So, it was a well-known fact amongst the Barden Bellas that Stacie was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. When she wasn’t out partying at the various frat houses, she was lounging around the Bella common area filing her nails and perusing gossip magazines. If Beca were being honest she was surprised that the girl hadn’t caught some form of venereal disease as of yet, well again that is.
Beca groaned in dissatisfaction as her computer froze again. Her software had been on the fritz for the past week and it was getting in the way of their arrangements. Sighing, Beca pressed the power button to shut the laptop down once more. Her deep sigh seemed to catch the leggy brunette’s attention, however, causing the girl in question to look up from her own laptop.
“Something wrong?” Stacie inquired. The girl looked like a model despite wearing sweatpants and a tank top, black-rimmed glasses perched on her nose.
“My laptop has been on the fritz for the past week and it’s driving me nuts. I would buy a new one but I really don’t have the money, maybe I can get Benji to look at it?”
Stacie pursed her lips for a moment as if debating something internally before she stood up and came to a stop beside Beca. The DJ watched dubiously as Stacie awkwardly leaned down and hesitated before touching Beca’s laptop.
“Go ahead,” Beca agreed, pushing the computer in Stacie’s direction lightly before crossing her arms in trepidation.
Stacie pulled the chair out beside Beca and sat, leaning over the machine as her hair formed a curtain between Beca’s gaze and the screen. Beca waited as the taller girl pulled up the command prompt and the file history on the computer. Typing away furiously, the next hour passed quickly as Stacie worked.
It took a moment but Stacie soon turned the computer in Beca’s direction with the music software open and ready to go. “It should work now, I got rid of some of the extraneous files to speed up your processing speed, and I also installed a better security and cleaning program. You were just using the one that the computer came with and that’s never enough. If you need any more help you can ask, but for now, this should do. You really should get an extra hard drive though.”
Beca gawked at Stacie’s matter-of-fact attitude, she had never seen the airhead so factual in her life. “Um, yeah, got it;” Beca stuttered. Stacie offered Beca a small smile before returning to her seat on the couch. Beca stared for a moment before shaking her head and returning to what she had been doing. Filing the information away for later.
So Chloe was most definitely studying, or at least that’s what she was telling herself. If she were being honest she was actually staring at the back of a very familiar girl’s head. Now, Chloe was not losing her mind but she could have sworn that the person sitting at the table ten feet away was Stacie Conrad. Self-proclaimed bimbo of the Barden Bellas.
The girl’s proclivity for sexual comments and complete disregard of a filter, paired with her openly admitted habits of cuticle care and the E! Network did not suggest an inkling of book smarts. Yet there Stacie was, hunched over a book with a large stack of literature beside her.
If Chloe was dreaming she needed to wake up right now, especially since the brunette seemed to have a penchant for reading that could rival a certain anal-retentive blonde that Chloe knew.
Chloe shuffled parallel to the Stacie look-alike, checking for a telltale difference that had to be there, but only was met by the sight of very familiar cleavage and the focused expression of one Stacie Conrad. Weird. Then again, the universe could hardly be so kind to two girls in Barden. Stacie’s aphrodite-Esque appearance was unmatched throughout the university. If there were two, Chloe was sure she would have heard about it.
As Chloe was checking the girl’s face again for any key differences the brunette looked up and blue eyes met blue/green. “Chloe?” Stacie questioned, the brunette wore her glasses, appearing more like a sexy librarian than an actual student.
“Stacie! Hi, how are you? I was wondering if that was you,” Chloe greeted the girl as casually as she could manage.
“Oh, yeah, I’m just doing some light reading for some of my classes,” Stacie said with a shy smile.
“That’s light?” Chloe chuckled. Her eyes settled on a particularly impressive tome with the words: Quantum Computation and Quantum Information.
“Oh, yeah. Some of these I’ve already read. I just felt like rereading for old times sake,” Stacie shrugged.
Chloe opened her mouth to reply but no words came out, her surprise evident. Before the redhead could collect herself Stacie looked at her watch and made a small noise of disquiet. “Shit, I’m going to be late for my date. I’ll see you later Chloe,” Stacie waved goodbye, tucked the stack of books under her arm, and left.
Chloe stood there dumbly for a moment more, still trying to process the new information. Maybe Stacie wasn’t quite the bimbo she pretended to be.
Okay, so Stacie was honestly the hottest piece of ass that Cynthia Rose had seen, and she was raised in New York. CR had met plenty of beautiful and talented women in her life there, but Stacie really took the cake. Long legs, a beautiful smile, and shining eyes that switched between blue or green at any given moment. Yet, for all the girl’s beauty, the girl seemed to have been a couple of IQ points short of average.
Or at least that’s what Cynthia Rose thought until the incident.
Now, she would never admit this but her gambling problems were causing quite the detriment to her financial state, so when her wallet hit an all-time low she wasn’t able to get the proper hair care products that she had been using for quite some time. So when an especially bad hair day occurred, she was resigned to her fate. After all, what could you do when you were practically out of spending money for the month.
The endless teasing from Fat Amy was another matter. While she could take the lack of proper care for the month, several consecutive days with Fat Amy’s comments were getting old and Cynthia Rose was tempted to dip into her savings when she was surprised by Stacie’s offer.
To say that Cynthia Rose was skeptical was an understatement, but having heard briefly from Beca on Stacie’s surprising talents, she was willing to hope for a miracle at this point. It was a gamble, but then again, she was never afraid of placing her bets. So Stacie reconstructed her hair care products using chemicals she managed to find in the school lab and procured mysteriously from Lily.
It took another week of hassling from Fat Amy but finally, Stacie handed the bottle over with a confident smile. It wasn’t the most prestigious package or branding but what mattered to Cynthia Rose was that it worked, and it did. Cynthia Rose had no clue how, but Stacie had managed to recreate a high-end formula from a bunch of questionably procured chemicals. It was honestly the biggest surprise in CR’s life. Not only did the brunette manage to get Fat Amy off her back, but she was apparently a chemistry genius.
CR thanked Stacie profusely but the brunette waved her appreciation away with a charming laugh and a comment about enjoying the practice in the lab. To say Cynthia Rose was amazed was an understatement. Maybe she was too quick to judge? If the girl could cook up expensive hair care products in a school lab what other secrets did the girl have?
Jessica would never say that Stacie was dumb, after all, intelligence has many facets and books were not everything. Yet, maybe Ashley had a point about the girl being two tools short of a complete toolbox. After all, the girl had admitted that she broke her doctor’s “no sex for six weeks” rule.
So, when it was the first day of her advanced physics class she was more than surprised to find Stacie sitting calmly in the front row, typing furiously on her computer.
“Um, Stacie?” Jessica greeted demurely. Stacie looked up immediately at the familiar voice, eyes widening for a second in what appeared to be a flash of panic before it settled into an easy smile. The expression flitted across the brunette’s face so quickly that Jessica was unsure on whether she had actually seen what she thought she had seen.
“You’re taking this class too?” Jessica exclaimed, she tried her best to hide the surprise but from Stacie’s brief eye roll, she didn’t do too well.
“Oh uh -” Stacie began but her words were cut off by the professor’s entrance.
“Welcome class, everyone take their seats, my name is Peter Howell and you can call me Mr. Howell or Professor Howell. Your TA for this semester will be Stacie Conrad, her email will be on the syllabus along with her contact info.”
Jessica’s mouth fell open in surprise at the realization that Stacie was her TA, not only was she, the brunette, in an advanced physics class, but she was the teacher’s assistant, not just a regular student. Stacie flashed Jessica a slightly apologetic grin before standing up and waving to the classroom. When Stacie sat back down Jessica continued to stare at her in a mixture of shock and horror throughout the rest of the class.
The lecture proceeded with Professor Howell beginning his first lesson after covering the syllabus. Whenever students were unable to answer a question Stacie was the one who filled in the blank, her explanations were delivered so eloquently that Jessica hardly believed that it was the same sexy soprano she had met in freshman year. After all, this was the same girl who referred to her crotch as “The Hunter” there was no way she’d actually be a genius. Right?
When class ended Jessica wanted to talk to Stacie but stopped short when she saw the crowd that had gathered around the other Bella. Thinking better of it, Jessica decided to let Stacie keep her secret, after all, it was none of their business that Stacie wanted to be around them. Hopefully, she’d trust them eventually, but until then Jessica was okay keeping this information to herself. It would be interesting to see the real Stacie for a semester.
So Ashley was failing math. It was the middle of the semester and Ashley was absolutely dying in her Calculus II class. If she could trade brains with a math genius at that moment she would, but all she knew how to do was sing, dance, and write. Three skills that honestly had very little to do with math.
Ashley of course was complaining about this to Jessica when the girl mentioned a tutoring service she has seen advertised around campus. Supposedly one of the honors students had created a small tutoring club that helped other students out for free. It was considered a school learning assistance program so the school often covered the fees. At this point, Ashley was willing to try anything.
So Ashley called the service and they assigned her the nearest tutor on campus, which so happened to be one of the Bellas. However, which one was the real surprise. When Stacie popped up as the owner of the offered phone number Ashley honestly thought it was a prank.
“Stacie?” Ashley remarked in mild alarm.
Jessica shrugged from her place on her bed. They shared a room in the Bella house, their pairing was the most obvious after all.
“She’s actually really smart. I’m taking advanced physics with her this semester.” Jessica muttered.
Ashley blinked, “You’re what?”
“Yeah, I’m taking Quantum Mechanics with Stacie,” Jessica’s utterance was met with absolute incredulity as Ashley processed her girlfriend’s words.
“Is she passing?” Ashley inquired, Jessica snorted in response.
“Passing? She practically teaches the class, half the things the professor says are absolutely incomprehensible, she knows how to explain it in laymen and scientific terms. It’s actually really impressive,” Jessica’s answer is met by dumbfounded silence as Ashley continued to stare at the blonde, waiting for the other girl to say “psych.”
“You’re not joking are you?” Ashley gawped.
“Nope,” Jessica replied, adding a shake of the head.
When Ashley’s tutoring session arrived Stacie was ready. Dropping a pile of books on the dining room table, the girl’s messy bun and thick-framed glasses were offset by a determined expression that gave Ashley flashbacks to a particular taskmaster from her freshman year. “Let’s get started,” Stacie stated with a fierce determination.
And get started they did. By the end of the session, Ashley was two bottles of water and a cup of tea while sporting a dull headache. Despite it all, though, she was grasping the infinite series and differential equations a lot better.
The main question that was really tugging at Ashley’s subconscious through it all was how Stacie was so smart, yet absolutely none of them knew? When Beca had claimed that Stacie fixed her computer Ashley had figured that maybe Stacie was just a savant of sorts. When Chloe had mentioned the physics textbooks Ashley had waved it off as Chloe seeing things. Even when Cynthia Rose had somehow managed to get her hair care product Ashley was sure that Lily had more to do with it than Stacie. Yet now? Now Ashley was feeling dumber by the second next to her fellow Bella.
As Stacie continued to drill her on calculus formulas, Ashley made a note to discuss theories with Jessica later on just how high Stacie’s possible IQ was. After all, there was no way in hell that anyone else in the house was smart enough to be feeding Stacie half of this information, which meant it was absolutely not a prank.
Stacie was hot, Fat Amy knew that, but if you had asked her if Stacie was smart she would have replied absolutely not. That is until she found out that Stacie could calculate the exact timing of any object meeting its destination at will at all times. How did she discover this particular talent of Stacie’s you may ask? Well, that was quite an interesting tale.
It was lightly snowing in Georgia at the beginning of the Spring semester and Fat Amy was cold. Freezing in fact, yet she was quite thrilled about all the snow considering all the snowballs she could hit people with. However, the speed at which she could hit people was severely lacking, so what did she do? She commissioned the robotics club for a special snowball throwing machine. Something the nerds in question rushed to make at Fat Amy’s request, hoping to gain an invitation to one of the many parties that the Barden Bellas were invited to.
When the machine was ready the geeky boys crowded about and attempted to explain the machine’s functionality but their instructions seemed to slip in one ear and out the other. Apparently, the club member that actually made the blueprints of most of the machine and knew the finer details of its creation wasn’t present at that time. Their stuttering voices were hardly attention-grabbing so Fat Amy just nodded along until they finally shut up.
Fat Amy wound up bringing the machine home in a little toy wagon where the other Bellas crowded about and asked her a series of questions that the blonde was unable to truly answer. It was only when Ashley, or was it Jessica, picked up the remote and hit a series of buttons that Fat Amy was forced to pay attention.
The machine’s screen had changed from a self-proclaimed easy “Automated mode” to a much harder “Manual mode.” Manual mode required Fat Amy to know the exact amount of joules required for each toss. So when Fat Amy took it outside to throw snowballs at passing twig bitches, the balls fell short or launched way too far for Fat Amy’s liking. It was only when Fat Amy verbally groused about how many joules does it take to hit a car going twenty miles per hour from twenty feet away that Stacie spoke.
Spouting an oddly specific number that Fat Amy would never have come up with, Fat Amy entered the numbers into the machine and waited in the same position. Curious to see if the brunette’s calculations were correct. When a car rounded the bend Fat Amy launched the ball, the snowy sphere arched in the air before smacking loudly into the driver’s side window with enough impact to crack the glass.
After a quick panic where Fat Amy did some quick vertical running, she hid the machine in the house’s closet before approaching Stacie with the news that her calculations were correct, also to inquire into procuring money to replace the belligerent man’s windshield.
After that awkward conversation, Fat Amy made sure to commit Stacie’s newfound superpowers to memory. After all, what could they accomplish together next time Fat Amy wants to launch something into the sky?
Lily knew Stacie was smart, her background check had shown as much, In fact, Lily knew that Stacie was a certifiable genius that only went to Barden because she wanted to piss off her wealthy grandparents.
When Stacie and Lily talked late into the night they discovered a lot about each other. Lily learned that Stacie wasn’t an idiot and Stacie learned that Lily could indeed speak over a whisper with little to no issue. Yet, Lily had no clue just how “genius” Stacie was until a small issue involving a small incendiary device.
Now, Lily was not responsible for this particular creation but she had helped supply the chemicals to a particularly idiotic chemistry student. So when she mentioned the obscure chemical components offhand to Stacie, she was surprised to learn that Stacie knew of them and the particular combination they provide could blow up at least twenty of the two hundred dorms in that building. Not a good idea overall.
Lily quickly called the customer she had provided the chemicals for, hastily handing the phone to the brunette as the taller girl explained the situation. Apparently, the boy was just about to add the last chemical when they called, thankfully he immediately dropped the container and ceased his experiment, horrified at what he had almost done.
After thanking Stacie profusely, the boy had sworn off chemistry and claimed he was switching his major to art like he actually wanted and that his parents would simply deal with it. Once he hung up Stacie turned to Lily with a bemused look and handed the phone back to her. “Next time you sell chemicals I suggest you check with me first. I’d prefer the campus stays in one piece,”
Lily shrugged in agreement and made a mental note to check with Stacie before any chemical transactions. Wouldn’t want to be indirectly responsible for a bomb, again.
Aubrey knew Stacie was smart, after all, she had read the girl’s audition file. An idiot did not sign up for a Physics and Engineering double major with minors in Chemistry and Mathematics. That winning combination was simply not possible. Especially since Aubrey checked Stacie’s academic standing and the girl was already a Junior credit-wise. The leggy brunette was impressive.
So when Stacie revealed her interests to be the E! Network and cuticle care, Aubrey brushed it off as a simple nervous remark. A mask of sorts. After all, if anyone knew about defense mechanisms Aubrey did. Especially since her upbringing had basically been one big predecessor for the defense mechanism that was her entire personality. It was with this prior knowledge that she began her relationship with Stacie Conrad.
They started during hood night and continued in secret throughout the rest of Stacie’s freshman year. At first, it had been casual but feelings had quickly caught up to the both of them and after some somewhat mutual panicking, they figured things out. So when Aubrey graduated they had already settled into something of a routine because just as much as Aubrey was a big planner, Stacie was a mathematical genius that could plan a schedule better than any current AI program.
They’re sitting in bed together reading, Stacie’s head rests on Aubrey’s shoulder as her eyes flit across the page.
“Why do you like me?” The brunette blurts out. Her eyes are still on the page so Aubrey hesitates for a moment, wondering if she imagined the question.
“Huh,” Aubrey hums in confusion.
“Why do you like me?” Stacie repeat
“What’s not to like?” Aubrey shrugs in answer.
“Well except for my exceptionally sizeable pectoralis major, a talent for absolute pitch, adeptness for kinesthesiology, and statistically preferable aesthetic, I really don’t know.” Stacie huffs in reply, her eyes haven’t left her book which is endlessly amusing to Aubrey.
The blonde gently closes the book in Stacie’s hands after closing her own and tilts Stacie’s chin to better look at the brunette’s face. “I love when you talk nerdy to me,” Aubrey teases.
The accompanying pout only makes Aubrey smile more, the strong urge to kiss her girlfriend filling her chest. “Love is just a flood of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Those chemicals can be supplied by anyone, especially any high-end drug dealer.”
“Stacie -” Aubrey begins but Stacie cuts her off with a quick look and continues.
“I’ve just been thinking lately that in all the vastness of the universe do you think I’m the one? Or at least statistically likely to be one of your “ones?”
Aubrey struggles to hold back her smile of amusement but listens patiently as Stacie continues to ramble on about the vastness of the universe and the totality of space and time versus the statistical probability of romantic relationships surviving each year. She loves the way the girl’s eyes seem to come to life when discussing any scientific topic, even when that topic might contradict a hope for a future forever between them.
“So why do you like me? What’s your source of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin? I want to know so I don’t change it or anything, and -” Aubrey cut off Stacie’s next sentence with a kiss, unable to fight the urge any longer.
Stacie pulls back for a second but Aubrey pushes forward, cupping the other girl's cheek as the kiss is deepened.
“I love you, everything about you,” Aubrey whispers out between each kiss. “I love the way you sound when you’re nervous, I love when you sing, I love your laugh, and the way you poke your tongue out when you’re thinking. I love the color of your eyes and how I don’t really know if they’re actually green or blue. I love your thoughts on the world and how excited you get when you express them. I love how you read anything and everything you can get your hands on. I love the way you love me, all the small gestures and all the big ones. I love the way we argue because you’re the first person I’ve felt secure with, and I know that I will come back to bed each night and hold you no matter how angry we get. I love you for all your hair-brained schemes with Lily, and all your enabling with Fat Amy. I love that you’re so smart and so kind.”
Aubrey had switched to light pecks as she smattered kisses across Stacie’s face. The feeling of wetness leaving trails down a pale cheek is not lost on her as she confesses every reason she loves the woman in her arms. “I love your wit and your jokes. Yes, I love your boobs and your body as a whole but I love the mind it holds the most. I love how creative you are in and outside of the bedroom. I love the sex and I love the intimacy of our other moments. Most of all, I love how you turn on your science brain every time you get insecure because it’s honestly the most adorable thing I have ever heard and I don’t think I have ever felt so endeared by the word norepinephrine in my life.”
“I love you,” Stacie whispers against Aubrey’s mouth as she captures the blonde’s lips with her own.
“I love you too and I promise I will continue to love you forever. Your intelligence is my favorite thing and I can’t wait to see all the things we can learn together,” Aubrey murmurs back. They both smile into the kiss as they pull each other closer, celebrating the future they’ve promised to each other.