When Kyuhyun and Heechul's lives changed it was unexpected. They weren't looking to change anything at the time. Their lives were pretty average, they had jobs, an apartment, pets and an active social life. Kyuhyun would describe their life as that of a classically childless couple. And to be honest, they enjoyed that. They could go on spontaneous trips away, have romantic nights in with cheese and wine, go out on dates whenever and hang out with friends. Well, fellow childless friends anyway. A few of their friends were married with kids, or a combination thereof. Kyuhyun is sure his relationship with Heechul is forever but they're unmarried and childless. Kyuhyun thinks that lets them be the kids for longer. Maybe they'll get married at some point but nobody was in a rush. Getting tipsy at other people's weddings was way more fun.
Their friends Leeteuk and Kangin are married with two boys, Ryeowook and Yesung aren't married but have one daughter (who was unplanned, but not unwanted) and Donghae and Eunhyuk recently got married. Kyuhyun predicts that they'll probably have kids soon, Donghae is pretty desperate. They're definitely running out of childless friends but that isn't something that bothers them. They can just do things together, they can have as much couple time as they want.
So they were enjoying their lives and their lifestyle. They weren't in any hurry to change things. But sometimes your plans don't work out how you imagined them. Sometimes life throws you a curveball.
And it did.
At first he thinks it's a hangover (he wouldn't have had anything to drink if he'd known, but he and Heechul were kinda frequent drinkers at the time.) He thinks it's a hangover, but it keeps going on and on.
"It's not a hangover" he sighs miserably, after just bringing up his stomach contents for the umpteenth time that day.
"I've been saying that" Heechul replies to him "you have a bug or something."
"Ugh, why haven't you got it then?" He groans.
"Superior immune system, I don't know" Heechul replies, not very sympathetic.
"I hope you get it," Kyuhyun tells him spitefully before flopping on their bed.
"If you're going to stay home again can you feed Bok and Heebum?" Heechul replies, unbothered.
"The smell of the wet food makes me want to vomit" he complains.
"So? You're already vomiting anyway?" Heechul shrugs.
"I hate you so much" Kyuhyun groans but gets up to do the chore all the same. He feels a little lightheaded as he goes but not enough for Heechul to notice.
Both animals follow him excitedly, knowing what's coming. Bok jumps at his heels while Heebum meows loudly. One good thing about being sick is he's been able to spend time with them.
He takes out the cans of both cat food and dog food but only gets as far as opening the cat food before he has to vomit again. He hasn't got time to run to the bathroom so he ends up bringing up his stomach acid in the sink.
"Ew" Heechul says.
"I told you" he groans.
"I'll do it then" he says "what are you? Pregnant?"
Kyuhyun looks at him in horror.
"What?" He says, eyes wide.
" Are you pregnant?" Heechul asks him, frowning.
"No… I'm not… am I?" Kyuhyun panics, trying to remember if there were any times that they weren't careful enough.
"Could you be?" Heechul asks again, more serious this time.
"I don't… there were a few times maybe?" Kyuhyun worries.
"There were some evenings we drank and my memory is a little fuzzy" Heechul admits.
"Oh jesus… I guess I can't say for sure that I'm not" Kyuhyun says.
"Do you want me to get you a test?" Heechul offers, Kyuhyun is secretly grateful. Buying a test, even though he's an adult, would be so embarrassing.
"Get me one while you're at work, I'll wait for you" Kyuhyun tells him.
"Sure, look, try not to panic okay? Maybe it's just a bug" Heechul tries to reassure him.
"That's really easy for you to say, it's not your body" Kyuhyun grumbles.
"It's going to change my life too," he reminds Kyuhyun.
"Ugh, whatever, go" Kyuhyun says, gesturing vaguely at the door.
"Okay, get some rest while I'm gone" he says nicely, like Kyuhyun hasn't been a brat all morning. This of course, annoys Kyuhyun even more than if he'd bit.
He kind of convinces himself that he isn't pregnant throughout the day. Since he feels so sick, all day. That's too extreme for morning sickness isn't it? Isn't morning sickness just throwing up in the morning? Kyuhyun sleeps for the rest of the day, only waking to up to vomit at regular intervals. That's how a bug behaves, surely? No, he isn't pregnant.
He wakes up in the evening, groggy and nauseous to find Heechul already home. Heechul is just watching tv with the animals curled up either side of him.
"You could have woken me" Kyuhyun says as he gingerly next to Bok on the couch.
"I thought you needed the rest" Heechul tells him "you feeling any better?"
"Not at all" Kyuhyun replies "that probably means it's a bug, right? That I'm not pregnant?"
"I don't know" Heechul answers "if you want dinner I have some in the fridge for you."
"No, no" Kyuhyun shakes his head, frowning in disgust "I don't want dinner. But I do want to take the test."
"You wanna get it over with?" Heechul asks him.
"Yes" Kyuhyun confirms "I just want to know the answer."
"Alright then" Heechul says, getting up off the couch, much to Bok and Heebum's dismay. "Let me go get it out of my bag."
Kyuhyun takes the test in their ensuite bathroom and Heechul waits outside. Kyuhyun is glad that they're doing this together. He feels much better with the support, rather than hiding it and fretting.
He comes out of the bathroom and launches himself straight into Heechul's arms. Heechul holds him close and Kyuhyun savours the feeling. He only likes to let Heechul see this side of him if he's feeling really vulnerable. He doesn't like to be an emotional person if he can help it.
"It's gonna be alright" Heechul tells him "whatever it is, we'll work it out."
"I like our life how it is," Kyuhyun says.
"I do too" Heechul replies "but what I mean is, whatever comes next, I wanna do it with you."
"Okay" Kyuhyun sighs "it's not that I don't want kids. I just… I guess I was just enjoying us being us."
"I know" Heechul replies "you know I want kids eventually but neither of us are in a rush."
"I guess it's not the end of the world if it's positive. Just a big adjustment" Kyuhyun says, mulling it over.
"You can probably check it now," Heechul reminds him.
Kyuhyun takes a deep breath as he turns the test over.
"Can they be faulty?" He asks.
"It's possible but very unlikely" Heechul answers. Kyuhyun looks down at the pink plus sign that has just rearranged his entire life.
"I think I'm actually pregnant, Heechul," he says shakily.
"Is it positive?" Heechul asks nervously.
"It is" Kyuhyun tells him, handing him the test.
"Well, fuck" Heechul says, frowning as he studies it. Like if he stares hard enough the result might change.
"Fuck doesn't begin to cover it" Kyuhyun worries.
"We're gonna figure it out together," Heechul assures him.
That is all Kyuhyun needs to hear, for now.
Kyuhyun begins to feel more pregnancy symptoms once he actually knows. This is probably because he is now looking for, and expecting them. But it doesn't make it any less overwhelming. Mainly that he's exhausted almost all the time but another weird thing is that he goes from starving to desperately ill again all in the same hour. Heechul thinks he's being an idiot for eating when his stomach is so sensitive but Heechul doesn't get just how hungry he gets.
It's frustrating because to an outsider, like Heechul, he's making the same mistake over and over and then complaining about it. But to Kyuhyun both feelings are extreme and he feels that they are in control, not him.
That and he's becoming super emotional. Something he abhors in other people. He puts up with some mushy stuff from Heechul, but that's part and parcel of being in a relationship. Kyuhyun has chosen to tolerate the things Heechul does that annoy him. But lately he's been clingy and needy. Heechul seems to be finding it amusing, which annoys Kyuhyun even more.
Mainly because of Kyuhyun's emotional instability they haven't even discussed what they're going to do yet. Having a baby is a huge step, especially when they weren't planning on one. Kyuhyun isn't sure how set he is on the idea of kids. Heechul wants children, and Kyuhyun respects that. He used to say very vocally that he didn't want children, but being in a serious relationship has changed his mind some. He can maybe see himself having children with Heechul. But not with anybody else.
He doesn't think he's particularly good with other people's kids. It's funny, because Heechul claims to definitely want children but he's kind of awkward with other people's kids too. Maybe he's one of those people who believes it's different when they're your own. Heechul likes cleanliness and order and kids are basically the antithesis of that. Kyuhyun hopes Heechul has really thought about what that all means, because if they're going to take that next step Kyuhyun doesn't want them to be naive about it. Kyuhyun found himself warming more to his friends' children, because he spends more time with them. But he very much used to dislike children and feel that he'd hate parenthood. He does feel that this is changing, especially the longer he is with Heechul and the more time they spend with their friends' children. But still… Kyuhyun doesn't want to have a baby and then end up resenting them. That would be horrible and unfair on everyone. Does he have it in him to be a great, attentive parent?
"I think so" Heechul tells him when Kyuhyun asks.
"I'm really worried that I'm not cut out for it" Kyuhyun admits "imagine how miserable it will be if we all grow to hate each other."
"I know that won't happen," Heechul says confidently.
"How can you know that?" Kyuhyun asks him. He doubts Heechul's confidence very much.
"Okay, well I can't guarantee you won't fall out of love with me" Heechul says "but I am very sure you won't fall out of love with your child."
"Why then? Humor me" Kyuhyun sighs.
"Think of it this way, you weren't crazy about pets when we moved in together" Heechul explains "but could you give up Bok and Heebum now?"
"No," Kyuhyun replies, "I can't imagine life without them."
"Exactly. You reluctantly accepted that they were a part of my life and let them into yours. Now you walk Bok more than I do" Heechul reminds him.
This is completely true. Kyuhyun had very little interest in having pets before he and Heechul moved in together. It's not like he hated animals or anything, he just didn't really want the responsibility of owning one. Now, he would like to argue that Bok and Heebum are as much his as they are Heechul's. Kyuhyun would be deeply devastated to lose them if he and Heechul separated.
"This is a human though, not a cat or a dog" he says, he gets the comparison but he isn't quite convinced.
"It's bigger than getting a dog" Heechul agrees "it would be a harder adaptation but I still think you'd do it and you'd do amazing at it."
"Your faith in me is flattering" Kyuhyun tells him "I just want to be sure."
"Do you want children at all?" Heechul asks the million dollar question.
"I've been trying to come up with a definite answer to that… and I think my answer is yes, but only if I'm with you. I just thought it would happen later" Kyuhyun admits.
"Well I wouldn't want to be having children with anyone else…" Heechul says, like it's obvious.
"I know" Kyuhyun replies. Just because they aren't married doesn't mean they don't consider their relationship to be permanent. Kyuhyun doesn't see himself with anyone else. He feels that this is forever.
"We don't have to" Heechul tells him "if you're not ready…"
"I don't… I don't want to kill it either" Kyuhyun says, biting his lip. ''This is a really hard position to be in."
"Let's say you decide you do want to do this" Heechul tells him "you have just under nine months of having the baby grow in your belly to get used to the idea. I think you would probably warm to them over that time."
"I think… I'm not cold to them. I'm just worried that I, as a person won't cope. I'm worried that I'll be a bad parent and that'll fuck our kid up" he tells Heechul.
"Kyuhyun" Heechul says "I think the fact that you've thought about this and clearly care so deeply is a good indication that you are capable."
"I do think I want to do this… I think. I'm just really anxious" Kyuhyun admits to him.
"I'm anxious too, if that helps. I just love you a lot and I know I'll enjoy having a family with you" Heechul tells him with a soft smile. Kyuhyun quietly imagines a child running around their apartment, Heechul smiling at them like that. Kyuhyun feels warmth spread through his chest as he imagines a child, half him and half Heechul, playing with him. In that moment he imagines how much that baby will be loved and he realises that it's a hell of a lot.
"Yeah that's… that's what makes me wanna do this. Because I'm with you and I do think I'll love our baby… it's just a lot to get used to" Kyuhyun tells him.
"So you do want to?" Heechul asks hopefully.
"I wanna do it with you, yeah" Kyuhyun confirms.
"I think we'll be great parents, a great team" Heechul tells him with a big smile.
"I hope so, we're gonna have to change a lot," Kyuhyun says, he thinks about how not-baby-proof their apartment probably is. And that's just the beginning.
"Maybe we just needed a push" Heechul suggests. Kyuhyun wonders if they'd have taken the plunge if they hadn't been forced to decide. Maybe they wouldn't have. Maybe they'd get to forty-plus and regret it?
Kyuhyun doesn't think they'll regret this. Not in the long run.
Kyuhyun spends the entirety of his first trimester desperately sick. Heechul isn't really laughing at him anymore, instead he's worried that Kyuhyun isn't keeping down enough nutrients. Kyuhyun hasn't been working because he isn't able to. He's not sure if he's going to be able to go back at all. It's worrying but they can get by on Heechul's job alone, Kyuhyun just doesn't like the idea of that entire burden falling onto Heechul's shoulders alone.
"How much leave do you have?" Heechul asks Kyuhyun.
Heechul is getting ready for work. In his smart clothes, all put together and ready to go. Kyuhyun has just been vomiting his guts out, still in his pyjamas and entirely disheveled.
"Not enough" Kyuhyun complains "I'm going to run out."
"Why don't you run it out?" Heechul suggests "run it out and then leave."
" Leave?" Kyuhyun exclaims "I'll be having a baby and jobless."
"I'm not jobless and we're a couple" Heechul reminds him "I don't know, were you planning on going straight back to work after?"
"I don't know… I assumed I would. Maybe you should be the one to stay home?" He asks. He doesn't know if Heechul wants this or not but he doesn't want to assume one way or the other.
"That would be counterproductive. You are going to need time to heal from giving birth at the very least" Heechul points out "nobody has to stay home."
"That's true, does that mean we'd have to put our kid in daycare?" Kyuhyun mulls over the idea. Straight away he hates it. Newborn babies are so vulnerable, he thinks that they should be with their parents.
"If neither of us stay home then I'd say so" Heechul replies.
"I don't know if I like that… imagine being a tiny baby left with strangers…" Kyuhyun makes a face. The more he imagines it the more he hates it. Maybe he needs to think about this more concretely, does it matter if he doesn't work for a year or so? Financially, not really. It's more of a pride thing. Kyuhyun wanted to be seen as modern or whatever.
"They would be strangers if it became regular," Heechul tells him. Kyuhyun decides that to hell with being modern. He wants his baby with him at all times.
"I still don't like it… maybe you're right… I could stay home and they'd be safe with me" he tells Heechul.
"We still have time to decide… I won't fault you if you want to work" Heechul shrugs. Kyuhyun realises that Heechul perhaps hasn't had the same realization as him.
"Well, I can't go back to work now… I don't know when I can go back" he says "I think I do want to stay at home, as long as we can afford it."
"We can afford it" Heechul says softly "I just want you to be happy."
"I can always go back to work if I'm unhappy," Kyuhyun points out.
"We have tons of time to work all this out" Heechul says "but I support you, especially if you wanna leave this job when your leave runs out. You've been so sick, it can't be good for the baby to be stressed as well."
"Is it supposed to be this horrible? Am I doing something wrong?" Kyuhyun sighs.
"I don't really think you can do being pregnant wrong, unless, I guess you smoke and drink or something…" Heechul muses.
"I've seen so many people enjoying this and I'm just… always sick" he complains.
"I think it's supposed to get better around now, so maybe there's hope for you" Heechul suggests, rather unhelpfully.
"I'm not sure why I expected you to help me feel better," Kyuhyun remarks.
"That's on you" Heechul laughs "you should know me better by now."
"Yeah well, jokes on you when you want more kids and I'm not available" Kyuhyun mock-threatens.
"You'll love our baby so much that you'll forget about all the bad bits" Heechul says with a stupidly smug smile.
"You can't know that for sure," Kyuhyun argues. As it stands now, he never wants to do this again. He can't imagine anything changing his mind, not even a broody Heechul.
"I can't but I'm taking an educated guess" he says.
"You're the least educated person I know" Kyuhyun hits back.
"I'm highly educated in knowing you" Heechul hums, apparently not taking any offense of Kyuhyun's comments.
"Go to work and stop bothering me" Kyuhyun grumbles, waving him off.
Heechul chuckles, knowing that he has won the argument. At least for now.
Kyuhyun does eventually begin to feel a bit better. It's an improvement anyway, he still gets very ill very unpredictably but he will take that over feeling like death all the time. He's eating more now that he's feeling a little better, which seems to be lessening Heechul's worries. He hasn't gone back to work though. The longer this goes on the more Kyuhyun thinks that Heechul's plan of resigning when his leave runs out is the right one. He thinks that Heechul is secretly relieved that Kyuhyun won't have the added stress of work.
Kyuhyun enjoys the weekends the most, because Heechul is home with him. He knows he's being very clingy but he can't bring himself to be embarrassed about it anymore. Heechul can try growing a whole person for nine months and then get back to him. He savors their Saturday morning sleep-ins, knowing these will be a distant memory once the baby arrives. He snuggles under the covers and pulls Heechul in closer. Heechul makes a sleepy sound, but continues cuddling Kyuhyun nonetheless. Kyuhyun thanks the heavens that he currently doesn't feel nauseous and won't have to get up and ruin this moment. There is a part of him that wishes they could just stay like this forever.
"You're not puking?" Heechul says, still sleepy but clearly awake enough to realise what's going on.
"I feel okay" Kyuhyun says quietly "I'm as surprised as you are."
"Good" Heechul replies "I told you it would get better."
"I'm not getting up" Kyuhyun tells him "I want to enjoy this."
Heechul stays where he is, wrapped around Kyuhyun as close as he can get.
"I'm not going anywhere" he says, humming contentedly.
Kyuhyun lets himself enjoy the warmth of his lover's body heat and the comfort of his touch. He listens to the rhythm of Heechul's steady breathing and closes his eyes. Content to drift off again.
"I love you" he says dreamily, almost asleep.
"I love you too" Heechul tells him, full of meaning. It hits Kyuhyun right in the chest in ways he couldn't have predicted. All of a sudden his eyes are welling and he lets out a small, involuntary sob.
"Are you crying?" Heechul asks him.
"No" is all Kyuhyun can reply, but Heechul knows he is lying. And badly.
"Why?" Heechul asks him.
"I'm just happy. Okay?" Kyuhyun whines.
"You're happy?" Heechul asks sceptically.
"I really love you and us and just… shut up okay. This moment is being ruined" Kyuhyun tells him, now annoyed.
"You're the one who is ruining it, not me" Heechul tells him.
"You're so annoying" Kyuhyun grumbles.
"I love you too. You're just hormonal, aren't you?" Heechul asks with amusement.
"No… maybe… shut up" Kyuhyun groans.
"Okay Kyu" Heechul replies with a laugh "I love you, even if you're crazy."
"I'm not crazy" Kyuhyun grumbles as Heechul moves his hand down to Kyuhyun's stomach.
"You're allowed to be" he says "Kyu…" he suddenly stops, cutting himself off.
"Kyu don't go crazy but… is your stomach bigger?" He asks. Kyuhyun might be a bit of an emotional mess right now but he's not crazy enough to be offended by a comment like that.
"Huh… no… I don't know" Kyuhyun replies.
This forces him to wake up. He places his own hand on his belly, swatting away Heechul's in annoyance. Maybe Heechul is right, maybe his stomach feels a little fuller. It's hard to tell just by touch alone so he sits up, to Heechul's chagrin, and lifts up the shirt he'd worn to bed last night.
"That's definitely a baby bump" Heechul says, Kyuhyun isn't sure if he's teasing or not. So he just ignores him.
He's right though, his belly is bigger, sort of. It's not like it got massive overnight but it's definitely fuller. Kind of like he's bloated or something. It's something he could easily hide with an oversized shirt and he thinks most of his pants would still fit. But it's just enough for him and Heechul to notice.
"It's like… it's actually happening," Kyuhyun says in amazement.
"That is usually what happens during a pregnancy" Heechul deadpans. Kyuhyun resists the urge to hit him.
"Shut up, you know exactly what I mean" he snipes.
"Yeah, I do," Heechul says, placing his hand just below Kyuhyun's belly button.
"That is my dna and your dna mixed together to make a person" Kyuhyun says "and it still trips me out that this is happening inside me."
"God help us" Heechul jokes "my dna and yours combined."
"The word stubborn comes to mind," Kyuhyun says, thinking about all their traits combined. Heechul is normally the crazy one with unpredictable emotions. Kyuhyun is sharp-tongued and sometimes acts a little superior. They're definitely in trouble.
"Stubborn and rude probably" Heechul replies.
"Our kid is going to talk back, we're fucked" Kyuhyun tells him.
"For the first time in our lives we're going to be the ones telling someone else to behave" Heechul grins.
"I should not be allowed to be responsible for a child," Kyuhyun says.
"Our kid is going to be evil and you're secretly going to love it," Heechul laughs.
"Love it when they sass other people maybe, not when they sass me" Kyuhyun reminds him.
"We're gonna have competition," Heechul replies. Apparently he's not that worried about what a terrible combination their DNA might be. Kyuhyun lowkey worried they've accidentally made a monster.
"Oh no!" Kyuhyun exclaims "what if I get a mini Kim Heechul with all the crazy moods."
"You're the one with crazy moods currently" Heechul points out.
"And that's not fair, because for the entirety of our relationship you have always been the moody one" Kyuhyun complains.
"I'll take it as a taste of my own medicine," Heechul tells him with a shrug.
"Except you have to be nice to me because I'm carrying your baby" Kyuhyun says, resting his hand on his stomach, just above where Heechul's is.
"Being nice to you is hard" Heechul says jokingly "but I'll try." He kisses Kyuhyun's cheek and secretly, deep down Kyuhyun loves the affection.
"It's still early" Kyuhyun tells him "I want to go back to sleep and I want you to hold me."
"Alright, bossy" Heechul replies as they both get back under the covers and lay down.
They cuddle together close like before, but this time both hands are anchored on Kyuhyun's stomach. And they fall asleep so intertwined.
Kyuhyun doesn't get that second wind feeling that a lot of people describe in the second trimester. He feels as exhausted as he ever was and while his nausea has improved his appetite has increased. He finds himself a pretty grumpy combination of hungry and tired almost all the time. And to top it all off his belly has 'popped' so to speak. That's the word Heechul used anyway. It's properly round now and he can only just see his feet. It happened very suddenly in a huge growth spurt that left Kyuhyun's back and stomach muscles aching and a variety of angry red stretch marks littering his stomach. He can't take Bok on as longer walks as he used to now as his feet hurt much easier. Bok doesn't seem too bothered by this, especially as Heechul will take him out on a second walk to substitute Kyuhyun's pathetic ones. But Kyuhyun misses the activity. He misses just wandering around with Bok and enjoying the scenery. It's not that he regrets being pregnant or wishes it wasn't happening he just wishes he could enjoy it more. Why doesn't he get to glow like some other people do? Why can't he have that second wind of energy? He just wants to feel good for one day and just enjoy the fact that he's getting this incredible experience with his baby.
"Sometimes it's just like that" Heechul tells him, he thinks that this is supposed to be a comfort but it really isn't.
"I don't feel good at all," Kyuhyun complains. "I want to just be energetic for one day."
"I have been reading forums and stuff and everyone on there says that sometimes you just don't cope as well as some other people" Heechul explains.
"I know this," Kyuhyun says curtly, "it doesn't make me feel any better."
"I really wish I could do something," Heechul replies, sounding more sincere this time.
"It's okay" Kyuhyun sighs "I know you can't do anything. I'm just frustrated."
"You get to feel them kick though, that must be nice" Heechul suggests.
"That is" Kyuhyun agrees "you'll feel it soon enough though."
Kyuhyun has to admit he does enjoy feeling the little flutters of movement in his belly. It helps him feel more bonded to the baby. He finds himself touching his stomach a lot, even when he's in a public place like the supermarket. He also talks to his stomach sometimes, when Heechul isn't around of course.
He never thought he'd be this person. He's always found it a bit cringey seeing pregnant people rubbing their stomach's in public. But he can't really help it, it's like a reflex and he feels much more connected to the baby when he does it. Plus, his stomach is starting to get really big and it's almost always in the way.
The worst part though is that it is impacting his sleep. Kyuhyun values his sleep above all else, if he can sleep in he wants to. If he can have a nap, he wants to. And he especially wants to sleep peacefully through the night. His back aches a lot, to the point that Heechul is worrying about him rather than teasing him. Kyuhyun just kind of wishes that it would be over already. He doesn't know if that's some kind of bad omen that he is wishing away his pregnancy. He hopes not, just because he hates being pregnant doesn't mean he hates the baby. In fact he wants to meet them really badly. He's worried about whether he'll be a good parent, he doesn't think he'll ever stop worrying about that but his love for his child overrides this.
"I hope I get to feel kicks soon" Heechul tells him, "it'd be nice to feel a bit more connected."
"I want that for you too" Kyuhyun replies "but know that the kicks are like, the only enjoyable part of this."
"Really? Is it that bad?" Heechul asks him.
"Everything hurts, I'm exhausted, I can't sleep and I go from being hungry to being sick in the blink of an eye. I kind of just want to curl up in bed all the time and it sucks" Kyuhyun complains. He doesn't know how to explain it to Heechul but he just feels beat.
"You love laying in bed and being lazy" Heechul points out. It's true, he does love a good lazy day in but this is different. This is exhaustion with no relief, it's maddening.
"Not when my belly is being weighed down by a baby" he sighs.
"You're not even in the third trimester yet" Heechul reminds him. Kyuhyun doesn't even want to go there yet.
"I know" Kyuhyun groans "kill me."
"It'll be worth it when the baby is here" Heechul assures him, which he doesn't doubt. But it's much harder to swallow at the moment.
"I know that" he snips "cuddle me until I feel better."
"You are so demanding" Heechul complains, but does as he's told anyway.
He lets Kyuhyun settle in between Heechul's legs as they lounge on the sofa. Heechul winds his arms around Kyuhyun and brings them to rest on his stomach.
"You love me" Kyuhyun replies, enjoying the touch.
"You are so lucky that I'm in love with you" Heechul tells him with a laugh.
"Yeah, well you're so lucky that I'm having your baby" Kyuhyun hits back.
"I can't really argue with that" Heechul concedes "you're a trooper."
"Damn right I am" Kyuhyun tells him.
"I do love you" Heechul says "even if you're a pain in my ass."
"Me and the kid are gonna be double the pain in your ass" Kyuhyun says with a laugh.
"You're gonna gang up on me?" Heechul grins.
"I'm going to train them so well," Kyuhyun tells Heechul with an evil smile.
"I'm terrified" Heechul jokes, leaning forward a little to give Kyuhyun a kiss on the cheek.
Kyuhyun doesn't like to admit that he likes affection, he often despises couples who kiss and cuddle in public. But here, in the privacy of their own home, Kyuhyun lets himself enjoy it. Being pregnant is the best time to be soft, anyway.
Kyuhyun is ready to pop. He understands the meaning of the expression now. He can barely do anything for himself anymore and it's endlessly frustrating. He's tired and very, very done with being pregnant. He spends a lot of his days finding creative ways to get up off the couch and change positions. Luckily a week before his due date Heechul takes his leave from his job.
He lays on the couch, to be honest it's not very comfortable but nowhere is comfortable so he stays there. He lays on the couch, doing his best to get through Braxton Hicks contractions while Heechul heats up a heat pack for him in the microwave. The animals are both circling around Heechul's feet in the hopes that he is getting food. They're gonna be very disappointed.
It's not like crazy painful but it's annoying enough to bother him. It feels like strong cramps and it's not particularly regular, which is how Kyuhyun knows it's not real labour. He had to google it first, because he and Heechul are still just clueless first time parents at the end of the day. Heechul was all gung ho ready to go to the hospital but Kyuhyun googled it, while forcing Heechul to ring a nurse first. Based on Kyuhyun's frantic googling and Heechul's short, nervous conversation with a nurse they concluded that it was in fact false labour. It's just another thing Kyuhyun has to put up with until this baby gets out of him.
"Still hurts?" Heechul asks him, handing him the warm heat pack.
"Uh-huh" Kyuhyun replies, too distracted by his discomfort to bother being snarky. This clearly worries Heechul, who squats down next to him by the couch.
"Just lift my legs up and sit" Kyuhyun instructs, he thinks he'd feel a bit better if he and Heechul were touching at least.
"Tell me if I hurt you" he asks with concern.
"You can't hurt me" Kyuhyun says, "that part of me doesn't hurt."
"Well I don't know what it feels like" he replies, sitting down before Kyuhyun folds his legs over Heechul's lap.
Kyuhyun ignores him and presses the heat pack against his stomach. It's sort of helpful. It's better than nothing anyway.
"Heebum is annoyed that we've stolen his couch" Heechul says, gesturing to where Heebum is perched on the arm of the chair. He does look kind of put out.
"Sorry Heebum" Kyuhyun says "he's going to be very shocked when we bring home a baby."
"He is" Heechul agrees, scratching Heebum's head as a consolation prize. "He's old now, and he's used to it just being us. He adapted well to you coming along though."
"He was okay with Bok and Bok's kind of annoying," Kyuhyun points out jokingly.
"Don't talk about Bok that way!" Heechul gasps in mock-offense.
" I love Bok, but you can't deny he annoys Heebum sometimes" Kyuhyun clarifies.
"Heebum doesn't mind him" Heechul says "I think Heebum will struggle more with a kid."
"I think Bok will probably like them and I think Heebum will need time to warm up," Kyuhyun says.
"We just need to give Heebum his alone time when he gets overwhelmed" Heechul suggests. Kyuhyun thinks this is probably the way to go if they want the cat and the baby to get along.
"I think so" Kyuhyun agrees " ah… " he stops as a particularly nasty contraction hits.
" Ah… sorry" he says, exhaling as his muscles loosen.
"Don't be sorry" Heechul tells him "if it hurts yell."
"It's not too bad it's just randomly kind of nasty" he explains "like, I feel a lot better now."
"This baby has really put your body to the test" Heechul points out.
"I know I'm not supposed to say this but… I hate being pregnant, it's been horrible" Kyuhyun groans.
"You can say whatever you want to me, I have no idea how it feels, I can't judge you" Heechul tells him. Kyuhyun is thankful for this, he feels like there's this expectation on him to be all sunshine and happiness. Like he should just be thrilled about every part of his pregnancy all the time because he's creating life and that's so beautiful. He absolutely hates that idea, there's very little about growing a life that is pretty.
"I'm glad" Kyuhyun replies "I hope you appreciate me and love the crap out of this kid because I'm not doing it again."
"Never again?" Heechul asks curiously.
"Never. Not even if we have the most well-behaved angel baby in the world" Kyuhyun confirms. He's decided that he cannot do this again, just physically speaking. He loves the baby and he's happy to be having a child but it's been hard on him. He can't do it again.
"That's unlikely" Heechul laughs "you plus me does not equal well-behaved."
"Well, treasure the child you're about to have because they're gonna be an only child" Kyuhyun tells him before letting out a small hiss of pain again.
"I will treasure them" Heechul says "you've done really well considering how hard this has been on your body. I won't push you to do this again."
"Thank you" Kyuhyun tells him sincerely "just because we're a small family doesn't make us less of one."
"No way" Heechul agrees "plus we have two great fur-kids."
"Our family wouldn't be our family without them," Kyuhyun agrees.
Kyuhyun goes into real labour a week and a half after his actual due date. He sits at home for a while instead of going to the hospital but he's a little bit afraid of being sent home. So he stays at home and just focuses on breathing through the contractions. It's okay when they are far apart, he has time to recover or ask for a heat pack or whatever. Just time to prepare for the next one coming. He goes between needing to pace their living room up and down to sitting on the couch when he gets too exhausted. Heechul is very anxious and keeps suggesting that they go to the hospital but Kyuhyun doesn't concede until his water breaks.
Even then he doesn't go straight away. He has a shower first, makes Heechul feed the animals and gets changed. Heechul already has the hospital bag ready to go, he's had it ready since Kyuhyun's first Braxton Hicks contraction. Kyuhyun thinks doing things like that makes him feel more useful so he lets him.
Kyuhyun thinks that once they get to the hospital it's probably going to all happen quickly. He assumes that because his water has broken, his contractions are five minutes apart and quite painful that he's basically ready to start pushing. But he isn't. He's admitted, because his water has broken.
Instead he labours for hours. He decides to try it without pain relief for a while but eventually he gets worn down. So he gets an epidural and thinks, okay, not long now, but still he is waiting around for longer. So much longer that he sleeps and eventually has the epidural begin to wear off.
It goes on for so long that his doctor is called in and he suggests Kyuhyun opt for a caesarean. Kyuhyun is tired, and he agrees. He just wants to meet the baby at this point.
While the operation is classed as an emergency c-section because it was unscheduled it's actually quite a calm experience. He's completely numb and deliriously tired, he mostly just has to lay there. The doctor talks him through it well and he doesn't really have to wonder what is happening or worry if the baby is okay. He's grateful his doctor is so on top of it all. Heechul keeps telling him that he's so proud of him and that he's done so well. But Kyuhyun is just tired, he wants to hold his baby and then sleep.
Kyuhyun is sort of jolted back awake by the doctor announcing that the baby is out. Kyuhyun can hear the crying and the doctor holds the tiny infant over the surgical screen so Kyuhyun can see them.
"It's a girl!" The doctor exclaims and Heechul smiles so big that it even surprises Kyuhyun. He does think that deep down Heechul really likes the idea of having a daughter.
Heechul disappears to cut the cord and Kyuhyun thinks he can actually hear him crying. Kyuhyun is a little in shock but he's happy. A girl. A baby girl… a daughter. Their only child will be a daughter. Kyuhyun sighs happily as the information sinks in.
A nurse brings her around, cord cut and clamped to see Kyuhyun. She places his daughter next to his face and as he hears her whimpering cries Kyuhyun finally realises why Heechul was so emotional. She's incredible. She's perfect. She's theirs. He can't help but tear up as his face touches hers. She cries a little softer as she's brought closer to him and Kyuhyun thinks he could stay there forever. He feels almost physically pained when she's taken away. The nurse apologises, but he understands. She has to go get her newborn tests and measurements. Heechul watches over her as the nurses do their thing. Kyuhyun can't see what they're doing, but Heechul's calmness puts him at ease.
Kyuhyun has to wait to be reunited with her again. He has to get sewn up and spend some time in recovery. Heechul is originally with their daughter but Kyuhyun requests a nurse to get him for him. He's feeling overwhelmed and all the painkillers are starting to wear off.
"I'm here" he promises when he gets there "the nurses said that in an hour or so they can bring Cherry to you."
"Cherry" Kyuhyun slurs, confused.
"That's what I've been calling her," Heechul says.
"Don't I get a say?" Kyuhyun asks tiredly.
"Of course you do. I just have always wanted to call my daughter Cherry" Heechul tells him.
"It's a cute nickname," Kyuhyun agrees, almost shutting his eyes and drifting off but then Heechul decides to speak again.
"I was thinking maybe we could register her as Cherry? We can give her a Korean name too" Heechul suggests tentatively.
"Cherry is cute, she grew in my belly like a little fruit" Kyuhyun muses, smiling. He laughs, if this is him drugged up after surgery it's the worst high he's ever had.
"Yeah and it's a unique name, nobody will ever have the same name as her" Heechul encourages.
"That's true, do you think people will be able to pronounce it?" He wonders out loud.
"People have english names all the time, why not?" Heechul shrugs in reply.
"I suppose so… she will be our only so I guess we should make her name unique" Kyuhyun replies. A unique name to go with how special she is. It seems to make sense.
"So next, Cho Cherry or Kim Cherry?" Heechul asks.
"Cho Cherry sounds weird" Kyuhyun makes a face.
"I can't believe you're suggesting we give our baby my last name" Heechul replies in amazement and yeah, Kyuhyun is a little surprised too. He thought he'd fight a little harder but Cho Cherry just doesn't sound good to his ears.
"I don't like how it sounds," he admits.
"I can't believe we're not arguing over this," Heechul says happily.
"Do it before I change my mind" Kyuhyun threatens, getting a little tired of his smug face, honestly.
"Yes sir!" Heechul grins and marches out of the room.
Only later when the drugs wear off does he realise what he's done.
Kyuhyun blames the drugs. Heechul is very excited to not only have gotten his way with the name but also gotten to give her his last name. Kyuhyun still doesn't like the way Cho Cherry sounds, but he wishes he had argued a little harder for a more normal name. Cherry is so flamboyant, which is so Heechul. Kyuhyun doesn't actually hate the name or anything he just isn't sure how okay with standing out she'll be when she gets older. Kyuhyun insists he gets to choose her Korean name, since Heechul chose Cherry, and he chooses Haewon. It's a nice name that she can choose to use when she gets older if she thinks Cherry is too weird.
It's hard not to call her Cherry though. Heechul calls her that exclusively and it's very cute. Right now she's a tiny little baby and calling her Cherry is adorable. Kyuhyun finds it hard to stop.
Every part of his body hurts, especially the incision site. It hurts to walk around and he still feels like he's the size of a house. Apparently a baby bump is not all baby, although it's much squishier now. He's exhausted and he comes to realise that Cherry is quite fussy. Kyuhyun isn't sure if she's just a sulky baby or if there's something wrong. Heechul thinks it's probably gas, which is also very likely.
Since they've brought her home they've barely gotten any sleep. Which Kyuhyun knows is normal but that doesn't make it any easier. They spend their first few nights literally just carrying Cherry around trying to get her to stop crying. She's really clingy and seems to get upset just because they put her down in her bassinet.
Kyuhyun knows that this is part of having a new baby. But it's still not really how he imagined it. Naively he was just thinking about the fun stuff and he wasn't even considering what postpartum was going to feel like. He didn't think about just how long six weeks is when you're in pain, bleeding and exhausted. He never even realised that there's such a thing as after birth contractions. They're kind of like Braxton Hicks, like short painful cramps but they just keep going on. Kyuhyun knows it's probably dumb, but he was hoping that his ordeal would be basically over now that he's no longer pregnant.
Both he and Heechul are awake, it's past midnight and Heechul is holding Cherry so that she'll sleep. Kyuhyun is awake because his stomach hurts and it's also kind of hard to sleep when your baby is being restless.
"Six weeks" Kyuhyun says "six weeks to recover."
"That's just an average," Heechul replies.
"That doesn't make me feel better" Kyuhyun snaps "I get that you're also tired but like, my entire body hurts."
"Kyuhyun if you want to sleep I can take her somewhere else or something" Heechul offers.
"No, I want you here. I can't sleep anyway, I'm in a lot of pain" Kyuhyun tells him.
"It's kind of crazy what your body has been through. I wish I could help" he sighs, looking down at Cherry, who is asleep. But she will only sleep in Heechul or Kyuhyun's arms, so they need to stay awake to hold her.
"It's okay," Kyuhyun replies, "the thing is, we do have Cherry for life. If I think about it, what is six weeks compared to the rest of our lives?"
"That's true and she will settle eventually" Heechul says "I still prefer being sleepless over not having her."
"Yeah," Kyuhyun says, his throat going dry at the thought of not having Cherry, "no… she's the most important thing. I couldn't ever give her back."
"We made her Kyu. She's ours" Heechul says, smiling at her.
"I can't believe I hesitated about having her, I feel like a different person now" he admits. He was really afraid but he's not really sure why now.
"I don't think you were going to not have her, you were just worried about things changing" Heechul replies. He's right really, it's not like Kyuhyun was going to abort her, he was just fretting about the future and his plans changing.
"I was worried I wouldn't be a good parent but… I think we're doing okay. I mean it's kinda rough with her not letting us put her down but she clearly feels safe and loves us" Kyuhyun says happily. He's tired and sore but shit, he loves his kid so much.
"We're doing okay for first timers I think" Heechul agrees.
"You were right" Kyuhyun tells him "I don't regret anything. Not even my body getting ruined."
"You're so dumb" Heechul tells him "your body isn't ruined. You're like, what, a week postpartum? Nobody looks normal after a week."
"Every time you see me naked just remember that I look like this because I gave birth to that baby you love so much"
"Shut the fuck up Kyuhyun" Heechul laughs "there is no universe where I'd stop finding you attractive."
"Noted, now I'm going to truly let myself go" he jokes.
"How did I manage to fall in love with someone so irritating?" Heechul asks.
"I ask myself the same thing daily" Kyuhyun replies with a laugh, he regrets laughing almost instantly though as it pulls on his poor abused abdominals.
"Are you alright?" Heechul asks, jokes over.
"I'm fine" Kyuhyun tells him. Weirdly, he's never felt as fine as he does right now.