The door to the condo banged open under the weight of Mike and Harvey’s bodies. The two men were wrapped up in one another, clutching at clothing, desperate to reach skin while lips locked onto one another’s. Harvey pinned Mike to the wall of the entryway, pulling at the younger man’s suit, throwing the discarded jacket onto the floor as his mouth made its way down the side of Mike’s neck. The younger man couldn’t suppress the groan that rose up, his fingers slipping as he battled with Harvey’s tie. Mike’s brain was too lust-addled to be of much use to him, apparently unable to communicate properly to his fingers what he wanted them to do, so Harvey batted his hands away and attacked his tie himself. Instead Mike reached Harvey’s pants, finding them much easier to deal with and grinning stupidly against Harvey’s mouth when he got them undone and pushed out of the way. The feel of Harvey’s hard cock in the palm of his hand had him breaking the kiss; he couldn’t not see this. Harvey was impressive, more so than Mike could have ever dreamed and his mouth salivated just at the sight of him.
“You enjoying yourself?”
Mike reached for Harvey’s head and pulled him back in for another kiss. The wet heat was overwhelming and perfect and Mike already knew then this was something he would want for a long time to come. Harvey moaned into his mouth, tongue flicking out to meet Mike’s. His hands made their way to Mike’s pants but he never once removed his mouth from Mike’s; at least not until Mike broke away and started peppering kisses down the side of Harvey’s neck.
“Fuck. This is not a good idea.”
Mike was tempted to agree, he knew this couldn’t end well; he knew from experience that sleeping with people you worked with was always a terrible idea. Unfortunately for Mike he wasn’t particularly skilled in listening to the rational side of his conscience. Instead he took Harvey by the hand and wandered down the hall into the condo. It looked exactly the same as the other few times he’d been there but it felt different, he knew this was going to change them and all he could do was hope it was for the better. He quickly tossed aside the thought, his cock demanding to run the show, blood apparently escaping his brain so he was now thinking with his dick. Harvey didn’t seem to object too much to that when Mike pushed him down onto the criminally soft sofa and straddled his lap.
Feeling Harvey hard against him was intoxicating and surreal enough to shock Mike back into reality. He couldn’t resist dropping a kiss onto the older man's lips but then pulled back to stare at him. Neither said anything, the silence speaking for both of them, tempting them into more, into something that could never end well. Temptation is called such though because it's something you should try to resist, no matter how damn impossible it may seem... Mike's only human, however, and soon he fell prey to it, his lips colliding with Harvey's again, the older man opening up to him immediately. Their tongues danced together, warm and soft and Harvey's hands found their way to Mike's ass, dragging an almost obscene moan from the younger man's lips, a moan Harvey was only too happy to swallow and reciprocate.
Mike ground down against Harvey's hips, groaning at the contact and the soft bites Harvey was leaving on his lips. Mike swirled his tongue through Harvey's mouth as his fingers battled to undo the older man's shirt, desperate to feel soft, burning skin.
When it all became too much, when sensation was overpowering and Mike struggled for breath, he pulled back to lock eyes with Harvey once again, panting as he spoke, "Harvey, what are we doing?"
“We’re taking this to the bedroom, that’s what we’re doing.”
Coming from anyone else the line would have sounded so incredibly corny it probably would have ruined the mood for Mike, but when you have Harvey Specter underneath you telling you he wants to take you to bed… you don’t say no.
Harvey stripped Mike of his pants completely as they moved towards the bedroom, hands and lips caressing exposed skin, searching out every inch, desperate to explore previously undiscovered territory. Mike was desperate for Harvey’s mouth against his own and moaned obscenely when he found his target. A dance of fingers and tongues got them to the bedroom, neither man able to take their hands away from the other, each too focused on the sensations overwhelming and consuming them.
Harvey stepped away just enough to push Mike backwards down onto the bed, studying the younger man where he collapsed against the excessively large bed, flushed skin a stunning contrast to the soft white sheets below him.
“Roll over. On your knees.”
Mike had to palm his cock to stop the overload of sensation. Harvey Specter bossing him around in bed was something Mike had only ever imagined in his wildest dreams; it was never something he imagined would be his reality. He felt Harvey kneel behind him and suddenly his screams were echoing throughout the room, Mike turned almost incoherent by the feel of Harvey’s tongue licking at his opening.
Something about a still half-dressed Harvey Specter on his knees behind him, tongue buried deep in Mike's ass, had the younger man on edge almost immediately. He wouldn't have been surprised if he’d had come embarrassingly quickly, not with the way Harvey's tongue was working him, loosening him with wet kisses and lapping at him with that obscene tongue. Mike was almost ready to beg when a finger finally slipped into him, followed quickly by a second, teasing and still not quite enough.
It wasn't until Mike was a panting, quivering mess on the bed before him that Harvey finally stood and stripped quickly out of the remains of his clothes. He grasped Mike's hips firmly and pulled the younger man back onto his waiting, aching cock and Mike couldn't stop the scream that bellowed out of him, a mixture of relief and ecstasy echoing around the room. He felt like Harvey was splitting him in two, tearing him apart with want and desire and Mike had never felt anything quite as amazing in his entire life.
Mike’s groan was almost a sob when he thrust forward then slammed himself back down onto Harvey’s hard cock, moaning and crying out, unable to comprehend how something could feel so addictively perfect.
“Fuck me. Harvey, fuck me.”
Harvey didn’t need telling twice, he grasped Mike’s hips hard, probably hard enough to bruise, and set a punishing pace. Mike was a wreck below him, gripping the sheets and panting for breath, thrusting himself back onto Harvey’s cock. Mike wished he could see Harvey’s face, could feel his body under his hands, but he wasn’t willing to stop this, even for a moment.
It seemed as if Harvey didn’t have the same problem, however. He slipped out of Mike and commanded the younger man to roll onto his back, slipping straight back into his waiting hole when he complied. Mike immediately grabbed for Harvey, thankful for finally being able to feel that burning skin under his hands. The sounds coming from his mouth were ones Mike had never heard before, he wasn’t even entirely sure they were coming from him until Harvey leant down and locked their mouths together once again.
Having Harvey above him, inside him, moving against him… Mike had never felt anything like it. He never wanted it to end; he didn’t think any orgasm could be as good as what he was feeling in that moment. He had to break the kiss for air and he’d never before regretted oxygen as being a necessity but when it meant not kissing Harvey… Mike was pretty sure it was worth the risk.
Harvey’s lips found their way to Mike’s ear, hot breath panting over sweat-slicked skin, “Perfect. Fuck.”
This was something Mike had dreamt about, something he had wanked over more than once, but he never imagined the real thing could quite live up to his expectations.
“Wanted you for so long.”
Mike couldn’t wait any longer, not after that. He gave up the feel of Harvey’s skin to reach for his own cock but was surprised when Harvey slapped his hand away, no question in his voice when he spoke, “No. You don’t touch.”
Mike mewled in response, desperate for more than what Harvey was giving him, desperate to be allowed to come. Nevertheless, he returned his hand to Harvey’s shoulder, grasping hard enough that he was sure he’d leave marks for days to come.
Harvey shifted and hit Mike’s prostate dead on, the younger man letting out a loud, ruined scream, clutching even tighter at the strong muscles beneath his shaking hands. He felt as if his body was flying apart, sparks dancing underneath burning skin, nerves lighting up in a way they never had before. It felt surreal, Mike was almost convinced he was dreaming, but the grip Harvey had no his hips was grounding and brought him back from the precipice of where fantasy and reality merged and confused.
It was just starting to feel like too much too fast, like it would all be over much too quickly for Mike's liking when Harvey suddenly slowed his movements and instead just stared. Mike had never been the subject of such intense focus before and he knew it should have been disconcerting, it should have made him uncomfortable to have Harvey staring at him like that, but all he could do was stare back, mesmerised by the man above him.
"What?" Mike whispered, almost revered.
"God Mike you have no idea."
Harvey broke eye contact then, just for a moment, but enough to matter, enough to tell Mike that this was more than just sex for the both of them. The thought sent a thrill through him, lighting up his body and mind, a smile etching its way onto his face.
"You feel so good."
"Better than you imagined?" Mike let the cheekiness bleed into his voice, wanting Harvey to know this mattered to him too, that they could be themselves there.
The thrusts were still minute, sending slow waves of pleasure throughout Mika, enough to keep him satisfied, not enough to distract. He could quite happily lay there all day with Harvey moving inside him, slowly teasing and driving him wild.
So Harvey had thought about it too. The thought made Mike grin even wider. He reached for Harvey's face, pulling him down again, lips resting against lips once more.
"Yeah? You wanna fuck me? Make me scream your name? Come so hard I can't even think beyond you moving inside me?"
Hips snapped and suddenly Harvey's thrusts became hard and fast once again.
"God yes. Fuck. Perfect. You're so perfect." Harvey groaned out against Mike's mouth, working on drilling the younger man just right. It was obvious through his faltering thrusts that he was close, his grunts and groans becoming deeper and Mike was thankful he had an eidetic memory; he never wanted to forget the look on Harvey’s face.
Mike let his hands roam Harvey’s chest, relishing the feel of toned muscles underneath, and let himself go. He brain latched onto the sensations flooding through him, the pure want and need Harvey was pounding into him, and Mike would have swore he could feel sparks dancing across his skin. Soon though it was his cock that felt like too much and he knew he was close to coming.
“Gonna… Gonna come.”
Harvey’s thrusts became punishing and perfect as he kissed Mike again, desperate to feel the younger man come before he did.
“Come on. Want to see it.”
That was all he needed, Mike screamed Harvey’s name when he came, skin tingling, muscles contracting, pleasure coursing throughout his entire body and overloading his mind. Harvey was all he could think about, all he could care about as warm come splashed between their bodies. Harvey came seconds after Mike, still thrusting into the warm heat of the younger man’s body, head thrown back in ecstasy, moaning wantonly. Mike knew he would never forget the sight or the feel of Harvey coming inside of him.
Harvey collapsed against Mike’s body afterwards, holding him close, peppering kisses across the younger man’s skin. Mike was too out of it to move, to even think about it, so enjoyed the feeling of Harvey softening inside him, holding him, loving him. He just hoped it would last.
That was nearly five years ago now and despite their inebriated state Mike still remembers the night perfectly. He remembers how good Harvey had felt pressed up against him, inside him, whispering words of affection into his ear. Words that were apparently complete and utter bullshit.
The next morning had been uneventful and disappointing to begin. Mike had woken up alone wrapped in the ridiculously soft sheets of Harvey’s excessively large bed. He’d laid alone, listening, the silence of the condo overbearing and embarrassing. Mike wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, if he’d been thinking that they would wake together, Harvey clinging to him, watching him sleep in anticipation of a repeat of the night before… but it wasn’t what he got. He spread out across the oversized bed, taking a few minutes to contemplate a course of action. Eventually he’d slipped on a pair of sweat pants he found in Harvey’s closet and made his way into the kitchen in search of coffee, hoping it would make coherence just that little bit easier.
Mike noticed his suit had been moved to lay carefully over the back of the sofa, articles of clothing no longer scattered across the apartment, but no Harvey anywhere to be found. Just as he’d finished brewing the coffee and had poured himself a mug, he heard the click of the door and the sound of footsteps approaching from down the hall. Mike’s heart had started pounding and much too soon Harvey was standing before him. It was clear Harvey had been to the gym for a boxing session; sweat still staining his clothes, the older man’s face flushed and his breath slightly heavier than usual. Mike couldn’t help the immediate and overpowering flashback to the night before.
Mike noticed the older man’s gaze roam over his bare chest and Mike struggled not to cross his arms over his body. His thoughts whirled, trying desperately to think of something normal to say. He was proud of how even his voice sounded when he finally spoke, “You want some coffee?”
Harvey blinked at him a few moments before approaching, “Sure.”
He stopped too close to Mike for the younger man’s body to deal with; he could feel his chest warming and his heart started to race. Mike poured Harvey a mug, proud of how steady his hands were and struggled to finally make eye contact when he moved to pass Harvey the steaming beverage. The older man’s gaze was piercing, intensity overwhelming as he didn’t even blink. His eyes dropped to Mike’s lips, his tongue slipping out to run along his own mouth and Mike was helpless to do anything but react.
The mugs were discarded and Mike couldn’t care about coffee anymore. His lips locked with Harvey’s, tongue reaching out immediately to chase the one he’d seen seconds before. Harvey moaned against his mouth as his hand reached down to cup Mike through his sweatpants, rubbing just hard enough to cause friction and to have Mike thrusting up into his hand.
The resulting gasp had Harvey chuckling as he spoke, “Look at you. So turned on already.” He rubbed hard at Mike through his pants before pulling down the offending fabric and spinning Mike around so he was facing the island bench.
Harvey removed his own shirt and pressed his chest to Mike’s back, the slick of his skin making Mike moan again. He could faintly smell the clean sweat still clinging to Harvey after his workout and again his brain flashbacked to the night before, to Harvey on top of him, in him, and he wanted that again. He couldn’t wait any longer. Mike thrust his ass back against Harvey, pleading silently for more.
Harvey ran his hand up and down the mound of Mike’s perfect ass, caressing and teasing, making Mike squirm and push back even further.
“You’re practically begging for it.”
“Please.” Mike was incapable of much more than that, too eager to feel Harvey inside him again.
“Are you still wet from last night?” Harvey didn’t wait for an answer, instead he trailed two spit-slick fingers along Mike’s crack before pushing gently inside. Harvey’s resulting moan only further heightened Mike’s need and the feel of Harvey removing his own pants had Mike’s cock leaking precome.
“Get in me.”
“You feel so fucking good.”
Mike never expected Harvey to be vocal during sex, he had imagined the strong and silent type, but he was happy to find he’d been pleasantly surprised. Harvey saying those things, cussing and praising Mike’s body… it was definitely a turn on.
“What do you want?” Harvey bit at Mike’s shoulder so hard he was sure was going to bloom into a bruise later that day.
Harvey continued to tease him with just his fingers, the two digits not nearly enough for Mike. He was almost an incoherent mess, pleading and babbling, thrusting backwards onto Harvey’s cock, not daring to touch himself after the night before. Harvey’s fingers trailed up and down Mike’s neglected cock, enough to spend sparks flying throughout Mike’s body but not anywhere close to what he wanted. He wanted Harvey to grip him tight and get him off, he wanted to come with Harvey’s hand wrapped about his dick, he wanted to lick the come off Harvey’s hand and feed it back to him with lazy kisses.
Harvey removing his fingers and sliding into Mike’s waiting ass was a good substitute though.
It happened so fast Mike had hardly even registered the empty feeling left behind and then the man was pushing into him, moving slowly and carefully, giving Mike exactly what he needed. As he bottomed out he fisted Mike’s cock and pulled, making the younger man thrust forward into Harvey’s hand then back onto his waiting cock. His moan echoed around the room, Harvey’s matching it when Mike starting fucking himself on Harvey’s cock.
Mike couldn’t believe the sensations, that this was somehow just as good as the night before. He couldn’t think past the way Harvey’s cock filled him and completed him, the way he’d nudge at his prostate on every other thrust, not quite enough for Mike.
Harvey’s mouth returned to Mike’s ear, “What do you need?”
Harvey complied with Mike’s request, his thrusts becoming slower but more forceful. When Mike howled out, Harvey having finally nailed his prostate, he removed his hand from Mike’s cock but kept hammering that spot and kissed down Mike’s neck and along his shoulders. Mike shivered at the feel of Harvey’s lips against his neck and thrust back harder, taking Harvey as deep as he could.
“Harvey… Harvey…” Mike panted, regaining Harvey’s attention so the older man moved back to Mike’s ear.
“Talk… talk to me.”
“What do you want to know?” It drove Mike insane to hear Harvey’s voice so steady, like he was completely unaffected by what they were doing while Mike was nearly out of his mind with lust, “You want to know how good you feel, how fucking perfect you feel around my cock? God, I could fuck you all day.”
Harvey’s thrusts faltered and Mike keened at the loss of Harvey’s cock hitting his prostate perfectly. Harvey’s hand returned to Mike’s cock though, working him quickly, driving him closer to orgasm.
“Harvey… I can’t…”
“Don’t you come yet. Not yet.”
The sound Mike made was almost inhuman, desperate for release and trying his hardest not to come.
“Please. Harvey, I need to.”
“Fuck, listen to you.”
The hand on his cock suddenly tightened and Mike couldn’t hold off any longer, he came over Harvey’s hand, crying out in relief, still fucking himself back onto Harvey’s cock.
Mike coming was all it took to send Harvey over the edge as well, the older man biting down into the back of Mike’s neck, muffling his own cries of release. Mike moaned again at the feeling, his body overcome with too much, torn between what to focus on. He felt like he was flying, he felt like he’d never be able to walk again; Harvey and the bench before him were the only things stopping him from collapsing onto the cold floor.
Eventually Harvey’s breathing slowed and he pulled out of Mike slowly. Mike winced at the loss, at the emptiness that took the place of Harvey’s cock, but felt marginally better when Harvey turned his face enough to press a soft, lingering kiss to Mike’s swollen lips. Mike refused to contemplate the look in Harvey’s eyes, sure that his own were reflecting back something similar. Instead he kissed Harvey again, tongue slipping out to run across perfect lips, before pulling back just enough to smile at the older man. He was unexpectedly surprised to find the smile was returned.
It was then that Harvey pulled away and broke the spell. He smacked Mike on the ass, hard enough to send tingles of pleasure racing up Mike’s spine and make his cock jerk despite the exhausting effort they’d just gone through.
“Come on, gotta go to work.”
With that Harvey disappeared through the bedroom and into the bathroom, leaving Mike alone in the kitchen to deal with the sudden onslaught of reality crashing down around him.
“Fuck.” Mike whispered into the empty room, knowing that he should probably regret everything that had happened, that he should walk into the bathroom and tell Harvey it was all a mistake that could never be repeated. He knew he wouldn’t do that though. The sex was amazing and he couldn’t deny that he’d been attracted to Harvey since the moment they’d met, that it went beyond the physical for him and he was sure it did for Harvey as well.
Eventually, when his legs no longer felt like jelly and he was confident he could move without stumbling, Mike made his way into the bathroom to clean up, realising belatedly that once again they’d forgotten to use a condom.
Mike’s broken out of his reverie by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He hurries to answer it, conscious of not waking the person in the next room.
He knows that voice immediately and dread drops into his gut. He hasn’t heard this voice in over three years and now he can’t imagine the reason for the call.
“What can I do for you, Jessica?”
“Skipping the pleasantries?”
“I know you didn’t call just to chat.”
“You’re right, I didn’t.” The silence stretches out and Mike’s almost tempted to hang up; he’s too tired to be dealing with this. Just as he pulls the phone away from his ear Jessica speaks again, “Thought I’d make a courtesy call. He knows.”
Mike drops the phone and just makes it to the bathroom, dropping to his knees in front of the toilet in time to throw up the contents of his stomach. He stays there for a while, the cool of the tiles permeating through his pants, a blissful contrast to the raging heat flowing through his body. He struggles to breathe as he thinks about what Jessica had said. Harvey finding out is the worst thing Mike could have ever imagined. He knows the older man doesn’t want this, he never had any interest in Mike beyond sex and getting the job done and he was definitely never interested in settling down.
He loses track of time, unsure how long he’s been sitting on the floor, clutching the toilet bowl as gasping breaths heave out of his chest, but when he stands and returns to the living room he finds his phone still lit up on the floor. He takes a few calming breaths before returning the phone to his ear, “What did he say?”
“He had a few choice words. He swore a lot, yelled at me for not telling him sooner. He’s furious you never told him at all and he doesn’t believe Donna didn’t know.” Jessica chuckles lightly but it’s empty and Mike understands completely, he can imagine the scene perfectly.
“Why did you tell him?” Mike’s heart is pounding inside his chest, he can’t believe Jessica has done this. Before he left they’d made an agreement and he honestly never thought she’d break her end of the bargain.
“I thought it was about time he knew.” Mike’s blood boils and he’s ready to start yelling, to tell Jessica it wasn’t her place to decide but she cuts him off, “He’s been missing you, Mike. He always has but now he doesn’t even try to hide it. I thought it was time.”
Mike doesn’t understand, he can’t comprehend the words he’s hearing. He doesn’t understand why Harvey would miss him, he doesn’t understand how telling him about this would help if he did. He imagines it’s just made him outstandingly mad.
“You had no right.”
“He was spiralling, Mike. He wasn’t doing anyone any good anymore and it’s because he had lost you. I had to do what was best for the firm.”
“What about what’s best for us? Did you even think about how this would affect our lives?”
“Mike, you should know better than anyone how growing up without your parents can affect you.”
Mike has no response to that, he knows she has a point, but he can’t admit to it. It still hurts and the betrayal and the fear clutch at him like a physical ache, knowing that Harvey’s not the kind of person to just let this be.
There’s a reason he hadn’t told the older man in the first place, he didn’t want to be let down, not by the one person who meant more to him than anyone. He most definitely never wanted Harvey to be there because he’d felt forced, Mike wouldn’t do that to himself. He remembers what Harvey had said back then, how adamant he’d been that he wasn’t looking for anything permanent.
They’d slept together again a few times after that day, weeks of mindless sex void of any sort of feeling beyond pure want and desire. Harvey had invited Mike over to his condo to work on a case together, more than once, and every single time they’d ended up in bed together. It became almost routine for them and Harvey never made it personal despite the way he still seemed to care for Mike on some other level. Harvey only ever showed affection inside the bedroom and it messed with Mike’s mind. Mike knew it was more for him though, more than just sex and blowing off some steam, and sometimes, the way Harvey looked at him, or touched him with the gentlest touch, he thought maybe his feelings were returned.
It was the night Harvey had randomly shown up at Mike’s apartment that had changed everything. He’d shown up unannounced with no pretence, clearly he was there looking for a fuck. His senses seemed sharp and he was clearly on edge, desperate to fuck away his problems rather than dealing with them properly like an emotionally stable human being, and Mike could tell that. Still he let Harvey inside the apartment, he let Harvey use Mike’s how he pleased, let Harvey fuck his frustrations away. Of course it was that night, when Harvey was troubled and not completely acting like himself, that Mike chose to open his stupid mouth.
They had been lying together in Mike’s bed, spent after a marathon effort of mind-blowing orgasm after mind-blowing orgasm. Harvey was staring at the ceiling, panting for breath, Mike lying beside him staring at the older man. His heart was pounding, not just from the physical exertion he’d just put himself through, but because it was Harvey laying beside him. He had known for a while this wasn’t simply physical for him, it wasn’t just casual sex, and finally he couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself anymore, “What’s this all about?”
Harvey’s head had snapped around to stare at him, “What?”
Mike gulped, immediately regretting having brought it up at all, “I just mean… what is this all about? Why are we doing this?”
“Because it’s fun and we both like sex?” Harvey had looked at him completely perplexed like he had no idea what Mike was even asking him.
“But is it more than that?”
Harvey sat up suddenly and ran his fingers through his hair. By the time he turned to face Mike again his face was stoic and his resolve obviously set. Mike’s stomach clenched in anticipation, he knew what was coming.
“Listen Mike, this isn’t anything serious for me. We respect each other and I trusted you not to make a big deal about this, that’s why I let it continue. I’m not looking for anything permanent, I thought you got that. I’m sorry if I misunderstood.”
Hurt took over and Mike felt gutted, his stomach revolting at the words his brain was processing. He knew Harvey, knew that in the past the older man had slept around a lot, but he also never believed he would choose Mike just for some random fuck. He honestly thought this was something more for both of them.
Harvey stared at him for the longest time, waiting for a response, before Mike finally figured that out and hurried to speak, “No, no, that’s fine, I get it.”
Harvey had let out a heavy breath and finally broke eye contact as he moved off the bed, “I should go.”
Mike hadn’t tried to stop him, he’d been too focused on trying to stop his heart from breaking, on convincing himself that this didn’t matter, that he and Harvey could go back to what they’d once been. The door slamming had broken him out of his thoughts and suddenly the apartment was silent and Harvey was gone.
The next day at the office had been awkward to say the least. Mike made his way to Harvey’s office as soon as he’d arrived at the firm, needing to pick up some files. He was shocked to find Donna blocking him from entering, stating that Harvey couldn’t be interrupted and she had what Mike needed waiting for him on her desk. Harvey was on the phone and they locked eyes through the glass. Harvey quickly looked away and after that refused to even look in Mike’s direction. He was certain the whole scenario was bogus, that Harvey was actually just ignoring him, but he let it slide and made his way towards his cubicle, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, like everything was about to turn to shit.
He hated that he was right.
They’d been good, even with the impersonal fucking nearly every day of the week, their relationship had blossomed into something greater than it had ever been before. Now, though… Now Harvey could hardly even look at Mike. They stopped hanging out purely because they wanted to, they no longer spent their lunch or coffee breaks together… they were no longer friends. All meetings were suddenly held in Harvey’s office in the middle of the day, there were no more nights working alongside each other in Harvey’s condo. Their relationship became purely professional, more so than it ever had been before and Mike hated how their interactions made his heart constrict with regret.
Mike didn’t even care so much about no longer having sex. While it was welcome, it was absolutely amazing in fact, and god Harvey knew exactly how to drive Mike crazy, he missed their friendship more than anything. He hated the way Harvey closed off completely, how he no longer treated Mike any differently than he would any other associate in the building.
It wasn’t fair. Mike knew that he should have kept his mouth shut, that he shouldn’t have asked Harvey what was going on with that, that he should have just left things how they were, but he also knew Harvey was an emotionally closed off asshole who was lying to himself and to Mike and that he had feelings hidden somewhere deep inside. The way Harvey had treated Mike over the previous few weeks, the easy camaraderie and the affection that laced his voice when they had sex, god even the words he whispered into Mike’s ear when he was buried deep inside him… Yeah Mike knew Harvey’s denial was bullshit.
It hurt him though that he couldn’t push it. He didn’t want to risk making things worse, of complicating their relationship even further. He should have known that was the least of his worries, that complications arose whether you fought them or not.
The first few times he threw up Mike didn’t think much of it, he chalked it up to too much red bull and not enough sleep or solid food. He vowed to take better care of himself, to head home relatively early that night for some much needed to rest, to swap the red bull for water, and to eat something beyond pizza and breakfast bars.
The nausea happened on and off, if it were a constant Mike probably would have thought more of it, but after a few weeks the sweating started and the vomiting increased and Mike knew then something was wrong. It made working difficult, the constant tension between overheated skin and wanting to dispose of his stomach contents made it hard to concentrate. He tried, god he tried, as long as he could to not let his health affect his work, he couldn’t let Harvey see him as weak. The thought had made him laugh, hollow and self-depreciating, knowing that Harvey hardly even noticed him these days, that he hadn’t yet noticed the nausea or the sudden, uncharacteristic change in diet, and it would probably take Mike dropping dead for him to notice something was amiss.
As it was, he didn’t drop dead, but he missed the deadline for an important contract and was summoned to Harvey’s office to be reprimanded accordingly. Of course that was code for ‘having his ass reamed’.
“Where’s the McKeachie contract?” Harvey asked, eyes blazing, mouth drawn tight like he knew exactly what the answer was going to be.
“I, uh… It’s on my desk,” Mike gestured vaguely out the door towards his own office, confused by Harvey’s anger, “It’ll be ready for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow won’t do me any good. It needed to be ready for 9am this morning.”
“You said Wednesday!”
Harvey looked at him like he was completely mental, “Today is Wednesday, Mike.”
“But… No. Today’s-”
“Today’s too goddamn late, that’s what today is!” Harvey stood from behind his desk, anger evident as it raged through his entire body, “I’ve been cutting you some lack lately but this just isn’t good enough. I hired you expecting resulting, and I don’t know what your goddamn problem has been lately but keep it out of the office or find yourself a new job.”
“Harvey!” Donna was usually Mike’s saving grace but even then he knew her interruption wasn’t going to do him any good, “Can’t you see he’s not well?”
“If he’s not well then he shouldn’t be here.” Harvey sat back behind his desk and focused once again on the paperwork in front of him, effectively ending the conversation.
“Harvey!” Donna’s outrage rang around the room but fell on deaf ears.
Harvey glanced up again, eyes locking onto Mike’s, ignoring Donna completely, “I mean it. You can’t work then go home.”
“Harvey, I can-”
“Go.” He once again turned back to his work, Donna and Mike exchanging silent glances, neither sure of what to do. In the end Mike heaved a loud sigh and left the room, leaving Donna to glare silent daggers at the top of Harvey’s head, and ventured on home.
He had barely made it inside his apartment before the nausea became overwhelming once again and his kitchen sink became the latest victim of his unpredictable and unexplainable vomiting. It was then that Mike figured he had nothing to lose; it was 1pm on a Wednesday afternoon and he was obviously not welcome within the office, so once the nausea subsided, once he no longer felt like the slightest movement would jolt his stomach and cause him to feel even worse, he took himself off to the nearest hospital.
The word pregnant echoed around his brain, usually so fathomable, adjective: having a child or young developing in the uterus, but in this context, completely incomprehensible. It didn’t make sense, Mike couldn’t be pregnant. Fear and confusion flooded through him, blood roaring through his ears as his heart pounded violently in his chest. It wasn’t right, pregnant meant with child. Pregnant meant having a child with someone else. Harvey.
The doctor had a bowl ready and waiting before it even registered in Mike’s brain that he was going to be sick. He couldn’t tell Harvey, his body physically revolted at the thought.
He was brought back from his thoughts by the sound of the doctor speaking once again, “We’re going to need to keep you here overnight, perhaps even a few days. You’re severely dehydrated and your blood work isn’t the best. We need to make sure you and the baby are both healthy.”
You and the baby.
Mike could feel his breathing escalate, the beginnings of what he assumed to be panic taking over his body. His heart was pounding and tears were prickling in his eyes; in that moment all he wanted was Harvey beside him and he could almost feel his heart breaking at the realisation that he would never have that.
‘Overnight’ somehow turned into the rest of the week and Mike ended up not returning to the office until the following Monday. He received a call from Donna, a call that Mike had ignored and responded to only with a text stating he was on medical leave and wouldn’t be back in the office until he was deemed fit by the doctor. He emailed Jessica, requesting the leave, bypassing Harvey completely. He knew that Donna would fill him in and that the older man wouldn’t actually care either way, so he didn’t bother with personal correspondence. He was sure if Donna didn’t mention it then Harvey wouldn’t even notice he was missing.
It felt surreal returning to the office. Mike was incredibly self-conscious, paranoid that people were watching him and would be able to look at him and just know. Mike was used to paranoia, he was used to worrying about people potentially finding out his secrets, but this was different, this somehow felt more important to hide than the fact that he’s a fraud. During the time he’d spent in the hospital Mike had, on more than one occasion, found himself unconsciously holding his stomach, his hands gently caressing the still-smooth skin, in awe of the fact that he had a tiny human growing inside of him. Being back at the office Mike knew he had to stop that behaviour, that he worked around enough perceptive people that the action wouldn’t go unnoticed and he was desperate to keep this secret to himself.
He was wandering down the hall towards his cubicle when he saw Harvey approaching. Mike’s heart pounded in his chest and his stomach flipped in anticipation. He knew that too much time spent with the other man would result in Harvey figuring out what was going on. He was surprised when Harvey slowly to a stop in front of him and smiled gently, all traces of his usual snark absent.
“How are you feeling?”
“Do you really care?” Mike didn’t want to fight, he’d resented the way their relationship had devolved over the previous few weeks, but he still couldn’t stop himself from snapping. Harvey hadn’t contacted him in days, he hadn’t once tried to find out what was wrong and Mike’s heart hurt with the knowledge that he’s carrying Harvey’s child and Harvey just really didn’t care about him.
“Mike.” Harvey’s voice stayed soft as he glanced around, conscious of the attention they were attracting, “How about we do this in my office?”
Mike ignored him but grudgingly made his way to the older man’s office.
He heard Harvey shut the door behind him but refused to face the other man, “What, Harvey?”
“I asked if you’re okay.”
“You haven’t cared for weeks, why suddenly ask now?”
“Donna told me you were in the hospital.”
“Nice of you to come visit.”
“I didn’t think I’d be welcome.” Harvey moved to stand before him and Mike could almost feel the older man’s body heat. Mike’s mind immediately flashed back to the nights they had spent together and Harvey’s presence was almost intoxicating after too long apart.
The desire to kiss him was so strong Mike had to move, walking over to the sofa and collapsing into the soft leather, “You would have been. You always would be.”
Harvey stared at him quietly for a few moments before he moved to join him on the couch, “I’m sorry for how I acted. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Don’t apologise.” Harvey looked ready to protest but locked eyes with Mike, reading the plea in Mike’s eyes; he didn’t want the pity or the apologies, he didn’t want to talk about it any longer. Harvey nodded his assent and leaned closer against Mike’s side, his body heat permeating Mike’s already overheated skin.
“I just thought you knew me. I thought you got that I don’t want any of that.”
The most vague sentence in the history of language, Mike’s sure of it, but he understood it completely nonetheless.
“I said it’s okay. I meant it.” Mike smiled at Harvey and leant in closer to the older man’s body, thankful for the proximity after the hellish few days he’d had in the hospital, almost going out of his mind while trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. He knew that he shouldn’t find comfort it Harvey, that the other man was the root of, or at least contributed to, all of his problems, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to pull away. Never let it be said that Mike Ross isn’t a masochist, because he sure as hell has a habit of doing precisely the worst thing for himself.
It took a little while but they were oddly okay after that encounter. They didn’t quite fall back into what they were before but rather an obscure shadow of the relationship they once had. Mike was strangely okay with it, the way they could be friendly and joke around, awkward because they didn’t understand the boundaries but comfortable because they knew they had each other’s backs… It was all very reminiscent of how they were when Mike first began his career at Pearson Hardman. Except now it wasn’t just his fraudulent career that hung over his head, but also the secret of a child he was carrying that was becoming harder to conceal every single day. He knew that the relationship he had with Harvey wasn’t sustainable, that the day would come where he’d have to decide between telling Harvey or running away, but it wasn’t something Mike liked to consciously think about and instead he pushed it to the deepest depths of his mind where he ignored it until he couldn’t any longer.
Telling Jessica hadn’t ever been a part of Mike’s plan until it had happened. It was the annual Pearson Specter Christmas Ball that had ruined it all.
The year before all had gone to hell, Mike hadn’t been dreading the Christmas Ball quite so much. The year before he’d gone with Harvey, they’d had a few beers beforehand and they’d had a good time overall. They’d spent the night working the room together, wooing potential clients and making fun of people in a way so they weren’t quite sure whether to be offended or not. Mike had enjoyed the night, he’d loved the smirk on Harvey’s face that hinted at a laugh for the majority of the evening.
Mike knew better than to expect the same this time around. Being pregnant meant Mike wasn’t able to drink anything and he would have definitely benefited from some liquid courage that evening. He had carried a glass of champagne with him the whole night just to maintain appearances but it didn’t take too long until Harvey began eying him a little too long, eyes questioning and calculating, lingering too long on Mike’s drink for his liking. After that he threw some away whenever he could, making sure his drink was seen at varying degrees of fullness and occasionally he even left his hands empty, opting to confess that he was in between drinks whenever someone asked after why he wasn’t taking advantage of the free booze.
Someone who had taken full advantage of the free booze had been Harvey. It was hard for Mike to watch. Only a year before Mike had been right alongside him, drinking way more than strictly appropriate, more concerned with having a good time than undertaking any actual business. This time around though all he could do was watch. Harvey was more than a little tipsy, laughing raucously at anything and everything, unconcerned with etiquette and procedure, instead he threw caution to the wind and let himself enjoy the night, his armour deconstructed for one evening.
It was all too much for Mike to bear witness to. Flashbacks of a better time kept invading his mind, flicking back to when he and Harvey were on good terms, before they complicated their relationship by sleeping together. Mike fled to the bathroom, desperate for a few moments of silence to himself where he could just breathe and recuperate, reminding himself that he and the baby were both okay and nobody knew his secret.
Mike was standing at the basin, relishing the cold water splashed across his face when the peaceful serenity of the bathroom was interrupted by the quick slamming of a door opening and closing behind him. He glanced up into the mirror to find Harvey watching him, leaning against the door, all smug perfection just the way Mike loved him.
Harvey’s voice was deep and gravelly, distorted by a touch too much alcohol, and it would have gone straight to Mike’s dick if panic weren’t surging through his veins and crippling his mind.
“What?” Mike spun around to face the older man, proud that his voice sounded even. It took all conscious effort he had not to run his hands protectively across his stomach. He knew that the suit hid his belly, that there was no way for Harvey to know just by looking at him, but Mike had no other idea what Harvey could have meant.
“That suit.” Harvey stalked towards him like predator pouncing on its prey, eyes gleaming like he knew he had won, “It’s almost criminal how good you look.”
Mike’s stomach dropped when he figured out Harvey’s intentions, that the man was just drunk enough to throw away their carefully constructed boundaries and their freshly rebuilt relationship. All that was on Harvey’s mind was sex and the open hunger in his gaze left Mike with no doubts whatsoever. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to push down the surge of panic and the accompanying vomit that rushed towards his mouth, while taking a step back, trying to put whatever distance he could between him and Harvey. It was to no avail though and Mike noticed the triumphant smirk that took hold of Harvey’s features when he realised Mike was pressed up against the basin with nowhere to go.
“I’ve missed you.” Harvey licked up the side of Mike’s throat, teeth pulling at Mike’s earlobe, the younger man groaning softly at the sensation.
“We can’t do this.”
Harvey was grinding against Mike, too many clothes and not enough friction to be of any real consequence, but still Mike felt himself getting hard much too quickly. It had been too long since he’d had sex and dreams of Harvey still plagued his sleep. He woke up hard more often than not, and his own right hand hadn’t been fulfilling his needs for much too long. It had gotten to the point where some days Mike didn’t even bother. His own hand wasn’t the same as the feel of Harvey’s, large and rough, and nothing but the real thing would do for Mike anymore. So when Harvey got his hand down Mike’s pants and his fingers wrapped around his already half-hard cock, Mike was helpless to do anything but throw his head back with a loud groan and submit to the older man’s whims.
“You know you want this. Missed this.” Harvey’s voice hot and perfect against his ear, spouting truths that Mike would never have admitted to otherwise… It drove out all semblance of right and wrong, of whether he should be allowing this or pushing away, and instead he reached for Harvey’s face and crashed his lips against Harvey’s.
It was exactly the way Mike remembered it. A hint too rough, hot and wet and perfect, tongues battling for dominance but neither too desperate to win, happy to play and feel and explore. Mike loved kissing Harvey, possibly more than he loved having sex with him. For Mike, sex wasn’t the same without kissing, there was something primal and carnal about it, something that just made sex that much better if your lips were locked onto someone else’s, and Mike knew that he would never forget the feel of Harvey’s lips against his own.
Eventually Harvey pulled away, his head dropping to collapse against Mike’s shoulder, bewitched by the sight of his hand moving over Mike’s hard cock, his breath growing heavier as he concentrated on the push and pull of skin. As good as it felt, it gave Mike a slight reprieve and he couldn’t stop the onslaught of objections that flooded his brain. He knew they should stop, that what they were doing wouldn’t lead to anything good and would probably fuck them up even more in the long run, but the feel of Harvey against him was too tantalising to push away.
“We should stop.” It was a weak effort, Mike knew, but he had to try. He hoped that maybe if Harvey could hear him, maybe he’d have the willpower to pull away because Mike certainly didn’t.
His protest fell to deaf ears, though. Instead Harvey lifted his head from Mike’s shoulder and made his way up his throat, "Can't wait to fuck you again. Missed that perfect tight ass of yours." Harvey groaned against Mike's neck, hand still working the younger man in just the right way, shorting out his brain, making coherent thought almost impossible, let alone coherent speech. Mike could only moan in response, too lost to the feel of Harvey's hands finally on him once again. He felt as if his skin was on fire, burning both where Harvey was touching him and where he wasn't, torn between fulfilled desire and a need for even more.
"Harvey..." Mike wasn't sure if it was a plead to stop or a plead for more, physical sensation winning out over rational thought and common sense. The devil on his shoulder was much louder, and much more convincing, than the much too weak angel.
It didn't take long for Mike to find himself on the edge of coming. Harvey was biting kisses up and down his neck, soothing the sharp nips with hot licks, his hand working Mike perfectly, hard and fast, his wrist twisting just so, the way Mike loved, the way that drove him crazy.
A sudden thud against the door interrupted them, the banging of a locked door trying to be pushed open had Mike shoving Harvey away from him, the following knock echoing around the room, pushing Mike’s heart into overdrive. He felt as if his heartbeat could be heard throughout the room as he hurried to pull his pants back into place. Harvey was staring at the door as if he was confused by it, as if he couldn’t quite figure out what was going on and suddenly Mike felt sick. He couldn’t believe what he’d been about to go through with, what further emotional pain he was going to put himself through and what that would do to his child.
The thought had him running from the room before Harvey could even realise what had happened, pushing past people in a desperate attempt to get out and get away before Harvey could catch up to him.
Almost having sex with Harvey was a mistake. Actually doing so was downright idiotic.
Mike wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, whether he’d show up to the office on Monday and things would be awkward and they’d never speak to each other again, or if Harvey would insist that nothing had changed between them and try to continue this newfound balance they’d somehow mastered lately. What he hadn’t imagined was Harvey showing up at his apartment late the next afternoon, obviously fresh out of a shower and dressed down in jeans and a sweater, looking more human than Mike had ever seen him before.
“Harvey!” Mike instinctively pulled his robe closed over his stomach, hoping the move wasn’t as obvious as he was sure it had been, “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
Mike was tempted to say no, he wanted to say no, too paranoid about Harvey somehow finding out about the baby, too aware of everything that had happened the night before… But Mike also knew it was mid-December and therefore freezing out and there’s no way he was going to leave Harvey out in the cold. As a result he stood aside to let the older man in, watching him move to sit on the sofa before Mike closed the door and perched himself on the coffee table across from Harvey.
“Mike.” Mike knew that tone, the tone that said ‘stop beating around the bush, we all know what’s going on here’ and he hated that tone, “About what happened last night -”
“It's fine, Harvey, we'll forget it ever happened.” He was not going to talk about this.
“After what you told me... Last time... I don't think it's something that can just be forgotten.”
To have it acknowledged, the fact that he’d admitted his feelings to Harvey and the other man had just pushed him away… it hurt and it still wasn’t something Mike was ready to deal with, “If you feel the same as you did then, then you don't need to be here.”
“I want to apologise for my actions last night, it wasn’t fair on you-”
“Harvey, I said drop it! I don’t need to hear this from you.” Mike stood and moved away from Harvey, unable to be so close to the older man while he tried to be so… nice. Harvey was so honestly surprised by Mike’s outburst that he shut up for a few moments and let Mike speak while he regathered his thoughts, “Last night you were drunk and I get that. It meant nothing and it’s never going to happen again so I think you should just leave.”
Mike couldn’t look at Harvey after that. He busied himself with looking around the apartment, considering what he was going to take with him when he finally moved house and all the things he was going to need to buy for when the baby was born.
A warm hand on his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts, refocusing his attention back onto the fact that Harvey was now standing, much too close for Mike’s liking, and his eyes were open and honest. Mike had never seen him like that outside of the bedroom.
“I need for you to listen to me. I’m sorry for everything.”
“I told you, you don’t need to apologise.”
The hand made it’s way from Mike’s shoulder to his cheek and he was nuzzling into the soft warmth before he even realised what he was doing.
“I don’t want to see you hurt.” It was Harvey’s bedroom whisper and Mike knew that and he was somehow still surprised to feel Harvey’s lips pressing against his own.
The irony of the statement didn’t escape Mike’s notice but in that moment he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was only setting himself up for more heartbreak but he couldn’t help but melt into the kiss, into the feel of Harvey’s warm lips against his own, his tongue demanding permission to dance alongside Mike’s.
The second Mike started to respond Harvey dragged him back towards the bed, each fumbling with the other’s clothing, desperate to reach toned muscles and overheated skin. Mike knew it was a tremendously bad idea, that nothing good could come from the two of them having sex again, especially after Harvey had admitted he didn’t feel the same as Mike, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. Sex with Harvey was like nothing Mike had ever experienced before and he would take it whenever he could.
Mike was naked and flat against a too-lumpy mattress before his mind could catch up. Harvey above him, touching him, biting kisses down his chest was capturing his complete attention, shutting down his capacity for rationality and taking the place of all common sense. Harvey kissed across his stomach and Mike couldn’t hide the slight flinch tat had his body jerking. He was thankful Harvey mistook it as a lustful shiver and didn’t see it for the uncertainty it really was.
Harvey’s mouth wrapping around Mike’s hard and aching cock had the younger man thrusting up and screaming out, hot tongue and wet lips driving him crazy. His hands made their way to Harvey’s head, grasping at hair, silently begging for more. He’d missed Harvey, he honestly had, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t push away though, he couldn’t say no to Harvey in that moment, not with the way his mouth was working him, bringing him to the edge of orgasm much too quickly.
Cold air hit his cock and Mike whined, thrusting again, desperate for the heat that was consuming him moments earlier. Instead Harvey’s mouth made its way back up Mike’s stomach, playing with his nipples as he worked his way across Mike’s whole body. His mouth mashed against Mike’s, tongues duelling and playing and it was everything Mike had been missing. He felt better when he was with Harvey, like he was somehow more himself, complete in a way he had never known.
The older man reached for the lube residing inside the nightstand, slicking himself up quickly before concentrating on Mike. His fingers circled Mike’s hole, tickling and driving him crazy all at once. The feel of a slick finger entering him had Mike crying out, head thrashing against the pillows as Harvey twisted in and out, maddeningly not enough. The noises Harvey made as he stretched Mike even further had the younger man wanton and desperate, needing more than the slight burn and stretch of two fingers pumping in and out. He knew the feel of Harvey’s cock inside him and he needed it.
Fingers pressed against Mike’s prostate and he screamed so loud his throat ached from the effort, sure that his neighbours could hear everything. When Harvey pulled his fingers free and instead lined himself up at Mike’s hole, the younger man lost all remaining semblance of self-control.
“Hurry up and get in me.”
“Pushy, aren’t you?”
Mike didn’t bother with a response, instead he dug his fingers into the back of Harvey’s neck and pulled the older man closer, lips mashing together, too much teeth and tongue but still exactly what Mike needed. Harvey shifted closer and slid into Mike, both men groaning into the other’s mouth as Harvey finally bottomed out.
Harvey only waited a few moments for Mike to get used to the feeling before he was thrusting in and out, hard and fast, their skin slippery with sweat and suppressed energy. Mike was dazed, lost to the feel of Harvey moving inside of him, his cock hitting Mike’s prostate on every other thrust, driving the younger man out of his mind. All Mike could think about was Harvey’s lips against his own and the way Harvey moved inside of him.
“Missed you. Fuck.” Harvey kneeled back and pulled Mike’s ass higher up onto his thighs, thrusting hard and fast into the body below him. His movements were erratic but Mike couldn’t care, all he cared about was making sure Harvey didn’t stop.
“Harvey.” Mike whispered, short of breath, desperate for more. Harder, faster, slower, Mike wasn’t sure. He just knew that he needed more and Harvey was the only one who could give it to him. The older man leant back down and locked lips with Mike again, a messy connection of wet warmth perfect and somehow still not enough for Mike.
“I’ve got you.” Harvey spoke against Mike’s mouth, trying to catch his breath, “Fuck. You’re so tight.”
“More.” Mike ran his hands over Harvey wherever he could reach, the feel of the older man’s burning skin intoxicating and addictive. He grabbed at whatever he could, nails scratching and bruises undoubtedly being left behind.
Harvey moaned after a particularly harsh scratch and moved to run his tongue behind Mike’s ear, twisting his hips in an effort to hit Mike’s prostate dead on. When the younger man’s body jerked and a moan rumbled from deep in his throat, Harvey spoke again, words mixed in with hot, panting breath, “Perfect. You’re fucking perfect.”
The combination of the constant pounding against his prostate and Harvey’s voice moaned against his skin as he whispered into Mike’s ear had the younger man coming much sooner than he would have liked. Heat rushed through him, blinding his senses and deleting all coherent thought outside of ‘yes’ and ‘more’ and ‘Harvey’.
A grunted “Mike” and Harvey was coming as well, thrusting relentlessly into the younger man’s body. The feel of Harvey coming inside him once again had Mike convulsing, squirming further onto Harvey’s cock, desperate for the feeling to never end. He was sure he could live with that happening every day and it would still never be enough for him.
“This is bullshit!” Mike stormed into Harvey’s office, letting the door fall shut behind him. He’d had enough of Harvey’s antics over the past week. The man had been acting almost as if Mike didn’t exist at all, only speaking to him when strictly necessary, most of their communication having been passed through Donna. Harvey had overloaded Mike with work so he didn’t have any spare time to speak with him, and Mike knew Harvey had done it all in an effort to ignore him.
“Don’t you have work to do?” The way he stared and arched his eyebrow was overly smug and in that moment Mike hated the sight of Harvey’s perfect face.
“I want you to cut the shit. We both know what’s going on.”
“I know that apparently I haven’t given my associate enough work to do if he has time to barge in here shouting profanities.”
“You’re trying to ignore me.”
“Evidently it’s not working.”
“What is your problem with me?” Mike honestly wanted to know. It hurt, the way Harvey had been ignoring him, especially after all the progress they’d made. He knew it was because they’d slept together again and he cursed himself for not ever being able to say no to Harvey, for his apparent inability to keep his pants on whenever Harvey came looking for sex.
“I’m trying to establish some boundaries.”
“Boundaries? Are you fucking with me? We’ve gone a little beyond that by this point, don’t you think?”
“That’s why I’m trying to re-establish our working relationship.”
“So because we slept together again you’ve reverted back into being a complete fuckwit?”
“This is not appropriate for the office.” Harvey finally stood and moved around his desk towards Mike, patience gone, his voice instead dripping with undisguised anger, “What happened before? That is never happening again. You need to understand that and you need to know that I’m your boss, nothing more. If you can’t deal with that, then you need to find someone else to work for.”
“Oh, so you’re blaming me for what happened? I told you to leave! We were just getting back to how we were before all of this shit happened and now we're back to square one all because you couldn't keep your fucking dick in your pants.”
Harvey moved close to Mike, too close, his voice quiet and almost scalding as he responded, “I hate to break it to you, Mike, but you kind of need two people to have sex.”
“You know how I feel about you and you turned up at my house anyway. You knew what was going to happen and you knew that it would fuck us up all over again, and yet you still couldn't help yourself!”
“Is blaming me making you feel better about yourself?”
Harvey's calm demeanour only served to amplify Mike's anger, and he knew that his hormones were making things so much worse, but he was still unable to stop himself from lashing out.
“Don’t you give a shit about how badly this has fucked us up?”
“You’re my associate, Mike! You work for me! Why is that so hard for your massive brain to comprehend?”
That pulled Mike up short. He had honestly always thought he and Harvey were more than boss and associate, despite Harvey’s claims to not care about him. This felt too real though and it stung at Mike’s heart. When he spoke again it was quiet and defeated, anger seething under the surface but no longer controlling, “Maybe it is time I find someone else to work for then.”
With that he walked out of Harvey’s office, head held high all the while he felt as if his heart was shattering inside of his chest. He blamed the hormones for the tears that prickled at his eyes and threatened to fall.
With news of the pregnancy also came the knowledge that Mike wouldn’t be at Pearson Specter much longer but after resolving things with Harvey, then the events of the Christmas party, their resulting fuck and ruining their relationship all over again… it was all too much for Mike to deal with any longer. He knew if he went to Harvey the older man would want to hear his reasons for leaving, would discard them and tell Mike he was being an idiot, and that they’d fight and everything would turn to shit even worse than it already had. As a result, Mike found himself in the office of Jessica Pearson, letter of resignation in hand, boxes packed on his desk, ready to walk out immediately.
He hadn’t counted on Jessica asking about his reasons for leaving.
“I thought you’d be happy I’m out of your hair.”
“Why are you handing this to me instead of Harvey? Does he even know about this?” Jessica hardly even gave Mike’s letter of resignation a glance before her eyes were boring into his.
“No, he doesn’t… And I doubt he’d care even if he did.”
“Mike.” It only took one word, sharp and quick, biting in its delivery, for Mike to know that he wasn’t going to escape this without telling Jessica all of the details.
“He can’t know.” Mike pleaded with his eyes, desperate and fierce, making sure Jessica knew this was non-negotiable; this is the one condition he wouldn’t turn away from.
“I mean it, Jessica. I only owe you an explanation because I want this done immediately. If you can’t keep this to yourself I’ll wait out my two weeks.”
“I won’t tell him. You’re going, Mike. As well as you’ve done for this firm, we both know I’ve wanted you gone from day one. You’re smart but you’re a liability.”
She hadn’t even quite finished getting the words out before Mike spoke, “I’m pregnant.”
Jessica simply stared at him like he’d grown a second head.
“It’s Harvey’s, I’m keeping it, he doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t want this as his life so I’m leaving. He doesn’t need to deal with this.”
Jessica was quiet for a long while, eyes sharp as she studied Mike, her gaze flickering between his stomach and his eyes, silently judging, calculating. When she finally spoke her voice was calm but strong, her firm’s best interests clearly at the forefront of her mind, “No, he doesn’t.”
“Once I get settled I’ll email you my forwarding details, but for now, I think I’m done here.”
Jessica stood from behind her desk, elegance and power almost overwhelming and suddenly Mike couldn’t wait to be out of this place and somewhere he could start building a life for his child, “I wish you all the best, Mr Ross.”
“He knows.” Mike pants into the phone, almost breathless as panic floods through him.
“He… What? What happened?”
“Stop. That doesn’t help. I just… I need you to come get Matty. He can’t be here when Harvey shows up.”
“You really think he will?”
“I have no doubt.”
“Okay, yeah of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” With that Louis hangs up the phone, his kind efficiency helping Mike breathe a little easier.
The waiting only serves to make Mike feel sicker and sicker by the minute. He can’t settle, pacing around the house, hands running through his hair and rubbing over his face in frustrated confusion more times than he cares to admit. He throws up again, the nerves too overwhelming for his body to handle, before he manages to wrangle back enough control of himself to calm down, to remember to breathe and that it’s only Harvey.
Harvey. The thought almost makes him feel sick all over again.
Instead Mike sits with his head in his hands, focusing on controlling his breathing long enough that it actually starts to work. His heart rate settles a little, he no longer feels as if he’s going to shake out of his own skin, and his stomach stops revolting at the mere thought of Harvey and what might occur over the next few hours. Eventually he retreats into Matthew’s room, the light from the hall flooding the bedroom just enough for Mike to watch the quiet rise and fall of his son’s chest before he moves to curl up on the bed beside him, holding him close and breathing in his scent. His thoughts turn to Louis and how bizarre his life has become, how he never would have imagined that Louis Litt of all people is the one person he can count on now to help him in a crisis.
Mike’s pregnancy had been rocky to say the least. The months following his departure from Pearson Specter had been a chaotic mixture of moving house, establishing his new life, and spending more time in the hospital than he liked to think about. It was hard, building a brand new life for oneself, especially when you were walking away from a life that was everything you had ever dreamed for, but Mike knew it had to be done.
He found himself a place in Norwich, New York, a beautiful big four-bedroom house with a backyard large enough for his kid to enjoy growing up in. It was almost something out of a fairytale (well, what had been fairytales for Mike growing up), so domestic and almost suburban in its looks, all white and dark woods. Mike didn’t live in suburbia though, he couldn’t ever imagine feeling completely comfortable somewhere like that where all the houses looked the same and were squished so close together, but instead his new house laid just outside of town, a dirt path leading up to the front door as a thin scattering of trees surrounded the immediate area. It was simple and perfect and Mike couldn’t be happier with where he chose to start his new life.
A new house, a new life, meant Mike also needed a new job. He couldn’t believe his luck when he was offered a position with an editing company, editing textbooks and other factual materials for a wider range of companies. It didn’t fulfil some sort of dream like becoming a lawyer had, and the day he had to return to New York for the job interview almost made him have a nervous breakdown, he was so terrified of running into Harvey on the street somewhere, but he was able to work from home – he’d be able to work and raise a child alone – and it paid well enough to continue to support his new life.
Mike felt like he should have known it was all going too well, that people weren’t able to just pack up their old lives and begin again without encountering any mountains to climb. He just wished it could have been anything but his child that was put in danger.
The first time it happened Mike was positive he was going to die. He was spending the day at home, unpacking boxes from the move, when pain grappled his entire body. He crunched over, lowering himself to the bathroom floor as his hands wrapped protectively around his protruding belly, the cool of the bathroom tiles doing nothing to help his suddenly overheated skin. Mike thought if his body could manage it he’d probably be throwing up, but the excruciating pain overwhelmed him entirely, his thoughts only focused on his child, hoping he or she was safe, hoping desperately for the pain to fade, praying that he wouldn’t lose this. He couldn’t lose the only reason he had left to live. He’d never known pain like it, the cramping of his stomach was blinding, the pain wracking up and down his spine, his whole body on fire, skin prickling like tiny explosions taking over his being.
When he came back around, when the pain finally subsided enough that Mike could think once again he retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and called 911, desperate in his cries for help, to make sure they saved his baby. He doesn’t remember much of that call anymore, he doesn’t remember calling the ambulance, just praying for someone, anyone to help him, but when he woke up in the hospital hours later the nurses assured him he’d called the ambulance himself.
The staff at the hospital were wonderful, assuring Mike the minute he woke up that both he and his baby were fine, that they’d run some tests and were waiting on the results. Nerves bit at his stomach again and made his hands shake but he was thankful his child was okay.
“Mr Ross, do you want us to call anyone for you?”
Mike shook his head, seemingly out of it, too focused on the memories of pain and panic that had been surging through his body and how he couldn’t quite believe his child was still alive. With the pain he’d felt it seemed impossible that the little fighter had survived.
“There’s a Harvey Specter listed as your emergency contact, would you like us to contact him?”
“No!” The words shook him out of his thoughts and Mike felt winded after the effort of one simple word, panic rushing through him again at the thought of Harvey being called, “No! Not him. That needs to be changed.” Mike’s breath was heavy and laboured as he locked eyes with the nurse. He needed her to know how important this was to him.
“Okay, okay.” The nurse pat his hand reassuringly, “Is there someone else we can call?”
Mike could feel the fresh dose of drugs taking hold, doing their job of reducing his pain, of settling him and the baby, and of keeping his child safe and healthy for a little while longer. He started breathing a little easier as the pain lessened but panic still gripped his heart at both the thought of Harvey and the thought of losing his child.
“Louis Litt,” Mike panted, reciting the phone number from memory. This wasn’t what he wanted, he never planned on telling anyone else at the firm, but he thought of how Louis had contacted him, had been almost inconsolable when he found out Mike had left… He was the only one who bothered looking for Mike after he’d run. That was someone he figured he could count on when desperate, and he’s been glad ever since that he made that decision.
It feels like much too soon that his phone is vibrating in his pocket, startling Mike enough that he jumps and worries that he might have woken his son. When he’s satisfied that Matt is still sleeping, that his breathing stays even and he doesn’t so much as flinch at Mike’s movements, Mike kisses his son atop his head and quietly slinks out of the room. His heart is hammering inside his chest as he checks his phone, relieved when he finds a message from Louis telling him he’s outside.
“Thank you for being here, I didn’t know what else to do.”
“It’s fine, Mike, of course I’d be here. You haven’t heard from him yet?” Louis enquires as they wander back down the hall and into the house, the two men making their way into the kitchen where Mike grabs them a beer each. He hasn’t been able to drink Scotch in years, it still brings back memories of Harvey and their time together.
“I really don’t expect him before morning. He’s going to be mad but turning up in the middle of the night isn’t really Harvey’s style.”
“What can I do?”
“Tomorrow, when Matt wakes, can you take him out for a few hours? He doesn’t need to be here when Harvey shows up.”
“Whatever you need.”
“Thank you Louis.”
Mike stares at his bottle, unsure of what else to say. His thoughts are a jumbled mess of confusion and fear and Mike honestly never thought this day would come. He thought after five years he was safe from Harvey finding out. Now he’s been proven wrong and Mike has absolutely no idea how to deal with it.
“Where is he?” Harvey shoulders past Mike, barging his way into the room.
“Where is he, Mike?”
Mike can’t even respond as he watches Harvey make his way through the unfamiliar house, frantically searching for their son. Mike’s heart is pounding inside his chest, his palms sweaty and his stomach roiling. It’s been so long since he’s seen the other man, five long years since he’d walked away from the firm and into his new life… since he’d set eyes on Harvey and he can’t believe that the older man still looks exactly the same. He’s torn between elation and repulsion, relief and aggression; Harvey has no right barging into Mike’s home, demanding to be let back into Mike’s life, but at the same time the younger man can’t help but be happy to see him once again.
Harvey returns to the living room, confusion, desperation, and anger whirling in his eyes, fighting for dominance as he struggles to figure out his own emotions. Mike swallows around the lump in his throat before he attempts to speak, “He’s not here.”
“What?” Harvey spits at him, stalking closer like a predator closing in on its prey. Mike wishes it were under different circumstances.
“He’s not here. I knew you were coming and I knew you’d be mad. I didn’t want him to see you like this and if you don’t calm down I won’t let you see him at all.”
That seems to bring Harvey back to himself; he breaks eye contact with Mike and inhales a shaky breath. He takes some time to calm himself, to even out his breath and stop his body from shaking before he looks up at Mike once again.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just… I just don’t know what’s even happening right now. I can’t believe I’m even here but Jessica said…”
Mike waits for him to continue but nothing more ever comes. He shifts awkwardly, uncomfortable for the first time in his new home, and motions towards the sofa, “I think we should talk, don’t you?”
Harvey doesn’t agree but he moves silently towards the couch so Mike takes what he can get. He sits on the spare sofa opposite where Harvey’s sitting and pulls a cushion close to his chest, the coffee table between them feeling like some pathetic attempt at guarding Mike from his past.
“Where is he?” It’s much calmer this time, Harvey’s eyes pleading with Mike to let him see his son. Even after all this time looking into those beautiful brown eyes pulls at Mike’s heart and he hates himself for it.
“He’s with someone I trust to look after him.”
Harvey looks even more confused at Mike’s obscure answer but he doesn’t press any further.
“What’s his name?”
“Matthew James Ross.”
“Ross? What I don’t exist?”
“Not to him you don’t.” Mike can feel the anger starting to take over; Harvey doesn’t have the right to be here demanding answers when he stated quite clearly five years ago that serious and permanent were never part of his life plan.
Harvey looks set to fire up again for a moment before he stops himself. He seems to Mike like he’s once again battling with his own emotions, torn between simply reacting or stopping and thinking about Mike’s possible reasoning for everything that’s happened. He ends up just looking defeated, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You said you didn’t want it.” Mike realises immediately how blunt his voice sounds and takes a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, neither of them need to be getting worked up right now, “I tried to talk to you about it, I really did, but I just expected a shit fight. You’d already told me you weren’t interested in anything long-term, that all you were after was casual sex, and a kid is something that’s definitely long-term. I figured it would be easier for everyone if I just left.”
“Mike, I didn’t… I wouldn’t have…” Harvey struggles for a few moments to get his thoughts in order, “I wouldn’t have just pushed you away if you’d told me you were pregnant.”
“No, you pushed me away before that. I knew long before we started sleeping together that I was in love with you, I know now I was naïve to hope that maybe you felt the same.” Both men break eye contact for a few moments before Mike huffs a breath and consciously perks his voice back up again, “But it’s fine. I was stupid to think otherwise and I never expected anything from you and now I have the most perfect son and everything’s okay.”
Mike hopes like hell the fragility of the lie isn’t as easy for Harvey to pinpoint as it feels slipping from Mike’s tongue.
Harvey doesn’t say anything about it though, instead the two men sit in silence for the longest time, each lost to their own thoughts. Mike doesn’t want Harvey’s pity, that much he knows for sure, but he’s not exactly sure what he does want from the other man, or what Harvey expects to gain from coming here today. Mike wants to ask about what he knows, how much Jessica told him, but the woman herself doesn’t know much more than his name, age, and Mike’s address, so Mike feels as if he has the upper hand here. He hates the idea, that this is some sort of game that Matthew’s now caught in the middle of, but Mike knows Harvey and he knows that he needs to be at his best so Harvey doesn’t walk all over him.
He watches Harvey deep in thoughts, wondering whether the man’s considering his past or his future, whether he regrets letting Mike walk away, whether he wishes he’d tried finding him sooner. Mike wants to ask but he’s not sure he’d like the answer so keeps his mouth shut. His mouth is dry and he tries to get words out, he tries to ask why the hell Harvey is there, but it gets caught and Mike swallows his curiosity, keeping it hidden alongside everything else he holds dear.
Eventually it’s Harvey who breaks them out of their mutually agreed silence, “So do I get to meet him?”
The hopeful twinge in Harvey’s voice makes Mike’s heart hurt. He’s aware that Harvey is truly asking him, that if Mike says no then that’s it, it’s all over, Harvey would walk away with no questions asked… but Mike can’t quite bring himself to do that. He knows that this will change everything, that Harvey meeting Matthew will be irreversible and it would mean Harvey becoming intertwined in his life once again. The thought both thrills and terrifies him.
“Depends, are you going to stay in his life? Are you going to make an effort and be a proper father or are you going to one day realise serious and permanent was never meant for you and then you’re never going to see him again?”
“Mike, I wouldn’t do that.”
“And when I found out I was pregnant I never thought I’d have to go through it alone, but I did.”
“I didn’t even know about it!”
“You never tried to find out.” Mike pushes through gritted teeth, seething with anger once more, “You never once tried to contact me. You knew I’d left because I loved you, you knew that I couldn’t work for you anymore because of what happened between us, and still you never once tried to find me, to even talk to me. You didn’t give a shit about me so why should I have thought you’d care about our son?”
Harvey speechless is not something Mike has seen often and after all these years he still finds it oddly pleasing and completely unsettling.
“I just… Mike, I’m sorry for how I dealt with things back then. I never thought it would fuck things up as badly as it did.” Harvey looks so genuinely regretful that it makes Mike’s heart hurt, “It took me a long time to admit to myself that I was the reason you left. I convinced myself for years that it was the fear of having your secret hanging over you that made you leave.”
Five years of hurt and loneliness, Mike had had plenty of time to imagine this scenario, to think of all the different ways their reunion might play out. Never once had he imagined that Harvey would apologise and mean it sincerely. Mike doesn’t know how to react; he doesn’t know what’s an appropriate response to Harvey’s confession. He’s still mad, mad that Harvey let him leave in the first place, mad that it took him over five years to come looking for him… Mad that Harvey’s return has brought with it all the feelings from years ago, the one’s he’d suppressed and never dared poke at but were demanding now to be felt once more.
“For what it’s worth I’m sorry I never tried to contact you.” Harvey stares at Mike, refusing to break eye contact, sincerity blazing through and making Mike’s heart leap and his anger flare up. There’s no way he’s going to fall prey again to the great Harvey Specter and his amazing eyes.
“Yeah, well, that doesn’t help much now, does it?”
“No you don’t get to sit here and spout platitudes at me, it’s all just empty words! If you’d wanted to be here then you would have been, if you’d cared about me then I wouldn’t have had to endure eight months of pure hell all by myself.”
“What? Mike, I don’t… What do you mean ‘pure hell’?”
Mike’s anger all but deflates at Harvey’s concerned tone, “I didn’t exactly have the easiest pregnancy.”
Living in and out of hospital for months on end was not what Mike imagined his pregnancy to be.
The first scare had only been weeks after Mike had left Pearson Specter. The scan showed the baby to be developing too slowly, that he was too small to be considered healthy for how far along Mike was. The doctor assured him it was fine, that they’d keep him in the hospital for a while and monitor his weight and his blood and the baby’s as well. He had all sorts of tubes poking out of him, giving the baby the nutrients it needed and trying to figure out why it wasn’t taking the nutrients it needed from Mike himself. After that Mike had been on a strict diet, ensuring that he was taking in enough healthy foods for himself and his child, and hospital visits became part of his fortnightly routine to make sure all was progressing as it should have been.
All was fine until the day Mike had collapsed on the floor of the bathroom, was rushed to the hospital, and Louis found out a few hours later. Mike was terrified he was going to die that day, that the baby was going to die, and he remembers in that moment he had wished Harvey had been there with him, had been the one helping him. In that moment he had promised himself if he survived he was going to tell Harvey the truth, he was going to admit to the baby and would welcome him into their lives if the older man wished as much. It was a promise he had broken, but one he remembers more clearly than everything else that happened that day.
Mike was almost 30 weeks pregnant when they told him he might lose his son. After the excruciating pain that resulted in his extensive stay in the hospital it took some time for things to settle down again, but they finally did. Until he was 30 weeks. He remembers vividly the doctor telling him that his son wasn’t doing too well, that his growth rate had slowed again and they were worried about his chances of making it. He was told he should begin to consider what he wanted to do, whether he wanted to risk a premature birth or a premature death, if there was anyone they should be calling for him… The answer to that question had been a sudden and forceful ‘no’. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; Harvey didn’t even cross his mind at the time. All he could think about was his son and the options available to him to best increase his son’s chance of survival.
He remembers sitting in the hospital bed, staring at the sonogram photos, hands caressing his belly as he whispered softly to his son. It amazed him to know that he was growing a child inside of him, that the protruding stomach that was making nearly all movements difficult was because of a tiny person forming, a part of him readying itself to enter the world.
“We’re going to be okay. We’ve made it this far, I know you can do it.”
He cried quietly to himself for hours, hushed and gentle but tears running down his cheeks regardless. He was terrified of losing his child, he had never known fear quite like it in his entire life. He spent hours speaking with his child, promising he would fight to the death to keep his son alive and promising a life of love and laughter when they both made it through the other side. The decision whether to give birth early was a hard one, more difficult than Mike’s decision to leave Pearson Specter… It was incomprehensible and impossible to explain, but Mike knew it was something he had to consider seriously.
The look of disbelief on his doctor’s face when Mike told him he was going to wait was mortifying. Mike knew it was a big decision, but he hadn’t expected the doctor to be so sure that Mike would deliver early… the expectation and the resulting reaction was terrifying and Mike almost changed his mind then and there. He didn’t though. Instead he explained himself, confessed that he was worried about the kid’s size, that his earlier stunted growth would increase the risk involved in an early delivery, that he was scared beyond measure that his child wouldn’t make it and he felt much safer with his child living inside him.
A little over a month later, the little tyke was fighting fit, but the doctor was once again worried about his condition inside the womb. It was then that Mike made the decision for an early delivery, making himself sick when considering the different outcomes, doubting the choice he’d made and the possible consequences he may have had to one day face. He knew it was time for action though, that he couldn’t risk his child’s life any more, and he hoped like hell that the kid would be strong enough to survive. Every night he prayed to a God he wasn’t quite sure he believed in anymore and he spent hours staring at his phone, contemplating contacting Harvey, wondering what the hell he would even say to the man if he ever gathered the courage to dial.
"Giving birth was the scariest thing I've ever done. I thought I was going to die."
Harvey stands suddenly and moves to sit on the other sofa, so close to Mike their thighs are touching, and he takes Mike's hand between his own, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
Mike takes his hands out of Harvey's grip but doesn't move away, "It's fine, Harvey, I'm not looking for pity, I'm just telling you what happened."
"I don't pity you, Mike, I can't believe what you've been through and you did it all alone cause I was a fucking jackass who couldn't pull his head out of his ass, and I'm genuinely sorry that I wasn't there to help you through it all."
"I don't think I've ever heard you apologise for anything before."
"I mean this."
Harvey's staring at him too intently, he's sitting much too close, and Mike’s heart goes into overdrive. His mind flashes back to those nights they had together, some of the best nights of his life, and he speaks before he's even aware of the words tumbling out of his mouth, "Jessica said you missed me."
"You spoke to Jessica?"
"She told me you knew."
Harvey glances away and breathes heavily for a few moments before turning back to Mike, "Like I said, it took me years to admit to myself that I'm the reason you left. I refused to even talk about you for probably the first year. I know I was an asshole and I know I hurt you unnecessarily and it's taken me this whole time to come to terms with how I feel."
Mike doesn't want to ask, he doesn't want to know, except that he so desperately does, "How you feel?"
"Jessica doesn't lie."
Mike wants to counter that, because yeah she lied for Mike for years, but he knows that's not Harvey's point.
"I missed you every single day. For five years. You think barging your way in here and apologising will make it all better?"
"No, Mike, I don't. I don't expect you to forgive me, the best I'm hoping for is that you allow me to get to know my son, but you still deserve to know."
And hell if that isn't the most perfect thing he could have said.
In that moment Mike wants to kiss him so badly, he wants to pull Harvey close and never let him go again, he wants to relive the memories that have plagued his dreams for years. Instead he rises from the sofa, pulling his phone from his pocket, "I'll get Matty brought home."
“Just… just stay here.” Mike motions for Harvey to stay seated where he is, glancing down the hall and back to Harvey a few times, eyes frantic, before he rushes down the hall and out of sight.
“Daddy!” Matthew’s squeal is definitely loud enough to have made its way down the hall to where Harvey is waiting and Mike closes his eyes for a moment, desperately hoping the older man doesn’t come exploring. He needs a few moments to orientate himself, to get his son used to the idea that he’s about to meet someone who could potentially become very important to him.
Mike catches the 15kg weight that suddenly throws itself into his arms, Mike chuckling quietly at his son’s antics, kissing him, happy to have him home, “Hey buddy, did you have a good time?” Matt nods back at him enthusiastically, his toothy grin warming Mike’s heart.
For a few moments Mike allows himself to forget about Harvey sitting just metres away in the other room, to pretend like his life isn’t about to change, perhaps drastically, perhaps forever.
“Thank you for taking him.” Mike lowers his voice hoping Louis will do the same, desperate for Harvey to not know whom he’s speaking with. He can only deal with one situation at a time and Mike knows this would cause an argument with Harvey, that it would rile up the older man even more than he had been earlier.
“Anytime at all, you know that.”
Mike manages a weak smile, beyond thankful that he has someone in his life willing to help him. He nuzzles into Matthew’s hair, still surprised by the pure love he feels for his son, the way he makes his heart feel full.
“How are things?”
Mike looks back up towards Louis, knowing his eyes will tell the older man everything Mike’s unable to say, unwilling to say in front of his son, “Things are much like I expected them to be. He was furious when he got here but he’s a lot calmer now. I threatened to throw him out, told him I won’t have him in the house if he’s like that.” Mike answers Louis’ unasked question of ‘how the hell did you get him to calm down?’
“Daddy,” Matt’s soft voice interrupts them, “Who are you talking about?”
“I’ll leave you to it.” Louis announces, ruffling Matthew’s hair before he turns and leaves, Mike’s quiet ‘thank you’ following him as he departs.
Mike closes the door and moves Matt onto the floor in front of him, crouching down before his son, still speaking in hushed tones, “Matty, there’s someone here who wants to meet you very much. He’s an old friend of Daddy’s, his name is Harvey. Would you like to meet him?”
“Yeah, okay.” Matt’s a shy kid but his interest seems somewhat piqued so Mike takes it as a good sign. He takes Matthew by the hand and leads him down the hall where Harvey is waiting patiently for them. Harvey’s moved to stand now, restless enough that Mike notices but only because he knows him so well. To anyone else Harvey would appear the picture perfect example of composure, smiling down at Matthew, awe and adoration evident immediately.
“Matt, this is Harvey. Can we say hello?”
“Hello.” Matt waves at him, half hidden behind Mike’s legs but smiling cheekily. Mike knows Harvey recognises the look, it’s one he’s seen etched on Mike’s own face on more than one occasion.
Mike sits in the empty seat and pulls Matthew onto his lap, bouncing the kid slightly and making him giggle.
“My daddy says that you wanted to meet me.”
“I did, yes.” Harvey’s open and his affection honest, “It’s a great pleasure.” Matthew giggles again and buries his head into Mike’s shoulder.
“This one can be a little silly sometimes.” Mike laughs, happy that Matthew’s seemingly comfortable around Harvey, he’s not concerned about meeting someone new.
“Daddy, can I go let Sam in?”
“Yeah of course, buddy.”
Mike watches Harvey watch Matthew as he runs down the hall, further into the house and towards the backyard. He can already see the open fondness written all over Harvey’s face and the loving desire burning in his eyes. In happier times, in moments of introspection when Mike wasn’t feeling so cynical, he had a feeling deep in his stomach that this would happen, that when Harvey met his son he wouldn’t want to let him go again. He’s had a long time to think about this, to try and decipher whether his accelerating heartbeat is from love and relief or fear and panic. He still has no idea.
Harvey drops his eyes and regroups before looking up at Mike again, intentions blazing before he even opens his mouth, quiet and timid and completely unlike the Harvey Mike thought he knew, “Can I get to know him?”
There’s a soft pounding surging through the house, getting louder as it approaches, loud giggles trailing behind it. Suddenly there’s a golden retriever jumping onto Harvey’s lap, licking at his face as the older man squirms and Mike struggles to keep himself from laughing, “Sam! Down!”
Matt’s laughter squeals around the house, getting louder in Mike’s ear as Matthew climbs up onto the sofa next to him, obviously finding the whole ordeal completely hilarious.
“Sorry about that.” Mike says through open laughter after Sam climbs down from Harvey’s lap and disappears down the hall. Matthew chases after him, laughing as he goes.
“It’s fine.” Harvey seems to genuinely mean it, “I didn’t know you had a dog.”
“Yeah, that’s Sam. He’s Matthew’s pride and joy. I got him when Matty had just turned one.”
“A baby and a puppy?” Harvey asks, amused and seemingly not at all surprised by Mike’s actions.
“Some people called me crazy but I wanted them to grow up together."
“I’d have to agree.”
Mike lets silence fall over them again as he contemplates Harvey’s earlier question, trying to figure out the best way to approach an answer.
“It’s up to him. I’ll talk to him about you, tell him properly who you are, and I’ll let him make the decision.” The doubt that clouds Harvey’s expression concerns Mike. He’s worried Harvey’s going to slip back into anger, that he’s going to demand things of Mike that the younger man isn’t quite yet ready to deliver on. Instead he falls even quieter, the obvious tension in his heart pulling at Mike’s own.
“Can you at least tell me about him?”
“What do you want to know?”
The reply is instantaneous, falling out of Harvey’s mouth before Mike can even finish speaking, “Everything. I want to know everything about him.”
“Okay.” Mike takes a deep breath as he wracks his brain for the right things to say. He could talk about Matthew for days, he could ramble about his son until his heart gave out but he struggles to find the right things to say to Harvey. He considers the things Harvey needs to hear, the things Mike wants to say, and the things that Harvey doesn’t even deserve to know, not yet.
“His birthday is July 2nd. He’s five, obviously.” Mike laughs a little self-depreciatively, breaking eye contact for a moment, awkward and unsure while Harvey stares back at him, completely captivated. “The day he was born… He was perfect. From the minute he was born he was absolutely everything I never knew I’d been missing. There were so many times I’d wanted you there, for the sonograms, through the tests and the pain, but when he was born… That was the first time it felt wrong that you weren’t there. I almost called you, crying and desperate and ready to plead for you to just be there.”
The second the words tumbled out of his mouth Mike swore internally. That definitely fell under ‘things Harvey doesn’t deserve to know’.
“You could have.”
“No I couldn’t.”
“I would have been there in a heartbeat.”
“I know that.” Mike stays silent after that, unable to explain to Harvey the hurricane of emotions he’d felt then and the same mix of confusion he’s feeling now.
Harvey breaks him out of his stupor by speaking again, soft and gentle and it’s sounds like too much emotion for Mike’s ears to deal with, “Can you tell me about him now?”
“He’ll start school in the fall. I thought about sending him after he just turned five but I thought it was too soon, and he was just too small. He’s ready for it now though, and quite looking forward to it.”
“That’s good. Did he get your brains?”
A soft chuckle escapes Mike’s lips, “Not quite. He’s smart though, he’s going to do great things.” Harvey smiles back at him, happy to hear anything he can about his son, “He did get your attitude though.” A full-blown grin takes over Mike’s face and Harvey’s not quite sure if he’s joking or not.
“I hope not.”
“Unfortunately.” Mike nods, “And he got my temperament too, so he tends to care all over the place.”
“Well I’m glad he didn’t get mine.”
Harvey smiling at him, the easy back and forth between them, it clutches at Mike’s heart and he coughs lightly to relieve some of the tension. It feels too much like what he’s always wanted and never been able to have – bonding with Harvey over adoration for their son.
“He’s been playing soccer about a year now. He wants to start baseball too but I think he’s a little young just yet.”
“I’d love to see him play some time.”
All emotion wipes from Mike’s face as he studies Harvey, trying to gauge his intentions, still not 100% sure what’s going on here. He voice is quiet and subdued when he speaks again, “I think he’d like that.”
Mike feels stupid for feeling shy around Harvey, like he’s some pathetic kid with their school crush and neither of them know how to act, or even speak, towards one another. He looks down the hall, hoping maybe Matt will join them again, but when he doesn’t immediately appear out of nowhere, Mike continues talking for lack of anything better to do. He doesn’t want to let awkwardness define this encounter.
"For his last birthday I took him to the zoo for the first time. Figured out then he doesn't particularly like big crowds but we had a good day. He's obsessed with alligators now." Mike says, a little bewildered, talking about Matthew immediately making him feel lighter. He's never quite understood what's so appealing about alligators, kids usually like elephants or giraffes or something, but if the kid's happy...
"He doesn't like crowds?"
"He doesn't like affection from strangers either, he's very particular about that. I'm not sure where it comes from but we're working on it."
"Does he... I mean, do you have many other people in your life that mean something to him?"
"A couple," Mike refuses to elaborate, "but he's at day care a couple of times a week, just to get him around other kids. He's fine, socially, it's just the physical affection he doesn't seem fond of."
"I'll keep it in mind."
The implication that Harvey honestly plans on staying around floors Mike once again and the pair fall back into silence.
Mike can’t help the way his gaze seems to gravitate back to Harvey’s mouth whenever a lapse in conversation occurs. He’s missed that mouth, more than he cares to admit, and he can’t seem to stop himself from staring. It helps him notice though when Harvey’s tossing words around in his mind, apparently testing them inside his mouth before letting them fall free.
“Can I ask about his size?”
“You mean why he’s so small? Apparently that’s what an intensively fucked up pregnancy does to your child. They still have no idea what was causing the problems in the first place, but they expect he’ll grow up pretty normally. There’s nothing wrong with him now, he’s just small.”
They pass away the hours by settling in to watch a film, the movie filling the void in conversation, distracting from the awkwardness that has settled over them. They sit together on one sofa, edging closer throughout the film until they’re pressed together, warmth radiating from one body to the other. It takes much longer than Mike wants to admit to for him to settle and become comfortable alongside Harvey.
When the credits finally roll Mike knows that it’s probably a little early to begin thinking about dinner but he has no idea what else to say to Harvey, he doesn’t know how to make things any simpler for them. He’s spent a good portion of the afternoon fidgeting and restless, nervous and second-guessing everything that comes out of his mouth.
"Matty!" The thumping of feet echoes from further into the house before Matt jumps onto Mike's lap, almost kicking Harvey in the face. He settles into Mike's lap, one hand wrapping around his neck, facing Harvey, staring as Mike speaks, "Do you want some dinner soon buddy?"
Matt nods silently, not even blinking as he watches Harvey.
Matt’s head whips up so he's looking at Mike, "It's rude to stare."
"Is Harvey staying for dinner?"
"I don't know yet." Mike stares at his son, mischief skirting around his features as he smiles softly.
"Mr Harvey, would you like to stay for dinner?"
"I.. Um... If that's okay with you and your dad."
"Daddy doesn't mind."
Harvey glances between father and son, finding it adorable and slightly disconcerting to find matching smiles on their faces.
"Then sure, I'd love to."
Matt grins and retreats to his room quickly, footsteps echoing loudly throughout the house, breaking the sudden silence that has fallen between Harvey and Mike. Mike moves into the kitchen, aware that Harvey's following him, both awkward and excited all at once. He's terrified of Harvey being here but he can't deny the happiness that's threatening dizzying smiles onto his face. He pours two glasses of wine, heart being faster as he turns to pass one to Harvey over the breakfast bar. The man looks positively divine in this soft glow of the kitchen light and Mike can't look away.
"Thank you for this. You didn't have to ask me to stay you know?" Harvey says, almost shy but eyes never wavering from Mike's.
"I didn't, Matthew did." Mike smirks back at him. He wants Harvey to know he's accepted here, for now at least, but he isn't able to say the words out loud, not yet.
"Well thank you all the same."
"Is spaghetti okay?" Mike asks, finally turning his back to Harvey, readying dinner for the three of them.
It doesn't hit Mike until the three of them sitting down at the dining table to eat. This is a family routine, family's sit down together to eat a home cooked meal, talking about their lives, sharing love and laughter. It freaks him out and makes him quiet, focused mostly on the spaghetti in front of him.
Mike's head snaps up and he realises belatedly he'd forgotten to cut up Matthew's strands of pasta. The kid loves spaghetti, probably as much as Mike loves pizza now, but he has trouble with the long strands still, preferring Mike cut them up into smaller pieces, easier for his tiny teeth to chew at.
"Oh sorry, buddy."
Mike moves to stand and help Matthew but Harvey beats him to it. Before Mike can properly process what's happening, Harvey's crouched himself down to Matthew's height and is helping him cut his pasta, whispering too quietly for Mike to make out exactly what is being said. Matthew's smiling though, laughing occasionally and staring at Harvey with bright eyes. Mike can't find it in himself to interrupt and he wonders then how comfortable Matthew feels with Harvey, if the bond between parent and child is instinctual and both are acting on it unawares.
"Thank you Harvey." Matthew mutters up at him when he's finished and returning to his own seat. Mike takes a sip of wine, hiding behind the glass to hide his emotions, knowing that love and fear and longing will all be present on his face and he can't let Harvey see that just yet.
Dinner passes by at once both too slowly and much too quickly for Mike's liking. He misses Harvey the moment he's gone, the older man's mere presence having made him feel settled like he hadn't been in years, reminding him of all the good memories he hadn't allowed himself to think about since he'd left the firm all those years ago.
He's relieved, however, to have the opportunity to have time with Matthew alone, to put him to bed and read to him like they've become so used to doing. It's a nightly routine Mike loves and he dreads the day Matthew outgrows it.
When they're finished reading together, when Matthew's finally settled enough to sleep, Mike puts the book aside and cuddles his son closer, "Matty? I want to talk to you about something before we go to sleep, okay?"
"Okay." Matthew smiles up at him and leans in for a quick kiss before settling down again. Mike's certain he's about to be sick; this level of nervousness cannot be normal. He's absolutely terrified that Matt isn't going to take this well but he knows it has to be done.
"You know how you once asked me where your mummy is and I said that I'm your mummy and your daddy?" He waits for Matt to nod in agreement before continuing, "Well, that's true, but you have another daddy as well."
"I have two daddies?"
"Yeah." Mike smiles softly, thankful his explanation worked and he didn't need to try another way.
"Okay..." The agreement comes more hesitantly this time but Matt nods again and seems to understand well enough.
"So I didn't want to tell you straight away but I'm going to tell you something now. Harvey, that you met today, he's your other daddy."
Matt stares at him silently for a few moments before breaking eye contact and looking away from Mike completely. He pulls his teddy closer to his chest and Mike can see flashes of anger, sadness and confusion fighting over his son's expression but waits him out. He knows Matt will speak again when he's figured it all out.
When he finally turns back he looks an odd combination of angry acceptance and Mike has no idea where this is going to go, "Okay. Is that why he was here today?"
"Yeah, he wanted to meet you. He didn't even know about you until yesterday."
"Why didn't you tell him?"
"I haven't talked to him since before you were born."
"Oh." The anger morphs into sadness and Mike hates himself for all of this. "Is he going to keep coming over to see me?"
"If you'd like him to." Mike tries to perk up, to insert some lightness into his voice. "He wants to get to know you but it's up to you if you want to or not."
"I think I do." The response comes much quicker than Mike was expecting, even with the traces of caution present in Matt's voice.
"Okay I'll let him know." Mike pulls Matt closer to him, kissing the top of his son's head and holding on tight, relief and anxiety both flooding through him.
"Do I have to call him Daddy though?" Matthew's whisper floats up to him, "You're my Daddy."
Mike kisses his forehead softly and pushes the golden locks back from his forehead, "You don't have to. You can call him Papa if you want? Or you can just call him Harvey if you want to. It's completely up to you."
Matthew suddenly crawls up into Mike's lap, both arms thrown around Mike's neck as he hugs him close, "I love you Daddy."
"I love you too buddy."
Harvey calls Mike the next day to thank him for allowing him the chance to meet his son, that he promises he won't screw it up and he knows that Mike's still anger and unsure and that Harvey understands completely the mistrust Mike is feeling. It makes Mike feel guilty, that he can't admit to it even though they both know it's true, but Harvey apologises again for the past and it brightens Mike's mood significantly. They joke together for a while, reminiscent of the old days, before Mike hangs up and both men return to their work.
It takes almost a week after that for Harvey to call again, to ask Mike if he can come visit them sometime soon. His voice shakes as he asks, just enough for Mike to hear, to detect the fear of rejection that must be almost paralysing to the older man.
"Does Saturday work for you?" Mike's almost surprised by his own words, he hadn't planned on saying that, he honestly expected more argument and deliberation on his part, but apparently his heart is is ruling his head in that moment.
Harvey's immediate silence tells Mike everything he needs to know and anger surges through him on a level he hadn't felt in years. Mike knows then that Harvey hasn't changed too much, that work is still the most important thing and Mike's about to be let down by it.
"I have meetings scheduled all day."
The disappointment that floods through him makes Mike feel sick, he knows better than to expect anything else from Harvey but somehow he still had. He knows he only has himself to blame for his expectations and his disappointments and he's somewhat glad they're speaking over the phone because he's 90% sure he would have punched Harvey in the face if he was standing before him.
"Well when you find the time to fit us in how about you call me back?" Mike hangs up on him, fury seething through him and making his hands shake. Mike hates that he let Harvey get to him, that he's weak enough to show Harvey that, that he can't control his emotions for even a few moments.
They've just finished dinner when Mike's phone rings again. He rushes to dry his hands on the nearest towel, listening to sounds of Matthew playing happily in his bedroom as Mike reaches for the phone. He assumes it's Louis, wanting to check in on them, perhaps planning to come visit them sometime soon.
He doesn't even glance at the caller ID, instead just picking up the phone and holding it to his ear with his shoulder, returning back to the dishes he's abandoned in the sink, "Hey."
"I'm sorry about earlier. I'd still like to see you if that's okay?"
"Harvey?" Mike pulls the phone away from his ear, his face scrunching up in confusion.
"Hey." He feels his breathing calm and his whole body relax just at hearing those two tiny words. The anger from earlier keeps itself hidden and Mike's glad for it. He hates being mad at Harvey, he much prefers this indescribable and incomprehensible happiness that sometimes flutters through his chest and makes his heart beat that little bit faster.
"I moved a client meeting to early morning so I can be there by lunch time?"
"What? Harvey what are you talking about?"
"Saturday. I said I had to work but I've reorganised things and I'd like to see Matthew."
"I... Yeah, okay, of course."
Harvey seems hesitant when he speaks again, "Is that still okay, Mike?"
"Yeah, sorry, just... You just caught me at a bad time."
"I can call back."
"No, it's fine. Saturday lunch, great. I'm sure he'll be looking forward to it."
"Is there anywhere you can suggest?"
"I'll sort it out, Harvey, you just make sure you're here." The threat of 'you disappoint him by not showing up and we won’t make any more plans to see you' goes unsaid but completely understood.
Nervous would be an understatement and Mike's pretty certain he's not the only one feeling it.
"You ready to go, buddy?" Mike asks his son, leaning against the doorframe to Matthew's bedroom, watching the kid play with his Avengers action figures on the floor.
Matt smiles and nods up at him, "Are my clothes okay, Daddy?"
Mike chuckles softly, full of affection at his son's heartfelt sincerity. It's completely like him to worry about what clothes he's wearing and Mike finds the whole thing adorable. It hits him for the first time then how completely like Harvey it is. Mike shakes the thought away and refocuses his attention on his son and what he's wearing. His black jeans and black shoes are miniature versions of what Mike could find in his own closet, the black and white Batman shirt complementing them nicely.
"What about your hat?"
Matthew scrambles to stand from his place on the floor and wanders into the excessively large walk-in robe to choose a hat to wear. The black, white and blue one he chooses is Mike's favourite and he can't resist picking up his son and holding him close to his chest, "Looks awesome."
Matt holds onto him tightly, hugging his Dad quietly as both think about what the next few hours may bring. Mike's not quite sure he's ready to do this, to willingly spend time with Harvey once again, but he reminds himself it's not about him, it's about his son, and despite everything that's happened in the past, he really wants Matthew to get along well with his father.
Overall, Mike couldn’t be happier with how lunch goes.
When they arrive at their favourite diner Harvey is already there waiting for them. He seems ridiculously out of place in his immaculate suit and perfectly styled hair and Mike struggles not to laugh at the sight. Harvey visibly relaxes when he spots them enter and it helps to ease Mike’s nerves.
“Hi Harvey!” Matt runs towards the booth Harvey is occupying, crawling up into the seat beside the older man, grinning wide and already talking a mile a minute, “I won my soccer game this morning! I didn’t get to score a goal but we still won and that means we’re going real good.”
Harvey laughs at Matt’s enthusiasm, watching out of the corner of his eye as Mike sits opposite them, “Well that’s good for you. I wish I could have seen you play.”
“You can come next time.” Matt focuses his attention to the menu lying before him, apparently scrutinising every available option. Harvey watches him study it, eyes moving too quickly to really be absorbing any information but still his brow furrowed in concentration. When he pulls back and stares at Mike, all authoritative seriousness as he says, “Daddy, I want pancakes” Harvey can’t help the laugh that escapes.
They order their meals and chat quietly, Harvey and Mike discussing their respective jobs, Mike incredibly curious about the inner workings of Pearson Specter Litt nowadays and finds a private pleasure in hearing Harvey rant about Louis. Mike finds himself enjoying the fact that he’s now privy to both sides of the situation.
Matthew takes the opportunity to tell Harvey everything about himself that crosses his mind. He gives his father the stinkeye as he talks about wanting to have started school that year but Mike wouldn’t let him, no matter how much he begged. He talks about his favourite things, namely skateboarding, alligators, and aeroplanes.
The skateboarding piques Harvey’s interest and Mike explains all about how he’d given up the bike when he was pregnant and not long after Matthew was born had converted to skateboarding. He finds the activity easier than biking when he has a child, the free use of his hands proving to be most useful in certain situations over the years. Matthew tells Harvey all about his skateboard and how one day he might be a pro skater, if he doesn’t choose to do something better instead.
Harvey laughs at nearly all of it, open and loving and obviously completely captivated by anything and everything Matthew has to say. Mike enjoys watching the two of them interact, he can’t help but cherish the look of love that transforms Harvey’s normally harsh features and Mike prays to that God that is quite possible watching over them that Harvey doesn’t end up hurting them all over again.
The first time Harvey and Matthew go out alone together Mike's sure he's going to have a heart attack. They're only going to lunch and then the skate-park, Mike knows that and he honestly trusts that Matt will be safe with Harvey, but he still can't bring himself to relax for the few hours they're gone.
The moment they walk through the door, Matt babbling incessantly to Harvey about something or other, Mike's out of his chair and down the hall, meeting the pair just inside the door.
Only Mike's sudden arrival had Matthew stopping in his rant, "Daddy!"
"Hey buddy," Mike crouches down and hugs his son tight, body finally calming again now that he has Matthew home, "Did you have a good time with Harvey?"
Matt nods back at him enthusiastically, grinning wildly, "Did you know that Harvey can skate?"
"No I didn't." The imagine has Mike laughing along with his son, "Is he any good?"
"Is he better than me?" Mike narrows his brows playfully and Matthew descends into a fit of giggles, the screeching laughter only getting louder when Mike begins tickling his belly and pressing kisses all over his face.
"Daddy!" Matthew whines, torn between laughter and pulling away from Mike's tickles, "Daddy stop! You're better! Promise!"
Mike stops then, grinning like an idiot at the pure joy radiating from his son, "Promise?"
"Yeah." Matt kisses him and throws his arms back around Mike's neck. Mike holds him close and stands, Matthew's body automatically wrapping around Mike's slender frame.
"Did you have a good time?" Mike asks Harvey, embarrassment running through him as he realises Harvey just bore witness to his private encounter with his son. He loves his son, more than anything, and he believes affection and playfulness are essential in the healthy upbringing of a child, but he still feels somewhat uncomfortable knowing that Harvey was privy to seeing them like that.
"I did." Harvey nods, honest and open and smiling lightly, "I'd love to do it again sometime."
Mike smiles back, embarrassment suddenly forgotten, "I'm sure we can arrange that."
They continue like that for some time, Harvey alternating between spending time with both Mike and Matt, and sometimes just with Matthew alone, establishing a father/son relationship that had missed its opportunity to form during the years previous.
Mike likes the way they transform somewhat into a little family, having home-cooked meals together, going out together to share experiences with Matthew, helping their son grow into the real world. It's fun and full of laughter and Mike dreads the day it all turns to shit because he has no doubt that some day it will.
The night Harvey turns up unannounced, ragged with panting breath, late enough that Mike's already put Matthew to bed, Mike's terrified that the day has come. He forgets to breath for a few moments, his body stiffens and his mind rushes through the billions of possible scenarios where Mike loses Matthew or the two of them end up heartbroken.
"Harvey! We weren't expecting you until tomorrow."
"I know, I'm sorry. Is he still awake?"
"He should be, I only just put him down." The pair make their way down the hall together, Mike's mind reeling, struggling to figure out exactly what's going on, why Harvey's here now and why he's so intent on seeing Matthew. Panic rises and threatens to spurt out words uncensored, no doubt tears and pleas to what, Mike’s not exactly sure. He manages to keep himself under check though and remains silent as they wander through the house.
They pause in the doorway to Matt's bedroom, Harvey continuing inside quietly when Matt looks over to them. Harvey crouches beside the bed and reaches out to gently run his fingers through Matthew's hair, "Hey champ, sorry to keep you awake."
"It's okay. I thought you were going to be here tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I was. I just had a change in plans. This way I get to say goodnight though."
Matt smiles up at him, obviously on the verge of sleep but still pleased to have Harvey there. He reaches out to wrap his arms around Harvey's neck in a quick hug, "Goodnight Harvey."
"Goodnight Matty." The sight makes Mike's heart ache and when Harvey leans over to kiss Matt on the forehead he has to leave the room before he breaks down completely.
A few minutes later Harvey finds him in the master bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, studying something in his hands.
"Is it okay that I'm here?"
Mike looks up to study Harvey where he's leaning in the doorway, suit jacket missing and shirt untucked, looking crinkled in a way that Harvey Specter never does. He looks downright delectable though and Mike hates that he still has those thoughts.
"Why are you here?" It's not biting and unwelcome, but rather soft and curious, like he genuinely wants to know, like he cares about the happenings of Harvey's life.
"I was roped into a pretty tough case for a friend of Jessica's - it was too personal for her to take on but she couldn't send them off to another firm. There's a reason I didn't become a divorce lawyer." Harvey continues when Mike's head tilts in curiosity, "There are kids involved."
"Ah." Now he understands.
Harvey moves into the room to sit next to Mike on the edge of the bed, "I'm sorry, I just had to see him."
"You don't have to apologise. You're welcome anytime."
Harvey's attention is once again captured by the object in Mike's hands, "What have you got there?"
Mike hands it to him wordlessly, breathing strangely calm. This is one of those things Mike deemed Harvey undeserving of and now is somehow sharing it with him. Harvey's increased presence is blurring the lines between then and now and Mike's starting to lose his composure.
Harvey takes it hesitantly and says nothing, instead staring at the photo like he can't quite believe what he's seeing. Mike knows the feeling. He still remembers the first sonogram, when all that could be made out was a tiny little circle that would later grow into the beautiful boy he has now. The photograph Harvey holds is a later one, a scan in which it's quite obviously a baby, with tiny feet and tiny hands and the smallest nose Mike has ever seen in his life. His heart races just looking at it, at the sheer beauty and wonder that the photograph holds.
“He’s beautiful.” Harvey whispers, careful not to break the delicate spell hanging over them.
“He’s ours.” Mike looks up at Harvey through his eyelashes, concerned only with the bright brown staring back at him.
It’s intoxicating, the way Harvey stares at him, moving closer inch by inch until he’s all Mike can focus on. His lips are right there, tempting and perfect, soft and full, and everything Mike’s been missing for years. Lips lock together and it’s wonderful and frightening, blood pumping through his veins so rapidly it makes though difficult and reality diffuses around them.
The feel of Harvey’s cool fingers resting against Mike’s cheek snaps the younger man back to reality and he jerks away from the lips he’s missed so much.
“I can’t. Sorry, I just… I can’t do this. It’s been five years, Harvey, you can’t expect this of me.”
Harvey draws back rather suddenly, body suddenly stiff and his face terse, a complete contradiction to how he had been moments ago, “Are you seeing someone?”
“What? No!” Mike notices the way Harvey physically deflates, still somewhat on edge, like he doesn’t quite believe what Mike’s saying but willing to go with it for now. Mike takes the opportunity to steady his breath and ready his thoughts, “Harvey you wanted nothing to do with me before, nothing’s changed now.”
“Maybe it has.”
“What? Because we have a son together?” Mike asks incredulously, “You’ve been gone five years! We don’t even know each other anymore.”
“I know that I was an idiot five years ago and I don’t want to make the same mistakes again now.”
“You can’t…” Mike stands and moves away from the bed, away from Harvey, his hands running through already messy hair, “You can’t do this to me, Harvey. It killed me to walk away from you, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, and you know that’s saying something.”
Mike glances up at the older man just in time to see him look away; whether out of discomfort or sorrow, Mike’s not really sure.
“I had to learn to live without you, I had to raise our son by myself, and then you just waltz back into my life expecting … what? For us to be one big, happy family?”
Harvey looks uncomfortable in a way Mike has never seen before. His shoulders are hunched and he’s struggling to even look at Mike as his fingers dance across his thighs, nervous and unsure. When he finally looks up at Mike, eyes uncertain and pleading, his voice is little more than a whisper, “I just want another chance.”
“I was in love with you!” Mike doesn’t mean to blurt it out, he doesn’t mean to yell, but Harvey sitting in front of him, practically pleading to be with Mike… after five years of longing and pain it’s too much for him to deal with.
“I’m in love with you too.”
Mike wishes it was muttered, was whispered, was said in any other way than directly at Mike, steady and coherent. Any other way and Mike could have pleaded ignorance, could have argued that he didn’t hear Harvey or didn’t fully understand his meaning, but it’s clear and concise and leaves no room for misunderstanding.
“Harvey, this isn’t fair.” Mike pleads.
Harvey stands and moves towards him, stopping only centimetres away, much too close for Mike to deal with, his brain going into overdrive while his heart pounds relentlessly inside his chest.
“I can’t lie to you anymore.” Harvey’s lips hover close to Mike, not demanding but assuring, letting Mike know he’s there if the younger man is ready to take the fall. He considers it, in that moment there’s honestly nothing he wants more than to press his lips against Harvey’s again and take everything he’s been missing for years, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He has to think about himself, and more importantly he has to think about his son, and Mike won’t ruin the precarious balance they have working for them at the moment.
It takes every ounce of willpower he possesses but Mike steps away, out of Harvey’s reach, hating the hurt that flashes through the older man’s eyes, “There’s a guest bedroom down the hall.” It’s all Mike can manage before he’s moving away, running from Harvey and finding solace in the isolation of his ensuite bathroom.
The next few weeks fly by, a whirlwind of Harvey building and rebuilding his relationships with Matthew and Mike respectively. Having Harvey around is almost bizarre, like Mike’s stuck in some realistic dream that definitely feels wrong in some regard but he’s not quite sure whether he wants to wake from it. He loves being around Harvey, the way their relationship is stabilising and reaching to be what they once were, or even more on some level, even despite the awkwardness that follows Harvey’s confession. It continually feels like progress, that every day they spend together is only serving to make things better, and he wonders when the other shoe is going to drop.
More than that though, Mike loves seeing Harvey with Matthew. He loves watching them interact, laughing together and showing affection for each other. Mike had doubts about Harvey as a parent, he would never deny that, but he’s pleasantly surprised by the way Harvey grows and adapts and gives Matthew all the love in the world. Harvey becomes devoted to Matthew in a way that Mike never expected. He knows that realistically he should have, Harvey never does anything half-assed and loyalty and family mean everything to him, but somehow Mike still didn’t think Harvey would dive in and give 100% of himself.
Not only is Harvey affectionate with Matthew but he is with Mike as well. Just the occasional touch here or there, a soft smile or a few words of praise, but it makes Mike’s heart race and he doesn’t know what to do about it. Harvey’s honest in a way Mike never knew he could be, confiding in Mike, explaining his thoughts and his fears, admitting that he’s worried about ruining things with Mike and Matthew once again.
Mike catches himself on more than one occasion wishing for a more intimate relationship with Harvey. He misses being close, being able to touch, he misses that mouth on his and the way Harvey cherished him in the bedroom. Mike knows not to expect it though, that no matter the feelings that are intensifying everyday in his own heart and mind, that he can’t allow himself to fall for Harvey’s words. The confession of love has never been brought up again by either man and some days Mike feels like it was all some bizarre dream, but he finds himself deliberately over Harvey’s words and whether or not he believes if Harvey actually meant them. No matter what conclusion he reaches, though, he knows that he will never act on his feelings, that he’s never going to risk their relationship again, and he’s most definitely not going to risk Matthew’s relationship with his father.
“I want him to meet Marcus.”
Mike waits for it. An explanation, a continuation, a laughing ‘just kidding!’… Mike’s not quite sure but he waits for it nonetheless. Harvey can’t be serious. He hardly knows his son, he can’t expect Matt to be ready to meet Marcus already. Especially considering the kid’s weird affliction with meeting people who dare to presume they have the right to be affectionate with him. Whatever Mike’s waiting for, it doesn’t come.
“You have to be joking.”
“Why?” Harvey continues without waiting for an answer, “Mike, he’s his nephew, of course he wants to meet him. And what about his cousins? Don’t you think he should have the chance to meet them, too? To be friends with them? He has a family, Mike.”
The ‘outside of you’ goes unsaid but Mike hears it loud and clear and he resents the implication, it makes his blood boil and he has to grit his teeth to stop himself from lashing out, because ultimately he knows Harvey has a point.
“I just think it’s all a bit too much, too soon.”
“Mike, we’re trying to make up for five years.”
“That’s not something you can make up for.”
“I have to try.”
Mike wishes he could say that Matthew was the only thing he’d kept from Harvey, he wishes he could say that and mean it honestly, that there weren’t any more secrets he’s been keeping. The truth is though, Mike doesn’t cope well with emotional upheavals, something Harvey knows all too well, and it was only the fact he was pregnant that kept Mike away from the weed when he’d left Pearson Specter all those years ago. After Matthew was born though… well five years is a long time to resist temptation, to resist falling back into old patterns and bad habits and Mike’s never been too good at resisting temptation. That’s what got him into this whole mess with Harvey to begin with.
Matthew wasn’t even a year old before Mike succumbed. He left Matt with Louis for a few hours, made it his mission to find the closest decent quality weed he could, and he smoked up for the afternoon. The effect it had on him was relieving in it’s familiarity, calming his nerves and quietening his brain, and Mike knew then and there he wouldn’t be able to give it up again. The one thing he made sure of though was to not abuse the drug. He wouldn’t allow himself to revert back into the person he’d been before Pearson Specter, he wasn’t going to throw his life away again; Matthew meant too much to him. It was a relief though, a calming agent and an escape from reality, from the thoughts of Harvey and the nightmare heartbreak he was putting himself through every single day.
At that time Mike had more bad days than good days, days when he struggled to not pick up the phone, when Harvey was the only thing he could think about and Mike was sure if it weren’t for Matthew, if it weren’t for his son’s best interests always being at the forefront of his mind, he would have done something reckless. It took a lot longer than he ever imagined for the good days to start outweighing the bad, when having a newborn became exciting instead of terrifying, when Harvey was no longer his first and last thought of the day, and he began to enjoy his new life with his son and raising him to be the best person he could be.
When Matthew was first born Mike would second guess every decision he made about his son, wondering if Harvey would approve or whether he’d do things differently, whether he’d be happy with the way Mike was raising their son. Eventually the doubt ceased, Mike became confident in his role as a parent, he no longer cared about what Harvey would say, instead he focused on helping Matthew grow into a better person than Mike had been as a youth, making sure the boy knew he was loved and always would be. He enjoyed them being a family.
Now that Harvey’s back in their lives the doubt has coming creeping back. Now that Harvey knows about Matthew, now that he actually has a say in their son’s upbringing… Mike’s terrified of the day the criticism begins and Harvey questions Mike’s role as a parent. That’s all he can think about now, sitting on a rickety old bench in a deserted park not far from where he used to live in Brooklyn.
Mike had dropped Matthew off at Harvey’s condo earlier that morning, leaving the boy to go and enjoy a day with the Specter family, meeting Marcus and his children and learning more about the father he still hasn’t yet come to know completely.
It broke Mike’s heart was Matt admitted he was scared, that he wanted Mike to go with them, he was worried he might not like the people was going to meet. Mike had almost been tempted to agree, to go with them and make sure Matthew was happy and felt loved, but he knew it wasn’t fair on Harvey, that he had to give the older man the opportunity to get to know his son. He owed it to Matthew too.
Being back at the condo, however briefly it had been, was like a shock to the heart. Mike felt like he couldn’t breathe, an onslaught of memories cascading through his mind, making him relive every moment, every night he’d spent in Harvey’s bed, feeling loved like he never had been in his entire life.
That’s why he’s sitting in a stingy park in Brooklyn, no company but rustling leaves and the joint in his hand, the howling wind biting through his too-thin jacket. Mike knows it’s a bad idea, that he has to see Harvey later and he’s sure the older man will know almost immediately that Mike has spent his day getting high, but he can’t quite bring himself to care. All he can think about is the feel of Harvey’s skin against his own, sweating and burning, and the way Harvey moved inside him, taking him, making him feel whole. He misses sex with Harvey, he misses the experience and the love and the way Harvey looked into his eyes as he caressed Mike’s skin. There was love there, Mike has no doubt. Despite Harvey’s protests then that it had meant nothing, Mike had felt it, not just his own emotions but Harvey’s as well, and deep down he always knew it was more than just sex for the both of them. Harvey’s refusal to admit it though had been Mike’s downfall, breaking him and making him run.
The memory of Harvey kissing him in Mike’s bedroom not five weeks ago has Mike reaching into his pocket for another joint, lighting up and praying for the clouded nothingness to take over his brain. The way that Harvey looked at him, with such honest sorrow and affection as he admitted he loves Mike tears at Mike’s heart and suddenly he just wants to run. He can do this with Harvey anymore, he can’t be around the older man and be expected to act like everything’s okay, like he’s not still hopelessly in love with someone who tore him to pieces and didn’t even care enough to come looking for him for five years.
Mike shakes the thought away and takes another drag of the joint, revelling in silence and the cool breeze that dances around him, knowing that the carelessness he’s craving will come soon enough.
Walking down the hall to Harvey’s condo Mike suddenly regrets the two and a half joints he’d smoked at the park. Dread floods his gut, he doesn’t want to see the disappointment flashing in Harvey’s eyes when he figures it out, he doesn’t want to see anger tightening his features and he definitely doesn’t want to hear the resulting lecture. It occurs to him for the first time then that Harvey might use this against him, that he might try to use this to take Matthew away from him. Swallowing the vomit that threatens to rise up his throat, Mike knocks rapidly on the door and waits.
He feels as if he’s been waiting forever by the time the door opens, Harvey facing him, a loud squealing “Daddy!” echoing through the apartment before Matthew’s running at his legs and Mike bends to catch him in his arms. All thoughts of Harvey leave his mind for a few moments as he focuses on his son, smiling for the first time all day. He hates being away from Matt, he hates the emptiness that fills his chest from the separation, the constant worry that niggles at the back of his mind like something’s gone wrong and he just doesn’t know about it yet.
“Did you have a good day?” Mike only notices he’s speaking halfway through his question and his voice sounds strange even to his own ears. He clears his throat and can’t bring himself to look at Harvey, afraid that meeting the older man’s eyes will spill all of the secrets he’s fighting to keep hidden. Instead he focuses on Matthew, on the smile on his son’s face and the way his eyes light up as he tells Mike about his day.
“I met Uncle Marcus and Aunty Linda and Tommy and Abby and we all went to the bowling alley!”
“The bowling alley! That’s pretty exciting. Did you have fun?”
“Harvey helped me roll the balls because they were hard to pick up and it was a lot of fun even though we lost. Abby and Uncle Marcus won.”
“Well that’s okay, as long as you had fun.” Mike can’t not look at Harvey when Matthew lets the Uncle and Aunty slip easily from his mouth but is still stuck on ‘Harvey’ instead of ‘Papa’. There’s a sadness there that Mike has never seen before, a disappointed regret that Harvey’s admitted to but Mike has never seen written so plainly across his face. It stings Mike’s heart and he has to remind himself that Harvey’s responsible for never looking for Mike all those years ago.
“Yeah lots of fun! After the bowling alley we went back to Uncle Marcus’ house and we swam in the pool!”
Mike focuses on his son again, a loving smile unable to be wiped from his face, “I’m glad you had a good time.”
“Do you want to come in for some dinner?”
It’s the first thing Harvey’s said and it sounds wrong somehow, like he’s struggling to get the words out, gone is his usual demeanour of unaffected impartiality. Mike knows he should make eye contact and answer him, that anything else will seem suspicious and Mike’s desperate to seem as normal as possible. It’s a struggle though, he has to force himself, and the look of realisation that takes over Harvey’s face has him speaking quickly.
“No, I really shouldn’t. I should get this one home and into bed.”
“I think you should.” The cold exterior is back and Mike knows immediately it’s more an order than an actual suggestion. He knows he’s in shit and that tone and that look remind him way too much of his days as Harvey’s associate and he can’t bring himself to say no.
Mike kisses Matt on the forehead before placing him back on the ground, patting his back gently, “Come on, buddy, lets go have dinner with Harvey.”
Awkward is an understatement. The whole night Mike feels on edge, knowing Harvey’s watching him like he’s trying to figure out the solution to a persistent and annoying puzzle. He orders them pizza, something Mike assumes to be a last minute decision made on Harvey’s part purely because he’s too mad at Mike to bother attempting anything in the kitchen. The way he moves around the apartment is stiff and sure, unimpressed and closed off. Mike hates that Matthew’s seeing his father like this but he also knows it’s his own fault.
Matt seems happy enough, though. He spends the night torn between following Harvey around wherever he moves and talking his father’s ear off and snuggling close to Mike, quiet and calm, just happy to be comfortable and reunited with his Daddy. It’s there that Matthew falls asleep, curled up under Mike’s arm on Harvey’s large leather sofa, only midway through their chosen film.
It isn’t until Matt’s fallen asleep that Mike realises how awkward he feels to be back in Harvey’s condo, how much the idea freaked him out that morning and the memories flood his mind again. He knows it’s inappropriate, that Harvey’s furious with him and they’re still struggling to find balance in their new life together, to find a way to make this work where they’re all happy and not left wanting for more.
“How long have you been smoking again for?” Harvey’s voice is low and quiet from the other end of the sofa, Matt’s feet pressing against his outer thigh.
Mike has to swallow around the lump in his throat before he’s able to speak, knowing that his response is going to infuriate Harvey but unable to tell him anything but the truth, “A couple of years.”
Mike’s watching Harvey intently, waiting for any kind of response, and notices the way his jaw clenches and his nostrils flair and yeah the man is furious.
“So the whole time Matthew’s been born? Do you really think this is a good idea?”
“I never smoke when he’s around or when I know I’ll have to look after him.” Mike stares into Harvey’s eyes, refusing to look away. He needs Harvey to understand how much he means this, that it’s the absolute truth and he’d never do anything to jeopardise his son’s care, “I need you to know that. He always comes first.”
Harvey studies him for a while, contemplating Mike’s words and trying to decide on a course of action. Mike’s terrified Harvey’s going to tell him it isn’t good enough, that he’s taking Matthew and there’s nothing much he can do about it. He sees Harvey glance down to Matthew then back to him before he finally speaks, his voice quiet but no longer harsh, “I know that. I know you wouldn’t risk him.” Mike visibly relaxes but Harvey keeps speaking, “That doesn’t mean I’m happy about this though.”
“There were a lot of things I didn’t know how to deal with when I left.”
Harvey doesn’t apologise again, Mike notices. It’s probably one of the few times ever that Mike’s brought up what happened between them and Harvey hasn’t been quick to try to make amends. Mike doesn’t mind, he meant it was he said he didn’t need to hear it, but it reinforces just how angry Harvey is with the idea that Mike’s smoking again.
They fall silent, neither knowing what to say, how to react accordingly. Mike struggles to think beyond running away or falling into Harvey’s arms and apparently his survival instinct has improved because he stands and lifts Matthew with his, resting his son’s deadweight against him, “I should be getting him home.”
Harvey stands too and wordlessly collects Matthew’s things before meeting Mike at the door. He’s staring and Mike can’t figure out whether it’s good or bad, want or disapproval, but Harvey answers that question for him when he leans forward enough to press their lips together. It’s gentle and quick and Mike feels himself chasing it when Harvey pulls away.
Mike wants to protest, he wants to ask Harvey why he did that, ask whether he’s mad or just what the hell is going on, but he finds his throat constricted and he’s unable to speak. Instead he just nods silently and whisks Matthew away out into the cold, more than ready to be home in his own bed but knowing the journey is much too long this late at night. He heads to Louis’ place instead and guilt clenches his stomach when he realises there’s yet another secret he’s keeping from Harvey.
Mike can feel his pulse racing as he steps onto the elevator at Pearson Specter, his hold tightening on Matthew who Mike’s resting on his hip. He sucks in a deep, steadying breath as the elevator comes to a halt and his senses are bombarded by too much too quickly. Mike never thought he’d be back here. He never thought he’d again be walking down the too familiar halls, inundated by memories that plague his best dreams and his worst nightmares. He adjusts Matt where he rests against Mike, tightens his hold on his son and presses a kiss to the side of his head. They’re getting stares already and Mike never wanted to put Matt into this situation, he never wanted to make his son feel uncomfortable but he also knows they have to end up here eventually and it’s best to get it out of the way.
The rush of relief that surges through Mike’s body at the sight of Harvey walking towards them is frightening in it’s reassurance, the way it makes his stomach flutter and his heart pound is something he’s still not used to. It’s unexpected but familiar and it sends Mike’s mind into chaos. He smiles hesitantly at Harvey, glad when Harvey’s expression reflects the man he’s come to know recently and not the cutthroat lawyer of the past.
“Hey.” Mike’s voice comes out as almost a whisper, conscious of the people blatantly watching them.
“Hey yourself.” There’s that smug grin he recognises.
“Sorry we’re early.”
“It’s no trouble at all.”
It’s then that Mike becomes properly aware of the way Matthew is wriggling in his arms. He’d been too caught up in seeing Harvey again, in not allowing awkwardness to take over their encounter, but Matt’s quite obviously squirming now, one arm pushing at Mike while the other reaches for Harvey.
Mike passes him over without a word, slightly confused but all the while amused by the actions of his son. While Matt and Harvey have definitely bonded over the last few months it’s still unlike Matthew to so openly welcome affection and attachment from another person. Mike’s heart swells at the sight, of his son and the boy’s father getting along so well, of Matt finally opening up to him. Harvey’s expression mirrors Mike’s own feelings but he takes Matthew into his arms without question, balancing Matt against his hip the same way Mike had.
“Hey buddy.” Harvey smiles, bouncing Matthew on his hip.
It shouldn’t be a big deal, in reality it’s only one little word, but Mike gasps aloud at the sound, his face breaking out into a wide grin, Harvey’s expression matching as the words process in his brain and he glances briefly at Mike. Harvey huffs a soft laugh, like he can’t quite believe it, like he never expected them to make this much progress, and then he kisses Matthew on the forehead, holding him that little bit tighter.
“How you doing?”
“I’m good.” Matt smiles back at Harvey, all teeth and full of childish enthusiasm. Mike hopes he never loses that.
“That’s good. Excited to see where your Papa works?”
“Yeah! Daddy bought our skateboards but he said we can’t ride them inside.”
“Well he’s right, there’s a little too many people around here, you might get hurt.”
Matt’s face falls like he was expecting Harvey to disagree, like he was secretly hoping to turn Harvey against Mike to get what he wants and Mike groans quietly in despair, hoping it’s not a sign of things to come. Matt starts squirming once again, pushing away from Harvey and Mike’s heart breaks a little bit of the sight of Harvey’s face falling. It’s not unlike Matt to push away from physical contact when he doesn’t get what he wants but Mike has to remember Harvey doesn’t know that yet and it’s nothing personal, it’s just the way the kid copes with things.
Mike steps forward to intervene, to take Matt from Harvey’s arms when he realises the kid isn’t upset, he isn’t squirming in anger but that he’s spotted someone else and wants to get down. Mike follows Matt’s eye-line and his stomach drops in trepidation.
Harvey loosens his hold on Matt out of pure shock when he notices who’s approaching them, allowing his son to slip out of his grip and onto the floor. The small boy runs towards the legs of Louis Litt, hugging around the man's middle when he reaches him. Matt's squeal attracts the attention of the majority of the people bustling around them, bystanders curious to see Mike Ross back inside the building, Louis Litt hugging a small child, and Harvey Specter, for once, looking like he has absolutely no handle on the situation or any idea of how to reconcile in his brain the current events taking place before him.
"Matthew. This is a surprise." Louis smiles down at the small boy after casting a quick, curious glance towards Mike. He's all too aware of the way Harvey's watching him, that this is not only Mike's son but Harvey's as well, and that Harvey still has no idea he's been in touch with Mike all these years.
"Daddy brought me to come and see Papa's office! He said we can't ride our skateboards inside though." The flinging between an ecstatic smile and an unimpressed frown doesn't faze Louis in the slightest, he's much too use to Matthew's temperament by now, and all too aware of how chaotic children's emotions can be. Mike notices though that the use of 'Papa' captures his attention and that the older man is struggling not to look to Mike for answers. He's aware of what a new development this is and he wants to know Mike's take on the whole matter. No matter how much progress has been made the past few months he can't say he approves of Mike and Harvey's slowly reforming relationship.
"It's too dangerous to ride your skateboard inside, you know that. Maybe you can come and see my office too though while you're here?"
"Yeah!" Matt turns to look at Mike, all smiles and bright eyes as he searches for approval.
"I'm sure we can find some time to spend with Uncle Louis." Mike chuckles but ceases abruptly when he feels Harvey stiffen beside him.
"Maybe Matthew could go with him now while we have a quick chat?"
Mike hates the way Harvey's looking at him, betrayal and anger fighting out to be the overwhelming emotion, and suddenly he hates that they have an audience. He wishes he'd told Harvey before they'd come here, he wishes he hadn't been so stupid and had stopped keeping secrets a long time ago.
Louis recognises Harvey's fury and he knows this isn't a battle he wants to be a part of. He also, like Mike, realises Harvey's suggestion isn't really up for debate. Mike knows it's the best course of action, he knows that there's probably about to be quite an impressive argument, their first major one after being back on such good terms, and he doesn't want Matthew to see his two fathers fighting.
"How does that sound, buddy? You can go with Uncle Louis to check out his office and me and Papa will come find you soon?"
Matt nods enthusiastically and takes Louis' hand, unaware of the tension in the room and the curious stares still watching their every move.
“Uncle Louis? Seriously? Were you ever going to tell me about this?"
“I had every intention I just didn't know how. I knew you'd be mad and I knew you wouldn't understand."
It’s the first time Mike’s been back inside Harvey’s office in years and he hates the trapped feeling he’s currently experiencing, like he’s back to being an associate who’s fucked up and is getting his ass reamed as a result. He wanted to be back here on good terms, he wanted to relish the flood of memories and feel like he was returning home once again. He didn’t want to feel anything like the dread and discomfort that’s currently making him fidget and desperate to run.
“Matt seems pretty comfortable with him?"
The question brings Mike back to the reality of the situation; Harvey has no right to be mad at Mike for this. He understands that Harvey and Louis don’t get along, that Harvey could only disapprove more if it were Trevor who had been helping Mike out, but Louis has been a good friend to him over the years and Mike refuses to apologise for that.
“Louis has been there for me through a lot. He's helped me out with Matthew more than I could ever explain or appreciate."
“How long has he known?"
“Since my second stay in the hospital. After I left the firm."
“He's known since you were pregnant?"
"Yeah Harvey, he has." Mike’s temper is running away from him, he’s getting tired of this conversation real quick and the way Harvey’s firing accusations at him. He can feel his anger escalating, his teeth bite into his lip to stop himself from yelling and honestly he just wants this all to be over. He can’t do this with Harvey again, he can’t take them back to what they once were, constantly fighting and never agreeing on anything.
"Goddammit, Mike, it's Louis!"
"I know who he is, Harvey! Probably better than you do."
"You knew that I would have a problem with this and you deliberately kept it from me."
"You know what, Harvey?" Mike’s patience is all but non-existent as his volume rises, "Yeah I did. I kept this from you. But I had no one. I was pregnant with a child who was struggling to survive and I didn't have a single person to help me out. You weren't there for me, Harvey! You can't be mad that someone else was. You want to have a go at me for confiding in someone? Well go right ahead, but I'm not hanging around to listen to it."
With that he turns and flings the office door open, marching his way down the hall towards Louis' office. He's aware of the stares and whispers that follow him but he doesn't quite care at that moment, he just wants to see his son.
He takes a few breaths to calm himself outside Louis' office, trying to stop the rage that's flooding through him and making his hands shake. He doesn't want Matthew to see him like this.
It takes a while for him to feel like himself again but once he regains his composure, like he’s no longer going to bite someone’s head off or storm back down the hall to Harvey’s office to really have a go at him, he enters Louis’ office, smile plastered across his face. He sees Matthew and it falls more naturally, no longer a forced, fake happiness, but honest love flowing through him.
“Daddy!” Matthew runs and jumps into his arms, making Mike laugh loudly, the sound gathering the attention of people passing by, such a stark contrast to the fury they’d heard minutes earlier in Harvey’s office. No matter how many times he does this, no matter how many times Matthew squeals for him and jumps into his arms, it always makes Mike feel complete, like he’s not quite whole or completely settled without Matthew around.
“Hey buddy.” Mike chuckles more softly this time, kissing his son atop his blonde locks, “Do you like Uncle Louis’ office?”
“Have you looked outside the windows? You can see everything!” The honest wonder that can only come from a child amazes Mike. He never wants Matthew to lose that, to become bitter and angry about the injustice in the world but he knows he can’t protect him forever. For now though, he carries his son over to the aforementioned windows, looking down at the bustling city below them. The view is amazing, Mike has to admit, but he can’t help but compare the sight to the view from Harvey’s office windows. Everything about the older man, even down to the view from his office, is significantly more impressive than anyone Mike has ever met.
“You sure can. See the park over there? I was thinking we could visit later.”
“After we’ve seen Papa’s office?”
“Yeah, buddy. After we’ve seen Papa’s office.”
It strikes Mike in that moment that the word is now slipping easily from his own tongue as well as Matthew’s, that he doesn’t even question the use of ‘Papa’ before it slips out and apparently neither does Matt. It was an abrupt and unexpected change but one that they’ve incorporated flawlessly into their regular speech. Mike feels as if it should worry him, that the familiarity between Harvey and Matt is increasing every day and he’s still terrified things with Harvey are going to fall apart at any moment. He knows he should be happy, he should want Matt and Harvey to get along, to become as close as Mike and Matt are, but he’s also worried how Matt will feel is Harvey abandons them once again.
Abandon might be too strong of a word, Mike can admit to that, but it’s how he feels, has felt for the past five years. He knows that he walked away from Harvey, that he’s ultimately responsible for the lack of Harvey’s presence in Matt’s early life, but he stands by his decision, that it was the best thing for him and his son.
“Where’d you go?” Mike’s shocked out of his thoughts by Harvey’s voice soft in his ear. He shakes his head slightly to reorientate himself, surprised to find Harvey so close and staring at him. His eyes are wide and soft and an apology is evident in them, shining through for only Mike to see.
Matt giggles softly from his other side and Mike turns to give him another kiss before turning back to Harvey, “Just lost in thought.”
“Good things I hope.” It’s whispered and insecure and it warms Mike’s heart to see Harvey showing the softer side of himself once again. It helps him to relax, the residual anger flowing out of him, making him feel better than he has all day.
“He’s calling you ‘Papa’.” There’s awe in Mike’s voice, Harvey’s small smile matching his, and the moment feels monumental somehow. Matthew’s playing with the longer strands of Mike’s hair but apparently otherwise mystified by the view outside the window, unconcerned with the conversation happening between his parents.
“He is. Is that okay with you?”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Mike’s heart feels like it’s going to explode inside his chest, blood rushing through him, warming his chest like he hasn’t felt since that night Harvey kissed him. The emotion is the same now, overpowering, all consuming, and Mike wants Harvey once again. Harvey leans in closer, almost imperceptible but Mike notices nonetheless. They’re interrupted by a small hand suddenly reaching for Harvey’s face, jolting the older man out of the moment and away from Mike.
“Papa, can we go see your office now?”
It brings Mike back to reality, to the fact they’re standing in the middle of Pearson Specter, inside Louis’ office of all places, with said senior partner watching them intently. He ignores Louis’ curious and disappointing gaze, instead focusing on his son and the conversation he’s having with Harvey.
“If your dad’s ready to go?”
“Of course,” Mike nods, turning to face Louis once again. The disapproval is still there and he knows they’re going to have a serious chat later about how Louis believes Harvey doesn’t deserve the chance Mike’s giving him and how it’s a phenomenally bad idea for Mike to get involved with Harvey on a more intimate level, “Thank you for watching him. We’ll stop by again later.”
“Anytime.” Louis death stares Harvey as he says it, the implication ringing loud and clear throughout the room, ‘I’ve always been here for him, even when you haven’t.’
Instead of justifying Louis with a response Harvey simply walks over to Mike and takes Matthew out of his arms, settling the young boy against his own body and carries him out the room and down the hall. Mike follows quickly, worried about Matthew, worried that despite all the progress they’ve made and how comfortable they are with each other now, maybe Matthew’s still unsure of his surroundings.
There’s nothing to worry about though, he’s more than happy with Harvey, laughing at something his father has said to him, wide smile evident even from where Mike trails behind them.
They reach Harvey’s office and the genuine amazement in Matt’s face is shining through. His eyes light up and his grin broadens as Harvey moves them closer towards the windows.
“Daddy!” Matt yells right in Harvey’s ear making him wince. The kid’s energy is infectious though and Harvey’s smiling right along with him, “Come look at the park! This is so much cooler than Uncle Louis’ office.”
Harvey’s smug smirk is lessened by the complete adoration in his eyes but it’s there nonetheless, “It definitely is, kiddo.”
“Harvey.” Mike scolds playfully.
“Daddy, come look!”
Mike moves to join them, holding Matt’s hand as he reaches them, looking out at the city below them, “Do you want to go there?”
“Now?” Mike didn’t think it was possible for Matt to smile any bigger and it makes his heart dance.
“If you want to.”
“Papa can you come with us?”
“I think I can manage that.”
Matt throws his arms around Harvey’s neck, holding tight, and Mike knows then and there that this is his future, that Harvey isn’t going anywhere and Matt wouldn’t let him even if he tried.
The trio walk along happily, silent except for Matt's occasional squeal of glee, ecstatic to be outside with his two fathers, exploring the park. When the pond comes into view, the kid runs towards it excitedly, bouncing as he goes.
"Shall we stop here?" Mike asks as Matthew crouches down in front of the pond, poking at the murky water, laughing at the ducks swimming by. Mike sets himself down on the bench a few metres away, watching his son, love shining in his eyes. Harvey sits beside him, warmth permeating through to Mike, too close and somehow still not close enough. Mike knows that he’s falling again, already has if he’s completely honest with himself, and he’s terrified of ruining things with Harvey once again.
“Thank you for bringing him here.”
“Of course. I know how important it is. To both of you."
"Still, it couldn't have been easy for you coming back to the firm."
"It wasn't, but today's not about me."
Harvey's quiet as he loses himself to his thoughts, watching Matthew marching along the edge of the pond, pointing and laughing at the ducks. Mike lets himself relax beside him, focusing on his son and letting his mind fall clear of worry for just a few moments.
When Harvey finally breaks the silence it’s whispered and unexpected, making Mike jump slightly in his seat, "I can't believe he's mine."
Mike laughs, "I assure you, he is."
"I know, but he's just... I love him. I don't feel like I'm worthy to call him mine."
Mike stares at Harvey, the other man still watching Matthew play, seemingly unaware of what he's just let slip out.
"Do you mean that?"
"What?" Harvey finally turns to lock eyes with Mike.
"That you love him."
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, I don’t just throw those words around carelessly. I can count on two hands the people I’ve said it to in my whole life.”
The implication is frightening and Mike flashes back to the night Harvey had said those words to him. It’s the first time they’ve even come close to discussing it and Mike heartbeat begins to race. Talking about it makes it real, talking about it means Mike risking his own feelings, that they somehow might slip forth and turn into corporeal. It’s maddening, the way he’s trying to hold everything in, how he’s trying to hold himself together when Harvey’s so intent at picking him apart at the seems and flinging his feelings everywhere. The thing that scares Mike the most is that he’s not sure whether Harvey would trample all over them or pick them up carefully and cherish them for the rest of their lives.
Matthew’s squeals as he runs back over towards them has both men shaking their heads and snapping back to reality, matching grins spreading across their faces as they watch their son happy and playful before them.
“Let’s get back.” Harvey says, standing and stretching and Mike’s eyes linger at the pull of Harvey’s muscles, “I’m sure there’s a certain redhead who is anxious to meet our little trooper.”
Donna meeting Matthew doesn’t concern Mike at all, oddly enough. He’s happy for it to happen, for the two to try and build some sort of relationship and doesn’t find himself worried about how it will end up, how close they may become or how Matthew might get hurt in the future. Obviously he doesn’t wish for such things to happen to his child but he honestly can’t believe Donna would ever do such a thing, and thus he doesn’t find himself panicking at the thought.
Hours later, after an eventful afternoon filled with many introductions around the office and even a short skate through the basement of Pearson Specter, the trio find themselves returning to Harvey’s condo. Matthew looks all about ready for a nap and Mike seriously considering joining him when Harvey speaks up.
“I have a surprise for you.”
Matt’s eyes light up and all traces of exhaustion are suddenly gone as he’s bouncing on his feet, unable to contain himself even before Harvey can tell him what it is. Instead of explaining though, he takes Matt by the hand and leads him down the hall, into the depths of the condo that Mike himself hasn’t even explored yet.
Matt’s squealing and ecstatic but the sight before them floors Mike completely. Harvey’s guest bedroom is no longer a guest bedroom; instead the room is decked out much similar to Matthew’s at home.
A single bed has taken place of the large queen that was here before, three walls have been painted a soft grey with the other now a bright blood red. There are photos of Marcus and his family as well as Harvey and Matthew together framed and hanging on one wall. Beside the bed sits a framed photo of Mike, a close-up shot of him smiling brightly and he recognises it immediately from the Christmas party the year before he’d gotten pregnant. There are posters of dinosaurs and guys skateboarding stuck to the wall and on the bed lays a stuffed alligator. There are boxes scattered around that Mike has no doubt contain an array of toys and coloured pencils that he’s sure Matt will love, and the whole thing just feels perfect. It feels like a home away from home and Mike knows that’s exactly what Harvey was aiming for.
“I thought it was about time you got your own room.”
Matt’s quiet is intriguing and surreal, it’s very rare that he’s this calm, but Mike can see the happy smile on his face while he explores the room and studies all his new things. Mike simultaneously wants to kiss and throttle Harvey for doing this.
“This is all mine?” Matt asks in complete awe, finally looking back towards Harvey.
“I thought you should have your own bedroom in case you ever wanted to come and stay here.”
Matt sparks up again, grinning wildly as he throws himself at Harvey, “Thank you Papa!”
Harvey picks him up for a hug and a kiss but places him quickly back down, “It’s my pleasure.” He chances a glance towards Mike and the younger man dreads to think what his face looks like. He’s glad that Harvey’s done this, incredibly surprised but glad, Matt deserves to have something like this. It still shocks him though that Harvey isn’t going anywhere, that the necessity for a space like this is even real, that Harvey wants Matthew and Mike in his life for good.
“How about you have a look around and play with your things while Daddy and I go and cook dinner?”
“Okay.” Matt smiles broadly at both of them before running towards the closest toy box and flinging the lid open.
Suddenly they’re moving and Mike wasn’t even aware of telling his legs to do so; he’s positive the only reason he’s not still staring at his son playing in his new bedroom is the strong grip Harvey has on his hand as he pulls him down the hall. It’s not until he’s collapsing into the leather sofa in the middle of the living room that he snaps back to reality and looks around wildly for Harvey. The older man drops down beside him, sitting so close there’s no space left between them.
“Is this okay with you?”
“You’re very close.”
Harvey laughs loudly, Mike unable to concentrate on anything else but the rare sound, “I meant Matthew’s bedroom.”
“You want him here? You mean that?” Mike whispers, still staring incredulously at Harvey.
“How are you still not getting this? I want both of you, forever.”
“But… I don’t understand…”
“How about you turn off that big brain of yours for a few moments and just do what feels right.”
“I want to kiss you.” Mike blurts out, eyes wide and immediately wanting to take back the words.
“Then stop thinking and just do it.”
“I’m never going to hurt you again.”
Mike can’t fight anymore, he’s struggled for too long to resist Harvey’s advances, he’s fought to consciously counteract the progress in their relationship in order to keep them on strictly friendly terms, and he only realises now how exhausting the whole ordeal has been. He wants Harvey, like he’s never wanted anything else in his life, and he’s tired of the fight. He understands what Harvey means, that he needs to follow his instincts sometimes rather than his overworked mind, and he lets go, deciding to do just that.
Allowing himself to enjoy the feel of Harvey’s lips against his own is quite possibly one of the greatest feelings. Wet heat invites him in, welcomes him to the place he has missed where he can battle with teeth and tongue and lose himself to pure sensation. Mike’s sure they lose themselves to the feelings for hours but when Harvey pulls away it still feels like much too soon.
“Let’s go to bed.” Harvey says, standing and pulling Mike with him.
“I have to check on Matthew.” Harvey doesn’t object, instead he leads Mike down the hall towards Matthew’s room, holding Mike close as they both study their son. The kid really must have been exhausted. He’s sprawled out across the covers of the bed, holding his alligator close to his chest as it rises and falls with steady breath, apparently lost to a deep sleep.
“He’s fine.” Harvey rumbles against his ear, kissing the skin gently before tugging Mike back down the hall towards the master bedroom.
Lips crash against lips again as both men struggle with their own clothing, desperate for the feel of skin against skin that they’ve been denied for way too long.
“Are you going to fuck me?” Mike whispers against swollen lips, shirt discarded and pants hanging loose from his hips.
“Is that what you want?”
The way Harvey kisses him then has Mike’s toes curling. He struggles with the last of his clothes before both men are collapsing onto sinfully soft sheets, relaxed in a way he never remembers being in Harvey’s bed.
They move slow and gentle against one another, Harvey taking his time with preparing Mike, ensuring the younger man is blissed out and more than ready for him by the time he slides home. It’s hot and perfect and exactly as Mike remembers it, except somehow even better. Harvey whispers words of love into his ear, heartfelt promises and deepest desires spilled between them to be kept secret and safe, only for the two of them to nurture and adhere to.
Harvey sliding in and out of him is divine and Mike thanks his lucky stars that he has this again, that it’s real like it never was before, and he doesn’t have to be scared of Harvey running out on them again. Mike knows Harvey now, he knows the man’s wants and desires and secrets and fears and he trusts him without a shred of doubt. He knows that Harvey won’t ever leave them willingly.
Mike’s orgasm sneaks up on him; he’s too focused on the way Harvey moves and the way he stares and the way he whispers in his ear to be too concerned with his own impending orgasm. When it happens though it’s breathtaking and mind-blowing, his breath catching in his throat as he presses his lips against Harvey’s, moaning into him. Harvey groans not long after, spilling himself into Mike and pressing kisses along the younger man’s neck.
It takes sometime for their breathing to steady once more, both keeping close as they come down from their orgasms, unwilling to be parted from one another.
When Harvey finally speaks again it’s with regret rather than awe and Mike’s too tired and too blissed out to be dealing with anything too complicated right now, “I never thought I'd have this again.”
“I'm so sorry for everything.”
“Shh. Stop apologising. It's done.” Yeah Mike definitely feels too good to be having this conversation right now.
“How did I get so lucky with you?”
“You must be blessed.” Mike tries for humour, hoping to deter Harvey’s new apparent need to spill his feelings everywhere. Mike appreciates it, he really does, just now isn’t the time.
“I don’t think you quite get it though. I never meant to hurt you. I realise now how much of a dick I was back then and I’m sorry for the way I acted.”
“I’ve already forgiven you. I forgave you a long time ago.” Mike curls up against Harvey’s side and snuggles in closer, falling closer and closer to sleep with every passing moment.
“I just never thought I’d have this. I never thought I’d have a son and a family and that you’d even want to speak to me again.”
“Well it was your apparent inability to function without me that lead to Jessica telling you in the first place. That tells me something at least.”
“I’m glad she told me.”
“Me too.” Mike mumbles against Harvey’s chest, fingers exploring the expanse of naked skin, revelling in a pleasure he hasn’t been allowed in years.
“I love you.”
Mike pulls back to stare at Harvey, eyes wide with wonder and amazement as he really lets those words sink in and filter into his soul. He feels them resonating through his entire being and the resulting smile is wide and genuine and Mike hasn’t been this happy since the day Matthew was born.
“I love you too.”
Harvey holds his face softly as he kisses him again, gentle and loving and content with what they have, not demanding or needing more.
“Sleep now.” Mike snuggles back into Harvey’s side, his lips peppering kisses up and down Harvey’s neck until Mike finally comes to the fatigue that’s been plaguing him for years and falls asleep safe and happy in Harvey’s arms.
It isn’t until they wake up the next morning that Mike realises they forgot to use a condom. Again.