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In the dark of night

Summary:

Bokuto and Akaashi might not be a couple, but they were still inseparable. Wherever Bokuto was, you could find Akaashi nearby or following his path. It started back years ago when they first met in Fukurodani gymnasium. It has been a life changing moment for both of them. 

He first realized that he was always looking for Bokuto, everywhere. It was almost like his brain refused to let go, to admit that the man left and went on with his life. Everything reminded him of Bokuto.

Sometimes it was so hard to bear that he could barely breathe.

or : in when Akaashi realizef that he love Bokuto, follow him to college and try to bury his feelings for the sake of their friendship. Of course, it was hopeless.

Notes:

Hello there !

This is my first in the Haikyuu fanndom, you will have to thank my friend and flatmate for this because she was the one who made me watch this show and it was goddamm good.

Anyway im a Bokuto kinnie and im just so sad by all the sad fics about them, and I know you know what i mean by that, so i decided to write some fluff for them for the BOKUAKA DAY which was like 3 days ago, on the 4th of May.

Here it is, i hope you enjoy it !

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Bokuto and Akaashi might not be a couple, but they were still inseparable. Wherever Bokuto was, you could find Akaashi nearby or following his path. It started back years ago when they first met in Fukurodani gymnasium. It has been a life changing moment for both of them.  

Where Bokuto found calm, trust and reason in his newly recruited setter, Akaashi found strength, raw power and an insanely high amount of determination in his captain. They went through high school together and when Bokuto left Fukurodani for college in Kyoto, Akaashi realized how he was one of the main reasons why he kept playing volleyball all this time.

He first realized that he was always looking for Bokuto, everywhere. It was almost like his brain refused to let go, to admit that the man left and went on with his life. Everything reminded him of Bokuto.

Sometimes it was so hard to bear that he could barely breathe.

Of course the court was where Akaashi mainly missed Bokuto. He might be an odd owl lover guy, he was one hell of a good captain, always doing everything he could to keep the team united. The way Bokuto used his depressive episode to federate the team when he felt that the match was turning has always been so effective. His passion, his abnegation were superb and moving.

The realization dawned over Akaashi progressively. It came through tiny things, little details that made him realize how much he missed Bokuto.

Oh, they called each other. Every two days or so, they would call each other and Akaashi would listen to Bokuto rambling about his life in college, the volleyball team where he was already a regular (of course he was already a regular, Akaashi thought, because Bokuto-san was brilliant) and how his teammates were absolutely amazing.

“You should see Kise-san, Kaashi. He is an amazing setter!”

Something hurted deep inside Keiji’s chest. It was an odd, brutal kind of pain, and Keiji closed his eyes painfully.

What did he think, huh? That he would be the best setter for Bokuto? That Bokuto will always consider him special? That maybe Bokuto would consider him as something more than a friend?

Yes, Keiji thought about all these things. He thought and over thought all these things. What else was he supposed to do, as both a huge overthinker and a fool madly in love with Bokuto? He knew he was fooling himself, but how was he supposed not to think about Bokuto anymore when everything, everywhere, and every fucking day reminded him of the man

“Yeah, Kise-san is a brilliant setter … but our dynamic is weird."

“What do you mean, Bokuto-san ?”

“I can’t. It doesn’t … it doesn’t feel right, when I play with him.”  Akaashi hummed, kind of surprised.

“It doesn’t feel right ?

“No.” Bokuto stayed silent on the phone for a few seconds, before answering his kouhai with unusual care. “No, it doesn't feel right. At least to me. It's not the same as with you back in Fukurodani. 

“It's not Fukurodani anymore, so it does make sense that it doesn't feel the same.

“I know ! I know, Kaashi, but it's just that Kise-san will never … he is not you.”

What. 

Akaashi's eyes widened as Bokuto stayed silent again, not expecting an answer but clearly carefully choosing his words again. 

“Yeah, he is just so not you … That's why he will never be the perfect match for me !” Akaashi knew Bokuto talked about a volleyball match, a setter-ace duo, but his heart skipped a beat nonetheless. 

Bokuto's honest laugh resonated through the phone, and it was the final nail in the coffin of Akaashi’s obliviousness about how much he loved that man, how hard he missed him everyday and how badly he wanted to be with him. 

He let Bokuto continue the conversation, far too dumbstruck to keep talking. When Bokuto hung up because it was late and “ Even if i could talk to you all night long, I have morning practice, Kaashi !” , Akaashi decided to attend Kyoto’s University. 

The College of Kyoto had the exact business and computing science he wanted to take, and the fact that Bokuto studied there was not, of course, another reason for his choice. 

This phone call had been a turning point for him, and his world spinned differently as the year went by. 

Bokuto would watch his kouhai’s games on the Internet and Akaashi would watch Bokuto’s on TV. They kept calling each other, they texted the rest of the time. Akaashi cried when they finally won the Nationals during this year without him. As the final point was scored, he broke down in tears, so proud of this team and of everything they achieved.

On his knees in the middle of the court, he looked to the ceiling. Tears of joy and exhaustion streamed down his face as smiled, closing his eyes. 

They did it. He promised Bokuto they would win this fucking Nationals, and they did it. 

 We did it. We DID it.  

The after game was blurry. Akaashi finally got back to the changing room and to his phone to see Bokuto’s name on the screen. 

 

16:06, from Bokuto-san

I knew you guys could do it. I'm so proud of you, Kaashi.

 

And fuck him if he didnt smile like an idiot in the car before drifting asleep due to the depletion cause by the match. The days following their victory at the Nationals felt like a fever dream as he graduated and start packing his bags for Kyoto’s Uni dorms. Of course Bokuto had asked him where he would attend university, and of course he lied to him. 

It's not that he wanted to be a surprise , but Akaashi didn't feel like Bokuto knowing he would soon be in Kyoto. For him. For his studies, yes, he would never be that careless, but it was also so he could be near Bokuto. 


The first time they saw each other face to face in a year , it was in Kyoto’s Uni gymnasium. It was the first practice of the year, and the freshmen who wanted to join the club were introducing themselves to the rest of the team. 

“My name is Akaashi Keiji, I come from Fukurodani High school where I was the regular setter for three years. Pleased to meet you.”

Akaashi saw the captain throw a knowing look at the vice captain, and they instantly started muttering before coming back to him. 

“Did you say Fukurodani ?”

“Yes.”

“Oh so you must know-”, he was cut by the sound of the door opening, and a surprised voice. 

“Akaashi ? What are you doing here ?” Bokuto just entered the gymnasium and definitely looked like he just saw a ghost. His eyes were so wide it was almost comical because he truly was an owl, like this. Bokuto’s golden eyes roamed over his face and his body, incredulous. 

Akaashi felt like it was the first time they saw each other in forever- which was true, but whatever- and simply smiled at his ex-captain. 

“Hello Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto took a few steps towards him, his pretty eyes curious and a smile flourishing on his lips. Bokuto stopped in front of him, putting his hand on Akaashi's arm like he wanted to reality check that he was here. Akaashi lowered his voice, close to whispering his answer to Bokuto’s question. 

“You sounded like you needed me, so I came to set for you again, Bokuto-san.”

Akaashi smiled again to Bokuto, for his eyes only and the heart of the golden eyed man fluttered in his chest. He smiled back, silent because they both knew Akaashi's statement didn’t need any kind of answer. He was here, they were together at last, and it was all that ever mattered after all. 

Practice started and for the first time since a long time, Bokuto felt right. He felt good, he felt at peace and it was relaxing to not be sad or conflicted anymore. 

They quickly fell back into their old dynamic of going to practice together, having lunch together, going back home together and hanging out after classes or during the weekend together. Weeks and months went by as they became best friends again, and Bokuto spent most of his time at Akaashi’s place, in his tiny dorm room cluttered with books and papers. 

I dunno why, I just feel peaceful here. It's great being here. Bokuto said, half laying on Akaashi’s bed during one of their study meetings. 

Having Bokuto with him brought so much joy to Akaashi, but sometimes he felt like his heart was about to explode and his feelings burst out of his mouth. They had an easy relationship and everything felt so natural between them. 

Sometimes being with Bokuto made him feel more alive than ever, and sometimes it was also the hardest part of his day. How was one supposed to do that, when one was in love with his best friend and volleyball partner beyond all reason? 

Sometimes they just layed in bed together, silent. Bokuto gifted Akaashi a cosmic lamp, projecting galaxies all over the ceiling of his bedroom, and when they were both too tired by the day they had, they just laid on Akaashi’s bed, almost touching but not quite. 

Akaashi would loosely smile as his computer would be playing some Ricky Montgomery’s songs, and he would look at the stars and the galaxies on his ceiling, oblivious to the fact that Bokuto was actually intensely studying him, the stars reflecting in his golden eyes. 

He would close his eyes, basking in the peaceful moment and the pure happiness he was feeling at the moment, and Bokuto would smile at him, tenderly.

Their relationship was easy and comforting. It meant everything to Akaashi, and this is precisely because he loved Bokuto so much, because he needed him like oxygen, water or a beating heart to keep on living that he didn't confess to him. 

Eventually, Bokuto introduced him to his friends from working groups and uni classes, and one day he introduced Akaashi to his girlfriend. 

Akaashi knew, the very second he saw them together, that she was more than just a friend. Her name was Satsuki, she had long and beautiful soft pink hair, bright blue eyes and a skin pale as a doll. Velvety, pretty, feminine. Everything that Akaashi was not, to sum up. 

Oh, how bad Akaashi wanted to be happy for Bokuto when he saw them holding hands and looking at each other with stars and glitter in their eyes. How bad he wanted to hate this girl. 

But Satsuki was kind. Considerate. She wanted to be his friend, to talk to him and spend time with him.

Bokuto-chan talked so much about you ! Of course I want to know my birdie’s best friend , she told him when Akaashi asked why she wanted to get to know him. 

When Akaashi got home that night, he met Kenma in the street. He was litterally on the verge of tears and fuck he had every right to be since he just got his fucking heart broken and Bokuto had no idea of what he had done because Akaashi swore to himself he would take his love for Bokuto to the goddamn grave if he needed too. 

 They exchanged a weirded out look, because they used to be closer back in high school, a few months earlier, but talk less since Akaashi had reunited with Bokuto and Kenma with Kuroo.

“Hey, Akaashi.” Kenma looked like his usual self, only his hair was a bit longer than before. 

“Hello to you too, Kenma-san.” Akaashi smiled politely, but he saw Kenma could tell his smile was not honest. They awkwardly stood in the street for a few seconds before the tears finally made their way out of Akaashi’s eyes. 

Kenma widened his eyes in surprise and took a few steps towards Akaashi, clearly unsure of what to do. 

“Is everything okay ?” Akaashi shook his head, hiding his tears behind his trembling.

“I think I just got my heart broken, Kenma-san.” The blond put his hand on his arm, and spoke quietly, calmly. 

"I'm so sorry, Akaashi. But you are gonna be okay, believe me. He will realize the mistake he is making, I promise.”

Akaashi sobbed as Kenma was taking him to a quiet place, a little bar they used to go to with Kuroo. That night, Akaashi cried, drank and talked for hours, like it was the last thing he would do before dying. They left the bar for Kenma’s little flat, where Kuroo was packing up one of his assignments. 

They sat on the couch, Kenma brought out whisky and brewed some coffee, and Akaashi finally said to someone what he felt for Bokuto. 

Both Kuroo and Kenma seem to already know his feelings for Bokuto, but he felt so much lighter now that he said it. 

“Y’know, I really think he loves you too.” Kuroo’s face was dead serious, and Kenma nodded. 

“Excuse me what ? ” This was the most ridiculous thing Akaashi ever heard. He raised his eyebrows, doubtful. 

“First of all, the correct way is I beg your pardon , and second of all, yes ! Holy shit, you two are so oblivious, I swear Gilbert Montagné is less blind than you !” Kuroo rolled his eyes, and Kenma let out a little laugh. 

“Gilbert - Who the fuck is this ?” This whole situation was so confusing to Akaashi, he looked at Kuroo, lost. 

Kuroo chuckled before answering him. “French singer. Does not matter. What does matter is that Bokuto LOVES you. You can believe me, Akaashi. The way he always talks about you, everytime, and how he talks about you ? Oh my god he is so in love with you it's disgusting .” Kuroo faked disgust while smiling at Kenma who nodded again. 

“Kuroo is right. I believe too that Bokuto-san loves you, Akaashi. But I also think he cherishes your friendship so much that he is afraid to make a move, like you. Or that he did not realize yet how much he was in love with you.” Kenma smiled softly, and put his mug of coffee back on the table. 

“He was the one who got us together, did you know ? Testu and I. I think he did it because he is feeling for you what I was feeling for Tetsurou.” Kenma looked at Kuroo and smiled fondly, his hand on his boyfriend’s knee. Kuroo smiled and covered his hand with his own, looking smitten. 

Akaashi looked away, thoughtful. His phone was heavy in his pocket, and he put it out to check the hour. It was almost one in the morning, and he had two missed calls and 4 texts, all from Bokuto. 

 

22:23, from Bokuto-san

u okay there ? hope u got home safely !!

 

22:23, from Bokuto-san 

ye actually text me when u get home

 

22:58, from Bokuto-san 

kaashi ? u home ? 



23:19, from Bokuto-san

k now im worried 

 

Missed Call from Bokuto-san, at 23:20

 

23:21, from Bokuto-san 

is everything ok? plz tell me ur safe 

 

Missed Call from Bokuto-san, at 00:04

 

00:16, from Bokuto-san

plz if i did something wrong, tell me ? wait no just tell me ur ok 

might not be answering satsu is yelling at me cause i spend 2 much time txting u 

gn kaashi 

 

00:52, from Bokuto-san

i'm sorry, u home ? something happened, i need to see u 

 

Akaashi’s eyes widened as he put his coffee down, instantly dialing Bokuto’s phone number as he got up, a worried look on his face. Kenma raised an eyebrow, and Akaashi mouthed Bokuto while getting out of the room. 

“Akaashi !” Bokuto sounded so relieved on the phone. 

“Bokuto-san, I'm sorry I didn't text you. I met Kenma on the way and we went to grab a drink.” He heard Bokuto let out a sigh or relief, and the sound of a door opening and closing could be heard through the receiver. Bokuto greeted someone and Akaash frowned. 

“Where are you, Bokuto-san ? You told me something happened, what is it ?”

The line stayed silent, and Bokuto finally answered a few seconds later.

“In front of your apartment door ? I … I had a fight. With Satsuki.” Bokuto sounded so defeated that Akaashi knew he had to live in something like right fucking now and go to him, so he grabbed his jacket, and started putting his shoes on. 

“Don’t move.” He put his hand over the phone, kind of muting the sound as he said goodbye to Kenma and Kurro, thanking them for having him that night. 

“What ?”

“Don't leave, I'm coming home. I will be here in a few minutes.” He rushed outside, close to running in the night. 

“There is no need to rush, Kaashi. I should go home.” Akaashi’s eyes widened as he started running this time. 

“No, please don't. I'm almost there, Kenma does not live far away.”

He kept Bokuto on the phone, running to his flat. Akaashi did not care the slightest about sweating or Bokuto hearing him huffing as he ran to him, he just needed to meet him as soon as possible. He needed to be with Bokuto and to comfort him, and he ran to him like it was a matter of life or death, because it was.

It was a matter of life and death to Akaashi,because he couldn't bear the idea of Bokuto being unhappy. Sad. Who on earth could dare to make him sad ? He was a fucking ray of sunshine. He rushed in the night to this man he loved so much he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness if it meant that Bokuto could be happy. 

He climbed the stairs four by four, rushing, rushing. Bokuto was sitting on his doormat, head thrown back and still holding the phone. He raised his head when he heard Akaashi stopping in front of him, and looked at the hand the younger man was holding out to him. 

"Let's go inside, Bokuto-san. I'll make us some tea, and bring out the futon."

Bokuto sadly smiled and took Akaashi’s hand, getting up.

“Okay, lets go, Kaashi.”

Akaashi discarded his shoes to the side as Bokuto did the same, and hung his coat near the front door. He held his friend by the hand, leading him further in the flat. Akaashi led them into the tiny kitchen where he started silently making some tea. Bokuto stood up weirdly in the kitchen, seemingly shocked by what happened tonight.

He looked at Akaashi, silent. Akaashi wanted to ask almost half a million questions, but he knew if Bokuto wanted to talk, then he would talk. They drank green tea together in the kitchen, their shoulders touching because of the tiny space there.

Akaashi put the mugs in the sink and smiled at Bokuto who already started to look better than when he arrived. It was almost 2 in the morning now, and Akaashi could feel the fatigue take its toll on him. He wanted so bad to go to bed, but he couldn't give up on Bokuto. 

“Lets go get some sleep, Bokuto-san. You can sleep in my room, I will sleep on the couch.” Bokuto’s eyes widened as he shook his head, disagreeing. 

“No fucking way. I’ll sleep on the couch, you go sleep in your bed.”

Akaashi crossed his arms, defensive. 

“You are my guest, Bokuto-san. You are the one sleeping in my bed.” Bokuto shook his head again, refusing to let Akaashi sleep on the couch. 

“I don't want to sleep in your bed and take away from you a good night of sleep, and you don't want me to sleep on the couch either. I see only one solution, then.”

“You listen to me and go to sleep in my room ?” Akaashi raised an eyebrow, cocky.

“We both sleep in your bed. That's it, that's the solution.” 

Akaashi looked at him with comically wide eyes before turning away, blushing and obviously not wanting Bokuto to notice it. 

“What are you even saying, Bokuto-san. You definitely don't want to share the bed with me.”

He heard Bokuto light footsteps approaching him, and felt his hand on his upper arm, in a soothing and very soft touch, treating him like he was made of glass and about to break, which was most likely the case.

“First, we already share a bed, and I know for sure that you are a cuddler. Second, I don't feel like sleeping alone tonight, Akaashi.” Akaashi turned back to Bokuto, perceiving the obvious fragility in his voice.

Sometimes, he too was blinded by Bokuto radiance and tended to believe like any other person that Bokuto knew that he was always the pure ray of sunshine and ball of energy that he seemed to be. And then Akaashi remembers how fragile Bokuto can be, how swifty his mood is and how strong and threatening his insecurities could be. 

This duality in Bokuto’s personality was definitely something that made him even more lovable in Akaashi’s eyes. It made Bokuto human, and ripped the god-like perception he had sometimes of him. 

It showed the true Bokuto, the real Bokuto, and Akaashi loved having the privilege to know him. Bokuto was flawed, yet perfect. He was full of flaws, he made mistakes and the wrong choices but to Akaashi he was perfect, and did not need to be fixed, or changed in the slightest way. 

It was this Bokuto that he saw right now, and his temper instantly softened. Sleeping with Bokuto would hurt him because it would be a reminder that he didn't have him this way, but Bokuto needed him, right ? 

And Bokuto had no idea, but Akaashii could not deny him that. Even if Bokuto would never love him, Akaashi would still be here for him no matter what.

“Alright, Bokuto-san. Lets go to bed, then.” He smiled at the man, who softly and kindly smiled back. 

Akaashi let Bokuto shower first, and gave him an old sweater he left at his place a few months ago when he first came to sleepover. They lay in Akaashi’s bed, the only light in the room being the bedside lamp. Akaashi turned to set his phone on the nightstand, and then turned off the light. 

Oh, god. It was fucking torture. Knowing that the weight next to him was Bokuto, that the heat under the sheets was his, and knowing that they were going to sleep together. Basic simple sleep, but still. How was he supposed to stay all calm and composed as usual when he knew that he was about to sleep with Bokuto ?

 

“Hey, Akaashi ?” Bokuto’s voice was low, close to whispering, and Akaashi could feel lightly his breathing due to their proximity; somewhere between close and far. It made him shudder uncontrollably as he was answering.

“Yes, Bokuto-san ?” Akaashi's voice was muffled too, too afraid to break the strange moment they were having.

“Can I hold you ? Please, Kaashi. I-I need to hold you.To … to sleep.” 

 

This was the moment Akaashi blessed himself because the lights were turned off and Bokuto couldn’t see that he was beetle red. 

Akaashi’s mouth answered without letting his brain the time to make a rational decision. And yes, he wanted to both cut his tongue and slap himself because of his own stupidity and impulsivity. 

Oh, how fucking weak his heart was for Bokuto. 

 

“You can, Bokuto-san.” He heard Bokuto’s sight of relief, and felt the shifting as Bokuto opened his arms for him to nestle in. His arms were strong around him, and he was engulfed in his warmth, snuggled against his muscled torso and their legs intertwined. 

 

His nose was resting in Bokuto’s neck, and he could feel his soft breathing. 

 

“Damn, this feels so good. I was made for living this moment.” Bokuto’s voice was heavy with sleep and emotional exhaustion, and Akaashi could tell he was drifting to the shores of sleep. His heart started beating faster, but he decided to be egoist for once, as he closed his eyes and smiled, letting Bokuto’s embrace protect him from the world, like only the two of them existed in the world, and Bokuto was him to love.


The first thing Akaashi thought after this night is that Bokuto changed. He was more quiet. It was a very light change, but Bokuto was definitely quieter around him than before. He was more cautious around Akaashi, like he knew something the other boy ignored. 

They did many things together, but sometimes Bokuto would go with Satsuki instead of Akaashi, and Akaashi was okay with it because they were dating

Bokuto never told him what was the reason for their dispute the night he introduced Satsuki to him. He never asked again, because he knew if Bokuto wanted to tell him, then he would do so. 

Akaashi was worried. Bokuto seemed happy with Satsuki, but he looked .. off. 

Sooner than what he realized, Bokuto and Satsuki were celebrating their 6 month anniversary. Bokuto told him that they were going to this restaurant that Satsuki loved, and that he would see him tomorrow. That's exactly why he was more than surprised when at 2am his phone rang, stirring him out of sleep. 

Why the fuck was Bokuto calling him ? 

Akaashi fumbled for his cell phone on his bedside table and picked it up, frowning. 

 

“Bokuto-san ? What's wrong ?” He could hear his friend breathing on the phone, kind of breathless. 

“She dumped me.” Akaashi frowned harder, concerned. 

“What ?” 

“Satsuki. She … she broke up with me.” Akaashi turned on the light, and sat up on his bed. The bed sheets shuffled around him; and he knew Bokuto could hear the noise of his bed creaking and shifting. 

“She - what ? What happened ?” Bokuto stayed silent for a few more seconds before answering him, his voice kind of cracking. 

“She realized something we already both knew.” Bokuto's voice cracked truly this time and he let out a sob. Akaashi sat on the side of his bed, his legs hanging out. He could hear the sadness and the incomprehension in Bokuto’s voice. 

 

He sounded so lost, like a kicked puppy on the side of the road, and Akaashi’s heart ached to comfort him as both a friend and a lover. He could picture the defeated look on his face, how his shoulder would be down like he was carrying the world on his back, how his brows would be frowning. 

Akaashi wanted to take some of the weight and the responsibilities Bokuto was carrying alone. He wanted to ease the frown of brows and run a hand in his hair, petting him quietly while he would drift to sleep. 

Akaashi did not hesitate for a second. Fuck her. Fuck Satsuki, fuck everything that was not Bokuto. 

 

“Where are you, Bokuto-san ?”

The answer came in a breath. “I- I just got home.”

“Okay. Do you want to come over ?” They both already knew the answer. Of course Bokuto would come. Whenever he was feeling down, he always came to Akaashi. He almost never called Satsuki, but he always went to Akaashi. 

“Don’t wanna disturb you, Kaashi.” Akaashi let out a laugh, and he could hear Bokuto smiling through the phone as he answered. 

“You never disturb me, please come over. I'm not - My mind is not at peace knowing you are alone tonight, Bokuto-san.”

 

His legs were still dangling over the floor, and he got up and went to the kitchen, letting his bedside lamp be the only light of the bedroom. 

Bokuto answered that he would be there quickly, and they hung up. Akaashi put some water in his kettle, turned it on and took two mugs out of the cupboard including Bokuto’s favorite. It was a big Animal Crossing mug with Blathers on it. 

Seeing this mug always made Akaashi smile, because he bought it thinking of Bokuto. It was not a mistake since the man seemed to adore it. Akaashi’s mug was Animal Crossing themed too, Celeste smiling on it. 

He shivered as he was walking barefoot on his kitchen tiled floor. He went to the entry closet to grab some plaids for Bokuto, his glasses on his nightstand, before sitting down on the couch, turning on the TV. 

He watched Bleach for a few minutes before hearing a knock on his door. The kettle started wheezing as he got up, so he turned it off before going to the door, opening it. Bokuto was standing here, soaking wet and his hair down sticking to his forehead. 

His pretty golden eyes were red and determined, a strange look on him regarding the circumstances. He was wearing his leather jacket, a navy blue scarf that covered his silver sweater, black skinny pants and leather rangers. 

Akaashi smiled softly at him as he held out his hand, waiting for Bokuto to take it. 

His crush’s eyes widened and settled on his hand, before going to his face, studying him carefully. Bokuto took his hand, his own hand slightly shaking from the suffering he was in right now, and the cold. 

 

“Let's get you warm, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi’s hand closed on Bokuto’s one, and he turned his head so Bokuto couldn't see his face as he was dragging him in the flat. 

 

Oh, he was so greedy. He was such a bad friend for taking advantage of Bokuto’s sadness to get him to touch him more than usual. But he wanted to be close to Bokuto every single second of his life, and Akaashi was fully aware that he was so willing to make anything to make Bokuto happy that he could even let him settle with another woman or an other man than himself, if it was what would make him happy. 

Akaashi just wanted to stay close to Bokuto while he still could, no matter if it was a friend. He knew he loved Bokuto so much that he would be happy to be his best friend forever, even if it meant never being something more than a friend to Bokuto. 

He heard Bokuto throwing away his shoes as he was still holding his hand. Bokuto squeezed his hand a little tighter as Akaashi led him to his bathroom and made him sit on the edge of the bathtub. 

He reluctantly let Akaashi’s hand go as his setter was taking a towel in the bathroom cabinet, and only looked up to him when he felt the towel on his hair. 

Akaashi smiled tenderly at him, and Bokuto felt his heart stutter in his chest as the man was gently putting his hand on the towel and starting to dry his damped hair with a delicacy he only saw in Akaashi’s movements. 

Akaashi’s hands in his hair, drying his platinum strands and carefully wiping the water from his neck was the most intimate thing he ever experienced. Even sleeping with Satsuki never felt this intimate, this precious. 

Bokuto did not dare to say anything, too afraid to break the ethereal moment he was experiencing with Akaashi. It was like … like they were dating . It felt like Akaashi was his lover, putting him back together after one hell of a rough day. 

Bokuto’s heart decided to start thundering in his chest as he was taking the situation in. 

 

It was Akaashi. 

 

It has always been Akaashi, right ?

 

The one he was always missing, the one he was always looking up to. 

How blind could he have been for not realizing earlier that the whole time, when he felt like something was missing when dating these dudes and girls and Satsuki because the one he fancied all along was Akaashi ? 

Akaashi who opened his house to him in the darkest hours of the night, who was gently and lovingly drying his hair, studying his face with a frown on his eyebrows, obviously worried about how bad Bokuto must have felt for being dumped tonight. 

The Akaashi Keiji that came to the same college as him, and kept playing volleyball with him. 

 

“You sounded like you needed me, so I came to set for you again, Bokuto-san.”

 

He traveled across Japan to play on the same team as him, again.

The Akaashi Keiji that never let him down, always was willing to listen to him go feral about owls, volleyballs, food or stupid things that he did not even found stupid. 

The fucking Akaashi Keiji that woke up in the middle of the night to anwser his call right away, and who was wearing one of his sweaters as a pajama. 

 

Because yeah, Akaashi seemed to have forgotten what he was wearing, but he was dressed in boxers and a black sweater, obviously too big for him since the shoulder seam was almost at his elbow. This was a sweater Bokuto used to wear and left here so he could have a change of clothes if he needed it. 

 

This was the fucking sweater he wore the night were he held Akaashi in his arms for the first time, when he and Satsuki had the biggest fight about how Bokuto did not seem to care about anything but Akaashi, even if he tried to.

God, he left some clothes and Akaashi was wearing some of them to sleep. He could even picture him in his bed, wrapped in his sheets and breathing Bokuto’s cologne in the sweater. The shit was too big for Akaashi, and finished in the high middle of his tights, beautifully contrasting with the creamy perlish white of his skin. 

 

Bokuto took in Akaashi’s silhouette, his strong and thin body drowned in the immensity of his sweater, and looked up at him, smiling as tears were gathering at the corner of his eyes. 

Akaashi’s eyes widened as he got on his knees, taking Bokuto’s face in his hand, a worried look on his face. 

 

“Bokuto-san, what's wrong ?” The towel fell on the floor, and Bokuto smiled. He put his hand on Akaashi’s cheek and caressed the soft skin of his face, crying through the smile he was arboring.

“Nothing’s wrong, Akaashi.” He let out a tiny laugh, choked by his sobs of pure happiness and lightness as he felt his chest free for once of the heavy weight that crushed him and kept crushing him for what seems like months, maybe years. 

“Bokuto-san, you are crying. It's a bit hard to believe that nothing is wrong, you know.” Akaashi was on his fucking knees, and kept asking to him what was wrong. 

 

Akaashi did not care that it was the middle of the night, he did not care he had to wake up and go to college tomorrow as he kept asking Bokuto why he was crying. He was looking at Bokuto, his gunmetal blue eyes roaming over his face as he was trying to dry his tears with his thumbs, softly touching his cheeks. 

 

“Please, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi’s voice was cracking, Bokuto could hear it. 

“Please tell me what is wrong. Tell me so I can figure out what to do to make you smile again. I-I can't stand seeing you like this.” Akaashi’s voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, as Bokuto saw desperation in his eyes. 

 

Bokuto let his forehead fall down against Akaashi’s as he was letting a half-cried half-laughed sob. He took Akaashi’s face in his hands, and smiled widely. 

 

“I just realized that I love you, Akaashi.”  

 

He saw Akaashi’s eyes widened almost comically as he heard what Bokuto said, eyes fluttering in cluelessness. 

 

“You- what ?” Akaashi’s thumbs stopped caressing Bokuto’s cheeks as the surprise and the situation overwhelmed him. 

“I love you, Akaashi.” Akaashi looked like he had been thunderstruck, and Bokuto fixed a strand of his black hair that was going wild on his face. 

“Satsuki dumped me because she was sure I was in love with you. She told me that she should have known from the start that she was in the way, because of the way I look at you. And before this instant I had no idea how fucking right she was.” 

 

The bathroom was silent, like a bubble of peace where only the two of them existed, where the only thing that mattered to Bokuto was Akaashi and his pretty eyes, his pretty and soft looking mouth and his stunned expression. 

 

“I missed you when I left for college. I missed you every single day, every single second where you were not by my side, and I miss you whenever you are not with me.” Bokuto looked right in Akaashi’s eyes, where he could see a storm of emotions. 

 

Surprise, disbelief. Hope. Love. 

Akaashi always had been so composed, so calm and collected, but his eyes ? His eyes had always been the dialect of his soul, and Bokuto spoke their language. 

 

“I love you so much, Akaashi. More than anything I’ve ever loved in my entire life, more than a tough victory after a tough match, more than all the owls on this fucking planet.”

 

Akaashi laughed, half crying too as Bokuto was caressing his cheek. 

 

“It’s okay if you don't love me, tho. Just let me stay your friend and treat you right, that's all I ask of you. Don’t - please don’t cut me off. I don’t think I could handle losing you.” Bokuto’s voice sounded fragile, and so honest. 

 

Akaashi looked at him, stunning like gold eyes and flicks of amber, watery and unfocused because of the tears. His cheeks were slightly pink, and Akaashi thought Bokuto had never been more beautiful than at this moment. 

His arms went around Bokuto’s neck as he was hugging him, desperate and overwhelmed. He felt Bokuto’s strong arms closing around him, his hands resting on his back. 

 

“I love you too, Bokuto-san. I think I have loved you for a really long time, too.” He felt Bokuto sobbing against him, their cries being the only noise in the late night silent bathroom. 

 

They held each other for a long time, until Akaashi could barely feel his legs due to his weird and uncomfy position, but they both refused to let go like they feared the other would dissipate like everything was a dream. 

Akaashi got up and took Bokuto by the hand, leading him to his bed, and they settled in it like they did thousands of times before. But this time, everything was different. When Akaashi opened his bed for Bokuto, it was not for his friend, but for his lover. 

 

Bokuto was his lover, wasn't he ? 

They confessed. Did that mean they were dating, now ? 

 

Akaashi looked at Bokuto who was taking off his shirt and his pants, only sleeping in his boxers like he almost always did. Akaashi was seated on the bed, waiting for Bokuto to come in. 

And he did, he went to bed, and as soon as he was settled, Bokuto smiled and opened his arms for Akaashi to come in and sleep. 

He smiled and blushed, nuzzling in Bokuto’s embrace, feeling his breath on the top of his head, in the dark, while his nose was in his neck. 

 

“Goodnight, Keiji.”

 

Bokuto’s arms tightened slightly around him as he was fucking shivering. He just called him Keiji. His name sounded so freaking goddamn good on his tongue. It felt so right, being here, engulfed in Bokuto’s warmth. 

 

“Sleep well, Koutarou-san.” He heard and felt Koutarou grunting, maybe because he was in his arms under the cover, on his chest. He felt his hands going up along his spine, through his hair and settling around his face as Koutarou was bringing his face up to him. 

 

“Say that again.”

“What ?”

“My name, Keiji . Say it again.”

 

Another shiver ran through Keiji’s body, as the moonlight was the only light in the room and his eyes finally acclimated to the darkness and he could see Koutarou’s eyes darkening. 

 

“Koutarou-san.” 

 

“Oh, fuck.”

 

The ultimate boundary they did not dare to cross back in the bathroom, when they confessed their love to each other was finally crossed when Koutarou kissed Akaashi. His lips were slow, tasted like tea and salt, a bit chapped from stress but still soft, and Keiji’s world changed his rotation axis.

Their first kiss was slow. It felt like breathing again after being short on breath for hours, for months. Like coming back home after being caught in a winter storm, frozen and wet, to the comfort of a warm living room and a cup of hot chocolate in the middle of december. 

Koutarou hand held Akaashi by the hips and made him move closer as they were breathing in each other's mouths, their hearts bursting through the overwhelming feelings finally free from their cage. Akaashi smiled in the kiss and laughed, his eyes closed as Bokuto was kissing every part of his face, from the tip of his nose to his eyelids, drunk in happiness just like him. 

 

“Damn, I really love you, Keiji.” 

 

Keiji smiled at Koutarou, retracing and caressing his face with his thumbs, and this time Koutarou recognized the feelings behind this tender smile that Keiji was so used to throw at him. 

He knew that Keiji smiled that way because he made him happy. He was the reason behind Keiji’s happiness, and Koutarou did not want it to happen in any other way. 

Now, Keiji was him to love. Koutarou was Keiji to love, as he should have been for the past year. 

But it was okay, because they kind of always knew they belong to each other. And now, sheltered by Keiji’s bed sheets, snuggled in their shared warmth under the cover,nothing else mattered than the other. 

Keiji was Koutarou’s, and Koutarou was Keiji’s. 

 

“I really love you too, Koutarou-san.”

 

The time they did not spend loving each other did not matter anymore, now that they have their whole life to experiment and cherish their feelings. Nothing else mattered, not when Keiji nuzzled his nose in Koutarou’s neck, shy yet satisfied as a cat who got the mouse, not when holding him felt to Koutarou like if it was the last thing he did in his life, then so be it because it was perfect. 

Tomorrow when the sun would be coming up and the city would wake up, Koutarou would open his eyes in a world where Keiji loved him freely and where he loved Keiji freely. He can't wait to wake up like this everyday for the rest of his life, holding the man who gave everything to him including himself selflessly, not even mad that he might never love him back. 

Koutarou could not wait to spend the rest of his life with Keiji. The only thing he was afraid of is not being good enough for him, not loving him as much as he should be loved.

But he wasn't Bokuto Koutarou for nothing, so would be spending the rest of life trying to love him and adore him like he was supposed to be loved and worshipped. 

 

He would try.

 

Notes:

hello again

i trully hope you liked it ! you can come scream at me and grab previews of my fics on twitter at Aizenialissime.

see ya !!