Chapter 1: I Had A Dream
“You know Perfuma likes you, right?” Glim says popping another fry into her mouth as she smirks at Adora, eyes playful. Bow stifles a laugh next to her. Adora is sitting across from her, head resting lazily on Catra’s shoulder as they eat lunch. She raises her head to address Glimmer, the shoulder underneath her stiffening a bit.
“What?” She scoffs confusion clear on her face. Glimmer rolls her eyes at that.
“Come onnnn, Adora.” Glimmer says groaning.
“Adora, I forgot my notes again, do you think I could see yours after class?” Glimmer says, making her eyes big and batting her lashes.
Mermista, who has been sitting next to Bow and quiet during the exchange rolls her eyes too and in her usual monotone looks at Adora.
“Hate to break it to you Grayskull, but Glim is right. She’s totally into you.”
Adora feels her face heat up at that and is sure she is as red as the hoodie she’s wearing. She really hadn’t noticed. Adora was good at history, and Perfuma had come to her at the very beginning of class and started asking her for help. It was nothing major. Sometimes she’d stay with her after class to go over her notes or let her borrow her flashcards, none of it felt even remotely flirty. She had just been trying to help.
Catra had been quiet during the whole exchange and Adora looked at her to try to decipher the feelings on her face. Catra didn’t usually hesitate to give Adora shit for being her oblivious self but as she searched the blue and amber eyes for answers. Catra’s face remained expressionless, the tension still clear in her shoulders as she sat statue straight now.
It was earlier than she usually woke up. Barely even noon. On a normal Saturday, Catra would have just woken up. Adora had always been an early riser but on Saturday’s she let Catra keep her in their bed a little longer until Catra had enough energy to croak out for Adora to make coffee. Once they got out of the main dorms and into an unfurnished apartment on campus they hadn’t even bothered with two beds. Even when they had them, Catra would always end up in Adora’s, both of them squeezing into the tiny bed.
When they had moved into the dorms Freshmen year, Catra had even demanded they get black-out curtains.
“Dorms are shitty as it is Adora. The last thing I need is the fucking sun waking me up any earlier than I have to be up.” She had grumbled. Adora had agreed. Most of Catra's art classes were at night, and she stayed up all hours in the studio or in their dorm with her head buried in her sketchbooks, sleeping most of the time in the day while Adora took her classes.
But today Glimmer wanted the “Best Friend Squad” the name Bow had given them proudly all the way back in high school, to meet up at the Caf for lunch claiming that because of their packed schedules and varied majors, they never got to see each other anymore.
Maybe she was just tired.
Adora reached for her hand underneath the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.
Are you okay it asks Catra squeezes back, but her fingers seem limp in Adora’s own. Adora grimaces but remembers the conversation at hand clearing her throat, a lump of anxiety already starting to form.
“Uh- I don’t know Glim- I mean she’s nice to everyone and she’s literally only ever asked me about the class,” Adora mumbles out, hands fidgeting with the white strings of her hoodie.
This doesn’t seem to deter Glimmer and her smirk only grows wider.
“Oh, Adora. Of course, she hasn’t said anything! She’s trying to feel you out. See if you like her back.” Glimmer says like it is obvious and Mermista nods along with her.
Adora starts to reply but Glimmer just keeps talking.
“You should ask her out!”
Adora feels her heartbeat pick up and her palms start to itch.
Even if Perfuma did like her (which she still didn’t really believe anyway) She would never ask her out.
Adora had been asked out a couple times just this year alone and the girls had all been smart, beautiful, and on paper even good for her.
Starla still stuck out in her mind. For all intents and purposes, she was perfect for her. They were both English majors. She got Adora’s dorky sense of humor. She was a good listener. She went out of her way to take care of Adora making sure she didn’t stress herself out to the point of passing out when she decided to take on almost a double course load sending her “take a break” reminder texts most of the semester. They even went to the same fucking horse camp growing up even though they never met while there. There was just one problem.
There was always just one problem.
Adora had been in love with Catra since one brown eye and one blue eye met her own in Kindergarten, offering her two broken crayons as she wailed long after Hope had dropped her off on the first day of school.
“Don’t cry.” Her small voice had said, reaching out to her with chubby fingers.
“Want to color?” She asked. Adora didn’t stop crying, but she blinked up at the girl with wet lashes and hot tears running down her little cheeks, her eyes meeting Catra’s heterochromatic gaze for the first time, and without any way to stop it, she felt her heart grow legs and make itself comfortable in Catra’s palms as she stared up at her in wonder.
Adora had thought about that moment a lot. Especially in high school when the feelings she had been hiding for years at that point bobbed on the surface of each of their conversations, threatening to spill any moment from Adora’s mouth basically any time they were alone.
If only they had met later.
She could’ve stopped it she thinks. Put distance between them. She would have had more defenses in place. She could’ve tried harder to be grateful for what they had and all the ways she did get to have Catra.
No one knew Catra like Adora did. No one got to watch her paint or see her works in progress. No one knew that no matter how tough she acted still cried every single time they watched Lilo and Stitch because found family just did her in every single time. No one else knew her favorite number. No one else knew that despite being Valedictorian and beating Adora out for it and getting a full ride to Brightmoon U and Etheria Arts that Sharon Weaver’s words still had roots in Catra’s heart and she worked so hard because she thought she had something to prove. No one else knew that Adora always kept mint tea in their kitchen at all times despite hating it herself because making it for Catra after she had a nightmare was one of the only things that could soothe her back to sleep.
Adora had Catra. In so many ways, Adora had always had Catra. Adora was grateful, but Adora was also greedy.
And more than anything else, Adora was resigned to this longing that had been there as long as she could remember. There was no room for anyone else. To even try to be with someone else would just be cruel.
Adora knew she had spiraled too long into her thoughts when Catra was now looking at her with worried eyes, one hand stroking up and down her thigh, and Glimmer also looking at her expectantly.
“C’monnnn Adora! Perfuma is so cool. She’s hot, you’re hot, you’d be hot together, and you don’t have a date to bring to my birthday party yet!” She continued
Right. Glimmer's birthday party was… an event. Every year she had it at her parent's house. Angella and Micah went all out every single year for their only daughter. Hundreds of people always came and each year seemed to top the last. It was always so much fun but Adora hadn’t even thought about a date, she always just went with everyone else, and even last year when everyone was paired off and Mermista went with her boyfriend not boyfriend she just went with Catra.
Adora shook her head. “Yeah I-I know but—”
“But what? You don’t ever date Adora and I know, I know, you’re busy with school but seriously there is more to life than just burying yourself in work! How long are you going to keep yourself from living your life because you’re too busy or too tired or too whatever!” Glimmer said animatedly. Glimmer oozed motivation and inspiration. She was a ray of positive but still kick your ass into gear sunshine almost as bright as her signature pink hair and Adora loved her for it. But she seriously could not do this today.
Adora’s eyes begin to fill with traitorous tears. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why was this affecting her so much? This was just Glimmer being Glimmer. Hell, Starla had been her idea. She was always trying to fix her up with any single and attractive lesbian she knew. She was thinking about just agreeing so Glimmer would let it go when Bow and Catra spoke at the same time.
“Glim I think maybe you should let Adora-“ Bow started,
“Can you just fucking drop it Sparkles?” Catra said roughly, everyone turned to look at her now, her eyes blazing, hands balled into fists at her sides.
She must have sensed Adora’s distress.
“I was only trying to help Catra you don’t have to be such a brat” Glimmer huffed out.
“Yeah, and you don’t have to stick your nose in everyone else’s fucking business” Catra spit back. Adora’s head began to spin. Why was she so angry? She’d been so quiet the whole time and now was basically ready to bite Glimmer's head off. They were always kind of like this, jeering and mean but in a fun way with each other but not like this. Clearly, Adora had missed something.
“Catra” Adora warned lowly.
“You know what, it’s too fucking early for this. I’m going back to the apartment.” Catra said grabbing her bag off the floor next to her and roughly walking out, pushing the door wide open as she went. The slam shut echoed throughout the mostly empty room.
“Well, this was fun,” Mermista said sarcastically though it sounded almost indistinguishable from her normal tone.
“Ugh, that’s just Catra.” Glimmer says sighing deeply. “I meditated this morning though, and I am not letting her fuck with my vibes. Plus, the full moon is in Scorpio, I should’ve seen this coming.” She said. Adora stared at her blankly.
Glimmer rolls her eyes again “Catra’s a triple Scorpio Adora.” she says as if that should mean something to Adora.
“Right. I’m going to check on her.” Adora says getting the fuck out of there as fast as humanely possible. As she sped away she hears Glimmer yell: “Just think about it!”
Alone finally, Adora sighs again. She had thought about it. Not with Perfuma, but she had thought about what it might be like to be with someone else. Maybe it would even be fun. Maybe over time, she could grow to love someone else and they could build a routine together.
But she didn’t want someone else.
Adora tried not to want things in general and for the most part, never asked anyone for anything even if it was to her own detriment. She had Hope to blame for that. Hope and the years she spent in her big white house that was always so clean it was basically sterile.
Adora was seven when she learned that lesson for the first time. That her heart and what it wanted didn’t matter. Not really.
Hope had bent down to her level as Adora cried.
“I wanted to be there for Catra!” She said between tiny little hiccups. It had been Catra’s first big ballet recital. She had been moved up in her classes and although she was one of the youngest now, she was still one of the best. Even if Catra had said it was okay that she would miss it, she knew Catra was disappointed. She had begged and begged Hope to let her go but she was unmoved. Sundays were for her extra tutoring. Adora wasn’t behind, not even close, she was actually well above most of the students in her class, but that still wasn’t enough for Hope.
She made sure Adora had a full schedule. Soccer every day after school, and extra tutors on the weekends. She wanted Adora to not only be good but great. She never hesitated to remind Adora that because of Hope’s generosity she had opportunities now, and it was up to her to not waste them.
It didn’t matter what else was happening, or how Adora felt, she was expected to be ready at 9:00AM sharp and occupied until 6:00PM that evening.
“I don’t care what you wanted Adora, how you behaved was unacceptable.” Hope said lowly, controlled. Hope never yelled. She guilted, she admonished, she manipulated, but she never yelled. As Adora got older, she almost wished Hope would yell at her. Maybe even hit her. Anything but the controlled and calculating way she had of getting into Adora’s head and making her feel so much guilt she ended up punishing herself on Hope’s behalf.
“I’m sorry I just-“ Adora knew she had been distracted, she knew she had been caught not paying attention more than once but she couldn’t help it. All she wanted was to be there watching Catra effortlessly glide through the air, see the glitter on her skin sparkle under the lights, watch her twirl prettily in her pink shoes.
“Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you want Adora. It matters what you have committed yourself to. You have committed yourself to this family, right? Well, this family is successful. It’s not enough to just be good when with a little more effort you can be the best. You got it?” She asked. Adora felt the guilt settle over and it made her feel sick to her stomach.
“You’re right Mom, I’m sorry.” She called Hope “Mom” because she had asked her to, despite only being adopted a little over two years ago now. It still felt uncomfortable in her mouth. Hope had patted her head and sent her to her room after that, and Adora had sat in her bed staring at her purple walls, no more tears left in her to release.
Adora had committed herself to Catra. She had a duty to her because in all the ways that mattered, Catra was her family. She was devoted to this, to them , and even though with each passing day the love she felt never grew smaller, It did not matter what she wanted, it wasn’t worth risking everything.
It had always been them against the world. They were the only family they had, both adopted by people who were supposed to give them a family but only gave them more shit to work through.
She was not going to fuck everything up because she couldn’t control herself. Adora was solid in what they had with each other. It was sturdier than just friendship and sturdier than romance. It was something else entirely. They had shared their whole lives together. There were almost no memories she had that didn’t have Catra in them. She was not going to fuck it up by asking for more when she already had so much.
Adora made her way to their apartment, opening the door carefully. They had one of the nicer ones now that they weren’t freshmen, it even had its own kitchen with a real stove in it. Adora put her keys on the counter and searched the living room, finding nothing but Catra’s black boots she must’ve abandoned before going to their room. She made her way down the small hallway and knocked gently.
“Can I come in?” Adora asked quietly but only silence met her. Adora sighed, if Catra really didn’t want her there she would’ve made it loud and clear, so she pushed the door open anyway just peeking in at first.
Catra was curled up on her side of their bed scrolling on her phone. Adora padded over softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Adora started
Catra sighed and locked her phone tossing it next to her. She shifted under the covers to face her, eyes almost glowing in the low light of their room thanks to the blackout curtains.
“What is there to talk about?” She said huffing, Adora frowned. So she was in that kind of mood then. Maybe Glimmer was onto to something about the moon.
“You were upset earlier,” Adora says simply. Catra sighs again.
“Yeah, because Glimmer is fucking annoying,” Catra says almost growling.
“Gimmer was being Glimmer, but she means well,” Adora says, this doesn’t make Catra feel any better because she rolls away now. Adora stares patiently at her back waiting for her to speak again.
“I’m fine Adora. I’m just tired.” Adora nods at this even though she can’t see her. It’s true that normally Catra would be asleep right now.
It’s quiet for a while. Adora staring at Catra’s back while Catra stares at the wall.
“Nap with me?” She asks softly. Normally, Adora would put up more of a fight knowing that this is going to fuck with her sleep schedule and keep her up late but she can sense Catra needs this and honestly, she does too. So she crawls into bed next to her, as Catra scoots back into Adora’s frame, one of her arms draping loosely over Catra’s waist. They have always been affectionate, figuring out as teens that it helped Catra keep the nightmares at bay if she was being held.
All she can hear is the quiet sounds of Catra’s breathing and her own heartbeat and before long she has drifted off to sleep.
When Adora wakes up, she can smell that Catra is already cooking. She focuses on the smells coming from the kitchen. Stirfry she thinks. She stretches her legs now and regrets falling asleep in her jeans because now they stick uncomfortably to her skin. She scoots to the edge of the bed and sits up still feeling groggy from the way too long nap.
They must have slept for at least five hours if Catra is making dinner.
Adora really is going to be up all night. Sighing, she makes her way into the living room as Catra is putting their stirfry into two white bowls. Grabbing forks she makes her way to the couch and Adora follows. They plop down with their food and Adora switches the T.V. on.
“Netflix?” Adora asks
Catra just shrugs, and Adora knows sometimes it can take Catra time to open up about something. She’d learned the hard way over the years that the best thing to do when Catra wasn’t ready to talk was to give her space. Catra trusted Adora and would talk when she was ready.
Adora chose a random movie for background noise as they ate their stirfry in silence. When they were done Adora gathered their bowls and put them in the sink. On her way back to the couch she grabbed their biggest and fluffiest blanket from their hall closet and made her way back to the couch. Arranging herself against the arm of the couch, she looked at Catra and motioned for her to settle in her arms. Catra did without a word, snuggling under the blanket, with her head on Adora’s chest, both their legs outstretched.
For a while it was quiet. The TV the only noise as Catra settled further into Adora’s arms.
“Adora?” Catra questioned finally, looking up at her. Adora met her gaze, her eyes soft.
“Yeah?” She responded a little on edge now. Catra looked nervous. Catra never looked nervous. Adora had gotten a lot better about jumping to conclusions before someone could even clarify what they meant but she couldn’t help the small lump forming in her throat at Catra’s gaze.
“Do you want to go out with Perfuma?” She asks finally. Okay. Adora was not expecting that. A small crease forms between her brows.
“No.” She says simply, waiting for Catra to continue but instead, she asks another question.
“Why not?” Adora shifts to sit up more and Catra moves with her, her eyes still piercing into Adora’s. Adora feels panic start to rise in her chest. Where was Catra going with this?
“Because I don’t see her that way. Also, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even like me. Glimmer thinks every single lesbian we encounter is hitting on me.” Catra rolls her eyes at that.
“Sparkles is right about that, Princess. She likes you. I saw her practically drooling over your arms when I met you guys in the library last week.” Catra says and Adora balks. Was she? Adora tries to think back to that day but she can’t remember anything Perfuma had said once Catra had gotten there wearing her jacket . Ugh. Seeing that had wrecked Adora and she struggled to get just one of her brain cells to work after that. She remembers sharing her notes, she even remembers them quizzing each other, but other than that she can’t remember anything else.
“Well, even if that’s true, I’m not interested.” Adora tries to say with finality, hoping desperately they can change the subject.
Catra sits up now to face Adora, those eyes still holding Adora’s hostage.
“Have you ever been?” She asks, something unreadable in her tone. Adora feels her eyebrows draw in as she frowns in confusion.
“Have I ever been what?” She asks slowly
“Interested,” Catra says, Adora is still confused as to what is going on and what Catra is trying to get at here.
“Interested in Perfuma?” Adora tries to clarify, but Catra just sighs again.
“Interested in anyone,” Catra says now. Adora feels her heart drop through to her stomach. Fuck. Adora thinks about lying. She thinks long and hard about lying. It would be so easy. She could just say no, and this whole thing would be over. She feels her palms start to sweat. She’s thought about a moment like this before and promised herself that if Catra ever asked, she would tell her the truth no matter how badly she wanted to lie. She knew how Catra felt about lying, and she knew they would never recover from a lie like that. So Adora gathers as much courage as she can find and finally says:
“Yes.” Catra’s eyes widen at that and Adora waits for what she knows will come next.
“Who was it?” Catra whispers and Adora feels heat rise to her face. Fear runs through every part of her body and she feels sick to her stomach at that. She knows she can’t lie, but she also can’t do whatever the fuck this is.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore” She replies turning off the TV and starting to sit up more but Catra just follows her getting even closer. Adora feels her heartbeat pounding in her ears like a roar and she’s starting to feel a little bit dizzy.
“Why not?” Catra asks softly and Adora feels tears start to brim in her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today. She can’t do this. She can’t tell her. Not now and not like this. She can’t say it because once she says it, she can’t unsay it. Whatever dam has been holding everything she has never said out loud back will break and drown them both.
She’d pictured this moment so many times. Catra finally finding out the thing she has tried so desperately to hide their whole lives together. When she was younger she used to imagine Catra recoiling in disgust but she knows now that Catra would never do that to her. She would let her down easy. She would let her know that it was okay that Adora felt that way, but she didn’t return those feelings. Maybe she’d even offer to help her get over it, make some kind of joke about helping her get laid.
“Why not?” Catra asks again softly, reaching her hand out to stroke Adora’s wet cheek. Adora looks at her now, eyes open and vulnerable. She feels the fortress she has built begin to crumble and before she can stop it, she looks right at Catra filling her eyes with everything she can’t say and Catra’s own eyes widen at what she sees there.
Shame fills Adora. She knows that Catra knows now. She pulls away from Catra’s hand, burying her face in her own trying to muffle the sob that is threatening to escape.
She has ruined this.
Ruined everything with her stupid, selfish want. With her stupid, selfish heart.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Catra asks her own voice just a whisper now. She tugs Adora’s hands trying to get her to look at her, but Adora stays there, only crying harder at that.
When Adora finally looks at her, she laughs dryly, the crying making her voice rough and shaky.
“Tell you what Catra? That I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old? Tell you that I have never, not even for a second, been interested in anyone except for you?” Adora chokes out, Catra gasps softly at that.
“Adora-“ She starts but Adora laughs dryly at that now. She knows what happens next. She has replayed this part a thousand times and even though she knows what Catra is going to say now that she is here, finally living through this moment, she can’t hear her say it. It hurts too bad.
“Please don’t Catra. You don’t need to let me down easy. I know okay?” Adora says quietly, and since the start of this conversation Catra looks angry
“What do you think you know Adora? Do I even get a say in how I feel?” Catra asks, and even like this as her entire world folds in and falls apart, Adora can’t help but stare at how beautiful she is. Her long brown curls are messy after nuzzling into Adora and she is wearing Adora’s old softball jersey from high school and biker shorts, her own skin is flushed and her eyes fixed on Adora, arms crossed over her chest.
“That you don’t want me like that. Not like I want you.” Adora says softer now. She can’t bear to keep looking at Catra, so she looks down at her hands. She doesn’t know where this is going but surely Catra wouldn’t just abandon her right? Catra would probably want some distance, and that’s fair. They would get separate beds. Maybe even when the semester was over apply for a two-bedroom apartment. Cuddling would probably be off the table too, but she could still be there for Catra. In whatever way, she would let her. One of Catra’s hands took Adora’s hand, and the other lifted her chin slowly so Adora would look at her.
“You’re wrong.” She says quietly eyes boring into Adora’s own blue pools, and Adora tumbles the words around in her head. She tries to reshape them into something that makes sense, but Catra’s soft voice just echoes in her ears over and over, low and raspy. She was wrong? She can feel the embers of hope start to spark in her chest and she snuffs them out brutally. She didn’t know what Catra meant, but she needed to ask. Because if she let herself hope if she let herself think that Catra might mean what she thinks she means and she turned her down- Adora wouldn’t survive it.
The question dies on her lips though because before Adora can even speak, Catra is leaning in and brushing her soft lips over Adora’s.
Adora doesn’t move at first, too stunned that this is actually happening but as Catra’s mouth keeps moving softly against hers she wills herself to kiss her back even though she feels like she might pass out. It is slow and tentative and before she can even grasp that this is actually happening it’s over and Catra is backing up, their foreheads still pressed together.
Adora’s body feels like it has electricity running through it. The embers of hope in her chest are now fully grown roaring flames licking at her insides and burning through any resolve she had left.
Catra kissed her.
Catra kissed her. She would never be able to recover from a kiss. If Catra didn’t want her, she would never be able to forget what her mouth felt like on hers.
“I’m sorry I should’ve asked, I just- ” Catra starts backing up now to look at Adora, her own eyes wide and nervous, Adora wants to reach out and rub soothing circles on her hand with her thumb but she can’t move, she is frozen in place. Catra kissed her.
“I didn’t know.” She finally finishes. Adora doesn’t know what to make of that and doesn’t hide the confusion on her face. Catra takes a shaky breath and when she finally speaks again, Adora can feel herself trembling.
“I love you too, Adora.” She says and Adora feels like she might just die right here, just like this, on her couch, of spontaneous combustion.
Adora had prepared for the worst. For years she had imagined being found out and all the ways this scenario could play out. If Catra would leave her completely if Catra would make her move out but let her remain her friend if Catra would be kind but firm in her rejection.
Adora had not prepared for this. Not even in her most indulgent fantasies, had she been prepared for this.
“Say it again,” Adora said, desperate to hear it again, desperate to know what she was hearing was real.
“I love you too. I love you like you love me.” Catra says again, more sure this time, her voice thick with emotion. She moves closer to Adora again, their breath mingling and their lips almost touching.
“Again,” Adora whispers.
“I love you.” Catra replies and Adora whines at that, closing the distance between their lips. The kiss is bruising, filled with heat and years of longing between them. Catra’s tongue touches Adora’s bottom lip asking for permission and Adora can’t help the small sounds that escape from the back of her throat, eager, and wanting as Catra licks into her mouth.
Adora feels like she has left this plane of existence and has ascended to some strange world where she gets to kiss Catra, touch her, love her, maybe even have her. Have her for real. That thought is enough to send Adora’s thoughts spinning and she feels breathless and hazy with how much she wants- how much she has always wanted this.
The desire unfurls slowly throughout her body, uncurling and taking up every inch of empty space inside her until there is nothing left. She tries to pull back, they need to talk about this, and she has so many questions, but Catra’s mouth is still moving with hers making it hard to think about anything except her soft tongue in her mouth. One of her hands comes up to stroke into Adora’s hair and goosebumps break out over her flesh and a choked sound escapes from her mouth and Catra moans at that , a sound that goes straight to between Adora’s legs.
Fuck, if she wants to stop this she needs to stop this now because if it keeps going this way Adora is never going to be able to pull herself away. She can feel warmth low in her belly and it shouldn’t be possible to be flustered from just kissing but Adora’s skin feels on fire.
She pulls back, both of them breathing heavy. Adora looks at Catra’s swollen pink kissed lips and she feels her resolve start to wobble. Why did she want to talk again?
Right, because Catra had said she loved her. And as much as she wanted to keep doing this, and so much more than this, she needed to figure out what this even was.
“When?” Adora asks simply and at first Catra looks at her confused but she sees the realization of what Adora is asking dawn on her face. She looks nervous again.
“I- I don’t know.” She says honestly “Always I think. I don’t remember what it was like to not love you” She says quietly, and Adora nods at this but Catra continues.
“You were always everything Adora. You never left me not even when—When Sharon—” She pauses there, and Adora finds whatever sense she has left and reached out to grab Catra’s hand. They don’t talk about Sharon because it’s hard for Catra and honestly, there isn’t anything to talk about. Adora had been there, and what Adora hadn’t been there for, she witnessed the aftermath of. She spent more nights than she could count on the phone with Catra just so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone while Sharon was off doing who knows what or on the rare nights they could have sleepovers, holding her close after the nightmares would dissolve Catra into whole body sobs. Nightmares of the very real-life pain Sharon put her through.
Catra looks down at their hands and takes another breath before starting again.
“All you ever did was protect me. All you ever did was help me through my bullshit. And I— I had nothing to offer you. Not now. Not yet. I think I think I always knew but once I couldn’t deny it anymore I made a plan.” She says quietly. Adora feels her heartbeat pick up again at that. A plan?
“What—what kind of plan?” Adora asks and Catra smiles softly at that.
“I was going to tell you, Adora. I didn’t know if you would feel the same. Fuck, I was pretty sure you didn’t feel the same but I had to try. I was going to tell you when we graduated and had moved into our own apartment like we always planned.” Catra says and Adora is breathless at that but Catra goes on.
“I wanted to be stable first,” Catra says quietly “I wanted to be able to offer you something. I wanted to be able to build a life with you.” Adora gets it. Sharon had drilled into Catra’s head that she would amount to nothing. The only thing she had ever praised Catra for was her performance in school. She got A’s effortlessly and was especially gifted at math. So when Catra chose to pursue art seriously, she was livid.
Adora remembered how she had berated her about throwing her future away and that she was stupid for ever thinking she could make a living being an artist. That’s why Catra worked so hard. That’s why Catra had already had her art in two galleries before she was even a junior. That’s why Catra spent hours, sometimes even whole days in the studio only eating and drinking because Adora would drop by with food and water and practically force-feed her. Adora understood it, even if she thought it was ridiculous. Catra had always been enough for Adora. She didn’t need to do anything. She didn’t need to take care of her, because they took care of each other. For everything Adora gave, Catra gave just as much. She never gave herself enough credit.
“But then fucking Sparkles—and I know she didn’t know because she’s just as much of an idiot as you are but—kept trying to set you up and I get it, you’re a fucking catch and I wanted you to be happy too but I still couldn’t help being so fucking jealous. Even if it wasn’t fair to want you to wait, especially when I was pretty sure I was fucking deluding myself into thinking you were ever going to feel the same.” She laughs dryly at that and Adora grimaces.
How could Catra not see how much Adora loved her, had always loved her? She thought she’d been obvious, but apparently not. She would have to fix that. She never wanted Catra to doubt it again.
“Then today with Perfuma—I just, I had to know. Because if you liked her, I was going to try and let this shit go and be a good friend to you.” She finishes, and Adora feels like she has had the wind knocked out of her as the words settle over her. Catra had a plan. Catra had always felt the same, and she was going to tell her. Adora feels her stomach turn at that. If Catra hadn’t asked, Adora probably would have never told her. She would’ve hidden it all their lives because she was too much of a coward to come clean. Catra had always been the brave one though, she wasn’t shocked she still was even in the middle of this new strange world they found themselves in.
“Wait— were you jealous of the Perfuma thing? Is that why you asked?” Adora asks and Catra flushes at that. Holy shit, she was jealous, Adora can’t help the grin that grows on her face. Partly because Catra is so cute when she starts to turn red like this and partly because the idea of Catra ever having competition when it came to Adora’s affection was laughable.
“Yeah, I was.” Catra grunts out “I would get jealous all the time. That’s not new. But I don’t usually have to see so much of it . She was eye-fucking you the entire time at the library. And then today, I could tell you were nervous and I thought you were embarrassed because Glimmer was right and you did like her but you were being your normal idiot self about it.” she finishes and Adora feels herself smile again at that.
“I didn’t notice she was eye-fucking me because I was too busy looking at you in my jacket. I thought I was going to explode right there when you walked in wearing it. Usually, you only wear my clothes to sleep. I don’t even remember what we talked about the rest of the night.” Adora laughs and Catra flushes again at that.
“It was laundry day and I was cold” She mumbles out not at all looking sorry about it, but mildly embarrassed. The expression didn’t last long though and the teasing smirk was back on her face.
“You like seeing me in your clothes princess?” Catra asks, mismatched eyes dancing with mirth, and Adora groans at that, not even trying to hide the effect she had on her, that she had always had on her.
“Yeah, I really do,” Adora says entirely too breathy but she can’t help it, it does things to her.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Catra says, her grin teasing and fond and before Adora can retort Catra is leaning in again, her chest pressed up against Adora’s now and she can feel the heat of her through her shirt. Fuck, she’s not wearing a bra.
“I’m glad you stopped us, and I’m glad we talked, but can I kiss you again now?” Catra asks low and raspy and filled with heat and Adora feels the throb between her legs pulse at that. She nods quickly because yes, God please she wants nothing more than to kiss Catra over and over until she forgets her own name. Catra pushes her back and into the corner of the couch and straddles her hips and then her lips on hers again, needy and hot. Adora can’t help the moan that escapes because Catra kisses her with purpose this time and she can feel her body start to react to Catra’s attention.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this?” Catra asks pulling back to trail kisses down her jaw and making her way down her throat to press more kisses down the length of Adora’s neck. Catra nips at her pulse point and Adora moans again, embarrassingly loud this time, and feels the heat rise to her cheeks. Catra looks up at her and smirks.
“I like your pretty sounds, Princess,” she says and Adora is going to die right here, she is sure of it. Catra has been calling her Princess since they were nine but she has never called her princess-like this, in that voice, with sex dripping from each syllable. Adora feels how wet she is getting and should be embarrassed because they haven’t even done anything yet but Catra has been the star of all of Adora’s dirty fantasies since puberty and fuck if the real thing in front of her is so much better than she could have ever imagined.
Catra kisses down her neck some more and trails her hands to the hem of Adora’s shirt.
“Can I take this off?” She asks somewhat nervous but Adora nods quickly and once her shirt is thrown somewhere on the floor she’s in nothing but her gray sports bra. Catra trails a finger underneath one of the thick straps.
“This too?” Catra asks, more nervous this time and Adora knows what she is asking. If she said no, Catra would stop right here no questions asked and they’d probably go back to cuddling and maybe watch another movie. But Adora wants this, has always wanted this, and even though she’s scared she wants to keep going.
Adora nods feeling shy all of a sudden as Catra lifts her sports bra over her head and flings it to join her shirt somewhere. She knows she is blushing all the way down her chest as Catra’s eyes roam over her. Her gaze is hungry and almost reverent as she drinks in the sight of her. Adora resists the urge to cross her arms over herself and hide because more than she is worried about not being enough, she really, really wants Catra to see her. To like what she sees.
“Holy shit.” Catra whispers and Adora giggles at that. Catra is the one turning red this time but reaches out to palm both of Adora’s tits and rub her thumbs over Adora’s nipples. It is light, exploratory, but Adora still groans at the contact low and rough from the sensation.
“You have amazing tits Princess,” Catra says almost sounding in awe and Adora can’t help but laugh a little at that. The nerves aren’t gone but they are fading as Catra continues to stare with that awestruck expression and tease her thumbs over Adora’s sensitive skin.
“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Adora says, she tries to sound teasing but she knows it just comes out breathy and high but she needs to see Catra too.
Catra grins at her and gives her a smirk before reaching for the hem of the shirt and pulling Adora’s shirt over her head and tossing it to the ground to join the other clothes. Catra’s smirk is teasing but as she sits in front of Adora her chest bare now, Adora can see in her eyes that she is nervous too.
“You’re beautiful, Catra.” Adora whispers and she really is. She reaches out to perfect freckled tan skin and brushes her fingertips over her collarbones, in between the valley of her breasts, and finally pauses at the bottom of each breast and cups them both in her hands. She is so soft, and Adora can’t help staring at her own hands as she palms her chest with the gentlest of touches. Catra groans at that and Adora can’t help the small gasp she makes as she looks up at Catra’s face again.
She finds Catra smiling at her, eyes softer than she has ever seen them. Catra places her own hands on top of Adora’s now and presses Adora’s hands harder into her chest.
“You can touch Adora. I want you to.” Catra whispers and Adora feels something inside of her give way as she feels the full force of the longing between them hit her. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but she wants to touch, she wants to lick, to bite, to claim , to convince herself that what is happening is real and won’t disappear when whatever magic is occurring has disappeared.
With Catra’s encouragement, she lets her hands drop to Catra’s hips and grips them pulling her even closer as Adora begins to place kisses on each of her collar bones, trailing them hot and wet down to Catra’s breasts. She hears Catra’s breathing stutter above her as she takes a nipple into her mouth. Catra moans out loud at that, high and needy and Adora knows she is already addicted to the sound and will do whatever it takes to keep Catra making them.
She sucks a little laving her tongue over the hard peak and groans into Catra’s chest.
The sensation must feel good because Catra moans louder now, bucking her hips against Adora’s and Adora feels her own need pulse like a second heartbeat between her legs. She shifts her attention to the other nipple, wanting to lavish Catra in attention, and starts to kiss lower. Their position won’t help Adora do what she wants to do, so she lays Catra on her back and with her stretched out now, makes herself comfortable between her legs. She shifts up to begin kissing down Catra’s stomach pausing to place little kisses around Catra’s belly button which makes them both giggle until she reaches the band of Catra’s shorts and looks up questioningly.
Catra’s pupils are blown and her lips are parted as she breathes heavy. Her curls are even messier now and she is the most beautiful thing Adora has ever seen. She nods and Adora places one more kiss over one of the freckles on Catra’s stomach before she is tugging the shorts and underwear down Catra’s perfect legs and throwing them down on their ever-growing pile of clothes. Adora knows she probably looks like an idiot gaping at her like this but the glistening slick between Catra’s legs melts what’s left of Adora’s brain. She looks and see’s that Catra’s eyes are nervous and that’s enough to override the horny mess of Adora’s thoughts to reassure her.
“You’re so pretty Catra.” Adora whispers and she sees the words relax Catra as she lets out a little sound at the praise. Adora dips her head down and presses a kiss to the soft hair on Catra’s mound and lets her tongue dip slowly down into Catra’s slick folds.
“Fuck” Catra curses as Adora grips her thighs now, holding them open as she continues to explore between her legs. She runs her tongue all the way up her slit tentatively, gathering her slick on her tongue and using her lips to create suction around her clit.
“Adora” Catra moans and Adora feels herself drip at the sound of her moaning her name. The room is full of their wet lewd sounds and Adora thinks she could come from just getting to eat Catra out, the need between her own legs throbbing and approaching a crescendo even though Adora hasn’t even been touched yet.
“You taste so good Catra.” Adora says not even trying to talk dirty really—Adora wasn’t even sure she could pull that off but saying it because it was true . She did taste good. Kind of salty but musky, with tones of something else she couldn’t quite name but what she thought maybe was just Catra. It hit her suddenly that she had time to find out. Catra loved her, and even though they hadn’t talked about what that meant for their relationship going forward, Adora was pretty sure she’d get to do this again which was an intoxicating thought.
Adora let her tongue start to push against Catra’s entrance and Catra let out what could be described as a keening noise at the movement. Fuck, she seemed to really like that, so Adora continues to tease her entrance and then begins to lick inside her, fucking her with her tongue. She tries to keep an even pace, adjusting her movements when Catra lets out a particularly loud moan or bucks her hips.
“Adora, yes, please, please—” Catra begs and weaves her hands through Adora’s hair and kind of pulls. Adora moans low and deep at that straight into Catra’s pussy which just makes Catra moan even louder. It didn’t hurt really, but the sting of it plus the taste of Catra and the wild way she was grinding on Adora’s face is driving Adora up the wall and she is positive she has never been so turned on in her entire life. Adora keeps up the pace, switching between short flicks on her clit and then sucking, and pushing her tongue inside her. It isn’t long until Catra’s entire frame goes tense and then loosens as she lets out a long moan.
“Adora” She whispers and Adora continues to keep her movements soft as she works Catra through the rest of her orgasm. Adora is hypnotized. Watching Catra fall apart underneath her, because of her, has convinced Adora she could spend hours between her legs continuing to coax those delicious sounds out of her mouth and feeling her warm slick coat her lips.
She has no idea how they’re ever going to do anything but this.
Catra looks like she feels the same way as she stares down at Adora who is still leaving kisses on each of her thighs. Adora looks up at her, blue and amber eyes shimmering.
“Come here,” Catra says reaching down for her and Adora and Adora complies, scooting up between Catra’s legs to rest on her bare chest. Catra looks down at Adora with so much tenderness that it makes Adora ache. She has seen this look before she realizes. Now the look has a name: Love. Catra loved her. Had always loved her. She was such an idiot.
“I can’t believe we could’ve been doing that the whole time” Catra laughs, voice still kind of wrecked, but she looks so happy and Adora can’t believe something she did could cause her to look like this.
For a while, they don’t say anything. Catra strokes through Adora’s hair, while she catches her breath and Adora, luxuriates in the feeling of Catra’s bare skin under her cheek. She has laid like this with her before of course— as kids, they definitely touched way more than what was probably normal for best friends who aren’t hopelessly in love with each other, but never like this. Not just naked but free of the heaviness in the air that was thick with the things both of them couldn’t bring themselves to say.
Now that the weight is gone she doesn’t know how she ever lived with it to begin with.
Catra looks down at her now and her slow almost sleepy smile has turned into a smirk
“So, your turn Princess?” Catra asks and Adora feels herself flush at how her voice has already lowered but also at the prospect of her finding out just how turned on Adora is.
She is soaked and even with the small break seconds away from coming.
“Uh-y-yeah” Adora manages and Catra’s eyes widen in concern at her hesitation.
“Hey, Adora, we don’t have to baby. If it’s too much tonight that that's okay” She says, her hand now rubbing soothing circles on her back. Adora short circuits at the causal use of baby because wow, and tries to express what she wants to say without actually saying it.
“No, no, it’s not. I want you to. It’s just— I—well” Adora trails off and Catra’s concern has softened at her reassurance but she is still very clearly confused.
“You…” Catra prompts and Adora sighs. This is embarrassing but she doesn’t want Catra to get the wrong idea because she definitely wants to. God does she want to.
“I’m just like already really close.” Adora rushes out “I wouldn’t last long. I almost finished just seeing you like that.” Adora admits shyly and Catra’s features settle finally.
She looks thoughtful for a second and then she smiles, eyes already darkening with lust. The look she gives Adora is so filthy she hears a small whimper escape her throat.
“So ? Who says you’re only gonna come once?” Catra says possessive and smug and fuck, Adora feels her clit actually fucking twitch.
Catra repositions them and strips Adora of her shorts and underwear. This time Adora is on her back and Catra is above her, pressing hot kisses into Adora’s neck, her thigh slotted between Adora’s own.
“Oh Princess, you’re so wet.” She says and all Adora can do is whimper and nod because she’s pretty sure she’s passed the ability to say anything intelligible. Catra continues to kiss down her neck, stopping to graze her pulse point with her teeth as she presses her thigh right against Adora’s pussy. Her hips jerk at the action, desperately seeking more of the friction as she moans high and needy. Her eyes clenched shut as she bucks her hips up to the firm smooth plane of Catra’s thigh.
“Look at me, baby. I want to see your pretty face when you come for me.” She whispers and continues to push the flat of her thigh into Adora. Adora’s own eyes open to stare into Catra’s and the heat she sees there takes her higher. It shouldn’t be enough but she knows she’s close. The friction is heavenly and Adora grinds up to meet her every thrust, grinding her wet slit into Catra’s firm thigh until she sees stars and moans long and low as her body shakes with the force of her orgasm.
“That’s it, Princess, such a good girl coming for me,” Catra says and Adora whimpers at the praise.
“Do you like that? Being called a good girl?” Catra asks as Adora comes back to herself. She feels her cheeks heat even though she just came all over Catra’s thigh but feels herself nod.
“Good girl. Thank you for telling me.” Catra praises, bending down to kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips. The kiss is slow and deep building the heat between Adora’s thighs again quickly. Catra bites at her bottom lip and Adora moans into her mouth. She can feel Catra’s lips turn into a smile against her at that.
“So needy. Ready for round two?” Catra teases and Adora nods way too fast which just causes Catra to chuckle again. She’d probably be more embarrassed if she wasn’t so desperate for it.
“Do you want my mouth or my fingers first, Princess?” Adora tries not to drool at her question and the implication that she might have both she just had to pick which one first.
“Fingers. I want to feel you inside me.” She manages to say breathily and Catra nods her assurance as she trails her hand down to Adora’s soft curls and then between Adora’s swollen lips. They both moan at the contact.
“Catra” Adora moans. She is on a hair-trigger still sensitive from her first orgasm but already desperate for another.
“Fuck, you feel so good Adora” Catra groans out and Adora is beyond any rational thought at this point. She feels completely undone. She knows what it’s like to want — she has wanted Catra in ways that made her feel ashamed and guilty and stupid their entire lives together. She is aware of how want is heavy and burdensome and relentless. How it burned her from the inside out.
She spent so much of her time trying to make the ache bearable. How to live around the desire that took up so much space inside her.
But in this moment she allows herself to want and to have, to surrender to the heat of her desire that has threatened to burn her up every time Catra so much as smiled at her in that way she had done since they were children, teasing and fond.
She lets it wash over her, claim her, unravel her piece by piece.
And it is glorious.
Catra fucks her the same way she does everything else, with an intensity that makes her feel like she is melting underneath the heat of it.
Adora has seen her like this when she paints. Nothing else exists around her when she is in the middle of creating something new. She regards her work with a single-minded focus that always takes Adora’s breath away. She has always been in awe of Catra’s ambition, her determination, the ferocity she pursues the things she wants. She has never settled for the word “no” in her entire life.
And right now, Adora is the recipient of that ferocity. The single point of her interest.
Catra’s fingers continue to tease up and down her slit, slow and teasing, rubbing small circles around her clit but avoiding her entrance.
“What do you want sweet girl?” Catra asks, and it is unfair how Adora’s body reacts to the pet name, her back arching of the couch with a whine, pushing her pussy more into Catra’s hand in a silent plea for more more more. Catra doesn’t give though, still rubbing those same languid circles on her clit and dipping down to tease where Adora wants her most.
“You.” Adora manages to breathe, her own voice sounds foreign to her breathy and desperate but she can’t help it and she’s way too far gone to be embarrassed now. She will beg if she has to, but she needs Catra inside of her now.
“You already have me, baby,” Catra responds smug and teasing.
“Inside, Catra, please fuck me. Please” Adora whines and Catra groans at that as she dips her fingers lower and lower gathering slick and then pushing two of her fingers slowly inside her. Adora is so wet and open from her first orgasm that there is no resistance and Adora could sob at how good it feels. She feels the walls of her pussy grip Catra’s fingers tighter as Catra starts to thrust into her with intent.
“You sound so pretty when you beg for me.” Catra whispers and Adora can only whimper at that.
Catra’s voice has always done things to Adora. It is raspy and low and sexy without trying but in this new context, it is deadly . Adora would be willing to do anything to hear Catra continue to talk to her like this. Commanding and low and full of raw desire. Desire for her .
She sets a steady space watching for Adora’s reactions to see which speeds or pressure make her body react more and it isn’t long until Catra is thrusting into her with long firm strokes that have Adora’s eyes rolling into the back of her head. It is almost too much. Nothing has ever felt this good. She can feel every detail of Catra’s fingers inside of her. It is unfair how good at this she already is. She seems to know Adora’s body instinctively and what should be awkward or at least just good for a first time is mind-blowing. They were made to do this with each other.
The praise Catra gives her freely soothes some part of her and quiets the voice in her head that is constant with its criticisms. Every “good girl” and “you’re doing so well for me” and “you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen” shuts up the part of her brain that is never quiet.
Her entire body is tense and straining with the almost of her release. Her back arches with the intensity of it, how close she is, how badly she wants to let go but for some reason can’t.
Catra senses it and keeps her strokes even only changing the position of her hand slightly so more of her palm can hit Adora’s clit.
“Don’t fight it, baby. You can let go. I’ve got you. It’s safe. Don’t fight it pretty girl you deserve it.” Catra breathes and those are the words that snap the tension and sends Adora flying off the ledge of release. All she can see is white as she comes. She doesn’t even know if she makes any sound but she’s pretty sure she must because when she can finally make out the outline of Catra’s face, one blue and one amber eye fixed on hers, her throat feels hoarse.
She doesn’t know why it happens but when she finally meets Catra’s gaze, smoldering and fond, she bursts into tears.
Her entire body is wracked with sobs and when she tries to quiet herself more tiny wet hiccups escape her throat. She can’t stop and she crumples into herself. She wants to rush to explain but she doesn’t understand the reaction herself. She is happy. Happier than she has ever been in her entire life but is so much, and she doesn’t deserve any of it.
Catra is a flurry of motion, pulling Adora’s hands away from her face for the second time tonight, the panic in her voice clear.
“Adora, Princess, what’s wrong?” She whispers and Adora shakes her head. This is so stupid. She is so stupid. She tries to make a sound but nothing comes out except for more choked wet sounds. Catra seems to understand that she is incapable of words right now and instead pulls her into her arms.
“Shh, whatever it is it’s okay Adora. We’re okay. It’s all okay” She comforts and Adora can only nod at that. It’s enough to slow the spiral she is in the middle of to make sense of her thoughts and finally say something.
“I never would have told you,” Adora says, lip quivering. Saying it triggers a new round of tears spilling hot down her face. The guilt is suffocating and as much as she wishes it wasn’t true, it is. Catra has always loved her so she made a plan. Of course, she had because Catra was brave. Catra had always been brave.
Catra packed her bags the night before she turned 18 and was gone before the sun rose. And when Sharon had called her Catra hadn’t even let her get a word in. She told her to never talk to her again, she had screamed at her letting out years of rage and vitriol. She stood up for herself.
Adora had never managed to do the same. The last time she had seen Hope was uneventful. She had still thought Adora was coming home for Christmas. And when she didn’t, she turned off her phone to avoid her calls and learned further into Catra’s side as they watched Glimmer and Bow try and fail to make a fire in Glimmer’s enormous living room, the sounds of Angella humming from the kitchen surrounding them.
She had never gone back home. She and Catra even had their own stockings on the mantle of the Moon’s fireplace now. She hadn’t answered any of her calls but she never could bring herself to block her. She still read every text message despite Catra’s urging. She still managed to control her without ever saying a word.
Adora had never stood up for herself in her life. She had always just done what everyone wanted her to do and be who everyone wanted her to be. She would’ve deprived them both of this slow new magic had it been left up to her.
“What?” Catra asks, confused but still reaching up to cup Adora’s cheek. Her palm is cool against the heat of Adora’s flushed face and she can’t help but lean into the touch.
“I never planned to tell you Catra. I have loved you our whole lives, and if you had never asked, I would never have told you the truth.” She manages, ashamed and sick to her stomach all over again. She waits for Catra to be angry, but Catra’s face is unchanging.
“So? It’s okay baby.” Catra says her voice still soft, her thumb rubbing circles against her face so tenderly it makes Adora’s head spin. Her affection is obvious now, bathing Adora in warmth. She wonders if it was always this obvious and she had just missed it, too busy hating herself to notice.
“It’s not okay. I lied. I was going to continuing lying.” Adora says and Catra shakes her head at that.
“No, you didn’t. I asked you and you could’ve lied but you didn’t.” Catra says so reverent and full of love that even though Adora’s tears have finally slowed she has the urge to cry all over again. How would she ever deserve this kind of love?
“I wanted to. I’m not—you’ve always been brave and I—” Catra shakes her head again, cupping both of her cheeks now, forcing Adora to meet her gaze.
“But you didn’t Adora. You were brave. You are brave. You always have been.” Catra says fiercely and Adora knows she means it. She doesn’t know if it's true, but it’s enough that Catra thinks so. Adora nods at that, finally smiling a little.
“I love you.” She says and Catra meets her smile, big and bright.
“I love you too.” She returns
“Our whole lives,” Adora whispers.
“Our whole lives.” Catra echoes.
“I know it seems stupid to ask after everything. But are we…?” Adora starts embarrassed but they didn’t talk about it. It’s pretty obvious they’re not just friends but they hadn’t really discussed the specifics of what they were.
“Together? Girlfriends?” Catra finishes amused. Adora flushes but nods.
“Yeah, you can be my girlfriend Princess.” Catra returns and Adora can’t help the smile that takes over her face. Catra laughs but it is fond, and she can’t stop smiling either.
They lay there for a while until both of their arms fall asleep and they finally make their way back to their bedroom. Adora can’t believe they confessed their love and had sex for the first time on an IKEA couch they bought off Facebook Marketplace.
“Shower?” Catra asks and Adora nods at that and goes to grab the towels.
They don’t do anything more in the shower, but their hands linger over each other's skin. Adora washes Catra’s hair, taking time with each curl as she rakes conditioner through her hair. When Catra is under the spray rinsing, she looks up at Adora from wet lashes. Blue and amber eyes meet Adora’s and they seem to glow through the steam. I love you they say. Adora smiles I love you she echos. No more words are needed.
Chapter 2: You Could Do Damage
So turns out, I had more to say after all! I am absolutely FLOORED with the feedback that this got. 400+ freaking kudos?? I was going to be thrilled if even 5 people read this. Every comment has made me want to explode because you are all so kind! Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. I hope you enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
When Adora woke up on Sunday, light spilling through the blinds since they hadn’t drawn their black-out curtains, Adora was almost certain she had dreamed all of last night. The entire world seemed to be brighter though, and as unbelievable as it all was, Catra was still naked curled up next to her as proof.
So, that had all really happened.
Catra was her girlfriend. Which was hands down the most unbelievable thing that has and would probably ever happen to her.
But that meant she was Catra’s girlfriend which was decidedly a lot less exciting because she had no idea what she was doing.
Last night had been a miracle.
The only problem was, Adora’s life did not set her up to handle miracles. She had been prepared to fix things. She had been prepared to figure out how to live in a world where the only person she had ever loved did not love her back. She had been prepared to live in that world for years.
But as she sat on the edge of their bed, staring at the sunbeams on Catra’s freckled cheek, she was very clearly not in that world. And she was very clearly out of her depth.
Adora tried and failed to keep the anxiety that was taking shape inside her at bay but she couldn’t. She had no idea what she was doing, and she had no idea how to figure out what to do either. She needed time to think to figure out—
“You’re thinking so loud,” Catra grumbled next to her, one blue eye cracking open to peer up at her. Adora felt her own eyes widen at the sound of her voice, thick with sleep.
“How did you—” Adora started, and Catra rolled on her back then, her other eye open now too, a sleepy smile playing on her lips.
“Years of practice.” She said, grabbing Adora’s wrist to tug her down next to her. Adora flopped back down next to her and Catra wasted no time straddling her hips, bending down to press lazy kisses to Adora’s neck.
“It is the morning after Princess. Sunday for God’s sake. Sundays are for morning sex and takeout. Not thinking.” Catra mumbled, her kisses growing hotter until she was sucking a bruise into the flesh on Adora’s neck. She couldn’t help letting out a low moan at that.
“But Catra—” Adora started, but Catra continued to kiss at her throat, nipping and sucking at what Adora knew would turn into hickies. More proof. That thought sent a thrill through her. Anything she was going to say was forgotten and all she could think about was Catra’s mouth on her skin, hot and making her breathless. She wanted her everywhere.
Catra kissed up her throat, leaving a small kiss on her chin, on each corner of her mouth, and finally her lips. Adora groaned at the contact, idly wondering how she was even able to even breathe before this. Catra licked into her mouth and it should have been gross because neither of them had even brushed their teeth yet but it wasn’t. She was sure she could spend entire days like this, in and out of each other's mouths, her head fuzzy except for the demand for more more more. The kiss grew frantic as Catra tangled her hands into Adora’s hair and Adora kept letting out small whimpers, already so turned on that she could feel the wetness on the inside of her thighs.
Catra pulled back panting, her eyes glowing in the sunshine as she looked into Adora’s. When she spoke her voice was rough with desire and it made Adora feel like she was turning into a puddle.
“I’m going to fuck you now, okay, Princess? Then we’re going to make breakfast.” Catra grinned, smile wicked and loaded with promise. Adora could only nod weakly, already so far gone as Catra winked and begin to press kisses down the middle of her chest.
She wasted no time palming one of her tits and taking the other in her mouth, her tongue circling over Adora’s sensitive flesh, nipping with her teeth.
“Fuck, Catra,’ Adora gasped, the sensation shooting straight to her clit. It was kind of pathetic, really. For all her years of holding back all it took was one night of what she was missing to turn her into putty in Catra’s capable hands. It was why she never gave herself even an inch of leeway in all the time she spent loving Catra in secret. Her feelings had lived on the edges of her mind and she couldn’t help that they colored every day and every word shared between them, but she gave herself limits. She never let herself imagine actually getting to be with her. Fantasy was dangerous, and she had been barely holding on as it was.
On particularly hard days, when Catra was extra touchy, or she did something achingly sweet and domestic like make her lunch when she got home in the evening for Adora to find in the morning, she would look back at some of their best memories. Her and Catra eating chocolate cake after her soccer practice in secret with their bare hands on her twelfth birthday when Hope had decided she was too old to make a big deal about her birthday anymore. Summer days spent eating popsicles under the big tree in Adora’s front yard, reading the jokes from their Popsicle sticks, and giggling despite how bad they were, their sticky red fingers tangled together.
She would remind herself that what they had was good . What they had was so much more than some people ever got. And sure, she had wanted more, but it was not wanting intending to have. It was a helpless kind of desire. She didn’t secretly fantasize about their wedding. She didn’t imagine getting to kiss her lips or take her on dates. She just wanted . Aimlessly, helplessly, and completely against her will. She was not prepared for dreams she never really even allowed herself to have to come true. This is why she was here, in the middle of this new thing they have, completely at a loss of what to do or how to act.
“I don’t want you to think Adora,” Catra whispers, her soft hands running down Adora’s sides to grip her hips.
“I want you to feel,” Catra whispers, her tongue licking a long line down from between her breast to the planes of Adora’s firm stomach.
“How does it feel Adora?” Adora’s back starts to arch off the mattress but Catra keeps her still, her hands holding her hips to the mattress.
“Good, so good Catra” Adora breathed, tiny gasps the only sounds she could make as Catra got closer and closer to the place she wanted her to be and her thoughts got farther and farther away.
Catra took her time on Adora’s stomach, her tongue licking over her ab muscles almost reverently, groaning until she was kissing right above Adora’s curls. When she reached her slit, her breath ghosted over her slick making Adora’s flesh break out in goosebumps and throb in anticipation.
“Don’t tease,” Adora whined. She was so worked up and Catra knew it. Catra looked up at her through her lashes, her mismatched eyes full of desire as she licked one clean line up her slit.
“Fuck,” Adora swore, and Catra only chuckled, her raspy voice cocky and taunting.
“What was that about teasing?” She said before dipping back down, flattening her tongue against Adora’s clit, and using her lips to suck her into her mouth. If Adora thought she was going to die from Catra using her fingers, she was certainly going to from Catra using her mouth.
Catra continued to work her over, her tongue moving deftly through Adora’s folds. A spring was beginning to coil in the pit of Adora’s stomach. Adora fisted her hand in the sheets as the heat began to rise, her whole body felt like it was pulsing and her moans grew higher and higher in pitch.
Catra spread Adora’s legs further apart, gripping her thighs as she continued the attention on her clit, dipping lower to swirl around her entrance. Adora’s hips were bucking on their own accord and she reached down to thread her fingers through Catra’s long hair before stopping in her tracks like she’d been stung, dropping her hand back to the mattress to fist into the sheets. She was worked up to a fever pitch and she didn’t want to hurt her by being too rough.
Catra stopped and looked up from between Adora’s legs.
“I don’t want you to hold back, baby. I can take it. Use me.” She said, her voice rough, Adora’s slick covering her lips and chin. Adora moaned at that and Catra bent down to continue. Adora’s hand shook as she tangled her hands in Catra’s hair this time, pushing Catra’s face further into her pussy. The change in pressure alone was almost enough to send her over the edge.
Catra groaned at the movement letting herself be led as Adora thrust up to meet every movement of Catra’s tongue, fucking her face. When she came, her entire body trembled with her release, short gasps escaping with a string of curses.
“Fuck—yes, Catra, fuck.” Adora panted, her body felt like it was buzzing, every cell energized and blissfully alive.
“You’re so good at that.” Adora groaned, flopping her head back onto her pillow as Catra left small kisses on the inside of her thighs
She laughed at that. “I aim to please, Princess.”
“You can’t just give me an orgasm every time I freak out though,” Adora replied, still a little out of breath because holy shit, was every time they had sex going to be that good? Surely there had to be some kind of upper limit to how good this could get.
Catra scoffed at that looking almost offended that Adora would say such a thing “And why the hell not?” She said, one of her perfect eyebrows arched in question.
Adora didn’t have an answer for that so she tugged Catra up instead and kissed her, tasting herself on her lips as Catra hummed into her mouth. They kiss for a while, hands roaming lazily over each other, savoring the softness between them. It felt natural to be like this and even though less than twenty-four hours ago this wouldn’t have even been an option, it felt like they had been doing it for years. Adora waited for it to feel awkward or forced, a sure sign that they had been moving too fast, or that Catra was unsure but it never came. They fit together in this new way, just like they always had, and that was as scary as it was comforting.
“Come on, we need to eat,” Catra said getting up and walking over to their shared closet. She threw over some of Adora’s old sweatpants and her Brightmoon U shirt while she tugged on a pair of Adora’s shorts that she had to roll at the waist to make fit and one of her hoodies.
In the kitchen, they were a motion of perfectly synchronized motions. They didn’t talk much but moved around each other in harmony. Catra making eggs, sunny side up like Adora liked, and over medium for herself while Adora toasted slices of bread and took out the butter. Adora could think of dozens of Sundays they had shared just like this. That was the part that left Adora so confused, everything had changed, but also nothing had.
She could be honest now. She didn’t have to hide the fact that she was staring at Catra while she ate, lingering on her freckles, her full lips, the way her frame was swimming in Adora’s hoodie. If she wanted to, she could tell Catra she was beautiful. She could tell her that she loved her nose, how long her lashes were, the delicate swoop of her neck. Catra would smile, call her an idiot, maybe even blush the way that made Adora feel smug and smitten all at once.
On the other hand, everything else remained the same. They always made breakfast together on the weekends. They also often stayed home together, catching up on homework or watching movies, and eventually fighting over who had to Door Dash dinner.
Adora felt lost in it, the sameness and the differences. She didn’t feel nervous, this felt right and natural, but she felt like she should feel nervous and it was fucking with her.
Catra looked at her now, chewing the last bite of her toast, her eyes smiling and Adora decided she had time to worry about this. If the other shoe was going to drop it wasn’t going to drop today. She could have today.
“So, what do you want to do?’ Catra asked, looking up at Adora now. She smiled back
“Be with you,” Adora said simply and now Catra was smiling too.
They spent most of the day in bed. Adora reluctantly dragged her laptop with them and finished some of her non-negotiable homework that was due the next day, and Catra read next to her, eventually grabbing her sketchbook and sketching a little next to her, their legs tangled together. They sneak glances at each other full of awe and brimming with affection. When Adora finally finishes her work, she turns to Catra who still has her head down in her sketchbook.
“Do you remember Mermista’s party senior year?” Adora says, Catra looks up at her now curiously and after a short bit nods.
“And when Kyle threw up all over Mermista’s couch because he drank those two beers too fast so you and I went outside on the deck because we could smell the beer and the throw and it almost made you throw up?” Adora asks and Catra snorts, laughing at the memory.
“Yeah. Mermista was pissed and Glimmer almost killed him because he got some of it on her jacket.” Adora laughed now too and Catra waits for her to continue.
“I almost told you then. We were both laughing and I couldn’t think about anything else except for the fact that I wanted to do that for the rest of our lives. But I got so scared when I thought about having to actually say it to you. I always did.” Adora finished quietly and Catra looks at her now with soft eyes. She searches Adora’s eyes with her own now. Adora’s not sure what she’s looking for but she finds it as she looks over at her and says,
“Do you remember when I couldn’t draw hands? I was so fucking bad at first. The fingers were always so far apart, or the thumbs would always turn out weird. I never got better at them until I started drawing yours. I drew them over and over until I memorized them. I couldn’t stop thinking about them after that.” Catra replies. Adora can’t help but gasp quietly at that. Catra started drawing the summer before she turned fourteen. She remembers how frustrated Catra had been about learning to draw hands, opting to just skip them altogether. She also knew that by Thanksgiving break she was more confident, proudly displaying her first full portrait, hands and all. What she hadn’t known was she had practiced and gotten that confidence drawing Adora’s own hands. Over and over replays in her head.
Adora knows what this is. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. She had hidden so much over the years, stuffed things down, talked around the truth. Catra is letting her know that she did it too.
One of the worst parts, before they were together, is how alone Adora felt. She spent so much time stuck in her head. Not saying everything she wanted to say. Not being too much. But she was never alone because Catra had the same secret. They were together there in the dark, even if they didn’t know it.
Adora kisses her then, long and deep, her tongue tracing the seam of her lips and Catra eagerly meeting her with her own, moaning into the kiss. The kiss holds everything that Adora couldn’t say to her then. Every hug she pulled away from quicker than she wanted to because she didn’t want to do something stupid. Every time she tried not to stare too long when Catra was sitting across from her. Every time she wanted to say I love you. They kiss until they were both gasping, hazy and drunk off each other's lips.
“I love you, so much,” Adora whispered, her palm still cupping her cheek.
“I love you too, Adora.” Catra echoes.
Monday is weird. Adora try as she might is unable to focus on anything. She is scattered and antsy in her classes, feeling the urge to move . She tries to listen and pay attention to what’s going on around her but it’s so bad by the time she reaches the end of her day she bashes her knee into the underside of the desk she is sitting at. There is an uneasiness that she can’t shake. The same anxiety that started to form Sunday in the pit of her stomach rising to the middle of her throat making it hard to swallow or think.
She feels untethered, her thoughts jumbled, formless, and anxious. She just doesn’t know why.
Last night had been good. Catra had always been good at knowing when Adora was on the edge of losing herself, spiraling into the bad place her mind tried to take her when she was anxious about something. She had distracted her with her touch, grounding her into what they had now, reminding her that it wasn’t going anywhere. That she wasn’t going anywhere.
Too many years had passed for Adora to believe that she would ever have to live without Catra. She knew that she would never really abandon her, that the foundation of what they had built over their lives was too solid to ever crumble completely. Since they were five years old, they had never gone more than two weeks without talking, and those two weeks had felt like centuries.
It had been the biggest fight they had ever gotten in when they were fifteen, and it ended with Catra on her doorstep, tears in her eyes, Adora pulling her in, and then they were both crying into each other's shoulders. They never said apologized but they didn’t need to.
Logically she knew that even if they did break up, they would be okay. It would be awkward, messy even, but they would bounce back, too important to the other to ever really live without each other. She was confident their relationship could survive it.
She was not confident that she herself could survive it.
That was the problem with getting everything you had ever wanted. You could lose it.
Now that she had gotten to gave Catra like this, nothing else would ever be enough. She would be just her friend if she had to because the thought of living a life without her in it was impossible— too devastating to even imagine, but it would destroy her and she knew it.
There would be no moving on. Adora hated how dramatic that sounded even in her own head, but it was the truth and the center of all the thoughts she had been trying to chase away since they had kissed. That had been the entire reason she had hidden it in the first place. To have her, and then lose her would not be remedied by a few weeks of crying and wallowing in her bed, It would not just be heartbreak, and there would be no getting over it. There was no one else, and there never would be, Adora was sure of that.
The floodgates were open, and to say it terrified Adora was an understatement. She had kissed her now and memorized the slide of their lips together, she had seen what she looked like when she came apart underneath her gasping and saying her name. She knew what it felt like to finally tell the truth.
No, there would be no getting over it if this didn’t work out.
It was also too late to go back now. That was even more terrifying.
Adora shouldn’t have even bothered with today. She hadn’t absorbed any of the material. She was lost in her thoughts, spiraling at an alarming rate, and she knew what was next. She couldn’t see Catra like this because she knew if she did Catra would drop everything to try to help her work through this but she didn’t want her to witness whatever the fuck was happening to her.
She could try to handle it herself, but her head was swimming, and nothing was making any sense anymore. The panic was growing and so she did the only thing she could think to do. She pulled out her phone and opened her messages, clicking on Glimmer’s name.
Are you free right now?
Within ten minutes Glimmer met her on the bench in front of the humanities building, her usual enthusiasm dulling a bit when Adora finally looked up from her hands to meet her eyes. Glimmer’s smile wavered as she took in her expression, her eyes soft and concerned as she sat down next to her.
“Adora?” She questioned, looking up at her. Adora was not going to cry. She was so fucking sick of crying.
I guess there was no point in beating around the bush. “Catra and I—well,—we” Adora stumbled, where should she even start? They were in love? Did Glimmer already know that part? They were together? They spent the better part of the weekend inside or underneath each other?
She doesn’t say any of that though and instead settles for,
“We kissed.” She says simply, quietly. Saying it to another person is different than she thought it would be. She has been a bubble since Saturday, she hadn’t thought what it would be like to talk to anyone else about this but as soon as it is out of her mouth it is a relief. Someone else can hold it with her. Glimmer doesn’t look shocked exactly, but her eyebrows do raise.
“Oh—okay, wow, so have you guys talked about it?” She asks gently, tentatively.
“We’ve done more than talk about it,” Adora mumble before she can stop herself. When she realizes what she said heat rises to her cheeks and Glimmer’s smile is shit-eating.
“Oh my God, you guys had sex? Adora—holy shit! Was it good? What am I saying, I know it was good, I mean it’s Catra!” Glimmer exclaims practically bouncing with her excitement and Adora can’t help but roll her eyes at that because it’s no secret that Glimmer thought Catra was hot and I mean who could blame her? It was harmless and mostly hilarious because Catra definitely flirted with her to make her flustered. Now that she has said that out loud she was not getting out of talking about it at some point. Luckily now is not that moment because Glimmer sobers a bit and continues.
“So was it a one-time thing or?” Glimmer asks tentatively again, trying to figure out where the line is and Adora shakes her head at that.
“No. I’m in love with her. I have been since, well, forever,” Adora says plainly “She uh, said she loves me too.” Adora says more quietly. “We’re together now.” She finishes and Glimmer is smiling again, the tips of her pink hair practically shimmering with her joy.
“So let me get this straight, your life is a lesbian rom-com, you are well fucked, your best friend that you are in love with loves you back— why are we not celebrating? We should be baking a cake. I’m going to bake a cake!” She exclaims and Adora can’t help laugh a little at that. She doesn’t know how to answer Glimmer’s question. It sounds stupid to say she is afraid because the word doesn’t feel big enough for everything she feels, and how much this is consuming her and threatening to ruin everything. She asks another question instead.
“Did you know? That I was in love with her?” Adora asks slowly because she is curious. Had she been as obvious as she always felt like she was?
“I had my suspicions. Bow called it in high school. Then on Saturday when she ran off I knew he was at least right about half of it. She was definitely in love with you. I didn’t think you were a good enough actress to pull that off but,” Glimmer shrugs and Adora nods. She wasn’t that good of an actress, she had just buried it so deep inside of herself that it was clearly undetectable if you didn’t know what you were looking for.
Adora did though, and each one of her own mistakes labeled themselves in bold. She had always felt like she was seconds away from slipping, saying, or doing something too obvious to come back from. She didn’t want anyone to figure it out obviously, but Glimmer who was one of her best friends and fairly observant in her own right had never noticed, and neither had Catra. Adora should’ve been thrilled by that but for some reason, she wasn’t.
She was not proud that despite getting out and rebelling in her own tiny ways through the years she spent with Hope, she remained loyal to what she had been taught. She hid, she shrunk, she pretended she didn’t feel things when she did, and she’d been doing it for years. It made her sick to her stomach now thinking what it had almost cost her.
They are quiet for a while. Glimmer giving her space to collect her thoughts but Adora doesn’t know what to say now. She doesn’t have the words to explain what she is afraid of. That Catra will change her mind? That Glimmer was right, their relationship was a cliche? Two childhood best friends who eventually fall in love. Maybe this had been inevitable, a natural progression, a phase.
The part in the movie where the best friends think they love each other, try to be together and realize eventually that they are better off as just friends, parting ways and eventually attending each other's weddings, the time they dated just a funny memory to tell during the toast.
Adora was sure though, that for her, this wasn’t a phase. This was the truest, bravest, and scariest thing she’d ever done or let herself feel.
“What if she changes her mind?” Adora manages to finally ask quietly. The knot in her stomach tightens now that it is finally out in the open. Glimmer considers it before she answers, her eyes full of understanding.
“You don’t trust her.” Glimmer says without blame, just matter of factly. Adora feels herself of bristle at that because what does trust have anything to do with this? Of course, she trusted Catra!
“Of course I do, Glim, that’s not what this is about—“ she starts but Glimmer interrupts her again, her voice still even.
“But you don’t. You confessed your love, which was a huge deal for you, I know how hard that must have been. But she also confessed hers. Why do you think that’s somehow less of a big deal for her?” Glimmer asks.
Adora doesn’t even want to consider what Glimmer is insinuating at first. But Glimmer is quiet again, giving Adora space to think and to process until she realizes much to her horror, Glimmer is right. Glimmer must see the realization cross her face and she continues.
“If I know you, and I do, you probably think you don’t deserve this. I struggled with the same thing with Bow. He is so good Adora. Kind, honest, strong, and always willing to be vulnerable. I have a temper, and I’m too fucking stubborn for my own good, and sometimes I push people away. Even now, I still don’t know if I deserve him. But maybe deserve isn’t the point. Bow knows me and loves me for me, and he chose me. It’s his choice, and it isn’t my job to question it. It’s my job to show up and love him as much as I can and choose him right back.” Glimmer says and Adora feels it all click into place.
Every time she imagined Catra pushing her away or one day deciding that she was mistaken, that they were just close and she got confused, she doubted Catra. She assumed she knew how Catra felt more than she did.
It was invalidating. It took away her agency and worst of all when she thought about backtracking to retreat to the safe space of pining hopelessly from afar, It took away her choice.
Catra was smart. The smartest person Adora had ever met, and not just in the way that she outshined her peers almost effortlessly, but in an emotional way too. She understood people within a couple of minutes of knowing them. She could read them and their intentions and always pointed out when someone seemed to have bad motives. She was an excellent judge of character and she didn’t bullshit. You never had to guess where you stood with Catra. She said what she meant, and you knew how she felt about you.
Catra had chosen Adora. Maybe Adora would never understand why, and maybe she would never truly feel like she deserved it either, but it is what Catra chose. And a part of loving someone was respecting their choices.
Maybe that fragile feeling would take time to go away. Maybe she would second guess herself for months to come every time she thought she was being too much. Maybe some days she would feel like she had to tiptoe between them, waiting for the ground beneath her to disintegrate and send her free-falling, but they had time.
Catra had chosen Adora.
And Adora didn’t get to argue or qualify or take it away just because she was terrified that someday Catra might make a different choice.
“You’re right,” Adora says with finality. She feels gross and wrong for doubting Catra and it must show on her face because then Glimmer sighs and says:
“You’re not a bad person for that Adora. I know your childhood was fucked up. And I know Hope made you feel like you had to doubt everyone’s intentions. It might take a while for you to feel like this new thing is here to stay but Adora, it can be. Good things can happen, and good things can stay. There isn’t always another shoe to drop. Sometimes dreams come true, and useless pining lesbians who are so meant to be its kind of sickening end up together and live happily ever after.” Glimmer smiles now and even though Adora has cried more these last couple of days than she has the rest of her life, her eyes still manage to well up at that.
“I love you Glim, thank you.” She says pulling her into a hug as Glimmer laughs now.
“Anytime. I’m proud of you for texting.” Glimmer replies and Adora can’t help but beam at that a little because she knew she would be. It had taken a lot of work to get here, she used to hate asking for help feeling like a burden but Glimmer had always told her otherwise. It made things worse when Adora kept things to herself and eventually spiraled, her friends so worried at that point that they were near a panic attack too. She was doing her part as a good friend to ask for help when she needed it.
They chat for a little while longer and then Glimmer leaves here with one big hug and squeals of congratulation, practically bouncing with how happy she is for them. Adora feels like she can breathe again because it does not matter if she deserves this. It only matters that this is what Catra wants, and Catra deserves to have anything, everything, she wants. Even if that means Adora putting aside every thought that insists that she isn’t worth it, that she is being reckless, that things were safer before, none of it matters.
All that matters is that she lets herself be all in and that she let every passing day act as proof that as Glimmer said, sometimes useless pining lesbians who are so meant to be its kind of sickening end up together and live happily ever after.
When Adora gets in it is just after 7:00 and Catra is already home from her one class today. She is already moving things around in the kitchen, no doubt about to start dinner but Adora has other plans. She puts down her bag and keys and walks over to the kitchen to find Catra bent over, her head in the fridge muttering to herself about something they didn’t have. She is still wearing her jeans from that day and the way they cling tight to her strong thighs and curve perfectly against her ass is enough to make Adora’s mind go blank. Adora looks at her with wide eyes, lingering on every inch of her beautiful legs because she can, because Catra is her girlfriend now, and ogling her perfect legs is a part of the deal.
“Hey Adora, I was thinking we could have chicken, we have some shit we could have as sides, what do you think? ” Catra asks, turning around and closing the fridge when her eyes meet Adora’s.
“Why are you looking at me like that Princess?” She asks, smirking but clearly happy to see her. Adora crosses the room grinning and wordlessly pulls her into a kiss. Catra lets out a surprised noise against her mouth but matches her enthusiasm quickly. Adora kisses her deeply, running her tongue against her bottom lip and pushing into Catra’s waiting mouth. She doesn’t kiss Catra like she is fragile or like she will scare her away, she kisses her like she is hungry, because she is. She has been desperate for Catra and anything she would give her for so long and now that she is of that anymore, she is not going to hold back anymore. It is intense in a new way and she knows Catra feels it too because Catra keeps moaning into her mouth and her hands are in her hair tugging and sending delicious heat through Adora, that heat burning low in her belly.
When they finally pull apart Adora’s ponytail is ruined from Catra’s hands tangled in her hair and Catra’s lips are pink and swollen, both their chests heaving with their efforts. They stare at each other in a mutual daze until Catra finally smiles, huffing out a laugh.
“What was that for?” She asks and Adora laughs now too because maybe she could have waited before coming on so strong but she didn’t want to. Now that the messiness of her thoughts had been sorted through she feels kind of wild, unhinged, and completely unable to hold herself back anymore.
Adora was intense, she knew that, but Catra also knew that. And she loved her anyway.
Chose her anyway.
“I just missed you,” Adora says sweetly, and Catra still looks a little confused but accepts her answer with a shake of her head.
“Well, you can feel free to show me you miss me like that anytime.” Adora was hoping she’d say something like that. Without warning, she cups the back of Catra’s thighs and picks her up hoisting her onto their countertop. The squeak Catra lets out is so cute but also flustered. When she looks at Catra, now eye level with her, she is flushed, her eyes darkening. Clearly, the display of strength is doing it for her. Adora files that away for later use.
“What are you doing?” Catra asks, clearly into it but still confused and Adora grins at her, sly and wanting.
“Showing you how much I missed you.” She says simply bending down to kiss her again. Adora starts slow art first, tugging Catra’s bottom lip between her own and grazing her teeth against it before she pushes her tongue against hers. The kiss has no trace of the hesitancy that was there on Saturday. The needy sounds Catra is making are new and Adora can feel a kind of power surge through her that makes her feel like she is 8 ft tall.
Catra has always commanded the attention of any room she walked in. Her aura exudes confidence, charm, and a nonchalance most people have to fake but comes naturally to her. She doesn’t have to try and she knows it and is ridiculously smug about it.
She had always gotten a kick out of teasing Adora long before they were ever doing this. She has always felt kind of at her mercy, a blushing and bumbling mess when Catra would so much as look at her too long. But now, with Catra falling apart underneath her, desperate for each touch, fucking mewling into her mouth, she feels confidence that she didn’t know she craved embolden her.
She pulls away only to start kissing down Catra’s jaw, trailing open-mouthed kisses down to her neck.
“Can I mark you?” Adora asks, her voice sounding rough and foreign with lust. Catra’s pupils are blown, her gaze unfocused and her lips parted but she manages to meet Adora’s gaze and nod.
Adora gets to work. She mouths at Catra’s neck, sucking bruises into the glorious exposed flesh in front of her. Catra cranes her neck to give her more access and the show of trust turns Adora on more than it has a right to. Every time she grazes her teeth against her, Catra makes choked sounds that make Adora weak in the knees.
When she pulls away to admire her work, Catra’s neck is littered with red and purple marks and she looks wrecked, her eyes are wide staring into Adora’s as she catches her breath.
“You’ve been holding out on me.” She heaves out and Adora laughs a little at that because, yeah, maybe she has been. She had been stuck in her head, terrified that at the first wrong move everything would fall apart. Her touches were cautious and timid. She had touched Catra like she was fragile, both terrified and luxuriating in each second of what felt like borrowed time.
Looking at Catra now though, she understands exactly what Glimmer had meant. Catra was just as exposed as her, raw and hopeful and laid bare. She deserved to never have a doubt in her mind about how much Adora loved her especially doubts Adora might have put there with her insecurities.
She deserved to feel as wanted as she was. She deserved to be worshipped.
And worship she would, every day, as long as Catra would let her.
“Yeah, I was, but never again,” Adora promises, and Catra seems taken aback by the honesty, almost shy under her admission.
“Promise?” Catra whispers and Adora’s heart shatters into pieces because she help put that doubt there. She knew spiraling would not help either of them right now but God she was an idiot sometimes.
“I promise. Did you— Did you not think I was sure about this, Catra?” Adora asks because she has to know. Catra flinches a little at the question and before she even says anything Adora knows the answer.
Catra hesitates before giving her a small shrug.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Catra says small and yeah, Adora really hates that she’s the reason she sounds like this.
“I’m sure, Catra. I want to show you. Can I show you?” Adora returns, her eyes determined
“Yes.” Catra whispers
Adora wastes no time pulling Catra’s shirt over her head and thanks any God that might be listening for Catra’s aversion to bras. She kisses each of her collarbones, the middle of her throat until she reaches the valley of her breasts. She wastes no time taking a nipple into her mouth, this time using a bit of teeth. Clearly, it was the right move because Catra’s breath stutters at the movement, her blunt nails digging into Adora’s back. She continues to tease at her chest, drawing downright filthy sounds from Catra until she is begging.
“Fuck—please, Adora, Please,” She moans and Adora can’t help but smirk at that because she can count on her hands the number of times she has heard Catra say please but here she was spilling it forth so sweetly.
Adora wants to savor this moment before she gives in, so she’s an asshole a little longer.
“Please what, baby?” She asks smug and taunting and Catra only moans at that, her eyes opening to look into hers.
“Fuck me, make me come.” She whines and Adora who fully planned on teasing her a little while longer gives in because how could she not after that?
She pulls Catra’s jeans and underwear down in one swift motion and cups Catra between her legs, running her fingers up and down Catra’s slit. She is soaked and slick is covering half of Adora’s hand before she has even really touched her yet. Adora has to bite back her own moan as she works Catra’s pussy.
“You’re so fucking wet for me,” she says roughly, her fingertips rubbing tight circles on Catra’s swollen clit. Adora has never been more grateful that they don’t have other roommates because Catra is not quiet and she does not want her to be, she savors every single stutter, moan, and whimper.
“Inside, Adora. Please” Catra begs and Adora nods because she wants to be inside her just as badly. She traces her entrance and thinks about warming her up with just one finger first but with how wet she is, she knows she can take two. She goes slowly at first, circling until she pushes two of her fingers inside Catra’s wet heat. They both groan at the contact. She goes slow at first, not wanting to hurt her, but the way Catra is writhing underneath her and the way she clutches to Adora’s back tells her that she is ready for more. She starts to thrust into her with earnest, crooking her fingers to put pressure on the spot inside her that sent her over the edge every time.
“Fuck yes— you are so good at this Princess” She pants out and the praise spurs her on. Getting to fuck Catra was mesmerizing. Watching her lose the layer of cool facade she wore that kept her mostly aloof dissolve and turn her into a needy and wanting mess struck her dumb.
“You are so beautiful like this” Adora says to her and Catra’s answering moan is her only warning before she clenches around Adora’s fingers. Adora keeps her movements steady as she works her through it, and Catra takes some time to come back to herself. When Adora finally pulls out of her she notices her hand feels a lot wetter than normal and looks down between them.
Her entire hand is soaked, and there is a small puddle on the countertop beneath them. Both of their eyes shoot up to each other and Catra’s cheeks are pink both with their exertion and what looks like embarrassment.
She made Catra squirt.
She made Catra squirt.
Before Catra could apologize or even think that this was anything but unbelievably, stupidly erotic, and probably one of the proudest moments of Adora’s life, she smiles wide at Catra.
“You are so fucking hot,” She says and Catra laughs at that, some of the worry leaving her expression.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s your fault, Princess.” She grumbles and it's Adora’s turn to laugh.
“My fault? Yeah, I guess so.” Adora says smugly.
“Who knew getting fucked on the kitchen counter would do it for you.” She shrugs and feigns nonchalance and Catra rolls her eyes at that, exasperated but still not able to keep the fondness out of her voice.
“Blonde idiots with muscles and fingers that make me see God do it for me. Looks like you’re in luck Princess.” She says smiling and Adora can’t help but smile right back at her.
She was lucky indeed.
They clean up eventually and even manage to make dinner. Catra eats on her lap as they curl up on the couch and it is a perfect night. There is a voice in the back of Adora’s head that whispers that this too good to be true but it is quieter now, and she knows it will only get quieter until one day it is gone. She chooses to be here, stupidly in love with Catra and so happy she feels like she could burst, no matter how convincing it sounds.
She’ll choose this over and over, always.
True to Glimmer's word, she bakes them a cake. That next Saturday Glimmer, Bow, and Mermista come over cake in tow. Both her and Bow are smiling brightly and Mermista is even wearing a happier scowl than normal.
“I’m glad your jealous ass got your shit together,” She says to Catra and Catra barks out a laugh because that’s as close to being nice that Mermista is going to get.
“It took me all day to bake this fucking cake, so you are both going to act like it is the best thing you have ever seen, okay?” Glimmer says, clutching the serving knife and glaring between her and Adora. Adora nods dutifully and Catra rolls her eyes and motions her to get on with it.
When Glimmer lifts the top of the box she put the cake in, Adora can’t help but laugh.
There in hot pink frosting is written: “It’s about damn time”.
Glimmer's grin is wide and Bow is bouncing on his heels as they look at their reactions.
“Bow did the writing.” Glimmer says and Bow nods excitedly.
“I have been waiting for this moment since high school. HIGH SCHOOL. Do you know how hard it was to not say anything?” He says a little manically and Adora nods sympathetically because yeah, having a front-row seat to how useless they both were must have been rough.
“Yeah. Catra’s been simping since ninth fucking grade and Grayskull is so clueless I honestly thought it might take longer.” Mermista says exasperated and Catra’s mouth drops.
“I was not simping!” Catra exclaims loudly and Mermista and Glimmer both groan and roll their eyes at that.
“Remember when Lonnie asked Adora to go to prom and instead of saying no right away because Adora hates to reject anyone she said she would think about it and you pouted for three whole days until she finally said no?” Glimmer asks smug and Adora’s eyes widen at that. Had she been pouting? Adora didn’t even remember she just remembered how awful she felt turning Lonnie down. They were good friends, and Lonnie was great, but she never saw anyone like that except for Catra.
“I did not fucking pout.” She spits, cheeks blazing.
“You subtweeted about it for a week.” Mermista deadpans and Bow joins in with Glimmer's laughter now.
“Okay fine, I get it, I was fucking hopeless I know.” She says finally and Adora kisses her cheek.
“I was just as pathetic. I cried for a week when Scorpia told me she liked you junior year and asked for my “best friend approval” because I was sure you liked her back. I was just better at hiding it.” She rushes out, embarrassed but, they are both embarrassing and hopeless together.
Catra looks shocked at the new information and looks at her with soft eyes.
“It was always you though.” She says and Adora practically melts.
“I know. It was always you too.” She says back fervently. They are broken out of their reverie by Mermista pretending to gag. Adora looks at her friends, Bow practically with hearts in his eyes as he stares between them, Glimmer softly smiling, and Mermista who looks disgusted but still fond.
“Well, I’m glad you guys are finally using the one brain cell you share. Now can we cut the fucking cake?” Mermista huffs and Glimmer practically skips over to do the honors.
When she cuts into the cake it becomes clear why this took Glimmer all day to do. On the inside, each one of the three layers of the cake is the color of the lesbian flag because it’s Glimmer and she doesn’t do anything halfway.
“I burnt two whole cakes before this. And it was so hard to get the orange orange.” Glimmer huffs but looks down tenderly at her creation.
Adora is touched by it. Her friends are here and they are happy for her, and in moments like this Adora knows the work to feel like she deserves this is worth it. She is so loved and she feels it.
“You are so fucking corny Sparkles,” Catra says grimacing which is Catra for she is also touched by this.
“I know.” Glimmer beams “And you’re welcome.” She says beaming.
“Yeah, yeah, thank you. This is actually really nice.” Catra says grumbling
“Aww, Catra!” Bow exclaims and immediately Catra is frowning again.
“Don’t make it weird.” She replies but it is too late and Bow is pulling them into a group hug. Catra curses under her breath but goes willingly as Bow embraces them both.
The fears weren’t going to go away overnight, but they didn’t need to, because they had their whole lives to get used to dream after dream coming true.
Getting railed on the kitchen counter can be something that is just so personal.
Thank you for reading. Every comment and kudos makes my whole entire week so thank you much for leaving them!
This will be the final part to this, BUT I have a new AU in the work. Best friends to exes to idiots to lovers again vibes and I am so excited to start posting it!
You can follow me on twitter to scream at me some more about SPOP @catradorabrnrot and okay I love you all!