BRRRRING! The bell rang. But i was already sitting in class, waiting for the love of my life: Mr. Micheal Louis. Oh, by the way, I have bright red lips, super long blonde hair, and sparkling green eyes that speak of a prolonged wistfulness long hardened by the relentless weight of reality. I like cars. It was a good day because today was the day that I was going to have a good day because Mr. Louis was bringing donuts to class. But the only thing with a hole that I wanted was his hole; the hole in his heart that only could be filled with me. Or by me. If you know what I mean (*wink wink*). This was chapter 1. I will have a good day.
"OH NO!" I ejeculated as John Jon Kook burst into the room with his boyfriend/supermodel/feminst Mineta Minorio. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE JOHN JON KOOK AND YOUR BOYFRIEND/SUPERMODEL/FEMINIST? MINETO MINARIO."
A frown tugs at John Jon Kook's lips as he brushes by the desks and takes a seat across from me. "Saticoy, me and my boyfriend/supermodel/feminist, Mineta Minirio, need your help!"
"But, Mr. Louis is bringing donuts today and I want a taste of his hole." I will say, frowning. The frowns looks sad.
"NONESENSE! DONUTS CAN WAIT but the force can not!" He shouted back.
"BUT I WANT TO DO THE DO WITH MY TEACHER!"
Mineta Menoria, the boyfriend/supermodel/feminist, nods. "That is completely understandable. We'll find someone else."
Both of them leave just as Mr. Louis bursts into the room with a box of croissants. There were no donuts. I started to cry. They slide down my cheeks, in fat, unwelcome droplets that splatter the classroom tiles in a mocking display of my own misery.
Mr. Louis doesn't even notice. Instead, he touches my ass. (AUTHORS NOTE: If you're under the age of age, don't keep reading!!!!! PLEASE!)
"You love me, don't you?" The words slip from Mr. Louis' tongue in melted, honey, blanketing the air and slowing Saticoy's heart to a dull throb. For a moment, time itself seems to still as she wades through the weight of his words; each passing through her as if she was made of nothing at all.
Maybe she was. After all, Saticoy had defined herself for so long by flickers of passion and unrequited love--but when that love became requited...did it strip her of all she'd become?
Her voice catches in her throat, still stuck from the honeyed tone she'd drowned in: "I'm not sure anymore."
"You dumbass. You get an F," he says, sliding his hand off my badonkadonk and into his pocket. "See you in class."
"But we are in class!"
"I don't care!"
"But, Mr. Louis?" I take his hand, batting my eyes in what I could only hope was attractive. "I need you."
"Oh?" He quirks an eyebrow in my direction, a smile crawling along the corner of his mouth. How I wish I could punch that mouth of his.
"Understandable." I say, starting to cry.
END OF CHAPTER 1.
Chapter 2: Gordon Ramsey
i smell like beef
-levi (December 25th 820 - June 6th 2021)
we received several complaints of our tagging being "inconsistent" and "not tagged correctly" and "why did you include those tags" and "DEAR GOD WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND YOUR TEACHER" and "NASA". But don't worry! we only cried a little bit and fixed it all up for you besties--we're good at constructive criticism! instead of taking any away! WE DECIDED TO GO THROUGH WITH ALL OF THEM. enjoy!!!! <33333333333333
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Not all of Saticoy's wishes were ones that she wished for in the same way that she wished for Mr Louis. In fact, she had other desires like to drive the infamous beef car. Gordon Ramsay might have been well known for his cooking, but there was one thing he had that went above and beyond. And it wasn't anything sexual cause thats weird. No, the beef car was a hunting piece of metal that spat and sputtered as it rode by the halls of Saticoy's high school. Everyday, a quarter to noon, it would break through the walls of classroom 1A with its shining hotdog on top and fill the class with the sickly sweet smell of sausages. Once again, it wasn't sexual it was literally just a car (A/N LOL GUYS GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER ITS A SAUSAGE LIKE THE ONES THAT GO IN PEOPLE'S MOUTH DUH)
Thinking about the beef car was the only way that I could get my mind off the unadulterated pain that Mr. Louis threw at me. Rejection wasn't something that I wanted to ever know. Like my great aunt Severus Snape always told me "What more is there to do than destroy a robot pussy with a light saber duck." And I took it personally. I think that was why my dad (the omega one) (oh sit they're both omegas) (the cool one... oh wait... MIDORIYA) was able to marry such a successful sexy son of a bitch.
"Stop your crying," Mr. Louis snaps."I can't!" I say, crying.
Suddenly, the clock strikes a quarter to noon and the ground begins to shake. For a moment, I'm thrown off my balance, wobbling from leg to leg, dizziness an infallible wave churning my stomach. In the background, my classmate, John Cena begins to twerk gracefully. The audience is mesmerized, but along came the beef car. Vroom vroom bitch. John is getting ripped tonight. rip that Aaaaaaaaaa heart wrenching streak is ripped from his throat as his big beefy body is thrown under the weight of the alpha beef; the beef car.
"SOMEONE GET A NURSE!!!!!!!" John Jonkook said because he hadn't leaved the scene cause we are good authors and we don't forget about the characters.
"Wait!" Interjected Minteta Marionio , John Jonkooks boyfriend/supermodel/feminist, "NOT ONLY AM I Mathmetic Mineoreo your boyfriend/supermodel/feminist, BUT I AM Magnetic Minefeltio your boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE
"THAT'S SO LIT AND PROGRESSIVE OF YOU!!!!! MALE NURSES NEED MORE RECOGNITION," I, Saticoy Way, the lovechild of Izuku Midoriya and Gerard Way, SCREAM.
Everybody nods their heads. "Oh," 5'3" but still very hot school nurse Levi Ackerman says as he puffily walks into the room.
His eyes land on the beef car. For a moment, time seemed to still. It starts in his shoulders; crippling coughs melting into a panicked wheeze that cut through the air with such tension I worry my own lungs might wilter as well. Then he falls.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO MEAT," Levi cries out before hitting the floor in a collapsed heap.
"Well, I'm certainly not, if you know what I mean," Mr Louis says to Minecraft Minorie John Jonkook's boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE.
"Is that why you won't make sweet love with. I knew it couldn't be because I am a minor with a fat ass," Saticoy approaches her teacher, realizing that fate had never made a promise guaranteeing happiness. Her satisfaction in life was in her hands, not in the hands of fate, and certainly not in the hands of her homosexual teacher Mr Louis. "You know what. Be gay, do crimes." (AUTHORS NOTE: happy pride month <3, this character goes out to you. I hope you all feel resented!!!! <333) WAIT I MEANT REPRESENTED)). "You know what Mr Louis, I'm gonna call my dads right now. They are gonna bring their modified muppets and we are going to throw you a coming out party."
Mr Louis drops to his knees kitten licking the floor. Whilst carrying out his floor licking endeavors, he licks accidentally licks a corpse. Whoops was that Necrophilia (A/N NECROPHILIACS DNI).
Mr. Louis stands up and wipes his mouth. "I honestly think you're making a big deal out of all this, it's almost as if you've changed the whole plot of this story just because of one thing I said--"
Just then! His voice is cut off as John Johnkook re-enters the room because he left the room at some point and now is back: "SPEAKING OF PLOT! THE FORCE STILL NEEDS OUR HELP!"
"No one cares," I say.
Everyone nods their collective head.
All of a sudden, Mintbreath Millennial, John Jonkook's boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE, stands tall, making his presence know amongst the chaotic buzz of the room. "But bb," Minthetle Mario, John Jonkook's boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE chokes on a sob, his pain tangible to even the corpse on the floor. "You used to care about what I care about. I care about the force. But now... you know what. I feel like a piece of your sexy-ass hair. Like I used to be a part of you, but now I'm just clogging your shower drain with all the other very differently colored hairs that have fallen off you."
"Minet Mine, my boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE, I have no fucking idea what you are saying." Rawr XD.
"OKAY EVERYONE" John Cena said emerging from the rubble, "LETS INTO THE BEEF CAR, TO COUPLES THERAPY WE GO!!!"
The beef car barrels through the therapy office, entering the therapy office to bring the crowd into the therapy office. I still like cars. Everyone piles out.
"WE'RE HERE FOR COUPLE COUNSELING!" Minnesota Midpoint, John Jonkook's boyfriend/supermodel/feminist/NURSE exclaims, kicking down the door.
Inside the room sat none other than..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................my procreating omega dads: Deku and Gerard Way!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The two sat in stunned silence. A frown was etched into Deku's face; the tears threatening to spill over cheeks where normal--after all, it's where I'd gotten it from. I cry a lot. But I'd yet to see Gerard like this: eyes puffy with sadness from being sad, knuckles whitened around his armrest, mouth agape in words unspoken--an apology perched on his tongue only to be mangled by our entrance. The shock dies quickly; anger takes its place.
"ARE YOU TWO HAVING COUPLE COUNSELING WITHOUT ME?" I chortle, slapping my omega father, Deku, in the face.
He bursts into tears. Again.
"I really hate that I did this, but I have a graph for you guy-" the therapist stops talking, looking over to me standing Dominatingly in the door frame. Suddenly I stop being badass, I don't like graphs as much as cars, but I do like them. "90% of all fan fiction on Ao3 is Omega Kermit x Alpha Miss Piggy," The therapist stands up from their chair and walks towards me, btw Im now on the ground cause im feeling a little defeated because my omega dads went to therapy without me and didn't tell me. "I'm Chocolate Covered Strawberries, but you can't call me that."
"Oh, then what should I call you?"
"Omit all vowels and try that." Cause I'm lazy and didn't want to do the math, I decided that I just wouldn't address Chocolate Covered Strawberries by their name. I stare at them blankly. "Fine, its chltcvrdstrwbrs."
"How do I say that."
"You'd need to book another session in order to handle that."
Whatever, I look around the room and then back to my dads. Gerard had a large bottle of essential oil in his hand, but I don't really know how it could be helping them if they aren't even using it.
*sniff sniff* whats that *sniff sniff* praise and appreciation for our rock hard work *sniff sniff* (not like crying sniff but like smelling people sniff). I want to thank our elementary school teachers for teaching us how to read and write because once you know the basics--who needs more! this fic is proof of that! YOUR WELCOME <333 comments are appreciated and required and please be nice my mom reads these BYE