Yoo Joonghyuk stares helplessly at Kim Dokja who's sleeping peacefully on his lap. 'This fool... Extremely clingy yet stupidly oblivious... Do you know that it's very frustating?'
After observing Kim Dokja's side profile for a moment, he decides that it doesn't enough, so he strokes his hair gently.
He caresses his cheek, to see if it's really as soft as it looks like.
His thumb brushes Kim Dokja's lips, the lips that like to spouting nonsense and make Yoo Joonghyuk starts thinking nonsense too.
He feels a sudden warmth creeps to his cheek and to the dangerous place below, so he quickly retracts his hand and turns away his gaze.
He suddenly awares where they are, and he looks around to check if there's someone who saw them.
Luckily, since they are the rearmost audiences, there's no one who can look at them without turning back.
Except, there's a certain bastard who coincidentally meets his eyes, staring at him with judgmental eyes. Yoo Joonghyuk frowns deeply.
SP is the first one who breaks the eye contact. He averts his gaze to Kim Dokja on Yoo Joonghyuk's lap, raises an eyebrow and then looks at him again, only to let out a muted mocking laugh at him.
Yoo Joonghyuk's frown deepened. He flips him off, but his laughter's only getting bigger.
SP mouths something that suspiciously sounds like, 'Go get a room, idiot.'
'Fuck off.' Yoo Joonghyuk replies.
'Just confess already.'
Yoo Joonghyuk covers his ears with his hands.
SP laughs once again, and finally returns his gaze to the stage.
Yoo Joonghyuk stares at Kim Dokja again. Well honestly, maybe he deserves to be mocked at. Why does he let himself to be drowning in his feeling and suffering from it, when he simply can either confess or move on?
Yoo Joonghyuk raises his head, glances blankly at the sky. Thinking about how much longer he can keep this feeling for himself.
"Wake up. It's time for the campfire."
Kim Dokja immediately awakes and touches his reddening forehead, thanks to a certain jerk. He opens his eyes, stares at Yoo Joonghyuk's face that looming over him. He scowls. "Joonghyuk-ah, what was that for?"
"Move. I can't feel my legs."
He grins. "Thank you, Joonghyuk-ah. I'll never forget your sacrifice as long as I live."
Yoo Joonghyuk fights the urge to spit on his face and shoves his head away.
Kim Dokja laughs at his rudeness, then sits up and sees his surrounding.
A few people have been standing, while the others are still sitting on the ground as if they're reluctant to leave their seats.
Jung Heewon and Han Sooyoung are still snoring peacefully, and Kim Dokja can't miss this chance to kick Han Sooyoung's feet.
"Hey, you wicked witch."
She doesn't budge.
"...Is she dead?"
Yoo Sangah pats their cheeks gently. "Heewon-ssi, Sooyoung-ssi, wake up now, it's time for the campfire."
[Sunbaeeesss, come on! Chop chop! It's getting late!]
"Sunbaes! Let's form a big circle! Hurry!" Lee Jihye appears, shouts using a megaphone.
Jang Hayoung snatches it from her, and yells on Han Sooyoung's face, "WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"
The effects are instant; Jung Heewon is surprised and wakes up immediately, while Han Sooyoung sits up with a dazed expression.
A few seconds have passed when her expression changes.
"Fuck you all. I thought I lost my soul for a moment."
Kim Dokja grins. "I really admire your sleeping ability. I'm pretty sure that you won't awake even if a train crashes into your house."
"Of course I won't, but for an entirely different reason, because most likely I would be dead if a train really smashed my house, dumbass." Han Sooyoung retorts back, annoyed.
[Sunbaeesss!! Come on now, the sooner the better!]
Thanks to the committees' endless patiences and their reluctant cooperations, finally they successfully form a giant circle, encircle a pile of firewoods.
With so much efforts, finally their campfire has burnt. It lightens the whole field, and gives a comfortable warm for everyone.
"Argh, it's so fucking hot! Which idiot that suggests we should have a campfire during this weather? Hurry up and finish this shit!"
...Well, not everyone, apparently.
Han Sooyoung complains loudly, makes Yoo Sangah reflexively slams her hand to her mouth to shut her up and Kim Dokja beside her facepalms in embarrasment.
"Be a bit more patient, Sooyoung-ssi. This won't take too long."
In the middle of the circle, SP is giving his speech as the representative of the 12th grades.
While listening to his speech (bullshit), Yoo Joonghyuk's mind wanders around. He feels the warm presence that Kim Dokja emits from beside him.
He thinks about the mischievous glints in his eyes when he was planning something awful.
He thinks about the wide smile he formed when he succesfully made Yoo Joonghyuk annoyed.
He thinks about how clingy he was, yet didn't realize how Yoo Joonghyuk was very disturbed by it.
He thinks about all the times he caught Yoo Joonghyuk staring at him, but then he was frightened because he thought that Yoo Joonghyuk was angry at him.
He thinks about how he was bullshitting his way out and dragging Yoo Joonghyuk name when he was caught by a teacher after doing something shitty.
The emotions gather in his heart and urge him to do something that, perhaps, he will regret.
He raises his hand, makes its way to find Kim Dokja's hand, and when he intertwines their fingers together, the feelings explode in his heart. It feels like the dam in his heart has broken, and every emotions he has felt ever since their first meeting are delivered through his hand.
This isn't the first time they're holding hands, but this is the first time it feels so... Intense.
He adjusts his grip, to be firm enough to convey his feeling yet gentle enough that Kim Dokja can easily retract his hand.
Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't even have courage to meet his eyes when Kim Dokja turns his head to glance at him. Right, he's a coward.
Yoo Joonghyuk can feel Kim Dokja's gaze from the side of his face. Kim Dokja still doesn't budge.
How long has it been passed like this?
His palm begins to sweat and he feels difficult to breath because of his nervousness.
He takes a deep breath. 'I shouldn't be greedy.'
Kim Dokja doesn't move his hand. He doesn't reciprocate him nor remove his hand.
It means he doesn't reciprocate him, but it's also not a rejection nonetheless.
'This is enough.' Yes, this is enough. This won't change anything between them.
Just when Yoo Joonghyuk starts thinking that he should release his grip, Kim Dokja's hand shifts a little.
And tightens their grip.
His heart skips a beat. Almost instantly, he turns his head to glance at Kim Dokja, stares at him in surprise.
Kim Dokja doesn't look at him, he's staring straight at the campfire. His eyes are bright, the reflections of fire are dancing in his eyes. But the brightest among them, is the gentle smile on his lips.
'Kim Dokja.' Yoo Joonghyuk wants to call him. 'You...' But his lips can't move.
'Do you really...' He wants to ask. He wants to confirm. He really wants to know. 'Do you know about this? All this time?'
Now he isn't sure that Kim Dokja is genuinely stupid or he just feigns ignorance. Kim Dokja is such an enigma, after all.
But the most important thing is, 'Does this mean that you feel the same?'
Yoo Joonghyuk averts his gaze, now looking down at the ground, hiding his smile.
That night, when they're finally alone, they're both lying on the ground, the exact same place as the night before. They're lying on their side, face to face.
Kim Dokja doesn't speak, just staring quietly at his eyes, as if he's reading everything Yoo Joonghyuk has been hiding.
The feelings grow rapidly the longer they stare at each other eyes.
When it reaches to the degree of suffocating, Yoo Joonghyuk can't restrain himself from leaning in, slowly closing the distance between their faces.
He doesn't remember if he has ever been this close to his face. He can see his long eyelashes, fluttering from above his glittering eyes. He lowers his gaze to his pale lips, following his tongue movement when Kim Dokja licks it alluringly, then back to his eyes.
Like receiving an encouragement, Yoo Joonghyuk raises his hand to put it on Kim Dokja's cheek, caresses it gently, down to his jaw. Lightly cups his jaw, Yoo Joonghyuk pauses and looks right to Kim Dokja's eyes, "May I?"
Kim Dokja doesn't answer, and instead, closes his eyes. That's all Yoo Joonghyuk needs to remove the distance between them and capture his lips in a kiss.
The first time their lips touch each other, it feels like his body is electrified, sending a pleasant feeling through his veins. He hears a throaty sound, half growl half moan, and it takes a moment to realize that it comes from him.
He presses his lips gently, as if Kim Dokja's made of glass.
Maybe even too gentle for his liking, because he can feel Kim Dokja's hand runs through his chest, to his shoulder and to the back of his neck, hauling him to move onto the top of him. So he does.
He moves onto the top of Kim Dokja, traps him under his torso. He already feels overwhelmed with the touch of his lips and their heated bodies are pressed together, but when he feels Kim Dokja's arms around his neck, digging his fingers to his hair, as if luring him to deepen their kiss, a shiver of pleasure flashes through him and encourages him to do more.
He licks his lower lips curiously, hesitantly, almost feels like testing the water. A silent request. When Kim Dokja parts his lips, his heart jumps in his chest and he subconciously lets out another throaty sound.
The chaste close-mouthed kiss turns into an open-mouthed kiss. Not an invasive kiss that involves the tongue and lip biting, but more like a slow and warm kiss, like seeking union and closeness.
Yoo Joonghyuk feels a foreign but comfortable warmth coils in his stomach, raises to his chest. Kim Dokja lets out a sigh to his mouth and tugs his hair weakly when Yoo Joonghyuk sucks his lower lip gently, body's slightly trembled from the sensation.
It's like the kiss is a connection, opening each other souls and tasting each other feelings. The feelings that can't be put into words.
It's like the world around them melts away, there's only the unhurried, almost sensual, joining body and soul. Yoo Joonghyuk feels the body beneath him squirms when he sucks his lips, and when he sucks harder, Kim Dokja slightly arches his back and whimpers, the pleasure creeps his spine.
Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't know how much he loves the touch of Kim Dokja's lips against his own, until he withdraws.
Still dizzy from the kiss, he takes a moment to enjoy the view beneath him. Kim Dokja's pale lips are now pink and shiny, slightly parted, panting lightly as if he's out of breath. Yoo Joonghyuk is curious if it can be redder. So he leans again to satisfy his curiosity.
Their second kiss still manages to shot a pleasure throughout his body. Mainly because of the soft moans Kim Dokja lets out when he deepens their kiss and slips in his tongue between his parting lips.
With their lips perfectly slot together, it's like they are made for each other. How their lips brush each other, their heads tilt to the perfect direction to deepen their kiss, how their shared moans ignite their desire evenmore, almost feel like they are belong to each other.
Slow and gentle and passionate and sensual at the same time. Even between the pauses of their kisses to steal a breath, their eyes are still locked and when their lips meet each other again, the feelings grow deeper and heavier. As the tension between them becomes more and more sensual, Yoo Joonghyuk thinks he won't be able to stop if he doesn't stop now.
So he reluctantly retracts his lips and touches their forehead together, unwilling to create a proper distance. Silently he scrutinizes Kim Dokja's face while calming down his cloudy mind.
Half-lidded eyes that's hazy from desire, flushed cheeks that shows his growing arousal, red and swollen lips, heavy breaths that mingle against his own. If he wants to describe it in one word, it'll be tempting.
But instead of kissing him again, he buries his face on the crook of Kim Dokja's neck, inhales the soft citrus scent from the soap that he used.
"...Dokja." His voice is barely above a whisper. The hot breath he lets out against Kim Dokja's neck elicits a shudder from the body beneath him. "Please don't leave me."
"...Yoo Joonghyuk. But... Why...?"
"Why what?" Yoo Joonghyuk raises his head when he hears a hint of hesitation in Kim Dokja's voice.
"Why me? Of all people..." The lights in his eyes are dimmed. Ah, his self-loathing and insecurity are showing up.
"...I don't think I need a specific reason to love you." Yoo Joonghyuk says slowly, feels Kim Dokja's body jolted when he hears the word 'love'.
"I love you." He says again and Kim Dokja stills.
Yoo Joonghyuk observes his expression. "Do you hate it?" He hides his face again. "I'll stop, Kim Dokja."
"No, that's not it! I just don't understand... I mean, you can be with whoever you like. There are a lot people that are better than me, so why...!"
"True that there are." Yoo Joonghyuk drags his lips along his neck. "But they are not you."
Kim Dokja closes his mouth tightly.
"I just want you. Is that not enough? What reason do you expect?"
"...You said that I was a bastard."
"You also said that I was irritating."
Kim Dokja's eyebrows twich, feels a little bit annoyed now. "That doesn't make sense! Why would you want with a bastard like me? What do you want from becoming my boyfriend or whatever it is?"
Yoo Joonghyuk raises his head, opens his mouth to retort, but Kim Dokja is always faster when it comes to running his mouth.
"What do you want, huh? A romantic 'good morning' text every morning? A homemade packed lunch specially made for you? I can't! I can only be an irritating bastard that will be more often than not, annoy you until you realize that there is nothing good within me and you'll regret--"
"Kim Dokja, shut up. Seriously, your ability to running your mouth always amazes me."
"Alright, I've had enough--" Kim Dokja pushes Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder to shove him away, but then his wrists are pinned onto the ground, and Yoo Joonghyuk shuts him up with a kiss. A rougher, harder kiss, almost commanding.
When they part, Kim Dokja is breathless.
"I didn't ask you to be mine." Yoo Joonghyuk finally says. "I just want to convey my feelings."
Yoo Joonghyuk presses their foreheads together, his eyelashes are fluttering against Kim Dokja's. "Like I've said, I love you. You being you is enough. I don't need you to do something like that."
Only the sounds of their breathings are heard for a while.
"Do you understand now?"
Actually this is the exact reason why Yoo Joonghyuk never confesses his feelings. Just like Kim Dokja feels that he isn't good enough, Yoo Joonghyuk feels the same.
He doesn't have the right to demand anything from him when he also doesn't have anything to give.
After all, they're still young and have a long way to go. They will meet a lot of new people and, maybe, Kim Dokja will find someone better than him.
He shouldn't be selfish to keep Kim Dokja for himself.
"You asked me to not lose contact with you nor forget you." Yoo Joonghyuk kisses his nose, and brushes his lips along the way from his cheek to his ear.
He just needs to be there for him whenever Kim Dokja needs him.
"I give you my promise, Kim Dokja. I won't leave you." He whispers right beside his ear. "So please don't leave me either."
He presses a kiss to his cheek. "That's the only thing I ask from you." For now.
When he raises his head, he sees tears in Kim Dokja's eyes.
"...Okay." Kim Dokja takes a deep breath. "I won't go anywhere."
Yoo Joonghyuk smiles at him and Kim Dokja takes this moment to admire his face. He looks relief, or maybe even, liberated. Like the burden he was carrying for years finally lifted.
"Good." Yoo Joonghyuk leans in to give one more kiss on the lips.
And Kim Dokja kisses him back.