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Of Heartbreak and Coping Mechanism

Summary:

Yeo Hwanwoong just had one of his lifelong dreams shattered when his bestfriend announced that he likes someone. His love rival was there with him. They bonded over it but it's eating Hwanwoong alive in some way.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"If you still want to do this, count me out," Geonhak told Hwanwoong one day. "It stopped being funny a while ago."


Seoho excused himself, bringing his food tray to clean up and left Geonhak and Hwanwoong who were still eating. They looked at each other. Hwanwoong and Geonhak aren't exactly close, they knew each other, they were both associated with Seoho. Hwanwoong being Seoho's childhood friend who happened to go to the same university together and Geonhak being a junior in Seoho's course. The both of them had talked and have had lunch together but never without Seoho.

"What the hell just happened?" Hwanwoong asked, more like asking himself than asking Geonhak who was still eating across him. He puts his burger down, a bit too fast, almost like tossing it away in anger. "That's the first time I heard about this."

Geonhak decided to finish his tonkatsu sandwich before he answered the smaller man.

"He never kept anything from me!" Hwanwoong's voice continued to increase in volume

"He's probably embarrassed to admit it," Geonhak finally voiced out, after finishing his meal. 

Hwanwoong scoffed. "Right. There are far more embarrassing stories of him than this."

"Now you know."

"After he decided to confess? I'm over the moon here," Hwanwoong said sarcastically, following his anger. Then he realized he accidentally showed his true feelings to a total stranger.

"So that's what it's about," Geonhak said, he snickered. Hwanwoong leered at him.

"Don't laugh. We're in the same boat," Hwanwoong jabbed.

Geonhak sputtered in shock. Hwanwoong smirked. "Didn't think I'd notice all of those bickering was just to grab Seoho-hyung's attention. You were so happy when he makes jabs at you. You fucking masochist. And a tsundere at that," he added.

"Ya, watch your mouth. I'm still older than you." Geonhak warned. "What about you? Pretending to be the nice supportive friend, tailing along Seoho-hyung, putting on a nice face and then when he left, your real self shows."

"What did you say again? 'Wah, Hyung, I'm so happy for you. Go get him, tiger'," Geonhak continued. Hwanwoong warned him to shut up. "'And if it doesn't work, we can get ice cream and watch a movie to forget it ever happened. But that could never happen.'. Sounds like desperation to me."

"Fuck you, Kim Geonhak," he cursed, Geonhak laughed, amused. "Who is this Dongju anyway?"

"A guy," Geonhak said, fishing his phone out of his bag and scroll through his phone. Hwanwoong rolled his eyes and thanked him for being incredibly helpful. Geonhak showed him a photo from his phone, a group photo of what Geonhak described as his classmates and some students from another course. He zoomed in to a soft looking blond, he had his hair tied in a low ponytail, sitting in front of Seoho while holding a V pose. "We kept bumping to each other while changing classes this semester, and one of them decided to ask for a photo."

"We have someone as pretty as him on campus?!" Hwanwoong asked, leaning back, taking of his cap, push his bangs off in frustration and put the cap back on. "I can't possibly compete with that!"

"What am I talking about. Of course I can, I'm cuter. But if he likes pretty and soft-" Hwanwoong realized that he had been thinking out loud and Geonhak was looking at him, amused. Well, he's not letting it happen. "-a caveman like you should never had a chance in the first place."

Geonhak got on his feet as fast and loud as he can, squaring his shoulders. "Bring it on, Yeo Hwanwoong!"

Hwanwoong laughed so hard he almost fell backwards. "You just- hahaha- proved my point. Oh my gosh," he wiped the tears. "Calm down. We're the same, right now."

He felt a different tear building up. He laughed it off for a while but it didn't make his heart feel less heavy. It's like the realization of having the chance to make Lee Seoho to like him back had just been ripped of him, had just hit him now.

"Are you okay?" Geonhak asked, looking a bit concerned. Geonhak seemed fine at the moment while he felt like a dam about to burst, and it made him mad.

It's no use hiding how wrecked he is at the moment, considering the both of them were exposed to have feelings on their mutual friend. But he just had to make it difficult. "I want to cry," he said in the most bratty tone. "But I have class in the next hour."

Geonhak pulled Hwanwoong's hat down. "Finish your food first," Geonhak told him.

Hwanwoong spend a few minutes calming himself down in the men's room. He did shed a few tears but to his surprise, thinking about his next class's professor and the topic at hand is a good distraction from his heartbreak. What surprised him more was Geonhak, waiting for him outside of the toilet, checking if he's okay.

"How are you fine with this? It's irritating," Hwanwoong jabbed.

"I'm still processing, to be honest. I might cry when I get back to the dorms later," Geonhak said while handing the serviettes he stole from the cafeteria to Hwanwoong. He left when Hwanwoong made his way into the lecture hall. 

Or so Hwanwoong thought. He felt a hand grabbing him when he made his way out of class. Geonhak brought him to the running tracks and by whatever force in the world, they found themselves running their sorrows away, in jeans and layered clothes. At some point, no one could tell if the water on their faces were tears or sweat. The both laughed at how puffy their faces were. Hwanwoong remembered while Seoho and Geonhak was bickering, that Geonhak is a fitness enthusiast and was always found moving his body and it showed when he started to remove his thick fleece top to reveal a white undershirt sticking on his skin. 

Hwanwoong couldn't feel his legs when he finally got to the dormitory. He wanted to hop on his barely made bed so much, thank God it's Friday, but he remembered how he just changed the bed sheet yesterday, and given how sticky he felt all over, that seemed like a bad idea. On his roommate, Seoho's side of the room, it seemed like Seoho had emptied his closet and threw all of it's content all over. He remembered Seoho saying he had a date tonight with that pretty boy. Hwanwoong might be exhausted and broke, but his nogging might still be running.

 

Geonhak found him later that Sunday evening, at the library. Geonhak had a lighter limp than he did, after that marathon session that was done without proper warm up. "That was intentional, wasn't it?" Geonhak asked. Hwanwoong frowned, wondering what was Geonhak referring to. "Seoho-hyung's date? He said you washed every piece of clothing he owned absent-mindedly. It wasn't absent-minded now, was it?"

Hwanwoong remembered how much coin he had lost on that day and how sore his body was the next day and sighed. "I got over the grief, but I still felt petty."

"Tell me the next time you feel like doing something like that," Geonhak said, before he was being pulled away by a classmate, probably after they noticed he had been gone from a group discussion for too long. Hwanwoong thought Geonhak was crazy, he's not that smart nor petty enough to sabotage Seoho-hyung's effort to woo Pretty Boy, who he had forgotten the name of, more than once. 

Except, Seoho had managed to confess to Dongju, Hwanwoong remembered the name now due to how that name was brought up when he gushed about the pretty boy, and they have actually started dating. Hwanwoong was surprised by how creative his brain could go when thinking of ways to sabotage or prank Seoho and Dongju and Geonhak had a knack for thinking of ways to hide their tracks, so that the couple would never find out that the prank was from them. Their dates somehow always ended abruptly, with plan changes. Like how the car would have no fuel or Seoho's shirt would somehow went missing, again, or how a random animal or child would come up to one of the couple and make a mess out of their outfit. Something that could count as an accident. Though the couple would always enjoyed their dates anyway, brushing it off as them having bad luck.

Hwanwoong learned that Dongju is actually the sweetest person he had ever met, who takes care of the daring Seoho well. He used to be around his twin brother and friends who were in an active indie band. He takes care of them like he was their unofficial manager. He genuinely adores Seoho and enjoyed all Seoho's gag man wannabe attempts. Hwanwoong would be blind if he couldn't see how in love the couple is with each other. Which is why he couldn't stand it. He tried to stay, talk more with them, but he couldn't. There's something in him, still hoping that he would have a glimmer of hope and it's ugly.

Even when Hwanwoong knew that Dongju is a nice guy, part of him wanted to see the younger man cry. And the more Seoho gushed about him, the uglier it got. He told Geonhak about the latest prank he could think of, as usual.


 

Hwanwoong raised an eyebrow over Geonhak's suggestion. He always went along Hwanwoong's plan and added some of his own ideas to it. And when the prank succeeded, he would laugh along with Hwanwoong as they flee the scene. Stopped being funny? You laughed when Seoho when we dragged Seoho out into the field before the sprinklers went off just yesterday. He wondered what made the older man changed his mind. Maybe it's the fact that he planned to prank Dongju. They usually sabotage Seoho since Seoho was the one that broke their heart. 

"Look, Dongju had nothing to do with us," Geonhak said, trying to made Hwanwoong changed his mind. "And if Seoho-hyung finds out, he will be pissed."

Hwanwoong continued to stay silent. He had always be suspicious of the older man, how he could live his life, talking and laughing with the couple like it was nothing, while he couldn't stand being with them for more than ten minutes.  He had always known that he had to stop someday, Seoho might find out sooner or later. He knew. He wondered had it still been anger and pettiness thay made him continue it until now. He'll think about it when Geonhak wasn't staring him down like he is a child waiting to get his punishment for being naughty. Hwanwoong reluctantly agreed with him and Geonhak beamed. He patted Hwanwoong on the shoulder.

I'll do it alone then, he thought. Geonhak walked him to his dorm block, saying he wanted to get something from the mini mart on said block. Hwanwoong stumbled with Seoho and Dongju on his way to their room. And Hwanwoong felt iritated. Geonhak-hyung could never understand. He would never understand how Hwanwoong and Seoho are inseparable ever since they were kids. How much they trust and rely on one another since forever. How natural for Hwanwoong to have felt something more than just innocent affection for the older man, like it was expected of him. He had always believed how time will get them together eventually. But Hwanwoong is also realistic, he didn't just rely on time alone. He worked for it, he tried his best to get into Seoho's high school and university, he made it and even get to room with Seoho. And yet... 

Perhaps, what hurted the most was Seoho never once mentioned Dongju before when he's with him. Hwanwoong had never expected him. There wasn't even a hint, when Hwanwoong would always know who Seoho had eyes for in school. He remembered how cute his hyung would look when he talked about his crush. He wondered why wasn't he mad at those crush of his as he would Dongju? Maybe the fact that Seoho was too shy to do anything back then and Hwanwoong didn't feel threatened.

Maybe. Maybe just a tiny prank. And then no more.

Except it's not. He found Dongju in Geonhak's arm, away from the mess, the boards he had poured rat glue on before landed on Geonhak instead. He tripped causing the both of them to fell onto more boards that were strewn on the floor after Dongju had 'accidentally' trip on the mechanism that caused a bunch of the boards to fall from the lockers, which Hwanwoong learned was where Dongju had placed his belongings on earlier, onto the floor. There were two boards stuck in Geonhak's hair, on the back of his head and on his hands. Dongju had somehow survived the glue since he fell on Geonhak instead.

"Oh no, hyung. You have glue in your hair," Dongju said after the both of them got up. Geonhak yelped when Dongju tried to get the board out of his hair. He pulled Geonhak's hand. "This is not working, let's go to my room. We can use oil."

Hwanwoong fast walked to Geonhak and gave the bigger man a hard smack on his chest before running away. "Have fun getting that glue off."

Geonhak chased after him and grabbed his arm before he could go too far. "You said you weren't going to do this."

"And it's my fault that you believed me?" he screamed. Hwanwoong couldn't explain the anger he felt. He shook his arms desperately off of Geonhak's grip. "Let me go!"

"Apologize to Dongju." Geonhak asked, tightening his grip.

Hwanwoong stopped struggling to look at Geonhak in the eye in disbelief. He scoffed. "Man, what kind of spell has he put on you to be charmed by him. You're the one covered in glue."

"You know what I mean," Geonhak said.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Dongju catching up with them, confused. What was he supposed to say? The truth? That Hwanwoong is a pathetic bitch? He struggled  again and this time he managed to escape Geonhak's hand. "We're done."

Hwanwoong returned to the dorm when it got dark. He anxiously turned the door knob to his room, he had expected a disappointed look from his room mate. He was prepared to be chewed off at some point. He had been reflecting while taking a long walk in town all evening. He could barely recognized himself, of what he had become, these past few days. He's tired.

"Hey, roomie," he heard Seoho greeted. His room mate was leaning on the wall with his eyes glued to his phone. "Do you have assignments due tomorrow?"

Hwanwoong dropped his bag on his bed and kick away his shoes and socks, he shook his head at Seoho's question. Seoho patted on the space beside him, gesturing for Hwanwoong to join him, watching whatever he was watching. Hwanwoong plopped down on the mattress, leaning against the wall, copying Seoho. He wasn't sure if he deserved it, but he dared himself to rest his head on Seoho's shoulder. He was exhausted. He heard an assuring hum from the older.

"You look horrible. Where have you been?" Seoho asked, softly.

"Taking a breather, walking around town."

"Geonhak were looking for you. And Dongju asked if you're okay. He said you were acting weird this afternoon. Hwanwoong felt a lump in his throat, when Seoho asked if everything's fine. "I realized that after dating Dongju, we don't hang as much."

"Well, you won't be hanging around me after you got married either." Hwanwoong felt his tears drop and immediately catched it in before it fell onto Seoho's shirt.

"Do you think I will marry Dongju one day?"

Hwanwoong chuckled. He collected himself for a bit. It's now or never. "No, I thought I would marry you, someday."

He heard a hum again from the older. "You don't sound surprised."

"It's because I've heard it all my life. How long have we been friends?"

Friends. Ouch.

"I'm so sorry, Hwanwoong ah," Seoho apologized. Hwanwoong had realized that Seoho had paused the show on his phone for a while. Hwanwoong decided that as vague as it sounded, this was his closure.

"Me too, hyung." Seoho resumed the show and Hwanwoong started pointing out something from the show first and then Seoho did the same.


 

It took him a while to sort his feelings out but he managed to make up with Dongju and apparently, they get along incredibly well that somehow Seoho felt left out at times. Seoho thought Hwanwoong was a bad influence for his boyfriend and made him act out and be ridiculous, but they were very much in love. And Hwanwoong is okay with that. Until they started making out while he's still in the room. Dongju was very understanding when he finally confessed to everything he had done, but not without a price. Hwanwoong had to pay for their date twice. And twice they chose an expensive place to go.

Hwanwoong wouldn't dare hang out with the couple at the cafeteria though, he was unconsciously avoiding Geonhak. Maybe it's because how they part ways. Hwanwoong felt his heart race every time he saw Geonhak in campus and instinctively hid. It might be the fact that Geonhak might grab him and yell at him again. He thought he would be fine to just be awkward strangers, just like they were before. But if he had to be honest, he missed Geonhak's funny laugh and Geonhak laughed a lot, even at the most simplest thing. And that laugh was contagious, he remembered finding the thing unfunny but Geonhak laughed until he fell to his knees that Hwanwoong laughed at how ridiculous the bulky man looked.

And Hwanwoong owed him an apology. A long overdued one. He was a jerk. If Geonhak decided to yell at him, or ignore him, that would be on him, but it will leave a bad taste in Hwanwoong's mouth if he didn't apologize. So one day, he invited himself to sit with Dongju and Seoho for lunch at the cafeteria. He saw Geonhak making his way to their table but he could see the slight surprised look when he spotted Hwanwoong next to Dongju. He talked about an assignment with Seoho and then excused himself. Seoho invited him to eat with them but he insisted that he had promised someone else he'd eat with them. 

He met Geonhak again, this time in the library, but there were a lot of people occupying the table Geonhak was using. He wanted to grab Geonhak's attention and maybe talk somewhere but as he approached the table, he got extremely nervous and made a last minute u-turn.

That's what you get, Yeo Hwanwoong.

It's not like he didn't have Geonhak's contact number, but he felt like that would not be appropriate. Explaining himself over text? He hovered a finger over the call button, agonizing if this was the right choice. He tapped on it anyway, feeling like his whole life force sitting at the bottom of his throat, waiting for the right time to leave. Every ring at the end of the line just added up to his anxiety.

"Hello?" he heard a familiar deep voice.

"H-hyung, it's me," he cursed at the shakiness of his voice. "Can we meet up? I need to tell you something."

Silence. Hwanwoong prepared himself for the worst. "Okay, see you at the mini mart at your block."

"Wait, n-now? Okay, I'm on my way."

Hwanwoong grabbed his jacket and rushed to the location, Geonhak was already there, on a bench by the vending machine before the mini mart.

"Hey," Geonhak greeted, patting on the space beside him. Hwanwoong timidly sat next to him, trying to collect himself. Geonhak showed no signs of having anything to say so it's just him.

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I have no excuse for being a dick," he apologized. He knew he should make eye contact but he was too ashamed and scared of the other male. "I regret cutting you off, if only you could forgive me."

He dared to look at the older male only to find he was already looking at him. Averting his eyes would be too obvious so Hwanwoong tried to hold it. "If I forgive you, would we go back to being friends?"

"Only if you want to."

"Then I won't."

Geonhak burst into a laughter. Hwanwoong had never been so confused. He was distraught and confused. He felt his heart sank when Geonhak wouldn't forgive him. As much as he missed this laughter, he couldn't follow along with it. 

"I'm sorry for laughing," Geonhak apologized. "I thought I want to tease a bit but your face-"

Hwanwoong smacked Geonhak's arm while wiping that lone tear Geonhak was referring to. He fanned his face in order to not get another tear to escape. "Why would you do that?! I was serious and then you- I hate you!"

Geonhak continued to laugh as Hwanwoong continued to smack his arm, knowing the words had little to no meaning. This time the laugh got to Hwanwoong and he laughed along.

"I got my closure," Hwanwoong started as the laughter died down. "I told him about my feelings."

"Wow. That was really brave of you. Maybe I should too," Geonhak said. Hwanwoong encouraged him. "Maybe not. I got over it."

"But to clear things up, I would recommend it," Hwanwoong said. 

"Nah, I'd rather chew my own foot," Geonhak joked, faking a shudder. "I'd rather focus on someone else-"

"You son of a gun! Is it a classmate? One of the kids from Dongju's class?"

"Wow, your mood has improved," Geonhak said. Hwanwoong told him that he was always ready for gossips and he wanted to be happy for Geonhak. "It's some emo kid, you wouldn't know. Foul-mouthed and can be nasty."

Hwanwoong snarled at Geonhak's taste. "Why would you like such a guy?"

Geonhak shrugged. "He can be fun. His brain is kind of unpredictable and he's cute. But really bad at coping with a heartbreak. He worries me sometimes given that he has quite a small body. But he just did this one incredibly brave thing and I think he'll be alright."

Hwanwoong froze as soon as it clicked. That would be ridiculous. Geonhak couldn't possibly mean him. Until he saw Geonhak smiling at him. His heart sped up.

He laughs dryly, feeling heat creeping up his face. "You're crazy. You've seen nothing but the ugly sides of me. "

"Then, will you show me your good sides after this?"

Notes:

Do not come at me with the title and summary. Please. That's how much I suck at it.

Ps: Did you know about the Hwando Magic Number, 1110? It's the difference between their age and height. 1 year 1 month and 10 cm. Pulled that out of my ass 🤡

Pps: We got Hwando (kcon) and Xiho (live oneus) today, yeay