It was a gloomy day at the Wright Anything Agency. It was the middle of April, and the heavy rain hadn't stopped in about a month. Phoenix Wright found himself laying on the couch listening to the pitter-patter of the rainfall outside; not seeing the sun in so long was starting to effect his mood.
"Hey rain? Could you do me a favour and screw off already? I'm missing out on some much needed vitamin D!" Grumbled the defense attorney as he grabbed the remote next to him to turn on the TV.
And in other news, an old woman in Italy claims to have seen the face of jesus in her pasta sauce! Is the old hag lying? Or is there some truth to her discovery? Stay tuned to find out after these messages!
"Yeah right...and I saw Jesus in my Froot Loops this morning. What a joke, I can't believe this is news!"
God, Phoenix had been so damn bored lately it wasn't even funny. Apollo had been living in Khura'in for a few months now, Maya was busy in Kurain being a master spirit medium, and Athena had left early that morning to drop Trucy off at school and was now probably out for lunch with Simon Blackquill. The defense attorney felt...well, lonely.
The Los Angeles weather forecast for the next seven} days! What a surprise folks...it looks like we have more rain! Followed by...even more rain!
"What kind of Noah's Ark shit is going on here!?" Exclaimed Phoenix as he smushed a pillow over his face in frustration.
There had to be something he could do in this gloomy weather to make himself more productive. Maybe he could call someone? What about Larry? He was entertaining....right?
"Let's see, what kind of conversation did I last have with good ol' Butz?" Questioned Phoenix digging through the chat logs on his phone.
L: YOOO NICK! I HAVE A QUESTION?
What is it? P:
L: Okay bro...so I ugh accidently
swallowed like half a litre of bleach
and now I don't feel as hot as I look man.
Larry...why the hell did you drink bleach? :P
L: IDK...I just wanted to find out how it tasted!
I...Umm..I think you should go to the P:
L: No way bro! They got rid of that hot nurse
I like and replaced her with some
old fat lady with saggy tits!
L: Yo bro, do you think i'll turn
into spiderman now?
Phoenix sighed....there was no way in hell he was going to willingly deal with Larry's 'Larry-isms' anytime soon. In that case...there was always his other slightly more tolerable childhood friend; Miles Edgeworth. Just what was the last thing they talked about?
Hey. What's up? P:
E: What do you want Wright?
Sheesh...can't I just ask 'what's up' P:
without being called out?
E: No...Not with you.
Fine! I just wanted to know if you P:
were interested in catching up over
lunch the next time you're in town?
I'll even pay this time :3
E: Alright, but please stop contacting
me while i'm in meetings.
Great! I look forward to it! :D P:
Phoenix couldn't help but scoff at the chief prosecutor's reply.
"Pfft....that bastard really has some nerve sending nothing but 'k'. I guess typing out 'I look forward to it as well Wright' is too difficult for the old oaf."
Phoenix threw his phone down on the couch...so much for calling up an old friend.
The boredom persisted. He hadn't even had a new case in almost a month; no one's needed his help lately...apparently murderers are allergic to the rain like the Wicked Witch of the West. How screwed up is it that he's disappointed in the lack of murder going on?
"Lonely...i'm Mr.Lonely! I have no-boooody for my owwwwwwnnn!!!!" Sung Phoenix to himself in boredom.
He was thankful that he was home alone so nobody could hear his god awful singing. The last time he sung to himself like this, Trucy and Athena took it upon themselves to record it...which resulted in the defense attorney's embarrassment as the two girls laughed their asses off to him singing along to Britney Spears.
This just in! we have breaking news! Another couple has been murdered upon the 'Love on the Waves" cruiseline. This is the fourth couple that has been brutally slain on the ship in a month. What is normally considered a ship for lovers has turned into a nightmare at sea! Detectives are investigating deeper into the matter...
"Fourth couple slain at sea? Now this sounds like a case I can definitely DIVE into!" Said Phoenix laughing at his own pun.
Phoenix knew he was pathetic and lonely...but if Maya wasn't here to laugh at his bad jokes...then he had to do it himself.
Bzzzzrrr Bzzzzzzr Bzzzzr
Phoenix was startled at the Steel Samurai theme coming from his phone. Someone was calling him...but who? He hoped it wasn't Trucy's school again. They called him one time before, because apparently the young magician scared the shit out of a boy in her class with Mr. Hat and made him cry.
"Detective Ema Skye? What could she want?" Questioned Phoenix as he looked at the caller ID.
"Mr. Wright! How are you!?" Exclaimed the young detective over the phone.
"I...erm....i'm fine. Ema, has something happened?" Asked Phoenix secretly hoping for some drama.
"No, not at all! I was just wondering if you were busy?"
"Hehe...has anyone been busy in this weather? No...i'm about as busy as a butcher at a vegan restaurant." Replied Phoenix with an awkward laugh.
"Umm...okay. Listen, do you think you could come down to the police station for a bit?" Questioned Ema munching on snackoos over the phone.
"The police station? I'm not in trouble am I?" Asked Phoenix thinking if he did anything illegal recently.
"No...it's just that we need to talk to you."
"Wait, WE...who's WE?"
"Hehe, you'll find out shortly Mr. Wright...anyways, we'll see you soon!"
"Hey, Ema wait-"
The detective hung up before Phoenix could ask anymore questions.
"Wait...i'm gonna have to walk my sorry ass to the police station in this weather aren't I?" Sighed Phoenix as he looked out the rainy window.
The defense attorney cursed himself for not being able to drive as he made his way on the wet city sidewalks. He could have easily taken transit...but he was too much a germaphobe for that shit. Why was he like this? All he had was a dinky ass umbrella to shield him from the downpour above.
"Stupid shitty umbrella! I bet stupid Edgeworth doesn't have to deal with stupid shit like this! He probably has a stupid shitty umbrella made of gold that he keeps in his stupid fancy ass car...because his stupid ass can actually drive!" Grumbled Phoenix to himself as he continued walking.
He didn't quite know why, but whenever he was frustrated the defense attorney saw it fit to take it out on Edgeworth...even if it wasn't his fault. There was just something about that pretentious prosecutor that struck a nerve for Phoenix.
"Whoo! Finally! Inside at last!" Panted Phoenix as he entered the police department with an awkward little celebratory dance.
The defense attorney felt immediate shame upon noticing that a bunch of police officers were staring at him.
"Oh...umm...hello." Replied Phoenix as he struggled to close the umbrella.
Great. Just great...the stupid shitty umbrella refused to close. Wasn't this bad luck or something?
"Stupid piece of shit! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You know what...I don't need you! I like the rain anyways!" Exclaimed Phoenix as he threw the umbrella on the ground in defeat.
At some point, Phoenix must have noticed how absolutely insane he must have looked; a grown ass man in the police station throwing a temper tantrum over an umbrella. All he could do was awkwardly grin as a familiar face came to save him from the social embarrassment.
"E-Edgeworth!??! What the hell are you doing here?" Cried Phoenix in surprise.
"Miss Skye told me to come get you when you arrive to join the meeting with us." Replied Edgeworth sternly.
"Meeting? What meeting? What's going on?"
"You'll find out soon enough...but what I really want to know is what kind of vendetta you have against that poor umbrella?" Asked the prosecutor with a devilish smile.
"Ohh...umm...you saw that?" Asked Phoenix with a growing blush.
"Hey! In my defense the umbrella started it!" Cried Phoenix awkwardly.
"I'm sure it did Wright...would you care to take the matter to court?" Replied Edgeworth in a teasing tone.
"Shutup! You still owe me lunch!"
"If i'm not mistaken...I thought you said you'd pay for this one?" Laughed Edgeworth.
Phoenix walked silently beside the prosecutor to Ema Skye's office. Just what the hell was going on here? To his surprise, the defense attorney was met with many familiar faces as they opened the door to the office.
"Mr. Wright!!! You're finally here!"
"A-Apollo!??! B-But you were-"
"Isn't it great Mr. Wright! Apollo flew in with Nahyuta to help us out!"
"A-Athena?! You're here too?!?"
"Cykes-dono practically dragged me here with her as well." Said Simon Blackquill leaning against a wall.
There were too many familiar faces to take in at once. Though sure enough, he looked over to see Nahyuta standing next to Ema Skye.
"You certainly didn't forget about me Herr Wright?" Asked Klavier Gavin playing with his hair.
"How could I ever forget the man who stripped me of my badge and put me through seven years of hell." Replied Phoenix in a sarcastic tone.
"Haha, I'll take that as a compliment!" Laughed Klavier.
"Phoenix Wright! We meet again you foolish fool!"
The old familiar sting of a whip on his face...that could only be one person.
"Franziska Von Karma...it's umm..nice to see you too." Replied Phoenix in pain.
"Is that how you greet an old foe? You are as pathetic as ever Phoenix Wright!" Said Franziska about to crack her whip again.
"Franzy....I think Wright's had quite enough already." Said Edgeworth coming to the defense attorney's aid.
"Pfft...you never let me have any fun little brother."
Phoenix Wright was quite certain that this was hell. The room was dripping with familiar prosecutors from left to right. Was this some kind of punishment for all the years that he kicked their asses in court?
Phoenix let out a sigh of relief. He knew that voice as well...and it definitely didn't belong to a prosecutor.
"Maya! Thank goodness you're here! I was thinking I was about to get eaten alive by prosecutors!" Laughed Phoenix as he hugged the spirit medium.
"You're telling me...it's scary when they're all together like this...like they have some kind of hive mind." Questioned Maya in contemplation.
"Err...wait....I'm glad to see you and all, but why are you here? Why are we all here?"
"Nick! Haven't you heard? We're going on vacation!!!!" Exclaimed Maya with glee.
All eyes were on Ema Skye...after all, she was the one who called them all in here.
"Well...umm...it's kinda true...I mean, we ARE technically going on vacation." Replied Ema shoving snackoos into her mouth with anxiety.
"Yeah...Nahyuta told me something about a cruise?" Asked Apollo in confusion.
"Well you see, we've been tasked with investigating the murders upon the 'Love on the Waves' cruiseline!" Exclaimed Ema as she started handing out pamphlets to everyone.
Phoenix took a look at the 'Love on the Waves' pamphlet...it was cheesy as hell. Watch the sunset with your loved, one, drink fine wine and champagne, enjoy gourmet meals by the seaside. Hmm...they forgot to add in 'get murdered under the moonlight.'
"Okay...but why are we ALL here?" Asked Phoenix curiously.
"Easy...we'll be going undercover as couples to assure greater success in catching the culprits." Interjected Nahyuta.
"W-WAIT WHAT!! YOU WANT US TO FAKE DATE EACH-OTHER?!" Cried Apollo with his familiar chords of steel.
"Precisely." Replied Nahyuta nonchalantly.
Phoenix Wright finally had the adventure he had been waiting for...though it wasn't exactly expected. Just who the hell was he about to be paired up anyways? He certainly hoped it wasn't stupid Edgeworth with his stupid glasses and his EXTRA stupid attitude.