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Methods of Mutual Stress Relief

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No, it’s not a problem. It’s a method of stress relief. And Namjoon has perfected it.

Normally, he’s quite good at handling stress. No matter the situation, no matter how urgent, no matter how public, he’s aware that the other members are counting on him to be firm and keep things together. So, that’s what he does. Still, he has a limit, and while in the moment, he can and will handle whatever might be thrown at him, the stress does accumulate. And though he can hold this stress in for as long as necessary, eventually, in one way or another, he’s going to snap.

A method of stress relief. That’s what jerking off is to Namjoon. And he is fucking good at it.

He’s devised a whole system for it, making every second – every stroke – count. The better the orgasm, the calmer he is. It’s as simple as that.

The first thing he does is set up his surroundings: lock the studio door, say thank you to the soundproof walls for existing, turn off all lights but the light on his desk, wheel his desk chair to the side of the room, make sure his speakers are connected for the best possible audio quality, set the aircon to the perfect temperature, grab his wireless keyboard and mouse, lay them on his small couch, and finally, grab his lube and special extra soft tissues out of his locked desk drawer and put them on the couch as well.

The second thing he sets up is himself. Pants and underwear come off, get folded, placed on the chair. He doesn’t need them. Comfort is key. He wants to be able to lie back and spread his thighs comfortably without anything restricting him. If he feels like it, he might take his shirt off as well. Depending on how hot he gets. With the aircon, he prefers to keep it on in the beginning or he gets a bit chilly.

The final thing, after he sits down and settles, is choosing the porn. Can’t undermine the importance of this step. Sometimes, if he has the patience, which he often doesn’t, he’ll browse. Go through his favorite websites, maybe come across a hot new actress. Expand his list of ‘go-to’s. But for the most part, he just goes for the videos or actresses that he knows and likes.

His conditions for the porn are simple. The girls need to sound believable, and they need to come at least once. Everything else, he’s open. Could be vanilla, could be some BDSM, he’s not too picky. He is picky about the guys a lot of the time, even though he’s straight. Not about how they look, he’s not watching them, so he doesn’t care about that. But he needs them to be good in bed. Hell, there will be times that he’ll give a new video a chance because of the guy who’s in it rather than the girl, because he knows that this is a dude who has the technique to actually make these girls come. Watching these specific guys is also a pretty good way of learning new tricks while he’s at it. So, win–win.

With the video chosen and the ambiance set, he jerks off, taking his time and enjoying it.

It’s not a problem, no. But on days like these, it feels like it might be.

Today has been the most stressful day that Namjoon can remember in a long, long time. Schedule, calls, meetings, practice, the next album looming in the background. By the time the day comes to an end, and Namjoon is able to tell the other members that he’s going off to the studio to compose, he’s just about on the verge of losing his fucking mind.

So, no, it’s not technically a problem, it’s just that he thinks that almost full-on running to his studio to jerk off is not the best sign.

What happens with Hoseok that day makes Namjoon decide that it is definitely a problem.

He’s in a hurry to get to the studio, needing his stress relief too badly. Desperate. Entering the studio and starting the process, locking it behind himself and turning on his desk lamp, Namjoon attempts to get himself into his Zen mind-space. Deep breaths, forcing himself to slow down, but he can’t. Not right now.

Adrenaline is pumping through him. There’s no one around, so he has no reason to look calm or act calm. The stress washes over, and Namjoon can’t wait to come.

He settles. Clothes off, lube out, porn on, skipping all the buildup to the parts that he knows work for him. One of his favorite videos – girl on her back, legs spread wide, large breasts, blonde hair, pretty lips, above and below, moans beautifully and comes so easily. Namjoon’s hard before the guy slides into her. And he has just gotten the cap of the lube bottle open when someone rings the bell to the studio.

It makes him sigh, letting his head hang forward. He considers ignoring it, pretending that he’s not there, but that’s not who he fucking is. If someone needs him, he’s going to be there for them.

So… he stops the video, opens a new tab, then lowers the browser, not even bothering to close it because he knows he’ll be getting right back into it after he finishes dealing with whoever it is at the door. Standing up, he picks up the lube and tissues and puts them back in his drawer, locks it, then grabs his underwear and pants and gets them back on.

Another ring, but Namjoon’s already opening the door by then, his hard-on quickly waning.

“Hey, sorry, I know you’re composing,” Hoseok bursts into his studio right away. “But I just- Haneul’s been driving me insane today, and I don’t know what to do with him.”

Namjoon takes a deep breath, closing the studio but leaving it unlocked. This is fine. He’s fine. Just stressed and very much in need of relief. But obviously, Hoseok is stressed too, so… this is fine.

“He’s been arguing with me about steps that I changed in the dance without even seeing the way that it looks in the context of the entire song,” Hoseok goes off, sitting down on Namjoon’s couch and putting his head in his hands. “So I try explaining the changes to him over Zoom, but then it keeps fucking cutting off, so now he’s now asking me to stop with the teaching completely until he comes back, but if we push rehearsals back another week, we’re not gonna be ready enough in time for the music video shoot, and I’m just… why can’t he just fucking trust me?” he looks up at Namjoon. “After all these years?”

Namjoon sighs, needs to get a hold of himself. He’s too impatient right now. He needs to calm down. The stress relief will wait. This is fine.

He sits down next to Hoseok.

“I trust you,” Namjoon tells him, sounding too tired. “I’d go with your gut and make the changes anyway. You haven’t been wrong about this stuff yet.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok rubs his forehead. He looks up. “God, this day…”

“I know,” Namjoon breathes.

“I don’t know what the fuck it is,” Hoseok shakes his head. “Everything’s just been… so intense today.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon nods, looking at his computer screen longingly.

“I haven’t been this stressed in… god, I don’t even know how long,” Hoseok adds.

“Me too,” Namjoon says.

“Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on with me,” Hoseok says. “I tried exercising more. I tried chamomile tea. Jimin even gave me a fucking shoulder rub, but I just… can’t chill out.”

“Just go jerk off,” Namjoon breathes without even thinking about it, and this is the moment that he realizes that he has officially lost his mind. Way to cross a really weird line.

“I would if I had where,” Hoseok laughs, and no, that was so not the response Namjoon expected.

Namjoon turns to him, frowning in confusion, mildly uncomfortable but also suddenly actually wanting to help his friend, “Why not home?”

“Jimin’s home, went to take a nap in our room,” Hoseok laughs, and amazingly, he doesn’t even seem embarrassed by this subject. “And I feel gross doing it in the shower,” and at Namjoon’s obvious confusion, he adds, “I share it with you guys. Eww. I have decency.”

Namjoon snorts, “You have your studio.”

“There’s no lock on it, and you know that,” Hoseok laughs breathily.

“Sucks for you,” Namjoon says and means it.

Hoseok laughs, looking at Namjoon, then at the rest of the room – the chair that’s clearly out of place, the keyboard and mouse on the couch that are normally not there. Namjoon doesn’t think that he left anything really incriminating out in the open, so he feels safe enough. But then, Hoseok turns to him, and honestly, Namjoon thinks that it’s his exasperated expression and lack of patience that gives him away.

“Oh, shit,” Hoseok laughs harder. “Is that what you were doing before I came here?”

“No!” Namjoon defends, but it’s such an obvious lie, he cringes at himself.

“Hey, hey, no judgment,” Hoseok raises his hands. “If I had a studio like yours, I’d be using it for that too.”

Namjoon laughs at himself, embarrassed but not as embarrassed as he thinks he should be. Hoseok is too chill about it.

“It’s just fucking…” Namjoon says. “Stress relief, you know?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok leans back. “I could use some of that right about now.”

Namjoon, thinking he’s funny, asks, “Did you just ask to jerk off in my studio?”

“What?” Hoseok exclaims, then pauses, squinting. “You would let me?!”

“I didn’t say that!” Namjoon exclaims. “Fuck off, it’s my space.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hoseok nods, then pushes Namjoon’s shoulder. “Now, get up and leave, I need some privacy, and your studio has very nice soundproof walls.”

Namjoon fake laughs, “Occupied.”

“Fine, we can share,” Hoseok continues jokingly. “But I get to choose the porn.”

And Namjoon kind of runs out of responses for that, staring at his screen again, flashing back to that fucking video he was so excited to jerk off to.

Hoseok squints at him, “Wait, you weren’t actually jerking off right now, were you?”

And Namjoon, completely and honestly exhausted, hangs his head and sighs.

“Oh my god!” Hoseok squeaks.

“Don’t fucking judge me,” Namjoon murmurs. “I can’t handle it. It’s been a stressful enough day.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok says. “Not judging, I promise.”

He’s not getting up to leave though.

“Were you watching something?” Hoseok asks after a few moments.

Namjoon turns his head and looks at Hoseok from the corner of his eye, tired and confused.

“Are you asking for a reason?” Namjoon asks. “Or are you just trying to embarrass me?”

Hoseok cringes, “How weird would it be if I actually asked to jerk off in here with you?”

“Very,” Namjoon answers instantly.

Hoseok nods, “You can choose the porn.”

Namjoon blinks, “Are you for real?”

Hoseok exhales slowly, “It’s been… over two weeks since the last time I had a moment alone at home to jerk off, and I don’t know when the next time will happen. I don’t wanna go through another two months straight like this.”

“What do you mean two months?” Namjoon asks.

“There were like- two months last year when I couldn’t find a single moment alone to jerk off,” Hoseok says.

Namjoon gapes at him, “What do you mean two months?!”

“Dude,” Hoseok shakes his head. “I have a fucking issue with jerking off with the threat of Jimin walking in on me, and I don’t like doing it in the showers we share.”

“But you’d be okay with jerking off next to me?!” Namjoon asks.

“You’re different!” Hoseok exclaims. “Jimin’s gay! And kind of a dick! I don’t feel comfortable jerking off with him around. You’re straight. I wouldn’t be worried about you possibly looking at me and then making fun of me or something.”

“Jimin wouldn’t do that,” Namjoon rushes to defend.

“He has done it,” Hoseok’s eyes widen. “Caught me jerking off once in the middle of the night and didn’t stop making jokes about it for two weeks after. I couldn’t even come, I was so embarrassed.”

Namjoon gapes.

Leaning back, Hoseok sighs, “He was teasing, I know, but still… it made me… Ugh, no, you’re right. It’d be weird anyway. This is not the solution. I’ll just… keep hoping for a moment alone. It’ll come eventually. And so will I.”

Hoseok slaps his own thighs then stands up, and Namjoon is a fucking idiot, he’s such an idiot, this is such a stupid- “Wait.”

Hoseok looks back, expression blank.

“I choose the porn,” Namjoon deadpans.

Instantly, triumphantly, Hoseok clenches his hands into fists and sits back down.

“We’re not watching any gay stuff,” Namjoon says, picking up his keyboard.

“I’m bi, you ass,” Hoseok rolls his eyes. “I get off to women too.”

“God, this is weird already,” Namjoon murmurs.

“Embrace it,” Hoseok hisses with his eyes wide, then turns to the screen.

It’s not the right setup. Everything is not as perfected as it should be. Namjoon’s lube is not even out, he’s wearing pants, Hoseok is taking up half the couch. Two birds with one stone though – jerking off and helping a friend. This is fine. An orgasm is an orgasm. It’s going to have to do. And he can always jerk off again alone later if this won’t do.

The screen lights up, Namjoon pulls up his browser, and suddenly… Namjoon’s questioning his choice of video. What if Hoseok won’t like it? What if he’ll judge him for it? Ugh. He closes the extra blank tab that he opened before, and the screen fills up with the picture of the blonde girl on her back, the guy just about to push into her. Hoseok whistles.

“Oh shit, I know her,” Hoseok exclaims.

“In real life?” Namjoon glances at him.

“No,” Hoseok snorts. “From porn.”

“Oh,” Namjoon exhales, restarting the video.

Does he just… turn it on and let it play? He doesn’t know the fucking etiquette for this.

Hoseok’s quiet after that though. At least there’s that. Talking would make the whole thing weirder.

Namjoon clicks the video, letting it play from the beginning, watching the guy and the girl make out on the screen.

Neither he nor Hoseok moves for a while. Namjoon’s too aware of Hoseok’s presence next to him to get turned on as fast as he would otherwise. He feels weird about like… rubbing his crotch or something to warm himself up. Doesn’t want to be the one to start.

Eventually though, Hoseok exhales, sinking back into the couch, relaxing. From the corner of his eye, Namjoon sees Hoseok laying a hand on his crotch and squeezing himself. So, Namjoon leans back too and does the same. Some time passes, the actors on the screen move, the girl blowing the guy now, and Hoseok’s hand slides into his sweatpants.

Namjoon isn’t… looking at Hoseok. Not like that. He just doesn’t want to be doing things first, and Hoseok is giving him a baseline. He unzips his jeans, getting his own hand beneath his underwear as well. His cock is not hard, but it’s not fully soft either. The moment he has his hand around it, he gets hard instantly though. Desperation is back. This is – or is supposed to be – his stress relief time. His body is reacting accordingly.

They jerk off. And it’s fine.

Namjoon tries to keep his eyes glued to the screen, but he does glance at Hoseok every once in a while. Just to see where he’s at. Not much to see though, Hoseok’s hand stays where it is, moving inside his pants. Namjoon can hear Hoseok’s breathing getting heavier though. If nothing else, it definitely sounds like Hoseok needed this. And that makes Namjoon feel a little better.

He doesn’t catch Hoseok looking at him at any point. Which is good. Maybe he’s just missing those moments. It’s not like he’s staring at Hoseok enough to catch him if he does look. And really, it would only be fair for Hoseok to glance every once in a while too. For the same reason as Namjoon. To see where Namjoon is at. Hoseok may be bi, but he wouldn’t be getting off to Namjoon anyway. So it’s fine. They’re best friends. Hoseok isn’t attracted to him. It’s stress relief.

Ultimately, Namjoon gets into it too- hard, excited to come, getting over his annoyance at having to jerk off dry, his breathing turning heavier.

When he hears Hoseok spit all of a sudden, Namjoon’s head snaps to look at him without thinking about it, watching Hoseok spit into his hand again then get it back beneath his underwear. He looks away as fast as he can, but it’s not fast enough. Sensing Namjoon watching, Hoseok turns to him, and their eyes lock awkwardly for half a second.

No more looking at Hoseok, Namjoon promises himself. Not even once.

For the most part, Namjoon succeeds, focusing on the moaning and grunting filling the room from the speakers. But then, Hoseok exhales sharply and shoves his pants and underwear down, taking his dick out, and Namjoon has to fucking look at it. He has to. He’s not looking like that. It’s… for comparison’s sake.

Hoseok’s smaller than him, a bit thinner. Pinker too, at least at the tip. His cock is a bit curved where Namjoon’s is completely straight. There’s something almost… dainty about it.

Being bigger doesn’t make Namjoon feel… arrogant or anything like that. But he does feel a little pride when he takes his own dick out, catches Hoseok totally fairly glancing at him too, and sees Hoseok’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before turning back to the screen.

After that, it’s normal. Well, normal relatively to this situation.

They’re quiet. The actors on the screen get louder. The video gets to the point that Namjoon likes the most, and that distracts him, gets him closer. He does realize at that point that being that his tissues are in his drawer, if he doesn’t want come on his shirt, he’s going to have to fucking come in his hand, which is not great, but it’s either that or getting up right now to get the tissues, then having to turn around and toss them on the couch while they’re still jerking off. Better to wait till they finish.

Hoseok comes first. Namjoon isn’t watching him, he’s watching the screen, getting closer too. But he does, in his peripheral vision, see Hoseok’s strokes speeding up. The couch shifts with the way Hoseok squirms. The loud exhale that Hoseok lets out through his nose would honestly be enough indication of him coming.

It makes Namjoon speed up. Orgasms. Orgasms are so hot. They always have an effect on Namjoon, so he’s not even that surprised that Hoseok coming right next to him has an effect on him too. It only makes sense. And it’s a good thing too. Namjoon wouldn’t want to go on forever now that Hoseok has finished. That would make things weirder.

Another minute or so, and Namjoon is coming too, catching it all in his hand and feeling gross but at the same time so fucking satisfied.

Finally. He’s overtaken with such a sense of serenity, he doesn’t even bother tucking his cock back in for a while, just holding it, squeezing the tip of it to prolong the orgasm as much as he can. Eyes closed. Can’t think. Brain empty. Feels so good. The actress on the screen comes a minute or so after him too, but he doesn’t bother opening his eyes. He’s watched this video enough times to know exactly what she looks like anyway.

When he does finally open his eyes, he catches Hoseok looking away from him. That’s fine though. Being curious makes sense. Namjoon’s brain is too sluggish to care. He gets up, legs shaky, cock going soft, and unlocks his desk drawer, grabbing a few tissues for himself and tossing the box over his shoulder to Hoseok. He hears it land on the couch but doesn’t turn around. Hoseok pauses the video.

Namjoon’s curious about Hoseok. He is. Because it makes sense to be curious. But this is an awkward moment, and he won’t make it more awkward by staring at Hoseok cleaning himself.

He throws the tissues into the trashcan beneath his desk and tucks himself back in, zipping his jeans back up before he turns around. Luckily, Hoseok has his pants and underwear back up by then as well. He’s got the dirty tissues in his hand, leaning back with his eyes closed. Serenity. Yeah. Namjoon feels the same way.

Picking up the trashcan, Namjoon walks over to Hoseok and nudges Hoseok’s knee with it. Hoseok’s eyes open slowly, and he tosses the tissues away. After placing the box of tissues back into his drawer, Namjoon grabs his chair and sits there, closing his eyes, finally calm after this crazy day. Jerking off is the best. This was the best. He won’t need to jerk off again later. Two months without this would have been actual hell for Namjoon.

Eventually, Namjoon hears Hoseok get up, but Namjoon’s eyes stay closed. He only opens them when he feels Hoseok slap his shoulder twice.

“Thanks, Joon, you’re the best,” Hoseok says casually and then leaves.

 

Amazingly, it doesn’t feel awkward. Harmony has been restored. Serenity stays with Namjoon for a while. He’s clearheaded, and weird as the whole thing was, he feels perfectly fine about it.

There’s not even a hint of discomfort between him and Hoseok afterward either. If anything, Hoseok is suddenly energized, excited. Namjoon didn’t realize how down Hoseok was beforehand, but the difference is unmistakable. Hoseok really needed the release too. That much is obvious. Namjoon finds himself really glad that he agreed to it.

So, when Hoseok comes into his studio a week later, and they sit together for an hour, Namjoon helping Hoseok with a song for Hoseok’s next mixtape, Hoseok stressing about it the whole time, Namjoon’s not even surprised that it comes up again. Namjoon is not stressed today, but Hoseok clearly is. He honestly wouldn’t have even thought of jerking off if he couldn’t see how much Hoseok needed it.

After trying to fix the verse to Hoseok’s song for forever with Hoseok still being unsatisfied about it, there’s a pause in their conversation, the room going quiet. Namjoon is asking himself if he should just offer to jerk off again or if that would be too weird. But Hoseok beats him to it anyway.

“Fucking shit,” Hoseok murmurs, gets off the spare stool they brought into the room and drops himself onto the couch.

“It sounds good to me,” Namjoon spins around in his chair to face Hoseok.

“Nope,” Hoseok shakes his head. “Something doesn’t sound right.”

“You’re just stressing for no reason,” Namjoon says. “If you take a nap, clear your head, it’ll sound different.”

“Clear my head…” Hoseok exhales.

For a moment, Namjoon just watches Hoseok’s face. Watches Hoseok square his jaw, scrunch up his nose, cringe, flinch, inhale sharply through his teeth. Expressive. Clearly hyping himself up to say something. Namjoon knows what it’ll be. Can just feel it. And he doesn’t want to make it weird by offering it himself, so he lets Hoseok work himself up until he asks.

“Can we jerk off again?” he exhales quickly eventually, looking up at Namjoon with pain in his eyes. Namjoon would have said yes without the imploring look. “I know it’s only been a week, but I’m so fucking stressed, and I don’t wanna keep waiting for-“

“Okay,” Namjoon cuts him off. Doesn’t want Hoseok to be embarrassed about it.

Hoseok’s eyes widen, “Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.”

Namjoon shrugs, “You looked so much better after last time. I could see it. Your whole… demeanor changed. Guess I don’t see why not.”

“Joon,” Hoseok says. “You’re the best best friend ever.”

Namjoon laughs.

This time, Namjoon says fuck it and gets the lube and tissues out right from the beginning. He places them between himself and Hoseok on the couch, and he very much intends to use them. Hoseok is rubbing his crotch when Namjoon is browsing through one of his favorite websites, not even waiting for Namjoon to turn a specific video on. It feels much less awkward this time. Taboo broken.

He ends up picking a video that he hasn’t seen before, a new one that came out with one of the male porn stars that he trusts to be good, figuring that having a new video on might distract him more, make it easier to not be tempted to look at Hoseok.

Hoseok hums in agreement, “He’s hot.”

It makes Namjoon laugh, “I’m not picking it because of him,” he lies, finding himself a little flustered. It’s not like he’ll be watching the guy.

“Doesn’t negate that he’s hot,” Hoseok shrugs. His hand stops rubbing his crotch, just lying there for now.

“When you watch straight porn,” Namjoon asks suddenly, genuinely curious, “who do you look at?”

“Both of them,” Hoseok’s eyebrows rise.

“Who do you look at… more?” Namjoon asks.

“Whoever’s hotter,” Hoseok smiles. “In this case, him.”

“Cool, cool,” Namjoon nods.

Hoseok snorts, “Who do you look at?”

“That’s a dumb question,” Namjoon says, mouse hovering over the ‘play’ button of the video.

“Do you ever look at the guy?” it sounds like honest curiosity.

“For technique maybe,” Namjoon answers.

Hoseok hums, “Fair,” he nods at the screen, “Turn it on.”

So, he turns it on, and they jerk off.

It’s not as easy to not look at Hoseok as he hoped it would be. Hoseok doesn’t wait this time, pushing his pants and underwear down his thighs right away, his cock not even fully hard yet. Hoseok’s eyes are focused on the screen, so Namjoon has a moment to look at Hoseok’s half-hard cock without being caught. It looks even daintier like this. Delicate.

Namjoon keeps his own pants on for a while longer, not as outgoing as Hoseok, doesn’t feel comfortable with taking himself out right away. But eventually, he pushes his pants down too, grabbing the lube, getting some of it onto his palm, then, not thinking about it, not even looking at Hoseok, Namjoon sticks the lube out to Hoseok as well. Offering is the polite thing to do. Hoseok takes the bottle from him.

For some reason, Namjoon finds himself watching the guy in the video more than he otherwise would have. Hoseok said he’s hot. Namjoon thinks he can see why Hoseok would think that. Body well built, big cock, good technique. His ass is kind of nice. In an objective kind of way. Round. His lips are full. The girl is groping him a lot too, pulling him in for kissing pretty often, so she must think he’s attractive. By dude standards, he is kind of hot.

Hoseok comes first again. Namjoon follows a minute or so after. And this time, Hoseok doesn’t leave right away. The two of them stay in Namjoon’s studio and keep working on Hoseok’s mixtape. They finish the verse, managing to fix it exactly how Hoseok wants, and all is good with the world.

 

It becomes a bit of a thing after that.

Every week or so, they end up doing it again. For one reason or another, one or both of them will be stressed, and they end up jerking off. It’s convenient. With the amount of work they’re doing on Hoseok’s mixtape and on the upcoming album, they end up in Namjoon’s studio a few times a week anyway. It’s hard to say if Hoseok’s been coming over to Namjoon’s studio more instead of calling Namjoon over to his studio for this explicit reason, but even if that’s the case, Namjoon doesn’t mind.

They don’t talk during. They don’t touch. Hoseok knows where the key to Namjoon’s desk drawer is at this point and is the one to bring out the lube and tissues for them to use as Namjoon browses through the porn. Sometimes, Hoseok will comment on the porn choice – always positive comments, joking and encouraging, never complaining.

Namjoon’s perfect setup for stress relief jerk offs is perfect no more. But… he finds that having company while jerking off makes up for the little things he’s given up on. It’s a certain pleasure in and of itself, knowing that he’s helping Hoseok orgasm – not directly of course – but by providing him space to touch himself that he otherwise wouldn’t have. Namjoon kind of likes it, honestly.

It's easier than he ever thought it could be. Any embarrassment he may have felt about jerking off next to someone else dissipates as if it was never there in the first place. And after he calms down, his orgasms become so much better. Better than what they were before the two of them started doing this even. More intense. Possibly because having Hoseok coming next to him each time is an additional turn-on.

 

For about two months, almost nothing changes.

The only thing that Namjoon is noticing over time is that Hoseok is looking over towards him more and more often while they’re jerking off, watching Namjoon instead of whatever porn they have on. When Namjoon first realized it, he thought it would bother him, but it doesn’t.

Maybe it’s his exhibitionist side coming out, maybe it’s his ‘giver’ side, wanting Hoseok to watch whatever he wants, whatever makes his orgasms better, or maybe it’s remembering the shock in Hoseok’s eyes when he first laid eyes on Namjoon’s cock and the consequent knowledge that Hoseok might be watching Namjoon stroke his cock because he’s impressed with it. It’s possible that Hoseok thinks Namjoon’s cock is attractive. Namjoon thinks he has a pretty nice cock. If anything, Hoseok watching him is a compliment.

On that two-month mark though, Namjoon realizes that it isn’t really attraction to his cock that has Hoseok looking at him more often. It’s frustration. Or at least that’s what Namjoon thinks.

“Can I pick the porn this time?” Hoseok asks him, the two of them next to each other on Namjoon’s couch with Namjoon scrolling through one of the regular websites they use.

“Sure,” he shrugs, handing the keyboard and mouse over to Hoseok.

During these two months, Namjoon’s been the one choosing, and Hoseok never complained, so Namjoon never thought to offer for Hoseok to choose.

“Do you mind if I turn on something a little different?” Hoseok asks, casual as ever.

Namjoon is instantly suspicious, “Different how?”

“Different like bi,” Hoseok answers, typing in the address of a website Namjoon doesn’t recognize into the search bar.

The website loads, and the large image that meets Namjoon on the screen is one of three people – a guy standing up with his dick out as well as a girl and another guy on their knees in front of him, licking his dick together.

“Whoa,” Namjoon exclaims.

“It’s not just guys, obviously. There’s still a woman for your straight ass to look at,” Hoseok says, logging into the website with his user without looking at Namjoon. “I just… missed a little dude-on-dude action, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t,” Namjoon murmurs. The mouse hovers over some random video, and the preview of it shows a man fucking a man, and that’s… “Oh, boy.”

Hoseok turns to him, “We don’t have to watch it. But like- I would pick a video that’s on the tamer side. No dude-on-dude anal for you, no worries. Just maybe some… guys kissing or… sucking each other or… going down on a girl together.”

Namjoon keeps watching that preview play over and over, “The girls do participate though, right? They don’t just… watch.”

“Course they do,” Hoseok lifts an eyebrow. “It’s… bi porn. Everybody on everybody.”

“Do the girls… orgasm?” Namjoon asks sheepishly. Two conditions. That’s what he’s always had. Some of his favorite videos are threesomes. Hell, the two of them watched threesomes together at this point, both with two girls and with two guys. How different could this be?

“Yes,” Hoseok holds back laughter.

“I guess it’s fine then,” Namjoon purses his lips. “Something for both of us?”

“That’s the spirit!” Hoseok gives him a thumbs up.

Hoseok scrolls, then scrolls some more, and Namjoon… can’t say he’s not interested. Excitement is emanating off Hoseok, so, if for no other reason, Namjoon thinks this is worth trying just for that. He likes seeing Hoseok happy. He likes having Hoseok watch things that make him feel good, whether it’s himself or… dude-on-dude action.

Namjoon’s been choosing the porn based on what he likes for so long, it’s only fair for Hoseok to choose sometimes as well. And Hoseok is being very considerate at the end of the day. He could have full-on asked to watch gay porn, but he didn’t, and Namjoon appreciates that. The girl is there for him to look at whenever he wants to if the guys doing things to each other is such a huge turn-off. Although, knowing himself, he would have probably agreed to watch gay porn too if only to please Hoseok. He doesn’t know if he could get off on it at all, but he probably would have agreed to watch it if Hoseok asked.

The video starts playing, and there is… a whole lot of story to go through. Something about two male students- a blonde and a brunette, a female teacher, and improving their test results. Cliché. Boring. Hot. They show up at her apartment because it’s porn, she has them sit on the bed while she sits in an armchair in front of them. Then, she starts touching herself, and Namjoon can work with that.

He shoves his pants and underwear down his thighs, Hoseok doing the same beside him, and both of them start jerking off, getting hard.

It’s all more than fine. Really.

Namjoon is almost entirely certain that he’s seen a video just like this before. But then, the woman tells the guys that it would be really hot if they made out for her, and okay, there it is. The guys are kissing now. And yup, they’re definitely into each other. According to the storyline, they are both straight, but oh no, they are not. One does not agree to jerk off a dude this easily if one is straight.

Hoseok chose this video. This isn’t a random one that he clicked on. Namjoon glances at him. Is Hoseok trying to imply something?

Hoseok’s pace is a lot more… leisurely than usual today. Seems to almost be trying to drag it out. Namjoon wonders if this is one of Hoseok’s favorite videos, like the one Namjoon chose to show Hoseok the first time was one of his favorites. He slows down his own stroking to keep pace with Hoseok. Wouldn’t want to come that much sooner than him.

Maybe Hoseok is into straight dudes. Or maybe Hoseok is just really into these actors. Or actress. He probably wouldn’t have chosen this video based on plot. Namjoon never does.

And… there’s a closeup of the guys jerking each other off and making out, and the girl completely out of frame. That’s fine. He looks at Hoseok quickly again. Still going slowly. Hoseok’s licking his lips. That’s different, Namjoon thinks. Hasn’t seen him do that before.

Is Hoseok trying to imply something, or is Namjoon reading too much into this choice of video? Does Hoseok want Namjoon to jerk him off? Would Namjoon jerk him off? Weird line of thinking.

Hoseok catches Namjoon staring. Namjoon didn’t realize he was staring. But he was. Staring. At Hoseok’s cock of all things, not even Hoseok’s face.

“What?” Hoseok asks, and that’s definitely different. They don’t talk when their hands are on their dicks. Ever. Then again, Namjoon doesn’t stare at Hoseok’s cock during these sessions either.

Not knowing how to answer, Namjoon turns back to the video. The blonde guy is sucking the brunette guy off right now, on his knees on the floor, but the girl is finally getting off the armchair and joining them, laying the guy who’s being sucked off flat on the bed and climbing onto him, sitting on his face.

Namjoon’s still distracted though, and when he glances at Hoseok again, he catches Hoseok looking at his cock too. So, maybe it wasn’t frustration that was making Hoseok look at Namjoon’s cock before. Maybe he actually is attracted to it. And maybe that’s why he chose a video with two supposedly straight guys touching each other. It fits the theme. Maybe Hoseok is trying to imply something.

It… would be nice to be jerked off by someone else, Namjoon can concede that. It’s been a while since he’s been with someone. And being that Hoseok is into guys, Namjoon could definitely understand why Hoseok would want that to happen here. But Namjoon’s not into guys. Still, it would be… nice to have someone else’s hand on him. Does it matter if it’s a guy’s hand? Does it matter if it’s Hoseok’s hand? Would Namjoon care?

His sexuality isn’t so fragile. He can watch bi porn with his bi friend. He can be straight while jerking off and being jerked off by another dude. Wow, that’s a statement with questionable logic. He’ll amend it. He can be… ninety-five percent straight while jerking off and being jerked off by another dude. A hand is a hand, right? It’s like masturbating. Just with another guy’s penis. God, if Namjoon heard someone else think this way, he’d call them an idiot.

It's fine. It’s all fine. Hoseok catches Namjoon staring at his cock again.

“Dude,” Hoseok comments, pausing the movement of his hand.

“Sorry,” Namjoon mumbles, looking away. He’s stopped jerking himself off too at some point. Hadn’t even noticed when.

“You wanna turn it off?” Hoseok asks.

“No, it’s fine,” Namjoon says.

“Are you sure?” Hoseok insists.

Namjoon looks at him. At his face. Not his cock.

“Did you choose this video on purpose?” Namjoon decides to ask. Being forward is good. Hoseok is always forward about this stuff.

“What do you mean?” Hoseok frowns.

“I mean…” Namjoon opens his mouth. “Are- are you… trying to imply something?”

“Something like what?” Hoseok asks.

“Like…” Namjoon widens his eyes, then adds quickly. “Like- are you trying to imply that you want me to jerk you off?”

“What?” Hoseok exclaims, looking genuinely surprised.

God, Namjoon should have shut up. That was so stupid. He’s so stupid. Oh my god.

Hoseok’s eyes widen, “Why would you think that? Do you want me to jerk you off?”

“What? No, that’s not what I-“ Namjoon splutters.

“Why would you think that I want you to jerk me off?” Hoseok asks.

“Because!” Namjoon exclaims. “Because you chose this fucking video with straight dudes jerking each other off, and-“ he looks at the video, “-sucking each other’s balls.”

“They are not straight,” Hoseok states. “Nowhere close to it.”

Namjoon’s not going soft yet, “Yeah, but the story…”

“Who the fuck cares about the story?” Hoseok asks. “Are you trying to imply something?”

Namjoon opens his mouth and doesn’t know what to say. Oh my god, he’s an idiot. He got himself into this mess.

Hoseok blinks then asks slowly, “Do you… want us to jerk each other off?”

“I didn’t say that,” Namjoon murmurs.

Hoseok looks at Namjoon’s cock – blatantly, “Yeah, but I’m asking.”

“Do you wanna do that?” Namjoon asks hesitantly.

“Na-ah, you brought this up,” Hoseok looks up again. “You answer.”

“I…” Namjoon starts but… ugh, it would be nice to have someone else’s hand on him. It’s been more than two months since he’s been with anyone. The orgasm would be so good.

“Namjoon, that’s not a no,” Hoseok comments after a while, looking down again.

“Uh…” Namjoon is stumped. He looks at Hoseok’s cock too. How bad would it be to touch it? Can’t be that bad. He’s missed making other people orgasm too… that would be really nice. Even if it’s Hoseok.

Hoseok looks up, squinting, considering, then casually says, “I’d be into it.”

“Ah,” is all Namjoon can reply to that.

“I don’t mind… jerking your dick platonically,” Hoseok says. “But only if you return the favor.”

The girl on the screen moans really loudly. Namjoon glances at her. One of the guys is fucking her while she’s sucking the other one.

“And don’t make it weird,” Hoseok adds.

“I wouldn’t make it weird,” Namjoon defends quietly.

“Namjoon, are you straight?” Hoseok asks.

“Yes,” sounds convincing enough. He’s pretty damn sure he’s straight. He just… wants a better orgasm. And after that, he might have a sexuality crisis. But for now… he’s pretty sure he’s straight.

Hoseok opens his mouth as if to say something then closes it again, frowning. Namjoon wouldn’t trust himself either right now if he were in Hoseok’s shoes.

His sexuality is not that fragile, Namjoon reminds himself. This is fine. It’s going to be an awesome orgasm for both of them, and that’s a win-win-win. One win for Namjoon having a good orgasm, another for Hoseok having a good orgasm, and another for Namjoon because Hoseok will have a good orgasm, and Namjoon does like that. And if it’s really weird and horrible, they can just stop and jerk themselves off like usual.

Fuck it. He reaches his right hand – his lubed hand – to the right, Hoseok letting his own cock go at the last second before Namjoon wraps his hand around it. Instantly, Hoseok exhales sharply, his head falling back.

“Fuck,” Hoseok exclaims then looks down again, grabbing the lube that’s between them, opening the bottle and pouring some onto his left hand.

And then that hand is being wrapped around Namjoon’s cock, stroking him, making warmth shoot up Namjoon’s stomach, his whole body tightening with pleasure, and god, yes, this is so worth it.

It reminds Namjoon that he should be stroking Hoseok as well, not just holding him. So, he does that. Takes in how different Hoseok is. Thinner, so Namjoon’s fingers overlap around him more than around himself. The curve of Hoseok’s cock is entirely unfamiliar as well. He finds himself being a lot gentler with Hoseok in comparison to the way he is with himself.

On the other hand, Hoseok is not gentle with Namjoon at all. Namjoon has no idea how Hoseok knows to touch him like this. Maybe he’s managed to learn, in these weeks of watching Namjoon more and more, what Namjoon actually likes. Trying to remember as well, Namjoon twists his fist on an upstroke once. The reaction Hoseok has is worth it, closing his eyes and flinching, his hips twitching up into Namjoon’s grip. And that… god, that pleases Namjoon to no end. He actually has to hold back a smirk.

Hoseok’s eyes shift to the screen after a moment again, and Namjoon’s follow. His body is warming up already. He wants to take off his fucking shirt.

The actors have changed position again during this time. The girl and the blonde guy are sixty-nining with the brunette guy behind the girl, fucking into her as the blonde guy licks her clit. The guy who’s fucking her pulls his dick out and lets the other guy suck him. And then, Hoseok twists his fist on Namjoon’s cock, and Namjoon hisses, looking back down at himself.

Hoseok is still looking at the screen though, immersed, his eyebrows furrowed, his lower lip between his teeth. It makes Namjoon wonder if Hoseok is holding back noise because of him. He wants to tell Hoseok that he wouldn’t mind it if Hoseok made noise, that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Namjoon’s kind of used to hearing these guys moaning by now. And hearing Hoseok moan while jerking him off might be kind of hot. Namjoon likes Hoseok’s pleasure. But he thinks that might cross some other line, so he doesn’t say anything.

It becomes easier to watch the porn now that Hoseok is touching him. Namjoon’s not as focused on the screen. He’s not overthinking what he’s seeing. He’s not overthinking what they’re doing to each other either. Very clear lines have been set. Jerking each other off platonically. It’s perfect. Hoseok’s hand feels perfect.

He can imagine what the guys on the screen are doing to the girl feels amazing to her – being licked and fucked at the same time like that. It’s probably good for the guy under her as well, having her suck him too as it’s happening. Namjoon can even understand the appeal of sucking the other guy’s dick when he pulls out of her. If there’s any situation in which Namjoon thinks he’d be okay with sucking dick is if he can taste the slick of the girl who’s sucking him on it.

Minutes pass like that, with Namjoon quickly getting close to orgasming, watching the porn, adjusting to the feeling of Hoseok’s cock in his hand. He only turns away from the screen when he hears Hoseok exhale shakily, the speed of Hoseok’s hand on his cock faltering.

Hoseok’s expression hasn’t actually changed – still frowning, still biting his lower lip, breathing shakily through his nose. But there’s precome at the tip of his cock, and it’s definitely a deeper pink than it was when Namjoon first started touching it. He’s getting closer to coming, Namjoon realizes. Instantly, Namjoon’s getting closer to coming as well, and the speed of Hoseok’s stroking becomes too slow for him.

Still, he’ll focus on that in a moment. Right now, he quickens his own strokes, watching Hoseok’s thigh muscles contract, squirming. With his free hand, shaking, Hoseok grabs his own shirt and tugs it up, gets it out of the way, and before Namjoon can even think about grabbing a tissue, Hoseok is spilling onto his own stomach and Namjoon’s fist. Hoseok exhales heavily through his mouth, a single almost silent moan slipping past his lips, his eyebrows furrowing and eyes closing.

Namjoon strokes him through it, aiming to make his orgasm longer, better, but he’s getting so fucking close to coming himself, it’s suddenly hard for him to focus.

Eventually, Hoseok shoves Namjoon’s hand off himself. Oversensitive. Namjoon doesn’t get oversensitive in the same way, so he didn’t think to stop. But his hand is off Hoseok now, and there’s come on it, and he doesn’t know what to do with it, so he just keeps his hand mid-air. He doesn’t have time to think about it too deeply though, not when Hoseok is speeding up his strokes on Namjoon – or trying to. They’re too uncoordinated.

Slightly frustrated and definitely not thinking properly, Namjoon wraps his hand – the clean one – around Hoseok’s on his shaft and tries to get him to move faster. He won’t come if Hoseok keeps going that slowly. Or he will, but it won’t be nearly as satisfying as it should be. So he sets the pace for Hoseok, as fast as he needs it, then lets him go. But Hoseok’s hand slows again, and Namjoon grunts in frustration.

“I can’t fucking go faster,” Hoseok snaps, more frustrated than angry. “It’s my left hand.”

The noise that leaves Namjoon at that is nothing short of a sad whine.

“Shit,” Hoseok exclaims, letting him go.

Before Namjoon can complain though, Hoseok is turning on the couch as best as he can with his pants still around his legs, bracing his wet left hand on Namjoon’s bare thigh and wrapping his right hand around Namjoon’s shaft.

It’s a fast process after that. Hoseok is not even trying to pretend that he’s watching the screen, completely focused on Namjoon’s cock, working it fast and tight, his brow furrowed slightly, tongue sticking out between his lips in concentration. Namjoon, unable to stop himself, ends up thrusting into Hoseok’s grip. That doesn’t deter Hoseok though, keeping the pace fast even as Namjoon continues thrusting. He’s aiming to make Namjoon come, and it doesn’t seem like anything could hold him back.

Namjoon doesn’t remember the last time he came this hard from a fucking handjob. He moans. Can’t stop himself. His brain blanks so hard, it’s Hoseok who has to let go of Namjoon’s thigh to pull up Namjoon’s shirt, bracing his palm on Namjoon’s stomach now to keep the shirt in place.

And Hoseok – fucking amazing, incredible, completely brilliant Hoseok who somehow knows just what Namjoon needs – keeps jerking Namjoon off for forever after Namjoon comes, squeezing Namjoon’s tip hard just how Namjoon likes. Namjoon realizes what that means, realizes how much more than he thought Hoseok must have been watching him, but god, he doesn’t care. He’s thankful. This is the best orgasm he’s had in forever.

Hoseok is openly staring at Namjoon’s face when Namjoon opens his eyes.

“So, that’s happening again next time we’re jerking off,” Hoseok states, still stroking Namjoon slowly.

“Aha,” Namjoon can only nod, his head completely empty.

 

And so, it does happen again a week later.

Namjoon’s sexuality crisis passes for now without a satisfying conclusion. He’s not delusional. He knows jerking off another dude can’t be considered ‘straight’ by any definition even if it’s just jerking each other off.

Still, he has managed to think of what they were doing previously, as in- jerking off next to each other, as straight. That means one of two things: It’s either what they were doing before was a lot less straight than Namjoon thought it was, or what they’re doing now, meaning jerking each other off, is not… as not straight as Namjoon automatically assumed it was.

It’s an idiotic way of thinking, he’s self-aware enough to know that, but it actually helps him slightly. He’s not having a full-on crisis because he’s thinking this way. Not yet.

He figures that he’s just going to… see as he goes. Maybe Hoseok will turn on some more bi porn. That’d give Namjoon time to assess himself. Maybe something will feel different for Namjoon as they continue jerking each other off. He’s open to having his world turn on its head if he suddenly finds out he’s into dudes. It’d just be another crisis for him to deal with, and crises are his strong suit. So, it’s fine.

The next time he and Hoseok end up on his couch together with their dicks out and a regular straight porn video on, there’s a slight bit of hesitation from Namjoon about making the first move towards Hoseok, worried that Hoseok may have changed his mind about jerking each other off. But when Hoseok catches Namjoon staring at his cock for too long, he rolls his eyes and is the one to reach for Namjoon’s cock first. That makes it easier for Namjoon to do the same.

Jerking each other off becomes their next thing.

They adjust their seating arrangement – Hoseok now consistently sitting on Namjoon’s left. It’s easier for Hoseok to jerk Namjoon off faster if he’s using his right hand, while Namjoon is pretty good at using both of his, so it just makes sense. It allows Hoseok to focus on the screen more easily as well, not having to turn away from it to make Namjoon come. Gives them that extra bit of space they had previously.

And with this extra bit of space, with going back to no talking, it feels also like going back to normal. No pressure, no surprises. No need for a crisis.

The frequency in which they jerk each other off has grown to twice a week instead of once, utilizing more of their composing sessions for this, because… they’re both more eager to do it now that they’re giving each other handjobs. At least, Namjoon is. It feels so much more fulfilling and relaxing and good to come thrusting into Hoseok’s hand than his own. A much better stress relief method.

For the most part, they watch their usual straight porn, but there have been some more bi videos interspersed here and there. Namjoon doesn’t mind. The girls are cute. The guys are all attractive – significantly more than the guys in the straight porn. He supposes the producers are aware that more people are watching the guys in the bi porn, so it makes sense for them to be attractive.

What makes watching bi porn better is how much the girls are so clearly into what’s happening with the guys. It comes off strangely genuine. The girls’ pleasure courses through Namjoon as well. And something about the guys’ enthusiasm is appealing as well – the confidence with which they take pleasure from whoever they want in whatever way they want.

What makes watching bi porn the best though is how much Hoseok is into it. Namjoon didn’t expect Hoseok to react that much differently to having more men on the screen, not after the excitement of the first time wore off. But, Hoseok does react.

Every time they watch bi porn, without fail, Hoseok jerks Namjoon off more slowly. So Namjoon jerks him off more slowly in turn. The whole thing lasts longer, Namjoon’s orgasm is so much better, and Hoseok always squirms a lot more and makes more noises the longer they go, no matter how much he tries not to.

Seeing that Namjoon truly doesn’t mind it, eventually, Hoseok stops ‘going easy’ on him with his choice of porn as well. Namjoon’s gotten so used to the idea of watching men doing things to each other, he barely even notices when Hoseok finally does choose a video with ‘dude-on-dude anal’. Doesn’t care. Doesn’t even think of commenting on it.

Hoseok looks at him a lot more when they’re watching that video though. Curious, nervous, waiting for a negative reaction? Maybe. But the girl is riding the guy’s dick while he’s being fucked, and honestly, Namjoon doesn’t think he’d mind it even if she wasn’t, not when watching men fucking each other makes Hoseok come so hard.

The more time passes, the more Namjoon calms down about the whole sexuality crisis thing, accepting this for the platonic jerking off that Hoseok said it was, figuring he might just be a bit more open-minded than most. All the bi videos he’s gotten off to, and Namjoon has yet to want to actually fuck any of the guys in them, even if he does feel comfortable acknowledging how attractive they are. So, he thinks he's still safely ninety-five percent straight. Maybe ninety. It’s fine.

 

And then, after a couple incident-free months, another small change happens to their routine.

They’re watching another bi video today – a new one that Hoseok hasn’t seen before. Namjoon figures Hoseok is comfortable enough to watch new ones now that Namjoon’s seen it all and didn’t react badly. Doesn’t need to be as picky, as careful.

Everything happens the same way it always does – the two of them silently jerking each other off, enough distance between them so their thighs are not touching, but close enough for their arms not to hurt too much, eyes, for the most part, on the screen. Their free hands stay out of the way, not bothering each other. Except this time, as Namjoon is stroking Hoseok, Hoseok’s other hand comes up to cup his own balls.

Namjoon doesn’t comment on it. He’s too busy watching the girl on the screen finger one of the guys. That’s not something he’s seen before. Makes him question the concept of straightness again, wondering if he’d be okay with it if a girl ever offered to do it to him. He thinks he might be. He’d try anything once.

Hoseok rubbing his own balls beneath Namjoon’s hand is different, but it’s not a big deal. Whatever causes Hoseok to enjoy himself more, Namjoon is happy with. Their hands are not even touching. It's not a big deal at all. It’s completely fine. Hoseok straightening his middle finger, biting on his lower lip, and reaching below his balls to rub at his hole… that feels like a bigger deal.

Still, Namjoon doesn’t comment on it. Hoseok isn’t looking at Namjoon as he does it, not taking his eyes off the screen for a moment, not making a joke about it. Maybe he thinks Namjoon doesn’t notice what he’s doing. Maybe he doesn't want Namjoon to notice that he’s doing it.

The fingering on screen lasts forever. It is a long scene. Or maybe it just feels that way because Namjoon’s so distracted by what Hoseok is doing.

At first, Hoseok is only biting on his lower lip. No other reaction. But that changes over time. Hoseok’s breathing gets too fast too early, the pace of his hand on Namjoon’s cock is so much more erratic, his hips squirm once, then twice, then again, his thighs spreading ever so slightly wider.

Namjoon doesn’t understand why Hoseok would try to hide this from him. Suddenly, they’d start judging each other for what they like?

“You can, you know,” Namjoon decides to tell him, unspoken ‘no talking’ rule be dammed.

“What?” Hoseok’s finger instantly pulls back from between his legs, only cupping his balls now, his hand no longer moving on Namjoon’s cock, just holding it.

“Finger yourself,” Namjoon keeps his tone casual, eyes on the screen. “I wouldn’t judge you for that.”

“Uhh…” Hoseok licks his lips. “I know that.”

Hoseok’s mouth opens again, but Namjoon doesn’t give him a chance to feel any awkwardness. He reaches over Hoseok’s arm between them, grabbing the lube and flicking the cap open with one hand and shoving it in Hoseok’s direction. Then, he waits. Patient. Until Hoseok gives, lets go of his balls, and reaches his hand out to Namjoon, palm up. Namjoon pours some lube onto Hoseok’s fingers, then puts the bottle down and faces the screen again. The girl is still fingering that guy, the other guy fucking his mouth at the same time.

There’s obvious hesitation at first, Hoseok not moving, lubed hand in the air. Namjoon keeps jerking him off, trying to make things feel normal again. Hoseok’s hand goes back to moving on him as well, and Namjoon lets out a little sigh.

“It’s just that…” Hoseok says suddenly, and Namjoon doesn’t remember the last time he heard Hoseok hesitate about any of this stuff, though Hoseok’s tone stays casual. Too casual to be real. “I’m not very good at being quiet if I do that.”

Not denying that he wants to be doing it though, “I don’t mind.”

Hoseok huffs out a laugh, “I do.”

Namjoon turns to him, catching his gaze, “Well… you can try to be quiet if that’s what you prefer, but I don’t mind if you aren’t.”

Another short laugh, Hoseok’s eyes squinting in skepticism.

“Seriously,” Namjoon insists, meaning it. “The last thing I’m here to do is judge you. This is… your jerking off space too now, weird as that may be, and that means you get to use it however you want to.”

“However I want to?” Hoseok asks, raising his eyebrows. Suggestively. He’s doing it on purpose, teasing like he always does.

It does make Namjoon wonder about what more there could be. Still, “Yeah.”

A smile tugs at the corner of Hoseok’s lips, “Watch the fucking porn.”

Namjoon smiles too, turning away. He’s curious about seeing Hoseok fingering himself. Any sane person would be curious when someone does that next to them. But he turns away. Because Hoseok asked him to. He’ll end up seeing something from the corner of his eye anyway, and he’s sure Hoseok knows it. He’s sure Hoseok knows that Namjoon watches him just as much as he watches Namjoon too, if not more.

Back to the porn. Common position – the girl is riding the guy she was fingering as the other guy continues fucking his mouth. Odds are they’ll switch in a second, and the guy she was fingering will get fucked. Namjoon realized he kind of likes watching guys fucking each other after the first time it happened, after the first time he saw a man orgasm while being fucked. It was intense. On par with the kind of orgasms he likes seeing from girls. Really attractive.

Hoseok moves then, still jerking Namjoon off, he reaches his lubed hand towards his balls, bypassing them and slipping two fingers between his thighs instantly. It can’t be comfortable like that. His thighs are too close together with his pants still being around his knees. A minute too long, and Hoseok’s wrist is going to hurt. Won’t be able to reach deeply into himself either in this position, but none of it is Namjoon’s business. Hoseok would know how to finger himself better anyway.

Turns out that Namjoon’s right. For a few minutes, Hoseok stays in the same position, his fingers moving in back and forth motions between his legs. His hand on Namjoon’s cock is a little uncoordinated, but Namjoon doesn’t care for now. When he gets close to coming, he’d want Hoseok to focus a bit, stroke him faster, but for now, Hoseok’s pleasure is more interesting to him. And Hoseok is clearly not getting enough of it, being that suddenly, he’s scooting forward and spreading his legs a little more, forcing Namjoon to move closer to him on the couch to not let go of his cock, their thighs almost brushing now.

Namjoon wants to help him. Seeing Hoseok uncomfortable like this is irrationally distressing to Namjoon. God, if Hoseok had been someone Namjoon was hooking up with, he would have already hiked Hoseok’s leg up for him.

Another few minutes go by like that. At some point, Hoseok exhales sharply, biting his lip in a way that Namjoon knows means he’s enjoying himself, and Namjoon assumes that means his fingers are definitely inside of him now. Namjoon can’t see, but he can imagine that only the very tips of Hoseok’s fingers are able to breach him in this position. It probably feels like teasing. Maybe it even feels good, but frustration will have to settle in at some point. And it does.

Hoseok huffs out sharply, definitely not in pleasure, and Namjoon can’t take that.

“Lift your leg,” he tells Hoseok, eyes still on the screen.

Hoseok doesn’t say anything.

“Get your leg out of your pants,” Namjoon continues, taking the lack of protest as encouragement. “And put your foot up on the couch.”

Still no reaction.

“You can scoot forward a little,” Namjoon adds, filling the silence. “Should help.”

“If I scoot forward too much, my arm’s gonna be at a weird angle,” Hoseok says, breathy. “Won’t be able to jerk you off.”

But Namjoon’s priorities are clear to him. He wants Hoseok to come as hard as possible, “I’ll jerk myself off. Jerk me off after you finish.”

“But that’s not the point of what we’re-“ Hoseok starts, but Namjoon turns to him, lets Hoseok see how serious he is, that he actually means it.

“It’s your space too,” Namjoon insists. “There’s no… point to what we’re doing other than jerking off and feeling good and relaxing. That means doing that however we want to. You’re not obligated to jerk me off.”

“I will jerk you off after,” Hoseok states. “Don’t go off coming on me.”

“Well, not on you,” Namjoon jokes.

Hoseok laughs, “Just on my hand.”

“Yeah, but that’s normal,” Namjoon says, and isn’t that a crazy statement.

“Yeah,” Hoseok smiles too.

Hoseok looks back at the screen, still smiling. When he lets go of Namjoon’s cock, Namjoon’s not even disappointed, replacing Hoseok’s hand with his own, stroking both of them now. If anything, Namjoon’s excited.

It’s an inappropriate reaction, he’s aware of that. If this… thing between them is not actually a thing, Namjoon has no reason to feel excited about Hoseok trying out new things with him – well, next to him – but he does. He’s embarrassingly excited. The thought of Hoseok feeling so much pleasure he can’t even hold back noise is horrifically exciting.

With both of his hands now free, Hoseok shoves his pants and underwear down to his ankles, pulling his left leg free of them, not bothering with the right. Hoseok does scoot forward, Namjoon moving even closer to him to accommodate the change in position, his thigh fully pressed against Hoseok’s arm where it’s lying between them. Hoseok’s left leg rises, bent at the knee, onto the edge of the couch, spreading open.

An uncommon position. Namjoon’s never seen Hoseok like this. When Hoseok’s left hand reaches between his legs again – can’t do it with the right or Namjoon won’t be able to reach him to jerk him off, Namjoon finds himself regretting that he can’t actually see Hoseok’s hole from this position. He couldn’t lean forward to look, that would be crossing all the lines ever, but he wishes he could see how Hoseok is pleasing himself.

Shaking himself off, Namjoon faces the screen one more time. He was right. The guy who was being fingered by the girl is now being fucked by the other guy. There’s a closeup on where their bodies meet, girl out of frame, and Namjoon is thinking about being unable to see Hoseok that up close right now.

A sharp exhale to Namjoon’s left.

Namjoon glances. He may not be able to see Hoseok’s hole, but he can see Hoseok’s face, and that’s different as well. He’s seen Hoseok’s eyebrows furrowed like that before, seen his chest rise and fall in the same way, seen the sheen of sweat gathering on his brow, but all only when Hoseok’s really close to coming. The pleasure he feels from fingering must be so intense. Maybe Namjoon should try fingering himself too at some point if it’s that good.

Focusing on the porn is impossible after that. Honestly, Namjoon is wishing that he could lower the volume on that thing, stop the actors on the screen from drowning out the precious few noises that Hoseok does let slip through.

He doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with him, suddenly being so overly affected by Hoseok. He's getting off on the pleasure around him, he’s sure of it, and Hoseok’s pleasure is so much more palpable and real than the pleasure of the people on the screen. Namjoon knows that’s what it is, but it doesn’t make it any more okay for him to be getting off on it in this way. He wouldn’t feel comfortable if Hoseok was getting off to him in this way. Would he? He definitely didn’t mind knowing that Hoseok was watching his cock those other times. But it wasn’t like he was getting off on Namjoon. It was curiosity. Totally normal.

There’s no way for Namjoon to control being affected by Hoseok though. He tries. He really does. Keeps his eyes on the screen as much as he can. But even when he isn’t looking at Hoseok, he can feel the shifting of the couch where Hoseok squirms next to him, he can see movement between Hoseok’s legs out of the corner of his eye, can see Hoseok’s free hand gripping the couch between them, and the fact that Hoseok’s hand is not on his cock to distract him is not helping either. It’s all… surprisingly torturous.

And then Hoseok whimpers, and Namjoon has to close his eyes completely. Better not to see anything at all. He does the little twist that Hoseok likes on Hoseok’s shaft, gets another whimper for it, and does it again.

He’s both waiting for and dreading the moment that Hoseok will come. It’s going to have an effect on him whether he wants it to or not, and though he can’t fucking wait to see Hoseok falling to pleasure like that, he’s slightly terrified by what his own reaction is going to be.

Turns out he doesn’t have to wait long to find out. One moment, Hoseok is moving- his hand, his body. The next one, he stills completely, his cock pulsing in Namjoon’s hand, coming, Namjoon jerking him off faster, dragging the moment out for him, finally opening his eyes to see Hoseok holding his shirt out of the way, his eyes shut, his mouth open, eyebrows up high, almost like he’s surprised.

Namjoon’s surprised too. It’s like Hoseok’s pleasure moves through him as well. Suddenly, he’s right there, on the precipice, about to come, jerking himself off fast and hard.

Something about him must clue Hoseok in, because his eyes open widely and abruptly, gaze falling on Namjoon’s cock instantly. But before Namjoon can do anything, before he can hide the fact that he’s watching Hoseok, before he can hide how close he is while watching Hoseok, Hoseok is pulling his left hand out from between his legs, scooting back into a more comfortable position on the couch, and wrapping his right hand around Namjoon’s cock. Hoseok is still panting, and he’s breathing hard enough and is bent over low enough that Namjoon can just about feel his breaths reaching his cock.

It takes less than thirty seconds for Namjoon to orgasm too. He’s so overcome with pleasure, he doesn’t even have time to think to grab a tissue, and as usual, he doesn’t think about his shirt either, doesn’t think about the fact that he doesn’t have a spare here. Hoseok thinks about it though, because he’s amazing and incredible and brilliant, so he turns and shoves Namjoon’s shirt out of the way. And then he strokes Namjoon and keeps stroking him even when Namjoon already starts going soft, Namjoon shaking under his hands.

Honestly, Namjoon thinks that comments would be warranted at that point. It feels like he deserves a bit of a scolding from Hoseok for watching him so openly, for reacting to him so intensely, but the teasing doesn’t come.

Eventually, Hoseok lets Namjoon’s cock go, grabbing a tissue for himself and laying one onto Namjoon’s stomach as well. Namjoon’s brain is wiped though, taking forever to actually order his arm to move and take that tissue. For a while, they both lie there, boneless and calm.

And though it doesn’t get awkward with Hoseok, Namjoon knows another crisis is coming.

 

Hoseok fingering himself becomes part of their normal as well.

It doesn’t happen every time they jerk off together, nowhere near it. For the most part, things stay exactly the same – simple handjobs. But sometimes, Hoseok will do the thing where he reaches between his legs to rub at his hole, and during those times, not wanting to make a big deal out of it but very much wanting Hoseok to go through with fingering himself, Namjoon simply nudges Hoseok’s hand off his cock and replaces it with his own.

‘It’s fine,’ he tries to tell Hoseok, ‘do whatever feels good, don’t think about me. I don’t mind jerking both of us off if you’re making yourself feel good in other ways. It’s perfectly fine.’

Crisis-wise, Namjoon somehow still manages to convince himself that he’s fine.

The whole thing is weird. He knows it’s weird. He knows it’s not fucking ninety percent straight to be getting off to Hoseok. He can excuse it all he wants with saying things like he’s only getting off on the orgasm, or he’s only getting off on being so close to someone who’s feeling pleasure. But at the end of the day, that doesn’t really explain why he wants to watch Hoseok finger himself. If this is about mutual handjobs, then he has no way of explaining why he’s so fucking fine with Hoseok not jerking him off when they’re together.

He thinks one time that he’s probably eighty-five percent straight. But that doesn’t feel accurate. Maybe eighty percent. That feels somewhat more fitting. But if he’s only eighty percent straight, then… is he even straight at that point?

Namjoon’s sexuality is not that fragile, no, but it might also be less strict than he initially thought it was.

He’s still not that interested in the guys on the screen. Can’t imagine himself being able to get off to gay porn. Hell, just out of curiosity, he turns on the bi porn when he’s on his own one time, and he supposes he does find the men attractive, but he’s not really thinking about them when he’s watching them. Or the girl. He’s thinking about Hoseok of all things.

Not as strict. Not strictly straight. Possibly bi? He’s not sure what to call himself.

He’s not sure how to feel about it either. It changes his whole vision of his future. No longer is it as simple as: wife, a few kids, and a minimum of three dogs. Now, it’s what? Not a husband, because he can’t get married to a man. Adoption? Surrogates? Would that be so bad? He’s not sure. It’s just very different from what he had imagined for himself. Still, he’s somehow less worried about his sexuality than he is about the fact that it’s Hoseok he’s attracted to. At least Hoseok likes dogs though.

One time – only once – as Hoseok is fingering himself next to him, Namjoon lets himself think about fucking Hoseok. A single time. He thinks about it, imagines himself getting off the couch, pushing Hoseok’s other leg up towards his shoulder, leaning over him, looking into his eyes, kissing him harshly, and pressing his cock into him.

He manages to hold off the orgasm until Hoseok is coming too.

That session, Hoseok doesn’t jerk him off. Doesn’t have the time to. By the time Hoseok relaxes enough after coming, Namjoon has already come too. Hoseok’s eyebrows rise in surprise, but that’s it. If Hoseok knew what Namjoon was thinking of, what made him come so fast, Hoseok would punch him. And Namjoon would deserve it.

Only once. He never lets himself imagine it again. But the image stays with him. Makes him start thinking about Hoseok’s past.

“During those two months that you couldn’t jerk off last year,” Namjoon foolishly brings it up as he’s scrolling through one of their regular straight porn sites, while their pants are still on. “Did you ever just think about getting laid instead?”

“I did get laid,” Hoseok goes with it, stretching his arms up. “It’s not the same as jerking off though. I really missed jerking off. Hooking up is not the same kind of… stress relief. It’s relieving in some ways, stressful in other ways.”

“Right,” Namjoon nods, preparing to ask the question he really wanted to.

Namjoon hasn’t gotten laid since they started doing this whole thing. He’s been jerking off so much – regularly with Hoseok and on his own when he’s just stressed – that he hasn’t felt the need to go hook up with people.

“When was the last time you hooked up with someone?” Namjoon asks. This is a normal thing to ask, right? Guys do that. He would have done that in the past without overthinking it.

“Hmm, about three months ago,” Hoseok answers. So, while they were already jerking each other off but before the whole fingering thing started.

Namjoon supposes it makes sense for Hoseok to want to hook up with people. Hoseok wouldn’t be jerking off as much as Namjoon. He doesn’t have his own space like Namjoon does. Three months is still a pretty long time for Hoseok to not hook up though.

“You?” Hoseok asks.

“More than three months,” Namjoon says. Vague enough.

Maybe he should get laid. Just for the sake of it, for the normalcy of it. But Namjoon really doesn’t feel the need to. Doesn’t want to force it. Thinking of flirting with a random girl somewhere and taking her to some hotel or something makes him feel… queasy for some reason.

“Honestly, it’s easier to just get jerked off by you,” Hoseok says then laughs.

Namjoon exhales a laugh too.

Yeah, it’s easier. So, that’s what they do. And so long as that’s what they do, it’s fine. Nothing more than that has to happen. And so long as nothing more than that happens, there’s no need for Namjoon’s crisis to continue. It’s not like he’s actually thinking of pursuing Hoseok. And he hasn’t ever even considered pursuing any other man so… wife, kids, and three dogs it is.

For another month or so. Until something more happens.

 

One of those really stressful days.

Namjoon’s on edge. Every second takes forever to pass. A lot of it is stuff that only he’s responsible for as well, not the group, meetings that have to do with his solo, last minute changes that he wasn’t prepared for. And since it’s just him, Hoseok won’t be rushing into the studio with him for a jerking off session right after. They are meeting later that day to work on more stuff to do with Hoseok’s mixtape and to jerk off, but there’s still time before that, and Namjoon needs stress relief now.

So, Namjoon rushes to his studio on his own, ready to enjoy his stress relief without the help of anyone else. Except that by the time he has everything set up to perfection, one of his favorite straight porn videos turned on and a hand around his cock, he still feels fucking stressed.

It’s not like he hasn’t been able to jerk off on his own since the thing with Hoseok started, but he definitely hasn’t been this stressed since the first time they jerked off together. And he’s sitting here with his pants off, his lights off, his aircon set to the correct temperature, and all he can think of is how much better it would be if Hoseok was the one jerking him off. How much harder he’d come. How much more satisfying it would be if he could watch Hoseok come next to him as well, feel Hoseok pulsing in his hand.

He can’t focus. The porn is boring. His hand doesn’t feel as good as Hoseok’s. He’s hard, but the orgasm feels very far away. And he’s thinking about texting Hoseok to ask him to come over.

That’s definitely not something they’ve done before. They get together to jerk off on specific days for the most part. It’s their composing days, the days that fit their schedules most easily. It’s still composing days for them as well – before or after jerking off. And even though they both know they’re getting together to jerk off, calling Hoseok over just for that… specifically for that… when Hoseok might be busy doing other things…

Namjoon texts him anyway, just asking him if he can come over, not specifying a reason. He does it because he’s an idiot, and because having his cock in his hand makes him fucking impulsive.

Amazingly, Hoseok texts him back saying that he’ll be there in a few minutes. Namjoon uses that time to compose himself, pull his pants up and turn off the porn. When Hoseok rings the bell to his studio, Namjoon’s still hard, but he’s less frantic about that than he is about Hoseok finding out that he called him over just to jerk off.

“Well, you’re stressed,” is the first thing Hoseok says as he enters Namjoon’s studio.

Namjoon locks the door, turning to face him.

Hoseok’s eyes drop to his bulge instantly, his eyebrows go up, he smirks, and the second thing he says is: “Really?”

Namjoon gulps, wide-eyed and nervous and mildly insane.

“Am I just a bootie call to you?” Hoseok asks, dramatically shaking his head, placing a hand on his heart. But he’s sarcastic, so Namjoon’s heart rate slows slightly. “Couldn’t wait a few more hours, huh? Sit.”

Namjoon sits. Hoseok laughs, shaking his head again and sitting down next to him.

“I choose the porn,” Hoseok grabs the keyboard and mouse, pulling up the bi website, and Namjoon is already shoving his pants down to his knees, his cock still half hard from before, making Hoseok smirk again.

He should probably say something, but he doesn’t know what. Hoseok accepted ‘being a bootie call’ much more easily than Namjoon thought he would.

Namjoon recognizes the video Hoseok chooses. It’s the one with the fucking long fingering scene. And at the thought that today might be one of those days that Hoseok wants to finger himself, Namjoon’s heart rate skyrockets.

Hoseok’s still soft when Namjoon wraps a hand around his cock. Hasn’t had time to really get into it with Namjoon already hard and ready. When Hoseok’s hand wraps around his hard cock, Namjoon throws his head back, holding a moan at bay. He hears Hoseok huff out a laugh but doesn’t care.

It's fucking different. It’s different in too many ways.

Not only is it different because Namjoon called Hoseok here explicitly for this, but also because they’re at such different levels in the process. And not only is Namjoon going to come significantly earlier than Hoseok will, and god knows that Namjoon doesn’t know what he's going to do about that, but Hoseok is also looking away from the screen towards him so much more often than normal, his eyes all squinted and suspicious.

And when Hoseok is finally hard in Namjoon’s hand, when he reaches between his legs towards his hole, it’s different because Namjoon doesn’t want to make it easier for Hoseok to finger himself by jerking himself off. The whole fucking point was for Hoseok to jerk Namjoon off, and Namjoon doesn’t want to stop him from doing that. But he also wants Hoseok fingering himself. Because he always wants that. And he- oh, fuck, he’s going to come.

“Shit,” he whispers, and Hoseok knows what it means, because of course he knows what it means, so he speeds up his stroking even more, and Namjoon shakily grabs a fucking tissue, and then Namjoon is coming, and it’s amazing, and his body suddenly relaxes, and he’s boneless, and it feels so fucking good, but he has such a mess to deal with.

Hoseok exhales a laugh again, and when Namjoon looks down from the ceiling, his eyes meet Hoseok’s, and Hoseok doesn’t look away, holding Namjoon’s gaze with a smirk on his face, and it’s so, so different.

He’s still holding Hoseok’s cock, and since Hoseok hasn’t come, Namjoon resumes stroking him. Because what else is he supposed to do? Hoseok sighs and relaxes into the couch. Maybe he doesn’t mind that Namjoon came. Maybe he doesn’t think this would be awkward if they’re in such different phases.

Finally, Namjoon glances at the screen. It’s that scene – the scene of the girl fingering the guy – the scene that made Hoseok finger himself next to Namjoon the first time. Hoseok scoots forward a bit, shoving his slippers, pants, and underwear completely off his legs, lifting his left leg. Namjoon has the fleeting thought that him coming at least means that Hoseok will be able to focus on fingering himself, and then he realizes that Hoseok actually means to go through with fingering himself even though Namjoon came so early.

Namjoon thought Hoseok would want to do this as fast as possible- come and be done with it. But apparently, Hoseok really doesn’t mind that Namjoon already came. Hoseok’s eyes are on the screen now, but Namjoon’s are not. He’s too sluggish and calm to overthink it, so he just watches – Hoseok’s cock, Hoseok’s fingers moving between his legs, Hoseok’s face – and for the first time, seeing Hoseok finger himself while not actively feeling pleasure too, Namjoon thinks about how fucking unsatisfying it must be for Hoseok to finger himself with his less dominant, much less coordinated hand.

After that, Namjoon sees only two options.

One: he could stand up, make Hoseok scoot to his spot, and sit on Hoseok’s other side. That way, Namjoon would be jerking Hoseok off with his right hand and Hoseok would be fingering himself with his right hand as well. Or two: Namjoon could just… take over and do both things for Hoseok. And though option one is much more practical, since Namjoon is insane and post-orgasm, he stupidly goes for option two.

“I could help, you know,” Namjoon says.

“Huh?” Hoseok raises an eyebrow, looking at Namjoon.

Namjoon looks at the screen, “Can’t be comfortable to finger yourself with your left hand.”

Silence. And Namjoon feels like a fucking idiot. Once. He promised himself he’d think about fucking Hoseok only once. And now he’s asking Hoseok for permission to finger-fuck him? Is he insane? He’s insane.

Eventually, when the silence drags on too long, Namjoon looks at Hoseok again.

Hoseok has stopped moving his left hand, and his eyes are boring into Namjoon’s.

“F-forget I said that,” Namjoon stammers, backpedaling.

But Hoseok opens his mouth, “You want to…”

“I don’t want- I mean-“ Namjoon gapes. “I have- uh, two free hands right now and…”

Hoseok’s eyebrows go up when Namjoon trails off.

“It’s like jerking off, right?” Namjoon asks quickly, impulsively, ridiculously. “Like me doing something to you that you’d do to yourself anyway.”

“Right,” Hoseok blinks.

If Hoseok asked Namjoon if he’s straight right now, Namjoon would not be able to get a convincing ‘yes’ out of his mouth for sure.

“Okay,” Hoseok says quietly, looking Namjoon up and down. Namjoon’s cock has gone soft by now. “If you want to.”

“I- I don’t- I mean-“ Namjoon tries to repeat that he doesn’t want to, but saying that would not only be a lie, it will probably make Hoseok not want it either. He gulps. “Yeah.”

Slowly, Hoseok removes his hand from between his legs, watching Namjoon’s every move. Namjoon, before doing anything, quickly tucks his cock back into his pants. Then, he turns to Hoseok, folding one leg beneath himself. Without thinking too hard about it, Namjoon wraps his left hand around Hoseok’s cock. That’s normal. He gets no reaction for it at all. Hoseok only looks away from Namjoon – back to the screen where the guy is still being fingered.

It's easier for Namjoon to move now that Hoseok is not watching him. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to pretend that he’s watching the screen as well, but so long as Hoseok isn’t looking at him, Namjoon doesn’t even bother.

Jerking Hoseok off is easy. Trying to finger him… that turns out to be more difficult. And Namjoon doesn’t mean mentally. Hoseok isn’t exactly cooperating. He’s not… lifting his other leg or anything. Namjoon thinks Hoseok is just waiting for him to do something, but Namjoon can’t if Hoseok doesn’t move.

“Scoot forward a bit more?” Namjoon whispers. His heart is fucking racing, and he doesn’t know why.

Wordlessly, Hoseok scoots forward.

“Lift it?” Namjoon asks, placing his palm on Hoseok’s thigh.

Hoseok gulps, keeping his eyes on the screen, but raises his leg anyway, bending it at the knee, both of his legs up now. Namjoon doesn’t look between them. Not yet.

He lets go of Hoseok’s cock for a moment, grabbing the lube bottle, pouring some on both of his hands and rubbing them together to spread it around. The next time he wraps his fingers around Hoseok’s shaft, they’re drenched in lube, and Hoseok does react, his breathing stuttering out shakily.

Then, Namjoon leans to the side and looks. He doesn’t let himself look for long. A few seconds maybe. He’s not supposed to be looking anyway. Pink hole, glistening with lube, squeezing and releasing like Hoseok can’t help it. It’s fucking pretty.

Namjoon cups Hoseok’s balls first, reaching for them under Hoseok’s raised thigh. Doesn’t want to scare him by immediately going for his hole. And that’s different for Namjoon too, holding another man’s balls. They’re so fucking soft. Namjoon rolls them on his palm carefully, jerking Hoseok off, watching Hoseok bite his lip. Then he trails his fingers down and touches Hoseok’s hole. Another breath stutters out of Hoseok, and Namjoon is reminded of Hoseok telling him that he has trouble staying quiet when he’s being fingered. Namjoon’s heart races faster.

He's never done this before. No girl he’s ever been with has asked to have anal sex with him, and he’s never touched himself like this either. But, even though it’s different, this- Namjoon is not worried about. He’s seen Hoseok do this to himself already, and yeah, he may not have had the best view of it, but he watched Hoseok’s hand and wrist intently enough to at the very least know the speed he should go at.

When he presses his middle finger into Hoseok, just the tip of it, Hoseok bites his lip harder, his forehead furrowing. His hands clench into fists on Namjoon’s couch on either side of him, and his hole tightens around Namjoon’s finger. Namjoon fights the urge to kiss Hoseok’s leg to help him relax. Carefully, he pushes his finger all the way into Hoseok. He’s so soft inside, and Namjoon’s definitely thinking about fucking him again.

He pulls his finger out and presses it back in, doing it slowly enough to time it with the movements of his hand. In on every downstroke, out on every upstroke. The second he starts properly thrusting, that’s when Hoseok finally lets a noise out past his closed lips – a small whimper.

“Sorry,” Hoseok chokes out.

And Namjoon is insane so, “I told you I don’t mind.”

For a second, Hoseok catches Namjoon’s gaze, and then it’s back to the screen again.

Things move gently like that, with Namjoon picking up speed little by little and Hoseok letting out tiny whimpers every couple thrusts. Hoseok’s lips stay pressed together hard – no moaning – but these noises are satisfying enough anyway. Namjoon only wishes they weren’t obstructed so much by the noises coming from the video in the background.

The second finger breaks Hoseok’s resolve. It’s just as easy to press it inside, Hoseok’s body accepting him without strain, and Hoseok moans. God, he full-on moans, instantly covering his mouth with his hand. But that’s not enough for Namjoon. He doesn’t want Hoseok hiding from him. So, he curls his fingers up inside of Hoseok, because even though he hasn’t done this before, he knows there is a prostate for him to find there, and he’s determined to find it.

Another moan, sadly muffled by Hoseok’s hand, but it lets Namjoon know that he found it. And he stays on it. Every thrust into Hoseok is one that brushes his prostate, without fail. Namjoon makes sure of it. And even though all that Namjoon gets out of Hoseok for it are those little whimpers, the rest of Hoseok’s face and body make up for it.

Hoseok’s beautiful, and that’s not a thought Namjoon ever expected to have. After a few seconds of Namjoon thrusting against his prostate, Hoseok’s eyes close tightly, his eyebrows furrowing. His chest is rising and falling hard, his toes are curling. His hole is clenching and unclenching around Namjoon’s fingers, and he looks like he’s getting close already.

It makes Namjoon think that maybe he should slow down. Hoseok normally drags things out a lot more when he’s fingering himself. So he tries that, but the second Namjoon does slow down- both of his hands, Hoseok clamps around him and lets out such a pained whimper, his eyes opening wide and finding Namjoon’s, and Namjoon just picks up speed again.

The eye contact doesn’t break after that, and that’s not just different. It’s fucking electric.

Hoseok isn’t looking away, and Namjoon can’t look away. He completely foregoes watching his fingers coming in and out of Hoseok in favor of holding this eye contact, because that just feels so much more important right now.

They’re still looking into each other’s eyes when Hoseok comes. Neither of them thinks of Hoseok’s fucking shirt this time, watching Hoseok come in stripes all over it.

Namjoon only stops fingering Hoseok when Hoseok takes his hand off his mouth and literally bats Namjoon away, his hands flailing, whimpering in overstimulation. Carefully, Namjoon pulls his fingers out of Hoseok, letting go of his cock as well, and Hoseok slumps back, his legs falling to the floor.

They’re both breathing roughly. Namjoon’s hard again. And for the first time ever, when Hoseok opens his eyes and looks at Namjoon’s bulge, it’s a bit awkward. At least, it is for Namjoon. Namjoon doesn’t mention that he’s hard, would prefer to ignore it for now rather than ask Hoseok for anything and make the moment all about himself. And since Hoseok doesn’t offer to get Namjoon off again, it seems that Hoseok prefers to ignore it too right now.

Then, Hoseok looks at his shirt.

“Shit,” he whispers, scrunching up his nose. He looks back up. “Is there any chance you have a spare shirt in here?”

“Sorry,” Namjoon shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize,” Hoseok exhales a laugh. “I just have a meeting with Haneul in…” he squints at the computer screen where the porn is still fucking going. “Fifteen minutes. I have a couple spare shirts in my studio, but I just… wouldn’t wanna walk through the-“

“I have a jacket,” Namjoon offers. “You’re still coming later? You could give it back to me then.”

“Yeah, I’m coming later,” Hoseok smiles. “Most likely not coming-coming, not after this,” his eyes widen, “but I still wanna work on the mixtape.”

Namjoon smiles. At least Hoseok is not feeling awkward.

Hoseok leaves with Namjoon’s jacket, and Namjoon jerks off again immediately after he goes. When Hoseok comes over a couple hours later, they don’t jerk off, they just sit together and work on music, and Hoseok smiles at him a lot and looks into his eyes a lot more than normal, and Namjoon is so not straight, and he’s very into Hoseok, and it’s such a bad idea, but Namjoon is definitely going to pursue him. There’s no way he could just… give up on feelings this strong.

 

They go back to normal after that.

Well, their normal. Jerking each other off, Hoseok fingering himself sometimes. Something does change though, because of course it does now that Namjoon is wondering whether he has a chance with Hoseok.

Namjoon is watching Hoseok a lot more than before as they jerk off. He’s thinking about fucking Hoseok all the time. When he masturbates on his own, he’s still thinking about Hoseok. Doesn’t even need the porn. He imagines himself fingering Hoseok again. Imagines himself rimming Hoseok. Imagines sucking Hoseok’s cock and kissing Hoseok’s lips with Hoseok’s come still on his tongue. All he feels about these things is want. Nothing but want. No repulsion, no weirdness, no fear over Hoseok being a man. Namjoon wants to make him come in all the ways that he can, as hard as he can.

It’s not just Namjoon either. Namjoon’s sure – absolutely sure – that something changes for Hoseok too. Now that Namjoon is watching Hoseok a lot more, he also sees Hoseok checking him out more often as well. Hoseok used to be a whole lot more focused on the porn before Namjoon fingered him, but now, even when they turn on the bi videos, Hoseok’s eyes are mostly on Namjoon’s cock. Namjoon wishes he knew what Hoseok was thinking.

Another thing that changes is that Namjoon is really, really not worried about coming at different times anymore. Whenever Hoseok fingers himself, Namjoon slows his hands down to drag it out the way Hoseok likes, but he doesn’t try to hold himself off from coming. Hell, Namjoon hopes that he’ll come before Hoseok so he could offer to finger him again.

A few times over the following month, he does, fucking up into his own fist in a way he rarely allows himself because he knows it gets him off fast, all with the express purpose of finishing early enough to fuck Hoseok with his fingers.

And Hoseok doesn’t stop him. Those few times that Namjoon comes before him, Hoseok catches Namjoon’s gaze, smiles, shakes his head, laughs quietly, then lifts his second leg up into the air, not even waiting for Namjoon to offer.

With each and every time that it happens, Hoseok lets more and more noises slip past the hand on his mouth. And each time, when Hoseok gets really close to orgasming, his eyes meet Namjoon’s and hold. It’s intense in the moment but not awkward after, not as long as Hoseok is still there and can laugh with him and make all of it seem normal.

It’s only awkward for Namjoon after. Not because something feels wrong or anything. Namjoon’s just disappointed in himself for losing himself in Hoseok and in their pleasure so much again and again that he never actually makes a move. Not that he knows what that move would be.

He’s been thinking about it- about how to cross that line. If things between them were normal in any capacity, crossing the line would be touching each other, right? Getting sexual. But they’re already doing that. So many lines have already been crossed.

Namjoon can see a few options about how to get this to move forward.

Sexually, there are still many, many things that they haven’t done. Namjoon could blow Hoseok. He could rim Hoseok. They could fuck. None of these things could be written off as ‘doing something to each other that we would have done to ourselves’, which would be the ideal way to cross the line. It would be the easiest if they could just… get more intimate physically and have that be the way Namjoon lets Hoseok know he wants him. But Namjoon doesn’t know how to initiate these things, not as long as he doesn’t know if Hoseok is interested in them as well. He needs to figure out if Hoseok is. But he doesn’t know how to do that either.

There’s also the option of… telling Hoseok about his feelings. And if he can’t cross the line sexually, he will tell Hoseok. Just not yet. Namjoon could also try to kiss him, but that feels the same as a confession. The sexual option seems… safer. And easier. At least for now.

 

So, Namjoon comes up with a plan.

Because something else changes too. It takes a while until Namjoon notices it, but eventually he does. Hoseok’s level of comfort changes.

It’s not just that Hoseok makes more noise when Namjoon fingers him. He also lifts his legs more easily, with less hesitation. He spreads his thighs wider, opening himself up in a way that seems to almost… encourage Namjoon to look at him. He closes his eyes, lets his head fall back.

And a month after the first time Namjoon fingered him, with Namjoon’s hands wrapped around both of their cocks, Namjoon watches Hoseok scoot forward on the couch, turning over onto his side, leaning his head against the back of the couch, facing Namjoon but keeping his eyes turned to the screen, left leg coming up high, reaching behind himself with two fingers.

Namjoon gets why Hoseok does it. It gives Hoseok a deeper angle, makes it easier for him to finger himself, and that makes Hoseok grunt. It’s not the most comfortable position in the world for Namjoon to jerk Hoseok off in, but he manages, refuses to let Hoseok’s cock go. Since he’s turned towards Namjoon in this way, there’s no way for Namjoon to hide that he’s watching him, so Namjoon finds himself pretending that he gives a shit about the porn, watching Hoseok as best as he can in his peripheral while being completely aware that Hoseok’s eyes are not actually on the screen anymore but are on Namjoon instead.

That gives Namjoon an idea.

Namjoon needs to figure out if Hoseok is thinking about him in the same way. Doesn’t matter that Hoseok watches him. That doesn’t necessarily mean that Hoseok wants him. Hoseok is into men, Namjoon is a man- with a pretty large dick. There’s a chance that Hoseok is just more comfortable watching Namjoon now that he sees how often Namjoon is watching him back. That doesn’t inherently mean that Hoseok is thinking of Namjoon touching him. So, Namjoon is going to make him think about it, and he’s going to do through making Hoseok watch the porn a lot less and watch Namjoon a lot more.

A smooth way to transition from normal jerk off sessions to something more intimate than that, something less platonic. To Namjoon, who hasn’t given a crap about the porn in so long, this feels like baby steps. But it wouldn’t be a small step for Hoseok. Not watching the porn would mean they’d only be left with each other, and that’d be huge.

And so, with Hoseok turned onto his side with his leg up to get a deeper angle into himself, two fingers sliding in and out of his hole, Namjoon starts fucking up into his own fist. He’s going to come fast because he has a plan now, and he’s going to execute it.

When he comes, Hoseok smiles at him. It’s obvious to both of them that Namjoon wants to touch him. Honestly, that should be Hoseok’s first major clue that Namjoon wants more from him. But alas, that has somehow been normalized as well. Time to unnormalize it.

With Hoseok turned to Namjoon in this way, Namjoon has an excuse to move to a different position for fingering him – can’t reach Hoseok’s hole as easily. As casually as he can, he gets off the couch, tucks his cock back into his pants then falls onto his knees in front of Hoseok. Strangely, Hoseok doesn’t even bat an eyelash at him, and that makes Namjoon wonder if he may have expected it. The thought of Hoseok possibly having a plan of his own, maybe trying to move things along as well, is a heady one but not one that Namjoon can count on.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything. He just wraps his hand around Hoseok’s cock. Really, he wishes he could say something without making it weird, tell Hoseok how fucking incredible it is to watch his fingers slip in and out of his hole like this. Still, as amazing as it is to watch, Namjoon slicks his fingers up with lube, watching Hoseok gently pull his own fingers out of himself, turning to lie less on his side, more on his back, spreading his legs and allowing Namjoon to slip his own two fingers into him instead.

There’s no hiding that Namjoon is watching Hoseok and only Hoseok in this position, and that’s the point. He couldn’t watch the porn if he wanted to with his back turned to it. But Hoseok doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t seem to mind. Hoseok’s gaze drifts back and forth between Namjoon and the porn, and no words are spoken between them.

Namjoon gives Hoseok three fingers for the first time, feeling like Hoseok can take it, believing that Hoseok will let him do it. A moan slips past Hoseok’s lips, his body clenching around Namjoon’s tightly before giving in and letting Namjoon fuck him like this, and Namjoon can’t help but smile at it, lowering his head so it won’t be so fucking obvious. Of course, Hoseok sees it anyway, laughing, clearly a little embarrassed. So, Namjoon curls his three fingers up into Hoseok’s prostate and starts fucking him fast and hard, and Hoseok’s laugher is replaced with more moans. No embarrassment this time.

When he comes, he’s looking into Namjoon’s eyes, and neither of them makes a big deal about what happened. Baby steps. It’s going to take time, but it’ll be worth it.

 

For some reason, after that, Hoseok starts fingering himself all the time.

Both of the times they meet during the week, Hoseok scoots forward on the couch and fingers himself. It leaves Namjoon to jerking himself off every single time as well, but he so doesn’t care. Jerking himself off means coming faster, and coming faster means fingering Hoseok, and they both fucking know at this point how much he wants to do that.

Over the next month or so, Namjoon coming first becomes normal. Namjoon fingering Hoseok becomes normal. Namjoon being hard again when Hoseok finishes becomes normal too.

He doesn’t mind though. So long as Hoseok keeps letting him do this, keeps letting him put this annoyingly slow plan into action, Namjoon doesn’t mind anything. Slow plan, yeah, very, but it’s working.

Slowly but surely, Namjoon has managed to normalize not watching the porn.

It becomes background noise. They keep turning it on, but they watch each other and are both aware of it. Of course, they’re not saying anything about it, but it’s still an amazing achievement.

And yet… Namjoon is starting to think that maybe this was a bad plan from the beginning. There’s one fatal flaw to this plan, and that’s the fact that they’re not talking about any of it.

Yeah, Namjoon’s patient, and he’s fine with waiting – waiting was part of the plan – but even he has a limit. He’s sick of sitting there, watching Hoseok and being watched by him in turn, but still being unsure of whether Hoseok is interested in him or not. And Hoseok – he keeps talking and making everything feel normal, even not watching the porn, while never saying anything about the changes in what they’re doing.

Time keeps passing, and nothing is really changing, not fast enough, so Namjoon finds himself legitimately beginning to consider discarding the current plan and just risking it – just telling the truth. Confessing and putting himself out there like that is the most terrifying thing, and he still wants to avoid it, but doing nothing feels worse.

He’s working up to doing it. He just needs a little more time.

Thankfully, he's spared for now.

Because not watching the porn has an unforeseen consequence.

Hoseok gets even more comfortable with changing positions- comfortable to the point that one time, Hoseok full-on turns away from the screen. Doesn’t say anything about it and just does it. There’s no reason to face the screen if they’re not watching the porn. One moment, he’s sitting, fingering himself, letting Namjoon stroke his cock, his eyes moving from Namjoon to the screen. Then, he looks up at Namjoon – in a really obvious way – grunts in frustration and flips over.

Just like that – shoving Namjoon’s hand away, jumping off the couch then back onto it on his knees. He lays his head on the headrest, his thigh touching Namjoon’s arm, eyes closed but face turned in Namjoon’s direction. Hoseok’s able to finger himself with his right hand now, his left free to wrap around Namjoon’s cock for the first time in forever, making Namjoon actually moan. God, Namjoon has missed having Hoseok’s hand. Didn’t even realize how much. Reaching up to stroke Hoseok’s cock uncomfortably, he’d like to think that Hoseok missed it too, that that’s why he’s doing this.

There’s not a single thought in Namjoon’s mind as he starts fucking Hoseok’s fist and rushing to an orgasm other than needing to be inside of Hoseok. Hoseok moving into this position is an opening for Namjoon – a way to change things up, move things along. An opportunity to touch him differently.

It’s either pressing himself to Hoseok’s back and jerking Hoseok’s cock at the same time that he fingers Hoseok, or it’s Hoseok jerking himself off while Namjoon fingers him with a hand on Hoseok’s hip, and either option – touching Hoseok in either of these ways – has Namjoon’s heart rate rising.

Namjoon stays as careful as he can after he comes, not pushing their boundaries too much. Two fingers inside of Hoseok, his hand on Hoseok’s hip staying above Hoseok’s shirt, enough distance between them to not be touching. Still, Namjoon can feel Hoseok’s stomach expand with every inhale even through the shirt, and that’s enough for him to be getting hard again already.

Hoseok is the one who reaches for Namjoon’s hand to jerk him off, grabbing Namjoon’s wrist and tugging Namjoon around his torso right to his cock. It brings Namjoon significantly closer to Hoseok, Namjoon’s clothed pelvis coming in contact with the swell of Hoseok’s ass. Not moaning takes all the willpower that Namjoon has.

He’s breathing hard though, and he knows Hoseok can feel it on the back of his neck because he can see Hoseok’s hair moving with each and every one of his breaths.

It’s too easy to imagine fucking Hoseok when they’re like this. He hopes Hoseok is imagining it too.

“Good?” Namjoon asks once, voice rougher and deeper than intended.

“Yeah,” Hoseok whispers shakily, and that’s all they say to each other.

This time, Hoseok doesn’t leave right away after coming. Namjoon got hard so fast after his first orgasm, every shift of his cock inside his jeans actually hurts. And Hoseok – amazing, perfect, and brilliant Hoseok – sees Namjoon wince once and takes pity on him. He shoves Namjoon onto the couch, unzips Namjoon’s jeans and pulls Namjoon’s cock out, wrapping his fingers around it and making Namjoon come again. No laughing, no nothing, looking only at Namjoon’s cock and Namjoon’s face. It feels like a big moment. Just not big enough.

Then, Hoseok leaves, and the only thing that Namjoon regrets about this jerk off session is not looking into Hoseok’s eyes as Hoseok came.

Namjoon fingers Hoseok in that exact same position a few days later, and Hoseok jerks him off to a second orgasm that time as well.

Another week passes like that.

The porn is nothing but background noise. An excuse. A shield. Hoseok is clearly more comfortable. They're obviously getting more intimate. But a whole week passes, and Namjoon can’t take this for much longer.

Every day has him more and more desperate to feel Hoseok, to kiss him, to hear him moan. He’s kept himself under control for a long time. And his plan is working, but it’s not fucking enough. He thought he could be patient for longer, but how long will he actually need?

The tension keeps building, the frustration over things moving so slowly gets worse. There has to be a change – he needs a different plan, a better plan, something explosive. No more waiting for things to incrementally change. He just needs to know – if he even has a chance in the first place. His anxiety is increasing, and he’s getting close to snapping.

All Namjoon needs is an opening. He just needs… something to make it easier to either kiss Hoseok or tell Hoseok what he’s feeling. It’s a lot to ask for though. With everything abnormal being so normal between them, finding a moment that feels right is not easy.

Namjoon’s determined though. He’ll find that moment.

 

That moment never comes, because eventually, Hoseok is the one who snaps.

Hoseok’s on his knees again, his head on the headrest, Namjoon sitting beside him, thrusting into Hoseok’s fist. Hoseok’s eyes are openly on Namjoon.

They’ve only just started. Namjoon has just gotten fully hard. But Hoseok is already on his knees with two fingers inside of himself. Skipped the one. Two straight away. Didn’t even sit down on the couch to pretend to start things normally. Just undressed himself and got onto his knees, letting Namjoon fumble with picking the porn, choosing a random video.

He’s not even fully hard in Namjoon’s hand yet, but it’s not just that. Something about his eyes is different. His pupils are blown wide with arousal, but there’s something… sad in them too. And Namjoon wonders how long that sadness has been in there. He wonders if it’s new or if it’s been there all the times he hasn’t looked into Hoseok’s eyes lately.

All he knows is that seeing it makes his heart squeeze painfully, that this sadness shouldn’t be there. It was never there before. It was never there when Namjoon was fingering Hoseok as Hoseok was on his back, when they were looking into each other’s eyes.

He opens his mouth to say something, unsure of what it would be, just needing to say something, but nothing comes out.

It’s Hoseok who speaks.

“Finger me?” he whispers.

Namjoon shivers, gulping.

They both know that’s really fucking different.

Hoseok never asks for this. It’s always Namjoon pushing for it. Always Namjoon wanting it and Hoseok just going with it.

They never ask each other for anything. They just do things.

And Namjoon hasn’t come. They never do this before Namjoon comes.

He can imagine himself standing behind Hoseok, fingering Hoseok until he orgasms then jerking his cock over Hoseok’s back and ass, coming onto Hoseok’s skin.

Another gulp. More shivers. And Namjoon makes a move to get up when Hoseok lets go of Namjoon’s cock, places his hand on Namjoon’s chest and stops him. So, Namjoon stays, watching Hoseok inhale shakily, lick his lips, his eyebrows twitching. Hesitating.

“Seok?” Namjoon asks quietly.

Hoseok takes a deep breath, getting his fingers out of himself and looking Namjoon in the eyes. They hold eye contact like that, with Hoseok’s hand on Namjoon’s chest, unmoving. If Hoseok won’t do something in the next five seconds, Namjoon will explode.

Then, Hoseok scoots closer to Namjoon, throwing a leg over Namjoon’s thighs and straddling him, and Namjoon thinks he’s going to explode anyway. He gasps, can’t help it, letting go of Hoseok’s cock and wrapping his fingers around Hoseok’s hips instead, Hoseok’s shirt falling down, his cock sticking up from underneath it.

They breathe, holding eye contact, and the porn is so fucking loud.

“Finger me?” Hoseok repeats, placing his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders.

This is the moment, right? It has to be. Namjoon should make a move. He should lean up and kiss Hoseok. He should do something. He should-

“Please?” Hoseok whispers, and Namjoon is immediately reaching for the lube.

His hands are fucking shaking, fumbling with the lube so much before he manages to get it open. Hoseok huffs out a laugh from above him, fond, and Namjoon glances up at him and laughs as well, a bit embarrassed, heart pounding, pouring lube onto his fingers.

When Hoseok reaches a hand out to Namjoon, Namjoon frowns, unsure. Hoseok touches the lube bottle, wordlessly asking for some, so Namjoon pours some onto his palm as well, still unsure.

After tossing the lube aside, Namjoon can’t stop looking at Hoseok. Frozen in time. Shocked by Hoseok being on top of him like this. His mind is running at top speed, trying to convince himself to make a fucking move, use this chance, don’t be so fucking afraid. But he is. God, he’s suddenly so fucking afraid. What if Hoseok doesn’t feel the same way? What if Namjoon has fucking imagined all of it- hoped for nothing?

He's stuck long enough to have Hoseok take his wrist and lead it down between his legs. Even then, with his wet fingers brushing Hoseok’s hole, Hoseok’s balls lying on his wrist, it’s hard for Namjoon to focus. He can’t look away from Hoseok’s face, can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss Hoseok, terrified that attempting to kiss will make Hoseok stop whatever he wants them to be doing right now.

It all feels too fragile – this moment. Hoseok. Hoseok feels so fragile, with his eyes hooded and no smile on his lips.

“Namjoon,” Hoseok says lowly, squeezing Namjoon’s shoulders.

And it somehow makes Namjoon feel a bit more grounded. A bit more awake. If there’s one thing he can do right now, it’s whatever Hoseok asks for. So, he inhales deeply and rubs Hoseok’s hole with two fingers, watching Hoseok sigh and close his eyes. And then Hoseok reaches his hand back, wraps his wet fingers around Namjoon’s shaft, stroking him, and it’s too fucking much.

Their bodies are too close – the tip of Namjoon’s cock touching the back of Namjoon’s hand. If Namjoon’s fingers weren’t shielding Hoseok’s hole and Hoseok would sit back just a bit, he would be right on top of Namjoon’s cock. If Namjoon were to move his hand away, his tip would be brushing Hoseok’s hole. They’re too close. It’s too fucking real.

When Namjoon lets his two fingers slide into Hoseok, straightening them inside him, and Hoseok raises himself up and down, riding Namjoon’s fingers, it becomes even more real. Looking away from where he’s touching Hoseok, focusing just on Hoseok’s face, on his blissed-out expression – the open lips, the heavy breathing, the way his eyes are half-closed… it looks like he’s fucking Hoseok. It would take nothing for him to actually fuck Hoseok.

Maybe that’s what Hoseok wants. Maybe Hoseok thinks it would be easier for them to move things along in a physical way too. It’s possible that Hoseok’s just as worried as Namjoon about being rejected, so Hoseok’s plan is the same as Namjoon’s – physical first. Cross the line through intimacy that could not be written off as ‘doing something to each other that we would have done to ourselves’. If Hoseok is thinking in this way, all Namjoon needs to do is follow, is allow that intimacy to happen. Why is he even surprised that Hoseok is the brave one between them?

Hoseok’s eyes open and meet Namjoon’s. His breathing keeps getting faster and faster, his hole clenching around Namjoon’s fingers, and Namjoon doesn’t really know what to do. He takes his hand off Hoseok’s hip and leads it to Hoseok’s cock. That’s safe. Jerking off is safe. Namjoon needs to be brave enough to do something not safe.

Inside Hoseok, he curls his fingers up, right into where he knows Hoseok’s prostate is, and Hoseok whimpers, jerking and suddenly losing his balance. At the same time that Namjoon lets go of Hoseok’s shaft to catch him, Hoseok lets go of Namjoon’s cock and grabs Namjoon’s other shoulder to balance himself. Two hands on Namjoon’s shoulders, a hand on Hoseok’s hip, and Hoseok’s face is suddenly much, much closer.

Hoseok lets out a short, embarrassed exhale, but he doesn’t move back. Just seeing him smile like that has Namjoon smiling too.

“Give me three?” Hoseok asks.

“Huh?” Namjoon catches Hoseok’s gaze again.

Hoseok’s smile softens, “Three fingers?”

“Oh,” Namjoon gulps, nodding quickly, pulling his fingers back and placing his ring finger alongside the other two at Hoseok’s hole.

When Hoseok sinks onto them, his smile falters, eyebrows furrowing. His head stays just as close to Namjoon’s, and Namjoon is fighting every urge that he has to simply lean forward and kiss Hoseok.

“Hurts?” Namjoon doesn’t know why he suddenly feels the need to ask. He didn’t ask Hoseok last time. But Hoseok… still looks fucking fragile.

“A bit,” Hoseok smiles again, starting to ride Namjoon’s fingers. “Have you ever done it to yourself?”

Namjoon shakes his head. Hoseok’s mesmerizing. His lips look so soft.

This is the most they’ve talked during these sessions ever. If only the porn was fucking off so Namjoon could hear Hoseok better.

“You should,” Hoseok tells him.

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks, curling his fingers up and making Hoseok jerk again.

“Yeah,” Hoseok exhales, nodding.

Namjoon wraps his fingers around his own cock. Can’t… not jerk off when Hoseok looks like this on top of him.

“I could do it to you if you ever wanted me to,” Hoseok offers, clenching tightly on Namjoon’s fingers.

“You would?” Namjoon asks.

“Mmhm,” Hoseok nods.

“Okay,” Namjoon exhales, looking down at where Hoseok is riding him.

“Okay, meaning you’d want to?” Hoseok asks.

God, if Namjoon just took his fingers out of Hoseok, he could slide his cock right into him.

“Joon,” Hoseok asks.

Namjoon looks up. Their bodies are so close. Their lips are so close. He can feel Hoseok’s breaths on his face.

Hoseok is smiling at him.

“I…” Namjoon tries to remember what Hoseok asked. “I’d try anything once.”

“It’ll feel good,” Hoseok reassures him. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“Does it feel good?” Namjoon asks. “Right now.”

Hoseok gulps, “Yeah.”

Then, he picks up the speed, not talking anymore.

Hoseok’s fingers tighten on Namjoon’s shoulders, his hips moving faster, harder, and Namjoon starts panicking.

If Hoseok is speeding up like this because he wants to come, then that means this might be over soon, and this is the moment – it’s the moment – Namjoon can’t miss it. He has to do something. He has to keep them talking or- or do something else, anything else. He has to make Hoseok see that he wants more.

Namjoon should be able to handle this. God. He’s so fucking good at crises, but he’s blanking. This is Hoseok. This is Namjoon wanting to date Hoseok. This is Namjoon coming out to Hoseok. It’s too much, and he can’t find his voice. He needs Hoseok to speak. He can’t speak without Hoseok starting it first, without giving him a baseline to work off of.

Then, Hoseok sinks down hard, Namjoon’s cock accidentally brushes Hoseok’s balls, and Hoseok whimpers so loudly, it makes Namjoon’s cock throb. And Hoseok doesn’t stop, he keeps taking Namjoon’s fingers all the way, the tip of Namjoon’s cock touching Hoseok’s balls every single time.

Hoseok slows down, Namjoon’s fingers all the way inside him, Namjoon’s cock pressed up against his balls. He circles his hips, Namjoon’s cock not only touching his balls but also Namjoon’s own knuckles.

Hoseok’s eyes close again, and Namjoon understands why. Their proximity is overwhelming. He’d close his eyes too if he wasn’t so fucking entranced by the way Hoseok’s lips part. Their foreheads are so close to touching.

It would be… so easy to slip his fingers out of Hoseok and let Hoseok sink onto his cock instead. The easiest thing. Hoseok is already so stretched, so wet.

All it would take would be a few seconds, and Namjoon would be inside him. And then, when they’re connected like that, when the line has been crossed, it would be so easy for Namjoon to wrap his arms around Hoseok. To kiss Hoseok. Because he’d know then. Once he’s inside Hoseok, he’d know that Hoseok wants him in the same way.

Would Hoseok have gotten on top of Namjoon like this if he didn’t want it as well? This is not watching porn and jerking off. This is not platonic. Hoseok is on top of Namjoon, dragging his balls back and forth against the tip of Namjoon’s cock. He wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t want Namjoon to cross that line. There’s no way. He’s giving Namjoon his opening, he’s giving Namjoon a way to make it happen. He wants Namjoon inside of him. He must.

So, Namjoon tries. Because Hoseok is on top of him, and he’s impulsive. Because he’s insane and terrified. Because this is the easiest thing even though he knows it’s probably not the best thing. He tries, letting his fingers slip out of Hoseok completely.

Hoseok sinks down onto nothing and whimpers, opening his eyes, and Namjoon just looks at him. Their gazes hold as Namjoon drags the tip of his cock against Hoseok’s balls and behind them. They’re clean. He knows they’re both clean. The checkup was a month ago. They don’t need a condom. And Namjoon won’t even come in Hoseok if Hoseok doesn’t want him to.

Hoseok’s eyebrows rise, his eyes widening the closer Namjoon gets to where Hoseok is so wet and open and ready.

His nails dig into Namjoon’s shoulders, his lips falling open. The tip of Namjoon’s cock touches Hoseok’s hole, and they both gasp. Hoseok’s breathing speeds up rapidly, his chest rising and falling, his cock twitching up and down against his stomach. He’s shaking – badly – but just as Namjoon shifts his hips ever so slightly up, pressing his tip against Hoseok’s hole-

No,” Hoseok gasps and shoves himself off Namjoon completely.

Namjoon freezes, panic and regret wash over him so fast, his hard-on flagging instantly.

Hoseok turns away, walking the few steps to Namjoon’s desk and placing his hands on it, dropping his head forward and panting, his shirt falling down to cover his ass.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon is on his feet before he can think, reaching out to Hoseok but stopping himself from touching. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m so sorry.”

Hoseok is trembling even worse now, his arms shaking, fingers curling against Namjoon’s desk.

“I don’t-“ Namjoon tries. “Seok, I’m so sorry.”

Namjoon doesn’t know what to do. He has never fucked up so badly with anyone before. He doesn’t know how to take it back, he doesn’t know-

Hoseok smacks the spacebar on Namjoon’s desk keyboard, and the porn stops playing.

Silence.

Hoseok’s breathing is suddenly so fucking loud, but still, for the first time in so long, they’re submerged in silence.

It doesn’t help. It’s worse now that the shield is gone. The room is too quiet. There’s a girl getting fucked on the screen, and Namjoon wants to turn it off so badly. Doesn’t want to see her. At the same time, he’s afraid to look at Hoseok.

“Hoseok,” Namjoon whispers. It’s instinct. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say. Just knows he needs to say something.

Hoseok takes a deep shaky breath, exhaling just as slowly.

Namjoon’s mouth opens, ready to apologize again, but he doesn’t think it’ll help so he doesn’t.

“I can’t…” Hoseok whispers.

“I’m so sorry,” Namjoon says anyway.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” Hoseok says, louder, anger mixed with desperation in his voice.

“You don’t have to, I-“ Namjoon gapes. “I don’t-“

Hoseok takes another deep breath, “I can’t… we-“ he clears his throat, “we need to be on the same page about this.”

“I…” Namjoon gulps. He wants to wrap his arms around Hoseok so badly. He’s going to tell Hoseok everything. He has to. “Okay, anything. I’m sorry.”

One more deep breath, and Hoseok turns around to face Namjoon.

Suddenly self-conscious, Namjoon tucks his soft cock back into his pants. Hoseok is not wearing any pants, but his cock is covered by his long shirt, hiding him.

“Namjoon,” Hoseok’s voice is serious.

Namjoon looks up, catches Hoseok’s gaze, “Yeah?”

Hoseok’s jaw clenches, and he gulps, “I’m not gonna let you fuck me-“

“I won’t- I wouldn’t- I’m sorry, I-” Namjoon cuts in, spluttering.

“Let me,” Hoseok says quietly. “Please.”

Namjoon shuts up.

“I’m not gonna let you fuck me-” Hoseok chokes out, and Namjoon can’t tell if Hoseok is angry or scared, “-so long as you say you’re straight. I’m not gonna let you fuck me if you excuse it away somehow afterward,” he inhales deeply, shakily. Then, he adds quietly, “Namjoon, I’m not gonna let you fuck me if you can’t even fucking kiss me first.”

For a moment, Namjoon is still frozen, the words ‘kiss me first’ ringing in his ears. Shivers everywhere.

And then Namjoon is moving, ignoring the way Hoseok’s body seizes up, ignoring the surprised half-step Hoseok takes back, hitting the desk. Namjoon places his hands on Hoseok’s cheeks – eager, too eager, too anxious, but still trying to be gentle, and, with more bravery than he ever thought he could have, he kisses Hoseok.

As lightly as he can. Hoseok is trembling, but his lips pucker against Namjoon’s, kissing back, and that’s what matters.

The kiss lasts a few seconds at most – a peck. When Namjoon pulls back, Hoseok is the one who’s covered in goosebumps. His eyes open, wide with shock.

“I’m not straight,” Namjoon tells him as steadily as he can, holding eye contact, but his voice still comes out shaky. “I won’t excuse it away afterwards,” he licks his lips, then looks down at Hoseok’s. “And I’ve wanted to kiss you for months.”

Hoseok exhales sharply, and Namjoon meets his eyes again.

The second kiss that Namjoon leans in for is just as soft and short as the first.

He lets his nose rest against Hoseok’s when he pulls back, their lips touching, their breaths mingling.

“Really?” Hoseok whispers.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, leading his hands down to gently cup Hoseok’s neck.

“Are you sure?” Hoseok asks, lips moving against Namjoon’s lightly as he speaks.

“What- about wanting to kiss you?” Namjoon asks, a smile on the edge of his lips.

“No, about- about being… not straight,” Hoseok pulls back a hint.

Namjoon’s smile turns shy, “I’ve had months to think about it, so… yeah, I’m sure.”

“Months,” Hoseok breathes. “And you didn’t wanna say anything to me?”

“I didn’t wanna make it weird,” Namjoon shrugs. “And I felt okay figuring it out on my own.”

“I could have…” Hoseok’s mouth gapes. “I could have helped- go through this, I mean, I could have helped you go through this. You could have talked to me. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Namjoon asks. “This is not… that big a deal.”

“Uh… you were,” he hesitates, “very straight.”

“I mean, I did have… a couple mild crises about it,” Namjoon says. “It took a moment to accept, but… I’m good.”

“You should have said something,” Hoseok insists.

Namjoon brushes his hair back from Hoseok’s forehead then leans in and kisses him again, letting his lips linger on Hoseok’s, his mouth opening to capture Hoseok’s bottom lip between his, but pulling away after a moment anyway, leaving Hoseok looking mildly dazed.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Namjoon asks quietly. “We could be doing so many other things.”

“I was…” Hoseok starts but trails off.

Namjoon takes a step closer to him, pushing his clothed leg between Hoseok’s bare ones. Hoseok’s soft. They both are. Hopefully not for long though.

Hoseok’s hands come up to grasp Namjoon’s shoulders.

“Worried,” Hoseok finishes. “I was worried about you.”

“Shouldn’t have been,” Namjoon’s hands slide down from Hoseok’s neck down Hoseok’s chest, coming to a rest on his waist. “Honestly, I think I made it pretty obvious how much I wanted you.”

“I could see that you wanted me, I’m not stupid,” Hoseok breathes, a smile at the corner of his lips. “But that doesn’t mean that you actually wanted me. Not like that, not like more than…”

“A bootie call?” Namjoon offers.

“Yeah,” Hoseok says.

“I would never,” Namjoon says. “If I thought of you as only a bootie call, I would not have kissed you.”

“Months ago, you texted me to come over and jerk you off,” Hoseok gasps. “Then you ended up fingering me. You literally texted me to come over and hook up with you.”

“Not just as a bootie call though,” Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok, pulling him closer.

“I thought that was the moment for you, the moment you decided that this is… more. More than… jerking off, more than hookups even,” Hoseok continues. “But you said that it was just… something I could do to myself and I-“

“I was an idiot,” Namjoon cuts him off. “Wasn’t thinking. I just really fucking wanted to do it and didn’t know how to make it happen without making it weird. And I still needed time – a few hours exactly actually,” he lets out a laugh, “to figure out just how much I wanted you. It was the moment for me. Just a bit delayed.”

Hoseok exhales a surprised laugh, his eyes meeting Namjoon’s, shock turning into something darker in the span of a second.

He wraps his fingers around Namjoon’s neck. Then, he rolls his hips against Namjoon’s thigh, a long, languid grind. No longer fully soft. It makes something light up inside of Namjoon, his grip on Hoseok tightening, pulling him closer.

“You should have said something,” Hoseok licks his lips.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Namjoon asks.

“Because as far as I knew, you still considered yourself straight, and I wasn’t going to even attempt to date a straight guy,” Hoseok says. “Had you told me you weren’t straight, I would have been riding your dick months ago.”

Namjoon inhales, “You climbed onto my lap today. That was a… pretty clear attempt.”

“I just wanted to see if you’d kiss me if I gave you the chance to,” Hoseok says. “I needed to see if you could. But then you go and try to put your dick in me – without a fucking condom – before giving me a single kiss.”

“God, I’m such an idiot sometimes,” Namjoon says. “I wanted to kiss you so badly.”

“It’s kind of endearing,” Hoseok smiles. “And irritating.”

Namjoon exhales a laugh.

“Namjoon,” Hoseok runs his nails up Namjoon’s neck into his hair. “I’ve been waiting… for so fucking long. It’s not even funny.”

Namjoon can’t help but smile at that. “How long?”

Hoseok gulps, “Long.”

“Since the first time I fingered you?” Namjoon asks. “The hookup.”

“I… I imagined sleeping with you way before that,” Hoseok says. “But I didn’t think it was even slightly possible until that day.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, “We could have been doing more for such a long time.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok breathes. “It’s really not funny.”

Namjoon smiles widely.

“I said it’s not funny,” Hoseok smiles too.

“No, it really isn’t,” Namjoon says and kisses him.

It’s not soft this time.

Nothing about this kiss is gentle. Hoseok’s mouth opens against Namjoon’s instantly, his grip on Namjoon’s neck tightening. The first moan Hoseok lets out against his lips makes Namjoon shudder.

So long. So fucking long he waited to hear that sound, and to have it vibrate through him like this feels better than he could have ever imagined. It makes him grunt. It gets his cock harder. He’s never wanted anyone as much as he wants Hoseok right now.

When he pushes his thigh harder between Hoseok’s, Hoseok’s hands fall away from Namjoon’s neck, bracing on the table behind him instead. Namjoon follows him, leaning forward, opening his mouth against Hoseok’s wider, his hands sliding under Hoseok’s shirt and moving up Hoseok’s back.

The feeling of Hoseok’s cock growing harder against Namjoon’s thigh is painfully hot, and Namjoon is suddenly so fucking hard again. To feel Hoseok’s arousal like that – so clear, so solid, to have it right up against him… Namjoon is overcome with the need to take Hoseok’s cock into his mouth, feel Hoseok’s arousal hard in his mouth, to have Hoseok come as he sucks him, to taste it, to taste him.

Namjoon’s hands wander down, cupping Hoseok’s ass, and Hoseok throws his head back with another moan, his hands scrabbling for purchase on the desk. He lifts his leg high against Namjoon’s thigh, giving Namjoon space to slide his hand further between his cheeks and touch him where he’s still so wet and open.

Hoseok tries to capture Namjoon’s lips again, but Namjoon goes for Hoseok’s neck instead, dragging his tongue against Hoseok’s skin as his fingers brush Hoseok’s hole. He dips two fingers into Hoseok without thinking, knowing that he can take it after having three fingers in him before. Hoseok whimpers. He’s still so fucking slick inside. It makes Namjoon’s head spin with want. Knowing that Hoseok wants him, that he wants this, that he’s wanted it for so long… god, they wasted so much time.  

He shoves his thigh harder against Hoseok’s cock and slides his fingers all the way into Hoseok, curling them up into Hoseok’s prostate at the same time. It makes Hoseok lose balance, his hands fumbling again. He hits the desk, and suddenly, loud female moans and male grunts fill the room from all fucking directions, and Namjoon tears himself away from Hoseok, getting his fingers out of Hoseok and feeling nothing short of enraged.

“I swear to fucking god if I have to hear them moan one more time,” he smacks the spacebar on his keyboard so hard he’s worried he might break it. The video stops again.

Hoseok snorts then starts laughing, his hands tangling in Namjoon’s hair, trying to pull him back.

“Hold on!” Namjoon states, grabbing the mouse with a shaking hand and exiting the fucking tab. “There,” he sighs, sagging forward into Hoseok’s chest, his nose in Hoseok’s neck.

“That was really hot,” Hoseok says tonelessly.

Namjoon pulls back with a laugh, “What?”

“You turning off the porn like that,” Hoseok nods. “Yeah. I’m… really into that.”

“Oh,” Namjoon exhales. “Well, good, because I kind of don’t wanna watch porn with you ever again.”

“Ever?” Hoseok squints, smiling. “But it gave me so many ideas about what I can do with you.”

Namjoon’s cock throbs. He swallows.

Hoseok’s smile turns to a smirk. He places his hands on Namjoon’s chest and shoves – hard, making Namjoon stumble backward.

“Not today though,” Hoseok says, walking forward and taking his shirt off, tossing it aside. “I’ve never been this sick of porn in my life.”

Namjoon takes a step back. Hoseok advancing on him like this may be the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

“Maybe someday though,” Hoseok says, giving Namjoon another push when the backs of Namjoon’s knees hit the edge of the couch. “I can see myself enjoying looking at girls with you.”

Namjoon sits down, “Are you serious?”

“Maybe a threesome or two,” Hoseok shrugs, stepping up to Namjoon.

Namjoon looks up at him, “Really?”

“If that’s something you think you might be into,” Hoseok shrugs, leaning down and reaching for Namjoon’s jeans, unzipping them.

“I…” Namjoon raises his hips, letting Hoseok tug his pants and underwear down and off his legs, so many new images in his head.

After all the fucking bi porn they’ve watched, just the thought of the two of them having that kind of threesome has Namjoon’s head spinning. He didn’t think of that as a possibility. Didn’t even think to think of it. Never imagined Hoseok might be into doing it in real life.

His hard cock bobs out against his stomach.

“You know what,” Hoseok licks his lips, looking at Namjoon’s cock. “With a dick like that, I might just be okay with never sleeping with women again.”

He smirks at Namjoon, and Namjoon is so lost.

This is Hoseok. They’ve spent so long tiptoeing around each other, Namjoon forgot just how forward and open Hoseok can be. Having Hoseok aim that attitude towards him, free to express his wants however he cares to, it only turns Namjoon on more.

Namjoon realizes what Hoseok is about to do just as he starts doing it, bending one knee to lower himself to the floor. Namjoon’s hands are on Hoseok’s hips instantly, holding him in place, before Namjoon has really cultivated a plan. All Namjoon knows is that he wants to taste Hoseok.

Hoseok squints but stays in place.

“Take a step back?” Namjoon asks him.

Suspicious but smiling, Hoseok does.

“I’m sorry in advance,” Namjoon slides down to his knees in front of him, sitting back on his heels. “I’m gonna be so shit at this.”

“Shit at-“ Hoseok starts but cuts himself off with a moan when Namjoon wraps a hand around his shaft. He lets out a breathy laugh. “Talk about fantasy.”

“What?” Namjoon looks up, and that’s the most beautiful angle he’s seen of Hoseok yet. He’s used to looking up and seeing soft breasts, not a flat, tight chest. Definitely not a hard cock bobbing in front of his face. He didn’t expect himself to be so fucking turned on by it, but god, he really fucking is.

“You on your knees for me,” Hoseok says, dragging his fingers over Namjoon’s scalp.

“I’ve been on my knees for you a couple times at this point,” Namjoon reminds, wetting his lips and stroking Hoseok’s cock.

“Not like this,” Hoseok breathes.

“Yeah,” Namjoon looks back down. There’s a vein on the underside of Hoseok’s cock that Namjoon can’t stop looking at. “And not for this.”

“Not for…” Hoseok starts but trails off when Namjoon leans in and licks that vein. “Fuck.”

Namjoon’s mind fills with images from the porn they’ve been watching – girls sucking off guys, guys sucking off guys, and then, he leans in and licks the tip of Hoseok’s cock, tongue flicking over the slit. Never done this before, but Namjoon’s always been a good learner, and he’s had so much fucking time to study.

Very quickly, Namjoon decides that this might be one of the best things he’s ever done. He takes Hoseok down as best as he can, covering his teeth. It’s not fucking easy. He has to pull off multiple times to breathe. Didn’t fucking realize how much coordination it took to do this properly. But it’s worth it. God, hearing Hoseok moan like that, tasting Hoseok’s precome on his tip, feeling Hoseok’s hardness so big and heavy in his mouth, overtaking every one of his senses, it’s worth every second.

He goes slowly. Too slowly to make Hoseok come. Because he can’t go faster yet. Doesn’t know how to without straining his jaw so fucking much. It’s okay though. He isn’t trying to make Hoseok come like this anyway.

“Fuck,” Hoseok sighs, his nails dragging over Namjoon’s scalp.

Namjoon pulls off to take another deep breath, “Good?”

“Very,” Hoseok exhales, smiling down at him.

Namjoon smiles, kisses the tip of Hoseok’s cock, then turns his torso and grabs the lube off the couch, “I’ll improve.”

“Not gonna lie, I’m…” Hoseok licks his lips, “really into this being your first blowjob.”

“It’s the straight guy kink,” Namjoon teases, pouring lube onto his fingers.

“I don’t have a-“ Hoseok starts but Namjoon cuts him off with a raised eyebrow. “Maybe a bit.”

“I fucking knew it,” Namjoon smiles, tossing the lube behind him. “You did choose that first fucking bi video with the straight dudes on purpose.”

“I swear I did not!” Hoseok exclaims, smiling. “It was just a very happy coincidence. God knows I didn’t expect you to offer to jerk me off.”

“Sure, I believe you,” Namjoon says, sarcastic, but before Hoseok can respond with anything, Namjoon takes Hoseok’s tip back into his mouth. That distracts him.

Namjoon doesn’t know how he’s going to do this. Sucking dick is apparently difficult enough on its own, but he looks up at Hoseok and knows how close they were to fucking, knows how much Hoseok gets off on fingering, and even if it means accidentally choking a couple times on Hoseok’s cock, Namjoon is still going to try to give Hoseok as much pleasure as he can.

So, he wraps his left hand around the base of Hoseok’s cock, holding him in place as he leads his other hand between Hoseok’s legs. At the first touch of wet fingers to Hoseok’s hole, Hoseok sways above Namjoon, letting out a surprised moan, placing his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders.

“Shit,” Hoseok whispers, and if Namjoon’s mouth wasn’t around Hoseok’s cock, he would be smiling. “Are you sure you don’t wanna maybe uh… sit for this?”

Namjoon takes his mouth off Hoseok, “I’m enjoying looking up at you from here,” he says, and Hoseok frowns, his hole clenching against Namjoon’s fingers. “Just hold on.”

“Okay,” Hoseok whimpers, swaying again when Namjoon’s pointer and middle fingers breach him.

And then Namjoon wraps his lips around Hoseok’s tip, and Hoseok’s nails dig into Namjoon’s shirt so hard, Namjoon thinks there will be marks on him even through the fabric.

“If this is meant to be prep for me to take your cock, I really don’t need it,” Hoseok gasps, speaking fast, Namjoon’s fingers sliding all the way into him, “I was way past ready when you were trying to get in me earlier.”

Namjoon pulls off again, “You sure?”

He slides his two fingers out, momentarily feeling Hoseok’s grip on him relax, then places three fingers at Hoseok’s hole and twists them into him – palm up, all the way, Hoseok’s soft balls pressed up against his wrist. Hoseok moans again, and it’s so beautiful.

“You want my cock?” Namjoon asks quietly.

Hoseok’s smile is a pained one, “Are you kidding?”

Namjoon smiles and curves his fingers up, aiming for Hoseok’s prostate. Too much. Hoseok’s knees buckle, but Namjoon lets go of Hoseok’s cock and wraps his arm around Hoseok’s thighs, laying his head on Hoseok’s hip, just in time for Hoseok to rebalance itself.

Still holding Hoseok with his head against Hoseok’s body, Namjoon moves closer to Hoseok’s cock, pressing his lips to the side of Hoseok’s shaft, licking it as best as he can as it bobs in front of his face. He doesn’t let up the pressure on Hoseok’s prostate either, keeping his fingers deep inside and caressing that spot over and over, pressing his thumb up under Hoseok’s balls and rubbing there in little circles.

Hoseok’s legs won’t stop shaking, his nails digging into Namjoon’s skin, holding on. It’s too much stimulation, Namjoon can tell, but Namjoon doesn’t want to stop. Feeling Hoseok’s body clench and unclench around his fingers, thinking of the way it’s going to feel when it’s his cock inside of Hoseok is making Namjoon’s head spin with pleasure.

Never in his life did he think he would enjoy doing something like this to any man, let alone Hoseok, but he loves it. Can see himself doing it every day for the rest of his fucking life. He puts more pressure onto Hoseok’s prostate, rubbing Hoseok’s taint with his thumb harder, licking and kissing Hoseok’s cock. Hoseok’s grip tightens, and he lets out a broken moan.

In that moment, it hits Namjoon how much pleasure he would have missed out on giving in his life if he had never done this to a man. Not feeling the pulsing of Hoseok’s cock against his tongue, not seeing the quiver of Hoseok’s thighs whenever Namjoon touches his prostate – it would have been fucking devastating.

He kisses Hoseok’s balls softly, licking them and sucking one into his mouth, and imagines all the things that he so desperately wants to do to Hoseok.

“Namjoon,” Hoseok breathes.

Namjoon hums in question.

“I really, really want your cock,” Hoseok speaks quietly, as if he’s tired. Too much stimulation for sure. “And I’m getting too close. Please.”

So, Namjoon takes pity. He would make Hoseok come once now on his fingers and in his mouth and then again on his cock, but he knows Hoseok gets too sensitive after orgasming to continue again, and there is nothing that Namjoon wants more than to be inside of him right now.

Slowly, he pulls his fingers out of Hoseok, wrapping his other arm around Hoseok’s thighs as well when Hoseok whimpers and sways above him. He licks Hoseok’s balls again, nuzzling his face against Hoseok’s cock and breathing him in, unexpectedly getting off on how musky and different he smells there too.

“Namjoon,” Hoseok breathes.

“I’m so glad I’m not straight anymore,” Namjoon murmurs.

Hoseok laughs at that, his whole body shaking with it, “Yeah, yeah, me too.”

When Namjoon stands up, coming face to face with Hoseok again, he’s smiling too.

Hoseok tugs Namjoon’s shirt off him and tosses it aside, swaying again when he turns back to Namjoon. Namjoon wraps his arms around Hoseok’s waist and lets himself drop down onto the couch, dragging a startled Hoseok with him.

Wrapping his fingers around Namjoon’s neck, Hoseok leans in to kiss Namjoon’s jaw.

“Were you really gonna try to fuck me without a condom before?” he asks, grabbing the lube and snapping it open.

“I know I should have asked,” Namjoon says as Hoseok pours lube onto his palm, running his fingers up and down Hoseok’s back. “But I know we’re both clean… and I was busy being an idiot.”

Hoseok pulls back and smiles, dropping the lube bottle beside them, “I mean, realistically, you should have probably asked for permission to fuck me in the first place, condom or not…”

Namjoon splutters, “Yeah, well- yeah.”

“I’ve never had sex without a condom,” Hoseok smiles, running his fingers through Namjoon’s hair with one hand and reaching behind himself to wrap his hand around Namjoon’s cock with the other, stroking him, spreading more lube on him.

Namjoon exhales sharply, “There are condoms in the locked drawer in my desk.”

“I know,” Hoseok says, sitting back and rubbing the tip of Namjoon’s cock back and forth against his hole. “I’ve seen them plenty of times when I was getting the lube and tissues out of there. Extra large.”

“Right,” Namjoon gulps, overcome with need and pleasure when his cock catches on Hoseok’s rim. He places his hands on Hoseok’s hips. It takes everything to not just push up into him.

And then Hoseok sinks onto him, taking the tip of Namjoon’s cock inside him. Namjoon’s grip tightens on his hips.

Hoseok’s face screws up with pain, jaw clenching, hissing, his body clamping down hard on Namjoon’s cock.

“Never wanted the mess,” Hoseok chokes out. “Fuck, you’re massive.”

“Fuck,” Namjoon groans.

“Never had a cock this big in my life,” Hoseok’s nails dig into the back of Namjoon’s neck, and he doesn’t move, only Namjoon’s tip inside him. “The first time we jerked off together and I saw it, all I could think about was that if I ever tried taking this thing, it would split me in half.”

“Slowly then,” Namjoon barely manages to say, keeping his hips pinned to the couch, the thought of Hoseok imagining taking his cock the very first time they jerked off together overwhelming him for a moment. That was so early.

“But I like it hard,” Hoseok whispers with a frown between his brows, and Namjoon’s cock twitches harshly inside him, making him gasp.

“Slowly in the beginning then,” Namjoon takes a deep breath.

Hoseok nods and lowers a little more on his cock, his mouth falling open, his whole body clenched tight.

“Been preparing myself mentally for taking it for months,” Hoseok exhales, taking Namjoon deeper. “Wanted to get a big dildo to prepare for it but knew I wasn’t going to have the time to use it. Figured if we were gonna keep jerking off and going slow like we were, I could bring it in here and fuck myself, make you watch me.”

“Fuck,” Namjoon exhales. “You should get one anyway. I wanna watch you use it. Wanna fuck you with it.”

Hoseok groans, sinking down lower, his muscles clenching and unclenching around Namjoon. And for a second, Namjoon is worried that this might be too much pain for Hoseok, but when he looks down, Hoseok’s cock is still so hard, and seeing it – how aroused he still is, evident in such a physical way right in front of him – calms Namjoon.

Namjoon wraps his palms around Hoseok’s neck and brings him down into a kiss.

This one is slower. Namjoon can feel the tension in Hoseok’s body radiating all the way through his lips. Even his moans sound strained. But he kisses Namjoon back anyway, his lips parting against Namjoon’s, licking into Namjoon’s mouth.

By the time he has Namjoon’s cock all the way inside him, he’s trembling again.

“God, you’re so deep,” Hoseok whispers against his lips, laying both his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders.

“You feel so good,” Namjoon presses his forehead against Hoseok’s. “So tight.”

Hoseok smiles, “Very happy you’re not straight anymore.”

Namjoon exhales a laugh, then, remembering, he asks more seriously, “You were joking before, right? About the threesome stuff.”

Hoseok’s smile turns into a smirk, his hole clenching and unclenching around Namjoon’s cock, “Why would I?”

“I don’t like the idea of an open relationship,” Namjoon says.

“Who said anything about an open relationship?” Hoseok meets Namjoon’s gaze and starts rocking his hips back and forth.

Momentarily, Namjoon has to close his eyes. He’s going to come too soon. Fuck, Hoseok feels good.

“If you cheat on me,” Hoseok whispers in his ear. “I’ll kick your ass.”

That makes Namjoon smile, “Good. I’m really not planning to.”

“You better not be,” Hoseok kisses him softly, and Namjoon feels Hoseok’s smile against his lips.

“So you didn’t mean it,” Namjoon opens his eyes again. “The threesome stuff.”

“Oh, yeah, I did,” Hoseok says. “I quite like the thought of teaming up on a girl with you.”

He lifts his hips slightly and sinks back down again with a groan, cutting off Namjoon’s line of thought.

“We’d never do it if that’s not something you’d be into. I’d be fine with that,” Hoseok says, setting a slow, shallow rhythm, his eyelids fluttering. “But think about it… me fucking her from behind, you fucking her mouth, the two of us kissing above her.”

It’s so easy to see. Even without all the bi porn, Namjoon thinks he would have been able to visualize it perfectly, but with everything that they’ve watched together, Namjoon knows exactly what that would look like. And the thought of doing it with Hoseok makes his cock throb, makes his hips grind up without his conscious decision.

Hoseok whimpers, leaning in until he’s breathing against Namjoon’s ear again.

“Or you fucking her hard,” he whispers, pulling up on Namjoon’s cock and sinking back down harshly, groaning. “Me getting greedy, pulling you out of her, and licking her slick off your cock,” he inhales sharply, “then pushing you right back into her and doing it all over again.”

“Shit, Hoseok,” Namjoon fucks up into him the next time he sinks down.

Hoseok exhales shakily and digs his nails into the backs of Namjoon’s shoulders. “Or maybe I could fuck you as you fuck her. Imagine how good that would feel.”

It’s Namjoon who moans this time, “You’re serious.”

“Deadly,” Hoseok pulls back and looks into Namjoon’s eyes. “So long as it’s me you go to bed with at night. Only me.”

“Fuck,” Namjoon thrusts into him hard, holding eye contact and feeling like he’s fucking falling in love. He never even imagined- never thought something like this could even- “Please.”

Hoseok’s voice breaks, “So long as I’m the only one who you look at like that.”

“Seok,” Namjoon pleads.

“God, I’m gonna come,” Hoseok whimpers, frowning deeply.

Namjoon pulls him in and kisses him. He wraps his arms tight around Hoseok’s waist, scoots forward, braces his feet against the floor and fucks Hoseok hard, bouncing Hoseok in his lap. He can feel Hoseok’s hard cock pressed between their stomachs, Hoseok’s balls hitting his groin with every thrust. It might be one of the best things Namjoon has ever felt in his life.

And Hoseok won’t stop whimpering, shaking in Namjoon’s arms, overtaking every one of Namjoon’s senses. One of Hoseok’s hands lets go of Namjoon’s shoulders and reaches between their bodies to wrap around his cock, jerking himself off. Namjoon can imagine Hoseok’s come landing on his stomach, marking him, and knowing that it’s about to happen, that it’s not a fucking fantasy, that they’re moments away from it has Namjoon suddenly so fucking close too.

Hoseok holds on for maybe another thirty seconds before his mouth falls open against Namjoon’s with a gasp, his body tensing as Namjoon continues pounding into him, dragging the moment out for him. Hoseok comes in spurts over them both, his nails sinking into Namjoon’s skin until it hurts, his hole squeezing and releasing Namjoon on the inside until Namjoon is almost there with him- so close.

But he knows that Hoseok gets oversensitive, can hear Hoseok’s voice breaking on a moan, knows that it’s too much for him. So, with every bit of moral strength that he has, he stops thrusting entirely, planning on taking his cock out and jerking it over Hoseok’s ass.

He never gets the chance though, because Hoseok lets go of his cock and places his other hand back on Namjoon’s shoulder, and then he’s fucking himself down onto Namjoon’s cock hard and fast. He’s panting without stopping, there are tears filling his eyes and pain in the furrow of his brows, but he keeps going, riding Namjoon without pause.

And Namjoon wants to say something, but he can’t. He can’t because he’s coming too, tugging Hoseok into a hug, burying his face in Hoseok’s neck, and thrusting into him hard again and again and again. His whole body is pulsing, burning, his heart pounding, letting go and coming deep inside of Hoseok.

Hoseok lets out a pained sob, so Namjoon forces himself to stop thrusting again, but Hoseok keeps going. He keeps riding Namjoon with a more pornographic skin-against-skin slapping sound than any of the porn they watched until they’re both oversensitive, until they’re both shaking as they hold onto each other, gasping with every breath.

Namjoon cracks his eyes open, looks down, and sees that Hoseok has gone soft by now. But Hoseok is still going. He’s still going because he knows Namjoon. He knows that Namjoon doesn’t get oversensitive like him. He knows what this does to Namjoon. And Namjoon can’t stop him. He knows Hoseok is beyond oversensitive now, but he can’t stop him.

So, Hoseok keeps riding him, his body slamming down onto Namjoon until Namjoon is going soft inside of him, until Namjoon’s come is dripping out of him and onto Namjoon’s cock, slicking everything even more. He rides Namjoon until Namjoon’s cock gets too soft and slips out of him, and then – with the most distressed whimper Namjoon has ever heard Hoseok make – Hoseok grabs Namjoon’s mostly soft cock and shoves himself back onto it, bringing tears of the best kind of overstimulation to Namjoon’s eyes too, taking Namjoon all the way into him, slumping down onto Namjoon’s chest. Only then does he stop moving. Just keeping Namjoon’s soft cock inside him, his whole body twitching against Namjoon.

Namjoon’s head is empty. He’s floating, and the only thing that he can feel is Hoseok. The only thing that he can hear, that he can smell, that is even remotely real to him is Hoseok.

He’s trembling. Hoseok is trembling. The pounding of Hoseok’s heart is so strong, Namjoon can feel it against his own chest. He runs his hands up and down Hoseok’s back, not knowing if he’s trying to soothe Hoseok or himself. Every inhale is a gasp for both of them, and it takes a long, long time until they calm down.

Namjoon gulps, throat dry, and turns his head just enough to capture Hoseok’s lips with his in their slowest, laziest kiss yet. They stop too soon, Hoseok still having trouble breathing. Namjoon pushes Hoseok’s hair back from Hoseok’s sweaty forehead gently.

When he finally opens his eyes, he sees the tear streaks on Hoseok’s face and gets worried. But then Hoseok’s eyes open too, and he smiles at Namjoon’s expression, letting out a short breathy laugh and brushing his thumb over Namjoon’s cheekbone.

“I think this was the best sex I’ve ever had,” Hoseok says, drowsy.

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks, and they both gasp when Hoseok accidentally clenches around his soft cock.

“Yeah,” Hoseok exhales.

“I think it was for me too honestly,” Namjoon nods.

“I’m gonna be sore for days,” Hoseok says.

“I’m sorr-“ Namjoon starts.

“I can’t wait,” Hoseok cuts him off.

Namjoon exhales a laugh, placing his hands on Hoseok’s cheeks.

Tiredly, Hoseok smiles back.

“Threesomes won’t be easy,” Namjoon says with a smile on his face.

“Of course not,” Hoseok keeps smiling. “But I wanna try it at least once in my life, and I know it’ll be so hot with you. We’d come up with a way of doing it that would work for both of us, I’m sure,” he tugs on his lower lip with his teeth, and fuck if it doesn’t look like Hoseok is a little in love too. “If you’re into it.”

“I’m really into it,” Namjoon nods. “I’m so much more into it than I ever thought I could be.”

Hoseok’s smile widens, and he clenches again, making both of them flinch and then laugh.

“So long as it’s just hookups with them,” Namjoon adds, nodding. “And you’re the only one I hold in my arms at night.”

Hoseok nods too then nuzzles his nose against Namjoon’s.

“Will you sleep in my bed… tonight?” Hoseok asks. “Jimin can either stay in our room or take your bed, I don’t care which one.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon whispers, knowing all that it means – coming out to everyone, telling everyone that he’s with Hoseok now – he knows, and he can’t fucking wait to do it, especially if it means falling asleep with Hoseok in his arms tonight and many nights after. “I would very much like to sleep in your bed tonight.”

Hoseok smiles, pressing his lips together almost shyly, searches Namjoon’s eyes then nudges his nose against Namjoon’s.

Namjoon is the one to lean in, kissing Hoseok until they’re both out of breath one more time.