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cause you said forever

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Ymir absolutely hated the hospital. The cold air, the smell, and of course all the crying. Yet for whatever reason, she couldn’t help but wander around it after her check up. She had been aimlessly walking around for so long her phone’s playlist finally ended. 


She brought out a granola bar to eat by the manmade lake and watch the ducks go by. It was winter though so there were barely any there.


“Hi!” Ymir glanced up to see a girl around her age smiled at her.




“I’m Historia!” The blond girl said as she sat down beside Ymir.


“Ok…” Historia silently stared at her waiting for a better response. Ymir sighed and took the final bite of her granola bar, “I’m Ymir.”


“Are you here for a check up Ymir?”


“Yeah, I just finished it. Er, what about you?”


Historia’s eyes left hers for a moment, “Cancer.”


“OH,” Ymir’s eyes widened. Why this stranger was ok to share something like that she’d never know. “Uhm, I’m sorry.”


Historia continued talking to her. Normally, Ymir wouldn’t listen and zone out or leave but for whatever reason, she remained captivated by the stranger.


“Anyway uh,” Historia grabbed Ymir's hand a marker from her purse. “Here just in case you have another check up soon.” She began to write her phone number and the way to her hospital room. Before Ymir could say anything, Historia got up and walked away.


Later that night Ymir laid on her bed, a certain blond girl filling her thoughts.


Ymir paced in front of the room. B-12. Her heart was racing and she didn’t even know why. This girl is just some random stranger. Why should Ymir be nervous? She shouldn’t even have visited this is stupid.


Ymir opened the door anyway. 


Inside was Historia sitting on her hospital bed and silently reading a book. She had a hospital gown on this time but with the sunlight shining onto her skin and hair, Ymir couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she looked.


“Hi,” Ymir barely whispered it out but it was enough. Historia’s head shot up and almost dropped her book.


“Hey! You came to visit,” Historia smiled and it was the prettiest smile Ymir had ever seen.


“Sorry I don’t have flowers or anything, I just came from work,” Ymir sat in the chair next to her with an awkward grimace on her face. 


“No worries, just buy me flowers next time,” Next time? “So what do you do?”


“Oh, I’m just a barista at this coffee shop. My friend actually runs it.”


“Oo that sounds fun,” A brief moment of silence. “I’m a concept artist.” Historia nods over to the tablet and stylus on her nightstand.


“Ah cool.”


And that’s how the rest of their conversation went. It was mostly carried by Historia and Ymir would give her brief thoughts every now and then. Somehow neither notice the sun disappearing and the clock striking six.


“And then-” Historia’s story was cut off by Ymir’s stomach.


Ymir went to check her phone and her eyes widened. “I should go. I promised my roommates I’d help with dinner.”


“Ah ok. See you next time!” Historia waved goodbye as Ymir closed the door behind her.



“I’m home,” Ymir called out as she took off her coat and shoes.


“Finally. Where have you been?” Ymir glanced at the kitchen and saw Annie preparing to cook.


“I was visiting a friend.”


“I didn’t know you had other friends.”


“Just shut up and tell me what I need to cook.”


Annie rolled her eyes, “Ok preheat the oven.”


The rest of the night went by and Ymir found herself in the same situation as last night. “Ah fuck it.” She grabbed her phone and went to Historia’s number.




Ymir only had to wait three minutes to get a response.


hi! hru? 


Just like the hospital visit minutes blended together and two hours quickly passed. It was midnight already and Ymir felt her eyes getting heavy.


Ik this is a sudden question u dont have to answer it if you dont want to


What type of cancer do you have?



“Crap,” Ymir muttered as she stared at her screen hoping to see the three dots. Nothing came and eventually, Ymir drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


The loud beeping of her alarm eventually woke her up. As she got ready for the day Ymir checked her phone and saw one unread text.




She should buy flowers before she visits next.


“Carnations?” Historia carefully grabbed them from Ymir and placed them in a jar of water.


“I didn’t know what your favorite flower was so,” Ymir shrugged. “Should you be standing up right now?”


“Dahlias and I’ll be fine don’t worry.” Historia flicked her hand dismissively as she went to go sit back down on her bed. “You want to watch a movie?”


“Sure do you have netflix in here?” 


The hospital tv didn’t have netflix so they used Historia’s laptop. After five minutes of bickering on what to watch they decided on the Half of It. Once the movie finished the two talked about it this time Historia didn’t have to carry the conversation. The hours went by quickly yet again.


“Hey sorry about that text last night by the way,” Ymir said.


“No worries just bring me coffee next time you visit,” Historia smiled at her.


She couldn’t help but chuckle, “Sure thing text me your coffee order then.” Ymir chuckled 


“Do you want to go for a drive?”


And that’s how Ymir found herself driving Historia around the city. They listened to what Historia dubbed music essentials as they parked in an empty parking lot talking the night away. Historia started to yawn and eventually fell asleep as Ymir drove them back to the hospital a soft smile on both of their faces, music humming softly in the background.


As Ymir parked her car ready to start to work her phone buzzed.


vanilla iced coffee pls :))


Its winter


vanilla iced coffee :))


“Morning!” Bertholdt waved as Ymir opened the door.




“Prep the pastries while I get stuff from the back!” Bertholdt walked away without waiting for a response.


At first, Ymir didn’t hate her job. It paid decently enough and working with her friend was much better than all her other past jobs. She just didn’t care about it, but over time started looking forward to the baking and coffee making her job would lead to. It became almost second nature, repetitive in a good way, in a way Ymir needed. 


It was close to the end of Ymir’s shift as she started making two vanilla iced coffees. 


“Isn’t it cold?” Bertholdt asked her, checking the weather on his phone.




“I thought you liked cold brews?”


“I do. Just trying something new,” Ymir went to work on the second cup without fail Bertholdt noticed.


“Is this for your new friend Historia?” Ymir looked up at him. She never mentioned Historia to him. He just shrugged as he cleaned the counters, “Annie told me about her.”


Fucking Annie.


“You still have a few minutes so tell me about her,” He continued to clean the already shiny counters.


“She’s uh blond and honestly,” Ymir closed the lid for Historia’s coffee, “amazing.” No one came into the coffee shop so they spent the last ten minutes of Ymir’s shift talking about the blue eyed girl.


Ymir doesn’t knock anymore. “Hey I got your coffee,” She handed it to Historia as she went to sit down.


Taking a sip Historia sighed, “I missed these thanks!”


“No problem,” Ymir gave her a small smile.


And that was their cycle for weeks. Ymir would visit almost everyday usually bringing coffee or flowers with her and they would hang out together doing anything and everything. The two would watch movies, rant about their bad days, laugh about their good ones, play Uno, and just be in each other's company.


By this visit, they talked for a while like always when Historia made a joke about her doctor. It wasn’t the most clever joke but it made Ymir burst out into laughter. After a moment she had to grab her stomach, Historia now joined in on the laughter. The two sat for a moment together waiting for the laughter to end.


“Oh my god,” Ymir wiped a tear from her face, “marry me one day.” Her hand dropped from her face and her eyes went wide. What did she just say? Why out of all things did she decide to say that? 


Historia only grabbed Ymir’s hands after the comment. She looked into Ymir’s eyes looking awestruck and serious at the same time. “Only if you keep making me coffee.”


“HISTORIA,” Ymir rolled her eyes and dramatically turned away. “God I thought you were going to be serious for a second.” Despite pretending to be mad Ymir let out a chuckle.


“I am,” Both of their faces started to tint red. “You make good coffee. We should probably date officially first for a bit though. So if I recover from this can we,” Her words caught her throat, and gestured between the two of them instead of saying anything else.


“Historia, I would want nothing more,” Ymir got up to kiss the blond’s forehead. “And it’s when you recover not if.”


“Thanks, Ymir,” Historia smiled at her but this was the first smile of hers that didn’t reach her eyes.


“Ok uhm,” Ymir got up abruptly, almost knocking back her chair. “I should get back home soon. I uh I love you,”


Historia grabbed Ymir’s shoulders to bring her down. “I love you too silly,” and she kissed the taller girl’s cheek.


“Uh cool!” Ymir’s face grew redder as she ran out of the hospital room. Walking to her car she let out a frustrated groan, “Why am I such a mess?”


“Coffee and flowers today?” Historia chuckled as she grabbed the coffee. Ymir put the flowers in the empty vase. “What is this, a marriage proposal?”


Ymir was about to respond but someone started knocking on the door. She opened it to find two guys and a girl standing there. 


“Hi everyone!” Historoia waved at them. Ymir silently stepped aside so they could get inside. 


The blond guy went to shake Ymir’s hand. “Nice to meet you Ymir! Historia told us a lot about you. I’m Armin and they’re Eren and Mikasa.” Ymir simply nodded in response. “Connie, Jean, and Sasha are running late but they’ll be here soon.” Armin turned to face Historia


“Sounds like them,” Historia laughed. 


“I should go now,” Ymir waved at them all. “It was nice to meet you three.”


As Ymir walked out of the hospital her phone buzzed.


u good?


Yeah just forgot i had to help annie with something 


ah ok gn then




Annie was out of town for work so Ymir sat in her apartment basking in the sunset light and silence. 


The weekly visit kept up but after a while they slowly stopped. It had been over a week since Ymir last visited Historia. She ended up getting busy with work and helping Bertholdt look into places to open a second shop. So naturally, Ymir walked into the coffee shop with dark eyebags when she noticed Historia’s three visitors sitting with three other people. Bertholdt was making a drink when he noticed her. “They said they were here to see you. So uh go talk to them before you have to clock in.”


Wordlessly Ymir walked over to the six. “Did you need something?”


Everyone looked like they just came from crying. Their eyes were red and some had tear stains down their cheeks. “We just wanted to say thank you.” Mikasa told Ymir. 


“For keeping Historia company while she’s been in the hospital.” Armin added, “It’s been hard on all of us knowing she doesn’t have much time left.”


“What do you mean?” Ymir felt angry growing inside of her. “Historia is strong, she'll pull through.”


“She didn’t tell you?” The rest of what he said was drowned out by Ymir’s loud beating heart and her inner thoughts. 


Ymir held back the tears she could feel coming and left the group. “I’m taking a vacation day,” Ymir told Bertholdt. She walked to her car not waiting for his response.


“Historia.” Ymir tried to control her volume, not wanting the nurses to get angry.


“Hi Ymir,” She looked at the girl in the hospital. Just a few weeks ago she was so full of life. Her eyes always had a gleam to them but looking at her now Ymir felt her stomach drop. Historia’s face was much more shallow now, her arms skinnier, and the light in her eyes was almost gone. Almost. Just how much could change in one week?


“Armin told me.”


“Oh,” Historia looked away deciding to face the window. 

“Oh?!” Ymir walked closer but she could feel her legs shaking beneath her. “That’s all you have to say? OH?”




“We’ve called and texted every day and you didn’t tell me!” Ymir raised up her arms in frustration.


“Ymir keep your voice down,” Historia’s voice was firm and more serious than Ymir had ever heard. 


She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Historia why didn’t you say anything?”


The blond in question gestured to a wheelchair in the corner. “Grab that, let's go for a walk.”


Ymir pushed her through the hospital in silence. Whether it was because she was too angry or heartbroken she wasn’t quite sure. After a few minutes, she just stopped and realized that she brought Historia to the pond where they first met.


“I’m glad it’s spring,” Historia looked over at the pond ignoring the looming question, “The ducks are finally all out.”




Historia sighed and there was another moment of silence. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”


“Historia I’m not looking for apologies. I’ll forgive you no matter what. I just want to know why you didn’t tell me.”


“Honestly I don’t know,” She told Ymir, continuing to stare at the swimming ducks. “Every time I was going to, I just couldn’t. If we were calling I got a lump in my throat and when I tried texting you it my hands started shaking.” By now Historia already started shedding silent tears and the two stayed in an even longer moment of silence. 


Once Historia started shivering Ymir wrapped her own jacket around her and started to bring her back to her hospital room. 


“Do you want me to keep visiting?” Ymir asked her.


“I want to be a good person and say no. I know it’ll only hurt you seeing me get worse, but a part of me wants you to stay forever.”


“And I will.”


That was that. Ymir helped her back into her bed and waited until she drifted off to sleep. She waited a few minutes to make sure Historia was really asleep.


“Please fight and hang in there,” Ymir went to kiss her forehead. “As much as you can. I love you.”


She closed the door behind her and couldn’t hear the quiet “I love you too” that escaped Historia’s lips.

Ymir sat in her car for what felt like an eternity. And finally, let out the sob she was holding in for the whole day.


The visits started daily again but just as quickly became scarce. Ymir still had her job and Historia had more and more appointments and treatments to go through but whenever she could, Ymir made sure she was by her side. Whether it was waiting for her after check ups or watching a movie with her. If she could help it, Ymir did her best to not leave her side.


“Take the week off,” Bertholdt said as they were closing the coffee shop.




“I know she hasn’t been getting better and besides you’ve been helping so much lately. Just take the week off.”


“Ok,” Bertholdt gave her an awkward side hug and Ymir started crying silent tears. If Bertholdt noticed it he didn’t say anything. 


Ymir entered Historia’s room. Her face was even more hollow than the last time she saw her. 


“I brought my laptop so we can watch the Half of It again,” Ymir laid the laptop down on the table.


“Sounds good.”


They’ve watched the movie so much that it became more background noise as they started talking to each other.


The movie got to the scene where Aster started painting and Historia couldn’t help but notice. “I had to leave my job a few weeks ago.”


“You already told me that.”


“I did?”


“Yeah.” They sat in silence for the rest of the movie.


Ymir was on her break when she got a call from Historia.


“Hey, are you okay?” Ymir asked, worried.


“Great actually! The doctor told me I’ve actually been getting stronger lately.”


Ymir put her hand over her mouth to suppress her gasp. “Really? That’s amazing! I'm so happy for you.” They talked the rest of Ymir’s break.


Ymir walked into Historia’s room with more happiness than she had had in a while. 


“You want to walk around outside?”


Historia smiled, “Of course.”


As they walked around Ymir told her “I’m glad you’re getting better.”


“I am too.”



It was 10:23 pm Ymir’s phone rang. She barely woke up almost tempted to not answer the phone. 




“Is this Ymir?”


“Uh yes?”


“Hello, Historia had you as her emergency contact-”


“I’ll be there right away,” Ymir hung up the phone and grabbed her coat driving as fast as she could to the hospital.


It was 10:55 when Ymir knocked on Historia’s hospital door. To her, it felt weird doing it. Ymir hadn’t knocked or felt this nervous visiting in a long time. 


“Come in,” Ymir’s hand was shaking but was able to open the door. Inside Historia was hooked up to an iv. Ymir had only last visited yesterday but she still looked paler and skinnier than before to the point where you could almost see her bones. 




“Hi. No flowers or coffee today?” Historia’s smile remained tight and was barely there. Ymir went to go sit beside her.


“Nope I was kind of in a rush.”


“Sorry about that.”


Since Historia’s friends weren’t immediate family or her emergency contact they couldn’t get inside. So Ymir face timed them so Historia could talk to them. Ymir decided to wait outside to give Historia space.


It was 11:20 when she heard Historia’s voice again. “Come back in,” It was the softest her voice had ever been.


They sat together in silence not sure what to say.


“Please go to my funeral.”


“Of course.” Ymir bit her lip trying her best not to sob. Another long pause.


“Let’s play a game,” Historia tried her best to sound lively but her voice ended up only being an echo of the girl Ymir met at the pond.




“Ok let's play favorites. You ask me to guess your favorite of something and I have to figure it out.”


“Hm,” Ymir was still shaking, “What’s my favorite flower?”


“Easy, asters ‘cause of when we watched the Half of It. Ok, what’s my favorite coffee drink?”


“Cold Brew.”


“Haha,” Historia rolled her eyes and her smile reminded Ymir of how things once were. They continued to play that game for a few more minutes. After running out of ideas it was hard for Historia to talk, so Ymir did all the talking.


“And then-”


“Ymir.” Historia interrupted her story about Annie. 




“I’m sorry.” She tried to fight it back but her eyes started to close.


“There’s nothing you have to apologize for.”


She ignored Ymir’s statement, “I’m sorry we couldn’t get married. I’m sorry we couldn’t stay together forever.” 


“Hey, I’ll be here with you ‘til the very end so that sounds like forever to me.” Ymir grabbed the girl’s limp hand.


“Mm, that sounds good.”


It was 12:35 when Historia passed away.


Besides Annie, Ymir didn’t see anyone else until the funeral. 


“Do you want to give a speech?” Armin asked her as he handed her a cup of water. “I think she’d appreciate it.”


Ymir gulped down the whole cup, “Yeah she would.”


Ymir went up to the microphone. “Hi many of you might not know me but my name’s Ymir. I was with Historia when she… when she passed away.” Deep breath. Deep breaths. “It’s unfair you know. Historia she is… was the best of us. She was funny and had so much determination. She cared so deeply for everyone, Historia didn’t deserve this. I don’t have many regrets in my life but one I do have is not being able to spend more time with her. Even her smile brought so much life to wherever she went, that’s just how she was.” Ymir stood there trying to find more words to say. There’s so much to say but she couldn’t do it. “Thank you all for coming.” She walked off the stage and went to Armin.


He gave her a pat on the back, “good job oh and Historia left this for you.” Armin handed her an envelope.


“Thanks. I think I’ll be going now.” Ymir walked away after saying her goodbyes to everyone.


Ymir told Annie that she’d drive straight to their apartment after the funeral but her body led her back to the pond. She opened the envelope and started reading.

To My Dearest Ymir,


That sounds too formal but hi. Thank you for coming to the funeral. Thank you for being by my side through all of this. Just thank you for everything. Please when I’m gone do your best to keep going. Live because I can’t. Enjoy life because we can't be together. Even though I wish we could. I wish I’d have known you my entire life so I could spend every moment with you. But the few months we had were amazing. You were amazing. So I guess just don’t stop being amazing. There’s so much more I could say but I’ve been getting really tired really quickly lately so goodbye Ymir.


I Love You,



Another folded piece of paper dropped out of the envelope. Unwrapping it Ymir gasped. It was a drawing of the two of them in all white with the sunset behind them. They were getting married. She turned the drawing to the back to find a note written there.


I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise but I hope this will do.


Ymir sat on the bench watching the ducks go by and the water sway back and forth. With no more tears left in her, she just thinks about what could have been.