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Lucifer held a cup with both hands while arching an eyebrow almost as much as his lip. The newspaper in his hands had ceased to be the focus of his thoughts when his ears picked up only lewd comments around him. Normally, Lucifer would turn a deaf ear to Angel Dust's dirty jokes, but this time, they didn't come out of nowhere. Not because a certain undesirable deer had passed by, nor because of remarks directed at him, no. At the other end of the long sofa, the spider was sprawled out with a large, old book in his hands. No matter how hard Lucifer tried to sharpen his gaze, it was impossible to read the title engraved on the cover. (Besides, as far as he knew, he had never seen XXL-sized adult books. But then again, what else could you expect from hell?)
As he turned another page, there it was again, that pronounced arch of the back in a perfect curve, trained like a good actor. Accompanied by a: “Ugh, I could just eat it up.” What if it was a recipe book? “Stick it right down my throat.” Well, there were foods that could be stuck right down your throat. “All the way down.” All the way down to the stomach.
Unable to resist the urge to find out if it was an object or a cake, like in those videos he had been watching on Helltok, Lucifer used his magic to vanish. After a few moments, he reappeared behind where Angel Dust was lying and immediately crouched down.
Maybe it wasn't a cookbook. Cockbock? Close enough.
But damn, it sure had whetted his appetite.
Lucifer even salivated. He had to clear his throat as his cheeks resembled a forbidden apple almost immediately. In addition, he also felt his underwear becoming more restrictive.
It was a photo album (which clarified things. Why would Angel Dust be reading anything about food?). The photos were somewhat specific, too. They looked old, but well cared for. But Lucifer didn't care much about that, because now he was devoting his attention to that stunning, dark-haired human with glasses and an attractive smile. Suited, elegant… When he came to a photo of the mysterious subject playing the piano, Lucifer had all those thoughts that Angel Dust had been saying out loud.
Clearing his throat, he whistled. “Woah, wow. I mean, wow… Who… Who's that?”
“Does he turn you on too, short king? I knew he would.”
“What? Well, I'm a man…” He looked at his ring finger. “Married man, of course, yes, married. But, well, I have eyes in my head, and, anyway, do you have more photos?”
“It's an album.”
“Oh, right, an album. So there are more, then?”
“You can't even imagine. What? Wanna peek together? Duos are always better than solos.”
“I won't say no to that idea.”
As they turned the page, they now had musical themes, as if the piano had been the precursor to a section. His hand covered the microphone in most of them. In addition, that unwavering expression remained throughout the pages.
“Oh, to be the fucking microphone.” Angel Dust vocalized in his place. “Vox has such good taste in men.” He interrupted himself with a resigned grimace. “Well, not much.”
Lucifer just frowned in confusion. Although, truth be told, he was still mesmerized by that man dressed in red.
“Vox?”
“Yep. Saw this album hidden in the V tower and couldn't help but take it with me. Hope he doesn't miss it.”
“Ah, I see. Well, a few minutes won't hurt, right?”
“Nah. He won't be back for a few days.”
A human that Vox was interested in, huh? Maybe they could use that against him, somehow. If there was a chance to find out who he was, but there were so many mortals out there that Lucifer had no idea about, no access to… He didn't even have the mind to think about elaborate plans when his red eyes were tied to the narrow brown ones captured on the white pages like oil on canvas. That man was a work of art.
When he died, perhaps, he could go find him and…
Married, married. He was a married man.
And separated, too, right?
“Actually, I've always wanted to do a threesome with you and Smiley.” That brought him back to looking at Angel Dust in bewilderment. Smiley? Oh, right, the one in the photo, right? “You two get along so badly that I'm sure you'll make up for it. A sandwich between the two hell daddies.”
But Lucifer blinked with his usual pattern. First, his right eye. Then his left. The discontinuity in those precious milliseconds didn't give him time to connect the dots.
“Wait, is he dead? Is he here?” Lucifer brushed his hair back, then widened his eyes. “I mean…”
“Not even in your worst nightmares!” That hateful voice echoed in his ears. Beside him, leaning over to snatch the album from Angel Dust’s hands. “I’ll take this deplorable album, thank you.” All attraction turned to frustration. Matter is neither created nor destroyed, only transformed; that is to say, that attraction had not vanished. Now, it had another excuse and form. “I knew that TV still had something of mine in its hands.”
“Oh, come on, Smiley. Not even a one for one?”
Smiley?
“Nope. It won't happen.”
“Well, now you can hook up with the King, knowing you turn him on so much.” Angel Dust nudged him. Wait, what? “I hope you'll let me take a peek.”
“With him? Hmp, even less.”
“Oh, so, then, I got more chances with ya?”
“Wait a minute!” Lucifer pointed his finger at the two of them. He alternated hands, because which hand was he going to use to hold his cane? “Is that human…?”
He gagged exaggeratedly because… Because. Come on! Where were those curls? His dark skin? Brown eyes? And that smile…? Lucifer stopped pointing at them and covered his face with his whole palm, dragging his eyelids down.
“Me, indeed! And this album…” As if he had burned a precious library, Lucifer felt like he was in hell when he saw those photos disappear. (Although there was something worse inside him because of everything that was happening. ) “… Now has turned to ashes! Thanks for getting it back, Angel Dust. I'll give you that.”
“I can think of ways ya can pay me back.” But Alastor smoothly pulled away when Angel Dust tried to touch him.
“I've never seen such a repulsive human!” Lucifer tried to save his ass. “Woah, wow, and so ugly and…” They weren’t buying it, were they? “Hideous. Pft, I’ve been staring at you because I’ve never seen such a disgusting face.”
“Wow, isn’t that what you think every time you look in the mirror?” Lucifer frowned. “No need to describe yourself, you know? We all know what you look like.”
“Indeed. I look at me and think. Wow! I'm the most attractive king you could ask for. Hell should be grateful for my handsome face leading them.”
“Yeah, right.” Alastor looked at his nails disinterestedly. “If you have the judgment of a cockroach.”
“Cockroach!” Niffty exclaimed in the background, probably hunting one.
“Even cockroaches would have better judgment than you.”
“Are you sure? They like garbage, just like you.”
“Yes, you have a lot in common. They leave you without important appendages, and you still don’t disappear like a garden gone to seed! As the saying goes: Bad weeds never die.”
“I’ll gladly crush you like one tiny little bug, though.”
“You, Bambi? I doubt it with how powerless…”
“So…” Angel Dust interrupted them. Now, he had his head resting on both hands while his upper hands gestured. His expression was as hungry as usual. Like a crushing girl, his legs were dangling and moving up and down smoothly, yet sensually. “When’s the threesome?”
“Never!” they exclaimed at once. Perhaps, one of the few times they agreed, and ever would.