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Why'd You Bring That?

Chapter Text

so my life is like this now, cold grey London, as if
all of summer's warmth had been bled from the city,
if not the world, and I hear carriages rattling down
the street behind the clattering of horse's hooves,
but they all sound like hearses to me today...

and objectively I know, I can see the brightly turning
leaves, the yellows and oranges that offer a reminder
of sun and warmth, one last fiery fling before winter
overtakes us once again, for months and months
and then she hurries into the sitting room, all in black

as ever she has since my wedding, and it's just one more
reminder that death happens, is inevitable, and Charles
might go first, but will he leave me enough to live on?
will he leave me anything but the memory of decades
lived with a man, with an irritating man, because that

is the way the world is: cold, unfeeling and unfair,
especially when one is a woman, and here she is
looking less like a man than formerly, but still--
and Charles takes his leave to be with the family
at this dreadful time, but his late brother's wife

can't stand me, and the dead boy was the only one--
but she is here, and I lean on her as I often have,
lean into her kisses, because she's seen a fair bit
of death too, her mother, her uncle, her hopes when I
married Charles, securing money and unhappiness...