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Cause All of Me Loves All of You.

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They were six years old when Dazai first met his angel.

Dazai was lazing around in his bed when his dad returned with the news. Dazai had heard that a new family had been shifted in the house beside them. Dazai didn’t like being around new people. And to say the least, Dazai wasn’t at all happy when his dad told him that they were invited to the house welcome party by their neighbors. But apparently, Mori Ougai knew how to trick Dazai into doing things.

"But Dazai kun ~ They will be preparing your favorite chocolate cookies. Isn't it great? I know you are going to ask how exactly I know about this. I just talked to them outside. Would you like to buy new clothes that are perhaps not Black for today’s party?"

"No. Black is my favorite color Dad."

"Okay okay. Whatever you want Dazai kun ~ "

And that's how Dazai found himself in the Rimbaud household, sitting in the corner, warming the sofa in desperate wait of cookies while other people and their kids were enjoying the party. Kids his age were playing some game which was too boring for Dazai. He was just there for his chocolate cookies anyway. Just as he was getting bored of waiting, he was tackled down from the sofa by - an angel? A beautiful angel, that's what small Dazai thought the moment he saw the small boy for the first time. His red locks fallen loosely on his face, blue eyes shining down at him as the guy laughed.

"Got'chu!" The guy shouted and held Dazai's hands in his own. Dazai would have commented on how small his hands were compared to Dazai if only he hadn't been smitten by the crinkle of his eyes and that little nose scrunch when he laughed. Dazai had felt happy. Happy to have had found someone who had, for once, interested him. Dazai decided then and there to befriend this guy.

"Wh..why are y..you staring at me? Oye! I.I caught you so it's your turn now." His angel said, looking at him with wide eyes.

"But I wasn't playing. I was just sitting here waiting for my chocolate cookies when a small chibi tackled me." Dazai smiled as he watched his angel's cheeks turned red.

"I'm not chibi! Also sorry for this." His angel said, letting his hands go and getting off of him, with a small pout. 'I'm Chuuya by the way. Come, I will give you cookies.'

"But the hosts will get mad. I can wait. It's fine."

"I'm their son. You are our guest and dad says we should be good to our guests. So come with me, I'm in charge of giving the cookies anyway." His angel said pulling Dazai along with him. Though Chuuya said that he was in charge of distributing the cookies, he quietly lifted the whole jar of cookies prying from everyone’s eyes and they both made a beeline for the front door.

And that's how they both ended up in the garden in the front yard, with a jar full of chocolate cookies. Dazai was buzzing with excitement. He finally had a friend who was sitting there with him, talking with him. And Dazai didn't even realize that there was only a single cookie left, until the moment his fingers touched the bottom of the jar. 

‘Sharing is the best way to make friends Dazai kun ~’

‘But I don’t want to make friends dad.’ Dazai had replied to his dad, who was trying to give his son some tips on making friends.

"Here." Dazai gave the last cookie to his angel. Weirdly, he didn’t feel sad about not getting the last cookie. Instead, Dazai found out that he liked this. He liked this feeling of sharing something with others.

"Let’s eat half-half." Chuuya offered him half the cookie while eating the rest half. "Sorry. I didn’t ask your name."

"Osamu. Dazai Osamu."

"Oshamu?" Chuuya tilted his head cutely as if asking whether he got the name correct and Dazai just couldn’t help but smile widely, nodding.  

"Let’s be best friends forever Oshamu!" Chuuya looked at Dazai and in that moment, with the starry sky and moon in its full glow reflecting in his angel’s blue eyes,

"Yes. Let’s be best friends forever, Chuuya."

Dazai found out that maybe, maybe Blue was his new favorite color after all.

____________________________________

 

They were eight when Dazai thought : 'Chuuya is the kindest person he has ever known'.

If anything Dazai and Chuuya looked forward to in the School, it was lunch break. The duo had a fixed place, just for them, where they would eat their tiffins silently, away from the chaos and spend the rest of their time chatting with each other.

But that day, they saw a boy from senior kindergarten sitting in their place. The thought of confronting the guy vanished as soon as both of them saw tears in the boy's eyes. After a quick eye-to-eye conversation, the duo approached the boy. After talking to him and calming him down, the boy told them how he fell while running and dropped his tiffin.

"I'm hu..hungry." The boy sobbed.

“Don’t cry. You can have my tiffin.” Chuuya said handing his tiffin to the small boy.

"B..but what bout you…senpai?" The boy looked at Chuuya with wide glossy eyes.

"It's fine. I had a lot for breakfast. I'm not hungry." Chuuya gave a warm smile.

"I can share my tiffin with him. So you eat it okay?" Dazai said showing his tiffin.

"Th..thankyou Senpai!"

"Now smile. Like this - Eeeeee" Chuuya said making a face with a weird smile. The boy laughed seeing his funny face and Chuuya laughed along with him, gently ruffling the younger's hair.

 

'So kind of Chuuya.'

 

And in that moment, as sunlight perfectly shined through Chuuya's blue eyes while Chuuya laughed, Dazai found out that his favorite color comes in different shades.

And if Dazai had decided to learn more about blue shades since that moment to distinguish between the different shades of blue that he sees in Chuuya's eyes, Chuuya doesn't have to know.

 

____________________________________

 

They were twelve when Dazai thought : 'Chuuya is cool'.

Dazai was hurt. He didn't know that pointing out someone's stupidity could be this troublesome. Chuuya was fuming with rage as he cleaned and bandaged wounds on Dazai's body. Chuuya was quiet for now but no one could have stopped him after school. This is exactly why Dazai was dragged by him to the place where they knew the culprits for Dazai's condition would be.

"Now which one of you hurt Osamu?" Chuuya was angry. And those bullies had no idea what they had signed up for.

"Look. It's that scrawny's bodyguard. Leave or else we will beat you up too."

"Hah?!"

"Now, now. I told you not to pay attention to them Chibi. It's no use fighting with shitheads." Dazai said pulling Chuuya along with him.

"They beat you Osamu! I'm gonna teach them a lesson. They won't dare to bully anyone again." Chuuya tried to wriggle from Dazai's grip.

"Yo brat! Go and pick a fight with someone of your height." Oh no. A grave mistake. No one except for Dazai was allowed to make fun of Chuuya's height. No one! There was no use of holding Chuuya back now.

"Teme." Chuuya took a deep breath as he stepped in front of the group.

"Yare yare." Dazai sighed staying back for watching the show about to unfold. It would have been even better if someone had offered him popcorns. Five against One, if anyone would have seen the situation they would have called it unfair. But Dazai knew better.

Three minutes. It took three minutes for Chuuya to beat them all up.

 

'How cool of Chibi!'

 

Dazai approached the angry redhead who stood there placing his feet on the chest of the leader of the group while the rest of them laid on the ground, writhing in pain.

"I'm twelve and I'm still growing! How dare you make fun of my height?! And don't you dare lay even a finger on Dazai again. I won't be so kind next time." Dazai had never seen Chuuya this furious. But it was Chuuya after all. Mention his height and you are dead. Only Dazai was safe enough to get away with it. Even after getting a kick to his shin Dazai never stopped teasing Chuuya about his height. Cause he was shameless like that.

"Such a brutish Chibi. That's why I claimed you as my dog. All that practice was finally useful, ne? ~" Dazai walked up to his angel, amused by Chuuya's strength in action for the first time.

"I'm not your dog, you jerk!"

"Oh. Chuuya has a Jr.Black Belt. Sucks to be in your place guys. I couldn't even imagine the pain you must be going through right now. My apologies." Dazai smirked at the helpless boys rolling on the ground. "Let's go Chibi."

"Can't you be modest? Don't go around provoking people. Thank god it's just a slight injury. What would I have done if -"

"You have a bruise too. Here." Dazai lightly touched the corner of Chuuya's lips where it was bruised. "We have matching bruises now. How nice!"

"Yes, we do. It looks pathetic." Chuuya smiled as he lightly touched the bruise on the corner of Dazai's lips. And in that moment, looking at Chuuya's worried smile while their fingers still lingered on each other's corners of lips,

'That's Dark Azure Blue. Another beautiful shade of blue.'

Dazai was able to name another shade of his favorite color.

 

____________________________________

 

They were fifteen when Dazai thought : 'Chuuya is beautiful. Most beautiful person than anyone else he has ever seen'.

 

"Ane san! Why do I have to do this again?" Chuuya's older sister had forced him into wearing yukata and Chuuya was okay with it until she had uttered that one word 'Make-up!' Chuuya was horrified by the idea, to say the least.

"Come on Chuuya! You will put every beauty to shame just by applying little make-up. You will look gorgeous in the photos." She said as she began to apply make-up on him.

Chuuya felt relieved once they were finished. But his relief only lasted for a few minutes as he saw who was in charge of clicking pictures.

"Is my Chibi ready? Took you long enough!" Dazai smirked as he looked Chuuya up and down. "You look stupid. Bleh!" Dazai laughed as he saw Chuuya's patience withering.

"Ane san! You didn't tell me that Osamu was going to click pictures! I would have declined. And who are you calling Chibi? You shitty mackerel!" Chuuya yelled at Dazai ready to punch the sly bastard.

"Dazai is good at taking pictures. And like you said yourself, you wouldn't have been ready for this photo shoot if I would have told you before." Kouyou smiled.

"Now now Chibi. Who can capture your perfect angles other than your best friend? Also, it was a good chance of getting blackmail material. And like hell I will let it slide." Dazai snickered as he shielded himself and the poor camera from Chuuya's punches.

"Ow oww. Brutish Chibi!'

'You deserve it. You shitty Dazai!"

"Enough both of you." The duo immediately stopped their antics as they heard Kouyou's stern voice. "Let's go outside. And better not mess up the makeup and dress." She said giving a smile which was more of a warning for both the teens to stop their stupid bickering.

Kouyou made Chuuya pose dozens of poses and Dazai was capturing every single one of them without any trace of tiredness on his face. It seemed like Dazai was excited about this photoshoot rather than Chuuya. Which he was of course! But Chuuya doesn't have to know that.

"Ane san, I'm tired."

"Chuuya." Dazai said walking towards him "Let's click one last picture. Think about someone very close to you. And feel the first emotion that comes to your mind when you think of them. Would you be able to do that?"

"I will do it." Chuuya nodded with a smile.

And Chuuya posed. An expression that Dazai had never seen on Chuuya, ever. Chuuya was smiling, but at the same time, there was a lingering touch of sadness to his smile. Like he was there with the person he was thinking about but still far away from her/him. His eyes were focused on Dazai and Dazai could tell that there was something beautiful in them. An emotion that Dazai wanted to see in Chuuya's eyes only when Chuuya is looking at him. Chuuya in white yukata with a red rose tucked behind his ear and surrounded by falling cherry blossoms was beautiful. But this Chuuya,

*Click*

thinking about someone very close to him, with this specific expression,

*click*

was beyond "Beautiful".

"Okay!" Kouyou's voice broke their trance and Chuuya rushed to Dazai's side to take a look at the pictures. If Dazai was jealous of the person Chuuya was thinking about, Chuuya doesn't need to know. As they browsed through the pictures, Dazai observed the last picture for a bit longer along with Chuuya. And in that moment, taking in the features of his angel,

 

'His eyes are Cerulean Blue here.'

 

Dazai made a mental note of crossing off 'Seeing Cerulean Blue shade in my angel's eyes' from his wish list.

 

____________________________________

 

They were sixteen when Dazai thought, no no, Dazai knew that 'Chuuya is his first-ever crush'.

 

The summer heat had reached its limit. To the youngers' delight, Chuuya and Dazai's dads had planned a beach trip together. And that's how they found themselves, relaxing on the beach. Elders had made themselves comfortable on the beach chairs under the shade of umbrellas. As Chuuya and Dazai came out of the changing rooms, Dazai's jaw dropped at the sight. And Dazai thanked Summer and all the gods above for the view in front of him. It's not like Dazai hadn't seen Chuuya without a shirt on. They were practically attached to hips ever since they became friends. But seeing Chuuya like this, on a place like beach, made something in Dazai's heart flip. Chuuya looked hot? Dazai shook his head, shaking off the unfamiliar feeling along with it.

"Oye! What are you shaking your head for?"

"Just seeing how small chibi is. You won't continue to grow anyway."

"Hah?! What kind of curse is that?! If I stopped growing, you will be the only person responsible."

"It's cute though!"

"I will kill you!"

Dazai ran towards the water, smirk never leaving his face as Chuuya chased after him, yelling strings of incoherent curses. They ran around, Chuuya chasing Dazai for a while when all of a sudden Chuuya fell. Dazai was immediately by his side, worried for his chibi. Chuuya smirked, looking at him and before Dazai could understand Chuuya's plan, he was pulled into the water. Chuuya laughed seeing a completely baffled look on Dazai's face. And just like that, it was Dazai chasing Chuuya around.

 

"This is fun. You look like a wet cat Osamu!" Chuuya laughed as they laid beside each other, rolling around in the sand.

"Chuuuuyyaaa! How could you do this to me? You look like a rabid dog that you are!" Dazai's offended tone got Chuuya laughing again and Dazai just watched. Watched as Chuuya's eyes crinkled as he laughed, a hearty and cheerful laugh, the way his body shook along with his laughter, the water droplets running down his body completing the look in itself.

'Is this what they call a crush?'

"I had fun today. Sea has always fascinated me. I would love to stay here forever." Chuuya said looking at the ocean, mesmerized.

"Let's come here again someday then. When we are adults. Okay?" And Dazai watched as smile reached Chuuya's eyes first even before settling on his lips.

"Promise?" Chuuya asked, holding up his pinky.

"Promise." Dazai smiled, linking his pinky with Chuuya's.

And in that moment, as Chuuya looked at their intertwined pinkies with wide eyes,

 

'Of course, it's Ocean Blue'

 

Dazai got a glimpse of how beautiful the ocean looked, reflected through Chuuya's eyes.

 

____________________________________

 

They were eighteen when Dazai thought 'Chuuya is adorable'.

 

Dazai was on cloud nine. He and Chuuya had graduated from high school and were living together in a flat. Seeing that they both got admission to the same college, their dads were kind enough to buy a flat for them so that they won't have to worry about rent. That meant Dazai got to stay with his Chibi 24*7 and Dazai couldn't be happier. So yeah, Dazai was happy but there was one thing Dazai was worried about, his Chibi. Chuuya had grown chubby in these two years due to some medical condition and it was making him self-conscious. No matter how many times Dazai told him that he is perfect no matter what, he could see that Chuuya felt bad about the whole situation.

"Chibi, where are you?" Dazai returned home from classes to find the hall empty and no any sound of his favorite person moving around in the house.

"Chuuya. Are you not home yet? Chuu -" He stopped dead in tracks when he saw the sight in front of him. Clothes were thrown all over the bedroom and his angel sat in the corner, hugging his legs close to his chest.

"Chuuya." Dazai sat beside the redhead, brushing fingers through his soft ginger locks. "Hey, what's wrong?"

As soon as Dazai pulled Chuuya close, Chuuya began to cry. So Dazai hugged him tighter while trying to calm him down. It pained Dazai to see tears in his chibi's eyes.

"Chuu. Calm down okay? I'm here now. Don't cry. Shhhh. Don't cry. I'm here." Dazai comforted Chuuya as he cuddled him close. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"The old..old clothes. They do..don't fit me Samu." Chuuya said through his tiny sobs. "I feel di..disgus..ting when I..I look into the mirror."

"Chuuya." Dazai's voice was soft "Chuuya. Look at me." He raised Chuuya's chin so that Chuuya can look at him. "Don't say that again, ever. Got it? You have no idea how beautiful you are the way you are. You are a beautiful person in and out. And that's what matters. Please don't think like this again. Promise?"

"But I look ugly." Chuuya said leaning back against Dazai's chest.

"Do you really not understand how beautiful and cute you are, Chuuya?" Dazai's voice was stern as he forced Chuuya to meet his eyes. "Don't you understand that it really doesn't matter? That it hurts me to see you like this?"

Chuuya was surprised to see Dazai this angry. He had seen the brunette get angry at others but this was the first time Dazai had been angry at him. 'That it hurts me..' Chuuya realised what Dazai just said.

"Sorry Osamu. I..I was being stupid -" Chuuya was cut off mid-sentence as Dazai placed his hands on Chuuya's cheeks.

"I never said you were being stupid. I said I don't like it when you say such things to yourself. I don't like it when you don't realise how precious you are. Don't think like that again, ever. Promise?" Dazai leaned in closer to Chuuya, his face so close to Chuuya's that he could count every single freckle on Chuuya's face, so close that Dazai could feel Chuuya's breathe on his lips, so close that he might just be able to, 

"Promise." Chuuya smiled intertwining their pinkies and hugging Dazai, bringing Dazai out of the daze.

'What the fuck was I going to do?! Shit! He is so adorable that I was gonna kiss him if he hadn't hugged me just now. Why is he so adorable? And for what?!'

"You are the bestest friend anyone can ask for. Thank you for being with me Samu." And in that moment, as Chuuya looked at him with his puffy eyes, yet with a cute smile adorning his face,

'The deeper your emotions, the deeper your eye color gets. What a melancholic shade, YInMn Blue.'

"I will always be by your side, Chuuya."

Dazai realised which shade of blue he would like to see the least, cause, although it's the most beautiful of all the shades it comes with a cost - Chuuya's tears.

 

____________________________________

/Present/

They are twenty-two when Dazai thinks : 'Chuuya feels like home'.

 

"I'm back." Dazai places his shoes on the rack and takes off his coat throwing it on the couch.

"Hey. Library got the best of you?" Chuuya places his book down as his best friend plops on the couch, placing his head on Chuuya's lap.

"That bad huh?" Chuuya chuckles and Dazai groans burying his face in Chuuya's oversized t-shirt.

"Let's eat chocolate cookies. I made some cause your disgruntled vibes were so strong that I was able to sense them from miles away." Chuuya nudges the brunette to get up.

"Okay fine."

Chuuya makes some hot chocolate for both of them as it is cold outside. And on days like these, they feel glad that they decided to set up golden fairy lights in their balcony and Chuuya's brilliant mind decided to place a cozy sofa there so that they can watch the stars while laying in the balcony.

As they get comfortable on the sofa, cozy vibes surrounding them, Dazai plays a song on his mobile.

You know I want you,

It's not a secret that I try to hide..

And Chuuya smiles cause it's his favorite song. Dazai glances at Chuuya only to see Chuuya looking back at him, smiling. And Dazai doesn't look away, couldn't look away.

But fate is pulling you miles away,

And out of reach from me..

'You wouldn't know until you try.' And song hits close to the situation Dazai is in right now as it reminds him of Kunikida's words. Chuuya is getting away from him and all he can do is watch.

Say you were made to be mine..

But Chuuya is too beautiful and precious to fall in love with someone like Dazai. Someone as pure as Chuuya isn't made to be his.

You'd be the one I was meant to find..

No no. Chuuya was not meant for him to find. It's just his luck that he got him at least as a friend.

So why don't we rewrite the stars,

No. They can't rewrite the stars. Dazai is too much of a coward to do it. So he just stares at the love of his life, watching as Chuuya looks away from him, continuing to sip on his hot chocolate. And Dazai feels content. Dazai feels like this is where he belongs, in this little bubble of their own. Just the two of them, together. And Dazai thinks, this is it. This feeling, this moment, it 

 

'Feels like home. Chuuya feels like home.'

 

"Oye! Earth to Dazai! You alive there buddy?" Chuuya waves his hand in front of him, pulling Dazai out of his thoughts "Are you okay? What were you thinking about?"

"Yes. I was thinking about you. I mean.. About tomorrow. You have to meet that guy right? Why do you have to do it? They were all rude to you. I don't like them." Dazai pouts which makes Chuuya let out a cute laugh.

"You hate everyone who feels like so much as a possible threat to me. And yes, I would have to do this for my parents. And who knows, this one might be better?" Chuuya says excitedly while Dazai sighs internally deciding to hold in his confession, for now. He will wait for this once. Just this once, he promises himself. 

"And you are there to comfort me if anything goes wrong. So I think I will be okay. I have you, my best friend, by my side. Right?" Chuuya asks as he looks at Dazai with a wide smile.

 

'Best Friend again huh? Can't you see that I love you? You stupid Chibi. Can't you see the love in my eyes when I can tell apart every single shade of your eyes?'

 

"Always." Dazai smiles back.

And in that moment, as Chuuya munches on his cookies while looking at the starry sky, fairy lights casting a perfect glow on his face as they shine in his eyes,

'Midnight Blue. How beautiful.'

Dazai couldn't help stare as he loses himself in another shade of his favorite color.