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Hold onto me

Chapter 4

Notes:

Triggers: Violence, attempted rape.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Childe woke up in the afternoon after a few hours of restless sleep feeling even more tired than before. He decided to ignore the little pressure in his chest and go practice shooting with his bow, instead of dwelling in his thoughts too much. Train until his mind goes numb, until he was too physically exhausted to even think, that was his plan.

And he did just that for several hours, imagining Scaramouche’s and Signora’s faces on the training dummies, and felt slightly better. He finally decided to take a break and have some water, when realisation hit him.

Lumine had no water. Or food. He didn’t order any of his subordinates to provide for her, so nobody would do anything. Who knows when was the last time she had a decent meal before she got captured? It hadn’t been his intention to starve her! Just because he had no appetite the whole day didn’t mean she wasn’t hungry.

Childe hurried to the kitchens and asked the staff for a meal. They prepared a high-quality steak with backed potatoes and fresh, warm dinner rolls, because he didn’t tell them it was in fact for his prisoner and not for himself. He didn’t care. He placed everything in a tray along with a pouch of water and made his way to the cells.

He was greeted as soon as he stepped into Lumine’s cell. “Go away,” she said, and he could tell by her tone that she was upset.

He couldn’t deny that this him hurt a little, “is that how you greet someone who is bringing you food?”

She scoffed, “did you expect me to thank you for your generosity? I won’t.”

You put an abyssal mark on her body and tortured her not even a whole day ago, do you think a nice dinner makes up for that?

“Haha, I guess you are right,” he laughed bitterly, reminding himself that things would never be the same between them, “you should still eat, who knows when your next meal is going to be?”

Why are you being such an asshole? There is no need to threaten her.

He crouched down in front of her, placing the food tray next to them. Suddenly, Lumine reached forward and he felt a sharp pain on his left tight. The girl had a cut on her right hand, and looking down at his tight, he saw that a broken piece of glass pierced his skin. She got to her feet and bolted towards the open door of the cell.

Even though the glass pierced deep into his flesh, it didn’t slow Childe down by one bit, since he was used to wounds much worse than this. Without even bothering with the hot, slick blood blooming on his leg, he wrestled the girl down harshly, Lumine clashing into the ground face first with Childe above her. He pinned her in the floor with her hands behind her back and caged her with his legs and other arm. Lumine tried kicking and struggling, but it was pointless. That fight was over even before it begun.

“Really? What the fuck, Lumine!” he hissed through his teeth.

He pulled the glass shard from his leg like it was nothing and tossed it outside the cell. It was a piece from the medicine vial he had given her yesterday. That made him start laughing at himself. He was the one that gave her a possible weapon, and was careless enough to not even consider she would turn against him like that and let his guard down. And she didn’t even properly use it.

“What was that half-ass try, Lumine? Did you really think you could escape by stabbing me with a little piece of glass on the leg? This barely even hurts!” His grip on her wrists tightened, and she let out a small sob.

But it did hurt my feelings, he realized.

“I wasn’t trying to kill you!” she whined back, her cheek pressed to the floor.

Of course, she wasn’t. She didn’t have it in her to kill another human, not even when her own life was on the line, like in the Golden House. And even when trying to escape imprisonment, she still couldn’t kill the person who brutally tortured her. She got pushed that far, and still couldn’t. She was way too good, way too trusting, and this was going to get her killed in a world like this. In Childe’s world.

“And that is exactly where you went wrong! When you get a chance like this, you have to do it right! You go for the neck!” He shouted back at her, although he knew that even if she had killed him, she wouldn’t be able to go far.

What a weird person you are, getting mad because you weren’t stabbed properly? He asked himself.

No, that’s not it. You are mad because it’s her, of all people. Because she is the one who wanted to hurt you, answered Ajax.

Because she betrayed you. What an irony.

“Never mind. You won’t get another chance, anyway.”

She shuffled under him, “…You can’t blame me for trying. Let go… please, you are hurting me.”

He realized he was still pinning her down with much more strength than needed and rose to his feet, leaving the girl on the floor to rub her wrists.

“I suppose I can’t. But that doesn’t mean I am not angry.”

He left the cell without looking back.


Lumine didn’t know how many hours passed, but she was almost regretting stabbing Childe by now, so she dismissed the idea of using the cutlery he brought with the food to attack again. She had rationed the little water she had, but it was all gone now. She was getting thirsty again, and her stomach was growling for some time already. She wished she had some more pain medicine, too.

She managed to get some sleep, but it was too cold, her body ached all over, and the hard mattress on the ground was not especially inviting.

Lumine didn’t have anything to do. She had already searched the whole cell for any creak or weak spot on the walls, but there were none. The walls were perfectly smooth and massive, and the cell door didn’t bulge at all, not even when she threw her body against it. It hurt her, and she stopped trying.

She tried summoning her elements, but something was still wrong. The girl tried creating a breeze or a small pebble, in vain, and let a small sight escape her lips. She could feel her powers inside her, but the connection to them was off, like they were locked behind a door and her usual key didn’t fit. The connection was growing stronger with the passing hours, so the weird drug from Dottore must be wearing off. Slowly, but still.

Her stomach growled again painfully, and she groaned.

Childe won’t let me starve. Right? Does he want me to beg? To be grateful for him bringing me food? I won’t.

He helped you with your wounds, she reasoned, he brought you food and you thanked him by stabbing him.

Wounds he helped inflict! I will not feel guilty for that.

Somehow, she still wanted him to come back to see her, even if she hated him right now. She was thirsty, hungry, tired, scared, lonely, in pain and very cold.

That’s when she heard soft footsteps outside and the clicking of the lock from the cell door.

She instantly straightened herself, “Childe?”

A cold, playful voice answered, “Ah-ah. Guess again.”

Her eyes widened and she pressed herself against the wall in the far end of the cell when she saw Scaramouche coming in. Lumine would never admit it out loud, but Scaramouche still scared her much more than any other Harbingers. There was something very messed up with the look in his eyes, and the implications he made after she was caught terrified her.

“W-why are you here?” She asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “Does Childe know?”

“Oh? Did he beat you into obedience already? Didn’t think he had it in him.” He answered, his face dark. “Of course he doesn’t know, I don’t need his fucking permission to do what I want.”

Lumine felt panic rising inside her, “you- you are not supposed to touch me! He will know, and he’ll be mad!”

The sixth Harbinger chuckled, “doesn’t this make it even more interesting?”

Lumine didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing she was scared and tried looking defiant, but realized she was failing miserably.

He reached languidly for her, and Lumine bolted across the room, “oh, don’t be like that! Be a good pet and come here,” he continued, “we’ll have a good time! I even brought you a gift from Dottore, just look at how popular you are.”

He took a syringe with a pearly white liquid out of his robes, and Lumine felt the blood draining from her face. “No!”

She didn’t want to feel helpless like that. Her elemental abilities were recovering slowly, but she was going to be drugged again! And… and…

Her reflexes were still too slow after everything that happened, and she couldn’t keep up when Scaramouche moved towards her, now with inhuman speed, and threw her to the ground, the back of her head hitting the ground painfully.

She clawed madly at him, and managed to scratch his check, while he grabbed her jaw and turned her face, exposing most of her neck.

“No! Stop!” she cried.

“Forget what I said, it’s a lot more fun when you struggle. Say, did you struggle that much with Tartaglia?” He asked, his tongue darting out to catch a droplet of blood that came from the cut on his cheek.

She felt the sharp pain of the needle being jammed in her neck and the creeping cold of the injected liquid, followed by the familiar feeling that her whole body was burning. “Nnnm...” she whimpered, while tears formed on the corner of eyes.

“Haha, you didn’t, didn’t you? Is he more your type? Or could it be…That Tartaglia never touched you, did he?” Scaramouche’s lips touched that same spot on her neck, then he sucked her skin, his tongue lapping lazy circles over her, and Lumine shivered. “You’re mine now,” he growled, and his voice vibrated against her skin.

She felt his hand groping the front side of her dress. The dress, that was barely holding on, ripped, exposing her bra, “STOP!” she yelled.

Not this, please, anything, just not this!

He laughed coldly while he touched her, his hand traveling under her skirt. She trashed around, kicking and punching, panic now taking control of her.

“Please!”

“Yes, beg for me!”

The hand on her neck tightened and she gasped for air, now seeing dark spots dancing on her vision.

She saw a blur of grey before everything went dark.


It was already dark and Childe was outside, enjoying the ice-cold wind on his skin. He didn’t have to personally overlook the training of his new recruits, but welcomed the distraction wholeheartedly.

He was grateful for every second his mind was distracted from thinking about her, lately. If he felt betrayed and angry by her stabbing him a little, he didn’t even want to imagine how she felt. If he kept thinking about it, he would eventually go crazy.

He landed another very weak blow with his blunt training sword against one of the recruits and send him flying two meters across the snow. “That’s much better, comrade, but you still have to cover that weak spot on you left! You were totally open again. You can take five,” he said, looking at him. “Alright, who’s next?”

Suddenly, completely out of nowhere, he felt like the air was forcefully punched out of his lungs. He scrunched over himself, breath hitching.

Instantly, his assistant Vasili rushed to him, unsure of what to do. “Lord Harbinger?”

Childe was having trouble breathing, his heart hammering against his ribcage painfully and cold sweat formed on his nape. He panicked.

Am I having a heart attack? I’m having a fucking heart attack!

“Lord Harbinger, what’s wrong?”

He heard several people gathering around him. He blinked twice and concentrated. No, he was physically alright, it was not him. It was his mark! He never felt anything like that! It was never this intense and all-consuming. That meant something was wrong with Lumine and he could feel her panic like it was his own. She was in danger!

“It’s my mark,” he chocked, “I have to go!”

He broke into a run towards the palace, ignoring the cries from Vasili, and he probably never ran so fast in his life since the Abyss. He bolted through the front door, not slowing down when people stared at him, and rushed to the cellars and into Lumine’s open cell.

Please don’t be let it be too late.

He took on the scene in front of him for the fraction of a second. Lumine was on the ground under Scaramouche, dress ripped, exposing her bra, and her eyes were unfocused. The sixth Harbinger had a hand on her neck, his other hand under her skirt.

Childe’s muscles moved on their own. He lashed forward and kicked Scaramouche’s middle with all his strength, sending him flying and hitting the wall hard.

The sixth Harbinger coughed and spat a mouthful of blood out, “you always appear in the most unfortunate moments, Tartaglia.”

“What the fuck do you think you are doing? I told you not to touch her!” he spat.

“What do you think? Oh, wait, maybe you really don’t know, since you didn’t touch her yet. Do I have to teach you how this works? Where to put it?” sneered Scaramouche.

Unconsciously, his Delusion activated, sending sparks flying toward the smaller man, who responded with sparks of his own, and the air sizzled with electricity.

“You know you can’t kill me, Tar-Tar,” he mocked, so infuriatingly sure of himself.

Oh, he wanted to, but of course, he knew. He shouldn’t even be fighting him, because the Tsaritsa didn’t allow it. And he honestly didn’t know if he would win if they were to fight for real.

“I know,” he answered, now regaining control and stopping his Delusion from lashing out. Even if he managed to kill the sixth, he would have to answer for it, and no one would be there for Lumine, so he had to calm down.

He settled for grabbing the other by his vests and punching his face as hard as he could, the crack from the impact mildly satisfying his murderous intent.

Scaramouche laughed loudly, holding his bloody nose, “you better watch out, little ‘brother’. If the Tsaritsa realizes that you are not playing with your toy, she might just give it to her other child who wants it more.”

Childe barked back, “shut up!”

Childe crouched beside Lumine and swiftly lifted her in his arms.

“Where do you think you are going?” asked the sixth Harbinger.

“I’m taking her to my room. Away from you.”

Scaramouche just cackled as an answer, and made no motion to hinder him in any way. Childe ignored him, picked Lumine up in his arms and carried the girl out of the cell. She stirred a little as he climbed up the stairs.

He watched her face as she struggled to regain consciousness and open her unfocused eyes. “Childe…” her voice came out raspy and low.

“I’m here,” he whispered softly, “it’s alright, I’ve got you.”

He unlocked the hydro seal on the door of his room and went in. Ne never allowed anyone inside his chambers, not even the servants of the Palace. He always cleaned and took care of everything himself; he only got whatever he needed delivered to him. Needless to say, he never brought any girl into his room before. Other Harbingers would bring their acquaintances or lovers to the Palace from time to time, but Childe’s sexual encounters all happened somewhere else. Ne never knew anyone well enough to invite into his chambers here, or into his family home. Until he invited Lumine, months ago…

He would need to make some accommodations to make room for her, but keeping Lumine here would be much safer than the cells, away from other Harbingers who fortunately couldn’t break his hydro seal. He gently laid her on his soft four poster bed, sitting down beside her.

Lumine startled at the sudden change in position, “what happened? Where are we?” Childe felt her panic rising again, his own chest throbbing, “did he… Scaramouche?”

She was hyperventilating, glancing wildly at Childe and to her sides.

“We’re in my room, he is not here. It’s okay now, Lumine, nothing happened. Breathe. Just breathe,” he answered, placing both hands over her shoulders in an attempt to calm her.

It actually had the opposite effect. She placed her hands over Childe’s chest and pushed hard, but he just kept holding her. Feeling her fear was almost physically hurting him. “Just try to calm down.”

“No, don’t! I won’t just sit back and watch while you do whatever you want to me like Scaramouche!” she screamed.

Oh.

I’m an idiot, Childe realized, completely horrified.

After everything he said the other night, of course Lumine would think he also wanted to force himself on her. She was in his room, on his bed, he was holding her, what else would she think he was doing? He never got the change to clarify the situation for her. She actually believed he was that kind of monster.

Look at how far you’ve fallen in her eyes, Ajax.

He felt his cheeks flaming, clenched his teeth and tightened his grip on her shoulders, “Listen to me, I won’t force myself on you, I swear! I would never do that to anyone! I-I have sisters, for Archon’s sake!”

Please believe me.

“Lumine, look at me. Look into my eyes. Look deep into my eyes and tell me, do you really believe that? Do you really think I am that kind of man?” He pleaded, his voice cracking, “I am not- I am not like him.”

Amber met blue, and whatever she saw in his eyes helped, since she calmed down a little after a few heartbeats, “but- but you said…”

“I lied, okay? To try to spare you from exactly that,” he explained.

Her eyes never left his, and several more moments passed. Her breath was now slow and steady, and she finally relaxed in his grip, letting her arms fall to her sides. She seemed to deflate, and felt so, so small under him.

“This is hell,” she finally said, her voice barely a whisper.

“… I know,” he answered softly.

He wanted to hold her in his arms and shield her from everything that was wrong and wicked in this world. He wanted to comfort her and to tell her it would be alright. He wanted her to hold him and make him forget about everything. But he couldn’t.

So, he just lifted the blanket, covering her. “Sleep,” he whispered, “you are safe tonight.”

At least I can promise you this. I don’t know what will come in the future. But for tonight, I promise you, you are safe.

Notes:

Damn, I am addicted to angst. Can I stop writting it? Probably not.
Well, at least I gave you like, 100 words comfort? LEL