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This Is The Last Time

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It's coming on close to 40 hours when Harvey finally walks in the door.

He'd left for the office at an ungodly hour sometime yesterday morning, Mike only having heard from him once since - late last night, a quick text Mike hadn't replied to, saying he'd be home late, to give the kids a kiss goodnight from him. The kids had been in bed for hours already by that point, numerous questions of when papa would be home being waylaid as much as possible because Mike honestly had no idea.

By the time Harvey drags himself through the door, looking exhausted in a way Mike had gotten used to feeling himself when he still worked at the firm, but neither of them should be experiencing now, the kids are in bed, the dishes from dinner have been cleared - Mike didn't even bother making enough for Harvey this time - and Mike's sitting on the lounge, TV softly playing an episode of Game of Thrones. They said they'd re-watch the last season together before the new one started but apparently Mike had started without him.

Harvey makes his way to the bedroom without a word, dropping his briefcase and slipping out of his shirt, before he returns to the living room and drops a kiss atop Mike's head.

"Any leftovers?" He asks as he heads towards the kitchen, Mike's quiet "no" stopping him in his tracks. Harvey really looks at Mike then for the first time since he got home. His jaw is clenched, shoulders tense in a way Harvey doesn't see on Mike often, hard eyes staring at the screen but not really seeing. He moves towards his husband, joining him on the soft leather sofa, body twisted to face him, "Mike? What's wrong?"

The younger man breathes in deep, jaw clenching even tighter, Harvey's worried he might break a tooth.

"Mike?" He presses again when it becomes apparent Mike won't answer him.

"Two nights in a row. 'Where's Papa? When's Papa going to be home?' And you know what, I couldn't tell them. I couldn't give them an answer because I honestly had no idea. I've heard from you once in two days. Once! You couldn't even call to tell them goodnight."

"Mike, I'm sor-"

"God help me if you tell me you're sorry again I'll walk out that door right now."

Harvey takes a deep breath, unsure what else to do, how to make this better. Mike won't even look at him, still staring resolutely at the screen even though the credits have stopped rolling and the DVD menu is playing on a loop.

"Mike." He moves his hand towards Mike's knee, desperate for some sort of contact, flinching when Mike abruptly jerks away from him.

"Don't."

"Mike?"

"Don't touch me."

He's so angry, he's so completely furious with Harvey and the older man has no idea what to do about it because he knows Mike has every right to be mad at him, to leave if he thinks that's best. They're silent for a long time, Mike consumed by his anger and hurt, Harvey caught up in his own thoughts, desperate pleas for forgiveness coming to the forefront of his mind but never escaping his lips.

Eventually he can’t hold it in any longer, he has to say something, "Mike, what do you want me to say? How can I make this better?"

Apparently that was the wrong move, Mike standing abruptly, turning to face Harvey, eyes boring into his own, raging with accusation and hurt, "You can't make this better!" Harvey knows that if the kids weren't here, if they weren't already asleep and Mike mindful not to wake them, that he'd be yelling and swearing, letting it all out, "You're supposed to be here! We decided together that you'd leave the firm, that yeah you might take on the occasional case when Jessica is desperate, but that you would be here, that this was your priority. You have a family now Harvey! You have two beautiful children that you swear you love-"

"I do."

Mike carries on as if he hadn't even spoken, "And yet you can't even give up your fucking job to be here for them! I let this go the first few times, knowing it was a big case you were crucial for, but that's been over for weeks and you're still never here. It's like you live at that fucking firm and it's all you give a shit about!"

"Mike you know that's not true-"

"Do I? I thought I did. Because you said you wanted this. You married me, and we decided to start a family, knowing that we could never stay at our jobs in the long run. You said you wanted to be here for them, to see them grow up, to not miss anything. Well you're missing an awful lot lately, Harvey and it's not fair on any of us if you're only going to be here part time."

"Mike..." He looks up at his husband, his beautiful intelligent husband who can't even look at him anymore, whose cheeks are stained with tears, breath rapid from his outburst, and Harvey still has no idea what to say. Mike is right on all accounts.

A soft cry from down the hall captures Mike’s attention and suddenly he's moving, focus shifting as if Harvey isn't even there, and then he's gone.

*****

Harvey's not sure if he'll be welcome in the room, if Mike will just tell him to leave, that he has it under control, but she's his daughter too, and her cries pull at his heart. He stands against the door frame watching Mike hold Amelia, hands rubbing soothingly up and down her back, whispering against her hair as her cries slowly subside and her breathing slows. Another nightmare. They've been happening a lot lately, though Harvey's not sure what they're about, Amy refusing to tell Harvey and asking for Mike every single time.

It hits him then that maybe that's his own fault for not being there enough.

Mike lays her back down, hand stroking the hair back from her face, soothing her as she tries to fall back to sleep, promising he'll stay until she does.

Harvey must move, the shift of light from the hall drawing attention to him, because suddenly both of them are staring at him, Mike's gaze murderous, Amy showing a tiny smile, "Papa?"

"Hey baby" He moves into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking his little girl into his arms, "You okay?"

Her quiet "yeah" is so soft that Harvey can only just make it out. He holds her for a long time, struggling to not look at Mike to determine whether he approves or not, too scared he won't like what he finds. He’s missed this; missed holding his daughter, kissing her and making her smile.

He’s missed both his children. He’s missed Amelia’s quick wit and all-knowing attitude, the way she prattles on about what she’s learnt at school that day and the way she calls him out on everything. He’s missed the way Oli laughs at even the tiniest thing, the way he wants to help with everything, and the clumsiness he inherited from Mike. He’s missed both their faces, the way they laugh, the way they just have so much love for one another… His stomach swirls with regret and in that moment he promises to himself that he’ll be around more.

After a while he pulls back, kissing Amelia on the forehead, "Think you can get back to sleep now?"

Harvey doesn't miss the way she glances at Mike before nodding silently, lying back down onto her pillows, tiny hand reaching for Mike's. Harvey brushes her hair back from her face, gently placing another kiss on her cheek before he quietly leaves the room.

*****

He's showered and climbing into bed by the time Mike enters the room. Harvey considered taking the lounge, aware that Mike might not want to be in such close proximity, but decided against it. He wants to be close to his husband, to be able to curl up behind him and take him in his arms, to allow his kisses to say all the words he's unable to speak.

Mike ignores him as he moves towards the bathroom, cleaning his teeth before returning to the bedroom to strip off, clothes being scattered all over the floor. Harvey hates the silence.

"Is she okay?"

"She's asleep." Harvey notices how it’s not really an answer.

"What's she having nightmares about? She won't tell me."

Mike looks up sharply at his confession, halting his movements midway through removing his clothes, calculating look playing across his face. Eventually he comes to some form of decision, looking Harvey dead in the eye as he speaks, "She's scared you're going to leave us."

Harvey can actually feel his heart break. It rips in two, the pain in his chest so acute he struggles to breathe, mind unwilling to accept the words he just heard but the ache in his chest evidence they were real. He can't speak, his mouth agape as he watches Mike continue to undress, mind chaotic as he tries to figure out where to go from here. It isn't until Mike's turned out the light and is climbing into bed beside him, curled up on his side with his back to Harvey, well out of reach, that he finds his voice, "What do you tell her?"

"I can't promise her it won't happen. I tell her I love her and everything will be okay."
Mike's voice sounds too loud in darkness even though it's barely above a whisper.

Harvey's breath catches again, his heart shattering into a million more pieces. "Mike." It's choked out, barely a word, but he knows his husband understands.

The younger man sits up abruptly, turning to face Harvey. It's too dark for them to see each other clearly, but the moonlight shining through the windows provides just enough for their outlines to be visible.

"What do you want me to say, Harvey? Should I promise her everything's fine and that we're all still one big happy family? We never see you! That fucking firm is too important to you."

Harvey has to touch him, he doesn't know what else to do. He's so completely lost and Mike's the only one who's ever been able to ground him. He reaches for his husband, hand coming into contact with his stomach, Harvey reaching around to pull him closer. He's surprised and incredibly relieved when Mike goes with it, moving closer and sliding down to lay with him.

"Mike." It's a whisper in the dark, an apology and a plea wrapped together, and Mike doesn't interrupt him this time, "I know you don't want an apology, that you want actions and not words but I'm so sorry." His voice cracks and he realises belatedly that he's crying. "You mean more to me than anything. Anything. Even the firm. You and the kids are my whole heart and I'm sorry I've been so stupid but please give me another chance. I'm not going anywhere, but tonight's made me realise that maybe you are and it’s my own stupid fault and god I just love you so much, I can't live without you."

He's still crying, tears flowing freely down his cheeks and he doesn't even attempt to stop them. He's hurting, he's hurt himself as well as his family, and he wants Mike to know how horrible he feels for doing this to them.

Mike doesn't move for the longest time, doesn't even speak a word, and Harvey's terrified he's going to tell him it's too late.

Mike moves slowly and Harvey's not really sure what's happening until he feels the soft press of lips upon his own, Mike's body pressing closer to his own, tongue caressing his lips until he opens up and let's him inside. Harvey can't help but let out a groan at the warm wet slide of their tongues against each other, pressing himself even closer to the younger man, arms wrapping around his slender frame, Mike gasping as Harvey's hands find his firm ass.

It's been way too long since they've done this, Harvey can't actually remember the last time they had sex, and he can't believe he hadn't even realised until that very moment. He pulls back from the kiss, wanting to apologise again for not being there, for having his head shoved so far up his own ass that he wasn't aware of the hurt he was causing.
Mike doesn't let him speak though, using his body to roll Harvey onto his back, climbing on top of him, hips grinding down on his husband’s crotch as he leans down to shove his tongue back into his mouth. Harvey's hands find Mike's ass again, holding tight as he thrusts his hips up, revelling in the way Mike moans into his mouth.

Harvey went to bed naked but Mike still has his pants on and the older man is desperate to get them off. He breaks the kiss long enough to force out a rough, "Pants" before Mike's mouth is back on his as he struggles to remove the offending fabric.

Finally they're both blissfully naked, groaning into each other's mouths at the skin on skin contact, hot hard erections rubbing against one another. Harvey moves a finger to slide down Mike's crack, pressing slightly when it finds his desired goal.

Mike sits up suddenly, Harvey actually whimpering at the loss of his lips as the younger man reaches for the nightstand and pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Harvey looks questioningly at the condom, they haven't used one in years, not since just after Mike's second pregnancy when it would have been too soon for another child, but he doesn't say anything. It hits him right in the heart when he understands the implication. Mike's so unsure about them right now he doesn't want to risk another child. They'd talked about it, of course, and both agreed that if a third happened, then it happened, they weren't going to actively try but they weren't going to try to prevent it either.

Mike's looking at him like he's daring Harvey to question him, to argue with him on this, but he won't. He reaches for the tube of lube instead, coating his fingers before reaching back around behind Mike, pressing a slick finger inside him.

Mike moans and flattens himself back down onto Harvey's body, face buried in the older mans neck, panting and groaning as Harvey pushes deeper, stretching him. He brushes Mike's prostate, Mike biting Harvey's neck in an effort to stifle his screams, Harvey relishing in the fact he'll have a mark there tomorrow. He keeps pushing on Mike's prostate, three fingers now buried deep within the younger man as he writhes against Harvey's body, cock dripping with pre-cum as he struggles to fend off his impending orgasm.

His breathing’s erratic as he squirms on Harvey's fingers, torn between moving away for some relief and pushing down on them further. He’s close, so close, and he knows Harvey can tell, "You wanna cum, Mike?"

He groans into Harvey's neck, words beyond him as he continues to writhe on Harvey's body, grinding his cock against Harvey's thigh, sweat coating both their bodies, all movements slippery and perfect and god Mike just wants to cum but Harvey’s fingers just aren’t enough.

"Harvey.” His voice is wrecked, a desperate plea for the older man to do more.

"What do you want?" Smug bastard, he knows exactly what.

"Fuck me."

"I am."

"Harvey, please fuck me."

"I'm not wearing it."

It takes longer than it should for Mike's lust-addled brain to understand Harvey's meaning. He tries to pull away, to calm himself down enough to be able to think again, but Harvey uses his movement to roll them both, his body now bearing down over Mike's, his fingers still inside his ass, drilling his prostate on every third push.

"Harvey.” It’s barely more than a breath; Mike can't think when Harvey's fingers are doing that.

He shifts his hand slightly, fingers no longer finding Mike's prostate but still pumping into him, as he bends down to whisper in the younger man's ear, "I know why you want it. And I'm not doing it. You want me completely or you don't want me at all." When Mike doesn't speak, Harvey lets his fingers brush against his spot again, just once, making Mike cry out, writhing below him, "You understand?"

"Yes, yes."

"What do you want?"

"Fuck me, Harvey. Please fuck me."

Harvey moves to kiss him, gentle and soft, slowing their pace again as he removes his fingers from Mike's ass, grabbing the lube again to lather up his cock before he lines up at Mike's hole.

"Mike."

The younger man tries his best to force himself down onto Harvey's cock, to get him where he wants him, but Harvey has a firm hold of his hips and he’s not going anywhere.

"Mike. Look at me."

Slowly the younger man opens his eyes, Harvey waiting until they make contact, taking a few moments to just stare at one another before he slides into Mike with one smooth thrust.

Mike screams, Harvey just quick enough to cover his mouth with one hand, aware that they can't be too loud. God he misses Mike's screams.

Harvey stays still within him, removing his hand from his mouth and waiting until the younger man starts squirming, pleading for Harvey to move, before he does. He takes his time, slow, hard thrusts making Mike moan with every push and whimper every time he draws back, shifting his hips to just graze his prostate every now and then. Mike’s a moaning wreck below him; eyes squeezed shut, head thrashing back and forth, hips chasing Harvey's in an effort to get him where he needs him.

Eventually a meek "Harvey" escapes his lips, the older man bending down so their lips rest against one another, "Harvey".

"Look at me."

Mike squeezes his eyes shut even tighter but he doesn't move away; Harvey's thrusts so slow now they've almost completely stopped.

"Look at me."

Mike slowly pries his eyes open, overwhelmed by the emotion shining back at him, kissing Harvey briefly before laying back on the pillows.

"What do you want?"

"Make me cum." He knows how desperate he sounds but he doesn't care.

"What do you want?" The slight edge in Harvey's voice makes Mike's brain snap back to attention, finally understanding what the other man is asking.

"You. Just you. I just want you here with us."

Harvey breaks off his words with a kiss, tears threatening to spill over from both of them, Harvey's hips all but stilled in their movements.

"I promise."

"Harvey..." Mike's not even sure what he's asking.

"I promise. I love you."

"I love you too." He kisses Harvey desperately, a loud groan escaping as Harvey starts to move again, "I love you so much."

Harvey's answering moan goes straight to Mike's cock, the older man now hitting his prostate dead on with every single thrust, hand gently tweaking his nipples just so, the way that drives Mike crazy.

He's so close to coming, he wants it so badly, wants Harvey to cum inside him, filling him up and making him whole again.

"Harvey" He manages to gasp out just loud enough for Harvey to hear, finally, finally, moving his hand to Mike's cock, pumping him quickly in time with his thrusts.

It doesn't take long for Mike to cum after that, only a few rough strokes of Harvey's hand and he's moaning loudly, Harvey covering his mouth with his own. Mike's cum spurts between them over hot skin as Mike's body clenches around Harvey, the older man spilling himself inside Mike's tight heat.

They stay wrapped together as their breathing slows, panting against each other’s mouth, tongues slipping out every now and then to caress the other’s lips. For the first time in a long time, Mike feels comfortable around Harvey. He wants to stay as they are, focused on each other, aware of their thoughts and feelings and the press of one body against the other. He doesn’t want to think about how his intention behind kissing Harvey was that it would be the last time and that this was meant to be a farewell fuck that somehow turned into a second chance. He wants to focus on the promises they made to each other and the love between them that makes him keep fighting.

Eventually Harvey pulls out but he stays close, unwilling to let Mike too far from reach. He’s never letting this go. He’ll fight to the end, going to hell and back if it means he gets to keep his family. He kisses Mike again, soft and deep, conveying every single emotion that he can’t even begin to explain with words.

The younger man curls closer to him, palms soft against his sweat-soaked back, trailing kisses up and down Harvey’s chest while Harvey buries his face into Mike’s hair. His chest aches at the thought of losing his family, of losing Mike, but he counts his lucky stars that they’re still here and he holds on even tighter.