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on a need to know basis Group Chat

SAT 1:08 PM

[Yubin added Jaehyung]

[Yubin added Young K]

Jaehyung: what’s this????

Yubin: we’re just waiting on Young K to show up

Jaehyung: he’s reading over my shoulder

Jaehyung: so what’s this

Jaehyung: omg there are fifty idols here???

Jaehyung: is this a cult??

Jaehyung: did I enter a cult???

Jaehyung: you have to tell me cause I don’t think my mom would approve

Sungjong: newbie will you shut it

Heechul: hi Jae, we aren’t a cult

Jaehyung: OMG HEECHUL

BamBam: so Jae hyung

BamBam: Brian hyung

Jaehyung: you’re here???

BamBam: jackson is here too he lurking tho

Yubin: stop getting sidetracked 

Jaehyung: OMG NOONA

Sungjong: are you gonna do that every time

Jaehyung: can’t a boy be shook in peace

BamBam: EVERYONE SHUT UP

Jaehyung: YES SIR

BamBam: HE IS A GAY

Jaehyung: …i’m a what now

Yubin: our highly attuned senses noticed some rings on your’s and young k’s fingers hmm

Jaehyung: oh what

Jaehyung: how’d those get there

Jackson: just spit it out are y’all married

[Jaehyung left]

[Young K left]

BamBam: fuuuuckkk

 

Seen by Jackson, Yubin, Heechul, Juhyun, 18+

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

SAT 4:32 PM

[Heechul added Jaehyung]

[Heechul added Young K]

Heechul: we are so sorry guys

Heechul: we shouldn’t have approached you like that

Heechul: i know it’s scary but this is a safe space

Heechul: no one here is going to harm you 

Heechul: you’re safe here with us

Heechul: we just want to help everyone here is lgbtq+

Sungjong: except Heechul hes our token straight

Heechul: i am not be quiet

Young K: you’re all gay?

Heechul: Yubin and i started this group chat back in 2012 when we realized how many gay idols were suffering alone in the industry

Taemin: i’m about as gay as it gets

Sungjong: we all know babe

Taemin: SUNGJONG

Sungjong: TAEMIN

Jackson: not again

BamBam: rip

Jackson : @Jaehyung @Young K sorry for freaking you guys out

Jackson: i’ve been dying to ask ever since you came back from touring

Jackson: do the rings mean what we think hmmmm

Jaehyung: maaaaayhaps 

Taemin: WAIT

Taemin: is this our first married couple???

BamBam: if you don’t count taekook

Jackson: i count taekook

Young K: what’s a taekook

Jackson: Jae we all know you’re on twitter explain to your boyfriend

Jaehyung: *husband

Jaehyung: babe it’s the maknaes from BTS

BamBam: akldhf;asjkjdbds

Sungjong: was that a keyboard smash or did you just face plant into your phone

BamBam: you’re so funny Sungjong-ssi ha ha

Young K: oh those two are pretty obvious at award shows and stuff

Taehyung: I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED

Jackson: you were lurking eye see

BamBam: you’re one to talk smh

Taehyung: SHUT

Taehyung: i just scrolled up

Taehyung: alfhjflkjashs

Taehyung: DAY6 OMG

Taehyung: MARRIED????

Taehyung: leave ggukie and i out of this!! 

Jaehyung: so this is a gay idol groupchat????

Taemin: in the flesh

Jaehyung: can I add someone?

Heechul: are they a gay?

Jaehyung: yes sir heechul sunbaenim 

Heechul: then go for it

[Jaehyung added Wonpil]

[Jaehyung changed Wonpil’s name to hisshiss]

hisshiss: COME ON JAE

hisshiss:  o wait what’s this???

Juhyun: i’m adding someone too

Juhyun: y’all better welcome my baby gay!!

hisshiss: baby??? gay???

[Juhyun added Yeri]

Heechul: welcome baby gays

Yeri: i like girls

Juhyun: we know hun

Yeri: sorry i’m nervous

Sungjong: this gc is getting so crowded 

Taemin: half the industry is gay idk what you expect

hisshiss: i am confusion 

Jeongguk: hi confusion i am Jeongguk

Taehyung: STOP

Taehyung: i will tell jin hyung

Jeongguk: DON’T YOU DARE

[hisshiss changed hisshiss’s name to Wonpil]

Wonpil: i’m still lost here!

Taehyung: try me

Jeongguk: DONT

Taehyung: you gonna stop me

Jackson: pack it up gays taekook are flirting again

Jeongguk: what if i do

Taehyung: i’d like to see you try

Jeongguk: THATS IT

 

Seen by Taehyung, Wonpil, Yeri, Jaehyung, 12+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Wonpil

 

SAT 5:12 PM

Wonpil: what was that???

Jaehyung: gay idol groupchat

Jaehyung: you’re welcome

Wonpil: THERES A GROUPCHAT

Jaehyung: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME

Wonpil: I’M EXCITED???

Jaehyung: sounds fake but go off

Wonpil: XO

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

SAT 5:46 PM

Hyejin: ok bitches place your bets

Hyejin: Jeongguk vs Taehyung 

Taemin: Jeongguk

BamBam: Taehyung

Jackson: Taehyung

Wheein: Taehyung

Juhyun: Jeongguk

Yeri: what are we betting on?

Hyejin: who fucked who

Hyejin: its Jeongguk btw

Wheein: no it was Taehyung

Hyejin: nooooo

Wheein : @Yongsun back me up here

Hyejin : @Byulyi is siding with me

Yeri: :o

Yeri: Taehyung then

Yongsun: def Taehyung

Heechul: Taehyung!!

Sungjong: not heechul sunbaenim too

Heechul: this is riveting 

Taemin: SUNGJONG

Sungjong: TAEMIN

Sungjong: oh and Jeongguk

Jaehyung: y’all are dumb af

Jaehyung: Taehyung

Jaehyung: Bri agrees

Hyejin: WRONG

Hyejin : @Taehyung @Jeongguk well??? Who got it up the ass??

Wheein: we are waiting

Taehyung: ggukie is resting what y’all want

Hyejin: DAMMIT

Wheein: TOLD YOU

Taehyung: i can’t BELIEVE you're betting on us

Taehyung: AGAIN

Wonpil: againakdhfkhsl

Heechul: aren’t you guys on tour? i hope you didn’t go too rough

Taehyung: don’t worry sunbaenim i was gentle with my baby

Sungjong: this is gross

Sungjong: vote the couple out

Sungjong: some of us are single

Taemin: i can change that (✿◠‿◠) 

Sungjong: you already have a harem shoo

Taemin: OFFENDED 

Taemin: it’s not a harem :(

Yeri: speaking of taemin’s harem

Yeri: where’s kibum oppa

Taemin: alsdjfhask

Taemin: he got kicked out a few months ago

Yeri: What??? WHY

Heechul: ...lets not talk about that

Taemin: there are some levels of chaos not even this gc can handle

Yeri: eye

Jackson: lets add him back :D

Heechul: you’re on thin ice bub

Jackson: never mind 

BamBam: where’d hyejin and wheein go??

Jackson: probably makeup sex

BamBam: *hate sex

Jackson: YOU WANNA BET

BamBam: YOURE ON

[Young K left]

[Sungjong added Young K]

Sungjong: nice try but there is only one way to leave this gc 

Sungjong: not even death can save you

Jaehyung: I’m intrigued how does one escape this hellscape 

Taemin: ask kibum hyung

Jaehyung: ominous very ominous 

Young K: i hate it here

Jaehyung: LOVE YOU

Sungjong: not another couple i am sick

Sungjong: on second thought

[Young K left]

Sungjong: whoops my finger slipped

Yubin: SUNGJONG

[Sungjong add Young K] 

Sungjong: sorry sunbaenim 

Young K: i really almost saw the light :/

Jaehyung: better luck next time baby

 

Seen by Sungjong, Taemin, Yeri, Young K, 10+

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

SAT 7:55 PM

Wonho: some of us are actually promoting

Wonho: i have 208 messages???

Wonho: wtf guys

 

Seen by Yubin, Heechul, BamBam, Jaehyung, 44+

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

SAT 11:59 PM

Wonho: real mature guys

Jackson: “sOme of Us aRE ActUalLY pROmoTIng”

BamBam: yeah well some of us are getting comfortable in the jyp dungeon 

Yubin: amen to that

Taemin: you know whats really comfy? sm dungeon

Taemin: i mean boa noona is here, all of snsd minus Taeyeon (slay queen), tvxq, suju, f(x), exo, we have bean bags and cookies

Wonho: are you okay sunbaenim?

Wonho: all jokes aside, how are you doing?

Taemin: suffering :)

Sungjong: imma get you outta there

Taemin: SUNGJONG

Sungjong: TAEMIN

Jackson: not this again

BamBam: rip

Heechul: SLEEP

Sungjong: are you even really a gay if you sleep before midnight sounds het to me

Heechul: sounds like you wanna sleep with the fishes tonight

Sungjong: was nice knowing y’all

Taemin: rest in peace Sungjong 1993-2018

[Sungjong left]

[Taemin left]

Heechul: goodnight everyone :)

 

Seen by Wonho, BamBam, Jackson, Yubin, 16+

Chapter Text

on a need to know basis Group Chat

MON 10:09 PM

Jackson: OI 

Jackson : @Jeongguk @Taehyung tell namjoon to answer his phone

Jackson: i’m tired okay

Jackson: i want to hang out with my best buddy

Jackson: i’m only in korea like one month outta a year

Jackson: help a bro out

Jackson : @Jeongguk @Taehyung

BamBam : @Jeongguk @Taehyung for the love of god please Mark hyung is gonna kill Jackson if he doesn’t shut up about this

Wonho: you’re one to talk. Joohoney said he tried to call you last week and you wouldn’t pick up

Jackson: that’s cause the last time i hung out with him he set my mouth on fire

BamBam: kinky ;)

Jackson: i will come over there and smack you

Wonho: Joohoney says he’ll do better at picking restaurants next time 

Jackson: fiiiiiiiiine

Taehyung: namjoon hyung said he might call you back tomorrow

Taehyung: he’s busy

Jackson: I’LL TAKE IT

 

Seen by BamBam, Taehyung, Yubin, Wonho, 23+

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

MON 11:33 PM

Wonho: does it feel like we forgot something

Wonho: nope?? just me??

Wonho: maybe it’ll come to me later

 

Seen by Jackson, Heechul, Hyejin, Jeongguk, 5+

 

on a need to know basis Group Chat

TUE 8:10 AM

Wonho: OH MY GOD TAEMIN AND SUNGJONG

Heechul: there goes my peace and quiet

[Wonho added Sungjong]

[Wonho added Taemin]

Taemin: Heechul you snake!!!!

Jaehyung: now that crackhead one and two are back

Sungjong: i take offence to that

Taemin: i don’t

Sungjong: okay ant eater

Taemin: SUNGJONG

Sungjong: you’re a bit late babe

Taemin: shut up

Jaehyung: anyway

BamBam: *anygays

Jaehyung: thank you

Jaehyung: this gc is lame what’s with the name

Yubin: i thought it was fitting

Jaehyung: sorry noona but no

BamBam: trust me i’ve tried to get them to change it

Jaehyung: watch me

[Jaehyung changed the group chat name to gays only event]

BamBam: we stan a chaotic gay

[Jaehyung changed BamBam’s name to imbigg]

imbigg: i hate you

imbigg: i said it one time X(

Taemin: no lie that was funny

Sungjong: HOW DO YOU KNOW I’M NOT BIG

Jaehyung: even sunbaenims know it T.T

[Sungjong changed Taemin’s name to anteater]

[anteater changed Sungjong’s name to frogkisser]

frogkisser: i’m not ashamed

anteater: well i’m not either

Heechul: JAE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

[frogkisser changed Heechul’s name to supportiveally]

supportiveally: i loathe you all

Jaehyung: I got you

[Jaehyung changed supportiveally’s name to supportiveally_kingchul]

supportiveally_kingchul: i regret everything

[Young K changed Jaehyung’s name to twitterking]

[twitterking changed Young K’s name to emo_fanboy]

Jackson: accurate

[twitterking changed Wonpil’s name to Pink_Sweater]

[twitterking changed Jackson’s name to ieatrice]

supportiveally_kingchul: someone stop him please i beg you

ieatrice : @emo_boy

emo_boy: don’t look at me i have zero control over jae

Yubin: theres no hope for us

[twitterking changed Yubin’s name to thewonderyears]

twitterking: ok who am i missing

anteater: taekook

twitterking: I’m good I think

frogkisser: eye

 

Seen by anteater, thewonderyears, Wonho, Taehyung, 25+

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 7:43 PM

[Taehyung changed Jeongguk’s name to overwatcher]

Byulyi: you ok there bub

Taehyung: i’m fine

Yongsun: i came on here to yell at byul but now i’m concerned

Byulyi: yell at me???

Yongsun: why are you on your phone >:(

Byulyi: aw babe i’m sorry

Byulyi: does my pretty baby want a neck massage?

[Yongsun changed Byulyi’s name to greasemonster]

greasemonster: HEy

greasemonster: i was being sincere 

[greasemonster changed Yongsun’s name to grandsunma]

grandsunma: you’re not as funny as you think you are >:(

Yeri: i have an idea!!!

[Yeri changed Juhyun’s name to ilikebutt]

Yeri: perfect

greasemonster: alsjdldks 

Sehun: what can a gay do to take a nap around here

Sehun: seriously tho

ilikebutt: why’d you change my name???

Yeri: cause you’re literally using wendy’s butt as a pillow right now

ilikebutt: you got me there

ilikebutt: i was gonna change yeri’s name to the meanest gay but now that sehun is here i’m not sure

Sehun: what i do?

Yeri: breathe

ilikebutt: nvm

[ilikebutt changed Yeri’s name to meanestgay]

Sehun: HA

Sehun : wait @Taehyung what’s wrong?

Taehyung: nothing :)

ilikebutt: did jeongguk do somethin

Taehyung: what gave you that impression?

meanestgay: OH NO proper punctuation 

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

Sehun : @supportiveally_kingchul

supportiveally_kingchul: WHAT

Sehun: SCROLL UP

meanestgay: HURRY

supportiveally_kingchul : um @Taehyung wanna share with the class

Taehyung: i just think if overwatch is so important to jeongguk then that should be his name

supportiveally_kingchul: brb

meanestgay: where’d moonsun go

Wheein: they busy

meanestgay: oh

Sehun: did you really have to ask

Hyejin: very busy

meanestgay: oH

ilikebutt: have fun! be safe!

Sehun: *facepalm* 

 

Seen by ilikebutt, meanestgay, anteater

 

Private Chat: Heechul and Namjoon

TUE 8:01 PM

Heechul: hey

Heechul: namjoon

 

Private Chat: Heechul and Namjoon

TUE 8:08 PM

Namjoon: what’s up sunbaenim

Heechul: you might want to check up on taekook

Heechul: i think they’re fighting

Namjoon: thanks for letting me know

Namjoon: I apologize for whatever they did

Heechul: they’re fine, dw

Namjoon: thank you

 

Seen by Heechul

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 8:06 PM

[anteater changed Sehun’s name to senshine]

senshine: i liked it better when heechul kicked you out

frogkisser: tough shit honey bunches

senshine: this is bullying 

ilikebutt: just be thankful yeri left

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

senshine: WOULD YOU TWO GIVE IT A REST

anteater: as long is sungjong is here never

twitterking: is all of sm in this gc wtf

supportiveally_kingchul: all the gays come to sm cause i’m there :)

twitterking: well wait until I add all the gays from jyp!

twitterking: I just gotta find ‘em first

imbigg: i offer my services 

overwatcher: WTF TAEHYUNG

overwatcher: YOU TOLD NAMJOON ON ME

overwatcher: you’re that damn petty wow

overwatcher: OPEN THE DAMN DOOR

senshine: what’s happenin 

frogkisser: i’m out

imbigg: TAEKOOK FIGHT

twitterking: why’s it happening here???

overwatcher: because he locked himself in his damn room! he cant come out here and talk to me instead his petty ass changes my name here. real mature taehyung. real fucking mature. and then you snitch to namjoon like a little bitch! I CAn SEE YOU REaDING THESE

supportiveally_kingchul: WHOA

supportiveally_kingchul: calm down there

overwatcher: why should i?

supportiveally_kingchul: first of all i told namjoon to check on you two

supportiveally_kingchul: you owe taehyung an apology 

supportiveally_kingchul: this is just a misunderstanding and no one wants to see you guys fight

supportiveally_kingchul: shut up bambam

supportiveally_kingchul : @overwatcher @Taehyung ?

 

Seen by imbigg, twitterking, ieatrice, Taehyung, 6+

 

Bangtan Boys Group Chat

TUE 8:44 PM

Namjoon: JEONGGUK STOP SLAMMING DOORS THIS IS A HOTEL

Namjoon: taehyung please come out here and talk to us

Namjoon: nobody is going to bed until we resolve this

Yoongi: for the love of sleep please

 

Seen by Namjoon, Jimin, Seokjin, Hoseok

 

Bangtan Boys Group Chat

TUE 11:24 PM

Namjoon: we are having a group meeting now

Namjoon : @Jeongguk @Taehyung 

 

Seen by Jimin, Jeongguk, Taehyung, Yoongi, 2+

 

Bangtan Boys Group Chat

TUE 11:58 PM

Namjoon: I’m calling management

Jeongguk: stop hyung

Jeongguk: i’ll fix it

Jeongguk: everyone can go to bed

 

Seen by Namjoon, Seokjin, Yoongi, Jimin, 2+

 

Private Chat: Taehyung and Jeongguk

WED 12:11 AM

Jeongguk: taebaby open the door

Jeongguk: i’m sorry

Jeongguk: i’m an idiot

Jeongguk: you’re more important i promise

Jeongguk: please i miss you

 

Seen by Taehyung

 

Private Chat: Taehyung and Jeongguk

WED 12:23 AM

Taehyung: you’re not leaving are you

Jeongguk: not until you talk to me

Taehyung: i am talking to you

Jeongguk: i wanna see you

Taehyung: ok

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 1:03 AM

anteater: you think taekook resolved it?

frogkisser: probably

frogkisser: they never stay mad at each other for long

anteater: SUNGJONG

Wonho: not the time guys

frogkisser: fuck you

frogkissier: TAEMIN

Hyejin: speaking of not the time

Hyejin: is it too early to bet?

Hyejin: cause i bet jeongguk

 

Seen by frogkisser, Wonho, grandsunma, anteater, 12+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 1:11 AM

Hyejin: ok too early

[greasemonster changed Hyejin’s name to gambletits]

gambletits: HEY

 

Seen by greasemonster, grandsunma, thewonderyears, Wonho, 3+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

THRU 12:02 PM

[Wheein changed Wheein’s name to whepuppy]

twitterking: why???

Pink_Sweater: HELp

Pink_Sweater: wait…

gambletits: well if we are changing our names

[gambletits changed gambletits’s name to hwalion]

whepuppy: i felt left out :(

hwalion: now Wheein and i match ;3

hwalion: WAIT

hwalion: BABY NOOOOO

Pink_Sweater: when did my name change???

hwalion : @whepuppy where r u?

whepuppy: my room :(

hwalion: I AM ON MY WAY DON'T MOVE

hwalion: mandatory cuddles are coming your way!

whepuppy: :D

Pink_Sweater: seriously when??

ilikebutt: scroll up babe

Pink_Sweater: wait are Taehyung and Jeongguk okay???

Pink_Sweater: guys???

Pink_Sweater: JAE THIS IS BULLYING

twitterking: I think it suits you

Pink_Sweater: oh! thank you <3

twitterking: I take it back

Pink_Sweater: no take backs <3

overwatcher: we’re okay guys

overwatcher: sorry for worrying anyone

supportiveally_kingchul: glad to hear it and dw about it

 

Seen by twitterking, Taehyung, ilikebutt, Pink_Sweater, 19+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 10:49 AM

imbigg: tell me how

Pink_Sweater: stop

imbigg: guysssss

ieatrice: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

overwatcher: ????

Pink_Sweater: please stop

twitterking: no tell them or I will

Pink_Sweater: kindly stfu

Taehyung: damn tell us already

Pink_Sweater: STOP

emo_fanboy: accept it Pil

Wonho: what already!!

senshine: tf

imbigg: how tf can you get lost in your own building???

ieatrice: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Taehyung: what omg

senshine: *facepalm*

Pink_Sweater: i hate you guys

ieatrice: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Pink_Sweater: JACKSON STFU

Wonho: you got lost in your own building

Pink_Sweater: listen

overwatcher: listening

Pink_Sweater: i got nothing

ieatrice: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

supportiveally_kingchul: is jackson ok?? does he need help??

imbigg: i think this calls for a story time!!

Pink_Sweater: bam i swear to god

twitterking: leave God outta this

anteater: it’s the capitalization for me

Taehyung: STORY TIME STORY TIME STORY TIME

imbigg: ok so

Pink_Sweater: sleep with one eye open bambam

imbigg: me jackson and jinyoung are in the practice room you know practicing and shit when jinyoung’s phone starts ringing

Pink_Sweater: DON’T YOU DARE

imbigg: it’s wonpil on the other end crying

Pink_Sweater: i’m coming for you

overwatcher: maybe you should hide bam

imbigg: it’s not like he can find me ㅋㅋ

ieatrice: hELP

emo_fanboy: jackson you are literally gonna choke BREATHE

[Pink_Sweater left]

[twitterking added Wonpil]

[twitterking changed Wonpil's name to Pink_Sweater]

imbigg: hyung is crying cause he doesn’t recognize where he is and he thinks he went to the wrong entertainment building and now he can’t find the exit

Wonho: oh no :( that sounds scary

Pink_Sweater: IT WAS

imbigg: so we’re concerned cause ya know sasaengs 

supportiveally_kingchul: that reminds me when yesung got lost and asked sasaengs to help him find his way back to the dorm

anteater: ToT

twitterking: we stan an unbothered king

imbigg: so we ask wonpil to describe his surroundings and jinyoung even offers to go get him.

Pink_Sweater: literally stfu

imbigg: and he starts describing the floor above us ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ieatrice: I CANNOT BREATHE

twitterking: it’s literally the floor we record on!!

Wonho: …….

senshine: *facepalm*

Pink_Sweater: i’m under your bed

imbigg: so jinyoung gets him and brings him back to the practice room

ieatrice: i helped dry his tears

Pink_Sweater: thanks jackson :/

ieatrice: no problem bub

emo_fanboy: and jinyoung calls me to come bring him back to our dorm cause he’s afraid he’ll get lost again

twitterking: i only went cause i wanted to laugh at him

Pink_Sweater: OH COME ON JAE

Taehyung: i have no words

twitterking: maybe for your next birthday i’ll get you a compass and building guide

Pink_Sweater: STOP

twitterking: LETS GET THOSE MATCHING SHIRTS

twitterking: the ones that say “if lost return to…”

twitterking: can we bri??

emo_fanboy: sure baby

twitterking: YES

Pink_Sweater: i hate you all 

Taehyung: maybe you guys should invest in a collar and leash

supportiveally_kingchul: taehyung i warned you against that type of stuff in the gc

Taehyung: what???

Taehyung: it works great for ggukie

Pink_Sweater: MY EYES

twitterking: i will be yeeting myself out the window now

overwatcher: KIM TAEHYUNG

Taehyung: oops

Taehyung: byeee

imbigg: alsjfjldsjhelp

emo_fanboy: please don’t traumatize my husband and bandmate T.T

Wonho: welp

Wonho: that's enough socializing for today

anteater: same

 

Seen by imbigg, ieatrice, supportiveally_kingchul, senshine, 32+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 6:32 PM

frogkisser: heyy what i miss???

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: no seriously what did i miss???

twitterking: don’t worry about it

anteater: ^

Wonho: ^^

emo_fanboy: ^^^

ieatrice: ^^^^

senshine: ^^^^^

frogkisser: tf

 

Seen by ieatrice, thewonderyears, anteater, senshine, 4+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 11:36 AM

[twitterking changed emo_fanboy’s name to emo_fanboy18]

[emo_fanboy18 changed twitterking’s name to twitterking18]

senshine: yes it is 2018 how astute of you two

supportiveally_kingchul: its too early for your sarcasm sehun

supportiveally_kingchul: why the 18

emo_fanboy18: we got married this year so

grandsunma: awww thats cute

twitterking18: just thought it’d be nice to include it somewhere

imbigg: I SHIP IT

twitterking18: WE ARE ALREADY MARRIED

grandsunma : @whepuppy @hwalion @greasemonster i wanna get married

imbigg: MY SHIP HAS SAILED

emo_fanboy18: eye

imbigg: also

imbigg: jackson is screaming?

twitterking18: are you asking us? cause idk dude

imbigg: no he is screaming i just don’t know why

imbigg: only mark me and jackson are home right now

imbigg: we have to leave for our rap lesson soon but

imbigg: ok jackson just ran through the kitchen screaming

twitterking18: i mean its jackson

twitterking18: if it was mark i might be concerned

imbigg: point

emo_fanboy18: no one is going to address yongsun wanting to get married???

hwalion: don’t worry about it

emo_fanboy18: oh-kay

imbigg: mark is chasing jackson now

supportiveally_kingchul: maybe you should talk to them?

imbigg: i don’t get involved when mark is mad

emo_fanboy18: that’s for the best

twitterking18: agreed

supportiveally_kingchul : @ieatrice what did you do?

imbigg: um

imbigg : @ieatrice where’d you go???

ieatrice: i’m hiding stfu

supportiveally_kingchul: what you do to mark???

ieatrice: nothing???

twitterking18: and I have barbeque sauce on my tits

ieatrice: you do???

twitterking18: NO

emo_fanboy18: can confirm 

ieatrice: ok everyone shut up

[ieatrice added Mark]

ieatrice : @Mark why don’t you tell everyone what you told me

Mark: i will murder you

Mark: wait

Mark: wtf is this

supportiveally_kingchul: guys what’s goin on

imbigg: hi mark hyung

Mark: i only recognize jackson and bam’s number

Mark: who is kingchul…

imbigg: wait for it

Mark: HEECHUL SUNBAENIM

supportiveally_kingchul: hi mark 

Mark: um how many people are in this gc???

ieatrice: lots of idols

ieatrice: don’t worry about it

supportiveally_kingchul: is mark you know what otherwise i’m kicking him

ieatrice: oh apparently he is 

Mark: i’m a what

supportiveally_kingchul: so why are you chasing jackson

Mark: speaking of

Mark: WHERE ARE YOU

imbigg: i’d just stay out of it if i were you

ieatrice: I’M SCREAMING

imbigg: I KNOW

ieatrice : @Mark just tell them please

Mark: I WILL END YOU

Mark: now come back out here

ieatrice: you aren’t gonna find me!

Mark: JACKSON

ieatrice: i’m telling them

Mark: PREPARE YOUR FUNERAL

ieatrice: markhadacrushonmewhenweweretrainees

Mark: JACKSON WTF

supportiveally_kingchul: i feel like we shouldn’t have seen that

frogkisser: no shit

supportiveally_kingchul: where’d jaehyungparkian go tho

emo_fanboy18: not that name

twitterking18: we aren’t scared of mark or anything

emo_fanboy18: no we are not

twitterking18: HEY

twitterking18: i came up with our ship name :(

twitterking18: i thought you liked it :(

emo_fanboy18: i love it baby

frogkisser: can i kick the couple out?

supportiveally_kingchul: no

frogkisser: i hate it here

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul

 

Private Chat: BamBam and Jackson

SAT 11:54 AM

Bambam: that wasn’t okay dude

Jackson: um

Bambam: you need to apologize to mark

Bambam: i’m pretty sure he told you that in confidence 

Jackson: ugh

Jackson: you’re right

Bambam: he really had a crush on you tho? 

Jackson: i mean thats what he said

Bambam: i really had zero clue he likes dudes 

Jackson: it’s not like you knew i did either

Bambam: true 

Jackson: where’d mark go

Bambam: the studio i think

Bambam: where r u hiding??? 

Jackson: i’ll never tell

Jackson: BYEE

Bambam: wait for me

Bambam: jackson did you leave???

Bambam: dude wtf 

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 3:52 PM

Mingi: listen up gays

[frogkisser changed Mingi’s name to ChefFromHell]

ChefFromHell: i breathed???

frogkisser: and i’ve eaten your cooking

frogkisser: i don’t see your point

ChefFromHell: i came here for a good time and honestly i’m feeling so attacked

anteater: i got you babe

[anteater changed ChefFromHell’s name to mangi]

mangi: i—

anteater: that sounded better in my head

frogkisser: i’ll fix this

anteater: SUNGJONG

[frogkisser changed mangi’s name to mingo]

frogkisser: … 

frogkisser: taemin babe you’re so late

anteater: :((

mingo: this isn’t any better T_T

senshine: what are you three idiots even trying to do

anteater: i was trying to blend mingi and mango :(

frogkisser: i was trying to help

senshine: i see the single brain cell between the two of you isn’t working today

mingo: i was just trying to tell you guys something T_T

supportiveally_kingchul: what’s up mingi

frogkisser: and he wonders why i named him supportiveally

supportiveally_kingchul: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M A HET

frogkisser: how is your girlfriend 

supportiveally_kingchul: oh i’m sorry??? have you tried to date men???

supportiveally_kingchul: women smell nicer 

ilikebutt: this is true

meanestgay: can confirm

mingo: guess i’ll just shut up then

thewonderyears: just spit it out mango

anteater: alskdlajksl 

mingo: can i add my dongsaengs

frogkisser: is it another couple? cause we have enough of those

mingo: i don’t think they’re like actually dating

mingo: or maybe they stopped dating

supportiveally_kingchul: you willingly want to add a split up couple to our disaster zone of a gc

mingo: it’ll be fine?

supportiveally_kingchul: alright

[mingo added Wonwoo]

[mingo added Mingyu]

frogkisser: *it was not fine*

mingo: HUSH

mingo: welcome to the sacred group chat!

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, frogkisser, thewonderyears, senshine, 10+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 4:43 PM

mingo: nvm

mingo: idk where they are

supportiveally_kingchul: its the thought that counts

frogkisser: should anyone check up on mark and jackson???

supportiveally_kingchul: i knew you cared

supportiveally_kingchul : @imbigg what happened

imbigg: um

imbigg: i’m not sure

imbigg: its complicated

imbigg: they’ve been talking

frogkisser: well that’s boring

supportiveally_kingchul: nvm xo

frogkisser: what about taekook???

supportiveally_kingchul: they’re fine pls don’t start drama

frogkisser: lame

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t you have a group to terrorize or somethin

frogkisser: i do :]

mingo: oh no

anteater: rip infinite 

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, mingo, imbigg, Wonho, 21+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 4:53 AM

Mark: so i scrolled up

Mark: i have so many questions???

Mark: everyone here is gay?

Mark: i’m shook

Mark: are jae and bri dating or am i just tripping???

Mark: same question for jeongguk and taehyung 

Mark: ya know what

Mark: same question for mingi sungjong and taemin

Mark: also same question for mingyu and wonwoo

Mark: heechul has a girlfriend???

Mark: i’m so confused

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 5:06 AM

twitterking18 : @Mark if you’re still awake I can dm you?

Mark: please T.T

 

Seen by twitterking18

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Mark

SUN 5:11 AM

Jaehyung: so to answer all your questions. yes everyone in the chat is lgbtq+. heechul and yubin made the chat in 2012 when they noticed how many gay idols were suffering in the industry. bri and I just recently got added to the chat. bri and I are actually married. everyone in the gc and our members know, but no one else. you can’t tell anyone. that goes for all the couples in the gc. taehyung and jeongguk are dating as far as i know. taemin sungjong and mingi are not i am pretty sure. tho taemin apparently has a harem. not sure if that’s a joke or not. as for mingyu and wonwoo their situation is unclear. and just so you don’t get blind sided later, apparently all the members of mamamoo are dating. like a foursome. quartet? i guess heechul does have a gf, that’s news to me but makes sense why sungjong picks on him. any other questions?

Jaehyung: also

Jaehyung: don’t wanna pry and its cool if you don’t wanna talk about it

Jaehyung: but jackson?

Mark: hold on i am processing 

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Mark

SUN 5:24 AM

Mark: okay wow

Mark: that’s so nice of heechul and yubin noona

Mark: you and brian tho

Mark: seriously??? 

Mark: WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED

Jaehyung: very recently while we were still on tour

Mark: on tour… 

Jaehyung: yes sir

Mark: i’m just gonna move on

Mark: we are talking about this later tho

Jaehyung: if you wanna sure

Mark: taehyung and jeongguk make so much sense ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Jaehyung: I KNOW

Jaehyung: probably the least surprising thing

Mark: okay but mamamoo

Mark: how does that work???

Jaehyung: they’re polyamorus 

Jaehyung: seems to be going very well for them

Mark: you think poly really works?

Jaehyung: i do

 

Seen by Mark

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Mark

SUN 5:37 AM

Jaehyung: Mark?

Jaehyung: what’s going on?

Mark: i don’t know

Mark: i’m just confused

Mark: i don’t think i can talk about it with you cause i don’t know how okay bambam and jackson would be with me sharing 

Jaehyung: that’s fine

Jaehyung: if you need someone to talk to bri and I are here tho

Mark: thanks

Mark: anyway

Mark: what’s up with taemin sungjong and mingi???

Jaehyung: idk dude

Jaehyung: they’re wild

Mark: i can see that ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Mark: also heechul is so nice???

Mark: like i know he is i’ve met him

Mark: but it’s surreal being in a gc with him

Mark: i haven’t gone through everyone in the gc but oh my god i’m a little shook

Mark: Hyojin sunbaenim, Yubin noona

Jaehyung: I know! Chorong sunbaenim and Changsub sunbaenim too

Jaehyung: I didn’t realize there were so many of us

Jaehyung: I mean statistic wise I could have guessed but it’s a lot to take in

Mark: NO

Mark: i totally get what you’re saying

Mark: its crazy to think i was keeping this all to myself for so long

Jaehyung: I know what you mean

Jaehyung: bri and I were living in our own little bubble for so long

Jaehyung: we never thought there was a whole community out here

Jaehyung: shit the time

Jaehyung: I forgot to go to bed 

Jaehyung: (╥﹏╥)

Mark: i can’t sleep but you should

Mark: thanks for helping me through this tho

Jaehyung: anytime!

Jaehyung: night

 

Seen by Mark

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 8:29 AM

anteater: um so

anteater : @frogkisser @mingo are we dating?

frogkisser: no

mingo: no

anteater: damn tough crowd

mingo: where’s the “SUNGJONG”

anteater: too sad at being rejected twice :(

frogkisser: aw babe you’ll recover <3

anteater: x_x

anteater: i only know pain </3

 

Seen by frogkisser, mingo, Mark, Dasom, 5+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 3:48 PM

Mark: i don’t want to assume anyone’s sexuality but

Mark: where is yoongi

Mark: from bts

Taehyung: LMAOOOOO

overwatcher: he told us he’d suffocate us in our sleep if we added him

Taehyung: LMAOOOOOOOOO

Taehyung: he already ignores the bts gc so… 

Mark: that makes sense ㅋㅋㅋ

Taehyung: LMAOOOOO

imbigg: i’m surprised yoongi hasn’t suffocated the two of you already

overwatcher: us too rip

overwatcher: can i change this name now??

Taehyung: aw babe i think its pretty fitting

overwatcher: what’s that mean -_-

Taehyung: oh i think you know (>‿◠)✌

imbigg: enlighten me

overwatcher: TAEHYUNG

overwatcher: NO

Taehyung: fiiiiiine

ilikebutt: another day we are saved from this becoming a taekook sexscapades gc 

Taehyung: i can change that ≧❂◡❂≦

overwatcher: TAEHYUNG

overwatcher: you can sleep with jimin for a week if you type one more thing

ilikebutt: and that’s the power of jeongguk’s... bed???

 

Seen by Taehyung, overwatcher, imbigg, Mark, 7+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 5:09 PM

Mingyu: sorry T_T

Mingyu: we took a nap after practice 

Mingyu: and then forgot

imbigg: a nap

imbigg: together

imbigg: inch arresting

Mingyu: shut up

Mingyu: bambam?

imbigg: bingo

overwatcher: MINGYU

Mingyu: jeongguk???

overwatcher: yes :*)

Mingyu: JEONGGUK

overwatcher: (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

[overwatcher changed Mingyu’s name to mingbaby]

imbigg: ok who showed taekook how to use emoticons 

imbigg: fess up

anteater: \ (Ⓘ.Ⓘ) /

imbigg: ...taemin

imbigg: wanna share with the class

anteater: i might have shown jimin

anteater: jimin may or may not have shown taekook

anteater: who’s to know

overwatcher: is was jimin lol

anteatcher: jimin ٩(×̯×)۶

Wonwoo: mingbabyaksjjhsdlksa

mingbaby: i will sit on you

Wonwoo: that a promise ;)

mingbaby: maybe >:(

frogkisser: not another one

frogkisser: i give up

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: lets go on a date i’m done being single in a gc full of couples

anteater: OMG

anteater: OMG

anteater: ITS HAPPENING

anteater: EVERYONE SHUT UP ITS HAPPENING

mingo: not to burst your bubble but you’re both bottoms

mingo: how’s that gonna work

frogkisser: eye

anteater: sorry for telling everyone to shut up

anteater: i was excited

anteater: i’m sad now  ಥ_ಥ

imbigg: (⊙.⊙(☉̃ₒ☉)⊙.⊙)

imbigg: taemin mingi and sungjong all realizing their bottoms 

frogkisser: and you aren’t???

imbigg: i didn’t say i wasn’t ;)

frogkisser: i hate it here

 

Seen by anteater, imbigg, mingo, Wonwoo, 35+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 12:27 PM

Wonho : @Dasom noona can i add changkyun?

Dasom: oh bub

Dasom: you don’t have to ask

Wonho: thanks <3

Dasom: he’s ready?

Wonho: yah!

Wonho: he’s in a much better place now

Wonho: we talked a lot about the sexuality and gender spectrums and also the restraints of labels

Wonho: he hasn’t found a label he’s comfortable with but he’d like to be apart of the community now

supportiveally_kingchul: i hope you warned him about what he’s getting into

supportiveally_kingchul: *shivers*

Wonho: you okay sunbaenim?

supportiveally_kingchul: fine

supportiveally_kingchul: just peachy

supportiveally_kingchul: shitting rainbows

Dasom: why don’t you take a breather oppa

supportiveally_kingchul: as if that could save me

Dasom: #saveheechul2018

Wonho: #saveheechul2018

anteater: #saveheechul2018

frogkisser: #saveheechul2018

imbigg: #saveheechul2018

meanestgay: #saveheechul2018

ieatrice: #saveheechul2018

twitterking18: #saveheechul2018

overwatcher: #saveheechul2018

emo_fanboy18: #saveheechul2018

whepuppy: #saveheechul2018

overwatcher: yoongi says “#saveheechul2018”

supportiveally_kingchul: thanks guys i'm blushing

supportiveally_kingchul: means a lot (╥︣﹏᷅╥᷅)

imbigg: now we got sunbaenim using emoticons

senshine: *facepalms*

supportiveally_kingchul: someone just add changkyun before i step on bambam

imbigg: kinky ;)

supportiveally_kingchul: your spine is gonna be kinky after i’m done with you :)

imbigg: would SOMEONE just add changkyun in before heechul MURDERS me

[Wonho added Changkyun]

Wonho: welcome bby!!

Changkyun: thanks seok

Dasom: how you doin?

Changkyun: i’m doing pretty good all things considered 

Dasom: glad to hear it!

Dasom: lets all get together and have a starship family dinner soon!

imbigg: so i’m not invited :(

Dasom: you can come too bub

imbigg: YASS

Wonho: that sounds really nice noona

[Changkyun changed Changkyun’s name to iamwhatiam]

Wonho: that’s perfect

iamwhatiam: yep!

iamwhatiam: i think its very fitting

ieatrice: welcome to the dark side

ieatrice: we don’t have cookies but

ieatrice: we have ant eaters and frog kissers

iamwhatiam: um

iamwhatiam: thanks for that jackson

iamwhatiam: i’ll keep that in mind if i am ever stranded on a deserted island or need to be turned back into a prince 

imbigg: alkjdlf;adhf;jsa

supportiveally_kingchul: what is queer culture if not eating questionable things and kissing critters hets wouldn’t unless for a prize at the end? who needs a prince? a little frog friend is more than i’d ever ask for. take everyone as they come. even if they’re as small as an ant or as slippery as a frog

Taehyung: ok philosopherchul go off 

overwatcher: i’m sure if namjoon hyung was here he’d have something informative to tell us about why frogs are slippery

Taehyung: i can hear the lecture right now

ieatrice: i don’t even get to hang out with him much and i can hear the lecture 

imbigg: philosopherchul brings up important points tho

imbigg: what is queer culture???

iamwhatiam: please i ask that question all the time i don’t need an existential crisis right now 

supportiveally_kingchul: i give up

frogkisser: can confirm that frogs do not turn into princes no matter how gently you kiss them

iamwhatiam: is he for real???

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater : btw @iamwhatiam yes

anteater: he is rip

iamwhatiam: why is taemin’s name anteater??? 

iamwhatiam: do i even want to know

supportiveally_kingchul: you don’t but you asked so here we go

frogkisser: AS the person who named him anteater i shall tell the story so stfu

frogkisser: it all happened one day when little taemin was bored and he was sitting outside with nothing to do. and he saw an ant hill busy at work being ants. and little taemin said to himself, “are these food?” and to answer the question, little taemin started to put ants in his mouth. he thought, “wow! these are so good!” and continued to eat more ants.

frogkisser: and then the ants got mad at little taemin for eating all their friends. so the ants vowed revenge and attacked little taemin. but little taemin felt so bad and he started crying and told the ants he was sorry for eating their friends. and nobody, including ants, can stay mad at taemin. so the ants forgave little taemin for eating their friends. and all was good in the world. but little taemin couldn’t resist. so he ate those ants as well

frogkisser: the end

iamwhatiam: i regret so deeply everything that has led to this moment

supportiveally_kingchul: one day i will detail all the ways to yeet myself off a cliff

Dasom: i left for five minutes and the terror twins already scarred my dongsaeng 

anteater: terror twins huh

frogkisser: i like it!

Wonho: lets all promise to never ask a question pertaining to taemin or sungjong again

iamwhatiam: agreed

supportiveally_kingchul: ^

Taehyung: ^^

imbigg: ^^^

ieatrice: ^^^^

overwatcher: ^^^^^

mingbaby: i’m just not gonna scroll up

Wonwoo: i did

Wonwoo: i regret

Wonwoo: if you value your brain cells i don’t recommend it

frogkisser: suit yourself :P

 

Seen by Dasom, iamwhatiam, anteater, Wonwoo, 38+

 

Private Chat: Hoseok and Changkyun 

MON 1:13 PM

Hoseok: i’m sorry

Changkyun: don’t sweat it

Changkyun: they’re funny

Changkyun: gross

Changkyun: but funny

Hoseok: they’re always like this too so

Changkyun: it’ll be fun

Changkyun: thanks for including me

Hoseok: of course!!

Hoseok: despite how weird they are it’s important to have a solid community

Hoseok: they can all be really supportive too

Changkyun: thanks seok i really mean it

Changkyun: thank you for always being there for me too

Hoseok: always <3

 

Seen by Changkyun

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 1:15 PM

[imbigg changed supportiveally_kingchul’s name to philosopherchul]

 

Seen by iamwhatiam, Wonho, thewonderyears, ieatrice, 2+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 11:39 AM

Wonho : @ieatrice did namjoon ever call you back

ieatrice: no

ieatrice: i got a text from him that said and i quote, “busy, maybe next week”

Wonho: it is next week

ieatrice: fully aware my dude

Wonho: i’ll take that as no then

ieatrice: as you should

Wonho: :/

ieatrice: s’ok 

ieatrice: mark has been giving me plenty of attention :>

Wonho: so that worked out?

imbigg: its complicated

ieatrice: don’t ask

iamwhatiam: inch arresting 

[ilikebutt changed the group chat name to Hit List]

iamwhatiam: should i be concerned

ieatrice: what now???

ilikebutt: stfu

ilikebutt: i’m tired ok

ilikebutt: i hate it here

ilikebutt: its always men men men men and more freaking men

ilikebutt: so be quiet like good little boys

iamwhatiam: yes ma’am

ieatrice: i am very turned on right now

imbigg: keep it in your pants big boy

ieatrice: yes sir

imbigg: good boy

ilikebutt: SHUT IT

ilikebutt : @hwalion @whepuppy @grandsunma @greasemonster @meanestgay @thewonderyears @Dasom @Chorong @Hyojin @Yerin @Sunny @Hyomin @Hyoyeon @Youngji

ilikebutt: listen up ladies the boys out number us in this stupid gc

ilikebutt: half of you don’t even breathe in here

grandsunma: the name of the gc really confused me for a second

greasemonster: just hit me already i am ready

Chorong: are we in trouble?

thewonderyears: i can’t keep up 

Yerin: hi irene!!

ilikebutt: hi yerin

Yerin: i’d be more active if joy and hayoung were here :/

ilikebutt: they are unconfirmed hets at the moment so no

Chorong: rip hayoung

ilikebutt: that is why we are here

ilikebutt: i need more confirmed gays so we can take over this chat

meanestgay: you make me so proud :’)

Sunny: irene what happened to your name???

Hyoyeon: what happened to yerim’s name

Sunny: i don’t disagree with either tho

Hyoyeon: same

Sunny: OH!

Sunny: let’s change our names!!

[Sunny changed Hyoyeon’s name to hyoraengi]

[Hyomin changed Sunny’s name to sunbun]

sunburn: ily

Hyomin: ily2

twitterking18: this gc really is half filled with sm idols

ilikebutt: lets change that!

ilikebutt: do we have any idols from jyp that we can add?

whepuppy: let’s add chaeyoung!

hwalion: from twice?

whepuppy: yes!!

grandsunma: great idea baby!!

Hyomin: poor girl

Chorong: this is gonna be something

Dasom: i already feel bad for whoever we are about to add

[whepuppy added Chaeyoung]

thewonderyears: welcome to the world of gays

thewonderyears: quick question before you can enter

thewonderyears : are you a gay @Chaeyoung?

Dasom: yubin wtf T_T

Chaeyoung: hi—hit list

Chaeyoung: i’m terrified

Youngji: even i’m scared and i’ve been here since 2012

thewonderyears: aww

thewonderyears: its one of my original babies

ilikebutt: don’t be scared chae we just want to know if you’re one of us

whepuppy: she is! please stop scaring her

Youngji: <mama yubin3

thewonderyears: damn right

Chaeyoung: so if this isn’t a hit list what is it?

thewonderyears: since idk where heechul is i guess i’ll do the welcoming

thewonderyears: but first who else are we adding

Hyojin: i got this just sit back and relax

[Hyojin added SuA]

[Hyojin added Soyeon]

Hyojin: welcome my little rapping disciples 

Chaeyoung: oh i get what’s happening

[Chaeyoung added Sana]

thewonderyears: look at that! already adding gays

[meanestgay added Yoojung]

thewonderyears: is that everyone?

sunbun: yes

Hyomin: ^

Chorong: ^^

Dasom: ^^^

hyoraengi: ^^^^

Youngji: ^^^^^

Hyojin: ^^^^^^

Yerin: i don’t even know what’s happening but ^^^^^^^

Sana: AM I GOING TO DIE???

Sana: WHAT IS THIS

Sana: CHAE WHAT DID YOU DO

Hyomin: oof

Chaeyoung: chill please

thewodneryears : @Chaeyoung @Sana @SuA @Yoojung @Soyeon

thewonderyears: i’m sure you’re all wondering why we’ve gathered here.

thewonderyears: WELCOME MY BABY GAYS

thewonderyears: i am yubin and i will be your guide on this magical journey

Chaeyoung: we know who you are unnie

Sana: am i in trouble

Sana: oh god am i???

Sana: chase help

Chaeyoung: :)

Sana: *chae

Sana: please its autocorrect don’t let them kill me T.T

Soyeon: are you going to kill us on this magical journey

Yoojung: i’m ready to die

Hyomin: should we be worried… 

sunbun: if we’re killing people i vote hyoyeon first

hyoraengi: WHY

Sana: i’m not ready to die please i’m begging here

Hyojin: what is happening

Hyomin: irene changed the gc name to hit list

hyoraengi: THIS IS MEAN

hyoraengi: kill sunny first

Hyomin: no one is killing anyone

Dasom: cnsjdnbsd

sunbun: stop bullying me

hyoraengi: YOU SAID IT FIRST

SuA: why are we k wording

meanestgay: we are on unnie’s hit list

SuA: maybe this is 'i have a crush on you' list

ilikebutt: i have created chaos

SuA: in that case i am flattered 

Yerin: irene what have you done

SuA: i’m single btw

greasemonster: this is a mess

ilikebutt: yerin is single too btw

sunbun: anyway who wants to kill hyoyeon with me

Youngji: IRENE???

SuA: anyways i’m dropping hints that i’m single, gay and ready to mingle

sunbun: we can steal hyoyeon’s clothes afterwards

Yerin: eye

SuA: i’m single

meanestgay: stares

Hyomin: wait clothes?

Chorong: SUNNY

sunbun: WHAT

hyoraengi: LEAVE MY CLOTHES ALONE

Yoojung: so wait what is this mess?

Chorong: WAIT LETS STEAL SUNNY’S CLOTHES

Dasom: CHORONG

Yoojung: sunbaenim give me answers 

meanestgay : @thewonderyears?

thewonderyears: leave me out of this

ilikebutt: i wanted chaos :)

greasemonster: i came to be hit and now i kind of want to steal something

whepuppy: byul no

greasemonster: byul yes

grandsunma: byul no

greasemonster: byul no

hwalion: good girl

sunbun: i’m coming for your clothes

hyoraengi: STOP T_T

meanestgay: everyone stfu

Hyojin: tf

ilikebutt: i just wanted to add more women to the gay gc cause i was tired of men

SuA: women >>>>

Yerin: well you succeeded 

Yerin: you also created chaos

Yerin: but you did good

Sana: so we are all gay here?

Soyeon: like every single person?

Chaeyoung: all fifty-eight of us?

SuA: fifty-eight???

thewonderyears: yes this is a safe space for the lgbtq+

Yoojung: so no one is gonna kill me?

 

Seen by thewonderyears, hyomin, sunbun, Hyojin, 22+

Chapter Text

Hit List Group Chat

WED 1:09 PM

philosopherchul: i 

philosopherchul: i was literally gone for a day wtf happened 

ilikebutt: women >>>>

philosopherchul: i can see that ಠ_ಠ

Chaeyoung: hi sunbaenim

philosopherchul: oh hi chaeyoung

Chaeyoung: did you and momo have fun last night

Chaeyoung: she was on the phone for a long long time

philosopherchul: ....

Sana: CHAE

philosopherchul: who changed my name???

philosopherchul: i can’t tell if i like this more or less then the previous one

imbigg: that would be me sunbaenim

philosopherchul: well lets just hope sungjong doesn’t find out

imbigg: idk what you’re talking about

imbigg: i’ve never changed anyone’s name before

imbigg: i am but an innocent child

Chaeyoung: like anyone would believe that

imbigg: hush

twitterking18: gays

imbigg: um yes?

twitterking18: have you ever looked at someone with a nice face and been like “I am in love with the bone construction of your face” ?

imbigg: tf

overwatcher: i feel that

imbigg: wtf

overwatcher: it’s like “boooooooones”

twitterking18: exactly bones >>>>

philosopherchul: should we have an intervention???

twitterking18: OH I’M SORRY

twitterking18: can a man appreciate his husband’s jawline and cheekbones in peace without y’all worrying if I’m crazy???

overwatcher: i could talk about taetae’s bones all day

overwatcher: have you seen his collarbones???

twitterking18: OMG yes!!! bri’s neck bones >.<

twitterking: i’m weak T.T

imbigg: is this what happens when you fall in love???

Chaeyoung: hold on roll that back 

Chaeyoung: HUSBAND

 

Seen by imbigg, twitterking18, overwatcher, ilikebutt, 9+

 

Hit List Group Chat

WED 1:46 PM

Chaeyoung: is no one going to answer me???

philosopherchul: we should make a powerpoint for newbies so we don’t have to go over the same things every time we add someone

thewonderyears: i support this

Chaeyoung: please someone answer me i am losing my mind over here

 

Seen by thewonderyears, philosopherchul, twitterking18, imbigg, 5+

 

Hit List Group Chat

THUR 12:02 AM

twitterking18: i’m dying

twitterking18: wonpil just knocked on my door with a plate of lamb chops, handed them to me and left

twitterking18: what do I do with these???

Pink_Sweater: you eat them you skinny mf

twitterking18: okay damn

 

Seen by Pink_Sweater, Wonho, Hyojin, sunbun, 13+

 

Hit List Group Chat

THUR 8:08 AM

senshine: hold on

senshine: wtf are birds

philosopherchul: um

Taehyung: is he okay?

senshine: no stfu

hwalion: um now that he asks

hwalion: what are birds?

hwalion: how does one explain birb

senshine: they are not freaking mammals so if someone could kindly fucking explain what is a bird i’d be grateful

grandsunma: babe

grandsunma: birds are dinosaurs

philosopherchul: simply speaking yes they are

senshine: the actual fuck

philosopherchul: why do you ask?

senshine: cause animal planet is blowing my goddamn mind right now

Taehyung: I LOVE ANIMAL PLANET 

senshine: an intellectual

philosopherchul: i quit

 

Seen by Taehyung, senshine, sunbun, imbigg, 6+

 

Hit List Group Chat

THUR 11:48 AM

Taehyung: i have made a discovery 

Taehyung: jeongguk is just like a baby bunny

philosopherchul: do i want to know

imbigg: please do explain

Taehyung: he squeaks when you pull his ears

imbigg: not what i was expecting

philosopherchul: do you pull his ears?

philosopherchul: wait no that doesn’t surprise me

philosopherchul: have you pulled a baby bunny’s ears???

Taehyung: i will not confirm nor deny this

overwatcher: i hate you

Taehyung: i’ll buy you boba

overwatcher: loml (◡‿◡✿)

senshine: y’all are so strange

Taehyung: shut up bird man

 

Seen by philosopherchul, senshine, imbigg, overwatcher, 29+

 

Hit List Group Chat

T HUR 3:34 PM

greasemonster: dudes

greasemonster: have you ever looked at yongsun and just been like

greasemonster: wow prettiest baby ever

greasemonster: there are so many nasty things i wanna do to you :P

thewonderyears: tmi

grandsunman: maybe i wanna do nasty things to you too

whepuppy: this is not our private gc babes

greasemonster: oh yeah like what (¬‿¬)

grandsunma: break your thumbs

greasemonster: not what i was expecting

hwalion: alsjncks

hwalion: you should have seen that coming

greasemonster: you’re right

whepuppy: does anyone ever wanna do nasty things to me?

greasemonster: of course baby

hwalion: all the time

grandsunma: if you get off your phone and come here i might do a little something nasty to you

hwalion: WAIT FOR ME

greasemonster: i wanna watch don’t start without me!

ilikebutt: i suddenly understand why sungjong always wants to kick out the couples

Sana: my eyes

 

Seen by ilikebutt, thewonderyears, grandsunma

 

Hit List Group Chat

THUR 4:05 PM

mingbaby: when i first saw you i knew nothing's like it used to be

mingbaby: boy, you have got to be the finest thing in history

mingbaby: the way i feel inside is just so hard to understand

mingbaby: you feed my appetite in ways i can't explain

Wonwoo: i'll eat you up, your love, your love i’ll eat you up, your love, your love

Wonwoo: woah, i'll eat you up, woah, so yum yum woah, can't get enough, woah, oh oh, i think i'm in love

senshine: if you move any closer, boy, there is no guarantee

senshine: what i will do to you i fear it and it's scaring me

philosopherchul: like i've become some kind of demon in the night

philosopherchul: you look so tasty, i could eat you up alive

meanestgay: what typa gay shit is this???

Wonwoo: IT’S BOA BITCH

senshine: is there a gay alive that doesn’t love boa???

mingbaby: imma eat wonwoo

philosopherchul: this took a turn

imbigg: are we talking about vore cause i have questions

ieatrice: about vore???

imbigg: i said what i said

ieatrice : @Mark we need to have a meeting

Mark: bam tf

philosopherchul: no kink shaming in this group chat!

philosopherchul: although also no cannibalism 

mingbaby: nom nom wonwoo

Wonwoo: i’m sleeping in DK’s room tonight

mingbaby: good thing i know where that is

mingbaby: <(^,^)>

Wonwoo: HELP

philosopherchul: good luck bub

 

Seen by mingbaby, Wonwoo, meanestgay, senshine, 8+

 

Hit List Group Chat

THUR 8:49 PM

Changsub : @Dasom ?

Dasom: ye?

Changsub: ily

Dasom: aw ily2

Changsub : @Chorong ?

Chorong: what’s up buttercup

Changsub: love you <3

Chorong: love you too hun <3

Changsub : @mingo ?

mingo: ...yes?

Changsub: you’re a fucking twink

mingo: thanks for that dude

Chorong: HELp

Dasom: I’M DYING

sunbun: i am crying

Changsub: that’s all

 

Seen by mingo, Dasom, sunbun, Chorong, 36+

Chapter Text

Hit List Group Chat

FRI 6:43 AM

frogkisser: is no one gonna address how changsub just wrecked mingi for no reason?

frogkisser: like spot on but damn

Changsub: i may have had too much to drink last night

frogkisser: why are you awake???

Changsub: why are you awake???

frogkisser: are you still drunk

Changsub: nah i had to get up to puke

Changsub: night

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: its too early in the morning for this tbh

Chorong: why are any of you awake?

frogkisser: schedule

anteater: schedule

frogkisser: JINX

anteater: rip us

Chorong: i’m going back to bed stop blowing up my phone twinks 

anteater: alskdjsal

frogkisser: i hate it here

anteater: we should make a sub group chat for twinks!

 

Seen by frogkisser, Chorong

 

Hit List Group Chat

FRI 12:06 PM

mingo: please tell me someone said no to taemin

SuA: HELP

SuA: HEEEEEELP

SuA: i don’t know what to do T_T

SuA: i’m just a lonely gay please

Soyeon: what happened?

SuA: can’t say

SuA: too embarrassing

Yerin: suddenly i am alive and willing to read

hwalion: spill the tea

Soyeon: how do we help if you won’t tell us?

SuA: i’m just gonna drown myself in the shower

mingo: is anyone else concerned with how much we all casually joke about dying???

hwalion: we’re gay

hwalion: that’s the least of our problems

Yerin: someone spill the tea or i am leaving

Soyeon: this a judgment free zone

hwalion: just some lonely gays helping out other gays

Yerin: don’t you have three girlfriends?

hwalion: you got me there

SuA: i

SuA: i used the dreamcatcher instagram acct and accidentally liked very provocative fan art and edits of my members

SuA: please end me

SuA: i don’t want to be here anymore

SuA: i just suffer

hwalion: alsjncskal

Yerin: ok but which members

Soyeon: i don’t even know what to say

Soyeon: ok the bright side is no one will know it was you

Yerin: seriously which members this is important

SuA: um

SuA: siyeon

Yerin: and?

SuA: yeah no just siyeon

Soyeon: you are so screwed

hwalion: i checked twitter

hwalion: they are betting on which member did it

hwalion: you are winning by a large margin

Yerin: better than having retweeted the fan art tbh

hwalion: we all know a poor little gay that happened to

Soyeon: i do not please enlighten me

Yerin : when @overwatch retweeted fan art of his leader lmaooo

SuA: suddenly i feel much better

overwatcher: IT HAPPENED ONCE

SuA: suddenly my depression is cured 

SuA: i think i might even go for a walk

SuA: maybe sit in a sunflower field 

SuA: who needs day6

SuA: my emo phase is over

emo_fanboy18: what did day6 do???

SuA: NOOOOO

SuA: YOUNG K

SuA: I’M SCREAMING 

Soyeon: imma back away now

emo_boy18: we’ve literally met before but okay

SuA: nvm

SuA: siyeon is texting me

SuA: i crave death

emo_fanboy18: there there

emo_fanboy18: if it turns out to suck at least you’ll have material to write a break up song

Yerin: spoken like the true emo you are 

SuA: at least i got to meet day6

SuA: i can go drown a happy gay now

Yerin: day6 is for the gays and the emos only. everyone else go home

emo_fanboy18: my vision has been realized 

whepuppy: i wanna meet day6 :((

hwalion: aw baby

hwalion: i’ll take you to their next concert

whepuppy: promise?

hwalion: of course baby

whepuppy: (‐^▽^‐)

 

Seen by Hwalion, emo_fanboy18, Yerin, Soyeon, 9+

 

Private Chat: Siyeon and Bora

FRI 12:13 PM

Siyeon: was it you

Bora: me what?

Siyeon: did you like those fan arts?

Bora: idk what you’re talking about

Siyeon: please! somnia twt is on fire right now

Bora: oof

Siyeon: you can tell me

Siyeon: i won’t rat you out to the managers

Siyeon: i think its cute

Bora: um yeah idk maybe it was me

Bora: I DIDN’T MEAN TO

Bora: i was just scrolling through the searches those were the ones i happened to tap twice

Siyeon: oh

Siyeon: so you weren’t specifically looking at fan art of me?

Bora: nope

Siyeon: good to know

Bora: yep

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

Hit List Group Chat

FRI 12:19 PM

[SuA changed SuA’s name to borawr]

Soyeon: how you doin there?

borawr: just needed something to make me laugh

Soyeon: was it bad?

borawr: i think i fucked up

Yiren: ss please i’ll determine if it’s a fuck up

borawr : *screen shot*

borawr : *screen shot*

Yerin: oh

Soyeon: wow

Yerin: she called it cute and you backpedaled so hard wtf

borawr: I PANICKED

hwalion: you were so close to flirting and you ruined it

Yerin: just like a true useless gay

borawr: if anyone needs me i will be in the shower

borawr: drowning myself

philosopherchul: i would say please don’t but yeah that’s unfortunate

Yerin: oh no even heechul sunbaenim agrees

thewonderyears: it hurt even me

Yerin: so do you like siyeon?

borawr: BYEE

 

Seen by Yerin, philosopherchul, Soyeon, thewonderyear, 11+

 

Hit List Group Chat

FRI 4:50 PM

twitterking18: oof

twitterking18: glad bri and I were never that bad

Pink_Sweater: as if you two weren’t worse

twitterking18: no clue what you’re talking about

Pink_Sweater: ʘ‿ʘ

 

Seen by twitterking18, emo_fanboy18

Chapter Text

Hit List Group Chat

SAT 6:58 PM

hwalion: someone put me out of my misery

grandsunma: hush

hwalion: literally can’t do it anymore

greasemonster: get off your phones before she notices

whepuppy: you guys are sitting right in front of me

whepuppy: wtf

whepuppy: you suck

greasemonster: nooo baby i was only telling them to stop

grandsunma: blame it on hyejin

hwalion: HEY

Taehyung: aren’t you literally together right now???

greasemonster: wheein is glaring at us

grandsunma: this is safer

hwalion: i can take only so many cat pictures

whepuppy: ggomo is the cutest!!

whepuppy: i thought you guys liked my pictures :((

grandsunma: WE DO

hwalion: forty minutes

hwalion: forty minutes of one cat

hwalion: please no more

 

Seen by whepuppy, Taehyung, Chorong, Changsub, 8+

 

Hit List Group Chat

SAT 7:32 PM

Taehyung: ending was kind of ominous 

mingbaby: didn’t sit right with me either

iamwhatiam: what do you think happened?

meanestgay: and they say to this day hyejin is still looking at pictures of ggomo

Taehyung: deserved

minbaby: ^

iamwhatiam: ^^

Seen by mingbaby, meanestgay, Taehyung, Hyojin, 13+

 

Hit List Group Chat

SUN 12:09 PM

Changsub: yo

Changsub: who wants to play DND tonight

Changsub : @Chorong @ilikebutt @grandsunma @Dasom @mingo

Changsub: your presences have been required 

Chorong: oh no

Changsub: i’ll be the dm, no worries

Dasom: do we get a choice in this?

Changsub: not even a little

mingo: neeeeerd

grandsunma: i don’t have a character

Changsub: don’t worry

Changsub: i gots character sheets

ilikebutt: i want a new character

Dasom: you’ve played before???

ilikebutt: of course

mingo: nerd?

Chorong: mango i will roundhouse kick you in the face if you upset changsub

mingo: suddenly i am excited to play dnd

Changsub: see y’all in a few hours :)

 

Seen by mingo, Chorong, Dasom, ilikebutt, 5+

 

Hit List Group Chat

SUN 4:04 PM

frogkisser: so the rest of us just not invited?

frogkisser: damn and right in front of my salad

Youngji: yeah i don’t think that’s how you use that meme

frogkisser: don’t make me drop my croissant 

Youngji: i hate you

frogkisser: :D

 

Seen by Chorong, Changsub, Youngji, Dasom, +4

 

Hit List Group Chat

SUN 11:38 PM

imbigg: we should talk about our kinks

imbigg: i mean

imbigg: there is no way this gc is full of vanillas 

imbigg: what type of gays would y’all be

ieatrice: not on a sunday T_T

imbigg: stfu

Mark: um

Mark: bam you can talk to us about your kinks

imbigg: if i wanted your opinion i would have gone to your room ten feet away

overwatcher: bam you ok?

mingbaby: emergency meeting now!

ieatrice: tf

 

Seen by Mark

 

97’ Liners Best Liners Group Chat

SUN 11:47 PM

Mingyu : @BamBam

Jungkook : @BamBam

BamBam: WHAT

Yugyeom: dude

Eunwoo: what’s happening?

Jungkook: bam what was that

BamBam: idk what you’re talking about

Mingyu: you clearly just snapped at mark and jackson

Yugyeom: what are you guys talking about???

The8: I am confusion 

BamBam: i didn’t care about their opinions damn

BamBam: it’s not a big deal

Jaehyun: you snapped at your hyungs?

BamBam: just drop it, its not a big deal

Yugyeom: you sound upset tho

DK: you can talk to us Bam

Jungkook: did something happen?

Yugyeom: I’m sorry

Yugyeom: how do Guk and Gyu know something is wrong when I literally live with you?

Mingyu: another gc

Yugyeom: you mf are in a gc without me???

Jungkook: trust me

Jungkook: you don’t want to be there

The8: what gc tho

Mingyu: not important

DK: Bam tell us what’s wrong

Jaehyun: please?

BamBam: its dumb

Jungkook: no its not

Yugyeom: if it’s upsetting you it isn’t

BamBam: fine

BamBam: but imma explain it once and then no one mention it again

BamBam: got it?

Yugyeom: yes

Jungkook: ^

Mingyu: ^^

The8: ^^^

Jaehyun: ^^^^

Eunwoo: ^^^^^

DK: ^^^^^^

BamBam: theoretically speaking

BamBam: what if you liked this person but they didn’t really like you back and you were kind of okay with it because being friends with benefits was enough

BamBam: like it wasn’t anything serious. you’d just fool around sometimes, blow off steam, no big deal. but this third person comes in who you are also friends with and all three of you are friends and that’s fine but the third person confesses to the person you have a crush on. 

BamBam: and your crush doesn’t like immediately start dating your friend but it’s obvious your crush likes them back, but doesn’t like you back so now you’re third wheeling and it feels shitty, but they’re your friends and you want them to be happy so all that stuff you’d done before no longer matters and you try to move on except your crush doesn’t let you

BamBam: like they’re jealous all the time when you say you’re gonna hang out with someone else and it gets your hopes up, like maybe they like you back

BamBam: but they don’t

BamBam: of course they don’t

BamBam: they like your friend and your friend likes them and you don’t want to say anything and ruin the friendship, but you also feel really dumb 

BamBam: the end

Jungkook: bam

BamBam: i really don’t fucking want to talk about it anymore

BamBam: i just need to get over it

Eunwoo: this really sucks bambam

The8: you can vent to us whenever

DK: ^

Mingyu: :((

Jaehyun: seriously come to us whenever

 

Seen by Mingyu, DK, Eunwoo

 

97’ Liners Best Liners Group Chat

MON 12:09 AM

Mingyu: bam?

Yugyeom: he’s busy getting hugs

Jungkook: you’re a good friend yug

Yugyeom: wait until I get a hold of Jackson and Mark :)

DK: oh no

 

Seen by Jungkook, Mingyu, Jaehyun, Eunwoo, 2+

 

Private Chat: Jeongguk and Mingyu

MON 12:15 AM

Mingyu: we’re gonna keep them off him in the gc right?

Jeongguk: of course

Jeongguk: jackson and mark really didn’t do anything wrong

Jeongguk: but we aren’t gonna let them hurt bammie anymore

Mingyu: i imagine yug has got it covered in the dorm

Jeongguk: kind of feel bad for them

Mingyu: :/

Jeongguk: when are we gonna talk about you and wonwoo

Mingyu: idk, when were you gonna tell me about taehyung

Jeongguk: fair… 

Mingyu: night guk

Jeongguk: night :/

 

Seen by Mingyu

Chapter Text

Hit List Group Chat

MON 1:24 PM

twitterking18: fun facts!

twitterking18: mcdonald once made bubble gum flavored broccoli 

twitterking18: some fungi can create zombies and control minds

emo_fanboy18: babe 

twitterking18: armadillo shells are bulletproof

twitterking18: cows don’t have upper front teeth :(

Pink_Sweater: stop him please

Pink_Sweater: he’s been reading these all morning

senshine: eye

emo_fanboy18: those are not fun

twitterking18: they’re really not

twitterking18: this book lied to me

twitterking18: also

twitterking18: I’m in your room

Pink_Sweater: he really is

senshine: aslkdlajs

emo_fanboy18: i’m not there tho??

twitterking18: s’ok

twitterking18: I can wait

twitterking18: I’ll just keep reading more facts

Pink_Sweater: hyung please come home soon T_T

twitterking18: creature was a vegetarian 

senshine: tf kind of creature???

twitterking18: *who

twitterking18: you mean who is creature

emo_fanboy18: suddenly i have lots of errands today

Pink_Sweater: NO

Pink_Sweater: please take him away from us T_T

emo_fanboy18: this is not my problem

emo_fanboy18: dowoon bought him that book

Pink_Sweaterb: HE IS YOUR HUSBAND

emo_fanboy18: suddenly i can’t read

twitterking18: ancient egyptians used dead mice to cure toothaches by putting them in their mouths 

senshine: just delete this chat

senshine: burn it

twitterking18: bri imma steal your clothes

emo_fanboy18: i’m not even surprised 

twitterking18: ;)

 

Seen by Hyojin, Chaeyoung, Yoojung, emo_fanboy18, 29+

 

Hit List Group Chat

MON 1:55 PM

frogkisser: WEEDUL ASSISTANCE 

frogkisser: weedul 

frogkisser: weedul 

frogkisser: WEEDUL

frogkisser: wtf weedul

frogkisser: WHY IS MY PHONE DOING THIS

frogkisser: WEEDUL

frogkisser: HELP

frogkisser: weedul weedul weedul

anteater: alsjdlkals

frogkisser: WEEDUL

anteater: this is funnier than i thought it would be

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: WHAT DID YOU DO

anteater: ;P

frogkisser: weedul

 

Seen by anteater, philosopherchul, Dasom, Taehyung, +16

 

Hit List Group Chat

MON 2:13 PM

philosopherchul: is sungjong trying to type my name…

anteater: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

anteater: i messed with his autocorrect settings :D

philosopherchul: i’m not even surprised

frogkisser: I KNEW IT

philosopherchul: what do you want?

frogkisser: tf

frogkisser: who are you???

anteater: sungjong…

frogkisser: taemin… 

philosopherchul: “oh yes i need sunbaenim’s assistance”

philosopherchul: *looks at crumbled paper* 

philosopherchul: *squints eyes* 

philosopherchul: “weedul?”

philosopherchul: “tf is that”

frogkisser: listen

frogkisser: idk how you expect me to recognize you with that @ 

frogkisser: ANd it wasn’t my fault

frogkisser: blame taemin

anteater: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

philosopherchul: just tell me why you summoned me to this hellscape

frogkisser: idk dude ^( '-' )^

[frogkisser changed philosopherchul’s name to supportiveally]

supportiveally: i only come here to suffer

anteater: do you think weedul knows he can change his own name?

frogkisser: idk but i wish you hadn't told him

supportiveally: STO P 

frogkisser: ok weedul

 

Seen by anteater, supportiveally, Sana, imbigg, 17+

 

Hit List Group Chat

MON 6:07 PM

ieatrice: i keep looking at this gc name and getting confused

ieatrice: are we dying or is someone gonna flirt with me

ieatrice: i’m okay with either but someone decide

Mark: we’re flirting ;)

imbigg: would someone hit me please

ieatrice: i could hit on you ;P

imbigg: i’ll pass

Mark: well i’m not gonna hit you

ieatrice: no one is allowed to hit bammie :(

imbigg: maybe i’ll just hit both of you

ieatrice: (◑.◑)

Mark: can’t say i’m opposed 

imbigg: i give up

mingbaby: WONWOO AND I FUCKED

ieatrice: well this is a new development for this gc

ieatrice: not even taekook are this bold

imbigg: mingyu

imbigg: you tall man child

imbigg: the fuck dude

mingbaby: i panicked ok leave me alone

Wonwoo: about us fucking???

mingbaby: um

mingbaby: i hate my life

Wonwoo: where r u?

mingbaby: digging my grave

Wonwoo: i’m coming home

Wonwoo: you better be in our room

mingbaby: ...yes 

ieatrice: quite the development 

overwatcher: mingyu you idiot

overwatcher: was that really the first thing you could think of???

mingbaby: leave me alone T_T

ieatrice: so is it official???

ieatrice: have we added a fourth couple to this hellscape

[ieatrice changed the group chat name to speed dating for dummies]

ieatrice: someone flirt with me

ieatrice: quickly

Chaeyoung: i am deeply concerned 

ieatrice: not really what i was expecting 

ieatrice: but i can roll with this

Mark: now i’m going to hit you

imbigg: already beat you to it

overwatcher: i hate bunnies

imbigg: um

imbigg: kook

imbigg: you good there?

Taehyung: YOU DO NOT

Taehyung: that’s like saying you hate yourself???

overwatcher: hate to break this to you

Taehyung: NO

Taehyung: i will not accept this

Chaeyoung : @overwatcher do you actually hate bunnies wtf

overwatcher: ...no 

Taehyung: wait

Taehyung: does this mean i can’t share my ggukie as bunnies powerpoint 

overwatcher: please don’t

imbigg: why’d you say you hate bunnies if you don’t???

overwatcher: why’d mingyu tell us he and wonwoo fucked???

imbigg: ...idk

overwatcher: yah me either 

ieatrice: i am lost

overwatcher: hi lost

overwatcher: i am bunny

Taehyung: guk is this a cry for help???

overwatcher: please (╥﹏╥)

Taehyung: HOLD ON BABY BOY

Taehyung: imma get you outta there

imbigg: where is he???

Taehyung: idk hold on

Taehyung : @overwatcher where u at

overwatcher: suffering

Taehyung: okay edge lord that doesn’t really help me here

Taehyung: nvm

Taehyung: i’ll just track your phone

overwatcher: thanks :’)

Chaeyoung: i’m concerned 

Chaeyoung: NO ONE MAKE A DAD JOKE OUTTA THAT

 

Seen by overwatcher, imbigg, ieatrice, Mark, 8+

 

speed dating for dummies Group Chat

MON 7:56 PM

Changsub: dudes i really hate hearing footsteps in my apartment 

Changsub: its literally so creepy wtf

supportiveally: are you alone?

supportiveally: CHANGSUB

supportiveally: do i need to call the police???

supportiveally: CHANGSUB

Chorong: we are literally in his apartment with him

supportiveally: so wait

Dasom: he’s drunk

mingo: we’re playing dnd like he wanted

ilikebutt: just ignore him

grandsunma: the footsteps are kinda creepy

supportiveally: are

supportiveally: are you guys walking around???

Changsub: ye

Dasom: you know what

Dasom: imma drive yongsun home she’s a little drunk too

grandsunma: I’M FINE

ilikebutt: your own footsteps are freaking you out???

grandsunma: they’re so loud!

Chorong: STOP STOMPING THEN

mingo: this is the most stressful game i’ve ever played

supportiveally: i have so many questions

supportiveally: and like none at all at the same time

Changsub: rip kingchul

Changsub: oh wait

Changsub: you’re not kingchul

[Chorong changed supportiveally’s name to supportiveally_kingchul] 

Changsub: much better

Changsub: you the bestest

Chorong: (>‿♥)

supportiveally_kingchul: why do i even bother

mingo: they forced me to name my character mango 

supportiveally_kingchul: that’s rough bub

frogkisser: weedul

frogkisser: i remember what i need assistance on

supportiveally_kingchul: waiting

frogkisser: can i send you the poems i wrote?

frogkisser: need some opinions

frogkisser: they’re for inspirits 

supportiveally_kingchul: of course! 

supportiveally_kingchul: :’)

Changsub: gay

Changsub: very gay 

Changsub: (👍≖‿‿≖)👍 

frogkisser: i’ve never done a straight thing in my life

supportiveally_kingchul: we know

 

Seen by mingo, Chorong, ilikebutt, Changsub, 31+

Chapter Text

speed dating for dummies Group Chat

TUE 3:05 PM

thewonderyears: do i even wanna know what happened to the gc name

Hyomin: i’ve stopped asking questions

[hyoraengi left]

Hyomin: huh

thewonderyears: did something happen?

sunbun: don’t worry about it

thewonderyears: should i be concerned 

sunbun: no :)

Hyomin: you didn’t

sunbun: i did :)

Hyomin: soongyu 

sunbun: do you have something to say

sunbun: hmm

Hyomin: you kicked hyoyeon out T_T

sunbun: yes :D

sunbun: she shouldn’t have insulted floops

anteater: who’s floops

Hyomin: why’d you have to ask

sunbun : *image*

Hyomin: but he’s bald…

anteater: IS THAT A BUNNY???

sunbun: he’s cute :D

sunbun: me and taeyeon are raising him :D

Hyomin: i can’t  x_x

ilikebutt: sunny x_X

sunbun: what :D

anteater: fjskfnjr

anteater: you’re cute

sunbun: i’m not 

sunbun: i’m sexc

Hyomin: no you’re cute

sunbun: HYOYEON KICKED ME OUT OF THE SNSD GC

sunbun: ok hyo <3

sunbun: but you’re cuter hyo

anteater: “ok hyo <3”

Hyomin: *blushes*

sunbun: hyo is the only one with the right to call me cute because she’s cute

Hyomin: STOp thats so cute

anteater: :((

Hyomin: oh no

Hyomin: you made taeminnie sad

anteater: i tell everyone they’re cute tho :((

Hyomin: same lol

anteater: everyone here are the cutest babies

sunbun: you’re a baby

sunbun: i am the exception to that \(*~*)/

anteater: no

Hyomin: no <3

sunbun: wow

 

Seen by anteater, thewonderyear, ilikebutt, Hyomin, 4+

 

Private Chat: Soongyu and Hyomin

TUE 3:13 PM

Soongyu: hyoyeon kicked me out of the snsd gc :((

Hyomin: you kicked her out of the gay gc babe

Soongyu: she called floops ugly

Hyomin: where do you even find bald bunny pictures

Soongyu: the internet is a magical place :D

Hyomin: why would someone even shave their bunny??

Hyomin: wtf

Soongyu: IT’S CUTE

Hyomin: it’s ugly

Soongyu: apologize or i’m kicking you out too!

 

Seen by Hyomin

 

speed dating for dummies Group Chat

TUE 3:21 PM

Hyomin: STOP THREATENING TO KICK ME OUT TOO

sunbun: DON’T CALL FLOOPS UGLY THEN

anteater: this is mean :(

sunbun: hyo insulted floops :(

Hyomin: my bad x_x

sunbun: you better not insult him again :)

anteater: o_O

Hyomin: why am i scared x_x

sunbun: why would you be scared :)

anteater: nfksnfjadj

sunbun: just don’t insult my child :D

Hyomin: x_x

thewonderyears: add hyoyeon back now

sunbun: no <3

Hyomin: eye

sunbun: why should i

ilikebutt: damn

ilikebutt: sunny really said fuck hyoyeon

thewonderyears: she’s your friend???

sunbun: she messaged me to insult floops so no

sunbun: also its funny

Hyomin: rip hyoyeon

sunbun: deserved

frogkisser: just ate gravy like it was soup

anteater: don’t blame you

anteater: gravy is immaculate 

Hyomin: um

anteater: dammit

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

Hyomin: so we just gonna ignore sungjong drinking gravy???

sunbun: for my sanity i am

thewonderyears: ^

ilikebutt: ^^

Hyomin: fair

 

Seen by ilikebutt, frogkisser, anteater, sunbun, 24+

 

speed dating for dummies Group Chat

TUE 6:21 PM

[sunbun added Hyoyeon]

sunbun: now add me back to the snsd gc

Hyoyeon: no

[sunbun changed Hyoyeon’s name to hyoraengi]

sunbun: please ToT

hyoraengi: fine

 

Seen by sunbun, Sana, ilikebutt, Hyomin, 5+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

WED 1:27 PM

Matthew: imma literally yeet myself off a cliff

Jaehyung: you’re so dramatic

Matthew: I AM SUFFERING

Jaehyung: it’s not that bad

Matthew: WHAT DO I DO

Jaehyung: do you even want to???

Matthew: fuck it

Matthew: i do

Matthew: help me please

Jaehyung: aight hold please

Matthew: what are you doing?

Matthew: Jae?

 

speed dating for dummies Group Chat

WED 1:34 AM

twitterking18: ayo

twitterking18: who’s awake

emo_fanboy18: i’m right next to you

twitterking18: that’s why I’m asking the gc

emo_fanboy18: so you don’t want my company?

twitterking18: BRIAN

Mark: what’s up

twitterking18: finally someone

mingbaby: i’m awake

twitterking18: ayy

borawr: i’m here too

twitterking18: hello everyone

greasemonster: i felt my presence was requested 

twitterking18: it was

twitterking18: first things first

twitterking18: this stupid gc name

[twitterking18 changed the group chat name to gays only event]

twitterking18: now i’ve called you all here because my bro is having love life problems

greasemosnter: is it gay?

twitterking18: oh yes it is

twitterking18: imma add him

twitterking18: maybe y’all can help him

borawr: this sounds exciting

mingbaby: more interesting then sleeping

[twitterking18 added Matthew]

twitterking18 : @Matthew explain your problem

Matthew: this is where you went?

twitterking18: matt here is suffering because he is in love with all three of his members

twitterking18: he’s being a useless gay about it too

Matthew: *pansexual

greasemonster: dude

greasemonster: i feel this pain

Matthew: you do?

greasemonster: sure do, but i gots me three girlfriends now so it’s okie

Matthew: how does one do that???

Mark: please do explain

borawr: wait this is about jiwoo somin and taehyung, right?

Matthew: yes

Matthew: help

borawr: please

borawr: how does one even get a singular girlfriend???

greasemonster: y’all are hopeless for real

mingbaby: have you tried flirting?

mingbaby: i hear that works wonders

greasemonster: not wrong

greasemonster: flirt with them, if they flirt back ask them out

greasemonster: there now you got yourself a significant other

Matthew: but how do i get three all at once???

Mark: what if he keeps telling me to shut up?

mingbaby: is jackson telling you to shut up?

greasemonster: if you think they might reciprocate you should have a chat with all of them

greasemonster: it worked out for us

Mark: no its not jackson…

mingbaby: O.O

twitterking18: this was largely useless

borawr: idk what you want from us were all mostly single

twitterking18: point

greasemonster: you actually have a husband why don’t you tell us how that happened???

twitterking18: simple

twitterking18: i followed him to south korea and then annoyed him for years until he broke down and agreed to date me then i annoyed him for a couple more years until he decided to marry me to appease me

mingbaby: eye

emo_fanboy18: that is NOT what happened

emo_fanboy18: shut up you bean pole

Mark: so does shut up mean they’re flirting?

Matthew: if it does then somin is in love with me

greasemonster: what’s the tone?

greasemonster: yongsun tells me to shut up all the time

Matthew: sometimes its playful other times she seems very serious

Mark: he always seems pissed off when he tells me to shut up

greasmonster: that doesn’t sound promising mark, but you might have a chance matthew

twitterking18: rip mark

 

Seen by Matthew, Mark, borawr, mingbaby, 3+

Chapter Text

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

WED 7:49 AM

Jungkook : @Mingyu

Jungkook: did i read that right???

Jungkook: mark wasn’t talking about jackson then was he talking about bambam???

DK: Gyu is passed tf out right now

DK: what happened?

Jungkook: mark was trying to figure out if he had a chance with someone who kept telling him to shut up and it wasn’t jackson so i’m thinking he’s talking about bambam, but i’m not sure

Eunwoo: what happened to mingyu?

DK: the last thing I heard was wonwoo yelling at him to get off his phone

DK: I went to bed like a normal person who knows they have a schedule in the morning

BamBam: i saw it too

BamBam: mark isn’t talking about me

Jungkook: what why

BamBam: i’m literally avoiding them until i get my feelings sorted out

Yugyeom: bam :(

Mingyu: idk dude

Mingyu: i think mark was talking about you

BamBam: can we just drop it?

Jungkook: sorry bam :(

 

Seen by BamBam, DK, Mingyu, Eunwoo, 1+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 1:08 PM

borawr: the more i think about it the more i realize there is no way jiwoo is a het

borawr : @Matthew idk if you got a chance with her

Matthew: you think she might only be into girls?

twitterking18: I’m also not confident about Taehyung liking guys

twitterking18: that man does like his girl groups

borawr: i’m not sure if its het that he likes ggs or if its gay that he likes to dance to them.

borawr: that’s bisexual culture

twitterking18: true dat

Matthew: y’all really killing my vibe right now

twitterking18: you should just straight up ask if any of them are gay

Changsub: i think a lemur just called me gay

borawr: um

twitterking18: dude what

Matthew: is it always this random?

Changsub: no shut up

Changsub: a lemur account on twitter called me gay

twitterking18: twitter be wildin man

Matthew: a lemur account?

Changsub: idk it has a lemur pfp and a lemur @ and i looked at the account. it tweets about being a lemur don’t ask me x_x

borawr: the real question is how did a lemur learn english

twitterking18: no

Changsub: the funny part is i think the lemur was trying to insult me but i almost thanked it for noticing 

Matthew: HELPP

Changsub: almost outed myself on twitter cause of a lemur

twitterking18: these do be wild times

borawr: imagine thinking calling someone gay is an insult

Changsub: exactly

Changsub: i’d be more insulted if they called me straight

Matthew: imagine being straight

twitterking18: never a day in my life you can miss me with that bs

Jokwon: i really came on here because i saw lemurs

Jokwon: i regret

Changsub: you only ever come on when i say weird shit

Jokwon: free entertainment 

Soohyun: a lemur called you gay???

Changsub: wild i know

Soohyun: i’m leaving

Jokwon: what…

Soohyun: it’s too weird

Jokwon: miss you :(

Soohyun: miss you too :((

Jokwon: can we meet up soon?

Soohyun: yes please!

Changsub: gaaaaaay

Changsub: that’s how the lemur said it

 

Seen by Jokwon, twitterking18, Matthew, borawr, 12+

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 12:21 AM

frogkisser: something is wrong here

frogkisser: and it’s not the homophobic lemur

frogkisser: or changsub’s general changsubness 

frogkisser: where is weedul :(

frogkisser: weedul!!!

[frogkisser changed the group chat name to missing weedul hours]

senshine: i can just see heechul rolling his eyes right now

ilikebutt: he’s gonna avoid the gc now cause of you

frogkisser: i thought he would like it :(

frogkisser: plus weedul is taemin’s fault

frogkisser: idk how to change it back

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: also you’re dumb

[anteater changed the group chat name to missing heechul hours]

frogkisser: HEY

supportiveally_kingchul: um

frogkisser: WEEDUL!

senshine: heechul!!!

frogkisser: hi weedul

frogkisser: i missed you

anteater: heechul!!

frogkisser: weedul left :(

ilikebutt: heechul

frogkisser: weedul come back :(

twitterking18: HEECHUL

ieatrice: heechul :(

anteater: heechul

frogkisser: heechul

ilikebutt: did we drive heechul off

senshine: rip heechul

 

Seen by ilikebutt, frogkisser, twitterking18, anteater, 32+

 

missing heechul hours Group Chat

THUR 8:45 AM

supportiveally_kingchul: dudes

supportiveally_kingchul: i was sleeping

anteater: HEECHUL <3

supportiveally_kingchul: hi

anteater: how was sleeping??

supportiveally_kingchul: i almost strangled donghae 

anteater: o.O

frogkisser: WEEDUL

supportiveally_kingchul: hi sungjong

frogkisser: we all wanna strangle somebody sometimes

frogkisser: i wanna strangle dongwoo almost every time i see him

frogkisser: *with love

anteater: how’d you almost strangle donghae if you were sleeping???

supportiveally_kingchul: he was particularly annoying in my dream

frogkisser: oof

anteater: alsjfcnsk

imbigg: i can think of a few of my members i’d like to strangle

Mark: me too :)

frogkisser: i sense tension

frogkisser: and not the good kind

supportiveally_kingchul: for once i agree with sungjong

anteater: i always agree with sungjong

frogkisser: really? i never agree with taemin

imbigg: i lose brain cells texting you two

Mark: hadn’t noticed

imbigg: you got a problem?

Mark: what gave you that impression?

ieatrice: um guys

ieatrice: maybe we should take this out of the gc

imbigg: shut up jackson

Mark: no one asked you

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t make me contact jaebeom like i did namjoon when taekook started fighting 

ieatrice: not necessary 

imbigg: we’re fine

Mark: if this is your definition of fine i can’t wait to see what bad looks like

imbigg: the fuck mark

supportiveally_kingchul: you three can come back when you have your shit sorted

[Mark left]

[imbigg left]

ieatrice left]

twitterking18: do you think that was a good idea

supportiveally_kingchul: yes

 

Seen by frogkisser, twitterking18, anteater, senshine, 10+

Chapter Text

missing heechul hours Group Chat

SAT 4:47 AM

Hyojong: what is this gc name???

Hyojong: i mean it’s always missing heechul hours

Hyojong: but did he go somewhere???

Changsub: no sungjong and taemin are just dramatic as fuck

Hyojong: oh fair

Hyojong: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Hyojong: did you get bullied by a lemur on twitter or…

Changsub: no you read right

Changsub: shit was funny tho

Hyojong: and this is why i stay off of that bird app

Changsub: understandable

 

Seen by Hyojong, Matthew, Wonho, meanestgay, 9+

 

missing heechul hours Group Chat

SAT 11:36 AM

Matthew: bird app?

Hyojong: twitter lol

Matthew: i’m confused

Wonho: i don’t get it either

Matthew: my man i didn’t know you were here

Wonho: occasionally ㅋㅋㅋ

Changsub: what don’t you get?

Wonho: what does bird app mean???

Hyojong: oh no

Hyojong: twitter...you tweet? tweet like a bird...the home button is literally a bird house

Matthew: NO

Wonho: OH MY GOD

Matthew: THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

Wonho: MIND BLOWN

Changsub: i hate it here

meanestgay: you two are literally the definition of himbos

Wonho: idk what that is

Matthew: i know what that one is

Matthew: i am honored

Wonho: explain pls T.T

Hyojong: its an attractive sweet dude that’s a little dumb 

meanestgay: exactly

meanestgay: you guys

Wonho: oh

Wonho: i guess that’s ok

Matthew: imma take that as a compliant 

meanestgay: what a himbo thing to do

meanestgay: anyway

meanestgay: the reason i am here

meanestgay: can i add holland?

Wonho: of course!

Matthew: get that dude in here

Changsub: he wants to be in this gc?

meanestgay: why wouldn’t he?

Hyojong: i think changsub means we’re like a hidden group of lgbts

Hyojong: no one is actually out and he is

Changsub: yeah idk if i was out and getting hate for it i wouldn’t really like a group chat of gays that would rather stay hidden

Changsub: if we all came out at the same time imagine what it would do to the industry but we don’t

Changsub: we could change the whole industry and it would take so much hate off of him

meanestgay: he isn’t like that

meanestgay: he respects all of your privacies 

meanestgay: he wouldn’t be mad at any of you for not being ready to come out

meanestgay: he understands more than anyone how scary it can be

Changsub: then add him

iamwhatiam: i think you should

thewonderyears: this is supposed to be a safe space for idols who can’t be out and for them to be themselves here but there is no reason an idol who is already out shouldn’t be a part of the community we have here so yes please add him

meanestgay: ok try not to be too crazy

meanestgay: no homophobic lemur stories!

Changsub: i can’t promise that

Changsub: do you expect me to ignore a homophobic lemur???

meanestgay: yes don’t scare my friend

twitterking18: i’ll share my fun facts then :D

Pink_Sweater: NO

senshine: ^

emo_fanboy18: ^^

twitterking18: offended and betrayed 

meanestgay: on second thought nvm

meanestgay: i’m not adding him

twitterking18: who keeps changing the chat name???

twitterking18: i worked hard on that!

twitterking18: we cannot just add people to some random sounding gc

[twitterking18 changed the group chat name to gays only even]

Yoojung: wait we’re allowed to add people?

thewonderyears: sure as long as they’re lgbtq+

thewonderyears: pls add holland we’ll behave

twitterking18: I am on my best behavior

Changsub: i’m not

Hyojong: this is why i’m never here

Changsub: i thought it was cause you got a girlfriend

Hyojong: CHANGSUB SUNBAENIM

Changsub: WHAT

meanestgay: i give up

Chorong: wait!!

Chorong: baby hyojong got a girlfriend???

Chorong: WHO

Changsub: hyuna

Chorong: WHAT

meanestgay: WHAT

thewonderyears: EXCUSE ME

twitterking18: I choked

Soyeon: unnie omg???

Changsub: wait you guys didn’t know???

Wonho: i think we are all shook

iamwhatiam: i can’t process this

Changsub: i thought it was obvious

Changsub: hyojong got both hyuna and hoetaek wrapped around his finger

Changsub: he just actually managed to land hyuna lol

Chorong: my brain has stopped working

Soyeon: i mean they always seemed close but… 

Changsub: am i the only one who supported my dongsaeng and watched his triple h promotions

Changsub: wow

Changsub: it’s so obvious

Hyojong: so obvious fans are starting to accuse us of hiding it from them

Chorong: oh no :(

Chorong: i’m sorry bub

Hyojong: it’s okay

Hyojong: hyunah and i talked about it we’re gonna tell the fans soon

Matthew: that sounds great!

Hyojong: i hope so

thewonderyears : we’re gonna have to revisit this but @meanestgay @Yoojung add away

Pink_Sweater: oh wait i have some to add too!

[meanestgay added Holland]

[Yoojung added Moonbin]

[Pink_Sweater added Felix]

[Yoojung added Myungjun]

[Pink_Sweater added Seungmin]

Sana: omg seungmin and felix!!

Sana: welcome guys!

[Chaeyoung changed Sana’s name to eggplanet]

eggplanet: literally why

Chaeyoung: reasons :D

Felix: ㅋㅋㅋ

Felix: hi everyone <3

[Matthew changed Felix’s name to pubertyx2]

pubertyx2: thanks i feel so welcomed

Matthew: no problem my dude

twitterking18: it’s wonpil’s mini me!

twitterking18: we should add bri’s mini me too

pubertyx2: jisungie?

twitterking18: yes! jyp represent

twitterking18: oh damn we haven’t add bambam mark or jackson back yet

Seungmin: they’re gone?

Pink_Sweater: you don’t want to know

eggplanet: that’s fair

Holland: thank you for including me

Wonho: of course!!

Matthew: glad to have you

Matthew: i just got added recently 

Holland: so this is everyone in the industry?

Changsub: nah we add when we find ‘em

thewonderyears: some people don’t want to be here

Holland: oh

Holland: cool!

Holland: this is such a great thing to have

iamwhatiam: i’m very thankful for it indeed

meanestgay: HI HOLLAND

Holland: hi yeri thanks for adding me <3

Moonbin: it’s nice to be here too!!!

Myungjun: i wasn’t expecting this today but thanks yoojung (✿◠‿◠)

Matthew : @Holland i’ve always wondered why you picked that stage name?

Holland: cause the netherlands was the first place to legalize gay marriage and i think that’s so important

Matthew: i love that

Wonho: that’s a great stage name!

Moonbin: now i wanna change my stage name :((

Holland: YOU CANT HAVE MINE

Moonbin: :((

Myungjun: cheer up 

Myungjun: you’re as pretty as the moon

Moonbin: :D

Moonbin: myungjun bestest boy

ilikebutt: every day this gc gets more overrun with men 

mingbaby: i can start singing boa songs again

Wonwoo: just don’t eat me this time

Holland: a part of me wants to ask

Matthew: a part of me thinks it’s best not to

Changsub: ^

twitterking18: ^^

Wonho : ^^^

Seen by Holland, mingbaby, Hyojong, Soyeon, 34+

Chapter Text

Foreign Line Group Chat

SAT 11:27 AM

BamBam: hey

BamBam: i want to apologize for the way i’ve been acting these last few weeks

BamBam: sorry for causing trouble and acting immature

Jackson: why are u texting us

BamBam: cause idk when i’ll be back and i just want to say it

Mark: you don’t have to apologize

BamBam: i do

BamBam: i was acting really immature 

Jackson: can we do this in person

BamBam: i’d rather not

Mark: i want to apologize too

BamBam: you didn’t do anything tho

Mark: i think i get it now

Mark: i’m sorry for not realizing your feelings sooner

BamBam: please don’t

BamBam: its not your fault

Jackson: i’m lost

Jackson: what are bammie’s feelings???

Mark: you’re so dense

BamBam: it doesn’t matter

BamBam: i was being childish and didn’t want to accept that you guys were together now

BamBam: i’m over it now

Mark: are you actually though?

Jackson: WAIT

Jackson: is this a whole misunderstanding???

Mark: yep

BamBam: i’m confused now

Jackson: where r u?

BamBam: the studio

Jackson: we’re coming to you

BamBam: WHAT

BamBam: WHY

BamBam: wait don’t!

Mark: why not

BamBam: i’m leaving

BamBam: just explain it to me right now

Jackson: fine

Jackson: i’m not the only one that’s dense here

Jackson: i like you

Jackson: i like both of you

Jackson: i have for a while but neither of you seemed that interested 

BamBam: tf we’ve literally slept together

Jackson: it’s not the same thing

Jackson: when mark confessed i told him about my feelings for you and i wasn’t sure about starting something with you so no we aren’t together

Jackson: but i would have said something earlier if i knew you liked me!!!

BamBam: don’t assume i like you

Mark: don’t you though?

BamBam: maybe

BamBam: this doesn’t fix anything still

BamBam: we like you and you like us, you still have to pick between us

Mark: why?

Mark: polyamory seems to work for other people

BamBam: ???

Jackson: i’m not picking :(

BamBam: polyamory only works if we also like each other

Mark: not necessarily 

Mark: besides

Mark: who said i don’t also like you

Jackson: WHAT

BamBam: excuse me

Mark: what can i say

Mark: i have a type

Jackson: devastatingly handsome?

Mark: i was gonna say loud mouthed extroverts 

Jackson: hey :(

BamBam: you both like me?

Jackson: yes

Mark: yep

BamBam: i’m coming back

BamBam: DONT MOVE

Jackson: :D

 

Seen by Mark

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SAT 11:38 AM

BamBam: HLEP

BamBam: IM FREAKONG OUTT

BamBam: I DONT JNOW WHAT TI DP

Eunwoo: can anyone decipher that

Yugyeom: he’s freaking out and doesn’t know what to do

Jungkook: thanks yug

BamBam: HELPP

Eunwoo: what???

Jaehyun: why y’all blowing up my phone

Yugyeom: bam is screaming

Jaehyun: about

Jungkook: you can read as well as the rest of us

Eunwoo: hasn’t told us

Yugyeom: bam??

BamBam: i’m running bakc to teh dorm

Jungkook: that explains nothing besides you’re gibberish typing

BamBam: I AM PREOCUPIED 

DK: JUST TELL US

Mingyu: ^

The8: ^^

BamBam: JAKcSON ANd MARK COFESSED Ti MEE

Mingyu: I KNEW IT

Yugyeom: really???

Jungkook: YEAH!!!

Jaehyun: congrats dude

Eunwoo: so you’re running back to your dorm to… 

BamBam: GET MYSELF TWI BOYFREINDS

DK: FUCK YEAH

The8: mingyu is screaming in my ear right now

DK: he’s running around our practice room now

The8: Hoshi hyung is gonna trip him

DK: he do got that look

The8: plot twist

DK: it was Woozi hyung that tripped him

Jungkook: um

Jungkook: is gyu ok?

DK: Wonwoo hyung is babying him

The8: he’s fine

Yugyeom: somehow that all feels planned

Jungkook: so can we add you guys back to the gc

Jungkook : @BamBam

Jaehyun: which gc???

Mingyu: don’t worry about it

Eunwoo: mingyu???

Eunwoo: are you ok??

Mingyu: don’t worry about it

BamBam: eye

BamBam: i’ll get back to you on that guk

Jungkook: ok

Jungkook: happy for you

BamBam: thanks :D

Yugyeom: wait

Yugyeom: what do you need help with???

BamBam: nvm

BamBam: i’m back now byee

Jaehyun: bye

Jaehyun: yug aren’t you there too?

Yugyeom: nah

Yugyeom: Jinyoung hyung and I went out for lunch

Jaehyun: damn

Jaehyun: guess we’ll just have to wait

Yugyeom: trust me we’ll hear everything the minute it happens

Jungkook: we’ll probably be able to hear bam screaming from our dorms

Eunwoo: so are we ever gonna address Mingyu and Wonwoo

DK: what you mean???

Jungkook: i think it’s best to just leave that one alone

The8: what are you talking about???

Mingyu: don’t worry about it

Jaehyun: damn

Eunwoo: I hate it here

Mingyu: love you guys <3

 

Seen by Jungkook, Eunwoo, Yugyeom, The8, 1+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 12:43 PM

frogkisser: HELP

mingo: what you do?

frogkisser: i did nothing mango

mingo: i find that hard to believe

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

mingo: MINGI

Changsub: CHANGSUB

frogkisser: doesn’t really work if you don’t have a nickname

[anteater changed Changsub’s name to chocorings]

chocorings: i appreciate that

anteater: you’re welcome

frogkisser: did you ever shit chocolate rings???

mingo: what now

chocorings: no :(

anteater: disappointing 

chocorings: what did you need help with sungjong?

frogkisser: right

frogkisser: before mango interrupted me

mingo: fskkgsdl

frogkisser: the homophobic lemur hates kpop :(

chocorings: OMG

chocorings: i just saw them arguing with my fans in my mentions

chocorings: that’s hysterical

mingo: are they ranting about fandoms???

anteater: what did sonic the hedgehog’s fandom do???

frogkisser: beats me

frogkisser: they just went on a tangent about fandoms lmao

mingo: that’s a mood tho

mingo: i get distracted too

chocorings: same

anteater: maybe the lemur isn’t too different from us after all

frogkisser: perhaps the world is big enough for both of us

chocorings: their gaydar is unmatched 

mingo: i hate you guys

chocorings: you should blame the lemur not us

 

Seen by mingo, frogkisser, anteater, Chorong 12+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 2:45 PM

grandsunma: guess who’s getting married :D

Moonbin: you?

Seungmin: i’m missing something here

Pink_Sweater: you get used to it

thewonderyears: heechul and i worked very hard on this powerpoint

thewonderyears : *link*

Pink_Sweater: why didn’t you send this when i got added???

thewonderyears: it wasn’t that complicated then…

Moonbin: JAEHYUNGPARKIAN ARE MARRIED

emo_fanboy18: why does everyone know that name???

grandsunma: so no one cares that i’m getting married?

Moonbin: the powerpoint tells me you have three girlfriends

Moonbin: i’m more concerned about which one you’re marrying

Seungmin: hold on i am processing the powerpoint

Moonbin: I KNOW

Moonbin: am i more shocked by the couples or the possible couples???

Seungmin: the powerpoint is so detailed…

thewonderyears: heechul and i worked hard on it!

grandsunma: I AM GETTING MARRIED

Moonbin: but to who???

grandsunma: does it matter?

Seungmin: yes???

grandsunma: nope

hwalion: it’s all theoretically 

whepuppy: we just talking about it as if it were possible

grandsunma: :((

greasemonster: so technically in a perfect world we’d all be married to each other

grandsunma: i want to get married :((

greasemonster: one day baby

Moonbin: now i’m sad

overwatcher: HELLO

overwatcher: oh wait

overwatcher: bad timing

greasemonster: nah go for it

hwalion: if you got good news please share

Seungmin: this got sad fast

Pink_Sweater: you get used to that too

Moonbin: i don’t want to???

overwatcher: anyway

overwatcher: guess who figured their shit out?

hwalion: are taekook getting married now???

grandsunma: BUT i want to get married next

whepuppy: let the babies get married!!

grandsunma: T_T

Taehyung: we aren’t getting married

Taehyung: i mean

Taehyung: yeah no

overwatcher: huh

Taehyung: nvm baby

Moonbin: is someone getting married tho??

overwatcher: no… 

overwatcher: bambam, jackson and mark are dating now

Moonbin: OMG

Seungmin: THEY WERE ON THE POWERPOINT

Moonbin: how did the powerpoint know???

Seungmin: I AM SCREAMING

Pink_Sweater: SHUT UP I AM TOO

hwalion: poly for the win!!

grandsunma: this is good news!!

greasemonster: wheein it literally crying on me right now

hwalion: aw poor baby

grandsunma: we were all on edge

twitterking18: now if we can just get matt his poly relationship 

grandsunma: OMG match makers!!!

emo_fanboy18: so is it safe to add them back?

frogkisser: no

frogkisser: no more couples

supportiveally_kingchul: just add them back

thewonderyears: i’ll update the powerpoint

[twitterking18 added Mark]

[overwatcher added BamBam]

[twitterking18 added Jackson]

Seungmin: i feel like the chaos hasn’t even started yet

Moonbin: i’m scared too

BamBam: HELLLLLLO 

BamBam: I AM BACK

BamBam: i will not hold it against kingchul for kicking us out

supportiveally_kingchul: you three were being mean

thewonderyears: bad vibes

Mark: sorry

Jackson: WAS WORTH IT

Taehyung: so who’s gonna tell me what happened

Taehyung: kookie won’t spill

overwatcher: i’m not a gossiper 

Seungmin: i wanna know too

hwalion: please do spill the tea

supportiveally_kingchul: ^

thewonderyears: ^^

BamBam: we talked it out

Jackson: just a misunderstanding 

Jackson: bammie didn’t think we loved him :(

Mark: but we do

hwalion: my heart 

Taehyung: shit that’s cute

Taehyung: reminds me of how kookie and i got together

overwatcher: hush

BamBam: WAIT

BamBam: who cares about us, we cried kissed and made up end of story

BamBam: we all want to know the taekook story!!

hwalion: ^

supportiveally_kingchul: ^^

Moonbin: ^^^

frogkisser: ^^^^

overwatcher: not sungjong too

Taehyung: ya know

Taehyung: shit just kind of happened

Moonbin: that’s a terrible story

overwatcher: too bad

Taehyung: i wanna hear about barkson

Seungmin: excuse me sunbaenim but wtf

Taehyung: barkson

overwatcher: bambam + mark + jackson = barkson

BamBam: I LOVE IT

Mark: if bammie loves it then ok

Jackson: yah i guess its fine

twitterking18: WILL someone just explain how my ship sailed

emo_fanboy18: you were shipping them???

twitterking18: of course

twitterking18: since the minute mark asked me bout polyamory 

emo_fanboy18: and you didn’t tell me???

twitterking18: I was busy doing other things with you

twitterking18: why would  we talk about barkson

emo_fanbay18: fair

frogkisser: no more couples please XO

Taehyung: i wanna know too!!

Jackson: i confessed to both of them and then they talked it out and we mutually agreed to start dating

BamBam: and then i watched jackson fuck mark

Mark: BAMBAM WHAT THE FUCK

BamBam: had to be said

Taehyung: more details please

frogkisser: nvm this is actually funny

Jackson: i’m leaving

whepuppy: how do i unread this???

supportiveally_kingchul: there are children in this group chat!!!

BamBam: the fuck? since when???

Seungmin: hi

Mark: holy shit

BamBam: i hate it here

Pink_Sweater: how do we come back from this?

thewonderyears: we don’t

thewonderyears: just burn everything

BamBam: ok!

BamBam: new rule

BamBam: lets keep our sex lives to ourselves

Taehyung: understood

grandsunma : @greasemonster

greasemonster: yah yah

overwatcher : @mingbaby

mingbaby: huh

mingbaby: oh

BamBam: lmaooo

twitterking18: its a good thing bri and I keep that to ourselves

Pink_Sweater: you two need to move out tbh

emo_fanboy18: sorry pillie 

twitterking18: blasphemy

BamBam: i don’t even wanna know what the two of you sound like

supportiveally_kingchul: BAMBAM

BamBam: tru tho

[twitterking18 changed BamBam’s name to imbigg]

twitterking18: much better

imbigg: *sigh*

[twitterking18 changed Jackson’s name to ieatrice]

twitterking18: now I just need one for mark

Mark: i’m good thanks tho 

[emo_fanboy18 changed Mark’s name to soupboi]

soupboi: ONE TIME

emo_fanboy18: i’ll never forget

twitterking18: I am missing something here???

imbigg: me too

ieatrice: me three

supportiveally_kingchul: do i want to know?

soupboi: NO

emo_fanboy18: guess not

twitterking18: tell me tho

emo_fanboy18: later babe

twitterking18: okie :D

soupboi: i hate it here

 

Seen by emo_fanboy18, supportiveally_kingchul, ieatrice, thewonderyears, 34+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

MON 9:29 PM

[Wonwoo left]

pubertyx2: where’d he go?

mingbaby: where he deserves

[mingbaby changed the group chat name to anti wonwoo cult]

pubertyx2: eye

mingbaby: he said he doesn’t really like gashina T_T

pubertyx2: oh lolol

Moonbin: then he is suffering the consequences 

mingbaby: asjfdkls

mingbaby: exactly

Hyojong: gashina is such a good song tho

mingbaby: I KNOW

mingbaby: sunmi sunbaenim’s best!

Holland: hold on there

meanestgay: have you listened to heroine tho???

mingbaby: gashina is better

Holland: this is sad

meanestgay: yah well you don’t like lonely

mingbaby: WHAT

 Holland: unprovoked???

Holland: i thought we were on the same side

Hyojong: ...you don’t like lonely???

pubertyx2: tasteless

meanestgay: we’re even now

Holland: i breathed

Moonbin: heroine is not better than gashina

meanestgay: ur existence is sad

Holland: HELP

pubertyx2: wait lonely by who???

meanestgay: lonely by sistar

meanestgay: we should kick holland out too

Holland: :(((

meanestgay: but i won’t cause i like you

mingbaby: can’t relate

Holland: aww

Moonbin: imma combust

meanestgay: like a supernova 

Moonbin: yes

Moonbin: but smaller

pubertyx2: you are not tiny

Holland: for real tho

mingbaby: your back muscles???

Moonbin: like you can talk

Moonbin: i meant cause i am human

Moonbin: humans are small

meanestgay: you are not a tiny human

Moonbin: fkldsnja

mingbaby: he’s not that tall

pubertyx2: maybe not compared to you

Hyojong: holland doesn’t like lonely

meanestgay: you ok there?

Hyojong: eye

Holland: i wasn’t that into sistar

meanestgay: HOLLAND

Holland: HFKDHFJ

Holland: i like touch my body

borawr: tf

borawr: don’t listen to that when you can appreciate the masterpiece that is lonely

borawr: i sobbed

Holland: STOPP

Holland: i like that song :((

meanestgay: its nothing compared to lonely

mingbaby: its okay holland

mingbaby: i accept you

Holland: thank you

pubertyx2: then why’d you kick out wonwoo

mingbaby: deserved

Holland: i don’t like i like that either

meanestgay: I WILL KICK YOU OUT NOW

Holland: sorry

Hyojong: i’m offended???

Moonbin: i have no words

Holland: not a fan of alone either

mingbaby: okay but give it too me is good

Holland: meh

Hyojong: i swear???

Holland: the song?

Hyojong: YES

Holland: it’s just not my taste

meanestgay: i didn’t love i swear either

borawr: tf is wrong with y’all

pubertyx2: i like all of these songs T_T

Holland: sucks for you

meanestgay: ok but 2ne1’s lonely

Holland: OMG YES

borawr: FINALLY SOME TASTE

mingbaby: that song is so good

pubertyx2: 2ne1 doesn’t release bad music

Hyojong: 2ne1 deserved better :/

Moonbin: so many girl groups deserve better :((

borawr: they really do

meanestgay: amen to that

mingbaby: nine muses :(

Moonbin: nine muses :((

Holland: oh no

Hyojong: :(

borawr: :(((

pubertyx2: cries

Moonbin: nine muses :((

meanestgay: i really be missing miss a tho

mingbaby: NOOOOO

Moonbin: is it time to be emo about disbanded girl groups?

Hyojong: yes :(

eggplanet: sistar :(

Hyojong: 4minute T_T

borawr: don’t get me started or i will cry

meanestgay: 4minute :((

mingbaby: 4MINUTE T.T

Holland: I AM LEAVING 

pubertyx2: wonder girls ಥ_ಥ

eggplanet: girls day

eggplanet: :(

mingbaby: fiestar 

Moonbin: i.o.i tho

borawr: kara ToT

meanestgay: fucking i.o.i 

pubertyx2: ಥ_ಥ

Hyojong: t-ara i will never recover

borawr: i miss 2nd gen girl groups wtf

eggplanet: stellar after school secret <3

mingbaby: rainbow ://

Seungmin: 2ne1 :((

Holland: we are just hurting each other now

Moonbin: i live to cry about girl groups ngl

pubertyx2: ME

mingbaby: NOT AFTER SCHOOL

mingbaby: goodbye

pubertyx2: i’m still upsetti spaghetti

Seungmin: FELIX!!

pubertyx2: just crying in the club

[mingbaby added Wonwoo]

Wonwoo: you fucker

mingbaby: after school T.T

Wonwoo: aww baby no

Wonwoo: don’t be sad

pubertyx2: its too late for that

Hyojong: i’m not ok

meanestgay: i’m having an allergy attack or somethin

Moonbin: sure you are

borawr: WELl i’m sobbing

Wonwoo: who’s fault is this???

mingbaby: YOURS

Wonwoo: how??

mingbaby: hugs now

Wonwoo: omw

Hyojong: i need a hug too brb

supportiveally_kingchul: what happened???

meanestgay: scroll up

supportiveally_kingchul: oh :/

supportiveally_kingchul: s.e.s and baby vox :((

pubertyx2: damn you’re a fossil

supportiveally_kingchul: i hate it here

meanestgay: and to think this all started because wonwoo and holland have no taste

senshine: seems like a bad idea to add someone now

senshine: i’ll just wait

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, mingbaby, Seungmin, Holland, 11+

 

anti wonwoo cult Group Chat

TUE 7:48 AM

Wonho: i wake up every day to a thousand messages because of y’all

Wonho: sistar slander???

Wonho: the audacity

Dasom: just pretend you didn’t see it :)

Wonho: noona?

Dasom: smile through the pain

 

Seen by Wonho, Holland, meanestgay, Wonwoo, 3+

 

anti wonwoo cult Group Chat

TUE 9:54 AM

Holland: WAIT

Holland: i wouldn’t have said anything if i knew a sistar member was here T_T

meanestgay: serves you right

Holland: imma go bury myself alive now

meanestgay: good luck i support you

Holland: thanks

 

Seen by meanestgay, mingbaby, senshine, Hyojong, 2+

 

anti wonwoo cult Group Chat

TUE 1:09 PM

supportiveally_kingchul : @senshine

supportiveally_kingchul: do you want to add who i think you do

senshine: probably

supportiveally_kingchul: he’s okay with it now?

senshine: i guess?

supportiveally_kingchul: so add him

senshine: i’ll wait

supportiveally_kingchul: ok?

senshine: it’s not right yet

supportiveally_kingchul: i can change the gc name?

senshine: it’s the vibe

senshine: i’ll wait for more people to be active

supportiveally_kingchul: ok

senshine:┏( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)┛

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, meanestgay, Wonho, pubertyx2, 4+

Chapter Text

anti wonwoo cult Group Chat

WED 10:12 AM

imbigg: yo

imbigg: space boys

imbigg: where u at

ieatrice: we need an argument settled

soupboi: someone just tell them they’re wrong

imbigg: SHUT UP YOU’RE WRONG

ieatrice: neither of you have enough facts anyway

soupboi: i’m right

imbigg: the fuck you are

ieatrice: help us pls

Yoojung: space boys???

Myungjun: didn’t you just start dating???

Myungjun: how can you guys already be having an argument

Myungjun: haven’t you heard of a honeymoon period?

ieatrice: too much has happened o.o

soupboi: -.-

imbigg: finally a space boy

Soyeon: who??

imbigg: myungjun and the one with back muscles

Myungjun: do you not know our names???

imbigg: sure i do

[imbigg changed Moonbin’s name to backspasm]

imbigg: perfect

Myungjun: askdnfls

imbigg: SPACE BOYS

soupboi : @backspasm @Myungjun

backspasm: why does everyone keep mentioning my back

Myungjun: cause its glorious 

imbigg: anyway you guys need to settle this

backspasm: huh?

imbigg: are aliens real?

Myungjun: what

soupboi: they aren’t. right?

ieatrice: but how can you be sure

backspasm: why are you asking us???

Myungjun: WAIT

Myungjun: are you asking us cause our group name is astro???

imbigg: yes

soupboi: yep

ieatrice: of course

imbigg: space boys

imbigg: now tell us

Soyeon: does got7 share one brain cell??

Yoojung: it’s obviously not working today

ieatrice: HEY

imbigg: this is a serious matter

soupboi: our relationship depends on it

Myungjun: on whether aliens are real or not???

imbigg: yes

soupboi: i’m right

imbigg: NO YOU ARE NOT

ieatrice: because i’m right

soupboi: please

imbigg: having no stance does not make you right

soupboi: just makes you weak

ieatrice: YOU WANNA GO

soupboi: MAYBE I DO

Yoojung: is this flirting

imbigg: yes shh

Soyeon: where’d they go?

backspasm: do you really need to ask

Myungjun: i can’t believe they thought we would know if aliens existed cause our group name is astro

backspasm: i know nothing about space

Myungjun: me either

backspasm: aliens could be real

Myungjun: or they could not

backspasm: probably real tho

Myungjun: how???

Myungjun: we have no proof

backspasm: exactly

backspasm: no proof that they aren’t real either

Myungjun: i’m asking jinjin

Myungjun: you’re wrong

backspasm: well i’m asking eunwoo!

Soyeon: ...men 

Yoojung: morons you mean

Soyeon: exactly

Soyeon: lmao they believe in aliens ( ˘︹˘ )

Yoojung: aliens are real tho

Soyeon: eye

Yoojung: THEY ARE

Soyeon: i give up

Soyeon:  ┻┻ ︵\(>.<)/︵ ┻┻

 

Seen by pubertyx2, thewonderyears, Yoojung, Taehyung, 34+

 

anti wonwoo cult Group Chat

WED 3:43 PM

senshine: who’s active

senshine: need to change this group chat name

senshine: since wonwoo is obviously still here

frogkisser: i got you

mingo: oh no

[frogkisser changed the group chat name to gays and kingchul]

senshine: i guess that works

mingo: i hope i’m there to see heechul get his hands on you

frogkisser: can’t wait ;P

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: MINGI

mingo: um

mingo: TAEMIN

senshine: anygays

senshine: be nice to the baby imma add

frogkisser: fresh meat :D

anteater: this is exciting!

mingo: why am i scared x.x

senshine: on second thought maybe i’ll add him later

senhine: when you three aren’t here

mingo: what did i do???

mingo: don’t rope me in with them!

frogkisser: yeah

frogkisser: don’t rope him in with us

anteater: but mingi is cute :(

frogkisser: you’re cute

anteater: (◡‿◡✿)

frogkisser: i’m the cutest though obviously

Yerin: add the baby gay already!!

senshine: just be nice

senshine: idk how comfortable he is with all this

Yerin: what you mean?

senshine: he’s working through some stuff

anteater: does he have internalized homophobia :(

senshine: not exactly

senshine: just you know family stuff

Yerin: poor baby gay :’(

[senshine added Taeyong]

frogkisser: THE PLOT TWIST

anteater: am i surprised?

mingo: i am…

anteater: i don’t think so

anteater: taeyong is babie

anteater: ok not surprised 

frogkisser: i am

Yerin: WELCOME

senhine: thanks X.x

mingo: oh lol

mingo: welcome!

anteater: since idk where heechul is i will do the proper welcome

frogkisser: why can’t i??

anteater: heechul is probably turning in his grave thinking about that

mingo: he’s not dead?

frogkisser: fair tho

anteater: anyway

anteater : @Taeyong welcome to the world of gays

anteater: keep your hands and feet in the cart at all times and enjoy your ride

frogkisser: and if he doesn’t

anteater: i imagine mingyu or bambam might eat them idk

mingo: the fuck

frogkisser: they’re into vore

mingo: oh

mingo: makes sense

senshine: no

senshine: it does not

senshine: you three never make sense

Yerin: this is why i leave this group chat on silent

Taeyong: thanks for having me

Taeyong: I’ll try not to get eaten for someone elses sexual pleasure

anteater: sometimes it do be like that

senshine: you seem sad

frogkisser: how do you know???

senshine: i just do

Taeyong: i made vegan cookies and no one would eat them :(

anteater: oh no :(

frogkisser: can you blame them

frogkisser: cookies are supposed to be fun

Taeyong: THEY WERE

Taeyong: I cut them into hearts and everything

mingo: my members never eat my cooking either :/

frogkisser: can’t blame them either

anteater: don’t mind them i’m sure they were great!

Taeyong: can I bring you some?

anteater: um

senshine: lmaoo

anteater: yes!!

Yerin: i want cute heart shaped cookies!!

mingo: please lmao

mingo: you just want to feed your members dry ass cookies

Yerin: SHUT

Taeyong: they’re not dry :(

frogkisser: as long as they aren’t gluten free i’ll try one

senshine: hey gluten is a serious allergy

frogkisser: yah but i can eat gluten

frogkisser: i get the vegan thing

frogkisser: leave the animals alone

frogkisser: but i won’t eat gluten free

mingo: its not like its hurting the animals

anteater: who gonna tell him

Yerin: oh my

mingo: what

senshine: how do you think we get meat?

mingo: NO

mingo: i meant like milk and eggs x.x

frogkisser: oh good

frogkisser: i was concerned for a second

mingo: imma throw myself out the window or this phone

mingo: but one of us must go

Taeyong: phones are expensive 

Yerin: so are funerals???

senshine: and hospital bills

anteater: i’d throw the phone

frogkisser: same

mingo: bye

anteater: anyway

anteater: welcome taeyong!!

Taeyong: thanks

Taeyong: I’ll bring the cookies over

anteater: woo

frogkisser: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 

Seen by anteater, senshine, Taeyong, pubertx2, 11+

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

FRI 6:52 PM

imbigg: guess who got his **** ******

soupboi: i’m literally gonna smack you

imbigg: oh kinky ;)

Chaeyoung: i thought we agreed on keeping this gc pg

imbigg: i am???

imbigg: i censored it

Chaeyoung: that doesn’t work if we still know what you typed

Taeyong: idk what he typed

imbigg: see

imbigg: still pg

senshine: *facepalm*

imbigg: i can’t help if i am in love

senshine: suddenly i’m homophobic

imbigg: HEY

imbigg: i’d be happy if you got in to a relationship

senshine: and i would not explicitly text the group chat

Taeyong: what does **** ****** mean

Chaeyoung: i’m not telling him

senshine: i prefer to keep my dongsaeng pure

imbigg: i’ll text him

senshine: DO NOT

Taeyong: but i wanna know

iamwhatiam: has anyone checked up on hyojong?

 

Seen by senshine, Chaeyoung

 

Private Chat: BamBam and Taeyong

FRI 6:59 PM

BamBam: i got my dick sucked

Taeyong: ah

BamBam: i got a quality blowjob

Taeyong: i got it

BamBam: from jackson

Taeyong: please stop x.x

Taeyong: wait

Taeyong: you’re dating one of your members?

BamBam: did you not read the powerpoint

Taeyong: what

BamBam : *link*

 

Seen by Taeyong

 

Private Chat: BamBam and Taeyong

FRI 7:13 PM

Taeyong: what the heck you’re dating mark and jackson???

BamBam: you bet your sweet buns i am

Taeyong: eye

Taeyong: ok

Taeyong: how does that work

Taeyong: like dating your member?

BamBam: communication

BamBam: and the other members know

BamBam: its just like any relationship tho

Taeyong: ah

BamBam: do you by chance have a crush on one of your members

Taeyong: idk

Taeyong: how do you tell the difference between platonic love and romantic love?

BamBam: this sounds like a question for heechul

BamBam: heechul knows everything

 

Seen by Taeyong

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

FRI 7:00 PM

Chaeyoung: i just checked naver

senshine: same

senshine: damn

Chaeyoung: should we text him?

chocorings: i already talked with him

chocorings: i think he’d like to be left alone

iamwhatiam: cube is handling this situation terribly

chocorings: are we surprised 

chocorings: wbk this company sucks

supportiveally_kingchul: be careful what you say about your company

supportiveally_kingchul: just be mindful

chocorings: you’re right

frogkisser: i texted hyuna

frogkisser: they’re ok just disappointed 

Dasom: i checked in with her too

Dasom: it’s really just hyojong’s fans that are making this a problem

chocorings: and that’s why we never share who we’re dating

imbigg: wait what happened

Dasom: hyuna released a statement that she and hyo are dating after cube denied the rumors and fans are upset and cube is pissed that hyuna contradicted them

imbigg: fuck

chocorings: hyojong is taking it kind of hard so lets be supportive ok?

Chaeyoung: of course

Dasom: i just hope cube doesn’t do anything stupid

chocorings: i wouldn’t hold your breath

frogkisser: someone tell me something happy pls

imbigg: i got this

supportiveally_kingchul: lord help us

imbigg: not even the big dude upstairs can help us now

senshine: you worry me

Taeyong: should i be scared?

supportiveally_kingchul: very

frogkisser: ^

chocorings: ^^

Dasom: ^^^

imbigg: y’all are being dramatic

imbigg: i just need someone to explain the difference between platonic love and romantic love

senshine: i’m out

frogkisser: how is this supposed to make me happy???

chocorings: i got nothing

Chaeyoung: is there even a difference???

Dasom: yes….

supportiveally_kingchul: you guys are useless

chocorings: i will not deny that

iamwhatiam: might consider that a compliment 

frogkisser: don’t worry tho

frogkisser: i know the answer

supportiveally_kingchul: now i’m scared

frogkisser: you see there are times in your life when you know it’s a mistake but you don’t really know its a mistake because the only way to actually know its a mistake is to make the mistake and then with hindsight admit that it was a mistake

supportiveally_kingchul: …

Dasom: what

chocorings: is that from how i met your mother???

frogkisser: precisely 

senshine: the fuck

imbigg: well i’m lost now

Taeyong: ditto

iamwhatiam: let me explain

iamwhatiam: what sungjong is trying to say is you’ll only know the difference between platonic and romantic love if you actually try

iamwhatiam: you might think its romantic love but you won’t know till you’ve tried and only with hindsight will you know if it was romantic or not but you’ll never know the difference if you don’t try first

iamwhatiam: making mistakes are how you learn its an essential part of life

frogkisser: damn

frogkisser: thats way better than what i was trying to say

supportiveally_kingchul: that might actually make sense?

Dasom: i think i get it

chocorings: i’m still confused

Taeyong: so i should go on a date to figure out my feelings?

imbigg: YES

imbigg: now tell me who with

senshine: spill the tea

chocorings: what sehun said

Taeyong: nope

Dasom: well this is disappointing 

iamwhatiam: and after all of my advice we get nothing

frogkisser: you mean my advice

supportiveally_kingchul: please

supportiveally_kingchul: you just confused us

chocorings: i’m still confused

Dasom: it’s ok bub

Taehyung: the promise of gossip summoned me

Taehyung: spill

imbigg: you were just lurking i see

Taehyung: i was waiting for something interesting

senshine: *eye roll*

Taeyong: i’m not tellin anyone until i figure it out

Taehyung: well that’s boring

frogkisser: maybe you should entertain us

overwatcher: don’t you guys have anything better to do

overwatcher: idk like jobs

imbigg: you know what yes

imbigg: but i’m here being supportive to taeyong and his love life dilemma 

Taeyong: i appreciate that

chocorings: i have no purpose

chocorings: i’m dead inside

chocorings: just here to consume copious amounts of soju and ruin chorong’s life

Dasom: i’m sure chorong appreciates that

chocorings: i like to think so

frogkisser: since taehyung wants gossip why doesn’t he finally tell us how taekook happened

frogkisser: hmmmm

senshine: i’m here for this

Chaeyoung: suddenly i am alive

chocorings: dead who? i only know gossip

Taehyung: would you look at that?

Taehyung: i need to go walk my jeongguk

overwatcher: what

Taehyung: time for your walk guk

overwatcher: tae wtf

Taehyung: shut up i’ll go get your collar

overwatcher: i hate you

imbigg: are taekook the only kinky ones in this gc

chocorings: don’t you like vore

imbigg: mark told me i couldn’t eat him for my sexual pleasure

supportiveally_kingchul: i’m leaving

 

Seen by imbigg, chocorings, Taeyong, Chaeyoung, 32+

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 9:54 AM

imbigg: i get it now

imbigg: it makes sense now

imbigg: no intervention needed

imbigg: i understand

Taeyong: are you gonna explain or just keep rambling

imbigg: damn

imbigg: ok

imbigg : @twitterking18 @overwatcher bones

Taeyong: what

eggplanet: don’t ask

Chaeyoung: ^

twitterking18: YES

twitterking18: lets talk about bone construction 

supportiveally_kingchul: not this again x_x

overwatcher: omg

overwatcher: taetae’s jawline hello???

imbigg: jackson’s chin o.o

twitterking18: bri’s cheekbones (♥.♥)

imbigg: mark’s nose T_T

Taeyong: are you guys ok?

twitterking18: you’ll understand when you fall in love young grasshopper 

supportiveally_kingchul: nope you three are just strange 

overwatcher: collarbones >>>>

twitterking18: hip bones tho

imbigg: shoulder blades hellooooo???

Taeyong: i’m not sure i want to fall in love now

imbigg: oh hush

twitterking18: falling in love with bri is the best thing that ever happened to me

overwatcher: suddenly i am soft ಥ_ಥ

 

Seen by imbigg, ilikebutt, Taeyong, Pink_Sweater, 12+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 1:34 PM

twitterking18: we lost wonpil

emo_fanboy18: ye

ilikebutt: i think you should find him then

twitterking18: i think we should just leave him here

emo_fanboy18: aight

Pink_Sweater: PLEASE DON’T

ilikebutt: where are you guys?

emo_fanboy18: went shopping

twitterking18: specifically shoe shopping 

ilikebutt: the store can’t be that big

twitterking18: don’t see him so we gonna leave

Pink_Sweater: WAIT

emo_fanboy18: well where r u???

Pink_Sweater: i don’t know T_T

Seungmin: what shoes do you see?

Pink_Sweater: i don’t see shoes

twitterking18: what

Pink_Sweater: i can’t find any shoes

emo_fanboy18: did you leave the store???

Pink_Sweater: i don’t know???

Seungmin: um

twitterking18: how do you not know???

ilikebutt: ok what do you see then

Pink_Sweater: soup

twitterking18: and?

Pink_Sweater: there’s just soup

emo_fanboy18: but there isn’t a grocery store here…

Seungmin: hyung where r u???

Pink_Sweater: an aisle of soup x_x

Pink_Sweater: black bean soup

Pink_Sweater: chicken noodle soup

Pink_Sweater: tomato soup

Pink_Sweater: french onion soup

Pink_Sweater: corn chowder

Pink_Sweater: egg drop soup

Pink_Sweater: miso soup

Pink_Sweater: lobster bisque

ilikebutt: OK WE GET IT

twitterking18: oh grab me some lobster bisque

Pink_Sweater: you want canned lobster bisque???

twitterking18: we won’t leave you in soup world if you get me some

Pink_Sweater: okie dokie lemon chokie

Seungmin: um

emo_fanboy18: what’s in the next aisle?

Pink_Sweater: more soup

emo_fanboy18: GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE

Pink_Sweater: please don’t yell at me i am fragile 

emo_fanboy18: i’m sorry

supportiveally_kingchul: where is wonpil???

Pink_Sweater: soup world (╥﹏╥)

ilikebutt: what about the other aisles?

supportiveally_kingchul: what else is around you

Pink_Sweater: THERE IS ONLY SOUP

Seungmin: does anyone else kinda want soup now

ilikebutt: no

twitterking18: how’d you manage to find a store full of soup??? wtf

Pink_Sweater: i don’t even like soup 

emo_fanboy18: will you just get out of the soup store!!!!

Pink_Sweater: i have to buy jae’s soup first

soupboi: grab me some soup too

Pink_Sweater: what kind?

emo_fanboy18: JUST FORGET ABOUT THE SOUP

twitterking18: HEy

twitterking18: i want my lobster bisque 

Pink_Sweater: but jae is gonna leave me here if i don’t

emo_fanboy18: no he won’t just get out of the store please i am begging here

soupboi: but my soup

emo_fanboy18: literally stfu mark

twitterking18: I want my soup tho :(

emo_fanboy18: i will make you soup when we get home just someone find wonpil i am not gonna have management on us cause we lost him

twitterking18: thanks babe <3

soupboi: i see how it is

emo_fanboy18: you have two boyfriends have them make you soup

soupboi: i would actually like to not get food poisoning thanks

Pink_Sweater: I AM STILL LOST

twitterking18: and who’s fault is that???

emo_fanboy18: we were literally buying shoes??? 

Pink_Sweater: I’M SORRY

emo_fanboy18: ok stop yelling at us

Pink_Sweater: i’m stressed (╥﹏╥)

twitterking18: maybe stop wandering off like a child then

Taehyung: i tell ya

Taehyung: i highly recommend a leash and collar

twitterking18: should have gotten them shirts that say “if lost return to…”

ilikebutt: dear lord just send them your location and stop crying

twitterking18: you’re a genius 

ilikebutt: i know (¬‿¬)

 

Seen by Pink_Sweater, Seungmin, emo_fanboy18, twitterking18, 32+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 4:09 PM

Wonho: did you guys find him?

Wonho: hello???

Wonho: why was there only soup???

Wonho: please i’m concerned

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 4:56 PM

twitterking18: we found him

Wonho: but the soup

Hyomin: i’m curious about the soup too

Pink_Sweater: i’ll never look at soup the same way again

emo_fanboy18: he was in an artisanal soup store… 

Pink_Sweater: i was just trying to find shoes

twitterking18: idk how you even got that lost

Hyomin: a store just for soup?

twitterking18: rightio 

Pink_Sweater: so much soup

Wonho: is he ok?

emo_fanboy18: is he ever?

Pink_Sweater: soup

Wonho: no but seriously is he ok?

twitterking18: no?

emo_fanboy18: he’s been shaking and repeating soup names since we found him

Pink_Sweater: i didn’t know there could be so many soups

emo_fanboy18: i think that’s enough soup for you

Pink_Sweater: soup

 

Seen by twitterking18, ilikebutt, Wonho, Hyomin, 34+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 6:45 PM

Taeyong: it’s been a weird day

Taeyong: first bones and now soup

Taeyong: are jyp idols ok?

Seungmin: are any of us ok? really though?

frogkisser: only fools and dead men don’t change their minds

frogkisser: fools won’t and dead men can’t

frogkisser: moral of the story is don’t be a fool or a dead man

Taeyong: what in the h e double hockey sticks

frogkisser: i ate a lot of fortune cookies today

frogkisser: i think imma be sick tbh

Seungmin: you can swear you know taeyong

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: i’ll bring you some tea

frogkisser: thanks

Seungmin: where’d you even find fortune cookies?

frogkisser: you can buy them in bulk off the internet 

Taeyong: why would you do that???

frogkisser: i wanted to know my fortune duh

Taeyong: then eat one a day???

frogkisser: i didn’t like the first one i got

Seungmin: go to a fortune teller???

Taeyong: read the horoscope section in the newspaper

frogkisser: hey

frogkisser: what’s done is done

frogkisser: imma go lay in a ditch or something

anteater: you better be there when i bring my tea

frogkisser: ok x_x

 

Seen by anteater, Taeyong, Seungmin, ilikebutt, 10+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 11:24 PM

frogkisser: here come the regrets here come the regrets here comes the

frogkisser: i wish i hadn’t done it i wish i hadn’t said i wish that i could take it all back T_T

frogkisser: where was i

frogkisser: what did i do

frogkisser: who with

frogkisser: when did i get here and why

frogkisser: man i’m clueless 

sunbun: regrets? i got a few

sunbun: THOUSAND

sunbun: i blame the city blame the view

Hyomin: the musics too damn loud and look around, look inside and out back

sunbun: smile at the world get a frown back is it me?

Chorong: the whole fuckin towns mad

Chorong: full of ratfuckers and no mousetrap 

Matthew: i found that it’s a sound fact if you put your money where your mouth at you’re either gonna choke or be a mute i’d rather put my soul in a brown bag

twitterking18: GOD I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE GOD I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE GOD I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE GOD I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE GOD I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE BUT I NEEDED YOU DOWN HERE

frogkisser: here come the regrets here come the regrets T_T

meanestgay: y’all need help

meanestgay: and i mean that sincerely 

Matthew: don’t disrespect epik high like that

frogkisser: i’ll never eat a fortune cookie again

frogkisser: i regret so much

frogkisser: on a side note

frogkisser: does anyone want thirty fortune cookies?

Hyomin: how many did you buy???

frogkisser: 200

sunbun: sungjong

sunbun: baby boy

sunbun: how are you alive

twitterking18: not even God knows the answer to that one

anteater: it’s the capitalization for me

 

Seen by sunbun, Hyomin, Seungmin, Matthew, 28+

Chapter Text

gays and kinchul Group Chat

MON 5:05 PM

[mingbaby changed Wonwoo’s name to nopainwoo]

nopainwoo: was that necessary 

mingbaby: absolutely 

nopainwoo: i can feel pain ya know

mingbaby: you literally just busted your ass got up and walked away

mingbaby: it hurt watching you

mingbaby: my teeth rattled in my head

mingbaby: my tailbone is bruised just from witnessing it

nopainwoo: please shut up

nopainwoo: it hurt but i got up anyway

mingbaby: you literally just danced it off

nopainwoo: maybe you should be practising instead of harassing me 

mingbaby: this is harassing???

overwatcher: are you guys practising for mma too?

mingbaby: hyung is tripping over himself mostly but yah

nopainwoo: i lost my footing once!

overwatcher: imma be happy when award season is over

Chaeyoung: amen to that

[iamwhatiam changed Wonho’s name to GodHo]

iamwhatiam: have you seen wonho’s arm’s recently???

iamwhatiam: i am hyperventilating 

GodHo: they’re not that big

mingbaby: imma kindly disagree with you my dude

overwatcher: i don’t even know how you can work out that much???

Taehyung: and i thought ggukie was a gym rat

GodHo: i just like it

iamwhatiam: choke me daddy

Chaeyoung: well that took a turn

GodHo: ⊙﹏☉

Taehyung: you ok there big boy?

GodHo: someone change the topic pls

Chaeyoung: why practise for a stupid award show when you can drown yourself in ice cream

Taehyung: are you ok???

Chaeyoung: peachy

overwatcher: sus

Chaeyoung: you’re sus

overwatcher: i’m babie leave me alone >:(

iamwhatiam: actually wonho is baby

Taehyung: you wanna fight (ง'-')ง

GodHo: stressed hours: open

overwatcher: are they ever closed?

Chaeyoung: mood

iamwhatiam : no @GodHo what’s wrong :(

GodHo: come back to practise and i’ll stop being stressed X_X

Taehyung: speaking of

overwatcher: hobi hyung gonna be on us if we don’t get back

Taehyung: i’m already ahead of you

overwatcher: you could have waited???

 

Seen by mingbaby, iamwhatiam, nopainwoo, Chaeyoung, 9+

 

gays and kinchul Group Chat

TUE 12:32 AM

backspasm: binnie is happy :D

 

gays and kinchul Group Chat

TUE 4:57 AM

backspasm: binnie is no longer happy :(

backspasm: binnie is sad

 

gays and kinchul Group Chat

TUE 10:43 AM

Myungjun: binnie is sad :(

pubertyx2: bInniE is?? saD!?@!/?

pubertyx2: wHat shouLD we do.?/?1!

Myungjun: shut it short stack

pubertyx2: ok you aren’t that much taller than me

pubertyx2: i googled it

Myungjun: i will get wonho to step on you

pubertyx2: damn was it that deep x.x

Yerin: why is he speaking in third person

pubertyx2: bEcaUSe he’s s1!ad!!

Myungjun: stop you’re so annoying 

pubertyx2: oh

pubertyx2: ok ಥ_ಥ

Yerin: well now look what you did

Yerin: now felix is sad too

Yoojung : @backspasm what happened?

Myungjun: he was binging a drama all night

backspasm: i’m an idiot with zero grasp on reality

Myungjun: you are not

Myungjun: you’re just emotional

backspasm: that’s not relevant 

Yoojung: why you sad?

pubertyx2: idk nan molla 

Myungjun: i’m this close to punting felix out the window

pubertyx2: you’ll have to find me first ;P

backspasm: i stayed up all night to finish my drama and i was excited but it ended sadly and i am disappointed 

backspasm: i don’t wanna talk about it

Yerin: sorry bub

Yerin: it be like that

Yoojung: that it do

 

Seen by Myungjun, pubertyx2, Yerin, backspasm, 21+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

WED 12:24 PM

mingo: hey

mingo : @Hakyeon

mingo: is that taekwoon

mingo: with the weird hair???

Hakyeon: LEO IS DOING HIS BEST

Hakyeon: also you could just ask him yourself

Taekwoon: what’s wrong with my hair

mingo: …

mingo: nothing

mingo: i forgot he was here x_x

Jaehwan: i’m here too

Hakyeon: how could we forget

Taekwoon: what’s wrong with my hair though?

Jaehwan: it’s very fluffy

Taekwoon: is that bad?

Hakyeon: no of course not

Jaehwan: fluff is good

Taekwoon: ok :/

Hakyeon: yah mango we’re here

mingo: do you guys have a stage too???

Jaehwan: we did drop a new album this year

Taekwoon: i’m blond, done stretching and ready for death

Hakyeon: i don’t see how those correlate 

Taekwoon: i’m telling you i’m ready to practise our stage leader-nim 

mingo: now i remember why no one includes you three in the gc

Jaehwan: what is that supposed to mean???

frogkisser: it means you three are annoying 

mingo: and its hard to be more annoying than sungjong

frogkisser: i would take offense but

frogkisser: a feather in the hand is better than a bird in the sky

Jaehwan: what

Hakyeon: now i remember why i leave this group chat on mute

Taekwoon: same

mingo: sungjong what???

frogkisser: idk i was hoping one of you could tell me what my fortune cookie means

mingo: you still have them?

frogkisser: like 20 since no one wanted them :(

Jaehwan: i want one

frogkisser: I AM ON MY WAY

 

Seen by Hakyeon, mingo, Taekwoon, Jaehwan, 11+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

THUR 4:09 AM

chocorings: do you ever think about the fact the scooby doo’s real name is scoobert doo

Chorong: all the time

Dasom: it keeps me up at night

chocorings: childhood ruined

Chorong: scooby doo marathon?

Dasom: but which version?

chocorings: what’s new scooby doo or i walk

Chorong: WHAT???

Chorong: no the original from 1969

Dasom: but i want to watch the live action films

chocorings: anything but those

Chorong: which live action ones?

Dasom: the early 2000s ones

chocorings: you two can’t be serious

Chorong: fine we’ll watch what’s new scooby doo

chocorings: YES

Dasom: can we watch the movies too?

Chorong: i’m game

chocorings: fine ( ≖.≖)

 

Seen by Dasom, Chorong

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

THUR 11:43 AM

twitterking18: fun fact

twitterking18: everyone who discovered king tut’s tomb is now dead

twitterking18: do you think it’s a curse

Pink_Sweater: it happened fifty years ago

Pink_Sweater: of course they’re all dead now

Soohyun: um what

Soohyun: it was 90 years ago???

twitterking18: 96 years ago but close enough

Pink_Sweater: whatever

Pink_Sweater: it’s not a curse

Pink_Sweater: it’d be weird if they were still alive now

twitterking18: i’m in your room

Pink_Sweater: JAE

twitterking18: i’m bored and bri isn’t home :(

Pink_Sweater: get out of my room you weirdo

Pink_Sweater: go bother Sungjin

twitterking18: ...no thank you

Pink_Sweater: i’ll be back soon

twitterking18: :D

 

Seen by Soohyun, Pink_Sweater, nopainwoo, emo_fanboy18, 32+

 

gays and kingchul

FRI 5:08 PM

imbigg: I FOUND BABY GAYS

soupboi: they’re literally older than you

imbigg: hush

anteater: fresh meat!!!

meanestgay: who (◑_◑)

frogkisser: where???

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

imbigg: story time!

imbigg: so 

imbigg: we’re going through our stage we got planned for mma

imbigg: and we take a break so i decide to just wander around

imbigg: and that’s when i find them

imbigg: i’m honestly scarred

imbigg: i didn’t think a tongue could go that far down someone else’s throat

meanestgay: PG BAMBAM

imbigg: oh so i’m the only one that has to have that memory seared into my brain

meanestgay: yes <3

frogkisser: wait it’s another couple?

imbigg: yes sir

frogkisser: never mind i am no longer excited

supportiveally_kingchul: why are you like this???

frogkisser: let me be bitter in peace thanks

Taeyong: more the merrier i say

imbigg: so i can add the baby gays?

soupboi: they are older than you!

anteater: fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat

supportiveally_kingchul: add them but they’re gonna regret this

[imbigg added Sehyoon]

[imbigg added Byeongkwan]

frogkisser: whomst???

anteater: idk either

Byeongkwan: hi

Byeongkwan: we’re from a.c.e

Byeongkwan: we debuted last year

imbigg: see baby gays

Byeongkwan: i’m older than you and have been dating yoon longer than you have your boyfriends so who really is the baby gay here

imbigg: askfldsja

imbigg: the disrespect!!

frogkisser: i already like him :’)

anteater: and where is the other one

Byeongkwan: yoon is reading over my shoulder

frogkisser: the silent type i see

Byeongkwan: apart of me wants to ask about your @’s 

Byeongkwan: the other part (yoon) is too scared too

supportiveally_kingchul: you guys don’t want to know trust me

imbigg: ^

meanestgay: ^^

soupboi: ^^^

frogkisser: its simple really

frogkisser: taemin has eaten ants and i’ve kissed frogs

Sehyoon: i already regret this

supportiveally_kingchul: welcome anyway (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ❤

Byeongkwan: thanks (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Sehyoon: cute

Byeongkwan: i know ;)

frogkisser: nvm

frogkisser: kick them out

supportiveally_kingchul: ignore sungjong he’s a lonely gay

frogkisser: OFF ENDED

supportiveally_kingchul : *link*

supportiveally_kingchul: this powerpoint should catch you guys up

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t share it with anyone

Byeongkwan: aye aye sir  (•◡•) /

 

Seen by frogkisser, anteater, meanestgay, imbigg, 34+

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 8:57 AM

Taehyung: HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE

Taehyung: do you know what this means?

Taehyung: CHRISTMAS MUSIC FUCK YEAH

Myungjun: wow i’m thankful i’m not in bts

Sehyoon: ditto

Seungmin: christmas music is nice tho

Hyojin: no one agrees with that

hyoraengi: if i never have to hear a christmas song again it’ll be too soon

sunbun: that’s sad alexa play dear santa

hyoraengi: NO

hyoraengi: it’s bad enough i had to tell taeyeon i liked that song

sunbun: it wasn’t that bad

Hyojin: eh that was an ok christmas song

Hyojin: plus taeyeon, tiffany and seohyun looked so pretty in those red dresses

Hyojin: i still think about that

sunbun: same >.<

hyoraengi: no more christmas music please T.T

Taehyung: y’all bumming me out :(

overwatcher: give me attention instead

Taehyung: yes baby

overwatcher: am i cute

Taehyung: the cutest baby boy

overwatcher: ok sweet

overwatcher: that’s not actually what i need your attention for tho

Taehyung: what does my cutie pie need?

overwatcher: STOP you’re gonna make me blush

Taehyung: then my goal in life is complete

overwatcher: (◡‿◡✿)

sunbun: we’re just gonna ignore hyoyeon’s hatred of christmas music???

Seungmin: yes

overwatcher: ok so i am working on this new song and need opinions on song titles

Taehyung: i’m all ears baby boy

overwatcher: o-ok

Hyojin: not the stuttering through text

[sunbun changed Hyojin’s name to le’go]

sunbun: ok carry on

le’go: that’s actually pretty good

sunbun: I KNOW

sunbun: i’ve been sitting on that one for a while lol

le’go: ok tell us your titles

overwatcher: the first one is: insanity is a perfectly rational reply to an insane world 

overwatcher: the second is: screaming into the void never changed anything

le’go: um

Taehyung: ok edge lord are you competing for a longest title competition 

overwatcher: i’ll make a shorter one i guess

Taehyung: WAIT NO

Taehyung: i’m sorry baby don’t let anyone’s negativity affect you. name your song whatever you want

sunbun: you were literally being the negative one here but go off

Seungmin: i like the first one!

Taehyung: everything you do is perfect baby!! you’re so talented!! and you’re my cutie pie!! and i’ll support either title!!

overwatcher: ok uwu

le’go: moment ruined pack it up gays

Taehyung: why guk? why?

overwatcher: YOU MADE ME NERVOUS 

overwatcher: stop being mean to me T_T

Taehyung: sorry cutie pie

 

Seen by hyoraengi, overwatcher, Sehyoon, le’go, 15+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 1:21 PM

anteater: SUNGJONG

anteater: suuuuuuuungjoooooooong

anteater: sungiiiiiiiie

anteater: absolute love of my life

anteater: the man who holds my heart in his hands

anteater: the only man i would take the last name of and meet his parents 

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: answer me before i think you’ve forsaken me T_T

anteater: OH

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: whats up sugar tits

anteater: i know i’m not in you’re league but i think we’d make a great couple anyway ;)

frogkisser: i’m glad i’m not in your league

frogkisser: we can differentiate the difference between you’re and your here

anteater: i give up

anteater: i’m never flirting with sungjong again

frogkisser: ;P

 

Seen by anteater, overwatcher, Sehyoon, sunbun, 28+

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SAT 8:09 PM

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t taemin and sungjong have that same last name???

supportiveally_kingchul: ok yah i just googled it to check

supportiveally_kingchul : @anteater you both have the same last name

anteater: duh

anteater: that’s why he’s the only man i would take the last name of if we got married

supportiveally_kingchul: eye

anteater: keep up old man

supportiveally_kingchul: I AM NOT OLD

anteater: you’re old enough to be seungmin and felix’s dad

supportiveally_kingchul: no i’m not!!!

supportiveally_kingchul: wait

supportiveally_kingchul: am i???

supportiveally_kingchul: i googled it, 17 is too young to be their father

anteater: you can have kids at 17 tho

supportiveally_kingchul: STOP I AM NOT THAT OLD

anteater: just keep telling yourself that grandpa

supportiveally_kingchul: i hate it here

 

Seen by anteater, Youngji, Hyomin, Sehyoon, 43+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SUN 1:08 AM

twitterking18: i’ve decided to stop using hashtags

twitterking18: we should be anti hashtags

twitterking18: they look too much like waffles and waffles make me hungry

whepuppy: he makes a valid point

hwalion: no he doesn’t 

senshine: *face palm*

twitterking18: #nomorehashtags

twitterking18: #cancelthewaffleimposter 

 

Seen by senshine, anteater, whepuppy, hwalion, 2+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SUN 10:58 AM

Hakyeon: i made a reservation at the library today

Youngji: for what…

Taekwoon: do not say it

Taekwoon: i’m warning you

Hakyeon: because they’re booked

Hakyeon: aksdlfds

Taekwoon: i hate you

Jaehwan: he’s laughing so hard he choked

Youngji: it wasn’t even funny

Taekwoon: it’s too early for this

Jaehwan: i thought it was funny :(

Hakyeon: thank you my child

Jaehwan: ᕙ(^▿^-ᕙ)

Hakyeon: i have plenty more of those :>

Taekwoon: suddenly i cannot read

Hakyeon: :((

 

Seen by Taekwoon, Jaehwan, Sehyoon, Youngji, 22+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

SUN 4:36 PM

Matthew : *link*

Jaehyung: where’d you even find that???

Matthew: i’m special

Jaehyung: in many ways :)

Matthew: is

Matthew: is this flirting?

Matthew: are YOU flirting with me

Jaehyung: yes ;)

Matthew: STOP you’re distracting me from the task at hand!

Jaehyung: WHAT TASK

Jaehyung: you sent me a fan edit video of us x.x

Matthew: i thought it was cute

Jaehyung: you’re cute

Matthew: imma tell your husband

Jaehyung: as if he’s not the one that told me to type that smh

Matthew: BRIAN THINKS I’M CUTE

Jaehyung: fucking adorable

Matthew: stop distracting me

Jaehyung: stop distracting me from cuddling with my husband

Matthew: gross

Matthew: anyway

Matthew: can i come over

Matthew: i’m bored

Jaehyung: sure

Matthew: SWEET

Matthew: i’ll ask somin or jiwoo to drop me off

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

SUN 6:06 PM

Matthew: hey

Matthew: question?

Jiwoo: we literally just dropped you off at Jae’s dorm

Somin: we’re only a block away x.x

Matthew: are you guys dating?

Somin: i wonder where that came from

Jiwoo: how on earth did you come to that conclusion

Somin: we would never hide that

Somin: don’t you trust us to tell you

Jiwoo: how could we even hide something like that

Jiwoo: we’re too dumb to hide a secret like that

Somin: everyone would know in like seconds

Jiwoo: well

Jiwoo: everyone except our stupid members

Matthew: fuck you guys i was just asking you didn’t have to be mean about it

Taehyung: wait what

Somin: we can talk about it when we’re all back at the dorm

Somin: enjoy your friend date Matt

Taehyung: hold on

Somin: let me drive

Jiwoo: we’ll be back soon Tae

Matthew: what about me???

Taehyung: how did you know they were dating tf???

Matthew: idk

Matthew: they were being touchy so i just asked

Matthew: i didn’t think they’d say yes

Jiwoo: we are always touchy tho?

Matthew: i didn’t notice ok!

Taehyung: i can’t wrap my mind around this

Matthew: it’ll be ok hyung

Taehyung: when? how? where? what?

Matthew: you’re forgetting who

Taehyung: I KNOW WHO

Matthew: damn

Jiwoo: oh my god will you two chill

Jiwoo: its not a big deal

Jiwoo: we’ll talk about it when matt gets back

Taehyung: ok

 

Seen by Matthew, Jiwoo

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

SUN 8:46 PM

twitterking18: tbh i can’t tell if this is good news or not

Matthew: can you not broadcast my love life to the whole group chat

twitterking18: no can do my friend

twitterking18: you left us on a cliffhanger last time

twitterking18: will he or won’t he end up in a poly relationship with his members???

Matthew: the answer is won’t

thewonderyears: what happened?

borawr: noooooooo

borawr: this was the only thing i was looking forward too T_T

twitterking18: what you mean /won’t/???

Matthew: they’re literally in a relationship together

Matthew: why would they date me???

twitterking18: point

thewonderyears: who’s dating?

Matthew: jiwoo and somin are dating

Matthew: i’m heading home now so we can have a group meeting

thewonderyears: maybe there is still hope?

borawr: i knew jiwoo wasn’t a het!!

borawr: sorry matthew maybe there is still hope

Matthew: nah its ok

twitterking18: maybe something can still happen with tae?

Matthew: i wouldn’t get my hopes up

twitterking18: text me later ok?

borawr: text all of us pls

thewonderyears: ^

Matthew: y’all are vultures

borawr: some of us don’t have stages to practise for mma 

borawr: i need something to entertain me

Matthew: me either :/

thewonderyears: one day guys

twitterking18: sure

 

Seen by borawr, Matthew, thewonderyears, Sehyoon, 2+

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

MON 8:40 AM

Byeongkwan: i’m never gonna be the same

Byeongkwan: i can’t stop

Byeongkwan: i’ve been up all night

Sehyoon: he has…

Byeongkwan: why did jae sunbaenim have to tell me #s are waffle imposters

Byeongkwan: how am i supposed to use them again???

Byeongkwan: everytime i go on twitter

Byeongkwan: boom waffles everywhere

meanestgay: stop please

Byeongkwan: how am i supposed to get over this T_T

meanestgay: ignore it like the rest of us

Hakyeon: eggsactly

Byeongkwan: EW

meanestgay: that was such an old lady on facebook thing to say

Hakyeon: i always say eggsactly tho :(

meanestgay: yah you should stop that hun

Byeongkwan: #cancelfacebook

Hakyeon: we can all agree on that

meanestgay: ^

Sehyoon: ^^

 

Seen by Haekyeon, Byeongkwan, meanestgay, twitterking18, 5+

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

MON 3:07 PM

imbigg: i’m so tired from our stage

imbigg: imma never dance again

soupboi: mood

imbigg: i can’t even be bothered to chew my chips

mingbaby: how are you eating them???

Seungmin: ARE YOU JUST SWALLOWING THEM

imbigg: no???

imbigg: i’m crackin them with my tongue

mingbaby: … 

whepuppy: isn’t that more work then just chewing

imbigg: nah i’m crushing them against the roof of my mouth

backspasm: what kinda chips tho?

Seungmin: oh my sweet lord

senshine: *facepalm*

imbigg: the one with arches

imbigg: and the face

imbigg: tf 

imbigg: in the rolly thingy

imbigg: like a saddle 

imbigg: oh my god

mingbaby: should we call a doctor???

backspasm: is he ok???

soupboi: i’m calling 119

imbigg: STOP

imbigg: I’M JUST TIRED

imbigg: I KNOW WHAT THEY’RE CALLED

whepuppy: THE SADDLE???

imbigg: I DON’T KNOW

imbigg: where the horse sits

mingbaby: maybe you should lay down

imbigg: shut up

imbigg: not where the horse sits

imbigg: its the horse seat

Seungmin: we know what a saddle is

backspasm: what are saddle chips???

imbigg: ye

whepuppy: i googled it

mingbaby: and?

whepuppy: no clue

senshine: i’m actually losing it right now

imbigg: my brain is fried leave me alone

imbigg: the ones in the tube

imbigg: they sit on each other

imbigg: like a saddle idk

backspasm: YOU MEAN PRINGLES???

imbigg: yes T_T

imbigg: the ones with the weird floating head that has a bushy mustache

imbigg: i can’t tell if that’s hair or eyebrows

Seungmin: imma have nightmares now

mingbaby: i think that is pringle man’s hair

imbigg: so pringle head doesn’t have eyebrows?

imbigg: sus

whepuppy: omg bambam

imbigg: i actually wanted the ones with ridges but jackson got me these so i’m eating them

backspasm: ridges???

mingbaby: not again

 

Seeny by soupboi, backspasm, senshine, imbigg, 9+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

MON 9:42 PM

Jaehyung: so 

Jaehyung: when are you going to tell me what happened???

Matthew: nothing happened dude

Jaehyung: huh

Matthew: we just talked

Jaehyung: you didn’t confess???

Matthew: why would i???

Jaehyung: so i don’t have to listen to your whiny ass anymore

Matthew: i’d rather not get rejected thanks

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

gays and kingchul Group Chat

MON 9:46 PM

supportiveally_kingchul: congrats to everyone that won and they were all great performances

frogkisser: thanks weedul

GodHo: everyone’s stages were so good!!

borawr: vixx was so good i am in tears

Taekwoon: thanks!!

twitterking18: matt won’t confess i am tired

borawr: OMG

borawr: tell me everything

borawr : @Matthew

greasemonster: i am invested

Matthew: vultures 

greasemonster: why didn’t you confess :(

Matthew: somin and jiwoo are dating each other??? why would i confess

twitterking18: maybe they want to date you too

GodHo: you won’t know unless you confess

borawr: just tell me what y’all talked about

hwalion: ^

Yerin: ^^

le’go: ^^^

Matthew: oh my god

twitterking18: don’t take the lord's name in vain 

Matthew: somin and jiwoo have been dating for a few months and they were eventually going to tell us if we didn’t notice, which i did. that’s pretty much it

Matthew: i mean

Matthew: i confessed that i’m pansexual and polyamorus but they didn’t really care 

greasemonster: what did they say?

Matthew: well somin said she is bi and jiwoo doesn’t care for labels and tae just assumes he’s the default sexuality which is straight

twitterking18: there is so much to unpack there

Matthew: yah i talked to him about that

Matthew: i think he’s a little confused about sexuality

borawr: so there is a chance with them!

Matthew: what about anything i just typed gave you that impression???

le’go: well it looks like somin and jiwoo both still like men so there is hope for you there

Yerin: and taehyung just seems confused so there could be hope there too

hwalion: you really just need the three of them to consider polyamory 

Matthew: you’re all forgetting that they don’t like me like that

supportiveally_kingchul: i don’t think you should keep your feelings bottled up

supportiveally_kingchul: you should share with your members how you’re feeling

frogkisser: weedul is right

Matthew: nah

twitterking18: you’re so frustrating 

Matthew: ;)

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, frogkisser, Yerin, le’go, 29+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Younghyun

MON 10:03 PM

Jaehyung: baby where r u :(

Younghyun: still at the studio

Younghyun: what’s wrong?

Jaehyung: wanna cuddle

Younghyun: aww babe i’ll be back soon

Jaehyung: miss you :(

Younghyun: i know i’m sorry

Younghyun: i’m almost done recording demos

Younghyun: wanna lend your voice?

Jaehyung: I guess I’ll change out of my pjs and catch a cab down there

Younghyun: love you

Jaehyung: love you too <3

Younghyun: <33

 

Seen by Jaehyung

Chapter Text

gays and kingchul Group Chat

TUE 10:34 AM

[imbigg changed the group chat name to humans are aliens]

imbigg: since this never got settled

imbigg: and the space boys were no help

imbigg: i have declared humans are indeed aliens

imbigg: with that logic aliens are real

imbigg: i win

soupboi: no you don’t

soupboi: aliens aren’t real

ieatrice: wait bam might be on to something

soupboi: don’t encourage him

backspasm: how do you know aliens aren’t real???

imbigg: exactly space boy

overwatcher: because they aren’t

imbigg: the betrayal???

Taehyung: guk the fuck???

overwatcher: there is no proof of existence 

soupboi: exactly

Taehyung: i want a divorce

overwatcher: don’t be dramatic

Byeongkwan: i read the powerpoint

Byeongkwan: did i miss the part where taekook are married too?

ieatrice: nah you’re good

Byeongkwan: okie good

Byeongkwan: and on that note aliens are so real

imbigg: THANK YOU BABY GAY

Byeongkwan: I’M OLDER THAN YOU

Sehyoon: they are not real stop

Byeongkwan: i want a divroce too

Sehyoon: wait i’m sorry they are real please don’t break up with

Byeongkwan: okie :>

imbigg: eye

overwatcher: that was evil

Taehyung: i’m still getting a divorce you nonbeliever

overwatcher: don’t make me get yoongi hyung in on this

Taehyung: maybe you should!!

ieatrice: wait are we really adding yoongi???

backspasm: is that a bad idea?

[soupboi added Yoongi]

ieatrice: yes

ieatrice: SHIT

ieatrice: MARK

soupboi: what i wanted someone on my side

Taehyung: i am scared

overwatcher: yeah we weren’t serious

Taehyung: quick someone remove him

imbigg: we are literally blowing up his phone right now

Taehyung: fuck

Yoongi: taehyung

Yoongi: jeongguk

overwatcher: oh fuck

Yoongi: what is this

Taehyung: don’t look at us we didn’t add you!

ieatrice: it was mark’s fault

soupboi: you did not just throw me under the bus

imbigg: i got you babe

imbigg: taekook suggested adding you first

Yoongi: i’m leaving

soupboi: wait we need help settling an argument

Yoongi: what

imbigg: are humans aliens?

Yoongi: what in the fuck

overwatcher: no are aliens real

imbigg: they are because humans are aliens 

Yoongi: bambam has a point

overwatcher: WHAT

Taehyung: WHAT

soupboi: YOONGI

overwatcher: THE BETREYAL 

Yoongi: can i leave now

Taehyung: this is the best day of my life

Taehyung: yoongles and i on the same team for once

Yoongi: don’t call me that

iamwhatiam: why are you always so dry

GodHo: don’t say that X_X

Byeongkwan: have we settled on aliens being real?

Soyeon: they literally aren’t tho

Myungjun: it’s like asking if vampires are real

Taehyung: yoongles is a vampire so i think that answers that

Yoongi: TAEHYUNG

ieatrice: you might be on to something there

imbigg: have any of you woken up with holes in your neck?

overwatcher: no???

Byeongkwan: vampires might not be real but mermaids definitely are

Sehyoon: why am i dating you again

Byeongkwan: because i am magical

Sehyoon: sure babe

imbigg: mermaids??? explain

Soyeon: you all are so dumb

whepuppy: i wanna be a mermaid

hwalion: oh no not the pout

Byeongkwan: when humans evolved some stayed on land and others went to the sea and became merpeople 

grandsunma: i’ll buy you one of those fancy tails and we can go swimming!

whepuppy: ᕙ(^▿^-ᕙ)

whepuppy: you’re the best and i love you!

grandsunma: stop i will cry

borawr: explain this merpeople theory more

imbigg: i am intrigued 

Taehyung: i always knew i wasn’t meant to be born on land

Byeongkwan: its simple science

Byeongkwan: as humans were evolving some evolved near the water and eventually addpated to living mostly in the water and that’s where modern day merpeople come from

Yoongi: this makes so much sense

soupboi: it does not???

emo_fanboy18: how come we’ve never seen any then

ieatrice: not seeing doesn’t mean they aren’t real

overwatcher: ok disney boy

ieatrice: HEY

imbigg: do you want a side of pixie dust with that?

ieatrice: don’t act like you don’t believe too

imbigg: fair

twitterking18: am i married to a nonbeliever???

soupboi: you believe???

Pink_Sweater: of course cause it’s real

twitterking18: nah i don’t

emo_fanboy18: oh thank you i didn’t want to have to get a divorce

twitterking18: BRIAN

anteater: ok so aliens are real, vampires are questionable and merpeople are a yes

anteater: anything else?

Yoongi: bigfoot is real too

imbigg: I KNEW I COULD TRUST YOONGI

overwatcher: i feel like i don’t even know you anymore

Yoongi: don’t be dramatic

Taehyung: you’ve lost me on this one

Taehyung: bigfoot aint real

soupboi: finally some sense

Yoongi: i’m disowning you both

overwatcher: NO

Taehyung: YOONGLES T_T

GodHo: why isn’t bigfoot real tho?

frogkisser: cause that’s ridiculous 

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

Soyeon: the level of stupid here

hwalion: aw it’s funny

frogkisser: rizaelnig you cna raed this mepsislled fnurote wlil be teh hgighliht of yoru day

Soyeon: did you just have a stroke???

Yoongi: uh should we be concerned

mingo: nah

anteater: its just his fortune cookie for the day

Myungjun: you still have those???

frogkisser: it’s not like they go bad

greasemonster: this is true

twitterking18: why can i actually read that???

emo_fanboy18: it’s actually pretty funny

Pink_Sweater: i can’t read it :(

overwatcher: it’s hurting my brain

Taehyung: aww baby it says ‘realizing you can read this mispelled fortune will be the highlight of your day’

overwatcher: oh

Pink_Sweater: well now i’m sadder

frogkisser: welp it made me happy :P

Yoongi: can i leave now?

anteater: NO

frogkisser: 93’ liners need to take over this group chat

anteater: we are the superior gays

thewonderyears: we should just kick the two of you out

Chorong: the peace we would all have

frogkisser: ok rude

anteater: i’m telling kibum on all of you

supportiveally_kingchul: DONT YOU DARE ADD THAT MENACE BACK

frogkisser: damn weedul

anteater: ok ಥ_ಥ

supportiveally_kingchul: would you stop calling me that

frogkisser: no can do can’t figure out how to change the settings

anteater: lmaooo

Sehyoon: i’m a 93’ liner

Byeongkwan: my baby ಥ_ಥ

anteater: omg

frogkisser: welcome we must give you a name

[Byeongkwan changed Sehyoon’s name to SayWow]

Byeongkwan: because you’re goyrgaeyus and make me say wow just like you’re stage name!

frogkisser: ok did you just have a stroke just then???

soupboi: should we call 119?

Byeongkwan: cause the spelling???

SayWow: nah he just can’t spell

Byeongkwan: hell yeah idk how to spell that stupid word there are too many letters it confuses the fuck outta me

Yoongi: gorgeous?

Byeongkwan: why are there so many o’s???

Yoongi: i’m leaving

frogkisser: nope once you enter you can’t leave

emo_fanboy18: i learned this the hard way

Yoongi: but kibum gets to leave????

supportiveally_kingchul: you aren’t kibum

anteater: nobody is kibum

backspasm: now i wanna know what he did

Myungjun: ^

Seungmin: ^^

Byeongkwan: ^^^

soupboi: ^^^^

hyoraengi: it cannot be worse than sunny’s bald bunnies

thewonderyears: oh it is

sunbun: I WILL KICK YOU OUT AGAIN

twitterking18: reveal the secret

frogkisser: or what???

meanestgay: i’ll add him back

ilikebutt: faskdlajcks

ilikebutt: just tell them lol

anteater: you see

iamwhatiam: see what?

anteater: yah no i cannot

frogkisser: you can do it babe

anteater: thank you your unconditional support means the world to me ;)

frogkisser: i’m not joining your harem

anteater: why are you so difficult???

Yoongi: STOP GETTING DISTRACTED 

anteater: OK

anteater: long story short kibum added all his exes to the group chat and had them fight in a battle royale to gain his affections again so heechul kicked him out for disturbing his peace

Seungmin: battle royale???

hwalion: it was utter chaos

ilikebutt: and y’all think taemin has a harem

meanestgay: that’s iconic

borawr: well now i’m disapointed i missed that

frogkisser: it literally broke my phone i don’t even know what happened

ieatrice: it made my phone glitch too lol

imbigg: i have screen shots

sunbun: i also have receipts 

Byeongkwan: i will pay you for those

supportiveally_kingchul: no one remind me of that day

Yoongi: it couldn’t have been that bad

Taehyung: oh yoongles it was

overwatcher: i’ve never seen so many dicks in my life

twitterking18: WHAT???

Taehyung: my poor ggukie was scarred

meanestgay: wait what

iamwhatiam: i’m lost too

Hakyeon: well hi there lost, what jeongguk means is that the gc was flooded with dick pics from guys trying to win kibum back

Hakyeon: it was a dark day

borawr: nvm i never want to see a dick in my life

overwatcher: i didn’t want to see one again for a long time either

Taehyung: it really killed my sex life

supportiveally_kingchul: OK stop there are children here

Seungmin: i’m 18 tho

Yoongi: wtf there is an actual child here???

Yoongi: i’m leaving

frogkisser: NOOOOOO

anteater: but what about our 93’ liner solidarity 

Yoongi: you’ll find someone else

Yoongi: don’t add me back or i will add kibum back

Taehyung: ok damn yoongles

Yoongi: call me that again and i will smother you

[Yoongi left]

Taehyung: NO

Taehyung: he got the last word T_T

overwatcher: it’ll be ok baby

imbigg: imma call this one a win for team aliens 

soupboi: NO YOU ARE NOT

Soyeon: if i had kibum’s number i’d threaten to add him back just to get you two to shut up

Myungjun: idk how we come back from this so byee

borawr: ^

Seungmin: ^^

GodHo: ^^^

 

Seen by thewonderyears, imbigg, Chorong, Hakyeon, 43+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

TUE 3:29 PM

Taehyung: where r u

Matthew: i’m hanging out with jae

Matthew: we’re filming a video

Taehyung: ah

Taehyung: where are the girls?

Matthew: out i think

Taehyung: oh

Taehyung: when will you be back?

Matthew: idk

Taehyung: k

 

Seen by Matthew

Chapter Text

K.A.R.D Group Chat

WED 11:06 AM

Taehyung: where’d you all go?

Matthew: i went to the gym

Matthew : *picture*

Somin: is that wonho and hongseok?

Matthew: yea

Taehyung: oh

Matthew: i’d gladly help with your work out routine if you want to join? i’ll be here for at least another hour

Taehyung: thanks but no

Taehyung: i’m satisfied with my chub

Matthew: man you do not have chub

Jiwoo: min and i went for brunch

Jiwoo: we’re heading to the studio soon

Taehyung: k

 

Seen by Matthew, Jiwoo, Somin

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

WED 6:11 PM

Taehyung: anyone wanna grab dinner?

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

WED 6:42 PM

Somin: sorry tae didn’t see your message, jiwoo and i already ate

Taehyung: it’s fine

 

Seen by Somin, Jiwoo

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

WED 7:08 PM

Matthew: tomorrow? i already ate

Taehyung: sure

 

Seen by Matthew, Somin, Jiwoo

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

THUR 12:38 PM

Matthew: ayo

Matthew : @supportiveally_kingchul can i add jiwoo and somin?

supportiveally_kingchul: i don’t see why not

borawr: but how are we supposed to talk about your love life???

borawr: and i’m not ready to meet jiwoo 

Matthew: how about we not talk about my love life?

frogkisser: i support that

mingo: this is gonna be awkward

Matthew: i haven’t even told them yet they might not want to join

ilikebutt: convince them!

ilikebutt: there are too many men

chocorings: i really feel the love

ilikebutt: and i really don’t like you

chocorings: you wound me

ilikebutt: i’ll take that as a compliment 

supportiveally_kingchul: do i need to intervene?

chocorings: nah

chocorings: irene adores me

ilikebutt: i will step on you

chocorings: don’t make promises you can’t keep ;)

Taeyong: is this flirting?

chocorings: yes take notes

mingo: DO NOT

mingo: do not talk to your crush like that taeyong

Taeyong: noted

Matthew: welp

supportiveally_kingchul: do warn them before hand

 

Seen by Matthew, mingo, ilikebutt, borawr, 13+

 

Matthew, Somin and Jiwoo Group Chat

THUR 12:43 PM

[Matthew added Somin]

[Matthew added Jiwoo]

Jiwoo: why the new gc?

Somin: did you make this so we can talk about tae

Somin: he’s acting weird

Jiwoo: i’ve noticed that

Somin: do you think it’s cause we’re dating?

Jiwoo: idk

Matthew: um no

Matthew: i made this cause i just need to ask you guys something

Jiwoo: ???

Somin: but don’t you think tae is acting weird?

Matthew: idk we dropped a lot on him the other day

Matthew: let him process

Matthew: anyway

Matthew: there is this group chat for idols who are lgbtq+ and i was wondering if you want to be added? you don’t have to thats fine also

Somin: a group chat?

Jiwoo: are you in it?

Matthew: yeah i was added a few months ago

Somin: who is in it

Matthew: so many idols

Matthew: it’s so chaotic

Matthew: irene from red velvet and changsub from btob are aggressively flirting at the moment

Matthew : *link*

Matthew: a powerpoint was made if you want a run down of everyone there

Jiwoo: oh my god

Somin: i wanna join

Matthew: so i’ll add you both?

Jiwoo: two thumbs up

 

Seen by Matthew, Somin

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

THUR 12:49 PM

ilikebutt: be more specific dumbass

changsub: your the specific dumbass here :P

ilikebutt: *you’re

changsub: same difference

ilikebutt: you’re proving my point

borawr: you’dn’t’ve correct grammar

changsub: whack

mingo: what the fuck

frogkisser: what the fuck is right

borawr: it means ‘you would not have’

changsub: i hate grammar

ilikebutt: and i hate you <3

changsub: aww

[Matthew added Somin]

[Matthew added Jiwoo]

ilikebutt: HI

supportiveally_kingchul: welcome i hope matthew warned you

Jiwoo: he said something about irene and changsub aggressively flirting

borawr: can confirm

ilikebutt: we were not

chocorings: then what were we doin???

ilikebutt: i was insulting you

chocorings: i’m pretty sure i was flirting

Chorong: stfu

chocorings: what can a dude do to breathe in here???

borawr : @Somin @Jiwoo tell me how you started dating

borawr: i need tips

Somin: uh for what

Yerin: she’s a useless gay

borawr: HEY

Yerin: there are quite a few of them in here

Yerin: hi irene

ilikebutt: are you calling me out -_-

Yerin: why whatever do you mean by that?

Chorong: to be fair most of us are single

chocorings: what can i say

chocorings: i am dedicated to my work

mingo: more like no one can stand you

Chorong: i will round house kick you in the face mango

chocorings: thanks :’)

Jiwoo: i just told somin i thought she was pretty and the next thing i know we’re dating

Somin: it was pretty whirlwind 

borawr: inch arresting 

borawr: i’ll keep that in mind

Yerin: if you ever grow a pair

borawr: HEY

Yerin: please watching you backtrack was the funniest thing

Yerin: next time tell siyeon she’s pretty

borawr: yeah nope 

Yerin: see

ilikebutt: but if you got yourself a girlfriend that would be one more girl here!

Chorong: you have a one track mind

ilikebutt: i have a mission

supportiveally_kingchul : @Jiwoo @Somin ignore them please

frogkisser: just drank soy sauce like a shot

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, Jiwoo, chocorings, borawr, 16+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

FRI 7:57 AM

Jaehyung: whatcha doin?

Matthew: gym

Jaehyung: come to my studio when you’re done

Matthew: why?

Jaehyung: cause I think you’re fucking stupid and i have the desire to beat you over the head with my guitar

Matthew: not sir nutcracker the 5th

Jaehyung: yes sir nutcracker the 5th

Matthew: what happened to sir nutcracker 1 through 4

Jaehyung: huh

Jaehyung: stop distracting me

Matthew: what i do this time???

Jaehyung: you added somin and jiwoo to the group chat why?

Matthew: cause they’re gay? isn’t that the point of the group chat

Jaehyung: how are we supposed to talk about them if they’re there???

Matthew: we could stop talking about them?

Jaehyung: why are you so difficult??? it’s almost like you don’t want a boyfriend and two girlfriends -_-

Matthew: I DON’T

Matthew: literally how many times do i have to tell you people i’m getting over this

Jaehyung: do you think I’d have a husband right now if I gave up the first time he told me no???

Matthew: i wonder what brian sees you

Jaehyung: not gonna lie, same

Jaehyung: we need to do some planning so when you’re done sweating come here

Matthew: fine

Matthew: why are you at the studio so early?

Jaehyung: this is a perfectly reasonable time to be at work

Matthew: aight

Matthew: you should try sleeping more

Jaehyung: will do mom

 

Seen by Matthew

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 9:48 AM

mingbaby: someone make me something to eat

mingbaby: feeeeeeeed meeeeeee

imbigg: soup? sandwitch? 

mingbaby: OMG YES

mingbaby: sandwitch plsssss

imbigg: do you want avocado or a fried egg?

mingbaby: bambam hand in marriage please

mingbaby: ✨(っ◔◡◔)っc(◕◡◕c)✨

imbigg: oh ok o.O

 

Seen by mingbaby, nopainwoo, soupboi, Dasom, 3+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

FRI 9:52 AM

Taehyung: are you still at the gym?

Matthew: nah i went to jae’s

Taehyung: k

Matthew: need something? i’ll be back soon if you need me to grab something

Taehyung: nvm

Matthew: you sure?

Taehyung: just heading to the studio now

Matthew: then i’ll see you there?

Taehyung: sure

 

Seen by Matthew

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 10:01 AM

ieatrice: THAT IS MY BOYFRIEND HANDS OFF

mingbaby: why does he get two???

mingbaby: maybe you should share one of them :(

ieatrice: eye

Jiwoo: so you’re just going to ignore the sandwitch part?

mingbaby: huh?

Dasom: please i’ve been laughing about avocado and eggs on a sand witch for five minutes 

ieatrice: STOP

mingbaby: wait i didn’t even notice lol

mingbaby: i do not want a sand witch lol

imbigg: don’t be mean :(

ieatrice: aw baby its cute

imbigg: ok :(

ieatrice: don’t pout

imbigg: i can’t help it :(

imbigg: mark is laughing at me

ieatrice: i’ll sit on him

imbigg: you’re the best :D

imbigg : i’m not making @mingbaby a sandwich anymore

imbigg: jackson can have it

ieatrice: yass

mingbaby: wait what

mingbaby: but i’m hungry

imbigg: you laughed at me >:(

nopainwoo: stop whining i’ll make you something

mingbaby: OMG

nopainwoo: what no marriage proposal for me?

mingbaby: o_O

 

Seen by Dasom, Jiwoo, ieatrice, nopainwoo, 4+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

FRI 10:11 AM

Taehyung: do you think we can talk?

Matthew: yea imma head to the studio now

Taehyung: i’d prefer to just text

Matthew: oh?

Taehyung: i just want to get something off my chest

Matthew: ok? what’s up?

Taehyung: i’m just confused and i don’t know what to think

Taehyung: you’ve been spending a lot of time with jae recently

Matthew: we’re friends? he wanted to film something for his youtube channel 

Taehyung: i know and that’s why i’m confused

Taehyung: i don’t know why i’m feeling like this

Taehyung: i think i’m jealous

Matthew: oh

Taehyung: i don’t want to make it weird i just miss hanging out with you guys

Taehyung: the girls are always off by themselves and you’re always with friends and idk maybe i just noticed it but i miss you guys and i don’t like feeling like this 

Matthew: i’m sorry tae this wasn’t our intention

Taehyung: i’m not blaming you guys or anything i just want to be up front cause i feel like i’m acting weird now

Matthew: how about we spend the rest of the day together?

Taehyung: ok

Taehyung: also that’s not it

Matthew: what

Taehyung: how do you know if you like someone?

Taehyung: like want to date them

Matthew: do you like someone?

Taehyung: idk that’s why i’m asking

Matthew: do you look forward to seeing her? do you get excited? like does you’re chest feel tight when you think about her? does thinking about her make you happy? do you grin like an idiot when you see her?

Taehyung: can i tell you something that you have to keep a secret?

Matthew: of course

Taehyung: i think i like somin and jiwoo

Matthew: what

Taehyung: i know they’re dating but ever since we all talked i’ve been thinking about it and now i’m not sure my feelings towards them have ever been platonic

Matthew: what are you going to do?

Taehyung: what would you do in my position?

Matthew: keep it to myself

Taehyung: i guess that’s what i’ll do

Matthew: sorry tae

Taehyung: it’s fine 

Matthew: i’ll be there in a minute

Taehyung: k

 

Seen by Matthew

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

FRI 1:24 PM

Matthew : *screenshot*

Matthew : *screenshot*

Matthew : plan is off

Jaehyung : the actual fuck

Jaehyung : waIT

Matthew : lets just stop

Matthew : tae does not like me he doesn’t even like guys

Matthew : can we drop it now

Jaehyung : are you ok?

Matthew : i guess

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

SUN 11:14 AM

Taeyong : i have a question

pubertyx2 : shoot

Taeyong : what is it like to have a crush?

pubertyx2 : i’m out

borawr : i got this

Yerin : oh no

borawr : kay it’s like

Somin : i feel nervous all of a sudden

ilikebutt : you should

meanestgay : be very afraid

Jiwoo : what is taking so long?

Yoojung : i’m even more scared now

Yerin : oh god

Somin : it can’t be that bad

ilikebutt : oh yes it can

meanestgay : mentally prepare yourselves

Yoojung : is that even possible?

Dasom : give bora a break

Yerin : you’re gonna regret that

Somin : oh my

borawr : it’s like being terrified of something. like your absolute worse fear ever and you want to stay away at all cost because the nightmares are so bad and it makes you shaky and like really clammy and that’s so gross. but there is another part of you that craves it, ya know? like its bad for you but feels so right, you can’t stay away. you want to keep getting closer even though everything in your body is shouting NO. cause you think if you get closer you’ll get used to it and it won’t be terrifying anymore because you’ll be used to this bizarre panicky feeling inside you. but you don’t know how to get closer and its so frustrating and makes you burst into to tears and you just want to rip your hair out and scream because these feelings just don’t make sense and you don’t know what to do and along the lines you realize that those feelings are actually love. your anger and confusion that were once fear becomes love for another person and that feeling of realization is insane. it feels like an endless chase and when you think you might be done it comes back full force and knocks the breath outta you and makes you feel like you can’t go on any longer. at times it feels like you’re being chased and not you chasing it and you stop to try to catch your breath only to realize you’re running from your true feelings and that’s so confusing and you begin to feel sad and desperate and all the emotions get so jumbled up inside. so you turn back to that fear and you confront it. what once terrified you is the person you love standing before you and you know that your feelings for them will never waver.

Dasom : what the fuck

Yerin : i’m not reading all that

borawr : basically its terrible and feels really bad all the time but its also exhilarating and so amazing and one of the best feelings ever and it happens all at once

Taeyong : that sounds horrific 

Somin : i have no words

Taeyong : and yet so beautiful 

Jiwoo : this makes a lot of sense

borawr : yep

Somin : it doesn’t tho???

Jiwoo : idk that’s how i felt about you

Somin : o.o

Yoojung : i never want to have a crush now

meanestgay : i don’t blame you

ilikebutt : @borawr are you ok?

borawr : no x_x

Chaeyoung : so when are you asking siyeon out?

borawr : suddenly i cannot read

Taeyong : i think i do have a crush

meanestgay : whomst???

Taeyong : nope

Yerin : you suck

 

Seen by Taeyong, Dasom, Chaeyoung, Yoojung, 9+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Younghyun

SUN 12:08 PM

Younghyun : lunch?

Jaehyung : be there soon <3

Jaehyung : bri?

Younghyun : ?

Jaehyung : i’ve been thinking about the whole matt situation

Younghyun : i thought we agreed to not interfer

Jaehyung : something is not right tho

Younghyun : explain

Jaehyung : taehyung is also jealous of matt hanging out with me

Jaehyung : what if…

Younghyun : do you think matt accidentally told taehyung to keep his feelings for matt to himself?

Jaehyung : i’m kind of getting that feeling

Younghyun : ah shit

Jaehyung : you want noodles or rice?

Younghyun : rice please

Jaehyung : chicken or beef?

Younghyun : chicken please

Jaehyung : so can I interfere 

Younghyun : let them work it out babe

Younghyun : we managed

Jaehyung : we never hid our feelings from each other tho

Younghyun : give them some time

Jaehyung : it’d be nice if matt could at least get taehyung :/

Jaehyung : i’m coming now open the door for me?

Younghyun : <33

 

Seen by Jaehyung

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

MON 11:58 PM

supportiveally_kingchul: congrats everyone on their mama stages

supportiveally_kingchul: the performances were all really good

chocorings: ive nver bene si drynk in my lifr

supportiveally_kingchul: can you move?

chocorings: o an i in ur way

supportiveally_kingchul: what

Chorong: ignore him he’s wasted

supportiveally_kingchul: i can see that

supportiveally_kingchul: i was just wondering if he can get to the bathroom or something

Chorong: don’t worry i got him

supportiveally_kingchul: good luck

Chorong: thankx 

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 4:25 AM

Taehyung: i had a crazy dream

Taehyung: i was in this field of lavender 

Taehyung: and there were daisy clouds

Taehyung: i swear i could smell roses

Taehyung: i was running through all the lavender crying

Taehyung: i thought i was in a flower shop!

Taehyung: A FLOWER SHOP

Taehyung: guk was buying me flowers but then i went into the backroom and suddenly i was in the lavender field and everything was flowers and i couldn’t get out

Taehyung: i thought guk would save me

Taehyung: but guk never came for me and i was stuck in the lavender field T_T

Taehyung: guk just went home to watch tv and didn’t even buy the damn flowers!!

twitterking18: your boyfriend sounds like he sucks

Taehyung: I KNOW

twitterking18: bri once had a dream that everything was pork belly and he couldn’t eat any of it cause he needed his pork belly car to drive him home

Taehyung: that sounds rough :/

twitterking: it wasn’t all bad he ended up making me pork belly

Taehyung : @overwatcher buy me flowers

 

Seen by twitterking18

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

TUE 7:20 AM

Taehyung: matt?

Taehyung: can you pick up some milk

Taehyung: we’re out of chips too

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 7:26 AM

overwatcher: shouldn’t you be buying me flowers???

Taehyung: but you didn’t rescue me :(

overwatcher: that sounds like a dream you problem

overwatcher: i dreamt about puppies

Taehyung: are you buying me a puppy???

overwatcher: you already have a dog

Taehyung: can i trade in my boyfriend?

overwatcher: TAE

Taehyung: i see no flowers in my room

overwatcher: fine

Taehyung: :D

Taeyong: who wants to give me pointers on my flirting?

Yerin: oh i do!!

grandsunma: lets see what you got

Taeyong: oh um k

Taeyong: i think i’m falling for you <3

Yerin: you better stand the fuck up then

Taeyong: um

grandsuma: NEXT

Taeyong: are you french cause eiffel for you

Yerin: you need to change it up

Hakyeon: but the pun!!

grandsunma: NEXT

Taeyong: we aren’t socks but we’d still make a great pair ;)

Yerin: not if i lose you in the washing machine

Taeyong: oh

grandsunma: NEXT

Taeyong: um you’re so handsome you made me forget my pick up line?

Yerin: fine that’s kinda cute

grandsunma: acceptable 

Taeyong: thanks?

grandsunma: go get ‘em young grasshopper 

Taeyong: should i just say that?

Yerin: text it to see what they say if they react bad just say you were testing out pick up lines

Taeyong: okie

borawr: this is not a bad idea!

Yerin: you’re welcome :>

 

Seen by Taeyong, Taehyung, grandsunma, borawr, 8+

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

TUE 10: 34 AM

Taeyong: you’re so handsome you made me forget my pick up line

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 12:02 PM

Taeyong: um

Taeyong: he didn’t answer so what now?

Taeyong: help please

Taeyong: i’m gonna cry

anteater: aw yongie don’t cry :(

anteater: maybe they’re just busy wait a bit longer

Taeyong: okie :(

 

Seen by anteater, overwatcher, Yerin, grandsunma, 21+

 

Private Chat: Taehyung and Jaehyung

TUE 12:20 PM

Taehyung: is this Jae?

Jaehyung: sup who’s this

Taehyung: Taehyung

Jaehyung: taehyung from bts or taehyung from kard?

Taehyung: you know taehyung from bts???

Jaehyung: ...no?

Taehyung: then take a wild guess who it is

Jaehyung: ok damn what do you want

Taehyung: matt hasn’t been answering his phone is he with you?

Jaehyung: nope

Taehyung: do you know where he is?

Jaehyung: gym? he’s been working through some stress

Taehyung: k

Jaehyung: hold up

Taehyung: ?

Jaehyung: you been pretty preoccupied with matt lately

Jaehyung: why?

Taehyung: what do you mean?

Taehyung: we’re in a group together

Jaehyung: please if i hung all over wonpil like this bri would be asking for a divorce

Taehyung: what

Jaehyung: what

Taehyung: tf

Jaehyung: ignore that

Jaehyung: I can only deal with one stubborn idiot at a time and quite frankly I’m stuck with bri for the rest of my life so you’re gonna have to grow a pair. if you have feelings for a certain tall smelly gym rat then you should just come clean cause I can guarantee he won’t

Taehyung: what

Jaehyung: good luck

Taehyung: jae what??

Jaehyung: byee

Taehyung: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Taehyung: JAE

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 7:06 PM

frogkisser: to truly find yourself you should play hide and seek alone

mingo: existential crisis or fortune cookie?

frogkisser: can it be both?

anteater: SUNGJONG

anteater: wait are you ok?

frogkisser: yeah i just have a lot to think about

mingo: wanna share?

frogkisser: i think i’m going to enlist next year

anteater: why??? that's in less then a month???

frogkisser: well its not like infinite can keep promoting with everyone else enlisted and woolim isn’t going to give me a solo so my best bet it to just enlist and then promote with infinite again

anteater: oh

mingo: i think that’s really smart

frogkisser: i think so too :/

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: stop i’m trying not to cry

frogkisser: oh my gosh i’m not going to war it’ll be over before you know it

frogkisser: it’s not like i can’t use my phone

anteater: i know ok i’m still sad

frogkisser: i’m sorry bub

frogkisser: i’m not leaving right now

mingo: lets get dinner or something soon?

anteater: please T_T

frogkisser: sounds good to me

 

Seen by anteater, mingo, Chaeyoung, Chorong, 12+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 9:32 AM

chocorings: oh whack imma enlist next month

frogkisser: for real?

chocorings: for real for real

frogkisser: i’ll probably wait till the summer

anteater: i asked my members and they said they’re going to enlist next year too

anteater: actually jinki is enlisting now

anteater: i’m sad

frogkisser: i miss my members too :(

chocorings: ok lets stop i’m still hungover

Hakyeon: leo and i are gonna enlist this year too

anteater: WHAT THE FUCK

anteater: can y’all chill???

frogkisser: it’ll be over before you know it babe

anteater: fuck 

Taekwoon: it’s just a part of life no big deal

 

Seen by anteater, Hakyeon, chocorings, frogkisser, 19+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

WED 9:45 AM

Taehyung: why are you always gone before i wake up

Matthew: working out in the morning is ideal

Matthew: you’re welcome to come

Taehyung: imma pass

Taehyung: can i ask you something personal tho

Matthew: what up

Taehyung: how did you know you liked guys

Matthew: wow

Taehyung: sorry if that’s too personal

Matthew: nononono

Matthew: i just wasn’t expecting that

Matthew: i thought you were straight

Taehyung: well idk

Matthew: ok so

Matthew: like

Matthew: i don’t know it doesn’t have to be the same as liking girls

Matthew: you can be attracted to both genders but have a preference towards one

Matthew: i don’t really know how to explain because i’m pansexual and it’s not really genders i’m attracted to but personalities so like i don’t really care what people are packing if you get what i mean

Taehyung: i think so

Matthew: do you think you might be attracted to a guy?

Taehyung: maybe

Matthew: so jiwoo somin and a guy?

Taehyung: this is a lot for me

Matthew: hey its ok take it at your own pace

Taehyung: i’m trying

Taehyung: jae said something strange to me

Matthew: imma kill him

Matthew: don’t listen to him

Taehyung: what if i want to?

 

Seen by Matthew

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

WED 9:58 AM

Matthew: i’m freaking the fuck out

Matthew: what did you say to taehyung???

Jaehyung: idk what you’re talking about

Matthew: don’t fuck with me i’m going to lose it

Jaehyung: try not to shut him down this time if he wants to confess to you

Matthew: what

Matthew: jae what

Matthew: JAE

Jaehyung: for fuck sakes don’t leave him on read!!!

Matthew: fuck

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

WED 10:06 AM

Taehyung: sorry if that was weird

Taehyung: idk what i’m doing

Matthew: NO

Matthew: it’s fine i just almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot

Taehyung: are you ok??

Matthew: fine

Matthew: its fine

Taehyung: are you sure?

Matthew: yes

Matthew: what were saying about wanting to do something jae said

Taehyung: nvm its dumb

Matthew: i don’t think its dumb

Taehyung: idk

Matthew: if you want to confess to someone i think you should they might like you back

Taehyung: and what if they don’t?

Matthew: i think they do

Taehyung: how do you know?

Taehyung: how do you know it won’t be weird if i get rejected?

Matthew: is this a close friends?

Taehyung: my best friend

Matthew: then it won’t be weird

Taehyung: you think i should confess to him

Matthew: yes

Matthew: i think he’ll confess back

Taehyung: should i do it over text message?

Matthew: the sooner the better i think

Taehyung: you sure it won’t be weird?

Matthew: i’m positive

Taehyung: ok

Taehyung: i think i’m falling in love with you matt

Matthew: i’m falling for you too

 

Seen by Taehyung

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 10:21 AM

Matthew: ITS HaPPENED

Matthew: OH FUCK

Matthew: I CANNOT BreATHE

twitterking18: oh fuck for real???

Matthew: I AM SCREAMING

Matthew: HELPP

twitterking18: he confessed???

Matthew: YES

twitterking18: AND WHAT DID YOU SAY

Matthew: I CONFESSED BACK

Jiwoo: matt you like someone???

Somin: wait who???

Matthew: oh shit

twitterking18: i knew this was gonna happen

greasemonster: congrats matthew!!!

soupboi: yes!! go get him!!

borawr: they grow up so fast :’)

Somin: we’re missing something here

Jiwoo: obviously

twitterking18: i deserve some thanks

emo_fanboy18: didn’t i tell you not to interfere…

twitterking18: but he came to me…

emo_fanboy18: good work i guess

twitterking18: :’D

 

Seen by borawr, Jiwoo, Somin, soupboi 6+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

WED 10:24 AM

Matthew: i’m hurrying back as fast as i can

Matthew: i wanna kiss you

Taehyung: wait i’m already on my way to the gym

Matthew: i guess we’ll meet in the middle

Taehyung: fuck i’m shaking

Matthew: don’t be nervous

Taehyung: i’m excited!!

Matthew: fuck me too

Taehyung: ok i can’t type and run at the same time

Matthew: i’ll see you in a few minutes

 

Seen by Taehyung

 

Matthew, Somin and Jiwoo Group Chat

WED 10:30AM

Jiwoo: matt what’s going on?

Somin: why didn’t you tell us you had a crush :(

Jiwoo: you’ve always told us when you like a girl

Somin: is it cause it’s a guy?

Somin: you know that doesn’t bother us

Jiwoo: matt?

 

Seen by Somin

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 10:42 AM

Yerin: well now that that’s settled we need to work on taeyong and bora

borawr: me???

greasemonster: yes you useless gay

Taeyong: he still hasn’t answered me so i think i’m going to go bury myself alive now

hwalion: oof

whepuppy: aw don’t worry i’m sure it’ll work out

hwalion: if it doesn’t i have back up plans to get you out of this mess

Taeyong: oh thank you T_T

 

Seen by borawr, hwalion, Yerin, whepuppy 23+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 3:07 PM

hwalion: ok bitches line up

hwalion: i think its time we settle some stuff here

hwalion: Sehyoon or Byeongkwan

greasemonster: why are you like this???

hwalion: idk what else you want me to do for entertainment

whepuppy: you could give me more attention

grandsunma: i could also use more attention

hwalion: i’m literally laying in your lap???

whepuppy: that doesn’t fix my lack of attention :(

hwalion: i sleep with you everynight tho

whepuppy: not enough :((

greasemonster: i could give you some attention baby ;)

whepuppy: hehehehehehe

hwalion: anyway place your bets!!

hwalion: mine is on byeongkwan

whepuppy: you’re always wrong so mine is on sehyoon

grandsunma: ^

greasemonster: ^^

supportiveally_kingchul: o we haven’t done this in a while!

supportiveally_kingchul: byeongkwan

hwalion: thank you!!

Taehyung: finally a bet that isn’t us

overwatcher: sehyoon

overwatcher: this is exciting 

Taehyung: right???

Taehyung: we can finally participate in one

hwalion: next time we’re betting on matthew and his new boyfriend :)

Jiwoo: what are we doing?

Taehyung: sehyoon

senshine: sehyoon

hwalion: who tops or bottoms

hwalion: its just for fun

Taehyung: we don’t get a choice so might as well enjoy it

Somin: sehyoon then?

Jiwoo: same

Matthew: don’t bet on me

Somin: we don’t even know who its against :(

Matthew: soon 

Jiwoo: soon?

Matthew: ...tonight?

Jiwoo: fine

Youngji: OH! byeongkwan!

ieatrice: sehyoon obviously

Youngji: its byeongkwan

ieatrice: nooooo

Youngji: you’re such a brat

ieatrice: :P

Hyomin: obviously it’s sehyoon

Youngji: it is not!

hwalion : @Byeongkwan @SayWow so who is it?

SayWow: what

Byeongkwan: WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I BOTTOM

Byeongkwan: is it cause i’m short???

Matthew: you guys shouldn’t judge by looks

hwalion: is this your way of telling us you bottom matthew :>

Matthew: what

Taehyung: its just the vibe byeongkwan

Byeongkwan: vibe???

overwatcher: the vibe for sure

Byeongkwan: well none of you are completely right so stfu

Byeongkwan: there is more then just top and bottom dynamic

Taehyung: are you guys switches too?

ieatrice: why don’t we ever bet on jaehyungparkian???

hwalion: they’re married its not as fun

twitterking18: HEY

twitterking18: we have plenty of fun

hwalion: sure old man

Byeongkwan: what type of fun hmmm

emo_fanboy18: i will break your phone jae

imbigg: wait is it possible jaehyungparkian have been the kinkiest and we had no idea???

twitterking18: no one is kinker than you

ieatrice: this is true

Taehyung: NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW

overwatcher: ^

frogkisser: ^^

Byeongkwan: exactly no one needs to know what yoon and i do

twitterking18: well bri and I play rock paper scissor to decide who tops

hwalion: what the

emo_fanboy18: you’re sleeping in your own room tonight

twitterking18: nooooo bri T_T

twitterking18: please no I need my cuddles :(

emo_fanboy18: should have thought about that first

Taehyung: that’s actually a great idea!

Pink_Sweater: WAIT

Pink_Sweater: NO

Pink_Sweater: please don’t tell me thats what you two were doing when dowoon and i joined your game???

twitterking18: oop

Pink_Sweater: NO

Pink_Sweater: IS NOTHING SACRED???

Taehyung: guk i think we should implement this into our sex lives

overwatcher: cause it is going so well for jaehyungparkian

overwatcher: that was sarcasm btw

hwalion: i guess we can start betting on them too

emo_fanboy18: please don’t

hwalion: tough shit sugar tits

emo_fanboy18: eye

 

Seen by overwatcher, Youngji, ieatrice, frogkisser, 28+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

WED 3:49 PM

Taehyung: idk why we need to do this

Matthew: what

Taehyung: why do we have to tell them now?

Matthew: because i’d like to be able to cuddle on the couch without them looking at us strangely 

Taehyung: maybe we should just cuddle in your bed :)

Matthew: nah

Matthew: i want to add you to the group chat too so they have to know

Taehyung: won’t that be weird?

Matthew: well they already know something is up and i’m not good at secrets so we should just tell them now

Taehyung: but it’s only been a few hours!!

Taehyung: they kept their relationship a secret for months before telling us :(

Matthew: sorry baby

Taehyung: baby?

Matthew: too much?

Taehyung: no i like it

Taehyung: baby boy

Matthew: TAE

Taehyung: ;)

Matthew: how am i supposed to concentrate on my korean lesson if you tease me like that :(

Taehyung: hmm maybe you should finish your korean lesson and comeback

Taehyung: i’m sure i can teach you more korean then that book ;)

Matthew: you’re killing me right now

Matthew: we’re still telling them tonight tho

Taehyung: :((

Matthew: i have something to tell you too

Taehyung: ?

Matthew: remember when i explained that i was polyamorus?

Taehyung: yep

Matthew: well i also kind of have a crush on somin and jiwoo

Taehyung: oh

Matthew: this doesn’t change anything tho

Taehyung: i guess neither of us can have them huh?

Matthew: we have each other tho right?

Taehyung: of course

Taehyung: i spent way too much time being anxious over my feelings to give you up now

Matthew: you have no idea what you’re doing to me

Taehyung: hopefully making you come home sooner :(

Matthew: do you want me to grab anything on my way back?

Taehyung: we’re still out of milk and chips

Matthew: you got it baby 

Taehyung: fuck thats cute

Matthew: you’re cute

Taehyung: STOP

Matthew: nope you’re too cute

Taehyung: you better be on your way back >:(

Matthew: anything for my baby <3

Taehyung: you’re actually trying to kill me

Matthew: i could never!

Matthew: i’ll be there in ten minutes (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Taehyung: kk <3

 

Seen by Matthew

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 8:57 PM

[Matthew added Taehyung]

Matthew: welcome baby

frogkisser: gross another couple

borawr: its sweet!!

Somin: welcome tae

Taehyung: well this is going to get confusing fast

frogkisser: i’m surprised we haven’t had this issue before

Taehyung: same

Matthew: what issue?

overwatcher: our boyfriends have the same name

Taehyung: i’m not the oldest taehyung now :((

overwatcher: i’ll fix this :D

[overwatcher changed Taehyung’s name to GucciBoy]

GucciBoy: i hate this

overwatcher: yeah well my arms hurt from carrying all your gucci bags today

GucciBoy: what is the point of working out so much if not to carry my bags???

overwatcher: THAT IS NOT THE POINT

GucciBoy: is it to look pretty for me :>

overwatcher: stfu

Taehyung: is it always like this?

Jiwoo: pretty much

GucciBoy: change his name too to make it fair :(

overwatcher: you’re so pouty today

[Hakyeon changed Taehyung’s name to potaeto]

[Hakyeon changed Byeongkwan’s name to kwanquat]

[Hakyeon changed Jiwoo’s name to jillo]

Taekwoon: are you hungry hakyeon???

[Hakyeon changed Matthew’s name to mattharoni]

[Hakyeon changed Somin’s name to somint]

Hakyeon: yes :(

Taekwoon: how about i make you a sandwich 

Hakyeon: yes please :D

jillo: as long as it isnt a sandwitch

imbigg: y’all aint ever gonna let that one go are you

jillo : nope

 

Seen by Taekwoon, imbigg, somint, kwanquat, 17+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

THUR 1:24 PM

le’go: too bad taeyong hadn’t used his pick up line on april first

sunbun: huh why

le’go: cause he could have just said april fools when his crush didn’t reply 

le’go: duh

borawr: i will keep that in mind

sunbun: this is genius

le’go: its a win either way

le’go: option 1 taeyong gets a boyfriend or option 2 taeyong got to play a prank

sunbun: poor baby is now losing sleep over this :/

Taeyong: and hair X_X

greasemonster: we’ll fix this!

Taeyong: i don’t see how

borawr: why don’t you tell us who the crush is first and then we can assess the situation

Taeyong: nope

borawr: perish then

Taeyong: (╥﹏╥)

 

Seen by borawr, greasemonster, le’go, sunbun, 22+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

THUR 11:08 PM

frogkisser : i have too much chaotic energy  

frogkisser: i need to release it

senshine: how do you plan on doing that?

frogkisser: lets fight

senshine: about???

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t just start a fight

frogkisser: dunno…

frogkisser: what’s your favorite animal

senshine: sloths i guess

frogkisser: fuck sloths

Dasom: unprovoked???

senshine: the fuck did sloths do to you???

frogkisser: slow constipated looking fuckers

frogkisser: gettin stupid tea baths

frogkisser: falling outta trees cause they grab their own arms 

frogkisser: mother nature fucked that one up

senshine: SHUT UP

senshine: sloths are amazing!!!

supportiveally_kingchul: you’re both so dumb i don’t even know where to start

supportiveally_kingchul: and i didn’t think it was possible to be dumber than donghae

senshine: HEY

frogkisser: i feel much better

senshine: ...i feel used

 

Seen by Dasom, frogkisser, Chorong, borawr, 10+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 2:56 AM

emo_fanboy18: i made lightly broiled bulgogi for dinner

pubertyx2: good for you?

eggplanet: its 3am???

emo_fanboy18: do you want lightly broiled bulgogi or not

pubertyx2: wait yes

eggplanet: what about your members???

emo_fanboy18: they’re sleeping

emo_fanboy18: come over it’s still warm

pubertyx2: did you just make them???

emo_fanboy18: couldn’t sleep and it was in the fridge so i decided to make lightly broiled bulgogi

soupboi: say lightly broiled bulgogi one more time and i will broil you

emo_fanboy18: no lightly broiled bulgogi for you then

soupboi: that’s it

eggplanet: should we do something?

pubertyx2: idk about you but i’m getting myself some bulgogi :D

 

Seen by eggplanet

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 11:39 AM

Taeyong: fine

Taeyong: help please

Taeyong: it’s so awkward

Taeyong: i have a crush on johnny 

Taeyong: i can’t do this anymore

Taeyong: it is literally eating me alive

Taeyong: i think i’m going to burst and say something i shouldn’t

Yerin: johnny hmm

greasemonster: ok what’s happening right now?

Taeyong: we’re in the practice room and johnny has been whispering with ten for like seven minutes and yuta keeps looking at me and i tried to talk to johnny yesterday but he ignored me and i don’t know what to do and i feel like sitting in the middle of our practice room and sobbing

supportiveally_kingchul: ok listen to me

supportiveally_kingchul: you are going to take three deep breaths, in through your nose hold for three seconds then out through your mouth and repeat

supportiveally_kingchul: understand?

Taeyong: yes

supportiveally_kingchul: then you’re going to practice like nothing is wrong

supportiveally_kingchul: after practice give it at least an hour and then you are going to text johnny this word for word

supportiveally_kingchul: ‘you didn’t like my pick up line :(’

supportiveally_kingchul: ‘none of my other friends liked my other ones i thought this one was good tho’

supportiveally_kingchul: ‘how about this one’

supportiveally_kingchul: ‘besides being handsome what else do you do for a living ;)’

supportiveally_kingchul: do you understand taeyong? if johnny asks what friends you are going to say sehun, taemin and irene

Taeyong: okie

supportiveally_kingchul: if he does not respond you’re going to say this

supportiveally_kingchul: ‘aw come on i’m trying not to embarrass myself in front of my crush please don’t tell me i suck at flirting’

supportiveally_kingchul: that should make him think you were only trying to practice on him

Taehyung: wow

Yerin: how’d you just do that???

supportiveally_kingchul: i had to improvise when i confessed to leeteuk like six years ago and he didn’t respond for ten hours

supportiveally_kingchul: i also tried flirting with yesung two years ago and had to play it off as a joke 

supportiveally_kingchul: i have enough experience at heartbreak for this entire group chat believe me

thewonderyears: lol i remember when you panicked cause leeteuk started swerving you

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t remind me

thewonderyears: its funny now looking back on it

supportiveally_kingchul: it was a nightmare what are you talking about

Taeyong: thanks sunbaenim i’m going to do that

Taeyong: i feel much better now <3

greasemonster: but what happened with yesung?

supportiveally_kingchul: that’s a story for another day

thewonderyears: don’t be so dramatic

supportiveally_kingchul: good luck yong you got this

Taeyong: but what if he asks who my crush is?

Yerin: just say its yeri

Taeyong: everyone and their mother knows yeri likes girls

meanestgay: this is true

supportiveally_kingchul: you are pretty terrible at hiding that

meanestgay: what can i say

meanestgay: women >>>

greasemonster: OH! 

greasemonster: say changkyun 

supportiveally_kingchul: great idea

supportiveally_kingchul: you guys are the same age

supportiveally_kingchul: you look good together

supportiveally_kingchul: very believable

supportiveally_kingchul : @iamwhatiam

Taeyong: okie

iamwhatiam: yea i’ll cover for you

Taeyong: thanks everyone

Yerin: might even make johnny jealous :>

supportiveally_kingchul: lets just deal with one crisis at a time

 

Seen by Taeyong, iamwhatiam, Yerin, greasemonster, 32+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 3:43 PM

frogkisser: nothing is so feared than fear itself 

Jaehwan: still eating fortune cookies?

frogkisser: till i’m six feet under apparently

Jaehwan: we have a song called six feet under 

frogkisser: somehow i am not surprised

anteater: SUNGJONG LOML

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: you forgot the loml part

frogkisser: did i?

mingo: what’s your biggest fear?

anteater: being forgotten.

Jaehwan: damn

mingo: that’s deep

frogkisser: i was going to say the pope but i feel a little dumb about it now

mingo: i was going to say cicadas 

mingo: you can always hear them but never see them

backspasm: cicadas are terrifying

Myungjun: i’ve never known peace since that day

backspasm: thank god for sanha

Myungjun: thank god for eunwoo

backspasm: truly a group effort

mingo: i think we’re missing something here

Jaehwan: astro share a single brain cell

mingo: true

Jaehwan: my biggest fear is clown fish

Jaehwan: they’re not funny

anteater: please none of you ever text me again

frogkisser: even me :(

 

Seen by backspasm, anteater, Jaehwan, frogkisser, 13+

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

FRI 3:56 PM

Taeyong: did you not like my pick up line :(

Taeyong: none of my other friends liked my other ones i thought this one was good tho

Taeyong: okie how about this one

Taeyong: besides being handsome what else do you do for a living ;)

Johnny: what?

Taeyong: awww come on! i’m trying not to embarrass myself in front of my crush please don’t tell me i suck at this

Johnny: who are you flirting with?

Taeyong: i’m just trying to practice :(

Taeyong: i can’t believe you left me on read for so long

Taeyong: was it that bad???

Johnny: i didn’t know what to say

Johnny: who are you practicing for?

Taeyong: my crush duh

Johnny: i got that

Johnny: who?

Taeyong: don’t wanna say

Johnny: cause your crush is me?

Taeyong: what

Taeyong: no?

Johnny: who then?

Taeyong: i can’t tell you 

Johnny: then you like me?

Taeyong: stop

Johnny: well that’s what it seems like

Taeyong: its changkyun ok.

Johnny: from monsta x?

Taeyong: yes

Taeyong: don’t tell anyone

Johnny: so you’re gay?

Taeyong: is that a problem?

Johnny: no i was just surprised 

Johnny: you’re flirting doesn’t suck

Johnny: i’m sure you’ll have no problems if he likes you back

Taeyong: okie

Taeyong: thanks

Johnny: sure

 

Seen by Taeyong

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

FRI 9:33 PM

Taeyong: cried for three hours

Taeyong: i feel better now

anteater: aw what happened bub?

Taeyong: crisis averted but Johnny definitely doesn’t like me back :/

anteater: sorry yongie :(

Taeyong: it is what it is

anteater: it it what it it

frogkisser: exactly

anteater: SUNGJONG

 

Seen by Taeyong, Chorong, Dasom, mingo, 3+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

SAT 7:48 AM

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: shit sorry i got distracted 

anteater: whatever

frogkisser: loml

anteater: you are forgiven (✿◠‿◠) 

Holland: that was easy

senshine: *facepalm*

anteater: and what about it

 

Seen by frogkisser, senshine, Holland, Dasom, 4+

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

SAT 1:12 PM

Johnny: not to pry or anything

Johnny: but i heard you crying last night

Johnny: are you ok?

Taeyong: it’s fine

Johnny: yongie what’s wrong?

Taeyong: changkyun doesn’t like me

Taeyong: i got rejected 

Johnny: oh yongie i’m sorry 

Taeyong: i’ll get over it

Johnny: i’ll take you out for ice cream!

Taeyong: we have dance practice 

Johnny: afterwards

Taeyong: i’m not a child i don’t need ice cream

Johnny: but i want to make you feel better

Taeyong: ice cream isn’t going to fix a broken heart

Johnny: i bet i can help

Taeyong: i bet you can’t

Johnny: i’m taking you for ice cream and thats final 

 

Seen by Taeyong

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

SAT 7:05 PM

Taeyong: johnny took me to get ice cream cause he heard me crying last night and i told him i was sad cause changkyun doesn’t like me back and help it was so awkward

Taeyong: i don’t know what to do

borawr: yea no i am never confessing to siyeon now

borawr: this is a disaster 

Taeyong: thanks

Hakyeon: have you ever tried to eat a clock?

borawr: yes

Hakyeon: its very

Hakyeon: wait what

borawr: it was very time consuming :>

Hakyeon: eye

Taekwoon: HELP

Taekwoon: i cna’t breathe

Hakyeon: i hate it here

borawr: :D

 

Seen by Hakyeon, Taeyong, Taekwoon, Dasom, 10+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

SUN 12:24 PM

Chorong: i hate texting

Chorong: we should just start sending voice memos

ilikebutt: and have to listen to your voices?

ilikebutt: i’ll pass thanks

Chorong: but its so much back and forth :/

grandsunma: isn’t that what texting essentially is

grandsunma: its a back and forth conversation. you text, they text back and it just keeps going like that until you’re sick of it and never text each other again

Chorong: yea well watch me never text y’all again

Dasom: what did we do???

Chorong: nothing 

chocorings: lol i left her on read

Chorong: asshole

chocorings: love you

Chorong: try responding then

chocorings: i was napping

Chorong: whatever

chocorings: :(

Chorong: don’t pout at me

chocorings: i have cookies

Chorong: i’ll be right there

grandsunma: ^

Dasom: ^^

ilikebutt: ^^^

chocorings: vultures -_-

 

Seen by Dasom, ilikebutt, grandsunma, Chorong, 23+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

MON 10:56 AM

twitterking18: how much does it cost to get to busan?

emo_fanboy18: depends where you live

emo_fanboy18: for example, if you live in busan its free

twitterking18: you’re so annoying

emo_fanboy18: am i?

twitterking18: yes

twitterking18: obviously i’m talking about from seoul 

twitterking18: you’re coming with me btw

emo_fanboy18: what are we doing???

twitterking18: we’re meeting my mom

emo_fanboy18: oh

emo_fanboy18: ok!

twitterking18: we’re spending new years with her

emo_fanboy18: that’s tomorrow

twitterking18: well aware

twitterking18: you should pack btw

emo_fanboy18: fuck

ieatrice: oof

imbigg: lmao

emo_fanboy18: don’t laugh at my pain

 

Seen by imbigg, twitterking18, ieatrice, soupboi, 34+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

MON 3:09 PM

mingo: HELP

mingo: EMERGENCY

mingo: there is a cicada in my room!!!

mingo: please someone come get rid of it T_T

mingo: all my members are out T_T

mingo: pls someone i am going to sob

mingo: guys!!

mingo: anyone???

mingo : @frogkisser @anteater

 

Seen by senshine, frogkisser, Dasom, anteater, 18+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

MON 3:38 PM

frogkisser: frogkisser and anteater are dead. 

frogkisser: you’re next.

frogkisser: sincerely, cicada 

mingo: i hate you both

 

Seen by anteater, senshine, frogkisser, Dasom, 29+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

MON 11:52 PM

GucciBoy: see you guys next year!!

GodHo: where are you going?

iamwhatiam: wonho…

GodHo: oh lol i get it

GodHo: see you next year!

 

Seen by GucciBoy, iamwhatiam, twitterking18, mingo, 16+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 12:01 AM

kwanquat: HAPPY NEW YEAR

kwanquat: ٩(˘◡˘)۶

supportiveally_kingchul: great i’m going to bed now

frogkisser: wow you’re old

anteater: that’s what i’ve been saying

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: that felt weird

anteater: i didn’t like it

frogkisser: lets agree not to do that again

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

anteater: much better

frogkisser: everything is right now

supportiveally_kingchul: be quiet twinks or i’m kicking you out

supportiveally_kingchul: again

 

Seen by kwanquat, frogkisser, GucciBoy, anteater, 48+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

TUE 12:07 AM

Matthew: i wanna kiss you

Taehyung: why are you saying it over text then?

Matthew: don’t want people to hear us

Matthew: i wanna kiss you everywhere

Taehyung: everywhere???

Matthew: mmm yea

Taehyung: ilsan, northwest of seoul?

Matthew: huh

Taehyung: los angeles, california?

Taehyung: noraebang?

Matthew: STOP

Taehyung: subway???

Matthew: you ruined it x_x

Taehyung: :D

Taehyung: i wanna kiss you too!

Matthew: mood is ruined

Taehyung: :((

Matthew: fine lets go somewhere else

Taehyung: :D

 

Seen by Matthew

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 12:12 AM

Chaeyoung : @imbigg @ieatrice @soupboi stop!!

Chaeyoung: people are looking at you three!!

Seungmin: i’m looking away

Pink_Sweater: same

pubertyx2: i am in shock

pubertyx2: shooketh if you will

eggplanet: hopefully everyone is too drunk to remember that

pubertyx2: i’ll be scarred forever

Pink_Sweater: i’ve walked in on jae and hyun in more compromising positions tbh

Seungmin: well if their members didn’t know they were dating they do now

Chaeyoung: i think yugyeom knew

Chaeyoung: he’s having too much fun

eggplanet: i’ll just pretend i do not see

thewonderyears: do i want to know what those three are doing?

Seungmin: no noona

pubertyx2: they’re grinding on each other like the world about to end

thewonderyears: oh my

Seungmin: i’m leaving

Pink_Sweater: it’s your bedtime anyway

Seungmin: I’M EIGHTEEN 

thewonderyears: fetus 

pubertyx2: lmaoo

Seungmin: we’re the same age???

pubertyx2: i actually sound like i went through puberty tho

Chaeyoung: you went through a different kind of puberty

pubertyx2: oh rip

 

Seen by eggplanet, thewonderyears, Chaeyoung, Seungmin, 32+

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

TUE 12:15 AM

Johnny: hey where’d you go?

Taeyong: jsut want to be alone

Johnny: you left before i could say happy new year tho

Taeyong: sorry

Taeyong: it was just too ovewrhelming 

Johnny: are you ok?

Johnny: where r u?

Taeyong: its fine

Taeyong: i wnat be by myslef

Johnny: yong where r u?

Taeyong: cnat berath

Johnny: hey it’s ok just take a deep breath for me

Taeyong: cnat

Johnny: where r u?

Taeyong: stIrs

Johnny: don’t move

Taeyong: cnat 

 

Seen by Johnny

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

TUE 12:27 AM

anteater: REALLY WANNA TOUCH MYSELF

pubertyx2: taemin sunbaenim???

mingo: ignore him

le’go: it’s his new years tradition

Yoojung: to touch himself?

mingo: no???

mingo: to sing purple line

frogkisser: usually at the top of his lungs

pubertyx2: you’ve lost me

Youngji: gasp

Chorong: blasphemy

chocorings: YOU DON’T KNOW PURPLE LINE

pubertyx2: i listen to music from this decade???

Dasom: i hate the new generation 

chocorings: kick the traitor out!

pubertyx2: oh my god i’ll listen to purple line

pubertyx2: who’s it by?

mingo: …

le’go: tvxq

pubertyx2: how am i supposed to know that???

supportiveally_kingchul: uncultured fetus

frogkisser: oop we woke up heechul

anteater: 触れることさえできないって 疑心暗鬼に囚われて

anteater: 身動きひとつとれない 時もある

anteater: REALLY WANNA TOUCH MYSELF 奇跡を願っていても

anteater: 自分の心が強くなくちゃ進めない RIGHT NOW

pubertyx2: i can barely read korean i cannot read japanese 

frogkisser: just let him sing purple line in peace

frogkisser: the sooner he does the sooner it’ll be over for all of us

 

Seen by pubertyx2, le’go, Chorong, mingo, 43+

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 8:47 AM

hyoraengi: i think it’s time taemin get a new new years tradition 

sunbun: for once hyo and i are in agreement 

Hyomin: every one stop

Hyomin: alert the media

Hyomin: sunny and hyo agree on something

Hyomin: who knew taemin could bring you together like this :’)

anteater: you guys suck

anteater: i’m never changing my tradition

anteater: yoochun wanting to touch himself will always live in infamy 

hyoraengi: taemin is the sole reason i don’t talk to men

anteater: HEY

hyoraengi: :*

 

Seen by Hyomin, anteater, sunbun, frogkisser, 10+

 

Private Chat: Sehyoon and Byeongkwan

WED 2:18 PM

Byeongkwan: you’re cute :(

Sehyoon: you’re the cutest tho

Byeongkwan: nope i think you are 

Sehyoon: nooooo you are!

Byeongkwan: excuse me sir you are >:( 

Sehyoon: i make it rainism the rainism

 

Seen by Byeongkwan

 

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 2:24 PM

kwanquat : *screenshot*

kwanquat: should i break up with him?

GucciBoy: yes 

mattharoni: ^

jillo: ^^

hwalion: ^^^

imbigg: ^^^^

ieatrice: ^^^^^

emo_fanboy18: give him another chance

SayWow: thank you :(

SayWow: i was nervous

kwanquat: about what???

kwanquat: i call you cute everyday

SayWow: i just got nervous ok?

kwanquat: -_-

frogkisser: i know an easy way to fix this

frogkisser: kick all the couples out :D

ilikebutt: as much as i sometimes agree with that it literally fixes nothing

frogkisser: at least i won’t have to see it

 

Seen by ilikebutt, GucciBoy, hwalion, SayWow, 9+

Chapter Text

humans are aliens Group Chat

WED 10:56 PM

supportiveally_kingchul : happy first day of 2019 lets start the new year off right!

Taeyong : so i had a panic attack just after midnight because of all the fireworks and johnny found me and i couldn’t breathe and i was freaking out so johnny just kissed me and now i don’t know what to do because like it worked. i stopped freaking out but then i ran away and now i’m avoiding johnny

Taeyong : help me

supportiveally_kingchul : i don’t have a fix it for this one

supportiveally_kingchul : i have a fix it for everything

supportiveally_kingchul : but not this one

supportiveally_kingchul : i don’t even know what to say

Taeyong : i’m going to go yeet myself into the han river and hopefully drown

Soyeon : you’ll probably freeze before drowning

Taeyong : good

Taeyong : i crave a release from this torture 

GucciBoy : ok chill there is only room for one edge lord in this gc and ggukie has that one under lock and key

GucciBoy : just come clean with him and this will all stop

Taeyong : no

supportiveally_kingchul : i hate to say it but i think that’s your only option here

twitterking18 : my gay senses are tingling and something is not adding up

twitterking18 : you should confess

Taeyong : i’d rather turn into a human popsicle 

Soyeon : y’all are so dramatic i swear

twitterking18 : my gay senses are never wrong

twitterking18 : for example I knew @potaeto had a thing for @mattharoni  just from some screen shots and I know that @frogkisser is never going to sleep with @anteater

GucciBoy : could have used you when guk and i were getting together x_x

potaeto : what

potaeto : screenshots???

mattharoni : listen

potaeto : ?

mattharoni : i was desperate T_T

somint : why didn’t you come to us???

somint : we could have helped??

mattharoni : uh

twitterking18 : anyway my gay senses are tingling there is no way johnny’s first thought was to kiss you if he hadn’t already been thinking about kissing you before that

twitterking18 : @Taeyong

Taeyong : pls don’t get my hopes up

frogkisser : HEY

frogkisser : never say never when it comes to taemin and i

anteater : hey motherfuckers

mingo : ( ≖.≖)

anteater : you got somethin to say?

mingo : you feeling aggressive today bub?

anteater : fuck yeah

mingo : any particular reason why?

anteater : i’m just vibing

anteater : choked on some soy sauce 

mingo : why tho

frogkisser : (✿◠‿◠) 

frogkisser : TAEMIN <3

anteater : hi bitch

frogkisser : hi homos <3

anteater : bitch

mingo : (◑_◑)

anteater : soy sauce was mean to me

frogkisser : okie

anteater : why are you being mean to me

mingo : sungjong is always mean to you???

frogkisser : it’s not the soy sauce's fault you can’t dip dumplings 

mingo : are you guys together right now???

frogkisser : i’m not mean

anteater : yes you are motherfucker

anteater : it’s the soy sauces fault

frogkisser : okie

mingo : sus

anteater : it sus

anteater : fuck

anteater : *you’re fucking sus

frogkisser : love you mango <3

anteater : why are you making me sound soft tf

[mingo changed the group chat name to who’s eating ants]

mingo : lmaoo

mingo : i knew it!

frogkisser : why are you making me sound aggressive???

anteater : the fuck

anteater : no one is eating ants

mingo : how would you know? you aren’t taemin

anteater : but i am

anteater : see

anteater : look at the @

mingo : suddenly i can’t read

anteater : anteater

anteater : yes

anteater : eater of ants

iamwhatiam : did taemin and sungjong switch phones and think we wouldn’t notice???

mingo : yes

iamwhatiam : anyway

iamwhatiam : @Taeyong johnny called me and i’m not gonna tell you exactly what he said but he was really pissed that i “upset” you

Taeyong : oh

twitterking18 : my gay sense are never wrong

twitterking18 : for example when bri and i first met and he fell into my lap face first i knew immediately he was the love of my life

Taeyong : i guess that is pretty impressive

anteater : it is not

frogkisser : how do you know sungie is never gonna have sex with me :(

anteater : because i’m not

twitterking18 : you’re both twinks lol it would never work

frogkisser : ಥ_ಥ

supportiveally_kingchul : this is not a pg conversation

anteater : thanks grandpa for the important information 

supportiveally_kingchul : I AM NOT OLD

twitterking18 : if heechul sunbaenim is old then so are we

frogkisser : that’s fair

borawr : @Taeyong lets make a deal

Taeyong : ?

borawr : if you confess to johnny i will confess to siyeon and if we both happen to get our hearts broken we can binge chick flicks and eat ice cream together?

Taeyong : that actually sounds really nice

Taeyong : okie i’ll do it

borawr : if by miracle this happens to go in our favor we can still binge chick flicks

frogkisser : can i come?

anteater : that’s it give me my phone back

borawr : taemin? yes you can come

anteater : (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

supportiveally_kingchul : good luck

 

Seen by twitterking18, potaeto, Taeyong, frogkisser, 27+

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

THUR 12:07 AM

Jiwoo : we’re ok right?

Taehyung : what do you mean?

Matthew : why wouldn’t we be?

Somin : things just have seemed weird since jiwoo and i told you guys we’ve been dating and we’re afraid that it is changing our group dynamic

Matthew : nothing has changed

Matthew : a part of the weirdness was just tae and i figuring our shit out

Taehyung : and i guess we don’t really know how to act since our relationship has changed

Jiwoo : i just want things to be how they used to be

Jiwoo : when we used to joke around and go out but everything feels kind of stiff now

Matthew : you’re right we’re sorry for being weird

Taehyung : it doesn’t have anything to do with you guys we’re just new to this relationship thing

Somin : well mamamoo and got7 manage just fine so we’ll be ok, right?

Matthew : well they’re actually poly so its a little different but yea

Jiwoo : you’re poly right matt?

Matthew : yep

Jiwoo : so how does that work?

Matthew : well

Matthew : i’m only with tae right now but i guess if he wanted to add someone else to our relationship it’d be ok, as long as i also like them

Somin : are you both poly?

Taehyung : idk but i’m not opposed to matt and i having another partner 

Taehyung : why?

Somin : just curious i guess

Jiwoo : so we’re ok?

Matthew : of course

 

Seen by Taehyung, Somin, Jiwoo

Chapter Text

who’s eating ants Group Chat

THUR 3:49 AM

overwatcher: i’d be the top scarer at monsters inc

overwatcher: i wouldn’t even need to go into any kids room

overwatcher: i could just scream myself louder than any of those kids

GucciBoy: sorry everyone, i took guk’s phone, sleep well <3

 

who’s eating ants Group Chat

THUR 11:38 PM

supportiveally_kingchul: i need to make an announcement so everyone pay attention i only have a minute

senshine: what

meanestgay: why??

le’go: what happened

jillo: why are you in a hurry?

supportiveally_kingchul: no i was referring to your short attention spans

pubertyx2: OFF ENDED

eggplanet: true tho

supportiveally_kingchul: is sand called sand cause its between the sea and land

pubertyx2: eye

le’go: heechul are you ok???

senshine: WAIT

senshine: NO

senshine: REALLY???

meanestgay: i hate it here

senshine: between the sea and land it must be sand!!

supportiveally_kingchul: i’m fine just wanted your attention 

supportiveally_kingchul: idk what this means, but i went to the sm building for a meeting and i saw taeyong running through the halls screaming with johnny chasing him looking like he was gonna cry so theres that

senshine: is that the dying cat noise i was hearing???

meanestgay: oh yea i saw taeyong lock johnny in a practice room

senshine: did you let him out???

meanestgay: no?

supportiveally_kingchul: deep sigh

senshine : @Taeyong what are you doing?

pubertyx2 : @Taeyong did you confess???

Taeyong: i’m crying in a supply closet because i did confess

meanestgay: well now i’m actually concerned

supportiveally_kingchul: what happened???

Taeyong: um i told him i like him and then i ran away cause he was just staring at me but then he started chasing me and telling me to stop but i didn’t want to be rejected so i shoved him into one of the studios and i am now hiding in a supply closet 

Taeyong: this is fine

le’go: oh bub

senshine: i’m done

[senshine added Johnny]

pubertyx2: sdkaljnscak

senshine : @Johnny will you just tell taeyong you like him back so we can all stop suffering

Johnny: I WAS TRYING TO

Johnny: he’s fucking fast

Johnny: wait what the fuck is this

Johnny: sehun???

senshine: welcome to the world of gays

senshine : @Taeyong there you see he likes you back

Johnny: yongie?

Taeyong: hi

Johnny: why’d you run?

Taeyong: cause you were just staring at me

Taeyong: you didn’t say anything

Johnny: i was processing!

Johnny: i thought you liked changkyun

iamwhatiam: he doesn’t btw

Johnny: what

iamwhatiam: sorry carry on

Johnny: i like you too

Taeyong: you like me?

Johnny: yes yongie

Johnny: can you come let me out of this studio now

Taeyong: um yes

Taeyong: hold on

meanestgay : @borawr your turn now

borawr: shit

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, senshine, meanestgay, le’go, 11+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

THUR 1:40 PM

Bora: hey siyeon

Siyeon: what up

Bora: so there is this person i like

Bora: how do i ask them out?

Siyeon: oh um 

Siyeon: i got just the thing

Siyeon: first, you’re gonna ask them to the movies maybe with a group of friends. then offer to pick them up so you’re alone. but instead of going to the movies with your friends take them to a different movie, preferably a romantic one! make sure to buy them chocolate or a candy they really like but not popcorn cause it gets stuck in your teeth and that’s gross. stick to water too, you don’t want your breath smelling funky. after the movie is done tell them how you feel and then lean in for the kiss! BAM

Siyeon: if that doesn’t work then idk 

Siyeon: i’d love it if someone asked me out that way

Bora: thanks!

Siyeon: of course

Bora: so you wanna see a movie with me this weekend? saturday?

Siyeon: sure! that sounds fun

Bora: great i’ll pick you up

Siyeon: we live together

Bora: i’m aware

Siyeon: okay

 

Seen by Bora

 

who’s eating ants Group Chat

THUR 2:03 PM

borawr: welp i asked siyeon out for saturday

greasemonster: that’s great!!

borawr: i don’t think she realized i was asking her out

greasemonster: how

borawr : *screenshot*

hwalion: happens to the best of us

borawr: well she’ll know on saturday

hwalion: it was a similar situation with wheein and i

hwalion: it’ll work out

whepuppy: i was just confused :(

hwalion: i know baby

greasemonster: to be fair it confused yongsun and i too

hwalion: i get it

hwalion: i’m bad at asking people out x_x

wheppupy: its ok! i love you anyway

hwalion: my heart T.T

hwalion: i love you too baby

 

Seen by meanestgay, whepuppy, greasemonster, borawr, 35+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

THUR 2:53 PM

Siyeon: WAIT

Siyeon: UNNIE

 

Seen by Bora

 

who’s eating ants Group Chat

THUR 2:55 PM

borawr: update

borawr: siyeon might have figured it out

borawr: idk what to do rip

whepuppy: you should text her back

hwalion: ^

Johnny: ^^

Taeyong: ^^^

meanestgay: ^^^^

le’go: ^^^^^

eggplanet: ^^^^^^

Yerin: ^^^^^^^

borawr: ok damn

 

Seen by meanestgay, Johnny, hwalion, le’go, 14+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

THUR 3:00 PM

Bora: yes?

Siyeon: did you just ask me on a date?

Bora: depends

Bora: did you agree to go on a date with me

Siyeon: depends

Siyeon: did you just ask me out on a date?

Bora: looks like a stalemate 

Bora: oh well i tried

Siyeon: UNNIE

Bora: don’t shout i’m fragile

Siyeon: ugh

Siyeon: you’re gonna make me do this aren’t you??

Bora: idk what you’re talking about i already asked you out

Siyeon: SO YOU DID ASK ME ON A DATE

Bora: pls don’t yell (╥﹏╥)

Siyeon: you’re a disaster gay you know that

Bora: pls enough people call me a useless gay

Siyeon: well they’re correct

Siyeon: and yes i’ll go on a date with you

Bora: OMG

Siyeon: it wasn’t that hard was it?

Bora: i almost shit myself

Siyeon: nvm date cancelled 

Bora: noooo

Bora: pls i’m sorry

Siyeon: fine

Siyeon: one more chance

Siyeon: don’t blow it

Bora: i will cherish it with my life

Siyeon: you’re really nervous aren’t you?

Bora: i’m trying not to yeet myself out the window

Siyeon: please don’t

Bora: anything for you ;)

Siyeon: (ㆆ_ㆆ)

 

Seen by Bora

 

who’s eating ants Group Chat

THUR 3:22 PM

borawr: your favorite useless gay did it!

borawr: i have a date!!!

frogkisser: mango is my favorite useless gay

le’go: changsub is my favorite useless gay

Johnny: sehun is my favorite useless gay

frogkisser: he’s already fitting in :’)

twitterking18: in honor of useless gays

[twitterking18 changed the group chat name to gays only event]

twitterking18: no one change it again or else

twitterking18: (ᕗ ಠ︡益︠ಠ︠)ᕗ︵ ┻┻

borawr: y’all suck

Taeyong: movie night?

borawr: except yong he doesn’t suck

Taeyong: (◡‿◡✿)

Johnny: cute

frogkisser: THAT’S IT

frogkisser: one more couple and i am leaving

supportiveally_kingchul: bye

frogkisser: say you don’t mean it sunbaenim ಥ_ಥ

supportiveally_kingchul: fine

supportiveally_kingchul: stay

frogkisser: just for you i will ;)

supportiveally_kingchul: oh joy

 

Seen by frogkisser, Johnny, borawr, le’go, 45+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 6:08 PM

borawr : idk what to doooooo

borawr : i can’t pick an outfit

borawr : what does one wear to a movie date???

borawr : its dark in the theater so does it even matter?

borawr : but she’ll see me before that so it does?

borawr : but she also lives with me already so does it matter???

borawr : help my date is tomorrow what do i wear!!!

Yerin : well its cold put on a cute sweater or something

ilikebutt : yea a sweater and leggings 

ilikebutt : look cute and cozy

borawr : i’m putting on leather pants

borawr : thanks!

Yerin : eye

ilikebutt : you’re welcome?

Taeyong : i support leather

Johnny : you do?

Taeyong : very much

borawr : who cares about comfort wear leather!

[Taeyong changed Johnny’s name to fishdad]

[Taeyong changed Taeyong’s name to fishmom]

fishmom : johnny and i are adopting fishies!!

fishdad : we’d have the tank ready by now if you’d concentrate 

borawr : oop

frogkisser : i feel like that meme of squidward where he’s trapped in a guitar watching the sponge and sentient star play outside

ilikebutt : what???

frogkisser : well squidward isn’t trapped in a guitar but it looks like a guitar

Yerin : trapped in … a guitar 

Yerin : THAT IS HIS HOUSE

borawr : isn’t that his house???

mingo : that’s a window you dingleberry 

borawr : i’m screaming

chocorings : sungjong i am losing my kind

chocorings : *mind

chocorings : well my kind too but thats unrelated 

frogkisser : whatever that stupid meme is a mood right now

mingo : sentient star???

mingo : you mean patrick???

chocorings : NO THIS IS PATRICK

frogkisser : i’ve only seen a few episodes ok? i just know the meme stfu

frogkisser : i’m tired of watching couples someone date me now

jillo : lmaooo

mingo : where’s taemin?

frogkisser : probably robbing kibum’s house

chocorings : what

frogkisser : don’t ask

frogkisser : who wants to date me???

Jokwon : i volunteer 

somint : hELP

frogkisser : for real?

Soohyun : no

Jokwon : but sungjong is cute

Soohyun : no

Jokwon : nvm i guess :/

frogkisser : i can’t win

chocorings : on a side note

chocorings : have y’all ever seen lemur’s teeth?

chocorings : i’ll never be the same

chocorings : one had the gall to call me gay with their teeth looking like that???

chocorings : smh

Yerin : you could keep things to yourself you know

ilikebutt : why do their teeth look like that???

borawr : imma just leave now

mingo : we should all just leave now smh

 

Seen by borawr, frogkisser, chocorings, Yerin, 19+

 

Private Chat: Matthew and Taehyung

FRI 6:24 PM

Taehyung : sigh

Matthew : :/

Taehyung : they’re so cute

Matthew : you’re cute too

Taehyung : it’s not the same

Taehyung : idk why i’m sad

Matthew : we need to do something about this :(

Taehyung : how

Matthew : i got an idea

 

Seen by Taehyung 

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

FRI 6:32 PM

[Matthew added Taehyung]

[Matthew added BamBam]

[Matthew added Jackson]

[Matthew added Mark]

[Matthew added Moonbyul]

[Matthew added Yongsun]

[Matthew added Wheein]

[Matthew added Hyejin]

[Matthew added Jaehyung]

[Matthew added Younghyun]

Taehyung : this was your idea matt??

Matthew : ye

Jackson : is this supposed to be a poly group chat?

Matthew : ye

Younghyun : why are jae and i here then?

Matthew : y’all unlocked the secrets of marriage so you get a pass

Matthew : plus jae has the gay senses

Wheein : OMG

Wheein : a poly group chat!!!

Jaehyung : are we here just to help you two get girlfriends???

Matthew : ye

Hyejin : is that all you know how to type???

Matthew : ...no

Yongsun : wait so we are playing cupid?

Matthew : help tae and i x_x

Moonbyul : LETS DO THIS

BamBam : LETS GET THIS BREAD

Mark : i suggest just confessing 

Mark : miscommunication is only gonna lead to more problems

Taehyung : but what if they really don’t like us like that and it makes everything uncomfortable?

Jackson : isn’t everything already uncomfortable?

Matthew : we also just want tips on how to make a poly relationship work

Matthew : i’ve always been poly but never experienced it so idk how to approach this

Mark : communication

BamBam : yea we relied too much on knowing each other and that ended up causing more problems cause we kept things to ourselves and instead of just talking about our problems cause we thought we’d just notice if something was wrong and we didn’t

Jackson : to be fair we were pretty thick

Yongsun : nonono communication is so important

Yongsun : wheein and hyejin nearly broke up before the four of us got together because there was no communication between any of us

Taehyung : so what do you mean communication? what does that entail?

Moonbyul : being open with your feelings especially if you’re feeling left out or someone is going to end up hurt

BamBam : it really hurts

Mark : bammie :(

BamBam : it was my fault tho, i should have told them how i felt

Jackson : we’re still sorry

Jackson : i could have told you how i felt a long time before that spiraled out of control

BamBam : but it’s ok now and that’s cause we all talked about it

Moonbyul : exactly

Moonbyul : we actually got professional help when it became obvious we didn’t know how to talk to each other and the divide even became noticeable to our management

Matthew : divide?

Wheein : it became very clear that hyejin and i were close and byulyi and yongsun were close but the four of us weren’t talking to each other anymore

Yongsun : the jealousy got bad and we needed an intervention 

Younghyun : that sounds really serious 

Hyejin : yeah we almost didn’t debut because of how bad it got between us

Moonbyul : the bottom line here is that no matter what you two feel about Jiwoo and Somin you can’t let it ruin your group dynamic and you cannot be childish about this

Wheein : in the end its just better to come clean about your feelings even if they reject you

Taehyung : that’s easier said than done :/

Jaehyung : trust me when I say this, it is so freeing to get it off your chest

BamBam : maybe test the waters and ask them how they feel about polyamory and maybe see how they feel about you two dating another girl?

BamBam : don’t make them jealous but like hint that you want to add someone else to your relationship? see how they react to that

Matthew : we can do that

Taehyung : yeah that would probably be ok

Moonbyul : good luck boys

 

Seen by Jackson, Mark, Jaehyung, Matthew, 5+



Chapter Text

Private Chat: Somin and Jiwoo

SAT 9:47 AM

Somin : fuck that was cute

Jiwoo : i feel like a creep

Somin : noooo

Somin : they were the ones being cute out in the open like that

Jiwoo : maybe we should have knocked?

Somin : oh my gosh we can walk into our own practice room without knocking

Jiwoo : they were cute tho

Somin : i’ve never seen matt blush before lol

Jiwoo : i still feel like a creep

Jiwoo : i wanted to take a picture

Somin : same

Somin : maybe we’ll catch them cuddling again?

Jiwoo : we sound like creeps

Somin : :(

Somin : they’re staring at us

Jiwoo : should we say something?

Somin : why is this so awkward???

Jiwoo : i’m sure it’ll pass

Jiwoo : lets just start the music

Somin : my feet hurt tho

Jiwoo : if you stop pouting i’ll give you a massage later

Somin : deal!

 

Seen by Jiwoo

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 9:54 AM

GucciBoy : um

GucciBoy : yah ok

[GucciBoy added Yoongi]

Yoongi : i read something in a book that was interesting

ieatrice : hi?

nopainwoo : you have my attention

Yoongi : it was about when people die they become a star

mingbaby : inch arresting 

Yoongi : anyways i’m here to say that i think i would prefer being the space between the stars when i die. so that i am not going to have the spotlight on me again. i will be the darkness which is so important for the stars to shine and i think that it is an essential job. i will be able to still see the stars while also helping to make them shine even more.

GucciBoy : yoongles…

Yoongi : hmm would you prefer to be the star or the spaces in between

nopainwoo : i’m sad now

Holland : that’s a lot to consider

overwatcher : i might consider being the space in between in the next life and let other stars shine brightly

mingbaby : why’d that make you sad tho??

nopainwoo : i don’t want to think about what happens when i die???

GucciBoy : i think i would like to be a star and cast light in the darkness for others

overwatcher : since i would be the spaces in between the stars maybe i could come say hi sometime and i’ll be as dark as possible to let you shine brightly tae

GucciBoy : ggukie baby don’t ever leave me (╥﹏╥)

overwatcher : don’t worry hyung i’ll always fill the spaces by your side

Yoongi : in a different book i read instead of making constellations with the stars they were making them with the spaces between the stars and i think thats amazing too. i often get lost looking at the stars and end up staring at the dark sky in between, which is nice because it can be more calming. i think maybe tonight i’ll try to make constellations with the darkness.

nopainwoo : he is literally taking me on a philosophical journey through the night sky and you expect me not to start crying??? i am emotional

Holland : this is really nice tho and i appreciated reading it

Yoongi : do you think that since pollution often hides the night sky that the stars could represent society? i’m not sure that makes sense but the bright lights of the city below make it hard to see the stars and instead all you see is this darkness above you. it’s like society in general. society puts too much pressure on you and extinguishes the light in you and stops you from shining. but that darkness can also be nice to watch, sometimes it feels more comfortable to watch that. you can lose yourself in the darkness without the light hurting your eyes. almost like society’s pressure allows you to lose yourself in the darkness, staring at the shining light of others might hurt too much. there is solace in the spaces in between

supportiveally_kingchul : yoongi are you doing ok?

Yoongi : yea i’m fine

Yoongi : i just think it’s something nice to think about

soupboi : maybe no more late night talks with namjoon?

ieatrice : namjoon has an astonishing ability to give me existential crisis in a matter of seconds 

supportiveally_kingchul : seriously though yoongi its completely normal to be feeling pressure like this from the spotlight, if you ever want to talk more about it i am always here

Yoongi : thanks sunbaenim

Yoongi : and yea maybe i should stop talking to joon at 3am

GucciBoy : anything can happen at 3am

Gucciboy : it is the witching hour :>

nopainwoo : @mingbaby lets go star gazing at 3am 

mingbaby : ok!

Yoongi : thanks for listening to me bye

[Yoongi left]

ieatrice : why is he like this

 

Seen by mingbaby, Holland, supportiveally_kingchul, GucciBoy, 32+

 

Shinee World Out Of This World Group Chat

SAT 11:35 AM

Kibum : which one of you weirdos ransacked my closet?

Kibum : fess up and you won’t be punished 

Minho : oh I wonder who

Jinki : I literally just enlisted could you guys not start fighting

Taemin : but hyung

Kibum : taeminnie

Kibum : you have something to confess?

Taemin : (っ^▿^)

Kibum : you’re cute but it’s not gonna save you this time

Taemin : jinki hyung come back!!

Jinki : you brought this on yourself

Minho : what’d you take?

Taemin : um

Kibum : taemin

Taemin : a sweatshirt

Kibum : fine keep it

Taemin : ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

Minho : you’re so lucky you’re cute

Taemin : (¬‿¬)

 

Seen by Kibum, Minho

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 8:48 PM

Seungmin : i wish i lacked critical thinking skills

Seungmin : they just seem so happy in their ignorance

pubertyx2 : can confirm 

Seungmin : you’re not dumb stfu

pubertyx2 : i can’t tell if that was nice or not

pubertyx2 : keep our head up cuz we're mighty sistar

pubertyx2 : you just blew your chance i’m sorry sorry mister!!!!

pubertyx2 : head up to the sky cuz we're mighty SISTAR

kwanquat : someone unplug and plug back in felix

kwanquat : i think he needs to be rebooted

pubertyx2 : HUSH

borawr : guess who is back from their date!

Yerin : tell me everything

hwalion : ^

Soyeon : ^^

borawr : it was nice! i almost kissed her

Soyeon : /almost/

borawr : listen

borawr : i was nervous

Yerin : i’m rolling my eyes right now

hwalion : are you going to add her to the gc?

borawr : oh you’re right

borawr : i guess siyeon must be gay

Soyeon : you don’t know?

borawr : i didn’t ask

hwalion : do you have a second date?

borawr : i didn’t ask…

Yerin : you really are useless my lord

borawr : what should i do??

hwalion : ask her on a second date???

borawr : now?

Yerin : YES

Seungmin : i went to see my friend today and his half brother was there. he is 6’4!!

Seungmin : i just think that is unfair

Seungmin : like maybe share some of that height???

pubertyx2 : wow

pubertyx2 : now imagine if he was a full brother

pubertyx2 : he’d need really tall ceilings 

Seungmin : …

Soyeon : he’s joking right?

Seungmin : sometimes it’s hard to tell

pubertyx2 : <(^,^)>

 

Seen by hwalion, Seungmin, Yerin, Soyeon, 9+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

SAT 9:02 PM

Bora : i had a lot of fun tonight!

Siyeon : me too!

Bora : like a lot of fun

Siyeon : yea it was a good movie

Bora : the movie wasn’t the only thing that was good

Siyeon : are you trying to flirt with me?

Bora : yes ಥ_ಥ

Siyeon : cute

Bora : HELP

Bora : what do you want me to say to that???

Siyeon : idk but you’re cute

Bora : STOP I WILL SOB

Siyeon : you’re so dramatic

Bora : i’m sensitive :(

Siyeon : it’s cute

Bora : can i take this as a yes to a second date :>

Siyeon : yes (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Bora : NOW YOU’RE BEING CUTE

Siyeon : are you screaming right now???

Bora : no

Siyeon : i heard you tho

Bora : i’m nervous ಥ_ಥ

Siyeon : why??? we already went on a date

Bora : cause you’re pretty

Siyeon : thank you

Bora : um so second date?

Siyeon : yes and this time you can actually kiss me

Bora : I WAS NERVOUS

Siyeon : but i wanna kiss :(

Bora : omg i will kith you right now

Siyeon : okay

Bora : what

Siyeon : come kiss me

Bora : you’re literally going to give me heart failure 

Siyeon : i am waiting

Bora : COMING

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 3:09 AM

backspasm : HEY

backspasm : can someone bring me food?

backspasm : i’m hungry and i’m tired of takeout

backspasm : heeeeeeellooooooo

backspasm : are y’all ignoring me???

backspasm : but i’m hungry and lonely

backspasm : feeeeeed meeeee

backspasm : i’ll even take soup

backspasm : HEY

backspasm : i’m pregnant

ilikebutt : what the actual fuck???

GodHo : um how?

overwatcher : what now

imbigg : ^

mingbaby : ^^

backspasm : i’m just joking

backspasm : i just wanted y’alls attention

backspasm : so who gonna bring me food 

ilikebutt : i say this with as much kindness i can muster

ilikebutt : IT IS THREE AM wtf

overwatcher : tae says this is the witching hour!

backspasm : time is meaningless tho

backspasm : just a societal construct 

imbigg : the concept of time is a bad vibe

mingbaby : does not pass the vibe check

overwatcher : BAD VIBE

GodHo : should i be concerned?

backspasm : i haven’t slept in 48 hours!

ilikebutt : why???

backspasm : i have dramas to watch

mingbaby : should we stage an intervention

imbigg : lets go to binnie’s dorm right now!

backspasm : oh sweet

backspasm : bring me something to eat

backspasm : oh and some coffee or caffeinated tea please

GodHo : NO

GodHo : do not!

overwatcher : dude how much coffee have you had???

backspasm : idk

backspasm : when you guys come i can introduce you too my pillows

backspasm : i gave them all names an hour ago!

overwatcher : nvm

overwatcher : you’re past the point of saving

backspasm : they’re russian names!

imbigg : um

backspasm : but i don't speak russian so i’m having trouble talking to them :(

ilikebutt : ok stage an intervention 

mingbaby : we are on our way

mingbaby : do not move

backspasm : where would i go???

backspasm : my laptop charger only reaches so far

imbigg : the small blessings in life

overwatcher : i’ll come pick you guys up be there soon

backspasm : oh this is so exciting!! drama watching party with alyona, igor and vesvolod

backspasm : vesvolod is the leader so he picks the next drama tho

ilikebutt : i am deeply concerned 

 

Seen by imbigg, GodHo, backspasm, mingbaby

Chapter Text

97 liner best liner Group Chat

SUN 3:23 AM

BamBam: wake up bitches we’re going on a field trip

Mingyu: i’m awake already

Mingyu: and i woke up seokmin and minghao

BamBam: nice

BamBam: i got yug

Yugyeom: i hate you right now

DK: ^

The8: ^^

Eunwoo: what’s happening?

BamBam: wait you’re already awake?

Eunwoo: eh

BamBam: welp

Mingyu: guk is coming to pick us up we’re on our way to your dorm

Eunwoo: WHAT

Eunwoo: WHY

BamBam: staging an intervention for binnie

Eunwoo: ah

Jaehyun: do y’all not sleep tf

Mingyu: i vote that we leave jaehyun at his dorm

BamBam: i second that

Jungkook: one less trip for me

Jungkook: bam i’m here

BamBam: coming!

Eunwoo: when mj of jinjin kills y’all don’t blame me

Jaehyun: i’m going back to bed then

DK: mj of jinjin???

Eunwoo: fuck i’m tired ok

The8: join the club

Yugyeom: i’m not staging any intervention i’m passing out on the nearest soft surface 

DK: i’ll join!

The8: can’t the moonbin intervention wait till the morning?

BamBam: no he started speaking to his pillows in russian

Eunwoo: binnie knows russian?

Eunwoo: since when

Mingyu: that’s the problem

Mingyu: he doesn’t know russian

Yugyeom: *concern intensifies*

Jungkook: gyu i’m here

BamBam: we didn’t think this through

The8: imma just pass out in the trunk okie

BamBam: ok! that fixes our room problem

Mingyu: seokmin can sit on my lap

DK: i don’t even care anymore

Jaehyun: if you’re all together now seriously stfu

 

Seen by Mingyu, The8, Yugyeom, Eunwoo, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 8:32 AM

supportiveally_kingchul: do i also need to be concerned about moonbin?

Myungjun: nah he’s sleeping

Myungjun: minhyuk hid all our coffee this morning lol

Myungjun: the 97 liners also descended on our dorm last night and wrecked havoc 

Myungjun: they’re all passed out now on a collapsed blanket fort in our living room

supportiveally_kingchul: i have no words

Myungjun: yea if anyone is looking for their 97 liner they’re probably sleeping in my dorm

fishmom: mine is eating breakfast

Myungjun: oh good

supportiveally_kingchul: also

supportiveally_kingchul : @Hyojong congrats on signing with pnation i know psy is going to take real good care of you

thewonderyears: oh yeah! congrats to both you and hyunah!!

Hyojong: thanks

supportiveally_kingchul: how are you?

Hyojong: better

Hyojong: things are finally starting to feel better

supportiveally_kingchul: that’s really good to hear

thewonderyears: we are looking forward to new music <3

Hyojong: thanks guys 

Hyojong: i finally feel like working on music again

ieatrice: congrats dude!!

ieatrice: so that’s where bammie and yug went to

soupboi: so i can stop looking for them?

nopainwoo: i can’t believe gyu didn’t even text me

ieatrice: a note would have been nice smh

soupboi: should we come pick them up?

Myungjun: i think jeongguk drove them here so yea

GucciBoy: wake guk’s ass up

Myungjun: um ok

nopainwoo: well when they wake up tell them we’re at the dance studio and to find their own ride there

Myungjun: ok x_x

soupboi: i’m coming to pick bam and yug up be there soon

 

Seen by Myungjun, Hyojong, thewonderyears, nopainwoo, 8+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 2:56 PM

sunbun: this gc mad dry

backspasm: i feel hungover

mingbaby: that’s what you get for not sleeping for a week

backspasm: it wasn’t a week

mingbaby: same difference

backspasm: please i’d be dead if it had been a week

mingbaby: whatever

Yoojung: can i add someone to fix the dryness

Yoojung: perhaps moisten the group chat

sunbun: on second thought i’m just leaving

frogkisser: i never thought i’d say this

frogkisser: but that word is off limits

frogkisser: if anyone says the m word again that is three strikes you are out

supportiveally_kingchul: i actually support this

frogkisser: hell yeah weedul 

backspasm: MURDER

backspasm: sorry i’m tired

frogkisser: nah you can still say murder in the gc no penalty 

backspasm: cool imma murder this bowl of cereal

supportiveally_kingchul: it’s 2pm??? why are you eating cereal

frogkisser: sadly they’re not back from enlistment yet :/

backspasm: i may have slept but i stand by time being an illusion for all we know it is 7am

sunbun: did sungjong just make a 2PM joke -_-

frogkisser: EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GET YOUR DRINKS UP 

supportiveally_kingchul: moving on

supportiveally_kingchul : @Yoojung please add someone new

[Yoojung added Chuu]

Hyojong: if we’re adding people this is a good enough time i guess

[Hyojong added Hoetaek]

[borawr added Siyeon]

thewonderyears: OMG so many baby gays

supportiveally_kingchul: except hoetaek he’s old

frogkisser: another 93 liner here we gooo

Hoetaek: thanks for adding me

Hyojong: no problem

Siyeon: so this is the famous group chat

Hoetaek: famous?

Siyeon: bora talks about it sometimes lol

borawr: don’t expose me

Chuu: HI

[Chuu changed Chuu’s name to penguu]

penguu: waddle waddle

penguu: ^.^

meanestgay: cute

penguu: hehehe thanks

Minzy: i saw the word moisten and have been summoned

frogkisser: NO

[Minzy left]

frogkisser: sorry had to be done

thewonderyears: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: wait you aren’t taemin…

supportiveally_kingchul: i can’t stand you

frogkisser: that hurts me deeply

[supportiveally_kingchul added Minzy]

Minzy: who kicked me out???

Minzy: don’t be afraid nobody gonna jump you come out

frogkisser: you said the m word

Minzy: what’s good boot licker

frogkisser: you mean kisser of frogs

thewonderyears: stop for the love of god

sunbun: where have you been??? i’ve been suffering in the wasteland without you

Hyomin: i’m here???

sunbun: this aint about you

Minzy: i’ve been knitting :D

Hyomin: nice

Minzy: just kidding i’ve been working on starting my own company

thewonderyears: wait same

Minzy: our minds o.O

sunbun: second gen best gen me thinks

frogkisser: i’ll just leave

supportiveally_kingchul: you’re literally second gen 

frogkisser: wait

frogkisser: true

Minzy: i say we add hyuna

Hyomin: i support this

Hyojong: hate to break it to you guys but she’s not gay

 sunbun: BLASPHEMY 

thewonderyears: i don’t believe you

thewonderyears: her’s and sunmi’s relationship has always been sus

Hyojong: its as sus as hoetaek’s and mine is

Hoetaek: ouch

Hyojong: sorry

Minzy: i still think we should add hyuna

le’go: i agree she can be our honorary gay

le’go: the token straight

le’go: the het on thin ice

frogkisser: then what is weedul for???

supportiveally_kingchul: STOP TELLING EVERYONE I’M A HET

frogkisser: hetty 

penguu: i don’t understand

Siyeon: i don’t think you want to

 

Seen by penguu, le’go, frogkisser, Minzy, 27+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

MON 6:07 PM

pubertyx2 : i’m here to announce my iq is the same as my height which is 171 cm

Myungjun : shut up it is not

Soyeon : are you telling us you’re a genius???

pubertyx2 : exactly

Jaehwan : iq test aren’t real anyway

pubertyx2 : huh

pubertyx2 : i’m not really a genius :(

Myungjun : sucks for you

pubertyx2 : so yoink is the past tense of yeet

thewonderyears : is it possible felix is worse than bambam?

le’go : i didn’t think that was possible

imbigg : HEY

imbigg : i’m maturing 

pubertyx2 : are you calling me immature -_-

imbigg : if the shoe fits

pubertyx2 : imma kick you in the butt with my shoe

imbigg : sure you will

pubertyx2 : you’re right i took a vow of pacifism 

thewonderyears : he’s worse than bambam

pubertyx2 : at least i don’t dab

imbigg : i dab every morning when i wake up

ieatrice : we know babe

imbigg : i have a new dab to show ahgases!

soupboi : they’ll love that

imbigg : i think so too

Hoetaek : so i was reading the powerpoint

Hoetaek : lots of interesting stuff

Hoetaek : a lot of you guys are in idol/idol relationships right?

Hoetaek : how’s that work?

imbigg : @emo_fanboy18 @twitterking18

ieatrice : @emo_fanboy18 @twitterking18

imbigg : JINX

emo_fanboy18 : why are you summoning us???

emo_fanboy18 : you two are in a relationship too

ieatrice : it automatically falls to the responsibility of the married ones

imbigg : plus you guys have been together the longest

imbigg : how do you manage 

twitterking18 : simple

twitterking18 : bri is annoying and I’m boring

twitterking18 : we balance each other well

ieatrice : you’re not boring???

Pink_Sweater : i can vouch for jae he is boring

twitterking18 : thank you

emo_fanboy18 : i’m not that annoying :(

twitterking18 : yes you are but its ok cause I love you

pubertyx2 : i just got a cavity

Pink_Sweater : try living with them

pubertyx2 : that is upsetti spaghetti

emo_fanboy18 : am i really that annoying??

twitterking18 : well not as annoying as wonpil

Pink_Sweater : hey :(

twitterking18 : you won’t let me use your xbox 

Hoetaek : but how have you kept it hidden?

emo_fanboy18 : is this because of hyojong and hyuna?

Hoetaek : i guess

twitterking18 : you’d actually be surprised how easy it is to keep a relationship secret under the pretense of fanservice. the fans expect us to act with a certain amount of intimacy ya know? a few longing looks there and linger touches here really sell the deal and that comes pretty natural to us. plus we aren’t overly affectionate in public anyway

emo_fanboy18 : it also helps that no one really thinks we’re gay so that was a disadvantage to hyuna and hyojong

twitterking18 : exactly. if you like enough het things then its pretty believable that we’re just engaging in fan service 

twitterking18 : how anyone thinks @GucciBoy is a het is beyond me

emo_fanboy18 : same

GucciBoy : excuse you

twitterking18 : please there isn’t a straight thing about you

Yerin : it’s the kids thing

twitterking18 : oh true

GucciBoy : what do kids have to do with my sexuality???

Yerin : i’ve never met a gay that wants kids and you’re over here wanting an army of brats

overwatcher : you do love kids tae

GucciBoy : how is that het???

GucciBoy : kids are cute

Yerin : no

GucciBoy : yes

Yerin : no <3

twitterking18 : anyway its pretty easy to keep it secret if you don’t over do it in public

emo_fanboy18 : we even had our members come with us on our anniversary to make it less suspicious 

Pink_Sweater : that was so awkward

Pink_Sweater : us sitting there while you guys flirted and acted cute

twitterking18 : we’re cute 

Pink_Sweater : maybe from a distance

twitterking18 : imma pretend you didn’t say that

Hoetaek : then how did you guys get together?

twitterking18 : you see it was one fateful day back in 2010. I was busking in LA, bri was hopelessly lost and then his face somehow ended up in my lap cause he’s clumsy. really it was love at first sight

emo_fanboy18 : shut up i am not clumsy

Pink_Sweater : yeah you are

twitterking18 : and then I offered to help but we got sidetracked and ended up at a music store and then I took bri to a five star gourmet restaurant to woo him

emo_fanboy18 : we went to an in-n-out burger and jae paid with loose change

emo_fanboy18 : i can still see the look that cashier was giving us as you started counting out nickels 

twitterking18 : that was pretty funny ngl

twitterking18 : and then I took him back to his hotel and bri kissed me even tho his breath smelled like ketchup 

emo_fanboy18 : i will hit you

twitterking18 : and then we fell out of contact for a few years :/

emo_fanboy18 : i take full responsibility for that one

pubertyx2 : this is so dramatic

imbigg : don’t interrupt i’ve been waiting for this tea since last year

twitterking18 : anyway I got introduced to the band and bri called me an asshole cause I stole his spot as guitariest 

emo_fanboy18 : i did not!

Pink_Sweater : yes you did it was the only word of english i understood

pubertyx2 : rip

emo_fanboy18 : whatever

twitterking18 : but bri warmed up and then I took him out to another gourmet meal

emo_fanboy18 : we went to mcdonalds and you paid with ₩1 notes

twitterking18 : I was broke

emo_fanboy18 : same x.x

Hoetaek : and that’s how you guys got together?

emo_fanboy18 : nope

twitterking18 : nah we tortured each other for a few more years putting our careers first cause we thought that would make us happier but our perception on things eventually shifted and after debut we decided that we’re worth it

emo_fanboy18 : even if it all ended up blowing up in our faces having each other was more important. it still is

pubertyx2 : imma have to go to the dentist after this

Hoetaek : @Hyojong was it worth it?

Hyojong : absolutely 

Hoetaek : i guess that was my problem then huh

Hyojong : that’s for you to decide

potaeto : matt and i were awkward messes wtf

hwalion : so were wheein and i

GucciBoy : guk and i almost broke up bts getting together lmao

fishmom : you guys saw what a mess i was

Siyeon : bora still hasn’t asked me to be her girlfriend so

ieatrice : ok but how did you guys get married???

overwatcher : ^

hwalion : ^^

whepuppy : ^^^

Chaeyoung : ^^^^

thewonderyears : ^^^^^

emo_fanboy18 : idk we joked about it all the time. we’d just say marry me to each other randomly all the time

twitterking18 : but he finally said yes while we were on tour back in LA where we first met

imbigg : that’s it? you just asked?

twitterking18 : isn’t that how you’re supposed to get married?

Chaeyoung : did you have a ring? flowers? where’d you do it? details!!

emo_fanboy18 : jeez it was in my hotel room. no flowers or rings just jae being all cute and soft asking me to marry him where we first met and i said yes. then we told our members

twitterking18 : and they were our witnesses 

Pink_Sweater : it was a beautiful ceremony :’)

Chaeyoung : that’s it???

twitterking18 : well ideally one day we hope to have a big wedding in south korea when it’s legal and our idol careers are long behind us. for now tho we are happy and that’s all that matters at the end of the day

ieatrice : i’m starting to see how jae is the boring one

Hoetaek : so you guys got married spontaneously?

emo_fanboy18 : yep

borawr : WAIT SIYEON WHAT

twitterking18 : welp

twitterking18 : that’s the story of jaehyungparkian

pubertyx2 : that was cute as shit i need a boyfriend

Chaeyoung : ask changbin

pubertyx2 : what

Chaeyoung : or chan

pubertyx2 : what

Seungmin : lmao called out

pubertyx2 : listen

pubertyx2 : if i yeeted you into this world i can yoink you out

Seungmin : eye

pubertyx2: i'm older i will yoink you out of this world respect me!!

emo_fanboy18 : i think that’s enough now

imbigg : imma have to agree

supportiveally_kingchul : same

Hoetaek : but i have questions about polyamory still

supportiveally_kingchul : maybe another day (ㆆ_ㆆ)

 

Seen by Hoetaek, Hyojong, Chaeyoung, Seungmin, 52+

Chapter Text

no jelly beans here Group Chat

MON 8:21 PM

[Matthew added Hoetaek]

Jaehyung: wow our minds

Jaehyung: I was gonna do that too

Matthew: figured it was the right thing to do

Hoetaek: what’s this for?

Hyejin: oooo let me do it!

Hyejin: well you’ve entered the world of gays

Hyejin: now i present to you the world of polyamory 

Matthew: appropriate 

Hoetaek: you’re all polyamorous?

Younghyun: well not jae and i

Jaehyung: being married gives us special benefits 

Yongsun: wait till i’m married

BamBam: tbh listening to jaehyungparkian talk about being married has swayed me

BamBam : @Jackson @Mark one of you marry me

Mark: now???

Jackson: we just started dating tho

BamBam: i’ve known you both for like seven years

BamBam: marry me

Mark: i suppose that’s fair

Yongsun: this is unfair!

Moonbyul: baby you know we can’t get married

Moonbyul: we talked about this

Yongsun: doesn’t mean i have to like it :(

Wheein: i don’t like it either :(

Matthew: we aren’t here to talk about marriage

Matthew: hui has poly questions

Hoetaek: well yeah but like

Hoetaek: idk

Taehyung: well when you figure it out we’re here

Hoetaek: thanks

 

Seen by Matthew, Jaehyung, Hyejin, Wheein, 4+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

TUE 6:56 AM

Siyeon: whatcha doin

Bora: i’m in bed

Siyeon: just in bed? what else…

Bora: i’m eating porridge 

Siyeon: oh lol 

Siyeon: so what would you do if i was in bed with you hmm

Bora: i mean

Bora: eat my porridge 

Siyeon: what

Siyeon: well what if the porridge wasn’t there?

Bora: i’d probably go get some porridge

Siyeon: you’re so dumb i swear

Bora: what???

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 8:17 AM

anteater : @chocorings 

anteater: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR

chocorings: I’M ENLISTING 

chocorings: what’s your excuse huh

chocorings: nice

frogkisser: did you just /nice/ your own comeback??

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

chocorings: i did :>

chocorings: you would too if you could make comebacks

chocorings: nice

frogkisser: you’re a dumbass

anteater: what’s wrong with my hair :(

frogkisser: don’t listen to changsub he /nices/ his own comebacks

mingo: you look cute taeminnie

anteater: thanks ಥ_ಥ

chocorings: he insulted me first???

frogkisser: i might have stuck up for you if you weren’t such a loser smh

Chorong: wanna say that again twink

frogkisser: um

chocorings: chorong my savior 

Chorong: i got you babe

ilikebutt: you’re all dumb i swear

Hakyeon: what did the ocean say to the other ocean

mingo: hakyeon…

Hakyeon: nothing lol

Hakyeon: they just waved!

Taekwoon: you’re not funny

Hakyeon: did you sea what i did :(

Chorong: no

Hakyeon: i’m shore that you did

frogkisser: how your members put up with you is beyond me

Hakyeon: hey :(

Hakyeon: don’t be a beach

Jaehwan: i thought it was funny hyung

Hakyeon: thank you (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

Hakyeon: i’ve got more!!

ilikebutt: please don’t

frogkisser: ^

anteater: ^^

mingo: ^^^

Hakyeon: i’ll just save them for later :D

 

Seen by mingo, chocorings, ilikebutt, Jaehwan, 12+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

TUE 12:03 PM

Bora: WAIT

Bora: were you flirting with me???

Bora: i’m sorry T_T

Siyeon: you’re so dumb

Bora: give me another chance!

Bora: please T_T

Siyeon: fine but you have to initiate this time

Bora: *sweats* ok!

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 3:49 PM

le’go: who wants to go out tonight?

le’go: i wanna go clubbing

sunbun: me!

hyoraengi: count me in!!

Hyomin: i have no plans so sure

sunbun: yes! girls night!

Youngji: oh that sounds fun

Youngji: what time?

le’go: we can leave around 8pm?

Hyomin: sounds good

Youngji: yep

Minzy: i could use a break

thewonderyears: same x_x

hyoraengi: this is going to be sooo fun!

le’go : @ilikebutt @Chorong @grandsunma @Yerin @Dasom @greasemonster ???

ilikebutt: can’t i have comeback practice at ass o’clock

Chorong: same :/

Dasom: i’m game

Yerin: yea sure

greasemonster: yongsun and i can’t :/

Minzy: hmm i wonder why

grandsunma: we have plans :P

hyoraengi: ok tmi tmi

greasemonster: we didn’t even say anything tho

whepuppy: don’t spoil our plans!

hwalion: top secret

thewonderyears: do i need to be concerned?

grandsunma: nope

grandsunma: all safe sane and consensual 

le’go: now that really is tmi

Youngji: what type of clubbing are we talking about?

le’go: the gay kind

sunbun: i’m making out with a pretty lady and no one is stopping me!!

Hyomin: no one was gonna

Dasom: and when i find the loml then what

Yerin: we can go clubbing again :)

Dasom: i like the way you think

Hyomin: someone pray for our livers

twitterking18: i got you

sunbun: thanks 

supportiveally_kingchul: drink responsibly

sunbun: will do dad

supportiveally_kingchul: -_-

 

Seen by hyoraengi, le’go, twitterking18, Chorong, 24+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

TUE 7:24 PM

Hoetaek: how do you guys deal with jealousy 

BamBam: i can tell you right now communication is the answer to everything

BamBam: the minute you start keeping things to yourself is the minute it’ll fall apart

Yongsun: yep

Yongsun: but there also comes a point when you aren’t jealous seeing you’re partners together

Yongsun: part of it is setting ground rules so everyone is comfortable

Younghyun: hui do you like hyuna and hyojong?

Hoetaek: how’d you guess that?

Jaehyung: just seemed like you were third wheeling

Hoetaek: yea tho

Hoetaek: i’ve liked them both for a long time since predebut

Mark: did you talk to them about it?

Hoetaek: not really

Hoetaek: well hyo figured it out 

Hoetaek: we haven’t actually talked about the elephant in the room

Hoetaek: and now that he’s left i guess there isn’t a reason to

Jackson: i think you guys should still talk about it

Hoetaek: nah

Hoetaek: they’ve been together so long now i would just complicate things

Matthew: i know how you feel brother

Hoetaek: you do

Matthew: yeah tae and i both like somin and jiwoo but they’re together so

Hoetaek: oh wow

Hoetaek: are you going to do anything about it?

Taehyung: things are kind of awkward right now so no

Moonbyul: you guys really shouldn’t let it fester

Wheein: take it from those with experience it’s only going to get worse

Hoetaek: :/

 

Seen by Yongsun, Jaehyung, Taehyung, Hyejin, 7+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

WED 12:08 AM

le’go : dasom is drunk lmao

Yerin : whered u go

le’go : bathroom

Yerin : hyoyoen and sun going home

le’go : catch a cab with them lol

Yerin : fine

Yerin : *im 

Yerin : im fine

Youngji : i’ll get them home

Hyomin : wait for me

le’go : i’ll stay with dasom yubin and minzy

Minzy : dasom is soooo drunk

Hyomin : what is she doin?

le’go : she thinks the bathroom is haunted lol

Youngji : ok we’re in an uber

thewonderyears : GET HOME SAFE

sunbun : yoyre the sweetest candycane in the wide universe 

thewonderyears : cute

thewonderyears : you’re so drunk tho

sunbun : oo no arw gona arrwst mr

thewonderyears : i’m not goin to arrest you?

sunbun : si nice ^.^

le’go : how much did you drink???

sunbun : dozen barbies

Minzy : am i drunk or does that say barbies???

le’go : both hun

Minzy : ok

hyoraengi : sunny meant bottles

thewonderyears : ok good i was worried for a second

 

Seen by Youngji, le’go, fishmom, Minzy, 4+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 9:04 AM

fishmom : i get it now

fishmom : it makes sense now

fishmom : you guys were right i do understand now

imbigg : what???

fishmom : bones

fishmom : i get what you mean now

imbigg : OMG

imbigg : @twitterking18 @overwatcher  

imbigg : is this enough for our own bone cult???

fishdad : what now

eggplanet : not this again

twitterking18 : WELCOME brotha 

overwatcher : ok but bones tho

fishmom : i had no idea???

imbigg : right???

overwatcher : they’re just so yes

fishmom : i mean johnny’s back! his shoulder blades!!

fishmom : HELP

twitterking : i tell you bri’s cheekbones do something to the processing in my brain

overwatcher : i could get lost in the dips of taetae’s collarbones

imbigg : jackson’s jawline hellooo

imbigg : mark’s finger bones i’m please i cannot

fishmom : i never knew i could love cheekbones so much???

fishmom : and a jawline as sharp as glass T_T

supportiveally_kingchul : we’ve lost another one to the weirdness

overwatcher : COLLARBOOOOOOOOONES

imbigg : i haven’t recovered from shoulder blades don’t talk to me

twitterking18 : hip bones are my new kink

fishmom : i didn’t know falling in love could be like this

fishdad : you love me???

imbigg : oop

fishmom : i love your bones

fishdad : …

twitterking18 : give it time johnny

twitterking18 : eventually he’ll love more than your bones

fishdad : eye

 

Seen by twitterking, imbigg, eggplanet, fishmom, 10+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 10:44 AM

Dasom : i was not that drunk

thewonderyears : you were pretty drunk

Dasom : it’s not like i was wasted

le’go : are you sure???

Dasom : i wasn’t

Minzy : you bought a bunch of tampons from the dispenser and started hanging them around the bathroom!!!

supportiveally_kingchul : what the

Dasom : um

le’go : because and i quote you thought the ghost might be lonely so you were going to leave them friends

Dasom : TAMPONS LOOK LIKE LITTLE GHOSTS

le’go : YOU THOUGHT THE BATHROOM WAS HAUNTED

Dasom : well it was

thewonderyears : i closed the stall door tho not a ghost

Dasom : how was i supposed to know that???

Minzy : i’m still laughing

le’go : you almost fell into a toilet 

Minzy : what can i say

Minzy : its hard to stand when you’re laughing that hard

Yerin : did i hallucinate hyoyeon and sunny making out?

Hyomin : no…

Yerin : oh good

Dasom : i have a hangover

Chorong : i’ll bring some porridge over

Chorong : i’m almost done with practice

Dasom : thank you queen

Youngji : you should have drank water like the rest of us

Dasom : too late now

Dasom : i could go for some pizza too

Dasom : something greasy 

Chorong : you’re on your own for that one

Dasom : boo 

 

Seen by sunbun, Chorong, Youngji, Yerin, 19+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 1:18 PM

twitterking18 : FUN FACT

twitterking18 : babies are born with 300 bones but humans have 206 bones

emo_fanboy18 : babe those are still not fun facts

twitterking28 : yeah :/

twitterking18 : I’m in your bed btw

emo_fanboy18 : why???

twitterking18 : tired

emo_fanboy18 : ya know you had me believing you were interesting but all you do is lay in bed  

twitterking18 : I SAID I AM INTO RESTING 

twitterking18 : I never claimed to be interesting 

emo_fanboy18 : nope you’re just a boring old man

twitterking18 : well maybe you’re too active!!

mingbaby : are they fighting?

supportiveally_kingchul : do i need to intervene 

twitterking18 : we’re not fighting???

nopainwoo : really?

twitterking18 : have y’all never bickered before???

emo_fanboy18 : this is pretty normal for us

emo_fanboy18 : anyway keep my bed warm baby i’ll be back soon

twitterking18 : that I can do :D

mingbaby : if that’s what bickering looks like i don’t want to see them fight

 

Seen by nopainwoo, emo_fanboy18, fishmom, Youngji, 28+

Chapter Text

gays only even Group Chat

THUR 3:38 PM

pubertyx2: if i went missing for a week would anyone be concerned

soupboi: um do you have something to share felix?

Seungmin: i think so

pubertyx2: oh that’s nice

pubertyx2: i wasn’t sure you would

Seungmin: you’re my friend?

pubertyx2: i don’t like how you typed that  -_-

Seungmin: YOU’RE MY FRIEND

pubertyx2: why are you yelling at me???

Seungmin: YOU ARE MY FRIEND BITCH GET USED TO IT

soupboi: why would you go missing???

pubertyx2: reasons

senshine: *concern intensifies*

pubertyx2: idk don’t you ever just want to disappear for a bit

pubertyx2: like stop existing?

pubertyx2: you don’t wanna be dead but if i could stop existing for like a week that would be nice

Seungmin: or a month

pubertyx2: you get me

soupboi: you guys are too young to be this jaded

Seungmin: you’re telling us

hyoraengi : *picture*

hyoraengi: help me please

hyoraengi: i am terrified 

sunbun: IS THAT A BABY FROG

sunbun: OH MY GOD

sunbun: HOLD THE BABY

sunbun: GIVE IT ALL THE LOVE

sunbun: CHERISH YOUR NEW FRIEND

hyoraengi: NO I AM TERRIFIED WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

hyoraengi: IT IS IN MY SHOWER HELPP

sunbun: NO GIVE IT ALL YOUR LOVE

hyoraengi: your love for strange creatures is endearing but no

sunbun: keep an eye on the baby omw

hyoraengi: why are you like this

pubertyx2: wish i could be a baby frog chilling in the shower and scaring the crap outta people

Seungmin: can’t relate to this one

 

Catching Our Dreams Group Chat

THUR 3:56 PM

Minji: we need to talk about the elephant in the room

Bora: i love elephants 

Yubin: unnie…

Bora: what?

Bora: elephants are the bomb

Siyeon: you know that’s not what our dear leader meant

Bora: oh well

Minji: what’s going on with you

Gahyeon: who?

Dong: Bora

Bora: Dong

Dong: what

Bora: idk you said my name first

Minji: no Dongie meant we are talking about you

Bora: what i do?

Yoohyeon: seriously?

Siyeon: what’s this about guys

Minji: um haven’t you noticed?

Siyeon: no???

Dong: wow

Minji: Bora has been flirting with you

Minji: like a lot

Minji: its one thing to do it while we’re filming but she does it all the time

Bora: i screwed up before so i’m making up for it

Yubin: huh?

Siyeon: what does this have to do with you guys?

Dong: are you okay with Bora hitting on you all the time?

Bora: do you guys really think i’d act like that if siyeon was uncomfortable 

Yoohyeon: no but we’re still confused

Siyeon: sorry but whatever is going on between us stays between us

Bora: that’s right it doesn’t have anything to do with you guys

Minji: but if this effects the whole group

Bora: why does it have to?

Bora: its between us

Gahyeon: unnie we just want to know what is going on

Bora: its none of your business 

Bora: i tried playing it off earlier but if you’re going to be persistent then fine

Bora: what siyeon and i do between us has nothing to do with the group and if we feel like telling you guys something we will

Minji: we’re not trying to call you out

Siyeon: but aren’t you

Siyeon: what was the point of this?

Siyeon: you could have talked to us privately 

Siyeon: the answer still would have been the same it has nothing to do with you

Yubin: we weren’t trying to target you

Bora: it feels like you are

Gahyeon: we’re sorry

Gahyeon: I accept you guys no matter what

Bora: thanks

Yoohyeon: don’t be mad at us we didn’t mean anything by it

Dong: you guys can talk to us

Minji: I wanted to bring this to the group chat so we could all talk about it not to point fingers

 

Seen by Dong, Yubin, Yoohyeon, Gahyeon

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

THUR 4:07 PM

Siyeon: where are you

Bora: i just want to be alone

Siyeon: but i want to be with you

Bora: what’s the point

Siyeon: unnie...

Bora: no seriously

Bora: what’s the point if people are going to always react like that

Bora: they’re always going to point fingers like we’re some side show like something is fucking wrong with us and i’m fucking tired of it

Bora: i’ve been like this my whole life

Bora: this is who i am and i am so sick and tired of pretending i’m something else and having to play along to someone else’s standards well screw that

Bora: this is me

Bora: i’m normal

Bora: i don’t need them to accept me for something that isn’t wrong!

Bora: there is nothing wrong with me and i’m so fucking sick of acting like what other people want

Bora: my sexuality shouldn’t be some fanservice for men its fucking disgusting

Bora: why they’d have to point out that i’m flirting with you? why?

Bora: would they have done that if some man flirted with you?

Bora: i’m so done

Siyeon: bora

Siyeon: please i want to be with you right now

Bora: leave me alone

Siyeon: no

Siyeon: fucking hell

Siyeon: i’ve been in love with you for four fucking years you are not just going to shut me out right now

Bora: four years?

Siyeon: if you weren’t so thick you would have noticed years ago how in love i am with you and i’d prefer to say this to your face instead of text

Siyeon: if our love is wrong then idk

Bora: then i don’t want to be right

Bora: i love you too

Bora: i’m in the stairwell on the third floor

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

THUR 4:37 PM

Matthew: hey yo

Matthew: question

Jiwoo: what

Matthew: so you guys are ok with poly right

Somin: what do you mean?

Taehyung: like you guys are ok with matt and i being polyamorous 

Jiwoo: yeah?

Matthew: so it wouldn’t be weird if we added someone to our relationship

Matthew: like added a woman?

Somin: oh

Jiwoo: have you guys met someone?

Taehyung: no but it’s something we discussed

Matthew: yeah we want to explore that more

Somin: so you haven’t met someone?

Taehyung: nope

Jiwoo: how does it work

Jiwoo: like won’t you guys get jealous

Matthew: nah

Matthew: i’ve got so much love to give

Taehyung: yep and i’m ok with sharing matt with someone else i love

Matthew: that’s cute

Taehyung: ^.^

Somin: it doesn’t feel weird?

Somin: idk like wrong?

Matthew: if our love is wrong well then i don’t want to be right

Taehyung: love is love right?

Jiwoo: true

Somin: sorry i guess it just confuses me

Matthew: it’s fine

Jiwoo: so then you guys are gonna try to date someone new?

Taehyung: maybe

Taehyung: haven’t decided

Somin: it’s ok with us

Jiwoo: not weird at all

Matthew: coolio

 

Seen by Taehyung, Somin, Jiwoo

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 8:05 PM

Hakyeon: i have a riddle!

Hakyeon: who wants to solve it?

anteater: no

Hakyeon: :((

Hakyeon: please

anteater: fine

Hakyeon: what’s the difference between a piano a tuna and glue?

anteater: ugh

frogkisser: idk

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: not now i wanna know the answer to the riddle

anteater: …

Hakyeon: you can tuna piano but you cant piano a tuna!

frogkisser: lol clever 

anteater: and the glue?

Hakyeon: i knew you’d get stuck there

frogkisser: NO

anteater: ok that was pretty good

Hakyeon: why is this gc so dead :(

Hakyeon: more people need to see my riddle

frogkisser: so taeminnie and i aren’t enough i see how it is

Hakyeon: y’all are pretty lame

anteater: THE DISRESPECT 

imbigg: hey who wants to lend me some money

anteater: no

frogkisser: ^

Hakyeon: ^^

supportiveally_kingchul: do you think money grows on trees???

imbigg: yes

supportiveally_kingchul: no?

imbigg: what is money made out of?

anteater: paper!

imbigg: where do we get paper?

frogkisser: trees…

supportiveally_kingchul: ok fine if you come to my apartment i’ll lend you some money

imbigg: SWEET

ieatrice: what do you need money for???

imbigg: breathing

ieatrice: what

imbigg: living is expensive

imbigg: having two boyfriends is even more expensive 

ieatrice: true

ieatrice: can i have some money too?

anteater: no

frogkisser: ^

Hakyeon: ^^

supportiveally_kingchul: sure i’m not using it anyway

ieatrice: yass

anteater: oh lordy lou

 

Seen by ieatrice, frogkisser, Hakyeon, imbigg, 4+

 

Catching Our Dreams Group Chat

SUN 12:27 PM

Siyeon: hey guys

Siyeon: sorry for kind of avoiding y’all

Siyeon: can we talk?

Minji: I can call a group meeting

Siyeon: nah this is fine

Siyeon: bora and i just wanna say something

Dong: I want to apologize first 

Yubin: we all do

Gahyeon: we’re so sorry

Gahyeon: we accept you guys no matter what

Siyeon: that’s kind of what we wanted to talk about

Siyeon: bora and i both identify as queer and the only reason we even feel the need to come out is because we’re in a group together and need to keep a certain image in public. but if we’re being honest here our sexuality really doesn’t have anything to do with you and we don’t see a reason to have to “come out”. none of you came out as straight so bora and i don’t need to tell you we are queer. we don’t need you to accept us because there is nothing to accept. we’re just people and our sexuality shouldn’t matter to you or anyone else and what we do is private between us. if you really want to show that you accept us for who we are then it’d be nice if you just treated us like any other couple.

Minji: we’re sorry for how we reacted and you’re right we acted strangely when we shouldn’t have

Yoohyeon : @Bora unnie i’m sorry if we hurt you

Bora: thanks

Gahyeon: we’ll do better

Yubin: does this mean you guys are dating?

Siyeon: yeah but it’s still new and we promise that we won’t let this interfere with the group

Minji: I trust you guys

Dong: are we ok now?

Bora: yes

Dong: we really are sorry for how we reacted and thank you for explaining this to us. I think I understand how hurtful our mindset was even if we were trying to be accepting

Bora: do you understand that i don’t need you guys to accept me for something that isn’t wrong? i don’t care what society says, who i love is not a flaw and i don’t need to be accepted for it

Yubin: we understand that now

Minji: do you think we can talk more about this in person? together?

Bora: sure

 

Seen by Siyeon, Dong, Yoohyeon, Gahyeon, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 6:37 PM

GucciBoy : @overwatcher

overwatcher: i’m laying down a few feet from you??

GucciBoy: irrelevant 

GucciBoy: i have a riddle for you

anteater: not another one

GucciBoy: hush

GucciBoy: so guk

GucciBoy: there is a table where four people are supposed to sit. however, they don’t know in what order to sit. there is you, me, will and mary. which order do they sit in?

overwatcher: me, you, mary and will?

GucciBoy: nope

anteater: you, me, will, mary?

GucciBoy: no

GucciBoy: let guk answer

anteater: -_-

overwatcher: idk

GucciBoy: try again

overwatcher: ok um, will, you, mary, me?

GucciBoy: of course (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

anteater: asfkdjak

overwatcher: what

GucciBoy: what

Yerin: omg tea

frogkisser: did taekook just get engaged in front of us???

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

frogkisser: seriously tho

anteater: i think so?

pubertyx2: i am shooketh

imbigg: ditto

Yerin: where’d they go :(

anteater: probably to do engaged people stuff

 

Seen by imbigg, frogkisser, Yerin, pubertyx2, 3+

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

TUE 5:56 PM

Matthew: ayo

Matthew: so

Matthew: i was thinking

Jiwoo: shocker

Matthew: uncalled for

Jiwoo: sorry

Matthew: apology accepted

Taehyung: you know i don’t like edging. spit it out

Somin: OPPA 

Taehyung: :)

Matthew: anyway x_x

Matthew: double date this friday

Matthew: i’m thinking karaoke and drinking

Somin: oh

Taehyung: sounds fun

Jiwoo: isn’t anything the four of us do together a double date now?

Matthew: well when you put it like that

Somin: lets do it

Matthew: that’s the energy i’m looking for!

Jiwoo: yea ok double date this friday

Matthew: yass

Taehyung: your excitement is cute

Matthew: shut up you’re cute

Somin: you two suck at flirting

Jiwoo: idk i kind of like it

Taehyung: o.O

 

Seen by Jiwoo, Matthew, Somin

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

WED 9:43 AM

grandsunma: DID TAEKOOK JUST GET ENGAGED BEFORE ME???

grandsunma: HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE

whepuppy: honestly it’s not

hwalion: how are we supposed to get married ???

grandsunma: I DON’T CARE MARRY ME ALREADY

greasemonster: so let me get this straight

kwanquat: more like let me run this /bi/ you

kwanquat: (¬‿¬)

imbigg: let’s just see how this all /pans/ out :)

Hakyeon: we should ace-ess the situation

mattharoni: gay

twitterking18: well done matt

mattharoni: thanks

greasemonster: anyway

imbigg: *anygay

greasemonster: WILl y’all shut it

greasemonster: taekook get engaged and the first thing you think about is us getting married??? 

grandsunma: yes

grandsunma: just marry me already

greasemonster: what about wheein and hyejin???

grandsunma: they can marry each other

whepuppy: that’s fair

hwalion: i think we should talk about this privately guys

grandsunma: fine

twitterking18: it’s gonna be weird not being the only married ones now

ieatrice: to be fair we always treated taekook as married

imbigg: they’re so domestic

[hyoraengi added Hyuna]

Minzy: WHAT

Hyojong: she wanted to be added lol

Hyuna: hi guys!!

somint: HYUNA

Hyuna: SOMIN

sunbun: is it true you’re a het

hyoraengi: our own token straight

le’go: the het on thin ice :D

Hyuna: I mean 

Hyuna: it do be like that

sunbun: rip

sunbun: who wants to see pics of the baby frog i rescued from hyoyeon’s shower?

Hyuna: no…

penguu: I DO

le’go: hyuna really is a het wow

Minzy: if you don’t love frogs then what’s the point

Hyuna: sorry guys :(

supportiveally_kingchul: i’m only allowing this cause its hyuna

Hyuna: heechul (─‿‿─)

Hyuna: have you guys ever accidentally added someone straight?

thewonderyears: surprisingly no

Soohyun: wait you have to be lgbt+ to be here?

supportiveally_kingchul: what

Minzy: oop

sunbun: anyway

sunbun : *picture*

sunbun : *picture*

sunbun: look at the cute froggy!!

supportiveally_kingchul : @Soohyun are you not gay???

Jokwon: don’t listen to him

sunbun: imma put a hat on the froggy

supportiveally_kingchul: so he is gay?

Soohyun: yes

supportiveally_kingchul: i’m confused

frogkisser: aren’t we all weedul

thewonderyears : so @Hyuna you and sunmi really never had a thing?

Hyuna: are you really best friend if people don’t think you’re gay for each other?

frogkisser: that’s fair

Hyuna: but sadly no

Hyuna: sunmi is way outta my league 

thewonderyears: who’s gonna tell her

supportiveally_kingchul: well i’m not gonna tell her

Hyuna: tell me what???

Minzy: babe

Hyuna: WHAT

Hyojong: no one is outta your league honey

frogkisser: couples smh

ilikebutt: and a straight one at that

Hyojong: sorry…

Hyuna: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

GodHo : @ieatrice did namjoon ever call you back?

ieatrice: that was like half a year ago dude

GodHo: yep

GodHo: did he?

ieatrice: no

GodHo: oh

GodHo: sorry

 

Seen by ilikebutt, frogkisser, Minzy, le’go 48+

 

Bangtan Boys Group Chat

WED 12:02 PM

Jimin: who wants to get something to eat?

Jimin: huuuungry

Jimin : @Taehyung @Jeongguk

Jimin: hello

Jimin: y’all suck

 

Private Chat: Jimin and Yoongi

WED 12:35 PM

Jimin: yoongles

Yoongi: i’m not going out

Jimin: wow

Jimin: that not why I’m texting you

Yoongi: what

Jimin: do you think taekook is acting weird?

Yoongi: weird as in two people not behaving normally or weird as in couple things

Jimin: couple things

Jimin: they didn’t look at each other at all during our meeting this morning

Yoongi: they were probably tired

Jimin: so you don’t think there is something up?

Yoongi: aren’t you tae’s soulmate? wouldn’t you know?

Jimin: tae doesn’t really talk much about guk with me so idk

Yoongi: if you’re really worried go talk to them

Jimin: remember that fight they had when we were on tour?

Yoongi: yeah?

Jimin: this feels different

Yoongi: you’ve lost me

Jimin: its so obvious when they’re fighting you know?

Jimin: like its passive aggressive or just loud but it kind of feels like they’re ignoring each other

Yoongi: you got this off of a one hour long meeting???

Jimin: tae just seemed really off

Yoongi: oh my god just go talk to him

Jimin: you’re no help you know that

Yoongi: idk why you even texted me in the first place

Jimin: cause you’re pan? they talk to you about this stuff???

Yoongi: yeah no i don’t know anything about their love life

Jimin: ugh

 

Seen by Yoongi

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 3:14 AM

twitterking18: has anyone seen wonpil

twitterking18: we can’t find him

backspasm : @Pink_Sweater

backspasm: that’s all i got

twitterking18: thanks x.x

mingbaby: WELL IT’S THREE AM I MUST BE LONELY

twitterking18: not the time

mingbaby: shame

Seungmin: WONPIL WHERE ARE YOU AT THREE IN THE MORNING???

mingbaby: oof

Pink_Sweater: i went on a walk!

Pink_Sweater: did you see the note i left on the tv???

twitterking18: yes of course wonpil. Sungjin woke up at three in the morning thinking you’d been kidnapped and the first thing we all did was check the tv if you left us a note.

Pink_Sweater: oh! so you did see it

Seungmin: i think that was sarcasm hyung

twitterking18: it was

Pink_Sweater: oh

Pink_Sweater: well i left a note taped to the tv…

twitterking18: we know that now

Pink_Sweater: is Sungjin mad at me?

twitterking18: you should probably come back

twitterking18: mostly so bri can go back to bed

Pink_Sweater: okie dokie lemon chokie

 

Seen by backspasm, twitterking18, Seungmin, mingbaby

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 8:58 AM

frogkisser: so did wonpil get in trouble?

soupboi: knowing sungjin, yes

pubertyx2: the real question is did young k get back to bed?

soupboi: knowing younghyun, yes

imbigg: so we’re just gonna ignore moonbin and mingyu being up at 3am???

pubertyx2: Seungmin was up too

imbigg: he’s still a baby

mingbaby: are you calling me old???

imbigg: if the shoe fits

mingbaby: we’re the same age???

imbigg: and i need eight hours of sleep

soupboi: can confirm

mingbaby: you may be old but i’m still young

imbigg: really you couldn’t walk last week old man

mingbaby: THATS NOT CAUSE I’M OLD

imbigg: WHAT THEN OLD MAN

soupboi: bammie…

imbigg: what!!

frogkisser: well i’m not gonna say it

mingbaby: nobody say it

imbigg: well now i’m confused

pubertyx2: even i understood

frogkisser: not the baby

soupboi: this gc is no longer pg

pubertyx2: I’M NOT A BABY I AM LEGAL

frogkisser: ok jailbait

pubertyx2: don’t call me that!

imbigg: i’m an idiot

soupboi: you’re just realizing that

mingbaby: aren’t you two dating???

imbigg: what about it?

imbigg: i can’t believe i missed such a golden opportunity to tease mingyu you freakishly tall giant 

mingbaby: uncalled for

soupboi: i’ll drive you to the svt dorm if you wanna tease him now?

imbigg: you will???

soupboi: if it’ll make you happy

imbigg: i’ll get yug

mingbaby: please don’t!!

frogkisser: not that i want more couples in this gc but are we ever gonna talk about the tension between mingyu and wonwoo

mingbaby: there is no tension

imbigg: please you couldn’t walk last week

imbigg: i’ve had sex with jackson and mark back to back and still could walk better then you

soupboi: BAMBAM

pubertyx2: how do i unread that

frogkisser: bleach your brain

pubertyx2: on it

mingbaby: what woo and i do is our business you nosy fuckers

frogkisser: good enough for me

imbigg: is it like fwb?

mingbaby: sure?

imbigg: sus

soupboi: let it go

imbigg: never

pubertyx2: let it go can't hold it back anymore let it go let it go turn away and slam the door

frogkisser: i don't care what they're going to say let the storm rage on the cold never bothered me anyway

pubertyx2: and end scene

mingbaby: *applause*

 

Seen by imbigg, pubertyx2, soupboi, frogkisser, 3+ 

 

The Gays ™ Group Chat

THUR 2:04 PM

[Yoohyeon added Bora]

[Yoohyeon added Siyeon]

Bora: OMG

Yoohyeon: hi guys

Bora: WHAT IS THIS

Yoohyeon: um

Bora: IM SCREAMING

Siyeon: could you stop?

Yoohyeon: you guys disappeared right after practice

Yoohyeon: where’d you go?

Bora: don’t worry about it

Yoohyeon: but

Siyeon: lets talk about the gc name instead

Yoohyeon: yea i kind of wanted to talk in person about that

Bora: its all starting to make sense

Siyeon: what is??

Bora: yoo was so quiet in the gc everytime we talked about us i didn’t notice at first but i started to think it was odd

Yoohyeon: wow unnie you’re perceptive!

Bora: thank you :>

Yoohyeon: i’ve never been sure about my sexuality tbh

Yoohyeon: i think i like guys but maybe not just guys and i thought maybe i should just ignore that other part of me but you’re words really made me think unnie

Yoohyeon: i want to accept this part of me too even if i don’t really understand it

Siyeon: you can come to us anytime yoo this can be scary but we’ll always be here for you

Bora: we can be your gay vodka aunts

Yoohyeon: thanks

Yoohyeon: i think

Siyeon: we’ll head back to the practice room see you there

Bora: we can add yoo to the gc!

Siyeon: omg we should!

Yoohyeon: what gc?

Bora: oh you’re gonna love it!

Yoohyeon: suddenly i’m terrified

Siyeon: fair

 

Seen by Yoohyeon, Bora

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 6:37 PM

borawr: ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants, i stand before you to sit behind you to tell you something i know nothing about

borawr: gays and others gays attention please

penguu: are you ok?

Soyeon: i’m not even surprised anymore

Hyuna: what is happening???

[borawr added Yoohyeon]

borawr: I’M FINE

borawr: it’s a poem y’all

penguu: oh

borawr: i added my sweet baby gay!

Yoohyeon: i’m taller than you

borawr: i’m older than you

Siyeon: i’m gayer than both of you

borawr: not true!

Yoohyeon: i will accept defeat on this one

thewonderyears: welcome yoohyeon!

Yoohyeon: OMG SUNBAENIM

frogkisser: not another starstruck baby

thewonderyears: hush i’m a legend

Hyuna: a true queen

Yoohyeon: HYUNA SUNBAENIM IS GAY OMG

Hyuna: oops

frogkisser: nah she’s our token straight

Yoohyeon: well that was disappointing 

somint: you’re telling me

jillo: HEY

somint: WHAT

jillo: we’re dating???

somint: i can still be disappointed hyuna unnie isn’t a gay

sunbun : @Hyuna what’s it like dating a bi man? do y’all talk about dudes you find hot

frogkisser: just ask momo and heechul

supportiveally_kingchul: SO YOU ADMIT I’M NOT A HET

frogkisser: i said no such thing

supportiveally_kingchul: i have receipts 

frogkisser: no one will believe you old man 

supportiveally_kingchul: they all saw it

sunbun: saw what?

somint: i saw nothing

borawr: suddenly i can’t read

penguu: i just wasn’t paying attention

supportiveally_kingchul: i hate it here

thewonderyears: aw it’s ok hun

Hyuna: hyo and i do talk about guys sometimes but not much cause i don’t like getting jealous 

sunbun: interesting indeed

Yoohyeon: the HYUNA jealous i cannot 

Hyuna: o.O

penguu: can i add some people too?

thewonderyears: as long as they’re gays!

supportiveally_kingchul: hyuna is the only exception to the rule

Hyuna: i feel honored 

penguu: imma regret this i know it

[penguu added Heejin]

[penguu added Hyunjin]

borawr: aw more baby gays

penguu: i already regret 

Heejin: PENGUU

Hyunjin: NO THAT’S SO CUTE

penguu: do you feel my regret

Heejin: hi cutie

Hyunjin: me or chuu

Heejin: chuu obviously

Hyunjin: ok damn

fishmom: what if my tooth comes out

thewonderyears: what

fishdad: stop

fishmom: but i swear it’s moving

fishdad: you’re tooth isn’t coming out

fishmom: should i go to the doctor?

fishdad: stop being a worrywart

fishmom: OH i’m sorry let me just turn off my anxiety

borawr: I WISH

fishdad: that’s not what i meant

supportiveally_kingchul: this took such a turn

frogkisser: that is the nature of group chats my dear weedul

penguu: if your tooth does come out you can put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy!

fishmom: i suppose that’s a positive

fishdad: but the tooth fairy isn’t real

penguu: gasp

borawr: THERE ARE BABIES HERE

fishdad: there are not 

pubertyx2: then what am i???

fishdad: 18 years old???

pubertyx2: true

Heejin: if i could be anything in the world i would be a reverse tooth fairy!

fishmom: what

Heejin: i’d take money and punch people in the face and knock out their teeth if they tried to stop me

Hyunjin: just become a dentist

Heejin: omg

penguu: if you’re speaking from experience please call the police that is not what a dentist does

supportiveally_kingchul: ^

thewonderyears: ^^

fishmom: well now i don’t wanna go to the dentist

fishdad: if you stop complaining i’ll look at your teeth for you

fishmom: thank you T_T

frogkisser: that's pretty gay

pubertyx2: isn't that the point

frogkisser: true

 

Seen by pubertyx2, thewonderyears, fishdad, borawr, 43+

Chapter Text

no jelly beans here Group Chat

FRI 11:28 AM

Wheein: why do we call shorts shorts but we don’t call pants longs??? how does that make sense

BamBam: cause language is stupid and longs sounds even more stupid

Matthew: ayo

Matthew: guess what

Jackson: chicken butt

Mark: shut up

Matthew: no, chickens and their butts got nothing to do with this

Matthew: tae and i are going on our double date in like 8 hours!

Wheein: omg with who???

Matthew: with sowoo…

Hyejin: whomst?

Taehyung: somin and jiwoo

Wheein: y’all have a ship name for them???

Taehyung: its the fandoms doing

BamBam: does the fandom have a ship name for us?

Jaehyung: I thought we settled on barkson?

BamBam: but does the fandom know???

Younghyun: since taekook came up with it i doubt it

Moonbyul: speaking of taekook

Yongsun: they’re acting weird

Jackson: by weird do you mean vanishing

Jackson: cause if the police came to my door and asked the last time i saw those two i wouldn’t be able to tell them

Mark: they did just disappear 

Matthew: this is not a solve taekook’s problems group chat this is a help us get girlfriends group chat

Wheein: sounds het to me

Taehyung: says the one with three girlfriends 

Hoetaek: i thought this was a poly gc

BamBam: actually i haven’t seen guk in any of the group chats we share in like a week

Mark: maybe you should reach out to him?

BamBam: i think i will

Matthew: BACK TO ME

Jaehyung: what do you want us to do???

Matthew: yeah idk

Mark: if you just confessed this would be all over

Younghyun: but then how would we have any angst?

Jackson: no one wants angst

Yongsun: i want a bit of angst

Moonbyul: then why don’t you tell the story of how you almost broke up hyejin and wheein

Hyejin: please don’t

Wheein: ^

Yongsun: that’s not a fun story

Moonbyul: YOU WANTED ANGST

Yongsun: no one wants that much angst

Jackson: i’ve had enough angst for a lifetime thanks

BamBam: ditto

Jaehyung: same

 

Seen by Hoetaek, Jackson, Wheein, Taehyung, 5+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 3:59 PM

Soohyun: i’m too gay to function

Soohyun Deleted a Chat

le’go: whats that say??

Holland: aw i didn’t see it :(

Myungjun: what you delete???

Soohyun: texts are like children

Seungmin: huh

Soohyun: you delete the ones that don’t succeed 

le’go: what

kwanquat: i feel like i need to be concerned for the children now

Soohyun: i was playing sims

Myungjun: you delete the kids???

Soohyun: sure do

anteater: FINALLY I REALIZE I WAS NOTHING WITHOUT YOU I WAS WRONG FORGIVE ME

frogkisser: OH GIRL I CRY CRY YOU’RE MY ALL, SAY GOODBYE BYE

mingo: OH MY LOVE DON’T LIE LIE YOU’RE MY HEART, SAY GOOD BYE

kwanquat: what in the???

Soohyun: did some open emo hours?

le’go: suddenly i need a hug

anteater: SUNGJONG MY SOULMATE

frogkisser: TAEMIN MY FAVORITE DUMBASS

anteater: offended

mingo: and me???

anteater: you’re cool too i guess

mingo: i hate you both

frogkisser: get in line

mingo: what

anteater: we hate each other and ourseleves too

senshine: *concerned*

pubertyx2: what song was that?

Soohyun: …

le’go: you uncultured child

pubertyx2: sorry?

anteater: haru haru by bigbang tf???

pubertyx2: sorry??? i listen to girl groups and songs from this decade

Soohyun: speaking of deleting children

mingo: wait no lets educate him

anteater: next he’s gonna say he doesn't know replay

pubertyx2: by who?

anteater: THAT’S IT

frogkisser: oof

fishmom: even i know these songs

pubertyx2: sorry x_x

frogkisser: at least everyone knows the chaser

pubertyx2: by who?

frogkisser: now imma delete you

mingo: do you at least know face???

pubertyx2: yes i know what you’re faces look like lmao

senshine: i’m afraid to ask

mingo: i give up

senshine: do you know growl???

pubertyx2: sounds familiar

pubertyx2: is that the funny wolf one that howls

anteater: i am this close 

Soohyun: i’m going to delete myself

kwanquat: i know growl!!!

frogkisser: at least there is hope for you

pubertyx2: just tell me by who and i’ll listen to them

le’go: imma make you a playlist hun

dasom: i have suggestions!

dasom: add sorry sorry and mamacita 

Chorong: oh and luv!

frogkisser: plugging your own song i see

Chorong: someone has too

chocorings: ooo add wow then! and hello hello

le’go: by who?

chocorings: ftisland X_X

le’go: oh i know that song lmao

le’go: i’ll add loner too

anteater: that’s a good one

le’go: any other suggestions?

frogkisser: volume up and error

Hyomin: sugar free and roly poly please and thank you

le’go: yes queen

Hyomin: add genie too

Soohyun: neverland? step? one shot?

frogkisser: classics

anteater: add again and again, a.d.t.o.y

chocorings: oh and fiction too!

le’go: ok anything else?

Chorong: for shits and giggles add eoeo

chocorings: you’re a genius 

Chorong: i try :D

Dasom: add trouble maker too

pubertyx2: you know i do know some of these???

frogkisser: this ain’t about you anymore

le’goplaylist

anteater: it’s beautiful :’)

Holland: we still don’t know what Soohyun sunbaenim deleted

le’go: shit

Soohyun: bye

chocorings: it was something about being too gay

Myungjin: you saw it???

chocorings: yeppers

Seungmin: well that’s boring

 

Seen by Hyomin, Holland, frogkisser, mingo, 34+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

SAT 12:32 AM

Jaehyung : @Matthew @Taehyung

Jaehyung: how was the double date?

Hyejin: i wanna know too

BamBam: ditto

Younghyun: maybe they fell asleep

Jaehyung: only you sleep that much

Younghyun: i sleep a normal amount

Wheein: go to bed

Jackson: i demand cuddles

BamBam: you aren’t even in south korea right now

Jackson: i’m aware :(

Mark: cuddle a pillow babe

Jackson: it’s not the same

Wheein: goodnight

Younghyun: goodnight

 

Seen by Hyejin, Mark, BamBam, Jaehyung, 3+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 6:43 AM

Yoohyeon : is anyone awake?

Jokwon : i am!

Yoohyeon : oh hi

Jokwon : hello

Yoohyeon : would it be cool if i ask you something?

Jokwon : you just did

Yoohyeon : …

Jokwon : sorry yes go ahead

Yoohyeon : should i come out to my members?

Jokwon : if you want to

Jokwon : i did and everything was fine

Jokwon : of course i kind of was forced to cause my texts got leaked and i was outed to all of the world but whatever

Jokwon : you don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with it

Yoohyeon : i’m so sorry that happened to you

Jokwon : i don’t think anyone remembers it anyway so its all good

Jokwon : plus i think i’ll probably come out for real soon

Jokwon : like make an official announcement and everything

Jokwon : but that’s not right for everyone

Yoohyeon : there is a lot to consider :/

Jokwon : yep i’ve been thinking it over for years almost a decade now

Jokwon : really there is no rush come out when you’re comfortable

Jokwon : of course telling close friends is very different then telling the whole world in a tweet

Yoohyeon : so true

borawr : i mean if you start dating minji you might have to

Siyeon : or handong

Yoohyeon : WHAT

borawr : just some observations

Yoohyeon : OF WHAT

borawr : i know a crush when i see one!

Siyeon : no you don’t 

Yoohyeon : why are you two awake???

Siyeon : shouldn’t we ask you that hmm

borawr : question

borawr : what if i mix nyquil and dayquil together to make just quil

Siyeon : WHAT DID YOU DO

borawr : i just wanted to know what quil would do ok!

Yoohyeon : i don’t think mixing nyquil and dayquil together cancels anything out…

Jokwon : yea that’s not how medicine works

borawr : well idk if i’m tired or vibrating

Siyeon : well I AM concerned 

borawr : the thought of consuming two things that are supposed to do the exact opposite of each other amuses me tho

Yoohyeon : a fascinating experiment indeed

Soyeon : NO

Soyeon : do not mix medications like that!

borawr : buzz kill

Siyeon : imma stand with soyeon on this one

Jokwon : ^

Yoohyeon : but what would happen if you mixed 6 hour sleep aid and 5 hour energy drink together???

Siyeon : you explode

Jokwon : a 1 hour nap

Soyeon : wait

Yoohyeon : i could use a 1 hour nap

borawr : what’s the worst that could happen if we try it

Soyeon : you die in your sleep?

Yoohyeon : oof

borawr : never mind science is not worth it

borawr : i just got a girlfriend i can’t die

Yoojung : i want a girlfriend :(

Soyeon : what about doyeon?

Yoojung : outta my league for sure

Siyeon : well with that attitude

Heejin : hey

Heejin : so if cinderella’s slipper is a perfect fit how did it fall off in the first place

Soyeon : random

Hyunjin : we’re watching the live action cinderella

Yoohyeon : why would you do that to yourself?

Heejin : cause lily james is hot

Yoohyeon : fair

borawr : they should make gay remakes of disney movies they’re wasting their time with the live action ones

Siyeon : lets write an email

penguu : so what if a meteor didn’t kill the dinosaurs but was a ufo and we are just the aliens from the ufo

imbigg : i’ve already settled that humans are aliens

penguu : omg

Heejin : lmao please

Hyunjin : you actually believe there were dinosaurs 

Heejin : ಥ_ಥ  ☜(ˆ▿ˆc)

penguu : you don’t… 

penguu : believe in dinosaurs???

Jokwon : are we indulging in wild conspiracy theories???

penguu : well the moon landing was definitely staged

Heejin : HA

Hyunjin : you think there is a moon???

penguu : STOP

borawr : if there is no moon what is that rock up in the sky???

Soyeon : please y’all are so dumb

Heejin : y’all see a rock in the sky…

Hyunjin : next they’re gonna tell us there are balls of fire in the sky

imbigg : you two make me nervous

penguu : do you see what i have to deal with

Siyeon : you aren’t any better

Yoohyeon : if you think about it anxiety is just conspiracy theories about us

borawr : well someone tell my brain to knock it off with the conspiracy theories

backspasm : TIME IS AN ILLUSION

imbigg : you already established that bub

backspasm : i just wanted to be a part of the conspiracy theories :(

supportivally_kingchul : its far too early in the morning for this wtf

Jokwon : no time like the present for an existential crisis 

penguu : the moon is real right???

supportivally_kingchul : yes

penguu : and the dinosaurs???

supportivally_kingchul : killed by a meteor dw

penguu : ok ಥ_ಥ

 

Seen by borawr, Soyeon, Hyunjin, imbigg, 22+

Chapter Text

no jelly beans here Group Chat

SUN 12:03 PM

Yongsun : @Matthew are you gonna tell us about your double date?

Moonbyul: i don’t think so at this point

Hoetaek: that’s sad i wanted to hear about it

Yongsun: do you think something happened?

Moonbyul: idk

Yongsun: this sucks

 

Seen by Moonbyul, Hoetaek, Jaehyung

 

gays event only Group Chat

SUN 12:46 PM

potaeto: i’m done drinking forever

mattharoni: i second that

iamwhatiam: i thought y’all went out on friday

potaeto: and?

iamwhatiam: it’s sunday dude

potaeto: yea i’m done drinking

GodHo: were you guys hungover all of saturday???

mattharoni: ye

somint: i support you two never drinking again

jillo: ditto

iamwhatiam: what they do???

somint: well tae tried to climb a tree and then jump out of it

potaeto: why would i do that???

jillo: you were convinced you could fly

mattharoni: oh i remember that you were singing that song about flying

mattharoni: oh shit

pubertyx2: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY I THINK ABOUT EVERY NIGHT AND DAY SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY AWAY

potaeto: what’s wrong matt?

mattharoni: memory unlocked x_x

GodHo: oh?

iamwhatiam: y’all gonna leave us on read???

 

Seen by jillo, somint, iamwhatiam, pubertyx2, 4+

 

g ays only event Group Chat

SUN 2:05 PM

Hakyeon: knock knock

Taekwoon: imma regret this

Taekwoon: who’s there?

Hakyeon: who

Taekwoon: …

Taekwoon: who who

Hakyeon: sounds like an owl has invaded the group chat!

Jokwon: that doesn’t translate well over text

Hakyeon: it was funny idc

Taekwoon: you’re face is funny

Hakyeon: *your

Taekwoon: shut up your a dumbass

Hakyeon: *you’re

Taekwoon: imma smack you

[Soohyun changed Jokwon’s name to kwonnie]

Soohyun: carry on

kwonnie: thanks?

Soohyun: your welcome!

Hakyeon: *you’re

Soohyun: you’re irritating you know that

Hakyeon: *your

Taekwoon: HAHAHAHA

Hakyeon: dammit

kwonnie: serves you right

 

Seen by Hakyeon, Taekwoon, Soohyun, Hyomin, 12+

 

97’ Liners Best Liners Group Chat

SUN 2:43 PM

Yugyeom: who’s up for bowling

Yugyeom: like now

Jaehyun: sure

BamBam: imma pass

Mingyu: i can come

DK: I’m there!

The8: can’t today

DK: what why??

The8: cause I’m dead tired

Eunwoo: same

Yugyeom: lame

Yugyeom: ooo that rhymed 

Yugyeom : @Jungkook ???

Jungkook: sorry not today

Yugyeom: what???

DK: gasp

Mingyu: guk not wanting to go bowling???

Yugyeom: are you sick???

Jungkook: i just don’t feel like it

BamBam: guk what’s wrong?

BamBam: you’ve been awol for like a week

Jungkook: i’m fine

Yugyeom: well now I’m concerned

Jaehyun: guk talk to us

Jungkook: i said i’m fine

Mingyu: you can tell us anything you know that

Eunwoo: either talk to us or I’m sending binnie over there to smother you in hugs

Jungkook: ugh 

Jungkook: you guys are so annoying

Yugyeom: that’s what best friends are for

Jungkook: tae and i broke up

The8: WHAT THE FUCK

DK: I didn’t even KNOW you two were dating… 

Mingyu: guk what happened

Jungkook: i really don’t wanna talk about it

Jungkook: have fun bowling

Yugyeom: fuck that I’m coming over right now

BamBam: i am too

Jaehyun: me too

The8: are we all going to BTS’s dorm?

Mingyu: i am

Eunwoo: be there in ten minutes guk

DK: don’t leave without me!

Jungkook: you guys don’t have to

Yugyeom: shut up

 

Seen by Jungkook, DK, Jaehyun, Eunwoo, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 3:01 PM

GucciBoy: who’s free

senshine: what up

GucciBoy: wanna go out?

senshine: at 3 in the afternoon?

GucciBoy: yes

senshine: why?

GucciBoy: cause 97 liners descended on my dorm and they’re fucking loud

backspasm: oh that’s where eunwoo went :(

soupboi: can i come?

GucciBoy: sure

senshine: why do you wanna come?

soupboi: cause jackson isn’t here and bammie left :(

GucciBoy: i’m heading out see you soon

senshine: kay

backspasm: i guess i’ll go back to my drama then

 

Seen by senshine, Hyomin, mingo, soupboi, 16+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 3:24 PM

Hyuna: Sharcasm

ilikebutt: ....

eggplanet: that’s not a word?

Minzy: where you trying to type chasm 

sunbun: why would hyuna try to type chasm???

Minzy: idk

Hyuna: its shame plus sarcasm!

Hyojong: babe

Hyojong: honey

meanestgay: that does not work

Hyuna: wait you’re right that does look like shark sarcasm

Chaeyoung: HELPP

hyoraengi: can sharks be sarcastic???

Hyomin: not with their soulless eyes x_x

Youngji: lmao that’s something you and sharks have in common

Hyomin: i don’t have a soul

Youngji: i meant that as a joke but you meant that seriously 

Minzy: so this is sharcasm 

thewonderyears: sharks are adorable stfu

Hakyeon: you could say they’re adorabearable 

Jaehwan: i’m taking your phone away

Hakyeon: their adorableness is bearable :D

Jaehwan: that was terrible

le’go: i thought it was kind of funny

thewonderyears: now i want to look at pictures of sharks

Yoohyeon: shacks? why do you want to look at shacks?

Soyeon: what

Yerin: help pls i cnat breath

thewonderyears: no... sharks

thewonderyears: ya know the sea creature that kills less humans then vending machines a year

Yoohyeon: i’m sorry i can’t read T_T

anteater: where is sungjong he’d get a kick outta this

mingo: he’d probably kick you

frogkisser: SHARK SHACK

anteater: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: TAEMIN

mingo: you just had to summon him to this mess

frogkisser: i’m screaming

le’go: i wouldn’t doubt it

Chaeyoung: roll that back

Chaeyoung: what about vending machines???

Soyeon: more vending machines fall on people and kill them then shark attacks a year

Yoojung: that is literally insane

Yoojung: are vending machines unbalanced???

eggplanet: i feel like this is a problem that should be fixed asap

Holland: who would have thought

Holland: vending machines more deadly than an ocean predator 

frogkisser: feels kind of poetic 

frogkisser: a capitalist machine we made to give us food also kills us

thewonderyears: i just wanted to talk about sharks

ilikebutt: it be like that

Minzy: jaws movie night who’s in?

anteater: which one?

Minzy: the first three

Seungmin: there is more than one???

mingo: there is four actually

Minzy: the fourth one is garbage we don’t talk about it

frogkisser: really?

frogkisser: the fourth one is where you draw the line???

thewonderyears: only the first two are acceptable 

Minzy: bite me short stack

frogkisser: i’m taller than you???

anteater: only the first one is good wtf

Yerin: none of them are good

Minzy: blasphemy 

thewonderyears: offended???

Yerin: they aren’t even scary?

Seungmin: you’re scary

anteater: i’m leaving

frogkisser: bye bitch

anteater: don’t test me

frogkisser: oh i’m so scared

le’go: how’d we get here

Hyomin: are we serious about jaws movie night tho?

Minzy: i am

Hyomin: count me in

Youngji: me too

Hyuna: i just wanted to talk about my pun :(

Hakyeon: join the club

 

Seen by meanestgay, Holland, Soyeon, Yoojung, 43+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

SUN 3:56 PM

Hyejin: so are we gonna have to beg here

Wheein: i wouldn’t mind

Hoetaek: what

Hyejin: moving on

Hyejin : @Matthew @Taehyung

Taehyung: what?

Wheein: you’re not gonna tell us about your double date???

Jaehyung: i wanna know too

Jaehyung: matty get in here

Matthew: its a little blurry

Taehyung: we drank too much

Younghyun: what do you remember?

Yongsun: details please

Matthew: just when jiwoo finally convinced tae outta the tree he kissed her

Taehyung: WHAT

Matthew: i don’t really remember…

Taehyung: oh shit

Matthew: we’re a mess

Taehyung: do you think they’re avoiding us?

Matthew: kind of feels like it

Jaehyung: welp

Matthew: no advice?

Younghyun: i got nothing 

Hyejin: oh my god just talk to somin and jiwoo stop being such losers

Taehyung: dang

Matthew: ouch

 

Seen by Hoetaek, Jaehyung, Moonbyul, Wheein, 4+

 

Foreign Line Group Chat

SUN 4:22 PM

Mark: we need to talk

BamBam: yep

Jackson: OH MY GOD

Mark: ?

Jackson: ARE YOU GUYS BREAKING UP WITH ME

Jackson: I’M COMING BACK TO KOREA IN THREE DAYS PLEASE

Jackson: I’M SORRY

BamBam: STOP

Mark: we aren’t breaking up with you???

Jackson: oh

Mark: i fucking love you don’t ever forget that

Jackson: ok ಥ_ಥ

BamBam: imma make a separate group chat

Jackson: for???

BamBam: you’ll see babe

Jackson: oh ok ಥ_ಥ

 

Seen by Mark, BamBam

 

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

SUN 4:30 PM

[BamBam added Jackson]

[BamBam added Mark]

[BamBam added Mingyu]

[BamBam added Wonwoo]

[BamBam added Jaehyung]

[BamBam added Younghyun]

[BamBam added Heechul]

[BamBam added Moonbin]

[BamBam added Eunwoo]

[BamBam added Jaehyun]

[BamBam added Taeyong]

Mark: oh my god how many people are you adding???

[BamBam added Johnny]

[BamBam added Siyeon]

[BamBam added Bora]

[BamBam added Moonbyul]

[BamBam added Wheein]

[BamBam added Hyejin]

[BamBam added Yongsun]

BamBam: gotta make sure all the couples are here

Jaehyun: couples?

BamBam: i did not think this through

Heechul: bambam

BamBam: sunbaenim

Heechul: what are you doing

BamBam: i haven’t added every one yet

[BamBam added Sehyoon]

[BamBam added Byeongkwan]

[BamBam added Yugyeom]

[BamBam added The8]

[BamBam added DK]

[BamBam added Myungjun]

BamBam: i’m done now

The8: why’d you use my stage name?

BamBam: so everyone knows who you guys are

DK: …

Jaehyun: ok but what do you mean couples?

Heechul: bambam

BamBam: um i just meant taekook

Jaehyun: sure you did

BamBam: stfu

Jaehyung: what do bri and i have to do with taekook?

BamBam: you know

Younghyun: the whole married thing gives us a free pass everywhere wow

DK: WHAT

BamBam: ignore them

Byeongkwan: but why are yoon and i here???

Byeongkwan: we’ve never spoken to taekook

BamBam: i’m sorry do you not want to be included?

Byeongkwan: nvm

Mark: was this many people necessary?

BamBam: oh shit

[BamBam added Yoongi]

BamBam: now i’m done

Jackson: i’m still confused

Wheein: ditto

Mingyu: this is about taekook?

Wonwoo: what about them?

Yongsun: omg are we planning an engagement party?

DK: WHAT

Jaehyun: i thought they broke up?

Yongsun: WHAT

Bora: WHAT

Moonbin: WHAT

BamBam: ok everyone shut up

BamBam: i’ve gathered you all here today because something awful has happened

Hyejin: who died?

BamBam: taekook

Heechul: i’m not following here

Mark: tae and jungkook had a huge fight and broke up

Taeyong: why???

BamBam: guk got upset about tae tricking him into proposing and then tae got mad and now they’re broken up

Moonbin: i cannot process this

Yoongi: this isn’t any of your business

BamBam: but we need to do something

Yoongi: taehyung and jeongguk are adults they can figure this out themselves

Heechul: i’m going to agree with yoongi on this

Johnny: can’t we do something?

Siyeon: i can’t believe they broke up

Jackson: what about all my taekook married jokes???

Eunwoo: that’s what you’re worried about?

Jackson: you have your priorities and i have mine

The8: wait so how does everyone here know taekook were dating???

Heechul: bambam

BamBam: i didn’t think this through ok x_x

The8: ???

Mingyu: don’t worry about it

Sehyoon: unless they want to talk about it i don’t think you guys should meddle 

Myungjun: imma have to agree

Moonbin: but

Myungjun: it isn’t our place

Yugyeom: I don’t know, guk is really upset I think we should do something

Mark: tae is also very upset

Mark: wait

[Mark added Sehun]

Sehun: are we getting taekook back together?

Yoongi: no

Sehun: oh

Yugyeom: they’re obviously still in love and unhappy about this

Heechul: then they’ll figure this out for themselves 

Taeyong: what if they don’t?

Yoongi: then jin hyung and i will lock them in a room together until they do

Jaehyung: why don’t you just do that now?

Yoongi: cause angst 

Jaehyung: that’s a terrible reason

Yoongi: and its not really ethical

Jaehyung: a better reason

Mark: yoongi can you come get tae he’s wasted

Yoongi: its sunday afternoon???

Sehun: he’s very drunk

BamBam: so we’re really doing nothing

Mingyu: this blows

Siyeon: maybe some space will be good for them?

Myungjun: i think it will be

Yugyeom: :(

BamBam: says a space boy smh 

Jaehyun: so are we really going to pretend this gc isn’t full of couples

Heechul: bambam

BamBam: stfu jaehyun

Jaehyun: johnny

Jaehyun: taeyong

Jaehyun: something to share with the class?

Taeyong: i hate you bambam

Jackson: HEY

BamBam: sorry yong

DK: wait who else is dating?

Eunwoo: take a wild guess

DK: you and moonbin

Moonbin: WHAT

Eunwoo: NO

DK: sus

The8: wonwoo mingyu???

Sehun: this is awkward 

DK: omg heechul and sehun???

Heechul: no????

Sehun: wtf

Jaehyun: so jae and young k married that much is obvious

Younghyun: um

Jaehyung: that was your fault

Yugyeom: we all already know jackson bambam and mark are dating

BamBam: you guessed all the couples ok now shut up

DK: like legit married?

Jaehyung: ye

Hyejin: you didn’t add all the couples btw

BamBam: OH MY GOD STFU

Jaehyun: there are more???

Heechul: bambam

BamBam: I’M SORRY 

Yoongi: this is a nightmare

Mark: stop before heechul murders my boyfriend

Jaehyun: fine

 

Seen by Heechul, BamBam, Sehyoon, Wheein, 9+

 

Private Chat: Kibum and Taemin

SUN 6:32 PM

Kibum: ayo

Kibum: add me back

Taemin: ??

Kibum: to the gay gc

Taemin: no

Kibum: what why

Taemin: i’m more scared of heechul than you

Kibum: you suck

 

Seen by Taemin

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 8:09 PM

penguu: someone punish heejin for me (╥﹏╥)

Pink_Sweater: for why

Heejin: i was only tickling you!

penguu: VIOLENCE 

Hyunjin: that’s not violence 

penguu: says the person who choked me yesterday

Hyunjin: i was hugging you???

Pink_Sweater: you’re either doing a choke wrong or a hug wrong

Pink_Sweater: it cannot be both

twitterking18: would you like me to demonstrate?

Pink_Sweater: STAY AWAY FROM ME

chocorings: i beg to differ

chocorings: are you really doing a hug right if you aren’t choking them???

Dasom: that’s not how you hug

Chorong: that’s how i hug changsub

chocorings: exactly

Dasom: wtf is wrong with you two

chocorings: i really identified with gollum as a kid

penguu: I DID TOO

Chorong: that makes so much sense

penguu: i called all my toys my precious

Heejin: that’s cute i guess

penguu: but i was bad at naming things so i just called them my precious 1 and my precious 2 and my precious 3 and my precious 4

Hyunjin: oh my god

penguu: i had like 23 my preciouses 

Heejin: i can’t

Dasom: why’d that actually make me happy???

penguu: you can be satisfied or content but happiness is a myth

Chorong: it’s overrated

Pink_Sweater: true happiness is rare and short, but achievable

penguu: i’m happiness deficient then

twitterking18: I’m vitamin D deficient, so…

chocorings: help T.T

 

Seen by twitterking18, Hyunjin, penguu, Dasom, 8+

Chapter Text

K.A.R.D Group Chat

MON 3:07 PM

Somin : so i think we need to talk

Taehyung : we were just at practice tho

Somin : yea and it was so tense

Taehyung : thats just cause matt had to fart

Matthew : TAEHYUNG

Jiwoo : listen do you guys remember anything that happened on friday?

Taehyung : maybe

Somin : can we talk about it?

Matthew : what if we forget it instead?

Jiwoo : we aren’t mad so can we just talk

Taehyung : wait did we do something bad????

Somin : well no not really

Jiwoo : you attacked my face

Taehyung : I’M SORRY

Jiwoo : its fine i wasn’t opposed 

Matthew : WHAT

Somin : that’s what we need to talk about

Matthew : i have to go find the nearest cliff and yeet myself off of it

Taehyung : not without me 

Matthew : i’m already in the car

Taehyung : i need my coat hold on!

Matthew : we are yeeting off a cliff what do you need a coat for???

Taehyung : i don’t wanna be cold???

Jiwoo : stfu both of you

Somin : just stay put we’re coming over

Matthew : not if you can’t find me

Taehyung : but what if i can’t find you???

Matthew : stop wandering around and making so much noise 

Taehyung : i’m nervous!!!

Matthew : imma smother you

Taehyung : promise?

Somin : wtf

Jiwoo : i think they’re flirting

Somin : just stay put

 

Seen by Jiwoo, Taehyung, Matthew

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 3:34 PM

Hakyeon : i’m so full

Hakyeon : i want to die

Hakyeon : right here

Jaehwan : NO!

Jaehwan : we had plans next week!!

Hakyeon : that’s literally the most selfish thing you have ever said

Jaehwan : *typed

Jaehwan : that was the porpoise tho

Hakyeon : …

Jaehwan : you can’t die we have plans

Taekwoon : you are a fountain of delight

Jaehwan : i try :D

Taekwoon : you should finish your muffin tho thats wasteful 

Hakyeon : i want the muffin to finish me

Jaehwan : i don’t think that’s how muffins muffin

anteater : you three are so weird

Taekwoon : i don’t think you get to talk

frogkisser : hey leave the loml alone

anteater : SUNGJONG???

frogkisser : TAEMIN???

anteater : LOML????

frogkisser : shut the fuck up

anteater : oh

Dasom : did you just make taemin sad?

frogkisser : sorry taeminnie

anteater : don’t be remorseful, it only confuses me

frogkisser : eye

Dasom : i can’t stand you two

frogkisser : then kneel

Dasom : how about i drop kick you instead?

anteater : i’m down tbh

Jaehwan : and we’re the weird ones smh

supportiveally_kingchul : you’re all weird

frogkisser : but you love us anyway weedul

supportiveally_kingchul : that’s debatable 

anteater : can i add kibum back?

supportiveally_kingchul : no

anteater : he promises to be good this time

supportiveally_kingchul : no

ieatrice : you suck

frogkisser : no you suck

ieatrice : what

imbigg : he does suck ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ)

frogkisser : exactly

ieatrice : this is bullying

Chaeyoung : shut up jackson

ieatrice : WHAT DID I DO

Chaeyoung : breathe

Hakyeon : who wants my muffin?

 

Seen by Chaeyoung, frogkisser, Dasom, Jaehwan, 19+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

MON 4:18PM

Taehyung : i don’t even know what to say

Taehyung : how does one

Taehyung : like even

Mark : what?

Taehyung : i

Mark : how does one what???

Taehyung : help me

Mark : how???

Jaehyung : what’s wrong?

Hyejin : spill the tea

Taehyung : matt hold me T_T

Matthew : i am???

Taehyung : not tight enough!

Matthew : i cna barly type

Taehyung : HOLD ME

Matthew : I AM

Jaehyung : why are you two shouting when you’re next to each other

Taehyung : i’m crying

Hyejin : spill the tea

Matthew : jiwoo kissed tae and he’s malfunctioning 

Jaehyung : WAIT

Mark : is it happening???

Hyejin : @Moonbyul @Yongsun @Wheein

Wheein : why’d you tag me last :(

Hyejin : cause i love you the most it has to be fair

Wheein : ok :D

Yongsun : DID YOU GET TWO GIRLFRIENDS???

Matthew : maybe?

Mark : maybe...

Matthew : i honestly don’t know what’s happening

Yongsun : explain everything now

Taehyung : so i was panicking 

Matthew : tae kissed jiwoo when he was drunk and so the girls were coming over to talk about it and tae was pacing so i was holding him so he would stop

Taehyung : you have nice arms

Matthew : thanks babe

Taehyung : *blushes*

Younghyun : y’all are useless gays

Taehyung : i know x_x

Yongsun : MORE DETAILS

Matthew : anyway the girls came in and were like “aw cute” which ok fair tae is fucking adorable 

Taehyung : you’re fucking adorable

Matthew : thanks babe ;)

Taehyung : *blush intensifies*

Matthew : then tae starts apologizing and freaking out so jiwoo just kind of kissed him again cause he wouldn’t shut up

Taehyung : and then we kind of all admitted to liking each other and it was awkward cause we don’t know what to do about it but everything is out in the open now

Matthew : we’re watching a movie now and somin keeps giving us dirty looks for texting

Jackson : i cannot believe my ship is sailing

Jaehyung : so are you guys getting together

Yongsun : omg this is so cute

Matthew : i think we need to talk more about how a relationship between the four of us would work

Jaehyung : WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG

BamBam : seriously tho just fuck already

Taehyung : idk how straight sex works anymore

Jackson : wait

Hyejin : huh

Jaehyung : i don’t either???

Moonbyul : i know we joke about useless gays but i never thought we’d be this useless

Hoetaek : y’all could ask hyo and hyuna?

Wheein : OMG

Wheein : when are they gonna have babies???

Wheein : i want babies :((

Yongsun : ME TOO

Yongsun : someone marry me this instant i want to start a family

Wheein : forget hyejin and byul

Wheein : we can get married and have babies

Moonbyul : WAIT

Hyejin : don’t get married without me T_T

Yongsun : i want babies now

Wheein : i wanna put hats on them!

Yongsun : brb

Jaehyung : go forth and conquer little bird

 

Seen by Wheein, Matthew, Younghyun, Hoetaek 4+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 4:42 PM

penguu : hyunjin stuck her lollipop in her tea

Heejin : wait really???

Heejin : did you really just

Hyunjin : it makes it warm

Soyeon : you’re weird

Hyunjin : I NEVER SAID I WAS NORMAL

grandsunma : @Hyuna @Hyojong

whepuppy : we want babies

Hyojong : what

grandsunma : give us babies

Hyuna : are you asking us to kidnap babies???

whepuppy : no??? make them

Hyojong : we can’t just make babies

grandsunma : you’d be surprised how easy it is

Hyuna : babies should not be made on a whim tho

whepuppy : this is so disappointing 

Hyuna : sorry :(

grandsunma : what good are hets for if they won’t give me babies???

greasemonster : i can try to give you babies if you’re up for it ;)

penguu : i wish i could unread that

chocorings : just set everything on fire please

 

Seen by penguu, whepuppy, Hyunjin, Hyuna, 12+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

WED 10:38 PM

anteater: kibum was like "this drink is too sweet"

anteater: and with complete sincerity i told him to put salt in it

anteater: i give terrible advice

mingo: minnie

mingo: why

frogkisser: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

frogkisser: sweet and salty??

mingo: but you shouldn’t drink salt

frogkisser: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ true true

frogkisser: drink salt

frogkisser: whoops

frogkisser: *don’t drink salt

frogkisser: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ now i’m giving bad advice too

anteater: i’m spreading like a plague x_x

thewonderyears: something is wrong with this picture

anteater: i don’t see a picture

frogkisser: minnie didn’t greet me :/

thewonderyears: oh that’s it

anteater: what

mingo: SUNGJONG

frogkisser: MANGO

anteater: NO

anteater: WAIT (╥﹏╥)

thewonderyears: i’ve drank salt before

thewonderyears: i puked tho

mingo: i’m not surprised 

somint: y’all date men right?

thewonderyears: no

mingo: regrettably 

frogkisser: not by choice

anteater: if i have too

somint: um

somint: ok

somint: do y’all like getting flowers or giving flowers to your boyfriends?

frogkisser: that’s pretty gay

mingo: you’re gay

anteater: aren’t we all gay?

thewonderyears: yes! men like getting flowers!

somint: thanks sunbaenim you’re a real one

thewonderyears: (✿◠‿◠) 

 

Seen by somint, frogkisser, mingo, anteater, 3+

 

Bangtan Boys Group Chat

THUR 9:04 AM

Taehyung: have you guys heard any christmas music yet?

Taehyung: i’ve been practicing 

Hoseok: it’s march

Taehyung: riding through a horse on a one horse open sleigh over the hills we go screaming all the way jingle jingle bells

Seokjin: OH MY GOD

Seokjin: NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC

Taehyung: aw but its a year long sleep phenomena which has slowly expanded into my waking hours too

Namjoon: what

Jeongguk: he sings christmas music in his sleep

Taehyung: and maybe if i practice more i’ll learn the right lyrics!

Jimin: oh my gosh Tae I adore you <3

Taehyung: thank you babe

Seokjin: idk how you could sleep with that guk

Jeongguk: got used to it

Namjoon: so thankful we have separate rooms now

Jeongguk: idk i kind of liked falling asleep to it

Seokjin: but christmas music

Jeongguk: i mean it would have been nice if he sang other songs but tae’s voice is nice either way

Hoseok: inch arresting 

Yoongi: stop

Hoseok: what???

Yoongi: stop

Hoseok: I didn’t do anything???

Yoongi: don’t

Hoseok: you’re no fun

Namjoon: what am I missing?

Yoongi: the danger of nunchucks

Seokjin: I’m lost now

Hoseok: I hate you

Seokjin: WHAT DID I DO

Hoseok: not you! Yoongi!

Yoongi: one time hobi misread namjoon’s name and thought it said nunchucks and went on a rant about the danger of nunchucks for like ten minutes and he tried to demonstrate but ended up falling on his ass

Namjoon: you misread my name???

Hoseok: my bad

Taehyung: did you seriously just do all that so seok wouldn’t say something about jeongguk liking my voice???

Seokjin: way to address the elephant in the room

Jeongguk: its not a mystery i like his voice?

Namjoon: wait are you guys mad at Yoongi?

Yoongi: wow i’ll just leave

Taehyung: whatever

Jimin: Tae…

Taehyung: what?

Taehyung: who cares?

Taehyung: we broke up you don’t have to walk on eggshells around us

Seokjin: I think Yoongi was just trying to be respectful of your space since we haven’t talked about the break up

Taehyung: do we need to?

Taehyung: it happened move on

Yoongi: stop

Taehyung: stop what???

Yoongi: you’re being an asshole

Jeongguk: don’t

Yoongi: fucking fine

Yoongi: the next time he makes you cry go to someone else

Jeongguk: hyung

Namjoon: that’s it we’re having a meeting

Taehyung: you’re crying?

Taehyung: you broke up with me???

Jimin: Tae maybe this isn’t the time

Taehyung: you’re all taking his side aren’t you?

Seokjin: no one is taking sides we just want you guys to be happy

Taehyung: yeah well i tried to propose but i get broken up with and you’re all babying him! how does that make sense???

Jeongguk: YOU TRICKED ME

Taehyung: oh grow the fuck up

Yoongi: TAEHYUNG

Taehyung: no i planned that stupid proposal for weeks and he starts yelling at me but the minute he starts crying its poor sweet jeongguk

Jeongguk: i’m sorry

Taehyung: i don’t care

Jimin: I think you guys need to talk

Taehyung: fuck that

 

Seen by Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, +2

 

Private Chat: Yoongi and Jeongguk

THUR 9:29 AM

Jeongguk: hyung

Yoongi: i’m already at my studio

Jeongguk: did you mean it?

Yoongi: of course not

Yoongi: sorry i got mad at you

Jeongguk: can i come over?

Yoongi: you know the passcode

Yoongi: i really think you two need to talk

Yoongi: you’re both hurting

Jeongguk: i thought he was joking around and playing with my feelings, i didn’t know he would get so mad

Yoongi: since when has tae ever played with your feelings?

Jeongguk: i’m an idiot

Yoongi: an idiot that should go make up with his fiance 

Jeongguk: i don’t know how to

Yoongi: i’m going to regret this

Jeongguk: what?

 

Seen by Yoongi

Chapter Text

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

THUR 10:06 AM

Yoongi : @BamBam add guk

BamBam : but

Yoongi : just do it

BamBam : but this is supposed to be a secret gc from him and tae???

Moonbin : yeah why would you add him?

Yoongi : if you want taekook back together just add him jfc

Yongsun : oh my god i cannot do the angst add him in

Hyejin : i thought you wanted angst???

Mingyu : operation fix taekook is a go

Sehun : wait we have yoongi’s approval???

Jaehyung : lets waffle this

Bora : what???

Jaehyung : #operationfixtaekookasap

Bora : i am so confused 

Wheein : hashtags are waffle imposters

Bora : literally what

Sehun : *face palm*

Jaehyung : #missionimpossiblereunitetaekook2k19

BamBam : listen

BamBam : can we do this in like ten hours

Yoongi : why?

Moonbin : but taekook

Mark : i support

Jaehyun : wait

Yongsun : this cannot wait wtf

Jaehyun : @Mark @BamBam share with the class

BamBam : listen jackson just got back leave us alone

Bora : WOW

Wonwoo : i cannot -_-

Hyejin : you’re really sacrificing taekook to sleep with your boyfriend???

Mark : yes

Moonbyul : ya know

Moonbyul : that’s fair

BamBam : thank you

Yongsun : IT IS NOT

BamBam : if y’all leave us alone we’ll be done faster

Jackson : this ^^^

Yugyeom : oh my god just leave

Eunwoo : I have no words

DK : I am disgusted (◑_◑)

Jaehyung : I even broke out the waffle imposter for this occasion

Younghyun : you did a good job

Jaehyung : thanks babe

The8 : gross stop

[Mark made Yoongi admin]

BamBam : leave us alone now

Yongsun : i guess that works

[Yoongi added Jeongguk]

Yugyeom : hi guk

Moonbin : welcome!!

Jeongguk : um

Jeongguk : is this what you meant yoongi?

Yoongi : yes

Jeongguk : this is an entire gc dedicated to getting tae and i back together?

Yoongi : yes

Jeongguk : you guys have been talking about us?

Yugyeom : only a little

Yugyeom : mostly jaehyun was exposing couples

Jeongguk : oh

Jaehyun : i’ve got more theories btw

Heechul : lord give me the strength 

Jaehyun : wheein and yongsun definitely 

Jeongguk : you’re forgetting hyejin and moonbyul 

DK : WHAT

The8 : WAIT

Eunwoo : am I even surprised 

Heechul : JEONGGUK

Jeongguk : was i not supposed to do that?

Jaehyun : WIT

Jaehyun : *WAIT

Jaehyun : so mark jackson and bambam aren’t the only poly ones here

Jeongguk : i’m gonna be quiet

Yongsun : we’re the original poly couple here show some respect

Hyejin : exactly

Moonbyul : facts only

Wheein : what they said

Jeongguk : also we call them barkson

Yugyeom : STOP

Yugyeom : PLEASE

Yugyeom : I AM LOSING IT

DK : I’m never using anything else ever again

Jeongguk : so are we getting me a husband or not?

Moonbin : omg its happening

Yongsun : LETS GET YOU A HUSBAND

Younghyun : i’m here to help!

Jaehyung : me too!

Byeongkwan : i’m helping too

Johnny : count me in

Taeyong : ^

Bora : #operationfixtaekookasap

Siyeon : #operationfixtaekookasap

 

Seen Taeyong, Heechul, Yoongi, Jeongguk 12+

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 12:34 PM

anteater : sorry for poking you with my banana

ilikebutt : that sounds like a sex joke

anteater : ( ≖.≖)

frogkisser : you’re a baguette

anteater : SUNGJONG

frogkisser : TAEMIN

frogkisser : apology accepted

anteater : i could poke you with my baguette instead

ilikebutt : wait are these sex jokes???

anteater : *shrug shrug*

chocorings : one time i swear to god

frogkisser : it was funny

Minzy : what even

anteater : changsub forgot the word for goodbye and just said baguette and left

chocorings : ITS BEEN THREE YEARS

chocorings : LET IT GO

pubertyx2 : CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE LET IT GO LET IT GO THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY

anteater : i never laughed so hard in my life please

pubertyx2 : i’m actually pretty cold right now i hate the winter

Minzy : who needs drugs when you have an entire changsub

Chorong : that’s what i’ve been saying

chocorings : leave me alone x_x

ilikebutt : so who poked who with a banana???

anteater : i poked sungie with a banana

frogkisser : i kind of liked it

anteater : i didn’t

anteater : you bruised my banana

ilikebutt : i swear to god are these sex jokes

chocorings : i don’t even know at this point

frogkisser : sex isn’t real anyway

anteater : i have 99% in common with a banana

Minzy : no

Minzy : just no

penguu : i’m a sad banana

penguu : we share more than just genetic material

twitterking18 : fun fact!

twitterking18 : apples ripen other fruit when they’re together

twitterking18 : thats where “one bad apple ruins the bunch” comes from!

pubertyx2 : apple you don’t belong here you ruin everything!

chocorings : i am apple

penguu : i am sad banana

ilikebutt : i can’t stand you morons

Chorong : mood

chocorings : love you guys too <3

 

Seen by frogkisser, penguu, Minzy, pubertyx2, 18+

Chapter Text

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

FRI 2:12 PM

Bora: how is #operationfixtaekookasap going?

Jeongguk: getting tae to acknowledge me has been a challenge tbh

Siyeon: this is troubling

Taeyong: how are we supposed to enact our plan if he won’t even acknowledge you???

Jeongguk: yeah idk

Johnny: don’t give up

Jeongguk: feeling kind of hopeless tbh

Bora: you just have to have your fame face on today

Bora: *game face

Siyeon: aslfskj

Bora: spell check really be coming for me 

Taeyong: lets just send spell check to mars

Taeyong: it always changes johnny’s name to tokyo

Siyeon: how even…

Jeongguk: i’ll just have both fame and game face

Bora: good

Bora: you’ll need both faces

Johnny: this is a whole new meaning to two-faced

Bora: lmaooo

 

Seen by Jeongguk, Johnny, Siyeon, Taeyong, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 2:56 PM

Pink_Sweater : @soupboi 

Pink_Sweater: you octopi my thoughts

soupboi: cute

ieatrice: don’t flirt with my boyfriend!!

Pink_Sweater: never thought i’d meet my end because of a pun

Pink_Sweater: x_x

soupboi: don’t worry i won’t let him murder you because of puns

Hakyeon: i tired to make a pun about murder, but maybe it’s not good to take that stuff lightly

Hakyeon: puns and murder don’t really fit

Pink_Sweater: i think that’s fair

Hakyeon: in theory if i was a murderer i would pun a lot

Taekwoon: you already pun a lot

Hakyeon: like me to a random dead person, “whoops i just shot you pun-t blank. sorry you’re dead now.”

Taekwoon: jeez i cannot with you

Hakyeon: :D

 

Seen by Pink_Sweater, soupboi, Taekwoon, imbigg, 11+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 4:13 PM

overwatcher: when yoongi one time said he wants to be a rock i really didn’t get it

overwatcher: i get it now

overwatcher: can i just be a rock in the next life

imbigg: that’s ok

imbigg: you be a rock and i’ll be the dirt around you

overwatcher: that’s really sweet :’)

supportiveally_kingchul: i want to ask if you two are ok but i don’t think i even want to know

overwatcher: i’m just tired of functioning

overwatcher: and now i need to clean up all this blood

imbigg: big mood

supportiveally_kingchul: BLOOD

overwatcher: i’m just gonna clean it up with all my tears

imbigg: ok edgelord

supportiveally_kingchul: please specify that you did not murder someone

overwatcher: no no i like the mystery

supportiveally_kingchul: JEON JEONGGUK

mingbaby: are you ok tho???

nopainwoo: i’m concerned as well

overwatcher: its just a cut chill

backspasm: but you’re bleeding???

meanestgay: do you need to go to the doctor?

meanestgay: do you need stitches?

overwatcher: i don’t think so but i am on my third bandaid 

imbigg: that doesn’t sound good kook

GucciBoy: you’re bleeding?

GucciBoy: where are you?

hwalion: this just got interesting 

overwatcher: my room

supportiveally_kingchul: well if taehyung is on his way i’m not gonna text namjoon

overwatcher: pls don’t do that

overwatcher: i got blood on my phone :(

imbigg: you poor man child

 

Seen by overwatcher, ieatrice, meanestgay, mingbaby, 28+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

FRI 6:39 PM

Matthew: SCREAMING

Matthew: OMGOMGOMGOMG

Jaehyung: ???

Taehyung: ToT

Hoetaek: are y’all ok?

Matthew: no

Taehyung: never gonna be ok again

Matthew: hold me

Taehyung: already ahead of you

Younghyun: you wanna share or…

Wheein: plsss

Matthew: SOMIN GAVE US FLOWERS

Taehyung: she bought us flowers T_T

Matthew: we need to find a vase now

Hyejin: shit that’s cute

Yongsun: SHE BOUGHT YOU GUYS FLOWERS

Yongsun: why does no one ever buy me flowers???

Moonbyul: cause you threw roses at me once

Yongsun: i don’t think that is a good reason

Jaehyung: i tried to buy bri flowers once but i kept sneezing

Younghyun: it was the thought that counts

Moonbyul: is somin like courting you guys?

Taehyung: maybe?

Matthew: omg do you think???

Hyejin: that’s kind of hot

Taehyung: i have to go scream bye

Matthew: brb

 

Seen by Jaehyung, Moonbyul, Yongsun, Hoetaek, 2+

 

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

FRI 6:42 PM

BamBam: so???

Mingyu: yeah what happened

Moonbin : @Jeongguk its been hours

Jeongguk: um

Jeongguk: not much tbh

Jeongguk: he called me an idiot and helped me put gauze around my arm

BamBam: gauze???

Mingyu: arm???

Moonbin: what did you do???

Yugyeom: what happened

Jeongguk: nothing i was just trying to cook something for tae and i cut my arm and he came over and helped me then he called me a name and left

BamBam: eye

Jeongguk: i didn’t even get to give him what i cooked for him :(

Hyejin: this is so tragic

Wonwoo: at least he seemed concerned for you?

Bora: that’s something at least

Siyeon: i still think you just need to apologize

Jeongguk: i’m trying x_x

Siyeon: i mean sooner the better even if it’s not extravagant 

Jeongguk: maybe you’re right :/

Yoongi: you got this bub

Jeongguk: thanks guys

 

Seen by Yoongi, BamBam, Hyejin, Bora, 8+ 

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

FRI 6:58 PM

Somin: did you guys like my flowers?

Taehyung: so much

Matthew: they’re so pretty somin

Taehyung: thank you <3

Jiwoo: you guys are cute

Matthew: you’re cute

Somin: you’re all cute

Taehyung: HELP

Taehyung: my face hurts from smiling

Matthew: want me to help :)

Taehyung: yes :)

Somin: that’s kind of creepy guys

Matthew: you can come over if you want

Jiwoo: why?

Taehyung: wait are we really doing this?

Matthew: we don’t have to if you aren’t ready

Taehyung: i’m nervous

Somin: about???

Taehyung: lets have a sleepover! 

Jiwoo: i’m so lost

Matthew: tae and i are gonna make out and maybe a little bit more. you’re welcome to come over if you want, no pressure

Somin: OH

Jiwoo: i want to come over

Somin: me too

Taehyung: why are we so awkward x_x

Jiwoo: don’t worry bub we’ll get the hang of this

Taehyung: ಥ_ಥ

Somin: see you guys in like ten minutes <3

 

Seen by Taehyung, Matthew, Jiwoo

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 4:16 PM

overwatcher : can i please become a rock

Seungmin : i’m afraid to ask

Myungjun : what happened now

eggplanet : can i just be cake?

eggplanet : being a person is hard

overwatcher : big mood

Soyeon : i wouldn’t mind becoming a dumpling tbh

kwanquat : now i want to be a pierogi

kwanquat : i just want to be a pasta pillow stuffed with mashed potatoes and cheese

SayWow : no

SayWow : then i would eat you

kwanquat : i wouldn’t complain ;)

Chaeyoung : oh i wanna be a soup dumpling :D

eggplanet : i’m getting hungry now

eggplanet: i would definitely eat you if you were a soup dumpling

Chaeyoung : well i’d eat you if you were cake >:(

Soyeon : oh no this is going to turn into one of those cinnamon toast commercials

Seungmin : not the cannibal cereal x.x

Myungjun : we still don’t know what’s wrong with jungkook

overwatcher : life

kwanquat : mood

SayWow : kwan???

SayWow : are you ok?

kwanquat : no but a kiss would help

SayWow : don’t move omw

kwanquat : :’)

backspasm : do you want a kiss too guk?

overwatcher : that would be nice

overwatcher : i would settle for a hug tbh

backspasm : i will pause my drama for you

overwatcher : i feel honored (っ^▿^)

Chaeyoung : (◑_◑)

mingbaby : ditto

 

Seen by Soyeon, Seungmin, Myungjun, Chaeyoung, 27+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SAT 4:34 PM

Mingyu : um guk???

Mingyu : @Jungkook

BamBam : what happened?

Mingyu : other gc

BamBam : brb

Jaehyun : what is this other gc y’all always talk about

Jaehyun : hmm

DK : I wanna know too

Yugyeom : please do share

Mingyu : don’t worry about it

BamBam : @Jungkook

BamBam : WTF????

Jungkook : what???

Mingyu : do you like moonbin???

Eunwoo : WHAT

Jungkook : no???

Jungkook : its just a hug

Eunwoo : oh

BamBam : he literally asked if you wanted to kiss and you said yes

Eunwoo : WHAT

Jungkook : he wasn’t being serious

Eunwoo : oh

Jungkook : would it be weird to kiss binnie?

Eunwoo : WHAT

The8 : dongmin you good?

Eunwoo : X<

BamBam : might be a little weird considering you’re trying to get taehyung back (badly might i add)

Jungkook : shut up tae is the romantic one i’m not good at this

Mingyu : so you don’t like bin?

Jungkook : we’re just friends

Yugyeom : if you say so

Jungkook : i do???

DK : I mean you and bin wouldn’t be completely outta left field

Eunwoo : WHAT

BamBam : you good min?

Eunwoo : um does bin like dudes?

Mingyu : is that a problem

BamBam : DID WE JUST ACCIDENTLY OUT BINNIE

Jungkook : FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Eunwoo : we won’t say anything chill

BamBam : it still wasn’t our place to say

Jungkook : i feel like an asshole now

Mingyu : can you tell him?

Jungkook : yea i’ll let him know :(

DK : not to like pry or anything and it’s totally cool if you’d rather not say but you guys are gay right? I know we joke around a lot but that’s what this all is right? 

BamBam : i mean you guys know about mark jackson and i

Yugyeom : how could we forget barkson

Jungkook : you guys know about tae and i

Jungkook : i’m gay but tae just identifies as queer

BamBam : i think jackson mark and i all identify somewhere on the bi spectrum

BamBam : sexuality is confusing

Mingyu : i’m demi so yeah

The8 : demi?

Mingyu : i develop an attraction to someone when we have an established emotional connection

Mingyu : its different for everyone but thats how it works for me

Mingyu : tbh i thought i was broken for a long time

Mingyu : and then i met wonwoo and lots of things changed for me and i learned a lot about myself and sexuality that i wish i knew back in middle school

Jungkook : gyu :((

Mingyu : its all good now dw

DK : so you and woo are dating?

Mingyu : not anymore

The8 : wait you guys were actually dating and we never knew???

Mingyu : um

Mingyu : kind of

Mingyu : it was predebut, we broke up when the group debuted to focus on that

Mingyu : we weren’t dating long at all

DK : oh :(

Jaehyun : do you still like him?

Mingyu : i’ll probably always love him tbh

BamBam : gyu :(((

Mingyu : guys its okay

Mingyu : woo and i are in a good place and if its right we’ll be together again

Yugyeom : :(

Jungkook : @Eunwoo you ok???

Eunwoo : (≖‿≖)👍

 

Seen by BamBam, Jungkook, The8, Yugyeom, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 1:27 AM

GucciBoy : what the actual fuck

 

Seen by Chaeyoung, Hyomin, Seungmin, backspasm, 9+



Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 11:22 AM

backspasm: HELP

nopainwoo: do you need another intervention?

meanestgay: ooo i’m game this time

backspasm: no my drama obsession is completely healthy

backspasm: its something else

Myungjun: the obsession part of that sentence says otherwise

fishmom: what’s wrong?

backspasm: dongmin is avoiding me

meanestgay: who?

backspasm: my member :(

Myungjun: wait is that the problem

Myungjun: i thought he was acting weird too

backspasm: yea!

backspasm: i tried to talk to him when i woke up and he just ignored me and he disappears every time i see him and its been hours since he last spoke to me

backspasm: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Myungjun: maybe he’s just in a mood?

Myungjun: its not like he’s talking to me either

backspasm: you think?

Myungjun: don’t sweat it

meanestgay: why do you even think he’s mad at you?

backspasm: 97 liners accidentally outed me yesterday and it feels like he’s been acting weird ever since

backspasm: maybe i’m just paranoid 

meanestgay: that happened to me too

meanestgay: i accidentally outed myself to my members and i thought they were avoiding me too

ilikebutt: please that was so funny

ilikebutt: you were just openly checking out a girl in front of us

meanestgay: i malfunctioned x_x

backspasm: and???

meanestgay: i was just being paranoid lol

ilikebutt: tbh i’m not even sure seulgi noticed

meanestgay: i wouldn’t even be shocked if she thinks we’re both hets

ilikebutt: ew

backspasm: question

ilikebutt: yes?

backspasm: have you ever thought about dating one of your members when you found out they were gay?

ilikebutt: no yerim is my literal daughter

meanestgay: exactly

Myungjun: did you think about dating me when you found out i was gay?

backspasm: i guess not

fishmom: jaehyun found out about johnny and i but nothing has changed

fishmom: he and eunwoo are close so i doubt eunwoo would start treating you differently

backspasm: i guess :/

nopainwoo: a few of my members found out about gyu and i and nothing has changed

nopainwoo: maybe something else is wrong?

backspasm: maybe 

Myungjun: min loves you don’t sweat it nothing is going to change

backspasm: ok :(

pubertyx2: this is upsetti spaghetti

backspasm: why’d that make me feel better

pubertyx2: cause i’m magical!

Myungjun: keep telling yourself that

pubertyx2: (╥︣﹏᷅╥᷅)

 

Seen by meanestgay, ilikebutt, fishmom, backspasm, 19+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

SUN 1:37 PM

Matthew: literally bury me alive

Matthew: just throw me away with the trash

Jaehyung: dude

Matthew: i don’t want to be alive anymore

Jaehyung: what happened now

Jaehyung: I thought things were going good

Matthew: THAT IS THE PROBLEM

Jaehyung: you’ve lost me

Matthew: i’m literally so in love with three people at once i think i’m going to burst

Matthew: somin bought me flowers T_T

Jaehyung: we established this

Matthew: taehyung gives me forehead kisses! 

Matthew: FOREHEAD KISSES

Jaehyung: why are you shouting at me???

Matthew: cause i am about to combust

Matthew: jiwoo fell asleep on me last night like a smol kitten i am devastated 

Jaehyung: dude you are so whipped wtf

Matthew: i can’t do this i am sobbing

Jaehyung: idk what to tell you

Matthew: is it too soon to tell them i’m in love?

Jaehyung: um

Jaehyung: maybe with somin and jiwoo but if you want to gush all over taehyung go for it

Matthew: i think i will

Matthew: wait i should do something special! 

Matthew: HELP

Jaehyung: how???

Matthew: you’re married. what cute things do you do for brian

Jaehyung: oh hmm

Jaehyung: I buy him his favorite bass strings

Matthew: the fuck

Jaehyung: I buy him his favorite takeout too

Jaehyung: I take him out for crepes too

Matthew: i guess that’s cute

Jaehyung: shit our one year anniversary is coming up I need to start planning

Matthew: you have so much time chill

Matthew: help me first

Jaehyung: oh!

Jaehyung: I write songs for him?

Matthew: YO!

Matthew: i want to write a song for tae!

Jaehyung: I approve

Matthew: help me

Jaehyung: ugh

Jaehyung: fine

Matthew: coolio 

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 5:41 PM

hwalion: is it too early?

thewonderyears: the sun literally just set

hwalion: lololol

hwalion: i meant betting on kard

thewonderyears: why are you like this

hwalion: my bet is on matthew 

kwanquat: somin!

whepuppy: wait are all four of them on the table?

hwalion: yep

whepuppy: then jiwoo

greasemonster: ditto

grandsunma: nah matthew

supportiveally_kingchul: idk who to pick

supportiveally_kingchul: maybe somin

mattharoni: i cannot believe y’all are doing this

imbigg: JIWOO

soupboi: ^

ieatrice: ^^

hwalion: i see the got7 brain cell is working today

thewonderyears: somin

overwatcher: matthew

twitterking18: matty

emo_fanboy18: really??? i think jiwoo

twitterking18: idk just a gut feeling

frogkisser: somin

Hyuna: wait why are we betting?

hwalion: top and bottom in the relationship

Hyuna: oh

Hyuna: somin?

potaeto: WHY’D NO ONE PICK ME

jillo: its cause you’re a bottom

potaeto: how do they know that???

somint: its obvious honey

potaeto: fine but they think matt is a top???

jillo: they can’t be right every time 

hwalion: wait a damn second if neither of you are tops then what did you do before somin and jiwoo???

mattharoni: we switch x_x

supportiveally_kingchul: this is not remotely a pg conversation

imbigg: why don’t we ever bet on mamamoo???

overwatcher: cause hyejin is the one that starts it

imbigg: fuck that everyone place your bets

supportiveally_kingchul: moonbyul

mattharoni: moonbyul

soupboi: moonbyul

ieatrice: moonbyul

thewonderyears: moonbyul

overwatcher: moonbyul

twitterking18: moonbyul

emo_fanboy18: moonbyul

frogkisser: moonbyul

Hyuna: moonbyul

potaeto: moonbyul

jillo: moonbyul

somint: moonbyul

imbigg: that was boring

hwalion: i’ll have you know i top sometimes!

greasemonster: of course you do baby

somint: we all agree that hyuna tops right?

hwalion: absolutely 

imbigg: ^

overwatcher: ^^

frogkisser: ^^^

Hyuna: GUYS

Hoetaek: everyone knows hyo is a bottom lmao

Hyuna: he’s my baby :(

somint: we all know

frogkisser: speaking of bottoms

frogkisser: i miss taemin and mango :(

Hyuna: that’s rough bub

 

Seen by frogkisser, overwatcher, meanestgay, grandsunma, 34+

 

Private Chat: Seokjin and Yoongi

SUN 6:53 PM

Seokjin: was that a bad idea

Yoongi: probably

Seokjin: where’d you go?

Yoongi: went to grab them some water bottles

Seokjin: smart

Seokjin: they’re gonna be there for a while

Yoongi: yah idk how much more i can take

Seokjin: same we should have done this earlier

Yoongi: there wasn’t enough angst yet

Seokjin: …

 

Seen by Yoongi

Chapter Text

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

SUN 7:04 PM

Yoongi : not to alarm anyone

Heechul : i’ve been alarmed

Mark : same

Sehun : very concerned ngl

Bora : ARE YOU OK?

Yoongi : chill pls

Yoongi : hyung and i locked taekook in a closet together

Sehyoon : what the

Jaehyung : I thought that wasn’t ethical???

Yoongi : the migraine they were giving me wasn’t ethical

Younghyun : fair

Heechul : what did they do now?

Yoongi : tae dumped the dinner guk made for him in the sink and they started yelling at each other and then tae started accusing guk of liking other people and guk started crying and jin hyung got mad about the wasted food and literally threw both of them over his shoulder and i helped lock them in the closet

imbigg : i cannot believe you put them back in the closet

Mark : so whats happening?

Yugyeom : is guk ok?

Yoongi : idk

Heechul : how do you not know???

Moonbin : wait is this my fault???

Jaehyun : sounds like it

Jackson : eh they were probably headed here before bin decided to kiss guk

Hyejin : did you actually kiss jungkook?

Moonbin : no omg it was a forehead kiss like the ones i give sanha!!!

Mingyu : Yoongi tell us what’s happening

Yoongi : idk i went to my room

Heechul : you’re just leaving them there???

Yoongi : jin hyung has his ear pressed to the door its fine

BamBam : does guk have his phone???

Yoongi : nah they left those in the kitchen

[Jeongguk left]

Yugyeom : how???

[BamBam added Seokjin]

Yugyeom : oh

BamBam : @Seokjin give us the taekook details

Yongsun : omg bambam your mind

BamBam : :>

Seokjin : hello gc that is way too invested in taekook for their own good

Wonwoo : hi

Heechul : i didn’t ask to be here

Sehyoon : did any of us truly ask to be here?

BamBam : stfu not the time for an existential crisis

Jaehyun : so taekook???

Seokjin : yeah no they aren’t saying anything

BamBam : booooo

 

Seen by Seokjin, Yoongi, Bora, Heechul, 18+

 

K.A.R.D Group Chat

SUN 7:13 PM

Jiwoo : would it be wrong to flirt in this gc?

Somin : i don’t think so

Jiwoo : sweet ;)

Jiwoo : i hate my last name :(

Somin : what??? why???

Jiwoo : cause its not your last name ;)

Taehyung : lmaoooo

Somin : babe your last name is jeon too

Matthew : that would have been so smooth if you tried it on tae or i

Jiwoo : fuck this

Somin : don’t worry i still love you

Jiwoo : ok :(

Taehyung : tbh i’m shocked that wasn’t me

Somin : honestly same

Somin : woo are you ok?

Jiwoo : yes x_x

 

Seen by Matthew, Somin, Taehyung

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 7:14 PM

sunbun : why is his gc so dead

le’go : we need to add more baby gays

Minzy : what about hag gays

le’go : those too but the baby ones will probably be more active

Minzy : fair

 

Seen by sunbun, le’go. Seungmin, Hyuna, 4+

 

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

SUN 7:18 PM

Seokjin : oh wait

Seokjin : tae told jk to stop crying

Seokjin : jk started crying harder

Seokjin : poor baby i should get them tissues

Yugyeom : poor guk :(

Seokjin : jk is trying to apologize

Seokjin : tae doesn’t care

Mark : i’m not sure we should actually be listening to this

Seokjin : tae says jk doesn’t want to be with him cause he’s already moved on to someone else

Seokjin : jk is now yelling about friend kisses

Seokjin : like the ones tae gives jimin

Seokjin : it got real quiet

Johnny : did taehyung realize he’s being dumb?

Seokjin : i think so

Hyejin : kdramas gonna go outta business with taekook around omg

Wheein : this is pretty riveting 

Moonbin : theres no car accidents here so i think kdramas gonna be fine

Moonbyul : for real tho why so many car accidents 

Wonwoo : let me point out the drama part of it

Seokjin : shut up tae is asking about jk’s arm

Seokjin : ok they got real quiet again

Seokjin : i think jk is apologizing AGAIN

Seokjin : oop

BamBam : WHAT

Jaehyung : don’t leave us hanging!!!

Seokjin : we just got a love confession from jk

Yugyeom : what is taehyung saying????

Mark : serious breach of privacy

Jaehyun : don’t see you leaving

Seokjin : tae is crying oh no :(

Siyeon : this is so dramatic oh my god

Bora : for real tho we weren’t half this bad

Byeongkwan : i think our members would all move out if yoon and i were like this

Yoongi : eh taekook are just cute for the most part

Jaehyun : i would get some popcorn if johnyong started pulling this

Taeyong : johnny and i don’t fight

Johnny : exactly

Sehun : y’all still in the honeymoon phase give it another month

Younghyun : eh the occasional fight is healthy

Jaehyung : as long as you don’t start saying shit you don’t mean

DK : omg the married ones have spoken

Seokjin : they’re both crying dear lord i cannot understand a thing they’re saying

Yongsun : what a bunch of cry babies

Moonbyul : please you started sobbing when wheein ignored you for ten minutes

Yongsun : don’t remind me T_T

Wheein : i already said sorry!

Yongsun : thank you baby <3

Wheein : <33

Seokjin : OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

BamBam : WHAT

Mark : TELL US

Mingyu : SEOKJIN SSI

Jackson : DUDE

Johnny : this is just cruel

Yongsun : i am two seconds away from going to the bts dorm

Heechul : i wasn’t meant for this type of suspense 

Wheein : WHERE IS YOONGI

Jaehyun : ok field trip to the bts dorm?

DK : I’m already getting my shoes on

Seokjin : JUST WAIT

 

Seen by DK, Heechul, Jackson, Moonbyul, 20+

Chapter Text

mission impossible: taekook Group Chat

SUN 8:02 PM

Seokjin: HE SAID YES

BamBam: TO WHAT

Mingyu: wtf seokjin ssi

Sehun: DETAILS

Yongsun: I AM THIS CLOSE 

Yoongi: guk just proposed 

Moonbin: marriage???

Wheein: NO FUCKING WAY

Yugyeom: OH MY GOD

Mark: yoongi you’re there now???

Yoongi: it got interesting 

Heechul: WAIT

Jaehyung: taehyung said yes????

DK: I’M SCREAMING

The8: WE ARE ALL SCREAMING

DK: woozi is literally gonna end us

The8: did mingyu stop screaming???

Wonwoo: don’t worry about it

Jaehyun: omg

Bora: TO MUCH IS HAPPENING

BamBam : @Seokjin EHAT IS HAPPNEING

Jackson: for the lov eof god some one

Heechul: the typing is going to shit in this gc

Seokjin: TAE SAID YES HE SAID YES THEY’RE HAPPY CRYING

Heechul: ho fcuk finaly

BamBam: and you judged our typing smh

Taeyong: this is such good news!!!

Yugyeom: i’m in the club crying

Byeongkwan: taekook wedding omg!!!

Jaehyung: this is so exciting!!!

Younghyun: i love weddings

Moonbyul: when are you letting them out of the closet

Seokjin: what

Moonbin: when are they coming out of the closet

Moonbin: again

Yoongi: nope

Mark: huh

Seokjin: they’re staying in there as punishment

Yoongi: we’ll let them out in the morning

Heechul: is that really necessary 

Seokjin: yes

Seokjin: I had to remove my ear from the door because of the noises they’re making now

Hyejin: tmi

Yoongi: yah we’re leaving them in there

Seokjin: my poor closet :/

BamBam: i’m just relieved at this point

Sehyoon: sex in a closet sounds so uncomfortable 

Yoongi: can this gc die now?

BamBam: i guess it has served its purpose

[Yoongi left]

[Seokjin left]

BamBam: dang

 

Seen by Hyejin, Bora, Taeyong, Mark, 15+

 

Foregin Line Group Chat

MON 10:46 AM

BamBam: hey lomls

Mark: what do you want

BamBam: WOW

BamBam: actually

Mark: knew it

BamBam: i just wanted to know if you guys wanted to spice it up maybe ;)

Mark: oh???

Jackson: you know i can’t eat spicy food

Mark: what???

BamBam: no i meant in the bedroom

Jackson: i can’t eat spicy food anywhere bammie

BamBam: eye

Mark: i’m dying lmaoo

BamBam: i give up

Jackson: you guys can have spicy food without me :(

Mark: PLEASE

BamBam: ya know what nvm i’m returning my toys

Mark: WAIT

Jackson: toys???

Mark: jackson loml please for the love of god connect the dots

Jackson: i’m so confused

Jackson: what do toys and spicy food have to do with each other?

Mark: bammie is talking about sex!!

Jackson: OH

BamBam: i’m done i cannot 

Jackson: wait bammie please i’m sorry

Jackson: tell me about your toys plsss

BamBam: nope

Mark: x_x

 

Seen by BamBam, Jackson

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 10:59 AM

imbigg: jackson just ruined my sex life

mingbaby: lmao how

ieatrice: plsssss

imbigg: i’m not talking to you right now

soupboi: it was pretty funny ngl

ieatrice: you guys are being mean :(

overwatcher: I’VE BEEN FREED 

borawr: wait did you just now get out of the closet?

Chaeyoung: closet???

Seungmin: what happened

mingbaby: that’s not important 

mingbaby : @overwatcher @GucciBoy tell us everything

grandsunma: DETAILS

GucciBoy: I’M GETTING FUCKING MARRIED THATS WHAT HAPPENED

overwatcher: that and hyungs locked us in a closet for the whole night

imbigg: it worked didn’t it???

overwatcher: it did but my back hurts now

hwalion: OMG BET

overwatcher: STOP

nopainwoo: do we need to?

nopainwoo: obviously kook 

GucciBoy: yeah i had to work out some frustrations

overwatcher: my poor spine

senshine: *concerned*

grandsunma: i still cannot believe taekook is getting married before me

grandsunma: they even broke up first!

twitterking18: lets just all talk about the fact they got engaged in a closet

overwatcher: you got engaged in a hotel room

twitterking18: aight that’s fair

mingbaby: was there a ring???

GucciBoy: yes its beautiful ToT

imbigg: seriously how did it happen???

overwatcher: we were arguing and then i told tae i love him

GucciBoy: he yelled it at me

overwatcher: and then tae started crying

GucciBoy: it was really overwhelming

overwatcher: so i got down on one knee and proposed 

overwatcher: i mean i had a whole thing planned, a romantic dinner a trip to the han river like i had plans but we were stuck in a closet so i improvised 

GucciBoy: i loved it so much baby

GucciBoy: and i love you so much

grandsunma: that’s cute i guess

Seungmin: i’m getting a cavity 

overwatcher: i love you too!!! <333

GucciBoy: I LOVE YOU

overwatcher: I LOVE YOU THE MOST

GucciBoy: i love you more than you love me!! >:(

overwatcher: that’s just not possible i love you too much

GucciBoy: no its possible cause i love you more

overwatcher: i love you mostest!!!

frogkisser: i’d love it if y’all didn’t do this in the groupchat

ilikebutt: seriously tho

imbigg: yep i think we’re all over it

supporitveally_kingchul: we’re all happy you guys are back together but do this over dms next time

mingbaby: ^

senshine: ^^

greasemonster: ^^^

GucciBoy: i have to go tell my mom she doesnt have to hate you anymore brb

overwatcher: TAE

 

Seen by imbigg, ieatrice, GucciBoy, Seungmin, 24+




gays only event Group Chat

MON 12:43 PM

GodHo: wait what

GodHo: why were they in a closet

GodHo: hello???

GodHo: is everything ok???

 

Seen by Seungmin, overwatcher, ilikebutt, frogkisser, 11+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 3:45 PM

frogkisser: i am

frogkisser: lovid

frogkisser: licid

frogkisser: livid

anteater: third times the charm

frogkisser: OMG TAEMIN

anteater: OMG SUNGJONG

frogkisser: stfu where have you been???

anteater: here

anteater: there

frogkisser: babe

frogkisser: what’s wrong

anteater: just been sad :/

frogkisser: NO

frogkisser: that is unacceptable 

mingo: i would have to agree with sungjong on this

chocorings: ^

supportiveally_kingchul: ^^

Hyuna: ^^^

[anteater changed anteater’s name to missingshinee]

frogkisser: oh bub :(

frogkisser: i miss infinite too :/

misisngshinee: it really sucks

missingshinee: i mean

missingshinee: when you debut you never think its going to end that you’ll ride this high forever

missingshinee: but it all has to come to an end eventually

mingo: minnie it’s not over yet

mingo: its just a hiatus 

supportiveally_kingchul: take it from someone who knows, as long as you all love shinee it never has to end

missingshinee: i really hope so :/

chocorings: not to change the subject but what is the frog kisser livid about?

frogkisser: fucking woolim taking the infinity symbol out of their name

frogkisser: stupid fucking company

frogkisser: infinite pulled that company out of bankruptcy and that’s how they repay us

frogkisser: we built that fucking company from nothing

frogkisser: we risked everything to debut with that worthless company and that’s how they treat us

frogkisser: i was naive before but i’m starting to think howon was right when he left

supportiveally_kinchul: sungjong i am so sorry and infinite truly deserves better

supportiveally_kingchul: you guys were truly a pioneer of the genre

mingo: you guys changed the game and everyone should know and respect that

frogkisser: thanks guys

frogkisser: it means a lot 

missingshinee : @frogkisser hey

missingshinee: i love u

supportiveally_kingchul: not this again

frogkisser: omg really???

missingshinee: yeah

missingshinee: its my favorite letter

mingo: lmaooo

chocorings: HELP

frogkisser: must you wound me with words?

missingshinee: should i use rocks?

mingo: damn taemin is in a mood

frogkisser: x_x

missingshinee: come on it was funny

frogkisser: maybe

missingshinee: i made you smile!

frogkisser: maybe

Hyuna: I was really upset about 4minute for the longest time but eventually time heals the wounds and now I can look back on the memories fondly instead of with bitterness

Hyuna: I think with time you’ll all look back on your time with your groups and be happy that they happened instead of bitter about their ending

frogkisser: thanks hyuna

missingshinee: hopefully this won’t be the end but i know i’ll always treasure my memories with shinee

frogkisser: i feel the same way about infinite

supportiveally_kingchul: damn if i could get super junior to feel this way

Hyuna: please you’re having you’re 15th anniversary next year

supportiveally_kingchul: trust me when i say that is a miracle 

missingshinee: oh believe me we know

chocorings: how sm never disbanded you guys is beyond me

supportiveally_kingchul: not even god could disband us now

mingo: we stan kings of the hallyu wave!

supportiveally_kingchul: damn straight

missingshinee: *gay

 

Seen by mingo, Hyuna, frogkisser, chocorings, 5+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

WED 8:07 PM

Jaehyun: now that the taekook drama is over

BamBam: thank god

Yugyeom: can we go bowling now?

Jungkook: sorry but i’m not leaving my husband’s side

DK: y’all not married yet???

Jungkook: idc

Eunwoo: so you and tae are good now?

Jungkook: better then good!

Mingyu: have you been sleeping under a rock?

Eunwoo: been busy

Jaehyun: something you wanna share there bud?

Eunwoo: idk things have been off

BamBam: well taekook crisis is over so lets start the binwoo crisis

Eunwoo: binwoo???

The8: lets not act like this isn’t cause of moonbin

Eunwoo: I don’t even know how you figured that out

Jaehyun: my dude

Mingyu: it was pretty obvious you were upset that kook and bin kissed

Jungkook: stop saying that! we did not!

Eunwoo: I just don’t know how to act around bin now

Jungkook: why???

BamBam: nothing has changed he’s still the same moonbin

Eunwoo: I know that

Eunwoo: but we do a lot of fanservice and well

Mingyu: please don’t tell me this is going where i think its going

Eunwoo: NO

Eunwoo: I would never think of him differently 

Eunwoo: I’m worried maybe I’ve hurt his feelings or made him uncomfortable playing up the fanservice 

Mingyu: oh

BamBam: we all understand its part of the job, if bin was uncomfortable with it he would have said something

Jungkook: trust us binnie isn’t upset with you he just wants to be friends

Eunwoo: ok

Eunwoo: I think I’m going to apologize anyway

Yugyeom: that can’t hurt

DK: see problem solved!

The8: that was an easy one

Jaehyun: so who are the other couples?

BamBam: heechul would have my head if i told you

Jungkook: there really isn’t that many

Jaehyun: I kind of can’t believe yong and johnny are dating

Jaehyun: blows my mind

Yugyeom: really why??

Jaehyun: I mean maybe I could have guessed yong is gay, but johnny??? that one took me by surprise 

BamBam: wait a second

BamBam: how many members does nct have now?

Jaehyun: we’re gonna be 23 soon

DK: you’re getting more members???

Eunwoo: oh wow how do you guys manage?

BamBam: there is no way there are only two lgbt members in nct

Jaehyun: huh

Jaehyun: thats probably true

Jungkook: are you by chance not a het hmm

Jaehyun: no? idk

Jaehyun: I think I only like girls?

Mingyu: boring

Jaehyun: hey! I didn’t get to choose

DK: that’s true :/

BamBam: well now i’m wondering who else is gay in nct

Jaehyun: couldn’t tell you

Mingyu: lame

 

Seen by Jaehyun, Eunwoo, BamBam, The8, 3+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 1:07 PM

imbigg : @overwatcher i hate you

mingbaby:  (◑_◑)

Yerin: i am here for the drama

overwatcher: what did i do???

imbigg: are you for real???

overwatcher: what did i do???

GucciBoy: what did the loml do???

imbigg: i hate cooky’s name so much!!!

overwatcher: eye

imbigg: every time i look at it i think it says cocky which makes me think of a cock and i hate that!!!

imbigg: cause then i’m either thinking of your cock or that pink bunny’s cock like wtf???

mingbaby: helpp

imbigg: why couldn’t you name them cookie???

imbigg: but also why is that their name when shooky is literally a cookie already???

GucciBoy: oh lmaooo

imbigg: you gave a bunny the name of what its friend physically is??? thats fucking weird and you spelled it wrong too so it looks like cocky and not a cookie at all!!!!

Yerin: are you ok?

soupboi: he’s been heated about this for like an hour

ieatrice: we’ve been listening to his tangent for twenty minutes send help

mingbaby: but is he wrong?

imbigg: THANK YOU

overwatcher: LEAVE COOKY ALONE

overwatcher: naming things is hard

soupboi: if we’re being honest here all of bts sucks at names

imbigg : @GucciBoy you aren’t off the hook either

imbigg: tata???

imbigg: that’s your fucking name!!!

GucciBoy: no one has called me tata in like twenty years

imbigg: WTF

ieatrice: imma run bammie a bubble bath i think he’s just stressed

 

Seen by overwatcher, Yerin, mingbaby, soupboi, 19+

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

SAT 1:32 PM

Johnny: hey where r u

Johnny: yongie

Johnny: are you ok?

Taeyong: help me

Johnny: where r u

Taeyong: third floor bathroom

Johnny: don’t move

 

Seen by Taeyong

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SAT 2:08 PM

Yugyeom: SOMEONE GO BOWLING WITH ME 

Jungkook: can i bring tae?

Yugyeom: fuck fine

BamBam: i’ll go if i can bring jackson and mark

Yugyeom: if I wanted to go bowling with Got7 I would have asked y’all in our gc

BamBam: fine then i’ll stay home

Yugyeom: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jaehyun: chill I’ll go

Mingyu: um

Mingyu: rain check

Yugyeom: *distressed dog noises*

Mingyu : @BamBam how was your bath?

BamBam: divine 

Mingyu: that’s good

Eunwoo: I got nothing else to do

DK: we know you lying

Eunwoo: ok I have nothing else I /want/ to do

The8: mood

DK: I’m game!

The8: I’m taking a nap sorry

Yugyeom: finally we can go bowling T_T

Jaehyun: uh actually

Jaehyun: nvm

Yugyeom: NO

Jaehyun: something is going down

Jungkook: drama???

BamBam: what’s happening

DK: he’s not gonna answer us is he

The8: welp then I really am gonna nap

Yugyeom: I hate it here

Jungkook: dw we’ll get to bowl soon

Yugyeom: :(

 

Seen by BamBam, DK, Mingyu, Jungkook, 1+

 

proof that a single dad can raise 20+ kids Group Chat

SAT 2:10 PM

Johnny: if you need anything today ask mark or management

Mark: why me

Johnny: yong’s not available today

Lucas: OH

Jaehyun: what’s wrong with taeyong I wonder

Johnny: not the time jaehyun

Winwin: why is Jaehyun always picking on you two

Jaehyun: to expose or to not expose

Lucas: please everyone and their mother knows they’re dating

Mark: WHAT

Taeil: WHAT

Jisung: WHAT

Ten: well not everyone

Jaehyun: well they know now

Yuta: how did you know???

Jaehyun: I figured it out

Lucas: I mean they’ve literally been glued to the hip for the last three months

Doyoung: I don’t think yong even owns a bed anymore

Ten: no they pushed their beds together and then went shopping for new sheets like an old married couple

Jungwoo: wait for real they’re dating???

Lucas: I’m 99% sure

Doyoung: so what's wrong with yong tho?

Jaehyun: that should be obvious

Jisung: not to me T_T

Chenle: that’s cause you’re a child

Jisung: you’re not that much older than me!

Chenle: you’re a baby

Jisung: STOP

Johnny: yong is having a mysophobia episode so i just need you guys to deal on your own for today

Lucas: oh :/

Jaemin: is he ok?

Johnny: he’s fine

Mark: ok :(

 

Seen by Johnny, Jaemin, Jisung, Lucas, 14+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 2:14 PM

imbigg : @fishmom @fishdad

overwatcher : @fishmom @fishdad

mingbaby : @fishmom @fishdad

backspasm: whatcha doin

imbigg: we wanna know what’s going on with nct

mingbaby: they probably set fire to their dorm

overwatcher: wow we got ignored by three members maybe it’s serious?

imbigg: ugh

 

Seen by mingbaby, backspasm, overwatcher, Yerin, 4+

 

proof that a single dad can raise 20+ kids Group Chat

SAT 2:15 PM

Renjun: does that mean taeyong is no longer a single dad?

Lucas: do we have to change the gc name

Yangyang: no cause what if it jinxs them

Mark: oh shit

Doyoung: DID SOMEONE KNOCK ON WOOD

Winwin: for someone who just found out they’re dating y’all are already invested

Jisung: love is dead if they break up

Mark: ok damn

Chenle: i knocked on wood no one worry

Yuta : @Jungwoo @Lucas when are y’all gonna tell us you’re dating

Lucas: we aren’t???

Jungwoo: oh

Lucas: wait

Mark: are you guys???

Lucas: no???

Yuta: do you not know?

Lucas: I’m confused now

Jungwoo: just kidding everyone calm down

Lucas: oh jeez

Jungwoo: we aren’t dating

Jeno: to be honest I thought Ten and Johnny were a thing

Yuta: same

Mark: the plot twist

Ten: you can’t just ship two people cause they’re both gay

Lucas: I need to process that statement

Xiaojun: did Ten just come out to us?

Winwin: I think so…

Ten: you guys didn’t know i’m gay???

Renjun: not for sure

Mark: I don’t want to assume

Jeno: wait I thought Ten and Johnny were dating and Taeyong and Jaehyun were dating what???

Jungwoo: ngl same

Jaehyun: I’m straight

Mark: thank you for coming out to us

Ten: me?

Mark: no, Jaehyun, but I guess also you

Jaehyun: yong is cute tho

Ten: anyway yea i’m gay

Jisung: i am too

Chenle: me as well

Mark: OMG

Lucas: OMG

Renjun: do we maybe wanna not do this over text?

Doyoung: nah just tell us when you Jeno and Jaemin start dating

Jeno: US

Renjun: x_x

Jaemin: that’s a snazzy idea

Jeno: stfu

Jaehyun: wait wait wait

Jaehyun: so Ten Jisung and Chenle are gay and the rest of you are straight?

Doyoung: don’t forget Taeyong and Johnny

Taeil: literally so much just happened

Renjun: Imma lay down ngl

Jaehyun : @Ten @Jisung @Chenle do you guys wanna be part of a super secret gc?

Jisung: YES

Chenle: ^

Ten: sure…

Yuta: I can’t believe Jeno Renjun and Jaemin aren’t dating

Jaemin: I said it would be a snazzy idea!

Jeno: you’re straight tho

Jaemin: I don’t see what that has to do with it

Renjun: literally everything

Haechan: so Ten isn’t dating Johnny and Taeyong?

 

Seen by Winwin, Doyoung, Chenle, Jungwoo, 11+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SAT 2:39 PM

Jaehyun: heyo

BamBam: you’re back!

DK: spill the tea

Jaehyun: I mean not much happened

Jaehyun: I found the other gays in nct tho

Mingyu: YOU FOUND THEM

Eunwoo: did you hunt them down???

Jaehyun: no they came out willingly

Jaehyun: anyway

BamBam: i am shook

Jungkook: shooketh

Jaehyun: can you add them to your super secret gay gc

BamBam: eye

Mingyu: what

Jungkook: oop

Eunwoo: you guys weren’t that good at hiding it tbh

DK: this is news to me

Yugyeom: its only news to Seokmin

DK: x_x

Jaehyun: I dmed you

Jaehyun : @BamBam

Mingyu: wait i wanna add them

Jaehyun: ugh fine I’ll dm you

Mingyu: ^.^

 

Seen by Eunwoo, Jungkook, Yugyeom, Jaehyun, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 3:01 PM

[mingbaby added Ten]

[mingbaby added Jisung]

[mingbaby added Chenle]

thewonderyears: oh what

mingbaby: baby gays!

imbigg: NCT BABT GAYS

overwatcher: babt

imbigg: listen

imbigg: i will end you

imbigg: and your stupid cocky bunny

Ten: is this the super secret gc jaehyun was talking about?

mingbaby: that would be the one

Jisung: where is jaehyun?

imbigg: he is not a gay and this is a gays only event

supportiveally_kingchul: was not expecting this today

Ten: neither were we

frogkisser: welcome as long as none of you are dating

supportiveally_kingchul: sungjong

frogkisser: i mean it

Jisung: i thought ten was dating johnny

Chenle: i thought ten was dating taeyong

Yerin: taeyong is dating johnny???

senshine: we all saw it

senshine: it was a mess

meanestgay: taeyong is a disaster gay

supportiveally_kingchul: why didn’t either of them add you guys?

Jisung: they’re doing something together

imbigg: OH

Ten: not that

imbigg: oh

supportiveally_kingchul: keep the gc pg

senshine: yeah there are children here again

Jisung: sorry

Ten: why does everyone think i’m dating someone???

Taemin: tbh i thought we were dating smh

overwatcher: the plot twist

Ten: hyung x_x

meanestgay: and the taemin harem grows

Taemin: what can i say

 

Seen by meanestgay, Jisung, Chenle, frogkisser, 43+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 7: 26 AM

borawr: to be fair

borawr: koya isn’t really a bad name

senshine: what

borawr: koya

senshine: idk what you’re talking about

borawr: yesterday they were talk about those bts character’s names

borawr: i think koya is a good name

senshine: ok

meanestgay: i hate chimmy

meanestgay: not the dog the name

senshine: why???

meanestgay: cause its from that stupid nickname

borawr: what are you talking about?

meanestgay: ugh

meanestgay: jimin has this dumb nickname chim and he obviously got chimmy from that

GucciBoy: HEY

GucciBoy: what’s wrong with chim!!!

overwatcher: its a cute name

imbigg: i agree with this one

meanestgay: y’all dumb

meanestgay: its literally the name of a monkey

borawr: wait what

meanestgay: the monkey from speed racer

senshine: oh wait

senshine: i kind of remember that cartoon

senshine: chim chim was the goofy monkey from speed racer

meanestgay: ugh yeah i hate it

GucciBoy: are you telling me we’ve been calling jimin a monkey’s name

meanestgay: you didn’t know?

overwatcher: no…

borawr: rip

borawr: anyway tell namjoon i like koya

 

Seen by GucciBoy, overwatcher, meanestgay, senshine, 1+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 10:09 AM

missingshinee: sometimes the voice in my head becomes the outside voice

missingshinee: that’s why i give bad advice

Dasom: what’d you do now?

chocorings: are you talking about your inner monologue 

mingo: you know some people don’t have those

missingshinee: i told jongin to do a split in skinny jeans

chocorings: WHAT

chocorings: not about the jongin thing

chocorings: that doesn’t even surprise me

senshine: please he cried

senshine: i am on the floor

missingshinee: i feel bad!

chocorings: ok about the inner monologues tho

Dasom: did he rip his pants?

senshine: yes >▿<

mingo: yep some people don’t have them

chocorings: how???

missingshinee: you mean some people don’t have a little them in their head???

Chorong: that’s wild

le’go: i’ve never met anyone without an inner monologue tho

mingo: have you actually asked everyone you met tho?

le’go: i guess not

senshine: i wish i could get the me in my head to stfu

chocorings: god same

Dasom: its like you’re narrating your own life in your head it gets damn annoying

twitterking18: that doesn’t happen to me

mingo: what now

twitterking18: I don’t have an inner monologue

chocorings: how???

twitterking18: idk i just don’t

missingshinee: eye

emo_fanboy18: babe what

twitterking18: I swear I’m not broken T_T

frogkisser: you sure?

missingshinee: SUNGJONG

twitterking18: I’m not!

frogkisser: TAEMIN

le’go: what happens in your head then?

twitterking18: nothing?

twitterking18: I just don’t hear my voice in my head

twitterking18: or anyones’ voice tbh

Chorong: that is wild

chocorings: must be nice

twitterking18: I guess

emo_fanboy18: you’re for real?

twitterking18: yeth

twitterking18: please don’t file for divorce

emo_fanboy18: i’m not that dramatic

twitterking18: I can offer some fun facts instead :D

Dasom: please don’t

twitterking18: they’re about animals tho

Chorong: let him talk

twitterking18: flamingos are born with whitish feathers and they only turn pink cause they eat shrimp

mingo: weird

chocorings: would i turn pink if i ate that much shrimp????

twitterking18: no clue

twitterking18: pandas have six fingers!

frogkisser: could have gone my whole life without knowing that one

senshine: pandas are somehow less cute now

frogkisser: you like sloths

senshine: so???

missingshinee: you don’t get to talk

senshine: x_x

Chenle: what’s wrong with sloths :(

Dasom: they look like literal demons when wet

senshine: :((

Chenle: :(((

twitterking18: hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards

le’go: someone fact check him

chocorings: nah

Chorong: too lazy

twitterking18: just trust me :D

mingo: sus

twitterking18: koala fingerprints are close to human fingerprints and they have messed up investigations in australia cause of it

missingshinee: OMG

emo_fanboy18: ok that is kind of a fun fact

mingo: still weird tho

chocorings: do you think a koala has framed a human for murder????

frogkisser: no…

Chorong: it is possible

le’go: koalas are evil

Chenle: that’s so sad :(

twitterking18: last fun fact!

twitterking18: this one is for the lgbts :D

missingshinee: suddenly i’m nervous

senshine: jae always makes me nervous

emo_fanboy18: same

twitterking18: jellyfish reproduce asexually!

twitterking18: bri what :(

emo_fanboy18: don’t worry baby

twitterking18: :((

Chorong: wish i were a jellyfish :/

chocorings: not sure i can relate

Dasom: probably cause you can’t get pregnant

chocorings: oh true

 

Seen by Chorong, senshine, le’go, mingo, 21+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 3:34 PM

missingshinee : @frogkisser

missingshinee: are you the french revolution?

frogkisser: not the last time checked…

missingshinee: cause i’m losing my head over you

frogkisser: you need a hobby

missingshinee: i have a hobby :(

frogkisser: being sad isn’t a hobby

Jisung: shots fired!!!

fishdad: jisung as in nct dream jisung as in maknae jisung????

Jisung: that is i

fishdad: how did you get here???

fishmom: jaehyun got them added or something

fishdad: them???

fishmom: do you not scroll up???

fishdad: um

Ten: yep i’m here too

fishdad: that makes sense

fishmom: doesn’t it?

Chenle: when were you guys gonna tell us you’re dating???

fishdad: you’re here too

fishdad: anyone else???

Jisung: nope just us

Jisung: jaehyun is straight

frogkisser: boring

Chenle: jeno renjun and jaemin aren’t dating???

Jisung: neither are lucas and jungwoo :(

Ten: do you guys ship the other members?

missingshinee: doesn’t everyone ship their members?

fishdad: no?

missingshinee: really cause i ship jinki and minho

frogkisser: really??? i ship sunggyu and woohyun

missingshinee: who doesn’t ship woogyu???

frogkisser: exactly

fishmom: we weren’t like keeping it from you guys

Ten: then why didn’t you tell us?

Ten: how did jaehyun know?

fishmom: dang it! he really ruffles my feathers

Jisung: please just say fuck, hyung

fishdad: JISUNG

[missingshinee changed Ten’s name to tentastic]

missingshinee: sorry i’ve been thinking about it for four minutes

fishmom: we just wanted to keep it between us for a while

Chenle: oh

fishdad: jaehyun finding out was bambam’s fault

tentastic: that doesn’t surprise me

 

Seen by fishdad, missingshinee, fishmom, Jisung, 18+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

MON 2:14 PM

borawr: hey fish parents

borawr: did you ever actually get fish?

tentastic: are you talking about johnyong?

tentastic: cause no they didn’t

borawr: that’s sad

borawr: i wanted fishy updates :/

fishdad: we didn’t…

fishmom: I GOT SNAILS

borawr: …

sunbun: NO

sunbun: REALLY

fishmom: YES

fishmom: AND SHRIMP

sunbun: i am coming to your dorm right now

fishmom: okie!!

borawr: so no fish?

fishdad: no…

fishmom: my shrimp are cute :(

fishdad: at least they’re better than the centipede he wanted

tentastic: *shivers*

borawr: i want a fish :(

Siyeon: we could ask management

borawr: lets go right now!!

Yoohyeon: I’M COMING TOO

Siyeon: you already have pie tho

Yoohyeon: pie needs friends

tentastic: shouldn’t you eat your pie???

Yoohyeon: I WOULD NEVER

borawr: OH MY GOD

Siyeon: BLASPHEMY 

tentastic: i’m sorry pie is for eating???

Yoohyeon: pie is my puppy ToT

tentastic: that makes more sense lol

imbigg: cnkdslk

tentastic: hush

imbigg: aye aye sir

imbigg: did i tell you i got two boyfriends

tentastic: NO

imbigg: oh well i did!

tentastic: yugyeom and jaebeom?

imbigg: NO

tentastic: really?

mingbaby: HELP

meanestgay: does bambam have a harem too?

imbigg: no…

imbigg: i’m dating mark and jackson T.T

tentastic: jackson is gay???

ieatrice: bi sexual actually

tentastic: oh

tentastic: and you’re poly?

ieatrice: that’s news to me too

imbigg: same

soupboi: not me

missingshinee: not to be an over controlling hyung or anything but

missingshinee: ten dance practice now

tentastic: ugh

imbigg: why are you practicing together?

missingshinee: that is top secret

missingshinee: :>

imbigg: boo

ieatrice: wait who is in taemin’s harem?

ieatrice: we’ve never established this

meanestgay: well all of shinee

meanestgay: jongin and ten

meanestgay: wonshik and also jimin

meanestgay: sungjong too

meanestgay: i mean anyone that meets taemin joins his harem

imbigg: aren’t some of them straight???

meanestgay: that’s taemin’s power for you

missingshinee: i am magical :>

Hakyeon: wonshik would date jongin and taemin no prompting needed

meanestgay: he’s so whipped lol

imbigg: *writes down* how to be like taemin

meanestgay: you already have two boyfriends what else do you need???

ieatrice: exactly

imbigg: i guess :/

 

Seen by ieatrice, tentastic, soupboi, mingbaby, 23+

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

MON 5:48 PM

Siyeon: what do you want to eat?

Bora: you ;)

 

Seen by Siyeon

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

MON 5:57 PM

Bora: sorry

Bora: rice is fine

Bora: with a fried egg plss

Siyeon: ok :)

 

Seen by Bora

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 12:56 PM

Hyojong: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

supportiveally_kingchul: um hyojong?

Hyojong: AAAAAAAA

chocorings: i know we aren’t a part of the same company anymore but i still worry about you and right now i am /concerned/

Hyojong: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Hyuna: he’s fine

Hoetaek: you sure about that?

Hyuna: yes

Hyojong: PUPPY

supportiveally_kingchul: oh is he getting a dog?

Hyuna: we’re talking about it!

Hyojong: PUUUUUUUUPPY

Hoetaek: cute

Hyojong: thank you

Hoetaek: you’re welcome

Hyuna: I’m right here

Hyojong: you’re cute too

Hoetaek: very cute

Hyojong: adorable

Hoetaek: exactly

Hyuna: ok you two can stop now

chocorings: when are you getting the puppy?

Hyojong: we’re going to shelters right now so maybe soon

Hyuna: definitely this year

chocorings: this is so cute!!!

Hyojong: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hyojong: i can’t contain my excitement T_T

Hyuna: he’s lucky he’s cute

Hoetaek: can i visit the puppy?

Hyuna: of course hun!

supportiveally_kingchul: are you three back on speaking terms then?

Hoetaek: we always were?

Hyuna: everything is better now

Hyojong: puppies heal everything

Hyojong: I WANT A PUPPY

Hyuna: we literally went to three shelters today

Hyojong: AAAAAAAA

Hyojong: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

frogkisser: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

missingshinee: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

chocorings: do i want to know

Hyojong: AAAAAAAAAAA

missingshinee: i miss my hyungs T_T

frogkisser: i miss my hyungs too!!!

chocorings: we been knew sungmin share a brain cell

supportiveally_kingchul: sungmin? i’ve been using taejong

chocorings: i guess sungmin sounds too much like someone’s name

supportiveally_kingchul: its literally the name of one of my members

chocorings: fine taejong it is

Hyojong: what about taesung or jongmin?

frogkisser: i actually hate this

missingshinee: its kinda cute

Hyuna: i like jongmin!

frogkisser: these are terrible ship names

Hyojong: there is just no pleasing some people smh

Hoetaek: you’re telling me

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, missingshinee, Hyuna, chocorings, 17+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 6:09 PM

Hakyeon: knock knock

kwonnie: …

Taekwoon: no

Hakyeon: knock knock :(

Jaehwan: who’s there

Taekwoon: better not be the owl one again

Hakyeon: hakyeon! 

Jaehwan: hakyeon who

Hakyeon: wh-who

Taekwoon: oh my god

Hakyeon: HakYeOn wHo???

Jaehwan: hyung

Hakyeon: ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ ಥ_ಥ

Jaehwan: i didn’t mean to!

Hakyeon: we’ve been friends for 8 years!

Jaehwan: this was a set up

Taekwoon: no shit

kwonnie: i can’t with you three

Hakyeon: has my friendship meant nothing????

Jaehwan: hyung i’m sorry!!!

Hakyeon: fine you’re forgiven :(

Jaehwan: i miss you :(

Hakyeon: i miss you too :(

Taekwoon: does anyone miss me?

Hakyeon: i cry every night

Taekwoon: i can’t stand you

Hakyeon: then kneel :>

Jaehwan: asjflksd

 

Seen by kwonnie, Hakyeon, Taekwoon, frogkisser, 43+

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 11:24 PM

chocorings: if you took a shot for every bad decision you’ve made, how drunk would you be?

Pink_Sweater: maybe a bit tipsy

pubertyx2: drunk

Pink_Sweater: are you even old enough to drink?

pubertyx2: does it matter?

Pink_Sweater: smh

hyoraengi: absolutely wasted

iamwhatiam: drunk off my ass for sure

hwalion: sober

hyoraengi: …

hwalion: stone cold sober

chocorings: lmao sure

senshine: *facepalm*

hwalion: fine probably dead

hwalion: at least alcohol poisoning 

chocorings: big mood

frogkisser: can relate

 

Seen by pubertyx2, hwalion, hyoraengi, Pink_Sweater, 5+

Chapter Text

no jelly beans here Group Chat

FRI 11:47 AM

Hyejin : @Hoetaek tell me whats going on with you and the heteros 

Hoetaek : what

Wheein : she means hyuna

Hoetaek : oh

Hoetaek : nothing

BamBam : nah dude spill

Hoetaek : ugh its stupid

Jaehyung : that’s what we’re here for

Younghyun : tell us your stupid shit

Mark : ^

Moonbyul : ^^

Hoetaek : its just

Hoetaek : ok fine

Hoetaek : i may have developed a crush on hyojong before we debuted

Hyejin : oof

Hoetaek : and i was gonna tell him

Hoetaek : i finally worked up the nerve to confess but the minute he set eyes on hyuna it was over

Hoetaek : you could just tell when they were around each other that no one else mattered

Wheein : that’s rough

Hoetaek : yea so i tired to move on

Hoetaek : i dated and stuff but idk i never really got over hyo

Hoetaek : ya know first love and all that

Hoetaek : like he was my gay awakening

Hoetaek : i thought i was totally straight and then hyo burst into my life like a cannonball

BamBam : at least he did one good thing for you

Hoetaek : i guess you can look at it that way

Hoetaek : anyway i tired putting distance between us but we had to play up the fanservice which really fucked with my emotions

Hoetaek : but i was managing 

Hoetaek : and then triple h happened

Mark : oof

Jaehyung : that’s a struggle dude

Hoetaek : yea i wasn’t looking forward to it

Hoetaek : but then my dumbass went and caught feelings for hyuna too

Hoetaek : like we were always together on schedule and shit kind of escalated 

Younghyun : escalated how?

Hoetaek : idk if it was the nature of what we were filming or what but it always felt like they were trying to include me in their relationship even off camera

Hyejin : OH

Matthew : isn’t this good news?

Hoetaek : despite liking both of them its not what i wanted

Hoetaek : at least at the time

Yongsun : what do you mean

Hoetaek : they wanted their relationship to be out and i was so scared of it

Hoetaek : i was so scared of the backlash and i knew things would be bad for just the two of them, but if you added me well then it would be so much worse

Hoetaek : career ending worse y’know?

Yongsun : yeah we do

Hoetaek : and then they went public and everything fell apart

Hoetaek : i know they don’t regret it, but i would have

Younghyun : do you think its worth it now?

Hoetaek : doesn’t matter now

Hoetaek : ship has sailed and i’ve moved on

Hoetaek : i just want to be friends with them now

Mark : that really sucks dude

Younghyun : at least you guys are getting along now

Hoetaek : over text anyway

Matthew : so you’ve really moved on?

Hoetaek : i think so

Hoetaek : i just miss having them around now

Hoetaek : and also if the three of us ever got together then i would have to be kept a secret

Hoetaek : that would hurt too much

Moonbyul : you’re right :/

Hyejin : sucks to suck 

Hoetaek : that it do

 

Seen by BamBam, Jaehyung, Matthew, Yongsun, 5+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 4:28 PM

potaeto : OH TELL ME I’M THE ONLY ONE BABY I FANCY YOU

kwonnie : I FANCY YOU FANCY YOU

Hyojong : FANCY YOUUUU

missingshinee : FANCY OOH

frogkisser : CAUSE I NEED YOU

pubertyx2 : WHAT? FANCY YOU

emo_fanboy18 : FANCY YOUUUUU

GodHo : FANCY OOH

Chaeyoung : oh my god stop

eggplanet : it has been a week give it a rest

GodHo : but fancy :(

frogkisser : a literal masterpiece 

potaeto : i can’t get it outta my head

mattharoni : seriously he won’t stop singing it

[twitterking18 changed Chaeyoung’s name to FANCYUUU]

FANCYUUU : was that necessary 

twitterking18 : absolutely 

emo_fanboy18 : a modern day masterpiece

frogkisser : play it at my funeral please

missingshinee : i got you

Hyojong : i’m making hyuna practice the dance with me

Hyuna : not like we don’t have more important things to do

Hyojong : nothing is more important than fancy

eggplanet : i can’t believe y’all like it that much

Seungmin : felix blasts it at least ten times a day

pubertyx2 : gotta be more times then that

kwanquat : i think i’ve got the dance down!

pubertyx2 : i wanna perform it at an award show or something!

FANCYUUU : someone change the subject please and thank you

Seungmin : i’ve been hanging out with ateez and the boyz

pubertyx2 : good for you

Seungmin : i got more gays to add

ilikebutt : woohoo

ilikebutt : more men

eggplanet : couldn’t agree more

[Seungmin added San]

[Seungmin added Seonghwa]

[Seungmin added Hongjoong]

[Seungmin added Kevin]

ilikebutt : so many???

San : ateez is very gay

pubertyx2 : you added san but not wooyoung???

San : wooyoung is my emotional support hetero

pubertyx2 : why am i not shocked 

Hongjoong : you need to stop calling him that

San : he consented to being my emotional support hetero

frogkisser : we all need emotional support heteros

missingshinee : jinki hyung is mine

frogkisser : sungyeol hyung is mine

Kevin : no one told me taemin sunbaenim would be here!!!

frogkisser : ok but what about me

Kevin : you’re cool too

frogkisser : i’m leaving

Kevin : its not like you’re beyonce 

supportiveally_kingchul : you kind of asked for that one

frogkisser : this is why heechul isn’t my emotional support hetero

supportiveally_kingchul : STOP TELLING THE BABY GAYS THAT I’M A HET

frogkisser : y’all hear something

supportiveally_kingchul : how you are more annoying than donghae is beyond me but congrats

Seonghwa : is it always like this

Hongjoong : i can’t tell if this is gonna be more chaotic than ateez’s gc or not

Seonghwa : there are more idols here

Hongjoong : tru tru

missingshinee : SUNGJONG

frogkisser : babe we’ve been texting for thirty minutes

missingshinee : i just missed you

frogkisser : aw i miss you too <3

San : are they dating?

pubertyx2 : nah you’ll get used to them eventually

Seungmin : everyone thinks they’re dating

missingshinee : its cause sungie and i have the chemistry!

frogkisser : ok which outta the four of you are dating fess up

Hoongjong : that would be seonghwa and i

Seonghwa : he’s the loml

Hoongjong : you’re the loml

frogkisser : gross

San : try living with them

frogkisser : maybe if hell freezes over

 

Seen by missingshinee, Seungmin, San, Kevin, 38+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

SAT 7:34 PM

Jaehyung: my anniversary is on monday T_T

Matthew: and?

Jaehyung: help

Matthew: with what???

Matthew: you made reservations

Jaehyung: I’m just anxiety 

Matthew: it’ll be fine

Matthew: brian will love anything you do

Jaehyung: ok x_x

 

Seen by Matthew

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 10:46 AM

Kevin: so like

Kevin: ghost exists

San: they do?

Kevin: yes

Kevin: not the point

San: continue

Kevin: but imagine if they actually look like the halloween costume ghost

Jisung: you mean they aren’t transparent?

Kevin: no like they’re white and have the thing you use to sleep over them

San: blanket?

Chenle: sheet?

Kevin: yeah sheet

tentastic: where are you going with this?

Kevin: i’m getting there!

Kevin: and so like ghost can totally pass through objects cause ya know they’re ghosts and ghost in general go through stuff like walls and shit

Jisung: but if they aren’t transparent and have a sheet on them how do they pass through stuff?

Kevin: well they’re a solid color but they’re still not solid like humans are

Chenle: i see

Kevin: so hypothetically 

Kevin: if humans can see those ghosts do you think they could see them even if the ghosts were hiding in a bottle of milk?

tentastic: what the fuck

Seonghwa: where did that come from???

Kevin: ya know like a clear bottle of milk, not the bagged milk or carton of milk. a bottle so you can see the milk inside

San: i’m not following

Kevin: because humans can see ghosts and they’re white cause of the sheet, but if the ghost hides in the milk it could become invisible because milk is also white

Hongjoong: literally what

Kevin: so do you think humans are able to see the ghosts even if they’re hiding in milk?

tentastic: the fuck

Jisung: well it depends on the shades of white right? if the ghost and milk are two different shades then you’d probably be able to see them

San: it also would have to be a big thing of milk to hide a ghost

Chenle: also usually their eyes stand out and they aren’t white so you’d probably be able to see the ghost cause of their eyes

Kevin: that makes senses

Soyeon: i think i just lost my last brain cell

Seonghwa: why would a ghost even be hiding in milk???

Hongjoong: yeah its already a ghost why would it need to hide

Kevin: i didn’t think of that

Jisung: imagine going to drink your milk and just see a pair of eyes looking at you in the milk

San: first of all nobody drinks milk

San: second of all i’m worried now that i’ve drank ghost milk

tentastic: i drink milk???

San: rip you’re a milk gay

tentastic: what…

Kevin: i hope i haven’t drank ghost milk T_T

tentastic: what’s a milk gay???

Chenle: a gay the drinks milk duh

Seonghwa: why is that a thing

Hongjoong: apparently a sample of the gay population drink straight milk

tentastic: its good for your bones????

San: you’re weird

tentastic: ok kevin literally just went on a tangent about ghosts hiding in milk

San: just cause kevin is weird doesn’t mean you aren’t also weird

Kevin: hey it was just an observation :(

Jisung: YOU SAW A GHOST

Kevin: no???

Chenle: thats what an observation is tho

Kevin: whatever

pubertyx2: does that mean if a ghost put on a black sheet it could hide in a pot of coffee?

Kevin: no the ghost isn’t putting on a sheet its like a solid white like they’re portrayed in those costumes

pubertyx2: oh :/

 

Seen by Kevin, San, Jisung, Seonghwa, 23+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 1:04 PM

Minzy: see this is why i wanted to add hag gays not baby gays

le’go: that’s fair

Minzy: they’re talking about milk when we could be discussing changsub’s excessive drinking

chocorings: i drink a below average amount

le’go: sure you do

chocorings: :((

le’go: <3

 

Seen by chocorings, Minzy, Kevin, Soyeon, 11+

 

Private Chat: Younghyun and Wonpil

SUN 2:13 PM

Wonpil: jae is really stressing about your anniversary 

Younghyun: i wish he wouldn’t

Wonpil: its kind of a big deal tho

Younghyun: yeah but we’ll have many after this its ok if this one isn’t perfect

Younghyun: it’ll be perfect just getting to spend the day with him

Wonpil: to bad we’ll have a schedule most of the day

Younghyun: its ok being with him is enough

Younghyun: its always been enough y’know?

Wonpil: don’t make me tear up T_T

Wonpil: also i think i might be lost

Younghyun: pil x_x

Younghyun: send me your location

Wonpil: thanks hyung!

 

Seen by Younghyun

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 10:32 AM

Hongjoong: so apparently water has memory

Seonghwa: if you listen to the frozen soundtrack 

pubertyx2: I LOVE FROZEN

Hongjoon: but if water has memory do you think when people drown and nobody finds them the water will keep their memory?

pubertyx2: this got dark fast

tentastic: that’s a huge burden to hold the memory of everyone that dies in the water

Hongjoong: but also its kind of nice to think about

Hongjoong: cause at least something will remember your existence and you won’t be forgotten 

Kevin: ya know my day started out really well and now i’m crying

San: why???

Kevin: cause at least the water won’t forget you T_T

Jisung: that is really sad

Hongjoong: i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to make people sad

Chenle: i think being the water could be nice too!

Chenle: imagine being like the deep part of an ocean

Chenle: that’s probably peaceful or at least its probably interesting 

Jisung: that sounds really intimidating 

Chenle: wait i don’t want to be intimidating 

Jisung: water is so vast, i don’t think i’d want to be it

Hongjoong: but the real advantage to being water is at the surface of the ocean where you can see all the stars 

Chenle: if i was the water i could be the reflection of the stars

Jisung: that does sound nice

Kevin: oh to be water with little stars reflected in its surface

Seonghwa: i’d like to be a lake in the middle of nowhere i think the scenery would be nice

tentastic: that sounds peaceful

imbigg: imagine being a lake on some barren planet 

imbigg: does mars have lakes? it has water right?

San: isn’t the water on mars just ice?

Jisung: wait i wanna be a glacier!!!

Jisung: i can hold the memories of mammoths!

Kevin: imma go watch ice age byee

San: bye :D

 

Seen by Chenle, imbigg, Seonghwa, Ten, 15+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Younghyun

SUN 8:07 PM

Jaehyung: remember what I asked you about the other day

Younghyun: you mean your fear of grasshoppers?

Jaehyung: nononono before that

Younghyun: your fear of failure?

Jaehyung: NO I mean last week

Younghyun: you want to know if we can adopt kids?

Jaehyung: no

Jaehyung: well yes, but that's not what I mean

Younghyun: when you asked if i wanted a chocolate fountain for my birthday?

Jaehyung: they’re too pricey :/

Jaehyung: but no not that either

Younghyun: about how you want to steal sungjin’s phone?

Jaehyung: no that was too dangerous

Younghyun: when you told me you’d still love me even if i woke up as a girl one day?

Jaehyung: NOOOOO

Younghyun: when you thought you could climb down the elevator shaft?

Jaehyung: lol shaft

Jaehyung: but no

Younghyun: is it about wanting guinea pigs?

Jaehyung: no T_T

Jaehyung: fun fact, did you know guinea pigs are called meerschweinchen in german, which translate to little sea pigs!

Younghyun: that’s pretty cute actually

Jaehyung: I’m just gonna tell you omg

Younghyun: that’s probably a good idea

Jaehyung: I’m talking about the anniversary plans we made for tomorrow!

Younghyun: oh!

Younghyun: we’re going out to dinner right?

Jaehyung: yes! but I have a surprise for after

Younghyun: i can’t wait <3

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 11:43 PM

imbigg : @twitterking18 @emo_fanboy18 how was the anniversary?

kwanquat: i want to know too!!

pubertyx2: what did you guys do?

Yoohyeon: was it super romantic?

emo_fanboy18: welp this is a good enough time as any to tell y’all jae is a wanted criminal now

Pink_Sweater: that's one way to put it

kwanquat: what

pubertyx2: WHAT DID YOU DO

Yerin: omg tea

emo_fanboy18: jae committed grand theft plant

imbigg: what does that even mean???

twitterking18: FIRST of all kang brian that was supposed to die between the two of us!!!

twitterking18: that was confidential!!!

twitterking18: SECOND of all that’s not what happened

emo_fanboy18: you stole an entire plant babe

twitterking18: it wasn’t on purpose 

imbigg: jae??? plant pirate???

pubertyx2: stealing is bad

pubertyx2: you’re a bad role model 

twitterking18: x_x

Yoohyeon: so what actually happened?

meanestgay: how’d you end up stealing a plant

twitterking18: you see what had happened was I was trying to walk and this plant was out to get me

Yoohyeon: …

emo_fanboy18: how about i explain

twitterking18: fine 

emo_fanboy18: dinner was going great and we were leaving the restaurant and out front they have all these potted plants lining the steps

pubertyx2: oh no

imbigg: i’m dreading where this is going

greasmonster: jae what did you do???

emo_fanboy18: well he accidentally kicked one of the plants off the steps

kwanquat: and that led you to stealing it???

twitterking18: WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO

twitterking18: I couldn’t just leave the poor plant there to die???

Yoohyeon: you actually broke the pot?

emo_fanboy18: he shattered it

emo_fanboy18: there was dirt everywhere

twitterking18: you don’t understand how stRESSED I was

kwanquat: so you took the plant???

emo_fanboy18: yep

emo_fanboy18: he just scooped it up and took off running 

emo_fanboy18: left me standing there surrounded by dirt

twitterking18: I came back for you :(

emo_fanboy18: i was just standing there in your plant murder scene for five minutes!!!

greasemonster: idk which one of you is dumber

imbigg: literally dumb and dumber smh

Yoohyeon: what did you do with the plant????

Pink_Sweater: we have a new plant now

Pink_Sweater: he used one of dowoon’s coffee mugs to put it in

pubertyx2: dude

twitterking18: I’ll go buy plant supplies tomorrow x_x

twitterking18: the worst part is my surprise was ruined

emo_fanboy18: we can just do that another day

emo_fanboy18: we have to take care of our plant child first

greasemonster: i guess this is cute

Yoohyeon: in a dumbass kind of way

meanestgay: but the plant is ok right?

emo_fanboy18: yes!

kwanquat: grand theft plant lolololol

twitterking18: perhaps we should have left a note

emo_fanboy18: oops

imbigg: i’m not even surprised 

 

Seen by twitterking18, meanestgay, kwanquat, greasemonster, 12+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 7:03 AM

[frogkisser changed frogkisser’s name to protectingourcountry]

protectingourcountry : today is the day my fellow gays

Youngji : you’re enlisting today?

protectingourcountry : i am!

missingshinee : SUNGJONG

protectingourcountry : TAEMIN

missingshinee : fuck i’m gonna miss you

protectingourcountry : don’t worry i’ll still have my phone

missingshinee : its not fair!

missingshinee : you’re gonna come back and imma enlist

protectingourcountry : jeez at least wait a week so we can meet up

missingshinee : bitch imma be glued to your side until they drag me away

supportiveally_kingchul : you two are so dramatic

supportiveally_kingchul : good luck sungjong come back safely 

mingo : wait am i missing something?

protectingourcountry : thanks heechul

protectingourcountry : you’ll always be my favorite het

supportiveally_kingchul : give it a rest for one day x_x

mingo : no seriously sung did you not tell anyone???

protectingourcountry : you mean announce it?

protectingourcountry : nah

protectingourcountry : i wrote a letter tho so i’ll post that soon

chocorings : you didn’t even tell your fans???

protectingourcountry : i didn’t know how to tell inspirit T_T

le’go : they’re gonna be mad with you

protectingourcountry : you think?

missingshinee : you should at least let them know now

protectingourcountry : nah

protectingourcountry : imma settle in first so i can tell inspirit how awesome i am

supportiveally_kingchul : i’m not even surprised 

Chorong : be safe sungjong!

Dasom : we’re gonna miss you

thewonderyears : no matter how annoying you are

protectingourcountry : jeez guys i’m still gonna have my phone

missingshinee : SUNGJONG

protectingourcountry : minnie stop or imma start crying and you’re gonna have to come here and take responsibility for it

missinghsinee : bitch drop the location i’m getting my shoes on right now

mingo : fuck it so am i

protectingourcountry : you guys ಥ_ಥ

protectingourcountry : [location]

chocorings : nobody was this emotional when i enlisted

Chorong : i cried?

supportiveally_kingchul : thats cause enlistment is not a big deal

Dasom : idk its something about change that just really gets to me

Dasom : infinite and sistar used to perform on the same music shows all the time, we debuted the same year. i feel like i watched sungjong grow up and to me he’s still a kid but now he’s enlisting and sistar has disbanded and everything has changed so much

Dasom : its scary how fast time moves and i really miss the early days

Dasom : those early days moved at a snail's pace

Chorong : god i remember wishing time would move faster so that we’d be a more well known group and apink could get their first win, it just felt like it was taking forever

Dasom : exactly and then suddenly we were performing our last stage for lonely. just like that we said goodbye to sistar

Dasom : i blinked and seven years flew by

Dasom : i’ll probably cry when taemin enlists too

supporiteally_kingchul : god i think i will too in my mind he’s still a fourteen year old boy that needed to be walked to school

supportiveally_kingchul : i can’t do this

Dasom : i need some tissues

chocorings : ok now you got me sobbing wtf

le’go : i could really use a hug ngl

thewonderyears : we love you sungjong come back safely!

thewonderyears : (╥﹏╥)

San : geez i just debuted and i’m crying???

protectingourcountry : bye guys! i’ll be back before you even know it and lets not act like i won’t still be here annoying heechul 

supportiveally_kingchul : i look forward to it (╥﹏╥)

protectingourcountry : don’t make me cry i’m trying not to look like a baby on my first day!

thewonderyears : sorry bub

thewonderyears : we’ll see you soon <3

protectingourcountry : bye (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

supportiveally_kingchul : i still remember when i first added sungjong to the gc. i found him backstage at a music show sobbing his heart out. he was so scared of what people would think of him, of how his company was trying to control him. all i wanted to do was help him. now he’s a confident young gay that bullies me i swear to god

protectingourcountry : its outta love!!

supportiveally_kingchul : sure you brat

protectingourcountry : thanks for always being there for me heechul

supportiveally_kingchul : you don’t have to thank me

protectingourcountry : i’ll make sure to come back as an even better man

thewonderyears : we know you will <3

 

Seen by thewonderyears, le’go, Dasom, chocorings, 3+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

TUE 2:48 PM

Jungkook : lets going bowling

Yugyeom : FOR REAL

Jungkook : yep!

Yugyeom : are you bringing your fiance?

Jungkook : nah

BamBam : then are we gonna get to hear wedding details?

Jungkook : YES

Mingyu : count me in!

The8 : I will ditch my afternoon nap for this

Jaehyun : I suppose I can also come

Yugyeom : FINALLY

DK : if he gets anymore excited I’m not coming

Yugyeom : :P

Jungkook : @Eunwoo ???

Eunwoo : I’m too tired sorry guys

Jungkook : oh :(

BamBam : that’s ok min

Eunwoo : bin and I pulled an all nighter watching a drama

Eunwoo : I actually feel hungover

DK : so you and moonbin are good?

Eunwoo : yeppers

Jungkook : who needs a ride?

Mingyu : US

Yugyeom : we’re good

Jaehyun : someone come get me

Jungkook : ok I’m leaving now

Yugyeom : I can’t believe we’re finally getting to bowl

BamBam : its cause guk wanted to

Yugyeom : -_-

 

Seen by Yugyeom, Jaehyun, Mingyu, The8, 3+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

WED 12:37 PM

Jaehyung: you satisfied with the song yet?

Matthew: i think so

Matthew: i don’t want to over produce it 

Matthew: so i guess its good

Jaehyung: he’s gonna love it matt don’t sweat it

Matthew: i hope so

Jaehyung: when are you going to give him the song

Matthew: it’ll be our 8 month anniversary on saturday so i think then

Jaehyung: I approve!

Jaehyung: too bad you didn’t have it done for the 6 month anniversary

Matthew: honestly everything passed so quickly we both lost track of time

Jaehyung: gosh bri and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary 

Matthew: you stole a plant

Jaehyung: I really effed it up x_x

Jaehyung: we’ve been together a long time now

Jaehyung: been through a lot together

Jaehyung: I hope he knows how much I love and appreciate him :(

Matthew: if you talk like that to him i’m pretty sure he will

Jaehyung: WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER A YEAR

Jaehyung: sorry I had to get that off my chest

Matthew: no problem

Jaehyung: I think I need to go cry or something

Matthew: jae are you doing ok?

Jaehyung: I’m just so in love I don’t know what to do T_T

Matthew: you’re more whipped than me smh

Jaehyung: I need to go find my husband

Matthew: good luck lol

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Younghyun

WED 1:03 PM

Jaehyung: BRIIIIIII

Younghyun: babe?

Jaehyung: I miss you T_T

Younghyun: we just had lunch together?

Jaehyung: where are you :(

Younghyun: i just finished up a meeting

Jaehyung: can I come walk you home :>

Younghyun: i was gonna chill at the studio for a bit

Younghyun: you’re welcome to join me

Jaehyung: I’ll be there in five minutes!

Younghyun: what’s up tho?

Jaehyung: I just miss my husband :(

Younghyun: aww baby have i not been giving you enough attention?

Jaehyung: noooooooo

Jaehyung: I just wanna be with you 24/7

Younghyun: are you forgetting you’re an introvert?

Jaehyung: being with you doesn’t tire me out 

Younghyun: if you say so

Jaehyung: I DO

Jaehyung: I’m almost there

Younghyun: well hurry up i miss you

Jaehyung: I MISS YOU TOO

Jaehyung: do you want anything from the vending machine?

Younghyun: a coffee would be nice

Jaehyung: leave it to me!

Jaehyung: how do you feel about studio sex?

Younghyun: babe

Jaehyung: yes?

Younghyun: did you bring lube?

Jaehyung: no…

Younghyun: then the answer is no

Jaehyung: this is what I get for leaving in a rush

Younghyun: you’re just gonna have to be patient baby

Jaehyung: :((

Younghyun: you can be a good boy for me can’t you?

Jaehyung: I can be a good boy

Younghyun: i know you can

Jaehyung: ugh :((

Younghyun: stop pouting and come here already

Jaehyung: can I have a kiss at least :((

Younghyun: of course you can baby

Jaehyung: I got your coffee!

Younghyun: what a good boy

Jaehyung: now you’re being mean :((

Younghyun: you’re so whiny today

Younghyun: hurry up if you want a kiss

 

Seen by Jaehyung

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 3:24 PM

meanestgay : @backspasm update

nopainwoo: update?

ilikebutt: oh yeah what did happen with your member?

meanestgay: are y’all good?

Myungjun: they’re good

Myungjun: they’ve been binging a drama together into the late hours and disrupting everyone’s sleep schedule

backspasm: sorry hyung

backspasm: we’ll be more quiet

backspasm: but yes! we are ok

meanestgay: so what was eunwoo’s problem?

ilikebutt: you just want gossip

meanestgay: hush

backspasm: i don’t really know how he got it into his head but he was afraid he was offending me

nopainwoo: how???

backspasm: he thought maybe with the fan service he had crossed a boundary and made me uncomfortable, but we talked about it and everything is ok now

meanestgay: boo

ilikebutt: yeri what

meanestgay: i was shipping it :(

backspasm: sorry i’m pretty sure he’s straight

meanestgay: the gays really lost with this one

nopainwoo: agreed

backspasm: i’m just glad he wants to be friends still

Myungjun: same x_x

backspasm: i probably would have cried if he didn’t

meanestgay: that’s fair

San: just look at it this way

San: eunwoo can be moonbin’s emotional support hetero

nopainwoo: asjflks

backspasm: eunwoo the emotional support hetero lolololol

Myungjun: that has a pretty nice ring to it

 

Seen by backspasm, San, meanestgay, nopainwoo, 9+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 12:48 PM

GucciBoy: we need to talk right now

overwatcher: asap

GucciBoy: immediately 

overwatcher: without delay

GucciBoy: without hesitation

overwatcher: some other synonym 

thewonderyears: WHAT

ieatrice: you two are so annoying

GucciBoy: that hurted

greasemonster: literally what do you two want?

GucciBoy: so you guys know our new brother group that debuted

overwatcher: TXT

ieatrice: right the texting group

GucciBoy: that’s not what their name stands for

ieatrice: yeah and your name is behind the scene 

overwatcher: it’s not???

imbigg: i saw the memes on twitter when txt was announced 

GucciBoy: ANYWAY

imbigg: *anygay

GucciBoy: exactly they’re all gay

thewonderyears: wait really?

overwatcher: we don’t know for sure but like

GucciBoy: all the gay vibes

overwatcher: just so gay

GucciBoy: gayer than gukkie

imbigg: that’s an achievement 

overwatcher: right?

ieatrice: guk is the twink

GucciBoy: he’s cute

greasemonster: so you don’t actually know if they are gay?

GucciBoy: they have to be

thewonderyears: don’t assume people’s sexuality

overwatcher: true

thewonderyears: if they come out to you guys that’s great, but don’t like push it

GucciBoy: we won’t :/

overwatcher: we can be patient

 

Seen by thewonderyears, greasemonster, ieatrice, overwatcher, 27+

Chapter Text

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SAT 1:04 AM

Yugyeom: if I ever tell you I’m hanging out with bambam jackson and mark again

Yugyeom: smack me

Yugyeom: fucking hard

DK: ok don’t drag us into your kinks

Yugyeom: I’M SERIOUS

Jaehyun: what they do this time?

Yugyeom: THEY HAD SEX IN FRONT OF ME

BamBam: DID NOT

Yugyeom: DID TOO

BamBam: DID NOT

Yugyeom: YOU DID FREAKING TOO

BamBam: WE DID NOT YOU PRUDE

Jungkook: bambam don’t lie

BamBam: why am i the one lying???

Jungkook: cause i know how you are

BamBam: jesus it was one blow job in the bathroom

BamBam: we didn’t even know yug was there

Yugyeom: THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT BETTER

Yugyeom: I HEARD YOU DEEP THROAT MARK

The8: AND YOU HAD TO SHARE IT WITH US???

Yugyeom: SUFFER WITH ME

Jungkook: pls stop yelling

Yugyeom: sorry guk

Jaehyun: no please continue I just got popcorn 

Eunwoo: I was gonna go to bed but now I wanna know what happened next

BamBam: lol yug started screaming and we rushed out of the stall

Yugyeom: mark’s pants weren’t even buttoned

Jaehyun: how do you know what mark sounds like when he’s getting deep throated?

Yugyeom: I

The8: HELp

Yugyeom: I just know what their voices sound like stfu

Jungkook: sure you do

Yugyeom: fuck you guys

BamBam: i don’t think you could handle it

Jungkook: ^

Mingyu: ^^

Yugyeom: I’m leaving

DK: goodnight!

 

Seen by Mingyu, The8, BamBam, Jaehyun, 2+

 

Private Chat: BamBam and Taeyong

SAT 9:43 AM

Taeyong: hey

BamBam: hello

Taeyong: so

BamBam: yes?

Taeyong: i need help

BamBam: with what?

Taeyong: you bottom for mark and jackson right?

BamBam: *things i was expecting to talk about today* not that

BamBam: we switch, but yeah i bottom for them a lot

Taeyong: ok and does that hurt?

BamBam: bottoming??//?

Taeyong: yes

BamBam: are you thinking about having sex with johnny???

Taeyong: um i already did

BamBam: wait

BamBam: did it hurt?

Taeyong: i mean, afterwards it did

BamBam: taeyong its not supposed to hurt unless you want it to hurt

Taeyong: oh

BamBam: did you talk to johnny about that?

Taeyong: um

BamBam: i’m calling a meeting

Taeyong: what!

BamBam: bottoms unite!!

Taeyong: BAMBAM WAIT

 

Seen by BamBam

 

Bottoms Unite Group Chat

FRI 9:29 AM

[BamBam added Taeyong]

[BamBam added Jeongguk]

[BamBam added Mingyu]

[BamBam added Taemin]

[BamBam added Sungjong]

[BamBam added Wonpil]

[BamBam added Mingi]

[BamBam added Byeongkwan]

Jeongguk: bam what???

Mingyu: am i offended?

Sungjong: this is not all the bottoms

BamBam: i only added ones i was sure of

Taemin: SUNGJONG

Mingyu: you think i’m a bottom???

Sungjong: TAEMIN

BamBam: obviously i’ve seen you limping

Sungjong: called out!

Taemin: when i wanted to make a gc for bottoms i got booed but when bambam does everyone is fine with it smh

Mingi: i’m still against it

Sungjong: you wanted one for twinks, bottoms are completely different

Taemin: whatever

Byeongkwan: i’m not a bottom???

Mingyu: you top sehyoon?

Byeongkwan: well

BamBam: power bottom is still a bottom my dude

Wonpil: but what was the point

BamBam: i need bottoms to unite 

BamBam: also

BamBam: should i add felix? is he old enough?

Wonpil: no he’s still a child

BamBam: okie

Jeongguk: who else can we add?

[BamBam added Younghyun]

[BamBam added Jaehyung]

Wonpil: seriously???

BamBam: i honestly have no clue which one of them bottoms

[Jaehyung left]

Mingyu: what

Younghyun: we switch but i bottom most of the time so i removed him

BamBam: inch arresting 

BamBam: lets put it to a vote, is ten a bottom?

Jeongguk: definitely 

BamBam: jisung and chenle are literal children so i’m gonna leave them out

BamBam: seonghwa or hongjoong?

Mingi: ten definitely 

Taemin: ten is a bottom too???

Taemin: ugh i can’t win

Sungjong: lmaooo

Mingyu: hongjoong

Wonpil: ^

Younghyun: ^^

[BamBam added Ten]

[BamBam added Hongjoong]

Ten: i--

Hongjoong: this is fair

BamBam: have i gathered all the bottoms?

Younghyun: isn’t hyojong a bottom?

BamBam: but is he taking it up the ass?

Younghyun: idk

BamBam: ok i’ve gathered you all here today because young taeyong needs guidance 

Taeyong: i’m older than you

BamBam: yeah well i know how to bottom so

Ten: yong is it your first time?

Taeyong: i don’t wanna talk about this

Taemin: bottoming is a wonderful thing

Mingi: are you trying to sell bottoming???

Taemin: well not for money

Ten : @Taeyong what’s wrong?

Taeyong: ugh

Hongjoong: if you aren’t ready you shouldn’t push yourself 

Younghyun: exactly do it at your pace and johnny will understand

Mingyu: maybe you could get johnny to bottom for you!

Taeyong: that’s not the problem!

BamBam: you got this

Taeyong: ugh

Taeyong: what do you guys do when it hurts?

Mingyu: what kinda hurt? cause if your back is just sore a heat pad will probably do the trick 

Sungjong: if you’re feeling kind or raw down there then i suggest icing it

Mingyu: yeah its warm out now so an ice bath might be nice if its really achy and raw

Taemin: i suggest a massage too if its your back thats hurting

Jeongguk: if bruising is bothering you there are ointments you can get too

BamBam: if you’re feeling rubbed raw make sure you’re using enough lube

Byeongkwan: it could also be the condom brand, try experimenting with different condoms 

Younghyun: also try different positions, one might feel better than another

Ten: yea yong its not really supposed to hurt

Mingyu: unless you want it too, cause i have suggestion for that

Jeongguk: i do too if you need advice

Taeyong: uh thanks

Taemin: remember to bottom safely 

Younghyun: was it your first time bottoming? cause its alright if you don’t got it all figured out the first time

Taeyong: yes

Mingi: just make sure you’re experimenting with someone you’re comfortable with

BamBam: it was really your first time???

Taeyong: i mean there was never time for it before

Taeyong: i didn’t even know i liked guys in high school

Ten: idk how you have time for it now

Taemin: big mood

 

Seen by Taeyong, Mingyu, Byeongkwan, Mingi, 5+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 8:45 AM

missingshinee: so is no one going to mention supreme 

mingo: supreme?

Minzy: idk what that is hun

missingshinee: stupid autocorrect

missingshinee: i meant superm

mingo: oh

tentastic: yea no one said anything

fishmom: its gonna be so cool!

Minzy: um i think we were trying to be nice

tentastic: ???

imbigg: well since they brought it up

imbigg: i’m not holding back

tentastic: oh no

fishmom: instant regret 

imbigg: please who’s gonna be the center? its gonna be a battle royal between taeyong taemin jongin mark lucas and baekhyun

tentastic: what about me???

imbigg: tell me you weren't just starstruck the whole time

missingshinee: lol he was

Hakyeon: i can just see it happening

Hakyeon: taemin *walking into the first superm meeting*: y’all gonna take care of me until shinee is back

Hakyeon: everyone else: actually they made you the leader

Hakyeon: taemin: fuck

mingo: please imagine taemin the leader of a group i’m crying

missingshinee: HEY

fishmom: you did hand it off to baekhyun hyung as fast as you could

missingshinee: I AM THE MAKNAE 

missingshinee: y’all can’t expect me to be the leader T_T

Jisung: the m in superm stands for mark, he’s debuted four times now o_O

supportiveally_kingchul: they literally took super junior m and removed junior

ilikebutt: petition to stop letting sm name groups

chocorings: i saw antis calling y’all sperm on twitter wtf i can’t breathe

imbigg: please the fans are gonna start calling themselves spermies

tentastic: i hate it here

senshine: they went and called themselves the avengers of kpop and left poor chanyeol in the basement. all he wants to do is be a superhero

imbigg: ok but why didn’t they include johnny???

senshine: right??? its supposed to be an american group but they left the american out?

mingo: taemin can’t even speak english

missingshinee: I’M PRACTICING 

meanestgay: i bet nctzens exo-ls and shawols are fighting to the death right now

imbigg: its not like stan twitter has ever known peace

missingshinee: y’all suck

 

Seen by imbigg, mingo, Minzy, senshinee, 12+

 

Private Chat: Jaehyung and Matthew

SUN 10:23 AM

Jaehyung: so how did it go?

Jaehyung: did he like the song

Matthew: YES

Matthew: i got a reward ;)

Jaehyung: TMI

Jaehyung: and jiwoo and somin?

Matthew: so fucking cute i might combust

Matthew: going way better then i could have expected

Jaehyung: told you we could do it

Matthew: i’ll never doubt you again

Matthew: its going better than your anniversary

Jaehyung: don't remind me

Matthew: it sucks we spend most of our time practicing tho :/

Matthew: and then tae is gonna have to enlist

Matthew: but i’m still really happy

Jaehyung: then that’s all that matters

Matthew: how is your plant child?

Jaehyung: all the effort

 

Seen by Matthew

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 2:09 PM

iamwhatiam: does anyone else wake up with random bruises?

Myungjun: sometimes

iamwhatiam: i hate it

iamwhatiam: i have this purple one on my thigh and it hurts like a bitch

Dasom: i don’t think that’s normal

iamwhatiam: well i don’t know where its from

iamwhatiam: two weeks ago i had one on my back that was yellow

GodHo: its cause you rolled down the stairs

iamwhatiam: what???

iamwhatiam: when did i do that???

GodHo: oh lol

GodHo: you sleepwalk

iamwhatiam: WHAT

GodHo: yep

GodHo: the one on your thigh is cause you walked into the corner of the table

iamwhatiam: the fuck

iamwhatiam: how come i don’t know i sleepwalk???

GodHo: because you’re sleeping duh

GodHo: one of us always bring you back to your room

iamwhatiam: oh 

iamwhatiam: thank you

GodHo: no problem

GodHo: joohoney wanted to padlock your door tho

iamwhatiam: the fuck

GodHo: kihyun stopped him

iamwhatiam: you didn’t?

GodHo: well i mean you did roll down the stairs one time

iamwhatiam: and not one of you told me that’s why i felt like a truck hit me???

GodHo: i thought you knew

GodHo: you should be more mad your parents never told you

iamwhatiam: oh that would explain why i never woke up in my own bed at home

Myungjun: i can’t

Dasom: why do you wake up with bruises?

Myungjun: eh 

Myungjun: i move a lot in my sleep

iamwhatiam: at least you don’t roll down stairs x_x

Myungjun: maybe you should go to a sleep doctor?

iamwhatiam: nah

GodHo: everyone at the dorm would appreciate it if you’d stop walking into things in the middle of the night

Dasom: go to a doctor changkyun

iamwhatiam: you can’t force me cause i can’t read

GodHo: i won’t help you paint your nails anymore

iamwhatiam: ok fine

GodHo: :D

 

Seen by iamwhatiam, Myungjun, Dasom, Yerin, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 2:44 PM

missingshinee: I HAVE AN IDEA

mingo: oh no

Youngji: lord help us

missingshinee: you haven’t even heard it yet

Youngji: i don’t want to either

Minzy: i want too!

GodHo: yeah let’s hear him out

missingshinee: thank you!

mingo: i’m scared

missingshinee: don’t be scared this is a great idea

missingshinee: lets fuck with dispatch

Minzy: you have my attention

Yerin: what we doing?

ieatrice: what’s the plan

GucciBoy: fuck dispatch

missingshinee: lets all wear matching outfits so dispatch thinks we’re dating

twitterking18: omg couple shirts!!

mingo: this is a terrible idea

supportiveally_kingchul: i love it

mingo: this is as bad as superm

missingshinee: ok everyone pair up, its time to fuck with dispatch

missingshinee: get obvious matching items, its time to troll south korea!!

Chorong : @Dasom plsss

Dasom: sweet sweet chorong of course <3

grandsunma : @ilikebutt be my partner in crime ;)

ilikebutt: my pleasure :)

missingshinee : @mingo !!!

mingo: bye

missingshinee: where are you going?

mingo: wouldn’t you like to know

missingshinee: i would like to know

twitterking18 : yo @ieatrice

ieatrice: yesssss

missingshinee: hey i would like to know!!

missingshinee : @mingo !!!

Minzy: this is going to be chaotic i love it

GucciBoy : @soupboi

soupboi: yea ok

hwalion : lets do this @Yerin

Yerin: love this energy

supportiveally_kingchul: ok so tomorrow?

missingshinee: yes!!

 

Seen by Yerin, ieatrice, Youngji, GucciBoy, 48+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 12:11 PM

hwalion: this fucking blows

Yerin: we shouldn’t even be surprised 

GodHo: :(((

missingshinee: i can’t believe it

GucciBoy: they ignored every single one of us???

Chorong: we even uploaded seclas with matching captions???

Dasom: dispatch is stupid

Youngji: stupider than we ever could have imagined 

Minzy: would it have worked if we did het couples?

supportiveally_kingchul: we might have actually started a scandal if we did that

ieatrice: the way fans just thought it was cute? jae and i had matching bags that were part of a set you had to buy together… they didn’t even assume anything

ilikebutt: but if i look at a dude for a second it becomes a scandal 

twitterking18: man fuck dispatch

twitterking18: Imma start wearing my wedding ring since they’re that oblivious 

GucciBoy: me too!

Minzy: this was literally so anticlimactic

missingshinee: i thought it was a good idea too :( 

Minzy: aw minnie it was

mingo: south korea just wasn’t ready for it

grandsunma: international fans are making more theories about it actually

ieatrice: at least we can count on them

Yerin: NO

Yerin: there is a fan theory that we’re in a secret cult signaling each other

ieatrice: damn they’re wild

missingshinee : ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ the kboo article

Minzy: why is koreaboo like this???

mingo: top 15 twinning idol friendships x_x

supportiveally_kingchul: at least it was fun

ilikebutt: lame

missingshinee: ^

Minzy: ^^

Yerin: ^^^

GucciBoy: ^^^^

 

Seen by twitterking18, mingo, Youngji, Dasom, 34+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 6:12 PM

GucciBoy: be honest

GucciBoy: should guk and i go to a court here and just get married

GucciBoy: and then maybe have some sort of celebration when we’re back in seoul?

nopainwoo: if its what you guys want then yeah

GucciBoy: yeah :/ its not like we can legally get married in korea yet

iamwhatiam: don’t you have a concert you’re supposed to be at?

GucciBoy: this is more important

iamwhatiam: don’t you need to be on stage???

GucciBoy: ok but i’m trying to get married

overwatcher: YOU’RE SOLO IS NEXT

GucciBoy: SHIT

GucciBoy: BYEEE

iamwhatiam: -_-

overwatcher: i think just getting it official at like a registry is fine and then we can have a big party when we get back!

nopainwoo: sounds like a good plan

iamwhatiam: do you not need to be on stage???

overwatcher: RIGHT

senshine: *facepalm*

 

Seen by iamwhatiam, nopainwoo, Yerin, grandsunma, 8+

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 6:30 PM

grandsunma: the way taekook are getting married before me smh

greasemonster: fuck it

somint: what just happened

jillo: your guess is as good as mine

somint: did what i think happen just happen???

Hyuna: what do you think just happened?

somint: did moonbyul murder yongsun?

jillo: SOMIN

somint: WHAT

somint: it was ominous 

Hyuna: well now I’m worried!

Hyuna : @grandsunma @greasemonster ???

ilikebutt: as if yongsun can’t choke byul between her thighs

Chorong: so true

Hyuna: well now I’m concerned for moonbyul!!!

Hyuna : @hwalion @whepuppy ???

Hyuna: please what happened

whepuppy: byulyi just kind of spontaneously proposed to yongsun 

Hyuna: oh

somint: WHAT

Chorong: FOR REAL

ilikebutt: WHAT DID SHE SAY?

hwalion: hold on there is a lot of crying 

whepuppy: i mean i’m assuming its a yes

thewonderyears: THIS IS SO EXCITING 

imbigg: the way this gc went from barely any couples to three married couples

jillo: but what about hyejin and wheein?

hwalion: we’re ok with them getting married it doesn’t change how they feel about us

grandsunma: I’M GETTING MARRIED

imbigg: we know

grandsunma: BE HAPPY FOR ME YOU TURD 

imbigg: ok damn

somint: i’m just glad no one is dead

backspasm: FINALLY

backspasm: yongsun has been trying to get married since like last november 

borawr: I AM PLANNING THE  ENGAGEMENT PARTY RIGHT NOW

Hyuna: I can’t believe I almost had a heart attack for nothing

backspasm: you get used to it

Hyuna: x_x

 

Seen by backspasm, whepuppy, somint, imbigg, 29+

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 10:08 AM

GucciBoy: we weren’t patient

overwatcher: you weren’t patient!

GucciBoy: i am not at fault for this!

overwatcher: this is one hundred percent your fault

imbigg: what did you two do???

ieatrice: do we really want to know?

imbigg: tru… 

supportiveally_kingchul: well spit it out already!

GucciBoy: um

overwatcher: so txt facetimed us after our concert and tae

GucciBoy: do not blame this on me!

overwatcher: well its not my fault!!

thewonderyears: what did you do!

overwatcher: tae blurted about us getting married and they got really awkward and quiet 

GucciBoy: yah! then you went and said its not like they’re straight

overwatcher: I PANICKED 

supportiveally_kingchul: and what happened next???

thewonderyears: i can’t believe you two

GucciBoy: they just stared at us

overwatcher: i think yeonjun started hyperventilating

imbigg: did you actually scare them!?!?!

ieatrice: i’m not even surprised 

GucciBoy: welp

overwatcher: soobin just hung up on us afterwards

GucciBoy: yoongi hit me :(

overwatcher: well it was your fault!

GucciBoy: IT WAS NOT

overwatcher: don’t yell at me

GucciBoy: sorry baby

supportiveally_kingchul: just apologies to them

thewonderyears: i gave you guys one job

thewonderyears: one job!!!

overwatcher: we’re sorry :(

 

Seen by thewonderyears, imbigg, ieatrice, GucciBoy, 4+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 7:36 AM

Jisung : HELP

Jisung : HEEEEEEELP

tentastic : jisung stop screaming

fishdad : seriously its seven in the morning

Jisung : YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

Seonghwa : what upset the child?

Jisung : CHENLE TEXTED ME THIS MORNING TO TELL ME THERE IS A SKELETON INSIDE ME

tentastic : oh my god thats why you’re screaming???

Chenle : if i have to live with this knowledge so do you

Jisung : NOOOOOO

Seonghwa : of course there are skeletons inside of us

Hongjoong : if you have sex you can have someone elses sekelton in you too

tentastic : why would you tell him that???

Jisung : i don’t want to live anymore

Jisung : someone just take me out

Chenle : on a date? sure! out of life? no can do

Jisung : wait

Kevin : wait until you find out your skeleton is damp too

Jisung : WAIT

Chenle : WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

Seonghwa : KEVIN YOU MADE IT WORSE

Kevin : its just chilling inside of you damp 24/7

Jisung : STOP

Hongjoong : i’m grossed out now

fishdad : for the love of god jisung stop screaming

fishdad : if i have to get out of this bed to shut you up you’re not going to have to worry about your skeleton being inside you anymore

Jisung : o_O

San : omg you’re all dumb as fuck

San : there is not a skeleton inside YOU

San : YOU are inside your skeleton

Jisung : does this make it better?

Chenle : how???

San : YOU are a brain with skeleton armor and a meat suit protecting it

Seonghwa : its too early for this

Jisung : i’m going to go dig a hole and crawl into it

Kevin : my armor is damp :(

tentastic : KEVIN

 

Seen by Seonghwa, Jisung, fishdad, Minzy, 24+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 8:57 AM

Minzy : what the

Minzy : first the ghost milk and now the damp skeletons???

le’go : at least no one said the m word

Minzy : moist

le’go : you’re lucky sungjong is preoccupied or he’d probably kick you out

Minzy : fuck that we need to add in hag gays now

sunbun : seriously tho

sunbun : i can’t take anymore baby gays

sunbun : bunch of weirdos

Minzy : we need to add them in soon

le’go : who tho?

[Minzy added Bobby]

[Minzy added Jiyong]

[Minzy added Yoongi]

le’go : i really need to learn that when you say soon you mean it

Minzy : damn straight

imbigg : *gay

Yoongi : what did i do to deserve this???

sunbun : hold on

[sunbun added Boa]

[sunbun added Minyoung]

Boa : why…

sunbun : cause we need you sunbaenim

Boa : ㅋㅋㅋ  

Jiyong : …

[Boa added Jaejoong]

[Boa added Kibum]

imbigg : oh no

Jaejoong : i didn’t want to be added?

Boa : tough shit

Kibum : HELLO

Minyoung : well if i have to be here

le’go : what have we done

Minzy : HAG GAYS ASSEMBLE 

[Minyoung added Sojin]

[Minyoung added Gain]

Sojin : oh god not this again

San : G FUCKING DRAGON

overwatcher : is it ok if i scream a bit?

Jiyong : go for it

Kibum : THE KING HAS FUCKING RETURNED

Jiyong : ...

Bobby : gd is right there dude

Kibum : BOW TO ME BITCH

supportiveally_kingchul : fuck my life

Kibum : i can just fuck you instead

Boa : this is nice

Gain : this is a shit show

San : G FUCKING DRAGON

Jiyong : is he gonna be alright?

supportiveally_kingchul : probably

Kevin : i love you

Jiyong : that’s nice kid

Jaejoong : i love you too

Jiyong : i’m glad one of us does

Jaejoong : ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Minyoung : how long do i have to stay

missingshinee : you just got here

Minyoung : your point?

Kibum : why is no one excited that i’m back :((

ilikebutt : really dude

meanestgay : i’m happy you’re here

Kibum : :D

Yoongi : well i’m leaving

Sojin : ^

Minyoung : ^^

missingshinee : noooooo you just got here

missingshinee : :(((

Minyoung : dammit

Sojin : i can’t say no to taemin

Yoongi : well i can

supportiveally_kingchul : please don’t leave me here with kibum

Yoongi : sounds like a you problem

Kibum : i can make it a you problem too ;)

Boa : i don’t regret this

Minzy : i’m kind of starting to

supportiveally_kingchul : good repent for your actions

Seonghwa : jaejoong sunbaenim you’re my biggest inspiration 

Jaejoong : i’m honored

Kibum : WHAT ABOUT MEEEE

missingshinee : yes what about kibum

imbigg : i’m still scarred 

overwatcher : same

whepuppy : yea i haven’t recovered

Kibum : it was funny tho

GucciBoy : my sex life died on that day!!!

ieatrice : you’re being dramatic

Boa : what did kibum do this time?

supportiveally_kingchul : lets not talk about that

le’go : ^

sunbun : ^^

ilikebutt : he added his exs to the chat and let them fight in a battle royale for his love that escalated to dick pics

Boa : wtf

Bobby : that’s nasty

Jiyong : yea i’m leaving

Kibum : ok so it got out of hand

tentastic : what in the

Jisung : JAEJOONG YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL VOICE I’VE EVER HEARD

fishdad : you good?

Jisung : i’m better yeah

Jaejoong : thanks lol

Kevin : G DRAGON YOU HAVE THE BEST STAGE PRESENCE

San : G DRAGON YOU WRITE THE MOST AMAZING SONGS

Jiyong : i appreciate that

Jaejoong : YOU’RE FUCKING HOT

Jiyong : jae -_-

Kibum : YOU’RE FUCKING AMAZING

Jiyong : STOP

Jaejoong : FIGHT ME

Kibum : YOU BEAUTIFUL WEIRDO

Jaejoong : YOU’RE A BEAUTIFUL DORK

Kibum : I FUCKING MISS YOU

Jaejoong : YEAH WELL I FUCKING MISS YOU

Boa : I FUCKING MISS ALL OF YOU

Jaejoong : YOU TALENTED AMAZING WOMAN

Kibum : QUEEN BOA WRECK ME

Jaejoong : STEP ON ME QUEEN

Gain : this has got to be the most aggressive complementing i’ve ever seen

Kibum : BE QUIET YOU SEXY BEAST

Gain : ME??? YOU CHARISMATIC BUFFOON

Yoongi : what did i do to deserve this

Minyoung : i wonder the same thing

  thewonderyears : i left for a day wtf

Sojin : omg my gay awakening

thewonderyears : sojin x_x

Sojin : ;)

Gain : still a confident gay i see

Sojin : you know it sweet thing

Bobby : anyone else feeling incredibly intimidated?

Jiyong : me

Bobby : you’re literally g dragon

Jiyong : i was just trying to paint

Boa : aw hun you can go paint

Hakyeon : hey why was the broom late to the wedding?

Minyoung : same old hakyeon

Hakyeon : cause he over swept

Jiyong : lmao

Hakyeon : did minyoung just call me old

Gain : yes

Minzy : you are

Jaejoong : that’s fair

Hakyeon : the fuck guys

Sojin : broom groom i get it!

Hakyeon : at least someone appreciates me

Jiyong : i laughed???

Hakyeon : thanks king

Jiyong : stop

Jaejoong : no can do master

Jiyong : that’s it!

Jaejoong : ooooooo

Kibum : pls its like watching a kitten get mad

GucciBoy : speaking of kitten

GucciBoy : yoongles

Yoongi : stfu

GucciBoy : :(

Minyoung : i’m hungry

Sojin : thanks for sharing hun

Minyoung : you’re welcome darling

thewonderyears : go eat something smh

Minyoung : i only have a jar of peanut butter

Kibum : i love peanut butter

missingshinee : lmao i remember coming into practice once and key was on the ground with this dejected look on his face

Gain : and?

missingshinee : and i asked what was wrong he said he ate a whole jar of peanut butter for dinner

supportiveally_kingchul : what the fuck kibum

Kevin : that sounds amazing

Kibum : i don’t recommend

Kibum : i thought i was gonna die

Kibum : my mouth felt like cotton???

Jaejoong : dude

Jiyong : now i want some peanut butter

Gain : i don’t think so

Minyoung : so do we have to stay here?

Sojin : yeah can i leave now

Kevin : wait are you guys all gay?

Jaejoong : i wrote the book on gay

Kibum : that’s fair

thewonderyear : it won’t be the first time y’all left

Yoongi : well this was torture

[Yoongi left]

Bobby : he’s always a delight

Bobby : i’ll stick around

Jaejoong : yea same

Jaejoong : i’m bored

Jiyong : i have painting to do

Kibum : i’m not fucking leaving again

San : king don’t go T_T

[Jiyong left]

Kevin : oh wrecked

San : stfu

Minyoung : this was nice but bye ^-^

[Minyoung left]

Sojin : goodbye to yubin only ;)

[Sojin left]

thewonderyears : why is she like this

Boa : i’ll stick around

Boa : i need something to entertain me while i’m in the studio

Gain : OMG is boa back???

Boa : maybe ;)

sunbun : that went as well as expected

supportiveally_kingchul : ten years was just shaved off my lifespan

Kevin : g fucking dragon is gay T_T

Boa : he’s pansexual

San : he’s an icon

Jaejoong : i am right here

Kibum : i am also present

[Kibum left]

supportiveally_kingchul : not anymore

missingshinee : that was mean

protectingourcountry : very rude weedul 

missingshinee : SUNGJONG

supportiveally_kingchul : i trade one nightmare for another

protectingourcountry : TAEMIN

Boa : why do you guys still do that???

chocorings : wait did i just miss all the fun

Minzy : yes

le’go : loser

chocorings : the audacity 

 

Seen by Jaejoong, San, le’go, overwatcher, 46 +

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 5:08 PM

thewonderyears : wait gain are you sticking around this time?

Gain : for a bit

whepuppy : omg queen

missingshinee : why’d kibum have to leave :(

supportiveally_kingchul : for my peace of mind

Gain : its gonna be boring without him

missingshinee : i’m here???

Gain : i said what i said

Siyeon : don’t worry bora is crazy

borawr : how could you say something like that???

Siyeon : what

Siyeon : that you’re crazy???

borawr : YES

Siyeon : cause you are?

borawr : I AM NOT

borawr : give me one example of how i’m crazy?

Siyeon : well

Siyeon : you’re dating me

borawr : ok

borawr : give me two examples

missingshinee : can we please talk about how gain thinks i’m boring???

Gain : well first of all you’re a man that automatically docks you fifty points

borawr : this is true

missingshinee : wait out of how many points

Gain : 100

missingshinee : shit

missingshinee : ok kibum is a dude too doesn’t that dock him fifty points

Gain : kibum makes up for it with his sense of humor and his desire to be as contrary as possible

missingshinee : i’m funny too

borawr : you didn’t even deny the other one lol

missingshinee : i don’t need to be contrary, i’m cute

Gain : you are very cute

missingshinee : its my strong suit

Gain : yeah well it isn’t gonna make this gc less boring

missingshinee : :(((

thewonderyears : aw taemin don’t be sad we still love you

[hwalion changed hwalion’s name to freethetitty]

Siyeon : hwasa?

whepuppy : we don’t match anymore :(

freethetitty : sorry babe

freethetitty : had to be done

freethetitty: #freethetitty

Gain : why

whepuppy: isn't it #freethenipple

freethetitty : cause i’m getting dragged for going out without a bra

freethetitty : its all over naver

freethetitty : its bs and it needs to change

freethetitty : women should be allowed to dress however they want without constant criticism 

freethetitty : i have tits and that shouldn’t be something we have to hide

freethetitty : and what cause it makes men uncomfortable 

freethetitty : men breathing in the same vicinity as me makes me uncomfortable but you don’t see me doing shit

missingshinee : yea fuck men

Gain : speak your truth

whepuppy : i love you

freethetitty : i love you too!

borawr : honestly there is so many things wrong with the way society views women’s bodies

Siyeon : its not even just men too, there is problem with women putting down other women too

freethetitty : sometimes it feels hopeless but we can’t give up

Gain : it really needs to start with proper education and funding for programs 

mingo : we could all donate?

missingshinee : we should throw rotten mangos at anyone who opposes us

mingo : where are we gonna get mangos

GodHo : the market?

missingshinee : idk but i like this idea

mingo : me too

mingo : but i think we should get fresh mangos and eat them instead

missingshinee : yeah right in front of their faces

GodHo : what are they talking about

freethetitty : who knows

Gain : this group chat has one brain cell and it takes turns bouncing around in your heads like a pinball machine

borawr : i love pinball

Siyeon : she does i watched her play it for an hour the other day

borawr : we should get one for the dorm

Siyeon : i don’t think you’d get any sleep if you did

borawr : ok fine then one at the company building

Siyeon : you can just kiss us getting any practice done goodbye

Boa : a pinball machine sounds fun

missingshinee : we could have tournaments!!!

Gain : this is exactly what i mean

overwatcher : did someone say pinball

missingshinee : i challenge you to a duel

overwatcher : i humbly accept 

freethetitty : everyone place your bets!

Boa : taemin

thewonderyears : jungkook

whepuppy : jungkook

mingo : jungkook

missingshinee : hey :(

mingo : if we can rely on one things its jungkook’s desire to win

Siyeon : that’s pretty fair

overwatcher : yeah i’m not gonna lose to an anteater

missingshinee : i’m gonna make you eat those words

Gain : on second thought maybe i don’t wanna be in this gc

Boa : aw don’t leave :(

Gain : fine

Boa : :D

 

Seen by missingshinee, Siyeon, mingo, thewonderyears, 21+

Chapter Text

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SUN 2:32 PM

Eunwoo : gays

Jaehyun : you mean guys?

Yugyeom : I was gonna say

Eunwoo : no I meant gays

DK : oh good I was concerned dongmin isn't the type to make typos

The8 : thats bambam’s specialty 

BamBam : fuck you

The8 : you have two boyfriends already so no

Eunwoo : gays

Mingyu : are we being summoned??? what is this

Jungkook : he did say gays three times

Eunwoo : I have a question

Jaehyun : is it for the gays specifically 

Eunwoo : yes

Eunwoo : should I make a separate gc?

BamBam : only if you want to

Yugyeom : doesn’t matter to me

Eunwoo : ok well then I’m just gonna ask here

Mingyu : okie

BamBam : waiting?

Eunwoo : I’m nervous

Jungkook : aw min you don’t need to be nervous we want to help

Eunwoo: theoretically I know this

Mingyu : take your time

DK : I’m practically on the edge of my seat

The8 : don’t make him more nervous dumbass

DK : :p

Eunwoo : ok

Eunwoo : I just want to know how you guys knew you were gay

BamBam : oh

Mingyu : well how do you know you’re straight

Jungkook : i think thats the problem min is having here

Mingyu : no for real its the same thing

Mingyu : how do you guys know you’re straight?

Yugyeom : idk I’ve never thought of dating a dude

Jaehyun : yea women are just so nice and pretty, I don’t feel that way about guys

BamBam : well i do feel that way about men

Jungkook : right???

BamBam : they’re just so flat

Jungkook : i know what you mean

DK : I have no clue what you mean

Mingyu : anyway

BamBam : *anygay

Mingyu : its the same thing as knowing you’re straight

Jungkook : honestly

Jungkook : and not to freak anyone out

The8 : well I’m scared now

Jungkook : straight people don’t wonder if they’re gay so if you’re wondering that’s probably a good indicator that you aren’t straight

BamBam : that’s a good point

Eunwoo : oh

The8 : that’s fair I’ve never wondered if I was gay

Yugyeom : same

Jaehyun : I mean taeyong made me panic the first time I saw him but that’s about it

Mingyu : sus

Jungkook : min?

Eunwoo : I might be bisexual I don’t really know

BamBam : no you aren’t

Jungkook : BAMBAM

BamBam : what

BamBam : do you know any gays that capitalize their i’s

Mingyu : huh

Jungkook : that’s fair

Mingyu : jaehyung does

Mingyu : from day6

BamBam : yea well he’s a weirdo

Eunwoo : are you telling me if I start using lowercase I then I’m bisexual?

BamBam : for the love of all that is gay please 

Mingyu : he has a point

DK : I had no clue 

The8 : I just thought gyu and woo broke their phones or something

Jaehyun : it makes a lot of sense now that I think about it

Eunwoo : so if i start texting like this you guys will accept me

Jungkook : oh my god don’t listen to bambam we accept you no matter how you type

BamBam : sorry min don’t listen to me whatever you are feeling is completely valid 

Eunwoo : i’m not a credit card

Yugyeom : what lmao

Eunwoo : everyone is always like you are valid and i’m like thanks i’m glad my credit card didn’t get declined 

DK : please that’s so funny

BamBam : well you can be a credit card too if you want

Eunwoo : shut up

Mingyu : what made you think you were bi tho?

Mingyu : no pressure 

Eunwoo : uh well…

Eunwoo : after i found out about binnie i started analyzing myself and the things he said to me had me thinking

Eunwoo : and this might sound stupid now that i think about it but i always thought everyone found the same gender attractive 

BamBam : boy do i have news for you

Eunwoo : i definitely think i have a preference for women but the idea of dating a man doesn't sound like a bad idea

Jungkook : omg we can add you to our super secret gc if you want!!!

BamBam : they are a bunch of fossils but its fun sometimes

Mingyu : don’t call the other idols fossils we have a lot to learn from them still

BamBam : the only thing i’m gonna learn from them is when we start getting senior discounts 

Jungkook : it starts at 50 years old

BamBam : dude

Jungkook : what

Jungkook : it starts at 50 years old

BamBam : you’re a fossil

Jungkook : we’re the same age

Yugyeom : thats the whole point of this gc

BamBam : you’re a child be quiet

Yugyeom : I hate it here

Mingyu : we really got off track here

The8 : I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore

Jaehyun : y’all lost me back at the credit card part

Eunwoo : i’m gonna process my sexuality a bit longer and then maybe when i feel comfortable with a label i can join the gc

Jungkook : don’t feel pressured to find a label that fits perfectly

BamBam : yea i am of the opinion that gender and sexuality is fluid

DK : can’t you talk to moonbin and myungjun more about it?

Eunwoo : no thank you

Yugyeom : ???

Eunwoo : that’s embarrassing 

DK : how is that embarrassing??

Eunwoo : its embarrassing

Mingyu : you do you

 

Seen by DK, Jaehyun, The8, Jungkook, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 2:21 PM

backspasm : someone is talking about me

pubertyx2 : what gave you that impression

backspasm : i keep sneezing

imbigg : sucks for you

backspasm : -_-

 

Seen by imbigg, pubertyx2, Chorong, Yerin, 3+

Chapter Text

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

MON 4:39 PM

Eunwoo : help

Jungkook : i’m busy

BamBam : i am also busy

The8 : I am not busy

Jaehyun : I was arguing with Taeyong about him buying jumping spiders

The8 : and?

Jaehyun : distract me pls

Eunwoo : @Mingyu help

The8 : wow

Jaehyun : I see how it is

Mingyu : i’m busy too

Jaehyun : what could you three possibly be doing???

Jungkook : taehyung is giving me a massage leave me alone

DK : valid

BamBam : i’m getting a bj fuck off

The8 : why are you texting us???

Yugyeom : things I didn’t want to know today

Mingyu : i was just taking a shower…

DK : yea

DK : with wonwoo

Mingyu : HEY

Jaehyun : y’all are very horny

Eunwoo : HEEEEEEELP

Mingyu : what???

Eunwoo : what is the difference between platonic love and romantic love

The8 : oof

BamBam : the age old question

Jaehyun : why are you still texting us

BamBam : i can multitask 

DK : ew

Mingyu : tbh i have no clue what the difference is

Yugyeom : do you want to have sex with us???

Mingyu : no…

Yugyeom : there thats the difference

BamBam : i think its more complicated than that

Eunwoo : i’m just going to go to bed

The8 : its 5 pm

Eunwoo : its been a rough day

DK : good night then?

Yugyeom : drink water

 

Seen by Eunwoo, BamBam, Mingyu, DK, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 12:27 PM

GucciBoy : guess who’s back!!!

GodHo : you

GucciBoy : how astute of you

fishmom : did you see jopping?

GodHo : yes!

GucciBoy : um

GucciBoy : brb

meanestgay : ya know

meanestgay : that was a fun song

GodHo : yea i liked it

fishmom : thanks guys!

Jaejoong : i also checked it out

fishmom : and?

Jaejoong : surprisingly enjoyable despite the stupid name

Hakyeon : i thought the name was fun :(

Jaejoong : of course you did

GucciBoy : oh that was a fun mv!

fishmom : thanks

GucciBoy : anyway gukkie and i are married!!!

Jaejoong : what now

GodHo : CONGRATS

meanestgay : i’m so happy for you guys <3

ilikebutt : ^

supportiveally_kingchul : ^^

freethetitty : ^^^

somint : ^^^^

Siyeon : ^^^^^

FANCYUUU : ^^^^^^

GucciBoy : we’re having a party next week everyone is invited 

grandsunma : OMG

jillo : YEAH

eggplanet : WOOOOO

Jaejoong : huh

tentastic : that sounds fun!

GucciBoy : y’all suck

supportiveally_kingchul : we’re very happy for you guys

thewonderyears : it took you two long enough tbh

backspasm : i can’t wait!!!

missingshinee : sungjong can’t come :((

GucciBoy : does he have vacation time yet?

missingshinee : no :((

missingshinee : YO

missingshinee : kibum used his vacation time to go to a day6 concert and didn’t invite me or come see me???

missingshinee : wtf

backspasm : that’s rough

thewonderyears : sorry bub

ieatrice : day6’s power wow

fishmom : six is my favorite number

tentastic : i thought that was your lucky number

fishdad : no 22 is his lucky number

missingshinee : you have a favorite number and a lucky number???

fishmom : yes

ieatrice : anyway

imbigg : *anygay

ieatrice : you need to stop doing that

imbigg : no

ieatrice : yes

imbigg : no

ieatrice : no

imbigg : no

ieatrice : no

fishdad : wtf

ieatrice : nvm

ieatrice : i wanna dress up for halloween

missingshinee : yesssss

imbigg : lets do couple costumes!!!

GucciBoy : you three can be the powerpuff girls

ieatrice : not what i was going for but sure

imbigg : we aren’t being the powerpuff girls

soupboi : why???

imbigg : pls we would fight over who gets to be bubbles

ieatrice : so true

soupboi : do we have to do group costumes tho

imbigg : i guess not :(

soupboi : i mean with got7

missingshinee : go talk about that in your own gc

missingshinee : i want to be a carrot

GucciBoy : why taemin

mingo : i no longer ask that

missingshinee : mingi you can be a bunny ;)

mingo : sure

missingshinee : :D

Chenle : i want cotton candy

fishmom : ok?

Chenle : :(

Jisung : can we get cotton candy for halloween???

Chenle : only one way to find out

Jisung : lets get a cotton candy maker!

Boa : someone stop the children

fishmom : sigh

missingshinee : so i’ve been thinking

supportiveally_kingchul : oh no

thewonderyears : lord help us

Boa : how bad can it be?

Jaejoong : i don’t even want to ask

missingshinee : shut up

GucciBoy : you tell them

missingshinee : so i found a way for mingi sungjong and i to date!

soupboi : i thought you guys were already dating

ieatrice : we’ve already been over why they can’t

mingo : were you not going to run this by me first???

missingshinee : i haven’t told sungie yet either :D

mingo : oh my

GucciBoy : so?

missingshinee : right!

missingshinee : kibum told me i just need to find a top for us and then bam, we can have a poly relationship

supportiveally_kingchul : of course kibum said that

Boa : i don’t think thats gonna work hun

missingshinee : :(

mingo : we’d have to audition a lot of tops

missingshinee : :D

ilikebutt : relationships are a lot more than just top and bottom dynamics guys

freethetitty : ^

borawr : ^^

ilikebutt : relationships at the end of the day are an equal partnership

ilikebutt : there is no top and bottom just two or more people that respect and love each other

missingshinee : so i can’t date mingi and sungjong?

supportiveally_kingchul : you can date whoever you want to as long as there is consent 

mingo : i love you taemin but i’m pretty sure the three of us would end up trying to kill each other

missingshinee : i hate it here :(

ilikebutt : mood

penguu: i don't know what to make for lunch

ilikebutt: noodles

ilikebutt: cheese

ilikebutt: despair

penguu: i'm just going to make noodles with goat cheese and hot sauce

ilikebutt: that's exactly what i said

fishmom : i think i’m going to dress up as a frog this year

fishdad : so no couple costumes

fishmom : you can be a fly!

fishdad : …

Seen by fishmom, mingo, borawr, ieatrice, 39+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 8:59 PM

chocorings : can this month fucking end already

chocorings : i hate october

Seungmin : halloween is kind of ruined

pubertyx2 : yeah i’m really not in the mood anymore

Chorong : i don’t think i’ve left my bed in three days

chocorings : cho :((

Chorong : i’m meeting bomi and eunji today

chocorings : good

chocorings : everyone take care of themselves

pubertyx2 : october can’t end fast enough

twitterking18 : fuck that

twitterking18 : I’m ready for this year to end

twitterking18 : fuck 2019

imbigg : i swear this month feels like its been five years

twitterking18 : how did we go from jopping to this bs???

chocorings : has anyone checked on changkyun and wonho?

imbigg : i was talking to changkyun earlier

imbigg : they knew this was coming but it doesn’t make it easier

twitterking18 : a member leaving fucking sucks

Bobby : its a terrible feeling

twitterking18 : @pubertyx2 @Seungmin how are skz?

Seungmin : i can’t speak for everyone but we’re managing

pubertyx2 : we’re hitting the studio extra hard trying to rerecord everything

imbigg : sorry this happened in the middle of a comeback

Seungmin : it can’t be helped i guess

twitterking18 : if you guys ever wanna talk about it I’m here

pubertyx2 : honestly i don’t want to think about it ever again

Chorong : stray kids will get through this 

Seungmin : we hope so

imbigg : changkyun said he might not be very active in the gc

chocorings : that understandable

mingo : i’m worried about taemin and heechul

mingo : i think i’m gonna go see taemin today

Boa : i was heading over to see heechul soon

chocorings : good no one should be alone right now

imbigg : 2020 will be our year we just need to survive this one

Boa : i hope so

Gain : i don’t see how it can get much worse

GodHo : hi guys 

chocorings : wonho!

ieatrice : how are you?

GodHo : ya know

GodHo : it sucks

imbigg : *hug*

GodHo : seeing how upset fans are is the worst part

ieatrice : they really support you

Gain : i’ve never seen a fandom support an idol like this

chocorings : they usually turn on you when you leave the group

GodHo : monbebe are the best

imbigg : them might be fighting words

twitterking18 : so not the time

twitterking18 : and this is coming from me

pubertyx2 : lets change the subject

pubertyx2 : i’m tired of being sad

chocorings : the child has spoken

pubertyx2 : HEY

Seungmin : we aren’t the youngest in the chat anymore

imbigg : don’t remind me

pubertyx2 : its not our fault y’all are ancient 

chocorings : the audacity

twitterking18 : eye

Boa : i’m just gonna leave then damn

pubertyx2 : once upon a time y’all were good idols

Seungmin : they still are

pubertyx2 : i have a gift that is my voice

pubertyx2 : and you have me minnie

pubertyx2 : we’re both young and viral 

Seungmin : its virile dumbass

pubertyx2 : no i think i meant viral

chocorings : someone stop them

pubertyx2 : point is y’all are old turtles and we’re young bunnies

Seungmin : ok but the turtle won the race???

pubertyx2 : only cause the turtle was tired

Seungmin : that literally makes no sense

pubertyx2 : who cares!!!

pubertyx2 : you made me forget my point

imbigg : you’re so dumb

pubertyx2 : hey :(

Gain : i’m just going to pretend i didn’t read that

Boa : you two better think long and hard before texting again that was a mess

Gain : and you two better think longer and harder then not text bs again

Seungmin : that’s a high percentage of thinking to not texting 

chocorings : good be quiet

twitterking18 : thank God its november tomorrow

imbigg : its the capitalization for me

ieatrice : wait

ieatrice : @overwatcher @GucciBoy what happened with txt?

imbigg : wait you right

ieatrice : i’m always right

imbigg : that’s debatable 

ieatrice : :(

imbigg : you can be right 70% of the time

ieatrice : i’ll take it!

GucciBoy : we haven’t seen txt yet

GucciBoy : they’re doing lots of comeback stuff right now

imbigg : so they just hung up on you guys and you did nothing?

overwatcher : i don’t know what to say now

ieatrice : apologize?

chocorings : never go wrong with saying sorry

pubertyx2 : IS IT TOO LATE TO SAY SORRY

Chorong : not justin bieber please

overwatcher : but bieber :(

GucciBoy : he really likes bieber

pubertyx2 : me too!

Gain : that’s unfortunate for you

Chorong : ^

chocorings : ^^

ieatrice : anyway

imbigg : *anygay

ieatrice : -_-

ieatrice : i feel invested in this now so talk to them

imbigg : yes add more baby gays

GucciBoy : ok!

imbigg : that was sarcasm

GucciBoy : how was i supposed to know that?

imbigg : telepathically obviously 

GucciBoy : that’s not one of my many abilities 

overwatcher : i think that was sarcasm too babe

GucciBoy : ( ≖.≖)

Hyuna : this is a good example of sharcasm 

chocorings : not shark sarcasm again

Chorong : we never did have our jaws marathon 

Hyuna : its shame sarcasm!!!

 

Seen by GucciBoy, Bobby, ieatrice, Boa, 41+



gays only event Group Chat

SAT 9:10 AM

San : wooyoung is the best emotional support hetero

backspasm : eunwoo has been a great emotional support hetero lately

San : how so

backspasm : we’re always together now!

backspasm : and he watches my dramas with me!

backspasm : he gave me a shoulder massage last night

San : sounds gay to me

backspasm : but he’s my emotional support hetero :(

Kevin : just find a new one

backspasm : but i like eunwoo :(

San : very gay

backspasm : i give up

Kevin : big mood

 

Seen by backspasm, Seungmin, San, imbigg, 8+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

MON 12:25 PM

Kevin: i feel as useful as the p in raspberry 

fishdad: ???

San: he’s feeling useless

fishdad: i got that

Jisung: this is sad

Jaejoong: we stan a useless gay

meanestgay: first of all imagine pronouncing the p in raspberry?? what is it even doing there?

meanestgay: second of all i’m so proud of jaejoong sunbaenim for using stan correctly 

Jaejoong: excuse you i am down with the kids

Jaejoong: i know the twitter slang

Jaejoong: i am a meme lord!

Jaejoong: you just have yet to experience all of my power

meanestgay: shut up

Jaejoong: :(

San: what’s wrong with kevin?

Kevin: so glad you asked

Kevin: i burned my poptart

Jisung: rip kevin’s poptart

 

Seen by San, fishdad, Jaejoong, meanestgay, 18+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 6:47 PM

twitterking18: gay guess what

twitterking18: *gays

supportiveally_kingchul: just the singular gay

twitterking18: SHUT

Pink_Sweater: HELP

twitterking18: o wait heechul hyung is here

twitterking18: quiet snake >:(

twitterking18: anyways

twitterking18: gays and kingchul guess what

imbigg: *anygays

twitterking18: can I talk here damn

missingshinee: it's the capitalization for me

twitterking18: let me breathe???

emo_fanboy18: for the love of god spit it out babe

twitterking18: I do love God

ilikebutt: its the capitalization for me

emo_fanboy18: we found new baby gays

twitterking18: HEY

twitterking18: I wanted to tell them :((

emo_fanboy18: sorry hun you took too long

protectingourcountry: can we please vote the couple out its gross

backspasm: right in front of my salad

missingshinee: SUNGJONG

protectingourcountry: TAEMIN

missingshinee: how’s the military

protectingourcountry: y'know lots of hot guys can't complain

FANCYUUU: um the baby gays

twitterking18: thank you Chae!!

overwatcher: whomst

GucciBoi: can we add them???

emo_fanboy18: uh we'd need to check with them first

GucciBoi: BOOOO

imbigg: WE DEMAND A SACRIFICE  

supportiveally_kingchul: NOBODY IS SACRIFICING ANYONE

GucciBoi: BOOOOOO

overwatcher: can we stop shouting please

GucciBoi: of course kookie sorry

imbigg: sorry guk

overwatcher: its okay guys

ilikebutt: so the baby gays

twitterking18: right!

twitterking18: they're soooo cute

twitterking18: I caught them in the supply closet at the jyp building

twitterking18: poor babies looked so scared

FANCYUUU: wait jyp building??? we know them???

Pink_Sweater: whooooo

twitterking18: from snake to owl

thewonderyears: i'm this close jae

twitterking18: omg noona

emo_fanboy18: its lee know and han from stray kids

imbigg: *stray babies

twitterking18: BRIAN WHAT THE FUCK

emo_fanboy18: YOU TOOK TOO LONG

thewonderyears: oh my gosh they're so cute you have to add them

backspasm: anyone else not surprised 

protectingourcountry: idk who they are

protectingourcountry: new group?

missingshinee: do you live under a rock???

porectingourcountry: read the name! 

missingshinee: I bet my hyungs know who they are

kwanquat: i'm not surprised 

kwanquat: they're about as obvious as yoon and i are

SayWow: they're more obvious than taekook

backspasm: no one is more obvious than taekook

GucciBoi: HEY

overwatcher: leave us alone

FANCYUUU: i'm going to their dorm bye gays

imbigg: WAIT FOR ME

supportiveally_kingchul: be nice to them! welcome them! 

eggplanet: YAH

eggplanet: try not to scar them like you did with me

GodHo: we didn't mean to :((

ilikebutt: oh babe no one blames you

GodHo: okie cool beans

kwanquat: are u sure the beans are cool

GodHo: they're in a can so i assume so

twitterking18: what even happened in this gc

emo_fanboy18: i'm completely lost

SayWow: are you really surprised

emo_fanboy18: lmao no

FANCYUUU: i'm adding them!

[FANCYUUU added Minho]

[FANCYUUU added Jisung]

supportiveally_kingchul: welcome guys!!

[imbigg changed Minho's name to youknowleeknow]

[imbigg changed Jisung's name to minime]

imbigg: now it's official :D

 

Seen by youknowleeknow, minime, twitterking18, freethetitty, 32+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 7:17 PM

pubertyx2 : @protectingourcountry  we’ve been in this gc for almost a year???

protectingourcountry: so?

pubertyx2: seungmin and i are in stray kids!!!

Seungmin: seriously how do you not know???

protectingourcountry: oh that’s what group you children are in

backspasms: what group did you think they were in?

protectingourcountry: no clue

protectingourcountry: i stopped memorizing group names after 2015

protectingourcountry: it got too hard to keep up with

mingo: for real the amount of groups that started debuting each year was insane

Pink_Sweater: how come younghyun got a mini me but not me?

emo_fanboy18: cause i thought of it first

minime: and i don’t get a say in this

emo_fanboy18: no

imbigg: i gave him the name???

emo_fanboy18: it was my idea tho

minime: it effects me tho

youknowleeknow: sungie has a point

supportiveally_kingchul: welcome to the chat guys!

imbigg: yeah!!!

pubertyx2: this is a rule free zone! NO RULZ

Pink_Sweater: don’t spell things with a z

pubertyx2: one rule

protectingourcountry: the m word is banned

youknowleeknow: what is the m word?

protectingourcountry: can’t say

mingo: it’s banned

pubertyx2: two rules

youknowleeknow: how are we supposed to know what not to say if you don’t tell us???

mingo: he has a point sungjong

protectingourcountry: ugh

Minzy: its moist

protectingourcountry: MINJI

Minzy: now they know :D

minime: i would never say that ew

youknowleeknow : @pubertyx2 @Seungmin you didn’t tell us you were gay???

Seungmin: you didn’t either

minime: tru tru

youknowleeknow: were you ever gonna tell us

pubertyx2: i have been close to telling chan for a while so probably

Seungmin: were you guys gonna tell us?

minime: no probably not

pubertyx2: ya know

pubertyx2: i’ve had this weird hatred towards jackson ever since he locked me in a practice room in my dream

minime: poor jackson

ieatrice: i’m sorry for something i didn’t even do :(

pubertyx2: don’t lock me in practice room again

ieatrice: x_x

imbigg: you can lock me in a practice room anytime you want :)

ieatrice: i don’t even know what you’re implying

imbigg: me either

 

Seen by ieatrice, minime, pubertyx2, Minzy, 34+

Chapter Text

Bang Chan and the Seven Dwarves 

MON 6:59 PM

Hyunjin: is felix screaming?

Changbin: yes

Chan: do I need to be concerned

Changbin: I was going to say no but now Jisung is also screaming

Jeongin: for some reason BamBam and Chaeyoung were at the door

Chan: ok I’m coming back to the dorm

Minho: it’s fine

Chan: you sure?

Minho: yes

Hyunjin: I’m changing the gc name

Felix: don’t you dare

Changbin: you’re done screaming?

Felix: not yet

Seungmin: he’s fine

Jisung: i’m not

Chan: what?

Jisung: he’s screaming in my ear!

Felix: you screamed in my ear too!

Jisung: you started it!

Jeongin: why are BamBam and Chaeyoung here?

Hyunjin: idk

Changbin: they’re in Jisung’s room

Jeongin: they kicked me out :(

Hyunjin: I’m changing the gc name

Jeongin: felix is just gonna change it back

Hyunjin: ok but Chan is the short one here

Changbin: Chan is Snow White it has nothing to do with height 

Hyunjin: ugh

Chan: I’m fine with changing it

Felix: don’t touch it

Jeongin: why does everyone get to be in my room but me?

Hyunjin: I’m not there

Changbin: me either

Jeongin: why am I stuck out here with these losers

Hyunjin: HEY

Seungmin: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

 

Seen by Hyunjin, Jeongin, Chan, Changbin

 

Bang Chan and the Seven Dwarves 

MON 7:28 PM

Chan: Felix is still screaming???

Hyunjin: oh you’re back?

Chan: yep

Chan: why is he screaming

Changbin: we don’t know

Jeongin: he started again after BamBam and Chaeyoung left

Hyunjin: you missed when Minho joined in

Chan: um

Chan : @Felix @Jisung @Minho what are you three doing?

Felix: why aren’t you including seungmin

Seungmin: yea! why was i left out

Chan: sorry, *what are you four doing?

Jeongin: very suspicious hyungs 

Jisung: nothing

Chan: seriously what’s wrong

Minho: nothing is wrong

Chan: y’all gonna give me grey hair at this rate

Felix: imma tell him

Minho: felix

Felix: imma do it

Seungmin: no

Felix: yes

Jisung: NO

Felix: it’ll be ok

Jisung: lix no

Chan: I’m concerned now

Changbin: me too

Felix: then i’ll just do it for me

Felix: group meeting now!

 

Seen by Chan, Jisung, Minho, Jeongin, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 8:24 PM

youknowleeknow: now our entire group knows we’re gay

imbigg: we were there like an hour ago what

FANCYUUU: eye

supportiveally_kingchul: what happened???

[minime changed pubertyx2’s name to bigmouth]

imbigg: that explains it

bigmouth: hey!!!

bigmouth: i was only gonna tell them about me

youknowleeknow: but that led them to figuring out we’re all gay

bigmouth: sorry :(

Seungmin: i don’t care either way

minime: why doesn’t min have a fun @ 

bigmouth: now that you mention it

twitterking18: are you guys ok tho?

youknowleeknow: our members didn’t care it was fine

minime: i nearly had a heart attack

protectingourcountry: poor baby

imbigg: is sungjong ok?

protectingourcountry: yes?

protectingourcountry: coming out to my members made me constipated for a week ok

imbigg: tmi

supportiveally_kingchul: i remember that lol

[bigmouth changed Seungmin’s name to sunshinesnail]

minime: not what i would have picked

bigmouth: you picked mine so hush

mingo: i find it funny that half of stray kids is gay

bigmouth: you right!

sunshinesnail: we flocked to each other

mattharoni: omg new baby gays

imbigg: we’ve been adding baby gays like crazy where have you been

mattharoni: busy

potaeto: don’t worry about it

imbigg: eye

mattharoni: WELCOME to gays only event! a name chosen by our twitterking! we come in all shades of gay from all over the world and are dedicated to keeping the kpop industry as gay as possible and pissing off dispatch whenever we can! hope you enjoy your stay and pls rate us 5 stars on yelp

twitterking18: what the actual fuck matt

youknowleeknow: i already love it

potaeto: he’s excited

somint: i love you idiots

mattharoni: SOMIN

jillo: HELP

somint: i said what i said

mattharoni: i-i love you guys too

backspasm: right in front of my salad

protectingourcountry: don’t y’all live with each other?

protectingourcountry: do this somewhere else

twitterking18: ^

supportiveally_kingchul: ^^

bigmouth: ^^^

borawr: stfu i’ve been waiting for this tea forever

missingshinee: SUNGJONG

protectingourcountry: TAEMIN

mingo: MINGI

missingshinee: mango too i guess

mingo: thanks

mingo: you guys are great friends

protectingourcountry: “friends”

 mingo: oh sorry i meant pals

missingshinee: “pals”

protectingourcountry: comrades?

missingshinee: confidants?

mingo: i meant acquaintances 

missingshinee: not soulmates? :((

protectingourcountry: don’t make minnie sad!

mingo: sorry T_T

mingo: we can be soulmates

missingshinee: YEAH

missingshinee: i am now the laundry please do me :D

minime: …

protectingourcountry: hi i’m the trash please take me out

mingo: hello i’m a picture please hang me

bigmouth: this got dark fast

supportiveally_kingchul: please just ignore them

missingshinee: we really are soulmates :’)

protectingourcountry: why is that one a mini me

protectingourcountry: a mini me of who?

sunshinesnail: of brian

protectingourcountry: who?

twitterking18: my husband

protectingourcountry: your husband’s name is brian?

emo_fanboy18: no its not!

minime: this reminds me of when i first joined jyp lol

youknowleeknow: wait it does

twitterking18: I haven’t heard this story?

imbigg: me either

youknowleeknow: when jisungie first met chan he shouted “OMG ITS MINIATURE BRIAN”

minime: and i was like “i’ve heard that ten times already today??? WHO IS BRIAN?”

youknowleeknow: the best part was chan and brain were roommates at the time and brian just shrugged and was like “dude i don’t know either”

minime: chan laughed so hard he fell off his bed and i was just so confused

twitterking18: I’ve never heard this story why???

emo_fanboy18: cause i forgot?

twitterking18: :((

emo_fanboy18: sorry babe

bigmouth: i wish i’d been there :/

imbigg: that’s hysterical 

emo_fanboy18: ugh

mattharoni: wait can we call you brian?

emo_fanboy18: yeah idc

 

Seen by twitterking18, bigmouth, mingo, borawr, 30+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 11:06 AM

twitterking18: fun fact

Pink_Sweater: oh no

minime: oh no?

twitterking18: kinks are hereditary

minime: oh no

imbigg: STFU

Pink_Sweater: that’s not a fun fact

twitterking18: *shrugs*

senshine: why are you like this???

twitterking18: I thought it was fun

imbigg: no one thought that was fun!

minime: i didn’t need to know that

Chorong: someone fact check him

twitterking18: BRIAN BIT ME

imbigg: kinky

emo_fanboy18: YOU WERE SITTING ON ME

twitterking18: CAUSE YOU TRIED TO KICK ME OUT OF THE BED

emo_fanboy18: YOUR FACTS AREN’T FUN

twitterking18: YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO KICK ME OUT OF THE BED

emo_fanboy18: SITTING ON ME WENT TOO FAR

twitterking18: YOU STILL BIT ME

emo_fanboy18: CAUSE NOW I GET TO THINK OF YOUR MOM WHEN I CHOKE YOU

twitterking18: WELL SORRY

imbigg: OH MY GOD

senshine: i’ve got popcorn

minime: how do i unread all of this

youknowleeknow: things i did not think i was doing today: bleaching my eyes

GucciBoy: are jaehyungparkian ok?

supportiveally_kingchul: do we need to run an intervention

Pink_Sweater: i /regrettably/ checked on them

Pink_Sweater: they’re fine

GucciBoy: in other news that has nothing to do with the sex lives of an old married couple

imbigg: you and guk are an old married couple now too

GucciBoy: that’s a fair point but stfu

soupboi: don’t be mean

imbigg: alsjdklsa thank you <3

minime: uh so what do you guys usually do in here

senshine: talk about the best ramen brands

minime: really?

imbigg: jisung

Jisung: yes

imbigg: shit theres two

GucciBoy: when there was two taehyungs you made both of us change our names!

minime: i think thats fair

Jisung: i’m confused

imbigg: i was talking to the jisung from stray kids

Jisung: oh

Jisung: hi jisung from stray kids

minime: hi jisung from nct

[Chenle changed Jisung’s name to melonman]

imbigg: lmao

melonman: whyyyyy

Chenle: cause you ate an entire cantaloupe by yourself last week

tentastic: that was funny

fishmom: it made a mess

melonman: i’m never doing that again

Chenle: i still can’t believe you didn’t puke

melonman: i thought i was gonna ngl

GucciBoy: does no one wanna hear my news???

[melonman changed Chenle’s name to seacalf]

imbigg: i do!

tentastic: sea calf???

melonman: cause chenle is my baby dolphin

seacalf: that’s cute i guess 

GucciBoy: GIVE ME ATTENTION

imbigg: i literally am???

thewonderyears: what is it taehyung!

GucciBoy: y’all don’t need to be mean about it

overwatcher: loml please just tell them

minime: are all married couples like this???

twitterking18: yes

GucciBoy: guk and i talked to txt!

overwatcher: more like cornered them

thewonderyears: guys…

youknowleeknow: i feel like i’m missing something

imbigg: you are

youknowleeknow: oh good :)

GucciBoy: that feels mildly threatening 

youknowleeknow: sucks for you :)

GucciBoy: I FEEL THREATENED 

youknowleeknow: ;)

thewonderyears: txt???

GucciBoy: right

GucciBoy: wait is lee know flirting with me cause i’m a taken man

minime: he’s not

youknowleeknow: sungie would know ;)

imbigg: TXT

GucciBoy: so kookie called them out on being homosexuals rights

overwatcher: only cause you told them we were getting married!

GucciBoy: semantics 

imbigg: and you cornered them after a month of ignoring them

overwatcher: almost two months actually

imbigg: wtf

GucciBoy: i’m non confrontational 

overwatcher: i have anxiety

minime: big mood

ieatrice: please for the love of all that is gay spit it out already

GucciBoy: were you just lurking

thewonderyears: TAEHYUNG FOCUS

GucciBoy: OKAY

GucciBoy: we just apologized for freaking them out and told them they can come to us anytime they want

overwatcher: beomgyu looked like he was gonna cry i felt very bad :(

youknowleeknow: understandable :)

GucciBoy: still feels threatening lee know

youknowleeknow: how is that my problem :)

ieatrice: is that it???

GucciBoy: yes!

GucciBoy: well it was nice talking to you all bye

ieatrice: bye?

imbigg: anticlimactic 

thewonderyears: sigh

youknowleeknow: bye taehyung :)

GucciBoy: well it was mildly threatening talking to you not nice at all 5/10 would not do again but thanks for listening i guess

youknowleeknow: harsh

youknowleeknow: but honest

youknowleeknow: i can appreciate that

overwatcher: i don’t remember lee know being like this when he was one of our back up dancers

minime: i think you guys were just too busy to notice

minime: minho has been like this for as long as i’ve known him

youknowleeknow: ;)

overwatcher: are you for real??

youknowleeknow: no i’m minho ;)

imbigg: does this gc really need dad jokes

minime: hyung why

youknowleeknow: :)

ieatrice: you want dad jokes? nah how about like bad jokes :D

imbigg: i’m breaking up with you

ieatrice: BAMBAM NOOOO

soupboi: its ok i still love you

ieatrice: i love you too T_T

protectingourcountry: ew vote the couples out

missingshinee: SUNGJONG

protectingourcountry: TAEMIN

ieatrice: are you two ever gonna stop that

missingshinee: not as long as i love sungjong

protectingourcountry: that’s good to know

missingshinee: anything for you loml

protectingourcountry: aw you’re cute

melonman: hey why does sungjong sunbaenim get to vote out couples but he gets to flirt with taemin

missingshinee: he doesn’t actually vote out couples tho

imbigg: ok but why does he get to tease us but flirt with taemin right in front of me like this

protectingourcountry: no one asked you to look

imbigg: you’re literally flirting with the prince of kpop in front of fifty idols

minime: my anxiety just went through the roof

missingshinee: well when you put it like that

youknowleeknow: aw jisungie i’ll come give you a hug

minime: thank you hyung

youknowleeknow: ;)

seacalf: it’d be funny if lee know isn’t able to wink

seacalf: like irl

youknowleeknow: …

seacalf: cause like you keep doing it in the gc maybe you’re compensating for the fact you can’t do it irl

melonman: the irony lol

imbigg; unfortunately minho can wink irl

minime: yeah he does it a lot

youknowleeknow: you don’t like it :(

minime: OH NO

minime: its very cute!!

minime: never stop plssss

melonman: did we just see jisung from stray kids gay panic

minime: shut up jisung from nct :)

seacalf: surprisingly jisung from stray kids doesn’t make :) look threatening. kind of wholesome 

melonman: you’re so right!

melonman: it’s usually scary looking

melonman: or passive aggressive 

youknowleeknow: :)

melonman: see

youknowleeknow: wait

youknowleeknow: you guys know i’m just joking when i do that i don’t mean to actually be threatening

minime: i know!

imbigg: i do too

ieatrice: ^^^

melonman: thank you for purifying ^-^

youknowleeknow: ???

melonman: *clarifying ???

seacalf: strangely thoughtful of you -_-

youknowleeknow: i’m strangely thoughtful ;)

imbigg: especially the strange part

seacalf: i will take note of that

sunshinesnail: JISUNG MINHO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT DANCE PRACTICE WHERE ARE YOU

minime: hyung and i are cuddling in my bed!

bigmouth: chan says just cause you’re gay and in love doesn’t mean you get to skip practice

minime: oh

imbigg: jaebum said the same thing to mark jackson and i like three months ago

youknowleeknow: we aren’t in love

minime: yea

sunshinesnail: so not the point

youknowleeknow: fine we’re coming

imbigg: tmi

protectingourcountry: lmao

 

Seen by minime, missingshinee, seacalf, soupboi, 29+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Seungmin and Felix

FRI 12:02 PM

Felix: so we doing this?

Seungmin: yea i think so

Felix: you sure?

Seungmin: you’re the one doing it shouldn’t you be sure???

Felix: ok fair

Felix: lets do this!

 

Seen by Seungmin

 

97 Liner Best Line Group Chat

FRI 12:03 PM

Eunwoo: you can bury me alive now

DK: dramatic

Yugyeom: what happened???

Eunwoo: don’t ask just get a shovel

Jungkook: i need to know why first before i commit the crime

BamBam: that’s valid

Eunwoo: i’m goin to go drown myself in my shower 

DK: still dramatic

Yugyeom: should we be concerned?

BamBam: i’m sure he’s fine

Yugyeom: but its dongmin

BamBam: that’s pretty valid

 

Seen by Jungkook, DK, Yugyeom

 

Bang Chan and the Seven Dwarves

FRI 12:05 PM

Felix: HI

Hyunjin: why are you texting the gc???

Felix: i have something important to say

Hyunjin: most of us are here tho???

Felix: listen

Felix: you’re texting me right now even tho we’re sitting next to each other so shut up

Seungmin: lix

Seungmin: focus

Felix: right!

Felix: JISUNGIE

Jisung: yes?

Felix: where r u :((

Minho: we’re watching a drama :)

Felix: i didn’t ask you

Seungmin: lix

Felix: right!

Chan: what are you planning

Felix: all is about to be revealed my dear christopher 

Felix: JISUNGIE

Felix: are you emotionally present enough to go on a date?

Hyunjin: what

Changbin: did felix just ask jisung out?

Felix: i did!

Felix: jisungie?

 

Seen by Minho, Changbin, Seungmin, Hyunjin, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 12:06 PM

backspasm: HELPPPPPPPPP

imbigg: inch arresting 

backspasm: help me please T_T

supportiveally_kingchul: moonbin?

backspasm: i can’t stop crying please

imbigg: wait binnie what’s wrong

backspasm: i don’t know what happened

overwatcher: tell us so we can help

backspasm: ok

supportiveally_kingchul: take your time

backspasm: its just that eunwoo and i were hanging out

backspasm: we’ve been hanging out a lot

backspasm: he’s been really busy tho and i didn’t want to bother him but he insisted

backspasm: but i told him i don’t want to be a bother and he was like you never are and i was like wow ಥ_ಥ

backspasm: BUT THEN HE KISSED ME

Myungjun: WAIT

Myungjun: is that why eunwoo locked himself in the bathroom

imbigg: this explains a lot

overwatcher: that it does

backspasm: he just kind of freaked out on me and ran away and i don’t know what to do

imbigg: i think you need to let him come to you at this point

overwatcher: yeah that was probably an impulse he didn’t realize he had

supportiveally_kingchul: don’t confront him about it

backspasm: ok ಥ_ಥ

supportiveally_kingchul: it’ll be ok

 

Seen by overwatcher, Myungjun, backspasm, imbigg, 12+

 

Private Chat: Jisung and Felix

FRI 12:09 PM

Jisung: i felt weird about doing this in the gc

Jisung: sorry felix i don’t have feelings for you like that

Jisung: can we be friends?

Felix: minho?

Jisung: what

Felix: i mean why are you texting me and not jisung

Jisung: what???

Felix: i can tell you aren’t jisung duh

Jisung: he didn’t know what to say so i’m doing it for him

Felix: sus

Felix: bummer

Felix: you should ask him out then!

Jisung: felix

Felix: good luck hyung i believe in you!

Jisung: felix!

Felix: that’s my name don’t wear it out

 

Seen by Jisung

 

Private Chat: Taehyung and Beomgyu

FRI 12:11 PM

Beomgyu: sunbaenim

Taehyung: i said you could call me hyung :(

Beomgyu: :O

Beomgyu: hyung?

Taehyung: yes!

Beomgyu: i can ask you questions right?

Taehyung: of course <3

Taehyung: guk is reading over my shoulder btw

Beomgyu: that’s fine

Beomgyu: so

Taehyung: so?

Beomgyu: what do you do when two people confess to you?

Taehyung: OMG

Taehyung: who confessed???

Taehyung: do you like either of them???

Beomgyu: ok that’s the problem

Beomgyu: i like both of them

Taehyung: WHO???

Beomgyu: you can’t tell anyone

Taehyung: we promise!

Beomgyu: uuuuuuuuuuuuu

Beomgyu: soobin and yeonjun

Taehyung: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

 

Seen by Beomgyu

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

FRI 12:13 PM

Jungkook: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

DK: guk???

Yugyeom: you ok there dude?

The8: should we be concerned?

Mingyu: kook?

 

Seen by Yugyeom, Eunwoo, The8, DK, 1+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 12:14 PM

GucciBoy: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

overwatcher: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

mingbaby: taekook wtf

ilikebutt: did taekook finally use their last braincell?

mingbaby: i wouldn’t be surprised

 

Seen by ilikebutt, imbigg, backspasm, Myungjun, 11+

 

Private Chat: Taehyung and Beomgyu

FRI 12:17 PM

Beomgyu: what do i do

Taehyung: i think that is obvious 

Taehyung: get yourself two boyfriends

Beomgyu: you can do that?

Taehyung: omg yes polyamory is the only way

Beomgyu: you’re only dating jungkook tho?

Taehyung: it sometimes be like that

Taehyung: go get yourself two boyfriends!

Beomgyu: um

Beomgyu: i’ll try

Taehyung: we believe in you!!!

 

Seen by Beomgyu

 

Bang Chan and the Seven Dwarves 

FRI 12:20 PM

Changbin: so

Hyunjin: it’s really quiet

Seungmin: thanks captain obvious

Hyunjin: you’re welcome

Changbin: are jisung and felix dating now?

Chan: I thought Minho and Jisung were so I’m confused now

Felix: don’t worry about it!

Chan: sigh

Minho: jisung is my boyfriend ok

Jisung: MINHO

Seungmin: that’s the least surprising thing of the century 

Felix: for real

Chan: I’m confused

Felix: min and i made a plan to get minsung together!

Changbin: oooooooh

Hyunjin: that makes sense

Jisung: eye

Felix: it worked!

Minho: i guess it did…

 

Seen by Felix, Chan, Hyunjin, Seungmin, 3+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

FRI 12:21 PM

DK: did jungkook really dip like that

Mingyu: he did

BamBam : @Eunwoo

BamBam: so you wanna talk about it or nah?

Eunwoo: nah

Mingyu: is this about moonbin?

The8: what about moonbin?

Eunwoo: lets not talk about it

BamBam: you might feel better if you did

Eunwoo: i would feel better if someone took me out with a shovel

DK: so dramatic

Th8: where is Jaehyun?

DK: idk

 

Seen by BamBam, Yugyeom, The8, Eunwoo, 1+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 12:23 PM

supportiveally_kingchul: what happened with taekook

ilikebutt: your guess is as good as mine

grandsunma: the better question is what happened with moonsun

borawr: omg details pls

grandsunma: we settled on a date!

ilikebutt: oh i’m so happy for you guys!!

grandsunma: thank you <3

grandsunma: I’M GETTING MARRIED

grandsunma: i wanna tell the whole world :(

supportiveally_kingchul: you can if you want to

grandsunma: i would but it just affects so many more people than just me :/

ilikebutt: we all know and support you so that’s something

grandsunma: that is nice at least

grandsunma: oh! 

grandsunma: we’re gonna have a big party just like taekook did so you’re all invited we haven’t picked that date yet tho

borawr: i’m so excited!!!

GucciBoy: speaking of taekook

mingbaby: there you are!

imbigg: why were you two screaming???

GucciBoy: that is not relevant 

GucciBoy: its almost christmas!!!

GucciBoy: you know what that means???

le’go: not again

hyoraengi: do we have to do this every year taehyung?

GucciBoy: YES

GucciBoy: i’m making a christmas playlist i’ll share it later!!

imbigg: its november dude

GucciBoy: that's not gonna stop me from making a christmas playlist

le’go: please don’t

hyoraengi: ^^^^

GucciBoy: :(

GucciBoy: this is not exemplary human behavior :(

hyoraengi: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

le’go: never claimed to be :)

GucciBoy: (≖_≖ )

 

Seen by le’go, ilikebutt, borawr, mingbaby, 38+

Chapter Text

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

FRI 4:56 PM

Eunwoo: i’m reading this new script for a drama and my brain is literally: i do not vibe with this

Eunwoo: like please just focus and process the damn words on this stupid page

Eunwoo: but my brain is like nope does not pass the vibe check will not read 0/10 do not recommend 

BamBam: you wanna talk about whats bothering you hmm

Eunwoo: that also does not pass the vibe check

Mingyu: suit yourself

Eunwoo: i will

Jaehyun: I love how this chat is like 50% gay now

Mingyu: JAEHYUN

Jaehyun: hello

Mingyu: hiya

BamBam: it should be 100% gay but whatever

DK: sorry :/

 

Seen by BamBam, Eunwoo, Mingyu, Jaehyun, 2+

 

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 7:05 PM

greasemonster: is there anything more nauseating than het weddings??? the whole hetersoexual wedding culture is a bad vibe

grandsunma: explain

greasemonster: my dream wedding would be outside, probably on some public beach just to annoy the hets. with lots of illegal fireworks, most of the wedding fund would need to go to paying the fines tbh

greasemonster: i wanna be dressed in a cape, i don’t care what else but there must be a cape

greasemonster: there should be slasher flick music, none of that sappy stuff, i want my relatives to think they’re witnessing a murder

grandsunma: why am i marrying you???

greasemonster: cause you love me!

grandsunma: lord help me 

freethetitty: i for one cannot wait

Youngji: do you somehow want to end up in jail by the end of this wedding?

greasemonster: that would make for an interesting honeymoon

whepuppy: we get to come on the honeymoon right?

grandsunma: of course my loves 

grandsunma: not if its in jail tho

grandsunma: you’ll need to bail us out

freethetitty: noted

whepuppy: i can’t wait this is so exciting!!!

Youngji: am i the only one concerned about you guys going to jail????

greasemonster: yes

Chorong: so i was watching star wars

Dasom: omg which ones?

Chorong: the prequels!

Dasom: ew

Hyomin: cho why???

Chorong: i happen to like the prequels thank you very much

Hyomin: cho why???

le’go: ok the prequels really aren’t that bad

Dasom: i beg to differ

Chorong: ANYWAY

Chorong: anakin skywalker ya know darth vader 

Dasom: yes we know him

Chorong: not once

Chorong: NOT ONCE

Hyomin: cho pls

Chorong: not once does he use jedi mind tricks on anyone!

Dasom: is that true?

Chorong: yes i just finished the movies

Chorong: and it’s not a coincidence!!!

le’go: where is this going

Chorong: its cause anakin doesn’t have it in him to take away someone’s free will

Hyomin: he murdered a bunch of children with a fancy sword

Chorong: ok i see your point

sunbun: I FOUND A BIRDS NEST

Hyomin: good for you?

sunbun: don’t be mean

Hyomin: sorry

hyoraengi: there is a wasp in my room so i’m sleeping on the couch tonight

sunbun: that’s rough

Hyomin: you can sleep with me if you want?

sunbun: omg sleepover at sunyoung’s!!!

Hyomin: i didn’t invite you

hyoraengi: but sleepover :(

Hyomin: fine we can have a sleepover

sunbun: :D

thewonderyears: are we all invited?

Hyomin: i guess so

Hyomin: but bring your own pillows and stuff i don’t have much

le’go: i’m bringing beer!!!

Youngji: i’ll get snacks then

Minzy: all because of wasp lol

hyoraengi: that’s what i get for leaving my windows open

chocorings: can i come?

Dasom: girls only hun

chocorings: but :(

Chorong: we can make an acception for changsub tho

Hyomin: sure whatever

chocorings: :D

Dasom: just no playing darts this time

Hyomin: that’s fine i don’t have a dart board

Hyomin: wait why

sunbun: i’m not sure we want to know

chocorings: i may be bad at darts but i could be very good at unexpected acupuncture 

Chorong: we got asked to leave the bar

le’go: disappointed but not surprised 

Youngji: WAIT

Youngji: wait wait wat wait wit

Youngji: waaaaaait

thewonderyears: we’re waiting jiji

Minzy: i’m going to go to make some ramen while we wait

Youngji: WAAAAAIT

Minzy: i’ll just bring my phone

Youngji: there are ten of us!

hyoraengi: wow ji can count to ten!

sunbun: despite popular belief we do understand how basic addition works

Minzy: speak for yourself

hyoraengi: you can’t count to ten???

Minzy: i have to be in the mood

hyoraengi: ???

Youngji: no shut up

thewonderyears: rude

Youngji: let’s play twister!!!

Hyomin: wait that’s a great idea!

Youngji: thank you

Minzy: why do we need ten people?

Youngji: it’s just more fun that way

sunbun: that’s true snsd played twister when there was nine of us once and it was an absolute disaster but a lot of fun

hyoraengi: omg yes that was the best

Youngji: yeah :D

 

Seen by thewonderyears, chocorings, Hyomin, Minzy, 23+

 

gays only event Group Chat

SAT 1:52 AM

Minzy: changsub is talking to himself

Soohyun: and?

Minzy: wtf

Youngji: did he say oxter

Chorong: is that an ox otter hybrid?

Minzy: no isn’t it that part of oxygen?

thewonderyears: no that’s oxide, oxter it that wood thing that goes around ox's necks?

Dasom: that’s oxbow duh

Dasom: oxter is something about pollen

sunbun: no no no that’s exine! oxter is a window

hyoraengi: you mean oxeye??? 

le’go: dear lord someone just google oxter

Minzy: oh ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

sunbun: i forgot we could do that

Hyomin: phones are a wonderful thing

Youngji: oxter is an outdated word for armpit???

Minzy: what

Dasom: i’m more confused now then when this all started

le’go: same

Soohyun: why is changsub talking about his armpit?

Chorong: no clue

Soohyun: is he ok?

Chorong: no clue

 

Seen by Minzy, Youngji, thewonderyears, le’go 7+

 

Triple the Choi Triple the Trouble Group Chat

SAT 10:08 AM

princebinnie: i want pizza

junjunbe: but chicken

princebinnie: chicken on pizza

junjunbe: i like the way you think

babygyu: hi

junjunbe: GYU

babygyu: i thought about what you guys said and i think i’m ok with it

princebinnie: really!

babygyu: yeah!

junjunbe: does this mean i can use my pick up lines on you???

babygyu: uh

babygyu: slightly less enthusiastic yeah

junjunbe: do you like raisins? how about a date?

princebinnie: that works real well with your @

junjunbe: it does!!

babygyu: i think going on a date is probably the first step right?

princebinnie: omg you wanna go on a date???

junjunbe: lets do it!

princebinnie: this is going to be so much fun babies

babygyu: yeah ok!

junjunbe: we can get chicken pizza too!

princebinnie: i love how your mind works baby

babygyu: taehyung also wanted to know if we wanted to join his gc

junjunbe: sounds intimidating

princebinnie: could be fun

junjunbe: lets talk about it more over chicken pizza

princebinnie: i love your mind

junjunbe: ;)

 

Seen by princebinnie, babygyu

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

SUN 8:46 AM

mingo: i swear my only purpose here is to suffer

supportiveally_kingchul: ren???

mingo: suffer

protectingourcountry: what happened now

mingo: you don’t want to know

protectingourcountry: that’s fair

supportiveally_kingchul: i want to know

mingo: thanks heechul

protectingourcountry: i was just joking i want to know too

mingo: ok x_x

mingo: minhyun woke me up this morning to tell me he doesn’t feel right in his body and i was like omg are we about to have a conversation about body dysmophia or idk being transgender

supportiveally_kingchul: is minhyun ok?

mingo: i’m getting there

mingo: the answer is no btw but when is it ever yes

protectingourcountry: facts

mingo: he told me he wants to be an octopus

supportiveally_kingchul: what

mingo: he watched a stupid documentary about octopus last night and he said something about their vibe being right and now he wants to be one

protectingourcountry: to each their own i guess

mingo: then he went on to ask me why he wasn’t born an octopus and i just???

mingo: what do i say to that???

supportiveally_kingchul: i don’t know what to say to that

mingo: me either

melonman: i’m straight up not vibing with this

supportiveally_kingchul: same

melonman: your group member is weird

supportiveally_kingchul: finally someone in this gc that makes sense

supportiveally_kingchul: where have you been all my life???

melonman: well i wasn’t born for half of it

protectingourcountry: lmaoooo

supportiveally_kingchul: nvm

missingshinee: SUNGJONGIE

mingo: TAEMINNIE

protectingourcountry: hey you stole my line

mingo: sorry :(

protectingourcountry: its ok, you’re cute

mingo: sd%&aklsj##0)gvd’ask?2fsj

missingshinee: oh no

missingshinee: what should we do you broke mango

melonman: wow you can really hear how much taemin cares

missingshinee: i don’t

melonman: i know

protectingourcountry: you good mango?

mingo: peachy

protectingourcountry: you mean mangoy 

missingshinee: mangy?

protectingourcountry: mangoie?

missingshinee: mangie?

mingo: back to my original point of suffering

supportiveally_kingchul: mood

missingshinee: wait

missingshinee: omg did they ever name their plant

mingo: who?

missingshinee: cause i have ideas

missingshinee : @twitterking18

missingshinee: corpse flower

missingshinee: sneezwort

missingshinee: cause you’re allergic

missingshinee: monty python 

missingshinee: bob rose

missingshinee: christofern

twitterking18: wait I actually like bob rose

missingshinee: then my job here is done

protectingourcountry: you’re so random

 

Seen by tiwtterking18, melonman, mingo, Chorong, 13+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

SUN 12:14 PM

Eunwoo: help help help help help

Eunwoo: bambam bam bam bambambambam bam

DK: that’s one way to write his name lol

Eunwoo: i’m having emotions

BamBam: mood

Eunwoo: emoooooootions

Jaehyun: not to alarm anyone but I think its scientifically proven that most people have emotions 

Jaehyun: you’re healthy dongmin

Eunwoo: no i don’t want these emotions

Eunwoo: gyu guk gyu gukgyuguk guk gyuuu

Eunwoo: Emotions™

Jungkook: not emotions with a E

Mingyu: emotions with a ™

Eunwoo: emotions like (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

BamBam: like (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Eunwoo: HELP

Jaehyun: what in the

DK: no clue

The8: I woke up from a nap for this

Yugyeom: emotions for who tho???

Eunwoo: yes

Yugyeom: min what

BamBam: talk to bin?

Eunwoo: no

BamBam: yes

Eunwoo: no

BamBam: suffer then

Eunwoo: that’s the plan

The8: WAIT DONGMIN LIKES MOONBIN???

Mingyu: where have you been???

The8: not paying attention apparently 

Mingyu: smh

 

Seen by Eunwoo, BamBam, Jungkook, DK, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 4:32 PM

overwatcher: taetae has an announcement 

GucciBoy: i’ll wait for more people to be active tho

San: i am present

Hongjoong: don’t you have dishes to do?

San: nvm

Seonghwa: get yunho to help you

San: yes sir

senshine: what now tae?

GucciBoy: i don’t like your attitude 

jillo: is this an important announcement

GucciBoy: of course

jillo: about?

GucciBoy: patience 

Siyeon: i don’t possess that

mattharoni: neither does jiwoo

jillo: hey

Siyeon: omg twinsies

jillo: don’t type that again

Siyeon: :/

borawr: yah!

borawr: don’t make the loml sad

Siyeon: loml?

borawr: always <3

Siyeon: (╥﹏╥)

jillo: now you made her cry

borawr: i should be punished for this

senshine: not to kink shame anyone but stfu

GucciBoy: thank you sehun

senshine: shut up and tell us your announcement already

GucciBoy: that feels like a contradiction 

GucciBoy: but ok :D

overwatcher: some of the txt members want to be added!

GucciBoy: jeongguk what the actual fuck

overwatcher: ;p

GucciBoy: i want a divorce

overwatcher: NO

youknowleeknow: do you guys add people often?

senshine: whenever we find gays that want to we do

youknowleeknow: hmm

mattharoni: hurry up so i can properly welcome them!

melonman: you didn’t properly welcome me or chenle

mattharoni: my bad

jillo: he was busy

mattharoni: very

senshine: this group chat is full of sex fiends

GucciBoy: don’t act like you didn’t share every aspect of your sex life when you were dating your ex

senshine: times were different then

GucciBoy: i was about to say that was a month ago but then i realized its been like four years and i don’t understand time anymore

jillo: you’ve been single for four years???

senshine: it be like that

Hongjoong: what happened to the original plot of the story

overwatcher: ???

Seonghwa: he’s talking about txt

GucciBoy: RIGHT

ieatrice: finally

GucciBoy: stop lurking 

ieatrice: would you just add them already

GucciBoy: well now i don’t want to

borawr: oh my god

[overwatcher added Beomgyu]

[overwatcher added Yeonjun]

GucciBoy: HEY

[overwatcher added Soobin]

overwatcher: you were taking too long taebaby

GucciBoy: :(

Yeonjun: hello

Seonghwa: hi!!

mattharoni: WELCOME! this is a gays only event! founded by our dear heechul and yubin our resident prehistoric gays! we come in all shapes and sizes from all over the world and are dedicated to spreading the gay agenda and discovering how gay gay can gay whenever we can! hope you enjoy your stay and pls rate us 5 stars on yelp xoxo

ieatrice: are you going to start doing this every time???

mattharoni: maybe

Soobin: thank you <3

thewonderyears: did you just call me prehistoric??? 

mattharoni: maybe

thewonderyears: heechul yes, but i’m thirty???

imbigg: eunwoo is so gay

ieatrice: random

overwatcher: BAMBAM

imbigg: SHIT

imbigg: wrong gc pretend you saw nothing

backspasm: …

imbigg: you saw nothing!!

mingbaby: dammit bambam

Yeonjun: that was eventful 

 

Seen by backspasm, Soobin, imbigg, jillo, 56+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

MON 4:39 PM

Eunwoo: i’ve never felt like this???

Mingyu: falling in love is magical

Eunwoo: i just want to be with him all the time???

Eunwoo: like wtf

DK: how’d you get so whipped so fast

Mingyu: bambam wtf???

DK: what did he do

BamBam: i’m sorry!!

Yugyeom: oh no

Jungkook: you’re so stupid

BamBam: shit gets confusing

BamBam: i’m in like 20 group chats ok

DK: did you send something to the wrong gc?

BamBam: so heres the thing

BamBam: sorry eunwoo

Eunwoo: me???

BamBam: i accidentally said something in a different gc that was meant for this one 

Eunwoo: about me

BamBam: about you

 

Seen by Eunwoo, Mingyu, Jungkook, DK, 2+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Dongmin and MoonBin

WED 4:48 PM

MoonBin: you’re avoiding me

Dongmin: astute observation binnie

MoonBin: could you at least tell me why?

MoonBin: i mean

MoonBin: did i do something wrong

MoonBin: cause i thought we already talked about the fanservice thing and we were ok

MoonBin: and i promise i’m not upset about the kiss

Dongmin: you never brought up the kiss so i thought you wanted to ignore it

MoonBin: if that’s what you want then i’m fine with it

MoonBin: i just want us to be friends like before

Dongmin: just friends?

MoonBin: if you’re ok with that

MoonBin: and if you’re going through something right now you can always talk to me

MoonBin: you’ve always been there for me you have to know i would do the same for you

Dongmin: i do

Dongmin: i’m just being dumb

Dongmin: we can go back to before i promise

MoonBin: ok :(

 

Seen by Dongmin

 

gays only event Group Chat

WED 4:52 PM

Yeonjun: so tae hyung said some of you are in poly relationships?

imbigg: this just got interesting

freethetitty: yes indeed small child

Soobin: can you tell beomgyu about them cause he’s unsure

Beomgyu: HYUNG

Soobin: its the truth baby

imbigg: i have much wisdom to impart 

freethetitty: are you three dating?

Yeonjun: yes!

Beomgyu: no

Soobin: yes <3

imbigg: “baby”

Yeonjun: lol

Yeonjun: bin calls everyone baby

Soobin: my babies <3

freethetitty: so not dating

Yeonjun: yet

Soobin: yet

Beomgyu: i get no say in this

Yeonjun: just a little bit

Soobin: aw baby

imbigg: isn’t yeonjun older than you?

Soobin: so?

Soobin: still my baby

Soobin: you can be my baby too!

imbigg: ok

ieatrice: ok???

imbigg: i’m down

soupboi: only i can call you baby >:(

imbigg: nvm sorry soobin

Soobin: it’s ok :/

melonman: i’ll be your baby!

Soobin: omg a new baby <3

seacalf: but you’re my baby???

melonman: no you’re my baby 

melonman: there is a difference 

Soobin: so i only have two babies :/

Beomgyu: don’t be whiny that’s a lot

Yeonjun: can i use our @’s here?

Soobin: of course baby!

[Yeonjun changed Soobin’s name to princebinnie]

[Yeonjun changed Beomgyu’s name to babygyu]

[Yeonjun changed Yeonjun’s name to junjunbe]

freethetitty: to the poly gc?

imbigg: to the poly gc!!

supportiveally_kingchul: wait you have a poly group chat???

imbigg: and a bottoms gc!

supportiveally_kingchul: i think my heart rate just spiked

freethetitty: that’s fair

 

Seen by imbigg, junjunbe, melonman, seacalf, 46+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

WED 4:54 PM

Eunwoo: i need a hug

Eunwoo: *screenshot*

Mingyu: oh woo 

Eunwoo: he doesn’t like me like that :/

BamBam: maybe he doesn’t even know that’s an option

BamBam: i could add you to the super secret gc?

Eunwoo: i should probably tell bin i’m bi first

BamBam: i already took care of that...

Eunwoo: but he should hear it from me don’t ya think

Mingyu: yes

Yugyeom: don’t give up yet min!

The8: yea! bam managed to get two boyfriends

DK: for real how hard could it be

BamBam: …

Jaehyun: half of nct is hooking up with each other so like i feel there is hope for you

Yugyeom: wait what

Jungkook: yeah roll that one back

Jaehyun: i just mean chenle and jisung are obviously dating and then there is yong and johnny

BamBam: that is not half of nct

BamBam: that’s half of stray kids or ateez not nct!

Jaehyun: whatever

Eunwoo: i still want a hug btw

DK: I got you!

 

Seen by Jaehyun, Eunwoo, The8, Yugyeom, 2+

 

no jelly beans here Group Chat

WED 4:56 PM

Hyejin: this gc mad dead

Taehyung: i actually forgot it existed

Matthew: it was created for our poly problems and we solved that so

Hyejin: lets bring it back

Hoetaek: i still have poly issues

Wheein: you have more than that hun

Jaehyung: harsh

Yongsun: now that byul and i are getting married do we really need jaehyungparkian in this gc

Hyejin: they aren’t poly so

Jaehyung: hey!

Younghyun: our advice is very valuable 

Mark: let them stay

Jaehyung: thank you

Yongsun: fine

BamBam: adding the children now

Taehyung: should we add sowoo?

Matthew: yes???

Hyejin: we bout to breathe life back into the gc

[BamBam added Yeonjun]

[BamBam added Soobin]

[BamBam added Beomgyu]

Yeonjun: i love this gc name ㅋㅋㅋ

[Taehyung added Somin]

[Taehyung added Jiwoo]

Hyejin: so you had questions about poly?

Soobin: i feel like we’ve been added to the holy order

Beomgyu: i just don’t get how it works

BamBam: i sound like a broken record but communication

Beomgyu: but how do you communicate???

Jackson: valid

Jackson: hold on

Mark: jackson is about to do math for y’all

Jaehyung: correctly???

Mark: to soon to say yet

 

Seen by Jaehyung, Beomgyu, Yeonjun, Moonbyul, 9+

 

Private Chat: Mingyu and Wonwoo

WED 5:00 PM

Mingyu: where r u?

Wonwoo: with jeonghan

Wonwoo: what’s up?

Mingyu: i miss you

Wonwoo: oh :(

Wonwoo: i’m sorry do you want me to come see you?

Mingyu: i don’t mean like that

Mingyu: i miss us

Wonwoo: oh

Mingyu: maybe its not the right time

Wonwoo: wait

Wonwoo: it might never be the right time

Wonwoo: but i don’t want to waste time waiting for it to be right

Wonwoo: we can make it right

Mingyu: does this mean?

Wonwoo: yes!

Wonwoo: where are you?

Mingyu: i was with vernon but i’m going back to our room

Wonwoo: in the beginning we were scared about screwing shit up right

Mingyu: right

Wonwoo: i think we’ve waited long enough

Wonwoo: we’re older now

Wonwoo: we aren’t going to screw this up

Mingyu: you know i never stopped loving you

Wonwoo: baby you have no idea how in love i’ve always been with you

Mingyu: fuck

Wonwoo: don’t cry baby

Mingyu: can’t help it

Wonwoo: give me two seconds i’ll grab you tissues

 

Seen by Mingyu

 

no jelly beans yet Group Chat

WED 5:01 PM

Jackson: y’all shut it i can do math

Somin: feels debatable

Jackson: -_-

Moonbyul: tell us your math and we can be the judge of that

Beomgyu: why is he doing math?

Jackson: just wait

Jackson: ok so you can’t look at poly relationships like one big group relationship. it is but it also isn’t. within one poly relationship there are many relationships. take bambam mark and me for example. there are 4 separate relationships here and that’s how you have to look at it. each relationship is important, not just the big group one

Moonbyul: that actually makes pretty good sense

Jackson: so for a 3 person relationship there are going to be 4 individual relationships that need to communicate and be able to work together. for a bigger relationship like kard and mamamoo there are going to be 11 relationships that each need care and attention put into them or the entire relationship falls apart

Somin: wow his math is right

Jackson: thank you

Jiwoo: i never doubted you

Mark: i did

Beomgyu: that makes sense thank you

Soobin: so if gyu jun and i are getting together then mine and jun’s relationship is just as important as gyu and jun’s and mine and gyu’s and then there is the three of us as a relationship and each part needs to communicate and work

Jackson: exactly

Yeonjun: i hate math

Jaehyung: i can’t believe jackson did math to explain this

Jackson: please it took the last braincell from me

BamBam: he made a diagram to figure it out

Hyejin: any other questions?

Yeonjun: so hypothetically sex between bin and i is just as important as sex between all three of us

Yongsun: yes?

Moonbyul: yes

Yeonjun: told you binnie!!

Soobin: i wasn’t sure ok jeez

Beomgyu: i really don’t mind you guys having sex without me

Yeonjun: yeah to communication!

Jackson: glad to have helped

 

Seen by Yeonjun, Soobin, Hoetaek, Younghyun, 5+

Chapter Text

Private Chat: Seonghwa and Hongjoong

THUR 10:43 AM

Seonghwa : i can’t believe you left me with these children

Hongjoong : you said you could handle it

Seonghwa : that’s before mingi started using wooyoung as a punching bag 

Hongjoong : wait what

Seonghwa : i took care of it

Hongjoong : our manager???

Seonghwa : he’s been talking with the director for so long

Hongjoong : wait have you guys not started?

Seonghwa : no :(

Seonghwa : and now i miss you :(

Hongjoong : baby :(

Hongjoong : i’ll be done soon and i’ll bring an early lunch

Seonghwa : you’re the best (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Hongjoong : you’re the best!

Seonghwa : oh i think we’re getting started

Hongjoong : good luck babe

Seonghwa : (ɔ˘ ³(ˆ‿ˆc)

Seonghwa : wait shit wooyoung tripped yunho and now his nose is bleeding

Hongjoong : what the actual fuck

Seonghwa : oops i got distracted 

Seonghwa : i’m sure he’s fine

Hongjoong : maybe go check???

Seonghwa : fine :/

 

Seen by Hongjoong

 

Private Chat: Johnny and Taeyong

THUR 10:53 AM

Taeyong : good morning 

Johnny : hi yongie how are superm promos going?

Taeyong : they’re good

Taeyong : i miss being home tho

Taeyong : miss you

Johnny : i know :/

Johnny : i miss you too

Johnny : miss ten mark and lucas too

Taeyong : we’ll be done soon

Taeyong : i want to spend christmas with you!

Taeyong : we stopped in chicago so i got you something!

Johnny : i can’t wait babe

Johnny : are you going to bed soon?

Taeyong : yea :/

Johnny : wanna facetime till you fall asleep?

Taeyong : you’re not busy?

Johnny : not really

Taeyong : then yes please

 

Seen by Johnny

 

Private Chat: Minho and Jisung

THUR 11:11 AM

Jisung : 11:11 make a wish!!!

Minho : i wish for you to buy me lunch

Jisung : isn’t it your turn to buy me lunch tho

Minho : i’ve bought you lunch like fifty times this month

Jisung : that’s not possible

Minho : i’m including all the vending machine snacks

Jisung : but you’re my hyung :(

Minho : and don’t forget about it ;)

Minho : now treat me to lunch

Jisung : fine where do you want to meet

Minho : subway?

Jisung : which station?

Minho : i meant the sandwiches 

Jisung : oh

Jisung : by the jype building?

Minho : yep

Jisung : afterwards can we go back to the dorm?

Minho : are the storage closets not good enough for you anymore?

Jisung : you’re evil

Minho : ;)

Minho : we can go anywhere you want cutie pie

Jisung : ok ಥ_ಥ

 

Seen by Minho

 

Private Chat: Bora and Siyeon

THUR 11:34 AM

Bora : is it too early to get lunch?

Siyeon : babe we’re on a diet

Bora : fuck it give me the fancy leaves

Siyeon : a salad?

Bora : i’m huuuuuuungry

Siyeon : want some water?

Bora : feeeeeeed me

Siyeon : you’re so whiny today

Bora : :(((

Siyeon : don’t pout

Bora : or what

Siyeon : or i’ll come kiss you

Bora : askfldjs

Bora : that doesn’t sound like a threat

Siyeon : its not ;)

Bora : you’re not distracting me from my hungry tummy

Siyeon : do you want me to grab you a snack from the vending machine on my way back?

Bora : pleeeeeeeease

Bora : i’ll love you forever

Siyeon : you don’t already?

Bora : cnsf;dskjn

Bora : STOP

Siyeon : are you flustered?

Bora : maybe

Bora : still waiting on that kiss

Siyeon : then i’m omw <3

 

Seen by Bora

 

Triple the Choi Triple the Trouble Group Chat

THUR 12:02 PM

junjunbe : top 3 animals you wanna pet but can’t, go!  

princebinnie : uuuuuuuum

princebinnie : porcupine!

princebinnie : they look like they need a hug

princebinnie : it pains me that i’ll never be able to hug one due to it being a giant pincushion :(

princebinnie : tiger! or really any big cat

princebinnie : i just need three seconds i don’t care if it rips my head off

princebinnie : and jumping spiders!!!

princebinnie : they’re so small and cute :(

junjunbe : these are all very valid and heartbreaking

babygyu : why are you guys blowing up my phone

princebinnie : baby!

babygyu : to be fair i would risk it all for a tiger too

junjunbe : txt: termination by tiger

princebinnie : we have to change the gc name to that

babygyu : i vote we all go visit taehyun’s snake first

princebinnie : i like the way your brain works

junjunbe : before you go gyu, i wanna tell you bin went to see the doctor and it turns out he’s vitamin d deficient 

babygyu : oh no :(

junjunbe : what do you say we head back to bed and follow the doctor's orders?

babygyu : being vitamin d deficient is no fun

babygyu : are you feeling ok binnie?

princebinnie : um

babygyu : cause if you’re ever feeling down i’m sure yeonjun will be glad to feel you up

princebinnie : cvdsknajk

junjunbe : oh my god gyu

junjunbe : you really had me there

junjunbe : i thought you didn’t know i meant dick

babygyu : i’m a fool not an idiot

babygyu : a fool for you <3

junjunbe : choi beomgyu you sir are doing dangerous things to my heart

princebinnie : next time leave me out of your pick up lines battle

junjunbe : sorry binnie

princebinnie : its okie baby

babygyu : so snake?

junjunbe : yessss

 

Seen by babygyu, princebinnie

 

Private Chat: Heejin and Hyunjin

THUR 12:42 PM

Heejin : i’m sooooo full

Hyunjin : lol i know

Hyunjin : chuu was talking about your food baby

Heejin : leave my food baby alone!

Hyunjin : its cute

Heejin : does that mean you’ll help me raise the baby

Hyunjin : you’d have to ask me to be your girlfriend first

Heejin : if you want to sure

Hyunjin : eh no rush

Heejin : but the food baby

Hyunjin : a compelling argument

Heejin : would you do me the honor of raising my food baby with me?

Hyunjin : sounds too formal

Heejin : jinniiiiiiiiie

Hyunjin : jinniiiiie

Heejin : cute

Hyunjin : you’re cute

Heejin : if you don’t stop imma send you spongebob memes!

Hyunjin : i love when you threaten me babe

Heejin : HYUNJIN

Hyunjin : ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Hyunjin : you’re too easy

Heejin : you’re mean (╥﹏╥)

Hyunjin : is that anyway to talk to the mother of your food baby?

Heejin : so you will raise my baby with me???

Hyunjin : of course <3

Heejin : (╥﹏╥)

 

Seen by Hyunjin

 

Foreign Line Group Chat

THUR 12:59 PM

BamBam : did jb yell at either of you?

Jackson : nope

Mark : no???

BamBam : shit he’s been yelling at me all day

Jackson : aw no 

Mark : maybe its cause you’re annoying

Jackson : MARK

Mark : JACKSON

Jackson : oh no we sound like sungjong and taemin now

BamBam : you think i’m annoying???

Mark : yes

Jackson : in a lovable way

BamBam : wow fuck the both of you then

Jackson : well if you’re offering

Mark : i’m game

BamBam : did we just agree to have a threesome?

Mark : it wouldn’t be the first time

BamBam : but that wasn’t even sexting we just agreed to sex

Jackson : consent is essential 

Mark : the bare minimum really

BamBam : you two are really sharing a single braincell today

Mark : jackson used his last one yesterday so we’re making do

Jackson : we could share with you (ㆆ_ㆆ)

BamBam : jackson???

Jackson : wrong emoticon

Jackson : (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

Mark : better

BamBam : much

Jackson : so sex or ???

Mark : who’s room?

BamBam : i’m already in my room

Jackson : give me five minutes!

 

Seen by Mark, BamBam

 

gays only event Group Chat

THUR 4:07 PM

overwatcher : why is this gc so dead today?

GucciBoy : couple interlude

overwatcher : couple interlude?

GucciBoy : yep!

overwatcher : aren’t we a couple?

GucciBoy : we’re married there is a difference

twitterking18 : obviously we are superior 

emo_fanboy18 : they wish they were us

twitterking18 : i’m so glad we’re us

GucciBoy : it does feel good

emo_fanboy18 : marriage is power

grandsunma : that’s what i’ve been saying!

overwatcher : we are the elite 

whepuppy : just wait until hyejin and i get married!

greasemonster : omg that means we get to go on two honeymoons

grandsunma : babe your mind

freethetitty : we’re getting married???

whepuppy : oh my god we’ve been dating the longest!!!

twitterking18 : that’s fair

emo_fanboy18 : we met back in 2010 tho

twitterking18 : and you kissed me

emo_fanboy18 : we deserve title of longest lasting couple

Gucciboy : can’t argue with that

whepuppy : that doesn’t count hyejin and i’ve been together the longest

grandsunma : i’m just glad i’m finally married

greasemonster : i love being your wife

grandsunma : awwwww

freethetitty : fuck that’s cute

potaeto : we aren’t even in the running

mattharoni : not even close

jillo : we could get married tho?

somint : we should wait until after tae’s enlistment tho

mattharoni : fuck i forgot about that

jillo : :((

potaeto : it’ll be over before you know it

somint : we’re still gonna miss you

potato : oh my gosh i’m not disappearing

twitterking18 : i don’t want to think about bri having to enlist

whepuppy : its times like this when i’m thankful to be a lesbian

freethetitty : ^

greasemonster : ^^

grandsunma : ^^^

GucciBoy : i wish i was a lesbian

overwatcher : tae???

mingbaby : i relate 

nopainwoo : gyu???

mingbaby : just feels right

GucciBoy : exactly

nopainwoo : should we talk about this???

mingbaby : nah

jillo : this gc is always so strange

somint : i wish i was a lesbain too

jillo : that’s fair

mattharoni : guys???

somint : men

jillo : men

whepuppy : men

potaeto : ya know that’s pretty valid

mattharoni : i can’t argue with this

twitterking18 : if only we were all lesbians

mingbaby : lesbians >>>>>

grandsunma : glad the single gc braincell is working today

GucciBoy : ≧✯◡✯≦

 

Seen by jillo, mingbaby, twitterking18, whepuppy, 16+

 

Private Chat: Sehyoon and Byeongkwan

THUR 4:12 PM

Byeongkwan : i could use a massage

Sehyoon : is that you asking or demanding?

Byeongkwan : asking?

Sehyoon : ok then

Byeongkwan : i had such a hard time falling asleep last night

Sehyoon : oh why?

Byeongkwan : its hard to fall asleep thinking about you i can’t stop smiling

Sehyoon : o.O

Byeongkwan : is that it?

Sehyoon : i can’t help it!

Byeongkwan : cute

Sehyoon : stop or i’m not giving you a massage

Byeongkwan : fiiiiiine

Sehyoon : i’m going to keep making you smile till your cheeks can’t take it anymore

Byeongkwan : yoonie ಥ_ಥ

Sehyoon : the only thing more amazing than your smile is the way you make me smile

Byeongkwan : stop or i will combust ಥ_ಥ

Byeongkwan : come here so i can smother you in kisses

Sehyoon : <3

 

Seen by Byeongkwan

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

TUE 9:13 AM

fishmom : MY BETA FISH ATE ALL MY SHRIMP

GucciBoy : happy christmas eve to you too

kwanquat : wait what

sunbun : NO

fishdad : yeah apparently beta fish eat shrimp

fishmom : i hate everything

twitterking18 : being a dad is hard work I understand your pain

fishmom : you have a child that ate your other children too?

twitterking18 : um well no

twitterking18 : but being a plant dad is a full time job

emo_fanboy18 : you’ve forgotten to water our child every time this month

twitterking18 : STOP exposing me! I get it I’m a bad plant dad

minime : minho will take your plant

twitterking : for real???

youknowleeknow : yeah i love plants :)

minime : he does

bigmouth : can confirm

sunshinesnail : he’s good at being a plant dad

youknowleeknow : wow is that a compliment form seungmin???

sunshinesnail : shut up

youknowleeknow : make me ;)

minime : don’t flirt in front me -_-

bigmouth : or me

twitterking18 : I’m keeping my plant child

emo_fanboy18 : we named them bob rose

twitterking18 : taemin helped

fishdad : sounds like a taemin thing to do

kwanquat : so taeyong’s shrimp are dead?

sunbun : i’m mourning as we speak

fishmom : i came back from the states to find them all gone T_T

fishdad : i’m sorry yongie

fishdad : i’ll buy you more and we can set up a new tank 

ilikebutt : sometimes i think about how this gc went from just mamamoo and taekook to literally all the couples

ilikebutt : and somehow i’m still single???

ilikebutt : make it make sense

meanestgay : we could date?

ilikebutt : you’re my literal child

meanestgay : yea that would be weird

Yerin : i’ll date you

ilikebutt : really???

Yerin : sure?

ilikebutt : you don’t sound sure

Yerin : eh

ilikebutt : yerin -_-

Yerin : idk sure

grandsunma : if i wasn’t married i’d date the fuck outta you right now

ilikebutt : i appreciate that

GucciBoy : no one said happy christmas eve back to me :(

meanestgay : maybe we would if bts stopped hogging all the daesangs

GucciBoy : how is that my fault???

Yerin : its all rigged anyway it doesn’t matter

meanestgay : true

kwanquat : happy christmas eve sunbaenim!

GucciBoy : kwanquat is now my favorite in this gc 

kwanquat : my name is byeongkwan

GucciBoy : byeongkwan is now my favorite in this gc!

soupboi : be merry

ieatrice : be joyful

imbigg : but most importantly be kinky

imbigg : stay slutty everyone ;)

youknowleeknow : you don’t have to tell me twice

sunbun : well this has been the strangest christmas eve yet

bigmouth : its only 10am

sunbun : i’m dreading the rest of the day

fishmom : my bad :/

 

Seen by fishdad, bigmouth, twitterking18, imbigg, 43+

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

TUE 1:35 PM

Eunwoo : i think i’m ready to be added to your super secret gc

Jungkook : wait this is so exciting

Jaehyun : what changed?

Eunwoo : i talked with my members and feel better about everything now

BamBam : and moonbin?

Eunwoo : we’re ok

BamBam : lame

Jungkook : bammie x_x

DK : hello mere mortals

Eunwoo : seokmin???

Mingyu : ignore him

DK : I have seen the light

The8 : he’s drank like ten espresso shots today

BamBam : that’s not that many

The8 : and two red bulls

Eunwoo : oh my god

Jaehyun : is he going to be ok???

Mingyu : we think so

DK : I am the keeper of the truth for I have seen it all

Jungkook : and that is?

DK : I cannot bestow such information on a mere mortal such as yourself

Eunwoo : so i looked up a caffeine overdose 

Eunwoo : if he starts puking or shaking please take him to the hospital

DK : FOOL

DK : I am beyond the capabilities puny doctors 

DK : I am a GOD amongst humans now

DK : I do not fear death I have transcended between worlds I exist in the veil beyond your comprehension I do not fear death for I do not fear your mortal gods they cannot dictate my fate for I have learned the truth to this pathetic world

DK : your painful existences no longer matter to me suffer while you still breathe for I know when you will take your last

Jungkook : we’re all taking screenshots right?

Yugyeom : absolutely 

Eunwoo : i’m concerned but yes

Mingyu : its too bad you can’t actually see him

BamBam : please take videos

The8 : on it!

Jaehyun : y’all are evil

DK : there is no evil only a murky grey plane of existence on this hell rock spinning around a ball of fire floating in the empty set on destroying us all one day

Jaehyun : wow

The8 : maybe we will take him to the hospital

Eunwoo : i think that’s a good idea

 

Seen by BamBam, Jungkook, Mingyu, Yugyeom, 2+

 

TXT: termination by tiger Group Chat

WED 2:08 PM

Yeonjun : did you see kai’s sweater

Soobin : yep

Taehyun : why?

Yeonjun : it’s so ugly

Beomgyu : i’m so glad i’m not the only one

Soobin : right it looks so annoying

Yeonjun : not flattering at all

Kai : thanks guys :)

Beomgyu : you’re in this group chat???

Yeonjun : shit we’re in the txt gc

Soobin : um

Taehyun : do you guys talk shit about us in another gc???

Yeonjun : no

Beomgyu : its a lovely sweater kai!

Kai : its supposed to be an ugly christmas sweater???

Yeonjun : well you did a very good job

Kai : you guys suck

Soobin : sorry baby

Yeonjun : hey gyu let’s play a game!

Beomgyu : which one?

Yeonjun : titanic! you be the iceberg and i’ll go down

Soobin : cnvjdslk

Beomgyu : are you looking for a tree topper cause i’ve been told i’m a star on top ;)

Kai : my poor eyes

Yeonjun : wait are we still in the txt gc

Soobin : you guys are my dumb babies

Beomgyu : whoops

Taehyun : please never do that in front of me again

Yeonjun : fine lets play a different game

Yeonjun : i’ll be a present and you can get me laid under the tree ;)

Beomgyu : it looks like the christmas tree isn’t the only one getting a star topper tonight ;)

Kai : I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE

Soobin : sorry baby…

 

Seen by Kai, Taehyun

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 1:18 PM

twitterking18 : do you find destiny or does destiny find you?

emo_fanboy18 : babe what

twitterking18 : do things happen for a reason?

emo_fanboy18 : please stop

twitterking18 : how does one stop an existential crisis

emo_fanboy18 : by having a slice of cake

twitterking18 : where does cake come from tho?

emo_fanboy18 : the bakery i’m about to take you to that’s where

twitterking18 : oh

imbigg : jae hyung

imbigg : maybe you’re working a little too hard

twitterking18 : jaehyung is offline

imbigg : bye then?

overwatcher : so

[mingbaby added Eunwoo]

imbigg : MINGYU

mingbaby : BAMBAM

overwatcher : stop you sound like taejong

imbigg : did you even ask to add him tho???

mingbaby : he said he was ready tho

overwatcher : you didn’t even warn him

mattharoni : another baby gay???

imbigg : i guess everyone is a baby to your old ass

supportiveally_kingchul : bambam

imbigg : sunbaenim

Eunwoo : what the

backspasm : i completely forgot i could add you

Myungjun : i forget this gc even exists tbh

supportiveally_kingchul : i wish i could

supportiveally_kingchul : but alas i created this madness

Eunwoo : i

imbigg : use your words

mingbaby : you can do it min

Eunwoo : you didn’t tell me there were this many idols here…

Myungjun : how many did you think?

Eunwoo : thirty???

supportiveally_kingchul : i wouldn’t be surprised if we hit 100 by the end of 2020

imbigg : askfjlask

Eunwoo : i’m a bit overwhelmed

mattharoni : WELCOME to our gays only event! current residency to six married gays but there is always room for more ;) we come from all ends of the spectrum, from a to z and everything in between! we are dedicated to spreading the word of our lord and savior kingchul and setting stan twitter on fire with every possible chance! hope you enjoy your stay and rate us 5 stars on yelp please and thank you honey bunches

twitterking18 : I think this is your best one yet  

mattharoni : thanks :D

Eunwoo : six

Eunwoo : married

Eunwoo : gays

Eunwoo : ???

iamwhatiam : yo when did that happen

imbigg : CHANGKYUN

iamwhatiam : hello

imbigg : hello???

imbigg : thats all you have to say???

imbigg: hello???

imbigg : where have you beeeeeeen

iamwhatiam : shit’s been chaotic

imbigg : so you ignore me???

iamwhatiam : you’re not my mom???

imbigg : BUT

tentastic : bambam mom agenda

overwatcher : we stan mom bambam

imbigg : stfu

supportiveally_kingchul : nice to have you back changkyun

iamwhatiam : thanks

iamwhatiam : so who got married?

Eunwoo : i also want to know

overwatcher : tae and i did!

Eunwoo : oh that’s good

mingbaby : you already knew tho

Eunwoo : oh right

overwatcher : you forgot tae and i got married???

Eunwoo : …

GucciBoy : you came to the party tho :(

Eunwoo : listen

Eunwoo : i’ve been stressed

iamwhatiam : big mood

imbigg : one half of mamamoo are the other married ones

iamwhatiam : oh did solar finally get married? i think i remember seeing that

grandsunma : YES I DID

backspasm : it was a long time coming

Eunwoo : i don’t think i want to know

iamwhatiam : you don’t

grandsunma : HEY

grandsunma : its a wonderful story of love and pain, longing and passion 

imbigg : in reality solar complained enough that byul gave in

iamwhatiam : lmao

grandsunma : stfu

ilikebutt : where’s the lie tho

grandsunma : don’t tell me you’re siding with them???

ilikebutt : shit you right

ilikebutt : it was really sweet, you missed something very beautiful 

grandsunma : exactly!

grandsunma : i even sent chankyun an invite to the party!

iamwhatiam : wait

iamwhatiam : really???

grandsunma : did you not get it :(

iamwhatiam : must have gotten lost in the fan mail :/

grandsunma : oh :(

iamwhatiam : i can’t believe you actually think about me

iamwhatiam : like people think about me when i’m not around???

imbigg : of course we do???

iamwhatiam : wow i exist

Eunwoo : is he ok?

overwatcher : he’s always like this

mingbaby : yeah don’t worry about it

iamwhatiam : i still exist when you don’t see me???

imbigg : of course x_x

iamwhatiam : me existing actually influences the decisions you make???

grandsunma : yes bub

iamwhatiam : mind blown

iamwhatiam : i cannot even fathom

imbigg : do you forget i exist when we don’t see each other???

imbigg : wait is that why you never text first or respond???

iamwhatiam : uh

tentastic : changkyun doesn’t understand object permanence confirmed

imbigg : I AM NOT AN OBJECT

overwatcher : changkyun is a baby confirmed

iamwhatiam : that’s fair

imbigg : i cannot with you

supportiveally_kingchul : changkyun are you ok?

iamwhatiam : i think so?

Eunwoo : is this gc gonna be weirder than the 97 liner one?

backspasm : considering half of the 97 liners are here

Eunwoo : good point

mingbaby : oh yeah this one is way worse

imbigg : i mostly blame taemin for that

Eunwoo : he’s not even here right now

imbigg : yeah now imagine when he is

overwatcher : so true

ilikebutt : i like to think heechul manages to keep the sanity in this gc

iamwhatiam : he is the keeper of the braincell

imbigg : i wanna be the keeper of the braincell :(

iamwhatiam : aw ok

iamwhatiam : you can be whatever you want

iamwhatiam : if you want to be the keeper of the braincell go for it!

imbigg : that means a lot buddy ಥ_ಥ

overwatcher : unless heechul says otherwise

iamwhatiam : true

iamwhatiam : heechul leader of the gays

backspasm : i can get behind this

tentastic : always consult heechul first before using the gc braincell <3

twitterking18 : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

chocorings : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

tentastic : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

iamwhatiam : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

ilikebutt : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Chorong : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Yerin : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Gain : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

GucciBoy : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

mattharoni : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

supportiveally_kingchul : WAIT

Bobby : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Yoohyeon : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

grandsunma : #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

supportiveally_kingchul : DO NOT GIVE ME THAT POWER OVER YOUR LIFE CHOICES

Minzy :  #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Dasom :  #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Youngji :  #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Hyuna :  #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

Kevin :  #alwaysconsultheechulfirst

supportiveally_kingchul : please its a free country!! make your own choices!! fuck up, make mistakes, its how we learn, please don’t rely on someone else to figure it out for you. it’s your life!!! your decision!!! in the end you’re stuck with it so make the decisions yourself!!!

Gain : you just don’t want us to blame you when it goes wrong

supportiveally_kingchul : i hate it here

Eunwoo : so consult heechul first

Eunwoo : got it!

supportiveally_kingchul : did no one read anything i typed???

imbigg : it was too long

Hyuna : I don’t wanna scroll up now

Kevin : it’s just easier to trust you

supportiveally_kingchul : i can’t stand any of you

iamwhatiam : and that’s why he is the keeper of the braincell

imbigg : take me on as your apprentice sunbaenim

supportiveally_kingchul : sure

imbigg : dreams really do come true

 

Seen by supportiveally_kingchul, Gain, Minzy, tentastic, 46+

Chapter Text

gays only event Group Chat

FRI 9:15 PM

Kevin : so i saw a ghost 

San : shut the front door

Kevin : i think so

San : pics or it didn’t happen

supportiveally_kingchul : are there any adults in this gc?

Kevin : i am an adult

supportiveally_kingchul : you believe in ghosts

San : i am an adult too

supportiveally_kingchul : sigh

supportiveally_kingchul : any 30 year olds???

Kevin : i can ask my new ghost friend

supportiveally_kingchul : nvm

Kevin : oh well

San : we tried

San : pics

San : kevin???

 

Seen by Kevin, Yerin, Siyeon, Yoohyeon, 3+

 

The Sujus Group Chat

FRI 9:42 PM

Heechul : are any of you awake?

Donghae : and he graces us with his presence!!

Heechul : nvm

Donghae : wait!

Donghae : I am awake!

Heechul : i can see that

Heechul : anyone else?

Jongwoon : what up?

Heechul : finally an adult

Donghae : offended

Jongwoon : I was going to bed

Kyuhyun : fuck you’re old

Jongwoon : shut it

Heechul : this is why i never ask you idiots for help

Ryeowook : speak for yourself

Jongwoon : I’m going to bed then

Donghae : good night hyung

Jongwoon : <3

Heechul : nvm

Heechul : there is bound to be a gc out there that can help

Kyuhyun : you didn’t even ask though

Ryeowook : yea what is it?

Heechul : fine

Heechul : just promise you’re not gonna be weird about it

Donghae : is this about you being gay again?

Ryeowook : or your girlfriend?

Kyuhyun : I’m ignoring you if it is

Donghae : HeeHee?

Kyunhyun : you know he hates when you call him that

Donghae : its why I do it!

Kyuhyun : well, must have been about his gf then

Donghae : you guys ruined my gossip opportunity 

Ryeowook : like he would have told you anyways

Hyukjae : shut up

Kyuhyun : just mute us

Ryeowook : you know he doesn’t know how to do that

Donghae : ㅋㅋㅋ

Hyukjae : I do too

Kyuhyun : do it then

Hyukjae : fuck off

Kyuhyun : :)

Donghae : don’t curse at my baby :(

Kyuhyun : so you do like me?

Donghae : sure, I guess

Kyuhyun : :(

Donghae : you’re manipulating me

Donghae : and I love you for it

Kyuhyun : ;)

Ryeowook : ew

Donghae : I love you too!

Ryeowook : …

 

Seen by Hyukjae, Kyuhyun, Siwon, Donghae, 2+

 

The Kids Are Alright Group Chat

SAT 4:43 AM

Heechul : i need to vent

Jungsoo : why are you awake?

Heechul : why are /you/ awake???

Jungsoo : cause I am

Heechul : well i am too

Kangta : so am I

Yunho : I’m not

Jungsoo : then go back to bed

Yunho : never left

Boa : not that 5am isn’t a perfectly acceptable time to be awake but wtf

Kangta : why are we all awake

Heechul : i need to vent

Jungsoo : isn’t it too early to be wound up

Heechul : well maybe if you answered me in the suju chat i would have actually slept 

Boa : you haven’t slept??

Heechul : well maybe if you answered me in the /other/ gc i would have actually slept

Yunho : damn what crawled up your ass

Heechul : I NEED TO VENT

Yunho : don’t yell at me 

Changmin : yea don’t yell at him

Heechul : nvm

Jongwoon : hold up

Jongwoon : you’ve woken me up so spill already

Boa : you woke the baby up :/

Jongwoon : I’m literally older than you

Boa : smol baby <3

Heechul : i’m just pissed off

Heechul : and i want to talk to actual adults about this shit

Kangta : I’m an actual adult

Heechul : are you tho?

Yunho : that’s fair

Boa : yeah and i wish this gc wasn’t full of men but you don’t hear me bitching

Jungsoo : you’re the one that doesn’t want to add snsd members

Boa : they’re my children i refuse to think they’re old enough to be here

Changmin : not that I keep up with anyone’s ages but aren’t they in their thirties?

Kangta : please not even all the sujus are in the gc

Heechul : they’re my children

Jongwoon : I’m not your child?

Heechul : no

Yunho : to be fair we never really set in stone the rules for being added to this gc

Kangta : we could add shinee at this point

Heechul : do that and i will smother you in your sleep

Jungsoo : I agree with Chul on this one

Jungsoo : they’re babies

Yunho : Jinki is almost done with his enlistment

Jongwoon : don’t remind me T_T

Boa : good talk old men <3

Changmin : this chat should be locked before 10am

 

Seen by Heechul, Yunho, Boa, Kangta, 2+

 

Last Resort Group Chat

SAT 6:07 AM

Jongwoon : it’s come to this

Jungsoo : not going to lie I forgot this even existed

Jongwoon : we only use it for emergencies so

Jungsoo : did Kyuhyun and Ryeowook do something?

Jongwoon : nah this is for Heechul

Jungsoo : oh right he never did vent

Heechul : i keep forgetting how scatterbrained gcs are

Jongwoon : I can’t believe you tried to have a legit conversation in the suju gc

Heechul : i was desperate

Jungsoo : so?

Heechul : i don’t wanna bother you guys

Jongwoon : eh tell us anyway

Jungsoo : you went to the suju gc and then our old people’s gc so you were going to bother us either way

Heechul : i just expected you to ignore me

Jungsoo : when have I ever?

Jongwoon : that’s a bad question

Jungsoo : I’m full of those

Heechul : i went to the gay gc first for help so i totally get if you don’t want to talk about this stuff

Jongwoon : we already told you we’re fine with you being bi so stop stalling 

Jungsoo : I feel like every three years we have to have this conversation about you being bi

Jungsoo : we let you kiss us so obviously we’re ok with it

Jongwoon : very ok with it

Heechul : it’s just awkward

Jongwoon : you’d think after 14 years it wouldn’t be

Jungsoo : way to make me feel old

Heechul : it’s not so much about being gay or bi but being ace

Heechul : i mean like asexual 

Jungsoo : oh

Heechul : if you guys aren’t comfortable talking about this i totally get it

Jongwoon : no it’s fine we want to listen

Jungsoo : have you talked to momo though

Heechul : uh

Heechul : kind of

Jungsoo : good

Jongwoon : so vent already

Heechul : it’s just

Heechul : ok so i never really thought i was ace cause i like sex, to a certain extent anyway, i guess i like the feelings it brings, but i also don’t care about it if that makes sense. sex doesn’t gross me out but i’ve always felt disconnected to it and the way people talk about it. it just doesn’t mean anything to me. 

Jongwoon : so you’re ace?

Heechul : i don’t know

Heechul : people talk about how asexuallity isn’t real, like “you just haven’t met the right person blah blah blah.” But i have. I’ve fallen in love a bunch of times but it’s never changed my view on sex no matter who i’m with. and then there’s other lgbts that don’t think asexuallity counts in the community and i hate that. its so invalidating

Jungsoo : that’s fucked up

Jungsoo : of course being ace is valid

Heechul : thanks 

Heechul : but i guess the whole point of why i’m feeling like shit is cause everyone is wrong about asexuallity and now i think i’ve been forcing myself to feel certain ways to fit a label that’s wrong for me

Jongwoon : what do you mean?

Heechul : like /oh how could you be ace but enjoy watching or reading or engaging in sex. you’re faking it for attention you’re not actually ace./

Jungsoo : who fucking said that to you

Heechul : that was a long time ago don’t worry about it

Jungsoo : but it’s still affecting you now?

Heechul : i always thought that’s what i had to be to be ace

Jungwoon : I see it like this and maybe we aren’t the right people for this conversation but

Jongwoon : its like enjoying a horror movie

Heechul : what

Jungwoon : bear with me

Jungwoon : I can enjoy a horror movie or documentary on a serial killer without having the desire to a) be murdered or b) do the murdering

Jungwoon : you can enjoy sex without wanting to engage with it or feel the desire to

Jungsoo : that makes a lot of sense actually

Jungwoon : like maybe I want the shit scared out of me watching the shining but do I ever want to experience cabin fever and murder my entire family with a hatchet while also freezing to death? no. absuletly fucking not

Jungwoon : so watch all the porn you want, get your girlfriend off, do whatever your comfortable with, that shouldn’t change the label you’re most comfortable with

Heechul : this actually helped a lot guys

Heechul : thank you

Jungsoo : I did a google search while yesung explained the plot of the shining to us

Jungwoon : you’re welcome <3

Jungsoo : being ace doesn’t mean you hate sex. It can, but you can also be sex positve or sex repulsed or just indifferent to it.

Jungwoon : sex positive?

Jungsoo : just means you’re not opposed to having sex

Jungsoo : people get confused about sex and as a man that is almost forty I like to think I have some understanding about this now

Heechul : mood

Jungsoo : sex means different things to different people and for some people it feels good and they enjoy the physical act. For others sex is more about emotions and the connection it builds with your partner. Sex doesn’t have to be one thing or another, use it the way you’re comfortable with.

Jungwoon : also

Jungwoon : fuck labels

Jungwoon : you’re you and you’re perfect don’t let anyone tell you different

Jungsoo : Chul?

Jungwoon : too far?

Heechul : shut up

Heechul : i might fall in love with you guys again

Jungsoo : please lets not go through that again

Jungwoon : aw Heechul is being cute again

Heechul : i’m muting you now

Jungsoo : go too far and he might block you for a month like he did to Donghae

Jungwoon : I’m not as irritating as Donghae

Heechul : he does have a special talent

Jungsoo : I have a schedule to get to now but if you want to talk about this again we’re here for you

Heechul : thanks guys

Jongwoon : and maybe take a nap today

Heechul : you two were awake too

Jongwoon : but I went to bed at 10pm

Heechul : you are old

Jungwoon : then so are you <3

Heechul : a nap does sound good

Jungwoon : night hyung

 

Seen by Heechul, Jungsoo

Chapter Text

Foreign Line Group Chat

MON 11:09 AM

Mark : did anyone else hear that?

Jackson : holy shit

Jackson : what was that

BamBam : early fireworks?

Mark : too early for that don’t you think?

BamBam : lets go investigate!

Jackson : i’ll find my coat!

Mark : no???

Mark : don’t go!

Mark : HEY

Mark : get back in the building!!

BamBam : chill its no big deal

Jackson : but i wanna know what made that noise 

Mark : this is how people die in horror movies

BamBam : fine i’ll go look through the window

Mark : remind me never to listen to you in a life or death situation

Jackson : i’ll protect you

Mark : all five feet of you

Jackson : stfu

BamBam : 11:11 make a wish

Mark : you’ve been hanging out too much with skz

BamBam : guilty

Jackson : i wish to not die a horror movie death

BamBam : i love those little dudes

Mark : they are short

BamBam : pocket size :D

Mark : jackson did you just leave???

Jackson : i’m investigating 

Mark : NO

Mark : this is how we die in horror movies!!!

Mark : come back here!!

BamBam : skrrt skrrt

 

Seen by Mark

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 2:31 PM

Eunwoo : bury me alive

backspasm : a little dramatic don’t you think

Eunwoo : fuck

imbigg : language!

Holland : captain america?

imbigg : dude i fucking wish

Holland : now you’re cursing

imbigg : oops

 

Seen by Holland, Eunwoo, backspasm, Seonghwa

 

97 Liner Best Liner Group Chat

MON 2:33 PM

Eunwoo : bury me alive x2

BamBam : did you text the wrong gc?

Eunwoo : it gets confusing 

BamBam : you’re telling me!!!

The8 : why are we burying you

Jaehyun : again

Eunwoo : cause i’m an idiot and i don’t wish to exist anymore

Mingyu : mood

The8 : ok I only have the capacity for one angsty gay today so who’s it gonna be

Mingyu : min can go

Eunwoo : nah i’m just a disaster 

BamBam : let me guess!

Yugyeom : this ought be good

BamBam : gyu broke wonwoo’s dick and dongmin wants moonbin’s dick

Mingyu : close enough!

DK : do we need to take wonwoo to the hospital???

Mingyu : nah i gave him ice

The8 : o.o

Yugyeom : min?

Eunwoo : bambam isn’t necessarily wrong 

Jaehyun : is it worse or better?

Eunwoo : ugh

Eunwoo : i kissed binnie again

BamBam : OMG

DK : AND

Eunwoo : it was fine

Yugyeom : how about a little more enthusiasm 

Eunwoo : how about i throw myself out the window

BamBam : mayhaps it is time to converse with the bin

Eunwoo : i will sit on you

BamBam : i’ve had jackson and mark sit on me you don’t scare me

Eunwoo : then you will die braver than most

BamBam : try me twink

Eunwoo : eat shit and die

BamBam : eat shit and live <3

Jungkook : did bin kiss you back tho?

The8 : isn’t that a come back from a movie

BamBam : yeah mark made me watch it

BamBam : its called sleepaway camp and i’ve seen it more times than i want to

Jaehyun : back to the binwoo agenda tho

Mingyu : lets just go ask binnie

Eunwoo : just shut up i’ll tell you!!!!!

The8 : o.O

Eunwoo : he kissed me back and called me cute and i told him to shut up and then he laughed at me end of story

Jaehyun : OMG BINWOO

Jungkook : i never thought this ship would sail ಥ_ಥ

Eunwoo : imma go throw myself out the window now

BamBam : moonbin is right you’re so dramatic 

 

Seen by DK, The8, Eunwoo, Jungkook, 3+

 

gays only event Group Chat

MON 2:47 PM

[imbigg changed Eunwoo’s name to dramaramaqueen]

dramaramaqueen : i’m not even in monsta x???

imbigg : try me when i care

youknowleeknow : hostile

imbigg : this? nah

imbigg : ily cha eunwoo

dramaramaqueen : sure

imbigg : say it back ᕙ( ︡'︡益'︠)ง

backspasm : he’s not good at expressing his emotions

dramaramaqueen : that is a blatant lie and i will sue you for defamation 

backspasm : see

backspasm : its cute tho

dramaramaqueen : fuck off

Myungjun : why are you like this???

backspasm : you’re lucky you’re pretty

imbigg : omg go moonbin!

backspasm : i’m trying

dramaramaqueen : FUCK OFF

backspasm : :(

Myungjun : if you make binnie cry i’m breaking your thumbs 

backspasm : :((

dramaramaqueen : i’m sorry i told you to fuck off when you called me pretty i’m not used to getting compliments

backspasm : it’s ok, that’s cute

dramaramaqueen: shut the fuck up

backspasm : :(

dramaramaqueen : dammit

imbigg : i’m literally dying

overwatcher : you’re doing great eunwoo!

dramaramaqueen : i hate everything

youknowleeknow : except moonbin apparently

minime : minho ㅋㅋㅋ

youknowleeknow : ;)

backspasm : its ok if you wanna kiss me minnie i don’t mind

dramaramaqueen : um oh-kay

Holland : this is better than cable tv

Siyeon : i’ve been on the edge of my seat for the last ten minutes

Soyeon : the will they or won’t they going on here puts sitcoms to shame

Holland : just confess your love already

dramaramaqueen : i change my mind

dramaramaqueen : i’m not burying me alive anymore, i’m burying holland alive now

Holland : just let a small gay live in peace T_T

imbigg : the plot twists

imbigg : puts shakespeare to shame

soupboi : you have too much free time

imbigg : then give me more attention

soupboi : you’ve been turning my legs numb for the last twenty minutes what more do you want you fiend???

Soyeon : i’m feeling very single right now and i hate it

Holland : same

Siyeon : i thought you had a boyfriend?

Holland : but he’s not here to flirt with me :(

minime : minho only gives attention to his cats :(

youknowleeknow : well maybe you should be a cat

minime : don’t you think i’ve tried???

imbigg : we are getting very close to pet play here

overwatcher : where’d binwoo go?

Myungjun : the bathroom

imbigg : together???

Myungjun : appears so

mingbaby : quite the development 

imbigg : at least he hasn’t broken a dick

mingbaby : i hate you

imbigg : <333

Myungjun : i’m not gonna ask

mingbaby : thank you

 

Seen by imbigg, Soyeon, overwatcher, Holland, 23+

 

30.8% chance of a marriage proposal Group Chat

MON 4:57 PM

[Taemin changed the group chat name to 2.4% chance of a marriage proposal]

Mingi : eye

Mingi : how far did you even have to scroll to find this gc

Taemin : my thumb started to cramp ngl

Mingi : the last text was from 2017???

Sungjong