The box is at the very far back of his closet and Bokuto would never get it out of there if he knew someone could see it. It's for his eyes only and that will never change. Well, except for his best friend Kuroo Tetsurou, who once accidentally saw a package of an addition to the secret box. But he was nice about it and if he found it even the slightest bit weird, he didn't let Bokuto know.
Not even his boyfriend knows about it, even though they've known each other for far longer than they are in a relationship. But their relationship is fairly new and Bokuto doesn't want to lose his boyfriend for a stupid little hobby. He is too important to him. Kuroo told him multiple times it wasn't necessary to keep it a secret because he is sure his boyfriend wouldn't leave for something like this and if he did, Bokuto deserved someone much better. Bokuto knows that. He knows his boyfriend probably won't find it disgusting but he is scared. Scared to lose the most important person in the whole world.
And now Bokuto is alone, at least for long enough to take the box, to look at the content of it, maybe to try it on again. He misses the soft material along his curves, making him feel beautiful. It's not like he doesn't feel confident at any other time, but something about his little secret makes him feel a different kind of beautiful. Bokuto likes to think that it makes him desirable. That it lets him be someone who needs to be protected instead of someone who protects the people around him. His physique makes him seem like someone who won't need anyone to take care of him, who is so very strong. But in reality, Bokuto is sensitive, in constant need of reassurance, of protection.
He slowly opens the box, his eyes glimmering as he sees the content of it. Joy flooding his body as he starts to feel the fabrics with one of his hands, deciding which one to choose. Sometimes taking one piece out to hold it up to be able to take a proper look at it. Bokuto's smile grows even wider when he sees his favorite one. The softest one. It's in gray, reaches his mid-thighs, and fits snug around his hips.
Without losing any time Bokuto takes of the sweatpants he put on as soon as he came home from practice and pulls the new clothing item up his legs until it sits on his hips just right. As soon as he is done he takes a look at the mirror on the wall of his room, smiling at the image of himself. Bokuto starts to turn to the side a little bit, trying to look at the result from different angles. He likes it but also realizes how his big shirt takes away from the impression, so he pulls it over his head and throws it behind him on his bed.
Bokuto has a cropped shirt somewhere in the same box but he couldn't care enough to put it one right now. Kuroo invited himself over and could arrive any minute. With Bokuto's parents both gone for a week because of their jobs, Kuroo likes to hang out at Bokuto's place and Bokuto likes having his best friend over so it wasn't an issue. His best friend knows about the skirts and could probably guess about the cropped shirts, too, but he has never seen Bokuto in any of them and Bokuto doesn't exactly have the desire to change that, so he would rather not wear more than the skirt at this moment. It would be easier to change back if he only has to take one piece of clothing off instead of two.
With his favorite song playing in the background, Bokuto stands in front of the mirror and turns in circles for some time, then stops again and lifts the skirt barely up his legs. He wishes he had the confidence to leave the house looking like this. He wishes people would accept it more if guys wear skirts. But with the way people would most definitely stare at him, Bokuto was too scared to actually got out wearing a skirt and maybe even a cropped shirt. At home, on the other hand, Bokuto liked wearing those clothes. His parents don't know about it, or at least Bokuto thinks they don't know about it, so he only changes into his favorite items when he is home alone.
Too focused on finding the right angle to make the skirt look even better on him, it takes Bokuto a few extra seconds to realize that someone is knocking on the front door. Knowing that Kuroo wanted to come over, Bokuto didn't lock the door when he came home and thus screams at the visitor to come in. Whilst doing so, Bokuto scrambles to get out of his skirt and throws it back into the box. He reaches for his sweatpants in hurry, deciding that a shirt would take him too long to put on anyway, he straightens his back to reach for the box to at least close it. He doesn't need his best friend to see the content of it.
Bokuto turns around, box in his hands and nearly lets it fall to the ground of his room as he sees the person that just entered his room. Instead of his tall best friend, there was Akaashi. His boyfriend of two months. The sudden surge of insecurities makes Bokuto feel like he needs to throw up. Clamping the box closer to his chest Bokuto tries to smile his wide smile at his boyfriend. Akaashi smiles back but he looks the tiniest bit worried.
“Bokuto-san, hey. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I would come over. I forgot a book last time I stayed at your place and I need it to study, so I just wanted to pick it up”
“Um, it's fine, Akaashi. It's probably on my desk?” Bokuto stutters, hoping Akaashi would not ask him about the box in his hands. But luck isn't on his side.
“Why are you carrying such a big box, Bokuto-san?”, his boyfriend asks him as he is making his way over to Bokuto's desk.
Having the feeling that he is gonna die because of all the embarrassment, Bokuto puts the box down on his bed. In his mind, it would be much more suspicious if he would hide it in the back of his closet instead of letting the box stay on his bed.
“Oh, it's just... stuff,” Bokuto answers with a little quiver in his voice.
Akaashi's laugh makes Bokuto feel warm and secure, even though this situation is one of his biggest nightmares ever. He doesn't like having secrets from his boyfriend. It makes him feel bad. As if he doesn't deserve to even be with Akaashi in the first place.
“Is it stuff you can show me or is it stuff you use during your alone time?” Akaashi's smug grin makes the question worse than it is and Bokuto can feel his face becoming red.
“No! No, it's not stuff like that. I mean, it kind of is but not in the way you think. There are things in there I don't want other people to see”
His boyfriend seems to think before he speaks the next words. “Can you show me?”
Bokuto shakes his head so much it might fall off. He knows Akaashi won't make him open the box. It's Bokuto's mistake when he looks at Akaashi, who looks at him with pleading eyes, with the promise to not laugh at him. He trusts him, he really does. But what if Akaashi just doesn't to be with a guy that likes to wear skirts, cropped shirts and maybe even dresses sometimes? Bokuto wouldn't blame him for it, it is strange.
He only realizes how sweaty his hands got and how fast his heart started to pound against his chest, as Akaashi takes his hands. It makes him look his boyfriend in the eyes properly and everything Bokuto sees in them is love, admiration, and assurance.
“You don't need to show me Bokuto but I promise that whatever it is, I won't laugh and I won't leave you. Even if it's just a bunch of things with my face printed on them”
Bokuto laughs at that and so does Akaashi. Another plea comes from the slightly smaller of the two and the taller nods weakly.
He wants to say something before he opens the box and reveals his secret. He wants to tell Akaashi that he can throw the clothes away if he wants him to. He also wants to tell Akaashi that he is sorry for even owning them in the first place. But he can't. His mouth is too dry and he is too nervous to even look up as he lifts the lid of the box. The first thing that falls into his eyes is the gray skirt he wore only minutes before and he is sure it's also the first thing that falls into Akaashi's eyes but he is still too nervous to look up.
Akaashi takes said skirt in one of his hands and before Bokuto can prevent it, Akaashi lifts the skirt and holds it right in front of so he has a good look at it. Waves of panic instantly flow through Bokuto's body and he lets various apologies fall from his lips. His hands find their way in front of his face and he sinks onto his bed. He waits for his boyfriend to leave, for the inevitable to happen but it doesn't. Instead, he feels Akaashi's hand in his hair, then his cheek, wiping away the tears that make their way down Bokuto's face.
“Stop apologizing, Bokuto. Everything is fine,” Akkashi mumbles, his voice full of reassurance but Bokuto can't quite calm down yet.
“But it's weird. I shouldn't own any of these. I even wear them sometimes!”
Akaashi laughs, making it hard to understand what he was saying. “Of course you wear these sometimes. That's what clothes are for, right”
“But these are clothes for girls, Akaashi!”, Bokuto can't hold his frustration back. Why won't Akaashi just admit that it's strange? That it's wrong for him to wear these things? To like the way he looks in them?
“They are clothes, Bokuto. Maybe most people associate them with girls, but that doesn't mean that guys can't wear them. Clothes aren't just for one gender, Bokuto. You can wear whatever you want to wear and I will love you all the same. It doesn't matter to me.”
Bokuto tears up again, but this time it's happy tears. “Do you mean that, Akaashi?”
His boyfriend chuckles and nods with a smile, before hugging Bokuto. They stay like this for a little bit. Bokuto cries a little bit more, then he starts to chuckle while Akaashi presses soft kisses all over his face. He feels as if at least a ton of unnecessary weigh got taken off of his shoulders, the relief making him feel giddy.
After a few minutes of cuddling, the two of them part, and Akaashi wipes the remains of tears off of Bokuto's face. Before Akaashi can get up from the bed though, Bokuto connects their lips for a deep kiss, which Akaashi reciprocates.
“Kuroo's coming over, right?”, his boyfriend asks, and Bokuto nods. As much as he loves hanging out with his best friend, he would much rather hang out with his boyfriend for the rest of the day. Cuddle with him and maybe even show him a few of his favorite pieces of his box. Instead, Akaashi gets up and Bokuto follows him, watches him as he takes the book he came over for from his desk and slowly walks over to the door of Bokuto's room.
“I love you, Bokuto. No matter what you like to wear,” his boyfriend looks him right in the eyes as he says this and Bokuto can't do much more than nod. Akaashi won't accept him being insecure about his weakness for wearing skirts anymore. He knows his boyfriend would talk to him as long as he would need to, to make Bokuto feel better.
“I love you too, Akaashi”
Akaashi kisses Bokuto again before turning around but he won't leave without another cheeky remark.
“Remember to put the box away before Kuroo is here. Oh and promise me you will show me a few of those beautiful clothes some time, okay?”
Bokuto swallows and whispers a 'yes' as an answer before his face flushes all red again. It's when he hears the front door closing that he realizes what just happened and he can't help but smile his widest smile at the thought of showing Akaashi his favorite gray skirt. Maybe even with a cropped shirt. Maybe Akaashi would even let him show him every single item he got. Bokuto tries to contain his excitement as he puts the box back into his closet and waits for Kuroo to arrive to get some much-needed distraction.