, lustful kiss. Sigyn pulled away, pausing his moment of desire, concern filling her features.  

    “But what if someone sees us,” there were multiple reasons she didn’t want to go through with this, but that was one reason most logical. 

   “I can barely see you. Those drunken idiots will be incapable of spotting you.” He reached  to touch her once more, placing his hand on her cheek to which she leaned into. He saw in her face, something bothered her and it wasn’t just his advances. “What happened Sigyn?” She sighed in clear defeat. His voice held a tone she recognized when he believed his property was touched. She didn’t know where to begin, maybe from the day they separated. 

     Asgard was highly suspicious of her, and her current relationship with the God of Evil.  She wasn’t sure how they concluded the idea that she was involved with the God of Chaos, she could only assume Odin was the cause. One of his ravens watched Sigyn all these years, because of the paranoid, control freak. There were others who decided against Odin’s words, believing Sigyn was innocent for two reasons: they didn’t know her, or her beauty infatuated them to only worry about getting under her skirt. She preferred the former than the ladder, and that’s what worried her.

     Not to mention those who wanted her dead for her betrayal to Asgard. She was facing too many fears all at the same time.  It left her exhausted and in hiding. She wanted to be home, in her solitude where Asgard wasn’t there to threaten her life. She made no pledges to Asgard or to their liege, and she was divorced to Odin’s brother so she held no loyalties to anyone. Yet they continued to force the thought down her throat, and she was beginning to believe it. As if she owed Asgard a great debt that she could only pay by turning in the one she loved. She deserved some form of happiness, even if it did cost Asgard a criminal.

    Sigyn decided not to tell him of her inner turmoil. She knew what was fact, she would never give up Loki to Asgard. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. She wasn’t sure what made her inclined, it couldn’t have been the relationship alone. It was years of knowing the God of Evil. Their history was too much for it to end with his imprisonment or his execution. “Nothing of import, just tired,” she tried playing off but his smirk told her she failed. 

     He leaned in, their faces inches apart as he stared at her intensely, “you are a terrible liar.” His features softened, “I will earn your grace once more Sigyn, and then you will tell me every dirty secret you have.” Her brow rose to  the cause.

     “Is that a challenge?” She asked, challenge within her voice.

     “No, it is a guaranteed,” he grabbed her hand and led her to her wardrobe. He began digging through it, and Sigyn questioned why he was looking through her clothes to which he responded with a quirky comment about his sexuality that made Sigyn roll her eyes. He took a pair of her dresses, and balled them up in his hands. Sigyn stared attentively as he released his grip on her dresses. Two navy blue cloaks appeared in replacement of the two dresses.  Loki gave one to Sigyn, and wrapped the other on his head. 

     She took it hesitantly before catching on to what he meant by this. She did the same with her cloak before asking, “where are we going?” He grabbed her hand and led her to the window.

   “I think it better if I show you,” he smiled as he stepped onto the ledge of the window. He tugged her to follow but now she refused.

    “I am not going out the window, we are too high. If we fall, we will die,”  Sigyn pulled her hand away, and walked back from the window. Loki grabbed her cloak and reeled her back in. 

   “Do you trust me?” He asked and she shook her head and verbally said no. He chuckled, finding that he deserved that from his former spouse. “Well I promise you, we will land safely,” half his body was out the window, and he was dragging her out. She fought to stay safely inside the castle.

    “There were many promises you made,” she snatched her body away from the imminent danger he was attempting to force her in, “and they were all broken.” The words did sting, but they also rang true. She sighed, the words she spoke were unnecessary and she knew it. He still held his hand out and she hated it. He knew of her mistake, and her regret of words and used it to his advantage. His eyes read his hurt, but his grin told the truth. Sigyn resigned and placed her hand in his, stepping on the ledge with him. 

    As soon as she caught her balance, she looked down. The act made her nauseous, and she ended up clinging to Loki for safety. He gripped her waist and pulled her close before chuckling. They weren’t at the top of the castle but they were high enough for it to take a second longer before they hit the ground. Sigyn didn’t appreciate his laughter, and for good reason. He jumped off the ledge with Sigyn in arms, and she covered her mouth before she could wildly scream. She saw the ground come closer, and her eyes fluttered closed from the shock of falling to her death. His decent slowed and he picked Sigyn’s feet up as he landed softly on the ground.

    She woke shortly after and opened her eyes to see she was on the earthy soil of the snowy ground. She sighed with relief and wrapped her arms around his neck as he set her down. She roughly shoved him  as she slammed her fists against his chest, “do not ever do that again!” She shouted at him who was surprised by her attack. She breathed out heavily as she tried calming her adrenaline rush. She turned away from him as she relaxed knowing she wasn’t going to die. Sigyn looked up as she opened her eyes and she gasped. 

    She wiped her eyes and collected her thoughts before speaking, “where are we?” The house in front of her was one she did not recognize. The structure was red, the beams supporting it was decorated in shiny, bright colors of gold, green, and black. The roof was curvy and made from a bark she could not identify. Oak possibly? Shredded and stripped into smaller twigs to make a strong top. The ground was paved similar to Asgard with stone, but the trees were symmetrical in shape. Sigyn would consider them to be deliberately shaped to share the look of a box.  There was writing in front of the structure that she could not read, and she tilted her head in intrigue. The place was nice, but she knew this was not Asgard. 

    “This, is Midgard.” He stepped forward and ordered her to follow. She did, moth agape while she looked at the multiple structures similar to the one she thoroughly observed. The place was streaked with red and gold, and she noticed statues of round-belly “men” who had no tunic, their legs crossed and arms in a position. It was a strange but enticing sight, and Sigyn found herself looking in awe. “This is a different part of the realm, but fairly similar to the glory of Asgard.” He continued to lead her on the stone path until they reached an open area. 

    There she saw different color shaded lights connecting to each house on a string, and in each house, a paper thin panel opened and people walked out. They didn’t seem to notice the two gods standing not far off from the crowd that began to form. People walked past them, a few gave them a glance but most kept their head low or were distracted by their fellow men. “There are times when the people of this plain celebrate their religion with a light show.” The people carried red balls in their hand. The children ran outside in the cold air, laughing and playing in excitement. Sigyn watched in amusement. 

     The men and women were dressed in silk robes and dresses. The clothing was decorated in beautiful colors and designs of flowers and patterns. “Light show?” She asked in wonderment and pure innocence like a child viewing the world for the first time.  She didn’t realize her feet were moving along with the group until Loki’s hand pressed against her back, ebbing her on. 

   The strange Midgardians had lit candles and either placed it within their lanterns or helped light others’. There was a wash of light over the crowd of people and Sigyn made a sigh of astonishment. “What is this place?” She asked but she didn’t turn to Loki, afraid she might miss the next magical event. 

   “China,” Loki said and Sigyn’s brows furrowed. She tried the word and Loki was her reference to how the name was pronounced. When she finally spoke the name, it felt strange on her tongue. “China is Asgard in Midgard. It is considered the ‘golden realm’.” The show continued, and once the lanterns were lit, they were lifted above the people’s heads, and were released into the sky. The dark night was brightened by the artificial lights, creating makeshift stars in the sea above. 

     Sigyn smiled wistfully. The scene before her was magnificent. She didn’t know magic was common in Midgard, but they put it to good use. It was late at night, and Sigyn was tired but in this moment, her eyes were wide open. The other creatures watched, a few sitting down with their families and others standing in place. Her mind entered the void of the light, lost in the vortex of the lit sky. Her mind took a mini journey, with only Loki’s presence bringing her back to reality. “This is beautiful,” she glanced at him, a smile plastered on her face. 

    “This realm has many intriguing qualities. Many different people and cultures.” He looked out into the distance, deep in thought. Sigyn looked up at his solemn figure, frowning slightly.

  “Why are we here?”   

  “I thought it a good change of scenery from the general savagery of Asgard,” his arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her to his hip. Her head leaned against his shoulder  There was more to his reason. He was looking for something. Specifically, someone. China was known for having dragons. Dragons with wings, dragons who breathed fire, and in his search, China was the only place to have recorded the sighting of one.  It was broad but it was a start.

    When he visited the realm, he didn't expect it to be…this. It had been a millennia since he observed Midgard, since he helped create the world, and the results were outstanding. Odin hadn’t treaded Midgardian land in at least a couple hundred years, and Loki was sure he would also be shocked by the beauty. Then again, it takes a lot to impress the AllFather.  Although he didn’t watch over or protect this realm, he did have an attachment to the realm. He held a sentiment for the realm and he was not disappointed. He had to share these findings with someone.

   Loki gave her a tour of the capital of China. He showed her the homes of the common people and those who were wealthy. The wealthy ones were the people with the intricately designed homes of red and gold. He introduced her to the large place of the emperor to which he defined as a king who rules over many kingdoms. They visited small shops that served food, and Sigyn gasped at the sight of a white ball in a wooden bowl. She was unsure of the content but when she put a scoop in her mouth, she hummed in approval. She didn’t realize she was hungry until she began eating. Alcohol was not a good source of nutrients. 

    After her meal, they walked the pier, and saw the different boats compared to Asgard. Their boats were slim but their sails were much different from aesir sails. She was infatuated by the comparison of Asgard to Midgard. Asgard was all she knew, all she ever knew, and though she knew there were other realms out there, she never could imagine any of them looking different from her pathetic home. She was proven wrong, and she was happy to be proven wrong. This place was beautiful, and she wanted to witness more beauty. She wanted to see all the realms. 

    They walked the pier and Sigyn yawned. Loki stopped their walk, and lowered his hood. Sigyn did the same as she turned to face him. Her smile was bright even in the moonlight and he smirked, “you seem tired Sigyn, I should take you home-”

   “In a moment, let me breath in this...different air,” they were near the sea, there was little difference in smell but the view held a new insight. Her head lifted as she sniffed the cold, winter air and a body came behind her. Her lover kissed her throat as their arms wrapped around her. Sigyn leaned back and absorbed the moonlight as she looked over the horizon. She watched the boats departure and found serendipity in the scenery before her. She no longer worried about Asgard or the troubles of her future. She could get lost in this moment forever, in the place of wonder and the arms of the one she loved. 

     Sigyn claimed it was the place for the magic that gave her of rush of contentment, but she could not ignore or deny that the man behind her was not apart of the equation. Too long has it been since  he had taken her out, and even longer since she wasn’t the one to initiate the date. The night was nice, it was beautiful. She knew he wasn’t faking that romantic type. He just needed the drive to be it, and she was glad she was enough of a drive. 

    She felt safe in his arms. His touch was always warm which was surprising for someone who was a frost giant. The only way anyone could tell was by the coolness of his breath, or his abilities to change to any animal. Her body molded perfectly with his, and she felt comforted in his embrace. She could be in this lock forever, but that was unrealistic. “Tell me Sigyn, what had you shaken this evening?”

    “Nothing in particular, but the AllFather knows of the year we shared, or at least he is highly suspicious of it. He apparently told his loyal subjects of his concerns as well, and they have been pestering me all week.” He nodded in understanding before releasing her. She turned around to see him pulling a weapon out of his pocket. It was a cutlass blade, and he placed it carefully in her hand.

   “When the time comes, you’ll have use of this.” She hoped there wouldn’t be, but she kept the blade close to her. He glanced at the small blade before looking at her. He could see it in her hazel eyes, there was more to the story than she spoke. He wouldn’t interrogate her, she clearly had enough on her mind and he didn’t want to ruin the moment of tranquillity. He stared for a long while, and Sigyn blushed under his longing gaze. 

   “Thank you,” she said as she looked at him. He grinned knowingly, but she knew he would pull the truth out of her.

   “For what?”

   “For showing me this place,” she held him in embrace. The same one that halted his movements, his thoughts, his breath. “It’s wonderful,” she sighed happily  and Loki wrapped his arms around her. He felt the breeze brush past him, and he saw the snow begin to fall. If he kept her out here any longer, she would surely be at risk of getting ill. When Sigyn opened her eyes, Loki brought her back into her temporary living situation. The moonlight was her only source of light, covered by the four walls. 

    She saw his vibrant eyes in the darkness, his hypnotizing, alluring eyes. He saw her desire, but he respected her boundaries for once. He lifted her hand and kissed the knuckles smiling. He knew she would be disappointed that he only kissed her hand, but she would have to be the initiator if she wanted anymore to happen. Otherwise, he would have to leave before he was seen by any passerbyers. “Until next time,” he walked towards the exit.

    Sigyn was disappointed, she wanted him to at least warm her bed with his presence. She knew it was best. The risk she would have taken just to sate her lust was not one worth risking. She spoke her farewell, not knowing the next time she will see him or how. She watched as his figure left, and she felt her heart sink. She sat on her bed, surprised by the pain she felt to see him leave. She pushed the thought aside, realizing how much more tired she was. She lay down and quickly fell asleep.

Chapter 20: Hangover

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

        Sigyn woke early in the morn. She guessed she truly wasn't tired since the sun barely rose. She lay in her bed contemplating her future. She began thinking about that a lot lately. Mostly her short-term future, like when she would see Odin and what she would say to him. The possible conversation was an overwhelming thought. Requesting to speak to the AllFather was easier to stomach, but the AllFather requesting to speak to her? That was a nightmare waiting to happen.

     At least her night was good. She watched aesir act like fools and she was shown a beautiful place. The night left her feeling light, and she felt today would be brighter than usual. That would be the case if she had not drunk as much as she did last night. She admitted she may not look old, but she felt old. A cup of mead and she was feeling nauseous in the morning. She would remind herself next time to refrain from drinking, but then again, she would refrain herself from going to celebrations. 

        Sigyn's nausea worsened and she had to expel the pain physically. She rolled out of bed, the nausea causing her to be sluggish. She planted her feet and stood slowly, catching herself when she faltered. She walked to the bucket near the window used for carrying liquids, and replaced it with her bodily waste. Once she felt her stomach eased, she dumped the bucket, planting herself on the floor. She took a deep breath which was helping her dizziness. The nausea went down, and she managed to get back on her feet. She realized she was still dressed in her previous day clothes. 

     She stripped and decided she would replace her clothes with a simple dress. The white dress grazed the floor, but she worried little about the length. She needed water to wash the bad taste of vomit away. She left her chamber and headed to the banquet hall where there were already participants performing the acts of debauchery. She ignored the early abusers, and ordered a servant to bring her a mug of water. 

       She finished her drink quickly, and her stomach finally settled, if only slightly. The servant asked if she wanted food but she waved them off. Sigyn wanted a minute of collecting herself before she would do anything else.

   She reeked of filth, and decided to wash in the bath house. Sigyn ignored most participants, having been used to her private bathroom and enjoyed that aspect of it, it was harder to be in a room full of people bathing. Sigyn stayed in a corner, far from the women conversing with one another on the other side. She tried focusing on her body and scrubbing it clean, but she overheard the women’s conversation. The group consisting of Freyja, the witch of the group. 

    She wasn’t afraid to show off her body, she was the goddess of love. Everything about her was perfect, perfect body shape, face structure, hair. Anything external about her was perfect, but the inside of her was rotten. Filled with lust, greed, and pride. Their voices were whispers, but Sigyn could hear their chastises, their giggles, and she felt their eyes. 

    Sigyn seethed internally. She knew she was naked, but she truly felt naked under their gazes. They could see right through the water, the steam was no blockade to veiling her body. She wanted to cover her body, feeling slightly ashamed to be naked bare in front of them. She kept bathing even with the insecurity eating away at her, telling her to escape. She was going to clean herself and properly, at the expense of her mental security. She scrubbed at her body, seeing as the dirt drifted off, following the waves of the water. Sigyn caressed her now soft flesh, and poured the hot water on her head, relaxing the tension she felt. Sigyn was calming, staying in her own mind instead of thinking about the horrible circumstances she was in. “Sigyn, why are you all the way over there? Come, bathe with us.” Her shoulders tensed at the sound of Freyja calling her name. 

     Sigyn wanted to leave, but she forced herself to turn around. She pushed her legs forward, and a smile to lift her face. She wanted the pain to stop. “These are my maidens,” Freyja wrapped her arms around her two servants as she introduced them. Sigyn nearly nodded with her halfhearted smile, “I make them bathe with me,” Sigyn’s smile fell a bit at the words. Freyja was doing this on purpose, flaunting her body, telling Sigyn the abnormal activities she practices with her servants. She noticed how strange and out-of-touch Sigyn felt being back in Asgard, and she wished to worsen that feeling for Sigyn. To make her as uncomfortable as possible for reasons unknown. 

     “You seem bothered Sigyn, here,” Freyja smirked and managed to reach her hand, and touched Sigyn’s side before she jumped back. Sigyn decided she was done, and she was offered a cloth from a servant. She took it quickly and wrapped herself before leaving without a word. 

    Her skin shivered and she heard the steps of another individual, shuffling with her. Sigyn looked in the corner of her eye to see the same servant who handed her a towel, following her. She stopped walking and turned to the  silent servant, expecting answers and soon. Her patience with the aesir was running thinner by the minute. She and the servant stood there watching one another.

    Manners returned to the servant, and they quickly bowed to the clothesless Sigyn. “I am Roskva of Midgard  ma’am. I will be your maiden for the rest of your stay,” she bowed again to show courtesy, keeping her head low. Sigyn eyed the girl carefully, noting the red dress she wore, and wondering why a servant would wear that color. She decided not to think hard on it, and simply accepted the servant she was given. Sigyn continued her walk back to her room, ignoring the eyes that peered at her small, wet, revealing form. Though she did admit, her walk was more of a trot.  

      Once Sigyn was in the sanctuary of her room, she took a deep breath of relief. She hated Freyja with a passion, and she wished to smite her, but she wasn’t that kind of being. Sigyn heard a small chuckle, and she glared at the servant laughing at her pain. Roskva silenced quickly when she realized Sigyn heard her quiet laugh. “My apologies ma’am, I was not laughing at you. I just understand your anger for the goddess Freyja.” Sigyn was not satisfied, so Roskva decided to change the subject, “do you wish for any assistance ma’am?” Roskva asked politely but Sigyn shook her head. 

     “Outside would be best,” she pointed for the exit, and Roskva nodded before following orders. It had been a long time since Sigyn had a servant, and she never got used to it either. It was even weirder because of the thralls nationality. After visiting the beautiful place of Midgard, Sigyn felt strange to have a creature from the same origin. She wouldn’t treat her maiden as some aesir do. She would give her the respect she deserved, as any living being deserved. At least, to start with. 

     Sigyn dressed herself and she sat on her bed.  She heard a knock, and Roskva asked for entrance. Allowing her to enter, Roskva looked around the room briefly, “would you like me to clean your room?” 

     “No, it’s quite alright. I think I can clean up my messes,” Sigyn stood, picking up clothes she left on the floor. She noticed the cloaks on the ground, and the memories of the night flooded through her. The fresh cold air, and different environment. It was a nice change of pace from the fast beating she felt each day she stayed in the kingdom of the golden realm. Roskva helped her against Sigyn’s wishes, and folded the dirty clothes to be sent and washed. 

   “I’m going to take these to the wash house and clean them m’kay ma’am?” Roskva asked with one foot out the door. 

    “Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Sigyn grabbed her clothes and set them on the nearest table. 

“I will handle the cleaning, you can…relax and enjoy yourself.” Sigyn knew she was putting Roskva out of the job with her insistences, but Sigyn couldn’t with all good consciousness, allow this person to do the work she was completely capable of.  

   Roskva sighed, “alright ma’am, can I at least bring you a new fur?” Sigyn was hesitant, but Roskva clearly wanted something more to do than ‘relax’ or ‘enjoy herself’. Sigyn agreed and Roskva smiled before leaving. Sigyn’s eyes lingered at her disappearing figure before turning to her closed window. Her room was dark, gloomy almost, and she was in desperate need of sunlight. Sigyn hoped the falling snow hadn’t clouded the sun. She opened the window and its shielding curtains, and she saw it. The raven, watching her ever closely on the ledge. Overhearing her small talk with her new maid. 

    Reminders of Odin’s existence made her stomach churn. Instead of closing the window, she left the room. She was tired of peering eyes, always watching her, judging her. She was better when she first arrived here. She would not care for any aesir’s opinion about what they thought of her. She had made that fairly clear when she first arrived. Her courage going into standing up for herself in front of the dwellers of Asgard. The courage quickly died out once she realized she was part of the problem, not just the third party.  

       She would visit the observatory once more, hoping Tyr wasn’t waiting to ambush her. It was her place to be.  Knowledge was power, and she found that to be the most vital form of power. Odin was the perfect example of power by knowledge. A man who knew all now had the strongest realm in all the nine at his disposal, and loyal subjects who were willing to kill their own families for their king. He was truly, the most dangerous man to come into existence, and only because he knew.

     He knew the past, present, and future. He created this world, the life Sigyn lives. It was weaved by  the old, wrinkly, ruthless hands of a man who would rather save his own skin than any of his subjects. She would no longer be his subject, she was no longer loyal, and she owed him nothing. No answers for her absence, or for her husband. He was lucky he decided to take a spiritual journey instead of talking to her, because Sigyn had a few words to spare that were not formal or kind about the AllFather. 

       She removed a book off of the shelf of the observatory. It was a journal of the nine realms. Someone who had managed to travel to each and record life there. The first few hundred years recorded the earlier years of Asgard. The first section focused on Odin the AllFather, and the person who wrote this seemed to have been obsessed with the elder god. Every note that was written about Asgard, the central theme was Odin. It made sense, he was the creator of this plain and beyond. 

    The notes continued, and they began to fill the pages. Whoever wrote this journal, did not trust the AllFather for all his stolen wisdom. The dates went by, and more information on the Asgardian threshold became brief, rare instances of conversation. Asgard was forged by Odin, so they only spoke about the creator, less about the land itself. Sigyn found it intriguing to read a scholars take on the god of gods himself, and to be so close to him to record intimate details. 

   Odin was in his prime when the scholar recorded. Ymir was slain, Midgard was discussed in the court, but it had yet to be constructed. The scholar followed Odin as he searched for knowledge. He was afraid of losing the power he worked hard to get, that he wanted to ensure his crown would never be taken from him. He travelled to Vanaheim to find light magic. Disguising himself in a cloak, he stayed in Vanaheim for years as a beggar, while in secret, learning the ways of a magician. Coming back to Asgard, he was able to bind the kingdom to the earth. Insignificant to most aesir, but Odin knew, even before his death, what the future beheld for him. 

     Midgard was created with the help of the God of Mischief. The intellectual described the proceedings as Odin dematerializing the body and Loki scorching the tainted ground. Odin made it fertilized, and Loki forced it to grow. What Sigyn found interesting was that Loki was only a boy at the time. Loki said he was as old as Odin, but she had imagined him to be the same age he is now. He was Jotun, and she may know little about them, but she did know they age slower than any other creature in nine realms. Some even stop aging all together. 

   It had her wonder what he was like as a kid. Was he nice or was he a bully? Odin snatched him from his home, when he spotted the red headed boy from his tower, Hlidskjálf. His family were giants, and he was the smallest out of his brothers, Byleister and Helblindi. His father was the other runt of the family, and his mother, Laufey, was the largest. Sigyn guessed Loki carried after his father. 

    The scholar did not think it wise of Odin to befriend a Jotun, considering they had killed their ancestors. Loki may have been a child, but he was a smart child. One of the reasons why Odin took him. The seeds of doubt were planted, and the intellectual watched the AllFather as he grew stronger, and more cruel. It was unclear when it started. Maybe the power went to his head, and it diluted his sanity as time went on. One thing is certain, it started with this kingdom. 

     The Aesir-Vanir war begun, and the dates were shorter. The person didn’t have much to say over the long century of raging battle, tears, and bloodshed. This man was a warrior before he was a scholar, and he didn’t have much time to write before rushing to the next battle. Sigyn felt sorry for him. All he wanted to do was record history, not be apart of it. She could understand the want to stay in the background. She wished she could have stayed in her small hovel on the edge of Asgard and Midgard, but fate had other plans. Horrible plans for Sigyn. She only hoped she would endure. She was praying for it. 

     During the war, Odin met his wife Frigga, and she had given birth to Baldur. Her first and only child. What Sigyn found odd was the scholar’s comments about their marriage. How it was forfeit or obsolete. He constantly described Frigga, and what she was doing, when she was doing it, or how. He was infatuated, and he did not condone the marriage. He mentioned the black magic Odin begun playing with soon after the birth of his son, With the help of his adopted brother, Loki, who knew many paths to dark magic. 

    Her reading paused when she felt her head ache. She assumed it was from reading for hours. Sigyn wasn’t surprised, and she placed a bookmark before closing the book. She stood when she felt her stomach rumbling, and she took the liberty of keeping the journal of this mysterious person’s thoughts and discoveries. She thought it was hunger, but the pain she felt was not hunger. It was a familiar ache, but not of starvation. She found herself losing balance, and she latched onto the nearest wall. She was nauseous as she was during the morning, but she knew it was not from alcohol consumption. She held in the vomit that threaten to come out, and she went out to receive water. 

       She realized that is the one thing she would order Roskva to do, retrieve water and bring a pitcher into her room. If only to avoid unwanted conversations or interactions. She made what seemed like a long walk to the dining hall, using the wall as support briefly. She would find her balance, and she entered the hall standing on her own. 

      “You are much too prideful,” Sigyn stopped her tracks when she saw Roskva talking to someone, who had their back to Sigyn. 

    “What about you huh? You prance around in your boots, swinging that hammer. You have a wife, who are you trying to impress?” The comment made him laugh, and she laughed with him, filling his cup while doing so.  

   “‘Clean your room Thor,’ that is you.” Thor said in her accent and a deeper voice than his own. Roskva smacked his arm, and he rubbed it tenderly after the shock.

   “I don’t sound like that, and I have never said those words.” She said outraged. 

    “I can read your mind,” her mouth dropped. She has had the thought before when she entered his room, and was witness to the disaster that is his room. She was surprised his wife tolerated the pig stye, Roskva knew she would not if she were in Sif’s shoes.  Roskva was afraid he could read her mind, she didn’t know what the gods could do, and she was susceptible to lies because of it. “You are so gullible Roskva. No, I cannot read your mind, but I can read your face.” He chuckled and finished his cup. Roskva frowned and, she did not refill his cup. 

    “And you are a child in disguise.” She made her comeback.

    “I am the lord of illusion,” she giggled before turning to the barrels and filling a pitcher. She noticed a figure near the door in the corner of her eye, and she could tell it was Sigyn. Another servant managed to catch her first, and serve her the drink she needed. That didn’t stop Roskva from walking towards her anyway, therefore, causing Thor to look back at what caught Roskva’s attention. 

   “Sigyn, how may I be of service?” She bowed in courtesy, and Sigyn shook her head. 

   “No, it is alright. You can go back to your conversation with-” she was cut off by the thundering voice of the man himself.

  “Sigyn, accept my boon; drink us.” She tilted her head in confusion, and Roskva placed her hand on her shoulder. 

  “He already had a few drinks, I had mixed the mead with water. He can’t tell the difference.” Roskva whispered before she chuckled to herself. Sigyn glanced at Roskva, before looking towards Thor. “He is better sober than not.” It wasn’t her words that had Sigyn ponder, but their meaning. Roskva cared about Thor, but not as a lover or a mistress did, but as a friend. It had Sigyn wonder why Thor had befriend a servant, and how. She decided to ask those questions later. She needed to find a reason to leave. Then she remembered, her nausea.

    The pain settled in, and she was ready to close her eyes and pass out. She couldn’t stay even if she wanted to, she was feeling unwell. “I cannot accept lord Thor, I am under the weather,” Sigyn bit her tongue at her formality. At least she restricted herself from bowing. 

    “Nonsense,” Thor stood up and walked towards her. Sigyn refrained from leaving, but she would push her weakness aside and face the God of Thunder. “Sickness is for mortals,” Roskva held her hand out, holding Thor from entering Sigyn’s personal space. Sigyn thanked her quietly. Thor began sniffing the air excessively, and Sigyn stared at him curiously. Maybe he was a dog in disguise. It would explain most of his sporadic behavior. She frowned when she saw Thor’s face drop. She was reluctant to ask what bothered him suddenly, but he answered before she could ask. “I’m sorry Sigyn.” Even Roskva was wide eyed. “I should have welcomed you better. My hate and grief blinded me from the truth.” He walked back to his seat, and finished his mug of mead in one gulp. 

     Sigyn looked at Roskva who shrugged her shoulders. Sigyn was not one for holding petty grudges, “apology accepted,” he waved her off. Now she wanted to pester him. What was the truth he learned from sniffing the air? He was brooding, and Sigyn would not get in between that.  She would take her apology, and head for her chamber. The nausea dissipated once more, but it left her feeling tired.  

    “Sir,” Roskva wondered if he would want her company,  but he shook his head. 

    “I will need more than water to quench my thirst.” Roskva frowned and growled. He shouldn’t drink in the morning, even if he was a god. Gods die too, and Roskva was sure they died in similar ways as mortals do. She held her tongue, there was no point in trying to argue with him, especially when he was stuck in his own mind. She turned from him, and walked out with Sigyn who didn’t expect or necessarily want the company.

     “Do you need anything ma’am?” She said exasperated, but Sigyn knew it wasn’t towards her.

     “No,” she said plainly, but her curiosity got the better of her. “You are close to Thor.” She stated more than asked. Roskva sighed, she was not ready to disclose that information to a stranger. 

   “No, I’m not,” she replied to stop a conversation from erupting because of her answer. Sigyn caught on quickly, and scurried to her room. She didn’t open the door before turning to Roskva.

   “Would you mind bringing a pitcher of water in my room before you retire,” Roskva nodded and Sigyn thanked her before entering her room.

       Her second interaction with the son of Odin was more peculiar than the last. She was surprised the Odinson apologized for his actions. Sigyn remembered Thor being more boisterous, pompous, and arrogant in the past. He didn’t have time to reflect on mistakes. He lived a fast, yet long life, and no one could catch him. Times have changed, and Sigyn was beginning to see it affected everyone, not just her. For Thor, it has made him humble, and grounded which in Sigyn’s opinion, was better than the wild man she once saw. Change was good for some, and bad for others, but Sigyn knew this; keeping their interaction at a minimum would be better for both of them. She wanted to know what made him act this way towards her, but it was best to give him space and vice versa. 

     Sigyn still held onto the journal of the nine realms. She would keep reading, but her eyes were heavy and she needed a nap. She was probably tired from the little sleep she received, and her brain was slowly shutting down. She would not prolong the inevitable, and she collapsed on the new set of furs Asgard provided her.

Notes:

Happy Thanksgiving, another chapter on the way.

Chapter 21: Reunion

Chapter Text

      Sigyn was craving pork, and once dinner came, she snagged herself a plate of pig. There had been a hunt with several of Asgard’s best, and people wished to welcome their loved ones. The bandits were a small group consisting of Tyr, Frey, and Bragi. Frey was the leader of the hunting group. They spotted a wild boar, the largest recorded in Asgard, and went searching for it. The hunt was a success, and those loved by the three were invited to the full course meal. Frey’s wife, Gerdr happily sat at the honored table, but Sigyn was less willing. She was invited naturally, by the man she would appreciate not to get involved with. She went because it was asked of her, and she could not deny the request. She could not give an excuse, as much as she wanted to or as much as she needed to.

     Sigyn felt sick once more in the late morning, in which the boon was given to her. She was on the verge of vomiting on  the paper, but she was better than that. She knew something was wrong but she blocked it out. She kept the puzzle pieces far away from each other, and she neglected to connect the dots. Sigyn felt better that way, and at best, she was dealing with food poisoning. 

     Bragi brought his men who have been traveling across the nine, making allegiance with certain nations. Places like Vanaheim, and Nidavellir. Midgard was permanently under Asgards wings, and the AllFather made it important not to interact with the humans. Sigyn hadn’t noticed when his men entered the halls, her own mind trapped in a daydream. It wasn’t until her handmaiden, Roskva tapped her on the shoulder, did she see the men entering. “I believe that one is looking at you.” Roskva smirked and Sigyn rolled her eyes. She was a generic lady who caught the eyes of few men.  She wasn’t ugly, but she was even more appealing to men when they were drunk. 

     “Please Roskva, Freyja must be behind me,” Sigyn didn’t bother looking at the calvary, they would introduce themselves soon. 

     “No…unless he’s interested in a wall.” Sigyn gave her the benefit of the doubt, and she looked for the man with the eyes out for her. Tyr was talking to Gerdr, so she must have not been referring to him. Loki would be miles away from this party no matter how much alcohol was brought. Sigyn didn’t spend much time looking for the culprit, and settled on never finding him. 

     “Are you sure the eyes weren’t for you Roskva,” Sigyn smirked, and Roskva chuckle.

     “Oh no. Most aesir view us midgardians at best, as pets. Have you ever looked at your pet as a mate?” Her words had Sigyn contemplating all those months ago when Thrym showed up at her door requesting her hand. Her former “mate” transformed into a wolf disguise, until he inevitably killed the giant. She was not interested in the wolf body, but the man hiding inside the body. Sigyn found it intriguing to hear a mortal’s perspective on mates when they had no clue what jotnar were. Sigyn supposed Roskva lived in an era in which she didn’t have to worry about the jotnar since they were known for feasting on midgardians. 

     “Do you think Thor sees you as a pet?” Sigyn asked and Roskva fell silent.

     “No. He-” before she could reveal the truth, Frey silenced the room to properly greet the comrades returning from a long journey of visiting realms and setting treaties. The first man to stand from his seat was a lean built, blonde hair, blue eyed, flamboyant man winking at a few of the women that batted their eyes at him. 

   “Please, welcome back and, more (ladies), the dashing Fandral. After his long travel, I am sure he is in desperate need of a woman’s gentle touch.” There was a conglomerate of men and women chuckling at Frey’s comment. The man sitting next to him that Frey introduced was Hogun the Grim. He was covered in blue furs from his toe to his head. He neglected to take off his helmet that had black horns on top and shaded his face, even with the warmth that was generated in the room. Frey managed to joke about Hogun’s fear of socializing, and Hogun slammed his mace against the table he was eating on. The audience quickly silenced. The man spoken about after was voluminous Volstagg. His title was accurate to his person, he was a very large man. He had a plate in each hand which were overstuffed, and he was holding his mug with his mouth. He sat down, not before his mug’s contents spilled over his armored chest. 

     The last man to be called seemed to be distracted by someone he was staring at who was not paying much heed to the greetings. Roskva had and she knew she was correct at the blatant stare at Sigyn. Sigyn had been picking at her practically full plate. Once she ate the pork, she did not desire any of the other items on her plate. She was not one to waste food, but all she craved was meat. Roskva tapped on Sigyn’s shoulder, making her look up at the mysterious man peering at her. Her eyes widened, and a smile lifted her face. She stood instantaneously and made her way towards him. She wasn’t feeling self conscious as she placed her hand on his arm. “Theoric,” she smiled. He had grown since the last time she saw him. He was burly and tall, but his light brown hair was kept short and curly as she remembered. Frey spoke a few words of Theoric, but Sigyn ignored his voice as she got a good look at the new Theoric. 

     “You have grown, nicely.” Sigyn commented out loud and he chuckled.

     “And so have you, nicely as well,” he said awkwardly and Sigyn laughed. Theoric slipped his hand on top of hers and lifted her knuckles to his lips and placed a soft kiss upon them. He looked up from her hand, his hazel eyes boring into her soul as hers did him. He stood straight, still holding her hand, “it has been a long time Sigyn,” he said as he smiled.

    “That is an understatement,” she was hoping to play catch up with Theoric while they had this night to see each other.

    “I have to talk with my leader, but I will see you soon Sigyn. I would love to hear the crazy tales you have over the years.” Her smile faltered and he caressed her cheek, “until later,” he let go of her, and he walked towards Bragi.  She was disappointed that they wouldn’t be able to talk after so long of silence, but Theoric had a job as she once did. Theoric didn’t realize the literalness in his words. Much has happened in Sigyn’s life, much she wished hadn’t. Looking at how happy Theoric was to see her, and how happy she felt to meet an old friend made her almost wish she never left home over a century ago. She walked back to her table, and she caught sight of Roskva chuckling at her. Sigyn frowned, and Roskva held her chair open for her. 

     Sigyn took the seat, “I saw that,” Roskva said and Sigyn halfheartedly dismissed her ideas. She was convinced there were sparks, but Sigyn just didn’t see it. She watched as Theoric spoke with Bragi before their eyes met. Theoric waved and Sigyn followed pursuit before sighing. She really was disappointed they wouldn’t  talk this night after so long of being separated. The fates were against them or she was overreacting. 

    Bragi had invited his wife Idunn, but she came later along the party after taking care of the golden tree. She kissed his temple before leaving his table. Bragi wanted a better welcome from his wife, but it was hopeless to request for one. Idunn  blessed the warriors three with freshly picked apples. Idunn spoke to Theoric longer then she gave attention to her husband. Sigyn caught Idunn glancing at her, forcing Theoric to look as well. He smiled at Sigyn, and Sigyn rolled her eyes, a smile tugging on her lips. His laugh made her smile uncontrollably. Maybe Asgard wouldn’t be so terrible after all. 

     Idunn gave Theoric two apples, whispering something to him before heading back to her husband. Bragi stood to properly greet his wife, but all she gave him was a caress of the cheek, and a kiss of the nose. She dismissed herself early from the party, she had Yggdrasil to take care of, and she had to pick more golden apples. The celebration continued, and Sigyn decided to head to her chambers before it truly got rowdy. If she went to sleep early, maybe she would sleep through the noise. She wanted to talk to Theoric, she wanted to know what he had been doing all these years, but tonight was too late. She would have other days, but now, she was tired. 

      Roskva escorted Sigyn to her room although Sigyn protested her not to. Roskva recommended she not waste her breath. She was known for bringing even the rampaging Thor  down from his head strong ideas. Sigyn agreed and allowed her to do her job for once. Sigyn had reached her door before she turned around to confront Roskva. She was on the verge of telling Sigyn her connection to the thunder god before she was rudely interrupted. Roskva searched around the area, trying to avoid the question she remembered almost answering. Not many people were told who she was or even where she came from. Some believed she was a bastard child of Thor, but she was not half god, and Thor was not unfaithful. 

    “I’ll explain Thor if you explain Theoric.” Roskva teased and Sigyn was about to spill but  nothing came out when her mouth opened. She suddenly felt nervous to tell Roskva the story that was half her life, and that she only told her ex-spouse a weeks ago. She didn’t want to tell an intimate part of her life to anyone. Her mouth closed as she realized it was an intimate relationship. The spark had long been extinguished, but Theoric was her first and only true friend. She held the memory closer than she thought. 

   “Goodnight,” Sigyn said before retreating to her room. Roskva figured she understood her need for privacy, which is why she dismissed the conversation. Roskva needed to head back to the party. She was sure the man they were talking about entered the fray. It was quite a challenge switching from Sigyn to Thor and vice versa. Sigyn was not the problem, it was Thor combined with the quiet Sigyn that made it difficult. He was a handful, and it was hard leaving and coming back to him. With winter blowing earlier than expected, staff left to be with their families. The days only got colder, and the staff became smaller. With the shortage, servants were being paired with the royal family.

    Roskva wouldn’t complain. Thor saved her and her brother’s life and she will always, and happily serve the God of Thunder. She chuckled to herself. As frustrating as he can be, she still loved him dearly and only wanted to help him. Roskva knew Thor was stressed which caused his destructive behavior, and although her brother told her gods can’t die and even Thor said he couldn’t die, she rather be safe than sorry. Baldur’s death gave her the wake up call that she needed to try harder. She couldn’t slack off, and she couldn’t allow Thor to weaken. Roskva realized she had to head back. Thor had no doubt crashed the party while his wife and child shared the bed alone. 

       Sigyn slept soundly in her bed. There were always thoughts running through her mind, and her body had gotten used to the disturbance, Now she couldn’t sleep without the disturbing imagery that went through her head about her children, her husband, her life. She slept silently, only a few shifts of movement whenever something heavy, or passionate happened in her dreams. Her nightmares really. She slept knowing the next time she woke up, it would be from screaming. 

      Sigyn didn’t sense the eyes watching her in the window. The fiery red irises staring deep into her being, aching to touch her, to be with her. A dark feather shedded off his body, and he knew there could be no trace of his presence, especially in Sigyn’s room. His feet grew as well as his legs, and his man-body  slipped into her chamber. He snatched his feather and burned it within his hand.

      He was ready to wake his former spouse, wisp her away from  this horrible place and please her all night long. He walked towards the bed on the verge of touching his lover, but a third presence appeared before him. “Loki, we mustn’t waste time on personal issues. Time is of the essence.” Amora spoke from miles away, and Loki reluctantly agreed. He walked towards the window before looking back. 

     Her body stirred very little. The cold winter air blew into her room and brushed past her gown. Strands of her ginger hair drooped on her face, and the moonlight shedding light to her face made her look wistful. The cold would wake her soon, and Loki would have to retreat soon. He wanted to enjoy the sight while he still could. Her hair splayed over her pillows. Her small form curled close to herself while being  consumed by the large furs covering her body. She was beautiful in this state. No worries or pain crossing her mind. No hatred or homicidal thoughts. 

      It reminded him of when they were young and newly weds. There were days he was able to go home early enough to lie down with his wife, and curl up with her under the covers. He would hold her small frame close, and she would comb her hand through his hair until he fell asleep. She was his little guardian angel, watching over him while he slept.

     How he longed for those days once more. Days of simpler life, where he wasn’t a convict, and she wasn’t an accomplice. Days where as long as he obeyed, he was a free man. Days in which love was in the air, and life was created. He held the small bundle in his arms, their ruby eyes staring blankly at him were undoubtedly his. Never was there a moment he could care less for his children. Narfi and Vali were his pride and joy, but sadly only for a short time. If he could go back and fix his mistakes, he would in a heartbeat. He can’t go back, only forward. In this endless cycle of life and death.

    But through death, there is rebirth. 

    He wondered if she wanted children ever again. He wasn’t unpopular to the idea, although he had his skepticism. Maybe after the assault upon Asgard, he could settle on Midgard with Sigyn and invest in making a family with the woman he loved. That was, if there was any Midgard left. 

    He had to stop thinking about these superfluous dreams. He knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was the destruction of all those who opposed him. That was what’s important. That in the end, Loki was right. Odin and all his brain-dead loyalists were wrong, and they should have listened to the God of Mischief. They shouldn’t have underestimated him, because he knew all. He knew the truth, and they were scared of him because of it. Even Odin, the All-Knowing creature of this plain was scared. Hiding behind his blind followers for protection. The biggest coward of them all.

     It didn’t matter. Loki knew when he would siege on Asgard, he would not be hiding. He would be in the forefront, leading his army to attack Asgard. He was no coward. Not anymore, and he would show the whole world he was different. He had changed, for better and for worse.

   He turned on his heel to leave Sigyn to her sleeping when he heard her groaning. He supposed he wasn’t as quiet as he thought, “who’s there?” Sigyn rubbed her eyes to clear her vision. Loki grinned as he walked towards her bed silently. She sat up as the dark figure approached, clutching the blade under her pillow that Loki had given her a few weeks ago. The moonlight behind him, made a large overcast behind him, but left a sharp black in front, leaving his face a mystery. Loki bent down to press his lips against her slightly opened mouth. Sigyn quickly lifted the blade to rest roughly against his throat. He held in the gasp that erupted from his throat from feeling the cold metal touch it. 

    “Your reflexes have heightened. Your paranoia is consuming you,” Sigyn sighed when she recognized the voice, and she removed the knife from his throat. 

    “Odin’s beard,” she said angrily, “say something if it is you. I could have killed you,” she said frustrated as she combed her hand through her ginger hair. 

    Loki turned from her and wandered over to her small desk. He flipped through a book that was lit from the moonlight, but it was not enough to read every word on each page. “But you didn’t, and there lies the problem. Asgard has had too much affect on you.” He chuckled when he heard her huff, and he turned to see her shining face. The outside gave a shade of blue to her face, but he noticed the red tints caused from her flush. She was frazzled because of being awoken out of her sleep, and the sight of her former husband standing over her bed. 

    “Do you really think it’s time to evaluate my skills in defense?” She tried to keep her voice low, but he was antagonizing her, getting a rise out of her. He was always good at poking the right nerves to anger anyone.

    Loki grabbed her jaw as he came face to face with her, “yes, what if I was someone else? What if I was that slimy Tyr, trying to have a taste of the sweet Sigyn,” his teeth grazed her ear as he spoke, and his hand followed the curves of her body until he gripped her inner thigh. Sigyn gripped his hand, and threw it off her body. She pushed him off of her, and he ended up lying next to her. He accomplished making her feel disgusted of the scenario that she knew would never come to pass. She decided to ignore the implication of his question, and was more curious to know how he came about this information.

     Better yet, she should ask why he is here, and order him to leave before it’s too late.

     Amora called to him, but he tuned her out of his head. He was invested now, and he loved playing games. He watched Sigyn as she pushed her anger aside to calmly interrogate him. He knew she would ask why he was here, and he would lie. It was what he was good at, and he would not admit to watching her sleep, burning to be with her. He just couldn’t speak his truth. It wasn’t in his nature.

     Sigyn asked, and he answered. He claimed it was because he was nearby, and Sigyn only half believed him. She wasn’t going to get the full truth out of the God of Lies, so it was best to move on to her next statement. For him to leave. She tried sounding as nonchalant about it, but she had worries. He was able to remove her from Asgard’s malicious clutches for one night, during a celebration where all aesirs were invited to go. Tonight was different. It wasn’t all aesirs, only a selected few, a couple of dozens at most. The guards were out patrolling, and if they heard suspicious noises, they might catch the realm’s nefarious criminal. Loki’s entrance also left her on edge, seeing how easy it was for him to enter, she was afraid others could do the same. 

      Her worry did not go unnoticed, and Loki reassured her they were safe. He had no evidence to his claim, and Sigyn knew that. She was unconvinced, but he shushed her protest with a quick kiss.  He placed his hand on her hip and his thumb instinctively rubbed circles on her nightgown. He may not be touching her flesh, but the contact alone was enough to sate hm. Sigyn looked at him incredulously, unsure as to what he wanted from her, or what he hoped to gain by staying in these dangerous waters. 

    His arms wrapped around her body and pulled her closer to him. His head rested at the nape of her neck, and Sigyn swore his face hadn’t felt this rough the last time she saw him. Sigyn combed his hair with her hand, occasionally massaging the scalp. She wrapped her free arm around his middle back, rubbing circles for comfort. 

     The act of the past came to her quickly, even if her mind told her not to. The memories of the few times Loki came home to actually say goodnight to his wife. The other days in which either the AllFather angered him or any other aesir, and Sigyn would hold him with the arms of understanding. Whispering sweet nothings into his ear and petting his hair. She was small compared to him, but when it came to comfort, she was the giant. 

     She could make the pain go away with simple comfort that both had been foreign to. Her family was not the sensitive types. They weren’t empathetic to her or to each other. If a family member had a problem, they had to fix it on their own. There was no support, Sigyn had to face her problems headstrong. She was raised that way, but she could never act that way. She did not find strength in herself, only weakness. Her mother had been right to be disappointed, but not as disappointed as she was in herself.  

    Sigyn was ecstatic to finally be married off. She had so much love to give, and now she would be forced to give it to another individual. She didn’t mind, she was hoping to have someone to share her feelings with. Her aunts and uncles described marriage as a business contract. Sigyn had to fulfill whatever contract the AllFather constructed for her and nothing more. There was no love, purposes were to be completed, restrictions were to be followed, and the reward was land. Sigyn couldn’t help herself, she loved her husband and she wanted to pour her heart out for him in every aspect. She wanted to pull him up when he was down, support and care for him as she had wanted for herself all her life. 

     The ice was cold on Loki’s family. The winter was the lethal season of the year. Jotuns desperately tried to stay warm, hiding in huts and starting fires, but the harsh weather ended up taking a few with it anyway. Deaths were inevitable during the winter, by the dozens, and there was little Jotunheim could do to stop it. In Utgard, shelter and warmth was guaranteed for those who lived there, but most Jotuns lived as nomads or in villages. Loki’s family being a mixture of the two, and Loki being blessed by Ymir, had the powers to exploit the flames of Muspelheim, and save his family from the deathly cold.

     Over, and over again.

    He was used to taking care of people, or keeping them alive. There was never time to love and feel, the cold made the world numb and with it, its people. Loki was focused on surviving, while keeping his family alive. Byleister, his youngest brother, had fallen ill due to the excessive snow. Loki was not strong in his pyromancy at the time, and he had suggested they go to Utgard and ask for salvation. His father, Farbáuti, thought the idea to be idiotic, and he did not trust Utgard or its king. It was that winter Loki had lost a brother, and it was the first time he had felt emotion.

    Hate.

    Loki was unfamiliar with emotions that weren’t negative, and it came to him as a surprise when a woman he didn’t know showed him what it was like to not hate. To not be angry  at the world, and see the better side of things. It was a definite surprise Odin prepared for him, a pleasant surprise. 

    She was patient with him, another quality he did not expect out of people especially out of aesir. He was not one for sharing his issues, and she would sit there waiting for when he would open up. The act got him to speak up a few times, and he had thought she would disagree or argue for the aesir side, but she didn’t. She was empathetic to his emotions, his thoughts, and she gave a possible solution. Sometimes it was solutions directly to the problem, and he would either take it or leave it. Most times it was indirect solutions, like her easing his stress with gentle touches, or soft words. 

    As she did now.

    Loki was planning war, and war was stressful. He had to make sure all the pieces were in the right places. Before he was fine with mistakes, he was content with destruction on both sides, as long as they all die. Having gotten himself involved with the woman he lies against currently changed him. The plan he had set had to be revised, edited to perfection to ensure the end result will benefit them both. He didn’t want the  warm feeling he felt whenever he was near her to end. He wanted what he never had. 

          It was their history. Too much they had been through to let the connection escape in the wind. They both held on to the connection, hoping to join once more. Sigyn smiled faintly to this old feeling in her gut. She liked this. She wished for more, but he couldn’t stay. As much as both of them wanted him to, the risk of losing moments like these was too great. If she were to have more moments, she would have to let go of him for now. 

       Loki’s hand had been slowly pulling up Sigyn’s gown up to her thigh, and his cool hand rested on her warm thigh, snaking its way up to her underwear. “Loki we can’t-” She attempted to argue but he placed a lingering kiss upon her tender lips. She placed her hand on his chest to try and put space between them, but she neglected to pull away from the kiss. 

     “I have been away from you, and your touches for long,” he kissed her neck before he pressed one to her cheek, “and I’m addicted. I have a problem.” Sigyn grabs his face, and she realizes the cause of roughness to his face. He had grown bristles upon his chin and above his lip. He hadn’t been taking care of himself. He hasn’t slept in a while, conducting spells and forming alliances with Amora kept him a far distance from the bed. He had little time to designate to fixing his own demeanor, he had a job to do, and the payoff was greater than any health he needed. 

    He pulled himself over her to engulf her. She was the remedy he needed after the long weeks of preparations. Soon, there would be action instead of planning, and once the attacks began, there would be no turning back. At least in Sigyn’s arms, she will calm his nerves. It was a futile attempt for her to pull him up and off the bed, for she had ended up pressing a kiss firmly to his lips. He grinned, sensing he had won this battle but he needed to seal the deal. “Please Sigyn,” he whimpered and her breath was caught in her throat.

      Loki begged to be touched as Tyr hoped he one day could. He would never have her touches, because she freely gave them to the only man she cared for. The man who didn’t beg for anything, not even for his life. Here he was, gripping her hand and placing it on his cheek. He was desperate for her tender touches and warm embrace, and she would happily give. 

    Over and over again, because she was addicted. 

    Addicted to this curse, To this blessing. Her mind was unclear as to what the creature before her was. Moments she hated him, moments she loved. She couldn’t be without him, yet she couldn't stand living with him. This endless cycle of needs and wants that kerfuffled her internally and externally. 

   He begged and who was she not to oblige? He asked her to remedy his pain. She didn’t come to him in hopes of saving him, he came to her in hopes she was his salvation. Sigyn caressed his rough flesh as she leaned in to press another one of her soft touches upon him. Her hand rested on his chest, and she pushed him down onto the bed. She sat on his pelvis, feeling his growing length. Her hips moved slowly, emphasizing the sensual effect and she heard Loki groan beneath her. 

     They took care of each other differently. Loki was direct in his approach to pleasing Sigyn. He wanted her to orgasm multiple times in many different ways. All ways were forward of what they were trying to do. They all found what made her tick the fastest and explode into many euphoric pieces. Sigyn was slow in her ways. She picked every spot out carefully, and took preliminary care of each. She was a tease when it came to pleasing, building the heat until it was too much to bear. Too much to hold on. She played games with his emotions, and he enjoyed playing games.

    Loki hadn’t worn a tunic this night, and he was thankful of his beastly nature. Sigyn’s small hands explored his lean body, feeling every scar and dried wound covering it. He had lost mass since their last meeting from a lack of food, or a lack of eating. She felt his ribs poking out of his flesh, and she was beginning to grasp the full effect of whatever it was stressing him. Sigyn wanted to take care of him, to free him from his burden, but Asgard was preventing her from doing so. She despised this place and its people for hindering access to her truth. If this was her one night with her man, she would revel in it for as long as she could. 

    She left trails of wet kisses down to his collarbone. She grinded against him in slow increments, and he felt how wet and thin her underwear was that he could practically feel her folds through them.  He groaned, and Sigyn placed her hand over his mouth. She pressed her lips firmly against his to quiet him. “You have to be very quiet if you want me to continue,” she whispered. He nodded calmly, his warming feelings being buried in his throat. 

     Sigyn lowered her nightgown slowly. She pulled one strap off carefully, making the act seem devious of her to do. She gave him a low lustful stare as she shimmied out of the other strap. Loki had seen Sigyn naked a million times, but it was something about her being a tease that turned him on more. It brought him back to  those times Sigyn was only the sweet little virgin girl who didn’t know the first thing about being touched except for a pat on the shoulder. He was the devil, sent to taint the innocent girl and make her a woman. He would admit, she was a natural at the art of sex. 

    She wiggled her body sensually out of her dress. It pooled around her hips which were still dancing on his pelvis, making him ache to be free and sate his hunger. She covered her chest, hiding what he already knew was there, but knowing he enjoyed every bit of the anticipation. She combed her hands through her long ginger hair, making herself look wild like an untamed beast. The right amount of wild and good. Loki placed his hands on her hips as he stared her up and down. She watched his reaction to her unchanged body, and she grinned to witness his awestruck face. His hands trailed up her body, and he pulled her down to his level. 

     She kissed him gingerly, and her hand reached to his pants to pull them off. “Do you want me to take care of you?” She spoke to his ear, but before he could respond, she covered his mouth once more. Her grip was tighter than before, “your words mean nothing to me,” she said harshly and all he did was nod. “Show me,” she began removing his pants, and he helped with his underwear. She slipped her legs through her own, and tossed them aside. 

     Her small hand gripped his erection, and rubbed it gently. Loki held in his moan at her soft hand caressing his pulsating manhood. How he longed to be buried inside her, but she wanted to make him burn before she would cool him down. Her strokes increased, and she could feel the heat rising within him as his  breath quickened. The rise and fall of his chest increased, and as she stroked vigorously, he closed his eyes to focus on not coming in her grasp.

    She chuckled at his struggle and she leaned in to kiss his cheek as her strokes slowed. “Don’t come yet,” she still had a grip, but her motion completely stopped. 

     “I can’t help it sweet Sigyn, your body is enough to make any man come.” He spoke cooly, but his shaky voice told the story. 

    “Even the brave Tyr?” Her other hand grabbed his jaw, and forced him to look her in the eyes while the grip she had on his erection tightened. 

     His eyes widened, “he would not dare. I will slice his throat before he touches you,” he was trying really hard not to make loud noises, but Sigyn was not helping. His words seemed to catch a feeling within her. The sudden talk of Loki killing Tyr had Sigyn lose her breath. His answer was effective, and she lowered herself on him. She was meticulous, not giving him the satisfaction he desperately needed to finish. 

     “What else would do?” She rocked her hips, and he reveled in the movement. He realized if he wanted her to move, he would appease her homicidal side. 

        “I would rip open his back and,” her movement caused him a momentary pause. She urged him to keep speaking, “then I would tear his ribs out,” her slick, wet folds rubbed against him as she pulled out, and pushed back in. He groaned but he managed to keep his voice low. 

        “Yes…” she responded as she was getting lost in the fantasy of slaying her enemies. 

        “I would yank his lungs from within and…watch them flap against the harsh wind-” Sigyn crashed her lips upon his as she plunged herself into him faster. He moaned, but the noise was muffled by her frenzied kissing. He gripped her hips, and he began pushing into her bounces. She grabbed his scruffy face, and ate away at his mouth. Her thoughts ran over his words, imagining Tyr dying one of the most painful deaths, all because Loki was jealous. 

       She rode him like Ragnarok was upon them, and it was the last time she would have him. She bit her lip to prevent herself from screaming in pure bliss. She let out sharp breaths, but she noticed Loki was groaning as he was getting close. She immediately covered his loud mouth, and she sighed softly as she was nearing her edge. Loki slammed himself against her, the fluidity of banging into her, how wet she was, made him reminisce her maidenhood. He was her first and only, and he planned to keep it that way. He wanted what she had, and he wanted to be the only one to have her. Not Tyr or her prince charming would receive a taste of what he had. 

    Sigyn gripped his shoulders as she orgasm, letting out a strangled cry. She bit her lip, and she could taste blood. Loki has finished inside her, holding her down as he groaned in pleasure. She kissed him to halt the crude sound, and he hummed into the kiss. 

    They caught each other’s breath, and the winter wind finally felt nice on their bare skin. She stared at the man beneath her, the moonlight only showing parts of his face. His panting slowly became normal breaths. She noticed the grin on his face, a toothy grin that he showed when he was deliciously satisfied. Sigyn pulled her nightgown back over to cover herself. 

    She pulled herself off of him and lay next to him.  Her hair was disheveled, and strands of it stuck to her face. She rested her hand on his chest, “you have to leave,” she whispered, realizing she wished that wasn’t the case. 

    He sighed as he glanced at her, “I know, but I don’t know how long I can go without you.” He grabbed her leg, and hiked it over his hip. He caressed her thigh as he spoke, “without you giving me the care I need.” He grinned, and she rolled her eyes. Sigyn wrapped her arms around his neck, and she pulled him close. His arm wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled his face in the crease of her neck. He realized how much he truly missed having been able to see Sigyn everyday. Even before they were intimate, her presence was an ease to his paranoia. A familiar face in a crowd of strangers. The only Asgardian left that didn’t utterly despise him, even though she had every reason to. 

    He lucked out, but he wasn’t displeased with the results. He placed featherlight kisses on her neck, and she moaned softly. He sucked on her neck as he began playing with her inner thigh. His long fingers touched her flesh delicately as it reached her womanhood. Sigyn grabbed his conniving hand, leaving her trance once more. He knew he was being greedy, but he wanted to fill up on this woman. She would not allow it, and he listened to her. 

    Grabbing his clothes, he put his pants back on.  He sat on the edge of the bed, glancing at Sigyn from behind. She scooted to the edge with him, and he scooped her into his arms as he stood. He walked over to the window, and turned around so that his back faced it. The moonlight hit her face expertly, and he witnessed her saddened face. “I will miss you,” he told the truth without him knowing. Her tender eyes looked up at him, her mouth slightly open, surprise covering her features. He kissed her passionately as he set her down, deciding to accept his thoughts and feelings. “I need you now, but I can’t have you. Odin made sure of that.” He growled, and her lips turned into a small frown. 

      She hesitated to tell him all that transpired on Asgard. She was on the verge of voicing her worries about Odin, about Thor, but before she could gain the courage to speak, she noticed Loki was already stepping outside. If he knew about the Tyr issue, he should know about the other, more life threatening issues. If he did, he would have mentioned it. He was out the window and Sigyn asked, “how did you know about Tyr?”

   He smirked, “I have ravens of my own,” he shapeshifted in front of her, into a crow. The transformation is faster in real time, and she didn’t witness the horrors his body went through to shrink. He gave her one last look, cocking his head to the side before hopping off the ledge. 

   Sigyn turned back to her now empty room, feeling the weight of loneliness it carried. She didn’t realize she wanted his presence, and she was unsure whether she should want his presence. No, not want, she needed him. It became evident as the days past, and she felt the distance of her and Asgard grow. She was different, and Loki was not of Asgard. They seemed to work together, and she felt herself getting drawn in more to this undisputable connection. She was digging her grave the more she enveloped herself in the relationship, and her mind fought over sides. Whether she would let herself sink, or pull herself out of the murky water.

     Their past kept them tied in a sailor’s knot. She could not let go of the past, and she was a hopeless optimist. She shouldn’t hope for this relationship. She should be cynical and skeptical, but she had the same butterflies in the pit of her stomach the first day he returned to her. The intimacy they shared moments ago was different. It wasn’t her needing him, but him needing her. All she ever wished for was being wanted. Before, she was just the dutiful wife, meant to obey and bring life. Now, in his time of peril, she was the woman he came to free him. 

    From the chains of Asgard. From the collar Odin had wrapped around his neck. Tight like a noose, hanging on an adamantine metal hook. 

    She loved Loki, and she felt she could accept the notion. Slowly, but surely, the notion became less of an argument, and more of a consensus. Sigyn lay on the bed, immediately getting a whiff of what transpired on this bed. She blushed, hoping Roskva would not want to change the furs tomorrow. She was too tired, too spent to change them now, not while a party still raged in the background. People will be patrolling the halls, and they would ask. She would hate to run into aesir that knew her. They wouldn’t be blind to her antics, and she may get caught. She may even get arrested. Aesir already thought she was transpiring with her former spouse-which was half true-she did not want to take the risk. At least if she changed them in the morning, aesir will believe it was from the celebration. At worst, people assume Tyr was involved. At best, no one cared. 

    A small smile lifted her face to imagine Loki, pulling Eagle Wings on the noble Tyr. She slept soundly, thinking about something horrific, and painful. Her thoughts completely vacant of her one and only friend who has returned to her.

Chapter 22: A Conglomerate of Bad News

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

      Roskva saw the smile on Sigyn’s face as she wandered the halls. It was faint, but it was clear to those that paid attention. She was fresh from the bath house, but she had been smiling earlier. Roskva wasn’t sure, but she was certain it was her reunion with her old friend. Either that or she had an expected visitor behind closed doors. Roskva had her arms crossed over her chest, waiting at her door to enter her room. Sigyn passed by her, and entered her chamber. Roskva followed behind. 

   Roskva wasn’t blind, and her nose certainly worked. Sigyn removed the sheets and furs from the bed, folding them carefully. Roskva smirked, figuring it was scenario two that had Sigyn smiling. Whoever the mysterious lover was, Roskva was content to see Sigyn smirk. She rested against the door frame, staring as Sigyn quickly, but effortlessly clean the mess she made last night. Roskva waited for Sigyn to be close to finished before speaking her mind, “trying to hide the evidence?”

     Sigyn jumped, having forgotten Roskva was there. She assumed since Sigyn was doing her job, she would leave to do better things. She was proven horribly wrong. Sigyn turned to her, attempting to feign innocence, but Roskva cut her off before she could plead. “don’t deny it ma’am. I see the smile on your face. You left the party early for more than one reason, and it doesn’t involve the noble Tyr.” Sigyn winced, the worst outcome came from the night. Someone was interested, and they knew it wasn’t Tyr. How long before they claim it was her ex husband? How long before they realized it was Loki?

   Roskva noticed her hands were shaking, her eyes dart back and forth, and her smile falter. Roskva lifted her hands in surrender, “don’t mean to scare ya ma’am. I respect privacy.” Sigyn relaxed at her overreaction. She exhaled the breath she didn’t realize she seized. 

    “Sorry Roskva, it had been a…long night.” Her thoughts trailed to the night before, and her riding Loki as he spoke about slaughtering Tyr ruthlessly. She bit her lip which was still damaged from her assault, hiding her screams as she climaxed. Her pulse had increased as her thoughts swift through the night before. She remembered how hard it was for Loki to keep his voice down, and the many times she silenced him with a kiss. It was a risk she took, having intercourse with the war criminal under the AllFather’s roof, but also exhilarating. Sigyn wasn’t confident she could do it again, but she knew she would be less against it if another opportunity surfaced.  

    Roskva agreed with her, and allowed her secrets of the night to be kept. Although it was clear on her face, Roskva would not mention it again. Roskva went to help Sigyn clean, but Sigyn was insistent she stay where she was. She knew Sigyn was slightly embarrassed, but Roskva had cleaned dirtier sheets. Sigyn was at the door about to leave, instructing her handmaiden to one thing, “could you bring new furs when I come back.” Roskva nodded, although she could do both jobs. Sigyn smiled but it was short lived. Her head spun, and she felt a wave of nausea hit her. 

     She carefully placed the sheets and furs on the ground as she attempted to find ground herself. She wanted to throw up, and she sloppily walked over to her fresh bucket. She tried holding it in, but her stomach ached worse this morning, and the contents spilled out easily. She hadn’t eaten breakfast and her bile came out pure. Roskva went to her side, rubbing her back as she closed her eyes from the sight. She did not like watching people regurgitate, and she started feeling queasy herself.  

    Roskva stood once Sigyn stopped throwing up, and walked over to the pile of furs. “I will take these, and bring them to the wash house. Stay here and rest, you clearly had a long night,” Roskva chuckled, assuming the vomit came from the alcohol of the party. Sigyn wasn’t laughing, but Roskva believed it to be because of the queasiness she was feeling. Roskva took the bed covers, and left Sigyn to her thoughts, promising to bring back water. 

    Sigyn winced, partly because of her stomach aching, but also from the pain weighing on her heart. She did not drink at all last night. This was not a hangover, this was worse. Mulling it over, she realized she hadn’t bled in a long time. She thought maybe it was because of her age, and menopause finally set in, but she was capturing the idea that was not the case. Her eyes watered as the pieces fit. She had been feeling nauseous for days around the same time. Some days she was able to hold the pain down. Others were worse, causing her to empty her gullet like now. 

    It couldn’t be true. She could not accept the truth. She stopped bleeding once she became intimate with the God of Evil.

        It couldn’t be true. 

      Sigyn felt her stomach churn, and she wanted to hurl all over again. She managed to keep it in, but it didn’t stop the terrible feeling from washing over her. Maybe she was overthinking. She did that constantly. Maybe she caught a virus from the winter breeze. It was bound to happen, the sickness that is. She could be infected, and the symptoms are surfacing. Sigyn could stomach the idea, and decided that had to be the cause of her upset stomach. 

     Roskva entered the room with a pitcher and a mug of water. Sigyn looked miserable on the floor, the smile completely wiped off her face. Roskva offered the cup, and Sigyn took it. She spat the water after rinsing her mouth of the acid mixed contents. She gave her brief thanks, before attempting to stand, Roskva helping her on her feet. She thanked her again, quieter than the last. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute, and she sat on the bed. “Are you alright ma’am? Do you need an elixir?” Sigyn shook her head, and Roskva was skeptical. Sigyn clearly did not expect to be hungover which made Roskva question whether  she actually was hungover. Roskva saw fear in her eyes, the shaking of her hands. She was anxious, but about what? It was one night, the effects couldn’t have happened that quickly. 

     Maybe Roskva didn’t understand gods enough to put any sort of useful input. She could hope the best for Sigyn, and help her with the illness. Roskva offered to bring more water, but Sigyn politely declined. Roskva asked if she would want more aid, she could call in a healer, but Sigyn refused that too. She didn’t want any sort of doctor checking in on her, only to tell her the worst. She would figure this out on her own, as she always did. 

      She told Roskva her services were not required for the rest of the day, and Roskva did not see that as an option. Roskva saw the distress in Sigyn’s features. Something disturbed the woman, and Roskva planned to find out why. Sigyn then begged for Roskva to leave, and Roskva’s heart sank. She didn’t know what could trouble her so, but as her father once said; “if you are not  part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.” If Sigyn saw it in her best self interest for her to leave, then she would. She didn’t argue, she walked out and left Sigyn to her own device. 

     Loki had made it back to his hidden base in a flash. His castle was located on the outskirts of Asgard, far east of it. Tall trees, and mountains kept peering eyes from spotting it, but Loki kept a small transparent spell to ward off any curiosity. He had to be there of course, to hold the spell for something as large as an entire structure. He transformed from his bird form to his humanoid form as he landed in front of his lair. 

     Amora met him at the entrance scowling. He grinned. He loved pissing her off. She could do nothing to stop him from doing what he wanted, and she wouldn’t dare to step out of line with his power. Ever since she found out his identity, and decided to work with him, she witnessed the immense prowess he held. She has never seen the AllFather, but she imagined he would be something like Loki. The only chance she had with the nefarious god, was to stroke his ego, and lead him back to the task at hand. 

     She frowned at him as he walked in, and she immediately began her rant. “You do see that the AllFather is preparing. From what I’ve heard, he has gone to his infamous ‘Odin Sleep’ and will come out stronger than ever.” Loki nodded, “you do see the problem with that, or am I just crazy?”

     “Yes,” he replied simply.

     “To what?” She responded ired.

     “To both,” she growled as she followed through a few corridors. They landed in a makeshift throne room in which in the middle, stood a large chair for Loki to sit comfortably in. He sat in his now, favorite chair as he let Amora rattle on. He was patient, and right now, his hunger was sated. He had shared a delicious moment with his lovely Sigyn only hours ago, and he knew that would leave Amora irritated when he came back. She vented for thirty minutes straight before she noticed Loki wasn’t listening. 

     “Do you want to lose Sigyn?” Those words brought him back to reality, and his brows furrowed. 

     “No.”

     “Then you have to start treating this as a war, and not as a suicide wish.” He couldn’t help it. His original plan was to kill everyone, and everything, but it had changed since then. He wanted a future after this, but it was hard when he was the God of Chaos. His blood thirst was greater than any emotion he felt, but he found he enjoyed the warm feeling in his gut. He realized he wanted it more. He still had work to do, had much to muse on. He was distracted easily, and Amora was here to steer him back on course. 

    “Of course,” he resolved, as he focused solely on Amora. “Have we found Jormungandr?” He went straight to the point. Amora’s job was to locate the Midgard Serpent. Loki had spotted the general vicinity in which the snake slept. The snake covered the land of Midgard, that much they assumed, but it was difficult finding the head of the beast for them to shake awake. Amora shook her head and Loki frowned. For a beast as big as the Midgard Serpent, he sure knew how to hide well. “Ah Amora, you are proving to be more useless to me everyday,” he voiced his disappointment, and she pouted.

    “I’m the person holding this operation afloat,” she argued and Loki snickered.

     “Yes, you are,” he smiled wickedly as he stood. He was as sly as a fox, and had the charisma of one as well. He could keep this operation afloat, but they were a team. He would give her work, for she was of use to him, but on a later date. He caressed her face, and she didn’t reject the touch. He gave her the look she recognized. An unspoken conversation passed through them as he stared intently at her. She was reluctant. Everytime they summoned her , Amora felt a piece of her stick to her. Loki noted to her there would be side effects and for her not to worry about them, but she couldn’t help but sense a strange feeling. She didn’t completely trust Loki, and she knew he was partially lying, he was the god of it, but she kept doing it. She kept doing it because of Thor, and she kept going for Lorelei. She gave her verbal consent to perform the spell and he nodded.

       He spoke the ancient incantations, older than time itself, and the effects happened immediately. Loki released her and her body dropped. For a few short moments, the room was silent. Amora’s limp body began to twitch, and he heard the cracking of bone. Her arm sprung up, and her hand slammed on the ground. She started coughing her lungs out, and the sounds of her chokes made Loki wince. She sounded sickly, and gross.

    Her beautiful fluffy, blond hair turned to an inky, oily black that clung to her face. The meat Amora did have on her bones depleted, and all she became was a skeleton wearing skin. She stood up slowly, catching her withered body, preventing it from falling. When her head lifted, half her face was only bone.  She spoke, her voice, the sound of many and of one. She captured the lost souls, and the souls that belonged. She was the inevitable, and she stared at the man who called upon her with intrigue. 

    “Father.” The Goddess of Death wore an elegant white dress that draped past her ankles. The dress hung loose on her shoulders, one being of flesh, and the other of pure bone. Her oily ebony hair reached her back on one side while the other side kept thin strands. 

     He cringed internally. He was still not used to her sight, or her relations with him. He wasn’t sure she was telling the truth, but then again, she had no reason to lie. She didn’t need his favor to get what it was she wanted, if there was something she wanted, so she wouldn’t have to fib to gain it. She said it purely to make him understand that he was the cause of her fate. Of everyone’s fate. For him to comprehend that what he planned, was decided long before he was thought of. That Asgard, and all the nine realms would fall to be reborn. There was nothing he could do to stop it, so why deny his daughter being the Goddess of Death?

    “You look healthier than our last meeting.” He commented, not entirely trained on how to talk to his kid who was the ruler of the underworld.

    “Returning to the surface in flesh, does have its…perks.” She spoke in the past, present, and the future. Her dialect was strange, coming from different timelines, and Loki was filled with curiosity. “What are you trying to do to this woman?” She inquired, and Loki sat back on his chair.

     “Never you mind Amora,” he pushed the subject aside before it could begin. The lord of the underworld knew all, she knew what he had planned for the girl. She just wanted to hear him say it, the suffering of others fed her strength, including her father's. “How are you?” 

     “Fine. Naglfar is almost done.”

     “When will it be ready?”

      “By the time you launch the attack, Naglfar shall lead the army.” She cocked her head to the side, she sensed another thought on his mind. A woman-not her mother, the reason for his motivation-but a woman from his past. This was different, the fates did not warn her about this.  She was curious to exploit it. “Your thoughts are elsewhere.” She stated as her bare bone foot took a step closer to the throne. 

     “Believe me, they are right where they need to be,” he placed his chin on his fist as he leaned into the throne. The goddess shook her head, and Loki sat up, questioning what he could be doing wrong. 

      “You’re a pathological liar, you have feelings for the woman.” 

      “Yes it comes natural to those with a beating heart, to feel.” Loki neglected to see the relevance of his thoughts on his former wife, or maybe he did and he elected to ignore it. Her one working eye narrowed, and she continued her statement.

      “You do see the flaw in your plan with that…woman interfering.” She had almost snarled, but he caught her displeasure and smiled. 

     “You seem to dislike all the women in my life, afraid they’re stealing my attention?” He always enjoyed frustrating those around him, and apparently, the Goddess of Death was no different. He was playing a dangerous game with someone who could end his life with a single touch, but he was arrogant. He was confident no matter how much he pushed all the wrong buttons, his daughter would not kill him. Maybe he could abuse that ability, but for now, he would play his game.

     “I can’t be afraid, I don’t have a beating heart.” Her remark had a tone of anger and defiance, and it made Loki laugh. He could get a rise out of the ruler of the underworld. Not even Odin could get a reaction out of Death, and here Loki was, annoying her. He truly was the God of Mischief to find delight in pointless squabbling that he forged. She noticed his laughter, and he was right. She had no emotions, no beating heart. Just an empty hole where her heart should be.  She stood there, watching her father’s joy with curiosity. She knew what he wanted out of this game, and it was to win. She realized she desperately wanted to know what it was like to feel. It looked fun. “I wish I had emotion,” she spoke out loud and she was not embarrassed by her wish. 

       Loki’s laughter died in his throat when he heard her words. He questioned whether she realized how she sounded, which was sad. Depressed. She looked to him, the first person she has met who isn’t dead, for guidance. Answers to the strange world that he lived in. She needed comfort from the only family member she had left in her life, and Loki believed he wasn’t ready to be a parent. He swallowed thickly, and his eyes darted away from his daughter’s. He wouldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t describe the thrill of feeling joy or contentment. He wouldn’t revel in telling her what it was like to have feelings for another. Whether it was contemptment or love, hatred and desire. He couldn’t help her, because he didn’t know himself. He barely had a grip on his own emotions, he couldn’t possibly help her capture a glimpse of it second hand.

      “Emotions make us mortals weaker, which is why the fates blessed you without them,” he declared, but she wasn’t convinced. She believed she was cursed. Having been born from the womb of a witch, she was destined to live a life of suffering. Short it was, but she remembered it intensely because it was her first and only time of feeling anything. She clung onto that brief part of her existence, for every other part was just dull.

      “Do you feel weak for your emotions towards these women? Amora, Sigyn?” She kept bringing it back to them. Loki sighed heavily, not quite sure if he could lie to his daughter. There was a brief pause before he could answer. The goddess stared at him, waiting for his reply, and he could see the desperation in her eye. The approval she needed to hear from her so called “father”. He believed this was supposed to be a bonding moment, a moment that his “daughter” was trying to make, for reasons  he was not sure of. He held some sort of significance in her undead heart about the same amount as she did for him. Maybe she was trying to understand that significance. He knew he was. But, he was also Loki and he would make anything out of a situation.

    “Yes,” it was his honest answer. He felt weak for befriending Amora, and feeling bad for torturing her like now. He felt even worse for what he felt for Sigyn. Resurfaced feelings that he was quite fond of, aggravated him to no end. Every time the feeling of desire crept into his bones both invigorated him, and destroyed him. He wanted many things in life, and he used to be fine with one but now, he wanted it all and then some. He wanted all of Asgard destroyed, and he wanted Sigyn’s love. He wasn’t sure which one he would get first, and if one would halt him from getting the other. He hoped his options were mutually exclusive, because he didn’t want to have to choose.

     His daughter notably frowned, but it quickly shifted into a grim smile. She read his weakness, and it made her grin. Part of him wanted to wipe that smug off her rotten face, but he was still testing the waters. He was still seeing how far he could truly go before he crossed the line. Before the cold clutches of Death grazed his cheek. “Emotions make you weak, Hela, and I need you big and strong for this battle.” Her eye glanced up at him, surprised by the name he called her by.

      Most people referred to her as Death or an Angel of Death. She’s been called a shadow of the night, or pure darkness. The gods looked at her, and Odin-her own mother Angrboda-pronounced her as Hel, the goddess of the underworld, the bringer of sorrow, the looming darkness. Hela was a less dehumanizing name, and she could accept it. “So why have you summoned me?” Loki was glad to hear her move the subject to the task at hand.

    “Your brothers' are lost and chained. I need your hindsight to spot them.” He put it simply, and Hel nodded while she nodded. 

    “You’ve broken a person’s soul, just to ask for my help in finding Fenrir and Jormungandr?” She shook her head disapprovingly. It mattered little to him, he was the parent here. Amora has failed him so far, and he was tired of failure. If breaking her spirit guaranteed their success, then he was willing to break a few bones or a few souls. “Odin has them hidden well, but even he can not escape Death. Amora will know the locations if she comes back.”

     “That’s my girl.” Loki smiles wickedly, and even the death goddess feels a shiver run up her exposed spine. She was a force of nature, Death was the inevitable, the end. She wasn’t considered good, but she wasn’t evil. She did her job. Loki on the other hand, she would not defend his character if he were called evil. He had malicious intent with summoning his children, that will lead to theirs and others’ downfall. Even his own. He was the definition of evil. He was the word used to describe chaos, and he was the inevitable. 

       But he has gotten greedy, and even more selfish.

       Hel needed to put an end to that, but she could not interfere. All she could do was send her warning. She mulled over her thoughts and she glanced at her father who sat leisurely on his makeshift throne. She knew how this battle would end, but she couldn’t know what her father wanted. She did not know what he wanted out of this. She wasn’t sure she ever knew. “Dad,” she said and he looked away from the void he stared at. She hesitated to ask, and she settled on, “watch yourself.” She left with her advice, and the body collapsed. 

     Amora woke on the cold floor of Loki’s hidden castle. She coughed the after effects of being possessed on the hard stone when she noticed feet approaching her. The metal boots made short tink noises that resonated through her ears. Her body ached, and she was in need of a hot bath. She was lifted off the ground and carried out of the harsh room. She was tired, even though she was in a deep sleep moments prior. Amora wrapped her arms around her savior, and rested her head on his shoulder. “How are you feeling Amora?”

     She looked up to her knight, and her eyes widened to see it wasn’t Loki, but Thor. She gasped softly, her voice strained after the ordeal she went through. He glanced down at her, his brow lifting with amused confusion. “What? You don’t recognize the God of Thunder?” He smirked and Amora’s smile reached her ears. A burst of relief and happiness filled her lungs, and her body no longer ached. She quickly embraced the thunderer that carried her, and she felt her eyes burn with tears.

    “Oh lord, I thought you left me.” She declared and he petted her golden hair to calm her nerves. It would with little effort. “Please, take me away from this horrible place,” she held him close as the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. She was more than tired, she was exhausted. Fighting to survive, and trying to keep not only herself, but her sister alive. She held him tightly and he let her. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear, promising to keep her safe, and protect her from any harm. She wanted to be emancipated from the pain, the stress and fear. She was scared, dreadfully scared as she always been since she was orphaned at a young age.

     “You needn’t worry Amora, I will not be leaving your side anymore.” She smiled with such solace, she was sure she was crying. She couldn’t cry, but she would for Thor. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and she pulled him down for a deep, longing kiss. He reciprocated, and she combed her hands through his wild, curly, spicy orange hair. She gripped his hair when she felt a tear slip down her cheek. The relief overwhelmed her spirit. She kissed him everywhere, covering his face in a frenzy of kisses and red marks. 

    She hadn’t been paying much attention to where he was taking her. He had released her, and she frowned to his loosening grip. He set her on a bed she did not recognize. Her frown deepened when he didn’t join her, and she reached up to grab him. “You need rest, and you are going to need your strength. I will be back soon,” he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. 

     Amora was ready to protest, but she couldn’t stand. Her body was limp, and she was forced to lie in bed wondering when her love would come back. Before the worry could truly set in, she had finally awakened. 

      Loki was sitting at a small desk only a few feet away from the bed she woke in. He was reading that journal of the dead. He heard her shift in bed, and closed the strange book. He stood and walked over to her bedside. “Amora.” He started and she sat up, wincing at the pain she felt both on the outside and the inside.

    “How long was I asleep?” She rubbed her head as she remembered what happened to her. 

   “You are getting used to it. This time, only a day.” The last time they had done this, Amora was comatosed for almost a week, and the previous time, even longer. She is getting used to Hel’s spirit, and that was a good sign. Soon, her body will accept Hel’s presence for longer than a few minutes, or a few hours.

    Amora sighed, she was glad it was only a day. She didn’t like sleeping much, her dreams were always a terrible fantasy. Her fingers absently touched her lips, the dream burning her desires. “Yes, you were moaning Thor’s name in your sleep.” Her face blushed in embarrassment. She did not need Loki knowing about her private thoughts and feelings. She was quiet, hesitant to speak more on her internal struggles. Loki could read the distress on her face, and realized how much pain Thor had caused her. “You have to stay focus-”

    “You are one to speak. You are heart strung for that Sigyn woman, and now you ridicule my needs.” She cringed internally, regretting having said the word “needs” as if Thor was someone she needed. She was over him. She was certain of it. 

    “Agree to disagree,” she growled at his comment but she held her tongue. Hypocrite. 

   “I am focused, tell me what we need.” She sat up, and pushed the covers aside.

   “I do not know, I was hoping you could tell me,” he smirked and she glanced at him with confusion, until it hit her.

    Sigyn rubbed her stomach as she walked over to the mirror on her desk. She lifted her dress to reveal it, and she gasped. She noticed a small bump where her stomach was, and her heart skipped multiple beats. Her heart went into overdrive, and her chest felt restricting. She let go of her dress as she took deep breaths, feeling as though there was no air around her. “No,” she said in a harsh whisper. Her legs gave out, and she gripped the ends of the desk to keep herself from crumbling completely. She choked a sob, the reality hitting her harder than ever before. 

    The bump was too small to mean much, but the signs were too evident for it not to be associated with pregnancy. No one could notice, but Sigyn knew her body. She had been through this before, and she let the tears run down her face. She wanted to keep her cries as whispers, but the anguish she dealt with could not be contained. The water poured down her cheek as she thought more about her life. 

    She was pregnant with twins, the healers were afraid her hips weren’t large enough to carry two living beings. She was scared, having never gone through this process before. She was feeling sick in the morning, and managed to throw up. She figured she had caught a bug, and she went to the healers’ chamber to receive medicine for the virus. She was shocked to hear it definitely was a parasite, but one of miracles. Her eyes had watered, her heart pounded out of her chest, and she was heaving. She was petrified. Not because of the growing children inside her, but because she was afraid of what Loki would say. 

    Part of their marriage arrangements was for Sigyn to give him an heir, a son preferably. Loki had complained to Sigyn many times, how much he did not want or need children. They would only slow him down. From what, Sigyn was never sure of, but she kept his warning ingrained in her brain. To find out she had disobeyed what he strictly said not to do, had her afraid that he would be disappointed in her, appalled even. She was madly in love, and she would have done anything to keep his affection, even terminate her children. At that moment of being diagnosed with maternity, she had second thoughts on termination. 

      A tear had slipped out of her eye, as she thought of what she wanted to do. She could have ended the living creatures’ lives to save her husband’s love, or keep the bundle and be shunned by him for the rest of her life. The healers gave her a day to think about it, and throughout the entire day, her mind battled against itself. Loki wasn’t there to hear the news, doing another task for the AllFather, and Sigyn was glad for once. She speculated, and pondered the endless possibilities to her single answer. She tore hair off her head with the most difficult decision she had faced. All the while, she held onto her stomach tightly. 

      Her mind had settled, and her decision was made. As much as she wanted her husband’s love, she wanted to give love to her children more. She wanted kids, she wanted his kids, and if he couldn’t handle that, then he was on his own. Sigyn didn’t go back to the healers the next day, and a week later, she told her husband the exciting news. He was furious. Ready to slaughter a family because of Sigyn’s disobedience. Her reaction should have been frightened. She should have begged for forgiveness as she thought over many times of doing before telling him the news. She didn’t. She watched his reaction, and she laughed. It was the first time Loki felt like the idiot.

     Sigyn curled into a ball as the tears stopped and dried. Her mind was cooling as her heart was racing. The panic subsided as her answer became clear. She realized through her long  life of living; through her pain and suffering, caused by Odin and Loki, she still was the same gullible, shy, heartstrung fool they always took her for. She was the cursed Goddess of Fidelity. The loyal, dutiful wife to a deceiving husband. But she couldn’t help herself. 

      She wanted kids, and she wanted his kids.

Notes:

It's finally happened. The moment we have all been dreading. Hela has appeared.

Chapter 23: Theoric

Chapter Text

       Loki could sense a shadow watching him. There was a breeze in the sealed spaces, a pair of footsteps resounding behind him. The figure was tall, and looming. He knew that much, and he wished to learn more about his assailant. Every time he turned to where he guessed the figure was, the shadow would be gone. A figment of his overactive, paranoid imagination. He held no trust for any of the aesir except for Odin. 

     Odin took him when he felt lost. His family had tried him for the last time, their hatred for their people and their kingdom led to his brother’s death. If only he was stronger, maybe Byleister would have lived. He couldn’t dwell on the past, he had to look forward to the future. The future held the key to all he ever wanted in life. From what he’s been learning in the art of sorcery, he’d say Odin was right. The future was looking bright for the young mischief maker, even with the black figure watching him.  

    Odin had ordered him into the throne room for discussion. Every so often (which was often) Odin would tell Loki a mission he has set for him. This was nothing new to the young god, but entering the throne room filled him with dread. He sensed it again, the figure watching him. Loki looked through the corner of his eye, the figure standing next to Odin.  His brother, Ve, stared at Loki with curiosity but suspicion. He never trusted the little giant, always telling Odin he would be the death of the aesir. He had it out for the young giant. He was unnaturally gifted, hence his power, and power that wasn’t Odin’s could one day be the death of him.

     Loki glared at the aesir, his paranoia hitting its peak. Loki was ready to pounce, and he may be a few hundred years old, but he was still a kid at heart. He had many lessons to learn. “I have called you all here today-” Loki sprung into action, speaking a short spell that lifted Ve off his feet. The air around the elder god expelled, and he began choking on nothing. “Loki stop!” Odin had shouted, and Loki could do nothing but obey. He fought his command, attempting to take the AllFather’s brother’s life. 

     Odin had shut Loki down when he tried to kill Ve. A headache made Loki lose focus, and he dropped Ve. Ve took a deep breath in, letting the air circulate through his vein. He gasped and heaved, but he stared at the small child with deathly eyes. Loki stood tall as the headache subsided. “He has been plotting against me.” Loki started, attempting to be excused of Odin’s punishment. 

    “That…creature should not live in our halls, Odin.” He stalked towards said creature, but Vili reels him back from putting his hands on the child. 

    “Call me creature again, and I will burn you alive.” His hand was encased in flames, ready to strike the man. 

    “He has a temper just like a dog that needs a leash.” Loki growled like a feral wolf, and he ran towards Ve with ferocity. Odin forced Loki down once more. “Odin, if we don’t put this beast down, it may come back to haunt you.” Ve sounded desperate to get rid of the only giant in their kingdom. Ve continued his rant, and Loki continued his threats. They both were out for blood, and it seemed it was for each others’. Odin was not going to allow Ve to kill a child, even if the kid was as old as him. He dispelled their argument with a tap of Gungnir and the force caused a ripple in the room. The throne room was silent. 

      “Ve, your job was never to infer about your findings on Loki. Your job was to watch him, and report.” Loki’s mouth fell open as Odin looked towards him, “Loki…your brother was watching you for your protection. Aesirs are still not accepting of Jotnar, especially since the war.” Odin took a moment to think of his next words. Meanwhile, Loki was seething with rage "This was never supposed to happen.” Loki had too much to say to Odin, about Odin, around Odin, but his mouth was sealed. “Forgive me, all.” Odin was going through trial and error, determining what was the best way of leading. Of being king to the nine realms, not just Asgard. A kind, but wise king, and so far he was doing a terrible job. Asgard had gone through a brutal, and relentless war with Jotunheim, and tension between their neighboring realm, Vanaheim, is growing exponentially. Now, even inside the walls of his own kingdom, war raged within his family. Between his brothers, and his adopted brother.  

     Loki’s head turned to the sound of shifting armor, falling and clanking against the smooth stone ground. Ve went down on one knee, “no my liege, forgive me. I allowed envy to guide my judgement, and further the wound you wish to mend.” Head bowed, Ve awaited for Odin’s approval to his admission. There was a ghost of a smile on Odin’s face, and Ve glanced at his brother. The AllFather gave his wordless thanks, and dismissed his family from the throne room. Except of course, Loki.

      His eyes were red with rage. If Ve had anyone to apologize to, it was Loki. Instead, he willingly humbled himself to his younger brother, spewing out meaningless words. Words which had no weight to their package. Jealously . That was new for Loki. No one had been jealous of him before. They had despised him, found him disgusting, not worthy to be called a god, but never had he heard a god hate him because he was admirable. By a god no less! It didn’t excuse Ve’s actions, and he would surely pay severely for his words against him, even if they were from blind bregudgment. 

     Odin’s eyes had darkened when his brothers left. Loki knew his anger was not towards him, Loki did what any commoner would do in a situation such as this. The AllFather couldn’t be mad at him. Ve may have apologized for his faults, but it doesn’t excuse them. Odin had a real problem with trust and loyalty, and if he couldn’t trust his brother to do one simple job, who could he consider reliable? “Loki,” he called for the boy, and he obeyed. He walked to his side with heavy footsteps, but he did as ordered. “We will leave for Midgard by the break of dawn.  Be ready.” Loki nodded but he didn’t speak. Afraid of what he might say. 

    The AllFather dismissed him, and he stepped down from the throne feeling the intense aura enveloping. Loki was a cunning child, but he was still curious of this world and its inhabitants. He barely knew Asgard, and the AllFather was practically a stranger to him, though he called them blood brothers. His mouth was rarely imobile when around the mysterious all-knowing god. His back was towards the AllFather, but he spoke, “do you believe Ve?” He wasn’t sure which statement his question correlated with. Ve’s apology, or his declaration of Asgard’s destruction by the little monster’s hands. Loki wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

     The AllFather hesitated to answer him. Loki’s suspicions grew as the air around them thickened. Loki’s power in magic only amplified, and if need be, he could teleport out of this kingdom. He would be spent from the journey, but he could perform a spell that would take him to safety if Odin truly mistrusted him. He knows his limits, and going against the AllFather, the god of gods in this form currently would be a suicide mission. Loki hoped his father would take him back. “I believe him as far as I can throw him.” His joke was inappropriate for the tone, but a much needed light to the mood it had Loki choke. Odin was terrible at timing, but the relief it filled Loki with made him laugh more than wince. 

     A nerve rackened laugh erupted from Loki’s throat. He had nothing to worry about. From what he could tell, Odin trusted him. He believed in him, and that’s what mattered. Ve’s demise would be postponed, he was Odin’s brother after all. Meanwhile, Loki would take time to understand the god of gods.  

      Sigyn woke in cold sweats. She dreamed of her children as she did every night. Growing up, living long lives, having children of their own, her becoming a grandmother. It was nothing new, but she had wet stains on her cheek. The dream was becoming a reality, and she didn’t know if she should be overwhelmed with despair or happiness. She knew the emotions she felt were overwhelming, and she ended up creating new streaks on her face. 

     Sigyn couldn’t help herself.  She was faced with this revelation a week ago, and she’s had plenty of time to reconcile and make a decision. Each time she thought about it, her mind went into complete overdrive of conflicting opinions, and she would shut down. She wanted children, she wanted his children, but was she even worthy to be gifted kids? She had her chance, and she failed miserably. Which led to her spiraling out of control and ending up in the arms of the man that caused her that agony in the first place. A violent cycle the fates put her through, just for her to get her wish. Her heart's desire, a family. 

     Seven days she stayed in her room. Sigyn didn’t answer the door unless it was servants sent by Roskva, delivering her food or water. Sigyn had no taste for food, she could barely hold the meals down, but she would for the growing being inside of her. She placed her hand on her stomach. The smallest bump. No one but her could see. It would be such a simple procedure. There was still time to rid herself of the burden. Time to rid the guilt it wrought on within her soul,  and pretend it never existed. She curled into a ball at the idea of ending the poor child’s life before it could enter this world. It sounded worse to end it before they could see a day of light. She shivered and a single tear rolled down her face. No. She couldn’t get rid of it.

    How was she going to tell Loki? How would he take the news? Better than last time she hoped. Did she even want to tell him? He certainly wasn’t father of the year, but maybe he wanted the second chance as well. Or third. Maybe she shouldn’t tell him. The many trials he has gone through and failed has proven to her and the realm that he was not cut out to be a parent. So what harm would it be to let him know? He was absent most of the time with their first set. What would be different now? He had a better reason for being absent, but he would be absent all the same. 

     Sigyn wanted things to be different. She didn’t want an absent father in her child’s life. She wanted to keep this child, and she wanted Loki to be there to raise him. Him . She already thought the gender he would be, and her belly barely had a bump on it.  She would care for her boy, protect him from the dangers of the world. She would take him far away from Asgard filled with monsters and murderers. Even with his faults, she still wanted him in their son’s life. She wanted him in her life.

        She spent years mourning, questioning her sanity and morality. Her concluding her issues were Loki’s fault, which was true, but she had to take responsibility for being blind. For choosing to deny the fact that he was terrible for her. Her family despised the man, his own family thought he was no good for her, and they were probably still right, but she was terrible too. For loving a man as greedy and selfish as him. Giving herself, all of herself to a man that gave her scraps of affection. Of duty, honor, and faith. He had broken his vows in many ways, yet she came back. No good person would come back. They would see the errors, and fix them. She was horrible for letting him back in, and she was a sinner for letting the jackal fill her with his seed. 

      She was selfish and greedy. She wanted what she couldn’t have, and she still strived for it. Loki had wished for them to try again. Rebuild the relationship they had lost, something she had dreamed of since his unexpected return. She was no better than Loki, but now she had to consider the child.

      It was fine when she was on her own. She made mistakes, and she would suffer the consequences. She was willing to suffer for her sins, but she had another life to think about. Her actions would affect the child as much as it would affect her. This was no longer a game she could play around. This was reality. She was not a girl with a fairytale dream, she was a woman with a second chance. She had to do what was right. For the baby.

      Staying in Asgard was not an option. They would terminate the child as they had done to her children before. She would pack, get herself a horse, and she would head off for Midgard. Midgard was a nice place, and she was sure she could find a secluded area as she had found one in Asgard. She would have to be extremely careful. The AllFather was obviously keeping tabs on her, so she would have to leave when no one was looking. Celebrations were perfect times for people to sneak around or out of the kingdom, and when it was a true feast, Heimdall would leave his post. She would have to wait for the perfect time, but until then, she could prepare. 

     Once she’s out of Asgard, she can figure out her life. Start over possibly. If she managed to see Loki again before her departure, she would tell him. He has a right to know. She couldn’t-wouldn’t try to convince him to join her, although she didn’t see why he wouldn’t inevitably come. There was nothing left for him on Asgard either, to linger would be superfluous. If she failed to see him again, she would leave a note. It would be general, and wouldn’t hint at anything except the child, just in case it went into the wrong hands. 

    She settled on those different outcomes. She would leave Asgard never to return, either with or without Loki but with her child either way. She liked her plan, it brought her a sense of ease and control. Throughout her life, most decisions were made for her. She had very little control  over what happens to her except when she was alone. No one was by her side to help her or guide her. She had to make the logical choices. The right ones. It was stressful, but invigorating at the same time. She held fear for what her choice could bring, but she had to be strong and make conclusive actions with no regrets. For her son.

      Sigyn uncurled from her fetal position. The streaks on her face had dried, and for once she felt certain. Determined. She stood from her bed with acceptance. Deep in the pits of her mind, she was filled with joy. She had another life within her, another being she could cherish and love.  She was ecstatic. Hidden under her doubts and qualms, she wanted this, needed this badly. A miracle in hindsight to Sigyn, one she was lucky to be blessed with. She held that part in, thinking it was too good to be true. She would carry her secret treasure as a burden, until she was certain she was free.

      Sigyn bathed first, ridding herself of a week’s wallowing grime. The cleansing helped with clearing her mind. She had a plan, but she was going off a whim or a hope that coincidence would happen. She did not want to be in Asgard when her stomach was completely round. She wished to disappear as she once did, but this time, Odin would not find her. Maybe if she got into contact with Loki, he could help her as she had given him refuge. She favored that idea, being able to kill two birds with one stone. She knew he would help her even if he did not wish to leave Asgard permanently, (upsetting that would be for her considering he did so for another woman) whisk her away to an unknown region of Midgard. 

     The norns have been forgiving. She could not screw this up with her own selfish wants. She would have to be willing to let go of what she grasped for so long if the moment warranted it.  Though, he could always say yes. Then it's a win, win. Then, it would be too good to be true. 

     Sigyn’s thoughts had run over one another, finding each and every opportunity to contradict each other. Sigyn was heading towards her room to ponder more, and hopefully flesh out her plan, but her trot and musings were interrupted by a tall, broad figure standing in her way. 

      Sigyn glanced up at the figure, guessing it was Tyr attempting once more to woo her. During her week of painful self reconciliation, Tyr came knocking a few times. She ignored each one, and it seemed to have spurred him off for the time being. But, that annoyance would come back. It was futile to hope the assault would end. So it surprised the exasperated Sigyn when the face she met was not that of Tyr’s, but of Theoric’s. 

     “You look as if you are not happy to see me,” Theoric commented playfully, and Sigyn sighed a breath of relief. He was dressed in padded armor. Not too much heavy metal to slow him down, but enough on his shoulders and chest to keep him protected. He was prepared for a swift battle, and looked to be heading towards the front exit when he spotted Sigyn. 

    “My apologies, I thought you were someone else.” She shook her head, but Theoric placed his hand on her shoulder. 

    “Decades have gone since our separation, and that is all you have to say.” There was a small smile tugging on his lips as he confronted Sigyn. Her mouth was agape. She was addressing him wrong after years of neglect. He deserved better than that, especially since she had left him.

     “I-my,” she felt as though she needed to be formal, but they knew each other. He knew her in ways very few witnessed. He earned her informal greetings, yet she hesitated. With the idea about a child growing inside her, thoughts about catching up with Theoric had left her. Most of her thoughts slipped by her that weren’t related to the ever growing creature. His face broke out into a full blown smile because of her stutter. His hand slipped from her shoulder, down to her hand, clasping it in his. 

     “You had more confidence during the celebration, when there were peering eyes.” He had given her hand a gentle squeeze, reassuring her that she could be honest with him. Sigyn’s thoughts paused on the parasite eating away at her, and switched to the glowing figure before her. Sigyn stared into his eyes, truly capturing his person. His light brown hair was slightly damp from sweat giving it a thin shade darker than its natural color. His skin was a tinge sun kissed, from the years he’s spent outside. His face was flush as if he had previously been running, and small brown splotches covered his nose. The familiar freckles brought nostalgia into Sigyn, and she smiled warmly. His golden brown eyes glistened, and there was an innocence about him that reminded her of their youth. Simpler times. 

      “I’m sorry, I was startled by your sudden presence. I am always glad to see your face,” she said while trailing her hand up to his cheek. “How is my oldest friend?” 

     “Better, having seen your pretty eyes,” he teased, and Sigyn had chuckled. She was easing into their old greetings. Theoric stared into her pretty hazel eyes for a moment longer before releasing a sigh, “you have changed.” Her brow arched and she felt a smile tug at her lips.

    “So have you,” she took a step back to stare his figure up and down. “For one, you’re fat.” She poked at his chiseled abs, and she measured his width with her arms, confirming her observation. “Too much goat wouldn’t you say?” She looked up at him, and he threw his head back as he laughed. 

    “Well, when was the last time you had a meal? You look starved.” She instantly grabbed her stomach as she gasped. Her smile failed to falter, but internally, she was spinning. To the world, she was one person, but she carried another. She was flat to him, too small, but she knew the truth. “Please, before I go, join me for a meal.” He already grabbed her hand, and pulled her towards the dining hall before she could protest. Sigyn questioned where he needed to head off to, but realized Bragi, his leader, must still have him on missions even when he’s home temporarily. It was certainly a subject she would bring up while they ate. 

     The warriors were getting ready for their later activities. Few were heading to their respective destinations in the morning, but most were preparing for the noon. Trolls had attacked the outer realm’s borders in the north, and a selected group of soldiers were sent in the morning to deal with the unexpected casualties. Messages had gone around that the underground dwellers would be coming back again, and Bragi intended to send a task force to eradicate the trouble. Theoric was a part of the group who were going to hunt down the nomadic savages, and wipe the earth with their blood. But first, Theoric had to have a strong, thick meal for the long battle ahead of him, and who better to have it with than Sigyn.

      Sigyn avoided conversation about herself. Her life had become complicated the day she was announced married. Too much heartache she would describe, with an ending she could not speak. Sigyn instinctively placed a hand on her stomach. This child was a new beginning. A reset in her life of tragedy. Maybe she could have a happy ending if everything went well. Whenever he asked about her, she kept it simple and brief. She was married, then divorced, she moved to the outskirts, and now she’s back. Sigyn didn’t bother to mention the twins she had. Theoric didn’t need to know about her horrible mistake. 

     Sigyn focused on learning about Theoric. Not long after joining the royal guards did he become a Þing-man for Bragi. He was always on the move. Moving from kingdom to kingdom with either diplomacy or battle. He never got to settle down with a woman, because he was never in one place for a long time. The day he would settle, is the day he would no longer be a warrior, and being a warrior was his livelihood. 

     He has had a few near death experiences, and he had seen a Valkyrie once. At this, Sigyn leaned forward on the table, intrigued by his sightings. Valkyries were kept in secret chambers that Odin had specifically designed for the angels. They were only released after battle, and only seen by those who Hel had touched. Theoric had been shot in his side, falling off his horse when the light headedness took over. Blood poured out of the wound, and it was doused in snake venom. Theoric was sure he was going to die. The lights flickered, his vision was fading, his heartbeat was slowing. 

    He witnessed it then. A beautiful woman wearing clad golden armor with wings swept in from the sky bearing a shining shield and sword. She sheathed her blade, staring down at Theoric’s fallen person. Her hair weaved from gold flown with the wind, and her plush, soft lips lifted into a smile. Her wings were large, fluffy and full. They were outstretched, ready to flap once she grapsed what she came for.  She was grace, strength, and heavenly as her hand reached out for him. “Your time has come young warrior. Vahalla awaits.” Her voice could not be described. It was something otherworldly, mystical. Her voice brought him peace, serenity, acceptance. Theoric’s vision blurred from the tears that brimmed his eyes, because of the divine beauty he witnessed. When he blinked away the tears, the angel was gone.

    “That was the closest to everlasting Valhalla I had gotten.” He concluded, “I thought I was ready to let go, but fate has plans for me.” His statement brought another question in Sigyn as to what he thinks they have in store for him. “That is what I hope to find out.” Bragi received word that Odin wished for all aesir to return to Asgard, especially those in the royal court, for reasons that were described by Bragi as “unusual” and “dire”. Maybe it was a sign from the norns that the time has come. Seeing his oldest friend here and well, he believed destiny had a play in it. 

       “It seems your mind is set on this,” finding what his point of existence is. He nodded before taking a bite out of his bread, and stuffing his already full mouth with a slab of meat. He barely chewed his food before swallowing, and washed it down with a goblet of mead. Theoric noticed Sigyn didn’t have herself a cup of alcohol, and offered her some of his. She respectfully declined, claiming she was still a bit sore from the other night’s inebriation.  Theoric wasn’t one to pry, and he finished the rest of his drink quickly. 

       His drinking reminded her of the time Theoric was harvesting honey, and he invited Sigyn to join him. He brought with him a small container of alcohol to try and make his own mead. After the harvest, he mixed a little of the honey in his flask. He offered her to try his concoction first, and she spat it out in pure disgust. There had not been enough honey to sweeten the drink for children their age to enjoy, but Theoric could not come home with evidence of his decadence. He downed the beverage in three gulps. By the time they reached his home, all the contents in his stomach were expelled. 

     Recalling the memory earned a laugh from Theoric. His guardians found out anyway since the flask he brought was not his to take. He seemed to still be affected by alcohol, the heat reaching his cheeks, and a sheepish look contorting his face. Their interactions brought Sigyn back to their youth, and reminded her of Theoric’s naivety and innocence then. She was curious to know if he ever kept up with his reading. He had written to her a few times, and she noticed his writing increasing in quality, but they hadn’t talked in over ten years. 

       “Part of being in Bragi’s crew requires us warriors to write treaties, tariffs, or laws that the AllFather wishes to impose. Or another kingdom wishes to implement.” Therefore, reading and writing is all he’s done most of his life. “I hope you have not forgotten your life as a farm girl.” Sigyn felt heat rise to her cheeks, and she gave him one of her incredulous smiles. Her family knew that her beauty would be the only thing that would get her ahead in life, so they kept her a distance from the farm land. Still, Theoric would drag her to his cattles, and force her to assist in cleaning them. 

        “Never.” With that, Theoric concluded their breakfast, claiming he would be late soon. Sigyn was sad to see him leave, but she didn’t want to hold him back. She decided to walk him to the shore where they were having the warriors say their final goodbyes to their loved ones. Theoric said they would be gone a week, two weeks tops, and reassured Sigyn that he would be back in no time. She failed to hide her worry, “I’m…not worried.” 

        Theoric only smiled and, he rested his hand on her cheek. “Has anyone ever told you, you are a terrible liar,” he chuckled and she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. 

         “Come back, I would rather have more conversation with you than this be the final one.” She said with sentiment, and Theoric promised to be back before she realized he was gone. His hands were her holding hers, and he looked down at their entwined fingers. 

       His smile had faltered, and Sigyn’s head tilted with concern. He gained the courage to look her in the eyes before speaking, “do you trust me Sigyn?” She was shocked by the abrupt, and loaded question. She didn’t hesitate to answer yes. She wanted to ask why, but he shook his head, preferring if she didn’t ask. “Good. I want you to know, I’ll always protect you,” it was a strange proclamation he was making at this time when he was going away but Sigyn wasn’t against his promise either. “No matter how far we are from each other, I will get to you, and I will keep you safe.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him in a tight hug. 

      Sigyn didn’t expect the hug to feel as warm and inviting as it was, but his words put more weight into their embrace. They should have meant nothing to her, airless, and empty. Many people made promises to her, and all of them had broken them. His declaration was transparent, translucent, a ghost of a statement to someone such as Sigyn. Yet, she was a sap, and she fell right into the trap again, because she believed him. 

      He had nothing to gain by hurting her, and she was hurt so much already, there was little that Theoric could do that she hadn’t dealt with before. She had already hit rock bottom, already been beaten into the dirt. Theoric could only lift her up, and she finally wrapped her arms around him. Her act made him hold her closer, and she found herself leaning into his touch, resting her head on his chest. They held each other for a moment longer, and it wasn’t until Sigyn felt Theoric’s hand circling her back, when she realized she was trembling. 

      He made a promise, and he was going to keep it. Theoric, her oldest and only friend planned to devote his time to helping her. She was worth something to somebody, and she didn’t have to change herself to fit their quota. She was fine the way she was, and that was a foreign concept to her. Her family didn’t like her quiet, so she had to be loud. Her husband didn’t like her opinions, so she had to keep to herself. Her people didn’t like her being different, so she had to be the same. She didn’t like herself, but she couldn’t end her life. She had to adapt all her life, and it was exhausting. Theoric brought her relief, a breath of fresh air, a reassurance that her person was fine. That she was worth the breath. That she was worthy of her child. 

      She noticed his armored chest was glistening from the tears that left her face. She wiped her eyes before she looked up at him, a small smile lifting her features. “Don’t cry or I will cry,” he said with a smile as the water brimmed his eyes. Sigyn had almost forgotten he was a sympathy crier, and she tried to wipe away the sadness. 

     “Sorry,” she said quietly as she cleaned herself up. The ships were rounding the last few groups, and Theoric had to go. Sigyn lifted on her toes to give him a farewell kiss, pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth. She could feel the corner of his lips tilt upward, and his struggle from kissing her back but she was grateful. She was still ever so faithful. They released one another, both a bit reluctant, but both having their own duties to attend. Theoric stepped onto the ship as he waved goodbye to which Sigyn reciprocated, and the ship set sail.

       Sigyn didn’t linger for long. Once the ships were a far enough distance, she made her way back to Asgard’s kingdom. She did hope for the best for her oldest friend, and she wanted to talk to him a lot more. Even spend time with him like they used to, but she had to escape this place. She had to plan her future with her child.

        The observatory had an abundance of spells and information on the art of sorcery. Shocking since the AllFather hid knowledge from the average aesir to keep himself ahead of the masses. A smart plan when considering his own survival, but not the best when he had an entire race of gods to rule and protect. The spells ranged from strength, most being enough to kill a person, but none that could wipe a small fleet . Sigyn knew there were worst spells than the ones she was reading. She had a husband to show her the true power behind magic, and dedicating one's life to  casting. What she read was child’s play compared to what nefarious witches could do. 

      But she wasn’t searching for malicious curses to inflict upon the world. She was looking for an invisibility spell.

      Not a literal invisibility spell, but a cast that could get her off the eyes of those who have foresight such as the AllFather. Sigyn wasn’t blind anymore, she knew the magic she acquired would have to be immense to block the god of gods’ presence. She would require skill, slyness, and work hard to disappear off the map without a trace. This would be easier if Loki was here, but she didn’t have the man with a snap and she would have to use her own wit and will. The child growing inside her gave her enough will and strength to continue forward.

      There was little information on ridding oneself of their astral signature. Most people wouldn’t want their astral presence gone, but Sigyn wasn’t most people. No. She was a woman carrying the seed of the God of Chaos in her stomach. Her stakes were high, and Odin not being able to find her would be a miracle. Miracles don’t fall from the sky, they come from a book, and the literature she was reading was not the miracles she needed. 

      Sigyn admitted she was weak in the art of magic. Only really being able to perform the simplest of tasks, like calling forth an item, or moving objects around short distances. Nothing special, and certainly nothing that improved her skill. Loki had tried to teach her, but she had overstepped her boundaries and ended up getting burnt. Sigyn was curious about the machinations of magic, and she had rushed to success. This time was going to be different. She would leave Asgard, but she had to be clever. Think outside of her own body to reach her goal, and it started with her patience.

        Sigyn began reading the journal she had stumbled upon in the observatory ever so long ago. Each day she would learn a new development in Ve, the brother of Odin, and the author of the journal. She didn’t know Odin had any brothers since she has never seen nor heard of them pass by the AllFather’s or her husband’s lips. 

      Ve distrusted his own brother for reasons Sigyn could only describe as jealousy and fear. He watched as his brother grew exponentially powerful, and less defeatable, and the idea instilled fear in him where he wanted to exploit any weakness the soon-to-be-called AllFather had. Loki was one of them, and Ve tried to eradicate the world of him. To rid of the monster, and to hurt Odin. He wanted to kill two birds with one stone.  

     He clearly failed, and Sigyn figured he had died along the way of his plotting. Yet, the journal still continues, there are still tales outside of Asgard written in this book, and secrets that lie within it. She would find out soon what Ve discovered in his hopes of beating his brother, but it didn’t serve her purpose so she moved on. 

     The observatory may have knowledge, but she could tell it was missing certain aspects. Education that she knew for being with a higher up, but education the observatory lacked. She wasn’t blind to Odin’s ways, hogging wisdom and intelligence from the ordinary as to keep them below him. Ideas and philosophies tossed under the rug to prevent any new upringings. The AllFather wished to keep Asgard the same; ignorant, and so far, he’s been succeeding. It made Sigyn grip the bindings of a book she was holding, her blood boiling as she thought about the crookedness of her ruler. The injustice and unfairness he wrought unto this world. It made her want to take action, get retribution, but she was thinking beyond herself. 

     She was one girl-one woman who was currently carrying her unborn child. She was in no position to impose anything on the king of Asgard. Only find her way out of his strangling grasp. Sigyn turned back to the shelves, and put away the dud in her hand, grabbing another title to skim through. 

     Two hours had passed, and the few spell books that she had found were useless, petty garbage. She realized she was going to need a sorcerer to at least get a hint, if not, the answer to her problems. Her failure to find what she needed left her disappointed and hopeless. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she didn’t know how long she had before Odin came back and interrogated her. Before he realized she was carrying another being inside her. Before he would kill her child.
    She wrapped her arms around her stomach at the horrifying thought. Water filled her eyes as the fear tumbled on her like a  tsunami. She let the tears fall, knowing it was her imbalanced emotions causing her to panic. She knelt on the soft rug as she let the despair fall and soak the elegant carpet. The stress and anxiety covered her like a blanket, and she spent the few short minutes wallowing in her self pity. 

     The words of Theoric ran through her head, and she found her tears beginning to dry. They were comforting words that she needed at times where she felt truly alone. Now she knew that she wasn’t, that in this hellhole she did have an ally. A friend. A knight. She had these words to give her strength, to relieve the pain traveling up and down her spine.

     Sigyn stood, wiping away the tears that neglected to dry. Her head was clear, she was determined, and she wouldn’t stop searching until she knew her baby boy would be safe. 

     “Oh no,” Amora said as she watched the smoke clear, and the vision peered through. Loki would not like the sight, but it wasn’t her place to decide whether he should or should not see what his woman was doing. She heard his footsteps from afar, coming closer by the second, and she shook at the thought of him witnessing this. He was a jealous, and avaricious god. Amora couldn’t allow him to get distracted by his greed and possessiveness, but Amora wouldn’t allow Sigyn to be wooed by a warrior.

     She swiped the smoke away when she heard Loki approaching. She quickly turned to him when he reached the door frame, staring at her expectantly. “How fares Asgard,” he says with a snarl as he walks up to her and releases the smoke. Amora pushes it away, and he glares at her suspiciously. She places her hand on his chest, and begins pushing him out of the room. He doesn’t stop her, willing to play her game before his patience runs thin. “What are you doing?”

     Amora thinks quick on her feet, “you must get to Sigyn, she needs you.” Amora continued her assault, but the game ended as soon as the words left her mouth. Loki removed her hand from his chest, and his brows furrowed in concern. 

    “What happened,” he grabs her arms to stop her from pushing as he awaits her answer.

   “I can’t speak it, you just have to go,” she tried to sound hysterical to somehow make him panic but he didn’t falter. His grip on her tightened and she winced in pain. He came face to face with her as his rage was building. 

    “Amora, what happened?” He repeated slower, and she gulped. He was good, but she was better.

    “A man,” was all she answered for him to get the picture.

    “A man? Tyr-” he concluded before leaving Amora to her own vices. He rushed out of the castle to go to Sigyn in hopes of saving her from the clutches of the noble Tyr. Amora knew she was getting paid too little for this job, but she was fine with Loki’s gratitude.  

     Amora realized she hadn’t solved her problem. Loki was still distracted, and now he was leaving. All she did was hold back the real name of the man who was holding Sigyn intimately. She put the rest of the work on Sigyn, hoping she would be smart as to not say the boy’s name. Amora didn’t know why she protected that man, she’s no defender, no helper to those in need. She should have left the problem for him to deal with, but she didn’t. She was a goddess of love after all, any kind of love, and she wanted to watch as theirs bloomed.

Chapter 24: Understand What is Mine

Notes:

Shorter chapter I must say.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

    Sigyn didn’t like waking up to someone towering over her. She would never get used to Loki’s antics, so it came as no surprise when she threw her dagger at him. He managed to dodge it but the shock was evident in his features, mainly because of her accuracy. He turned to her, and she smirked at his distress, “you really must learn to trust me.” He spoke as he lit the lamp near her bedside. Sigyn removed her covers, and sat on the edge of her bed as she glanced up at him.

     “It’s your own fault. I told you not to do that.” She stood to retrieve the blade, but Loki held his arm out to wrap around her. She attempted to leave his grasp, but his grip tightened and she looked at him incredulously. He couldn’t possibly be mad about her assault, he completely deserved it. He knew how she reacted to surprises, especially when they were people watching her as she slept. She dared him to argue with her about his mistake, but that wasn’t why he held her, like it was his last time.

     Sigyn knew it was his possessiveness that drove him to tighten his grasp. She allowed him the chance to get it out, to be reassured that she was his until she would tire of it. “Why are you worried?” She did as she did in the past, soothing him with her interests in his daily life, his daily worries. She wouldn’t lie, she enjoyed when he embraced her as snuggly as he did now. It made her feel safe and wanted. Although his reasons may not be healthy, she would take this hug and love it.   

   “I’m worried about you, and the men you interact with.” Her eyes shot open, the fantasy of this embrace coming to a close. She pushed on his chest to bring them space as she stared at him dumbfounded.

   “Who, Theoric?” Her eyes showed her disbelief, but his eyes showed his disdain.

   “The soldier boy,” he said as he realized what Amora was warning him about, “yes.” When she pulled away, he released her and she stood as she crossed her arms over her chest. 

   “Well it needs to stop. He is one of the only people I do trust.” She huffed and Loki stood. 

  “I don’t care if you trust him. Everyone is a liar, and that scum you call friend, is lying to you.” He read people like books, and he’s been alive for a long time to know exactly what Theoric said to Sigyn to make her suddenly care about him. He probably made some empty promises to always be there, or be her knight and shining armor. He wasn’t sure what Sigyn was looking for in Theoric that she needed to believe in him, but the dream was going to end today. 

      “Those aesir are all the same.” He stepped into her personal space and watched her eyes sadden from the truth. “Only out to sate their hunger,” he grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. “Their greed,” he wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her flush against him. His lips were inches from hers when he whispered, “their lust-” but she didn’t let him finish. She put her hand between them, and covered his mouth, the fury and pain watering her eyes. 

      “Stop talking,” she wasn’t going to let his truthful words poison her mind. Of course she knew that aesir were not selfless creatures. She knew they looked out for themselves first and foremost, and she knew they didn’t care the slightest about the ghost of Asgard. She wanted to believe that maybe Theoric knew her long enough to grow affection for her. Enough to set aside his primal instincts, and help her in this time of stress. “If you think berating me to spur me away from befriending him is going to work, you have another thing coming.”

      “This isn’t a discussion, this is an order; stay away from that man-” he said after he pried her hand from his mouth. His grip on her wrist was bruising, but neither person thought about the pain they were inflicting, or the pain they were receiving. Sigyn was caught up in her feelings of anger and exasperation. “Need I remind you of the last person you trusted ,” he spat in contempt. 

         “No,” she said, her anger deflated as the memories flooded her mind. She didn’t need a reminder of a time long since past. A time where she was lonely, and one man had visited her often. She had confided in an aesir whose only objective was to eliminate Loki’s seed. “But Theoric is different. I have known him since we were children.” She tried to gain her confidence, but her voice showed her true feelings. She was losing her grip, because in a horrible way, Loki was right, but she would fight for what she believed. 

         Loki felt the wicked envy filling his bones. He was unaware of his truth, that a part of him wanted Sigyn all to himself. She was the only light in his long and strenuous life. She was the spark of hope that he didn’t want doused by a loyal asgardian boy who was probably sent to collect information on the lovely Sigyn. An even more selfish part of him didn’t care whether the boy was good for her. Sigyn was his, and she would be until death did them part. She couldn’t have a platonic relationship with a lonely beta male. She didn’t see it now, but he was doing her a favor by opening her eyes to what hid underneath the veil of her friend. “You knew him when he was a child. You don’t know who he is after a few decades. People change-”

       “And some change for the better,” she shouted, and her evidence was right in front of her. Loki was proof of people who could change. Be better than what they were before. Doing the right thing, and coming back to the ones that loved them. Her words could not go past the thick, steel skull that apparently encapsulated his brain, because he ignored them. He was unfazed by her attempt to help him understand, and she soon gave up. She snatched her hand out of his burning grasp, and absentmindedly rubbed the pain away, “I’m not having this argument behind the walls of Asgard. You don’t own me.” She dismissed him as she sat down on her bed. “Leave,” she said, patiently waiting for his departure. 

         It was wrong for her to say that. To say he didn’t own her. She may not be a thrall, but her soul was his to keep. They had been through too much together: love, pain, torture, redemption. He owned her a little bit, at least her heart. He may be acting paranoid or over dramatic about this Theoric fellow, but she was ignoring his implications. She didn’t understand what he was saying, but he would show her. He unclenched his fist, and relaxed his jaw as a plan formulated in his head, as the reason behind her misunderstanding became clear to him. He stared at his former wife with calmness as he said, “no.” 

       “Yes,” the fury was evident in her features, and she stood to argue with him once more. “I will not let  you dictate my life, especially if you are gone for most of it,” she glared but he wasn’t feeding her anger with his own. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and before she could blink, they were outside the constricting walls of the looming Asgard. 

    Sigyn gasped from the sudden transportation, but once she got a hold of herself, she glared at Loki. “What did you do?” 

    “Look around. I think you would recognize this place.” He smirked and he turned away to touch the walls beside him. Sigyn hesitated to do as he said, but there was a vibration filling this room that she felt she could recall from a time locked away. There was a tension in the air which was palpable, and she couldn’t help but check her surroundings for what this extreme pressure was. 

      The walls were curved, and were rock. She knew immediately that they were in a cave. There was a familiarity in the air, and she put her hand on the rocks, and used her sense of touch to activate the memories of this place. Loki began walking forward in this mysterious cave, and Sigyn instinctively followed a distance behind him. The feeling she received from this cave was not that of positive. There was an ominous and malevolent spirit controlling this hole. It was odd and ancient, but it would forever be there waiting for its victims. 

        Worry covered her features as the despair made her remember certain aspects about the dimly lit cave. She couldn’t pinpoint why she knew this place, only that she had a bad impression of it. “Loki, where did you take me,” she asked, but there was a tremble to her voice. She had a sudden rush of anxiety as they went deeper into the hole. The memories came back slowly, one feeling at a time. 

      He waited a beat before he decided to answer, “I thought you would remember this place by the sight of the walls, but it was a long time ago when we first came here.” He watched in the corner of his eye, the horror that morphed her face. He led her closer to their destination, and he knew she would remember this horrid place. “Is it coming back now? Do you see the long, agonizingly painful years of torture you were put through in this beautifully haunting place?” The fear settled in, but she kept walking. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as the old wounds that never healed opened wide, and blood gushed and drained her. “You should. It was the place that sowed our fates together.”

       Her mouth was agape and her eyes were wide. This old cave was where Loki was sentenced to for treason. He spoke his mind against the king, and he was punished to endless years of acid dripping along his face, melting until it reached the bone, only to be reformed by the next moment just to go through the horrifying process all over again. This place was where Sigyn spent her years, of her free will, to protect her husband from the deigned torture placed upon his head. The days spent on aching feet, and constant outstretched arms to hold out a shallow bowl to catch the acid droplets pouring out of the snake’s fangs. But there was a splash each time her small, shallow bowl caught the torture. Each time, a few bits of acid would pop onto her skin, and boil it to a melting point. She didn’t have the regeneration her husband was cursed with. She was stuck with the burning, and sizzling of flesh without any help or healing.  

        Sigyn went through the cruelty. Their marriage was still in its infancy, and she was completely loyal to her first and only husband. This was the trials to see if what they had would last, and she had passed but the cost was grand. Sigyn never realized the test was not to see if the love was real, but to see if she was willing to go through the anguish of dealing with a god. Her answer was regrettably yes, and now she was going through it again. 

      Her arms tightened their hold as she observed the hole. The boulder still lay in the middle of the room, drenched in spoiled and crusted over blood.  The impervious chains which they had tried numerous times to break, were as solid as the day they tied him down. The room had a pungent smell and humidity that emanated from the serpent. The one thing missing to fully immerse her in the past was the serpent itself. Still, it was enough to get the corner of her eyes burning with tears. 

    Sigyn turned away from the scene, attempting to escape her past, but Loki grabbed her before she could leave. “No Sigyn, look at it. Remember the past you tried to erase,” he whispered in her ear, but she closed her eyes to forget. Her body tensed in his hold, and she tried to calm her rapidly beating heart with forced breaths. She imagined a garden with beautiful roses, fresh air, and beaming sunlight. She thought of a better place than the one she was involuntarily in. Loki was persistent and he spoke his verse, “see the truth Sigyn. Open your eyes,” he demanded, and she hated that she obeyed.

       She looked into his crazed eyes, purposely keeping her eyes from peering at the scene before her. She asked with a trembling voice, “why?” Her voice was strained, and tears fell down her face without pause. She didn’t want to relive this more than traumatizing part of her life. 

     “Because, you don’t understand. You have to understand.” She stared at his disheveled features, never having the chance to get a good look at him since he came to her in the middle of the night. He was an animal. He preferred being wild and free, but he was feral now. Bringing her to this place was cruel, and he knew that, and he reveled in that idea. He was being malicious, trying to get a rise out of her, and it was working. He wanted her to understand why he must do this to her, but she couldn’t begin to comprehend his mindset. His insanity, only her own. He was on a different level, one that most could not reach save Odin. 

       Her eyes were full of sorrow as she begged, “please take me back.” He shook his head as he grabbed her face and turned it to look before her. 

     She didn’t make friends in Asgard. Acquaintances at best, but never had she any friends. She was an obedient, and dutiful wife, and that’s all she was. The Goddess of Fidelity. Loki knew when he would come back, she would be right where he left her. She was a doll for him to play with, and toss away when he was finished. No one dared touch the God of Mischief’s stuff, so he never worried about his jealous and possessive traits. With aesir believing Sigyn to be free from the chains of marriage, many different men decided to show their true colors. Thrym, Tyr, Theoric, all wanted to take his trophy. She was free from the chains of marriage, but she would never be free of him.

          Sigyn let out a shuddering breath. The emotions of the past seeping in and consuming her. If she wanted to leave, she would have to go through the motions and pray in the end, it wouldn’t destroy her. It hurt. Physically. The memories made her ill, or maybe it was sickness from pregnancy. She wanted to throw up, but she held back, preventing herself from causing suspicion. 

      She remembered the first few months of being trapped under. His constant screaming blasted her ears, and kept her eyes open. She didn’t sleep during their endeavor, mostly because of her draw to comfort her husband who was in dire need of help. He wanted his chains broken, but they were impenetrable. She could still hear his howls echoing in the dank cave. His intangible words for freedom. He asked why, but he never completed his question. Why him? Why here? Why her ? She wondered who he was asking since it clearly was not the AllFather. He cursed the AllFather to the burning parts of deepest hell. Sigyn could sense the hatred forming each moment he spent underneath the serpent’s fangs, but his indisputable pain overruled most of his anger. His existential questions and cries for help from above were enough to drive any person either insane or away. 

      The sound of acid burning through his flesh straight into his bone. The serpent’s hisses and slithers. The whimpers of the man she loved. They made a crescendo that bounced off the drums of the loyal Sigyn. She had the chance to leave then. To live a new life, leaving the one in the dark hole of a prison. She knew the truth of why she stayed then, but now, the reason was foggy. 

     Loki walked over to his old cage once he knew Sigyn would not leave. He touched the blood drenched boulder with a gentleness, as if the memories were that to reminisce about. “One of the few questions I asked myself while trapped down here was ‘why does she stay? Why won’t she leave?’ I had a hard time understanding you Sigyn.” He chuckled, but Sigyn was still dumbstruck. He didn’t mind that much. He thought out loud, “many questions I could not find answers to,” he said with a saddened tone. “But I know I was always thankful to see your face and hear your voice each day I spent coiled up from that serpent’s body. I was overjoyed to have someone who truly wanted me, and only me.” 

      Sigyn did remember that time after his sentence. The way he treated her once he was freed, like she was the only person in this universe whom he could see. She would spend most of her time in his arms, under his safety and affection, and during the night, they slept very little. They were practically glued to the hip, and for the moment, life was bliss. Yes, she recalled those months with a euphoric feeling, and a feeling of loss. She missed those days, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t want them again. Ever since her pregnancy, that was all she thought about. Being safe in the arms of the man she loved. 

     Hearing his words brought a warmth to her heart, and a form of resentment. He knew that she only ever wanted him and his love, yet he still left. He rejected her, and she couldn’t help the grudge she felt because of that fact. She turned her head as to not look at him, the tears threatening to spill once more. She wiped them away quickly. Sigyn knew it was in the past, that what they had before was different from what they had presently. Sigyn was certain about it, but the tears continued their assault. 

        Loki walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’ve realized over time and coming back to you, that you stayed because you knew. You knew the second that my eyes laid upon yours, you would be mine forever,” he forced her to look into his ruby red eyes that made her feel translucent before him. All of the women that he claimed, truly claimed with more than just physical interaction, but emotional intimacy, were his for life. There were only ever two women who he had claimed, and one was dead. Sigyn should have never annulled their marriage. She was going to be tied to him and only him whether it was on a piece of paper, or etched into their skin. She was his for eternity. 

        The tears flowed like a waterfall. She did know. She always knew, and she always will. She wished she hadn’t. She wished she could have moved on when he left, find someone more honorable and who would have not left her in a ditch. Found a normal man like Theoric to take her, but she didn’t want normal. She wanted him. She wouldn’t have this much heartache in her soul if she was blind. He leaned forward, far enough that their eyes were locked on, but close enough that they shared the same breath. “You are afraid to admit that you only trust me and need me, because you think that’s what made you weak before.” It was a statement, but she nodded nonetheless. “You are using Theoric as a tool. A masquerade to think you are strong. That you can live without me.” His eyes were intense, and his look made her speak the truth. She nodded once. 

       A smile grew on his face. One that most would consider held an undertone of malice, but Sigyn considered it to be genuine. “You are weak Sigyn,” his words of hurt were laced with truth, “but you don’t ever have to be strong. I’m not letting you go ever again.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.  Sigyn was shocked by his words, but she was horrifyingly happy about them more. She reciprocated his hold as he whispered, “I promise.”

    Sigyn was pregnant, and she was in need of help so she clung to the first man who offered it such as Theoric. She let her emotions blind her common sense, but she understood now. She let the tears flow as the realization hit her in waves like an ocean. She didn’t want Loki with her, she needed him with her. She couldn’t do this alone. She could not allow herself to go through this process without the support she needed the first time. “You’re right,” she spoke in resignation. “I love you more than I dare admit,” she winced, the admission causing her ache. 

        “I know.” He was perceptive, and she was a fool to think otherwise. He clasped his hand with hers and brought her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss to her knuckles. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

         She gripped his tunic, and she had a hard time speaking her truths as her grip tightened. “I don’t know…how long I can go on like this,” she looked up at Loki, fresh tears filling her eyes. His brows furrowed in concern, unsure as to what she meant by her words. “Ever since-” she wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him, but the words could not form on her tongue.  She looked away from him, away from his judging eyes. She would need to encourage herself more if she were to get it out, but she was weak. 

     She let her thoughts spill out like a knocked over bottle of wine. “Oh Loki, could we just leave together. Hide on Midgard away from the troubles of Asgard,” she settled with saying. “There-there is too much at stake,” with the baby, but she didn’t say the last important part. “Please,” she begged, but he kissed her before she could continue. She sighed into the kiss before Loki pulled away slowly. 

    “I can’t,” he glanced away from her pleading eyes for a second. It seemed he had been keeping a secret from her as well as she, but he was willing to reveal it to her. He wasn’t hoping to tell her the details. He was going to get better prepared for the battles that would ensue, but the words slipped. “A war has begun, and I plan on finishing it.” She frowned at his phrasing, and her grip on him loosened. 

    “What do you mean Loki?” Her features were stern but she had an inexplicable worry to it. He didn’t want to reveal much more of his plans to destroy Asgard to Sigyn’s sensitive soul. He turned from her, giving her the signal that he was not going to talk anymore, but Sigyn was stubborn. “Don’t shut me out. Tell me, what do you mean? What did you do?” She asked again and he understood she was immediately blaming him for the repercussion of his actions. 

    “Asgard did it,” he rebutted with viper. She still neglected to understand because of her nature to have compassion. She didn’t see he was doing this for them, because of them. She would call it revenge, but it was retribution, justice for the AllFather’s crime and the crime of those who followed him. His surge of anger dissipated, and with it, his need to express it. “I will tell you in due time, but not tonight. Not here.” He pulled her to his chest and rested his head on top of hers. “You will have to hold on a little longer before I can be with you.” 

     Sigyn blinked a few times to notice they were back in her room, in the confines of Asgard. He released her to make his escape, but she grabbed his arm before he could change shape. He glanced at her, expecting her to argue her disagreement, or somehow force him to spill his plans only for her to scold him a second later after revealing them. 

    Things were different, but how much different? Loki was still running out the door because of the AllFather, and Sigyn was left to take care of herself, and her unborn child. It was the same story, different setting. Sigyn didn’t have words to say, but she wanted to speak. Her hand lowered to grasp his while her other caressed his cheek. “Stay the night,” was her one and only request. He hesitated to answer, his mind sifting through the reasons why he should and shouldn’t stay. This was the determining factor. If they were truly different, then he would choose right.  Sigyn needed to know, she needed to believe in him to change. She had to believe she needed no one, but him.

    After a long tantalizing moment of dead silence, he responded, “alright.” She smiled, but the joy she felt was greater than a shift of expression on her face. Her heart swelled, but she would humble herself. Maybe in time, she could convince him to leave behind this life he was holding onto, and start a new one with the family in front of him. Maybe she would have the courage to tell him about the life growing inside of her, and he would realize all that he dreamed and hoped for was with this one woman. Only time could tell, but time was all she had. 

     She led him to her bed, pulling him down to lay beside her. He made his promise a long time ago when he decided to knock on her door. He was going to stay for this night, and he wrapped his arm around her body. Sigyn hummed her approval as she rested her head against his chest. She thought briefly about the consequences they would suffer if she were to be caught with the war criminal in her bed. They would be dire, but she had trust that Loki wouldn’t allow it to come to that. He would be gone before the morning, but at least she could fall asleep in his arms. Her protector. 

     Her soulmate.

     ...Her owner.

Notes:

Loki may have gotten better over time, but he's still not a good person.

Chapter 25: The World is Not so Black and White

Notes:

Don't say it (4 months). At least the Chapter's 7,000+ words, so content (up).

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

     For the past few days, Amora had been feeling weary of this connection he was attempting to build between him and his alleged daughter.  She was mostly anxious about what it was doing to her. When she went into this business, she knew there would be a few sacrifices she would have to make for revenge on the one man she loved, but she felt like she was losing her mind. She was beginning to lose track of time, when she woke up in the morning, or when she fell asleep at night. She would be sunken for days while his “daughter” walked among the living, too far away to see what they were doing. What schemes they were planning. 

     She was tired, weak in the knees, and had constant migraines. The feeling was deeper than just physical ailments. She felt different, detached from the world she was already rejected from. Before, it was just Asgard she could not live in, not with their regulations, but now she felt separated from the tree of life. She couldn’t connect with Yggdrasil no matter how much she tried, and life seemed to be glazed over with the monotonous gray. Her lack of feelings worried her, and she knew the source of her troubles. 

     Amora was losing control of her mind and body, and she was willingly giving it to the goddess of the underworld. She was petrified of what Loki and his daughter were enforcing on her, and she was having second thoughts about this business. 

      She worked with Loki for multiple reasons. She wanted to protect her sister from the effects of Ragnarok. Ever since their mother died, and their father left, Amora had to take care of the little family she had. She had to grow up at a very young age, and she would do any heinous act to save what she always had to since the beginning.

          Amora wouldn’t lie, she also joined forces because of her attraction to him.  She met the mysterious man at a bar in the borderlands. He was a jagged blade, and a snake. His victims were quick and easy kills, and anyone in his path was consumed by his flames. He was a beautiful catastrophe, and he took interest in her, a disaster by her own right. She was crushing, if only a little, on the man who brought chaos, and she was taught through her experience that knowing the devil was beneficial. Being friends with him, that was a whole other story. 

       Thor had come into her life in her early adult life. He was a prince who was ambitious and wild, exploring the Asgardian cities without permission, without fear. He saw Amora and Lorelei living in a shack, a hut that barely stood, and Amora saw him as a threat to their family. She had her fair share of men with malicious intent, and she was not going to face another man-child attempting to ruin what miniscule amount they had in their tiny hut. Thor came in, and offered them a meal. They hadn’t eaten a filling meal in a week, and Lorelei was losing her ability to walk. Amora accepted the offer, expecting there to be a payment for his kindness. When he left after feeding them, Amora was shocked, but more than that, she was in love.

     He kept coming back most days, and would  offer the same generous boon to which the sisters accepted. Years went by, and their home life became a shard more stable with Amora’s line of work. By that point, Thor was visiting just to spend time with Amora. She told him about her life, and the obstacles she had to leap to get to this era of her life. He spoke about his life within the walls of the golden city, and expressed the beauty of the spires and the people. He wanted to take her there one day, he promised that he would. He told her how beautiful she was, that she was a golden apple that belonged on Yggdrasil instead of the dirt ground it siphoned nutrients from. 

     She was already swooned, and his words made her ripe for the taking. She forced herself on him. He was big and strong, and he could take her tactics with vigor. She had fallen so far, and yet she felt like she was in the clouds. He swore he would take her to the kingdom one day, said it with conviction, she had the value of a queen. The wisdom of a fair ruler, the merit of a merchant, and the strength of a true warrior. Amora could not have been any happier in her life, but it was all a facade. 

      When the time came, and the dominos fell, he didn’t pick up the pieces. He was going to marry another, and he put an end to their secret relationship. Amora couldn’t accept that all their time spent together, could be ruined by a few measly, slimy  words spilled from the AllFather’s mouth. She couldn’t bear the thought that her man was being shipped off to another. She argued and pleaded with Thor, begging him to stay, to leave his home and be with her, but he denied her. Then she offered to be his concubine, and he was appalled to the idea. She felt shame from his berating, but she couldn’t stop herself. When he said he would leave and never come back, she cried, but she made a vow to get vengeance on his villany. She cursed him, and turned her back on whatever they were or might have been. 

       Her deep, covered hole, held the remnants of her love for Thor. She repressed it well, but ever since the effects of Hel’s presence, she’s been dreaming of him often. It was the few peaceful memories she had, and Hel was slowly killing her. In the land of the awake, there was a chill running under her skin, and she was always shaking. She was scared to look at any dark corners, afraid of the spirits hiding behind them. Her paranoia was solid as a brick, but she couldn’t throw it away. Her dreams were the only times she received solace.  Having those few joyful moments made her realize, she may not want to continue along this path of destruction. She didn’t want to die.

     Amora heard the main hatch open, and she jumped to her feet. She was sweating profusely even in the cold. She figured it was an effect to getting possessed by the queen of the dead. She walked to her mirror, and tried her best to clean up, and even with the parasite growing within her, her beauty could rival Freyja’s. Amora sighed heavily. She wanted to see Thor. As much as her hate grew, her love was impenetrable. She wanted to be held in his arms, it didn’t have to be sensual. She just wanted to know he still loved her as much as she did, and if not that, she at least wanted him to know she does love him even with his poor decisions.  She swallowed thickly, knowing she could not voice her concerns, but afraid they would slip past her lips anyway. Loki did not take kindly to those who disobeyed him, and what she wanted might as well be considered treason. 

     Amora greeted the mischief maker, her voice a whisper compared to when she began this journey. She was exhausted, and Loki knew, but he pushed her to the limits and beyond. He expected desired results, and anything less was failure punishable by death. She observed though, in the mesh of this secret war and the trials she went through for the God of Evil, she saw the glint in his eyes that were shy from apologetic. He held regret for what he was doing to Amora, but he also understood his job in their world.   

     He asked once more to summon his daughter, another sign of his reluctance. He could easily take advantage of Amora and do whatever he pleased to her mind and body, but he asked. Her dream had been too vivid, and she looked away briefly. She may be able to deny him this time, but there would always be another, until the final day brought itself. She cringed internally, attempting to comprehend the fact that she was not going to survive this fight. Not like all the others she’s had. Abandonment, starvation, thirst, abuse, manipulation. This was a battle she already lost. 

     Her eyes watered, and she screamed at them to retreat. She bit her lower lip, trying to control her trembling, control her emotions, and show Loki that she could accept the fates’ plan for her. A ton worth of doubt piled on top of her, and she came to the conclusion that if she was going to die anyway, she wanted to do one last thing. She would end soon, so there was very little Loki could do to make matters worse. 

    She swallowed her tears, and stood up straight. She turned to him, “before I go, I want to see Thor.”

     They had found Jörmundgandr, and Loki was going to visit Fenrir. Naglfar was done, and Hel and her army of the undead were ready to traverse the river of Gjoll. The main course was ready to be put out, but the wind was odd. Winter was harsher everyday, an omen of the inevitable, but Loki planned a different outcome. A version where everyone doesn’t die.  Amora was second guessing her actions, and Sigyn was unexpectedly pregnant through the fog. The fates were thrown around for a spin, and it left them discombobulated. Through the blinding white, and waves of ice, the breeze of death looming over the realm, in the dark clouds of foreboding, the bright,  burning sun peeked through to melt the snow.

     Sigyn had estimated her pregnancy to be three months. It felt like a lifetime ago when she used to live in her old home with her former spouse, and even longer since she lived there by herself.  She was in her small nook adjacent to her window, staring at her mirror, investigating her current size. The bump had grown from a month ago, although most would still not recognize the effects. She could wear a few more layers, which wouldn’t be suspicious since the winter had been recorded as the harshest cold Asgard had ever been faced with. She could possibly cover up her entire pregnancy with the blistering cold raging outside. 

      The cold was developing worse as each day went by, and aesir were beginning to be anxious.  They wouldn’t speak it out loud, but they all thought it. Their eyes were darting back and forth, and they walked briskly through the halls. They were afraid to say it, afraid that if they admitted it, it would come true. But it was true, and admitting it didn’t change the results. Ragnarok was coming, and there was nothing they could do to stop it. For the moment, Sigyn would appreciate the cold and it's daggers of ice. When the realization hit her, it would crash into her, and she would be helpless against it. She would focus on her pregnancy, and her attempts to tell the God of Chaos the sudden paternity. 

       She rubbed her belly, and a smile creeped on her face. Every second she spent with this child, she grew to love him. She associated this child with a better future, one that doesn’t have Asgard or its people. She thought of a place that was green. A beautiful and freeing place where she no longer shared any fears or inhibitions. She loved, and she felt  loved. Her ideal lifestyle wasn’t impossible for an average aesir, but she was in love with the deadliest god on this plane of existence. He was stubborn, and he didn’t want to leave Asgard for the family he didn’t know he had. 

     It seemed he had unfinished business with the AllFather, and he intended to be the last man standing in this battle. From the way he spoke about his tie to this terrible land, he wanted blood, and he was going to kill himself trying to get it.  For the past month, Sigyn had been worried when it would happen, when he would come charging into the castle demanding Odin’s appearance. She trembled at the thought of the extent he was willing to go to obtain his petty vengeance. She knew he lost a lot to Asgard, and she was the only person who could empathize with him, but she had a future to think about. A child. This was no longer about receiving justice for the AllFather’s crimes. She was ready to run, but Loki stood his ground.

     Sigyn had to tell him. If she didn’t, he may do something they’ll both regret, but she didn’t know how to contact him. His visits were never constant, and she definitely couldn’t send a messenger for him. She had asked to know his location a few cold weeks ago, but he refrained from telling her in case Odin was listening. She tried to reassure him that the omnipotent AllFather was in one of his spiritual dreams, and he couldn’t possibly be hearing their conversation. He was still unconvinced, and left after fondling her. 

      She should have told him then. His paranoia worsened his condition, his desire to avenge himself. It was Thrym all over again.  He wasn’t after justice then, and he isn’t after it now. This was a thirst for chaos, and he planned to cause a travesty. He needed to be reminded of the real world. Sigyn needed to ground him, give him tangibility with the life growing true inside her. She cursed to herself about her mistake. She realized he was probably losing his mind, hiding alone in a hovel. Maybe he needed her presence as much as she needed his. He was more stubborn to admit his vulnerability than she. 

     “We’ll tell him. I promise I will tell him about you.” She swore, but her thoughts were interrupted by a knock and call by her door.

     “Ma’am, are you here?” Roskva said as she slowly entered the chamber. She could hear Sigyn talking to herself in her hidden spot. Roskva didn’t mean to intrude, but she had cleaning to do. “Ma’am, who are you talking to,” Roskva asked once she was in Sigyn’s view. 

     “No one,” Sigyn dismissed, but Roskva knew. She’s known ever since Signy’s melt down. What she didn’t understand was her secrecy of it. Life is celebrated in the walls of Asgard, especially in these harsh times. It didn’t matter if the child was a bastard (though if her theory on who the father was is correct, the child may not stay a bastard for long), Sigyn would not be scorned for the child’s conception. 

     “Well, I have some cleaning to do, if you would grant me?” 

       “Yes, but only with my assistance,” Sigyn offered and Roskva smiled. She accepted her request, and they began the work of her room. Sigyn asked how Roskva was farring with Thor and the rest of Asgard since Sigyn kept her distance from both.

       “Thor seems…different.” The harsh change of weather left the thunderer contemplating. A darkness loomed over him as the winter grew exponentially. He was a god of the weather, and he could sense the shift in the natural order of Mother Earth. He felt the cascading waves of trouble ramming its way into the golden, shimmering city of Asgard.  It left him solemn most days, as if he was waiting for the worst to happen, for the final straw to break the camel. “The air is thickening, and from the long faces on everyone’s face, it is an omen.” Roskva continued absentmindedly, “but I don’t know what it means, and Thor has been quiet about it.”

       Sigyn understood why. People were afraid that if they admitted the problem, it would come true. They were hoping that if they didn’t mention the apocalypse, that it would somehow pass them by. Sadly for Asgard, she didn’t share the sentiment. “It’s Ragnarok, the end of the gods.” Roskva gasped, and her work halted as she turned to Sigyn for the answers that were withheld from her. “From the bits spoken through the walls, the winter will last eternity. Then the day of damnation will come, and Surtr will rain down upon us, consuming the gods in the inferno.” She didn’t mean to sound grim, but Ragnarok was no laughing matter. Death would be prominent during those long ages. Death would be the remaining life, and Asgard wasn’t sure what would happen after Death. That was what scared them the most.

        “There’s more, isn’t there?” Sigyn shrugged. There was but the information was redacted from the verbal stories, and Odin kept the books of knowledge in his tower Hlidskjálf. She suggested not to look into it, in case the AllFather had a law against it. “If it is the end of the world, shouldn’t we investigate? Maybe to try and stop it?” She sounded rebellious, and eager to go out and do something

      “It’s not our place to say, the AllFather is the sovereign ruler, and if he deems it unnecessary to search for answers, then it’s unnecessary.” She recited the words like a soulless slave, created to serve her master. Her statement left a bad taste in her mouth, but she couldn’t help speaking the mantra. She was compelled to say it as a brainwashed thrall would. They trained her well as they did to all the dwellers in Asgard, that even being away for such a long time, she abided by the rules and laws. She felt disgusted and violated realizing that and she scowled.

     “I won’t settle with that,” she responded angrily, “if hell is coming I want to be prepared. I want to save my family.” 

    “Then why are you here wasting your time?” Sigyn inquired intentionally, arousing the passion she needed to perform what she desired.

    “Because, I don’t know where to begin,” she admitted lamely.

    “Start with what you do know. You are servant to Thor, the son of Odin. He may be of assistance, if not for direct help, then for information.” Roskva nodded her head, realizing how correct Sigyn was. She thanked her and asked for her dismissal, to which Sigyn granted. Sigyn smiled as she watched her make her daring escape, hoping she could somehow make a difference. She would give her blessing and pray for the best, but Sigyn knew subconsciously, what Roskva planned to do was a lost cause. She was bordering opposing the king, and she knew what that would result, second hand. 

      Sigyn couldn’t hide in her room forever, staring at her growing stomach forever. She would read more on magic, and gain some new knowledge on the soul if only to get closer to shielding it. Dressing and leaving for the library, she neglected to hear the whispers from the different guards, common folk, and gods. They were hush hush about the topic, and the barrage of quiet finally released Sigyn from her trance. She tuned in to the low voices, and she froze.

     Throughout the halls, the dreaded words were spoken. She felt like it was too soon, she wasn’t given  enough time to cope with the idea that he would one day come back. She could hear the shuffling of armored feet, indicating the guards and soldiers returning to visit their king. Orders were passed down, and she knew there would be a celebration for their sovereign ruler. When she eavesdropped for longer, she could hear them speak her name. They all knew the AllFather was going to interrogate her, and that made them suspicious of her. Of what she knows. The few warriors glanced at her figure, and their eyes were like predators’ to their prey. They were prepared to throw the traitorous woman in the mouth of the lion, but they turned away and kept moving. 

      Frigga found Sigyn in the library, tucked away in a dark enough corner to hide her figure. She was nose deep in a journal the queen didn’t recognize. She looked guarded, tense, ready to pounce if any disturbance were to occur. She seemed uninviting, less open and compassionate unlike when she first lived in the walls. When she first showed up at the gate, her voice was as soft as cats’ fur, and her eyes were wide to the new world she was going to experience. Her return to the golden city, she was far from innocent. Her eyes were dark and sinful, tainted by the long years of torture and isolation. Her voice, although soft still, held a tinge of fire, a spark of roughness that lacked the wonder and desire they held before. 

      She was weary to approach Sigyn, afraid of her potential bite, although she had never done anything to make her think she would. She could sense her aura, a vast and colorful one, consisting of love, hate, despair, but most importantly, hope. Deep in her withered soul, or maybe on the surface of what she feels and is, there is a sense of hope in the bosom of the beautiful Sigyn, and that fire was blazing. Brighter than all the emotions locked away inside her chest of secrets, and Frigga was able to smile the longer she watched her from a safe distance. Sigyn may be a beaten and bruised spirit, but she was not put down. Frigga noticed there was a particular piece in the puzzle that formed this vigor in her bone marrows to charge forward, and she was curious to know what the piece was. 

     Frigga had gotten off topic, drifting off in her simple world to find the deeper meanings of others. She shook herself out her trance revolving around the once-considered-dead Sigyn, and the mystery behind her involvement on the unspeakable. Odin was meticulous when he came back from his lucid dreaming, and informed his wife of what she needed to do. The winter had come to stay, and Frigga felt the question on tip of her tongue. He already knew she wanted to know the status of Ragnarok, but he kept the knowledge to himself (as usual) and ordered her to do as he said. She was quick to leave their chambers to appease her distressed spouse, and inform Sigyn that the day has come for Odin and her to have a talk. 

    Frigga wasn’t known for her jealousy, but she was shocked and irate to hear the first thing come out of the AllFather’s mouth is the name of his step-brother’s wife. She knew nothing happened between the two, but Odin always did hold a fondness toward the innocent Sigyn that left Frigga seething in the background. She was holy, and devoted to Vanaheim’s new ruler, why didn’t she receive praise for her sacrifices . Sigyn had done minimal to no effort to attract the attention of the AllFather, enough that he swooped her off her muddy feet, and promised her a better future. Frigga was thrown at his feet as an offering to broker peace, and he laughed at her character and took her for her beauty. She may have grown to love the man, and she believes he has grown sentiment for her as well, but she has a voice in the back of her small mind that shouts the truth of her upbringings and her worth. 

      She steered away from the task at hand again. She scolded herself before taking tentative steps toward Sigyn. Sigyn’s brows furrowed the longer she read the estrange journal, and her mouth slightly ajar as if she discovered something. The information she found left her perplexed, and from the lowering of her eyes, a bit afraid. Frigga would not dally any longer and she called to the ghost, “Sigyn.”

     She jumped at the sound of her name, and she clutched the blade near her side, hidden by her flesh and the wall. “The AllFather would like to speak with you, and you must hurry. He is a very impatient man.” She side commented, but Sigyn did not falter by that statement. The color left her features at the former. She was never prepared for the AllFather and his wicked ways, but from what she learned from this occult journal, there was so much to him that was worse than what she’s seen from the grapevine.  

     Odin’s brother, Ve, was the author of this journal. He was the wanderer in the book, marking down all his findings, and what he found was disturbing. Sigyn was surprised the journal was in the observatory. The knowledge it held could make Odin undone, and it should have been hidden away deep within the castle. She frowned at the conclusions Ve made, the theories that were backed by too much evidence  to not be considered true. It made her skin crawl, and her knees weak, and she had an overall trembling fear rush through her. She was terrified, petrified at the implications made in the journal, but the only person to confirm her own suspicions were the AllFather himself. 

   Sigyn sighed and stood up acquiesced before following Frigga to her doom. The air held a scent of ominous as they crossed the halls and passed the spiraling stairsteps. What Sigyn breathed in was thick and stained, and it left a sour taste in her mouth. She clutched the book in her hands that began to sweat.  The nerves bobbed up and down her spine, a hard slam at each end it did meet. Her steps were careful, but deliberate, her fate was sealing. She had to know, she had to be certain. She repeated the mantra, assuring herself that it cannot be, it mustn’t, because if it is, she would know her life would be the biggest lie. 

       She thought about Ve. He was determined to get rid of the God of Mischief, unmask him for the true evil that he was. He claimed that most aesir hated him, and that they were halfway there, but they didn’t know why they hated him. They were considered prejudiced against the Jotnar, and people’s general disgust for the population, but even at their most bigotry, Asgard respected the nature of the jotuns. 

    When Loki entered the kingdom, a large, dark, mystic shadow loomed over him. It was visible to any who peered longer than a second at the god, and it never went away in the light. Ve theorized the darkness might be his other sense, why he could see without looking. The shadow could feel for him and report its findings. If Sigyn were a true scholar, she knows she would have found the information fascinating, but seeing as she is not, it freaked her out. In all her years of watching that man, she had never spotted a shadow out of place. Not while he was conscious, or in deep slumber, and she has watched him for a long time. Either Ve was lying, or she had been so enraptured with the jotun’s beauty, that any other aspects were pushed aside. 

    Ve’s hate for Loki was pure, and eternal, but Sigyn couldn’t wrap her head around how he could despise a child. What could have happened, what could be that it constituted Loki’s destruction? She understood now why most would want his head on stick. He has killed many people, destroyed countless lives with no remorse, but a few of those acts were by the AllFather’s orders. She knew deep down, he could do the right thing, be a good person. No one was perfect, she was miles from it, and she was willing to give a second chance to those who ask for it. She was an optimist at heart, forever and always, especially for the man she loved as much as she was an optimist. Heartache and all. 

      Ve went to the outskirts of Jotunheim. He traced the place of Loki’s birth, and found a small, broken altar in an abandoned religious structure. He noted the dread he felt when he first entered the building. There was an nefarious presence for which he could not see with his aesir eyes. It was unorthodox to any church Ve had seen in his lifetime. The structure was dilapidated, but he could see the walls used to be covered in red. The smell was crusty, but it was still foul as if it were fresh. Rotten as a decomposing animal, but disheartening because there was no organism near him. His fingers came toward the melting walls reluctantly, and the feel confirmed his suspicions. Grainy and powdery at the touch, but it smeared a smooth line on the wall. It was the red that once dried, turned brown, then black. He knew Jotuns ate mortals, and that they would watch Asgard burn if they could, but he didn’t realize they wiped the walls with aesir blood in their sanctuaries. 

     Skulls followed the curved windows, small skulls that could undoubtedly not belong to jotnar. They were bleached, and clear to see they belonged to aesir. There were few humans on Midgard, and Odin was able to keep track of the small village. They could not be dwarven, their heads were short and bulbous, and it was not elven, their eyes were large and bug-like. These skulls were the size placed on an aesir’s shoulder, and the eyes were proportionate. The teeth were also the omnivorous form, which were not common in elf or dwarf. 

     He frowned as he looked at the many skulls lining the windows, their empty sockets a dark void watching him intently. He attempted to look away from the death fumigating the air, the dark magic was evident as the sun rising each day.  Heavy and thick, it was hard for him to navigate. There was a force, pushing him back, withholding him from seeing the designated altar. He had already seen too much, and he knew so little, but he would understand the mystery surrounding the young jotun god. 

     Ve reached for the altar, and flinched when he felt a scorching sensation. Yanking his hand away, he noticed the smoke emanating off the part that made contact with the construction. He was burned. There was a black cloth covering the platform, and a few candles that were unlit, stood on the edges. The dark cloth made it hard to decipher, but the smell was pungent and he knew blood had stained the sheet. 

    He was curious to know why Loki was born in a holy sanctuary when his family were a bunch of nomads who traversed the frozen land. He found this place by masking himself, and asking locals about Loki. Those who answered in hushed whispers, he followed their trail. He understood now why they kept quiet about the church. It was surrounded by palpable darkness, radiating destruction and domination. The building was pulsating, a breathing organism that was conscious of Ve’s presence. 

     It talked to him, and the words were ingrained to his brain, searing it with a hot iron stick. 

      Crimson eyes

     He collapsed on the floor, hearing the word over and over, praying for the burning to end. When it finally ebbed away, he wiped the boiling tears off his face. He believed the madness to be over, but he was far from correct. The candles resting stiff upon the altar lit, and the flames they wrought were white. Pure and hot, but loud. It screamed like a knife scraping against a silver plate. His ears bled, but he could see the words. Some he recognized, most he could not hope to understand. The letters shaped, bright and eerily beautiful. It hurt to look, but he had to. The knowledge was too great, and the AllFather must know the truth. 

     He wrote the symbols down, some that Sigyn recognized, and the rest were foreign. He translated what he could, once he was able to leave the building.

      Rebirth...

     Eternal...

     Flame...

    When he came about his wits, he drew the final image before it disappeared from his thoughts. Ouroburos, covered in flame with a single red dot in the center. There were words to be placed upon it, but he didn’t know what.  He retreated to his horse, and left Jotunheim in a dash never wishing to return. 

       Sigyn put a protective hand on her stomach. Her head was swimming. She needed to leave Asgard, she was positive about that, but now she questioned her decision on Loki. She needed him in her life, it was abundantly clear, and she was coming to the realization that she may not survive without him. She barely made it through when he first left, but now with Ragnarok nearing and Asgard looking at her as a scapegoat, she wasn’t going to last a second. The world was dangerous, and it would not be safe for her son without his father’s protection. She had to know what Ve’s ascertainment concluded. 

      Ve’s journey continued, and he reported his unearthings to the AllFather, keeping most of the church’s secrets to himself. Only implying Loki’s nature is of omen significance. After speaking his verse, he was sent to find the source of Loki’s birth, his parents.  Odin ordered him to return although he loathed to do so. The first trip shook his core, and he did not wish to be burned once more. Sigyn noted that there was a space missing for Ve to explain how Odin changed his mind. He made no remarks on it, or after thoughts about his feelings. The next line explicitly said he promised he would not fail his brother. It was bold, and thickly written. She could tell by the denting she felt against the paper where each letter rested.  A feeling urged her, and she frowned at the idea that the AllFather used his typical use of manipulation on his brother. He was a despicable man, but it was still a shock to see the extent of his abuse did not exclude his siblings. 

        It was going to be a difficult task for the brother since the caregivers never stayed in one area. He had to search through the cold wind in hopes that he would find a trail which could lead him to them. Jotunheim was a large place meant to house giants. There were many creatures who could have seen the infamous family one time or another, and Ve knew this task would be impossible. He would endure the impossible for his king, he wrote, “I shall obey his will.” Sigyn felt an ache in her chest, reading those words. He was the master manipulator when he used dark magic to get what he wanted. 

       She hoped he had never used his way on her, she especially prayed Loki had never. They were brothers in arms for a long time, and they shared every secret they had with each other. The thought that she may have been mind spurned any time by those two men made her stomach sick, but she would never be certain it ever happened.

       What she couldn’t gather was that Loki never needed magic to bend people to his will. He was born to rule over weaker minds, and sadly, Sigyn was caught in the middle of the typhoon. 

      Ve’s trail lasted years, wandering in the barren snowland searching for Loki’s people, but to no avail. They were adamant about staying hidden, and jotuns were good at most of what they did. Worse, Loki was getting older, and he was becoming more nosey about what Ve and the AllFather were doing. To keep him from snooping, Odin went on many missions with the boy, training him as an aesir warrior, but showing him the path of a vanir mage. 

    Ninety-nine years had passed, and on the ninth day of the winter solstice, Ve collapsed to the icy floor. Jotnar could scarcely handle the cold of Ymir, an aesir would  surely perish. He would usually have a few extra supplies  for the deadly weather, but this year had been a lethal one. He dealt with many attacks from locals, and he heard from the wind, to follow the mountains. Jotuns stayed a distance from the top of the mountains, only those truly dangerous and evil lived higher in altitude. He wrote his final note, exclaiming that this could not be the end of the Borson. His father would not condone his failure, and his death would take him to Hel’s gate. 

      Hypothermia reached its peak, and before it could swallow him whole, a giant had saved him. He didn’t write much of the rescue, and Sigyn assumed he was unconscious by that point, but he mentioned who the creature was. 

     Helblindi lived in the mountains, in a cave that was strangely warm. Ve asked his desperate questions once he was fully recovered, and Helblindi was hesitant to answer, claiming he had taken a sacred oath. He started with first describing the fate of his parents. The cold had taken them twenty winters ago, Helblindi was never as good of a fire bender as his brother Loki, but then again, he knew why. He banished himself out of shame and depression, into the cave he currently inhabited. He knew enough seidr to warm the walls and keep the winter out, but most days, he fed on maggots. 

      Helblindi knew Ve was not a lost beggar, and knew his relations to the aesir king. He would spill the secrets of his family for the AllFather to catch wind, and use it against them eventually. Ve could understand his scepticism, but he assured the giant he wanted to take down the AllFather (excluding his hatred toward Loki). Loki had an obvious untapped power for which Odin wished to exploit, and Ve wanted to prevent that. His brother was power hungry, and it had reached an untouchable level.

     Helblindi just wanted his brother to come home. 

     The giant's mouth was sealed, and it was only through trust, did Ve receive insight into the giant’s past. Another fifty years went by, and the giant and the aesir built a homestead on the mountainside. While they constructed a small farm, Ve shared a few details about Odin. Mostly his weaknesses such as his deep paranoia, and crippling fear of death. On a lighter note, he also was a people pleaser. He wanted the approval of any he was near, and it was crazy thinking of how often he worked towards others’ appreciation. Helblindi laughed at his statement, Ve mentioned, truly laughed, and Ve believed he was finally coming around. 

      Loki’s father, Farbáuti, did not used to be a nomad. He was in fact royalty. The king of Útgarð and its neighboring cities. He was an emperor, because long ago, when Ymir still lived among them, every jotun followed one principle. What it was, Helblindi did not say, but once Ymir died, life changed. The war between Asgard and Jotunheim altered the already disjointed life into pieces. The dynasty became villages, and the old ways of Jotunheim were thrown out with few still believing. Their father was threatened, and kicked off his throne, forced to travel the land forever. Helblindi was the second oldest, and remembered the day like it was yesterday. Ve mentioned the pain on his face, recounting the tale. He could see the rage he had for his people, but the sympathy he held for his dismantled race. It was a constant torment in his mind. A debate that would never end.  

      Loki was born years later, and their cycle of staying in villages, and leaving after a few weeks became a common matter. Ve knew he glossed over the birth of the creature he truly wanted to know about, and he still remembered the altar burned in his retinas. When he spoke up about it, Helblindi dismissed the discussion and went back to mending the farm. 

     After a while, Ve decided he would ditch his asgardian duty and stay with Helblindi. The quiet life he lived on the ice  mountain brought serendipity. He and Helblindi began traversing across the realms. Meeting Andvari, the king of Nidavelir, and learning about his rooted lust for gold. Ulik, the chieftain of the trolls below the land of Midgard and his slave Gierrodor. An entity by the name of The Kursed, residing in the hellish domain of the dark and light elves, Svartalfheim.  Ve swore The Kursed had the strength of a thousand thousand soldiers. Lastly, the queen of Vanaheim, Hildegarde, who was a loud and robust woman. 

     Dozens of years went by, and Ve had forgotten his journal, forgotten his hatred because he had Helblindi now. He came back little, only when he wished to remember a moment. It was his last entry, he finally wrote what he had learned from Helblindi. 

      They have found us. Odin and his dog have caught  our scent. It is over. This life I live is done. Helblindi is holding back the door, but  it will not be long before the wood splinters.  Odin will not get the knowledge Helblindi has shown me. The culture of the jotnar is vast and many. He will never receive the one he seeks.  I will burn this book before he can get to it. 

      I understand now. I was wrong. You are the doer of good, and the doer of evil.

     Before the universe was born, there was pure energy. Before Ymir, or Auðumbla, the cow that nursed the first giant, there was the unending flame.  Jotuns know the flame. They followed the red flower, and  gave it a name. But name’s change. 

     When the door was opened, he finished his thoughts instead of the entry, “on Midgard, they have this word, ‘Karma’. Every action has a consequence. It is an odd principle…but the idea is sound. This is my punishment for all my wrongs I did for Odin, I suppose. For myself, and all of Asgard, and that…brings me a sense of peace.”  

        Sigyn was cut off afterward when Frigga asked for her. Now she walked the halls contemplating what he meant. Loki had told her Surt lived dormant in all jotnar, and that his connection with the flame was stronger. Maybe because of his suffering, or his need for chaos. They never pinpointed the exact reason, but Ve’s discoveries made her question whether that statement was the whole truth. Loki may have a connection with Sutur, but it ran deeper than just a few days of bad dreams and a splitting headache. He was born on an altar surrounded by blood and death. There was something inherently wrong with the situation, and possibly, Loki’s upbringings. 

        Sigyn needed to tell Loki all she had learned from Ve’s journal. From the sound of it, Loki might not even know his family’s charred past or what happened to them. Learning Odin committed another crime against him would surely keep him on his warpath, but she had to convince him that this was why he should leave with her. The doer of good and the doer of evil . There was more to his story than a selfish man searching for power, that was who Odin was. There was something rudimentary in Loki’s vain, and Sigyn planned to pull the good out. 

     This was wild and uncommon, and Sigyn never would have thought she would be in the middle of the insanity. Why did she have to fall in love with the God of Chaos? There must be  a bent nail, broken gear, a twisted knob in her head to follow this God, and after so much reconciliation. She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. They were approaching the throne room, and she would have to face Odin, but she couldn’t think about that. Her mind was on Loki, as it always seemed to be, and she contemplated her options. 

     All she’s ever wanted was a family to love. A husband to nurture and care for her, and tykes as fair as doves. Sigyn frowned realizing she could still have that life. She was able to crack open Loki’s steel shell on more than one occasion, and when she did, a wonderful creature emerged. She could remind him of what they truly were, together.  She could do it again. She had the power to, she just had to remember. 

      Her friend’s words whispered in the back of her mind; you have him in your palm . They were tethered by souls. Anything she was, he was an extension of, and vice versa. She wasn’t a manipulator as he, but she could draw out his inner feelings as he can to her. She can persuade him, but she has to be strong. 

     Asgard had fuddled her mind, and it was breaking her. She was left destitute, but she wasn’t before. Not when she was alone, free from Odin’s talon restraints, sinking deep into her flesh. Sigyn opened her eyes once she calmed her beating heart. She was going to confront the AllFather. Not because Odin forced her to, but because her family needed her to. She had to muster the strength to hold him off if she ever wished to free Loki and herself from his chains. She began to realize she was the only one capable of saving Loki from Odin’s claw, and if need be, save him from himself. She was the only one who wanted to.  

    “The AllFather is waiting inside,” Frigga said, interrupting her thoughts. Her smile was forced and strained, but Sigyn didn’t care. She stopped her shaking, and forced her legs to move. Her gaze was hyper focused, her stature filled with purpose. She was scared of the AllFather’s ability, but she would be resilient.  She was going to find out what Odin knew, and she was going to save her husband. She cracked open the door to his chambers and entered.

Notes:

This one's thick and heavy, the next one's also going to be.

Question: Do you think Loki is evil? (At least from this story's depiction of him)

Chapter 26: Revelation

Notes:

Two chapters in the same month, I'm on a role!
Happy Thanksgiving as well!

Chapter Text

          Amora had left the secured castle to find her old grudge. She was certain Loki was furious and disapproved of the idea, the possible jeopardy that could arise were she to even look at the thunder god, but she argued that it would be her dying wish, her final goodbye. Loki noted the care she still held for the god, and it made him skeptical of her abilities to keep quiet of the thunderer’s demise. He couldn’t deny her dying wish, and he asked to keep a tab on her while she made this trip. She wished to keep her confrontation with Thor private, but ignored her request, and made a bird follow her. Amora knew he was dissatisfied with her results, but she wanted-needed to do this. She needed a reminder that what she was doing with Loki was right. 

         When she reached the Bifrost, a warrior stood tall and sturdy in front of the gate. The Bifrost was the bridge that connected Asgard to Midgard, but it was also the bridge that led Asgard deeper into the main kingdom. She approached the stiff figure with the poise of a truly devoted guardian, and he glanced down at the taller woman quizzically. 

        He knew what she wanted, he knew what every person that approached him wanted. Access to see the beautiful city. Many Midgardians that strayed off the path, found their way to the holy gate, a step away from Vahalla, but were never allowed entry until their day came. For a brief moment, he thought she was another human expecting entrance, but then he did a once over. The smudges over her dress, and bruises shielding her skin only masked her real form. Underneath that garb and grime, she had a golden sheen surrounding her. Her features were unmistakingly perfect. She was a goddess in disguise, not a hermit dweller. Still, he had to say, “state your business.”

          His voice was deep and smooth, and she found it easy to tell he was an intimidating foe. But she was experienced, she knew how to handle any kind of man. She could lie, or seduce the man to get what she desired, but she was too tired, and too sick of herself to put on the painful facade. “I want to say goodbye to Thor,” she stated honestly, and a deep sigh fell from her lips. 

       “What is your relation to the God of Thunder?” He asked plainly, as if standard procedure.

       She bit the inside of her cheek before responding, “he used to help me and my sister,” she started, and she stared into this man’s hazel eyes. She wasn’t sure what compelled her, but she had the urge to tell him the truth, “helped us when times were less than desired.” He was silent for a moment, regarding her person.

       He kept his battle helmet on most times of the day, constantly protecting the city from unwanted visitors. The armor had two ram horns spiraling on the side of his head, and fur lined on the top.  His helmet clutched his face, and casted a dark shadow over most of his features. His eyes and protruding nose were the only detail clear to see, and often, people were afraid to look him in the eyes. He was birthed by nine mothers, and a majority of him was normal, but the eyes were a window to the soul. What people saw in his eyes, they flinched away or averted their gaze, but not this woman. She stared on with intensity, without fear, and it made him blink for the first time in ages. “What is your name?”

         She hesitated to reply, but she felt that pull again. “Amora.”

          The Enchantress he thought. He felt bewitched by her looks, and her eyes. He could see there was a void filling them, but she still held that green mischief, clutched to it desperately. There was something wrong with the girl, death was looming over her head, he would be evil not to  grant her this wish. “Very well. Guards shall lead you to him.”

        “I won’t need help.” She knew Thor. She would find him. 

          The gatekeeper stepped aside and opened the gate for her. She walked past him, but before she could witness the golden city, she turned her head to the side, giving him one last glance. “What is your name?” She asked and she marked the ghost of a smile on his face.

          “Heimdall,” he said and she nodded before continuing her way. “Good luck lady Amora,” he called after, and she looked over her shoulder to show she heard. His smile grew.    

        While Amora was meeting Thor, Sigyn was simultaneously seeing Odin. His throne was surprisingly warm. Sigyn figured the AllFather wouldn’t want his britches cold. The room was lit by the cloudy outside, and she could see the few statues standing erect in the corners of the chamber. They were  of the king and his brethren long since forgotten. Frigga stopped leading Sigyn after a few steps in the throne room, and there were a few guards waiting a distance beside the king. Sigyn stayed calm on the outside, calculated steps and breathing, focused eye contact. She attempted to appear nonchalant, respectful, but worry-free of her “king”. On the inside, she was burning up.

           She had a hard time moving her eyes to her king, afraid that if she looked, she would be cursed. She made her way, observing the statues and other decors around the area, pretending to be fascinated by the artwork. She played off being distracted, so much so, that  she didn’t have time to see her king. She noticed the drapes near the window, a vibrant red contrasting the stone walls. There were different trophies hung upon the walls. Helmets of kings ended by the blade or staff of Odin, swords and shields collected by traitorous dwellers, and mysterious, magical artifacts either too weak that Odin held no need to hide them, or lacked the magical properties they claimed. It was intriguing to inquire about the different trinkets, but Sigyn was no archeologist, and she was not a scientist. Odin knew that.

        A bang from Gunir made every living being in ear shot, turn to him. Sigyn looked, and she despised what she saw. The man was old, but he was always old. He was shielded with different furs from animals across the nine, but the hollow cheeks expressed the true size of the creature. His bony fingers gripped his weapon, and it was hard to tell whether his skin was naturally white or if he grasped Gunir tightly. His battle helmet was on, two horns protruding out the metal protecting his head. He only had one eye, his other lost to him many years ago. His only eye was gray and empty, soulless and void of life. Sigyn wasn’t sure if she was staring at her king, or what was left of him. She almost flinched at his steel gaze, as strong and wicked as ever, but she stood her ground. 

        “Dismissed.” He said, his voice rough, but clear and authoritarian. The guards synchronously lifted their feet and moved for the exit. “Woman…”

         “Yes my liege,” Frigga responded quickly.

          “Await for me in my chamber,” Sigyn didn’t turn back to see her response, but she knew she nodded and closed the doors. 

          It has been too many years since Sigyn had seen and heard the AllFather. It felt surreal, like it was her first time all over again, but this was different. Instead of feeling queasy and jittery from excitement, she was shaking with fear and hidden rage, while feeling the bile rise to her throat because of the truth about the all-knowing, sovereign majesty.  His gaze was no longer split between other beings in the room, and his eye was drilling into Sigyn. She held her stern gaze, having no one in the area to stop her from looking at him as she did. He was mistrusting, and she knew it. She could see right through his facade, his false righteousness. He was an abuser of power. A tyrant. Not a just king. He got what he wanted, when he wanted it, and now, he wanted Sigyn. She wasn’t giving him what he desired. She was not going to betray the only person she gave a damn about. 

        He straightened his broken posture, which made him look more foreign, and finally spoke to the woman of the hour. “You are a hard girl to find, Sigyn.” He left the space open for her to comment, but she was not giving him any leeway. She was silent, still as the statues before her. “Did you appreciate my gift?” He emphasized the operative word, now expecting her to reply or else. 

      “What gift?” She sifted through her memories, searching for any item left in her room, or in her house, concluding none were.

      “Two. But first, Thrym.” He smiled, and she watched as he leaned forward in his chair. Her heart dropped, and by his reaction, she knew she failed keeping her emotions in check. The memory was still fresh in her mind. The return of that monster. She closed her eyes, holding her tears from the sight of the malevolent creature. He would not get a cent from her, a single taste of her misery, no matter how much he wanted to gobble it up. She calmed herself, and her gaze became a glare unintentionally. “Truly terrible what he did to your family,” his voice held no sarcasm, no cynicism, but true condolence for her loss. But that was the skill of liars. They knew how to mask their truths.

      She knew Odin had sent him, Thrym even said so. The anger she felt was that from injustice. She suspected he knew, and he never prosecuted the bastard. He let him roam the realm, and for what? What did his freedom gain for Odin? “I can see the questions on your lips. Please, ask away. This is a space…of safety.” She knew she still had to tread the water cautiously. The shark was on the horizon, but she could ask the more simpler questions.

      “Why did you summon me here?” Her voice was unexpectedly neutral to a ground breaking question.

       “Come now, Sigyn. I know you know why .” She glanced away briefly. He was right, and yet he was still playing games. Sigyn cursed inwardly. He was just as bad as Loki. “Maybe you want to ask…’whatever happened to Vili and Ve?’”  His brothers were the last concern of hers, but Odin clearly wanted to bring them up. “Hint; they were both killed by your husband, though he never knew.” He stood up slowly, using his weapon as a cane, and walked to the statue adjacent to his throne. Sigyn watched him warily, waiting for the bite that never came.  “Villi was loyal, he was a bordering genius, but he made one mistake,” he glanced at Sigyn, hoping she would catch on. She didn’t. “He thought with his dick.” His smile was short and grim, “what he did to your family was awful.”

      Her brows furrowed as the pieces clicked into place, and her frown deepened. Thyrm was Villi, a giant in disguise. Odin and his family had the Aesir biology closest to jotnar, and it made sense why no one had ever seen his brothers except those in Odin’s circle, or stone figures taking their place in memory. Knowing their relation, it would make sense why the omnipotent AllFather would exalt any crimes the menace committed, because of their blood connection. She shook with fire in her bones, clenching her fists, but stomping out the fire in her throat. She asked, “and what of Ve?”

      The king observed the stone figure with a strange fondness that Sigyn couldn’t place. There was a sense of longing, but there was a splash of satisfaction. “My second gift was the book,” he said off-handed as he reached his hand for her, neglecting to answer her. Out of her dress pocket, came the journal, and she gasped as it went to the AllFather’s side. “I hope you enjoyed the tale, even if it was fiction.” He smirked at her before touching the stiff figure. He turned to her smiling.

        Sigyn didn’t want to get her hopes up. She didn’t want to believe Ve had spoken nonsense, and everything he said about Loki was wrong. It was too much of a comfort, a comfort she didn’t wish to receive from the AllFather. She hesitated to ask, but knew in her soul she had to, “what did Ve mean?”

        He chuckled, and if he were younger, she knew his laugh would be hearty. It would have probably sound similar to Thor’s booming laugh. The years have withered the man, and now his laugh was a low rumble to the heavens. Her eyes narrowed, and she realized how much she hated his joy. What he found entertaining. Her life, her struggles, were menial, pathetic to him. He truly believed he was above the  squabbles and the people that had them. Everytime he laughed in her face when she was in distress and she never understood why, now she got it. He thought of her as a sheep running away from the sound of a leaf falling to the earth. She was a low creature to him, incompetent, and he found her laughably cute. 

      The blood boiled her insides as she came to the realization. “Ve was on the right track, but Helblindi never told him the whole truth. He was a liar by heart, as many of us are.” He held his gaze, and Sigyn’s throat went dry. “Ve wanted to keep his knowledge a secret, but I eventually found it. And then some.” His smile was dirty. He was a foul creature, with base instincts. He was ready to pounce, perform an immoral act because he could. The man was a mystery she did not want to unravel. “I wanted to tell Loki, but he was only a child, and I figured this was the one weapon I had against him.” He walked back to his throne, but he didn’t sit. 

     “Sigyn, how well do you know your husband? And please, no lies. I am the All-knowing afterall.” He was stroking himself with his egotistical words, but Sigyn wasn’t concerned about his narcissism.

      “What do you plan to do to him-” she cut to the chase since Odin wanted to take a detour. 

      “Answer. My. Question.” He said through his teeth. Her disobedience, her lack of compliance struck a nerve in the AllFather, and he banged his weapon upon the ground like a gavel. Sigyn jumped, and her blatant fear made him happy. If it wasn’t control through respect, it was control through fear. 

       “Well enough to know it wasn’t his fault. He believed he was getting justice for his family. Revenge can make any person lose their way.” She wished to refrain from speaking her thoughts, but out of fear, she lost control of herself and her inhibitions. He chuckled. She growled.

       “This was never about my deceased son. Or his deceased family. This has always been about fate, and your husband has been running from it ever since he was a child.” He took  a moment to think, choosing his words wisely. “This war as you know, is the coming of Ragnarok. The World Serpent will battle and be slain by the thunderer, and when it is over. He shall take nine steps, and perish. Hel will bring an army of the undead, fallen warriors who neglected to die the warrior's death. They will destroy our army. The giant wolf will fall from the sky and claim my life, after it has taken its final blow to the head.” He looked up to the sky, near the window where the sun peaked. “And the universe shall be consumed by the flame.”

      “In the midst of it all, the one orchestrating the chaos, will be Loki.” Hence the name he has given him.

       Sigyn shook her head. She couldn’t believe Loki would throw his life away so easily, for something so petty. She didn’t want to think that Loki was the cause of the world’s anguish. The world’s travesty. Not when there was so much to live for, not when she was here with him, ready to ground him. She refused to think he would destroy himself, demolishing everything they had been working for. Finally accepting that they could rely on each other, realizing they were enough for one another. He couldn’t leave, not when he had a family to take care of. He had responsibilities that fate would not push him from. 

     She curled into herself, wrapping her arms around her stomach, and looking within herself for the solution she needed. She glanced at Odin, praying to find lies in his words by his features. He was deadly serious, the disdain was true, and there was no denying the truth. That was the other aspects about liars, they always chose the most heart wrenching truths to speak aloud. Her heart seized, she wasn’t sure what she could do, but she had to try anything. She wanted to call the man now, scream until he heard her cries, but that would not be beneficial to her or him in the long term. She stood there, panicking silently. 

       “I can see it in your eyes. You don’t want the world to end.” Yes. No matter how many homicidal thoughts she had about Asgard, or the contempt she had for the world, deep in her soul she knew she could never wish upon that. She had and is suffering, but she saw the light. Growing between her and her former husband. Inside of her womb. It was beautiful, and it reminded her that life is and can be beautiful. “Neither do I.”

       She frowned. The only reason he could not want the world to end, was because if it did then his tyrannical reign would too. She recalled what Ve said. He was afraid of death, and losing his power. 

       “We can both get what we want, but only you can achieve our dream.” His voice was calm, bordering soft as if he was trying to tempt her. He was a fool to think she would give Loki up that easily, just from his inclusive words. They shared nothing similar, especially desires. Sigyn stayed silent, opting out of responding to keep the temper of the AllFather low. He read her eyes, and saw the answer. No .

       “Very well, but I know you would change your mind once you knew the truth about your husband’s origins.” Her ears opened at the sound of that. 

      “What truth,” she was skeptical to ask, but they both knew what truth she was looking for. It had been on both their minds. 

     “The one you learned from my brother’s crappy journal,” he threw the book on the ground, and set it on fire with an explosion. Sigyn jumped back, and shielded her eyes from the possible damaging debris.  “I searched the depths of Jotunheim, looking for answers. Wishing to desperately know the makeup of my blood brother. He was strange, even for a Jotun and you know it.” He reached for her, reached for her to listen to his words. “I tortured my brother into spilling his secrets, and what he told me to scour was a sight to behold.” 

         He banged his scepter and the sound was thunderous, “there was one thing he got right. Loki and Surtur are connected,” he raised his voice and it shook the walls. “Jotuns believed in the eternal flame, they worshipped it, and fed it. Fed it by giving it life. Life for it to continue its consumption.” The ember from the book ignited and white fire came forth.   “The demon and the child were one in the same. They are the same,” he advanced toward her and she shook. “The rebirth of the white flame!” 

      “No,” she said to herself, assuring that Odin was a conniver. He said and did anything to put him in the clear. There was no proof, she would not see the veracity.

      “No? You of all people should know the character of that fink. Unnaturally evil, it's close to supernatural.” She continued to block him out, but her subconscious recalled every memory, every incident that showed the true devilish spirit of her husband. His maniacal laughter at others’ misfortune. The glee he felt at causing a poor person’s pain, physical or mental. “How many lives had he played in, and willingly destroyed. Yourself for one.” He was reeling in, speaking as the devil’s advocate, a whisper in the back of her mind, saying what she knew all along. “He loved breaking you, and you let him,” he said with disappointment. The disappointment of a disciplining father.

          “Liar!” She trembled now, failing to hold back her rage. She denied his awful truth. He stepped closer, but his expression held no delight. While Loki would have triumph over breaking a person, Odin was stoic in his success. A quiet celebration with feigned wisdom. “You lie,” she quivered in fear, and she couldn’t articulate correctly. She had so many nasty words to spit to Odin that it only came out as a venomous hiss as she put space between them. She did not want him near her.  She never calculated what she was capable of. 

      She didn’t understand what he wanted from her. The location of her spouse, sure, but this? He was trying to turn her, make her believe he was right. Loki was strange, but she determined it was because of how he was raised, with both jotnar and Aesir. He was a blend of both races, but Odin claimed he was weird from the beginning, since the dawn of time. That he was the demon that all Aesir children were told about as a bedtime story. That couldn’t have been correct. Loki was only a kid, a kid that didn’t know any better.

      “Look into your soul, you know I speak only truth.” He stepped aside, and revealed the fire before them. He let her soak in the material, slowly walking toward it to receive a better reception. 

      She took a heavy exhale, her breath stolen by the encapsulating, engorging heat. Her eyes watered at the sight, but it wasn’t because of the smoke stinging her seers. Her heart dropped because she knew this flame. She had seen it only briefly, before she went blind. The light she witnessed that took weeks to recover. The light that brought them closer together. She recognized the light, unstable, and all-consuming as it will forever be. The flame Ve saw at the altar was not of an ancient being that was born before the cosmos was thought of, it was Loki. It was always Loki.

      She shook her head as her world got smaller and smaller. Odin’s voice faded into the background as she came to the verity. He can’t be a demon . The words echoed in her empty mind. The flame was mesmerizing. As infatuating as his ruby eyes. He is not evil, just misunderstood . Thrym, and Angrboda flashed in her mind. Narfi and Vali, abandoned. He ran away from his responsibilities, that’s all . They were never his responsibilities. He had one objective, and that was to destroy. No, no, no. Love can save him . But did he love her? The world was pulsating, twisting horribly, and she no longer knew what she thought was right. 

     “Y-you are mixing my emotions, screwing my mind.” She tried to make sense of the painful doubt. She read Ve’s journal, Odin could have put a spell on her. Believing that brought ease to her mind, but the AllFather dismissed the notion.

     “If I were, you would be incapable of arguing with me.” She whimpered, because she knew that, but she prayed she was wrong. Prayed he had bewitched her the moment she walked in, because the revelation was terrifying. 

         He stopped his trek, and banged Gunir against the ground. “Understand this Sigyn; Jotuns followed the cycle, but Aesir were created to end it.” The death of Ymir, the snatching of the demon child, it was all a part of Odin’s plan to prevent the cycle from repeating. The war between Jotun and Aesir was more than squabbles over dead beings. For Odin, it was a crusade. A chance to eliminate all the creatures that prayed to the old ways. It was a new era for the Aesir to rule, and there would be no repeats. Loki would be the last remnant of evil in this world, and once he was dead, the true paradise can begin. That’s what Odin wanted, all he ever wanted. Paradise among men. 

     “Sigyn, please. You are an Aesir at heart, you have seen what that beast can do. It has to end.” He said, and it was a strange phrasing. He outstretched his hand, ready to grasp her when she joined the right side. 

      She let out her tears in front of the AllFather. She couldn’t hold them back anymore. Realizing what her life was, she understood so much. Too much for her heart to bear. She shielded her weeps with her hands. The burning she felt in heart pumped into her veins, and her throat shrunk. She could barely speak, but she had to confirm. She stuttered through her question but eventually went, “is that why you murdered my children?” Her voice was tight and constrained, trying to sustain some form of control over herself. 

     He hesitated to give her a reply, mulling over what to say. “There was no other way.” If she were just an observer, looking over the scene, she would say the AllFather actually felt regret, but she wasn’t. And she didn’t care. He confessed to his crime. She expected herself to want justice after hearing his testimony, but instead, she felt a sadness creeping into her. She recognized this feeling too, a depression that took years to leave her. She didn’t want retribution, she wanted to disappear. 

       Sigyn was done. Her hand dug in her dress’ pocket, holding only air, but as her rage and despair took over, her enchanted dagger formed in her tightening grip. She was going to kill him. She was going to listen to her friend’s whispers in the back of her mind, and commit to what she should have decades ago. 

       “I can sense what you want to do,” his hand hovered over her pocket with the weapon, “but you would feel different if you knew it was your own blood you would be spilling.” Her pain clouded her thoughts, but his words pierced through the fog like an arrow. What did he mean? She hated to think of the implications, the affection behind his words. The reason for why he allowed her to be so defiant for as long as she has. She looked him in the eye, demanding an answer with her disdain filled glower. He smiled crookedly, “You are the blood of my blood. A bastard child of the AllFather,” he clarified, and the hole that was already sucking her in, swallowed her whole. 

     She planned to do something reckless, but in time of distress, anything went. She didn’t wonder about her baby, or the fate of her ex-spouse. She only thought of Odin. Odin and his constant lies, plaguing her brain and picking at it like vultures. Every word out of his mouth had to be dung for her to survive this ordeal. She was ready to silence the deceiver permanently, but he stopped her before she could begin.  

     “Tell me Sigyn-” he said as he placed his hand on her covered one. Before he could finish, he hissed, and flinched his hand away. His eyes widened and he gasped, staring at her baffled. She glanced at him with watery eyes, and a fear settled into her. His brows furrowed and he glared at her. She took a swift step back from him, but it was too late. “You carry another one of those monsters…” he concluded, and if her panic wasn’t evident before, it surely was now by tenfold. 

     His weapon slammed against the ground, and the doors opened. The guards that were in the room earlier rushed in, taking a line formation. “Detain my daughter,” Sigyn’s eyes grew wide from the sound of her title, but a guard came after her. She swung her small blade, and nipped the hand of the warrior. He whined and recoiled in anguish as he clutched his bleeding hand. She glanced at Odin, and prepared to lunge at him, but two more guards grabbed her by the arms before she could react. They ripped the blade from her clutches before holding her in place.  “Take her to her room, don’t let her leave. Done!” He shouts and they do as the man commands. 

     Sigyn struggled to be released, but she didn’t fight with the vigor she had earlier in their talk. The men were too strong for her to begin to resist, and she couldn’t think straight to come up with a clever plan of escape. She let them drag her to her artificial chambers, placing her on her bed, and shutting the door behind them. She heard the sound of a lock turning, and the placement of steeled feet. The guards weren’t leaving, and she wasn’t breaking down that door. She was trapped, and there was little she could to change the outcome. 

     She sat on her bed, sobbing in her hands. Recalling every last bit of information Odin spilled to her. This is what she deserved for falling for a demon. This was the treatment she received for betraying her people. This was the result of someone who was weak. She lied down, and howled to the heavens. Odin was certainly going to kill her unborn child, his...grandchild. He was probably going to kill her, after he made her witness the death of her child. 

      She didn’t know what she could do. She couldn’t fight an army. She couldn’t fight her…her father. He had to be lying. She knew her father, and he was an average farmer. He was no ruler of the nine realms, no god of gods. Her family was large, and consisted of nobody people, searching for glory. Her brother could not possibly be Thor or Tyr, or  any of Odin’s bastard children. She could not be one of his bastard children. She would not stomach it. She could not handle being related to a monster.

     That was what Odin was. A monster. She cried, wishing to be rid of this horrible place. She needed Loki now more than ever, but it was his fault why she was put in this place. She came to the reality that all of her problems were directly related to her association with the beast. Every. Single. One. It was glass shattering. But even knowing that, and she hated herself for it, she still wanted him. He was the only tangible material for her to grasp. Apparently, her family may not be her true family,  and she wasn’t sure if she could go home to them again, but she knew she could return to Loki.

    Hours went by with her wallowing in her despair. She stopped crying, but the pain and the anxiety of what’s to come was a constant throb to her head. She went in circles as to what she could do, how she could save her child, but she saw no exits. She was a snake, eating its own tail, slowly ruining herself. Nighttime had touched the sky, and she heard the guards shuffle and be replaced. She closed her eyes, hoping that if she slept, she would never awaken. A knock on the door woke her from her trance, and a voice called to her, “ma’am, can I come in?”

      Thor had not expected to see an old face who he had not thought about for a long time. He thought he was imagining her. His mind had been contemplating the future that would not be, and he thought about all the lives he had ever touched. Every regret he had for destroying many lives out of ignorant youth, and monstrous strength.  Amora was one of them, and he had been dreaming about her. He found it strange, the sudden and constant dreams, but he inferred it was because of the guilt weighing him down. 

     After another restless night, he had left Sif’s side to have a drink. Just to get the edge off. Now he saw the figure from his dreams, cautiously approaching him. He believed he was dreaming until he had a full view of her. In the dreams, she was cleaned up, regal looking, a true queen as he had once envisioned. Here, she was dirty and beaten, broken and scared. She looked like the last time they had spoken. She must have been scared he would be angry. He had a temper, and she must think he would have held a grudge against her for cursing him. Maybe when he was younger and arrogant with pride enough to crush mountains, but the only emotions he felt seeing her was shame. 

      He stood up, watching her nervously. He immediately wondered how she entered the kingdom, and what she thought of it. Did she like it? Was it everything she ever dreamed and more? Was she sent here from someone, was she finally deemed a goddess? The past flung back and forth, and he remembered his broken promise to her. She never needed him to be here, she found her way with no help, and that made him smile. “Amora,” he called and she nodded before rushing to him.

       She slammed her body against his, and wrapped her arms around his muscular body. For a long moment, he didn’t reciprocate, but when he realized she wasn’t going to let go, he encapsulated her with his arms. They held each other for what seemed like eternity before Amora pulled back, and forced herself on him. She grabbed the back of his head and pushed him down upon her lips, capturing his in a searing kiss. Amora expected the big ape to be real mad, and push her off with a shove, but he gently pulled her away from him instead. His eyes showed no disgust, just a longing and joy. She would even say he had missed her.

      She smiled, ecstatic to see he didn’t reject her. She had a new surge of energy and hope, staring at the man’s handsome face. “You look tired Amora,” he commented with empathy laced in his voice. “This world has not treated you properly,” he admitted and he could see the tears brimming in her eyes. She crossed her arms to fake strength, but he saw right through her. He pulled her into another embrace, comforting her abused soul. She let out a whimper but that was the most anyone will get from her. She would not vocalize her pain. “I’m sorry,” he apologized for what happened. What happened between them, their fallout out, what happened after. “I’m so sorry.”

      She wouldn’t be in this crooked business if he would have kept his promise. She may have even grown into a good person, but she wouldn’t blame him. Maybe before the war began, but in her dying hours, she was set on forgiving him. “It isn’t your fault,” her death would not be his fault. “It was never your fault,” she spoke as her own apology while she caressed his cheek and he leaned into the touch. “I have come to say…” she swallowed a lump before looking up at him, “goodbye, and to give you this-” She opened her other palm to reveal a small colorful rock.  She placed it in his hand, closing his fingers around it. “You think of a place, and it will take you there. Anywhere. I want you to use it to keep you safe,” she gripped his hands desperately, praying he understood.

     “Amora…” he started before sighing, “you know I never run from battle.” He said with an edge of melancholy. This time, she did break down. Grabbing his tunic and pressing her face into his chest, she cried. Her knees buckled, and Thor held her up as she sobbed.

    “I know, but please.” She knew the extent this war was going to go. Thor could be in danger, horrible trouble. She needed to know that he would preserve himself, at least try to. She couldn’t ask him of that, it was a selfish request to a warrior born. She settled with saying, “don’t fall until it's done.” It was vague but powerful enough to send her message to him.  Don’t give them an inch . The army. The army she was inadvertently leading. She wanted him to keep fighting until they were all dead. She wanted him to live the longest. 

     He nodded his head, and it let her breathe. They bore into each other’s eyes, questions begging to be released, but none left their lips. They could reach their thoughts. They both knew the end was to come, why waste their last few moments on words that meant nothing? Where had she been? What has he done? Why now? All were superfluous. They knew the answers. They didn’t care. They just wanted to get lost in the others’ gaze. 

    Thor wiped the tears from her eyes, and his thumb rested on her red cheeks. He didn’t stop her when she pulled up and kissed him. She asked for entrance with her tongue tentatively pressing against his lips. He was a fool to ever reject her, and he wrapped his arms around her waist as he opened for her. The act made her wish she wasn’t going to die, made her wish she accepted better choices in her life. If she was better, she may have been able to snatch Thor from the hazbin Sif. There was no time to dwell on the idea now. She would take the moment she had, and die a happy woman. 

       When he finally decided to break their connection, Amora slipped out, “do you still love me?” His eyes widened in concern, but her face was straight and even. She would accept whatever came out his mouth as truth. He was never one for lying, and he took an inhale before replying.

     “Yes.” He ran his hand through his wild mane, “I’m not sure if I ever stopped.” He supposed he just suppressed the feeling, and steered the affection for his arranged wife. He loved his wife deeply, that was true, but while the love between them was forced, his love for Amora was earned and unconditional. 

     Her smile was the clearing of the clouds. The warm beam of the sun torched him, and he enjoyed every second spent underneath its fatal rays. She was going to be the death of him, and in these times of omens, he was willing to take the risk. She held her hand out for him to take, and he didn’t hesitate. “Before I go, show me the golden city.”

Chapter 27: Loyalties

Notes:

eight months, or something like that...only two chapters left, yet so much to say.

Chapter Text

         The door creaked as its hinges struggled to quiet it's protests. Roskva slipped in undisturbed, and Sigyn huddled in the corner of her bed. She was completely perturbed by the recent events that she couldn’t make logic out of Roskva’s visits. Roskva began to close the door, but she left a slither of a crack, scowling at the wooden exit as if it cursed her. She was forced into leaving the door open, for the guards to hear their conversation. Roskva slowly approached Sigyn, contriving her words to prevent the guards from catching on. She couldn’t stay silent for long, or they would become suspicious of what she was doing. She instead started with, “hello ma’am.”

       “Welcome Roskva,” Sigyn whispered, turning her head away from the servant, hiding from all of her shame. There was a long silence before Sigyn broke it quietly, “how are you here?” She looked up at Roskva, eyes still glossy from unshed tears, glistening from the red hue contracted from the sunset, over the room. “I would have assumed the AllFather prohibited any visitors.” She hissed even with her strained vocals. She spoke his name with such animosity, Roskva could argue it was a curse. 

       The air was thick with pre-existing tension, and potential risk. Roskva’s eyes darted around, observing Sigyn’s simple room, realizing how small it felt to be in it. It was a prison now, and when one is trapped, one feels constrained. No longer was this room another chamber for another resident. It was a trap, a cage for a bird whose wings were hacked off. They hung the appendages above Sigyn’s head, reminding her always that she was so close to freedom, yet never able to reach it. 

     The news of what had been placed upon Sigyn had reached few ears, except to those closely related to her. Roskva, being her servant, was informed fairly quickly about Sigyn’s new position, and after mulling it over for three minutes, Roskva knew that her situation was not right. She was told by a personal guard of the AllFather’s, and he phrased Sigyn’s imprisonment as an “unexpected, permanent stay”. He was obviously not trained in the art of speech, because his words would fool no one.  Roskva understood it was code for Sigyn being locked in her chambers like a princess in a tower. 

      “You...are right.” She was not allowed to check on her for the following days, as the AllFather had deemed it so. He wanted to be the first to see her the next time, and Roskva felt the chill breeze in her bones at the implication. Thor had never talked about his father in a negative light, but he never spoke of him in a bright light either. He usually liked to keep his conversations away from the topic of his father. He hid his emotions well when people asked him, but Roskva was always wary because he never usually did that. “But I am a servant of Thor, and I have my connections.” She smiled, but Sigyn could not reciprocate. 

    Sigyn’s mind had faded into the background, and she was using muscle memory to help her respond, but truly, she couldn’t really care why or how Roskva was here. The words slipped out of her mouth, without her processing what Roskva spoke. “So, Thor got you here.” Her eyes were mostly aimed at her feet, but every so often, Sigyn would glance at Roskva’s soul. 

     The hazel green had evaporated from her irises, and there left, was a dull gray. Red had branched throughout her eyes, vines encapsulating her sight. She was tired and drained, but Roskva could read her body. She was shaking, shivering with anger and pain. She wanted to hurt the man that had hurt her, but she knew she couldn’t. She was infuriated more than upset, and she had a mark of determination. She was broken, but she had yet to give up. That was enough for Roskva to continue on her plan. “No. It was actually Tyr who helped me.” 

       Sigyn felt her skin crawl, and a deep revulsion washed over her. With the knowledge of her true origins, she was disgusted that the God of War would express interest in his sister. She knew he hadn’t known, her father kept her relations a secret, but now his actions would never sit right with her. She would always see it as her brother looking for an incestuous relationship with her. Maybe that was why she always felt unflattered by his advances. Maybe in her heart of hearts, she knew their connection came from blood. She was, at most, annoyed by his presence and persistence. She was certain that has changed to a hatred for his constant immortality. 

      Roskva noticed her sudden appallment, and went back to her hows. “Thor had given me this,” Roskva whispered as she dug into her pocket, and pulled out her balled fist. Sigyn glanced at her hand, brows knitting together in question, but her eyes stayed focused on the palm opening to her. Roskva revealed a small stone with a blue symbol etched in the center. “He…wanted you to have this. He knew you would need it.”  Her voice was low as she handed the rock to her. Sigyn leaned in closer, gasping as the knowledge hit her. Roskva held a Norn stone in her hand, a magical, wish granting rock. The stones blessed by the three Norn witches, designed to take a person to the place they most desired. 

        Sigyn clutched the smooth rock gingerly, as if it was a precious, fragile object that would break from a soft breath.  She whispered, “where…?” to Roskva, but she quieted her with a simple gesture of placing her finger to her lips. She smiled softly before clasping their hands together.

       “He told me everything. About your pregnancy, about the father of your child,” she shook her head and smiled at Sigyn, but Sigyn stared at her bewildered. She never told Thor anything about her life, and she doubted Odin told Thor about his meeting with her. She wanted to know how Thor could have known such information, and why Roskva was ecstatic about it. 

         “How did he-why would he…?” Sigyn couldn’t help the fracturing of her sentences.  She was confused and aching with a smidge of anger. She missed a part here, and it was up to Roskva to fill in the blanks. Roskva had not let go of her hand, and she looked down briefly before crouching to Sigyn’s level.

       “You wanted to know my relationship with my master Thor, and I am going to tell you.” Roskva was too young to remember being taken away from her family. She never got to know who her mother and father were personally, she was only told by her brother who they were. When Roskva was old enough to ask about her origins, Thor had said she was saved by him and his uncle. An uncle he would refuse to describe in any detail. Thor would then offer his input on her parents, but they were typically blasphemous words. He had told her that they were gluttons and drunks, who did not care for their children. Thor would say they belonged in the darkest parts of hell, and he never wanted to hear their names come out her mouth again. It was only in recent times that she was explained the whole story of how she and her brother arrived in Asgard.  

     Thialfi, Roskva’s brother, was the one to put a name and face to the mysterious uncle that accompanied Thor on his trip to Útgarð. Loki was the name, and Roskva thought he was joking. It was well known across Asgard that Loki was considered a nefarious beast with the intent of complete annihilation of aesir and humans around. He was not revered, and he hadn’t been for a long time. To hear that it was that same man that snatched them away from their neglecting parents was more than a shock, it was unbelievable. She had denied her brother, but then he began describing what the uncle looked like. Red hair, red eyes, and he admitted if it weren’t for Thor’s rambunctious-self, being in the forefront, he would call Loki the most intimidating out of the two. Hearing that come out his mouth, Roskva knew he wasn’t lying, and she finally ordered Thor for the truth.

    He looked less inclined to do it, but the words passed his lips anyway. Both visitors had not known of the daughter until the son, Thialfi, mentioned it. They had come looking for a place to stay for the night.  Thor had given the family goat for dinner as a gesture of gratitude, and while they feasted on his magical goats, Thialfi was given scraps. Thor was blinded by his arrogance and didn’t notice the starving boy, but Loki was observant. When the morning came, and Thor saw Toothgnasher’s limping form, he blew a fuse. While he prepared to kill Roskva’s family, it was Loki who had decided to be productive out of the situation, and convinced the guardians to give up their son in exchange for their lives. They were quick to get rid of him, and it was that next night Thialfi received his first full meal. 

         Their trip back to Asgard led to Roskva’s kidnapping, since they never bargained for her. She was restlessly  sleeping in her crib, or the pile of hay thrown in the back of the barn. Roskva recalled one memory of being grabbed by the hand, and led outside of the barn, but the rest of it became hazy or nonexistent. All she remembered was the feeling of relief, and happiness. Thinking back on it, Roskva thought she was happy to finally have the attention her four year old self needed. Thor was honest while he recalled time past, and told her at the time, he didn’t want children as servants. He  confessed he understood that he would have to raise them, or at least, he knew the right thing was to. Thor wasn’t sure he was ready for that responsibility. He was young, and wild. Tykes would halt his decadent activities. Loki had told him turning his back on the abandoned midgardians would make him less than a man, and that if he ever wanted to live up to his title as a god, then he would have to take care of those who worshipped him. 

        After Thor finished the tale, he revealed all that he knew of what had been happening to Sigyn. Since the moment she entered the halls, Thor could sense her pregnancy. He was the God of Fertility as well as the God of Thunder, and he could smell the pheromones on her. Sigyn was a very reserved individual, Thor understood. He guessed that the only person she would have allowed to touch her that way had to be her former husband. He knew his father would immediately terminate the child, so he kept his mouth shut, and his distance far, from both Sigyn, and his father. He didn’t want to interfere with other’s affairs, but it was life that was on the line, and he had his Jord’s blood in him. He had given the Norn stone to Roskva and requested she hand it to Sigyn. He was acting on instinct, and he cared little of the consequences. 

      Tyr charmed the audience, and allowed an unarmed servant to the prisoners' chambers. 

       Sigyn eyed the stone. She was surprised at Thor’s boldness. His willingness, his belief that he had to help her warmed her cold heart, and made her think differently of the thunderer. They had spent rare times around each other in the past and present, and she was always given the buffoonish persona he wore on his sleeves. She never thought twice of it, figuring he was a shallow man. Hearing Roskva’s story made her thoughts do a double take at his person. It made her wish she could have had an actual conversation with the god.

       Her fist tightened around the rock, and she looked at Roskva. Her eyes were uncertain, she was still skeptical of Thor’s motivation. He knows whose child it is within her. The child of man who killed his brother, who tried to kill him, and is currently working to murder his entire race. Thor did not owe a single speck to the God of Evil, even if it is his unborn child he is helping. “Why would he help Loki?” She questioned more to herself, but Roskva still caught wind of it. 

      “I don’t know. Maybe he isn’t. Maybe he is helping you,” she replied calmly. “Or maybe he still believes he can be saved.” Sigyn wiped the tear she realized fell from her cheek. She assumed she was alone in this notion, this bizarre belief that Loki still had a chance to change. She was starting to think that it was only her he would change for. Outside their relationship, he was the same. She was wrong, she had to be. He had convinced the oafish Thor to do good in this world. That principle didn't come from nowhere, and it wasn't gone like the warmth of the summer sun. It was there, dormant, waiting for a creature to spark it. Thor's anecdote brought a hope she didn't realize was fading away, and a new sense of conviction. She realized she may not be the only one counting on Loki's change. She figured if Thor could believe he could be saved, she could too. 

              A guard cracked the door open, and the act removed them from their moment of retrospection. He announced, “your time is over, the AllFather is requesting you.” He said and Roskva was forced to step aside while the warriors did their job. Sigyn thanked Roskva quietly before she slipped the stone into her pocket, and stood to be dragged to that monster. The guard entered with two more appearing at the door's entrance. He held chains in his hands as he walked toward Sign, and he grumbled, "don't fight it." He was careful to approach her, he almost looked wary to her. His hands were trembling when they lifted, and he avoided eye contact. She watched the metal clasp her wrists securely, and the breath that escaped the man's lungs. 

         Sigyn calculated his expression behind his warrior helmet. He was afraid of the witch birthing the devil’s spawn. If she were another person, a being with evil in her bones, she would have basked in the power she had over the small-minded worms. Sigyn wasn’t going to hurt anyone, and she certainly wasn’t going to hurt this guard. He did what he was told, and he would not be punished for his lack of independence or free will. She wasn’t going to stay to be subjected by a man only following orders either.  

       The other soldiers followed them out. They  held her by the arms as they led her to her operation. She was calm, and she didn’t resist, but that in itself made her look suspicious. They kept a close eye on her as they traversed the corridors. Her heart was beating quickly in her chest. The closer they reeled, the harder her heart thumped. It was heavy in her ears, and it became the only sound she heard. A cautious, tampering beat ready to burst out of her chest. She stayed focused, and when they reached the operation chamber, she made her move.

     They released her arms to hand her off to the healer. They had different colored herbs ranging in abilities, but Sigyn knew one of them would be used to incapacitate her. She wouldn’t give them the chance, and when her hands were free, she grabbed the one item she was counting on.  The Norn stone glowed in her palm, and many of the enchanters gasped in shock. She smiled as they attempted to detain her, but the spell was quicker than their feet. Her vision was blurring, and she found it hard to keep her eyes open. She sighed in resolution, latching onto the stone given to her moments ago. Her mind cleared as the sleepiness took over, and she made her final wish.

     In the back of her mind, she heard the sound of a man shouting before she succumbed to her dreams. 

         When she awoke, she could not recognize her surroundings. Sigyn immediately grabbed her stomach before searching for anything else, and felt that the living creature inside her was still there. She almost cried a sob of relief. She then noticed that she was  laying on a comfortable surface. There were two large bands wrapped around her, and she realized they were arms. She slowly opened her eyes, and her vision was still dealing with the after effects of the stones. She turned her head, and saw a bed underneath her, as well as legs beside her. She glanced up to see her catcher, and this time she did sob in relief.

         “Loki,” she spoke up and he seemed to be petting her hazel hair. He pushed a few strands out of her face, and she saw his look of concern.

        “Sigyn, how?” He asked, befuddled. She pulled her hand out of her pocket, and revealed the now shattered stone with the symbols broken into pieces. He touched the pebbles, understanding upon contact what they were and how she got here. The real question was why. There were chains and locks on her wrists, a few bruises on her arms, and scrapes on her knees. She had clearly been dragged one or two times before she landed here. She was imprisoned by the aesir family, and was possibly subjugated to humiliation. Sigyn had found an outlet of escape, and did not hesitate to use it. She was a survivor, always had been, and he admired her for her resilience. “I can assume no one chased after you?” She nodded her head, and he smiled. 

       “Foolish stunt you pulled Sigyn, but also expected. Those aesirs were going to drive you insane one day or the other,” he chided but there was mirth to his voice. She was able to smile faintly, a puff of air escaping her lips in a shallow attempt at laughter. The stone drained her of her energy to get her here along with the surrounding area. She was worn, and in the arms of her protector, she couldn’t keep her eyes open for long. 

      Loki had used a few norn stones in his early days, and he could recall how weak he felt afterwards and dehydrated. Considering the condition Sigyn was most likely put through, she was probably more than thirsty, she was famished. She required medical attention to assess any injuries, and to keep her body stabilized. He shook his head while he tsked at her, standing and picking her up by the back and legs. It was a dangerous move on her part, but between the possible fatality by norn magic or by Asgard’s slimy hands, he would have chosen the norns. 

     He exited his chambers and called for Amora, who came to his side swiftly. She didn’t question the situation, for she could deduce that someone or something brought Sigyn here, and it left her fallen and broken. Amora was annoyed that Sigyn came. Amora always scolded Loki for his sentiment, but he was the boss of this entire operation, he had no reason or time to feel shame for his care for Sigyn.  Amora would be of assistance in whatever Loki asked, no questions asked. His disdain for her last and final request had left a permanent remnant staining the air around them. Since her return, she has locked her opinions and feelings deep in her gullet, and did as was ordered. They were in the homestretch now, there was no room for doubts. There was no reason for hope.

      They reached the medical ward, and Loki placed Sigyn carefully on a gurney to be examined. The padding and legs had different nordic symbols etched into the fabric. Amora could not read any of them or begin to understand what they meant, but Hela was a different story. The old spirit corrupting Amora’s soul left large, indenting imprints on her mind that left her vaguely familiar with the hieroglyphics. Health and well-being came to mind when she looked at them although she would not be capable of pinpointing where it said that. She also gathered it enhanced the power of healers and the spells revolved around bringing life to the dead. Each scratch opened the endergonic pathway needed to add life where it lacked. She could feel the energy circling this post, and it was rejuvenating, even with the queen of the dead underneath her skin. 

       Amora glanced up from the gurney, at the stirring figure who was fighting to find solace. Her eyes slowly peered, and they immediately found Loki’s. Sigyn’s mind was still catching up to her body, and she asked hoarsely, “what’s happening?” Loki shushed her concern with a comforting hand to her shoulder, which involuntarily kept her from sitting up.  His fingers trailed, and gently wrapped around the column of her neck, thrumming along it.

           “You need to rest Sigyn after a long trip like yours turned short, you will be feeling discombobulated for a while.”  Her pupils were dilating randomly, and he could tell her body and soul were still on different planes. She denied his recommendation, but she was already reentering the world of daydream.  She slipped in and out of consciousness, but she needed to sleep. “Put her to sleep before doing a thorough inspection,” he neglected to look at her, but Amora knew he was talking to her. His eyes were fixated on his former spouse until he let out, “I do not want to sense death in this room, understood?” His gaze was intense, and Amora knew not to defy him with her wit. Amora nodded once. No Hela then. He left quickly after, having to tend to the giant wolf hidden beneath his castle. When he would return, she would be done helping the unconscious woman.

          Amora started with the outer layer. What was on the surface. She broke off the chains holding Sigyn’s hands together and noticed the bruises on her wrist and other parts of her body. Scratches were littered near the joints but they had long since stopped bleeding. These were minor pains, but nothing that needed immediate relief. Amora delved deeper, and used magic to catch any misplaced, or abused muscles and organs. Amora’s fingers reached, and began at her head. Her mind was dealing with a lot of stress, and Amora could feel the strain it was under. She produced a short incantation that would set it at ease until Sigyn awoke. She heard Sigyn sigh when the spell did the trick, and her slumber would go a lot smoother.

       She continued her downward path, and noted nothing of severe repercussions. Her heart, although sore, was in proper workings, and her lungs were the same. Amora reached her midsection and paused. She was starved for more than a couple of days and her muscle mass had depleted. She needed a fresh meal, but there was something else. There was pressure gradually increasing in her lower abdomen which was abnormal. Amora’s eyes switched to Sigyn’s face before looking back at her stomach. She checked her middle again, and felt the same energy. Her nerves wired as the reason behind the expanding waist pieced together. She investigated the rest of her body before jumping to any conclusions. She was glad to see nothing was awry with the rest of her body. Water was all she really needed, and food to sustain homeostasis. 

        Amora lowered her hands on Sigyn’s stomach cautiously to receive a better reading of what she sensed. The rush hit her like a maelstrom, and she understood a creature had been growing in Sigyn for a while. There was no chance the spawn belonged to any of the sub-beings, human or dweller of Asgard. This was a god . Amora snatched her hand back from the discovery, and held it to her chest , protecting it from the parasite inside Sigyn. Sigyn had been surrounded by potential suitors, and could have easily decided to be unfaithful. It only takes one passionate night to have the ball rolling. Amora was worried.  She knew Loki must know, but she was afraid of what he would do when he found out. 

    Amora’s hand covered part of her face, as she pondered what she was going to do. Part of her was unable to defy Loki by hiding this secret. Hela was a constant voice in the back of her head, telling her what to say and do, and it left little room for Amora to think for herself. Currently, she was telling her to warn him of the pregnancy now , but she knew she couldn’t do that. It was Sigyn’s place to tell him not hers, and she could not interfere any further in the affairs of these two. Amora was set on not telling him, but Hela was stronger than her in mind and soul. Amora seized, her bones stiffening as she gripped her heart to calm the rapid beating. She took a step back, grabbing her head and shaking it to prevent Hela access to her body. It was a losing battle, and when she came to, she summoned Loki. He looked irate to sense his daughter on the other line, but Amora interrupted his anger with her words, “you need to see this.”

         Sigyn recovered hours after the procedure with a small headache and tired bones. Her lips felt chapped and her stomach growled in protest. All that had transpired rushed in her memories, and she placed a hand on her head to calm the throbbing. She sat up slowly, and examined her surroundings. The area was empty with a few beds scattered about, dust and cobwebs covered every crevice and surface that Sigyn wasn’t on. There was no sound except her breathing that resonated in the room, and it became daunting when there would usually be more voices and noises in a castle. This infirmary seemed abandoned, and it became apparent to Sigyn that Loki and Amora are the only people occupying this hovel. Sigyn had imagined when she would come to Loki’s secret place, there would’ve been an army worth of people training or preparing for the final judgement. 

        She shifted her position, moving her legs over the edge of her bed. It was dark, nighttime had fallen, and it was chilly. She placed her feet on the cold stone floor quietly, wary to make noise even though she was certain she was alone. When she stood up, a dark figure spoke up, “where are you going?” They were sitting on a bench near a wall of the room, silently watching Sigyn investigate the place. 

        Sigyn gasped, and she placed her hand on the bed as the figure made themself known. She sighed in relief when it was only Loki looming over her. He came close enough that the moonlight illuminated his features. She was planning on answering his question, but when she glanced up at him, she noticed the pain etched in his face. Worry filled her chest, and she reached to touch him. When he didn’t reject her touch, she exhaled, but the intensity did not cease. “Loki…?” His hand trailed up her body, and landed on the wrist resting on his body. He held her wrist, his grip tightening as time ticked between them. Sigyn felt the bruise being irritated, and she winced to Loki’s touch. He was clearly upset, but Sigyn wasn’t sure if it was from her doing or the world’s. It was always hard to tell with this anger driven man. 

       The pressure was unbearable, but Loki finally spoke, “when were you going to tell me?” He let go after Sigyn spent the moment writhing. She snatched her hand, holding it close to her chest as she rubbed it softly. She breathed heavily, having too much of a headache and physical pain to understand what Loki was referring to. So much for sanctuary. She placed herself in the castle of the other maniac of the nine realms. His expression was blank before, but the longer she took to answer him, the more the rage affected his face. His frown deepened and his brows creased as he grabbed her shoulders. He shifted his position, straightening his back and pulling Sigyn higher up with him. “Answer me,” he said with grinded teeth.

     “What are you talking about?” She swallowed a hard lump as the color drained from her face, and the eerie fear settled in her bosom. 

      He scoffed, “ever the dense, Sigyn,” he growled out, and he really needed to let go of her before he broke her. She frowned at his implications and felt her ire rise. “I am the God of Deceit. There is nothing you could have hid from me that I wouldn’t have eventually known.” There were many secrets Sigyn knew she couldn’t keep from Loki, but one she was adamant about was her unbeknownst pregnancy. Her eyes widened when she realized what he was furious about. Of course he would find out long before she had the courage to properly tell him, and now she was suffering the consequences of her absent announcement.  

       “I wanted to tell you-” she swore, but her words meant nothing compared to her actions.

       “No! You wanted to run. Away from me!” He raised his voice in this quiet setting, and Sigyn wanted to put distance between them. He understood now, all those times she hesitated, everytime she felt doubt. She was considering leaving him, and disappearing. “With my child,” he seethed. Her head lowered, because she knew deep in her heart, she was willing to do it. She was willing to leave Loki if that meant that she could keep her child. She wanted him to know, but when she got close to spilling the news, she looked at those crimson eyes, and saw destruction. It didn’t help with what Odin had shown and told her. She stared at his eyes now, and the chaos swirling in them was frightening. She had her children around that before, and it ended with their deaths. She could not allow the mistake to be made twice.

      She shook her head. That was her pessimistic view of the situation, but she wouldn’t be here now if she still believed Loki wasn’t better. “No, no, I wanted you with me,” she said quietly, but her statement only made him angrier. She placed her hand on his chest, and attempted to push him away. His hand held hers, and tugged hers off of his body before any force could be applied. His other hand crawled up from her shoulder to the base of her head, digging into her scalp to grip her hair. 

     “I don’t believe you,” he said simply, almost resolute.

     “Loki, please let go so we can discuss this,” she said calmly, erasing the panic in her voice. She understood from the way he held her, he wanted to hurt her. Very rare times had Loki ever striked the lovely Sigyn. He was at his breaking point, and it was from a conglomerate of stress and insanity. If what Odin spoke was true, Loki was dealing with a lot more than just an external war. Finding out that the one person he did trust, kept from him the biggest secret she could withhold, broke him. Sigyn watched the son of evil calculate whether he wanted to do it, wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt him. The God of Lies, lied to. No one ever got away with it . His hand caressed her neck, ready to squeeze the second he decides. For a minute, he stood there, holding her, contemplating. For that minute, Sigyn thought he just may punish her, but then he slowly loosened his grasp.

     He turned away from her to ease his nerves.  He took a breath, before glaring at her. “How could you lie to me?” His voice was even, and precise. His hands were unclenching, but he was having a hard time controlling himself. Everyday it seemed tougher. 

    “The same reason you lied to me-to protect yourself,” she said, her gaze turning steel. She watched his hard eyes stare back, and she sighed as her face softened. She was ashamed to admit it, but she had to let all of her secrets out. “I was scared,” she wrapped her tired arms around herself, “I wanted to run away from Asgard, but you were insistent on staying.” He had unfinished business, and now, she knew what that business was. “I didn’t want my child to be born in a world I knew you had destroyed,” she released in an uneven breath. Even with understanding Loki’s plans, she still wanted him. She still needed that evil man to hold her, love her, take care of her. She was truly a masochist, and she was going to put her baby through the same trauma.

     Loki was silent, his mind registering the fact that Sigyn knew of Ragnarok. The knowledge seemed to deflate him slightly, and his sights lowered. Sigyn hesitated, but she eventually placed her hand on the crook of his neck, her fingers soft and warm against his cold and stiffened exterior. He took a few deep breaths, easing the heart he realized beated wildly. He didn’t need to ask for her to answer, “I’ve been suspicious for a while, and Odin had confirmed my scepticism.” 

      “Odin?” His eyes lifted and his nose flared. Mentioning Odin seemed to put a rise in him again. 

      She put pressure near his neck, shaking him out of his stupor. “Yes, and before you claim him a deceiver, he was more honest to me than you have during our whole life together!” She spoke up to shut his potential tangent down. He needed to listen to what she had to say, instead of coming up with his assumptions about her intentions. She proceeded to tell him all that had transpired from the moment she had entered the throne room, to the point where she was locked in her chamber like it was a cell.  She decided not to tell Loki of his lineage, or his deeply weaved connection to the fire demon. She instead, focused on Odin’s belief and insane notion that Sigyn would give up her husband for Asgard. Odin knew now, the bond his step-brother had over Sigyn was much more intact than he thought it would be. So much intact, that the first place Sigyn wished to be when given the chance to escape, was in the arms of that menace. 

        When Loki pushed his constant paranoia away and let the logic seep in, he could see the verity behind her retelling. He realized how he reacted to her maternity may have been a little excessive, if not, a bit unjustified. When Amora told him the news, he immediately thought of the warrior Theoric. The thought of that moron being capable of taking advantage of Sigyn made him see red. Amora stated the babe had been incubating for a few months, and he deduced the child was his by the timeline. He gathered Sigyn already knew for a long time. Months of obliviousness was improbable, and she opted to not tell him because she didn’t want him a part of the child’s life or hers. He watched her in Asgard, and she was searching for a way out. She was looking to disappear, and she planned to leave by herself.  He obsessed over this woman. Stayed with her even when he had the chance to go. To his hindsight, she was being ungrateful, and dismissive of his efforts to please her, all the while, she was resolved to leave him.  At that moment, he didn’t think about how or why she returned to him, only that she would regret crossing him. 

      Loki shifted, and sat down next to Sigyn. She could see the sleepless nights in his eyes and the crimson beard that was growing. He glanced down at the floor while he contemplated, and she noticed anguish in his features, the agony he suffered with because of what he was. A monster ? No, never . Odin was wrong, and it was blatant by his sunken eyes and ragged breath, that Loki was as much bones, flesh, and mind, as any other mortal. Sigyn rested her hand on the side of his jaw, gearing his face to her. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself,” she commented as she continued to examine his deteriorating body. Pale. Clammy. Sick.

       He huffed a laugh that didn’t reach his lips as he spoke, “that tends to happen when you plan a war.” His posture hunched as if the weight of the universe rested on his shoulders, and maybe it did.  Fate had been puppeteering him for years, even during those times he thought he made his own choices. All of it led to this. All of it led to the same moment it always had. This was the cycle of Ragnarok. 

       He looked away from her as he mused solemnly. The stress of war was raging down on him, and he let it out on Sigyn. He closed his eyes to remember where he was, and whom he was with. When he glanced back, he could see the worry in her hazel eyes and the ache that molded her face. Brought on by war, and deceit. She cared more about his well being than her own safety. He was sorry. A sorry excuse, and maybe she didn’t see that, but he knew what he truly was. He was selfish for having her, unworthy, but he was lucky. More lucky than any man ever could be. He couldn’t speak the words, but he expressed his repentance through his eyes when he revealed them to her. She gazed at them, and he knew she received the nonverbal message by the showing of her own. 

      She relaxed a little, and the sight could make him smile. The war hung over their heads, and neither had the strength to smile. He curled his arm around her waist as he pulled her closer. “I am glad to see you here. Away from those abominations ,” he emphasized.

      “Easier to watch me?” She asked, but she already knew the answer, if his earlier reaction was anything to go by. He attempted to appear innocent, but the small lift of her lips told him he was not slick. He grinned before a light chuckle escaped him. He grabbed the hand rubbing a hair above his cheek, absorbing the infinitely soft touch of his once-wife. He tugged at her hand, pulling her into embrace as he claimed her lips. He took his time working her mouth as if it were his last kiss. A sigh escaped Sigyn, enjoying this version of reunion more than what was given previously. When he felt his taste satiated, he kissed her neck and buried his face in the crook of it. 

      Sigyn had her arms around him, as they took this moment’s respite. Her thoughts went a mile a minute, because, although they had passed the hill, they still had a mountain left to climb. Sigyn was tentative, but she had to know how he felt about the situation. “If you fight Odin, you won’t come back to me. Odin will kill you,” there was no speculation, and the reality made it worse. A pause passed between them, and the dread was torture. When he neglected to answer, she begged, “please. Abandon this crusade instead of your family.” All that was heard was the icy wind whipping past the windows of the infirmary.

      Loki didn’t remove his head, but on her smooth flesh, spoke. “Borson blood will stain the pavement these coming days,” he responded ominously as his bright eyes stared off into the distance behind her. He felt her beating heart, and it fastened from his words. He lifted to gaze upon her.  “I promise we will have a future, but Asgard can’t exist for that future to happen.” She held back the tears welling in her eyes to hear his admission. Even knowing of the child, it didn’t change his opinion on the matter. Even with Sigyn believing Loki will die in the end, his decision is the same. He was certain about the outcome, but she could not understand why. Loki was equally as worried as her, although he hid it well. He had to punish the AllFather. He was the offender, and Loki was his prosecutor. The world could not leave him beaten and broken at the end of the ordeal. He was going to come back. 

           “How can you make such an empty promise?” She said quietly, but there was strain in her voice. She thought about her child and how, if Sigyn survived long enough to give life,  they would have to live in a desolate world. He observed her with searching eyes, attempting to learn her outlandish implications. 

         “You doubt my abilities?”

        Sigyn grabbed his tunic and forced his eyes to look into hers.  “I want you to let go of your anger and fear,” panic and hurt was filling her heart swiftly, “and take responsibility for your actions.”  Her grip tightened as the pain in her chest settled, recalling all the past mistakes they both made to lead them to this predicament. “This is not the past, Loki. You cannot leave your family to perform this heinous act, because of Odin.” He moved his hand to caress Sigyn’s cheek, and she remarked the gentleness welcoming  to his previous behavior. Maybe he was beginning to warm up to her ideas. Maybe he was understanding where she was coming from..

       He rebuts her claim, with his own. “We are not the same people we were before,” for once, they agreed, but they used the same argument for different excuses. While Sigyn believed the idea to be the reason they should leave and never look back, Loki saw it as an opportunity to test his luck, and try his hand at genocide. Her grip on his tunic loosened as she realized she didn’t make him budge. Her stomach twisted, and she was certain she was going to puke. She stood abruptly and stumbled to the nearest bucket, the only one, near the window and empty her contents. She crouched down before the ordeal, and she licked her dry lips after. She took heavy breaths as an attempt to calm her nerves, but they were wired and electric. One touch, and there would be backlash. Loki comes from behind her, and picks her up. “You are not ready to travel. It was already dangerous of you to leave Asgard so suddenly,” he speaks in a low voice to her ears, soothing to her ache. 

      She raised her voice to add to her conviction, “I left there because I had no choice, as I don’t have one now.” She knew him, knew him more than she knew herself. She understood why he felt obligated to play the judge, jury, and executioner for Odin’s predetermined trial. Not only did he feel like it was his job, but it was destiny to judge the gods, and decide if their existence should continue, or if they should be extinct. What he didn’t gather was that he is included in that race of monsters. The line between aesir and jotnar was thin, and Loki was a breed of both. If the world was to be cleansed, he would have to be destroyed as well. 

       “What makes you sure of my failure?” She could hear the ire in him. He did not appreciate the doubt she had in the plan she did not know. 

        “Victory will cost you.” The pale flame. The eternal fire. She turned to him, recollecting the soul she once witnessed. She was blinded by it before, but now that she knows what it is, she wanted to view it again. Loki’s frown deepened, his belief in her, debatable. 

       “Everything comes with a price,” he said plainly.

       “And what price are you willing to pay for revenge?” She asked with her unwavering gaze.

        His eyes ignited fire. “Anything for what that scum did,” he growled. 

       “Even sacrifice your family,” she bombarded, and it was a second before he answered.

       “No.”

           Still, it was a second. A short pause of him even remotely considering it. He reaffirmed, “no,” but his first response was the truth to his thoughts. This time, it was her face that showed the disbelief. 

         She stepped towards him accusatory. “You would rather risk the probability of losing me to win this age old battle, than to stop everything and run with me?”

      He crossed his arms over his chest, “If I were to leave, Odin would spend the rest of his days hunting us, and we would be running for the rest of ours. I spent one lifetime running, and it didn’t work.” Sigyn glanced at the floor. As a child he was on the run, and it led to his brother’s death. As an adult he attempted to run from his crimes, and it ended with his children dead. “In the center of it all, there was Odin.” The aesir-jotun war led by the infamous AllFather Bor and his son-general Odin caused the collapse of Jotunheim’s nation, and Loki’s father to hide like a coward. Odin had exiled Loki for hearsay to which he eventually went along this path of vengeance.  He was done with avoiding this confrontation. He planned to face this collision head on, for this was a crash decided a long time ago. 

      Loki was backed into a corner, and felt that if he didn’t fight the AllFather, he would be trapped forever in Odin’s talons. He reached out to Sigyn, “don’t you understand? You have to.” She wiped her face, and reluctantly nodded. He grabbed her forearms, pulling her closer, but she put a hand between them. 

  “I won’t let you go through with this. Know this now,” she said through clenched teeth after a shiver passed through her.

     His mouth quirked up, but the look didn’t match his eyes. “Is that a threat,” he asked calmly with challenge laced in his tongue. Sigyn made it clear she would never tell a soul of Loki’s existence and whereabouts. Other than that, there wasn’t much Sigyn could do to prevent him from doing what he wanted.

      ”It’s a promise,” her gaze was stern, combating his own, even with the tears permanently brimming her eyes, “and I never break mine.” For a moment, Loki was silent, seeing the truth behind her claim. No, in all their years together, she never had. She promised to be faithful and dutiful till the day they died. To take care of him, and the children they bear. She had, and still is. Even without the ring or the papers, or the contracts, she continues to uphold her vows. Unlike his, her pledge is her life; if she committed to stopping him, she would find a way to do it. 

        “What will you do?”

        “Anything to prevent this catastrophe.”

        “Even sacrifice me to the AllFather?”

       Sigyn left the question unanswered, and his glare was piercing. He snatched her by the arm, and yanked her close by, holding onto her tightly. “You would never,” he said as his eyes stared wildly.

       She stared back, and without quivering she said, “I will do whatever it takes to save you.” Her hand reached up and held his face.

      Her caress was damning. Her soft eyes were tempting, and for a second, he felt grief and mourn wash over him, but he buried the pain down under oceans of ash. Fire burned in his chest, and he was not going to let Sigyn deter his vigor. “They deserve my wrath-”

     “They deserve your forgiveness, so that you may forgive yourself.” He didn’t want to think about his failures. He wanted to blame them on others to ignore the incessant gnat that buzzed in his ears. Sigyn put the bug on the forefront, making it harder to deny. “Please Loki...” she begged, and he shook his head with regret. 

     “I can’t.” 



Chapter 28: Final Eulogy

Notes:

One more chapter to go

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

       “By the next full moon, the army of hell shall ride Hela’s ship down the river of Gjoll to ambush the forces of Asgard.”

      “There will be overwhelming numbers.”

      “Asgard holds no chance against the undead.” Loki pointed at the large map laid out in front of him. “We traverse the sides, Odin will have his warriors guarding the front and the back,” Amora nodded, and he proceeded to aim at the front. “Fenrir will be released here. He should distract the masses.”

     “What about the serpent?”

     He smirked, “when Thor shows himself and swings that hammer, Jormungandr will come from the back and eat him. You and I will stay on Naglfar and summon the beasts. When the battle is over, Odin will be brought to me, and judgment shall be given. “

     “He will not go without a fight. Are you sure our forces can combat him?” Amora asked with  slight skepticism. His gaze hardened, and he glared at the map before looking at her.

     “If not...I will get him.” The anger in his eyes and the curtness in his voice shined light to his feelings. Amora had no questions left to ponder, so she nodded her acceptance. His muscles didn’t seem to relax with her admission. He glanced away, back at the map, before speaking with determination, “ the time for reckoning is at hand.” Again, Amora only nodded. 

     Loki quickly left their battle room, wanting to check on the feral beast below. In reality, he needed to escape the constriction of air he suddenly felt when finalizing their constructs. His mind immediately wandered as his legs walked aimlessly. Or so he believed. His thoughts kept circling back to his argument with Sigyn which led to her absence now. 

      She didn’t want him to do this war, which he suspected she would feel that way. Then she swore to stop him, any means necessary, and that threw him off the rail. When she attempted to turn and leave, he swiftly grabbed her and prevented her dismissal. “I will not let anyone stop me. Especially you,” his hands held her by the waist, and covered her mouth. It felt like instinct took over at that moment, and he dragged her to his chambers and locked her in. She struggled throughout, but there was no halting their trek, and she had no strength to defend herself.  Banging followed after he locked her in, but it was ultimately futile. She would not leave, unless he deemed she could. She cursed him for doing this to her, and there were a million things “this” could have meant in terms of him. She was upset, and rightfully so, but she would understand once this was all over, that he was right. When he came back, showered in the blood of his enemies, she would see that he kept his promise. 

       His searchless stepping eventually led him to his bedroom door. It was silent on the other side, and he wasn’t opposed to the quiet. He considered whether or not he should enter. Sigyn would surely want to throttle him, and he wasn’t certain he wanted the berating at this point in time. Then his subconscious intervened, and forced him to place his hand on the knob. He grinded his teeth, but acquiesced, entering the dreaded place  cautiously. He located Sigyn near the window, looking out the opening with her back to him. She was much calmer than previously, and he made his way to her side. 

    Sigyn didn’t spare him a glance as she said, “you’re as bad as him.”

    “For wanting justice?”

    “For being childish,” she said as she snapped her head to him. Her eyes were narrow, but the sorrow was worn on her sleeves. “You treat this as a game-”

    He scoffed, “this is far from it.”

     “War never is, and yet you act as if this is a competition to see who the superior being is.” He provided no comment and so, she went on as she turned to him fully, “you are willingly putting your life at risk for this game. Why?”

       He took a while to speak, glancing at the floor, avoiding her judging eyes. He focused on the window, and the many trees shaking harshly from the cold air. Sigyn kept her eyes on him, and he could sense their reprieve.
“This was a fight long overdue,” he started and Sigyn scoffed. Everything that was coming out of his mouth probably sounded like excuses to her, but it was what he felt was the truth. “And one, that was planned long ago.”  Her attitude shifted, and he could tell the sudden tenseness in her shoulders. 

       He knew it was his fate, and he accepted that to be his end. He wasn’t sure when he began understanding the truth of his fate. For a majority of his life, he believed in making his own story, creating his personal narrative. Once a person is broken down, and stripped of their very being, it becomes a challenge holding up a facade of security and control. Denial had dragged him this far in the journey, and there were certain lies denial could no longer carry. When that dam broke, and truth flooded, regret was all he had left to feel. He wanted Sigyn. Picking her was the only free will he was ever given, but he was compelled to do what he was created for. Fate was unfair and untamed. They were wild and feral, quick to pounce on any unsuspecting individual. Loki understood that everyone was a part of the tapestry of destiny, but he was being weaved through each thread. “If I do not complete this task, I’m not sure what will happen.”

          “You will be alive!” 

           “I will be a husk,” he argued back. His anger subsided swiftly, and he sombered. Sigyn didn’t flinch when he grabbed her hand and placed it over his heart. Her anger seemed to wipe away like the many tears he pushed aside on her beautiful face. Her hand gripped his tunic as they began to tremble. She kept his expression stern, attempting to mask the hurt, but her physicality spoke volumes. “You’ve seen what’s inside. You know what I have is not worth saving.” 

         Her eyes opened to him, a window for him to peer into her soul. “I know people who would disagree. Roskva. Thialfi.” Names he hadn’t heard in a long time. “Thor…” His eyes were stone and imperceivable to those who didn’t know him. “All of those villages you saved from the lethal winter, and your brother, who you wanted to protect.” His jaw tightened and he hardened his shell, but the cracks were already there. Her other hand rested on his cheek to steer him away from any distractions for this confrontation. His ruby orbs watched her intently, scouring for any answer she may hold to his numerous internal questions. Vulnerability was slipping through, and he was ripe to hear what she had to say. “There is good in you,” she voiced as she held him close. “You told me once, people make their own decisions and beliefs. Make this one yours, and stay with me.”  

         He grabbed her jaw and kissed her softly. He was delicate with his motions, and she sighed, feeling the stress ebb away. He lifted his face from hers, “I’m sorry darling,” he said and her heart sank. He released her from his grasp, and began walking toward the exit. She followed him hastily, attempting to pull him back in, knowing if he stayed, he wouldn’t want to let go. When he closed the door behind him, he heard a bang, and a frustrated yell on the other end. He turned with haste, and headed for the battle stations.

      When the door refused to budge, Sigyn deflated significantly. She was trapped in a room she had no power to escape. Again. She slid her body on the door until her bottom hit the stone floor. She would have cried, but her body was still worn from her previous exertions. Still, the anxiety ran deep, locking her bones, and freezing her muscles. 

      Sigyn didn’t know what to do. Reasoning with him and attempting to persuade him seemed to get her nowhere. Solving this problem from the inside was no longer an option. Either Surt had a greater hold on him than she first imagined, or Loki willingly wanted to throw himself in the fire. The hard part was deciding which story she wanted to believe, but in her mind’s mind, she knew it was both. A feeling that coursed through him that was more complex, and splitting than any he ever had. He was born from the fire, but Asgard put the fire in him. Sigyn sat quietly in Loki’s quarters, grinding her teeth, and scraping her nails on the stone floor. Her stomach was unsettled, and she was close to releasing her biles. She instead, gripped her hair and tugged violently. 

       “They said he was bad for you,” a voice echoed in the chamber. Sigyn shut her eyes tightly, and prayed the character to silence. “Mother told you, ‘he doesn’t deserve you’.” But did she listen, no. Sigyn hid her face in her hands to ignore the words that grew louder. She heard the woman chuckle ironically, “‘don’t help the damned’ said father.” Sigyn heard the footsteps, padding across the ice solid floor. The figure bent down, and leaned forward, waiting for Sigyn to pop her head open. She never did. “How many times has he taken you for a fool? Used and abused you? And twisted your sanity.” Her friend said through teeth. Two hands grabbed her  shoulders and shook her, “now look at you.” Sigyn did not leave her small cubby, “ look at what you have become!” She shouted and forced Sigyn to stare at her reflection.

     The woman was in a torn and mangled white dress. Her hazelnut waves were wild and sporadic as if they were pulled and ripped out. Her eyes were sunken and void of life, no green or brown to occupy the gray space. Her stomach was flatter than Sigyn’s, almost concave and that made Sigyn wince. Sigyn was about to ask what happened, but she could make predictions to what she would respond with. That her lost baby was the fault of her in some way, and she wouldn’t be wrong. Sigyn stared at her reflection and saw the remnants of what she is or will be soon. She froze in horror, and her nails dug into her palm, causing hard red crescents to align along her hand. 

    Her friend stared at her, waiting for a response, but Sigyn couldn’t formulate one. She clearly wanted a solution to the predicament they were trapped in, but Sigyn couldn't think. Loki had continued to drive her insane, to question her loyalties and morals, so, so many times. She learned that in the end, Loki did as Loki does, and she had no way of stopping the outcome. He was cursed, and she was cursed for following him. A moth to a flame. She was an insect, simple minded and enraptured by the heat. Now she was a shell, a lame person incapable of keeping the one thing she treasured the most. “You have to stop this madness,” her friend says, freeing her from her self-deprecating thoughts. 

     Sigyn glanced at those eyes that mirrored her own. Pained. “But, how?”  She was lost, and at the mercy of the man she loved. There was no way she could overpower him to escape, or send a message for aid. She was alone with her imaginary friend as company. 

     Her friend placed her hand on Sigyn’s knee. “Let me in,” she said finally. Sigyn had to release her inhibitions and fear. She had to do what must be done to save her family. To perform the action, she needed courage. Courage which she kept buried deep and masked with hatred and doubt. Sigyn felt necrosis infect her heart at the idea of what her friend ordered she must do. The beating halted, and the poison trailed her arteries. She could not bring herself to say it. Say the crime she was considering committing.

      She loved him. Loved him more than she cared about herself. More than life itself, and AllFather , she didn’t know why. In their journey together she couldn’t piece together her addiction with this immortal no matter how many groundbreaking discoveries they made together. No matter how many patches were created for their relationship, there should have never been enough for her to be this obsessed . That’s what she kept telling herself every step along the way. That she wasn’t in love, that she wasn’t intrigued. That if worst comes to worst, she would leave him. But everytime she considered, he would swoop in and change her mind, because he saw through her like glass. He knew what she wanted everytime and she accepted, because he knew what was best for her. She knew he was bad for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

       “I love him,” she said to herself. She tightened her fist in frustration with herself. Her teeth grinded hard against each other, holding in what she knew constantly ran through her mind. “I would do anything for him.”

        “Even lose the child?” There was no judgement in her voice, no look of terror or disgust. It was a simple question with strong ramifications. 

        She had been struggling with that notion since she discovered her pregnancy. She worried whether Loki would approve, and then claimed she wouldn’t care either. Then she realized the mess Loki was in was more than what she bargained for and she struggled to decide leaving him behind or running away with him to hide from the prosecuting eyes of Asgard. He had different plans that Sigyn could not thwart. Now, she either has to  choose to stay and watch the explosives ignite, ultimately losing all that she gained, but keeping all that she wants. Or she forcibly halts Loki’s plan of war for the interest of Asgard and her baby. 

      Sigyn closed her eyes, and struggled to breathe. Her hand was pulled from her chest, and her fist unhinged forcibly. The metallic item was gently pressed against her palm.  She curled her small fingers around the grip, and opened her shut lids. Her friend’s face was blank, “it is him or the babe. Choose the right thing.” Sigyn looked down and thought of all the times she had to choose the same options. She chose to protect him against the laws of the land. She chose to hide his whereabouts from the AllFather, and all of Asgard. She chose him when given the option. She had to decide if this was where she drew the line. This family, or the fate of Loki? The end of the world, or the end of her soulmate?

      Sigyn stared at her right hand, acknowledging the ink sketching on her ring finger. She typically ignored the dark ring surrounding her finger in favor of saving the heartache from swelling. This was the first time in years she truly noticed the etchings. She remembered when Loki first suggested it. They could have gotten the conventional gold bands with little trinkets to unique them, but Loki requested they make the look permanent. Sigyn, being gullible and lovestruck, immediately agreed, and was quick to perform the painful process. She craved his attention and approval, she did whatever he asked or told with few questions in between. That is what this flesh ring represented, and she no longer watched it with wary eyes. It was the truth to their communion. It was unremovable and it was irreplaceable.  

      She whimpered, “what if I don’t have the will?” Her heart hardened every second that ticked by to save her from the pain that was ensured from her choice. 

     Her double spoke in a low voice, “you have the strength.” She placed her hands in Sigyn’s and clasped them together. She looked down at their joined hands for a moment before glancing into Sigyn’s glossy orbs smiling. “You have the strength,” she said confidently as she squeezed her hands. Sigyn closed her eyes to calm her heavy heart. When she opened them, her friend was no longer there. All that was left was an echo of their conversation, and an imprint in her palms. The item laid there, warm and cold to the touch. She sighed. This was the last time she would see her friend. 

 

      In Asgard, guards scrambled to find the missing ghost of Asgard. It was hours of searching, and they knew that she was gone. Far away from the kingdom. A guard lost the bet to find the girl in hours time, and in losing, was forced to break the news to their king. Their king was known for being a spiteful god, and those that were disappointments would not live to see another day. The guard removed his helmet and swallowed his fear. He gave his prayer to his wife and children before his final judgement. He opened the door to the king’s throne, and stumbled inside. He took a deep breath as he lowered himself to his god. He stared down at the floor as he spoke his verse. “My sovereignty, we could not trace the woman in question,” his voice was clear, which was a blessing. “She has disappeared as if never there.”  

     Odin waved at the guard, dismissing his message, “It matters no longer. Daybreak is upon us. Send the generals, we must prepare the Einherjar.” The guard nodded before heading off to his task. The old king sat in his throne sighing heavily, feeling the weight of the world he tried to create, crash on top of him. All that he worked to have, a land of everlasting serenity, on the cusp of being dust. He attempted to avoid the inevitable, and although he had been able to manipulate the fates in the past, they forged his timeline. No matter what he said and did, they were always ahead of him. This test was a show of their prowess, and his utter lack to combat it. That was why Sigyn was able to escape. They showed him how futile it was to try to prevent Ragnarok. 

     Njord, Frey, and Tyr entered the throne chamber soon after, and the AllFather announced the coming of Ragnarok. Sweat appeared on each head, and Frey was visibly shivering. Tyr gripped his nub and rubbed circles on it. Njord’s stare hardened and he glanced at the AllFather with a knowing gaze. The vanir spoke out of turn, “where is your other son? I figured he would want to hear the bad news.”

     “My son is no leader. He is only a weapon,” Odin said harshly, and any other questions regarding Thor were silent. The leader stepped down from his throne and approached his war generals. “We must discuss the battle plan for when the army of the dead rise.” 

        So they began their plotting, understanding that the army of Hel will come for the kingdom. They knew that the wolf they kept locked up would be released, and wreaked havoc on the innocent villages until it would eventually reach Odin, and the World Serpent would be an unstoppable force. Though the world seemed gloom, Odin provided them with the false belief they could somehow make it out this victorious. Promising with the power of the Odin-force, and the strength of his son, they could beat the impending war. While Njord stared at Odin with a grim look, the others were young and naive enough to deny the implications of Ragnarok. 

       The Allfather concluded the meeting, and set the generals off to work. He rested once again on his one, and only throne. The throne he had been tethered to since his father sat on it. The throne that he was going to die on. He stayed on top with his paranoia, and now he was at the precipice of the trauma. Knowing if he would fail and fall into the fiery depths of hell, he was unsure, but his optimism was never high. He had his bastard daughter to thank for his uncertainty, and yet, he neglected to hate her. He has punished so many individuals for the pettiest of crimes, yet Sigyn, the sinner of them all, could not be harmed. 

      He saw himself in her. She was charmed by the evil man as Odin once was intrigued by the devious boy. The difference was, he learned his lesson, but she still needed tutoring. If she would have given up his location, she could have stayed and lived prosperously underneath Odin’s tutelage. She could have lived as a true daughter of Odin, instead of being exiled to wherever her husband resides.

       All Odin had left of his daughter was the dagger she attempted to kill him with. He reached into his belt to observe the unique and lethal blade, but he noticed there was nothing but air where he sheathed it. 

Notes:

What is our protagonist going to do?

Chapter 29: Ragnarok

Chapter Text

        The sound of the horn resonated the entirety of the world, the final call to battle for the future of this land. Down in the depths of Helheim, to the skies of Alfheim, the booming waves travelled through the Earth to alert the people of Ragnarok. The Judgement of the Gods. The giants of Jӧtunheim all stood atop the tallest mountains awaking the old but never forgotten belief in their ancient god to rise once more and claim the Earth. Some hid, rejecting the primitive ways and praying to their new celestial beings to protect them from the coming of the end. Vanaheim awaited orders from their king of what they should do if the forces of Ragnarok were to reach them. Their king would not respond, for he was dead. On Midgard, the noise resound, and in many areas, they knew what was to come. In others, their own beliefs blocked the truth from their ears. The world stood still at the ringing, and a choice was made. 

       Asgard waited on its toes for the day of judgement. The AllFather ordered the troops to cover the north, with small squadrons to flank the south. The AllFather waited in the front for the approaching onslaught, with Gunir in hand. Every guard, warrior, and man, stood with strength in their arms, and battle in their feet. The call played, alerting everyone of the enemy presence. Gjallahorn played three times, and a loud bang filtered the air. A wave of energy blew forward, hitting the aesir forces, and people quivered with anxiety. They knew what was coming. 

        The AllFather roared, signalling the rest to follow. The river of Gjoll replaced the waters of Asgard, and from the river, the many ships of the undead sailed. Most reached the shore to fight the land warriors, while the others were held back by the few ships Asgard sent to the sea. There were shouts of fear, shouts of bravery, shouts of anger. The dead were silent compared to the opponents. There was no fear, no anger, no courage. They fought for their queen, and whether they came out victorious overall, they would take as many lives as fate desired. 

        The first death was wrought when an undead shoved their sharp blade through the stomach of a warrior man. The creature carried the wound of what killed it before it became a slave to Hela. He wore leather armor, thin on his body to permit mobility. A thick furry coat rested on his shoulders to keep his ice cold body free from the winter. He had a helmet with two goat horns. One was broken in half.  His face was contorted by the drilled hole in his forehead, leaking black ooze indefinitely. It was clear that an arrow had taken his life.

     Volgrm, son of Tor, knew this man. He remembered that man’s twisted face and wound. He was young, searching for glory. What better way than to kill the chief of the opposing village. He caught the eye of the AllFather in his success, but his victory was not as honorable as he played it out. He used a bow, not an ax or a sword. He was always a good shot, he just had to be given the right circumstance. He waited for him to leave his sacred home. Aiming for the well, he sat until the man stood before it. He released the steel arrow, and made a clean shot to the head. He fell. And he left. Smiling.  

     He winced, and halted his pursuit. He never thought he would see that ghost again, yet here he was. He pulled his long blade back, and without a second’s hesitation, he plunged the old weapon into Volgrm. The chieftain stared into his eyes, watching the horror curl around him. The ghost could not share a feeling, but the twist of the blade was enough indication that he remembered.

       The fallen warriors all resembled someone the aesir knew. Whether in the past, they were enemies or allies, relatives or strangers, Asgard knew their lost souls.  Each dead would find their victim, and there was little the living could do.

       Screams broke in between the battle, showing the true colors of Asgard. There were shinks passing around the battlefield as each side engaged. Men writhed in agony as the dead fought with no mercy. The AllFather could see it. He watched as a man got his eyes plucked out by the bony fingers of his brother. Another lost their head to their lover. Blood splattered the white snow, and it was mostly red. Life blood drained drastically compared to the black blood that came from the dead. He noticed a warrior sliced a dead in half, grinning to finally score a point. His silent win was short lived, for a dead man jumped on him and tore his arms off. 

      Arrows rose in the air, and lowered on the field, piercing the ghosts of Asgard. For a moment, the dead paused, feeling the jolt of the major attack. The moment of respite lasted for a short time. The dead rose, and  tugged the arrows out of their frail bodies, continuing their onslaught on the living. The few that were cut down during the attack, proceeded to move whatever body part still connected to their head. They clawed and bit with their might. There was no stopping destiny, nor vengeance. 

      It was a slaughter, and his people were lost. Odin called on Sleipnir, his eight legged steed, to ride through the blood shed. The horse neighed, and rushed forward with the power of ten steeds. While he ran, Odin lifted his frail hand carrying the staff of power. Summoning all the magic he knows, he shot forward a beam of pure energy that decimated all that it touched. He kept charging, aiming at the dead. Warriors ducked out of the way of the beam, knowing the consequence for getting caught in it.  There were casualties, but the end justified the means. The beam did its duty, turning the dead into dust, and cutting their numbers exponentially. 

     He reached the end of the battlefield when he turned around. His soldiers cheered for their sovereign king, solidifying their loyalty and increasing their morale. They fought with new vigor, realizing that they could turn the tide with enough courage. They smiled, but Odin did not reciprocate. His weary body shook, and he knew this was only the beginning, and they were not close to winning. 

        He stared off in the distance and wondered; where was Loki?

        Sigyn stayed on the floor contemplating until the full moon rose, and the door creaked open. She battled herself and her choice, before Loki went to collect her. While the days ticked by, she took care of herself, made sure she healed from Asgard’s previous hospitality. She cleaned herself for this day, and dressed warm for the winter. The only hint of her distress were her eyes, gray irises and darkened at the edges. She was filled with reluctant determination, a strange ripple through her body that left her cold internally. The dried tears left marks on her cheeks, but she forwent wiping the sadness away. 

      Amora entered the chamber, and helped Sigyn onto her feet. They walked through a few corridors, and Sigyn examined the abandoned castle, wondering why she’s never seen it before. Everything was cobwebbed, and dust permeated the air. It left an old stale taste in her mouth to constantly breathe. She saw a few rooms when their door was open, and there was nothing in the abodes. After going down a few sets of stairs, and travelling the halls, Sigyn expected to see her spouse somewhere, either walking to the designated area, or gathering troops. She witnessed neither and she asked, “can I see him?”

     Amora neglected to respond immediately, but eventually answered her. “No.”

     Sigyn frowned, “where are we going?”
    “He wants to send you off across the Bifrӧst to Midgard. You’ll be safe and out of the way.”

     Sigyn despised that idea, and stopped her cooperation. She halted her progress, and Amora looked back at her, glaring. “What are you doing?”

      “I have to see him before I go,” she said sternly. 

       “That is ill advised… ” Amora said as she looked away. Sigyn pleaded for her to let her see the father of her child, but she insisted they not. “Loki has already headed off to the frontlines,” she conceded and said. 

         “What?” Sigyn said, but she felt the pang in her soul. He left without saying goodbye. 

         Amora grabbed her hand, and tugged her along whether or not she consented. “He bet on surviving this ordeal, and decided not to say farewell.” They neared a side door that led to the stables in which a couple of horses and a small carriage resided.  Sigyn stopped resisting, and followed Amora into the transportation.

   Sigyn glanced up at Amora, “do you think he will survive?” Amora only smirked at her before jumping on the main horse. Her look of apathy told Sigyn she cared little for his survival rate, as long as the job was done. Sigyn turned away from Amora, finding her lack of emotions disturbing. The carriage began moving, and the only sound Sigyn heard was the wheels rolling over the different terrains. 

   Sigyn inquired about her predicament. She had to see Loki before he caused the irreversible shift in space. She felt the quakes in her bones, the world aligning with the universe, preparing for the Day. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get to him with Amora, the goon, watching over her. She turned her head and watched the dirt beneath them crumble under the wheels of the vehicle, leaving indents in their wake. She pondered if she could just jump out. The world was only slightly a blur, so they may not be going that fast for a fall to hurt severely. She thought about what she would do if she fell out. Assuming her legs were in working order, how would she get to her husband? He was miles away from where they were, and it would be too late before she could do anything. Amora had the transportation, and could easily snatch her up by force. 

         She could take the carriage somehow, and leave the blonde behind. Distract her, and then steal the ride for herself. Pregnancies tend to give one sudden hysterics, and she could claim a bout of unknown illness. While Amora evaluates the situation, Sigyn could make her getaway. Sigyn glanced at Amora’s figure from behind, controlling the horses casually. From the way Amora stared at the road ahead, nothing would prevent her from completing her objective. Certainly not a fib told by the wife of a liar. Amora was headstrong, and there would be no gaslighting that could deter her. 

        Sigyn rolled her eyes, and settled inside the carrier. Underneath the fur coat she wore, she held her blade. She tugged it from her dress, and viewed it in the shadows. It was bright and reflective, revealing her face. Tired eyes stared back at her and she frowned at herself. She tucked the weapon away and looked up to the gloomy sky. Dark overcast hung above her head, and around the kingdom. 

         She sucked in a deep breath through her parted lips. She showcased the dagger once more, attempting to understand herself. She cringed internally, imagining herself killing a person. Her hands trembled, and her veins pulsed painfully. She considered it so many times, deciding to end the life of another. She believed herself to be that far gone, that she could stoop that low. She closed her eyes slowly to stop their wavering. Thyrm flashed before her eyes, and they snapped open. Her grip tightened when she thought of the man responsible for that beast. Odin. For a brief moment, her eyes were red with anger, but the hateful feelings dissipated, despondency taking its place. She knew who this weapon was for, and it wrecked her every time she thought about it. 

         Hours went by, but no one could tell. They eventually approached the bridge, usually guarded by the mysterious and ever looming Heimdall, but instead, they were greeted with air. Amora shrugged and smiled, glad to miss any possible complications. “We’ll be near our location soon,” Amora announced, but she neglected to hear a response. 

      She planned to continue their travels, but Sigyn called out, “may I have a moment to stretch my legs?” Amora didn’t move, and Sigyn believed she was going to ignore her request. She heard the saddle shift, and boots crunching on the soft snow. Amora approached her, and let her out.

     “Only a moment,” she said grimly, staying close behind Sigyn despite her discomfort. 

     Sigyn proceeded to move her legs, bending forward and touching her toes. She breathed in the frigid air, “what happened to your sister?” Sigyn asked, recalling meeting Amora and her posse. It seemed forever ago when she met Amora, and her identical sibling-despite their age difference. In all this time of Amora planning with Loki, Sigyn was curious to know where her sister resided in the chaos. 

    Amora froze, her lack of an answer made Sigyn turn to her. Her face was adjusting to accommodate her emotions. First surprise, then anger, then fear. It was strange, Sigyn noted. It was like an egg broke, and the yolk was bleeding out. Amora seemed to reassure herself before calmly saying, “she is in Asgard.”

    Sigyn felt that there was more to her statement. Amora stayed silent. “Have you seen her since your stay with Loki?” Sigyn didn’t know Amora well, but she figured she would want to visit Lorelei once before the final battle. 

     She contemplated, turning her head to the side, and looking up at the sky. In a whisper she admitted, “I wanted to.” The remorse in her voice and the lack of elaboration gave insight to the remnants of humanity in her. She added flatly, “I didn’t want her to see me like this.” She erased the emotions in her words, but the implications were blatant. She didn’t look the same from months prior. She was a shell of what she was, a husk walking about, posing as Amora. Sigyn saw her only twice in the past, and even she could tell the huge change.  Amora wanted Lorelei to remember her for who she was, and not what she has become. Sigyn grieved for her knowing that Amora could not for herself. 

     She stepped towards her, her eyes searching. She had to know, “why did you follow him?”

     Amora slowly looked away from the sky, and tilted her head to Sigyn. Her eyes were vacant as she responded, “because it was my destiny.” Her eye contact never broke, and it was Sigyn who conceded. The pressure of her words felt as an echo in the back of her mind. She was constantly being reminded of fate, and she repulsed the accusations. When she finally gained the courage, she glared back at Amora. They held each other's gaze, neither daring to back down from their beliefs. The battle was a lifetime, and only the sound of the horn broke them out of the stupor. 

      “We have wasted enough time,” Amora said, reluctantly turning away. She opened the carrier for Sigyn, but Sigyn hesitated to comply. The sound of the horn lasted minutes, alerting the masses of incoming danger. Sigyn swallowed thickly, knowing that she must get to Loki, and soon, for the sands of time were running thin. 

       “No…” the anguish was hard to dispel, and Sigyn struggled to stand still.

       “Yes,” Amora growled, reaching for Sigyn. Another bellow from the horn, and instinct overcame any doubt in Sigyn’s mind.

       Sigyn proceeded to move out of Amora’s pathway, causing her to give chase. The resounding tone filled their ear drums, deafening. Sigyn’s quickening heart, and scattering  feet. The ground shook with vibrations, making her steps uneven. Still, she could sense the witch gaining on her as she bolted past the many trees littering the snowy forest. Her fur coat was heavy and detrimental to her escape, so she let the thick hide fall off her shoulders and trail behind her until it detached. Sigyn glanced behind her to see the rate of which Amora was going, and for a sickly individual, she ran like a boar. She would tackle her soon, and if her magic was any good, she would knock her out the rest of the ride through Midgard. 

     The horn stopped briefly, the messenger having to catch their breath. In that split moment, Sigyn heard Amora’s heavy puffs of air near her ear. She felt her toe slam into the root of oak wood, and her course steer off the path. Simultaneously, Amora leaped for her, increasing the speed in which she tripped and fell. Her lungs were crushed by the secondary weight, making the impact on the floor leave her winded. Her teeth clacked, and her brain was rattled, but she attempted to escape her captor. 

     Amora placed her hand on Sigyn’s head, gripping her flowing hair. She forced her head up with a pull, and forced it down with a thump . Sigyn was dizzy, and nauseous, but she clawed the icy ground, to somehow stand. When pulling forward did not work, she turned herself over with resistance. Amora held her head by the hair, and pulled it back, exposing her neck. She wrapped her other hand around her neck, and squeezed.

      Sigyn immediately gagged and choked for the air that neglected to enter. She thrashed in her hold, but Amora either dodged or ignored Sigyn’s attack. She honestly did not expect Amora to try to kill her. Through her blurring vision, she noticed the resentment in  her eyes, and the delight in the slim smile that grew the harder she squeezed. What warranted Amora’s contempt for her, she would never know. Amora would blame anyone for her condition, especially when that anyone is the lover of her master. 

    The horn was called for the final time. The noise silenced the world, and silenced their scrap. Sigyn could no longer hear her breaths, or the satisfying grunts that released from the witch’s mouth. Her vision began to fade to an eerie black. Calm, and serene. Her thoughts found it difficult to form comprehensive structures. They were just phrases, words that stuck with her. Must go ... Save No cost too great .

      Her fingers tapped the hilt, and she found purchase. She gargled once more, before she lifted the weapon, and shoved the blade into the shoulder of Amora. The witch howled, and her grip was gone. Sigyn pushed the woman off of her, gasping for air and rubbing her raw neck. She stood when she realized she would not pass out. Amora screamed, “you bitch!” She continued her cries.  She lost her voice after a while, and settled with breathing shallowly. 

     Sigyn caught her breath before it left. She went to Amora's side, realizing what she had done. She saw the tears running down Amora’s eyes. She swallowed the apology threatening to release. It was Sigyn or her, and saying sorry wouldn't save the woman from the pain. Amora flipped herself over, and fought her weakened body to stand. “... You should...have l-listened. To your f-father.” 

     Sigyn didn't know how Amora knew about her conversation with Odin. She wanted to interrogate her, but it was pointless. Sigyn noticed in horror, Amora reaching for the metal lodged in her shoulder. She could not move while Amora grabbed the blade, and slowly tugged it out, inch by inch. She moaned as the weapon came up, and more tears welled  as blood leaked. A second of stillness, and Amora stabbed herself in the chest. Over and over again. Ensuring her death. Sigyn shook her head in dismay, but Amora finally finished and tossed the weapon to Sigyn’s feet. “AllFather…” Sigyn called, but Amora interjected her with a subtle shake of her head.

      “No.” She pointed her finger, and Sigyn reluctantly took the blade. She coughed, and blood rushed out. “Run,” she said, but her command only filled Sigyn with confusion. “She comes,” she responded before stomping toward Sigyn. Her strides started jagged, but with each step, her back straightened. She came for the woman, and Sigyn was frozen with shock. 

        Tears blurred Sigyn’s view, but she took a few deep breaths to calm her wired nerves. The blood that spilled decayed, and the color dimmed from red, to brown, to black. Like a plague, the black spread across the snow as streaks. Stretching farther, infecting all that lived. Sigyn saw the trees die from the black, leaves falling onto the hardened ground. Amora was changing as well. Her half, decaying as fast as the trees. The ebony slime consumed her body, and shapeshifted its hollow form. Her dress turned to rags and robes, white and littered with death. Her blond hair darkened an impossible shade of black. Void. She took a knee as she transformed and Sigyn backed away. She turned from Amora, and sprinted to the safety of the carriage. 

      Death lingered around her even as she ran from the danger. It grew like wildfire. She panted as she approached the carriage, and dashed for a horse. Releasing the leather straps attached to it, she pulled it from the other group, and hopped on. She looked to where she left Amora. She was following behind her, in her white cloak, and dark shadows. She peered a second longer, and saw the gaping maw where her eye should have been. An all consuming hunger for life. Sigyn yelped, alerting Amora- or whatever that thing was- of her attention. On the side of her face that was still flesh, she smiled, wide and malicious. 

     Sigyn did not have to command the animal to run, it took off beforehand. Sigyn gripped its mane, and held on for dear life. She could hear Amora’s chuckles resonating even though Sigyn created distance. Soon she heard moans and cries from afar, like the awakening of those who never wished to rise. She could not focus on the noise. She fixated on her goal. She needed to reach the kingdom. She backtracked, and crossed the bifrost to Asgard. 

  

       With the Goddess of Death freed of her shackles, the other two could be let loose. 

 

       More dead came up, replenishing the lost numbers. The soldiers were tiring while the dead were endless. The battle raged, and then the clouds began to swirl. Men looked up at the sky, feeling the cold winds rushing through them. The sky became a smokey gray, and rain poured despite the snow. Thunder was heard before lightning struck the ground. Lightning continued to strike, but it was less sporadic and more intentional. It hit its first target. A dead. Then another. And another. It repeatedly struck a creature of death, and wiped them from the face of the Earth. Soon a hammer entered the fray, and with it, a man. 

       Thor attacked voraciously at the enemies. He smashed his way through his victims with no remorse. He was an unstoppable force, an act of nature. He was the storm, the wind, the powers that be. He swung his weapon, and the forces were being pushed back. Lightning shot down from above, and righteously hit the lowly creatures. He laughed and smiled as he put the dead back in the grave. The madness seeped from him and tickled his nerves. He was having fun in this final battle. He did not stop to catch a breath. He did not pause to see his foe. He knew his opponents, and he fought with as much tenacity as they did. He was Odin’s son. He was his weapon. He was the God of Death.  

         And he was predictable.

         A crash happened behind Asgard’s defenders. Most were distracted by battle, but those that turned away to see the danger froze in shock. Trolls and ghouls managed to break through the back of the kingdom, and headed towards the king. Large wolves trailed behind them, with the leader in the center. He was giant, bigger than any bore. He was the size of a small hovel. In his mouth lay the lifeless form of Frey, the man destined to slay the beast. His pathetic sword was still clutched in his hand, but he had no energy left to fight the creature. Rigamortis kept his hand tightly curled. 

        Sitting atop the canine beast was the man of the hour. Odin’s face grew grim, and he glared at Loki. His eyes were as red as the blood on his face. They were wide with insanity. He held a long sword, dipped in oil and set ablaze. The oil fire was eternal, a reflection of what his soul was. He sliced methodically through the crowds of soldiers like they were insects and his weapon was a boot, all the while he watched Odin. He pointed his fire sword at Odin. “Come and face me cowardice old man! Face the monster you created!” He screamed for the world to hear and it did. Odin rose to the bait, and he altered his trajectory for Loki.  

      His steed was quick, but the gush of wind he felt zoomed past him, he knew it was Thor.  He attempted to defend his father, but the gesture was futile. The malicious grin plastered on Loki’s face widened to a devilish smile. He was not threatened by Thor’s presence, but entertained by his childish acts. Thor was close, and he planned to put him down with his bare hands. He never got the chance. As soon as he got in proximity, the earth beneath began to shake.

      He did not falter, but the ground was hard to ignore. He looked down, and saw the gaping maw of a reptile peer out under him. He stopped then, realizing what had happened. The serpent opened its eyes, revealing its golden pupils and double transparent lids. The pupils thinned into tight slits, observing its new yet ancient surroundings. The Earth split as the serpent awakened fully, and once it knew what was in its mouth, it closed it shut. 

      This was not the first time Thor had been eaten, but it would distract him long enough. 

      “NO!” Odin howled, increasing his speed at Loki. He pointed Gunir at him, ready to blast him at point-blank range. At the last minute, Loki jumped off the wild wolf, letting loose the fury Fenrir held inside. The beast stood on its hinds, before running at Odin, teeth baring and sharp. Frey slipped out of his mouth, and he prepared his jaw for another lethal bite. Loki followed behind. 

      Odin locked on. Loki smiled. He twirled his fiery weapon, before striking. The blade entered the flesh of his child, and dragged a tear out of its stomach. Blood welled first, then the gore. Guts poured out of the steed like a waterfall. Or like Sigyn’s tears.

     Loki’s eye twitched momentarily at the comment, and he erased the thought from his mind. 

     Odin tumbled off the horse, and rolled on the ground. More rumblings happened, and the Earth uprooted more of itself as the snake uncoiled. The floor crumbled, and Loki had to take more than a step back to prevent himself from falling to the center of the Earth. 

       The thousands of scales covered his sight of Odin, and he growled in frustration. When Jörmundgandr finally lifted itself, Loki saw Fenrir attacking the AllFather. Odin stabbed Fenrir with Gunir, but that didn't slow him down. He got angrier. He bit his arm, dislocating the appendage. Odin plunged the spear in the wolf’s eyes and it howled in agony. It retaliated by clawing the king’s chest. There were large gashes, and red ooze coming from the AllFather’s chest as he coughed. He gave a final stab at the wolf’s  heart, and hoped the cut was deep enough to stop its heart. It was stumbling, but it had yet to go down. 

        Anger flared in Loki. “No you stupid beast, he is mine.” Fenrir glanced at his father, comprehending what he said. He backed away from the lord of Asgard. Tyr, riding a black horse, threw his battle ax into the chest of Fenrir. The wolf cried and swiped at Tyr. He maneuvered well and avoided the attack. He scooped his sire off the ground, and hoisted him onto his horse, heading towards the castle. Loki looked at his beastial son. “If they are given a moment’s reprieve, this battle is officially lost.” The wolf leaped over the chasm and lowered his head for his father to climb. Loki clenched his fist, and the dead were summoned to his side. “I want the living to match the dead,” he ordered, and they ran toward all that moved, eviscerating them to resemble their fellow dead men. Loki chased after the god with the missing hand.

      He fought the worry of Sigyn’s safety.

       Sigyn saw the sky split in half by the powers of Thor and Jörmungandr. The serpent whipped its body as it coiled around the thunderer, and Thor sent bolts of energy in its face. The raw power of each beast disrupted the balance of Earth, and caused quakes and trembles. She steered the horse as best as she could, aiming for the kingdom’s castle, the only part of Asgard that hasn't been obliterated. 

     She started to see the many bodies littering the snowy floor. The white of snow was replaced by blood, guts, and flesh. She hyperventilated as she witnessed the bodies increasing the closer she veered. She closed her eyes briefly to escape the ache she felt in her body. The disturbing faces and contortions of warriors dying for their country seared into the back of her eyelids. She could not erase the awful sight, nor could she ignore the putrid smell. Oh Loki, what have you done? She thought, but she knew exactly what he had done. He finally let go. 

      The creatures of the dead were closing in on the castle. Slowly, but surely they would take siege soon. But what they think will be a hostile takeover, will become an unfathomable nightmare. Sigyn avoided much of the battle as she could, but she was reaching the eye of the storm. She watched the slaughter of many, and knew that if she made it out of this hellscape, she would be a changed woman. She grabbed her stomach, praying for her baby’s safety.

     Jörmundgandr’s scales shifted and swung. It hit the ground and whipped back and forth. Sigyn ducked a few times, hoping his scales would not crush her. Her eyes searched frantically for the next oncoming danger. She was focused on her surroundings too much. She did not see the blade that flung by, and impaled her ride. 

      She leaped off the horse before she could get crushed, and rolled with the momentum. She panted heavily as she gathered her strength, scrambling onto her feet and failing. She looked up, and saw a man with half his face missing. His bottom jaw was gone, and his tongue hung low. Two more men flanked him. They had similar wounds, and the insignia on their clothing indicated they belonged to the same clan. A scream involuntarily came from Sigyn, as fear wrecked her soul. She crawled away, trying to stand, but the terror was preventing her from doing so. She focused solely on the monsters.

       Sigyn kept crawling until her hand landed on a wet surface. She looked back and saw a pool of blood. Her hand gripped the surface, and she pulled forward strings of muscles and veins. She dropped the horror show and froze. Her hands were covered in blood and chunks of aesir flesh. She shook her head in disbelief. She glanced up to see the creatures lifting their weapons. She cried out, and shielded her face, praying for safety.

       In the next second, the monsters stopped moving. In the next moment, three heads rolled towards her, and one fleshy man stood before her. His most remarkable features were his eyes. They held the stars within them. He pulled his sword back when he saw the damsel. “What are you doing out here?” He shouted, the anger and  frustration clear in his booming voice.

      Sigyn attempted to catch her bearings swiftly. She glanced down, and grabbed the nearest sword. She pointed it at the warrior. “Where is Loki?” She yelled back, but the blade was shaking in her hand. She latched her other hand on the hilt, trying to steady her nerves. She stood up once she knew her legs would not give out. She gripped the blade more properly, but the shakes did not cease. The blood was slippery, “Where is he?” She ordered as she looked around for more danger. 

       “He chases the king,” the gate guardian responded, “he is in the castle.” Just then, the serpent’s tail slammed into the kingdom, breaking half of it in an instant. She gasped, and the rush of adrenaline gave her the strength to sprint there. “No! Don't go!” He ran after her, but she ignored his cries. All she could think about was Loki, and what could happen to him. 

       Explosions broke out above her, and she covered her head as protection. There was a loud krack BOOM! in the sky, and she knew that was the last of the God of Thunder. She could not help the ache in her chest. His death made Ragnarok all the more real, and the stopping of Loki all the more necessary. 

       In the process of entering the fallen kingdom, she lost the warrior following behind her. She was winded, exasperated beyond all points, but she must not stop. She saw more dead walking the halls, searching for living to end. She swallowed the fear, and traversed quietly through the corridor, avoiding the dangerous creatures her husband brought. She questioned where Loki would be, but the trail of blood she spotted was a good indication of where. She was tempted to call to him, but she was afraid the horde would be alerted of her presence. She decided slipping in would be her safest route to getting to Loki. 

      Tyr, her brother, valiantly fought off both a giant wolf and Loki with one hand. He dodged most of the attacks, parrying the others with his blade. He lunged at the wolf, slicing its bleeding chest. He angered the wolf, and its jaws unhinged to snatch his bad arm. He cried in agony as the wolf shook him in its grip. He stabbed it repeatedly hoping it would release him. Loki swung his weapon purposefully low, so that the sharp edge would slice through both his legs. Now he didn't hold back the screams as he was being mangled by Fenrir, with no legs to run. 

     Loki laughed, and Sigyn gasped. She remembered that first day. Loki had blood all over him, and a body in his arms. He was smiling wickedly as he dropped his victim at the AllFather’s feet. She was fascinated and intrigued with that man, and the power buried beneath.  The power of no mercy. She realized how it terrified her. How much it always scared her to love a monster. 

      Tyr heard her, and with the last bit of strength in him, he plunged his weapon deep into the skull of the beast. The jaw loosened, and he was finally set free. He fell to the ground and panted heavily. His energy depleted exponentially, and he closed his eyes. He pointed his finger at the woman in hiding, but he died before he could speak a syllable.

     “No…” Sigyn whimpered as she stepped forward. 

     Loki whipped his head around to see the unwanted visitor. “Yes,” he hissed when he saw Sigyn approaching him. He had looked crazy before, but now he was absolutely mad. His eyes were fire, and his teeth were stained with blood. Sweat as well as fragments of viscera drenched his face. He stood like a wild, ferocious animal, waiting for its rival to show their ugly head. He realized a second later who he was talking to, and a piece of insanity died in him. “Sigyn?” 

      She didn't want to get near him. “Yes,” she said through clenched teeth. She felt reserved, reluctant to open herself to the creature she witnessed torture a man. The ruthlessness held her back, but she fought her survival instinct in favor of soothing the God of Chaos. “Stop,” she said, and the battle outside quieted. She noticed the AllFather bleeding out on the steps of his throne.  “Stop please.” 

      His eyes were demonic red. He shook his head. He turned to the AllFather, his hands clenching restlessly. “No!” Sigyn shouted as she ran between Odin’s body and Loki’s wrath. She saw the rage ignite in him. To see his wife shielding his greatest foe was more than an atrocity. 

      “Move.” It was his one and final warning. "It's time he faces judgement." Despite her caution, she did not budge. 

      “You have spilled enough blood to sate your lust.” She argued, but it came out a beg. 

       He shook his head, taking a step forward, making Sigyn take one back. “No, never. His. Only his.” His voice was a deep echo that reached her bones. It was as if there was a second voice, and it made her flinch.  She held her arms out to keep the distance between him and the AllFather. He only stopped out of shock.  

       “You defend this monster,” he spat, angered and betrayed. It was clear to her that he fought himself not to force her into submission. He didn't want to believe she was like the rest of them, and she wasn't.

      She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and collected all the reasons for why she was here. She pushed aside the fear and the horrors she witnessed today. She pushed her feelings of her unborn child away. She buried the forethoughts of what's to come. She opened her lids and peered at his face. The face she loved to caress between her hands. Sometimes rough, other times soft, but always the same beautiful features that stared back at her. She glanced at the scarred lips that sneered at her. The lips that convinced her of anything, made her believe everything that came out of that mouth. The eyes that mesmerized her, that swooned her. They told her the secrets of her world, of the man she desperately needed. They stared at her now, giving her that same pleading look. When he seeked sanctuary in her home, in her arms, in her soul. His eyes were full of spite, but underneath the layers of foundation, rested the bedrock truth in his heart. 

      “I defend you,” she answered. She was gaining her nerve the longer she stood before him, but she was still weak from the trek to this moment. 

        His eye twitched. He tensed even more than before, and it was a step in the wrong direction. He proceeded to come forward, and Sigyn had to continue walking back. She heard Odin cough harshly, and the old man shifted in his spot. He was catching his breath, earning a second chance of living. While he rejuvenated, Loki growled in anguish. He reached for Sigyn, planning to apprehend the woman for her insolence. She put her hands together, and pulled the enchanted dagger from her palm. She held it out at him. His own dagger. The hurt flashed in his expression, but the anger covered it well.

      “You will kill each other if this continues,” she said breathlessly. She glanced back to see Odin  gripping his spear tightly, using it to hoist himself into a sitting position. He glared at her warily. She could tell he was uncertain if she was a friend or foe. She didn't care. If saving Loki  meant letting that villain live, she would let him survive today. 

      He twirled his fire weapon. “That is a death worth having,” he said, absolute.

      “No it is not!” Her throat felt tight as she shook her head exasperatedly. “You promised you would never leave me. You swore.” She accused him with her weapon. 

     “I am a man of broken vows-”

     “You are just a man,” she proclaimed, “I am just a woman.” No obligations, no debts, no destinies. They were as mortal as the midgardians. “This is different, you feel it.” They all felt that shift when Sigyn barged in, interrupting Loki’s assault. What it meant, most were unsure, but Sigyn was beginning to understand.

      His weapon lowered only slightly. “You were never supposed to be here,” his anger depleted. 

      She nodded, “yet here I stand." His face showed his scepticism. A step in the right direction. "Fate is malleable, it bends to our will because we control it.” She focused on the man in the center of the destruction. Her steps were cold on the floor, leaving an icy trail. Her boots thumped carefully toward the untamed beast. He reacted once she entered his personal bubble, frowning and stepping back, disapproval written over his face. She fought it, and lowered her dagger. “I love you so much Loki. My will to be with you overpowered my fate to be left behind." His eyes widened. "That is why you came back to me a year ago. Why I stand here, beside you, despite the danger and despite my pregnancy.” He let her in, and she placed her hand on his bloody cheek. 

        He never expected her to say it so proudly. Everytime she said it before, it was laced with trepidation, most times shame. She was weary to love him before, but she was no longer denying her feelings to him. She saw what he did to Tyr, what he did to the world, and her love was still real. He knew she was not lying. She let go of her inhibitions. There was no regret in her eyes as he stared into them. Her gaze was steady, and her intensity pleaded her case. The satisfaction rolled through him. He briefly closed his eyes, reveling in her compassionate touch. 

        Sigyn released her weapon. She knew she couldn't hurt him, the minute she saw him. It was a futile idea, one that held no merit. There were no reservations in her admissions, never again. She loved him with all his flaws and tendencies. He may just agree to leaving the traumas behind.

       “If that is how you feel, child of mine, then you shall perish with him.” Odin held Gunir, pointing the spear at Sigyn’s back. He called upon his magic, and sent the waves of energy at the woman. 

     Sigyn gasped when she felt the pain crawl up her spine, spreading like a virus. There was a burning sensation, and a smell of cooked flesh. She lost her ability to stand, and she felt arms catch her falling form. Another blast came at her, but it missed her. Her body was being moved by arms. They fell to the ground to avoid the attack, and the pain spiked from the impact. She winced, and took pants to find air. She blinked a few times to clear her blurring vision. She heard shouting in the distance, but the ringing distracted her. 

     “Bastard!” Loki ran at him, evading his blasts. He was charging with his flaming sword. Even in her disoriented state, she could not let him kill Odin. Their weapons clashed, Odin holding his spear up with both hands, and Loki slamming his blade against the unbreakable metal. Sigyn planted her palms on the ground. She touched her back, and whined when the stinging returned. She slowly lifted herself up to prevent the pain from coming with a vengeance. She managed to sit on her knees before she looked up.

     She heard metal banging against one another. “Vile cretin,” Loki growled as he attacked with vigor. "I will rip your spine from your body." He was overpowering the gods’ king, and he would soon cut him down. Sigyn held her breath and stood quickly. A mistake on her part. She cried out in agony before collapsing. Her cry made Loki pause and look. The act was short, but enough time for Odin to jab him with Gunir. 

     Loki was thrown off balance. Odin took the opportunity to smack him with his metal stick. Sigyn heard a surprised grunt from Loki’s lips as he stumbled back. Odin then aimed, and fired at his chest, sending him to the floor sprawling.  He stalked toward his now-prey, and looked over him. He was breathing heavily, having taken all his energy to hold off the God of Evil. He was clinging to his weapon, using the long pole to give him balance. He could barely stand, but he could still complete his mission. In between breaths, he spoke. “You… are the one… who is the creature. You… are the evil of this land. And I… am the healer. I… will cleanse this realm… of the darkness.” He lifted his spear, prepared to plunge it deep in the heart of the beast. 

      He was the savior of this kingdom. He was created to destroy all that wished to bring darkness into this world. He had stabbed himself by the roots of Yggdrasil, and hung himself on the branch. He sacrificed his eye and his sanity to gain the knowledge he seeked to save the universe. He had to murder hundreds of Jotnar that believed in the old ways of rebirth, and he had given a life to the vessel of Surt. 

       He would do what he was told, and finish what he had started. 

       Sigyn watched as Odin knocked Loki down. He was spewing nonsense at the crazed god, sounding equally as insane. He was tired, wounded, and on the verge of death. He still had enough energy to put a stop to Loki’s schemes. She felt her legs shift, and her body lift. She wondered why she moved. The AllFather was doing what she planned. It broke her heart.

      To save him, why must I kill him?

     Her body kept moving without her mind knowing. Odin would make the pain easier to bear. She could blame his death on the AllFather’s need for revenge. 

     The balls of her feet touched the floor. 

     The world would not be consumed by the flame laying dormant in Loki’s soul. 

     The spear was lifted off the ground. In another second, it would rest in his chest. 

     She felt the magic swirling around in the room. It seemed to center near her and it was unclear why. 

     The spear was coming down on her husband. She ignored the external factors attempting to halt her progress. She pushed through the pain. Her brain caught up with her body, and she howled. All that raced through her mind and body, was the inexplicit need to protect her love. Her soul. 

       She lunged forward with all her might, and crashed into the AllFather. She realized why she felt magic around herself. Her hand gripped the dagger. She looked down between herself and Odin, and saw the sharp metal sheathed into the AllFather’s stomach.  His breathing stopped as he felt the blade enter him. He stared into her eyes, wide and mouth agape. A chill ran through her being, and she was tempted to jump back and cower away. But no. She did this, and she would face her first kill. 

      His hand reached up, and rested on her shoulder. His lips were moving, but there were no sounds coming through. Maybe a few chokes, but that was all she could catch. She watched Odin’s eye. It was sunken and gray before, but now it was turning a milky pale. The disappointment flashed through his features. The anger and sadness followed next and his grip tightened on her. He settled on acceptance and released her, taking his last breath. 

     She never took her eyes off of his dying form. The light dimmed within him, and she felt the aura dissipate. Her hand tucked under his head as his final comfort. He brought her to Asgard. He showed her the love of her life, and tried to take him away from her. He gave her children, and murdered them in their crib. He stole her home, and forced her to submit. He called her daughter.

       She never expected her first kill to be Odin. A long time ago she thought it would be her trifling husband. Then she believed it to be the murderer of her children. She wouldn't have guessed it to be the king of the gods. She thought she would feel satisfaction or regret when she took the life of another, especially when that individua was the cause of all her anguish, but as she watched the blood drain, there was nothing. She understood that his reign of terror had to end. She understood that it had to be her hand.

       Goodbye father. Her inner words echoed to him, and he closed his eyes. He perished in her arms. 

      The deed was done, and a wave of energy passed through the kingdom and across the land. This death was not the same as Thrym's or Amora's. Odin's death was like a piece of everything that ever was, died with him. The realm would never be the same without its creator, and it made her shake. The world was alerted of the king’s death, and Asgard knew the battle was lost. 

     The castle crumbled like a stack of cards. The serpent seemed to have died along the way, causing the earthquake. Sigyn let go of the king’s corpse, and turned toward Loki. There was a peculiar expression on his face. She couldn’t explain the emotions in him. There was rage, remorse, and relief. There was something else, one that neither individual understood. 

     Gratitude.

      She let out the breath she was holding. She realized she was still clutching the murder weapon, and she pulled away as if burned. She felt the waves come from the late AllFather, and she let the residue pass through her. She glanced at her husband once more and she frowned. His face contorted, and she couldn’t recognize the look. It twisted into a pained expression, and he slammed to the floor spasming. 

        Sigyn gasped, and crawled to his side. “Loki?” She asked as she approached his twitching form. He was unresponsive, and she frantically touched his bloody body to find the problem. It could be the many wounds he retained from battle. She touched his skin and flinched. He was burning hot, and he was getting warmer by the second. 

     “I don’t understand…” Sigyn said as she thought of why it didn’t work. Loki was dying still, even without Odin’s blade within him. She tried to still his panicking body, but he was stronger than before. His arms swung wildly, and his vision was unfocused. Sigyn pushed herself back to avoid getting hit. She then saw a dark shadow growing behind Loki’s back. She scooted farther as she peered at the engulfing shade. She was frozen in shock as she eyed the dark spirit enlarging, casting scornful shadows across the plane. The one from the journal. The one from his dreams. 

      He was steaming, and he moaned for the pain to end. Sigyn panicked, she wasn’t sure what to do. Odin died, Loki lived. He should not be turning anyway. The flaming sword beside him burned brighter, changing from red, to orange, to green, and blue, and finally burning white. Horror splashed her features, and she cried out. “No. No. No!” She understood why she failed to stop Ragnarok.

      Odin was the lock, and without the lock, the door could be opened. 

      She rushed to Loki. The tears in her eyes evaporated the closer she got. It burned so much to be near him, but she had to stop the transformation. Her skin was boiling, and the flesh was falling off. She cried until there were no more tears, and she reached until she touched a surface. The sword was growing, and it was melting the room. She ignored it, and she watched Loki even as her eyes stung.

       Her hand landed on his face. She gripped his jaw, and forced him to look back at her. His eyes were bloodshot red and he bared his teeth at her. Whatever was in him, didn’t like being touched, but the act seemed to quiet his thrashing, if only for a moment. She wasn’t sure how to close the door. She didn’t even know how to access it. She held Loki as she whimpered, scared for what is to come for the world and her baby, and what was destroying Loki from the inside. 

     She felt a hand on her own. It seared her to the bone, but she couldn’t pull away. She didn’t want to. She looked at the hand, burning as the rest of the body did. Her eyes shifted to the red ones. There were tears pouring down them. Water came from the eyes that never shed it. It was the first time he cried in centuries, the first time Sigyn ever saw him cry. 

      It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

     She grasped his hand, and placed her other on his chest. She calmed herself, and closed her eyes. She opened her mind to the magic flowing around them. She captured some, and used it for her own purpose. “Focus your energy, and the soul shall come to you,” she said to herself, remembering long ago when Loki taught her that. The last time she did this, she became blind. The effects may be permanent this time, but it was worth it to save Loki. He was worth saving.  When she opened her eyes, she could see his aura. 

      It was wild, and it was colorful. Red, green, gold. So many colors that they merged into one singular vision. White. She reached her mind’s mind. In his soul. Her hand bled through the veil, and stretched for the sporadic white that expanded. The fire cooked her. Her skin was gone, her flesh was gone, her baby was gone. She fought through, and kept reaching. She groaned as the flames reared closer and spat at her. The shadow that protected it tried to pull her away. She swung at it, smacking its tendrils out of view. She came to proximity, and when the ball stopped moving, she grabbed it. 

     Surt beat back the chains Sigyn was placing on it. Power surged from him, and Sigyn was getting weaker from its veracity. The chains tightened around its body, which was attempting to take shape. She moaned as she closed her palm around the demon. It breathed fire at her and she winced in agony. She held steady and pushed. 

      Don’t fight it. Let the flames consume you, so you may be rebirthed anew.

     The soothing voice coaxed. It resembled Loki’s. It relaxed her muscles, and she felt her grip loosen. Her connection was fading.

     Yes, let go. Be free from the chains of this world.

     She sighed when those hands wrapped around her shoulders, massaging them gently. She felt herself melt away, and she moaned when a pair of lips pressed against her neck. She heard the alarms ringing, and her headache coming back. 

      She grabbed the hands caressing her and ripped them from her. She shook the memory away, and the demon showed its face. 

      It was always me! You loved the monster!

      She felt her strength giving out. The truth was unveiled like peeling an onion. Layers of experiences, every time she fell for the beast hidden beneath his bosom. The creature who abandoned her, who tortured her with its sick games. She enjoyed every minute of it. She was alive in the pain. 

      Our child will be born of fire. It hissed the words and Sigyn cringed.

     "Our… ?" If Surt was Loki and vice versa, then a piece of the child will be Surt as well. After the demon was done with Loki, he would take her child next, perpetuating the cycle. "No, that will never happen!" She argued.

      But it will. You can not live without me

     And with every lock, there was a key. 

     She shook her head. Determination narrowed her eyes. “I never loved you. I loved him.” She said it aloud, for both the demon and Loki to hear. The creature thrashed again. She was prepared the second time, and she pressed her palms to it. She thought of everytime she fell for Loki. When he held her. When he protected her, when he showed her compassion. When he told her he loved her. She smiled briefly, “I love the man, not the monster.” There was a roar from the creature, but she kept squeezing. The light was dimming as her hands closed around it. The locks formed and closed around the demon. He sprouted arms and legs to break free of the cage wrapping around him. Its yells were silenced as it went out. There was nothing available to sustain the fire, and it was extinguished. The whispers stopped in her ear, and the burning vanished. The white died, and the black filled the empty space. 

         Our baby will be nothing like you .

      

       The ruined throne room came into view as her mind left his soul. She knew the burns were gone. She observed above her, and sighed to see no shadow. The sword had died as well.  Sigyn looked down at the person she was holding and noticed his tangible body. He didn't turn. She thanked Odin. Loki opened his eyes and peered at Sigyn. A small smile tugged his lips.

      He couldn't speak, but he didn't need to. Sigyn leaned down and rested her forehead against his, relieved to feel their coolness. She saw it in his ruby eyes. He was surprised and impressed. She came for him when it would have been easier to give up. She defied his wishes, and in the process, prevented him from making an irreversible mistake. She loved him with no regrets. It took more than courage to accomplish what she did. It took heart.

       She could read his thoughts before he had fallen unconscious in the process of cleansing his soul.

       She wiped the blood off his face as she smiled softly before she passed out from exhaustion.

Chapter 30: Loki and Sigyn

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

          Sigyn felt her body being rocked back and forth. 

          She groaned from the nausea that washed over her. 

           Sigyn opened her eyes slowly, swiftly shielding them from the rays that hit them. She took a deep breath before lowering her hands. Her vision cleared, and when she could see properly she gasped. She sat up quickly and watched the big, bright, shining sun beat rays onto her. She felt warm. Winter has ended. The war was over. Tears blinded her, and she wiped them away expertly. She touched her belly, and smiled to feel the roundness still there. She looked around, and she realized she was on a boat. She wondered how she escaped the falling city of Asgard, but then she noticed a man steering the sail. 

          The blonde man turned to her once she fully awakened, and he put his finger to his lips. Sigyn was baffled to see Vali, an aesir, still alive. She was  even more confused on how he found her. He pointed across the boat, and her eyes followed. There was a sleeping figure on the boat, and his features were indisputable. She immediately moved to the side of the boat where Loki rested, pulling his top half into her lap. Vali stared at her as she petted the man’s hair, and it took her a while to realize he was observing. She glanced back warily. His smile was slim, but it was full of understanding. “He has not awakened since I picked you up.”  

      Her mouth opened with bafflement. His voice was silk and angelical. Her surprise was not lost on him. “I could always speak. I took a vow of silence after that man,” he nodded to Loki, “killed me brother.” Sigyn held onto Loki tighter, “don’t fret. It’s water under the bridge. Or in this case, Asgard under the bridge.” She still didn’t trust him, and maybe that was deserved. She had Asgard’s destroyer in her hands, and he was a previous resident of Asgard. 

     “Where are you taking us?” 

      He didn’t hesitate to reply. “Midgard.”

        Vali turned away from her, and focused on the navigation.  The world was not in ashes, so the lands must still exist. “Jormungand consumed most of the world, and what he didn’t eat, he crushed with his body,” Her heart dropped to hear that, but there was nothing they could have done to stop that creature. He perked up, “but, his body will decay, and there will be a lively Earth once more.” 

       Sigyn didn’t speak for some time. She watched Vali, then when she was sure he wouldn’t lunge at her and attack them, she glanced at Loki. She put her fingers to his throat to check a pulse, and she felt none.  She frowned, but she rested her head on his chest. A minute went by and there was no reception. She waited and her own heart beat rapidly.  She bit her lip and held back the tears. Vali was wrong, Loki had died on the trip. 

       Then there was a beat.

       She sobbed in relief. She lifted her head and smiled before she lowered down and kissed his lips. She grew solemn when she released him. She combed his hair with her fingers to soothe him awake. His state didn’t change. He was in a deep slumber that couldn’t be woken by a simple shake. He may not be dead, but he wasn’t alive either. She placed her head on his chest, and cried quietly.

     “We have docked.” Sigyn sat up quickly, and she wiped her eyes. She saw a cottage in the distance of where they landed. Vali had stood, and was walking carefully over to her. She seized, and clutched her husband dearly. “Don’t worry Sigyn, I only plan to get him out of my boat, and into my house.” She didn’t concede. He sighed and crouched down, placing his hand on Loki’s stomach. “Will you help me then?” 

     They carried the sleeping figure into Vali’s kitchen. They gently lowered him onto the table that wasn’t big enough for a tall person to lay on. His legs dangled halfway off the table in an uncomfortable position, but they decided he wouldn’t be bothered much since he was in a coma. Vali was the first to take a seat since Sigyn, being uncertain of his motive, stood stockstill next to Loki. He took a deep breath, and looked up at the woman. He eyed her, but he didn’t have much to say. There was nothing left of Asgard, and talking about it wasn’t going to make any of this better. “Why are you helping us?”

       He looked out the window. “Yggdrasil is decaying, and with it, so the magic. The world is changing, but I believe it’s for the better.”  He turned to her, “you were a woman who believed in change, and it was that very same belief that saved you and Loki’s life.” He stood up, and walked toward her. She didn’t move, but she was tense. He was a foot from her, almost towering her with his body but he made no motion. “We ‘gods’ are no longer bound by fate, and I thank you for making it so.”

       She relaxed a little when she realized it was a debt that obliged him. That was reasonable enough to have her calm down, but she was still unsafe with him. “Whether you trust me or not is inconsequential. I will help you if you ask, but I will leave soon.” His eyes looked at Loki. “I’m not sure what we can do for him. The Odinsleep is the only reference I have to his condition. With magic dying, he won’t have much control with waking up or not.” 

       After a while, she accepted his answer. He offered to show her the ways around the house, showing his small farm in the back  and the shed where he kept his tools. Most of the plants had died in the winter frenzy, and he planned to help her revive the crops for spring. She declined, knowing that she wouldn’t want to leave Loki’s side often either way. He nodded although she could tell he was dissatisfied. He opened his mouth as if prepared to argue, but when he caught sight of her eyes, he shut it.  He nodded again,  He decided to give her time to grieve, and left her alone. 

      The sun was gone when she was done, and Vali was waiting for her in the hallway. He had a second room for her to stay in which was originally his. She decided to stay with the practically dead man instead. Vali wasn’t keen on the idea, but she was not going to settle for anything more. He put his hand on her shoulder, “I am sorry, truly.” He then proceeded to bring the dead weight into the room. It was the only way to get her to sleep in a bed. 

      She spent her waking hours in the presence of Loki, attempting to wake him. Everyday she felt the little magic she had, fade away, and it became harder to tap inside his soul again. The first time almost took her sight, the second time almost took her life, but now it took nothing. It was the worst feeling she could have. Vali consolidated her as best as he could, but he honestly didn’t know her. He didn’t know the trials she went through to be here, or the many sacrifices she made. All he could do to keep her alive was remind her of the baby she almost died to keep.

      Sigyn was in this state of disesteeming reflection. She kept questioning why, and being unsatisfied with the answers she generated. She was trying to save a war criminal, while other people were protecting the innocent. She was selfish in her needs, and it cost thousands of lives. She was alive while others more deserving to live were rotting in the ground. Why did she survive? What made her special?

       Sigyn had asked Vali  about the aftermath of Asgard’s day-break. She wondered if there were anymore survivors like Vali and herself. “Those in the outskirts maybe. Anyone in the heart of the city were either crushed or slaughtered.” She felt tears well in her eyes. Roskva sacrificed herself for Sigyn, and she would never forget that. Theoric died defending his home, his people, and her. “I do not know for certain. I was in the heart of the city, but I escaped. Maybe there are others like me,” he said to calm her uneven breaths and watery eyes. She would rather assume the worst and honor their memories than live in denial of their whereabouts. 

      She went in circles, wondering where this luck came from, and believing that it had to some sort of mix up. Vali had noticed her crisis, and tried to spill the words out of her. She didn’t want to talk about it, she just wanted to sulk and weep. She wanted to stay in the room she designated to be Loki’s, and hate herself for getting what she wanted. All the while her stomach got rounder.

      He came into the room when the isolation was getting out of hand. She hadn’t left in days, and she hadn’t eaten while she stayed. He never usually entered the room, genuinely afraid he would see Sigyn caressing a rotting corpse while in bed. He was surprised to see Loki was not wasting away, and was still in an unpredictable stasis. Sigyn was sitting on the floor, her back to the door, and her hand wrapped around his hand. Her hair was damp and frizzed, and her dress was dishevelled. He can only imagine what her eyes must look like from the lack of sleep and the major grief. He hesitated to interfere with this daunting scene. A devoted wife, never leaving the side of her husband.

      “Do you think this is punishment,” she asked to the air. Vali wasn’t sure which part she was asking about. “I sacrificed the world to save him, and now he is out of mind’s reach.” Her voice was quiet in the dead air, “is this my payment for keeping the devil?”

       Vali approached her fallen form, and placed his hands on her shoulders. “No. You have to let him go.” She turned around for him to see her tear streaked eyes. 

     Her grip on Loki’s hand tightened. “I could never let him go,” her words echoed years of feelings. She wouldn’t know where to begin to let go. He saw the distress, and he wanted to alleviate it. He knelt down in front of her. He grabbed her hands, and pried them away from the limp appendage. His actions got her full attention, but he wasn’t sure what to say. It becomes harder to release a person when they are resting right there. He could wake up tomorrow, next week, or in ten years. Maybe never. Sigyn was afraid to take that risk. If she moved on, she could miss the day he would wake up, and lose her second chance at happiness.

       “You don’t have to forget to be able to live.” He squeezed her hands for reassurance.

       “What life do I have if not-” she choked, but Vali placed his hand under her chin. It was hard for her to focus when her vision was blurry. She blinked the fog away and stared into Vali’s orbitals. 

        He placed her hand on her stomach, “this one, A life you made together.” She frowned deeper. She could no longer hide the fact that she was pregnant, but she didn’t like Vali knowing who the father was. The last person to know tried to kill her and the baby. 

        “But what if it happens again? What if in the end, I lose everything?” As she had before.

        “You will if you stay here.” So many few survived Ragnarok, and she was at the heart of it all. He cupped her cheek, “let him go for the child. Let him go, because he would have wanted you to.” She sobbed and put her head in her hands. She hid her grief for the devil from the eyes of the aesir. Vali removed her hands from her face, but his grip didn’t loosen. He pulled her towards him, and wrapped his arms around her body. She was still in his arms, but there was no ill intent in his actions. She decided she cared not for what was to come. She cried openly, and let him carry her out. She didn’t look back, but she had her first meal.  

            Sigyn hesitated to put anything in her stomach. Vali had to coerce her to eat, and when she finally drank some of the stew, there was no flavor to it. They ate in silence. No one had anything to say, because there was nothing to say. Nothing to celebrate, nothing to regret. There was a war, and it ended. 

       “Midgard is so beautiful. I think I will travel.” He said in the silence. He smiled at the thought of exploring like it was a lifelong dream finally being put to action.

            They finished their meal quietly, and Sigyn helped clear off the table. Once the room was cleaned, Vali announced he would work on the outside field before the sun went down.  He showed her the bathroom where she could bathe, and left her to her devices. She started at the water, and went through the mechanical process of taking care of herself. 

      Winter had melted, and the spring was glowing. Vali was officially making his departure once he knew Sigyn would take care of herself. She helped him with his bags and equipment, loading them onto the boat. His final item was his battle ax, but he resisted taking it from her hands. He gripped the handle, but he neglected to pull it from her open palms. “Keep it.” She didn’t question his reasons for the gift, and he was glad of that. He had watched the dead rise before, he did not want it to happen again.

      He was pushing his boat off the shore and toward the water. He stopped at the last second to say his final goodbyes. “Farewell Vali,” she said as she stepped up to him. She lifted her hand, and he reached out to grab both of them. He held them gently, rubbing tender circles on her dainty wrists. 

     Her belly had grown in the months, and she had to turn to her side when he hugged her. He was wrapped firmly around her, encompassing her small frame even with the baby growing inside her. She took a deep breath as she rested her head against his chest. She felt his hand come up, and lift her head by her chin. She watched as his head lowered and his mouth took hers. Her grip on him tightened. 

       He released her, caressing her cheek. “Goodbye,” he turned back to his work. He settled in his boat, and pushed off the shore. He became a speck on the ocean by the time Sigyn left. She didn’t look back, but she went to the farm.

       As her belly grew, doing labor became complicated. Her feet ached everyday, and her motility decreased with the expanding mass and area. She was growing headaches from the cold days outside and harvesting the crops. Still, she had no choice since she had no one. She had fought the urge to look into that room, knowing that all she would see was a sleeping corpse. She would not face that while she was going through an emotional development. But every time she walked past that room, she had to glance at the door. A voice in the back of her mind prayed he would walk out of there one day. Her heart filled with disappointment at the end of each day, while her stomach harbored a living being. 

       The nineth month struck, and she was to give birth at any moment. She felt the first contractions while she was tilling the field for more plants. She gripped her hoe and clenched her jaw when she felt the pressure. It was quick but the ache was immense, and she had to recover from the assault. She decided she would prepare herself for the process. She dropped her tools, and walked toward the home shakily. 

      The last time she gave birth was in Asgard. Safe and medicine-full Asgard. There were midwives and nurses to help Sigyn push through the agony, and survive from it. She was a god back then. With Asgard dead, and its magic with it, she was alone with survival. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do it, and she felt the dread run up her spine. The closest idea she had was a story her aunt told her ages behind, of her grandmother giving birth. She had done it in a bathtub when no one helped her. Maybe she would finally listen to her adopted family, and do what they suggested. 

      She walked through the hallway, passing that room again. She was headed straight for the bathroom, but once again, she felt that tug. That hope that maybe if she looked, she would see him again. The door didn’t move, and Sigyn felt the strings of her heart snip. Her hand grabbed the knob, and she turned it for him. Cracking it open, she waited for a figure to show, but none came from the other side. She walked in instead.

      Vali had convinced her that she shouldn’t look back on the past. She had avoided this room since that day Vali dragged her out, and whenever she desired to see his sleeping form, Vali steered her away. She couldn’t wallow in grief and regret, when she had so much to look forward to. The urge was strong now, to see the fallen man, and announce to him the coming of his child. Even if he wasn’t awake to witness it. 

       The afternoon sun sent rays through his window. She could see the dust particles glistening in the rays, and landing on his sheets. She walked toward him carefully. He looked the same as the day they first arrived here. His fiery hair lay splayed over the pillows, his battle wounds still fresh, but not bleeding. His beautiful eyes that Sigyn was enraptured by were permanently shut off from the world, never to be seen by her eyes again. He was in an invisible capsule which preserved his body and its essence. It was glorious in a way. He was trapped in his dreams, and she was trapped watching him.

     She wanted to touch, but she found herself fighting the idea. She found herself fighting being here. He was unconscious and she was still a nervous wreck around him. The reasons were different, but the implications were the same. “I’m not sure why I came in here,” she said to him, but he wouldn’t respond. She sighed, but she didn’t pull out of this confrontation. She forced herself to get closer. He didn’t move an inch, and it would never cease to hurt her. “Yes I do.”

     “I thought it was Vali’s presence that caused you to slumber so heavily. I thought once he was gone, you would jump up from your bed and greet your wife properly.” Her lip quivered and she struggled to not succumb to the pang in her chest. Her fingers touched her ring finger. The dark ink surrounding it was forever a melancholic reminder. “I suppose I was sorely mistaken,” she managed to say without a chop in her voice. She crept to his bed, and slowly sat on top of it. She placed her hands on her knees, rubbing them harshly. She stared down at the floor, or at least tried to with her stomach in the way. The lump in her throat died slowly while she caught her bearings.

      Sigyn glanced at Loki’s resting face, and she felt an ease through her. There was something calming about his resting figure. There was no pain or stress, or strife toward anyone. It was just a body to talk to. “I find myself reflecting a lot about the many years we shared,” she said softly. “And I no longer have regrets.”She chuckled sadly, “it was pathetic to try and despise you.” She corrected, “to hate myself.” She swallowed thickly, “before, I only understood parts of you. You only wanted to show me parts of you. But now I understand wholeheartedly. You are beautiful all around, your flaws make you perfect.” She moved her hand to his face, “I’m happy you came back, even if it was for the last time.”  Her resolve was upsetting, but she had to accept the idea that he was never returning. She closed her eyes and squeezed his hands. 

       She pushed herself down, and laid beside him. He smelled like nothing, No blood or months-old stench, it was as if he wasn’t there. Or maybe her nose was stuffy as the tears rolled down her cheeks. She tightened her grip. “I’m scared, Loki. I am alone, soon to give birth to our child,” she turned her head to rest it on his shoulder. She calmed herself and her wild mind. 

     “I may not be able to let go, but I want you to.” It pained her to say what she knew to be right. “This form of existence is not healthy, and you deserve to pass on peacefully.” She gripped his arm, “I will be fine. We will be fine. You can let go.” He didn’t shuffle, and she cried in his ear. In between her quiet whimpers she begged “please” and proclaimed her undying love, but she surmised it was told to deaf ears. She wasn’t sure what she was begging for, but she didn’t want to think about it anymore. She eventually fell into a stumbling  slumber from her physical and emotional exhaustion. 

        She woke up to a contraction. She winced and took a deep breath. She removed her arms which were wrapped around his body, and she pried her fingers which were intertwined with his. She clutched him while she slept, a desperation seated deep within her soul.  She forced herself upright, using her elbows as anchors. Pressure built up in her uterus, and she whimpered while she struggled to stand. She pushed herself to the edge of the bed and took another breath out. She looked over her shoulder to see the man of her dreams, but he was still sedated. She would cry, but another contraction hit her, and she needed to go to the bathroom. She squeezed his hand one more time before leaving him alone. 

        When her fingers left his, they twitched ever so slightly. Sigyn wouldn’t be able to tell with her mind preoccupied with childbirth. She crept her way to the bathroom, and his fingers curled into his palm.

       Sigyn lit the washing room, and examined herself in a mirror set in the corner. Her trousers had been soaked, and the rim of her dress suffered the effect of her water breaking. Another pain hit her, and she stepped into the tub. 

      Her nerves were cranked to ten, as she contemplated what she should do. She decided she would strip herself, and made quick work of her bottom half. She eased herself in the tub, and grinded her teeth when she felt pushing down below. She had given birth to twins before, giving life to a single child should be easier. Before she had people in her ear to reassure and relax her, with a hand for her to crush in her iron grip. She had no support here, no guiding hand, or loving words to have her make it through. She was alone. As alone as he was.

      A deep breath, and she started to push. And scream.  

      Sigyn moaned as the pressure eased off a little. This would be one of many trials to force this baby free, and she knew it would take hours to complete. She sucked in the warming air of spring, and tried again. 

       His lungs started to take oxygen in.

      With every push, the agony grew more and the weaker she got. She shook her head, realizing she couldn’t do it. The pain was intense, more intense than the last time. This situation was unique, and she never saw herself being placed in it. It was difficult forcing herself to intentionally push the babe out. Pulling her hair out would be simpler. 

         She cried and yelled as she kept going. The head was slowly approaching the exit. She just had to keep going. Her hands gripped the tub’s edge while she hollored her voice hoarse. Vocalising the pain helped her cope with the insanity of it all.

       His eyes rolled from the back of his head, and he slowly opened them.

       Sigyn was hyperventilating, and she needed to calm down. There was no clock to tell the time, but the ache she felt in her legs from staying in her position expressed the few hours she had been there. Her vision faded briefly, and she slowed her breath intake to stay conscious. The vinette faded away, and she paused on the pushing, It could wait while she rattled her brain. She stiffened as her body automatically convulsed, and grinded her teeth as the baby rushed forward. The energy was voluntary, and her head whipped back as it all went to releasing this babe. It never ceased, and she shouted to the dead heavens.

      But then, she heard another screaming. Small as it was, its screams were robust. He wanted to breathe desperately, and he revelled at the intake of air. Sigyn sighed in relief, and reached for her baby boy. His cries were settling as she wrapped him in her arms. She used the wet rag she set aside, and wiped the blood and muck off his face, smiling. He had little red strands poking out of his head, and eyes the color of rubies. He was a copy of his father and she could tear up, looking at the angel. She decided instead, she would close her eyes for a second and rest after the ordeal.

      Her eyes popped open when she heard a crash. She gripped her child who rested soundly in her arms. The noise paused, and then she heard shuffling. Sigyn knew there was an intruder in this house, and she attempted to get out of the tub quickly. Her legs were stiff from staying in the same position for hours, and her hips were sore from expelling a living creature. 

       Creaks were heard in the floorboard, and they were nearing. She cursed, searching around for a weapon to defend herself with. The baby stirred in her arms, sensing the distress in his mother. He opened his stars and gazed at his mother undisturbed. She stepped out of the tub, and felt her knees give out momentarily. They hit the hard floor and she winced. Her waist down was covered in her own blood and juices, enough that they did not have a solid grip of the ground. Her ears picked up the soft steps approaching the door. 

     She held her breath as the door was pushed open. She wished she had magic now, to summon an item or weapon, but the ability was gone. She held her baby tight, and knew she would die to keep him safe. Her defenses dropped when she saw the figure enter. 

     “Sigyn,” he said absently, and her shoulders released their tension. The shock on her face confused him, and he slowly approached. It was strange, she was dishevelled, her clothes tattered and drenched in sweat and inner fluids. She was holding a tyke, and it was connected to her by a fleshy cord. “What’s happened,” the last memory he had was being in Sigyn arms, in the crumbling kingdom of Asgard, accepting his death. Now he was in some hovel, on a bed, alive. And this woman was in the bathroom, giving birth to their child. 

      It was like he was sent back in time. They were in Asgard and he just returned from a mission Odin sent him on. She was alone, lacking the baby’s father for support. This timeline seemed different. There were no guards or servants to service her. He met no doctors or magicians while he followed the noise of her screams. She wasn’t on a bed or a gurdie, but in the waters of a tub that had seen better days. He felt a tug, and he kept moving forward. He was baffled at what was happening, slowly piecing together the events that unfolded.

    The magic that usually pumped in his veins, was now a dim thump in his arteries. It was displaced, but magic could never die. He understood that Yggdrasil was gone, and with it, the tyranny of Asgard. He was not in the golden kingdom. They were not. Ragnarok happened, and he still existed. He stopped his movements to take a brief look at himself. He wore the same clothes he last had on, and there was blood dried to a dull brown on his flesh and underneath his dirty nails. The smell of war was stale on his person, clearly having rested and decayed for months. 

     He had been gone for months. 

     But where was he? 

     His eyes shifted to see the shaking woman in the corner. She had fear in her eyes, and he wasn’t sure if it was fear for her child or fear of what he would do. He must look like a ghost to her, a shell of what he once was. He was almost tempted to go back to his world of nowhere so she wouldn’t see the transmutation he’s gone through, but the tug was too strong, the feeling too deep. She would have to suffer his presence, because he needed hers. 

       He knelt down in front of her. Her eyes widened, and he peered closer at her tired features. Green branches bled in the brown of her eyes, sweat had dried on her skin like crystals, and her hair was matted with strands plastered on her face. “Sigyn,” he said with certainty, his confusion clearing. 

     “Are you real, or just a dream?” He asked, feeling that it was all a surreal dream.

     “Are you?” She whispered, afraid that asking out loud would make the imagination go away. Water glossed her eyes, and he knew for a fact that this was real. 

     He caressed her cheek with his filthy hand, but she ignored the mess. His hand travelled down, as did his eyes. He dragged his fingers over her neck and down her collar bone. The gentle touch was soothing, and it anchored him. His finger reached her hands which held the tiny bundle. He glanced at the babe, silent as it was and sleeping soundly next to his mother’s heart. He felt his own heart beat at the sight of his flesh and blood.

     His eyes looked back up to meet Sigyn’s. He stared into her eyes, watching her quiver. He grabbed her arm to stop her shakes, and he leaned forward to capture her lips with his. She was vibrating at this point, and he understood why once he pulled back. She was smiling with tears and she was choking on her joy. She said, “you couldn’t let me go…” There was relief in her admission, and he remembered. He heard what she had said, and he smiled.

     “I could never let you go,” he said as if it was an inane idea. He embraced her, mindful of their child, and held her close to his heart. He heard her soft sobs, and he closed his eyes. When she calmed down, they would clean up and truly bask in their liveliness. 

 

       She was placed in the bed Loki was dormant in for months, with her baby in bundles. She was drifting off while her child watched her. She didn’t want to sleep, fearing that when she woke up, she would discover that the past couple of hours had been a dream. Sigyn was exhausted from the inside out. She couldn’t help it when she closed her eyes, and fell into an uneasy slumber.

      She opened her eyes quickly, and surveyed her surroundings. Her son was still in her arms, who awoke to her jolt. He stirred uncomfortably, and she cooed his quietness with her pillowy words of reassurance. The mother’s calming demeanor quelled the babe’s irritance. She kissed his forehead and relaxed her body. Her hand came up and her fingers danced across his face. It was plush and vibrant. He was flushed with warmth and his cheeks were rosy. Her hand circled his round head as she whispered, “beautiful.”

      “Sigyn,” she heard someone call, and she glanced at the door to see Loki at the frame. Sigyn flooded with relief to know he wasn’t a fantasy she imagined. He had found some of Vali’s old pants to wear, but the tunics were a smaller size than him on account of the wardrobe being before Vali grew bigger. There were cuts and bruises littering his body, but nothing detrimental. He walked to the bed, and she noticed the slight limp and hunch in his steps. The wounds from battle still needed time to heal, but he would probably never be the same again. 

      He sat on the edge of the bed. “Can I hold him,” he asked quietly. She held their son to him, and he took him into his arms hesitantly. He had never voluntarily held his children. With Narfi and Vali, he grabbed them usually to give them to Sigyn to take care of. Angrboda gave birth to creatures who didn’t need or want the comfort of their father’s grasp. This was the first time he truly observed the living being in his arms that he would call his own. The babe’s eyes opened and he stared at his father. His gaze matched his, unabiding and intense. He then began to sniff the man who was holding him. His son made a noise of satisfaction and laid back in his blanket. Loki smiled somberly, and turned to see Sigyn smiling sweetly. 

       “You saved me,” he said while he stared at their son. “I didn’t think I would see past that day. All I could see was fire.” His voice lacked inflection at his last statement. He looked at her, and she could see the admiration in his eyes. “All my life, I lived with that curse, and you rid me of it.” There was so much gratitude she wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

      “What did you dream about while you slept?”  

       He pondered for a moment. He would have said fire or chaos, since that was what he usually dreamt. This time there was nothing. No. Not nothing. “You,” he said simply. He dug deep into his memories, foggy as they were. The past few months were a faint breeze that he couldn’t quite feel. He saw bits, or felt them, more accurately, for he saw only darkness. “You were weeping for a long time before I had the strength to wake up.” 

     So he was listening while she mourned that entire time. “I’m sorry,” she said. She knew he didn’t like it when she cried, and he had to listen to it for months on end. 

     His lips tugged upward. He moved to lay beside her, handing her their child. He kissed her cheek while he passed their child and leaned back. “I feel different,” he admitted. 

     “Magic is dead?” She suggested absently while she peered at their son.

     “It can never die. It is distant, but it still exists.” He pointed to himself, “Surt is buried deep, but he is still there.” She turned to him, grabbing his hand. 

     “Loki is Surtur. He is all you are, as you are him.” She didn’t seem distraught by the idea as she was once before. “Inherently chaotic and sane. Apathetic, and compassionate. I think you have finally balanced, accepting what you are.” She squeezed his hands, but his eyes were distant. 

     “And what am I?” He asked calmly but the weight of the words rang heavy in her ears. He was still confused, and lost. He spent his entire existence fighting himself and others, and now the battle has quelled eternally. 

      She smiled softly, “you are human.” The word was strange on her tongue, but she knew it to be true. She wrapped her free arm around him, and pulled him to her person. He didn’t hesitate to return the affection, and he covered her face and neck with kisses. He felt cold without the fire burning in his soul, but Sigyn carried enough warmth to share. 

      Everything was so different. The world had changed, and he had changed. His thoughts were not the same, and it was bizarre. He was jarred by the new reality, but it was Sigyn who still remained. He once believed that cleansing the world of all, would save the universe from collapsing. Seeing that the cosmos still existed with the world in it made him realize that he was horribly wrong. Embracing his good as well as his bad is what he needed to stay afloat in the sea of the cosmos. If that meant holding his Sigyn and his baby boy in his arms, then he would do it gladly. 

      Asgard became a faint memory when he let go. Accepting the radiance of Sigyn engulfed his mind and feelings. His fingers slid over hers, and he clasped her hand. He found himself lifting their entwined fingers to receive a better view. It was warm, and for the first time it was a good warm. It wasn’t consuming like the hunger of a bottomless pit or an eternal flame. It wasn’t the pressure of a nation’s fear or hatred, so easy to get lost and stuck in. It wasn’t the match someone lit to their own soul. It was mutual, and it was magical.  

      Magic may be distant, growing ever more as time went by, but Sigyn had enough magic to wake him. He closed his eyes as he basked in this fresh, new life. It smelled of water and a new babe. It was powerfully strong, and he was overwhelmed by the beauty that crossed his mind. She was so clear in his path, he couldn’t understand how he ever left her for something as petty as war. He would not dwell on the past as he did so often before. It was time to settle in the present, starting here. 

       Sigyn wiped his face, and he opened his eyes to see why. He was shocked to see a tear had fallen down his cheek while he breathed in their life. She kissed his eyelid and smiled. She didn’t mind his crying. 

       “I love you,” he said breathlessly. 

       “I love you too,” she responded easily. He kissed her, and rested his head against her neck. They were free from Asgard, and the fate of the gods. They only had each other. “What do you want to do?” She asked quietly.

       He peered at her and smiled, “makeup for lost times.” 





             The End

Notes:

And so, that concludes this 5 yr long journey. Very long journey. Thank you to all that left kudos, and those that commented on the rough work. It kept me going. What did you think of the story overall? Call this a post mortem.