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Battle of Fear and Trust

Chapter Text

I felt a slight chill as I stand in the doorway. I see Centauress healer, Verdana, wrapping bandages around a Faun arm. A little way from them, Glenstorm, the Centaur holds his crying wife. In the corner I watch the Bulgy Bear Sucking on his paws with his knee against his chest and tears wetting his fur. I can't remember even seeing a sadder sight, I tell myself.

"Don't suck on your paws, you will give yourself blisters." I tell the bear, before pouring him a cup of water "Here, drink this it will help calm your nerves,"

"Thank you, Your Majesty," He says before looking down at the cup, there was a part of me that wanted to say that it would be alright. That we had planned to get Caspian the throne and free them for the Telmarines, but after everything that happened this past week, I don't see how anything will be fine again.

I take a deep breath and pick up the clean bandages I had laid on the table. "Hello Verdana, those are the rest of the bandages I could find."

"Thank you, Queen Susan," The centaur smiles as she tells the wounded soldiers. It's odd that she would still call me Queen when I've done nothing to prove I am the Queen I was before. If I was really as grand of a Queen as the Narnians like say. Maybe if I were that Queen, I would have done more to get the Narnian out of that castle before the gate closed. I would have done more to stop Peter from going through with that pointless raid.

I look around the room once more to hold back the tears I felt in my eyes. "Has my sister been here?"

"Yes, she was helping a while ago, but she said she needs to talk to your brother, the High King,"

"Thank you Verdana, I'll see if I can find her," I tell her before leaving the room. There no one was in the hall, so I lean against the wall and let my tears fall. I could not bear t look at them for much longer it hurts too much to see the pain. Knowing there is nothing I could do, I could not heal their wounds, I could not bring back their loved ones.

I wish Caspian never called us back here. What good has our return done? What was the point in learning that everyone we knew and loved was gone, that our home was in ruins and the people we suppose to protect were in hiding? Why did have to find that lamppost, we could have stayed and stopped the Telmarines from taking Narnia? I close my eyes and listen to my breathing, I shouldn't dwell on the past, what's done is done that's what Aslan use to say.

Aslan, why did you leave us?

"Aww" I hear Lucy at the end of the hall. My eyes open and I ran in her direction. What was going on? Did the Telmarines find their way into the How, what were they doing to Lucy, and where are Peter and Edmund? My heart races as hear fighting in the room with the Stone Table, my brothers must be facing them now with Caspian.

I run into the room with the Stone Table to see a blue glow, and my heart stops when I see the source of the glow. There between two pillars was a wall of ice and in that wall was the face of the woman who hunted my baby brother's dreams, the women who had oppressed our people in her eternal winter for a hundred years. What is she doing I ask myself as I notice Edmund fight a Werewolf and a Hag on the floor and the Dwarf, Nickabrik. I know during our rain the witch's follower clam they had a way bring her back, I never thought…

I see Peter standing in front of the ice wall lowering his sword as stares at the cold-hearted monster. What is he doing? I wonder as I watch her hand rest from the ice towards my brother. No "Peter!" I ran to his side, but I must have been too close to the wall and I feel a cold hand on my rest. "Aww" she tightens her grip as I try to get away.

"Susan!" the others shout, as I stare at the witch. I want to pull away, but I couldn't get myself to move. Her grip was firm and her eyes, I could not stop staring at them, they were so cold and dark you could almost see the evil she has done and the joy she got from it. My heart pounds and I can't seem to beath. The only thing I can do is watch her smile at me.

"Well, I guess you will do." She says, my eyes widened as I feel her nails start digging into my skin,

"Aww" I scream at the same time I hear shouts of my family and Caspian. My heart was pounding and my hand was growing numb. I couldn't struggle, I couldn't even look away from her. Aslan, I say in my mind, I'm sure why he not…

The ice begins to crack, she lets go of my arm. I look to see the point of a sword sticking through the ice. The witch screams as ice shatter and falls on me, and I feel it touch my skin and some even get into my eyes and mouth. Cause me to get a cold headache and shiver through my body I never felt so cold, and my world went dark.

"Susan, Susan, wake up," I open my eyes to my siblings, Trumpkin, Caspian, and a few others staring back at me.

"Are you alright?" Lucy asks as I set up to see that I still in the room with the Stone Table. I still felt ice around me as I looked at the two pillars where the ice wall stood, but now I see a craving of Aslan, and the cold feeling seemed to melt away.

Chapter Text


I turn from the carving of Aslan to see my sister standing next to me. "Did she hurt you?" she asks. I looked down at my wrist, there were marks left behind from her nails. I still feel shiver at the thought of her nails in my skin.

"My wrist still hurts, but she didn't pierce my skin," I say and let her examine my wrist. She touches the nail marks.

"It's a good thing Ed destroyed the wall when he did," she says. I turn to see Edmund leaning against a stone pillar in the corner. He stares back at me with a straight face though I can tell he is unhappy with what almost happened. I'm sure he's more mad at Peter. I can't say I'm happy with him, or at least not with how he's been acting. I look over to Peter, he's sitting on a rock and staring at the carving of Aslan. He had a solemn look on his face.

"I'm sorry," Caspian says, he stood a few paces from Peter, "When Nickabrik suggested he and his friends had to get my Uncle off the throne, I didn't think he meant betraying Aslan," He looks at the same carving. I want to look at it too but look at it will not bring him here.

"It's not your fault. Nickabrik had let his hatred control him and he was too impatient," the Badger, Trufflehunter says, looking down at his fallen friend. "I tried my best to show him Aslan's way, but I guess even a loyal beast can't change someone heart,"

"That's so sad," Lucy says next to me and we both look at the dead dwarf, through I quickly turn away. "If only he knew how close Aslan truly is."

I sigh "Lucy," I say, she turns to look me firmly in the eye.

"And what makes you so sure, the 'Lion' is so close," Trumpkin asks her. I couldn't have asked it better myself.

"I know he's close, he helped us find a way across the gorge and I saw him in the woods. That's where he is now." Lucy tells us as my arms start to shiver.

"Lucy, it was a dream," I tell her. My head starts pounding as it straight when the ice hit me.

"I may have been a Dream. Aslan often speaks through dreams; he did in our time," Edmund says and my headache grows, but this isn't our time, and dreams aren't reality.

"Where did you see him, Lu," Peter asks, at least I think it's Peter, but my head is spinning. I can barely concentrate on who was saying what anymore. I once again feel my heart pounding.

"You're all-alone Daughter of Eve. The lion won't come" I hear a voice say as more shivers run through me.

"Susan, are you sure alright?" Edmund asks me, resting his arms on my shoulder, I must have almost fallen down, but at least my head has stopped spinning. The others look at me with concern.

"Yes, it's just a headache," I tell him "Really, it's gone now," I assure them, Though they seem confused.

"Your majesty," I look to see Glenstorm standing at the entrance. "The Telmarines have made camp nearby."

"Then we have to act fast," Peter says standing up, "Glenstorm, tell the others to meet here," Then he turns to Caspian. "Caspian I want to apologize. What I said before was out of line and my behavior was anything but Kingly. Though you're not the only one I need to apologize to for my behavior," he added, looking at me, Lucy, and Edmund.

"It's alright, we forgive you," Lucy says and I smile in agreement.

"We're just glad you finally got off your high horse," Edmund says, and I watch Peter smile at Ed's words. I find myself smiling as well; it seems like he's back to his old self.

"Lucy, do you remember where you saw Aslan?" Peter asked her.

"Yes, I saw him in the woods, and I'm sure he's still there," Lucy rushes to Peter's side.

"Lucy you can't possibly think he's still there." If she had really seen him at all, I thought to myself, ignoring the part of me that wanted to agree with her.

"Susan, look. Ever since we came back, I've been leading us and I was so focused on trying to be the King I was before and in doing so lead our people to their deaths. I just stood there while the Witch was trying to come back. Susan, she was really close to breaking your wrist," I look at the nail marks the Witch left. "Maybe if I had followed Aslan's way, instead of my own, Caspian would have had the throne already," he says quietly, looking at the caving.

I guess he has a point. "Alright, but she's not going alone," I tell him, my heart still pounding. I'll go with her." I'm not sure why I told him that, but she can't go alone and I need to see him.

Peter smiles, "Alright, It sounds like a plan"

Chapter Text

Lucy and I walk to meet Caspian. To meet Aslan in the woods. If he's even there at all, I tell myself. I turned to Lucy who held her head high as we walked. She was ready, of course, she's always ready to follow Aslan. While I feel my heart beating so fast that it would burst.

"He's not there," a voice told me, as my head starts to feel as though I had eaten something cold too fast and my arms shiver. What is going with me? I was still feeling as cold as I did when the ice fell on me yesterday. "He's not there. You won't find him," The voice says, maybe it's right.

"Lucy, are you sure you saw him?" I ask, folding my arms across my chest to keep warm. Lucy looks at me with confusion.

"Of course, I thought you believed me." She says, I turn away still trying to stay warm, and say nothing. "The night before we came here when you asked me why you couldn't see him, I thought for sure you believed that he was the one who helped us across the gorge."

"Yes, but you have to think about this logically. It was a few days ago when you said you saw him, and he can't wait in the same place for so long."

"I saw him in my dream, and he wants us to meet him in the woods and I know any time we seek him we've found him. Why should this time be any different?" She asks.

I sigh, she may have a point, but that was then and so much has changed, our friends are gone, our castle is gone. How can she be sure Aslan is there? "Lots of things changed,"

"But he doesn't!" she snaps, it obvious anything I say would not change her mind. "And if you don't believe, you can stay and watch the duel, and I'll go to him myself." She walks faster, speeding ahead of me.

"Lucy, you're not going by yourself. It's too dangerous!" I say while grabbing her arm. She quickly turns and pulls away from me.

"I don't care, he's there and I'm going to him rather or not you're with me!" she says.

"Of course, I'm with you. I just want you to think of the possibility that you might not find him."

"I don't have to Susan; I know he's there!" She states, staring straight into my eyes and making sure I understood every word.

"No, you don't!" I tell her. What was there to understand? That my sister would blindly follow someone rather there or not. That she is too stubborn to listen to reason or even think that maybe she's wrong this time! "At the very least you can't say that you know for sure! Lucy you…"

"Uh, um" I hear Caspian clear his throat. We turn to see him standing next to a horse, "Are your majesty ready?" he asks. Lucy and I stare at each other.

"We are," I tell him, before walking to the horse. Lucy follows me without saying a word, which is probably for the best.

"Destrier has always served me well. You are in good hands," Caspian says after helping us onto the horse. He just wants to ease the tension in the room, so he looks between us, maybe hoping one of us would say something, but there was nothing more to say. "I'll be right behind you, just in case," he adds. I give a reassuring smile and I think Lucy does the same. Then we make our way out of the How

We ride through the forest as fast as we can while trying to stay hidden among the trees.

"They've seen us!" Lucy says with fear in her voice that chills me to the bone. Looking over, I see a few Telmarines chasing after us on horseback. I knew we couldn't get away that easy, I tell myself as I slow down, preparing to dismount and send Lucy on ahead without me. I'm not going to let them hurt Lucy.

"GO! I'll hold them off!" I look back and see Caspian on a horse.

We resume riding, as he fights the Telmarines, hoping we're not spotted by any more enemy soldiers as we look for Aslan.

We continue for a while longer, I hear another Telmarine riding behind us. He's much closer than the others were. Oh, what do I do? There is no time to get off the horse and let Lucy continue on while I take care of him. He's getting closer. Oh, please, don't hurt Lucy!

A loud roar suddenly spooks our horses and causes Lucy and I to fall to the ground. Then I see something fly over us. Could it really be him? I notice Lucy looking at something and look in that direction to see the Telmarine running away and the face of the majestic lion, the one who has done so much for not only me and my family but all of Narnia. Of course, he's here, how could I have thought otherwise?

"Aslan!" Lucy exclaims cheerfully and runs over to him knocking him to the ground with her hug.

I move behind a tree; I begin to feel as cold as I did when the ice fell on me. I cannot bear to go over to him. I cannot hug him like did so long ago, and I can't pretend that I knew he would be here. I hear footsteps running in my direction,

"Susan, come on, Aslan's waiting for you," Lucy says, seemingly forgetting we were fighting earlier.

"I see him," I say in a small voice. I shouldn't have been so angry with her. "I'm so sorry," I whisper as Lucy walks around the tree.

"That's all right," she says after sitting next to me.

"You were right, I guess I always knew he was there- I mean deep down inside. Or could have. If I'd let myself," I say quietly, as tears form in my eyes. So much had been taken away, I thought he too was gone. "Oh, Lucy, whatever am I to say to him?"

"Perhaps you won't need to say much." She says smiling, then stands up and holds out her hand. "Come on, he's waiting for us." I take it and we slowly walk to Aslan.

"Susan." He says in a strong and deep voice that so inviting. I take a couple of steps towards him, though I can feel goosebumps all over. I wish I knew why I still felt so cold. "You have listened to your fears, Child." Tears stream down my cheeks. "Come, let me breathe on you," I nod and close my eyes as I feel the warm breath of Aslan upon me. The goosebumps quickly faded away, I didn't feel so cold. Although there is still a tiny chill in the back of my head. "Forget them. Are you brave again?" he asks calmly.

"A little," I say, as I look at him, He begins to smile and for the first time I feel at home.

"Aslan?" Lucy whispers. I turn to her as she looks at the ground for a moment then back at Aslan. "If I'd have come earlier, would everyone who died…could I have stopped that?"

Aslan's face saddens, "We can never know what would have happened, Lucy." I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. I shouldn't have kept her from coming to him. "But what will happen is another matter entirely."

"You mean you'll help?" I ask, though I probably don't need to.

"Of course. As will you," Aslan looks at both of us.

"Oh. I wish I was braver." Lucy steps back,

"If you were any braver, you'd be a lioness." He reassures her, "Now, I think your friends have slept long enough, don't you?" Aslan roars as Lucy and I exchange a smile and we watch as the trees start to dance like they used to do when we ruled. I had almost forgotten how beautiful Narnia can be. "Come, Children, ride on my back."

Lucy and I climb onto his warm golden back and take off as we did so many years ago on the day when the most amazing thing happened, something I never thought possible: the day Aslan conquered death.

We ride down to Beruna's Bridge. "Now we must hurry, the others will be here shortly."

Lucy and I roll off Aslan's back and walk toward the bridge. As I hear the war cry of the oncoming soldiers I freeze and watch Lucy walk on like the Valiant Queen she was always meant to be. I could never just face them like that.

"I'm right here, Susan," I turn to see Aslan standing beside me. He's here, I smile to myself and I let him lead me to stand next to Lucy.

I see the Telmarine soldiers on the other side and the Narnians behind them. I am not sure who the man leading the Telmarines is, but it's not Miraz. I'm guessing Peter won the duel, but I didn't think Peter would actually kill him, so something must have gone wrong.

"Charge!" the one in the lead shouts and the rest of the Telmarines start to come across the bridge when Aslan lets out a loud roar. They stop and the water starts to shake. A wave starts to build up further up the river and take on the form of a giant man, one of Aslan's servants. He takes out the bridge and some of the Telmarine soldiers. In mere moments, the water becomes calm again and the war is over.

Chapter Text

I sit by the river, soaking my feet in the water, and feel the wind brush through my hair. It is such a lovely day, I tell myself. For the first time since we got here, I can finally enjoy a day like this. The war ended yesterday, and we were resting before we left for Caspian's old home.

I hear Lucy giggle next to me and I turn to see her watching the valiant mouse, Reepicheep, who had decided to show off his new tail to the other Narnian beasts. I'm sure he's telling them all about his encounter with Aslan and how he got his new tail.

"I wish I could scoop him up in my arms and give him a big hug," Lucy says, as I watch Reep survey his surroundings, as though he hears Lucy's suggestion.

"Lucy, you wouldn't want to dishonor a noble knight," I smile at her.

"I know, but I'd still like to give him a friendly hug and I'm sure he wouldn't think it was dishonorable if I asked him for one," Lucy says. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and I give her a hug from the side.

Reepicheep is still showing off his tail to anyone who would listen. Of course, I can't blame him for being excited about meeting Aslan, for most, it was the best thing that could happen. I still remember seeing him walk out of his tent when I first saw him and how he welcomed me by name. Although I'm not sure how he knew my name, actually there are many things I don't understand about him. Like his when he gives Reep his new tail, he said:

"Not for the sake of your dignity, but for the love that is between you and your people, and still more for the kindness your people showed me long ago when you ate away the cords that bound me."

Aslan knew about the mice at the Stone Table, but how? He was dead at the time. How is it possible he knew about the little mice that chewed off the cords that bound him to that table? More so, how did he even remember the mice, since it was more than a thousand years ago?

"Hey Lucy, do you wonder how Aslan knew about the mice at the Stone Table? I mean it was over a thousand years ago and he wasn't…alive," I tell her. She stays silent for a moment, I don't think it's because she's mad at me, but that she's wondering the same things.

"Well, he always seems to know everything about ourselves, even more than we know ourselves." Lucy finally says, I guess she's right, there is nothing you can keep from him.

"Yes," I tell her, there are times I feel confronted in him being here, but how can he know so much or even remember it all? "Still, it amazes me how he remembered what those mice did, it was so long ago, I barely remembered it myself," I add. How is it possible for him to remember such a small act?

"Yes, but you know he didn't forget us or any of the Narnians in those years and he didn't forget them during the long winter, so why wouldn't he remember the mice?" I listen to my sister, she truly believes in him with all of her heart, I think to myself. Still there something else that always bothered me.

"I always wondered why he allowed such a long winter in the first place?" I say, and Lucy just sits there. I should not have asked that. Maybe I shouldn't be wondering such a thing.

"Well, maybe he knew those years had to happen. After all, he is all-knowing."

"How do you always know so much about him, Lu?" I ask and she looks back at me with a smile which seems to create a glow on her face. Although she always has that look whenever she hears Aslan's name.

"I just know he's good," she says as though it was the simplest thing, "and he does is for good for us, even when we have to through something like the long winter,"

"I guess you're right," I tell her and continue watching Reep show off his tail. I know she's right; Aslan does seem to know what's right for us in the end But still, why does he wait until the end? If he knows what's best for his people, why does he allow them to suffer? I think to myself, as I feel my arms shiver. I don't want Lucy to know I have those thoughts. Her faith in him is so strong she wouldn't understand.

We both stay silent for a while, enjoying the scenery around us. I do love it here, it's so beautiful and the Narnians are always a joy to see. In the year in England, I nearly forgot just how wonderful this place could be. Yet there's still a small doubt about its creator, and I'm not sure why.

"Maybe we should go and find the boys, it's almost lunchtime," I say to Lucy.

"Right, where do you think they are?"

"Well, they can't be…" But just before I could tell her anything else, water crashes all over me and I'm guessing some fell on Lucy since we're both screaming as loud as we can. We quickly stand from our spot and see Peter, Edmund, and Caspian laughing behind us. I also saw two buckets next to my brothers.

"Edmund!" I make sure to give him a stern look.

"What? It was Pete's idea," He points to Peter, who turns to him still laughing at me and Lucy.

"Me? you're the one who thought it would be a good idea for us to teach

Caspian how to properly sneak up behind people without being noticed, and then said, and I quote, 'Let go dumb water on our sisters'"

"Yes," Edmund smiles, "but you didn't stop me." Peter goes on laughing. I roll my eyes, but I still find myself smiling at their childish behavior that I'm sure they'll never grow out of. I turn to Lucy, who is just as wet as I am.

We stare at each other and look at the shallow river and smile back at each other. Surely, we were both thinking the same thing.

"Well Caspian," Lucy tells as she moves closer to Edmund and I move

closer to Peter. "It was good of our royal brothers to show you to sneak

up on someone. Now, Susan and I are going to show you what happens when you

pour water on your sisters' heads." With that Lucy and I pull our brother to the river.

"Hey, Caspian doesn't need to learn that, he doesn't even have sisters" Edmund complains.

"No," I tell him before we push him and Peter into the water "But you do." Lucy and I laugh, and our brothers watch us

from the water. Though we weren't the only ones laughing, I turned to see that Caspian still grinning.

"It's your turn!" Lucy and his smile quickly disappeared. We both take a few steps closer to him.

"Caspian it might be a good idea to run!" Peter shouts as we come closer to Caspian.

"But why? I didn't do anything," Caspian says, trying to back away from us.

"Exactly," I say as I take hold of one of his arms and Lucy takes the other arm. "You didn't do anything to stop them," I add before we chuck him into the river too. All three boys are now more wet than we are.

Lucy and I get in the water and start a water war against the boys. Although, it soon turns into us just splashing each other and laughing. It

seemed like we were at it for hours or maybe a few minutes, I'm not sure. I just know I can't get the smile off my face.

"You'll have to go back some time, Daughter of Eve," a cold voice whispers, and I stop splashing. It was the same voice that said Aslan wasn't going to be in the forest, but I thought it went away after Aslan breathed on me. I feel myself shiver, that voice almost sounds like…

"Are you alright, Su?"

Peter asks, I see that they have stopped splashing as well. Although, I could just be thinking it sounds like someone. It is not possible that it is who I think it is. I smile at my older brother and splash more water at him.

"I couldn't be better, my dear brother," I say before we're once again splashing each other.

Chapter Text

I open my eyes to the still-unfamiliar guest room in the Telmarine castle. I get up and walk to the windows, drawing back the curtains and opening the window. I see sunlight from the east shining on the Northern mountains. It was early so it looked more like the rising sun was casting out the shadows from the mountains. The birdsong fills the air, the talking sing songs of their new king and how he gave them back Narnia. It's probably the first time in hundreds of years they'd had the freedom to sing their songs.

It's so beautiful. I smile before walking towards my wardrobe which was full of dresses. They were different from the dresses I wear in our rain; those dresses had a more medieval feel to them. These dresses look like they're from the Renaissance area. At least, those are words I use to describe them in England, but the dresses here are lovelier and more comfortable than any dress in England.

I pick out a light blue dress with white sleeves and a silver lining. There was a mirror in the corner. I go to it just to see how the dress looked on me. It looks like a nice fit on me, and the curls seem to have been the right choice. I smile at my reflection. It's hard to believe my hair used to reach my ankles, or that I was half a foot taller. Most of all, it is hard to believe that my siblings and I were Kings and Queens. I remember the day of our coronation. That day before I walked to the throne room, I looked in the mirror. The idea of being a Queen had just sunk in.

My eyes were wide and my hands were shaking with terror. What did I know about being a Queen? Nothing. I was just a schoolgirl from Finchley. I have no royalty in my blood. None of us did. We're just kids who should be back at the professor's house, safe from the war, not ruling a magical land in a wardrobe.

"It is time Susan," I turn to see Aslan standing in the doorway. His mane shone in the sunlight from my windows. He was beautiful. "Your brothers and sister are waiting for you. Are you not ready?"

"I don't think I can do this Aslan," I tell him. Maybe I understand why he chooses us, or at least me. I think my siblings have the right to call themselves Kings and a Queen. They've already shown they can do the job, but what have I done?

"Do you love Narnia, Susan?" He asks in his calming voice. My mind goes back to when I first stepped into this world and thought it was the most beautiful place, even when it was covered in snow.

"Yes Aslan, I couldn't imagine a better place," I smile. England could compare to this place.

"What about her people? Will you care for them and be the first by their side in times of trouble? Will you put their needs before your own and defend them when their enemies come?" he asks. I thought about the Beavers, Mr. Tumnus, and all the others. They were all wonderful and I can't bear to see them in pain.

"Yes, Aslan,"

"Will you stand with your brothers and sisters? Advise them on their decisions and listen to their advice when it is needed?" Aslan asks,

"Of course, but Aslan," I say looking back at myself in the mirror. All I see is a Twelve-year-old girl in a nice dress. "What if I can't help the Narnians or something happens to one of my siblings and there's nothing I can for them," I tell him, feeling sick to my stomach.

"Susan," Aslan says firmly, and I turn from my own reflection. His eyes seemed inviting, as though he is understanding exactly how I feel. I did not feel so sick anymore. "There will be hard times, just as there are hard times in your world, but know that even on your darkest day, any burdens you have, are not ones you will need to bear alone," he adds. I smile at him and my nervousness seems to go away. With Aslan here, maybe I can be a queen, but will he always be here?

"Will, you be with me Aslan?" I ask him

"I promise I'll always be with you, my child,"

Now, here I am, a Queen of old. I've ruled Narnia with my brothers and sister for many years. We've been on many adventures. Made many friends and some enemies. We stood by Narnia and her people in times of trouble and in times of joy. Through it all Aslan always -

*Knock, knock* I break away from my thoughts.

"Come in." I look to the door to see it open and my brother enters. "Peter? is there something wrong?" I ask as he walks into the room.

"I came to get you. Aslan said he wanted to speak with us in the courtyard," he tells me.

"What for?"

"I'm not sure, only that he wants to meet us right away," he says, standing there just as confused as I am.

"Are Ed and Lu already?" I ask as we leave the room.

"No, he just told me he wants the two of us," He answers. What did he want to say to us that he doesn't want to say to Edmund and Lucy? I ask myself.

We arrive at the courtyard to see Aslan waiting for us. "You wish to speak with us, Sir?" Peter asks as we approach him.

"Yes, children, come," he says calmly as Peter and I walk on either side of him. It's strange, Aslan seems sad. There is only one time I've seen him this sad and that was the night Lucy and I walked with him to the stone table. I wonder what happened or is happening to make him sad?

"I've asked Caspian to let any Telmarines who do not like the idea of Caspian as king know that I will provide a chance for them to return from where they came," Aslan says after we start walking.

"Do you mean Telmar?" I ask. I'm not really sure that this has to do with Peter and myself.

"They came into Narnia out of Telmar, but they came from the same world as you and it is there they will return. I will be creating a portal through an oak tree to your world. After the first few go through the others will fear the portal and will turn on King Caspian, and the Narnian," Aslan says and can't help but ache for our people. But if the Telmarines fear the portal, the only way to show them it is to…

"You want us to go through the portal, to show them it's safe," Peter asks. I could feel myself growing tenses. No, surely there is another way. I tell myself,

"It is time. The portal that will send the Telmarines home will also send the four of you back to the train station." Aslan says sadly.

No, My heart races at his word. We're going back today, but I felt as though I just got here, why do we have to go now? No, I know why. We go home for Caspian and the Narnians, and I did promise to put their needs before my own. Even if doing means going back to England. But surely, we won't be away that long before Narnia we need us again.

"Aslan, when can we come back to Narnia again?" I look at him and eagerly inquire, my heart still racing.

Aslan looks straight at me, seeming even sadder than before. "Dearest," he articulates very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

What? My heart stops, I can hardly believe those words. It was as though time had stopped.

"How come?" Peter asks calmly, though I can hear sobbing in his voice. We're not coming back…

"You are too old, children."

We're too old? I tell myself. What does he mean? Wasn't I older the last time I was here? Why must I go and never come back?

"And you must begin to come close to your own world now." Aslan continues. Our own world? But Narnia is my world. England will never be Narnia.

"It's not just Narnia we'll miss, it's you," Peter tells Aslan. He continues, but all I hear is something about Aslan being in our world and Aslan mentioning another name. All I can think about is that we are leaving and we're never returning. I will never get to shoot my arrows or swim in the eastern sea or host another ball; I won't get to rule this beautiful land with my siblings.

Why? I ask, why does this have to be the last time? Was it not bad enough when we left the first time? Having to stumble through that wardrobe, trying to learn how to be children again. Then being called back here to find everyone we knew is gone. Now we're leaving again and never coming back. Tears run down my cheek as I feel myself shiver.

"I told you, you would have to leave," says the cold voice, and more tears fall.

"Peter, go to your younger brother and sister," I hear him say.

"Aslan? Will this be Edmund and Lucy's last time as well?" Peter asks.

"Child, I tell no one any story but his own. Now, go to them. I must speak to Susan alone," Aslan says. Alone? What more could there be? I wonder as I watch Peter leave.

"Susan," He states firmly, and I look him in the eye. I could tell he's serious. "When I met you and your sister in the woods. I asked to breathe on you. To chase away your fears, so you may forget them," He tells me, and I smile remembering the warmth of his breath. It was safe and it made me feel like I could do anything.

"Yes Aslan, I remember," I smile.

"Did I chase them all away, Susan?" Aslan asks and my smile fades. I wrap my arms around my middle. I remember the chill that wouldn't let go, maybe I didn't want to let it go.

"Susan," Aslan says. I should tell him about feeling so cold since that ice wall fell on me. I should talk about the voice I've been hearing. I look into his eyes again. His eyes are warm and gentle; they look as though they carried the weight of the world and he would continue to carry it if I would let him. I should tell him.

"Don't forget, he says you will be leaving Narnia forever," the cold voice says. I look away from Aslan and hug myself tighter. These are my last moments in the world I love, and I can never come back. I stay silent.

"Susan," He says again. I take a deep breath, keeping more tears from falling. I can't lie to him; I can't tell him I'm not feeling cold. But why does it matter to him? He is sending me away to another world and that voice is just my imagination. I hear Aslan sigh, it sounds sad. He is just as sad as he was on the night…no, I don't want to think about that night.

"Susan, listen to me," I turn to face Him. He's still sad but looks at me firmly. "The longer you let this fear take. The more control the fear will have and there will come a day when you will be a prisoner of that fear," Aslan warns, and I swallow my tears. I stand there staring into his sad eyes that seem to be longing for something from me but it doesn't matter. I will be leaving soon.

"I want you to remember one thing, Susan. The promises I made to you long ago, on the day of coronation." I nod. Then leave to join my siblings.

"Narnia belongs to the Narnians, just as it does to man." Caspian tells the people. I stand on the platform next to my siblings, barely listening to what Caspian was saying. I could only think about how this will be the last time I'll stand in this world. The last time I'll see this beautiful land or wake up to the singing of the birds. Never again feel the Narnian wind in my hair.

I look at Aslan for the last time, and I can still see the sadness in his eyes as he stares at me. I look away before he addresses the crowd, telling them what he had told Peter and me earlier. Before he told me this was the last time. I wish I didn't have to go.

I don't understand why Aslan is sending back for good. Why can't we stay here forever? Why is he taking us from our home? Doesn't he understand that England will never be our home? Doesn't he know that we are meant to be here? That we're meant to be here with him.

I look at him again and our eyes meet. There is a part of me that wants to run to and let him chase away the last of my fears. I can see in his eyes that it is exactly what he wants me to do. But, he is also sending me back to a world away from himself.

A few Telmarines accept his offer to return to their homeland. The time for us to return is drawing near. I can feel my heart sink and turn to Peter who I could tell was just as unhappy as I. We watch as Aslan opens a portal through an oak tree and the Telmarines disappear though

"Where did they go?" someone says as the crowds start to panic, just Aslan said they would. My heart beats fast. I can't do this, I tell myself. I don't want to say goodbye.

"How do we know he is not leading us to our deaths?" someone shouts.
Oh, Aslan didn't you promise you would always be with me, but how can you keep that promise if we are a world apart.

"Sire, if my example can be of any service, I will take 11 mice through with no delay." I hear Reepicheep say, Aslan looks away from him to Peter and me. We exchange a look both knowing what we have to do. It was time.

"We'll go," Peter says.

"We will?" Edmund asks in confusion; we haven't told them about the plan.

"Come on. Our time's up. After all," Peter walks over to Caspian and hands him his sword, "we're not really needed here anymore." I guess not. I should have known our time here was temporary; it always is.

"I will look after it until you return," Caspian says.

"I'm afraid that's just it," I blurt out, still trying to hold back my tears. "We're not coming back." Everyone falls silent for a moment.

"We're not?" Lucy looks toward me with confusion.

"You two are," Peter tells her and Ed. "At least, I think he means you too."

"But why? Did they do something wrong?" Lucy inquires of Aslan. I hung my head at her words knowing I didn't let him chase the cold feeling I have and knowing I still had a few doubts about him.

"Quite the opposite, dear one. But all things have their time. Your brother and sister have learned what they can from this world. Now it's time for them to live on their own." He tells her. But does it explain why we can't come back? Why we have to live in England.

"It's all right, Lu," Peter says to Lucy, though I'm not sure how he can be so calm about this. "It's not how I thought it would be…but it's alright. One day you'll see, too. Come on." I watch as my siblings say their goodbyes. I take one last at Narnia and her people. How can I just leave?

I take a deep breath and walk to the Narnians. I say goodbye to Reepicheep, Trumpkin, Trufflehunter, Glenstorm, and Bulgy Bear. I tell them I'll miss them and I wish them well. I know I'll almost miss them as much as I miss the friends I had during our reign.

"Susan," Caspian says before I can say my goodbye, "I meant to give this back to you sooner." I look at the object in his hands. It is my horn. The one Father Christmas gave me so long ago. I remember he told me that every time I blow it help of some kind would come. It never failed. It even brought us back home. I smile at it.

"Keep it, I have no use for it in England," I tell him. Then I go to stand next to my brothers and sister. Lucy takes a hold of my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. I smile back at her. At least I still have them, I realize gratefully as we make our way through the tree and I leave Narnia for the last time.

Chapter Text

For a moment I was standing among Narnians and Telmarines taking in the lovely air of Narnia. Now my sibling and I stand in a cold and wet train station surrounded by other school children. I could smell the burning coals of the train that has just stopped in front of us.

I sigh, noticing the stiff sleeves of my red jacket as I look at my surroundings. Everything is dimmer here, maybe because it is in a tunnel as opposed to being outside, but then again, even outside, England always seems dull compared to Narnia.

"Come on, we have to get on the train before it leaves," I say before grabbing my suitcases. My siblings are doing the same. Once we got all our bags, we quickly get on the train.

"Well, now we're off to a new adventure; one of sitting behind desks and listening to long lectures full of possibly useless information," Edmund says, as the train starts to move.

"Oh, surely it's not that bad," Lucy says.

"Lucy, there's a reason they call it a boring school," Edmund tells her.

"You mean boarding school Ed," I say, maybe a little too harshly, but I am in no mood for his humor.

"I know what I said."

I roll my eyes at my little brother as he starts searching through his bag "Oh, bother! I left my new torch in Narnia" he says, and Lucy and Peter laugh, "How am I going to explain this mum?"

"You could tell her the truth," Peter says, smiling, or at least he tries to, but he only manages a small smirk.

"Oh sure, right after I tell her how many times I almost got killed. Maybe it would be better to tell her how many times you almost died," Edmund shot back.

"At least we don't have to worry about that anymore," I say calmly, causing my siblings to look at me, "There's no sense in us standing around. We should find a place to sit."

I walk to an empty carriage and put my suitcase in the compartment. Sure, it was not a long ride to the school, but I didn't want to carry it for an hour. It would be too tiring, and I had already carried it all day. I sigh and sit down by the window, staring at the buildings of London; many were still in ruins from the war that wouldn't end.

"It's going to be alright Su," I hear Peter say next to me. He must have followed me.

"How can you be so calm about this? Narnia was our home and now…" I feel my tears fall and Peter sets down beside me. I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me. We stayed like this for a while, mourning the place we both loved. The place that we lived in and fought for. "It was foolish to think we could stay," I whisper. After all, why should we stay in a world we're not born in?

"I wish we could have too," Peter says softly, and I almost hear the sorrow in his voice, "but we have a life here too. I mean, there's mum and friends at school. The war will be over someday and then dad will be home again as well."

If he makes it through this war. I tell myself. He's been gone for two years and there have been so many deaths in this war. "Aslan said it's time for us to live here. Sure, England will never be Narnia and we definitely won't be royalty here, but that doesn't mean can't live an extraordinary life here too." Peter tells me.

"How could Aslan just leave?" I ask. Aslan. My heart sinks just thinking about him and his sad eyes. His eyes always made me feel safe and happy. But he was a world away and I'll never see him again.

"He didn't leave us; he said he was in this world too," Peter reassures me. But where is he? I think.

"How do you know he's here?" I snap "I mean, look at the buildings outside and the soldiers we saw come on the train! Peter, if he's in this world, why would he let this war go on?" I add while staring at more buildings, are at least what was left of them. Narnia was filled with magic and wonder. What is there in this world besides heartache?

"If our latest adventure has taught me anything, it is that we should trust Aslan. Trust that he is there, and he won't let us down. We just need to seek him in this world." Trust, despite being left in this world. Sure, he did tell me to remember his promise that he would always be there.

"But he's not here now. As you said, he wouldn't let the war go on for this long," I jump in my seat. That cold voice. I thought it was just in Narnia. Why am I hearing it here, and why does it always make me feel so cold? I ask myself, hugging my middle.

"Susan? Susan, what's wrong?" Peter says while grabbing a hold of my arm.

"Nothing, I'm just…" I can't tell him I'm cold. I would sound mad if I said I was hearing voices in my head that weren't my own. "Do you really think we'll find him in this world?" I ask, just to change the subject.

"That's what he said," Peter says as we both sit back down. We sit in silence as I stare out the window to war-torn England. I hear someone sit across from Peter and me. Hopefully, it's just Edmund or Lucy, but I can't see through all my tears. After a while, the train comes to a stop. I get up with my bags in hand and notice Lucy is the one sitting across from me.

"Come on Lu, this is our stop," I stand and grab my bags.

"Don't forget to write," Edmund shouts to us.

"Of course, I'll write to both of you every chance I get," Lucy says as grab her.

"We'll write to you two as well. We'll see you at the end of the term. Oh, and Susan to tell Nancy I said hello," Peter tells me.

"Will do, goodbye Peter, goodbye Edmund," I tell them before Lucy and I leave the train.

"I wish you and Peter could go back to Narnia. It won't be the same without you." Lucy tells me after we walk a few blocks in silence.

"You shouldn't worry about that now. You and Ed have gone on adventures without us before, you'll be fine. This is your first term of boarding school so you should start to think about school work," I snap at her. I wish she would talk about something other than Narnia.

"I guess you're right, I'm a little nervous about it."

"I'm sure you'll fit right in, Lucy." I try being a little more cheerful. After all, I don't want her to be upset on her first day.

We reach the boarding house around noon where we see other girls in school uniforms. Some are walking in the halls to find their rooms while first-year girls are in a line to find out their room assignments. Ms. Polly Plummer, or Aunt Polly as we like to call her, is the one handing out the room assignment.

"Do you think we should tell Aunt Polly about going to Narnia?" Lucy whispers to me. She's right; Polly should know about our trip to Narnia, and the Professor too, but we'll have to write to him later, or Peter and Edmund will. Although, I'm not ready to share the story. It still hurts to think of Narnia.

"Yes, but she's busy helping the other first-year girls. We should get ourselves settled in as well," I whisper back as we make our way to the front of the line.

"Hello Susan, hello Lucy. It's great to see you two," Polly smiles, and I try to smile back. "Susan, are you alright?" she asks with concern on her face. I guess I'm not doing a good job at hiding my disappointment.

"I'll be fine Aunt Polly. I should probably get to my room. I'll see you later, Lucy." I give Lu a hug and wish her luck before heading to my room.

It is so cold. I tell myself as I find my room near the end of the hall for the older girls. I walk in to see my roommate, Nancy, organizing books on a shelf. Of course, she's already read every one of those books at least twice.

"Susan!" she smiles, before running over to give me a hug, "It's…" She stops and gives me the same look Polly had. "Susan, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing Nancy, I'm just tired." Of course, I can't tell her the truth. She might be one of my closest friends, but the Professor did say we should only talk about such things to people who had similar adventures. Although it would be nice to have someone else around my age and not related to me, to talk about Narnia with. "How was your summer holiday?" I ask, just to change the subject.

"It was alright, I spent most of it with my grandparents in the country." She tells me as she helps me unpack. "I tried to get my parents to let me come visit you, but they're afraid to go back to London." Her voice grows quietly, Nancy used to live across the street from me, but that before a bomb fell on her home.

"I can't say I blame them," I remember from when we first came back from the Professor's house. Many of the streets were filled with rubble and many of the buildings were shells. Even the ruins of Cair Paravel were nicer than that. Then again, everything in Narnia is nicer than here.

"I know, but at least we're still alive and I got back to school this term." She smiles and starts laughing. Then she sits down next to me on my bed. "My mother tried her hand at teaching, but everything she tried teaching me seemed dry and boring. Not to mention most of her facts were completely off, and don't get me started on her math. By the end of May, I was teaching her!" She keeps laughing, I even find myself smiling a little, but it quickly goes away.

I guess Nancy notices, as her laughter stops. "Are sure you're alright Su? You seem really upset," she asks. I stay silent. "Did something happen? Is your family, okay?" I almost wish I could tell her. "Whatever is wrong, Susan, you know I'm always here for you." She is my closest friend in this world, and she shares all of her secrets with me. Yet I'm keeping my biggest secrets from her. Maybe I should tell her? She'll be understanding; she usually is.

"Will she? Are you sure she won't think you're mad?" the cold voice asks, causing me to shiver. Nancy jumps back a little and looks at me with concern. I wish I knew why I was hearing that voice, but it was right.

"I'll be fine Nancy, and my family's doing well. I guess I'm just homesick," I tell her.

"Maybe you should go talk to Lucy or write to your mum or one of your brothers? It might make you feel better." She says, though I know talking to Peter didn't help me earlier. I'm not sure what Lucy or even Edmund could say that would make me feel better about not going back.

"Thanks, Nancy, I'll try that," I say before I stand up to finish unpacking. "Oh, and I almost forgot. Peter wanted me to you he says hello,"

"That's very kind of him, I hope he's doing well." I can see her cheeks turn red as she smiles. Until she sees me stare at her and her eyes grow wide, "and the rest of your family too, of course," She says quickly before going back to organizing the bookshelf. Maybe she doesn't tell me everything, after all, I think to myself, though I don't question her about it. "So how's Lucy doing? This is her first year after all,"

"She's doing fine, I might check on her during dinner," I tell her, not that I need to worry about her. She's probably made friends with her whole class by now.

"Suzie, Nancy," I turn to see my other roommate, Bonnie, put her things down to give Nancy and me a hug. It is nice to see her even though I'm not as close to her as I am with Nancy. Not that she is a bad person, it's just… "It's so good to see you both, you never know what can happen those days; the Germans could change their tactics and start bombing us again, or worse, they win the war and take over! Imagine how awful that would be!" I'm almost confident that she half Marsh-wiggle.

"Hopefully, that won't happen," Nancy says, as she helps Bonnie with her things. "After all, the war's not over yet,"

"Yes, but doesn't mean the worst is over. My friend Ruth, you know her, she's the Jewish girl from Germany." We both nod as Bonnie continues, "Anyway, said she got a letter telling her how her people have to wear those bandages of the star of David. It's almost like they're branding cattle."

"That's awful," Nancy says, and I can feel my heartache. I go to the dresser and put away my clothes. If my siblings and I heard that anyone was being treated in such a way, we wouldn't stand for it. We would find a way to help them and do everything we could to right a wrong, just like we did for Caspian. Here I can only listen to horrible things happening and I have no power to stop it from happening.

I hear the dinner bell rings go off. "Come on, we wouldn't want to be late for dinner," Nancy says as she and Bonnie get up to leave, "Aren't you hungry, Susan?"

"Not really. I think I'll stay here and rest for a while. If anyone asks, just tell them I'm not feeling well," I tell her.

"Alright," Nancy says with concern.

"Oh, and make sure Lucy is not sitting by herself." I probably don't need to worry about her; she makes friends easily. Nancy and Bonnie nod as they leave.

"What's wrong with her?" Bonnie whispers to Nancy just loud enough for me to hear.

"I don't know, but it's probably best to leave her alone," Nancy whispers back and soon they leave and I can finally have time to myself. I walk over to the mirror and for the first time since I was in Narnia, I can take a good look at myself.

To think, this morning I woke up in the guest room of a palace. When I looked in the mirror I was a woman in a beautiful blue dress and my hair was full of curls. I had the ability to right wrongs and protect helpless creatures from harm. I comforted them in times of sorrow, for I was one of their Queens.

Now, I look in the mirror and I'm just a girl in stiff clothes and a tight ponytail. The only wrongs I can make right are school assignments. I can't protect anyone from harm. I can only listen to awful things happening around me for I have no power to change them. I am not a Queen here, just a schoolgirl who has to watch the world burn.

I feel a tear run down my cheek. Oh Aslan, why did you banish me to this world?

Chapter Text

Lucy and I are on horseback racing through the Narnian woods. "Not so fast, Lu!" I call her. She laughs as she rides through the trees. I'm not exactly sure what part of the forest we're in, but it does remind me of the time I went with her to visit Mr. Tumnus since Peter didn't want her to go alone. "Ahh"

"LUCY!" I call out to her, but suddenly my horse disappears and I'm standing in the middle of the woods calling for Lucy, but she doesn't answer. I look around for my horn, but I must have left it at Cair Paravel along with my bow and arrows. Strange, I always bring them with me when I go riding in the woods. "LUCY!" I yell while searching the forest. "LUCY!"

"It's over, sister!" Someone angrily says behind me. Lucy? I think to myself before turning to see some woman. She looks nothing like my little sister: her hair is much darker and she is a lot taller than Lucy ever was, not to mention her dress didn't look like something Lucy would ever wear. Actually, she looks more like someone else. I'm no longer in the woods of Narnia. Instead, I'm on a balcony of some castle, but it doesn't look like any castle I've ever been to. How did I get here?

"Your army has fallen; your treachery ends here. For victory belong to me." Victory? What does she mean? Was there a war? Where's Lucy?

"Yes, victory," responds a cold voice, the same voice I've been having since that ice fell on me in Narnia. Although this time it seems to be coming from me. At least I think it's me, we're the only two people standing here. "But not yours," suddenly the icy voice says more that sounds horrifying, and the woman in front of me turns to dust. Then I hear screaming all around me then there's nothing.

I open my eyes to the sound of the school bell. That was such a horrible dream, Lucy! I quickly get out of bed and run to the wardrobe to grab my uniform. The faster I get dressed the sooner I get to check on Lucy. I look at a small clock that reads 7:08 am; Lucy is probably in the dining hall for breakfast. Thankfully, it was Tuesday, the day we always have breakfast together, as that's how it's been for the last six weeks of this term.

After I put on my uniform and did my hair, I practically ran to the bathroom across the hall. On a normal day I wouldn't rush myself, but after that dream… hearing their screams, see that woman turn into dust. I close my eyes as I stand in front of one of the sinks. I'm still shaken by the dead silence that ended my dream and even worse it seems like I was the one who… No, I would never do anything that causes that much pain.

"Good morning Suzie," I hear Bonnie say next to me. She must have already been in here as I didn't see her in the room earlier. "Are you feeling alright?" she asks. I guess she can tell I am a little shaken up.

"Yes, I just didn't sleep very well last night, I had another nightmare," I say, sounding much calmer than I feel. I'm not going to tell her anything else. I can't bear to relive that horrible dream, besides the first part was about Narnia, and even thinking about Narnia makes me feel as though my heart has been smashed into a million pieces. "I have to go see my sister in the dining hall," I say before quickly washing my face.

"That's probably a good idea. Family is one of the only things to get us through these trying times. You're lucky to have her here." I smile at her words. Of course, she referred to the war and probably thinks my dream was about the air raids. She always tends to make everything about the war. "You'll find Nancy there as well, she got an early start this morning."

"Probably so she would have more time to read before class," I tell her, smiling Nancy has always been one to bury herself in books more than any other person I know. Not that it's a bad thing, we do love a lot of the same books. "I should go down there. Would you like to come?"

"No, I need to finish a history report on King Henry the 8th. I'll see you in class later," I nod and leave the bathroom.

I walk into the dining hall where I see Lucy standing with Nancy at the entrance. "Susan!" Lucy yells with a big smile on her face. I smile back at her, relief washing over me as my perfectly healthy little sister bounces over to give me a hug.

"Hello, Lucy," I say, holding her tight. Although I back away when I see a few girls pointing at us and whispering to each other. Maybe I shouldn't hug my little sister so much, After all, none of the other girls show as much affection to their sisters.

"Good morning, Nancy. Do you know what we're having today?" I ask, trying to ignore the girls who are still giving me strange looks at my silently worn uniform. Although many wealthier girls tend to look at me and my sister that way.

"I think they're serving pancakes. Sorry I didn't wait for you this morning. I had to go to the library for a book to finish the English essay that's due tomorrow," Nancy says, I stop in my tracks and my heart skips a beat. "You do remember we have a thousand-word essay on Hamlet due tomorrow?" she asks me. I looked at her for a few moments. What could I say? That I was too busy trying not to think about a magical world I was banned from? That the plot of that play reminded me of my last adventure, well maybe it wasn't exactly like my last adventure, but it did make me think of it.

"It will be alright Su, I'm almost done with my essay, I'll help you finish yours," Nancy says before we proceed to the line with the other girls.

"Thanks, Nancy," I smile. It's strange, I used to keep up with my schoolwork and get good marks too, but this term I've been holding off on doing my work. I barely listen to my professors anymore and when I do the work, I do the bare minimum. It just doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Of course, there's also that cold voice I keep hearing making me second guess everything I put on paper. It's making me wonder what I'm doing here. What am I doing all this work for? There is nothing in this world that matters to me anymore. I sigh, as I see Lucy grab herself a few pancakes. Maybe there is something here that mattered to me. I think to myself as Lucy stares at the plain pancakes which I knew were tasteless. With the war going on, there wasn't that much food around and some foods like pancakes were made with ingredients that left them dry and flavorless. Unfortunately, there is nothing to add flavor, I expect. I look down to see apples in a bowl and then I look at a knife on my tray.

"Lucy, give me your tray," I tell her, She hands it over and I start cutting the apple.

"What are you doing?" She asks as I put slides of the apple on her pancakes.

"There. They should taste better now." I Tell her to finish adding the apple slices. I wish I could fry the apples with brown sugar and cinnamon for her, but I doubt there's any brown sugar, let alone cinnamon, within a five-mile radius of us.

"Oh, it's wonderful Susan, you've always made the best pancakes," Lucy smiles.

I smile back and cut more of the apple. I see Nancy admiring us from a few paces away. "Would you like some apple slices too Nancy?"

"Certainly," she says, handing me her plate and I add the slices. "I've always loved how you care for your sister. Most of the older sisters I see here think their younger sister is nothing but a bother to them, but you always seem to be there for Lucy, and you don't shy from showing her how much you care. If I had a sister, I would only hope my relationship with her would be like yours and Lucy's." She finishes. I think she is romanticizing my relationship with my sister a little too much, but I don't say anything.

"Where do you want to sit?" Lucy asks as we look around the crowded hall. As far as I can tell, there are no three empty seats next to each other. The seats that are open aren't next to anyone any of us really knew. "There are three sets over there." I look where Lucy is pointing to and I see two girls from my year. I start to tease up. Lucy can't possibly think we're allowed to sit with them, I tell myself looking at the same girls who were giving me funny looks when I was hugging my sister. They're not the kind of girls to let just anyone sit with them.

Samatha Gaiman, and Jane Wheatleyare two of the richest girls in school. They're well known for being dressed in brand new uniforms every year and having hair that always seems to fall perfectly on their shoulders. Just looking at them, you would think they were almost in their twenties, not young teenage girls like myself.

Although, we're lucky that it's just Samartha and Jane and that their leader, Cindy Pullman, isn't with them. Cindy is the kind of girl who acts as though she rules the school and expects all the other girls to wait on her. She thinks that since she comes from a wealthy family it means she has the right to make the other girls miserable. Samartha and Jane are more like the Dwarf Ginarrbrik and the other fallen who worship the ground Jadis walked on. Then again, the fallen did seem to be just as bad as the Witch.

"Come on; if we're lucky they won't notice us," Nancy says before we walk to the table. Although we weren't as lucky as Nancy hoped. Once we reach the table the girls stare at us with disgust.

"What are you three doing here?" Jane asks as we set down our trays.

"We would like to sit here," I say as their eyes widen and they look at each other.

"They can't be serious. Like we want to be seen with girls in those rags. The first-year is even wearing hand-me-downs. Why did Cindy pick today to sleep in," I hear Samathia whisper to Jane, though I do not think they really care if we hear what they say.

"Well, if you look around you would see that every table is practically full, so we don't have much of a choice," I tell the girls, who sigh and roll their eyes. I look at Nancy who gives me a look that tells me she would rather eat the school's tasteless food for a year than talk to those girls. Then again Nancy never likes girls like them. She's always described them as caring too much about their clothes and putting others down.

"Alright, just don't bother us and eat quickly." The first girl tells us, and we are set.

"I got a letter from Edmund yesterday," Lucy tells me.

"What did he say?" I ask. It's probably not much different from the letter he sent me last week.

"Well, he told me how he's dying of boredom in his Algebra class and is wondering where he's supposed to use it outside of school," Lucy says and I roll my eyes. I swear my little brother can be overdramatic at times. At least he's staying out of trouble, for now.

"Did you get an invite to Betty's party?" I hear Samatha say. I turn my attention to them while Lucy goes on about Edmund's letter.

"Yes, I'm going with George," Jane replies with a smile.

"You're still with him? I thought Dennis was your man now." The first girl asks.

"I prefer to go with George, he is more handsome." The two girls laugh.

I know it is rude to eavesdrop on someone else's conversation, and both of them have shown no interest in me or my friends. I can't help but wonder what it must be like to go to one of those parties and be able to wear nice clothes and have a handsome gentleman to go with. Is it any different from a ball? Would it give me a taste of a life that was taken from me? I guess I'll never know.

"What's stopping you, Daughter of Eve." I stop eating mid-bite listening to the chilling voice. I haven't heard since I had that horrible dream. Why do I keep hearing that voice and who does it belong to?

Nancy's laughter breaks through my thoughts, "Oh, I wish I had brothers!" She giggles. I guess Edmund wrote something funny in his letter. I tell myself to turn my attention back to them.

"Edmund was always known for his cleverness in Narnia," Lucy says and my heart starts pounding.

"Lucy!" I hiss to stop my little sister from saying anything else. She looks at me in confusion and then I hear one of the girls say Narnia to the other. Lucy must have heard it too as she freezes in place. What is she thinking, mentioning Narnia? Does she want people to think there's something wrong with her? I ask myself as I give Lucy an angry look.

"What's Narnia?" Nancy asks. I stare at her and look at the other girls who seem to be watching me. How could Lucy do this to me?

"It's a game we played while we were in the country." I finally tell them, surely this excuse won't make them think we're mad. "Lucy found this lovely wardrobe and to pass the time we pretended there was a country inside called Narnia," I add with a smile hoping that satisfies her curiously.

I hear the girls giggling. "A land inside a wardrobe?" Samantha says in her laughter.

"Children come up with the most adorable stories," Jane Says. I can feel myself tense up listening to them.

"Do you want them to think you're a fool?" says the cold voice. As the girls continue laughing at me. The voice is right, I don't want to be seen as a fool.

"Of course, I don't play that silly game anymore, since I'm almost 14," I tell Them in my best grown-up voice. Surely, they can see I'm not a child. I smiled before hearing a piece of metal hit my sister's plate. I look over to see Lucy's storm out of the dining hall.

"Lucy!" I say getting up to go after her. I leave the hall and see my sister walking away. "Lucy," I call her, but she speeds up. I sigh and run up to catch her "Lucy," I put my hand on my shoulder. She pulls away and looks at me with anger in her.

"How could you!" She shouts, I look around the hall and see a few girls looking at us, "Why did you tell those girls that Narnia was a silly game!"

"Shh Lu, you know we can't talk about that place here," I remained trying to keep my voice down. The last thing we need is more people to think we're lunatics. "You remember what the professor said."

"Yes, and I didn't mean to tell Nancy about Narnia, It just slipped out. That doesn't mean you should call it a silly game." She states and she was hurt more than ever; I could see a few tears on her cheeks. She's right, I shouldn't have said that about Narnia, I just… I look away from Lucy thinking about those girls' words and the way they laugh at us.

"I'm sorry Lu," I say quietly, "I just didn't want them to think there was something wrong with you." I hope she understands what others might do if they knew. "Lucy, you know the other girls here won't understand Narnia the way we do. It'd be best if we don't talk about it to anyone here, except for Aunt Polly"

"Can't we at least talk about it when it's just us?" I remain silent, though I want to say Trust me, Lucy, sometimes it's all I want to talk about. "We have so many great memories like the festivals and how we used to race our horses through the woods." I freeze when she mentions riding in the woods. That's how that terrible dream started!

"Stop it, Lucy! I don't want to hear about that place!" I snap at her and walk away. I shouldn't have yelled at her, but I don't want to remember how strange that dream made me feel. The first part was like my memory, but the second part was more like someone else's memory and not my own, but whose was it?