Attention! News Flash! What you are about to see is my 80th fanfiction! Break out the party whistles! Today's fanfiction? An alternate ending to the Ren and Stimpy episode Aloha Hoek! It was an excellent episode indeed, up until the ending. In my version there will be no Russian agents disguised as Ren and Stimpy. So I decided to write a better ending for this episode! This is going to be a short fanfiction.
Hold onto your seats people! It's going to be a bumpy ride! Open Sesame!
Ren and Stimpy Presents:
A Narwhal Puppy Production
Driven Apart On An Island
It had been 12 years. A long decade and two years since Ren and Stimpy had washed up ashore on Hawaii. Ever since they've set foot in Hawaii, it's been one disaster after another. First Stimpy suggested they needed to find shelter. So Ren had Stimpy build a house full of sand. Just when they thought things worked out, a tidal wave hit destroyed their sand home.
Then it was the fish carcass. It would've been the last and final straw. Ren was okay with living in the fish carcass. Stimpy was not. After whining and complaining about worms and the fish carcass being too hot and sticky, that was when Ren threw out his best friend. Feeling dejected and abused, Stimpy ran to the other side of the island where he meets a obese native named Big Kahuna. Who welcomed Stimpy with open arms.
While Ren was still settled in the fish carcass, Big Kahuna came in a tiki mask came to invite Ren to the Luau. That's when things took a turn for the worst for Ren. Now laying on a tonsil. In inconsolable grief believing Stimpy had been killed by cannibals, Ren could not go on anymore.
A family of crabs who were the original owners of the fish carcass that Ren was living in drove up to the fish carcass. The father crab says, "I thought that vacation would never end!" Being the first to enter the fish carcass, the father crab was glad to be home. "Boy oh boy! It's great to be home!" boasted the father crab. The mother crab soon followed, "Carcass Sweet Carcass!"
The kid crab who was the son of the crab family skips inside, "I can't wait to play with my fly!"
The mother and son crab were right behind the father crab who says, "And the joint looks just like how we......" The father crab let out an shocked and surprised yelp. The crab family noticed that it looked like somebody was living in the fish carcass while they were gone.
A Goldilocks scenario soon played out. "Hey, somebody rearranged the guts!" the father crab said. the mother crab holds an article of clothing before her, "Somebody's been wearing my favorite negligee!"
The son crab says as he's holding a country music record of Wilbur J. Cobb says, "And a big crybaby got tear stains all over my favorite country records!"
The father crab was determined to find whoever it was that broke into their home. "Where is he? Why I'll murder the bum!" The son crab finds Ren laying on the tonsil. Ren was still grieving for kicking Stimpy out. The crab family soon surrounded Ren.
The mother crab poked Ren with a stick but the Chihuahua remained unresponsive. "Oh my gosh? He's dead." The father crab taking a look at Ren.
"Well we can't punish him if he is." The mother crab tells her husband and son crabs. The father crab tells his wife and son, "Know what? I'm already bored with being home." The crab family walked to the to the other side of the carcass to talk.
"What are you talking about, dear?" asked the mother crab.
"While we were coming home I saw there was a luau on the other side of the island." imposed the father crab.
"A luau? Really?" asked the son crab.
Ren got himself out of his severe depression and woke up, he was relieved that he was now in the clear when the crab family left the room. The crab family's pet fly comes to Ren.
"Hey, fly. Did you hear that? They theenk I'm dead!" Ren says. The fly told Ren, "Don't trust these crabs." "Really, why not?" Ren asks the fly.
"They're murderers!" the fly informs Ren. "Well you ought to know, you're their pet." Ren implied. Let's listen." suggests the fly.
Ren and and fly were now eavesdropping on the crab family's diabolical plan.
"Here's what we are going to do, knuckleheads! We are going to that luau and kill everyone there! Who's with me!" the father crab said.
"ME!" "COUNT ME IN!" the mother and son crab both say.
"Come on, let's get going. We got a luau to obliterate!" the father crab announces as he, the mother crab, and the son crab all ran back inside the car and drove off.
"Oh my gosh! They're going to keel eenocent people! What should we do!" Ren asks the fly.
"Ride on me and we'll follow them." the fly tells Ren.
Ren now had a determined energy flowing through him. "I'll do eet for Steempy! To honor hees memory!"
The fly flew with Ren riding on it and followed the crab family who were now on their way to commit a mass murder on the luau. What Ren was about to learn was, Stimpy is still alive and was now living at the luau.
* * *
Momentarily at the luau. Stimpy, Big Kahuna, and the bikini clad native women were all living in hedonism. They had no idea of the danger they were about to face.
Stimpy was happy, and yet. He felt an emptiness inside. Big Kahuna could not help but notice. "What's wrong little kitty?" asked the Big Kahuna.
"As much as I love it here. I miss Ren. Even if he was mean to me." Stimpy told Big Kahuna.
"I tried to invite him over here, but he was scared of me." the Big Kahuna explains. "Really? Awww. Maybe I'll never see Ren again." Stimpy begins to feel sad and lonely, then he begins to cry.
Big Kahuna hugs Stimpy, "There there. Little fella. You always have me!" Ren who was riding on the fly says, "Look! We made it just in time!"
"Are you sure these crabs are keelers?" asked Ren with concern. "Indeed they are. They go on vacations that last 12 years...." the fly tells the tale. "Yeah, then what?" Ren says. "The crab family I live with go around the world on beaches and commit bloody killings and murders." the fly says.
"Wow, thees ess serious! We need to stop thees!" Ren said.
The bikini clad women were circled around Big Kahuna and Stimpy. They were trying to cheer up Stimpy. Until a voice was heard, "Hey, chowerheads! Over here!"
The voice came from the father crab. He, mother crab, and the son crab ran out of their car. They were armed with machine guns.
"What do you want?" asked Big Kahuna.
"See you in the seventh layer of hell!" father crab screams as he shoots his machine gun at the luau. Big Kuhana grabs Stimpy and tries to get him to safety as well as the bikini clad native women. Bullets were flying everywhere. Everything on the feast table was getting shot and destroyed. Up in the sky, the fly decides to do something. Ren then sees Stimpy from above.
"STEEMPY! HE'S ALIVE!" Ren cheers happily. "You're about to have your reunion later. For right now, we got some crabs to boil!" the fly said.
"Geet theem! Before they murder Steempy!" Ren orders the fly. "I got this! Trust me!" the fly says with confidence.
Mother crab says as she's shooting up the luau, "We're like the crab versions of Bonnie and Clyde!"
"You're right about that, babe! After we kill 'em we'll take their money!" The father crab says. "WEEEE! Guns are fun!" the son crab laughs as he shoots the machine guns along with his father and mother.
The fly begins to inflate himself by sucking water from a hot spring on route to the luau. "What are you doeeng! How are you goeeng to stop theem!?" Ren asks.
"With THIS!" the fly said. Exhaling a bunch of boiling water from a hot spring. The boiling water had now landed on the crab family. The father crab says when he got boiled, "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHI......." The mother crab says, "EAT OUR DELICIOUS BULLL......" The son crab says, "ISN'T THIS A BLAAAAA!" Thanks to the fly, the crab family were boiled to death. The luau was now safe.
The fly lands and Ren runs to Stimpy. Who both rejoiced once they saw each other.
"REN! IS THAT YOU?
"STEEMPY! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YA!"
"I SAVED YOUR LIFE, MAN!" Ren informed Stimpy.
"Guess I owe you big time!" Stimpy chuckled.
Ren and Stimpy both run to each other and hug. Then Stimpy began to kiss Ren, but he didn't mind.
"I'm so so sorry! Eet was all my undoeeng!" Ren sobs. "It's okay, Ren! I forgave and forgot!" Stimpy tells Ren.
Now that Ren and Stimpy were together once again, Ren also says, "I never should've yelled at you about the sand house that got washed away." "Yeah, I guess I'm sorry too. I never should've cried about the fish carcass." Stimpy says.
"I thought you were dead." Ren laughed. "Who would've thought 12 years on an island could drive and set us apart." Stimpy said.
Big Kahuna comes up to both Ren and Stimpy. "I love a happy ending."
"I don't want anytheeng to separate us ever again!" Ren said. "Oh joy! We'll be together forever!" Stimpy says.
One of the bikini clad women asks, "Why did you come here to Hawaii?"
"We were lookeeng for a home." Ren says. "Yes, and for a place to call our own." Stimpy answers.
"I know a place where you can both stay!" Big Kahuna tells them.
"YYYEEESSSS!" Ren and Stimpy squealed.
The fly goes back to the fish carcass. "Guess my job here is done!"
Later on. Nightfall had come. Big Kahuna was now in a hut. The hut was made of straw and bamboo. It was big enough to be an apartment built for three people.
Big Kahuna came into a room to check on Ren and Stimpy who both were getting a spa treatment from the bikini clad women.
"How do you like the new digs, guys?" asked the Big Kahuna.
Ren who was getting a facial says, "Now thees ees leeveeng! Right Steempy!"
Stimpy was getting a manicure says, "Right Ren!"
Big Kahuna says to the screen, "Friendship is a beautiful thing!" Then Big Kahuna begins to eat the now dead criminal killer crab family.
The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!