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gold; fools

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The desert seeps in through the fabrics of our skin, and we have no choice but to leave it be

The desert does not care what purpose you come to it for. The desert only cares who you are

And the desert thinks that we aren’t. And the desert thinks we’re insignificant enough to pass through without issue

And no matter what comes to pass, the desert would be the last say on if we succeed


--


The ensemble tonight is entirely robotic. The venue is an old desert town where everyone’s been to, yet no one’s stayed. The stars tonight are the same as they ever were, playing the strangers the same ways as they always do.


The first act is truncated. We skip the wild-eyed excitement and go straight to the distrust. The ensemble never confronts them - we don’t have time for that - but we know that they hate them. That their manicured lawns are too perfect for dandelions and whatever they may bring. They have children - they are scared for them.


The script says the strangers need to fit in. That they need to give them a chance before they write them off as the same as the rest of them. They need to think that this place could be a home.


It can’t. Why pretend it could be?


--


There was a numbness
And then there was warmth

They say that skin is an organ - is that why it feels wet?
Does a stomach give off the same warmth as this polyester?
Are eyes supposed to be hard as a rock?
Should hair feel like a lighter skeleton?


Suspended without nerves
Trapped in the simulation of a mind for who knew how long
I wondered if these fabrications were worth it

This seemed too fake
Too good to be true


But as the nerves came back
As I saw you with my eyes for the very first time
As you saw and heard in ways you never imagined

You held me
And I felt something new


And I thought for a second that we were finally ourselves


--


The town came third
We watched their stares as they placed our gaze upon us
Transcending silicon into flesh
And seeing their faces morph into jealousy

(It was really hatred, but we were too euphoric to realize)


We came second
We let the breeze kiss our selves as we took in the beauty
This can never be our home
But for a moment, it was beautiful

(It was really fake, but we were too euphoric to realize)


The desert came first
Why wouldn’t it
Reality knew what we were
And they had to rip our humanity away

(It really wanted to rescue us, but we were too horrified to realize)


--


I realized too late you wanted this to work
I realized too late this wasn’t a one off thing
I realized too late your want was a need
If I had realized it sooner could we have avoided this
If I showed a little more compassion
A little more trust
Had a little less faith that you were invincible
Because you weren’t
You were a person
You had fears
You had desires
You had a need and it was never meant to be


But I already had my need
You were already perfect
And I couldn't bring myself to see you as anything less


--


Some say the desert is a woman
The curves of the dunes her hips
The plants her hair
That everyone returns to her eventually
And she looks upon each and every one of her children
And she says

“That’s enough
You are home now
You don’t have to worry anymore”


Is this what you wanted
We’re here now
So where is the hospitality
Where are the hugs and reassurances that everything is going to be okay


I lost him while traversing your depths
When I found him he was almost buried
Millions of your cells digging into his wires
He almost dropped dead then and there
Do you call this love
Do you call any of this love


I know love
I don’t know all its definitions
But I knew it lie within the chances we had to hold each other
The small shines from his visor as he recognized that I was with him
And that I was always going to be with him
No matter what


I can’t feel that from him anymore


--


I forgot you had a brain


How much did you remember from your old body


Do you remember what it felt like for someone to love you


Did you know that I loved you


Did I care enough to save you


Should I have ever cared at all


I don’t think I’ll ever understand


Understanding was your thing, after all


--


I have set myself on a voyage
One that should’ve taken moments to complete


The Sun would pick me up from the Earth
It would wreathe me in its flame-created cloaks
It would sear through all my circuits and skeletons and leave me nothing but dust
You’re dust now, right?


And the heat would carry me upward towards the sky
And somehow, the breeze would catch both you and me
And we’d dance into the stars
Not the painted image the land tries to teach us
But the ones past the atmosphere, millions of miles away


And one day we’d become stardust
Or a planet
Or a meteor
Or even just a clump of dirt slowly being molded by orbit
I don’t care
We’d be together
And we’d be one


--


so why isnt it working the fire should have caught the explosives hours ago and even then it should have fried my memory banks sooner than that why do i still have to walk why does it hurt i thought we couldn’t hurt this way oh god where are you you should be everywhere but i cant feel you did you leave me behind am i too late please no i cant live like this take me with you the desert wants me to stay alive but i cant not without you dont leave me here take me away let me die let me die let me die let me die let me die let me die let me die why won’t you let me die