This couldn’t be possible. It was just supposed to be one, like it always is.
But his eyes don’t deceive him, and neither do the two other (discarded) plastic sticks, identical to the one clutched between shaking fingers.
He knew there was a lapse, it was an honest mistake with the pharmacy and a holiday that delayed his birth control close to a week. He had been on it so long, well over a year, he thought it would be fine.
But it was not fine. In fact, it was furthest from fine, as those two menacing little lines told a truth far too hard for Ritsu to swallow.
This is bad, though bad is merely an understatement. Fucking your big brother is one thing, but getting knocked up by your big brother? That’s a whole other realm of fucked up. That’s two lines he should’ve never crossed, but the punishment for both of these taboos must mirror the two that display so threateningly on that white plastic stick. It feels like an brick in Ritsu’s shaking grasp, as if it weighed as heavily in his hand as it does in his brain.
Bile revolts in his belly, clawing painfully up his throat. Everything starts to spin. Ritsu has half a mind to shove the test stick under his pillow before the darkness pulls him down. There's no need for a fight. He doesn’t hesitate to follow.
He wakes in bed, in clean pajamas with a compress resting on his forehead. He can’t recall getting into his bed attire, or putting a cold pack against his skin, or much of anything, realy. The bedside clock reads it’s almost midnight. How long was he out for?
He mentally retraces his steps, fighting off the urge to go back to sleep and figure the mysteries out in the morning.
Red eyes fix on the ceiling as he concentrates.
With a startling recollection, he chokes.
The floodgates burst. Feelings of terror pull him upright. Guilt wraps around his neck like a noose. The heaviest of all, shame, has tears threatening to spill down soft cheeks.
And they do. Panic sets in and it’s brutal, poking and prodding and cackling, so deafening all Ritu wants to do is smother his face in his pillow, suppress the ugly sobs that are seconds from mauling his vocal cords, but there’s something there. The moment Ritsu’s trembling fingertips make contact with that plastic stick, with the two lines, he loses it.
It wasn’t just a dream, not a nightmare that he could shake off and leave behind. No, this was very much real life, and desperately he tries to suppress his screaming before it alerts anyone.
But it’s not just “anyone.” no, it’s a specific someone, who happens to push the door open with urgency and fall to his knees at Ritsu’s bedside.
“Oh, my dearest, are you okay? what’s the matter?”
The love saturating those words only serves to sink Ritsu’s heart faster, with more pressure, until it’s far from its home beneath his sternum.
“Fuck you, Anija, it was just a dream, i’m fine!” the hiccups between sobs, between stuttering and wavering syntax, make ritsu huddle just a little closer to Rei. The older wastes not even a second before pulling Ritsu in, so close to his body he wishes he could sink into it.
Ritsu really does wish he could pass through rei, like a ghost, possess his body and take care of the problem. He’s too anxious, too distraught and much too ashamed to tell the man he’s technically a dad now.
The sum of these realizations come too quickly, back to back to back. A violent onslaught of emotion, the embrace, the love radiating off of rei’s skin do not help. Nothing can soothe this. Nothing can fix it, nothing and nobody can correct the mistakes he's made.
He didn’t tell Rei about the delay in his prescription. He should’ve. He should’ve made Rei use protection. There are a million and one things he should’ve done, and even more he shouldn’t have- yet he did them anyway.
He’s selfish, that’s why. Ritsu pouts and huffs until he gets exactly what he wants from Rei. In the moment, it was incredible. He hates making Rei use condoms, he’s always the one to taunt when his brother attempts to open the little foil squares.
Because he can pout and whine, “Don’t you wanna fill your cute baby brother up with your cum? Stuff him full? Like you always do, Onii-chan?” Press all of Rei’s buttons like keys on a piano.
But to know that this is his fault, it suddenly wipes his mind silent.
Everything abruptly stops. His breathing quiets and evens, his shoulders slump when the tension floats away. When everything leaves him, the shine in his eyes vanishes, too. A dull heart that beats, frequency out of tune against the much louder static that fills his thoracic cavity. It still beats, but at what cost?
His forehead rests on Rei’s shoulder, body wrapped up in limbs as if Rei was a security blanket. It’s a thought that, in any other circumstance, surely could pull out even the softest giggle. Just not right now. Within his safety blanket, he weighs his options in silence ; Tell Rei the truth. Get an abortion in secret, never tell a single soul. Have the baby, put it up for adoption. Raise the baby with Rei. As a family .
His mental dilemma is paused when his chin is lifted between a thumb and forefinger, not too tightly- just enough to force his head sideways and get lost in those red eyes (that are identical to his, but Ritsu has always been more enamored with rei’s. A confession that has no use for this situation and consequently effaced. )
“My angel, I can’t help if you do not speak to me. Tell me what happened.” There’s no question mark at the end, no doubt that for the sake of poise and seriousness it could even be a question. it’s spoken as an order.
And Ritsu always finds himself obeying his brother.
“Nothing, I just. Missed you, I guess.. that’s all. Shut up and kiss me.” He can’t help it, to toss himself over the bridge of routine and get swept away in the tides of sin.
Ritsu gets handsy first, firm touches caress skin as more and more of Rei’s clothes meet his bedroom floor. Buying into such a lie, Rei is just as eager. He gets the upper hand when Ritsu spreads his legs to allow Rei room to move. A toned thigh, free from the confines of rough denim (courtesy of Ritsu’s impatient hands) ruts hard, aiming against the wet spot of Ritu’s boxers.
Ritsu’s pussy is dripping, so much that Rei can feel just how easy his brother glides against his skin. That alone makes Rei hiss. They move together perfectly. Hips, lips, limbs, everything; It’s a harmony perfected over years that only they can take pride in.
For a moment, he can just forget everything. Nothing but this matters. This is the last stress relief, the final time he can pretend everything is the same as always. That he’s not actually pregnant with his brother’s child, that he’s not a disgrace to even the lowest of lows.
And he does forget when two deft fingers delve inside, all the way until they can’t be stuffed in any further. Pushing and pulling in the perfect rhythm, hard and fast, exactly how he likes to get fucked. It’s borderline sadistic when a third digit is added, curling and prodding his walls with purpose. Rei flashes a smirk, knowing he’s hit the spot when Ritsu throws his head back, eyes wide in shock. He’ll never get enough of how good Rei gives it to him with only his hands.
No one else ever could.
Lost in pleasure, craving to be filled with Rei’s cum just one last time before this is gone, before things change forever, he’s already pushing away with a foot firmly pressing against Rei’s chest.
Rei gets the wordless message, “I want to ride you” , and follows command to immediately finds himself caged under Ritsu’s spread thighs. It’s always insanely hot to see his little brother moments before taking his cock. Rei has to shut his eyes, seize his grip around those plush thighs he’s incredibly weak to just to keep him grounded. If he doesn’t, he cannot possibly be blamed for his actions; Thrusting straight up into Ritsu without warning, causing his little brother any ounce of pain, and definitely can’t feel guilty when the whole thing just makes him harder. The thought is more than enough to make his cock to twitch, groaning through clenched jaws when he feels something drip down his shaft alongside his brother returning the movement.
Ritsu was one step ahead, fetching the lube with newfound alacrity while Rei was trying to behave himself. Feeling as satisfied as ever with the man below him so close to blowing a load all over his cunt, he can’t wait any longer.
The faster Rei's cock is in him the better he’ll feel. At least that’s what he tells himself, over and over and over. He repeats this like a mantra as he coats his brother’s cock in lube. He desperately tries to burn the feeling of this moment into his memory.
Ritsu swears on his life, crosses his heart, this is exactly what he needs. With everything that will happen in due time, Ritsu really believes this is the last time Rei will want to get into bed with him. He can’t accept it, even when he knows it’s futile to cower. He has to save face, have Rei fuck him and not fall apart due to the circumstances unbeknownst he dares not to voice. Easier said than done, but surely he’s done much more difficult things.
Or so he hopes.
Tears well up between long lashes as it dawns on him. His emotions are so ugly, so pitiful, but so painful his heart breaks the moment his body practically impales itself onto Rei’s cock.
He really fucked up. He’s really fucked up.
He’s not sure there’s anything that will truly make him “feel better.” Ritsu isn’t even sure he’s capable anymore. He wanted this hard, wanted a punishment and wanted it in full. He wanted so many things.
“My love, please tell me what’s really going on.. Ritsu .”
At the call of his name, so concerned, Ritsu silences his brother the best he knows how. He imagines thick nectar dripping off his tongue, off all the sweet nothings whispered into his brother's mouth. He’s usually the one to bat Rei away first, when he gets too sappy, but it just feels so right. the way their chests press together, passing little kisses that feel almost childish, it’s so comforting being cradled on Rei’s toned chest. The goosebumps that raise in the path of Rei’s fingertips coax out small hitched sighs that turn into groans when Rei starts up a slow rhythm into Ritsu.
He wanted this to be merciless, needed for Rei to wreck him so fucking good, yet...
Just being held feels so nice.
It's nice enough that Ritsu makes up his mind. He can’t be without this. Not today, or tomorrow, or nine months, or forever.
He’ll call a clinic tomorrow.