Chapter 1: we’re in lockdown yayyyyy
Notes:
class of- wait what year is it?
lookatmyheelies - alix
b-b-bread - marinette
sunshine bro - adrien
sunshine sis - rose
buzz buzz bitches - chloé
did i fucking stutter? yes - juleka
hurryupsabrinaaaa - sabrina
markov’s canonical dad - max
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE - kim
dad tm - ivan
mom tm - mylène
toma-toes - nath
whyistherenowifi? - alya
dj bitchass - nino
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is eating food
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is being awesome bitches
lookatmyheelies is zooming away from ur stinky ass
sunshine bro is listening to sweater weather by the neighbourhood
sunshine sis is listening to mine by taylor swift
did i fucking stutter? yes is listening to you belong with me by taylor swift
toma-toes is drawing go away
whyistherenowifi? is B L O G G I N G
markov’s canonical dad is math
mom tm is making sure nobody dies
dad tm is doing whatever @mom tm is doing
hurryupsabrinaaaa is reading twilight
buzz buzz bitches is doing none of ur business
dj bitchass is dead rip him
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: woohoooooo we’re in lockdown!!
toma-toes: does this mean no social interaction for the next three weeks?
sunshine sis: i hope it doesn’t D: i’ll miss you guys!!!
whyistherenowifi?: oh darling rose
did i fucking stutter? yes: oh thank god i don’t have to talk to people for the next three weeks
did i fucking stutter? yes: except for u rose
sunshine sis: :D
b-b-bread: god fucking damn it i hate staying at home alone >-<
mom tm: it will be a hard time but you had all better stay hydrated and keep exercising
mom tm: i don’t want any of you becoming super unhealthy during lockdown
hurryupsabrinaaaa: thank you mom <3
dad tm: as dad, uh
dad tm: don’t dye
sunshine bro: did you mean die?
dad tm: o rite
dad tm: get urself a dad who doesn’t know how to spell
b-b-bread: ah fuck i don’t want to be alone for so longgggg
buzz buzz bitches: isn’t kagami staying with you?
b-b-bread: oh right!, how did you know?
buzz buzz bitches: shes my lesbian big sister
b-b-bread: o
b-b-bread: the lesbians are all siblings?
did i fucking stutter? yes: nah it’s just me n chlo n kagami who r siblings
did i fucking stutter? yes: sabrina is honorary member
dj bitchass: o fuck don’t mess with the lesbians
hurryupsabrinaaaa: i should fucking think not
dj bitchass: chloé what the fuck have you done with her!
b-b-bread: ok but can we just talk abt how adrien’s listening to sweater weather?
sunshine bro: rose told me it was a good song? i was just listening to it
toma-toes: i smell gay
sunshine sis: fucking bullshit nath
toma-toes: OH SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONEEEEE
dj bitchass: YOU GODDAMN DONE IT NOW
dj bitchass: YOU ANGER THE SAPPHICS SO MUCH YOUVE BROKEN HER
mom tm: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER
toma-toes: MOM IM SORRY IM SORRY
sunshine sis: you guys chill
sunshine sis: juleka stole my phone
did i fucking stutter? yes: i meant every fucking word
mom tm: oh thank god daughter are u ok
sunshine sis: im great mom
whyistherenowifi?: but rlly this is like the gayest class in the world adrien so we wouldn’t be surprised if you’re anything but straight
whyistherenowifi?: BISEXUALS PUT UR HANDS UP
toma-toes: ✋
sunshine sis: ✋🤚✋🤚✋🤚✋🤚✋🤚
dj bitchass: ayyyy
b-b-bread: HANDS UP HANDS R UP
sunshine bro: i think so…maybe?
whyistherenowifi?: AW HELL YEAH AGRESTE JOIN THE CLUB
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: while we’re on the topic of sexuality
markov’s canonical dad: kim we literally talk about sexuality every day
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: i know but i only thought of this today
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: concept: coming in as straight
did i fucking stutter? yes: what r u on and where can i get some
lookatmyheelies: he’s on ✨dumbass crack✨
sunshine sis: throwing the collective class braincell out the window i see kim
sunshine sis: keep up the good work!
buzz-buzz-bitches: so i left for a while and kim’s already thrown the braincell out
buzz-buzz-bitches: i thought we scheduled that for two hours later
hurryupsabrinaaaa: [screenshot x1]
hurryupsabrinaaaa: kim follow the schedule next time
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: goddamn scary lesbians
Chapter 2: look 👀 up ⬆️ in the sky ☁️ it’s a bird 🐦 it’s a plane ✈️
Summary:
dad tm: children go back to sleep
whyistherenowifi?: but dad, blackpink
sunshine sis: B L A C K P I N K
in which alya and rose are blackpink stans, and the miracuclass has their first zoom call.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is aaaaaaaaaaaa gay panic-
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is swimming baby shark doo do do do
lookatmyheelies is nyan cat
sunshine bro is playing mario kart 8: deluxe
sunshine sis is listening to how you like that by blackpink
did i fucking stutter? yes is playing the elder scrolls v: skyrim
toma-toes is drawing go away
whyistherenowifi? is FANGIRLING LIKE CRAZYYYY
markov’s canonical dad is unsure
mom tm is making sure nobody dies (the sequel)
dad tm is doing whatever @mom tm is doing
hurryupsabrinaaaa is in dance class
buzz buzz bitches is doing none of ur business
dj bitchass is making music ig
sunshine sis: 안녕하세요!!!!
whyistherenowifi?: 안녕하세요 암캐!!!
whyistherenowifi?: THE NEW FUCKING ALBUM. THE NEW. FUCKING. ALBUM.
sunshine sis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
markov’s canonical dad: what’s going on? @did i fucking stutter? yes i assume you have an explanation for this.
did i fucking stutter? yes: thanks for waking me up anyway yeah
did i fucking stutter? yes: blackpink album dropped just now
hurryupsabrinaaaa: omg rlly? i have to listen
did i fucking stutter? yes: also the korean says “hello!!!!” “hello bitches!!!”
whyistherenowifi?: only learnt it for the new album
b-b-bread: ooh i need to listen too
dj bitchass: they’re kinda good i guess
whyistherenowifi?: the fuck r u talking about babe they’re the best
buzz buzz bitches: twice supremacy
sunshine sis: SHUT UP CHLOE
buzz buzz bitches: u cant tell me to shut up when dahyun literally exists
sunshine sis: U CANT TELL ME TO SHUT UP WHEN JISOO IS LITERALLY ALLOWED TO GRACE THE PLANET
hurryupsabrinaaaa: wait you like jisoo? lisa stan over here
hurryupsabrinaaaa: lisa is so outgoing and chaotic shes like the opposite of me
sunshine sis: i like jisoo cause shes cute and quiet and shy but literally the most adorable thing ever omg
whyistherenowifi?: rose darling i think you have a type
sunshine sis: yea its shy cute adorable people who r quiet ig
whyistherenowifi?: oooo
—————
_jules — alyablogger
introverted goth: if you say one more fucking word i will not hesitate to rip your eyeballs out and have them in my bubble tea
extroverted journalist: oh my fucking god ok im sorry im sorry
—————
class of- wait what year is it?
sunshine sis: no but really jisoo is adorable and i love her so much
dad tm: children, go back to sleep it’s literally like 4am rn
whyistherenowifi: but dad, blackpink
sunshine sis: B L A C K P I N K
sunshine sis: @did i fucking stutter? yes JULES JULES JULES
sunshine sis: who would you date from blackpink????
did i fucking stutter? yes: um
did i fucking stutter? yes: rosè
whyistherenowifi?: CALLED IT
did i fucking stutter? yes: guys we have a call today for school you know
whyistherenowifi: cough not juleka changing the subject
did i fucking stutter? yes: dont
mom tm: ok mom’s awake now got to sleep all of you
b-b-bread: damn it
—————
[CALINE BUSTIER’S CLASS ROOM.]
Max KANTE has joined the call.
Mylène HAPRÈLE has joined the call.
Ivan BRUEL has joined the call.
Nino LAHIFFE has joined the call.
[chat] Nino LAHIFFE: whats up homies
Alya CÉSAIRE has joined the call.
Rose LAVILLANT has joined the call.
[chat] Rose LAVILLANT: hi guys!! :D
Juleka COUFFAINE has joined the call.
Nathaniel KURTZBERG has joined the call.
Sabrina RAINCOMPRIX has joined the call.
Adrien AGRESTE has joined the call.
[chat] Adrien AGRESTE: oh hi guys!!!
[chat] Alya CÉSAIRE: not rose n adrien being the literal sunshines of this class
LÊ CHIEÑ Kim has joined the call.
Alix KUBDEL has joined the call.
Caine Bustier has unmuted their mic.
Caline Bustier: “Okay, has everyone joined the call?”
[chat] Alya CÉSAIRE: were waiting on marinette
Marinette DUPAIN-CHENG has joined the call.
[chat] Marinette DUPAIN-CHENG: sorry sorry!! i’m here now!!
Caline Bustier: “It’s okay, Marinette. We were just starting.”
[chat] LÊ CHIEÑ Kim: oh this is some b*******
[chat] LÊ CHIEÑ Kim: why does she always get off scot free and i get a detention whenever i’m late??
Caline Bustier: “Kim, watch the language. Also, you’re usually half an hour late. She’s only by a few minutes.”
[chat] Alix KUBDEL: HA suck it kim
Caline Bustier: *sigh*
Caline Bustier has closed the chat.
—————
class of- wait what year is it?
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: aw shes no fun
did i fucking stutter? yes: no ur just a dumbass
whyistherenowifi?: ^^
sunshine sis: ^^
b-b-bread: ^^
dj bitchass: ^^
lookatmyheelies: ^^
buzz buzz bitches: ^^
toma-toes: ^^
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: yall are fucking mean
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: especially you stupid sapphic goth bitch
did i fucking stutter? yes: watch who you call stupid
did i fucking stutter? yes: [video x1]
whyistherenowifi?: BAHAHAHA IM SO SAVING THAT
lookatmyheelies: THANK YOU JULEKA FOR THE NEW BLACKMAIL
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: DELETE THAT
Notes:
btw the blackmail juleka has saved on her phone is kim doing the ‘i’m getting ripped tonight’ dance and singing it
anyway! i hope you enjoyed this chapter :) more will come about our fav ships, i promise~
be sure to go to my tumblr and spam asks! i don’t get enough of them
also comment any ideas you have for future chapters, who knows, i might include them 😉AZZIE OUT!!
Chapter 3: imagine being alive in 2021
Summary:
causeyouarethesewingqueen: imagine being alive in 2021
causeyouarethesewingqueen: couldn’t be me
my melody: suddenly im very worried
causeyouarethesewingqueen: i dropped my sewing machine on my footart kids art kids art kids art kids
Notes:
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me usernames
causeyouarethesewingqueen - marinette
nyan cat - alix
kuromi - juleka
my melody - rose
tomatomatomatoes - nath
tOmAtO eAtEr - marc
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me — STATUSES
causeyouarethesewingqueen is dying like we all do
nyan cat is playing happy wheels
kuromi is dead
my melody is being happy like all yall depressants should be
tomatomatomatoes is drawing. again
tOmAtO eAtEr is being shY
causeyouarethesewingqueen: imagine being alive in 2021
causeyouarethesewingqueen: couldn’t be me
my melody: suddenly i am very worried
causeyouarethesewingqueen: i dropped my sewing machine on my foot
kuromi: oh rip
nyan cat: today we mourn the loss of marinette dupain-cheng
nyan cat: she was a fucking dumbass but we all love her anyway
my melody: mari is kagami around?
causeyouarethesewingqueen: for my dying breaths? yea she’s here
causeyouarethesewingqueen: she’s not dying, she’s just being melodramatic. marinette will live.
my melody: oh hi kagami!!!
causeyouarethesewingqueen: apparently i’ll live so yeah it’s all good
tomatomatomatoes: i come into the chat and apparently marinette died, then came back to life, and kagami popped in for a visit, while juleka and rose kind of just sat and watched. alix became a funeral talker. and this was all at 2am
nyan cat: yeah that’s,,,that’s pretty much it
tOmAtO eAtEr: @kuromi @my melody what are u two doing up at 2am anyway? i know the rest of us are mentally unhinged and sleep means nothing
kuromi: i just. don’t sleep
my melody: we were facetiming :)
causeyouarethesewingqueen: just remembered that juleka is literally a fucking vampire
nyan cat: dont yall think being a vampire is kinda kinky
kuromi: the fuck
nyan cat: i mean like- the biting n shit
kuromi: ok look if i ever bite you guys on the neck consider it kinky. because i wont
kuromi: i don’t like have a thing for u guys
tOmAtO eAtEr: oh good bc gay
tOmAtO eAtEr: @tomatomatomatoes want to become vampires
tomatomatomatoes: lmao sure
my melody: omg vampires are kind of kinky…………………………………
causeyouarethesewingqueen: rose i- wHAT HAPPENED
my melody: IDK I JUST FIND VAMPIRES HOT OK
tomatomatomatoes: wait but they are sexy tho
tomatomatomatoes: i still love u marc i’m sorry
tOmAtO eAtEr: brb going to become a vampire
nyan cat: I DID NOT EXPECT THIS TO GO HOW IT WENT
nyan cat: @kuromi as the vampire expert what do you think
kuromi: i. um
kuromi: no comment
tomatomatomatoes: oOOoOooOOoOoOoo
kuromi: justaboutmcfuckinghadit.jpg
my melody: JULEKA NO COME BACK
—————
drawing_boy — writer_boy
red ❤️: gay?
rainbow 🌈: y e a h
red ❤️: love you <3
rainbow 🌈: love you too 💕
—————
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me
my melody: okay so we’ve established that kimax is w a i t i n g to happen
nyan cat: i’m best friends with those idiots. they are fucking pining
kuromi: wait who in our class reads fanfiction
causeyouarethesewingqueen: i know for a fact that adrien reads (and occasionally writes) fanfics, chloé usually beats them for him, mylène is Very Tumblr, i bet sabrina reads fanfiction, i’m willing to say that rose reads and writes fanfics?
my melody: i shall neither confirm or deny this
causeyouarethesewingqueen: juleka juleka @kuromi tell me the truth
causeyouarethesewingqueen: do you read/write fanfiction
tomatomatomatoes: wait omg does she
tOmAtO eAtEr: mari ill give you 20 bucks if she does read/write fanfiction
causeyouarethesewingqueen: willing to give u 30 if she doesn’t
tOmAtO eAtEr: @kuromi get online so i can get my twenty bucks!!
kuromi: are you guys seriously betting on me and fanfiction?
causeyouarethesewingqueen: yes now please tell them that you do write fanfiction so i can swim in my 30 bucks
kuromi: i’m not saying shit
nyan cat: can i tell them can i tell them can i tell them
tOmAtO eAtEr: wait???? alix knows????
nyan cat: ofc i do ive known this girl since we were kids
tomatomatomatoes: wait does this mean rose knows too?
my melody: ofc i do bu i would never betray poor jules like that <3
kuromi: thanks rosie
nyan cat: you still have to answer, dipshit!,!
kuromi: fuck you
nyan cat: ;) don’t fuck me ;) ;) fuck someone else ;) ;)
kuromi: i am this close to murdering you and using your fingers as halloween candy for children
tomatomatomatoes: OKAY JULEKA HOW THE FUCK DO YOU MAKE THAT SHIT UP
kuromi: :)
causeyouarethesewingqueen: remind me to never ever ask what juleka does in her free time
my melody: usually she listens to taylor swift and reads fantasy novels
my melody: also she takes singing lessons
tOmAtO eAtEr: SHE FUCKING WHAT
causeyouarethesewingqueen: W H A T T H E F U C K
tomatomatomatoes: that’s not! possible!!
kuromi: rose i care about you a lot ok but you seriously need to stop exposing me like this
nyan cat: wait so it’s true??????????
causeyouarethesewingqueen: EVEN ALIX DOESNT KNOW???
nyan cat: unfortunately juleka and i have a complicated history and she also happens to love rose much more than i- hate u juleka- but seriously? singing lessons?
kuromi: if any of you mention this to the class i will not hesitate to come to your house in the middle of the night, take out my butter knife, peel your cheeks off, fry it in my frying pan and eat it for breakfast
nyan cat: dang
nyan cat: wouldve thought my cheeks are at least worth a lunch but ok boomer
kuromi: i’m younger than you dumbass
tomatomatomatoes: pushing past the “singing lessons” and
tomatomatomatoes: alix tell us if juleka couffaine reads or writes fanfiction
nyan cat: she…………
nyan cat: DOES READ AND WRITE FANFICITON BITCH EVEN HAS A FUCKING AO3 ACCOUNT I DONT KNOW IF SHE HAS WATTPAD OR NOT THO
causeyouarethesewingqueen: HAAAAAAAAA MARC YOU OWE ME THIRTY BUCKS SUCK IT
tOmAtO eAtEr: AAAAAAA NOOOOOO BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?
kuromi: ALIX YOU BETTER FUCKING WATCH OUT YOU BETTER WATCH UR CHEEKS
kuromi: I KNOW WHAT IM HAVING FOR BREAKFAST TOMORROW
my melody: no but juleka writes rlly good fanficiton!
tomatomatomatoes: what do u write abt tho juleka
tOmAtO eAtEr: omg…chaesoo???
kuromi: SHUT UP OK
tOmAtO eAtEr: NO I MEAN- CHAESOO IS AWESOME?? CHAESOO AND JENLISA FOR THE WIN I LOVE THEM
my melody: MARC?? YOU LISTEN?? TO BLACKPINK??
tOmAtO eAtEr: WAIT YES
my melody: OMG OMG OMG
nyan cat: gonna put away my concern for the moment
tomatomatomatoes: same. juleka do you also have a tumblr?
kuromi:
kuromi:
kuromi: yeah. it’s @purple-goth-aesthetic
causeyouarethesewingqueen: OMFG
nyan cat: this only gets better and better
Notes:
i actually did make a juleka couffaine tumblr blog. go follow it lmao @purple-goth-aesthetic
i always have so much fun writing this also juleka totally writes and reads fanfiction. she projects chaesoo into her fics like she wants to project julerose into her life-
Chapter 4: who trusts me with a knife? *crickets*
Summary:
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: who trusts me with a knife?
buzz buzz bitches: i wouldn’t trust you with a plastic spoonkim is a well-meaning dumbass. also, hamilton. also, kagami and luka!
Notes:
tHe oUtSiDeRs usernames:
music man! — luka
ripoff bourgeois — zoé
sword lesbian — kagami
shy boi — marc
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is playing mecha strike with kagami <3
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is questioning? not sexuality-
lookatmyheelies is reading juleka’s fanfiction
sunshine bro is writing fanfiction
sunshine sis is asleep
did i fucking stutter? yes is hating on alix fuck you bitch
toma-toes is with his boyfriend! unlike you depressed singles
whyistherenowifi? is awimbawe awimbawe awimbawe
markov’s canonical dad is unsure of how this works
mom tm is giving up on making sure nobody dies
dad tm is going to bed fuck it
hurryupsabrinaaaa is watching hamilton
buzz buzz bitches is watching hamilton
dj bitchass is dead again ;-;
dj bitchass: sabrina? chlo? are you guys watching hamilton together??
buzz buzz bitches: yeah we’re up to satisfied shut up first
buzz buzz bitches: ok it’s done yeah what’s up?
sunshine sis: i now have a lot of respect for you two
hurryupsabrinaaaa: aw, thank you! <3
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: i was asleep but now i’m awake and i am haunted with a question
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: who trusts me with a knife?
buzz buzz bitches: i wouldn’t trust you with a plastic spoon
did i fucking stutter? yes: i wouldn’t trust you with a piece of foam
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: well fuck you too juleka. but not like that because you are quite obviously gay
did i fucking stutter? yes: thanks
————
maxi.taxi — _jules
calculator: juleka?
juleka: hey max what’s up
calculator: how do i put this? gay problems
calculator: i mean, you have the most experience/familiarity with homosexuality so i thought maybe you could help?
calculator: it’s okay if not.
juleka: nono id be happy to help!
juleka: is it kim
calculator: am i that obvious?
juleka: haha no i just have a gaydar
calculator: …not going to question that. what am i supposed to do?
calculator: maybe i shouldn’t ask you. you haven’t really managed to get anywhere with rose, anyhow.
juleka: I- WHAT-
juleka: well shit
juleka: i might not be able the best with this shit but um. it depends on you
juleka: if you want to get anywhere with him, go ahead! if not, then stay friends. god knows that dumbass needs some
calculator: thanks, juleka. you’re a good help
juleka: np :)
————
class of- wait what year is it?
buzz buzz bitches: i’m just saying, if phillipa soo ain’t showing up to the hamilton show in paris then i. ain’t. going.
sunshine sis: but! the magic of seeing it! yourself! in person! i mean i love phillipa soo but still, magic
buzz buzz bitches: phillipa soo is the only person that could ever stop me getting what i want
hurryupsabrinaaaa: are we going to talk about jasmine cephas-jones???
b-b-bread: ^^
buzz buzz bitches: no
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: i mean i like jasmine cephas-jones but nobody can truly beat phillipa soo
did i fucking stutter? yes: dang but jasmine cephas-jones was sexy as fuck in say no to this
sunshine sis: okay,,i’m picturing maria reynolds again and now i’m leaning away from phillipa soo CHLOE IM SORRY
buzz buzz bitches: DANGIT LAVILLANT WE WERE GOING TO WIN
sunshine bro: laurens. that’s all i have to say. laurens.
buzz buzz bitches: stop don’t make me think about laurens
hurryupsabrinaaaa: as a member of the Lesbian Cult i can say that laurens is hot but he is dead and so is philip so,,,
dj bitchass: don’t! talk about philip!!
sunshine sis: phillipa’s scream in that one scene 😭
dj bitchass: ur gonna hate me but
dj bitchass: [link x1]
whyistherenowifi: NINO I LOVE YOU BUT THAT IS IT. THAT IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE
sunshine sis: NINO I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
did i fucking stutter? yes: LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE NINO YOU MADE ROSE HATE YOU
dj bitchass: IM SORRY IM SORRY I HAD TO
mom tm: i love all of my children equally but nino you’ve been demoted to least favourite child
dad tm: i think the video was funny
mom tm: ivan i’m getting a divorce
toma-toes: what the fuck have i missed
lookatmyheelies: juleka this is literally so sad
lookatmyheelies: why’d you kill off jisoo????? you monster????
lookatmyheelies: oh shit wrong chat
did i fucking stutter? yes: BITCH
dj bitchass: WHAT IS GOING ONNNNNN
————
tHe oUtSiDeRs — STATUSES
music man! is music-ing
ripoff bourgeois is happy!
sword lesbian is tired
shy boi is with his bf <33
music man!: rt if you have dumbass siblings
ripoff bourgeois: rt
sword lesbian: does it count if i have a dumbass girlfriend?
music man!: yea
sword lesbian: rt
ripoff bourgeois: no but seriously chloé just showed me what was going on in mlle. bustier’s class chat and apparently shit’s gone down
shy boi: i mean,,you can’t really expect much more from them
shy boi: they have kim
music man!: lol but yeah juleka tells me he’s a ‘massive fucking dumbass’
ripoff bourgeois: i had him in a pe class once and he tried to run up the wall
ripoff bourgeois: max was there too and he was like “theres a 100% chance you will fall over” and kim’s like “nah i’ll be fine”
ripoff bourgeois: he was then sent to the nurse’s office with a broken nose. somehow he managed to turn over when falling and slammed his face into the ground
sword lesbian: i asked marinette what she thought of kim and she said “i wouldn’t trust him with a plastic spoon” before laughing and tripping down the stairs
music man!: press f to pay respects
ripoff bourgeois: f
shy boi: f
sword lesbian: f
Notes:
slightly shorter chapter today! i’m stuck between working on the couffaines, super gay vampires and also drawing some little things for this story, but eh. i’ll update more frequently soon i promise <3
anyway, be sure to visit my tumblr and spam my asks pls i’m so fucking bored
bye! love you beans
Chapter 5: hey, you, you’re finally awake-
Summary:
fluttershy: i swear to god i will rip your thighs off and make the skin into a hat
skyrim, my little pony. thats it.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is homework i hate you
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is skipping homework, fuck that shit
lookatmyheelies is why did we get homework?
sunshine bro is finished with homework! :D
sunshine sis is also done with homework hAH
did i fucking stutter? yes is playing the elder scrolls v: skyrim
toma-toes is ignoring the homework
whyistherenowifi? is copying homework
markov’s canonical dad is helping kim with homework
mom tm is sighing a lot
dad tm is crying over homework
hurryupsabrinaaaa is doing homework
buzz buzz bitches is doing none of ur business motherfuckers
dj bitchass is dying over homework
dj bitchass: i. can’t. believe. homework.
lookatmyheelies: i can’t believe you mlle. bustier!! i cant!! believe you!!
buzz buzz bitches: this is ridiculous!!! utterly ridiculous!!!
did i fucking stutter? yes: there it is.
buzz buzz bitches: SHUT UP ARE YOU EVEN DONE??
did i fucking stutter? yes: i am done. i have a good teacher.
toma-toes: that’s not fair!
sunshine sis: btw the good teacher is ✨me✨
sunshine sis: we literally spent like three hours smashing thru that hw
sunshine bro: what!! it took me five hours-
dj bitchass: it took me no time because im NOT DOING IT
mom tm: nino do ur homework
dj bitchass: sorry mom not doing it
dad tm: whatever kids ill support u no matter what so do ur homework or dont do it
mom tm: ivan youre a terrible influence on our kids.
hurryupsabrinaaaa: no no hes a good dad we love you dad
b-b-bread: hi im back also this homework is repeatedly stabbing me with a jar of vegemite
did i fucking stutter? yes: its pretty much impossible to stab someone with a jar
toma-toes: juleka-
did i fucking stutter? yes: oh shit um
did i fucking stutter? yes: @markov’s canonical dad back me up here
markov’s canonical dad: it’s true.
sunshine sis: damn
sunshine bro: juleka whats the elder scrolls v skyrim?
lookatmyheelies: *LE GASP*
did i fucking stutter? yes: omg adrien,,
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: dude ur more sheltered than we thought
did i fucking stutter? yes: its an rpg (roleplaying game)
did i fucking stutter? yes: its mostly killing, but you can also get married, adopt kids, build a house, become pretty much anything and also murder
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: everyone who plays skyrim: which race do u usually pick and who do u marry
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: mine is orc and i usually marry moth gro-bagul
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: gotta love the sexy green himbos
did i fucking stutter? yes: dark elf also for some reason i always marry ysolda shes just too cute
whyistherenowifi?: ooooo~
whyistherenowifi?: also breton, and i dont get married dont have time
whyistherenowifi?: juleka how do u always have time to get married?? ur doing all the quests and shit
did i fucking stutter? yes: i always have time for nord gf <3
sunshine sis: IMPERIAL and brelyna maryon shes just sexy as heck
lookatmyheelies: khajiit and also i always mod it to marry nirya, i love bitchy altmer
buzz buzz bitches: i um. altmer and i dont get married cause you cant marry any of the furry females
dad tm: thank you children for coming out. also orc and i dont get married cause i dont want to cheat on mylene <3
mom tm: still mad at you for the phillipa soo thing but ok thanks
dj bitchass: homework still kicking my ass but bosmer and i dont get married
whyistherenowifi?: <3
lookatmyheelies: imagine being married
did i fucking stutter? yes: imagine being a tiny-ass bitch
lookatmyheelies: NOT MY FUCKING FAULT UR THE TALLEST GIRL IN THE CLASS
did i fucking stutter? yes: mm i look down at you peasants from the heavens
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: well…
did i fucking stutter? yes: shut up you monkey
toma-toes: what is going on ?.?
lookatmyheelies: skyrim!
lookatmyheelies: among other things
————
alix.is created a new group chat.
alix.is changed the grouo chat name to my little ponies
alix.is added _jules, alyablogger, rosieroses, tiredmom.mylene, mari-dc, SabrinaR and chlo.bitcheois
alix.is changed 8 names
rainbow dash: whats up lovely people. i made a gc for the girls cause we deserve one
spike: alix?
spike: DKFJSKJDKS
applejack: omg sabrina?.
applejack: wait alix y am i applejack??
rainbow dash: idk it felt right. also mari told me you had a crush on her as a kid ;)
applejack: MARI
twilight sparkle: sorry alya!!
twilight sparkle: …
spike: HAAHHSNSJS
rarity: this is. ridiculous, utterly ridiculous
twilight sparkle: i think we all know who that is. hi chloé
pinkie pie: OOH I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY I WONDER WHO ILL GET
pinkie pie: OMG YASS TYSM ALIX!!! SHES MY FAVOURITE
applejack: gah roseeeee
rainbow dash: no problem sunshine :)
fluttershy: wht kind of magic mushroom bullshit is this?.?
rarity: oh god juleka do you not know who fluttershy is?. youre corrupting poor rose’s mind
fluttershy: im sorry rose <3
pinkie pie: its ok juleka! <3
rainbow dash: you are shy as fuck around most other people except for texting, as far as i know you have a pet frog who loves you and youre kind sOMETIMES
fluttershy: im unsure of what to do with this information but thx bitch
granny smith: ok you guys are blowing up my phone
granny smith: WHO DID THIS???
rarity: ALIXXXXXXXXXX-
applejack: OMG WTF
pinkie pie: im so done
rainbow dash: [link x1] gRaNnY sMiTh
granny smith: isnt granny smith applejack’s grandma??????
applejack: aha mylene ur my grandma now
granny smith: i will not stand for this slander
pinkie pie changed granny smith to princess celestia
pinkie pie: that better mom?
princess celestia: yes thank u rose. ur my favourite child
princess celestia: alix youve been demoted to least favourite child along with nino
rainbow dash: aw shucks
rarity: anyway alix y did you make this gc
rainbow dash: because i love you guys <3
rainbow dash: and i want somewhere to get away from Stupid Pining Friends (see: kim and max)
rainbow dash: so idk why juleka is here
fluttershy: i swear to god i will rip your thighs off and make the skin into a hat
rainbow dash: wHAT the fuck
rainbow dash: why are you only so mean to me ;-;
applejack: she threatened to use my eyeballs for bubble tea
twilight sparkle: dang juleka youre scary
pinkie pie: naw shes just a cute little person <3
fluttershy: i- okay
rarity: i think i know why you said stupid pining friends alix. i want to die rn
pinkie pie: dont die chloé!! we need you here!!
rarity: i want to die even more now i dont think anyone deserves rose
fluttershy: 1. fuck you chloé 2. nobody deserves rose <333333
————
_jules — alix.is
bubblegum bitch: you fucking pine so hard its like jisoo in that one fic where they’re demons remember
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: look alix i appreciate you reading my chaesoo fics on ao3 but i seriously need you to stop referring to it every time
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: also jisoo pines over rosè in literally every fic i write so.
bubblegum bitch: but still you literally pine so mUCH CAN YOU JUST RLLY CONFESS TO HER? IT PAINS FOR ME TO WATCH. IT. PAINS.
bubblegum bitch: ive been watching you prance around her for ten fucking years could you just kiss her or something
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: fuck you no i wont especially not after that meme
Notes:
slightly shorter than usual. but who wants to suggest what i do next chapter? :) comment and send some asks in my tumblr! bye guys!
Chapter 6: twitter. that’s it that’s the title
Summary:
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
bitches b like “i love cedric, he’s so hot <3 <3” but they haven’t watched the rest of the movie and don’t know he diesur local himbo | @kimbo
replying to @alix.is.nyancat
HE DIES?????
twitter shenanigans!!
Notes:
the twitter handles should be self explanatory :)
also PLEASE PLEASE click on every single link in this chapter. you’ll find them very amusing.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
good morning paris! how are we this fine lockdown morning
|
marimarimari | @clumsinette
replying to @modelblondeboy
shit
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @clumsinette
thats nice
————
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
being alive is some kind of scary-ass bullshit like. why do we even exist i don’t get it
|
rose!! 🌹| @pinkfluffyunicorns ✓
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic
juleka i love you but please stop being so depressing :(
|
i’m watching you!! | @alyabloggers
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @pinkfluffyunicorns
screenshotted and saved. anyway how come you two get to be verified and i don’t ;-; i’m very sure i’m as important as you two (maybe even more than juleka)
|
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
replying to @alyabloggers
you better fucking watch your toes.
|
marimarimari | @clumsinette
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @alyabloggers
rip alya, her toes have become juleka’s dinner
————
Kitty Section 🐱🦄 | @kittysection ✓
new song coming out soon! this time with a certain pair of siblings on vocals ;) ;)
|
unicorns! | @kittysectionfanbase
replying to @kittysection
scree pls can we have a gay anthem
|
blue hair dont care | @singmeyoursoulsong ✓
replying to @kittysectionfanbase
can confirm that its pretty gay
|
sword lesbian? | @kagamitsurugi ✓
replying to @kittysectionfanbase , @singmeyoursoulsong
as marinette would say, these bitches gay. good for them
|
marimarimari | @clumsinette
replying to @kagamitsurugi
my girlfriend everyone
————
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
bitches rlly b like “i love cedric hes so hot <3 <3” but they haven’t watched the rest of the movie and don’t know he dies
|
ur local himbo | @kimbo
replying to @alix.is.nyancat
HE DIES?????
|
rose!! 🌹| @pinkfluffyunicorns ✓
replying to @alix.is.nyancat , @kimbo
he had ‘steal my girl’ one direction vibes i didnt like him
|
max?!? | @mr_calculator
replying to @alix.is.nyancat , @kimbo , @pinkfluffyunicorns
which one was cedric?
|
ur local himbo | @kimbo
replying to @pinkfluffyunicorns , @mr_calculator
you deserve to die and you deserve to die
————
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
i’m single btw :)
|
blue hair dont care | @singmeyoursoulsong ✓
replying to @modelblondeboy
the hell you are
|
ivan | @stone ✓
replying to @modelblondeboy , @singmeyoursoulsong
i thought…you two have been dating at every practice we’ve been at?
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @singmeyoursoulsong , @stone
this is news to me but i like it so ok it’s canon now (as rose says)
————
TVi News | @tvinews ✓
BREAKING NEWS! Heartbreak for all the girls in Paris, because it’s been confirmed that our favourite blonde model, Adrien Agreste, has found love in the up-and-coming band, Kitty Section! More specifically, their guitarist, Luka Couffaine! We’ll keep you updated with all the news at tvinews.com
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @tvinews
holy shit i’m on the news!!!!!
|
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
replying to @modelblondeboy
adrien, sunshine, you’re a model?
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @alix.is.nyancat
oh,,,you’re right,,,
|
lila rossi ✨| @angel-on-earth
replying to @tvinews
THIS IS SOOO UNTRUE! I’M DATING ADRIEN AGRESTE, NOT SOME STUPID GUITAR PLAYER OR SOMETHING!! TELL THE TRUTH!
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @angel-on-earth
no offence but who the hell are you
|
TVi News | @tvinews ✓
replying to @angel-on-earth , @modelblondeboy
Might want to check your facts, Mlle. Rossi. :)
|
marimarimari | @clumsinette
replying to @angel-on-earth , @tvinews , @modelblondeboy
ooooo burnt by TVi news themselves. anyway congrats luka and adrien <3
————
mylène | @akumaclassmom
you guys we should get little flowerpots in the classroom! what flowers do we put in them tho
|
i know you’ve heard of me. | @bitchasschloe ✓
replying to @akumaclassmom
i think sunflowers would really spice up the room, along with violets and different coloured tulips. but not orange- that shit would make everything look shit
|
mylène | @akumaclassmom
replying to @bitchasschloe
wow…i think you’re right! thanks chloé :)
|
i know you’ve heard of me. | @bitchasschloe ✓
replying to @akumaclassmom
um…you’re welcome.
:)
|
tomato | @nathk
replying to @akumaclassmom , @bitchasschloe
i can’t believe it chloé typing a smiley face?
|
mylène | @akumaclassmom
replying to @nathk , @bitchasschloe
nath, hush. chloé, i’m proud of you
|
sabs! | @sabrinarina
replying to @akumaclassmom , @nathk
awww chloé says thank you but she’s too busy crying to reply :D
————
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
does mlle bustier have a twitter
|
max?!? | @mr_calculator
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic
i hope not. there are some truly strange things on this app.
|
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
replying to @mr_calculator
its not as crazy as tumblr tho so
|
ninonono | @djnino
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @mr_calculator
i’m awake now what have i mis- wait juleka has a tumblr?
|
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @mr_calculator , @djnino
haha goth bitch your secret is out to the world
|
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
replying to @alix.is.nyancat
|
ninonono | @djnino
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @alix.is.nyancat
jules just because of that video i’m gonna follow your tumblr and spam your asks
|
max?!? | @mr_calculator
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic , @alix.is.nyancat , @djnino
twitter is a strange place.
————
TVi News | @tvinews ✓
BREAKING NEWS! The bass guitarist of Kitty Section (a band that already made headlines just earlier today), Juleka Couffaine, revealed that she has a Tumblr account! Fans of the rock band are flocking to find out exactly which blog belongs to the bassist, while Mlle. Couffaine herself has not revealed anything else.
Notes:
it’s literally so fun to write in Twitter Form i love it so much
anyway have a wacky chapter, i’m sorry it’s been like four days since i last updated!
azzie loves you <3
Chapter 7: facetime facetime facetime
Summary:
pinkie pie: FACETIME FACETIME PLS
rainbow dash: is it cause you wanna see our lovely faces?
pinkie pie: no
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is chilling with kagami <3
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is watching vines
lookatmyheelies is attempting fanfiction?
sunshine bro is trying just dance
sunshine sis is screaming
did i fucking stutter? yes is trying to play guitar again ;)
toma-toes is pretending everything is ok!! yay
whyistherenowifi? is with nino’s dumb ass
markov’s canonical dad is reading fanfiction? whag-
mom tm is hoping max does not go to the dark side
dad tm is working on his drumming skills
hurryupsabrinaaaa is trying to find her glasses?
buzz buzz bitches is watching marvel movies
dj bitchass is dying over homework
sunshine sis: hey google how do you platonically marry someone
markov’s canonical dad: i searched it up, and apparently platonic marriages do exist. so you are able to platonically marriage someone.
markov’s canonical dad: only problem being you are not the legal age for marriage
sunshine sis: well crap.
sunshine sis: @did i fucking stutter? yes DO YOU WANT TO GET PLATONICALLY MARRIED PLS SAY YES ILL CRY IF YOU DONT
did i fucking stutter: i
did i fucking stutter: okay
sunshine sis: YAY
whyistherenowifi? changed 2 names
juleka’s wife: whos name did u change alya?
juleka’s wife: oH
rose’s wife: …okAy
sunshine bro: aw but i dont have my sunshine sis anymore </3
juleka’s wife: sorry adri i have wife now ur still my bro tho
sunshine bro: alya alya change my name pls
whyistherenowifi? changed 1 name
whyistherenowifi?: ask n u shall recieve
radiant.carefree.dreamy: thanks alya!!
radiant.carefree.dreamy: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
b-b-bread: BHAHAHAHAHA ALYA YASSSS
b-b-bread: kagami thinks it’s awesome
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE:
radiant.carefree.dreamy: ur lucky i don’t know how to change my name >:(
mom tm: i see things have happened during my absence
mom tm: anyway congrats on the marriage juleka & rose
juleka’s wife: thx mom <3
toma-toes: WAHAHAHA WHY DO THE BEST THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHILE IM AWAY
toma-toes: marc is crying you guys made marc cry
lookatmyheelies: AAAAHAHA IM SO WRITING THIS INTO MY FIC
dad tm: your,,,what?
hurryupsabrinaaaa: omg did you get an ao3
rose’s wife: she did
lookatmyheelies: did u guys know that kitty section now has its own tag in ao3
juleka’s wife: IT WHAT
lookatmyheelies: it does lmao
rose’s wife: fuck this shit i’m out
————
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me — STATUSES
causeyouarethesewingqueen is sewing? cause i’m the sewing queen?
nyan cat is attempting fanfiction
kuromi is cry
my melody is scrolling thru tumblr
tomatomatomatoes is laughing my fucking ass off
tOmAtO eAtEr is also laughing
tOmAtO eAtEr: ISTG UR CLASS CHAT IS FUCKING INSANE
tOmAtO eAtEr: HOW THE HELL
nyan cat: can i just
nyan cat changed 2 names
marceline: alix…
marceline: AW SWEET I LOVE MARCELINE
causeyouarethesewingqueen: i *think* i know what rose’s new name is,,,anyway alix what’s ur fic on
nyan cat: it’s chaesoo but instead of jisoo dying (bc juleka is a fucking monster) she lives and her and rosè get married and stuff it’s mostly domestic
nyan cat: also, jisoo is a trained assassin
tomatomatomatoes: i was waiting for that
tOmAtO eAtEr: aw cool can i beta?
nyan cat: sure
marceline: i
princess bubblegum: hi guys!!
princess bubblegum: oH my name changed!! i love it she’s so cool
nyan cat: aw sunshine
causeyouarethesewingqueen: BHAHAHAHAH CUTE USERNAMES
marceline: bouta come for your ass heelie bitch
nyan cat: o shit
princess bubblegum: guys! we have class now hurry up!
————
my little ponies — STATUSES
rainbow dash is doing the work ;-;
twilight sparkle is listening to blank space
pinkie pie is struggling!!
applejack is boy howdy its hot outside
spike is still looking for her glasses??
rarity is trying to figure out what the fuck latitude is
fluttershy is drowning in pain
princess celestia is done (with life, not work)
pinkie pie: FACETIME FACETIME PLS
rainbow dash: is it cause you wanna see our lovely faces?
pinkie pie: no
rarity: IM OFFENDED
pinkie pie: nO I MEAN I WANT TO- I WANT HELPPPP
princess celestia: ofc ofc we can help
twilight sparkle: hell yeah facetime!!
rainbow dash started a FaceTime Call.
pinkie pie has joined.
fluttershy has joined.
princess celestia has joined.
twilight sparkle has joined.
rarity has joined.
spike has joined.
applejack has joined.
“WHATS UP MOTHER FUCKERS!” alix yells as soon as everyone has joined the call.
a collective groan rises up out of the girls.
“are you serious, alix,” juleka sighs. “it’s 10 at night…”
“doesn’t matter what time it is!” rose squeaks, waving a piece of paper in front of her camera. “we have! work!”
“fuckin’…” chloé mutters. “stupid ass fucking geography type shit…when are we going to need this??”
marinette’s fallen asleep in front of her computer- everyone can see the top of her head.
“that’s probably the most marinette thing to do,” sabrina says brightly. “now what part do you need help with?”
alya blinks tiredly at the screen. “like…all of it. do you actually understand this?”
“um…yes?”
“sabrina, you’re a LIFE SAVER,” mylène says, her camera blurry. ivan comes up behind her and waves to the camera. “hi, girls.”
“hi dad!” they all chorus.
“‘kay, here are the notes!” sabrina says, holding up a few sheets of paper. “ready to learn?”
————
class of- wait what year is it again?
b-b-bread: rt to appreciate sabrina 😭
rose’s wife: rt
juleka’s wife: RT RT RT!
whyistherenowifi?: rt sab ur a lifesaver ;-;
mom tm: rt! proud of u child!
buzz buzz bitches: must i show my appreciation like this
b-b-bread: yes
buzz buzz bitches: fine.
buzz buzz bitches: rt
hurryupsabrinaaaa: AW TY GUYS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3
radiant.carefree.dreamy: wait do yall understand the work?? what is latitude??
hurryupsabrinaaaa: am i the class tutor now?
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: yes
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: << otherwise
hurryupsabrinaaaa: …
hurryupsabrinaaaa: okay adrien ill facetime you in two minutes, kim ill ft you in an hour
Notes:
short chapter but i wanted to appreciate sabrina <3
visit my tumblr, @gaylittleinnkeepersHAVE YALL WATCHED CROCODUEL YET?????????
Chapter 8: ariana grande’s crusty ass hair
Summary:
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: max bending gender normality by fangirling over ariana grande
i lowkey love this chapter
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is bakin’
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is being tutored
lookatmyheelies is trying…to…write…
radiant.carefree.dreamy is playing mario kart 8: deluxe
juleka’s wife is playing mario kart 8: deluxe
rose’s wife is playing mario kart 8: deluxe
toma-toes is dead
whyistherenowifi? is listening to pretty savage by blackpink
markov’s canonical dad is working on something
mom tm is WORRIED
dad tm is [blank]
hurryupsabrinaaaa is tutoring 🤷🏻
buzz buzz bitches is none 👏 of 👏 your 👏 business
dj bitchass is dead, again and again
dj bitchass: asking the real questions today: why does ariana grande always wear that stupid fucking ponytail
markov’s canonical dad: there’s actually a real explanation why, as well as advertising.
markov’s canonical dad: [link x1]
dj bitchass: WAIT WOAH
dad tm: so…ariana has terrible hair care
mom tm: oh man thats much worse than i thought
juleka’s wife: WTH I THOUGHT SHE WORE IT AS LIKE A SIGNATURE LOOK KINDA THING?
rose’s wife: lol nope its bleach that shit destroys your hair
juleka’s wife: then how come?? your hair?? is so flawless?? and soft??
rose’s wife: idk anymore im a hair god
hurryupsabrinaaaa: can we just talk about how max knows this??
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: max likes ariana grande he knows all the words to literally all her albums
buzz buzz bitches: but does he say the swear words?
rose’s wife: im betting on no
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: no ofc not hes part of the holy trinity of not-swearing angels
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: adrien, rose and max
whyistherenowifi?: omg they b like the schuyler sisters lmao
whyistherenowifi?: werk werk MAX werk werk ROSEEE and ADRIEN
whyistherenowifi?: the holy trinity of not-swearing angels!
juleka’s wife: looking for a bf/gf/tf who isnt an absolute dumbass
whyistherenowifi?: yass rose sing it
markov’s canonical dad: i just…i just really like ariana grande
buzz buzz bitches changed 1 name
rose’s wife: oh no
ariana grande fangirl: who’s name did you change?
mom tm: OMGGGGGG MAX????
ariana grande fangirl: CHLOÉ I-
juleka’s wife: yasss we stan a queen and that queen is max kanté
ariana grande fangirl: i- okay.
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: max bending gender normality by fangirling over ariana grande
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: my lockdown is so much better already
ariana grande fangirl: um…thanks?
rose’s wife: u got this buddy anyway
rose’s wife: ever wonder what would happen if ariana grande accidentally tripped and like cracked her crusty hair in half
b-b-bread: would it,,would it snap in half like a fuckin pocky stick
toma-toes: oH MY GOD- POCKY SO GOOD THO-
radiant.carefree.dreamy: what’s pocky?
juleka’s wife: WHAT THE HECK ADRIEN
juleka’s wife: thisisheckingpocky.jpg
whyistherenowifi?: omg rose just say fuck pls just say it
rose’s wife: nonono let her say heck its cute
juleka’s wife: aw thanks <3
lookatmyheelies: you guys fanfiction is fucking hard to write like wtf
lookatmyheelies: also pocky supremacy. chloé let me have a few of hers and they were fuckin awesome
buzz buzz bitches: im never letting you have any of my pocky anymore u nearly ate the whole packet
lookatmyheelies: THEY WERE GOOD also i wanted to annoy you and i see that worked- :D
radiant.carefree.dreamy: wait chloé lets you share her pocky??? what is this sorcery???
whyistherenowifi?: this is a historical event chloé fuckin bourgeois lets alix kubdel eat her pocky
rose’s wife: i bet if she could, chloé wouldnt even share her pocky with ariana grande
ariana grande fangirl: i thought…we were done…with ariana grande…
buzz buzz bitches: i would never share my pocky with a crusty haired bitch
buzz buzz bitches: pocky hair kinda witch
lookatmyheelies: no its cause you love me =))))
buzz buzz bitches: i do not
hurryupsabrinaaaa: you totally do chloé im sorry
buzz buzz bitches: SABRINA UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE
b-b-bread: CHLOE AND ALIX???????? HAVE A THUNG??
juleka’s wife: thung
b-b-bread: rose i’m hurt
lookatmyheelies: taylor swift wannabe bitch can deny it all she wants but yh we have a thung
b-b-bread: YALL ARE FUCKING MEAN
b-b-bread: but ooooo rose add it to the otp list
juleka’s wife: its been there for like a week now yall r blind. ive already connected the dots
buzz buzz bitches: naw she just walked in on us sharing pocky once
buzz buzz bitches: she didnt connect shit
juleka’s wife: I CONNECTED THEM
————
_jules — alix.is
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: is this why there’s jenlisa in the background of ur chaesoo fic
bubblegum bitch: …
bubblegum bitch: yea
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: well its not accurate is it. jennie and lisa are the same height
bubblegum bitch: die in hell
————
tHe oUtSiDeRs — STATUSES
music man! is playing mario kart w my sister
ripoff bourgeois is confused af but ok
sword lesbian is gone
shy boi is with his bf cause i’m not single-
ripoff bourgeois: so apparently my sister has had a girlfriend for like a month but nobody knew about it until now
music man!: o noice
shy boi: the gc is killing me- how does mlle bustier never check it-
sword lesbian: because she knows what she’ll find
music man!: just today i heard juleka yelling about pocky
music man!: yesterday she started panicking and died
ripoff bourgeois: no offence to her but you guys don’t wanna know how chloé sounds like singing hamilton
shy boi: why? is she super bad??
ripoff bourgeois: no shes rlly good at singing but she’s very biased towards phillipa soo so every song that jasmine cephas-jones is a part of, she’ll sit sullenly and just. not sing
music man!: that explains why juleka asked me which was the hottest schuyler sister
shy boi: anyway luka did you hear rose asked juleka to platonically marry her
music man!: wait what
music man!: oH that explains the panicking yesterday
sword lesbian: congrats to them 👏
ripoff bourgeois: congratulations to them :) anyway how long do you think until rose asks her to properly marry her
sword lesbian: knowing those two, maybe another century.
music man!: what does mari think ?
sword lesbian: she says she still has faith but then again she’s marinette so idk
shy boi: so how’s it going with adrien, luka?
ripoff bourgeois: OOOOOOOOO
music man!: its good its good
music man!: he’s a very cute boi
music man!: juleka gets annoyed that we facetime a lot cause i broke my headphones but she says that if it’s the price to pay for having adrien as her future brother-in-law then it’s ok
sword lesbian: awwww that’s cute
ripoff bourgeois: scree i love being single and watching all my friends date each other <33
shy boi: was that sarcastic?
ripoff bourgeois: no, why?
music man!: zoé being Purest Of Heart
ripoff bourgeois: well i ain’t gonna be purest of heart if you keep typing like that
music man!: What, Like This?
sword lesbian: i am strangely provoked by this.
shy boi: LUKA STOP
music man!: I Shan’t Ever Stop. This Is Far Too Entertaining
shy boi: ok that’s it, girls let’s go murder this son of a bitch
————
Kitty Section 🐱🦄| @kittysection ✓
new song in the works…very close…we are nearly there
|
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
replying to @kittysection
if u guys don’t make a gay bop i’m gonna leave
|
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
replying to @alix.is.nyancat
1. ofc it’s a gay bop, me and luka are literally singing
2. l e a v e
|
alix!! | @alix.is.nyancat
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic
nvm i’m staying 🤠
————
unicorns! | @kittysectionfanbase
@pinkfluffyunicorns if you’re not singing, what’s your role in the new song?
|
rose!! 🌹| @pinkfluffyunicorns ✓
replying to @kittysectionfanbase
i dance the macarena in the background
Notes:
has anyone else noticed that i’m super biased towards juleka?
anyway
visit my tumblr @gaylittleinnkeepers and spam some asks, maybe some ideas of what i could do next?
Chapter 9: BUT YOU’RE STILL A TRAITOOOOR~
Notes:
lesbian cult usernames:
lesbeean — chloé
minions (2015) — sabrina
they were roommates — kagami
cryptid — julekaalso ok um the name changes from previous chapters are:
juleka — rose’s wife
rose — juleka’s wife
max — ariana grande fangirl(i apologise to snyone who has not read earlier chapters and just skips to this one………actually nvm i pity you all for somewhat reading my shit :D)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
my little ponies — STATUSES
rainbow dash is listening to olivia rodrigo, how did i get here
twilight sparkle is ABSHSNJDNJS
pinkie pie is <3
applejack is DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT (but not rlly bc lockdown)
spike is lost in the woooooooddssss
rarity is what the?fuck?
fluttershy is swordfighting (dont ask)
princess celestia is looking for something but idk what
applejack: so………lockdown’s being extended
applejack: were gonna miss the school dance thing ;-;
princess celestia: AW NOOOO :(
spike: there was a school dance???? dang coulda brought my gf
rarity: YOU HAVE A GF???
spike: oop
fluttershy: dank she has a gf before i do,,
spike: haha suck it
pinkie pie: oHHhhHhhH im guessing the date worked out then :D
spike: yass it did
applejack: wHAT
applejack: rose knows???? does juleka know????
fluttershy: no i genuinely dont know about this
rarity: dang you wouldve thought the cryptid would know,,,
fluttershy: SHUT UP CHLOE
spike: anyway shes cute n tall and weather girl
princess celestia: wait omg mirielle??
spike: noop
twilight sparkle: WAIT, AURORE???
rarity: omfg WHAT HOW
pinkie pie: im a master of shipping i saw sabrina being lonely so i gave her aurore’s number
spike: idk why she had her number but yes
pinkie pie: im friends with everyone :D
twilight sparkle: that explains why nobody’s been teasing her for bad grades, she has a tutor for a girlfriend
spike: ^-^
fluttershy: ngl thats cute we love to see the gays winning
rainbow dash: OMFG CONGRATS SAB
rainbow dash: now the only two single ppl in this groupchat are juleka and rose
applejack: OOOOOOOOOOOO
fluttershy: GUESS WHOS HAVING BUBBLE TEA TONIGHT
spike: can i share >-<
fluttershy: u can have alix’s eyeballs i think theyre smaller
pinkie pie: JULEKA STOP
————
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is AAAAAAAAA
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE is wonderming about monkeys….
lookatmyheelies is FINISHED (with the first chapter) and listening to olivia rodrigo
radiant.carefree.dreamy is watching marvel movies
juleka’s wife is practising new song!
rose’s wife is supporting juleka <3
toma-toes is laughing
whyistherenowifi? is listening to playing with fire by blackpink
ariana grande fangirl is gone.
mom tm is WORRIED (the sequel)
dad tm is [blank]
hurryupsabrinaaaa is tutoring 🤷🏻
buzz buzz bitches is none 👏 of 👏 your 👏 business
dj bitchass is alya ily
juleka’s wife: hai guys ^-^ im tired cause its literally 2 in the morning but i love all of you especially juleka and you are all amazing and deserve much hugs and kisses from significant others and also i have not slept at all for the past week and its starting to toll om me anyway all of you remember to have water n shit and also listen to blackpink its good for ur mental health and juleka i love you very much btw ur the best ok im gonna sleep now before my mom kills me gnight ily guys <3
dj bitchass: i know this is three hours later but dawww this broke and repaired my heart <3 rose u should get some sleep…
dj bitchass: also @radiant.carefree.dreamy u owe me ten bucks bitch
radiant.carefree.dreamy: DAMN IT
rose’s wife: what is it w u guys and betting? also <3 rose honey go get some sleep
whyistherenowifi?: screenshotted and saved, rose ur too good for this world get some sleep <3
b-b-bread: omg rose yk i showed it to kagami and she hasnt stopped crying
juleka’s wife: wAIT i domt wamt her fo vrry! tel her to sftop cfyrong!
b-b-bread: no offence rose but what on earth are you saying-
rose’s wife: she needs sleep. rose if you dont go to sleep im going to your house and locking you in bed >:(
dj bitchass: r…r we gonna tell her…
rose’s wife: shut the fuck up
juleka’s wife: i wouldnt mind having you here………youre warm………amd soft………
mom tm: AKDJSJFJ JSJMDID
b-b-bread: kagami is now crying for two different reasons
toma-toes: istg nothing is boring when you have anyone innthis class in a group chat
rose’s wife: i………
radiant.carefree.dreamy: i think you’ve broken her, rose
————
jules_ — alix.is
bubblegum bitch: she just admitted she loves you now can you ask her out
ebony dark’ness dementia raven way: no
bubblegum bitch: well fuck
————
class of- wait what year is it?
dad tm: alix why are you listening to olivia rodrigo
dad tm: @lookatmyheelies alix i’m worried r u going thru a breakup or something
buzz buzz bitches: she better not fucking be
dad tm: olivia rodrigo depressing as hell
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: but i love her shes pretty awesome
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: keep tryna sing her shit but her voice is so high like…
lookatmyheelies: ayo im back and wow…we have another fangirl…
ariana grande fangirl: may i do the honours?
dj bitchass: do it do it do it
rip.those.math.grades.AYEE: NO MAX PLS I LOVE YOU JUST DONT DO THIS
ariana grande fangirl changed 1 name
olivia rodrigo stan: AW NO
olivia rodrigo stan: oh wait this aint too bad
whyistherenowifi?: guess what bitches, screenshotted and saved
rose’s wife: bitch what is it w u and ‘screenshotting and saving’
rose’s wife: its a miracle you still have storage on ur phone
whyistherenowifi?: naw i actually have like three different phones
toma-toes: i- what- we hath been decieved
olivia rodrigo stan: ykw max i forgive you
olivia rodrigo stan: also we match!!!!
ariana grande fangirl: yeah, i guess we do.
ariana grande fangirl: :)
toma-toes: we appreciate the fangirls
toma-toes: whats ur fav liv rodrigo song kim?
olivia rodrigo stan: ohh definitely traitor. its depressing but i love it. also brutal is just *chef’s kiss*
lookatmyheelies: FAXX im listening to traitor now
lookatmyheelies: YOU BETRAYEDDDD ME
olivia rodrigo stan: AND I KNOW THAT U’LL NEVER FEEL SOOOOORRY
lookatmyheelies: FOR THE WAY I HURT, YEAHH
lookatmyheelies: YOUD TALK TO HER WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER
ariana grande fangirl: loved you at your worst, but that didn’t matter
olivia rodrigo stan: (yes max!,!) IT TOOK YOU TWO WEEKS TO GO OUT AND DATE HERR
ariana grande fangirl: guess you didn’t cheat…
lookatmyheelies: BUT YOURE STILL A TRAITOOOOOOOR
olivia rodrigo: bravo! bravo!
whyistherenowifi?: wow… *wipes tear* this is beautiful
b-b-bread: indeeb
toma-toes: mass confusion but ok
toma-toes: also @juleka’s wife @b-b-bread hurry up we need to sacrifice The Tall One
mom tm: im sorry what
toma-toes: Sacrifice The Tall One
b-b-bread: TUBBY CUSTARD
juleka’s wife: were gonna sacrifice my wife </3
rose’s wife: btw i agreed to this so yeah
rose’s wife: it is In The Name Of Teletubbies
rose’s wife: TINKY WINKY
lookatmyheelies: DIPSYYYYY
juleka’s wife: LAA-LAA
toma-toes: AND MOTHERFUCKIN PO
olivia rodrigo stan: im confused but in a good way
hurryupsabrinaaaa: HOW IS THIS IN A GOOD WAY????
rose’s wife: 저는 빵
dj bitchass: whaat the fuck
mom tm: is that korean??
rose’s wife: 예
rose’s wife: sorry. yeah
dj bitchass: how tf do you know korean??
rose’s wife: im half korean
hurryupsabrinaaaa: im sorry youre WHAT?
buzz buzz bitches: i thought u were scottish or something, your mom has like the thickest ass accent in the world
rose’s wife: im. half korean and half scottish
b-b-bread: i- thats so cool-
rose’s wife: thanks
olivia rodrigo stan: do you know scottish gaelic??
rose’s wife: whay the fuck no
juleka’s wife: whay
rose’s wife: rose ily but no
olivia rodrigo stan: why not? isnt scottish gaelic scotland’s official language
ariana grande fangirl: well actually, scottish gaelic is a very old language. scotland usually only uses english. also, did you know that the official scotland animal is a unicorn?
rose’s wife: oh dope
juleka’s wife: OOH THATS SO COOL
juleka’s wife: ok @toma-toes @b-b-bread @rose’s wife come on its time for the sacrifice
mom tm: oh no
————
lesbian cult — STATUSES
lesbian is listening to the reaper by the chainsmokers
minions (2015) is dying (in a good way? maybe)
they were roommates is with her girlfriend like a cool person
cryptid is lonely -_-
lesbeean: yall
they were roommates: ………yall
lesbeean: shut up
lesbeean: anyway lockdown is extended right so we dont have that weird prom shit thing we were gonna
cryptid: where are you going with this chloe
lesbeean: hush cryptid. i was thinking
lesbeean: that *drumroll pls*
minions (2015): you wanna do an online prom.
lesbeean: DANG it sabrina you stole my line
lesbeean: but yes!
cryptid: i would say yes, but no
they were roommates: why not? sounds fun
they were roommates: could invite everyone we know
cryptid: yh but reminder that there are single people
lesbeean: just ask rose or something smh
lesbeean: fine ill do it myself
cryptid: WAIT CHLOE NO-
lesbeean added rosieroses
they were roommates: oh hi rose :)
minions (2015): hi rose!!!!!!
rosieroses: hi lesbians!! :3
lesbeean: hi rose just adding yiu for a moment before i chuck you out again but
lesbeean: a) what do you think about an online prom? b) would you go to said prom w juleka
rosieroses: i love quiz things!
rosieroses: a) HECK YES THAT SOUNDS SO COOL OMG OMG b) ofc i would
lesbeean: ok thanks
rosieroses: np, bai! :D
minions (2015): bye rose!!
lesbeean removed rosieroses
lesbeean: see?
cryptid: can i get very descriptive here
they were roommates: let me cover sabrina’s ears first
they were roommates: ok go
cryptid: chloé i hope you get run over by a car, then all ur body parts get eaten by a dog. the dog will shit your body parts out somewhere in egypt, then it will be buried in sand and forgotten about. in hundreds of years some dude will discover the fermented shit and put it up in a museum, and it will be in the newspaper: “hundreds of years ago, a dog ate this bitch of a girl and shat her back out again”
they were roommates: damn, chloé. you went thru the whole digestive system
Notes:
longer chapter! but im super proud of it lol.
anyway get ready for *drumroll pls* ONLINE PROM! lets hope our fav gays get together!
love yall <3 bai!
Chapter 10: kim are you a lesbian??
Summary:
rose’s wife: kim are you a lesbian
olivia rodrigo stan: as far as i know?
Notes:
keeping up with the couffaines! usernames:
mama c - anarka couffaine
papa rockstar - jagged stone
big big bro - luka
emo sis - juleka
bitchy sis - chloé
sword sis - kagami
unproblematic sis - zoé
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
lesbian cult — STATUSES
lesbeean is preparing for this prom!
minions (2015) is dying (again)
they were roommates is eating croissants
cryptid is anrgy >:D
lesbeean: ok lesbians listen up
they were roommates: listening
cryptid: lmao isnt it like that one meme “lets go lesbians! lets go!”
lesbeean: hush
lesbeean: how this is gonna work is that: we’re gonna have this zoom room right
lesbeean: and everyone must have a partner or else ill cut their dick off
minions (2015): arent there people without dicks?
lesbeean: naw i’m confident all the girls will have a partner. i’m just worried abt the boys lol
minions (2015): understandable. continue
lesbeean: we’ll still get dressed up and all, cause thats fun
lesbeean: OOH AND SOME OF US WILL PERFORM. LIKE SINGING N STUFF
lesbeean: and any of us who actually live together can dance ig it’ll be cuteee
they were roommates: i like that idea. i know how to dance
they were roommates: tho marinette is super clumsy so we’ll probable end up breaking something
cryptid: is it weird that im kinda liking this idea
lesbeean: cause im the one who made it ofc you like the idea
lesbeean: anyway then at the end, someone (probs me) has to choose the best dressed duo
minions (2005): duo? like the prom queen n prom king?
lesbeean: yes but maybe it will be two girls
lesbeean: or two boys
cryptid: yass we stan Gays™️
minions (2015): indeeb
lesbeean: is there anything else i’m missing?
they were roommates: i have some ideas over who could sing?
lesbeean: spill
they were roommates: i was thinking: chloé, juleka, nath & marc, kitty section, also maybe max
cryptid: 1: why. 2. MAX????
they were roommates: yeah mari tells me that he’s actually rlly good at singing
they were roommates: she also told me that YOU were good at singing.
minions (2015): ya nath was telling me that rose said you went to singing lessons…whats ur voice like??
cryptid: aint saying shit
lesbeean: goddamnit cryptid bitch. anyway yeah id be happy to sing
lesbeean: awesome singing voice 👉right here👈
cryptid: toot ur own horn y dont u
they were roommates: anyway leka you should duet with rose
cryptid: haha. no.
————
keeping up with the couffaines! — STATUSES
mama c is messying the house again
papa rockstar is rocking and rolling?!?
big big bro is jamming
emo sis is arguing w chlo
bitchy sis is arguing w leka
sword sis is watching the drama
unproblematic sis is also watching lol
bitchy sis: ma pa @mama c @papa rockstar tell leka to sing in online prom
mama c: yer doin an online prom? tha souns cool
papa rockstar: jul! you should tooootally try it! use your singing expertise for once!!
emo sis: no
big big bro: yo youre doing an online prom? can i come?
bitchy sis: ofc. everyone is invited
unproblematic sis: i bet something crazy will happen
sword sis: naw don’t be so pessimistic. it’ll be funnn
mama c: y dontcha just try, jul
emo sis: …
emo sis: okay, maybe
unproblematic sis: YAYYYY
big big bro: yussss
sword sis: yass leka
bitchy sis: yay
big big bro: *says it devoid of any emotion*
bitchy sis: darn you
mama c: thas not wha we say in th couffaine household…
papa rockstar: cmon chlo
bitchy sis: fuck you luka
mama c: there it is!
big big bro: if anyone asks who the most unhealthy family is, it’s this one. it is definitely this one.
————
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY
olivia rodrigo stan is being an idiot
lookatmyheelies is laughing in goth bitch’s face
radiant.carefree.dreamy is playing the elder scrolls v: skyrim
juleka’s wife is DONT DIE JULEKA
rose’s wife is DYINGGGGG
whyistherenowifi? is online shopping
ariana grande fangirl is watching hamilton
mom tm is beyond worried
dad tm is trying to dye his hair again
hurryupsabrinaaaa is with her gf hahahaHAHAHA
buzz buzz bitches is excited
toma-toes is texting bf
dj bitchass is alive! but barely.
buzz buzz bitches: guess what motherfuckers
whyistherenowifi?: once again a warm welcome from chloé bourgeois
hurryupsabrinaaaa: shhhhh let her talk
buzz buzz bitches: we’re having an- drumroll pls- ONLINE PROM
b-b-bread: aw yussss
juleka’s wife: OH SWEET THIS WAS WHAT THE LESBIANS GC WAS GOING ON ABOUT
olivia rodrigo stan: 1) dope that sounds AWESOME 2) theres a lesbians gc?? why am i not in it???
rose’s wife: kim are you a lesbian
olivia rodrigo stan: as far as i know?
olivia rodrigo stan: oH I FORGOT LESBIANS ARE GENERALLY FEMALE BUT SOMETIMES THEY/THEMS OR SHE/THEYS OR ANYTHING ELSE LMAO
olivia rodrigo stan: I MEANT THAT I AM NOT A HETERO PERSON but i dont mind being a lesbian
lookatmyheelies: pure of heart dumb of ass
mom tm: online prom sounds cool! whats gonna happen
toma-toes: awesome! is there gonna b singing?
toma-toes: pls say yes
buzz buzz bitches: yuss ofc. we have me, then marc & nath, then kitty section then max then juleka
toma-toes: aw fuck yeah ima go talk to marc now see yas
lookatmyheelies: farewell. but WOW all-stars kinda shit huh
buzz buzz bitches: yes. now everyone this is gonna go on in…*checks watch* three weeks. so get ur outfits and get ur mojo and get ur dates LETS DO THIS PEOPLE
whyistherenowifi?: YEAHHHHHHH LETS GOOOOO
dj bitchass: i bags dj
radiant.carefree.dreamy: juleka can you ask luka if hes coming w me
rose’s wife: lol luka already called dibs on you this morning (even tho hes the only one dating you? strange man)
radiant.carefree.dreamy: aw noice
————
maxi.taxi — jules_
calculator: hey juleka?
juleka: yoo
calculator: how do i ask a person?
juleka: you mean,,,you mean to a prom
calculator: yes.
juleka: well fuck if i know i been tryna work up the courage to ask rose lol
calculator: i was 100% sure you were going to say that
calculator: anyway. i’ll see how it goes.
juleka: good luck buddy
calculator: you too, juleka.
————
class of- wait what year is it?
olivia rodrigo stan: ok lets all bags partners on the count of three
olivia rodrigo stan: one…two…threE
olivia rodrigo stan: I BAGS MAX
dj bitchass: alyas mine but i think yall knew that
whyistherenowifi?: yes nino <3
radiant.carefree.dreamy: already taken sorry yall </3
b-b-bread: ^^
mom tm: ivan
dad tm: mylène
buzz buzz bitches: annoying bitch ur stuck w me
lookatmyheelies: yusssss
toma-toes: T A K E N N N N N
hurryupsabrinaaaa: ^^^
juleka’s wife: JULEKAS MINE PEASANTS
————
maxi.taxi — jules_
calculator: well that was easy.
juleka: damn straight (but we’re not). virtual high five?
calculator: virtual high five
Notes:
we stan the lesbian cult, we stan max & juleka friendship, we stan kim being a lesbian
Chapter 11: thats very hetero of you…you-teRUS
Summary:
cinnamon roll: ALYA I’M ABOUT TO COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE AND TAKE YOUR UTERUS
lookatmyheelies: thats not covid safefiller chapter lol
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is fiddlin’
olivia rodrigo stan is monkey
lookatmyheelies is still laughing in goth bitch’s face
radiant.carefree.dreamy is eating UwU
juleka’s wife is happeeeee
rose’s wife is d
whyistherenowifi? is online shopping some more
ariana grande fangirl is playing among us
mom tm is gone now
dad tm is failed at dying his hair…
hurryupsabrinaaaa is with her gf hahahaHAHAHA
buzz buzz bitches is AAAAAAAAAA
toma-toes is cry
dj bitchass is i-
toma-toes: whats up yall
dad tm: my hair,,,lll,ll,lll
dj bitchass: what happened to ur hair?
dad tm: its the wrong colour
mom tm: IM DYINGGGJSJFJAK DJMSKMSJ BHAHAHAHA
buzz buzz bitches: why didnt u let mylene do it
mom tm: he was convinced he could do it himself 🤷
dad tm: [photo x1]
hurryupsabrinaaaa: HOW DID YOU DYE IT FUCKIN GREEN????
dad tm: IDK IDK IDK I DONT FREAKING KNOW
juleka’s wife: DAD H O W W W W W
radiant.carefree.dreamy: ABAHAHHAHA DAD-
ariana grande fangirl: you are all blowing up my phone. i’m trying to find the imposter.
whyistherenowifi?: WAIT R U PLSYING AMONG US?
juleka’s wife: plsying
rose’s wife: ROSE-
juleka’s wife: :D
whyistherenowifi?: ur mesn >:(
whyistherenowifi?: *mesm
whyistherenowifi?: *menan
rose’s wife changed 1 name
can’t speel: wh
can’t speel: BITCH
can’t speel has changed 2 names
cinnamon roll: alya..whod you change…
cinnamon roll: oh. this is nice. why tho?
can’t speel: you’ll see, juleka…rose come online please?
cannibal: ja i’m here now
cannibal: HUH WHAT? IM NOT A CANNIBAL- I DONT EAT OTHER PEOPLE :O
can’t speel: no…
lookatmyheelies: oH I GET IT-
mom tm: oh my god alya
b-b-bread: wait why?
b-b-bread: oHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH———
cannibal: y??? i dont get it????
radiant.carefree.dreamy: what do u mean???? what does it mean????
cinnamon roll: ALYA I’M ABOUT TO COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE AND TAKE YOUR UTERUS
lookatmyheelies: thats not covid safe
can’t speel: WHAG the fuck no not my uterus
can’t speel: y would you even want my uterus
cinnamon roll: so i dont have to birth my own child idk
b-b-bread: wow thats very hetero of you juleka
radiant.carefree.dreamy: very hetero of you…you-teRUS
toma-toes: only adrien would make a pun out of the word uterus
toma-toes: anyway jule you dug urself into this hole
cinnamon roll: shut the FUCK up this is slander
cannibal: i still dont get it!!
can’t speel: here is a chart to illustrate
can’t speel:
dj bitchass: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GF AND FUTURE WIFE.
b-b-bread: ABSJSINDKW ALYA WHY- WHY-
cinnamon roll: ALYA YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU SHITSTICK
toma-toes: once again lockdown is brightened by juleka and her beef with someone in the class
cannibal: oh…oh…o-oh………………………
cinnamom roll: SHIT ROSE I- JUST IGNORE HER-
cannibal: i dont mind :) i like the nicknames
dj bitchass: ASKJDKSJD YOU WHAG-
mom tm: 1) ALYA NO 2) JULEKA NO 3) ADRIEN NO 4) ALYA NO 5) JULEKA NO 6) ROSE NO
dad tm: lol so rose ea
toma-toes: what happened????
mom tm: i took his phone im not letting him finish that and tarnish your young minds
dj bitchass: hehe she eats her
mom tm: BOUTA GO INTO UR HOUSE AND STEAL UR PHONE
cannibal: ha ha ha…i do…what…
mom tm: NO
cinnamon roll: NO STOP PLS
buzz buzz bitches: this is fine.
olivia rodrigo stan: so whatd i miss
Notes:
super short chapter cause i cbs
Chapter 12: we would like to beta thy album
Summary:
tomatomatomatoes: but seriously. can we beta
marceline: Thou May Beta Once We Hath Finished
Notes:
name changes from the past few chapters:
can’t speel - alya
cannibal - rose
cinnamon roll - juleka
ariana grande fangirl - max
olivia rodrigo stan - kim
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is playing among us
olivia rodrigo stan is ,aaaaa
lookatmyheelies is amogus
radiant.carefree.dreamy is OwO
cannibal is AwA
cinnamon roll is hoping alya dies
can’t speel is trying not to get killed
ariana grande fangirl is playing among us
mom tm is too far-
dad tm is crying over green hair
hurryupsabrinaaaa is HAHAHAHAHAHA
buzz buzz bitches is ..
toma-toes is cccccccrrrrccchhhh
dj bitchass is i-
b-b-bread: so for prom do yall want me to design all the dresses n suits n shit and ship them off to you?
buzz buzz bitches: oh that would be awesome but probably a lot of work for u
buzz buzz bitches: we could split the work?
b-b-bread: ayo sure
hurryupsabrinaaaa: oh that would be really cool! what if all the people ‘going’ together have matching outfits or something??
b-b-bread: OH YESYESYESYESYES
dj bitchass: theory, mari has a matching kink
b-b-bread: i just- i just rlly love stuff that match
b-b-bread: i’ll have to write all this down…do any of yall have ideas on what u want?
hurryupsabrinaaaa: me n aurore dont mind you can choose whatever :) but i have a few ideas to send if you need any
dj bitchass: you already know, mari
b-b-bread: indeed i do
buzz buzz bitches: ill do me n alix’s stuff
olivia rodrigo stan: can i have a dress
b-b-bread: i- OFC OFC KIM
b-b-bread: itll be the most fabulous dress out there
olivia rodrigo stan: :D i’ve always wanted a dress yay!
olivia rodrigo stan: @ariana grande fangirl ur okay with me having a dress?
ariana grande fangirl: i’m happy if you’re happy.
cannibal: IF THATS NOT THE SWEETEST EXCHANGE IVE HEARD IN AGES
can’t speel: aww <3
cinnamon roll: that is kinda cute tho
————
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me — STATUSES
causeyouarethesewingqueen is SEWING MY ASS OFF THIS IS FUN
nyan cat is trying just dance lmao
marceline is dyinggggggg
princess bubblegum is scrolling thru tumblr again
tomatomatomatoes is :)
tOmAtO eAtEr is :)
marceline: ayo yalls can i add max and adrien
marceline: when we get back from lockdown those two wanna join art club and try out some shit idk. also neither are straight lol
causeyouarethesewingqueen: aw yusss
causeyouarethesewingqueen: those in favour say “i”
causeyouarethesewingqueen: those not in favour say “naw”
causeyouarethesewingqueen: i
nyan cat: i
tomatomatomatoes: i
tOmAtO eAtEr: i!
princess bubblegum: IIIIIII
marceline: noice
marceline added maxi.taxi and adriensagrestes
marceline changed 2 names
princess bubblegum: hi guys!, it’s rose!! :D
model boi: hi! its adrien :3
packet of smarties: hi, i’m max.
causeyouarethesewingqueen: marinette here!
marceline: hey its juleka :)
model boi: oh, you match w rose! thats so cute
tomatomatomatoes: hey pals its nath :p
tOmAtO eAtEr: hi im nath’s bf, marc :)
packet of smarties: it’s nice to see you all. i was thinking of joining so that i could try a robotics project when we get back to school.
causeyouarethesewingqueen: WAIT THATS EPIC
marceline: aw noice
model boi: idk what i wanna do :(
princess bubblegum: hey! you can do scrapbooking with me if you like :D!!
model boi: oo yes! that would be so awesome!!!
princess bubblegum: yay!!!!
nyan cat: if this is not the most wholesome sunshine siblings content i have seen all day, then i dont know what is
tOmAtO eAtEr: we stan
marceline: yes we do
causeyouarethesewingqueen: oH i’ve been meaning to ask, hows the kitty section song thing going
princess bubblegum: lol we lied to the press its actually a whole album kinda thing
princess bubblegum: how many songs? was it six?
marceline: yh
marceline: also adriens gonna join as a full member
model boi: yes siree!
nyan cat: ay yussssss thats awesomeee!
causeyouarethesewingqueen: OH YES VERY EXCITED
nyan cat: can we beta the songs pla OwO
tOmAtO eAtEr: alix i think uve spent too much time around fanfics
tomatomatomatoes: but seriously. can we beta
marceline: lmao ill ask luka
marceline: hey guys, it’s luka! we haven’t finished the last song yet though ;)
marceline: But Thou May Beta Once We Hath Finished
tOmAtO eAtEr: luka fucking knows i hate it when he types like that- little bitch-
packet of smarties: wait, you have a group chat with him?
tOmAtO eAtEr: yeah. speaking of which, i need to add aurore and mireille to that gc lol
model boi: noice!
nyan cat: okay, who introduced adrien to b99
tomatomatomatoes: twasnt trying to
causeyouarethesewingqueen: NATH
————
tHe oUtSiDeRs — STATUSES
music man! is talking to mooooon~
ripoff bourgeois is UwU
sword lesbian is helping marinette
shy boi is being shy againnnn
shy boi: yalls im adding mireille and aurore to the gc
ripoff bourgeois: oooo okay ^-^
music man!: Pure Of Heart
sword lesbian: shut the fuck up
music man!: oh shit okay
shy boi added aurora_borealis and weathermireille
shy boi changed 2 names
shy boi: hi guys!!
music man!: hey ho welcome to the outsiders gc, where the non-students of mlle bustier hang out
tutor’s gf: oh cool hi! its aurore
tutor’s gf: ok marc i am this close to whooping your ass to australia w my umbrella
shy boi: khekhekhe
wouldntyouliketoknow: hey im mireille
wouldntyouliketoknow: MARC
ripoff bourgeois: ohhh hi! its zoé lol
tutor’s gf: aw hi zo!
music man!: heyo im julekas older brother, luka
sword lesbian: hello im kagami marinettes girlfriend
wouldntyouliketoknow: cool! its great to meet you!
shy boi: i read that in ur voice mireille
shy boi: youre on tv too much
tutor’s gf: i read it in shrek’s voice
wouldntyouliketoknow: WELL FUCK YOU TOO AURORE
Notes:
lol i love mireille and aurore’s new beef that i just made up :p
also we stan kim in a dress
Chapter 13: stripper adrien
Summary:
this is for @Speaking_Fluent_Sarcasm cause i cbs making a whole other story for it ANYWAY LOL HOPE U LIKE IT FREN :D
lookatmyheelies: anyway mari do u have a stripper outfit
b-b-bread: im sorry do i WHAT
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is dy ing
olivia rodrigo stan is ,,,,,,,,,
lookatmyheelies is kidnapping adrien whOOPS
radiant.carefree.dreamy is asleep like a normal person
cannibal is watching demon slayer with juleka
cinnamon roll is watching demon slayer with rose
can’t speel is successfully not dead!
ariana grande fangirl is playing among us again
mom tm is lauhing again
dad tm is cant spell
hurryupsabrinaaaa is w weather girl
buzz buzz bitches is DONE
toma-toes is watching demon slayer too but not w julerose
dj bitchass is helping alix
lookatmyheelies: guess what bitches! im kidnapping adrien rn
mom tm: youre WHAT-
lookatmyheelies: its ok im wearing a mask and i practically bathed in hand sanitiser before getting here
lookatmyheelies: my dad made me
b-b-bread: only ur dad would let you do that shit
b-b-bread: and maybe the couffaine parents
cinnamon roll: agreed
radiant.carefree.dreamy: wait ur what??
lookatmyheelies: mate im outside of your window
lookatmyheelies: can you like fuckin open the window pls im bouta fall off
buzz buzz bitches: al if you fall off and become a pancake im not gonna save you
lookatmyheelies: youre a great girlfriend aren’t you
can’t speel changed 1 name
gf of pancake: cesaire
lookatmyheelies: HAHAH CHLOEEEEE UR USER-
gf of pancake: just remember that this started w you taking my pocky you little bitch
radiant.carefree.dreamy: its official, ive been kidnapped
cinnamon roll: finally something useful has come out of lockdown. good ol gabby agreste wont see this coming
b-b-bread: wait can we prank him??
olivia rodrigo stan: all for pranking gabriel agreste but how?
cinnamon roll: i can sneak into his house and cut off his hair then make a carpet out of it and lay it on his floor
ariana grande fangirl: unfortunately i do not believe gabriel agreste has that much hair.
cinnamon roll: i still wanna try
cannibal: juleka no
cinnamon roll: fine but only for you
lookatmyheelies: StotheItotheMtotheP.jpg
cinnamon roll: youre a fuckin asshole you know that lix
lookatmyheelies: love you too, childhood friend. anyway mari do u have a stripper outfit
b-b-bread: im sorry do i WHAT
dj bitchass: i have a feeling i know where this is going
lookatmyheelies: operation: stripper adrien for teenage rebellion
radiant.carefree.dreamy: …………iiiiiiiiiiiiii-
hurryupsabrinaaaa: i bet luka would b happy to see that
cannibal: SABRINA
dj bitchass: its the lesbian cult, theyve twisted her mind
toma-toes: ^^ das home of phobic
mom tm: ur not rlly going to go w this are you mari
b-b-bread: i mean,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
mom tm: MARI
b-b-bread: i could probably organise an outfit. ill ship it to you tonight alix
lookatmyheelies: noice. then we’ll snap a few pics, send all of them to luka, then choose the best and post it on insta
dad tm: HAHA THATS THE BEST
mom tm: this is probably why i shouldve kept that parenting book
toma-toes: did you have a frickin parenting book to use for us????
mom tm: tsh what
gf of pancake: i can fully believe that. anyway
ariana grande fangirl: adrien’s fangirls are going to go nuts
radiant.carefree.dreamy: but 👏 im 👏 taken
hurryupsabrinaaaa: yas queen
cinnamon roll: luka’s going to drool all over his fuckin pillow he’ll be a mess
cannibal: BlackMail
ariana grande fangirl: this will be horrible
olivia rodrigo stan: cheer up max were doing it for the teenage rebellion
toma-toes: viva la revolution avocadoes
————
class of- wait what year is it?
mom tm: i am literally so scared rn whats happened to our boy
cannibal: teenage rebellion teenage rebellion
toma-toes: 2021 the year of stripper adrien
b-b-bread: i want to see my little boy!
lookatmyheelies: here he comes
b-b-bread: i want to see my little boy
radiant.carefree.dreamy: alix send the pics lmao
lookatmyheelies: [photos x12]
cannibal: do i click it or do i not,,,,,
cinnamon roll: ADRIENNMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN WHAT THE FUXKK UR DAMN LUCKY IM GAY AS HELL
toma-toes: IF I WAS NOT INCREDIBLY GAY FOR MY BF I WOULD DEFO BE GAY FOR YOU
ariana grande fangirl: …i’m going to, im gonna stop looking at it
gf of pancake: the third picture-
b-b-bread: BE LUCKY I HAVE A GF also where the fuck did u get the bunny ears from
lookatmyheelies: my dad is a strange person
dj bitchass: note taken anyway HOSJFNSIJFISIFJKWJF HAVE U SENT THEM TO LUKA YET
cinnamon roll: no not yet
cinnamon roll: NVM SHE JUST DID AAAAAHAHAHA
hurryupsabrinaaaa: what does luka think??
cinnamon roll: yall dont know hes sweating rn like so much
radiant.carefree.dreamy: well i AM a taasty snacc so
dad tm: AHAHA
mom tm: ADRIEN NOO
can’t speel: HAVE NO WORDS AND YES ADRIEN U MOST DEFINITELY R A TASTY SNACC
dj bitchass: the bisexual in me is,,raging,,
can’t speel: HAVE YOU POSTED IT ON INSTA YET?
lookatmyheelies: naw im bouta tho
lookatmyheelies: should i tag good ol gabby agreste
b-b-bread: WAIT YES DO THAT
lookatmyheelies: POSTING IN THREE TWO ONE
gf of pancake: oh no
olivia rodrigo stan: as a certified pan i can say OH MAN ADRIEN YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A GUY
radiant.carefree.dreamy: im glad to be everyone’s bi awakening
radiant.carefree.dreamy: or pan or demi or gay idk man we dont discriminate here
mom tm: good child
————
class of- wait what year is it?
lookatmyheelies: YOU GUYS READ THE COMMENT SECTION [insta link x1]
mom tm: NO NO NO NO
radiant.carefree.dreamy: DEATH
b-b-bread: oh man- adrien- alix-
cannibal: there are several words in there i have never heard of do i search them up
cinnamon roll: NO
Notes:
lets peel off our eyeballs anyway-
bye
:)(also to those who have watched demon slayer- im like halfway thru the season and i cant stop seeing luka as tanjiro and juleka as nezuko. future au?)
Chapter 14: simpbrina september (its august!!!!)
Summary:
i’m watching you!! | @alyabloggers
ju and rose forced me to watch the first episode of demon slayer and the only thing i have to say is why the fuck is tanjiro always like “NEZUKO! NEZUKO! NEZUKO!” like a parrot like smh shut the fuck up shes tryna kill someoneninonono | @djnino
replying to @alyabloggers
i think im more worried that you didnt say anything about THE WHOLE FUCKIN FAMILY BEING SLAUGHTERED??
Notes:
we’re back to twitter again
Chapter Text
i’m watching you!! | @alyabloggers
ju and rose forced me to watch the first episode of demon slayer and the only thing i have to say is why the fuck is tanjiro always like “NEZUKO! NEZUKO! NEZUKO!” like a parrot like shut the fuck up shes tryna kill someone
|
ninonono | @djnino
replying to @alyabloggers
i think im more worried that you didnt say anything about THE WHOLE FUCKIN FAMILY BEING SLAUGHTERED??
|
jules | @purple-goth-aesthetic ✓
replying to @djnino
lmao that part was funnee especially how it just zoomed in on all their faces
|
rose!! 🌹| @pinkfluffyunicorns ✓
replying to @purple-goth-aesthetic
juleka no
————
ivan | @stone ✓
smh i threw my drumstick at the end of online practice and it fell into my hand and it h u r t s
|
tomato | @nathk
replying to @stone
then how r u typing this??
|
tomato | @nathk
replying to @nathk
OH FFFWKJRI FORGOT U HAVE TWO HANDS
|
mylène | @akumaclassmom
replying to @nathk
son-
————
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
does anyone know how im supposed to cook these noodles
they dont look like noodles
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @modelblondeboy
there is. soup everywhere
|
adrien agreste | @modelblondeboy ✓
replying to @modelblondeboy
have drown ed in sou p
|
blue hair dont care | @singmeyoursoulsong ✓
replying to @modelblondeboy
rip my bf drowned in soup </3
————
max?!? | @mr_calculator
anyone know where kim is? im worried
|
ur local himbo | @kimbo
replying to @mr_calculator
max…i messed up…big time…
|
max?!? | @mr_calculator
replying to @kimbo
WHAT DID YOU DO
————
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is needing help-
olivia rodrigo stan is DONE FUCCED UP MAX HELP
lookatmyheelies is laughing at kim’s misfortune
radiant.carefree.dreamy is awake and worried
cannibal is lau ghing
cinnamon roll is ha ha suffer kim
can’t speel is watching demon slayer
ariana grande fangirl is watching brooklyn nine-nine
mom tm is worried
dad tm is playing some game idk whag its called
hurryupsabrinaaaa is dea ad
gf of pancake is done……again and again
toma-toes is reading
dj bitchass is so done
dj bitchass: YALL WOULDNT BELIEVE WHAT KIM JUST DID
toma-toes: oh fucc what happened
b-b-bread: the chaos group knows,,,we know,,,
hurryupsabrinaaaa: wait huh?? chaos group??
dj bitchass: yh its me, mari, jul and kim
gf of pancake: i can see it
radiant.carefree.dreamy: i can see y yall r called the chaos group
b-b-bread: heh. do we have the himbo online
olivia rodrigo stan: unfortunately………
ariana grande fangirl: kim tell me rihgt now what did you do
cannibal: rihgt
can’t speel: I CANT BELIEVE IT MAX KANTE MISSPELT SOMETHING
cinnamon roll: ngl im not surprised rn
cinnamon roll: kim done fucked up
olivia rodrigo stan: @ chaos group: should i?
dj bitchass: DO IT DO IT SHOW THEM
cinnamon roll: show the peasants
cannibal: im hurt ;-;
cinnamon roll: im sorry <3
gf of pancake: i seriously cannot with you two
olivia rodrigo stan: idonefuckedup.jpg
dad tm: KIM WTFFF
toma-toes: H O W
olivia rodrigo stan: IDK MAN I JUST I JUST I JUST
gf of pancake: i cant open the picture what is it??
cannibal: kim shaved his head
gf of pancake: HE FUCKIN WHAT
cinnamon roll: CHAOS GROUP WERE ON FT AND THEN HE WAS LIKE “LOOK YALL IMA CUT MY HAIR” WITH A FUCKING SHAVER
mom tm: KIM WHY
ariana grande fangirl: wait so you’re bald now?
olivia rodrigo stan: YES. INCREDIBLY
olivia rodrigo stan: ITS SO COLD
b-b-bread: kagami says “of course its cold jackass you dont have any hair”
hurryupsabrinaaaa: kagami is the most valid one out of all of us and shes not even in the class
lookatmyheelies: I ALMOST FEEL BAD FOR U KIM. BUT I DONT
cinnamon roll: ^^
dj bitchass: i suggested he take a permanent marker and scribble on his head so it looks like he has hair
can’t speel: INGENIOUS
dj bitchass: thx babe <33
olivia rodrigo stan: look around look around at how lucky i am to be single now 😞🤚
cinnamon roll: look at where i am look at where i started the fact that im still alone is a miracle
olivia rodrigo stan: stay single that would b enough
mom tm: you two need therapy
toma-toes: mother we all need therapy
gf of pancake: stop singing phillipa soo songs just bcuz your single
cannibal: you’re*
gf of pancake: LAVILLANT I AM THIS CLOSE-
cinnamon roll: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE
b-b-bread: re: we all need therapy
————
class of- wait what year is it?
b-b-bread: yall i showed kagami this meme and she wont stop laughigh
lookatmyheelies: u cant just say thus and not show us the meme??
dj bitchass: ^^
b-b-bread: queenfireworks.jpg
cinnamon roll: BAHAHAHAHA
olivia rodrigo stan: the way the media mocks a queen bcuz shes been alive as long as the dinosaurs
hurryupsabrinaaaa: o r we doing queen memes? i have a whole folder of those
hurryupsabrinaaaa: illburyyouall.jpg
b-b-bread: wiat you have a whole folder??. share w me??? kagami wants to see
hurryupsabrinaaaa: ofc ofc
dj bitchass: you have…a whole…folder…
hurryupsabrinaaaa: aurore likes to send me memes and i save anything she sends me
cinnamon roll: simp
hurryupsabrinaaaa: yiu cant say anything ur single 😌
cannibal: OUCH
olivia rodrigo stan: OUCH
ariana grande fangirl: ouch.
cinnamon roll: I AM THIS CLOSE-
cinnamon roll: -to having a mental breakdown and a cry ✌️ peace out homies the panik attaks dont last long
————
tHe oUtSiDeRs — STATUSES
music man! is talking to adrien
ripoff bourgeois is OwO
sword lesbian is helping marinette vol II
shy boi is hgnnn
wouldntyouliketoknow is idk man
tutor’s gf is laug hing
music man!: aurore juleka is calling sabrina a simp
tutor’s gf: lol yeah apparently she saves all the pictures i send to her
tutor’s gf: theyre usually dumb memes
shy boi: so she is a simp
ripoff bourgeois: s…s…s- sa- si- simpbrina
sword lesbian: guess what everyone its simpbrina september
wouldntyouliketoknow: its…august
tutor’s gf: fuck dat shit its september now
shy boi: my…my bday is in september…does it mean its my bday soon
music man!: hell yeah kid its ur bday every day ima go order a cake we’ll ft when it gets here
wouldntyouliketoknow: my bday is in august yall just skipped it
tutor’s gf: well it dont matter anymore
music man!: this close to putting yall in the Naughty Corner
shy boi: mmm~
ripoff bourgeois: STAHP
sword lesbian: oh do you know the squirrels in my pants song
shy boi: OH EM GEE PHINEAS AND FERB WAS MY LIFE AS A CHILD
music man!: tell me whats makin u jump like dat
wouldntyouliketoknow: s-i-m-p simpbrina’s in her pants
tutor’s gf: MIREILLE-
Chapter 15: badabing badaboom youre dead
Summary:
luka: had to download a damn metronome
olivia rodrigo stan: isnt that the thing that killed the dinosaurs
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
b-b-bread is weird
olivia rodrigo stan is cold
lookatmyheelies is laughing at kim’s misfortune again
radiant.carefree.dreamy is operating on about two hours’ sleep
cannibal is reading
cinnamon roll is doing the hogwarts test
can’t speel is doing the hogwarts test
ariana grande fangirl is doing the hogwarts test
mom tm is h
dad tm is playing some game idk whag its called
hurryupsabrinaaaa is september
gf of pancake is aaaa
toma-toes is doing the hogwarts test
dj bitchass is doing the hogwarts test
hurryupsabrinaaaa: y r so many of you doing the hogwarts test??
can’t speel: the last time i did it was when i was like 11 and i did a lot of lying on the test
cinnamon roll: omg same
dj bitchass: i got…i got gryffindor
dj bitchass: IM CRYING Y E S S S S
can’t speel: last time i wanted to be one of the Crepy Snek Men so i altered it so i defo got slytherin
can’t speel: but i ACTUALLY GOT SLYTHERIN FUCK YEAAAA
cannibal: im not doing it again cause im sure itll be the same but hufflepuff
lookatmyheelies: OFC THO anyway GRYFFINDORRRR
ariana grande fangirl: ravenclaw…
gf of pancake: i dont think anybody would be surprised if i said slytherin
b-b-bread: NOPE
cannibal: mari y arent you doing it
mom tm: tbh mari seems like the type of person to have like equal aptitude for hufflepuff and gryffindor
radiant.carefree.dreamy: DOES THAT- DOES IT MEAN- IS SHE- GRYFFINPUFF???
can’t speel changed 1 name
gryffinpuff: i knew it would be my time soon
gryffinpuff: BUT THIS IS CUTEEEE I LOVE
can’t speel: mariiii the gryffinpuff
lookatmyheelies: also mom you read too much divergent i think
lookatmyheelies: “aptitude”
mom tm: shut
lookatmyheelies: @cinnamon roll goth bitch whatd you get
hurryupsabrinaaaa: im betting on slytherin for jules and hufflepuff for nath
cinnamon roll: nawt i got ravenclaw LOL
toma-toes: u were rite for me tho…
lookatmyheelies: OFC
cinnamon roll: ok answer the question but would yall rather hermione from hp or tris from divergent
gryffindor: tris is a dramatic ass bitch but shes hot so her
gf of pancake: ^ tbh same mari
hurryupsabrinaaaa: mmm tris
can’t speel: nino i love u but im taking hermione
can’t speel: not bc of her brains but because she seems to be the only one with common sense
cinnamon roll: mm im taking hermione
cinnamon roll: ✨library dates✨
lookatmyheelies: simp
cannibal: i cant choose waahhh
radiant.carefree.dreamy: can i add luka for a sec pls pls
can’t speel: wait whos the main admin of this thing??
cannibal: alya…
mom tm: alya…
can’t speel: OH DAS ME
can’t speel: dure
radiant.carefree.dreamy added singmeyoursoulsong
radiant.carefree.dreamy changed 1 name
luka: hello?
cinnamon roll: hiya motherfucking blue wiggle
luka: hi jul
cannibal: hi luka!!!
luka: i- oh goodness…………hi rose
gryffinpuff: sup we adding you for a moment to ask some qs
luka: go ahead
mom tm: whats ur hogwarts house
gf of pancake: and would you prefer hermione from hp or tris from divergent
luka: ravenclaw like my dear sister
luka: but uhh i have a boyfriend and i would rather drown in the seine than date either of those bitches tbh
radiant.carefree.dreamy: YEAS :D
luka: <3
cinnamon roll: yalls call me a simp
lookatmyheelies: its called genetics you absolute nincompoop
mom tm: i cannot with all of you
luka: unfortunately it runs in the family jul
luka: also im 100% sure ma and ms bustier have a thing
cinnamon roll: im sorry they fucking WHAT
luka: you shoulda heard them talking on the phone when they were suppsoed to chat abt ur grades or something
gryffinpuff: SKFHEKJDWNDIMS
toma-toes: i come back to THIS- WHY???
toma-toes: and…does it mean…ms bustier’s your half-mom??
cannibal: NATH NO
dj bitchass: god FUCK the next zoom’s going to be awkward af
gf of pancake: thats in 30 minutes
olivia rodrigo stan: what…did i…miss…
cinnamon roll: too much for my brain to handle BYEEE
dad tm: whats gryffindor??
mom tm: IVAN-
————
imagine being straight, couldn’t be me — STATUSES
causeyouarethesewingqueen is SEWING MY ASS OFF THIS IS FUN pt ii electric boogaloo
nyan cat is tired (of your bullshit!!)
marceline is being taken by the hamilton fans
princess bubblegum is a hamilton fan 👀
tomatomatomatoes is watching the gc
tOmAtO eAtEr is not watching the gc because of damn mendeleiev
packet of smarties is m
model boi is eating
tomatomatomatoes: marc guess what
marceline: dont you fuckin dare
tOmAtO eAtEr: what dumb thing have yall discovered/done today
princess bubblegum: kim is bald, jules & luka are technically half-kids of ms bustier??
tOmAtO eAtEr: im sorry whag the fucc
packet of smarties: yes.
causeyouarethesewingqueen: its fucking NUTS
nyan cat: *flashbacks to deez nuts*
model boi: D E E Z N U T S
causeyouarethesewingqueen: GOD who showed adrien deez nuts memes?????
tomatomatomatoes: ok so it seems i am the worst influence on adrien-
packet of smarties: definitely
nyan cat: NATH YOU LITTLE BUGKSNFKSN
princess bubblegum: whats deez nuts
marceline: if any of you fucking say it im going to take your fingers and use them as birthday candles for my frog’s next birthday
nyan cat: y-
————
class of- wait what year is it?
toma-toes: so i made a mistake
luka: was about to say “so did i” but with your class the mistake could be weird so go ahead
toma-toes: i taught adrien what “deez nuts” was
dj bitchass: OMG DEEZ NUTS!!
mom tm: no, pls…luka pls tell what ur problem is
luka: i forgot what speed we were supposed to play shit at lmao
luka: and juleka is no help
cinnamon roll: stfu blueberry head
luka: had to download a damn metronome
olivia rodrigo stan: isnt that the thing that killed the dinosaurs
ariana grande fangirl: no, you’re talking aboout meteors.
ariana grande fangirl: besides, the dinosaurs were actually killed by an asteroid
olivia rodrigo stan: DAMN thanks tho max
hurryupsabrinaaaa: hey i found the braincells, apparently max took em
dad tm: what the fuck is an asteroid
dad tm: isnt she that bitch from the dark brotherhood in skyrim??
mom tm: no you big potato thats astrid
lookatmyheelies: were watching the start of a divorce guys
radiant.carefree.dreamy: o-oh………
cannibal: ….. ;-;
lookatmyheelies: OMG OMG OMG IM SO FUCKING SORRY YOU TWO-
Notes:
ivan damn fucked up (several times)
ok i know its kinda short but i cant think of anything else wahshgah bye-also this fic is nearly at 300 kudos and 3000 hits…wahh…THANK YALLS SO MUCH!! I LOVE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU <3333
Chapter 16: misgendering principal damocles
Summary:
gryffinpuff: what gender does principal damocles identify as tho??
dj bitchass: “the owl! hoo hoo!”
Chapter Text
class of- wait what year is it? — STATUSES
gryffinpuff is sewing a beanie for kim’s bald ass head
olivia rodrigo stan is cold again…
lookatmyheelies is wondering
radiant.carefree.dreamy is better!
cannibal is reading
cinnamon roll is angry at demon slayer >:(
can’t speel is watching demon slayer
ariana grande fangirl is watching brooklyn nine-nine
mom tm is heeee
dad tm is playing some game idk whag its called
hurryupsabrinaaaa is watching jurassic world: camp cretaceous
gf of pancake is watching that dumb jw show
toma-toes is what is the dumb jw show ?
dj bitchass is getting yelled at by principal damocles
luka is probably not supposed to be here
mom tm: nino what did you do??
dj bitchass: we had a science class and i was listening to music but i didn’t realise i was listening out loud
toma-toes: he was listening to that christmas song by mariah carey
olivia rodrigo stan: I DONT WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS
radiant.carefree.dreamy: there is just one thing i need!
can’t speel: and i dont care about the presents
gryffinpuff: UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMASS TREEEE
dj bitchass: ok yall can stop mocking me now
cannibal: and i just want you for my own more than you could ever know
hurryupsabrinaaaa: so make my wish come truuuueee~
lookatmyheelies: all i want for christmasss
lookatmyheelies: issssss
lookatmyheelies: my two front teeth
luka: youuuu~
luka: wait what the fuck
gf of pancake: ALIX WHAT THE FUCK
lookatmyheelies: THERES A FUCKING BOOK LOOK
lookatmyheelies: twofrontteeth.jpg
dad tm: waw there rlly is…
toma-toes: n e wayz i got a video of him singing along for about two minutes
dj bitchass: GOD FUCK YOU ACTUALLY GOT ONE????
toma-toes: mmm
————
_jules — drawing_boy
kurtze-bug: i am willing to give the video to you for twenty bucks
cou-pain: it’s a deal
————
class of- wait what year is it?
lookatmyheelies: im worried now nath whered u go
toma-toes: a deal must always remain secret
dj bitchass: if you gave it to juleka-
toma-toes: i gave it to juleka
can’t speel: @cinnamon roll i can give u the equipment to make it stream on tv instead of the news-?
dj bitchass: alya NO
cinnamon roll: noice
dj bitchass: ALYA N O
————
lesbian cult — STATUSES
lesbeean is sewin
minions (2015) is ha ppe
they were roommates is helpng mari
cryptid is drinking (non-alcoholic substances)
lesbeean: lesbians
minions (2015): sup
they were roommates: god fuck why do you have to say it like that chloé?
cryptid: here now
lesbeean: prom next week prom next week
cryptid: y do you like prom so much
they were roommates: i bought alcohol
minions (2015): you WHAT
they were roommates: the legal drinking age for parisians is soft alcohol at 16 and hard liquor at 18
lesbeean: whats the legal age for getting drunk
cryptid: every age if youre determined
lesbeean: awesome
they were roommates: none of us are good influences on each other
cryptid: im pretty sure your mom hates me and chlo
lesbeean: confirmed
minions (2015): oml whatd you do
lesbeean: ✨exist✨
cryptid: harsh truth
they were roommates: rip off that bandaid
————
class of- wait what year is it again?
dj bitchass: im literally texting under the table while mr damocles yells at me over zoom 😭 help me
hurryupsabrinaaaa: u dug ur own grave mariah carey
can’t speel changed 1 name
mariah carey: alya no pls i love youu
lookatmyheelies: bi on main get outta here
cannibal: HAHA MARIAH CAREYYYY
mariah carey: but shes so old
cannibal: she was born in 1969 so…52
gf of pancake: alya do u have a grandpa kink
toma-toes: what the fuckarooney
cinnamon roll: ‘fuckarooney’, what are we? looney tunes???
cinnamon roll changed 1 name
fuckarooney tunes: juleka
radiant.carefree.dreamy: NATH THAT YOU???
fuckarooney tunes: i feel like aaron burr at the end of hamilton
cinnamon roll: im guessing im hamilton
fuckarooney tunes: yes
fuckarooney tunes: i strike her right between her ribs
mom tm: no no no shooting here
olivia rodrigo stan: i always disappear during the good parts
mariah carey: resident himbo gets all the boring parts
olivia rodrigo stan: wait fucking mariah carey is in the gc????
luka: na bitch thats just nino
ariana grande fangirl: how…many fangirls…do we have in this chat
cannibal: juleka and sabrina listen to girl in red
cinnamon roll: can u blame me shes a cool bitch
gryffinpuff: girl in red is the ULTIMATE gay-ass pining artist
hurryupsabrinaaaa: ^^
gryffinpuff: anyway wheres nino
mariah carey: here 😭
maraiah carey: mr damocles wont. stop. fucking. talking.
mariah carey: i swear sir’s trap is bigger than the rest of his body
gryffinpuff: i am haunted with a question
gryffinpuff: what gender does principal damocles identify as??? what pronouns???
mariah carey: gender is ‘the owl’
mariah carey: pronouns are hoo/hoo
radiant.carefree.dreamy: …it makes sense
can’t speel: no it doesnt but we’ll accept it anyway
cannibal:
Notes:
i lowkey love this chap anyway visit my tumblr @gaylittleinnkeepers
love you guys! and RESPECT ‘THE OWL’ GENDER
Chapter 17: UwU my little gremlin
Summary:
dont speak americano: if juleka met someone named carmilla shed have no chance
BESTIESS of chaos and (legal) murder usernames:
literal goddess - marinette
dont speak americano - nino
humpty dumpty - kim
carmilla - juleka
Notes:
ok so past name changes are:
fuckarooney tunes: nathaniel
gryffinpuff: marinette
mariah carey: ninoalso i cbs with the status things in this chap so yall gonna have to guess
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
BESTIESS of chaos and (legal) murder
humpty dumpty: i just searched up what carmilla was and it makes so much sense now
carmilla: you fucking dumbass what did you think it was
humpty dumpty: i legitimately thought that carmilla was the name of one of your exes or soemthing
dont speak americano: you asshead carmilla is a vampire why tf would she be juleka’s ex???
carmilla: dude if i met a girl named carmilla im marrying her
dont speak americano: if juleka met someone named carmilla shed have no chance
literal goddess: NINO
literal goddess: but i feel like a carmilla would be one of those. overly h o t bitches
literal goddess: who drink wine
humpty dumpty: i drink wine it tastes weirddd
carmilla: 1) fuck you nino 2) mmm alcohol
dont speak americano: apapremtly when i was a kid i drank like half a bottle of wime
literal goddess: thats not good for ur system
carmilla: apapremtly, wime
carmilla: somebody’s been drinking
dont speak americano: too tired to deal with this rn
dont speak americano: wait juleka do you even HAVE any exes??
literal goddess: im willing to bet on no 🌝
carmilla: MARI MY EGO-
humpty dumpty: juleka’s ego = burnt. we done it guys
carmilla: not to change the subjct (re: my ego) but YALL WANNA FT
carmilla: FANG JUST APPEARED IN THE WATER
carmilla: [photo x1]
literal goddess: YESYES I WANT TO SEE FANG
dont speak americano: fang is the most valid one of all
humpty dumpty: we stan one (1) turtle
literal goddess: turtle???
humpty dumpty: …tortoise?
carmilla: BITCH
dont speak americano: im dying rn kim do you not know what fang is
humpty dumpty: alligator??
carmilla: ykw its too early for this shit
carmilla: hes a fucking crocodile
humpty dumpty oH-
dont speak americano: this is why youre single kim
carmilla: no hes single because hes too dumb to see if anybody would like him
humpty dumpty: what 🤠
literal goddess: juleka—
dont speak americano: H Y P O C R I T E
carmilla: thats it fuck lockdown im going to take your glasses and replace the glass with sticky tape
————
class of- wait what year is it?
mariah carey: bitches it turns out kim’s dumber than he looks
can’t speel: whatd he say this time
gryffinpuff: he said that fang was an turtle 😂
can’t speel: FANG?????
fuckarooney tunes: we all love fang
fuckarooney tunes: also juleka can u change my name back UwU
cinnamon roll: no fuck you
fuckarooney tunes: i- okay
lookatmyheelies: WAIT FANG IS THERE?? I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY
mariah carey: the vines 😩
mom tm: you always blowing up my phone now go and do ur homework
————
class of- wait what year is it
gryffinpuff: i keep rewatching hamilton and i keep crying at it’s quiet uptown
mariah carey: FORGIVENESS
hurryupsabrinaaaa: CAN YOU IMAAAAAGINEEEEE
gf of pancake: i cannot i cannot sit through that song
radiant.carefree.dreamy: i always run away during the election of 1800 bcuz i dont understand american politics
dad tm: son who told you to be so relatable
hurryupsabrinaaaa: american politics isnt too hard to understand its just ppl wanting to be the President
olivia rodrigo stan: ayo wheres ms “my daddy is the mayor”
gf of pancake: fuck you
lookatmyheelies: bet
mom tm: what
dad tm: what
lookatmyheelies: fuck we got both the parents SEE YA
olivia rodrigo stan: run heelie bitch run
luka: hey…why am i still here…
fuckarooney tunes: OH GOD I FORGOT WE STILL HAVENT GOTTEN RID OF LUKA
gryffinpuff: you can stay if u want lmao
luka: yes pls i want to be away from juleka and her gf welgh theyre too sappy
can’t speel: wait fucking WHAT
radiant.carefree.dreamy: 😌
mom tm: JULEKA?????!
ariana grande fangirl: this is…quite the revelation
cannibal: ong
————
_jules — rosieroses
jules <3: are we gonna tell them
rosie <3: no! this is fun
rosie <3: mwHahahaha
jules <3: thats my gremlin 💕
rosie <3: :D
rosie <3: ❤️
Notes:
this is short but its mostly cause i cbs with oife rn and i havent updated in like a week and a half so here
its not a good chap but ehehehe…
love you! <3edit: ITS SO SHORT ADBWIHDJSB I HATE IT
Chapter 18: [not a chap but still read pls]
Summary:
im gonna delete this later when i get back to the story
Chapter Text
hi there!! it’s azzie here.
(just saying…if all the mushy stuff annoys you, skip this chap. i’m going on a hiatus for this story for a while, is all. but if you want an explanation then keep reading)
so this is literally the one book i have been continuously updating, lots and lots, usually updates only being like two or three days apart. and its been…what, 6 days? since my last update
i really really love this story. i adore writing in this form, it lets me get out all the cracky shit stuck in my head. i can rant about anything and everything through this book, through the characters. i love it so much.
i’m gonna take a break from it for a while though. its probably gonna make me feel real shitty cause there are quite a few recurring people who i feel really bad for not updating but i hope you understand <3
that said, shoutout to Snake_With_A_Hat, Maxstroid, sillyspoon11037, OfRunicLore, I My Me Mine and SomeBird <3 you guys make me so happy with your continuous comments !! all your comments make me super happy and super motivated!!
also thank you to everyone else for reading!!
i will come back to this. i don’t know when, maybe when lockdown down here is over and i get my marbles together. i seriously need to watch my health, haha.
but it will get updated once again. this story will see the sun once again!
but!! i’ll still be active, here (with my other stories) and my tumblr, @gaylittleinnkeepers! i’d love to hear from you, just send in some asks or maybe messages! i need more friends lol
that said! i can’t wait to get back here and see comments in my ao3 inbox once again. til then, adios amigos! feel free to look at my other fics! please visit my tumblr!
i love you guys! to infinity and beyond. 💕
~ azzie
(ps: i’m really fucking sorry for leaving on a cliffhanger! you guys can make up the rest, or even better, make your own ao3 story and continue it there! i’d be so honoured haha. i’d definitely read. and spam comments. if you’d like.)