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Chapter Text

Hell was as dirty and disgusting as it always had been and maintenance still hadn’t fixed the leaking pipe right over her desk. Which meant some of her files were even more filthier than before and that stupid bucket wasn’t helping anyone. There was so much paperwork now that heaven and hell hadn’t started slaughtering each other and years of temptations and turture to plan.

Which they hadn’t done in advantage because the world had been supposed to end. Satan had crawled back to his abyss and was pouting like a little human child that hadn’t gotten a toy they had wanted. Asmodeus was somewhere on earth, supposedly tempting humans, really just to get away from the paperwork.

Some other dukes had also decided that now was a good time to try to modernise everything and three demons had already been discoporated by electric shocks and that meant more paperwork for some others.

Lord Beelzebub had locked themselves up in their office to deal with their mountains or work, only to be distrubed if there was an emergency, an actual emergency. Not another broken printer or fax machine. There were dukes and other princes that could be complained to about such trivial things. They were the devil’s second in command, his right hand. They weren’t just any demon that could be disturbed when anyone wished to do so.

She picked her pen up again and groaned, paperwork normally wasn’t boring but this just the same document a million times over and over. She was about to sign another paper as a fly landed on top of her pen. The insect stared at her and Dagon stared right back. Then another fly appeared and another and another and they were carrying a tiny piece of paper. She took it from them and the flies disappeared again. Dagon opened a drawer under her desk and pulled out a magnifying glass. Now what did the Lord of the Flies want? It was just a notice saying that they would be out for the next few hours in case Dagon needed something or wanted to double check a file. She burned it and got back to work.

“Duke Dagon?”

Now, which demon dared to disturb them while she was trying to help get Hell back into order. She looked up, ready to discorporate whoever it was and then stopped. She wiped a hand over her eyes blinked and then blinked again. This wasn’t possible, that demon was dead. Dagon put her pen down and stood up.

“Duke Ligur,” she said.

“Yes, I am back. Now can I get back to work? Where is Hastur even?” he asked.

“Crowley destroyed you, he emptied a bucket of Holy Water over your head. Lord beelzebub sentenced him to death for it and the whole stopped Armageddon stuff.”

This was weird and it should be enough of an emergency to call Lord Beelzebub, but they weren’t in Hell. Probably meeting up with one of the wankers to deal with the fallout of this shit.

“I know that, ended up in a really weird place, don’t think that was supposed to happen. But I got out,” he partly explained.

“You weren’t in Hell or Heaven?” she asked.

“No definitely not. Now, where is Hastur we have some things to talk about?” Ligur looked around, hell was still hell.

“He is sulking in his office and we needed to confiscate his body because he wanted to go after Crowley on his own. Which is a bad idea considering that snake is immune to holy water.”

That made Ligur stare at her like she had just told him that her animal aspect was a goldish and not a piranha. His clothes had changed a bit, which normally happened whenever someone got discorporated. A lot of demons dressed different on earth than they did in hell, though in Hastur’s case it was a honestly just a very stupid wig. The chameleon on the demon’s head stretched itself a bit then relaxed again.

“Immune to Holy water? Maybe it wasn’t enough,” he retaliated.

“He was in a bathtub full of it and splashed around with it, then Micheal miracled him a towel because he asked nicely,” she shrugged.

“There was an archangel in hell. I am not even going to ask. Is there a new plan for the war?” the duked asked.

“For now it’s a ceasefire and waiting for orders for both sides. Beelzebub is the only one down here trying to do something and is probably meeting with the opposition to talk about the truce at the moment. But no one knows what we are supposed to do. So no one cares if you and Hastur go one a nice holiday for the next 10 years. Have fun,” Dagon told him.

She sat back down at her desk and got back to the thousands of pages on paperwork. He was still standing in front of her desk and staring at the wall behind her.

“Is there anything else?” she questioned.

Ligur paused for a moment, then shook his head.

“No, that was everything,” with that he left.

Dagon grabbed another paper and read it, another punishment for a sinner, yeah. She needed another demon assigned to this. Hastur and Ligur still had a lot of stuff left, she could go do it herself. But that would end up in more overdue paperwork, She could deal with this later. The old phone on her desk rang and she picked it up. If that was another one of those wankers she would throw this thing into the depths of hell.

“Hello, here is Duke Dagon, Lord of the Files, not Flies that is Lord Beelzebub and they aren’t available right now, Master of Torments and all that gist. Who am I speaking to?”

She played with her nails and rested her elbow on top of the desk as another drop of Satan knew what fell onto her hand. Dagon wiped it away. There was no answer and then the call ended. That was a waste of time. She was about to put it down as the phone rang again.

“What do you want?” she yelled into it.

“Well that was just rude of you. But what can I expect of a demon,” Michael replied.

“Thought you were someone else, what’s going on?” the demon asked.

“Gabriel came storming back into his office and broke the glass door. Muttering something about your boss and demons and hell. Do you know anything about this?”

“No, and he deserved whatever happened to him. I haven’t spoken to Lord Beelzebub in weeks because of everything going on. I don’t know and I don’t care. By the way, you have your old backchannels back.”


“Ligur is back, don’t ask me. He’s back.”

“I’ll call him. Have you heard anything from the traitors?” the angel asked.

“No, we leave them alone and I hope you do the same, until we know what we are dealing with. Now I have to go back to paperwork. Bye Mickey”

Dagon ended the call before the archangel could get another word out. If anyone mentioned these two bastards again she was going to lose it. The mountain of paperwork just seemed to get higher and higher and she was starting to get tired.

The Lord of Files getting tired of paperwork, who would have thought that could ever happen. There was the smell of brimstone and hellfire and Dagon pulled open another drawer to pull out a bottle of alcohol and two glasses. She was really glad to have her own office, otherwise there would have been gossip about this. Not that there wasn’t already. Beelzebub let themselves fall into the only other chair in the room and set a stack of papers on fire.

“It’s not like those were important or anything,” Dagon muttered.

“I’ll make you copies. Archangels are such a pain.” She nodded in agreement and poured them a glass. “It was supposed to be a meeting on how to deal with the fucking traitors but then that asshole starts talking about the Allmighty, it hurts to even say that, and other bullshit. I’m thinking about sending Hastur. Maybe I should do that.”

They downed it in one go and Dagon poured another one after she had drunken her own. Their clothes looked more disgruntled than normally and they seemed even more tired. She spotted a dragonfly sitting on one of the shelves. Just a normal one, none of theirs. She set it on fire with a snap, they didn’t need any more pests in hell. They’ve had enough of those already.

“Or you could send Ligur or both. Maybe one of the Erics or another Legion,” she suggested.

“No, I need to send at least a Duke otherwise heaven will get pissy. Wait, did you say Ligur or am I already completely drunk?” they asked.

“No, he’s back. Don’t know how but said he wanted to get back into work as soon as possible” she said.

“Fuck. I need to arrange a meeting with the other princes about this. No more alcohol for now. I need to talk to him,” they stood up and walked to the door, “I’ll send you copies of those. Ignore all of the calls from upstairs while I am here, they are going to talk when we want to.”

Dagon just grinned and looked back at the paper in front of her as soon as the door closed. Something else leaked from the pipe on the ceiling. She dialed another number and screamed into it.

“If you don’t send maintenance to my office in 60 seconds I am going to send the hellhounds after you.”

“Anything new from Adam?” Crowley asked.

“No, he is a perfectly normal boy now. There is no need to worry about him for now,” Aziraphale replied.

The angel sat next to him on a couch in the backroom of the bookstore, classic music coming from an old record player. A closed bottle of wine stood on the table, Crowley had wanted to open it, but refrained from doing so because Aziraphale looked like something was worrying him.

“I am just concerned. I am relieved that they leave us alone but it just doesn’t seem like something they actually would do,” the angel confessed.

“They just think we are dangerous, they don’t know how to get rid of us. It makes sense that they leave us alone. I wouldn’t worry my head about it,” he said.

As if he wasn’t worried too, but it wouldn’t help anyone if he sulked around and there had been nothing but radio silence after their failed executions. Hastur hadn’t even tried to get revenge which was weird in a way he couldn’t explain. There were no flies or animals in the bookshop that could be associated with demons. Everything was fine, but honestly it felt a lot like the deceptive calm before a terrible storm.

“Do you want to drink something angel? Because I sure as hell do,” Crowley said.

“Not today dear. I think I’ll look through the books again. Maybe we missed something,” Aziraphale told him.

“There are no more prophecies we know to be true angel. You already read all the books you have, if something happens. You’ll notice it,” the demon smiled, “let’s watch a movie.”

“What kind of movie are you talking about dear? You should be aware that I don’t have a lot of them. I am quite sure that you don’t want to watch any of those.”

“Demonic miracles angel, demonic miracles,” with that he pulled a disk out of thin air.

“Crowley, no miracles. We talked about this.”

“Angel, you worry about this too much. It’s going to be fine. It’s just a movie,” he said.

Aziraphale shook his head and stood up from the couch. He sighed and looked out of a window and then frowned.

“Did you see that?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” the demon replied.

“Nothing, probably just a trick of the light.”

Adam grabbed another cookie and watched as Anathema stared at the package he had brought with him. It had been in the woods, where they always played and dog had growled at it, before suddenly getting very confused. So, he had brought it to Anathema, his friends were already home, it was after 10pm already.

But Pepper had remembered a book she had spotted once at the closest library and if the package was from heaven or hell it would help them a whole lot. They were going to get it first thing tomorrow. There was a sigil on the packaging, they just needed to figure out whose it was.

“There is something occult or ethereal to it, but I can’t place it on either side. I can’t help you with it. But maybe I can find out who placed it here. Because this wasn’t delivered by a postman.There is no stamp,” Anathema said.

Newt handed her a cup of coffee, as handmade as possible with a very old coffee maker.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him.

“I am sure I saw a post van some time ago,” he mentioned.

“But what kind of delivery man would walk into a forest to place a package there and there is no address on it either,” the witch replied.

“I know, but it is just weird. I thought the end of the world had been dealt with. Maybe it has something to do with the angel and demon we met at the airbase,” Newt suggested, “the ones who acted like an old married couple”

“Didn’t all of them do that?” Adam questioned.

Anathema nearly burst out laughing, but stopped herself because she had just taken a sip of coffee and hadn’t swallowed it yet.

“Let’s not talk about the relationship status of supernatural beings, who wants to open it?” Newt asked.

Adam looked at them, the witch nodded and he took the package into his hands. He removed the piece of old string and the paper and stared at another box. He opened it and there was another one. Adam sighed and lifted the lid off the second box, then he paused. There was a smaller box, but wooden and decorated with symbols and stories and god knows what that had been carved into the wood. Maybe a jewelry box. He took it out. It looked really old, like something that should be in a museum or nothing more than dust. Newt stared at it, at the woodcarvings.

“Are those bible scenes?” he questioned.

Anathema put her glasses back on and let her eyes fly over the box.

“He’s right and if I am not missing anything, those are all old testament. Can you open it Adam?” she looked at him.

The ex Antichirst shook his head and then turned the box that was still into his hands around. Showing a metal keyhole, he shook his head.

“I can’t, we don’t have the key”

Chapter Text

“What exactly are you trying to do?” Anathema asked.

She wiped her hand over her tired eyes and looked at the kitchen in front of here. The light was still on and it was already 3 in the morning. She had been in bed until a loud sound had woken her up. Which she now knew had come from a shattered tea cup that Newt was currently putting in the trashcan.

“I am trying to pick the lock,” he answered.

Utensils were on the table but they looked like they had been bent by something, one was broken in the middle and a kitchen knife looked more like an L than a knife.

“This thing is definitely enchanted or blesses or cured or whatever fits. If this had been a normal box it would be open already, and the lock would be broken too,” he said.

“You’re right. I am going to try to do something in the morning. But I can’t promise it will work. We need the key,” she told him. “A key that could be in Antarctica for all we know,” Newt sighed.

He leant his head against the kitchen cabinet in front of him and opened a drawer.

“You want some coffee? Or a hot chocolate or cookies, I think we have some cookies left,” the man asked.

Anathema stepped closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“How much did you sleep? The rings under your eyes look like they are drawn on with makeup. You need to go to bed,” she said.

“I am fine, my job interview is in two days. I have enough time to sleep before that,” Newt told her, “in an antique shop, with no modern technology in sight. They also have one of those really old cash registers. The owner is very nice and the salary is good. I can’t lay on your wallet the whole time. It’s going to be great Anathema. It’s not far from here either and the owner’s grandchildren are adorable.”

“That’s great,” she replied, “but you still need sleep. If it is how I think it is then we will be able to open the box when we need to.”

“You think it has something to do with Agnes, don’t you?” another sigh from him.

“Likely, maybe I shouldn’t have burned the book, we would know more if I hadn’t. She wouldn’t have continued writing if everything was fine, I am so stupid.”

“Anathema, you aren’t. You didn’t want to be live your whole life by a book that is hundreds of years old. That is not bad. Agnes knew you were going to do it, that was her whole thing, wasn’t it?” Newt asked.

“Well yes, but then why did she write it? It just seems weird in hindsight. I burned the book, no one had it anymore. Why waste paper, ink and time on something no one is ever going to read?”

“Maybe to expose that cheating husband to the wife? Some people would do that, and I can’t disagree with that,” he shrugged.

“She could have done that in a different way, the book must have been for someone. Even if I was supposed to burn it. No, this book was for someone else, and we just don’t know the whole picture.”

The doorbell rang the second she had finished talking and both of them went to the front door. He unlocked and opened the door and there was no one there, only a single envelope on the floor. Newt handed it to her and Anathema did notice the nearly calligraphic handwriting. They went back into the kitchen after closing the front door and she looked at the name of the sender.

“Do you know a Sophie Grey?” she asked.

“No, do you?”

“I have never heard that name. Let’s see what’s in there,” she opened the envelope carefully and pulled the folded letter out.

The paper looked like it was a few years old, though not from the last century or anything like that. By for not as old as the box Adam had gotten. Sophie Grey, Sophie.

“Wait a second,” she stood back up and grabbed the packaging the largest cardboard box had been wrapped in,” this could be read as Sophie, right?”

“I am not sure, the first letter could be an S or a Z, the last one surely doesn’t look like an e, but the one before that maybe. It could just be writing style,” he replied.

“Yes, but it’s too similar to be coincidence. Maybe this thing will tell us more,” she said.

The text itself wasn’t very long, the writer could have just used a small card. Anathema read it out loud, after her eyes had flown over the words a few times.

“Thank you for the reading material, I wouldn’t call it a book, a lot of it was burned but some stuff was still readably, that’s nice. I only had a thousand-year-old handwritten bible here before, it’s handwritten one. Got it from a monastery a long time ago. So, thank you a lot for the book, even if it is burned. I am quite sure you are related to Agnes Nutter, she mentioned that an Anathema Device would burn it, a descendant of hers. Greet your boyfriend too, if he isn’t with you right now. Only some lines on the first 10 pages are still identifiable, but it is none the less very interesting. From those words I know that you got my brooch, if the Further Nice and Accurate Prophecies of your Ancestor are as true as they seem then, I will be able to pick it up soon. I’ll see forwards to meeting you soon. Have a great next 24 hours. Singed: Sophie”

“We know what’s in the box then?” Newt raised an eyebrow.

“Most likely, is she threatening us at the end? Who wishes someone a good next 24 hours?”

“Maybe the letter isn’t from a human?”

He got his answer a second later when the paper and the envelope disintegrated. Definitely not from a human.

They stamped one of the papers and sent it to another Prince’s desk, who surely wouldn’t work on it, and pushed one of their flies away from a word they needed to read. There had been a horrible meeting with a certain purple eyed bastard archangel, who had brough something up that had happened over a thousand years ago.

Because hey, now that it was clear that neither he nor them had had anything to do with it back then, what had happened didn’t matter anymore. What an asshole. They were also quite sure that he was protecting one of his angel friends. Because they knew that none of their folk would go around murdering children. Simply because kids normally didn’t get send to hell. The angel were the ones who had murdered the Nephilim, they had murdered their own offspring, because God had told them to do so. Because apparently then it was okay.

The last time they had fraternized with the opposition, it had resulted in the death of a small child. And in Gabriel blaming them for it when he was the one who had murdered children before. In hindsight it was funny in a way, hilarious. Because it might have been a good thing.

They broke out laughing and he had been the one to bring it up again. In a meeting where they had been supposed to sort out the chaos that had been left in the wake of no Armageddon. Hell was in complete chaos, it was worse than the six thousand years before. Their office on the other hand was cluttered and full of documents and reports, some of the piles touched the ceiling. They noticed the presence in the room and continued their work.

“Duke Ligur, I don’t plan to hold you up for long. Just hand me your report and you can leave again,” they waved him off.

Another piece of paper was placed on their desk and they nodded once before going back to contemplating on if it was a good idea to go to earth and drag Asmodeus back downstairs so that he could finally get some of his work done.

“I think I was in the void, Limbo or Purgatory or whatever the humans want to call it. The place was weird and I can’t say I was completely alone,” the duke said.

“Do you know who or what was in there?” they asked.

“Maybe some led astray human souls, I could wrong about that. But what I know is that there was something that I have never seen before,” he answered.

“Good, I’ll look into it. You can go back to work,” they told him.

They weren’t as surprised as they should be that Ligur had come back from the dead, it might have something to do with the fact the Antichrist had fixed everything, but since he hadn’t come back right away, they had thought they were wrong. Maybe Adam had just made it able for him to leave whatever place he had been stuck in? They could talk to him about it again when they were done with their first mountain of work.

They and no one in hell had any time to look into this stuff, not as long as the devil himself was still sulking in his pit. They were de facto ruling hell, no one else on the dark council was doing anything to help the situation. Mammon didn’t want any contact with the opposition which they could understand but there was work to do for Satan’s sake.

It would be best for someone to check this out though, they had an idea but it wasn’t a good one and they were going to regret it a second later but if there was something lurking in the void then they needed to know what it was and if it was dangerous. So, if no one in hell could check it out or do some research because of the load of work or because that demon was lazy, and they couldn’t call Crowley then there was only one way.

They took a block phone out of the pocket of their pans and called a number. Pressing the phone against their ear and waiting, they tapped their foot against the dirty flood.

“Office of the messenger of heaven,” the archangel answered.

“We need to talk and not about the thing you brought up. Ligur is back and there might be something hiding in the void. We don’t have time for this crap so if you and your lot want to check it out, we won’t stop you,” they said.

“Why would we help you?” he asked.

“Because whatever it is it might be a danger to both heaven and hell. It could be another something from created by Her or by an angel shortly before they fell to piss Her off. We don’t know what it is going on and who is responsible for this, though if it was Her plan, I don’t think She would do it like this. You told me you wanted to make up for it,” they added.

“Well yes, but you suspected me too. It seems weird if I am the only one who does it.”

“The Nephilim Gabriel, do I need to remind you of the Nephilim?”

“No, you don’t. I’ll ask Sandalphon if he wants to look into it. Michael and I have work to do and Uriel is investing something on earth.”

“I hate that guy,” they growled.

“I will not let you insult my colleague”

“Just let someone look into it and tell me if you find anything.”

“You are buzzing again Beez.”

“Don’t call me that. And I talk how I want to, Gabriel. Don’t call me back until you have something.”

They threw their phone across the room and it hit the wall. This was a bad idea, of course it had been stupid to call that asshole. Back to work they went. When was the demon coming that was supposed to bring them a computer? An old one by earth’s standards and ancients by heaven’s but it was better than needing to put everything into a typewriter.

“Hello?” Gabriel asked.

They had already hung up. He thought it wasn’t so bad anymore, they had been able to work together on the Airfield. The first few meetings after the butchered Armageddon had been alright, they were still constantly eating gross matter. He sent a text to Sandalphon.

A thing Gabriel was sure of was that they hadn’t made this up. It didn’t seem like a thing Hell would do right now. If they had a creature they surely wouldn’t put in in there and not in Hell or on Earth or let in loose in heaven.

“Is there a problem Gabriel?” Sandalphon asked as he appeared the blink of a human eye later.

“I’ve got an eyewitness report from a reliable source. There might be a monster lurking in Limbo or the void, whatever you wish to call it. I want someone I trust to take a look around,” Gabriel explained.

“Of course, I’ll send you my report when I am back. Don’t worry,” Sandalpohn told him.

Gabriel watched him disappear again and went back to the files he was going through on his computer. A lot of mission reports from angels and some discorporations, he needed to send a few messages to other parts of heaven and wait for a report from Uriel on the monastery of nuns she was investigating.

Which arrived just as he was about to do something else, they had apparently worried about nothing. The nuns were just about to take in a child that couldn’t go home at the moment, the kid was going to arrive very soon and another angel had misunderstood something and notified upper management. He decided to call her, maybe she had noticed something else on her trip to earth. Something that could be useful.

“Don’t get destroyed again,” Hastur said as he took his frog out of the swamp it had jumped into.

“It wasn’t a choice, I am pretty sure no one is going to empty a bucket of holy water on me again,” Ligur replied.

They were sitting in the latter’s office, or rather the office he was sharing with a few other demons because hell was cramped. The only ones who had their own rooms were the princes, the devil of course and Dagon. Though Dagon only had an office of her own, no quarters. He was pretty sure they bunked with Beelzebub sometimes. He was also pretty sure that that was completely platonic, because he remembered that having been a thing in 1012 AD for a very short time and it ending in a disaster.

“Did someone hold you up? Or did Lord Beelzebub hold you up?” the other asked.

“No, I just needed to deliver a letter before I went to meet them,” Ligur answered.

“A letter? From who?”

“From an acquaintance I met while I was dead.”


Chapter Text

“Angel, you won’t be able to guess who has just called me!” Crowley yelled and nearly fell over a box on the floor.

The angel placed his book down and took the reading glasses of.

“Crowley please, I just cleaned the shop. Now who called you dear?” he asked.

“Harriet Dowling, she asked me if I could watch over Warlock for a few days because she and her husband need to go overseas but can’t take him with them because he is sick,” the demon explained.

“And she called you?” Aziraphale asked.

“Well kind of. Warlock asked her if she could call his Nanny. Because he misses her. Oh, and she asked if she and the gardener were married by now. Don’t know where she could have gotten that from, angel,” he said.

“Oh, so you are going to be Nanny Ashtoreth? Should I turn back into Brother Francis?” the angel questioned.

“Your decision, it doesn’t really matter. I’ll think about it, but I don’t think Warlock cares. We are going to leave in a few hours, get your stuff ready angel. Because we are taking care of that kid again. You know, I think he missed you too.”

“Not as much as he missed you though, I’ll pack a few of my books. But I wouldn’t just forget that Heaven and Hell might not leave us alone for as long as we hope to do so,” the angel said.

“I wouldn’t worry my head about it, they surely won’t search for us there. But please don’t put on that fake beard again, it looks fake no matter how you try to do it angel. No offense but it looks like a part of a bad Halloween costume,” the demon replied.

“I know, we can just tell them that I switched professions. It isn’t that unusual for humans to do it. I know I seem way more like a book seller than a gardener,” Aziraphale told him.

“But you weren’t that bad of a gardener, Warlock liked you too. I need to water my plants, we are leaving when I come back angel. Be ready,” with that the demon was out of the door.

Aziraphale smiled, Crowley had missed the kid. The angel had too but not as much as the demon and honestly it was kind of adorable but if there was someone who would never admit that they were good with children then it was Crowley. He liked kids he was good with kids, he had saved some kids in the flood and still wouldn’t admit any of that.

If you handed Crowley a baby, he would take care of it, but his excuse would be that a human needed to be tempted and he was just saving a soul for hell, no one had ever or would ever believe that. Crowley liked children but he would willingly go swimming in a pool full of holy water before he admitted it.

He spotted a Dragonfly on one of the windows and started to look for some things he would take with him, it was quite rare to see one so close up. But he didn’t need to worry about it, Crowley and he had talked a lot about demons and angel and heaven and hell and everything in between. As far as Crowley knew there was no demon with a Dragonfly as an animal aspect, he he didn’t have to worry about it.

A fly could mean something and likely would because no normal insect would be able to get into his shop. Aziraphale though, if he was to guess, would be quite sure that heaven would be the first to do something and not the ones from the basement. Heaven was more, Heaven was scarier than hell, he didn’t quite know why but it felt like it was. Maybe because most of the angels looked like they were about to kill you when they smiled. Particularly archangels, he didn’t even want to think about that.

They had been at Warlock’s last birthday party, had he not recognized them? Or maybe Crowley had made sure that the boy wouldn’t. Whatever it didn’t matter, the two of them would probably need to explain it to him either way. Warlock did deserve to know what was going on. What had occurred and maybe why some weird stuff had happened to him on the day the world had been supposed to end. Aziraphale stacked some books on top of each other, he would need to close the shop. Not like he ever sold any of his books. A lot of those were first editions. Humans would destroy them or they would get lost over the generations.

By now there were three customers in his bookshop, an elderly Lady, a young man and a teenager. Luckily no one was buying anything and they were mostly just looking around. The man seemed to be searching for something and since there weren’t any categorized shelved here, he seemed as lost as a child in a store. The woman was just looking around and the girl seemed to be the only one to have actually found something. Or at least she was looking at a stack of books and not walking around aimlessly and reading the titles. The maybe fifteen-year-old was looking at his ancient bibles and he was maybe staring to get a tad bit worried. He was not going to sell any of his books.

“I’m sorry, do you have any books about parenting?” the man asked.

“I’m terribly sorry but I mostly sell old books, and I don’t believe that a book about how to raise your children from the fifties is going to do you any good,” Aziraphale said, “but there are other bookstores in London. I am sure you will be able to find something.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea. This is just really close to where I work. Thanks Mr. Fell, I’ll be on my way. Need to get everything ready for when I take my parental leave,” and with that the young man was out of the door and one less person was there who might have tried to buy one of his books.

“Can I help you with something, Miss?” Aziraphale asked as he went up to the old woman.

“No, but thank you sir. I am just looking around a bit, this place is just really cozy. It reminds me of the old home I shared with my very good friend before she passed away,” the woman said. So not someone that was trying to buy one of his books, that was quite pleasing.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Aziraphale replied.

The woman laughed.

“Don’t worry it happened years ago. I just wish we could have. It doesn’t matter, it were different times back then. Oh, would you look at the time, I have a doctor’s appointment in half an hour. It was very nice to speak to you Mr. Fell. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best luck for the future,” she said and then left too.

No one had tried to buy one of his books today and he didn’t have to throw anyone out or act unangelically.

“Are you Ezra Fell?”

Remembering that Crowley was way better with children than him and that he had close to no idea what he was supposed to be doing, he went to the only person that hadn’t left yet. The girl that had just asked him if he was who he was. So, it would be best to reply to that like a normal person, a teenager also probably wouldn’t appreciate being treated like a child.

“Yes, is there a problem?”

“Well, no quite the opposite actually. My father gave me something, well he got it from his parent and that is really a long story and the short version is. He is very occupied with important stuff and well you like old books, they are safe with you. So, here,” with that she handed him a book shaped object wrapped in soft fabric.

Aziraphale took it from her and slowly unwrapped it, it was a bible, a very old bible. He was surely going to take a better look at this one. He put his reading glasses on, which was more for the aesthetic than anything else, and he really wasn’t able to judge how old it was just by that.

“Oh, thank you. I’ll take good care of it, do you know where you family got it from?” he asked.

The girl shook her head. She then closed her bag again and turned around to leave the shop again.

“What’s your name? I would like to thank your father, it’s a great donation,” the angel then questioned. She paused, looked at him, smiled and opened the door to the outside.

“I’m Sophie,” she told him.

“Would you like a cup of tea while I take a look at it, I might be able to find out in with century it has been written in?” he suggested. Sophie grimaced slightly and then looked at him apologetically.

“Sorry, but I don’t really like tea that much Mr. Fell,” she said.

Aziraphale did notice a bit on an accent there, but it wasn’t heavy and maybe he had heard it wrong. Not that it was something he should be thinking about right now, it didn’t matter.

“Maybe some hot chocolate?” he tried again.

The teen’s face lit up at that.

“Can’t say no to that,” Sophie replied.

He still had some time before Crowley arrived and if he figured out more about the book it would ease his sleep, not that he needed to sleep like a human but he sometimes liked to do so.

“You don’t really don’t know anything more about the book?” he asked.

“Not a lot, but I think you would be better at taking care of it. I only know that this bible is old, really old,” she sipped at her second cup of hot chocolate and then tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear, “have you found something out?”

“It’s older than 500 years but that is all I can say for now. Maybe you could give me phone number. I would like to call your parents when I know more,” Aziraphale suggested.

The girl froze, placed her cup down and picked up her bag.

“I’ll come back tomorrow, I don’t have my phone with me and I don’t have any of their numbers memories. Sorry,” she muttered under her breath.

Sophie bolted right out of the door and closed it behind her with so much force that the glass cracked a bit. Aziraphale blinked and then looked at the book again, this was weird. He had no way to confirm or deny the assumption that was forming inside of his head. He wasn’t supposed to assume things without any proof but something seemed very wrong here.

“Angel, are you ready? What happened to your door?” Crowley asked.

He stood in the door, the Bentley was parked right in front of the bookshop and the demon furrowed his brow.

“It’s not important. Let me just grab my books, then we can leave. Did you hear anything from the Dowling’s?” Aziraphale retorted.

“Got a text from Warlock, his parents already left because their flight was rescheduled. Don’t look at me like that angel. The kid isn’t alone. They still have staff. Let’s go, Angel,” Crowley added.

Aziraphale sighed, then took the stack of books he wanted to take with him and added the old bible to it. He really wanted to know when it was written and by who, because even if it seemed like a very weird think to notice. The handwriting felt somehow familiar, maybe he had met the writer at some point in the past. He’d just like to know.

“I am ready, but could you not drive like a maniac for once. I don’t want you to hit anyone again,” the angel said.

“She hit me angel, she hit me. Not the other way around, I know how to drive.”

“Of course, you do, dear”

“Brother Francis? I thought my parents had called Nanny or have you two finally gotten married?” Warlock asked.

He was sitting on the steps leading up to the front door and he didn’t look like he was sick. Maybe he felt better already. He had playing on a handheld console and was standing up as soon as he saw them. Crowley arrived a few seconds later and Warlock looked at him.

“Nanny, you look good,” he tried.

“Thanks brat, how have you been doing?” the demon asked.

“I’m okay. I just didn’t want to go to the states with them. You know it’s boring and I don’t need to go there with them. Was there last year,” the kid shrugged.

“So, I taught you well?”

Crowley gave the kid a fist bump and Aziraphale tried to not smile at that too much. The demon was really good with children, way better than most angels and nearly all demons but if anyone ever pointed that out to him Crowley would do the same thing he did when Aziraphale implied that he was nice.

“Weren’t you two at my birthday party? Why didn’t you say hi?” Warlock asked.

And Aziraphale had really hoped that the kid wouldn’t remember that they had been there. But really, he had tried to be a wizard and well they all knew what the fallout of that had been.

“We had our reasons to do that hellspawn. And we are sorry for that, we weren’t sure if you would recognize us if we just walked up to you,” the demon tried.

“But it doesn’t matter that he looks a lot different and that you are a man, you’re still my Nanny. It doesn’t change anything,“ Warlock said and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“You’re a good kid, I think we should explain it to him, shouldn’t we angel?” Crowley suggested.

“Are you sure?” “I think he has a right to know,” he added.

“I don’t care if you worship Satan,” Warlock said.

This time Aziraphale couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“This isn’t funny angel,” Crowley hissed.

“Well, he isn’t completely wrong, is he dear?”


Gabriel had found him in of the hallways on the upper floors of heaven and he had searched for the other archangel for a day before he had found him. Uriel had informed him that he had returned from the in between quite some time ago and hadn’t handed is report over.

“Gabriel what do I owe the pleasure?” Sandalphon asked.

“Have you found anything? I didn’t get your report,” he replied.

“No, there was absolutely nothing, your information must have been untrue. I checked everything, there is no monster lurking in there. Maybe it was a ploy from hell,” he suggested. “Thank you, I’ll leave you to your work now.”

Gabriel walked back to his office, he was quite sure that they hadn’t lied to him about that and wasn’t sure if a demon would dare to lie to the Prince of Hell. But maybe he should check it out for himself, Sandalphon could have missed something, right?

Chapter Text

Ligur really didn’t know what had convinced him to come here in the end, he was currently planning a pseudo holiday with Hastur to somewhere. They hadn’t decided on a place or time yet but both of them did desperately need some time away from hell. Downstairs was in total chaos and they could still do temptations even if they didn’t return every day. But for now, he had excused himself from hell to do a temptation in continental Europe which he had done, but that hadn’t been the reason for why he had actually left.

He’d never say no to bringing a human closer to hell, he was a demon after all, but he had a meeting right now, and someone was already five minutes late.

“I am really surprised by how many fast food places there are in this country.”

“Did you buy a whole McDonalds?” he asked.

“No, just some food for later. You can warm things up with hellfire right?” she stuffed the paper bag into her backpack and shouldered it again.

“You can try. You said you wanted to get some files for me,” he said.

“I don’t have all of them yet. Needed to postpone the trip to heaven, but here is something a heavenly agent left behind after he got unfortunately discorporated by a stack of bricks that fell down from a construction site. Such a tragedy, really,” she handed him a folder.

There was still the smell of an angel’s aura onto it and it made his stomach curl. It was filled with earth observation files, some information on the angel’s achievements and a few letters from heaven about missions and one about the called off Armageddon.

“You wouldn’t make that bad of a demon Zophiel,” he replied.

“But I am not one. How are things going with your boyfriend?” she asked.

“That is none of your business. Just don’t get discoporated again, no one will get you out of Limbo this time,” Ligur said. He was about to sink back into hell as he stopped, “maybe don’t work with heaven, they might be worse than hell, just saying.”

“As if I would ever work for them or hell. I am just completing my part of the deal,” Zophiel said.

“A deal I only made because you were really fucking annoying.”

“That was the plan, sorry.”

Ligur sighed, this had been a horrible idea, but getting an insight into heaven’s database would give hell a major advantage. He turned around to say something else to the brat but she was already gone and he was standing alone on top of a gate. Well, this happened, something was off with the kid but he had more important stuff to deal with.

Like the loads of paperwork that were still left from the time he had been dead. He should head back to hell before someone spots him and does something stupid. Ligur really did not have any time for this or the shit that humans pulled regularly. He was a demon and he had tempting and damming to do.

Michael was on earth, because there had been a weird source of power and not because she was looking for something. The woods were dark and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong. There was no scorched ground and also no marks anywhere that could have been from lighting. There was no occult or ethereal energy anywhere.

She swiped to unlock her tablet and took a few pictures. There was nothing here, only some small insects and lots of trees. Some birds where there too and though it was a nice place to have a romantic or platonic meeting but she needed to find who or what had caused it but there were no hints or clues pointing towards anything.

She continued forwards but found absolutely nothing. Michael started to type her mission report as a bit of sulfur appeared in the air and she rolled her eyes.

“Need some help, Mickey?”

“Dagon, don’t you have some more files to sort through?” she asked.

“I always have some time for you. You got the earth observation files too? Did you pass yours on to Gabriel and the other wankers?” Dagon retorted.

Michael just turned her tablet off and looked the demon straight into the eyes. Dagon grinned, showing off her multiple rows of teeth.

“You didn’t give Beelzebub the notification either, so I’d say we are pretty even here darling,” she replied.

“They have more than enough work on their hands, I can check this out on my own, which I probably won’t need to do now after all, am I right?”

“If you are interested, I didn’t find anything. This place feels weird but there is nothing weird,” the archangel told her.

“Maybe you just need a little break,” Dagon’s hand wandered up to her collar and started to pull it to the side.

“We are not going to do it in the middle of the woods. We still need to figure out what is going on here,” Michael grabbed her wrist and softly pushed it away.

“Oh, there is a we now.”

“This might be a danger for both heaven and hell, we are still not on the same team,” Michael explained.

“Well, we could be on the same team if you want. We really need someone down there with a work ethic. Because honestly Beelzebub and I are literally doing everything important,” the demon said.

“I am not going to fall, now come along if you want to, we need to check this out. I believe it might,” she turned around and then pointed into one direction, “be there”

Dagon followed her along, at least she wasn’t running around in a forest right after a stormy night and through the mud in completely white clothing. Michael likely kept it away with a miracle because no one had that much luck.

They arrived at a crystal clear lake, which probably wasn’t normal for where they were and there might be a miracle involved. Maybe some angel liked this place and decided that they were going to influence it. It wasn’t any of Michael’s business and none of Dagon’s either.

“I don’t know what you want to do now Mickey but I am going to take a swim in there,” she said.

Michael took another picture, making sure that the demon was not one it because she didn’t need anyone to know about this, and when she turned around again the Lord of Files had already jumped into the lake and was swimming towards the middle of it. Gabriel had sent her a message, he was going to take a short trip out of heaven to check if a lead was true.

It smelled like flowers and sunshine and maybe a bit like fire and brimstone and for a second, she thought she could feel the leftovers of some ancient heavenly lighting. The place felt calm and even for earth uniquely save, like a save haven. Which was weird because she was literally an angel and heaven was safer than earth in so many ways. But this place calmed her and she wanted to stay longer. It didn’t make any sense. There was no splashing in the water anymore and except for the normal sounds of the woods everything was quiet.

“Dagon?” she called out.

She took a few steps into the water. It soaked her shoes and into her pants.

“Dagon, this isn’t funny! I am not going to drag your stupid body back to hell if you discorporate, you’ll need to make yourself a new one and I am sure you don’t want that to happen! Or explain it to your boss!”

By now the water went up to her him and there was still no sight of the demon. This was likely just a prank, she didn’t have to worry. But she was an angel, angels were supposed to care. Suddenly hands grabbed her shoulders and pulled her under the water. Dagon was grinning at her as they breached the surface again.

“Were you worried about me?” Dagon asked.

“Certainly not, I just forgot that you were a fish. Don’t know how that could have happened,” Michael caught a bit, she did not need to breath but liked to do so.

“You forgot I had fins?” the demon pointed at her neck, “I really thought you were smarter than that.”

“You have no right to call me stupid. Now I need to use another miracle,” Michael sighed.

“Well, you could put that off a bit longer, I mean we aren’t in technically in the woods anymore,” she suggested. Michael leant forwards.

“I don’t have a problem with that.”

Then she was pulled under the water again, further into the lake and her tablet was definitely broken and all the miracles she would need to use to fix this. Thinking about this later seemed like a very good idea and she could hardly see the light coming from the surface anymore. How deep was this lake? Maybe it was just a demonic miracle.

Dagon dragged her back to the surface again and pushed her back and a bit out of the water. Her back hit something hard, so hard that it actually hurt.

“What was that for?” she asked.

Dagon gave her a confused look and Michael turned around to look at what she hit but she couldn’t see anything. Just more water and the edge of the lake far away.

Dagon swam towards her and then reached into the air with one of her hands. She pressed it against the invisible barrier that was there, but didn’t seem to be able to breach it either. So, the barrier wasn’t occult or ethereal? But it needed to be one of the two.

Dagon held out her hand and after a second Michael took it, this wasn’t a bad idea by any means. They reached forwards again and this time there was nothing stopping them. Both of them went forwards and the water became shallower and Dagon helped her out of the water to breach land.

In the middle of the lake was a tiny island, with a stone house on it and what looked like a small garden. Michael snapped her fingers to return her clothes to their former state and the tablet into her hands.

“This feels like a little paradise,” Dagon breathed out.

She couldn’t agree more with this. Michael walked towards the house, Dagon a few steps behind her. The lock had been broken and the door didn’t close properly anymore. There were broken pieces of old dishes or bowls but there was no dust. This place was really, really old. Maybe even a millennium, but everything was still in top condition. Except the shards on the floor, which someone had definitely broken with force. Michael took another photograph. The red fine curtains that covered the windows looked relatively new.

“Hey Mickey, look at this!” Dagon called and pointed towards one of the shards.

The archangel knelt down and took another look, there was dried gold on it, no not gold. Angel blood. Michael scrambled back but calmed herself quickly and took a picture of that too. If an angel was normally discorporated, their blood would be red like a human’s. The angel must have had their wings out.

She went further into the house, the curtains in the hallway were scorched and as she stepped into a room at the end of it, she felt her heart stop.

“Mickey, is everything okay? Did you find something else?”

The demon stopped right behind her. Michael feared her corporation might throw up and she didn’t particularly care much for humans but this was horrible. Dagon grabbed her hand and squeezed it. The walls of the room were decorated with lighter stone and nothing in the room was burned. It looked like the room of a child, it was the room of a child and most of it was covered in a dried layer of dark red blood. Michael lifted her shacking hands and took one last picture. She was sure that a human wouldn’t have been able to enter.

“We need to inform heaven and hell and figure out what happened here, this is horrible,” Michael said.

Dagon was still standing there and not moving at all, she swallowed hard and then took a deep quite unnecessary breath.

“I know what happened here, I mean the gist of it,” she whispered.


“I need to tell you something, I don’t know every little detail and I don’t know that this was the place they were talking about. I don’t even know that it was here. But I will tell you everything they told me and you are not going to like it.”

The in between was covered in thick mist and he could barely see his hands, but something had been here shortly ago. The aura was there, but it felt weird.

Sandalphon couldn’t have possible missed this, even a human would be able to feel it. This place was cold and stuck between light and dark and it didn’t have any of the stuff that made earth, well earth. Everything felt empty here and it made shudders run down his spine. Whatever had been here had already left, otherwise he would have regretted not bringing a weapon with him.

He could still call upon the lighting, still smite a demon if he came across one but whatever this was, it likely wasn’t one of the Fallen. He spotted a flicker of something in the distance and walked towards it.

His eyes widened.

There was a rift in the void. Someone or something had ripped a hole into it and likely escaped through it. The edges were still blistering with some soft of fire, likely hellfire which he was not going to touch because he wasn’t Aziraphale. He made sure to stay away from the leftovers of the thing that could destroy him and ended up in a hallway right in front of a metal door.

Gabriel opened it and found himself behind the main entrance of H&H headquarters. There was a secret exit on the ground level, an emergency exit actually, one that wasn’t linked to any kind of alarm. Someone should upgrade this.

He went back inside, closed the door with a heavenly miracle and stepped back into Limbo, the rift would close itself over time. Sandalphon couldn’t have possible missed this, but maybe he shouldn’t talk to him about it. He had nearly gotten back to the elevator as he stepped onto something.

The archangel bent down and picked it up, it was a rather small silver cross. It had been part of a necklace once but was the only thing left. Gabriel stared at it, turned it around and then he was holding a sword, it didn’t have to mean anything dead people’s things often showed up here. He turned it back and put the cross into his suit pocket. It had been a gift, a gift that hadn’t had any use for the receiver back then and never would have.

Now was not the time to ponder about the past, he needed to go back to heaven.

Chapter Text

„You mean to tell me that this house belonged to Gabriel and Beelzebub, but that is, was obviously a child’s room. Not a baby’s and I don’t think either of them would take in a human child for so long,” Michael was a bit confused.

Well, that was an understatement. There had been something between Gabriel and Beelzebub at some point, she wasn’t blind but had just thought it would been leftover from before the fall. Like in most cases of angels and demons fraternizing. Both parties knew each other from the before and even if their memories are gone, feelings are way harder to erase. Maybe in the case of the other archangel it was a bit of that too. Michael would bet her swords on those two knowing each other from before, they had been way to comfortable around each other from the start. At some point they had started acting more like enemies and in hindsight she and Uriel should have probably investigated that more. But Sandalphon had convinced them that it had been a good thing, no more personal attachments to the enemy, would make it easier to strike them down.

“The kid wasn’t human,” Dagon said.

“Alright, I just hoped Gabriel didn’t father or mother a Nephilim, because one of us would have needed to deal with the fallout of that and it would have been horrible for everyone involved. We have to execute god’s order, I promise you. No one enjoyed getting rid of the Nephilim back then,” Michael replied, “Gabriel also had a mission to complete back then, which took him way longer than it should have.”

Dagon got back to her feet, they had been sitting in front of the house, on grass that looked very kept which was weird since this place had been abandoned for a millennium, the demon glared at her.

“You murdered children, alright cutting you some slack Mickey, Gabriel murdered children. You just watched and Sandalphon helped. The Nephilim were killed because god didn’t like them. No wonder they assumed Gabriel-!” Dagon cut herself off.

The demon stood perfectly still and Michael looked at her and Dagon looked back. The scaled on her face were more visible than before and she was angry or at least something along the lines of it. Michael wasn’t good at judging emotions, no archangel was.

Mary had hit Gabriel with a broom because surprisingly appearing in a house glowing with all wings out and telling someone to not fear, isn’t actually going to keep anyone from freaking out. By the way, seeing Gabriel being beaten up by a woman with a broom after he just waltzed into her house had been hilariously funny to watch from above.

“What even was his mission? Was he supposed to get some information or” she asked.

“A weapon, he was supposed to create a weapon for heaven that would give us an advantage over your side. He came back 9 years later with nothing but a bow that could create heavenly lightning which every angel could use, not just the archangel. It still took him really long to create it. But the Metatron said that God had said that everything was fine,” Michael explained.

Dagon blinked, then blinked again then looked like the gears in her head had started moving again and she had discovered the secrets of the universe, which was a human saying that actually didn’t apply to either of them. But it was a good description for how her facial expression looked.

“A weapon, a weapon. That explains everything, it had been supposed to be a weapon. But that didn’t work. By Satan, that’s an explanation if I’ve ever got one.”

Michael had no idea what her part time lover, there wasn’t really a fitting description for what they were, was going on about. Dagon seemed to notice that and sat down again, this time crossing her legs and looking neither happy nor sad. Like she was trapped in melancholy. The demon looked at her, then took Michael’s hand again and lifted it up to the side of her forehead.

“It’s pretty hard to explain but if you wish to, I can show you,” she offered.

“You want to let me into your memories. Dagon, I am still an archangel. You know what I could do to you if you let me in there,” Michael said.

Dagon just laughed.

“I am not scared of you anymore, we have been doing this for 1500 years, if you would have wanted to destroy me you would have already done so. I am going to watch where you are going, but I am still a demon and I need you to know but I am not lying to you.”

“I am pretty sure that you aren’t. You don’t need to make yourself that vulnerable darling.”

“As if this is the most vulnerable, I’ve ever been with you. If you think so you remember a lot of times differently then me. This place is safe, at least now. It won’t take long. Just take a short look and then you can leave again and have a very long chat with the messenger,” she said.

“I am really wondering what Gabriel has to do with any of this. But if you really want to you can show me,” Michael agreed reluctantly.

It wasn’t like she was going to discorporate Dagon or mess with the brain of the Lord of the Files, it wasn’t save for a demon to trust an angel or the other way around.

“Great,” Dagon exclaimed and turned around.

Michael lifted her now free hands as the demon laid her head down on the archangel’s lap and moved around a bit before she stopped.

“Comfortable?” Michael asked.

Dagon made a sound of agreement and reluctantly Michael placed her hands on the sides of Dagon’s head. It always felt weird to look at someone else’s memories. Like you weren’t supposed to see those, they were personal. But Dagon wanted her to see it and it seemed to be important.

“See you in a second Mickey”

Dagon was lurking, which was something a lot of demons were way better than her, and looking for someone. Well actually looking for her superior because Beelzebub hadn’t been in hell for nearly six years and Mammon and Asmodeus were getting power hungry. Well, power hungrier than they had been before and a change in command was something no one in hell needed.

She was in a small village, humans were going about their daily lives and she felt a few pairs of eyes linger on her. There were some children running around playing with wooden swords and or other toys. Humans were selling things on the little marketplace and everything seemed normal. Except the strong scent of brimstone that was in the air, even if it wasn’t noticeable for humans. But Dagon was the second in command to Beelzebub, she could smell it and it let her straight to the Prince of Hell chatting with a human woman like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I have been looking for you,” she said as she approached.

Beelzebub said their goodbyes and the human left on her merry way. Which likely wasn’t so happy if he considered which place and time, they were in.

“What are you doing here Dagon? Is something wrong in hell? Did the other princes fuck up again,” they asked.

They were holding a basket of food and backed goods and for some reason it seemed very domestic. They were dressed in simpler black and red garments, but there was a small fly embroidered close to their neck.

“Mammon and Asmodeus might be out for your throne, you need to return soon to maintain your position. You are Satan’s favorite, but he won’t stop if them if they try to overthrow you,” Dagon said.

Beelzebub’s facial expression darkened and they tightened their grip on the basket and it started to smell like there was smoke in the air.

“He was interezzted in me for 4000 yearzz and I am happy that time izz over for now. I don’t want to be whoever he izz taking it out for now. Let’zz hope it’zz just a wall or zzome pit,” they buzzed.

The basket was starting to on catch fire and Dagon carefully took it from them, causing a ruckus would catch the attention of humans. No one needed that for now.

“Alright, but you need to return soon either way, I am sorry,” Dagon said.

Beelzebub took one breath then took their slightly singed belongings back. The mentioned Dagon to follow them and she did.

“Look what I found!”

There was a child running likely at someone behind them and Dagon was about to just ignore the kid when Beelzebub stopped and she saw a scene that was quite confusing.

“Well, what it is?”

Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell, Lord of the Flies, second in command to only the devil himself was kneeling down in front a little child who was showing them something it had found. The kid had black hair, that looked well kept and there was an idea forming in Dagon’s head. An idea that seemed like it was a fever dream.

“It’s really pretty, there is purple and it and red and some silver and look at it, it likes me,” the kid continued.

“Do you want it? You know you can only choose one,” they replied.

The child nodded so hard the Dagon feared it’s head would fall off. Beelzebub took whatever it was from the kid and then attached something that looked like a brooch from the side to the child’s shirt. They then turned back towards Dagon who was still very confused and shocked.

“Well, you wanted to know why I didn’t return to hell for some times. This is the reason for it,” they said.

The brooch, which Dagon could see better now, was a dragonfly turned into a brooch. Cambions usually didn’t have animal aspects, sometimes they were just connected to the one their demonic parent possessed. Though a dragonfly was a bit similar to a fly it was still a completely different animal.

“Dagon, this is Zophiel, Zophiel this is-.” She cut them off.

“I’m Dagon, your aunt.”

That was as close at it could get and really that kid looked adorable even if Zophiel was currently hiding behind Beelzebub.

“You’re a cute little hellspawn aren’t you. A great addition to hell’s forces to be,” she bent down a bit.

The kid giggled and then looked her straight into the eyes. By Satan, those were fucking purple.

“Well, my other parent says I am a gift from God and I am going to fight for heaven soon.”

“We should have probably thought about that problem beforehand,” they scratched the back of their head.

“At least the kid is cute,” Dagon tried.

This had been a horrible idea, the worst she had ever had. Well after losing her only weapon in Limbo, because she had wanted to transform it into something that wasn’t necklace, the exact second Ligur had literally fallen into Limbo. She had forgotten about it, and she wasn’t going to go back there ever. Rest in Peace heavenly sword, she would try to get her animal aspect back though. That was earth and her control over dragonflies had diminished after she had left the in between and the connection was hardly there anymore.

She needed it back and that quickly, but before that she was going to complete her part of the deal. Heaven was ten times brighter than she had imagined it to be and the lights were blinding. Those silver freckles didn’t help a lot either but at least she didn’t look like she was running around with a sign that read: I don’t belong here. There was a lot you could gather from just watching earth for one thousand years. The clothes were too light for her liking, or rather what bothered her was that she was completely clad in white and grey, not one touch or red, purple or black. At least the shoes were quite comfortable. If she was correct than Michael was the archangel responsible for the data in heaven, she would just need to find the right office.

“Are you looking for something?” a voice asked.

Please don’t let that be Michael, she would not be able to hold up that kind of conversation for long. Simply because like Dagon, she would be able to check whatever Zophiel told her in a matter of seconds and wouldn’t need to search for the information.

"I am looking for the office of the archangel Michael, I have a message to deliver,” she decided on.

“Were you recently created or why do you look so lost in your home?” Uriel asked.

So, she was able to pass as an angel, that was good and useful information. But she didn’t know a lot about Uriel, well Uriel was an archangel but that was it.

“Not quite, I am Zophiel. I am the watchman and spy of God. Don’t know what She needs that for but got to do my job. Which means observing earth most of the time.” It wasn’t a lie, that was what she had been doing the whole time and that was what humans thought her name meant. Uriel nodded at her and then pointed down the hallway.

“Go down there and then head up to the top floor with the elevator, you will find it there. But get back to work as soon as possible, we can’t disappoint Her now that the war is called off,” the archangel explained.

“Understood,” with that she was down the hall. The first thing she noticed next was that this elevator was really fast and that all the offices of the archangels were next or opposite from each other. She miracled a bottle of red spray paint into her hands. She was going to get the data and make sure her vandalism only appeared way later when someone important had already seen her leave. It might be stupid. But she was teenager and she allowed to sometimes act stupid. It would just be so much easier if you could lie to angels.

Gabriel stepped out of the elevator and wanted to just go to his office to figure out what was wrong with Sandalphon. Which he wasn’t able to do because there was a crowd of angels blocking the hallway.

“What is going on here?” he asked.

Standing in the middle of it as a freaked out Sandalphon and Uriel, who had decided that now was the right time to take some of the stuff humans had created, which was kind of just rotten grapes and try out how the drink made out of that tasted.

“What happened?” he asked. Uriel pointed to Sandalphon’s office door and refilled her wine glass with a quick miracle.

“I'd like to know what this is about too, because it is quite late to have anything to do with the Nephilim,” Uriel pressed out between teeth.

Someone had written something on Sandalphon’s door with red spray paint. Two simple words.

Child Murderer

Chapter Text

„Sandalphon, do you have an explanation for this?” Gabriel asked.

Like Uriel had pointed out, it had quite likely nothing to do with the Nephilim, because that had happened thousands of years ago and angels that had been mad about it would have calmed down by now. Or they had simply fallen back then because they had criticized god’s word.

Well, Sandalphon had been assigned to most of that, Uriel had been sent down to earth to perform a few miracles and Michael had been trying to find the files of the fallen in the archives. She had barely found anything, the names were all gone and even if they had been there, the names weren’t the same anymore and there were no pictures. Not that those would have helped a lot. No one knew if the demons remembered but you couldn’t trust a word, they said either way, so what did it matter?

Gabriel himself had been on earth, not to bless the humans, though he had done a few miracles back then, but he had been there for a meeting. It had simply been issued to make sure that everything had been going the way it should. Beelzebub hadn’t been able to convince him to eat some gross matter back then, and they hadn’t managed to do it till today. He had only once consumed human food, but there had been a very good reason for that.

“Might have been some rouge angels that just wants to shine a bad light on all that heaven as achieved. Or maybe one of the Nephilim has managed to sneak into heaven, they have found shelter in hell after all. We should have completely obliterated them, killing them was likely not enough,” Sandalphon said.

“But they are not able to enter heaven, you are aware of that, right?”

Gabriel was slightly confused, because every single angel should be aware of that. they had five meetings shortly after god’s orders had been fulfilled. He had convinced Beelzebub, it had likely been their idea in the first place, to check onto the Nephilim.

There were by now, if they did age at all, quite a few pissed off teenagers in hell that had been madder about the war being called off than most of the actual demons. That was something that Beelz had screamed at him before they had stormed off in the middle of the last meeting. After making both of them relive one of the worst days of their immortal lives, he had thought it was okay by now. He had been wrong.

“Gabriel, can we talk for a second, I think I might remember something that could help us figure out who the vandal is,” Sandalphon suggested.

“You two talk, I am going to do some paperwork that is left over from the apocalypse. Tell me if anything important happens,” Uriel went back to her office with that.

Gabriel followed Sandalphon in the latter’s. The red paint was still slightly visible from the inside and the other archangel had turned the brightness of his lights to the max and if he wasn’t an angel, he would likely be temporarily blind from that alone.

“Now, who do you think did it?” he asked.

“Well, how do you think-“, Sandalphon went to his desk,” the heavenly host will react when they find out that you are in cahoots with the Prince of Hell. Do you think She will fell you for that? I would like to see that. Because I am the one that fixed the problem for you last time, I am not going to take the fall for you again.”

Gabriel slowly took a step back, what was he talking about? They weren’t in cahoots with each other, they just wanted what was best for heaven and hell, separately of course. Gabriel had no interest in hell and Beelzebub no sympathy left for heaven. Or maybe it was the other way around. They had been supposed the strike each other down in the second war and now that was likely never going to happen. He didn’t mind it much.

“I took care of the last time you messed up. Now get out of my office. Unlike I have actual work to do and don’t need to plan my next rendezvous with the enemy.”

“Sandalphon,” Gabriel tried.


Gabriel closed the door behind him, there was a coffee machine on one of the lower levels of heaven, which were still higher up then any place on earth, and he needed some time to think about what had just happened.

Maybe it wasn’t gross matter if he blessed it before consumption, at least that was an idea. Some caffeine would hopefully not be harmful, but what in the name of the seven virtues had Sandalphon meant. Gabriel had never asked him for help with anything. Maybe a mission shortly after the first war, but he hadn’t even known Beelzebub well back then. He had only met them once and they had managed to discorporate him had been able to even think about smiting the short demon that had appeared in front of him.

He had not been in cahoots with anyone back then, except his other siblings in god. A cherub gave him a weird look as he tried to figure out how the machine worked. Archangels weren’t usually seen that close to earth, which honestly did not make that much sense if he thought about it for longer than a few moments. In the end he got a drink with a weird smell and miracled himself back to his office.

He had work to do and a lot of thinking. He reached for the pen that he normally kept in the pocket of his suit to sign a document, but it wasn’t there. Instead, there was the silver cross he had found in the void. He paused and stopped reaching for another pen.

Sandalphon had said that he had fixed it for him last time, what if he? He needed to make a phone call immediately. A disgruntled and tired sounding Beelzebub picked up their phone after what felt like one million years.

“We need to meet immediately. I have new information, it is very important,” he spoke way too quickly.

“What are you going on about, I have work to do. Our next meeting isn’t until next week. And I don’t think you have enough free time to meet up for something else,” they replied.

“Beelz, it’s important. We need to meet right now.”

“Alright, alright. Meetings place number 4, in five minutes. Don’t be late,” they hang up.

“Gabriel, did something happen? Sandalphon is acting very weird,” Uriel was standing in his office door.

He excused himself, promised to speak with her about it later and ran straight to the elevator that led to the lobby of the main entrances. Before he turned around and decided to take another exit because turning up in London would force him to utilize more miracles if he wanted to get to central western Europe, where they were actual meeting this time. There was another exit in France, it would be closer.

Sandalphon was hiding something, she didn’t need to be a genius to figure that out. He was acting weird and Uriel hadn’t told him about the conversation she had some time before the paint had appeared. But she was certain that those two events were connected.

Michael was still on earth, investigating something and wouldn’t be back for quite some time. Gabriel had just stormed out and Sandalphon surely wouldn’t tell her anything. Zophiel, she had not heard that name ever before. Which didn’t mean anything, there were after all 10 million angels, no one could remember all their names all the time. Except God or Michael. Which meant she would need to take the elevator to the archive and do some research.

Angels were chatting about things, likely the red paint still stuck to the door of an archangel’s office and one angel was still in the elevator, heading to floor 57 as she left.

The archive looked organized, everything was clean and looked like it had been ordered with care. That was a very wrong impression, because there was no system in place whatsoever. Rumor has it one of the fallen had done this on purpose, only what would later be called hours before the war, to throw heaven off its game. It hadn’t really done anything and likely had just been done out of spite in the first place, but right now it was an issue.

She couldn’t just search for the shelf that had all files of the angels on it whose names started with a Z, or try to figure out when exactly Zophiel had been created. The being she had met, surely hadn’t been a Nephilim, those had a different aura and were quite easy to spot in a crowd. Zophiel hadn’t been one. She would need to go through all the files, it would take only around 10 hours at most, that was only because time in heaven was quite frankly weird and because she was an archangel.

Well, better to get to work sooner than later.

Warlock was completely destroying Crowley at video games, either the boy was very good at it or the demon was letting him win. Aziraphale really didn’t know on which one he would place his bids. He was trying to figure out where he had seen the handwriting before. They had already eaten dinner and technically the boy should have been in bed hours ago but Crowley had convinced him that Warlock was allowed to have some fun.

“Angel, do you want to play with us next round?” the demon asked.

“Thank you, but now. This might be very important, I need to know who wrote this book,” he answered.

“Angel, maybe you just met a monk at the time, and that the guy’s handwriting is there and you might not immediately recognize it,” Crowley suggested.

“No, I am quite sure that is not the handwriting of a human. It just looks too perfect.”

“Maybe God wrote it?” Warlock chirped in.

“I am quite sure She didn’t do that. God, it hurts to say that, no one heard from Her in 6000 years. I don’t think She sat down and just wrote a book and gave it to some humans,” Crowley said.

“I need to agree with him on that one Warlock. It is quite unlikely that God is the writer of this. Maybe it is an angel, that would make more sense. Some acted around guardians around this time. It could have simply been a gift to a human child or family. But I have seen it somewhere before.”

“Angel, I don’t really think that it is that important, we bested heaven and hell. We are free now, you don’t need to find some random angel because they gifted a human a book one thousand years ago,” the demon looked at him.

Aziraphale turned another page around and Crowley and Warlock started another game, he didn’t know what exactly they were playing. He had reached the new testament by now and it wasn’t like he hadn’t read it a thousand times before. Maybe there were certain words or phrasings that would lead him into the right direction.

“At which point are you?” Crowley asked.

“Where Gabriel reveals to Mary that she is pregnant,” he said and continued to read the page.

Someone, someone with barely readable handwriting had scribbled something on the page. He squinted and tried to decipher the words.

“Something wrong angel?” Crowley looked at him.

“Everything is great. Someone just wrote something down here. Oh, I know what it means now. She hit him with a broom.”

“Who hit with what?”

“Mary beat up Gabriel with a broom. Someone wrote that down here”

Crowley made a face. That was the second a lightbulb went off in Aziraphale’s head.

“Gabriel, of course,” he muttered.

“Okay angel, what did that bastard do this time?” Crowley asked.

“He wrote this book, by hand,” the angel answered.


“One minute,” Anathema said.

She, Adam and Newt were sitting at the kitchen table and waiting for something to happen. Adam’s friends were in the living room. They really shouldn’t be here, not even Adam should be here honestly. This could get very dangerous. Someone had openly threatened them in a letter and the box was still standing there. It hadn’t moved or opened on its own. Pepper took another cookie from the jar.

“What are we even waiting for?” Brian asked.

“We don’t know but it’s going to happen in three, two, one,” Adam waited.

Actually, everybody stopped moving and breathing for a moment. But nothing happened. Anathema started to relax, so it had just been an empty threat. The doorbell rang.

“You four stay back,” she gestured to the Them and slowly made her way to the front door.

Newt was right behind her and she took a deep breath before she opened it. Anathema was staring right at a teenager, who had a bag slung over her shoulder and stared right back. No one blinked and then Adam walked up from behind her.

“You must be Sophie, I am Adam Young,” he introduced himself.

“The failed antichrist, it is very nice to meet you,” she said, “have you gotten my box?”

“It’s on the table,” the boy shrugged.

“Thank you,” Sophie went past Anathema and Newt, the latter was still holding a rolling pin in his hands.

She waved at the Them before she picked up the jewelry box and started at it way too long for anyone’s comfort.

“Why did you threaten us?” Newt asked.

“I didn’t. I just wished you a good day. That’s nice, right?”

“Wishing someone a good day is, but a good next 24 hours sounds like you planning to do something to them,” Pepper explained.

“Oh,” Sophie lifted a hand to her mouth,” terribly sorry. I thought it meant the same.”

“It’s not the problem,” Anathema sighed.

“Were you guys baking or something. Are there cookies, I love cookies. Or why is he holding that?” Sophie pointed at Newt.

She didn’t receive an answer. Anathema, who was completely clam by now thank you, finally caught herself again and looked at the newcomer a bit closer. She didn’t have an aura, and Anathema was sure that it wasn’t the see reason for why she hadn’t seen Adam’s back then. How much a short chat with a book thief could help to clear up some things. This time, she was sure that the person opposite of her actually did not have one.

Sophie took a key out of her bag and unlocked the jewelry box with it, Anathema walked closer and saw three things. Firstly, the inside of the box was decorated with woodcarvings too. Secondly, if she wasn’t wrong those seemed to be new testament. And thirdly, the only thing inside was a brooch that looked like a dragonfly, one that didn’t appear to be completely normal. Sophie took it out. Then she spotted the jar on the kitchen counter.

“May I have some cookies?” she asked.

Chapter Text

Beelzebub emptied the whole bowl of sugar into their coffee. Gabriel had wanted to meet them. A very out of breath and barely understandable phone call later and they were sitting in a small café close to the French border and luckily none of the humans had spotted the giant fly on their lap yet.

They didn’t leave the behind this time, Dagon was on a date with Michael and was dumb if she thought they weren’t aware of what was going on there, and hell was getting more dangerous.

Leviathan was likely not the culprit this time, there was enough envy on earth to keep him occupied for the next ten thousand years. Surprisingly enough, he was doing his actual work. Which led to one less member on the council that had some sense of something. Lucifer was still sulking, he wouldn’t stop soon.

“There you are, I was just about to get downstairs again,” they said.

“I used the exit in France, then there were some complications,” he said, “it was Sandalphon”

“What are you talking about?” Beelzebub asked.

“He killed our child,” the archangel explained.

They chucked down the drink in one go and then crushed the cup in their hands. A server looked at them before she hurried back into the building.

“I am going to kill him, not discorporate him, kill him.”

They were about the jump up when Gabriel placed a hand on their shoulder and sat down next to them. They were pretty sure that he was angry too, or at least mad, since it had been his idea in the first place.

“You can’t just storm into heaven and challenge him. That would be very stupid,” Gabriel stopped,” I don’t understand why he would do something like that.”

“You are joking, aren’t you? He volunteered to help you get rid of the Nephilim, after the Metatron was like, that’s your job Gabriel. It is obvious that there is something wrong with him. That still doesn’t answer how he even got inside. That should have been impossible,” they said.

“He never acted weird, Sandalphon always behaved like an angel should. He must have had help. There is no other explanation, do you suspect anyone Beelz?” he asked.

“Don’t call me that. If we did the wards right than there are only six suspects. An ordinary angel and demon wouldn’t have been able to enter, even if they were together. A safety measure we took because fraternizing was and is way more common than anyone thinks. I still don’t understand which one of them would have worked with Sandalphon. I am sure it wasn’t Asmodeus, he hates me, but wouldn’t do anything that potentially risk his position in hell. He is by far not Satan’s favorite,” they explained.

“Maybe we missed something back then, we were quite occupied trying to discorporate each other. You nearly got a hit in.”

They sighed and leaned further back in their chair. They stared at him and then placed their hand on top of the table.

“You want to take a trip down memory lane, literally.”

“Yes, maybe we can figure put which one of your colleagues worked with him, there aren’t that many subjects left. But we might need to start a bit sooner just to make sure we don’t miss anything,” Gabriel said.

Beelzebub was doing quite a lot of sighing today and all of it was completely justified. They nodded at him once and then held their hand out.

There were other ways to do this, but this was the most formal one and they were professional. They could be professional in most situations. He took their hand and for the humans only one second would have passed. It wasn’t going to be over that quickly for both of them.

He had not been in heaven for long, the plan was working perfectly and there was nothing that could disturb any of it. The garden, not the one in Eden of course, looked a tiny bit overgrown but still salvageable.

“Gabriel, there you are. Can I ask you how long you think you spent up there?” Beelzebub asked.

They were standing in front of the house and glaring. Glaring at him like they were contemplating if they wanted to rip out his throat or cut him open.

“A few weeks at most. How are you doing?” he replied.

“You were nearly a year upstairs. I don’t know if heaven time works that different or if you just have no concept of anything but I haven’t slept in months. It was your mission so you take care of it now. I am going to sleep and stuff something into my ears, don’t even try to wake me up. Doesn’t need to consume anything by the way,” they buzzed.

The prince of hell walked back into the house and then pressed a bundle into Gabriel’s arms before they stormed off into the direction the bedroom was in. The archangel looked down. If it had been just a few weeks, he would not be holding a mini being,

Humans had a name for them didn’t they. The mini human look alike didn’t move and its eyes were closed. Was it already dead? No Beelzebub would have mentioned that, neither of them needed to breath so that wasn’t an indicator either. Their creation had black hair and for some reason Gabriel was actually a bit scared that their quite adorable weapon looked too much like their other parent. The being moved a bit, so it was not dead.

It made a weird sound and then opened its eyes. They were purple, like his. Well, what had they been complaining about, this was quite nice? And then the mini whatever it was started screaming. He nearly dropped it. How could anything make that kind of sound. It felt like it was destroying his corporation’s eardrums.

“Can you please stop screaming, I have no idea what you want from me,” he tried.

Their offspring stopped for a moment, as he tried to relax, and that started again even louder than before. Gabriel was pretty sure Beelzebub was sleeping peacefully and grinning to themselves. It couldn’t be that hard to fix this, right? Humans did it all the time, multiple times even, with multiple offspring. It was way more difficult than he had anticipated.

“What in Satan’s name are you doing?” they asked.

Zophiel, it had taken way too long for them to agree on a name. Simply because most were either too angelic or too demonic, or too human. Zophiel was quite angelic, but they had agreed because it was, the reason was actually quite embarrassing. Their buzzing was mostly audible when they were angry and they didn’t really want to butcher their child’s name. It sounded really stupid.

But Gabriel had been writing for hours and hadn’t even protested when they had a being, that certainly didn’t need to eat, some fruit. Zophiel seemed to like it, which could be a small victory for hell.

“I am writing a bible,” he answered.

“I can see that. But why are you doing that? You could just miracle one, even singed by the Allmighty, or buy one from a monastery,” they suggested.

“No, this one is special. A demon would be able to touch it,” he explained. “You are not scared am that I am going to destroy it?”

They put the piece of fruit down they had just picked up, which earned them a quite disgruntled look from a child, that should not yet be old enough to create such an expression.

“No, even if you your side would win this, it would be good for our weapon to know as much about the other side as possible. Simply for battle strategy,” he didn’t sound as sincere about it as he had just a few months ago. It likely didn’t mean anything.


Gabriel was not the one who had said that, they fell backwards off the stool.

“Beelz are you okay?” Gabriel asked.

They jumped back to their feet and completely ignored him.

“Look or Listen, whatever you are able to do right now”

“Bee,” Zophiel said again.

Their heart did not melt, simple because it wasn’t easy to do so. But if the first word a child spoke was of any importance than they were clearly going to win. But hopefully not too quickly, it wasn’t that bad to spent some more time with Gabriel. Even if he was a stuck-up bastard. They didn’t hate him and Zophiel certainly didn’t do either so their was no reason to make such an important decision head over heels. It would be best if Zophiel decided it later on, they were going to do their best.

“Did I hear that right?” Gabriel just stared at them.

He had knocked over the ink and it was spilling all over the nearly finished page. He did notice it and grabbed the ink bottle before something worse could happen. Beelzebub started to cut an apple. They had a bit of an advantage but there wasn’t a clear winner yet.

“But how could he know?” Zohpiel asked.

Gabriel looked up from the bible page and stared at his offspring in what could only be described as slight confusion. Beelzebub was cutting some raw meat, which they were going to eat raw thank you very much and looked over at the space that was used as a living room.
“How could he know what?” he questioned.

“How could Cain know that it would kill his brother. No one had died before, right? Isn’t it evil to curse his whole bloodline. And why did god send the flood when god created everything to be like that in the first place,” Zophiel said.

Beelzebub could not hide their laugh this time. Their child was on the best way of going straight into the ranks of hell and it would be quite the surprise for everyone. They might even get a medal. Not that a simple medal was the reason for all of this.

“Zophiel,” they said, “can you tell me the seven deadly sins?”

“Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride.”

“Oh, you want to play it this way. What about the seven heavenly virtues,” Gabriel jumped in.

“Chasity, Temperance which Bee hates, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness and Humility.”

“Oh, just remember that this was your idea, Gabriel. Can you name all seven Princes of hell,” Beelzebub was most likely reaching, but they did have a point to make.

“Beelzebub has Gluttony, Mammon Greed, Leviathan Envy, Asmodeus Lust, I don’t know Bee. Sorry,” the kid said.

“No problem, that is more than half of it, no one with a mind would call that bad. Do you want some sweets?” Beelzebub asked.
Zophiel nodded.

“But I remember something else.”

“Feel free to tell me,” they said.

“Dagon is your second in command, she has a fish, is the keeper of Files and Master of Torture. Hastur is a Duke and has a frog, Ligur is a Duke and has a chameleon. And the demon that tempted Adam and Eve was Crawly,” Zophiel tried.

“Mostly, Dagon is the master of torments and he is Crowley now, not Crawly. You also remember who his siblings are?” they pointed at Gabriel.

“Michael, Uriel and someone that did something at that one point in the book. It wasn’t very nice,” the kid said.

They handed the child some honey, that was more than enough for today. Even a weapon needed some time to breath and they were definitely, most certainly thinking of their child as that and nothing more.

“I must correct you, Sandalphon is a very admirable angel.”

Beelzebub burst out laughing.

Beelzebub had not expected to meet Dagon here, but it had been a pleasant surprise. Zophiel liked her, and was currently sitting on her shoulders. It was adorable really, not that they would ever say that out loud.

“Can I ask you something Lord Beelzebub, nothing like this has ever happened before and since I am the keeper of files I’d like to know. Who is the father and who is the mother?”

Dagon looked a bit uncomfortable and they would stab everyone else if they asked this question. But Dagon was their oldest friend they had tried to make more out of that shorty after the fall, but that hadn’t worked out. It had also mostly been caused by loneliness and the knowledge that no one up there remembered them anymore. They should not think about it this much.

“You could call Gabriel the father. We never did, there were more important things to do. Studies of heaven and hell you know. All that gist. I’ll take a trip downstairs soon, you don’t have to worry about it too much. If you want to, you can keep me informed,” they suggested.

“What’s a father? My friends talked about that too?” Zophiel asked.

“It’s a human concept. You could refer to Gabriel as your father if you want to. He won’t mind it, I am sure,” they explained kind of badly.

They weren’t as daft as Gabriel when it came to humans, but they certainly didn’t understand a lot of things that humans did do.

“Is there anything else?” they asked.

Zophiel tried to hide in Dagon’s hair, which did not work at all.

“I am, I think I am a Girl,” Zophiel then said.

They had taken a short trip to hell and had just returned, unlike Gabriel, they had made sure that they didn’t stay there for too long. But something felt wrong. They couldn’t place their finger on it but it was too quiet. Beelzebub walked into the house, some of the dished lay broken on the floor and there was a way too familiar scent in the air. They summoned a dagger from hell and slowly stalked down the hallway.

Gabriel was standing in the middle of Zophiel’s room, holding a bloody blanket in hands. The whole room was covered in red blood, they had never needed to figure out which color their child bleed. But they weren’t sure what exactly that meant. Not even the Nephilim had bled the same color as humans.

“What have you done?” they screeched.

The buzzing sound in the air got louder and more flies were appearing around their head. They were furious, no one wanted to deal with a furious Beelzebub. Gabriel dropped the blanket like it had burned him and pulled a holy spear out of heavenly lighting. How could he? It had been his idea? There hadn’t been a clear loser or winner yet.

Angels were so rotten, killing their own children. Hey had been so stupid, it had happened before. They were going to make him pay for this, they were going to cover this whole island in golden blood. Their dagger was blistering with hellfire, maybe they were going to go just a step further.

But not even Satan would like that. they weren’t allowed to completely destroy a member of the opposition until the great war. But they were going to hurt him. After that they were going to look for their child.

Chapter Text

„Well, if this isn’t the cutest dog I have ever seen,” Sophie said.

She was patting dog, who was sitting on her lap. Last night Anathema and Newt had agreed that it was a good idea to let the girl stay there for a night. Sophie had slept on the couch and eaten most of their food but except that part she had been very nice. Anathema still couldn’t shake the feeling off that something was wrong with this teen.

She couldn’t place her finger on it but there was something that didn’t fit. Like it came right out of the uncanny valley. Sophie wasn’t fully human but the occultist didn’t have an idea what she was. Dog liked her, so it was likely that she wasn’t dangerous or here to harm anyone.

“Sophie, do you know why we might have acquired your brooch?” Anathema asked.

“Maybe God is just playing games with the universe again,” the teen suggested.

“Hey, that’s what that one guy on the airfield said, well kind of,” Newt said.

Sophie looked confused and stopped petting the dog, it apparently took that personally and jumped off her lap to return to its master. Yes, she probably had no idea what he was talking about.

“Where the end of the world was supposed to happen, it’s a very long story,” Anathema explained.

Sophie froze, then looked her, Newt, dog and the Them. Yes, there was definitely something there that Anathema didn’t know about.

“Were Gabriel and Beelzebub there?” Sophie asked.

“The book thief did call that small demon that but I am not sure if the other one was actually the archangel Gabriel.”

“Purple eyed asshole that likes grey?”

“Yes, definitely,” Pepper answered.

“Well now I feel really bad for Mary,” Brian said.

“She did beat his ass with a broom. So, I think she was fine,” Sophie retorted, “do you think anyone from heaven or hell will return to this place?”

Anathema did not ask why or how she knew that piece of information, or how she aware of Adam having been the antichrist but not the airfield. It likely wasn’t any of her business and had maybe been traumatizing or something like that. She would not meddle in the affairs of a teenager she barely knew. Where were the girl’s parents? Weren’t they supposed to take care of her? Did she even have parents?

“We are not sure yet. We hope they leave us alone, Adam isn’t the antichrist anymore and he doesn’t have any powers either. We hope we will be fine.”

“How did you stop being the antichrist?” she asked.

“Well, I told Satan that he wasn’t my father. Controlling reality and all that did the rest,” Adam explained.

“But before that you made sure to also make your other parent not your parent anymore, right? Because otherwise you would still be a half demon and that would bad and point a giant target on your back,” Sophie joked.

“I thought my mother was human,” Adam stared at her.

“No, oh god. You didn’t know that. I probably shouldn’t have told you that,” Sophie said apologetically.

“Can’t he just fix that?” asked Wensleydale.

“I can’t change reality anymore. But does it really matter. Whoever it is, they don’t seem to care about what I am doing,” Adam shrugged.

Sophie stood up and then walked over to Adam, he looked at her. She then rolled up the sleeve of her jacket and showed something that looked like a tattoo. Wasn’t she too young to have something like that? Adam reached out to touch it but pulled her arm.

“Don’t. Adam, are you aware that a demonic parent can place a legal claim on you whenever they want? It would be binding. They could trap you in hell forever and force you to fight against heaven and earth,” she told him.

“But I don’t have a tattoo,” he said.

“Adam, that just means your other parent hasn’t put a claim on you yet. You are still in danger and you should have more powers if you ever entered hell,” Sophie tried to explain.

“I don’t have powers anymore.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” Adam said.

“Alright,” she raised an eyebrow, “but I would to check if I can figure out who your demonic parent is. It might help us to know what you have to prepare for,” she suggested.

“You can do that?” Anathema asked. “Wait, one second. If you have that mark, doesn’t that mean we are in danger?”

“Yes, but I don’t know every single demon in hell. If I am not able to limit it to one it will still give you a direction. Of course, only if you are okay with it Adam and no. I have another one that cancels this one out. My demonic parent wouldn’t be able to track me down if they tried. Not that they would,” Sophie added.

“Okay, how are you doing to do it?” Adam questioned.

“It’s easy. I just need to place my hand on your wrist for a second. It’s not going to hurt,” she assured him.

Adam nodded, it might help them if push came to shove, there wasn’t anything Anathema could argue against it either. It wasn’t like Sophie was suggesting anything bad.

Pepper leaned a bit closer from where she was sitting and observe the situation. Adam held his left hand out and Sophie placed to fingers close to his pulse point before she stayed there for a second and then jumped back like she had been bitten by a snake. Sophie gasped for breath and looked like she was about to have a panic attack.

“You are so fucked,” she said before actually collapsing.

Needless to say, this did not help to ease anyone’s worries or fears. It just made them worse and since it was clear that that girl was certainly not human, they were likely in even more danger than they thought. This was bad.

Warlock was eating some very not healthy cereal and Crowley was still cooking something. This was nice and quiet and peaceful and they were safe. Aziraphale certainly wasn’t worried about the fact that they had a bible with them that was handwritten by the archangel that tried to execute him. But Gabriel wouldn’t care about a thousand-year-old book, the only thing the archangel might care about that was on earth, was clothing. Which was a tad weird.

The book was still on the coffee table and he hadn’t found any notes or handwriting in it that wasn’t from his ex-boss. Crowley had eyed the, Mary hit him with a broom paragraph, a bit longer than he should have and then had just hissed something that was likely part of a dead language. Aziraphale had only been able to understand something along the lines off asshole, nothing more.

He was about to put a piece of baked goods, which smelled very good by the way, into his mouth as the doorbell rang. Maybe he was imagining things, but then it rang again and someone knocked very hard onto the front door six times in a row. Aziraphale put the food down and stood up, Crowley was still chatting with Warlock, he slowly pushed the handle down and opened the door.

“Hello Aziraphale,” Gabriel said smilingly.

A very pissed off looking Beelzebub stood next to him, they looked like they knew that this was a very stupid idea. Gabriel was still grinning, like he had not tried to murder him not long ago. Aziraphale slammed the door right into Gabriel’s face and hurried backwards.

“Dear,” he called out.

“Yes, angel?” Crowley replied.

“Gabriel and Beelzebub are at the front door,” the angel explained.

“Good joke angel, I actually though something was wrong for a second,” the demon laughed.

Aziraphale was about to tell him he wasn’t joking as the front door was opened again, this time by the prince of hell. Who surprisingly enough hadn’t used a demonic miracle but a lockpicking set that they were currently stuffing into the front pocket of their trousers.

They pulled out an umbrella and opened it to hold it over their head, likely as a safety measure as Gabriel stood a few steps behind them to keep himself a tad safer from any potential hellfire. These two had actually come partly prepared.

“We need to speak to both of you,” they stated, “it’s important”

Aziraphale didn’t know them very well, had only ever met them twice but they didn’t seem as composed as they had been before. Beelzebub was shacking with a weird mixture of anger and love and if he didn’t know it any better, he would thing someone just murdered their offspring. Gabriel didn’t currently act any less like a scorned parent either but that was likely just Aziraphale’s wrongful interpretation of the situation.


Crowley yelled and yeeted a kitchen knife at Beelzebub’s head. Gabriel caught it and threw it out through the still open door before he closed it slowly. The archangel shook his and Beelzebub just groaned very loudly.

“I don’t need your help asshole,” they hissed.

“You promised you would leave us alone. You swore it. What do you two think you are doing here?” Crowley asked, “and please put that down, we don’t have any holy water on hand right now.”

“This is not about the war you two stopped. That would have resolved most of this. Sandalphon has been playing heaven for centuries. I looked into it, we don’t who else is on it but one of the Princes of Hell must have or must be working with him in some way,” Gabriel said.

“Oh well, surprise. Who could have guessed that,” Crowley mocked.

“This is of no concern to me but he made a mistake. I don’t think She would have allowed him or ordered him to do it. God can be benevolent but I am certain that action was one of his own,” the archangel continued.

Yes, Aziraphale still had no idea what they were talking about. Sandalphon had fucked something up, but what did Crowley have done with that? Aziraphale didn’t know anything either, he might have suspected some things, but nothing he could prove. Beelzebub took a short breath and gave Gabriel a look that could only be read as, shut up.

“Sandalphon destroyed a weapon we had been working on around 1000AD, it would have been a great advantage for hell,” they were choosing their words very carefully.

“Or for heaven. We hadn’t been able to figure that out,” Gabriel added.

“Let me try to recap that,” Aziraphale started, “you two, one thousand years ago. Created a weapon but before you fought over who could use it, Sandalphon destroyed it.”

“We wouldn’t have fought over it. Humans do that way too often,” Beelzebub muttered.

Crowley was surprisingly enough not saying anything, he was just observing the situation very carefully. Aziraphale was sure that the demon had a suspicion but that it wasn’t strong enough to voice it yet. Warlock was still at the kitchen table and he most likely no idea what was actually going on here. Which was good. He didn’t want to endanger the boy.

Beelzebub finally closed their umbrella and miracled it away, they crossed their arm in front of their chest and seemingly waited for someone else to say something.

“Why are you both so mad about a weapon. The other side could have gotten it too, right? That would have put you at a disadvantage. Isn’t it good that Sandalphon destroyed it, you don’t have to worry about it anymore?” Aziraphale said.

That had been a bad decision. A very bad decision, because Beelzebub was now milliseconds away from throwing hellfire at him and Gabriel seemed all but ready to summon a holy spear or sword. Crowley placed himself between the angel and their very angry ex-bosses, though he didn’t seem to be that mad at them. Certainly not as mad as he had been minutes ago.

“Angel,” the demon stated, “you just insulted their dead child”

Uriel put the last file back, she hadn’t sorted them, that was not her job. But there was nothing about an angel named Zophiel. It did not make sense. The being Uriel had met surely hadn’t lied, angels could sense lies and it was nearly impossible to bend the truth about your name.

If an angel would decide to change it or anything about their corporation, the first of which barely ever happened, their names were god given after all, it would be in the files. But there was nothing. Well, the humans thought they had some information but those sources were barely reliable in the best scenarios. She hadn’t missed one.

Gabriel had left heaven again, Michael still hadn’t returned and Sandalphon wasn’t someone she thought she should talk to about this. Maybe there was something in the earth observation files. It was worth checking it. She didn’t run into any of her siblings on the way and a cherub told her that Sandalphon had left heaven too some time ago. She just hope he was following god’s orders.

There was barely anyone there and normally Michael was in charge of this place. But since she wasn’t here, and maybe in cahoots with someone, Uriel was able to look through the pictures a bit faster. One of them was from a meeting between the heavenly host and hells lower (upper) management, where the photographer had caught the exact moment Lord Beelzebub had emptied their drink onto Gabriel’s shirt and face.

Her lip did not twitch a bit upwards at that.

Some more pictures of the traitors, some older pictures of the traitor and his demon boyfriend, some quick sketches way before humans were about to figure out photography with some notes attached to them. There was a lot about the Principality Aziraphale and the demon had literally brought about the downfall of humanity.

Why had no one caught onto this earlier.

Maybe the angels who made and kept the files thought it was cute or adorable or had just watched and read way too many human stuff.

There was one page that caught her eyes, a quick not that simple read; Archangel Gabriel spotted with a human child 1010AD, that in itself didn’t mean anything. Angels blessed humans a lot but the drawing attached to it had something hidden in its corner. There was another figure, Uriel was quite sure that that was the second in command of hell. What was Lord Beelzebub doing there?

The child didn’t look anything but normal, but she could only see the back of their head. So, that didn’t need to mean anything. Maybe he had helped hide a Nephilim because he had felt sorry?

Uriel stopped, then looked at the date again and quickly checked something on her tablet. She might have found something, but that could not be what had happened. Or could it? Gabriel might have taken the term, creating a weapon, a bit too literally.

Chapter Text

Gabriel was sitting on a couch that seemed to be too small for his frame and which made Beelzebub seem even shorter than they actually. They would like to add two things; firstly, Gabriel wasn’t even that tall and secondly, they weren’t short. It wasn’t their fault that every other ethereal or occult being had chosen a corporation that was tall and they had decided to go with a more average height.

They were not going to drink the cup of tea the traitorous angel had handed them and they were not worried about the archwanker next to them, simply because the bastard wouldn’t eat or drink anything if his life depended on it.

“So, you two are planning to do what exactly?” the traitor asked.

“Killing Sandalphon of course,” they said nonchalantly.

“No, we aren’t can’t do that. I am not a traitor,” Gabriel said.

“Well, it’s not like I can’t do it on my own. I don’t need you,” they buzzed.

Beelzebub certainly did not need him, they had been perfectly fine the last 1000 years, thank you very much. They hadn’t and didn’t miss him. And they certainly weren’t lying to themselves.

“Angel, could he fall for that? Talking about Sandy here not the other one,” Crowley asked.

“God can, but we haven’t heard from her in a very long time. No one else can do it,” Gabriel answered.

“Wasn’t asking you,” the demon sighed.

Beelzebub placed the cup on the floor and their eyes landed on the imposter, the boy was watching them talk. Crowley and Aziraphale hadn’t seen him yet. They could understand why they had thought the boy to be the antichrist, he certainly looked the part. If they didn’t know better, they might have been fooled like the traitors.

“Call your ward to us. He has been listening in on the whole conversation. Wouldn’t want to leave him out, would you?” they leaned back further.

Crowley’s eyes shot to the doorway and he and Aziraphale exchanged a silent conversation before he waved at the kid to come inside. Warlock didn’t sit down, he just leaned against the wall and stared at his Gameboy, or whatever this thing was called. They knew much about humans but not every single detail was known to them.

“Beelzebub, is there a way to know what hell would think about this if they knew, or if someone were to inform the rest of the dark council about it,” Crowley said.

Beelzebub shot up from the couch, grabbed the traitor by the collar and lifted him up into the air. Gabriel didn’t move an inch and might even seem a bit more relaxed than before. Aziraphale looked like he regretted not having his flaming sword anymore, they knew about that.

“If you tell anyone down there about thizz. I will destroy you, promises be damned,” they hissed.

“Lord Beelzebub, please. This is incredibly childish,” Aziraphale tried.

“He threatened me with my dead child.”

“Crowley did not mean any harm, but If you do not let him go, I will be forced to get a bit of holy water,” he added.

They dropped him, though pretty sure that the angel wouldn’t kill them, and sat down next to the archangel again.

“So, you were tasked with creating a weapon,” Crowley turned to Gabriel, “and thought it was good idea to have a child with the devil’s second in command, because?”

“Because it would have been a powerful asset for heaven of course, that was the plan,” he answered.

“Or for hell, that decision hadn’t been made yet,” they added.

“What would you have done if your child had chosen the other side. You wouldn’t let the opposition have such a powerful weapon. The other angels and demons wouldn’t like that,” Crowley pointed out.

“We would not hurt our own child,” Gabriel defended himself or maybe the both of them.

“Even if God ordered you to do so,” Aziraphale chirped in.

The archangel froze as if his brain had stopped working. Now that was a question, they would like him to answer. The imposter looked up from his video game and they thought about actually taking a sip of the now cold tea.

“I, I mean, why would God ask me to do such a thing,” Gabriel stuttered more than he spoke.

“The Nephilim,” Beelzebub and Aziraphale and Crowley reminded him at the same time.

“It’s not the same situation Beelz, that was thousands of years ago and I am sure the almighty has a reason to order me to do so,” the archangel said.

“The only thing it did was give hell more soldiers who are still very mad at the whole club upstairs, that was literally all it did. Asmodeus got some pseudo foster children, he is actually not bad at that. Leviathan was right about that one,” they answered.

“Asmodeus takes care of the Nephilim?” Aziraphale asked.

“Yes, let me quote someone else from the meeting we had after someone’s side thought it was a great idea to slaughter some children. Those kids exist because of lust so send them to the prince responsible for that and leave me alone. Leviathan by the way. The one time everyone agreed with her, well everyone except Mammon. But that is not why we are here,” they said.

“Alright. I might have something that belonged to you,” the angel got up, “someone brought it to my shop for safe keeping. I am quite sure that Gabriel was the one who wrote it.”

That caught Beelzebub’s interest, they picked the cup of tea up and warmed it with hellfire that glistered beneath their skin. They took a sip and when the angel returned, he was carrying an old book. Gabriel’s jaw nearly hit the floor and they grinned.

“Who gave you that?” the archangel asked.

“A human came to my shop, told me it was an inheritance, some family thing. You made that for your child, didn’t you?” Aziraphale handed the bible over.

“Yes, I made it so that even a demon could touch it. Zophiel just asked questions whenever we talked about anything. Wait, why am I talking to you about this, you are still a traitor,” Gabriel said.

“Oh, making a book for your child. That is way too adorable for something Gabriel did,” Crowley muttered.

“Our kid liked him more than me,” they said.

“No, she didn’t.”

“She did, certainly would not today if someone’s colleague didn’t murder our child,” Beelzebub added. “You two stop arguing about that right now. It’s weird, what about this. You both go and have alone time and maybe plan something. Warlock, would you like to see my bookshop?” “Sure,” the kid agreed. “Well, I want to make clear that this conversation doesn’t change anything. We are not friends and it doesn’t make your treason any less severe,” Gabriel said. But he surprisingly didn’t argue with anyone and the blink of a human eye later he and Beelzebub were gone. “They took one of our mugs,” Crowley complained. Aziraphale seemed a tad bit lost in his thoughts, or like he was trying to fit the pieces of a puzzle together. “I need to get back to the bookshop. I might be overthinking this, but don’t you think that Sophie sounds a whole lot like Zophiel.”

“Are you sure you feel good enough to go outside?” Anathema asked.

“I am fine, my understanding of this corporation isn’t that up to date. This one also wasn’t issued by heaven or hell so it isn’t as sturdy as it should be. Sorry that I freaked you out like that, happened with my old one sometimes too. Might have more to do with me than the body I’m using. It’s really complicated. I am just going to catch some fresh air and it only happens when I am really freaked out, this is Tadfield, what is the worst that could happen?” Sophie replied.

“The apocalypse was supposed to start here,” the occultist reminded her.

“Yes, but they won’t try to start it at the same place again. Not even they are stupid enough to try that,“ Sophie said.

The girl sighed, the folder was stored away between the layers of reality, she was just going to take a short trip downstairs. No one would notice it, she just needed to be careful. Sophie opened the door and stepped into the outside.

She attached the brooch to her white blouse and tucked the front of it partly into the waistband of her black jeans, then she put the vest over it. It didn’t do much but hid the traitorous piece of jewelry from sight. She looked down at her shoes, the sneakers weren’t really her style but she was going to burn them after this anyways. She brushed her fingers over the brooch and then jumped over the gate. She wouldn’t do it right here, some place in the woods. The hunger was still gnawing at her stomach. A small dog barked at her and the old man it belonged at her glared like she was a literal demon from hell.

As she ventured further into the forest a dragonfly nearly hit her in the face before it flew back and set down on the back of her hand. She lifted her hand up to her ear.

“I’m fine,” she said.

The insect crawled onto her cheek. It stayed there and she carefully caressed the small animal just a tiny bit. Insects didn’t speak per se, she was also quite certain that no demon was able to actually speak with their animal aspect. But they still took orders and there were some things she could just feel.

“I am eating, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

She moved the insect back onto her hand. She was, just not the things she should be eating. Dragonflies were carnivores and though it wasn’t a perfect fit by far, her stomach craved raw meat. Which was not her personal preference, so thank you but no.

“Go and keep an eye on Adam Young,” Sophie ordered.

The insect shot past her ear and she stared at the ground below her feet. Getting to heaven was easy, just zap yourself upstairs and you are done. Well, your hair and clothes might be a bit charged with electricity but that was all. Should she just sink into the ground, or?

Sophie didn’t want to remember it but they had never snapped their finger as far as she knew. She took another step and thought about Brimstone and fire and eternal torment. Then she thought about all the things she hated, all the things she wanted to obliterate from this universe.

She would love to drop a jar of hellfire in heaven and just watch it burn, she’d love to stab Sandalphon right into the heart with one of his own holy weapons. With something that could completely destroy any demon or any angel, with the weapon he had slit her throat open. She resisted the urge to touch the skin where the wound had been. The scar wasn’t visible on this corporation, the skin was as smooth as it should not be.

The ground was melting, glistering with hellfire, before it sucked her down. Dragging her downstairs in a way that it wouldn’t do to a normal demon, hell wasn’t her home and it didn’t seem to like her either. It was kind of funny how heaven looked like the top floor of some really tall office building and hell seemed like a real sticky and gross basement.

Someone should really fix those lights, it looked she was in some bad slasher movie. Maybe hell was actually the basement, would be Her kind of humor. Now, where in the nine circles of hell would she be able to find the duke, she was looking for. Who else did she know down here?

Dagon would notice something or run to them or write down a report and she could not risk that. She pulled the file out between the different layers of reality. She had hit in a folder because it didn’t look like a thing you would see in hell. There were some posters on the walls and she really didn’t want to know what the stains on the floor were made out of.

Why would anyone lick walls?

That was just disgusting. Hell was cramped too, more so than heaven but it was the exact same number of beings. Was hell just smaller? Sophie was about to walk away and try to find the office on her own and fall into a deep pit of despair, as her ticket to get out of her fast came down the cramped hallway.

Sophie remembered some things she had been taught, most of them even and the descriptions of certain beings might not be as reliable as they had been, but she recognized someone if she had seen them. He on other hand would not be able to. Now, to try and act just a bit more like one of her parents, being careful not to do so too much.

“Hey, Erik,” she called out.

The legion turned towards her and she slipped through the gaps between the beings and was standing in front of him a few seconds later. Erik looked at her, stepping from one foot onto the other. He looked worried.

“Who sent you?” he asked.

Sophie frowned and then crossed her arms in front of her chest and tried to be as calm as possible.

“Don’t, I am not stupid. Nephilim don’t regularly leave their part of hell. Asmodeus doesn’t want you guys to leave because it isn’t safe.” he continued.

Well, that was some interesting information. A Nephilim, well, she could see where he could have gotten that from. Ligur had thought she was one too. Though what did Asmodeus have to do with any of this.

“I have a few files for Duke Ligur,” she said.

“Yeah, you should not go there right now. I really don’t want to do that either. Dukes are Dukes and this is hell. You could ask an imp or maybe. Wait a second, if I let you go there then you will be discorporated and it’s really difficult to make any of you new bodies. Asmodeus would somehow blame me for this and not Ligur.”

The demon called someone and Sophie was just standing there and not really understanding all of it. She would really like to have something to write all of it down, but that would be more than suspicious.

“It’s really important, I got to go,” she tried.

“I know someone who Ligur actually likes,-“ Ouch “he’ll be here soon. Do you know Jacob?”

“Not really,” Sophie replied.

“One of the surprisingly few kids of Asmodeus, no Duke would try to hurt the kid of a prince. That would be suicide or damming yourself to even more eternal future. Ain’t gonna say Princes are good parents but they are protective as, you know, hell.”

As if, she knew that better than anyone else, if the kid wasn’t of use, just allow heaven to do the job for you. Sophie wasn’t an idiot, she recognized bullshit. Now, she just needed to wait. Something she didn’t particularly like doing.