Siyeon loved the moon. She loved the night. It’s quiet and peaceful and it doesn’t make her feel alone. It gives her comfort and lets her appreciate the beauty in the world. She’d stare at it from the window just to admire the moon and its every form. She loved every celestial body because who doesn’t, really? It’s beautiful and interesting and you don’t have to know every detail and logic behind to appreciate it. It’s beauty makes you go “wow” just from a glimpse.
But that was all before something happened that changed Siyeon’s life.
It hurts more because it was something she loved. It feels like she lost someone important, it feels like a betrayal.
Now it just brings tears to her eyes whenever she looks at it and gives her anything but solace.
“Good morning, wolfie.”
Siyeon gives her friend a sleepy smile. She scratches her eyes and yawns before she sits up. “Good morning, Gah, and please stop calling me wolfie.” She always gets surprised whenever Gahyeon calls her that because she doesn’t actually know her real identity. But the girl always tells her she resembles one because of her all-black outfits and pointed eyes, except she’s more like a puppy in attitude because she’s “too cute.” Siyeon thinks otherwise. The cute one in her mind would be Gahyeon, physically and personality speaking. She‘s the epitome of cuteness but being so close to her makes Siyeon realize that she’s more than that. She’s capable, caring, kind, and braver than anyone she’s ever met, not that she actually made “friends” with anyone other than her. She might look like a softie but she’s more like a lion and you do not want to make enemies with a lion if you don’t want to be eaten (not literally).
They’re so different in everything it’s a wonder why they get along so well.
“I’m off to work. There’s pancakes and coffee in the kitchen so grab some before you go, okay?”
And even if Siyeon’s older than her, it doesn’t feel like it because of how the young woman takes care of her. She hates to admit it but she loves being treated like a baby. Only by Gahyeon though. Siyeon feels comfortable with her that she doesn’t need to put up walls or pretend she’s strong when she really isn’t. She admires Gahyeon because she’s someone she wishes to be and maybe it’s because she can’t that she met her and she’s damn lucky for that.
She quickly removes the blanket wrapped in her body and runs to Gahyeon who’s already by the door. She back-hugs her and lays her head on the shoulder. Gahyeon doesn’t turn around when she pats her while saying “There, there” and it’s so cute and too much for Siyeon but she loves it. “Thank you for everything,” she whispers, her voice a tad deeper as it always is when she just woke up. A smile ghosts on the other woman’s lips as she pretends not to hear it. She might be tempted to stay and not go to work if she turns around and sees Siyeon’s face so when arms release their hold on her body, she leaves without looking back, hoping the day to end sooner so she can go back to her.
After finishing brunch, Siyeon gets ready to go to work as well. With only a high school diploma, she doesn’t have many work opportunities to choose but she’s good with vehicles and she likes repairing things. Being able to do that consoles her when she can’t fix her own life. Really, the only good thing she has is Gahyeon and her job.
Gahyeon, on the other hand, has been a genius ever since she was young. There’s nothing she can’t do; she’s smart, athletic, and so rich that even if she doesn’t work for a long time she’d be fine. The only thing she doesn’t have and the only thing she and Siyeon have in common is that she became an orphan when her family got into an accident when she was a child. Perhaps it’s what caused her to work hard in life and it’s still very much the opposite to Siyeon who straight up gave up when she lost everything.
She deserves it. She's a monster after all. Even if she isn't, she wouldn't stop thinking about it because the last thing her family said to her was exactly that.
"We've only been forced to raise you. You don't even know how happy I am to be free from this now that the curse has activated within you."
"That's what you truly are, Siyeon. You're not human, you're a monster."
"It's your fate to have your family as your first kill when you turn."
She couldn't control herself from all the emotions she was feeling at the time. Confusion. Anger. Betrayal. But most of all, pain.
Her family have always known what she is and yet they still treated her like a normal human being. Even if it was all an act, even if they were disgusted with her behind her back, she didn't mind. They're the only ones she had and to lose them by fate she didn't have a choice in hurts more than her body turning into a werewolf itself.
Her wolf eyes saw everything and yet she couldn't stop herself from acting upon her animal instincts. She couldn't do anything but watch like the way she'd watch the moon every night. After that, her heart kept crying as she howled in an attempt to curse at the moon, at her misfortune, at her helplessness.
She wasn't even able to say goodbye properly. Her fangs spoke instead, her claws hugged them, her eyes watched as she gave them wounds.
And in return, she tried to give that herself. Tried to bite and scratch her own skin, yet she still couldn't feel anything else except for the pain she had in her heart.
"Siyeon?! You scared the shit out of me!" The garage owner and her boss, Bora, is kneeling in front of her, voice screeching as she expresses her worries. "You suddenly collapsed, God I thought you were a goner!"
Siyeon weakly chuckles and tries to sit up with Bora's help. "Sorry, I don't know what happened either." Will there be a full moon tonight, is this why I'm feeling this way?
"You should go home. I don't want to be accused of overworking you!" Bora says jokingly. She has a good heart but she also has too much energy that can be misunderstood by many. Siyeon doesn't mind it, she's lucky enough to be offered a job here. It's easy, fun, and never boring with her.
Siyeon tries to tell her not to worry but Bora insists she go home and take a rest, so she does. She immediately panics when she arrives as she thinks of what to do. What if a full moon really comes? She can't risk Gahyeon's life. She won't harm her. She'll never be able to forgive herself if that happens.
Having that thought, Siyeon decides to go out and go back home tomorrow morning, once she's sure to have calmed down. This is why she now hates the moon. When she first turned, she couldn't control herself every night, every time the moon came, full moon or not. Now she can, except during a full moon where her lycan curse gets too strong for her to control, the animal in her will completely take over her. She needs to stay as far away as Gahyeon to prevent everything she’s scared to happen.
She packs clothes in a duffel bag and some food. She leaves a note for Gahyeon to tell her she’d be staying at Bora’s for the night so she wouldn’t worry.
The only mistake she made is choosing to go to the place where she had her first transformation.
Gahyeon is having a bonfire party with her friends somewhere in the woods. It would’ve been dangerous to stay late at night with a bunch of teenagers but they aren’t normal, they’re shifters. They only seem like they are because they act like it as a way to protect themselves. Living as shapeshifters isn’t exactly fun nor safe and when they get drunk, they sometimes can’t control shifting into their animal force, hence why they do it in the woods where they won’t likely be seen.
She smiles at her friends who are now asleep for being too drunk. She has a high tolerance to alcohol and as she’s still wide awake and has time to herself, she decides to wander. She feels a bit dizzy as she walks around but not to the point where she couldn’t clearly make out her surroundings. Her heightened senses are still functioning as well so when she thinks something is amiss, she’s sure it isn’t from her imagination. She focuses on olfactory and traces the smell of an animal. She follows it until she finds a large and unconscious black wolf with blood on her canine teeth and body, a combination of someone else’s blood and of her own. The poor animal is whimpering in her sleep and her claws are digging involuntarily on the soil beneath her. It looks like she’s in great pain, anyone can sense it from such a state. In hopes of comfort, Gahyeon lays beside the beast and caresses the fur. She doesn’t know how long she’s doing it but she wakes up in the same spot, only the wolf is nowhere to be found.
Resisting a transformation, especially when your blood screams for it, hurts the same as the first one she had when she was young. She fights herself, mentally, physically, and stares furiously at the moon above that’s still shining so beautifully which Siyeon can’t appreciate anymore, not when it’s the cause of her tragedies.
She screams in agony as she feels her veins thumping from the blood that circulates in her body. The wolf in her desperately wants to come out because of the moon’s calling but she won’t go down without a fight. She’ll resist it even just for a minute because she wants to prove that she has and will never accept this curse. She knows she’s only giving pain to herself, she knows she won’t ever be able to stop the transformation from taking place, but she still pushes herself to do it.
She feels her sight getting blurry and darker as her consciousness starts to fade, a sign that when the wolf comes out she won’t be able to control anything it’ll do even if she’ll still be there. And just when it’s the last second, she sees the most important person run to her. She wants to tell her to stop, to go away, to ask what she’s doing there and how she knows where she’ll be, but that exact moment is finally the time where she transforms completely.
She cries and cries, knowing how it’ll end. A normal person won’t be able to survive such a creature. She curses but everything ends up in the void where no one can ever see or hear her. It’s dark and painful, and she begs at a desperate attempt of wanting to save her. She doesn’t want to lose anyone else, she doesn’t want to be alone forever, she doesn’t want to live knowing she’d kill her. There’s still so many things she wants to say, not just a sorry and a thank you, but the three words she has always been wanting to say. It fills her with regret and it clutches at her heart. Somehow, it’s more painful than anything, even if the scenario feels too familiar. She feels too much and yet she pretends she doesn’t. She has cared too much for her and yet she didn’t do anything to express it. Now it’s too late, once again she won’t be able to say goodbye. Once again, she’ll be helpless as she watches herself drain the life of the person she loves.
I love you, I love you, I love you!
She feels a tear fall from the wolf’s eyes and sees the love of her life in her last moments. She cries harder when she hears her voice, a sound of comfort despite the smell of near death. She tells Siyeon, “You are not alone, you will never be because I’m here and I will never leave you in every lifetime I have.”
She doesn’t understand anything. Why is she so calm? What does she even mean by that? She feels her emotions running wild the same as her wolf form. Everything is too much for her to handle. She has lost any hope or strength that she couldn’t even say “stop” when she sees the wolf open her mouth to devour her.
Until a glowing light blinds her for a moment and when she opens her eyes again, she sees a different entity, a nine-tailed fox that she thinks resembles that of the sun. So bright, so beautiful, and it’s just like how she sees Gahyeon but she’s suddenly gone. All she knows is that the wolf is very fearful of the creature. Then it sinks in whose identity the fox belongs to because Siyeon recognizes that voice anywhere. “Surrender yourself to the human. I will not harm you for her sake.”
It may seem impossible, it may look unbelievable to Siyeon’s eyes at the moment but she’s not mistaken. This is her, this is Gahyeon, and she’s doing that thing again where she tries to be terrifying. It’s working on the wolf but all Siyeon can think about is how beautiful she looks in that form. It distracts her mind, the only clear thing she can feel is from the wolf’s because her mind suddenly stops working, her emotions blank, only her eyes shining at the creature before her. She doesn’t even realize that she’s slowly turning back into human form as she stares the same way she did at the moon when she fell in love with it as a child. She remains speechless and in awe, it makes her feel like everything is just a dream. And when the fox touches her, she blacks out.
She wakes up the next morning and immediately tells Gahyeon about her dream. The expression and reply she gets from her though is not what she expected because she’s making it seem like it really happened, that it isn’t merely a dream, that..
“Yes, I am a fox, a kitsune, gumiho, whatever you want to call it. I have always been for the last thousand years.”
She’s been living that long?
“Say something, Siyeon, please.” Gahyeon goes to her and sits at the edge of her bed. Her eyes are desperate, fearful, and Siyeon thinks, why do you look at me as if you’re afraid I’m going to hate you? Shouldn’t I be the one you should hate?
“Of course not! That was not your actions, that was from your wolf instincts. You should never blame yourself for it.”
Did she just read my thoughts? Are foxes like that? I know they’re powerful but is this also one of their abilities?
“Why are you being like this? You should be angry at me. I’ve always known you were a wolf, I’ve met you years ago. I hid my identity, I hid the truth-”
“Can you transform for me?”
“What?!” Of all the things she’d say, Gahyeon doesn’t expect her to ask that. She doesn’t know if Siyeon is taking everything too good unexpectedly, or if she’s actually having a hard time accepting it. Either way, she gives in to her request and transforms.
She is golden. Her cheeks, down to her neck and abdomen is white, as well as the tip of her tails. Her legs are the only thing that’s black, the rest of her body is golden orange. Her eyes look like the sun itself and Siyeon can’t help but be drawn, her hand reaching to touch her soft fur. She closes her eyes and feels the warmth as she keeps stroking. When the fox sees a tear fall from her face, she nuzzles to her neck, urging Siyeon to embrace the creature. Then she breaks down. She doesn’t say a thing, she lets the tears express herself, and Gahyeon understands. She hears her thoughts and feels her emotions as if it’s her own.
Still, Siyeon musters up the strength she has and says what she’s been wanting to all this time. No more hesitation. No more regrets.
And Gahyeon accepts her feelings, she reciprocates it, and speaks to her mind, “I love you too, my wolfie.”
After this, they will have a proper talk and Siyeon will do everything it takes to get to know her better, about her life as a fox and everything that she doesn’t know yet because to her, she is the sun and she’s meant to love the sun rather than the moon. She loves her back and brings nothing but happy memories. She gives her hope and alights her path.
She is the love of her life.