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Do you ever just get sad?

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Dick’s laying on the rug in the living room. His eyes are glued to the ceiling as he waits for his boyfriend to return from the kitchen with the promised tea. They’re having a chill day, supposedly a relaxing break from the mess of their daily lives. Dick would be actually really happy to just stay like this, laying on the floor, not worrying about anything, but he knows very well that’s not how life works.

He actually already misses the cave, the patrols, hell, even his job as a police officer. Don’t get him wrong, he loves this, he loves this day, this afternoon… It’s so peaceful and quiet, and there’s no stress whatsoever. But then it hits him. And so he’s still laying on the floor, eyes on the ceiling. He starts noticing small dots of dirt on it. The rug isn’t as soft as he thought it was. The room is getting smaller. There’s less air. He sees how awful the windows look - they’re so dirty, you can’t even see through them. 

His boyfriend enters the room, but Dick ignores him. He refuses to look at him. He doesn’t know what’s happening. Not really. It’s not something that he understands. It happens sometimes; each time he tries to get through it without drawing too much attention to himself. He gets over it, he always does. His whole life was about getting over it . His parents’ death? Got over it. The pain of being Batman’s robin and having to put up with all the shit Bruce gives him? Got over it. Jason- sigh. Jason’s death? Yeah, got over it. 

It’s all he knows. Hiding emotions. Denying that anything is there. Ignoring that there are tears in his eyes. 

Wally puts down the steaming mugs, one on the small coffee table next to the couch. He still stands with the second one in his hand, not sure where Dick wants it. The redhead knows better than to risk putting it on the floor so, after several seconds of unsuccessful consideration, he shrugs, giving up. He sets the second mug right next to his own and sits down on the couch. 

Up till now, he hasn’t paid much attention to the younger man. At this point, he’s used to Dick laying in the weirdest places and actually being comfortable, so the floor, or more like the rug doesn’t exactly stand out. Yet, as he’s already sat down, he notices something else. More specifically, the look on his boyfriend’s face. He… never seen anything like this before. 

“Dick?” he speaks up gently, hoping that it’s nothing and he’s just overthinking again. “Are you alright?”

There’s silence for several minutes. Dick doesn’t want to answer, he doesn’t feel like talking about it, even though he knows he should. Wally on the other hand doesn’t know if he should push his boyfriend to talk or leave him be for now. It’s difficult to read him, especially when the redhead never experiences something like that. 

“Do you ever just get sad?” Dick asks eventually, his gaze never leaving the so-called abyss over him. 

Now Wally’s seriously worried. The questions caught him off guard. He’s staring at the younger man, considering.

“Well, yeah, everyone does,” he answers finally, trying to get closer to his boyfriend, without alerting him. 

“Why?”

“There are different reasons.”

He’s sitting now, on the rug, next to dark-haired. They still don’t make any eye contact, however, upon being closer to Dick, Wally notices that the younger’s eyes are reflecting more light than they should. 

“What if I have no reason?” Dick asks ultimately, and this seems to finally break the walls he had built around himself, because he suddenly sits up, choking on a sob.

The speedster is stunned, even more now, if that’s possible. For several seconds he just sits next to his boyfriend, without any reaction, just staring, as Dick finally lets himself cry. Then something clicks because Wally’s arms are finding their way around the raven-haired and pulling him close as if trying to protect the young athlete from the rest of the world. 

Dick’s clutching the older man’s shirt, holding onto it as if it was some kind of a lifeline. And so the redhead does the only thing he can think of right now. He starts rocking them, running his hands through Dick’s hair and down his back. He simply waits for the breakdown to pass, hoping that they’ll be able to talk afterward. 

This is sudden. Really sudden. Wally takes time to try to wrap his mind around it, around this situation. He tries to remember any recent event that could’ve put his boyfriend so on edge. He feels frustration feeling his body as he realizes he can’t think of anything. Still, though, he proceeds to stay calm, if not for his then for Dick’s sake. 

They sit on the floor in their living room for a long time. Dick’s taking turns in calming down and going almost into a panic attack, again, and again, and again. For a second there, Wally thinks it will never end. It seems to last for ages. 

But then, eventually, the raven-haired settles down. He’s still sniffling and rubbing his eyes, he’s still holding onto the speedster, but he’s seemingly calmer now. 

They are both quiet, neither of them knowing how to start, or, for that matter, who should even go first. They are both confused, Wally by his boyfriend’s sudden outburst, Dick by his own emotions. 

He just doesn’t get it. It happened a few times before, but never this badly. And he still can’t figure out the reason why.

“Dickie?” His boyfriend’s voice stops his train of thought. “Are you alright? What’s all this about?”

“I-I-” Dick stutters. “I’m not sure.”

“Are you feeling better though?”

The younger man stops for a second to consider his answer. He focuses on his inside, what he’s really feeling at this second.

“I- Yeah, I’m good now,” he mutters finally, semi-shocked at the realization.

“That’s good.”

They fall silent for what seems like a few minutes, but in reality actually turns into hours. They’re on the floor of their living room, on the rug to be specific, holding each other and breathing in each other's scents. Dick’s still sniffling from time to time, Wally’s still alert as if expecting another outburst. 

However, none of what any of them might’ve suspected doesn't happen. After a longer period of time the younger man finally untangles himself from his boyfriend’s grip and smiles at him lightly. They share a longer glance that answers all of their questions.

Dick realizes Wally doesn’t mind holding him through a seemingly unreasonable breakdown in the middle of their holiday, while Wally notices that Dick isn’t hiding anything from him this time. 

The redhead answers his boyfriend’s smile with one on his own. 

His eyes wander towards the window. The last sun rays are falling into the room, feeling it with a soft,  orange-ish colour. The sun is about to hide under the horizon.

Wally’s attention comes back to the younger man still sitting in front of him.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asks suddenly. 

Dick tilts his head in confusion, but then the smile is back on his lips as he nods softly. 

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”