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Let me know If I'm not alone, leaning on you

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It started with a flurry of rushed footsteps and loud whispers.

It started with Jamie sitting cross legged on the couch in lounge wear, hair scraped into a messy bun and rough sketches laid out in front of her as she tried to draw up landscaping plans for the garden she was due to start renovating on Monday. It started with Owen in the kitchen, slaving over a sauce that required an insane amount of steps, that he wanted to perfect before he brought it before his boss for consideration in being included in the new dinner menu.

It started with the front door slamming open and Dani power walking past them both, Rebecca close on her heel and Hannah trailing along after them both.

It started with Dani’s bedroom door slamming shut in Rebecca’s face, loud whispers of “Dani please” before it creaked open moments later and Rebecca slipped in.

It started with Owen turning the stove ring beneath his sauce off and turning to Hannah, raising an eyebrow and saying “What the fuck?”

Hannah shakes her head and shrugs. “No idea.” She leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “I met them in the corridor on my way up here.”

“Is she all right?” Jamie pushes her sketches from the couch to the coffee table and sits up straight, stretches her back a little until she feels a small pop. 

“No idea,” Hannah repeats. “She was pretty upset when I met them though.”

Jamie hums quietly and stands. “Should I…” she trails off with an awkward glance towards Dani’s bedroom door at the end of the short hall.

Hannah and Owen follow her train of thought though neither speak right away. Finally it’s Owen that clears his throat first.

“What would you say?”

“I don’t know,” Jamie admits. “Don’t even know what’s wrong with her, do I.”

“I mean I think we could all hazard a guess,” Owen offers.

“Owen,” Hannah warns.

“What? I mean we could?”

“Doesn’t mean we should, dear,” she pats his arm lightly.

“Yeah well a lot of things in this house aren’t the way they should be,” Owen reminds her. “Doesn’t mean it’s right.”

Hannah’s eyes flicker briefly to Jamie, then back to Owen. “We don’t even know what’s wrong.”

Owen’s eyes flicker to Jamie too, then back to Hannah, finally some of the understanding as to why she’d been so quick to try and pacify him clarifying in his mind. “Suppose you’re right.”

Jamie just stares between the two, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn’t say a word, just rocks awkwardly on the balls of her feet, straining to try and decipher any of the muffled noises coming from Dani’s room.

She thinks Owen and Hannah are trying to do the same because neither of them are talking now either. All three of them just stand there trying to listen for a clue in between the muffled sobs from the other side of the door.

The walls are too thick though. It was one of the things Jamie had joked about when she’d first moved in here with Owen and Dani three years ago - good thick walls so there was no risk of any of them becoming too close.

Things had been easier back then. Fresh out of college and the promise of careers and careless adventure that came with being in your twenties had called to all of them. To Hannah and Rebecca too, who’d been too conscious of the chaos to move in with the three of them but who’d reamined close by regardless.

Yes, things had been easier then. They’d all been poorer and stupider and, although Jamie rarely allowed herself to admit it, happier too.

Jamie had been happier, none of the weight of her past or the casual flings offered by college to shackle her down. Moving in with Owen who was her best friend, and Dani, who was… Dani.

Dani of Jamie and Dani fame.

They’d come as a pair from day one when they’d met in orientation.

They’d studied together, wore matching costumes at halloween, co-ordinated classes and later plans for the future.

Jamie and Dani .

One was never without the other even when it came to girlfriends and boyfriends and that one summer Dani had Au Paired for a family in France and she’d dragged Jamie out to spend the summer working in their garden.

Jamie and Dani.

It had been perfect and messy - summed up in evenings spent lying in bed side by side and holding hands as Jamie complained about how stupid Keeping Up With The Kardashians was and Dani reminded her she loved it anyway. Summed up in mornings spent shoulder to shoulder at the sink, brushing their teeth and trying to make one another laugh with faces in the mirror. Summed up in the easy way Dani curled into Jamie’s side when she sat next to her on the couch and read Jamie’s book over her shoulder, a gentle hand on top of Jamie’s to stop her from turning the page before she got to the bottom.

Jamie and Dani.

It had been finite, as all things were when you refused to allow them to grow in the natural way they were supposed to grow. Jamie knew that, knew that when you pruned a plant too much eventually you were just cutting it down.

So Jamie just stands there, hands clenched into fists at her sides, cursing the thick walls and cursing the time that moved between them, pushing them along from twenty-two year olds with the world at their feet to twenty-five year olds with still just as much world around them, but with too much weight on top of them now to feel able to explore it.

Eventually her door creaks open, though it’s Rebecca that slips out.

Once she’s shut it quietly she looks up, not at all surprised to find three sets of eyes on her. “She’s fine,” she tells them softly, padding across the floor towards the livingroom. “She’s fine.”

“What happened?” Jamie croaks, though everyone knows better than to question the strain in her tone.

Instead Rebecca looks up at her slowly, licks her lips slowly. She glances quickly over to Hannah and Owen, both of whom seem to already know the answer to Jamie’s’s question judging from the way they’re looking at Jamie instead of Rebecca.

Rebecca looks back at Jamie. “They broke up.”

Jamie’s not really conscious of what happens then, though the next thing she knows Rebecca’s hand is catching around her elbow and she’s half way to Dani’s bedroom door already. 

“You sure?” Rebecca whispers, and even Jamie’s not too thrown to see the concern in her friend's eyes.

“If not now Becca, then when?” She asks quietly, glancing briefly over to Hannah and Owen. “If not now, when?”

Owen nods, Hannah smiles, and most importantly Rebecca drops Jamie’s arm and steps back.

Jamie lets out a shaky breath and looks between her three friends one final time before turning back to the door. It’s chipped white paint is worn around the edges. A little in the middle too from the time Jamie had thought it funny to stick “Miss. Clayton, Year Four” on it when Dani got her first teaching job and Dani had torn it down with a roll of her eyes, taking some paint off with it.

Jamie closes her fingers around the door handle, thinks to herself that she always did say she’d paint over where the sign had torn away the paint, though she still hadn’t gotten around to it, as she raises her free hand to knock. She doesn’t get a response, but after a few seconds of standing dumbly she realises she might not get one anyway.

She pushes out another steadying breath then slowly, almost as if in some vein attempt to not disrupt the squeaky hinges, she pushes Dani’s bedroom door open and slips inside.

The walls are white - neutral colours only is what their landlord had told them, but christ knows they had to get rid of the magnolia as soon as they moved in - though there are postcards and prints from her favourite artists dotted across them to add splashes of colour. The furniture is colourful too, all rustic tones of deep reds and greens and blues. All mismatched but perfectly matching.

Her desk is stacked high with half corrected papers on one side and framed pictures and a desk lamp on the other. Her bookcase is stuffed with teaching books and DVD’s, her shelves lined with trinkets and ornaments. Here and there plants in cute ceramic pots break up the clutter.

Some a little more wilted than others now, though Jamie tries to not pay it any heed. Instead her eyes fall to the bed, to Dani, lying curled up on one of her pillows, clutching desperately at a stuffed bear.

Jamie’s heart shatters.

“Becca told me,” she offers in a whisper, closing the door behind her but not moving quite yet from it in case her presence is in fact unwelcome.

Dani sniffles though she doesn’t break the intense eye contact she’s maintaining with her bedroom wall. “Here to gloat are you?” She sniffles again. 

“Here to say I’m sorry,” Jamie offers instead, forcing herself to bite her tongue against Dani’s harsh quip. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

Dani huffs out a bitter little sound like a laugh. “That’ll be the day.”

“Dani, really I--”

“Why don’t you just admit it Jamie?” Dani groans, turning now to look her in the eye as she pulls herself up into a sitting position in the bed. “Why don’t you just admit that the real reason you’re here now is because I’m single again.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” Jamie shoots back.

Dani barks out a laugh. “It means that any time I’m single wild horses couldn’t drag us apart and yet the second I started seeing Eddie you just disappeared.” Dani waves her arms frantically around her. “I mean christ we live in the same house and I could go days without seeing you.”

Jamie goes to speak but Dani interrupts her.

“And don’t even give me that shit about me imagining it. I was dating Eddie almost six months before I was able to introduce you to him, before I was finally able to corner you for long enough to tell him you were my best friend, the friend I kept talking about but who never seemed to be around.” Dani laughs again, all pitched and not at all amused. “I mean do you know how dumb that made me look? Oh Eddie you simply have to meet my best friend Jamie, I think you’ll really love her Eddie. Even though she’s never around. Even though it fucking seemed like I was making you up by the time I actually got to introduce you.”

“Dani I--”

“Dani what?” Dani interrupts again, nostrils flaring. “What is it you have to say that’s going to make all of that hurt less Jamie? What is it?”

“Look Dani I know you’re mad, but I--”

“Mad?” Dani barks out another laugh. “Mad? Jamie I was mad six months ago when you promised me you’d come for drinks with us and only stayed for ten minutes. I was mad three months ago when you wouldn’t come to the cinema with us. I was mad every time I tried to talk to you about him, and about our relationship, but you’d just brush me off and tell me you were busy. I’m not mad now Jamie. Now I’m- I’m--”

“Alright Dani, fuck, I get it!” Jamie snaps over her, her hands flying up to run through her hair. “I get that I fucked up,” she tells her, jabbing herself in the chest with her finger to punctuate each word. “I fucking get that and I fucking hate that I did. I hate that for the past year I’ve- I’ve just not--”

She looks away then, suddenly overwhelmed by the intensity of Dani’s stare and the intensity of her own emotions.

“Not what?” Dani pushes, hands still in fists by her sides. “Not cared? Not been interested? Not--”

“Not been able to look at you being happy without me.” Jamie says it through gritted teeth, her eyes boring a hole in the wall just behind Dani’s head.

“Excuse me?”

Jamie’s eyes flicker over to Dani, who’s lost some of the fury behind her glare all of a sudden. “I wasn’t able to look at you being happy with someone that wasn’t me Dani,” she repeats, quieter this time. “And I know that’s selfish, and selfishness is such an ugly thing. It’s part of the reason I was so ashamed, because I knew how selfish it was and you don’t deserve someone that feels selfish over you. You deserve better than that, but I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t see you being happy with him and know- and know that I- that I...”

“But you-” Dani stutters once Jamie trails off awkwardly. “You saw me with guys in college. I had boyfriends and you had girlfriends and it never seemed to upset you. It never seemed to break us, or make you jealous or- or any of that.”

Jamie shakes her head. “That was different. Those were just,” she waves her hands vaguely, “college flings. They never meant anything. When you- when you got with Eddie, when you first started talking about him with me, and when Rebecca and Hannah would tell me what you said to them about him I--” Jamie chokes then on what she realises is a lump in her throat. “I was just so afraid.”

“Afraid?” Dani repeats, sitting forward on her bed, half tempted to reach out as a single tear falls down Jamie’s cheek, though she doesn’t. “Of what? Me liking someone?”

Jamie shakes her head. “Of everything changing I suppose,” she admits finally. “Of waking up some morning and you not being there to give me a shitty cup of coffee. Of having to settle down and actually do work in the evenings because you’re not there anymore to distract me. Of not having you around to bum cigarettes off me, or dance with me to Blondie, or do the dishes with me after dinner. Of everything Dani. I was afraid of how everything would change without you.”

“But Jamie you pulled away from me,” Dani reminds her. “You left me.”

Jamie nods once, tears blurring her vision. “I know,” she chokes out around a sob. “I know and it was fucking dumb of me, I know that too. I was just so afraid that you’d leave me that I just- I guess I just tried to insulate myself. To do it to myself so you couldn’t.”

She wipes pathetically at her tears and glances up at Dani. Her heart breaks again to see fresh tears in the blonde’s eyes.

“You don’t get to do that you know?” Dani points, wiping at her own tears now as they slip down her cheeks. “I know- I know how you grew up Jamie, and I can only imagine how hard and how scary it must have been growing up like that but you don’t just get to do that anymore. You don’t get to decide when people are going to leave you anymore.”

“I know, but I just--”

“Do you remember what I said?” Dani cuts her off again, and Jamie notices vaguely that she’s getting up off the bed now. “Do you remember what I said to you when you first told me about growing up in foster care?”

Jamie nods. “That I didn’t have to worry anymore.”

Dani nods too, and she’s standing close enough to Jamie now that Jamie’s fingers twitch with the desire to reach out and grab the soft material of her jumper. “And what else?”

Jamie’s breath hitches in her throat and she swallows down a fresh wave of sadness. “That I had you now, and that you weren’t going anywhere.”

Dani reaches out and cups Jamie’s jaw, tilts it up until Jamie’s forced to look her in the eye. “I’m not going anywhere Jamie,” she repeats, her other hand coming up to wipe at some of Jamie’s tears. “For as long as you’ll have me I’ll always be your home.”

Jamie can’t help it then, not for another second. She pulls on Dani roughly, burrows her head into the crook of Dani’s neck, wraps her arms around her waist, and cries roughly against her as Dani’s hands stroke up and down her back.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats over and over into Dani’s neck. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Dani murmurs every now and again, in between Jamie’s rough sobs. “I’m right here. I know.”

It feels like an eternity when Jamie finally pulls away from Dani’s shoulder. When Dani smiles down at her and cups her cheeks in her hands and places a soft kiss into Jamie’s forehead, letting her thumbs trail across her cheeks to sweep up any remaining tears.

“I really am sorry though,” Jamie adds one final time.

Dani hums. “You mentioned that, yea.”

Jamie chokes out a watery laugh. “Please, please, beat me with a big stick if I ever try to jeopardize this again.”

“Gladly,” Dani agrees, pulling Jamie in for another hug. “You know it really has been the worst year of my life,” she adds after a few seconds, the sentence sighed out against Jamie’s shoulder. “Part of the reason I broke up with him actually.”

“You-” Jamie jolts away from Dani’s embrace. “You left him because of me?” Dani doesn’t say anything though, just looks a little stunned at the sudden loss of closeness. “Dani you can’t let me-- I mean I know I- I’ve been an ass, but you can’t let me being childish ruin a good thing. I promise I’ll figure it out, we’ll figure it out. We’re doing that right now, I mean figuring it out and we can just keep--”

“Jamie, Jamie,” Dani shushes her with a gentle arm on her shoulder. “I said you were part of the reason. You weren’t the whole reason.”

“But if me being a dick was making you unhappy then maybe--”

“It was,” Dani admits. “Not having you there made me way, way sadder than I cared to admit at first, but it also made me realise something Jay, something that we’ve both been ignoring for far too long.”

Jamie swallows harshly, her throat suddenly bone dry. “Oh?”

Dani smiles softly at her. “It made me realise that you’re the only person that makes me happy. I mean obviously don’t tell Owen, Hannah or Becca that but,” she waves a hand around the room, searching for the right phrasing, “the way I feel when I’m with you, I don’t feel that with anyone else. I was with Eddie for a year, that’s the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, and yet the whole time I just couldn’t- I couldn’t--”

“Couldn’t what?” Jamie prompts, once the words stick in Dani’s throat.

“Couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if it were you instead,” she admits eventually, quietly.

Jamie feels the air sucked from her lungs. “But you’re- you’re straight.”

Dani snorts out a small laugh. “Christ, you really didn’t pay any attention in that queer theory module we took, did you?”

Jamie shakes her head. “Had other stuff on my mind.”

“Oh yea?” Dani quirks her brow.

Jamie shrugs. “Thought I might be starting to develop feelings for someone. Someone that I was afraid wouldn’t like me back in the same way. Kinda distracted me. Especially when they were sitting next to me in every lecture.”

“Oh…” Dani breathes out, the smile suddenly gone from her face. “That long?”

Jamie nods slowly. “Since the day I met you if I’m being honest.” She pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth, searches Dani’s eyes carefully. “And you?”

Dani shakes her head, blows out a breath. “Always. It’s always been you. And yes, when I didn’t think that you were an option I also like men, so sue me. But jesus fucking christ Jamie it’s always been you, you fucking idiot. I’ve always loved you.”

“Oh…” Jamie’s lips twitch up into a smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear like that before.”

“Not that many people I get that passionate about,” Dani tells her, her own smile mirroring Jamie’s.

They stand there just like that for a few minutes. Dani’s hands resting on Jamie’s shoulders, the two of them swaying back and forth, nothing but their slow, steady breaths to break the silence.

“I love you too,” Jamie admits eventually, quietly. “I love you too Dani.”

She doesn’t know what she expects after she says it, though it’s certainly not the crash of Dani’s lips against hers. Dani’s lips, desperate and hungry pushing against her own as Dani’s fingers curl against her shoulder blades holding her in place.

Jamie doesn’t think about it though, just kisses back. Surges her body against Dani’s until it almost toples them both, wraps her arms around Dani’s waist and kisses her hard and fast and desperately.

Jamie’s tongue flicks across Dani’s lower lip and Dani gasps, a soft surprised little sound that licks something in the base of Jamie’s stomach. One of her hands slides up Danis’ back and knots in her hair, the other moves to her hip, and Jamie’s tongue slides into Dani’s mouth.

Dani groans against it’s gentle flick, curls her own tongue against it as her arms wrap around Jamie’s neck and she pulls her impossibly closer. And then it’s Jamie’s turn to moan softly as Dani’s blunt nails scrape at the base of her skull. She feels the way the sound sends a shiver down Dani’s spine and oh god how she could stay like this forever.

Seven years of shared breakfast dates and study dates, of falling asleep curled up next to one another and staying up late tucked into one another's sides have all led to this. Seven years of inside jokes and shitty coffee, of shared chores and impromptu dance parties and Jamie thinks every single second might be worth it for the way Dani’s body curls against her own so instinctually.

The way Dani fits so perfectly against her as she pushes every inch of herself as close as she can possibly get to Jamie’s embrace. Jamie never wants this moment to end yet the longer it lasts the more her head spins with more than just the pent up desire finally released.

Nevertheless she whimpers a little when she finally breaks the kiss, smiling a little when Dani makes a similar noise of protest. She leans their foreheads together, humming softly as Dani continues to kiss at her cheeks and her nose.

“Making up for lost time,” Dani explains, all breathy and soft against her cheek as she kisses a path up to Jamie’s eyelid.

“Not complaining,” Jamie tells her, her own hands trailing carefully up and down Dani’s ribs, dipping lower every time, closer to the hem of Dani’s jumper.

“Good.” Dani shifts her head, latches her lips around the curve of Jamie’s jaw and kisses along it, licking her tongue around Jamie’s earlobe for good measure. “I’ve no intention of stopping.”

Jamie shudders at the words whispered against the shell of her ear, and this time her fingers do catch in the hem of Dani’s jumper, tugging it gently until it untucks from her jeans. “Can I…”

She trails off as Dani runs a line of hot kisses and gentle nips back down her jaw towards her lips. She goes to tilt her head back, goes to allow Dani more room to explore, though then Dani’s lips are back on hers, tickling her as she speaks.

“Please Jay, touch me.”

It’s all the permission Jamie needs, all the permission she’s craved for years, and so as Dani kisses her, firm and sound and promising, Jamie slips her hands up under her jumper. She feels Dani shudder as cold hands meet warm skin and she thinks of apologising but then Dani’s pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down testingly, and all rational sense leaves Jamie’s head for good.

“Again,” she growls, pulling roughly at Dani’s hips before running her hands up over her ribs. “Do that again.”

So Dani does, harder this time, just enough for Jamie to whimper into her mouth, and then her tongue is there in place of her teeth, licking over Jamie’s lip before exploring deeper into her mouth as Jamie’s hands continue their exploration under her shirt.

She skirts them over Dani’s ribs once more, counting them on the tips of calloused fingers before running them over Dani’s stomach, feeling the way the blonde shivers when she scratches lightly down towards her navel.

She doesn’t dip below Dani’s jeans though, not yet. Instead she moves her hands back up, poking her fingers under the wire of Dani’s bra and smiling into their kiss when Dani arches into the barely there touch.

“Please…” Dani whimpers, breaking their kiss as she speaks. “Please,” she repeats as she turns her attention to the long column of Jamie’s neck.

She kisses slowly, attentively, aware now that Jamie’s not afraid to be bitten. She stops here and there to scratch her teeth lightly over the curve of Jamie’s jaw, over her pulse point, always careful to kiss the spot afterwards, to sooth the pain. 

Jamie lets the sensation distract her for only a moment and then, as Dani pulls aside the collar of her t-shirt on the hunt for more skin, Jamie slides her hands over Dani’s breasts through her bra, squeezes softly as Dani arches against her palms.

She does it a few more times, each time relishing the way it throws Dani off her course for just a second, stills her lips against Jamie’s collarbone for just a second, then finally, she shoves the material of Dani’s bra down clumsily, well aware this would be a lot easier without the jumper, but happily taking what she can get for now.

She runs her thumbs over Dani’s nipples, already hardened from the desperate groping, and Dani bites down hard against her collarbone. Jamie hisses and her hands go still on her chest.

“Oh shit, was that too--” Dani’s head jerks up, shocked at her own lack of control. “Did I hurt you?”

Jamie shakes her head, tries to remember how to speak. “S’good. S’all good, really, bite away.”

“Christ,” Dani hums, and Jamie can’t help but quirk her brow. “That’s just really hot,” Dani clarifies then.

Jamie smiles. “Too hot say, for this…” She pulls her hands away from Dani’s chest and out from under her jumper, tugging softly on the heavy material.

“If it means you’ll start touching me again then I think it definitely needs to go,” Dani tells her, already reaching down to entwine her fingers with Jamie’s.

They lift it off together and Jamie’s eyes rove hungrily across Dani’s chest, her bra still pushed down haphazardly from earlier. She looks back up and Dani’s smiling at her, her own hands inching towards the hem of Jamie’s t-shirt.

“You too?” She asks, quiet yet confident as she gives the garment a single gentle tug.

Jamie nods and lifts her hands up over her head, lets Dani pull her t-shirt off. It’s barely hit the floor when Dani’s hands are on her chest, one running down her sternum, the other running up her rib cage.

“Christ Jay--” Dani hums, her breath catching slightly as Jamie lifts Dani’s hand off her rib cage and kisses her knuckles lightly. “You’re beautiful.” 

Jamie leans in and kisses her softly, lets her own hands settle around Dani’s waist. “So’re you,” she hums against Dani’s kiss swollen lips. “You’re perfect.”

She runs one hand up Dani’s back and stalls it at her bra clasp. She pulls back just enough to look Dani in the eye and Dani nods eagerly, her own hand reaching to Jamie’s back to do the same. Jamie’s had more practice though, and once Dani’s clasp is undone she reaches behind to her own clasp with a smile.

“It’s easier when it’s your own,” Dani huffs.

Jamie just laughs though, leaning in and kissing Dani again softly as the hooks come undone. They slide their bra’s off together, both of them watching the other carefully as skin is revealed. Then Dani’s hand is in Jamie’s and she’s pulling her back towards the bed.

“You sure?” Jamie asks, once more just for good measure.

Dani turns to her, pops the button on her jeans and slides down her zip. “Never been more sure.”

She sits down on the edge of the mattress and pulls Jamie between her legs. She stares up at her, their fingers twined together at Jamie’s sides.

“The past year has been so messy Jay,” Dani tells her simply. “And it was both our faults. Both our faults for not being brave sooner and for not seeing sense sooner. But we’re here now and I- I want this. I want you. All of you. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Jamie observes Dani for a second longer then untangles their fingers. She pushes gently on Dani’s shoulders, until the blonde falls back onto the mattress. Slowly, carefully, she climbs onto the bed, her knees bracketing Dani’s hips, her palms bracketing Dani’s head.

She leans down carefully, kisses Dani slowly, then pulls back. “I promise never to stop loving you Dani Clayton.”

“I know,” Dani whispers against her lips. “Now for fuck sakes kiss me like you mean it.”

So Jamie does.

She surges down to capture Dani’s lips, hot and heavy and maybe with just a little too much teeth but perfect all the same. Dani’s hands tangle in her hair, pulling her closer and Jamie’s tongue flicks inside her mouth. It elicits a soft groan from Dani and her hips rock gentle up into Jamie.

“Shit…” Jamie mumbles, pulling back and ignoring Dani’s confused look as she reaches down with one hand and begins to push at Dani’s jeans.

Dani takes the hint instantly, and sits up on her elbows to help with their removal. She lifts her ass off the bed to push her jeans down past her thighs and when she does her hips brush between Jamie’s legs again.

Jamie barely manages to stifle a moan.

“Really?” Dani quirks her brow, well aware of what’s just happened, even as she finally kicks off her jeans.

“Fuck off…” Jamie hisses, though Dani just rolls her hips again. “You’re an asshole.”

“Oh c’mon Jay, I’m just having a little--”

Dani chokes on the end of her sentence when Jamie suddenly repositions herself, wedging a knee between Dani’s thighs and pushing it up roughly.

“-- Fuck.”

“You were saying?” Jamie hums, though Dani doesn’t really seem to note the teasing tone.

Instead she looks up at Jamie sharply and grinds down again, her eyelids fluttering when she does. “Oh my god…” She does it again, this time with a rough little whimper that sends Jamie’s brain spiraling.

Jamie repositions herself, bearing down over Dani, a hand back at either side of her head, her thigh now meeting the frantic thrusts of Dani’s hips. She strokes one hand through Dani’s hair, then down across her cheek to her chin. She tilts it up, forcing Dani to open her eyes.

“Jamie I--” Dani can’t speak though, not with Jamie’s thigh rocking harder against her now as her legs begin to tremble.

Jamie, for her part, can’t speak either. Her own legs ache with desire as she watches Dani come undone like this, with nothing more than Jamie’s leg to grind herself off, a thin sheen of sweat already gathering in her hairline as her hips undulate rythemlessly.

Jamie wants to reach her hand down, wants to give Dani all of her, with deft fingers and rough tongue. But she also wants this, wants Dani so desperate for relief that she rides against Jamie’s leg like her life depends on it. So desperate for that warm rush that she can’t wait until they’re naked, can’t wait for Jamie’s hand or Jamie’s mouth.

She needs it fast and messy and hard and as Jamie pushes her leg into her one final time Dani gets what she wants, with a gentle cry and a full body shudder, she comes against the leg of Jamie’s tracksuit bottoms.

“Oh god…” Dani whispers finally, once she’s come back to herself. “That was- I’m so sorry, that was not what I uh--”

Jamie just shakes her head and bends down to capture Dani’s lips with her own. “Don’t you dare,” she whispers roughly against Dani’s mouth. “Don’t ever apologise for doing something that fucking hot.”

“Really?” Dani asks between soft kisses. “Was that really…”

Jamie nods, dips her head to kiss along Dani’s jaw. “Really, really.”

Dani smirks, then shudders when Jamie nips at her earlobe. “I’ve never…” she runs her hands up over Jamie’s back, then down to the back of her trousers. “I’ve never been that turned on, I didn’t even realise-” she begins shoving gently at Jamie’s trousers, forcing them down over her ass. “- that I could do that.”

“Doesn’t look like you’re in the mood for stopping either,” Jamie hums, lifting herself just so to allow Dani to remove her tracksuit bottoms the rest of the way.

“Do you want to?” Dani drags blunt nails up the backs of Jamie’s thighs to her ass. “Stop?”

Jamie groans against Dani’s neck. “No.” She bites down gently on Dani’s pulse point then licks over it with a long, flat stroke of her tongue. “God no, I’m not done with you yet.”

She rocks her hips down once to meet Dani’s, smirking when Dani’s eyes immediately light up once more and her hips instantly ruck up to meet the pressure. Then Jamie repositions herself, just slightly, just enough to allow one of her arms to twist down between their bodies, her blunt nails grazing across the top of Dani’s underwear.

She’s going to ask again for permission, because even with Dani writhing beneath her and her trousers ruined with Dani’s arousal, she doesn’t want to push her too far, doesn’t want to encourage her into something she’s not ready for yet.

Dani must see the question in her eyes though, because before she has a chance Dani’s reaching down and pulling her own underwear off over her legs.

“Now you,” she commands, her fingers hooking around the band of Jamie’s underwear and tugging once.

Jamie smiles and lifts her hips, allowing Dani to pull the cotton down slowly until Jamie can kick it off over her ankles.

Then Dani’s hands are running back up the inside of Jamie’s thigh, a single finger running through her folds once and Jamie shudders into the sensation, her hips buckling down against Dani’s hand.

“Jay,” Dani breathes, her voice barely held together with desire. “Oh my god.”

She runs her finger down through her once more to emphasise her point, then back up to her clit where she adds a second and begins long, slow rotations.

“Dani…” Jamie breathes against the shell of her ear, her hips rocking in time to the motions of Dani’s hand. 

“I’ve never done this before,” Dani admits quietly, her fingers building pace gradually as Jamie continues to chase them.

Jamie chokes out a laugh. “Coulda fooled me.” She whimpers then as Dani pushes harder against her clit. “Christ.”

“Do you- do you want more?” Dani asks, nerves edging into her desire now, though she never takes her eyes off Jamie. “Tell me what you want Jay.”

“More,” Jamie nods, “inside me Dani. Can you do that? Can you-- ohh.”

Jamie’s back arches forward and her entire body shudders with delight when Dani pushes two fingers experimentally inside her.

“Like that?” Dani hums, half questioning half daring as she curls her fingers experimentally.

“Fuck--” Jamie grinds down into Dani’s hand. “Yes baby, exactly like- like that.”

Dani begins pumping her fingers, slowly at first, but then Jamie repositions herself, lifts herself so she’s sitting in Dani’s lap, grinding down into her fingers.

Dani picks up the pace, curling her fingers too as she pushes them inside Jamie to the hilt, spurred on by the soft mews of pleasure intermingled with her own name that fall from Jamie’s parted lips. Jamie throws her head back and she fucks herself down onto Dani’s hand, hard and fast and increasingly sloppy.

Dani’s hand aches with the momentum but the sight of Jamie above her - glistening in a thin sheen of sweat with her back arched forward and her head thrown back, a mess of unruly brown curls - spurs her on. She pushes her thumb against Jamie’s clit and rotates it in a hard, fast circle until Jamie’s falling forward again begging, begging, begging for more--

“Oh god-- Dani-- yeah, baby-- yeah--”

She mouths her pleas against the side of Dani’s face, and Dani thinks she can feel her clenching harder around her fingers. Dani turns her head, kisses Jamie sloppily and pumps her fingers a few final times, and then Jamie’s cuming against her hand, hard and fast and with a long low moan of pleasure that Dani thinks she could come the sound of right there and then.

She slows her fingers but doesn’t stop moving them until Jamie’s hips have gone still on top of her. Only then does she slide them out carefully, wrapping her arm around Jamie’s waist to hold her tight to her chest.

“Are you telling me,” Jamie murmurs eventually, her voice rough and cracked, “that you’ve never done that before?”

Dani hums happily, a small laugh bubbling up in her chest. “Might’ve imagined it once or twice.”

Jamie rolls off her, props herself up on a shaky elbow and throws a hand across Dani’s waist. “Oh yeah?”

Dani nods. “What, you haven’t?”

Jamie scoffs. “Course I have, I just wanna know how you imagined it.”

Dani’s face flushes, and Jamie leans in to press a kiss into her cheek. “You really wanna know?”

Jamie presses another kiss into the corner of her mouth. “How ‘bout this,” she hums before pressing a third kiss against her chin. “You start telling me,” another kiss, this time into the hollow of Dani’s neck, “and we’ll see how far into the story you get.”

She punctuates this with a kiss against Dani’s collarbone and Dani shudders. 

“Really?” Dani hums, one hand coming up to stroke through Jamie’s curls as the brunette kisses down her chest.

“Really,” Jamie confirms, sucking lightly on the skin at the swell of Dani’s breast and not stopping until Dani groans softly. “Unless you’re not up for the challenge?” She looks up briefly, her eyes teasing.

“Fuck you…” Dani hums, her head dropping back onto the pillow as Jamie licks around the swell of her breast.

“Think you just did,” Jamie hums, a smile flashing across her face before she takes one of Dani’s nipples into her mouth and swirls her tongue around it.

Dani groans and arches into the touch. “You’re almost always in your work overalls,” she sighs then. “In my fantasies,” she clarifies, hissing a little when Jamie bites down gently. “Usually just back from a job or-- oh, oh-- the community garden.”

“Got a thing for my work gear?” Jamie asks, her attention weaning just momentarily from Dani’s chest.

Dani shakes her head, goes to speak and then lets out a strangled little cry when Jamie resumes working her nipple with her mouth, taking the other between two calloused fingers and pinching lightly.

“You’re just happy,” Dani explains, one hand finding purchase in Jamie’s hair while the other leverages her against the bed so she can arch further into her mouth. “After a day of work, you’re always so- so happy. Sweaty too-- jesus Jamie-- and a little dirty, streaked across your face and under your nails and-- oh, oh--”

Dani groans, long and low, and Jamie smirks against her, finally lifting her head away. “Thought you hated when I tracked dirt through the apartment?”

She kisses across Dani’s chest to her other breast, swapping her hand for her tongue to sooth the pain from her pinching and tugging.

“In my fantasy it’s not on your boots.” 

Dani means it teasingly, but the end of the sentence is swallowed up by the low groan in the back of her throat as Jamie scratches her nails down across the plain of her stomach.

“You smile at me, and you back me up-- christ--”

Dani gasps a little in anticipation as Jamie’s mouth leaves her nipple and follows the trail her nails just took. She scrapes and licks across her abdomen, already slick with sweat, down towards her navel.

“Jay, please…” Dani groans, and Jamie’s not missed the way her legs have been clenching together for several minutes already, desperate for relief. 

“I wanna hear your story Dani,” Jamie reminds her, her lips veering left instead of continuing their straight descent. 

Dani growls as Jamie kisses down her thigh, her legs already parting in anticipation. “You back me up against the hall table, pin me there. Your hand on my leg, running up it. I’m in a skirt and I’m not wearing any--”

Jamie groans at the thought of it, her lips already beginning their journey back up to where she knows Dani wants her most.

“You turn me around, bend me over the table with your hand between my legs and-- oh christ Jamie, please--” Dani whines desperately as Jamie finally, finally ghosts her lips across the juncture of Dani’s legs.

“What do I do to you Dani?” Jamie whispers, Dani’s legs twitching towards her mouth as Jamie’s breath tickles across her. “Tell me what I do to you.”

“You--” Dani’s hand curls at the back of Jamie’s head. “Fuck me.” She pushes Jamie’s face towards her. “Hard and fast-- please, Jay--”

Jamie obliges without another word.

Dani groans instantly, her entire body curling into the sensation of Jamie’s lips against her. “Yeah Jamie, y-eah baby,” her back arches off the bed as her hips cant up into Jamie’s mouth.

Part of Jamie wants to keep teasing, wants to push Dani along at an easy yet infuriating pace until the blonde is entirely lost against the curl of Jamie’s tongue and the gentle push of her fingers. Dani’s last plea hard and fast is still ringing in the back of her head though and she knows she can’t deny Dani that.

Jamie’s tongue licks firm up between Dani’s folds then ler lips latch around her clit, sucking and licking while Dani jerks impatiently against her. She’s still worked up from her first orgasm, and from watching Jamie come undone and so it’s easy for Jamie to ease a finger inside her.

Slow first, testing, until once again Dani is jerking against her.

“Jesus Jamie… please.” She grinds down, failing to find the friction she needs when she lets out a distressed sort of groan.

And so Jamie obliges. With a second finger first. Curling it along with the first, pumping hard and fast while Dani grinds down against her, her fingers still tight against Jamie’s scalp as Jamie alternates between licking and sucking at her clit, figuring out gradually what exactly it is that makes Dani’s entire spine arch off the bed and a breathy moan to tumble off her lips. It’s intoxicating, Dani’s breathy mews of pleasure filling up the four walls of the room with nothing to harbour the sound but the wet noises that come with each forceful thrust of Jamie’s fingers.

So fucking intoxicating and she knows Dani can take more. Can feel it from the gentle clench around her fingers and the way she pushes further and further into Jamie’s touch, so desperate for her second release.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Jamie growls, almost losing herself entirely over the way Dani’s entire body shudders at the way the harsh syllables verberate off her clit. “I could do this all day Dani, all--”

“Jay-- oh god-- Jamie please,” Dani whines, and her voice is nothing Jamie’s ever heard before, so close to breaking, so close to release. “I need to - fuck - I need to come Jay.”

So Jamie repositions herself, leverages her already aching arm a little further, allowing it the room to curl a little deeper, and then with one final long drag of her tongue up to Dani’s clit, she adds a third finger.

“Christ--” It’s a broken sob so primal Jamie’s legs clench together hard when it falls off Dani’s lips.

She keeps her fingers still for just a moment, just long enough for Dani to adjust, taking her cue from the way Dani’s hips begin to grid down again frantically. Then she fucks Dani with abandon, relishing in the way her thighs clamp around her head and her nails scratch crescent moons into her scalp as her tongue swirls at Dani’s clit and the way Jamie’s own arm burns as her fingers thrust and curl relentlessly. 

She fucks her right over the edge with such force Dani’s thighs spasming around her head almost entirely drown out the litany of curses intermingled with pleading whispers of Jamie’s name as her orgasm hits her. She doesn’t slow her pace though, not until the hand wrapped in her hair gently tugs her away and she obliges.

She crawls slowly back up Dani’s body, peppering soft kisses against shimmering, salty skin, until finally she reaches Dani’s lips. She kisses her slowly and deliberately. Allows Dani’s tongue room to lazily roam across her lips and dip into her mouth as she tastes herself on Jamie’s tongue.

Dani’s arms feel like lead, draped over her shoulders, pulling her closer without much force at all, more like a gravity well, pulling Jamie in deeper and deeper until all her senses are on fire with the taste of Dani on her tongue and the weight of Dani underneath her.

“You okay?” She whispers eventually, once Dani’s head drops back onto the pillow and her eyes drift shut.

She hums, low and content, a small, lazy smile curling across her lips. “Very, very okay.”

Jamie chuckles, rolls to the side and then scoops Dani up into her arms, allowing the blonde to drape her arm across Jamie’s chest and her leg across her thigh as Jamie tucks one arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer.

She drops a feather light kiss into Dani’s hairline. “Glad to hear it.”

Dani shifts closer to her, her head finding the warm spot in the crook of Jamie’s neck. “I’m glad, by the way,” she whispers, a soft kiss into the crook of Jamie’s neck for emphasis. “I’m so glad this happened, finally.”

“Me too Dani, me too.” Jamie’s hands roam gently over the expanse of Dani’s back, drawing careful, random patterns against her spine. “I love you.”

“I love you too Jay,” Dani hums, sleep outweighing her desire for this to be discussed any further. “So fucking much.”


The sun is almost setting behind the buildings across the street by the time they emerge again from Dani’s room, growling stomachs and a lack of water forcing them back into their clothes with quick pit stops in between for hands newly accustomed to the ability to freely roam.

Jamie’s hand itches to reach out and grab Dani’s as they wander into the main space of the apartment, though they’d agreed to at least give her breakup with Eddie a few days to settle before announcing the beginning of this new thing. So instead she holds it at her side, content instead with the warmth that radiates from Dani as she stands at her side.

Owen, Hannah and Rebecca are all there, all crowded around a Jenga tower in the middle of the living room. Hannah’s the only one to look up at the sound of approaching footsteps.

“You two work things out?” She asks softly, her smile a little strained.

Jamie glances across at Dani, who averts her eyes and tries to conceal her grin. “Yeah. Yeah we uh- we figured things out.”

“Ah good, we were hoping,” Owen tells her, finally looking up, and Jamie just has time to notice the way Hannah’s face darkens before Owen continues. “We figured it was either that or you were murdering each other in there.”

“Murdering each other repeatedly,” Rebecca adds before dissolving into laughter at the look on Jamie and Dani’s faces.

Hannah, to her credit, looks like she can’t figure out which of them she wants to hit more.

“The stamina you two--”

“Alright,” Hannah interrupts, finally deciding it was best to slap Owen, as it turns out. “I think that’s quite enough.” She glances back at Jamie and Dani. “I’m uh- glad. Glad you came to an arrangement.”

“Oh my god…” Jamie groans, at the exact same second Dani reaches out and grabs her hand.

“No way,” Dani whispers, half to Jamie and half to their friends. “We are not dealing with this right now.” 

She tugs on Jamie’s hand, at the same time Rebecca shouts, “What’s there to deal with? We’re--”

“Nope,” Dani all but shouts, her cheeks already flushing. “You’re giving us at least another day before you get to start teasing. No way.”

It started with a flurry of footsteps and loud whispers and ended much the same way. 

Only this time it’s Dani and Jamie running in the door of Dani’s room and shutting it behind them, faces matching shades of beetroot red.

“Fuck…” Jamie whispers, the door barely closed behind her.

“Do you think we could just live in here? Get Owen to drop food at my door so we never have to come back out?” Dani chews on her bottom lip, looks like she’s really considering it.

“No…” Owen calls.

Jamie groans again. “Fuck these walls.” She slides down the door.

Dani steps over to her and slides down the wall to sit at her side. “Fuck these walls.”

Jamie reaches out and twines their fingers together. “I suppose at least I get to be stuck in here with you.”

Dani glances up at her. “Yeah. I suppose there’s that.” She leans her head on Jamie’s shoulder and Jamie kisses her softly.

At least now they have each other.