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The Watch

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Mikey rubbed his wrist, the pieces of his dad’s watch were in a baggie in a drawer somewhere, Annie had insisted they at least try to find someone to fix it, but Mikey would be happy to never see the damn thing again, every time he glanced down at the band of white on his wrist he remembered all he lost that night, not only the final piece of his father which he had clung to ever since his death, but also his best friend, both loses were his fault. That’s why he was here in the dark staring at the granite slab engraved with Nick’s name, Jan hadn’t gone out of her way to make it special or unique, it was plain and unassuming no angels graced its stone surface and beside the occasional bouquet that was stolen from someone else’s eternal resting place and the trimmed and manicured look that mirrored Nick’s mother’s gravesite it shared none of the characteristics of the man that laid beneath

Mikey took a swig of beer, he shouldn’t be drinking here, he shouldn’t be here at all not in the middle of the night, but Nick had been right cemeteries were better at night; where you didn’t have to look death in the eye. “At least without you I can remember the Kaddish” he muttered, trying to forget that night and focus on praying over his departed Nicky but even from beyond the grave the degenerate interrupted his train of thought, “Fucking Christ, even dead you can’t just leave me alone, this is all your fault you couldn’t just leave me alone” Mikey gasped ignoring the tears that were threatening to fall and grabbing the headstone hard enough to turn his knuckles white,

He dropped the bottle which landed in the grass with a thud, he missed those hands, the calloused fingers that were so wonderfully rough and needy, those lips that always seemed to be moving, even missed the damn ulcer. “Is this my punishment, Nicky, I’m never going to be rid of you, even now?” he asked the ground below him, his thumb rubbing circles into the stone “You’re not even here for fucks sake,” he said aloud mentally kicking himself, he was just talking to a rock, Nick was gone and he wasn’t coming back and sure as hell wasn't listening to him grieve and apologize and yet Mikey still came back because maybe if he begged long enough that guilt of leaving him on his doorstep would fade, like the faint blood stain that still remained no matter how much he and Annie had scrubbed to get it out

Gripping the stone once more Mikey let out a tired sigh, tonight had been no different than any of the previous he would catch the bus and hull himself home smelling of booze and cigarette smoke, Annie would say nothing but her eyes said that she was worried and scared of him, that she missed her husband and not the man that had replaced him. He would wake up go to work for the man who had lost all interest in him now that the deed was done. He'd come home to that kid and the memory of Nick's daughter would worm itself into his head as Harry played with his trucks. Mikey reached into his pocket, where the gun that Nick had given him that day, rested, perhaps his torment should come to an end