When Zhongli made the decision to retire from his duty as Rex Lapis, he had expected to live out the rest of his days in quiet bliss, watching the mortals of his beloved harbor grow into their own. For the first several months after returning Osial to rest, the consultant enjoyed the blissful peace of retirement in relative quiet, aside from a few passionate trysts with a certain Fatui diplomat. Several trysts, actually.
However, one certain Adeptus who had always had sharper eyes than the others quickly caught on to his secret identity. Well, after a few thousand years and several incognito visits to the mortals, Xiao had eventually learned his habits and suspected that the consultant of the Wangsheng funeral parlor was actually Rex Lapis in yet another disguise.
From then on, the yaksha began to spend an awful amount of time spying on him with eyes constantly narrowed in scrutiny. While Zhongli had not minded in the slightest and let him do as he pleased, Childe found it an incredible nuisance because watchful eyes meant he could rarely find the time to bend over and take Zhongli’s cock in peace.
“Sensei… Can’t you tell your little guard dog to run off and give us some privacy?” Childe had asked with a glare in Xiao’s general direction when he attempted to grope at Zhongli’s crotch under the table, only to discover that they were not alone.
“I cannot command him to leave, because ‘Zhongli’ does not have any dominion over him, and ‘Rex Lapis’ is deceased.” The Archon answered calmly with a sip of his tea, a certain Fatui’s hand still on his groin.
“Fine then. I’ll handle it myself.”
And so began the conflict between Tartaglia of the Harbingers and the Guardian Yaksha. Childe had absolutely no qualms about confronting Xiao whenever the smaller man would snoop around, even escalating their conflicts from yelling to outright epic battles in the middle of Liyue. Thus the peaceful, quiet retirement Zhongli had coveted so much crumbled in the sound of bloody combat and destruction. At least twice a week his calm mornings would be interrupted by the sound of the two quarreling and screaming at each other.
“Impudent human! Have you no respect for the Adepti?!”
“How about you mind your own business, you overgrown leek!”
For the first few weeks, Zhongli made a considerable attempt to ignore it and just let the two have at it. They’ll run out of steam eventually, Xiao will miss the peace and tranquility of his inn and return soon enough. Of course, all hopes of that went to dust one day when Chide became fed up with this nonsense.
“Who knew the Adepti had such a nosy brat among them?”
“I am much older and more powerful than you could ever be, human . Know your place.” Xiao spat back, only for Childe to smile almost teasingly despite the murderous intent.
“Yea? Well I’m fucking Rex Lapis.”
Zhongli choked on his tea, losing his composure for the first time since this conflict started, and narrowed his eyes in their direction. He could see how Xiao’s eyes widened with utter surprise before snapping towards the Archon. Apparently that was enough to shake up the yaksha and scare him into making a hasty retreat back into the mountains. Childe released a satisfied huff and dissipated his hydro blades with a flick, then quickly proceeded to stride back to Zhongli and drop to his knees right between his thighs for a self reward.
They had assumed Xiao would understand that Zhongli had wanted quiet anonymity and respect his wishes, but apparently that had only spurred him on even more. In fact, Xiao seemed to have even more reason to antagonize Childe. Their weekly conflicts had escalated into almost daily duels, and neither held back in their strife to the point where Zhongli had been politely asked to relocate to the outskirts of Liyue Harbor to avoid further damages to the city’s structure.
Eventually, Zhongli decided enough was enough. He set his cup down, watching the tea ripple from the destruction of Childe and Xiao’s third conflict that week, and spoke in a booming voice that shocked the two of them into freezing mid-clash.
“Childe. Xiao. To my chambers. Now. ”
They seemed to contemplate whether or not Zhongli was being serious at the moment, given how passive he’d been over their quarrelling before. The audacity.
Suddenly the sky darkened ominously above them, white clouds turning the color of earth and swirling to create a vortex. Childe and Xiao didn’t even have time to drop their weapons before a meteor came hurtling straight at them.
“If you had minded your own business, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.” Childe muttered bitterly towards the yaksha while they knelt side by side on the floor of Zhongli’s chamber. Not used to sitting in such a fashion, the Harbinger squirmed uncomfortably, bruising his knees against the hardwood. Xiao, on the other hand, knelt with his back straight and head tilted down pensively, despite his brows furrowing in frustration.
“You should have heeded my words and left Rex Lapis alone. Don’t you know how to listen to authority?”
“Of course I do. I work for the Tsaritsa and I have two elder siblings. I just don’t listen to you .”
Zhongli’s voice echoed with authority as he entered from the adjacent room, striding with grace and confidence that captured the other two’s attention immediately.
“Enough bickering. We need to discuss both of your actions over the past month, starting with Xiao.” Amber eyes peered down at the yaksha quietly.
“Why did you insist on antagonizing Childe when I wished for peace and anonymity?”
The smaller man straightened his back and lifted his chin to answer with firmness.
“To put it simply, this human does not deserve to stand side by side with the Exuvia. And to elaborate…” He quickly snapped his chin in Childe’s direction and seethed with disgust.
“He’s a crude, shameless, and violent creature with extremely questionable allegiances. He’d likely bed himself with anything that breathes and most likely does not bathe enough. His choice of clothing looks like grey slop that hilichurls feed their boars and who knows what diseases this thing carries.”
“ Wow .” Childe lowered his eyelids with an unamused expression. Zhongli, however, seemed to nod in understanding.
“As for you, Childe. Why did you blatantly disregard my wishes to remain unknown and reveal my identity as Rex Lapis?”
This time, the Harbinger averted his gaze with an almost nervous smile, not exactly feeling guilty but rather fearing the geo god’s wrath.
“He was going to figure it out eventually. And like you said, I was hoping he’d leave us alone after finding out.”
“Hm. Is that so?” The pitch of Zhongli’s voice dropped low as he took slow steps towards Childe, moving until the kneeling man was face to face with his groin. A gentle hand stroked the hair framing his cheek.
“It wasn’t because you were sorely missing my cock?”
Both Fatui and yaksha tensed up, Childe embarrassed that the Archon saw through him so easily, while Xiao was shaken that such indecent words could come from those lips. Nodding as if he’d just come to a decision, Zhongli stepped away from the both of them and sat down on a chair against the wall.
“Strip.” A simple command, directed at both of them. Knowing that Zhongli’s temper was dangerously short at the moment, despite his calm demeanor, both Xiao and Childe began to discard their clothes while tossing heated glares at the other.
Childe’s body was slim and well toned, pale skin marked with lovely scars that caught Zhongli’s adoring gaze every time. While Xiao was small in stature, he was similarly well built with tight muscles revealing his nature as an ancient warrior and guardian. Now completely naked, both continued to kneel and wait, Childe hardly ashamed and not making an attempt to hide his manhood, while Xiao blushed furiously with a frown directed at the floor.
“Hmm… I’ve thought of a good exercise for the both of you. One that will serve to punish as well as teach.” A gloved hand beckoned them forward.
Zhongli parted his legs wide enough to fit both his lovely partner and his fiery guardian, lips curling into a satisfied smile to see them peering up at him. Childe wasted no time, pressing his lips against the soft bulge of the Archon’s groin to pant hungrily and drag his tongue against the fabric. Xiao stared with surprise at how adept and confident Childe was, uncertain if he should do something also, until a gentle nudge from Zhongli’s thigh encouraged him.
“I know you are familiar with this, my guardian. Show me what you can do, unless you want Childe to outshine you.” The sultry tone of Zhongli’s voice sparked arousal within him, and what really spurred him on was the infuriating thought of this human surpassing him.
Xiao eagerly nuzzled in, pressing the tip of his nose right against the hardening bulge while he mouthed at the heavy sack through his pants. It quickly became crowded with both of them struggling to pleasure the Archon, cheeks bumping together while they fought for space. Pleased with their ministrations, Zhongli moaned softly in arousal, encouraging them with every sound that escaped his lips.
It was Childe who took things further by leaning in to catch the zipper of his pants with his teeth and pull downward. Zhongli’s well endowed cock fell forward to smack right against his cheek, much to his delight and to Xiao’s shock. While Childe hungrily pressed his face against the throbbing hot member, Xiao recoiled a bit. Not only did his Exuvia forego undergarments completely, his shaft was also distinctly dragonic, ribbed along the top with soft barbs on the underside. The base was an earthy color similar to his dragon scales while the tip glowed with amber geo energy.
Xiao really shouldn’t be surprised by this anatomy, but he couldn’t imagine how a human like Childe could take the Exuvia’s formidable cock and not only survive it, but enjoy it.
“All done, little yaksha? Your rival is helping himself already.” Zhongli’s eyes peered darkly at him, like a god looking down at his subject with both cold detachment and curiosity. By the time Xiao hastily returned his attention to his cock, he’d already lost his chance.
Childe eagerly wrapped his lips around the tip, hollowing out his cheek to push Zhongli’s cock into it until they could see the luminescent glow beneath his skin. With half of the Archon’s length still unattended to, Xiao dutifully peppered kisses along the pulsing shaft and took one ball into his mouth to suckle and fondle it with his tongue.
Every time Childe tried to edge him out, Xiao growled back and bumped against him, refusing to be pushed away. He’d been the Exuvia’s guardian for thousands of years, his pride wouldn’t allow this mere human to outperform him. And yet it seemed like Childe wasn’t even bothered by the yaksha competing with him, his cerulean eyes glued onto Zhongli’s face, seeing him and only him.
Finally, something dark and hungry flashed in the Harbinger’s eyes as he leaned up on his knees and buried Zhongli’s shaft inside his mouth with one smooth motion. Xiao was pushed completely out of the way and made to watch how Childe’s throat bulged out to take the massive cock.
Zhongli bucked his hips and groaned deeply, one hand reaching down to clasp around Childe’s neck and squeeze. A choked moan reverberated in Childe’s throat, sending wonderful vibrations along the shaft while his muscles spasmed around it.
“What a good pet… swallowing my cock so well.” Zhongli crooned his praises while his fingers squeezed harshly, making the Fatui tear up and choke painfully. For a moment Xiao was worried how long Childe could remain like this with that cock sheathed inside, depriving him of oxygen until his eyes started rolling upwards. Still, the Archon held tight, watching with amusement until Childe began to moan pathetically around his cock, begging for oxygen.
When Childe was finally allowed to pull away with an obscene, wet sound, he nuzzled against the slick cock and gasped heavily, red lips parted and tongue dripping.
Incredible, Xiao thought as he took in the sight of Childe’s debauched face, feeling something stir in his gut seeing him already so wrecked. In his stupor, he was caught off guard by a gentle nudge of a warm tip against his cheek. While Childe rested his cheek against Zhongli’s inner thigh, gasping tiredly, Xiao tentatively took the tip into his mouth and carefully swirled his tongue around.
Childe truly was an impressive human to be able to take such a thing, but Xiao was never one to shirk from a challenge. However, the sheer girth of the Archon’s shaft was more than he could handle, to where he could only take a third before gagging when the head bumped against the back of his throat.
“Mgh-” Try as he might, Xiao couldn’t take it any further, gagging every time it slipped a bit deeper, until he felt a hand grip against the back of his head and shove hard. The entirety of Zhongli’s length forced its way past the tight muscles of his throat, throbbing inside him as the Archon moaned in pleasure. The yaksha, however, choked violently, shoulders shaking with exertion as he tried to pull off, only for the hand against his head to shove him down harder.
It burned painfully, yet seeing his Exuvia tilt his head back wantonly made his cock twitch. After a few breathless seconds, Xiao was able to pull off with a gasp, shivering as Zhongli’s slick cock rested against his forehead.
And that was when he realized that it was Childe who had forced his head down. The Harbinger chuckled at him, smirking in an insufferable way that made Xiao seethe with anger.
“Enjoy yourself, brat?”
The yaksha responded harshly by spitting right in his smug face. Childe wiped it away, eyes darkening dangerously at the crude insult, until Zhongli took both their cheeks in each hand.
“Enough. Do you see now, Xiao? How well this human can service me?”
Xiao begrudgingly nodded, admitting that what he did was an impressive feat.
“Good… Now for the rest of your punishment.”
Both Xiao and Childe blink up at him in surprise, having assumed that this was their punishment. Zhongli, however, was just getting started.
“Present yourselves. You have one minute to prepare.” Two porcelain bottles dropped to the floor in front of them. For a moment Xiao was confused about what Zhongli was asking, but noticed Childe taking one of the bottles and turning around to bow and present his smooth backside.
“A whole minute? How generous of you, sensei.” The Fatui smiled teasingly and spread his cheeks apart, letting Zhongli see that pink, well trained entrance. When Childe uncorked the bottle to pour the scented oil onto the cleft of his ass, Xiao quickly got the idea and hastily bowed his head to do the same.
The two beautiful creatures presented themselves side by side with fingers pushing into their tight entrances just for Zhongli. The Archon couldn’t be more pleased. Ever quick and efficient, Childe buried his fingers knuckle deep with an open mouthed moan and vigorously scissored them, while Xiao did so with less skill but just as much enthusiasm. It was embarrassing for the yaksha to have to display such a shameful side of himself in front of Childe, but the Harbinger seemed to have no shame at all.
By the time one minute was up, Childe had fully prepped himself and spread his cheeks again to display his loose and slick hole. Xiao, despite his best efforts, spread himself with a grimace, his own entrance still tight and closed up.
“Childe. On the table. Now.”
Without a moment of hesitation, Childe stood up and bent himself over the table near the wall, back arching while he peered back expectantly. As for Xiao…
“Xiao, you will sit here and watch.”
The yaksha sat up and tucked his legs under to sit with an uncertain expression, but suddenly a small geo construct erupted from the floor right in front of him, small and rounded at the tip. He stared at it for a second, brows furrowed in confusion, but when he peered back up, Zhongli simply repeated his command.
“...Understood.” Face bright red with shame, Xiao scooted onto his knees and hovered himself above the phallic geo construct, jolting lightly when he felt it touch against his entrance. On the other side of the room, Zhongli positioned himself behind Childe and stroked his hands over the Habinger’s hips. He rocked himself forward to rut his slick cock against Childe’s entrance, smiling when Childe eagerly raised his ass higher.
“So eager for punishment, aren’t you?”
“It feels more like a reward, sensei…” Sultry blue eyes peered back at him.
“Really now? Well then…”
The flat of Zhongli’s palm struck Childe's asscheek hard enough to make him jolt in pain and surprise. Zhongli palmed the reddening flesh tenderly before lining himself up and raising his hand again.
“Xiao. Start counting.”
“Agh!” Another strike, and just as Childe’s entrance tightened reflexively, the Archon thrust his hips forward to force the head of his cock through. Following suit, Xiao began to lower himself onto the geo construct with grit teeth and counted,
Zhongli raised his hand again, simultaneously pushing his cock in achingly slow to let him feel each ridge that caught against his ring of muscles. Each strike against his ass made the Fatui jolt and tense up, his teeth clenched as he hissed from the sting.
And with every strike, Xiao counted,
“Two… three… four…”
On the fifth strike, Xiao stuttered and finally seated himself fully, shuddering when he noticed that the geo construct pulsed with energy every few seconds. Zhongli as well had fully sheathed himself and ground his hips in small circles to draw the sweetest moans out of his partner. The spanking paused, giving both of them time to adjust to the lengths buried inside, but Zhongli could only spare so much kindness before starting to rock into his partner with deep, hard thrusts.
The punishment began again, hips pistoning recklessly and ramming against Childe’s ass; each thrust met with a harsh slap against his cheeks.
“Six… seven… eight…” Xiao dutifully kept count, shivering with his smooth cock twitching and dripping as he watched the Exuvia punish his human partner. From this angle, he could see how big Zhongli was compared to Childe’s small entrance, his thick girth almost the width of his wrist.
“Ahh! Sensei!” Childe grit his teeth and gripped at the edge of the table, hanging on for dear life as Zhongli fucked him harder and harder until the furniture began rocking violently. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as the stinging pain from each slap made him so sensitive.
By twenty strikes, Childe was begging the Archon.
“Mercy-... Mercy, sensei!”
“Hush.” Another hard slap.
Xiao bit his lip and reached down to stroke himself, each pulse from the geo construct making him shiver silently as his inner walls squeezed to the rhythm of Zhongli’s thrusts.
By forty strikes, Childe collapsed onto the table and let the Archon ravage his trembling walls. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks, yet he still did his best to arch his back and give Zhongli the best angle to ram deep into him, each bump and ridge along his dragonic cock drawing miserable whimpers from his lips.
By sixty strikes, Xiao was panting, eyes glued onto Childe’s fucked out expression as his body rocked and bumped against the table against Zhongli’s merciless pounding. He stuttered somewhere around sixty seven, too captivated with dark satisfaction at how destroyed the Fatui looked.
Zhongli buried himself to the hilt and leaned in to murmur words just for the two of them. Then, he straightened up, gripped both hands around his hips, and lifted Childe onto his toes before ramming him hard and fast. As they neared completion, marked by keening moans and quickened breaths, Xiao began to stroke himself faster and came with a shudder when he heard Childe’s strangled cry.
White cum splattered against the floor as Xiao collapsed forward and caught himself with one hand, panting as he gazed up at his Exuvia pumping Childe full of his seed. The Archon bared his teeth, revealing sharp canines as he ground his hips forward, planting his cum deep until it spilled out from the seam between his cock and Childe’s entrance.
Childe’s entire body trembled and jolted with the aftershocks of his ripping orgasm, drooling obscenely onto the table while Zhongli pulled out slowly. It was difficult to unsheathe himself, with the swollen barbs of his cock catching against Childe’s twitching walls that still clamped so nicely around him. Finally, he freed himself with a grunt and hummed in approval when he saw the loose and gaping hole clenching around nothing.
“Do you see why I chose this man as my partner? Childe is no mere human. He is so much more.” Zhongli stuffed his fingers into the well fucked hole, stroking and twisting his fingers to draw out more jolts and quivers from the exhausted man. Still so nice and reactive, ready to be fucked into again should the Archon desire it.
Xiao gnawed on the inside of his lip, hating to admit that this human who had lived a fraction of his lifespan was formidable enough to be the Exuvia’s partner… However, credit should be given where it was due.
“Good. Now will you leave us be?”
The yaksha glanced over to Childe’s face, a feeling of sadistic and voyeuristic pleasure budding in his chest to see this insufferable man so utterly wrecked by Zhongli. He may not like Childe at all… but he decided he wouldn’t mind seeing him thoroughly destroyed from time to time.
“I’ll leave you be… As long as you invite me over occasionally for… this.”
Zhongli smiled and palmed gently at Childe’s reddened cheeks.