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Nicknames

 

The trio spent all night stopping a string of seemingly random convenience store robberies, only for one of the robbers to crack without ever being provoked. The robberies were a distraction for a much larger heist. The trio raced across town to the bank. They were greeted by 13 gun wielding henchmen.

“This is seriously Batman level shit here!” Wade stated. “How were you planning on splitting the loot?”

To his disappointment, Wade never got his answer. The robbers had the explosives ready to go upon their arrival. Deadpool had laughed about it being enough to demolish the building. The trio made quick work of the robbers, easily taking them all out. They waited for the cops to arrive before leaving the rest to them. The group wasn’t four blocks away before an explosion was heard. They made their way back to discovered one of the robbers had the detonation button in his pocket and sat on it in the back of the cop car. Thankfully, no one was hurt. The building, however, was in ruins.

To cheer themselves up, they stopped and got ice cream and were sitting on a rooftop eating it, enjoying the lights of the city before them.

“I’ve been thinking,” Wade started.

“Hopefully not about starting another business,” Matt grinned eating his strawberry ice cream.

“Hey, Mercs for Money works in another dimension. I’m sure it would here. But no. I was thinking about us.”

“What about us?” Peter asked, seductively licking his chocolate ice cream for Wade.

Wade groaned. “He’s doing the tongue thing.” He supplied to Matt, who groaned knowing exactly what Wade was talking about. “Nicknames. I thought of the perfect nicknames for you two.”

“Oh?” Matt asked. “Do tell.”

“You shall be Husbando-Devil. You’re so sexy and authoritative. Not to mention totally the husband in this relationship.” Wade kissed Matt’s cheek. “You are now Spidey-Wifu. Honestly, I just love the way it sounds, plus that ass.”

Peter laughed as Wade kissed his exposed cheek. “Then what does that make you?”

Wade licked his vanilla ice cream as he thought about an answer. “Lover-Pool. It sounds like ‘Liverpool’ and let’s face it, because of my healing factor, I can make sweet, sweet love to you both all night long.”

Peter snickered.

“Well then, Lover-Pool,” Matt said in his courtroom voice. Deadpool let out an involuntary shiver. “You better finish that ice cream so you can show Spidey-wifu and I exactly how you have earned that name.”

Wade did his best to hold back a moan. When he looked over at Peter, the boy was almost as red as his mask and eating his ice cream as fast as he could.

Wade thanked a random Mayan god for his healing factor that allowed him to eat his ice cream in two bites without a brain freeze.