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Dreamlike

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Jacob was never a huge fan of parties but the thought of Juyeon going to a party alone has never made him feel safe.

Of course, Juyeon could take care of himself. No matter how drunk he got, he would never let anyone touch him without consent. But still, Jacob thinks it’s best to accompany him once in a while - better to be safe than sorry.

So when Juyeon excuses himself to the dance floor, Jacob lets him, watching on with a smile on his face. He knows how much Juyeon enjoys this and to be honest, Jacob’s starting to get the hang of the whole partying scene too.

Jacob isn’t a prude. He’s had his fair share of fun, making out with a couple of girls and boys on the dance floor before. But what he thinks he enjoys most about partying is people-watching.

Underneath the strobe lights lies an ocean of nameless faces and he was free to judge them in his head however he wanted. It’s an enjoyable thing.

Just like right now, he could see Sunwoo, the party host trying his best not to kiss his crush stupid.

Everyone kinda knows Sunwoo has a thing for Haknyeon. Well, except for Haknyeon himself. Haknyeon was a really smart kid - sadly, not when it came to things like these.

Somewhere near the DJ booth, he spots Younghoon, the campus heartthrob, dancing with not one, but two good-looking boys - both of them were his boyfriends, Jacob has previously learnt. Jacob nods in approval, taking a tentative sip of beer. Coming to college has really expanded his view of the world. High school Jacob could barely register being bisexual, but look at College Jacob learning and accepting polyamorous relationships - that’s definitely growth.

A bump on his shoulder snaps him out of his train of thought, prompting him to look up. Lo and behold, it was Lee Jaehyun, the Captain of the school’s soccer team. And God, does he look good. Jacob would never admit it to anyone but he has always harboured slight feelings for the said boy. I mean, who wouldn’t?

With his handsome face, his longs legs, his perfect body, his charming self - there was almost nothing to hate about him.

Jaehyun gestures for him to move aside, before placing an order at the bar. Jacob hides his disappointment by sipping on his beer. Of course, Jaehyun wouldn’t talk to him, they barely knew each other anyway.

“Babysitting Juyeon again?” Jaehyun smirks with a drink in hand and Jacob can only smile stupidly into his beer.

“Yeah, you know how he is,” Jacob replies, turning to look at Jaehyun and that’s when he realizes he can’t seem to maintain eye contact with the dude for more than 5 seconds. “So did you come alone?” He asks, wanting to continue whatever small talk that was going on.

Jaehyun shakes his head, nudging into Younghoon’s general direction. “It’s Younghoon’s birthday so the whole team is here. They’ve obviously ditched me to get laid though, horny brats.” Jaehyun laments jokingly and Jacob chuckles. Jacob definitely knows what it’s like to be ditched at a party.

“What have you been doing?” Hyunjae asks, taking a tentative sip on his glass of whiskey on the rocks.

We love a classy man.

“I’ve been people-watching, it’s quite fun actually,” Jacob replies, eliciting a cocked eyebrow from the man beside him.

“Really? I’ve never tried it.”

“Okay, look over there,” Jacob leans closer to Jaehyun, wanting to direct him to whatever he was watching previously. “Sunwoo’s been trying to kiss Haknyeon for the past 15 minutes but Haknyeon’s too busy twerking his ass off.” Jaehyun squints, trying to find the duo in a room jam-packed with people. As soon as he spots a dejected Sunwoo dancing with a clearly distracted Haknyeon, Hyunjae breaks into peals of laughter, causing Jacob to laugh along.

“Why won’t he just confess? I don’t get it, we all know Haknyeon’s an oblivious dude. Sunwoo’s such a dumbass,” Jacob comments, taking a seat clumsily on the barstool. He’s slightly tipsy, almost out of beer and he really wants to go for another round.

Jaehyun shakes his head, sitting down on the barstool next to Jacob. He furrows his eyebrows, a finger circling the rim of his glass.

“Haknyeon’s the dumb one. Sunwoo has always made it clear that he has feelings for him.” Jaehyun mutters, taking another swig of his whiskey. “And Sunwoo’s so obvious with it too, poor guy.”

“I don’t know,” Jacob tips back the rest of his pint, smacking his lips to lick off the foam. “I think they are both dumbasses. Liking someone just makes you stupid, don’t you think so?” Jacob drawls, slamming his fist on the countertop to make his statement, startling poor Jaehyun who could only look on with concern.

Jacob starts rambling about how Haknyeon and Sunwoo are both the biggest dumbasses and if it were up to him, Jacob would just lock the two in the locker room and make them confess to each other. He doesn’t really know what he’s saying but with the way Jaehyun’s laughing, it’s a clear sign that he’s on the right track. The way Jaehyun’s eyes disappear into crescents, coupled with the sound of his tinkling laughter filled Jacob’s head with so many thoughts.

Thoughts like - making an overly-greasy and saccharinely-sweet french toast for Jaehyun on Sunday mornings, holding his hand as they scurry through the supermarket, shopping for their groceries, and waking up to sunlight filtering through the blinds, with Jaehyun still snoring lightly in his arms.

These kinds of thoughts.

Jacob knows that he’s treading on thin ice, giggling and having a great time with someone the whole school wants to date. The thoughts linger in his mind still, although he knows that it’s nothing but a far-fetched dream.

But, for someone who’s had two rounds of shots and three pints of beer, Jacob was extremely self-aware, so he keeps his thoughts to himself. The last thing he wanted was to rid himself of Jaehyun’s company. It’s already good enough that he’s having a drink with someone whom he had always considered to be out of his league. So for now, this will do.

“Are you good, Jacob?”

Jacob raises his arm, wanting to order another drink but almost falls to the ground if not for Jaehyun catching on to his arm. Jacob was making a fool out of himself and he’s okay with it. Especially if it gets Jaehyun holding on to him like this.

“You know my name…” Jacob croaks, grabby hands reaching out to Jaehyun’s face. Jaehyun giggles, scrunching his nose and patting Jacob’s head gently. He’s so fucking handsome, Jacob thinks to himself.

“Of course, I do silly,” Jaehyun’s hand travels down Jacob’s face, resting at his cheek, stroking it softly. “Do you know that you get really cute when you’re drunk?”

“Only when I’m drunk?” Jacob grumbles, hands falling down dejectedly from holding Jaehyun’s face.

“All the time, actually. But I still think I’m the cutest though,” Jaehyun jokes, flashing a cheeky grin at Jacob. Jacob doesn’t swoon easily but he almost falls off the barstool for the second time that night.

“I think you’ve had too much to drink,” Jaehyun smiles, taking his hand off Jacob’s head before standing up. Jacob panics, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach. Is he leaving?

Suddenly, Jaehyun grabs his wrist, pulling him off the barstool. Jaehyun’s face was so close that it made Jacob realize that he has never seen Jaehyun in such close proximity before. They’re standing so close to each other that Jacob could see his pretty eyelashes fluttering, could count the moles on his face and if Jaehyun gets any closer, he could almost kiss his lips. And Jacob wants to.

Heck, he really wants to. Jacob wants Jaehyun so bad, his heart is aching for him.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Jaehyun leans in, warm breath tickling Jacob’s ear. He could feel Jaehyun’s fingertips skim over the knuckles of his hand, as though he wants to take his hand in his. Jacob swallows the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling nervous.

“I would love to but Juyeon-” Jacob stutters before turning to look for his best friend only to see him shoving his tongue down some rando’s (read: Sangyeon’s) throat. Jacob huffs, shaking his head while Jaehyun chuckles in front of him.

“Juyeon’s a big boy, he can take care of himself...but you,” Jaehyun finally grabs Jacob’s hand, pulling him close so much so that their chests pressed against each other’s and Jacob could feel Jaehyun’s breath on his chin.

“Let me take care of you tonight.”

And that’s all Jaehyun has to say before Jacob closes the distance between them.

Jaehyun’s kisses taste like whiskey and Jacob was like an alcoholic who could never get enough. Jaehyun slides his fingers into Jacob’s hair, kissing with vigour as though he’s been starved of affection for weeks. Jacob reciprocates, humming in approval, sliding his tongue into Jaehyun’s mouth, fingers grabbing the collar of Jaehyun’s shirt.

It feels so surreal having Jaehyun kiss him and hold him like this. Jacob still thinks he’s dreaming. When Jaehyun pulls back, Jacob whimpers unabashedly, clearly unhappy that they’ve stopped. Jaehyun kisses the tip of his nose.

“Wanna come home with me?” Jaehyun extends his hand out and Jacob never grabbed anyone’s hand any faster. The two slither into the crowd, dodging everyone in sight. Jacob thinks he spots Sunwoo and Haknyeon finally making out but he couldn’t care less.

He’s going home with Jaehyun.

-

Jacob fists the sheets beneath him when Jaehyun kisses down his nape, biting into alabaster skin. He had no idea Jaehyun was this passionate in bed. They have long gotten rid of their clothes but they’re still stuck on kissing the living life out of each other. Not that Jacob minds. It’s his first time seeing Jaehyun so passionate, so enthusiastic and so horny.

Jaehyun pulls away from Jacob’s neck, pressing a soft kiss on the blade of his shoulder.

“How do you like it?” Jaehyun mumbles into Jacob’s skin, hands travelling to feel Jacob’s biceps.

“Huh?” Jacob heaves, his head clouded with ecstasy. He can’t think straight right now. Jaehyun rolls to sit on top of him and Jacob whines when their clothed members touch.

“Do you top or bottom?” Jaehyun asks, a little too sweetly for Jacob’s liking.

“I-uh, don’t mind honestly.” Jacob stutters his reply, wondering how the hell Jaehyun could form coherent sentences in a situation like this.

“Oh, you’re a switch too? We’re made for each other,” Jaehyun giggles, grinding his hips against Jacob’s and Jacob thinks he’s about to pass out.

If this was really a dream, he doesn’t want to wake up.

“So tell me,” Jaehyun breathes, leaning into Jacob’s ear, nibbling on his earlobe. “How do you want me, sweetheart?”

-

Jacob wakes up in a very unfamiliar bed and a dull ache in his lower back. He spots a digital clock on a wall and it read, 3.34 am. He glances to his side and sees a fully naked Jaehyun, passed out. Jacob sighs, running his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck,” He curses to himself. He had a lecture in a few hours and he knows that Juyeon would have a bitch fit if he had to wake up in their room alone. He grunts when he sits up, a sharp pain shooting up his spine.

Just what the fuck did he get himself into?

Quietly, he gathers his clothes and books a ride home, a million thoughts running through his mind. He takes one last look at Jaehyun, still sleeping soundly in his bed, almost without a worry at all. Jacob finds himself smiling, wondering if Jaehyun would sleep past the sirens of a bombing raid.

But still, the voice in his head continues to nag: this shouldn’t have happened.

In the cab ride home, Jacob promises himself that no one will hear of this story, ever.

-

“So, you made out with the Lee Jaehyun - how does it feel to win at life?” Juyeon teases him as soon as they get a seat in the lecture theatre. Jacob shushes him, looking around to see if anyone heard his loudmouth of a best friend.

“I am not winning at life. It’s just a one-time thing, we didn’t even exchange numbers.” Jacob quickly explains, wanting to drop the topic.

“Okay... but y’all totally exchanged spit and that’s what matters to me.” Juyeon shrugs.

“Juyeon!” He yells, his best friend’s antics were the last thing he needed today but it’s good because being with Juyeon kept him distracted.

But as soon as he finds out Juyeon made out with their teaching assistant last night, Jacob feels alone, once again burdened by last night’s events. He excused himself to the washroom to let the two have their alone time.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Jacob over-analyzes himself. He mentally points out every zit, the weight of his eyebags and god, this ridiculous turtleneck sweater that he had put on to hide Jaehyun’s marks from last night.

Unknowingly, Jacob lifts the hem of his shirt to reveal his stomach - it was also covered in purpling bruises.

“Whew, I think I did a pretty great job,” A voice comes up from behind him and Jacob yanks his sweater down.

It’s Jaehyun. Of course, it’s Jaehyun.

“You made me wake up alone, today,” Jaehyun walks over to him, cornering him against the sink, leaving Jacob with no way to escape. “That’s not very nice, sweetheart,” Jaehyun smirks playfully, leaning in for a kiss.

Jacob pushes him away before he gets any closer.

“Jaehyun, stop,” Jacob mutters, looking up to a visibly confused Jaehyun. He takes in a deep breath, trying to compose himself and collect his thoughts.

“Look, I’m flattered that we...did things but I’m not this kind of person - I don’t do hookups or Friends With Benefits or anything like that… so please, just forget last night ever happened. It was a mistake,” Jacob’s words tumble out of his mouth without another thought.

Jaehyun steps back, dumbfounded and Jacob can’t bear to look him in the eye.

“But I-”

Jacob shuts his eyes, sighing deeply. He doesn’t want to deal with this.

“I have to go. My class is starting again soon,” Jacob pushes past him, sprinting towards the lecture theatre without looking back.

Maybe it’s sheer coincidence that Jaehyun shows up all the way at the Business block when he’s a Science major. It can’t be that Jaehyun came looking for him right? After all, he’s just a speck of dust in Jaehyun’s universe.

Popular kids hook up a lot and Jacob knows he’s nothing special... but why does Jaehyun’s broken expression linger in his mind?

Jacob shakes his head and pushes the door to the lecture theatre open. Thankfully, his best friend was too distracted to catch the worried look on his face.

-

Weeks pass and somehow Jaehyun manages to show up in his line of sight almost every other day. The campus isn’t that big but Jacob knows Jaehyun’s classes are all on the other side of the school. So why does he keeping appearing in the business block out of nowhere?

Jacob would spot him loitering in the corridor outside his classroom before his class started, prompting Jacob to dart to the bathroom, showing up to class a good 15 minutes later. Then, Jacob would see him in the cafeteria, sometimes sitting alone, other times accompanied by a very disgruntled Younghoon who clearly doesn’t want to be there.

But of course, Jacob successfully avoids Jaehyun like the plague, though he can’t help but feel a little puzzled by all the coincidences.

-

“Yeah, so, I think Sangyeon’s going to ask me out like soon? But I don’t know, maybe things are going too fast. Well I mean we did fuck after that first lecture but- Jacob? Are you listening?” Juyeon waves a hand in front of his face and Jacob snaps back to reality, looking at his best friend. The two were catching a break in the cafeteria.

“Yeah, I’m good, don’t worry about it. Sorry, what were you saying?” Jacob asks, embarrassed that he’s caught thinking about something else.

Juyeon grabs Jacob’s hand, looking right at him in the eyes.

“Baby, if Jaehyun had hurt you that night...I promise I’ll kick him in the balls, just once - that’s it.” Juyeon whispers with an all-too-serious expression on his face and that does it for Jacob, who bursts into laughter.

“Who said anything bout Jaehyun? I’m fine, Juyeon-ah. You know I’d tell you if something was up…” Jacob bites back defensively.

“Right,” Juyeon folds his arms to his chest, frowning at Jacob. “If that’s the case, can you please tell me why I had to hear from Younghoon that Jaehyun’s been moping around and missing soccer practice for weeks now?”

“He’s been what?” Jacob exclaims, surprised by the sudden revelation. Juyeon groans into the palms of his hands.

“Tell me the full story, Jacob.” He demands.

Jacob relents, telling Juyeon what happened from start to finish. Juyeon doesn’t say anything at first, still trying his best to grasp the situation at hand. He nags at Jacob a little about keeping things to himself but seeing the sag of Jacob’s shoulders, he quickly comforts his best friend with a hug. Jacob explains that he doesn’t want anyone to misinterpret and judge him by his actions.

“You silly, silly boy. You’d really think I would judge you? Me of all people?” Juyeon huffs into Jacob’s hair and the smaller boy quakes in his arms. Only when he feels water droplets wetting the sleeves of his sweater does Jacob realize that he’s crying. And that realization makes him full-on sob into his best friend’s arms, the pain and guilt that he’s buried deep inside his heart, finally revealing itself.

“I-I don’t understand why Jaehyun would do this,” He manages in between sobs and Juyeon shushes him, caressing his hair softly. Jacob feels extremely broken and betrayed by himself.

How could he let a crush affect him like this? Jacob usually had it all together. Always knowing what to do and how to act. Stupid Jaehyun with his stupid sparkly eyes and stupid beautiful laughter.

He had successfully broken Jacob.

“Do what, sweetie?” Juyeon asks, peering curiously at the boy in his arms.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he’s suddenly all around our campus and I don’t want to flatter myself but I think- okay, I know for a fact he’s been looking for me. But-”

“And why is that so wrong, Jacob? You did leave him in the bathroom with no room for explanation. I’d be pissed if that happened to me too.” Juyeon replies while stroking Jacob’s hair. “What if he had more to say?”

“Like what? Thanks for the quick fuck, can we do it again sometime? But don’t tell anyone because I’m not actually into you like that-” Jacob blurts, unknowingly admitting his insecurities, startling both himself and his best friend.

“Jacob, you don’t actually think that way, do you?” Juyeon asks, voice small, as though afraid of Jacob’s answer. He had stopped stroking Jacob’s hair.

“What? Isn’t it true? All these popular kids just want to fuck on the down-low. What else does he have to say?” Jacob sniffles. He absolutely hates crying in public, let alone the school cafeteria but he can’t seem to stop his tears from falling.

Juyeon wipes Jacob’s tears out of his face, offering him a warm smile.

“Ask him, Cobie. I know it’s eating you up inside but jumping to conclusions won’t help either. Just go and talk to him, okay?”

Jacob mumbles that he’ll think about it. But he’s relieved that the weight around his shoulders seems to lighten after confiding in his best friend.

“Juyeonnie, I saw this video the other day, do you want to try-” An unaware, overly-excited Sangyeon saunters to the table and Jacob immediately straightens up in his seat, wiping his tears. Juyeon shakes his head at his lover.

“Read the room will you?” Juyeon sighs and Sangyeon quickly apologizes, asking if Jacob needed anything.

Jacob shakes his head, telling the couple that he doesn’t feel too well and that he’ll be resting in the dorm before his next lesson. When Jacob walks away, Juyeon and Sangyeon only look on with worry-filled eyes.

-

Jacob wakes up from his nap to his phone vibrating angrily next to him. He clucks his tongue in annoyance, reaching out to cease the incessant vibrations.

from: unknown number

it’s jaehyun - can we talk?

Jacob sits up a little too fast, all the blood rushing to his head causing him to feel dizzy.

from: jacob

ok… where at?

from: jaehyun

great. im outside.

Jacob almost falls out of his bed in surprise. He runs to the door, never mind his unkempt state and if he had drool on his chin. As soon as he yanks the door open, there stood a very nervous Jaehyun, dressed in an oversized hoodie. The bags under his eyes clearly tell Jacob that he hasn’t been getting much sleep either.

Jacob shyly invites him in and the two sit on Jacob’s bed, a heavy silence draping over them.

It was awkward.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Jaehyun starts, looking at the carpeted floor beneath his feet. “And I know you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not,” Jacob mumbles softly, picking at the hem of his sweater. Jaehyun snorts.

“Okay, maybe I was.” He changes his answer, plucking up the courage to look at the boy beside him. Jaehyun’s gaze was still fixated on his own feet.

“Look, I don’t know how to tell you this Jacob but I didn’t want to hook up either,” Jaehyun says and Jacob’s heart stops beating for a split second.

“Because I like you.” Jaehyun blurts and Jacob’s eyes widen in surprise.

“What?”

“Well-Yeah, I actually like you and I didn’t want to hook up before confessing but things took a turn and now we’re in this mess and I hate myself-” Jaehyun blabbers, trying to justify himself while Jacob spaces out, taken aback.

“Say that shit again,” Jacob interrupts him and Jaehyun finally tilts his head to look at him.

“Which part- I hate myself?”

“No, before that - you like me? Why?” Jacob asks, bewildered. Jaehyun squints at him, lips parting as though he wanted to say something but nothing could come out.

How is this happening, right now?

Jaehyun finally inhales a deep breath, breathing the air out from his nose.

“I don’t know? Ever since I saw you on the first day of school, I just wanted to be close to you. You’re just so precious...And then I found out you’re friends with Juyeon so I kept hanging around Younghoon so that we could talk since they kinda know each other.” Jaehyun pauses, looking at Jacob who only gestures for him to keep going.

“And we did end up talking eventually. Every time we would talk in the corridors, I’d be fucking over the moon.” Jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair. He’s nervous, Jacob mentally notes when he notices Jaehyun gnawing at his bottom lip. “Remember how we talked about Sunwoo and Haknyeon that night? I was honestly Sunwoo and you were the oblivious Haknyeon.” Jaehyun chuckles and Jacob can’t help but smile sadly.

“When we kissed that night, I was so fucking happy, you had no idea. I wanted to ask you out the morning after but you were gone and then in the bathroom-” Jaehyun purses his lips, pausing for a moment. “Everything you said, got me thinking. What did I ever do for you to think of me that way? I mean, all I ever did was be nice to you. ”

Jacob feels as though someone stabbed him in the heart with a dagger. He swallows the lump in his throat. Jaehyun made a fair point. Although Jaehyun ran with that kind of crowd, he was never “bad news”. Now when Jacob thinks about it, he realizes that he’s never heard any rumour about Jaehyun hooking up with people. It’s as though he created the worst-case scenario in his head and took it as the truth. It sucks to admit but Jacob had let his insecurities blow the situation out of proportion.

“I’m not asking you to like me back, Jacob. I just wanted to confess and get this off my chest for once but I know for a fact that you feel the same...I felt it when we made love,” Jaehyun sighs exasperatedly, getting up on his feet. “But, it’s okay if you want nothing to do with me.”

Jacob panics, he doesn’t want Jaehyun to go just yet.

“But,” Jacob manages, standing up to face Jaehyun. “You’re soccer captain, the most popular kid in school, the over-achiever - and I’m just a freaking nobody. It just doesn’t feel real to me-” Jaehyun cuts him off, yanking Jacob’s hand and placing it over his chest - Jaehyun’s heartbeat was racing. Jacob was stunned, he never expected that.

“Does this feel real to you, Jacob?” Jaehyun asks softly, bringing both of Jacob’s hands to his cheeks. “If I only want you, you don’t have to worry about who wants me.”

Jacob feels his knees buckle at Jaehyun’s intent gaze. He can feel Jaehyun’s sincerity through both his words and actions. Jacob smiles, enveloping the taller man in a hug. When they pull back, Jaehyun’s smiling so widely, Jacob can’t help but laugh.

“But just so you know - I totally liked you first…” Jacob teases, poking Jaehyun’s chest playfully. Jaehyun only giggles, leaning in to kiss Jacob.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m just happy you’re mine.”