Month 0, I.
It started months ago, in the middle of a party and in the most unexpected way, but Jimin didn’t regret it.
“You know nobody is gonna love you like I did, Jungkookie,” his ex, also known as The Asshole, purred, leaning closer to Jungkook with a smile that Jimin would have loved to paint red with his knuckles.
Jimin was tipsy and also so fucking mad. That guy made Jungkook go through Hell just to prove his love to finally dump him like trash. Because of him, Jungkook used to have anxiety attacks even doing the most simple things, like having breakfast, like brushing his teeth, like listening to music.
Now that Jungkook was doing better, Jimin wasn’t going to let the Asshole drag him to Hell again. Not on his watch.
“Of course not,” Jimin hissed as he intertwined his fingers with Jungkook’s. “Because you didn’t even love him, piece of shit.”
It was impossible to not feel the way Jungkook was holding his breath, grabbing Jimin’s hand so tightly Jimin wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with a broken finger.
“Do you need your friends to talk for you now, Koo? Cat got your tongue?”
“He’s not my friend.”
Jimin put on his best mask to hide the surprised look he wanted to give Jungkook. Probably, his flatmate had just blurted out the first thought that had crossed his mind but in that moment Jimin could only think about all the consequences that sentence was going to have.
Jihun’s laugh made Jimin rolled his eyes. The way his embarrassing giggles reminded Jimin of the sound the pigs made was another reason to hate that Asshole.
“What? You are trying to tell me you are a thing now?”
“Y-yeah, so what,” Jimin finally growled.
“Come on! Do you think I’m dumb or something? I know you are not. God. I can’t believe you are really trying to make me believe you are dating your flatmate.”
“I’m not trying shit, Jihun. It’s been a long time since I s-stopped caring about what you think about what I do with my life.”
But Jihun was right: they weren’t together.
What the fuck were they going to do?
Month 3, I.
“Happy three months, fake boyfriend,” Jimin said with a smile as he crawled over the bed to cuddle the pillow next to him.
They talked about faking a friendly breakup before their six month anniversary but Jimin wished Jungkook had forgotten about it because he was starting to… enjoy too much all that pretending game. He enjoyed holding Jungkook’s hand when they were walking around Campus, he enjoyed kissing his jaw softly when they were next to each other, he enjoyed when Jungkook rested his head on his shoulder and Jimin could wrapped his arm around his body.
“Happy three months, Chim.”
He enjoyed when they were at home, where they didn’t have to pretend, but Jungkook still leaned closer to him to kiss his shoulder.
It could be fake, and Jimin knew that, but it was the most beautiful lie in the world.
“I’ll post something later, okay?” Jimin promised looking at the computer’s screen. “That’s from the last shoot?”
“Yeah.” Jungkook adjusted his round glasses over his nose. “This one is one of my faves, you look so…” Jimin raised his gaze to find Jungkook biting his lip. “So you. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Jungkook rubbed his cheeks, trying to find the perfect words to describe it.
“When I see this pic, I see you. I don’t see a model or just a pose, I see Jimin. I feel that I took a pic of your soul, you know?”
Jimin’s heart was beating so fast while his best friend spoke that Jimin was afraid Jungkook could hear it. When Jimin saw that pic, he could only think about Jungkook struggling with the tripode. The smile he was drawing in that picture was because of that.
“You are such a poet, Jeon Jungkook.”
“And y-you are my muse?”
Jimin would have laughed of the way Jungkook was blushing because of his own words but he was focused on how warm his cheeks were after hearing him.
Month 0, II.
“This is a terrible idea,” Yoongi pointed out. “Hobi, tell him.”
They had been fake dating for a week and Jimin went to Yoongi and Hoseok’s apartment to tell them about their plan of breaking up before six months. Even though he loved each one of his friends, Yoongi and Hoseok were the only ones that knew about his true feelings for Jungkook.
“Minie…,” Hoseok murmured as he sat next to him on the couch. “Are you sure you are not going to end up hurt? This is like having what you’ve always wanted but, at the same time, not having it at all.”
“You are going to get hurt,” Yoongi said. “There’s no question.”
“Sometimes I don’t know how Namjoon stands you,” Jimin whined.
“Love makes him blind.”
“He’s been blind for more than four years.”
“Okay, kids. No bickering,” Hoseok sighed with a smile on his lips. He was so used to this. Since high school, Yoongi and Jimin had always been teasing each other while Hoseok rolled his eyes, trying not to show how amused he was.
“Why don’t you see how good this idea is? I know it’s like the typical movie thing but I think it could work and push the Asshole away.”
“But what’s the price of that, Jimin-ah.”
Hoseok smacked Yoongi’s arm. “Stop scolding our baby like that.”
Yoongi chuckled. “I’m trying to help.”
“You are making him feel guilty.”
“I’m still here,” Jimin chuckled.
His friends sighed at the same time to look at him but Yoongi kept his mouth shut to let Hoseok speak. It always amazes Jimin how they seemed to share the same brain. When they were teens, he thought they were going to end up dating but now that they were older Jimin had learnt that their bond was special but not romantic.
“Just… be careful, okay? You always give too much, especially to Jungkook,” Hoseok said, holding one of Jimin’s hand between his own. “He doesn’t know how you feel and he could hurt you accidentally.”
“You’ll be here to remind me to not get too attached to all this fake dating thing.”
Yoongi put his hand over theirs. “We’ll be always here for you.”
Month 0, III.
They were walking around the campus when Jimin felt the way Jungkook’s fingers brushed against his own. Jimin was so clingy that it wouldn’t have been weird to hold his hand after that but now that they were a fake couple Jimin was so self conscious. He didn’t want to do anything that could make Jungkook uncomfortable but, at the same time, he wanted to shower him with love. Jimin needed to be the best fake boyfriend for him.
Their fingers brushed again but this time Jungkook wrapped his pinky around Jimin’s.
Jungkook was touching his glasses with his free hand when Jimin looked at him an instant before his hand caught Jungkook’s properly, with his short fingers perfectly intertwined with Jungkook’s long and soft ones.
“You don’t have to ask for permission to hold my hand, Koo.”
“I don’t want to bother you. I was just thinking that… Sometimes, if we really want to… But only if you…” He was so nervous that Jimin couldn’t stop his body when he took a step closer to Jungkook to kiss his cheek.
“I was also thinking about holding your hand. Don’t worry, it’s fine.”
Maybe for his breathless heart it wasn’t precisely good to sink even more in that fake relationship adventure but Jimin was too busy caressing the back of Jungkook’s hand with his thumb to think about consequences.
He was always too busy for that.
Month 3, II.
“He’s in the darkroom,” Jimin replied to Namjoon. “You know how seriously he works on his pics, so maybe it will take him a few more minutes.”
They were still setting the table for dinner so it wasn’t hard to wait for Jungkook but Namjoon always needed to check everything was going as planned, especially if they were celebrating something, like it happened that night. Taehyung had gotten the internship he wanted after months of no answers, long nights and hopelessness.
Secretly, Jimin had never stopped believing in him but he understood that Taehyung was unsure about it. That internship was a big dream for him, Jimin would have been losing his nerves daily if he was Tae.
“How are you guys doing?” Jin asked, looking closely at the bottle of wine he was trying to open.
At the beginning, the group was divided with the fake dating plan. Namjoon and Yoongi believed it was a bad idea, Hoseok only wanted them to be okay, and Taehyung and Seokjin said it was a really smart move. They used to ask about it almost daily, worried but also amused. Jimin wondered if they had made any bet about it. If they talked about their fake relationship when neither Jungkook nor him were around. And what would they say if they did it.
“Yeah, you know.” With a loud sound, Jin finally opened the bottle. “With the fake thing.”
After a little bit more than three months, Jimin would say they were used to behave like boyfriends in public. Sometimes, his lips felt too warm after a quick peck or his fingers itched if they were walking and they weren’t holding hands but that wasn’t Jungkook’s fault.
And Jimin hadn’t even confessed that to Hoseok and Yoongi because he knew what they were going to tell him. And the truth was that he had everything under control, even his heart.
“I think everybody thinks we are really dating and that’s good.”
“I think that’s not what Jin is asking,” Yoongi commented, rolling his eyes.
“We are fine, really,” Jimin promised. He was counting plates, so it was impossible to see all his feelings spiralling inside his eyes. It was better like this, Jimin didn’t want to hear his friends mocking him until Jungkook arrived. “We behave a bit different in public but in private we are still the same.”
A soft knock on the door shut their mouths and soon Jimin recognised Jungkook’s voice, apologising to Namjoon because he had lost track of time in the darkroom and he didn’t pretend to be late.
“Don’t worry, Kookie, we have just set the table!” Tae said as he opened his arms to hug Jungkook with the same wide smile he had had since he arrived to Namjoon’s apartment.
Jungkook smiled too and hugged Hoseok too when Taehyung let him go.
“I hope those pics turn out well. Jimin told us you’ve been there for a few hours.”
Jimin walked towards them to take Jungkook’s bag while the rest was saying ‘hi’ to him. He was raising his arm to grab the shoulder strap of the bag when Jungkook wrapped his fingers around his wrist to pull him a bit closer. Jimin’s brain short-circuited for a second, because they weren’t outside and Jungkook shouldn’t be leaning closer until their lips were almost touching.
“O-oh,” Jungkook seemed to understand, changing the direction of his lips to finally kiss his jaw. “S-sorry. I-...”
Jimin adjusted his glasses with a smile, ignoring the screams inside his brain.
What had just happened?
“You need to rest more, Koo,” he murmured, and he let his fingers slipped from his nose to his cheek, just a few seconds. Until he reached his jaw and…
Jimin could feel Jin’s gaze on him during the entire dinner but it was better to think about how natural it had felt to see Jungkook closing the gap between them to kiss him.
Fuck, why did they have to be fake dating when this was so real for his heart?
Month 1, I.
The first time they kissed was after a dinner in a fast-food place with their friends. They had been boyfriends for a month but they were still in the holding hands and kissing jaws and cheeks base. Jimin had thought about asking Jungkook if he could give him a peck on the lips but he always chickened out in the last minute.
Jimin could recognise some people from Campus there —the threesome of popular girls that organised the best college parties of the Communication Building, a couple that shared some classes with Namjoon, the group of cute nerdies that, surprisingly, never missed a party either…
That place was so close to the dorms and the cheap apartments for students that it was pretty usual to meet there. Jimin hadn’t had any problem with that until he understood that that meant that he wasn’t safe there anymore. He couldn’t be the best friend and flatmate Jimin. He was still The Boyfriend.
Fuck, sometimes he was so sure that everything was under control and other times he couldn’t be more paranoid about the possibility of being caught in a lie.
“I’ve stolen one chicken wing.” It’s the first thing Jungkook said as he set the tray in front of them, taking the seat next to Jimin with a smile. “My waiter services are not for free.”
“You need to order the chicken wing menu for you too someday,” Jimin commented, pointing to Jungkook with one of his fries.
“Then you would complain because you can’t steal a nugget from my menu.”
He was talking with his characteristic soft smile. That one that was so wide that his glasses always slipped a little down his nose.
Jimin couldn’t understand how The Asshole could treat someone so precious like Jungkook like he did. How could he hold him between his hands and then demolish him.
“I have to admit that you are right,” Jimin replied, so far gone in that smile to notice the way their friends were staring at them.
By the time Jimin connected again with the real world, they were talking, eating and laughing. And he joined them with his heart still warm.
But the warmth around his heart increased a bit more when Jungkook rested his head against his shoulder. He had spent the entire day in the photography studio of the university and Jungkook put all his efforts on taking the best pics he could every time he got the chance to go there.
“Are you going to finish your fries?” Jungkook almost purred, cutely.
Jimin tilted his head down to look at Jungkook, who was covering his mouth to hide a yawn.
“Do you want to go home?”
“N-no.” The sleepy stutter.
Jungkook lifted his gaze up and shifted a few inches apart from Jimin’s shoulder to look at him. But their eyes never found each other, because Jungkook seemed to be focused on Jimin’s lips.
“You can... barely keep your eyes open.”
“I just want your fries.”
Jimin gulped unconsciously and decided that the best he could do was kissing his nose after adjusting his glasses. Maybe Jungkook had been thinking about kissing his lips too. Maybe that was the reason.
It hadn’t passed not even twenty-four hours when Jungkook surprised him with the question . The question, the wide smile, the big black hoodie he used at home when he had to edit pics for hours.
How could Jimin say no to all of that.
“I’ve been thinking that… if you want…,” Jungkook had said with his hands lost inside the long sleeves of the hoodie. “We could… kiss. On the lips. Sometimes.”
Jungkook rubbed his neck. His cheeks were so bright, so pink.
How could anyone say no to all of that.
“Yeah. I… think it’s a good idea,” Jimin had said. “It’s you, after all.”
Jimin wasn’t a person that tend to kiss on the lips. Not even at parties. Making out with strangers was not his favourite plan either. But Jungkook was his best friend and his boyfriend . For Jungkook he was even dreaming about tasting that pretty mouth.
And so he did.
They kissed for the first time in the kitchen. Jungkook’s hand was on Jimin’s cheek and Jimin’s was on the back of Jungkook’s neck. His lips were cold because of the juice he had been drinking and he tasted like peach. It was short, just a brush. Pressing softly to let him go some seconds later.
Yoongi was right, wasn’t he?
He was going to end up crying on Hoseok’s shoulder because, accidentally, Jungkook would have broken his heart.
Month 3, III.
Jungkook’s voice was shaky through the phone when he called Jimin during the afternoon. Jimin was at their apartment, cleaning the living room and the dishes from the day before and that morning.
“J-jiminie. C-chim,” was the first thing he said when Jimin picked up.
“Hey, breath,” he whispered, knowing that something was wrong.
Jungkook could handle stress, and that only made Jimin think about…
“I saw him. I t-tried to… I h-hate that I c-can’t…”
Jimin felt his heart dropping to his feet. It was like feeling mad and nauseous at the same time. It was so unfair. The fact that Jungkook couldn’t even face him without that spiral of anxiety. The way the Asshole got through his brain until he became a trigger that was ready to explode.
Jungkook was doing better now. He wasn’t like an empty soul anymore, his eyes were shining again and his smiles were full of light. Jimin knew this didn’t mean he was going back. It was the anxiety of seeing his living nightmare after so many weeks. It was only that, but it didn’t reduce the storm of feelings that was torturing Jungkook.
“Koo, it’s fine,” he kept whispering as he put on his sneakers to go to the university library, that was ten minutes away from their apartment.
“He didn’t… see me,” Jungkook replied, softly, still shaking. Fuck, Jimin’s heart couldn’t sob harder. Jihun could just vanish forever. “But I did.”
Jimin was walking so fast that he thought he could be there just in seven minutes.
“I’m s-sorry. I’-... fuck,” Jungkook sniffed. “I’m so dumb. Why did I…? I shouldn’t feel like this.”
“There’s no ‘shouldn’t’. It’s okay if seeing him makes you feel like this.”
Jungkook didn’t reply at first. His deep breathes told Jimin that he was more calm now, though he was still anxious.
“I can see you.”
The gray hoodie and the black sweatpants made Jungkook so easy to spot. His fingers were almost bending the phone in two or, even worse, trying to merge it with the skin of his face. Jungkook bit his lip when he heard him and Jimin saw him searching around until he recognized him too.
Jungkook breathed for real then.
His shoulders relaxed and his teeth let his lip free as he walked towards Jimin with long and fast steps. His arms wrapped around Jimin’s shoulders and his nose touched his neck when Jungkook hid his face on the crook of it.
And Jimin breathed too.
His hands were trembling and Jimin held him tighter, rubbing his back with slow fingers that only wanted that nightmares to go.
If the people around them were looking at them, Jimin didn’t notice. His senses could only see, smell, hear and feel Jungkook.
“I’m sorry.” Jungkook’s breath was warm against his cool skin. “Thank you... for coming.”
Jungkook tilted his head and Jimin took his glasses off with one hand and wiped his damp cheeks with the thumb of the other. The best he could do was reminding him he was safe now. Jihun was gone. Jimin was who was there, with him.
And he wasn’t going to leave him alone.
Jimin couldn’t keep his eyes completely open when he felt Jungkook’s fingers through his hair, styling it like he used to do every morning before going to his classes.
“You didn’t... fix your hair. It’s a mess.” He was smiling. Not the wide smile but it was so cute, so small. So… for him . “You never forgot to use the comb before going out.”
“You were more important.”
Jungkook’s hand slid down his face with a long caress that made his skin sing. He was cupping his cheek and by the time Jimin understood what Jungkook was going to do, his lips were already on his. At first, he gasped, the surprising kiss leaving him breathless and with shaky legs. Then, Jimin kissed him back eagerly and didn’t catch the moment the contact turned less soft and more desperate. Real . He parted his lips by instinct, because it was what felt right, because the kiss seemed to have more power than him.
They had shared a few long kisses before but none of them had nothing to do against this one.
Jungkook had never gripped his hip like this and, definitely, Jungkook had never panted as if he couldn’t find his lungs anymore. As if he had forgotten how to inhale or as if Jimin was taking his breath away, kiss by kiss.
Jimin would need to talk about this with Hoseok and Yoongi. Tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow.
“Sorry, again,” Jungkook murmured, the eyes closed, the lips brushing Jimin’s as he spoke.
In that moment, the only thing he could do was smile, put Jungkook glasses on the bridge of his nose and intertwined their fingers before coming back home.
He didn’t taste like juice, like the first time. He didn’t taste like the salt of the tears either.
Jungkook’s lips, that day, in front of the main door of the university library, just tasted right .
Month 1, II.
“Can I say it.” Yoongi was opening a beer as he sat on the floor, next to the couch where Jimin and Hoseok were.
“Is it going to make you feel better?” Jimin whined, rolling his eyes.
“It’s a fucking bad idea.”
“Yoongi.” That was Hoseok, of course.
“I’m not surprised but I’m worried,” Yoongi mumbled with his lips pressed against the can.
Jimin pouted, taking a sip of his wine and thinking about those kisses that he had been sharing with Jungkook. His mouth molding perfectly to match his plump lips, the soft touch of his hand putting his brown hair behind his ear, Jimin taking off his glasses to cup his cheeks.
There hadn’t been any tongue involved and Jimin doubted that would change but it was enough. It was sweet, it was them. Yeah, it was more than enough.
“He’s my best friend and I’m helping him with this. It’s been five weeks, I’ve learnt how to handle this.”
“You know better than anyone that it’s hard to control our heart,” he finally commented, with a tone way sweeter than Yoongi’s. “And you still have to pretend that you are together for a few more months.”
Jimin bit his lower lip, playing with a thread of his ripped jeans.
“I just need to remind myself everyday that this is not real,” Jimin said. “I’m just kissing a friend on the lips.” He moved his head, looking for the right words to explain how he felt. “Helping Jungkook with this is… a pleasure. I… I would anything to make him happy. I’m not having a bad time, I swear.”
Hoseok and Yoongi shared a look and Jimin took another sip.
“At least, can you try to keep it like this? Little kisses are already bad enough,” Hoseok almost begged.
“I’ll try, but I’m not going to make any promises.”
Because if Jungkook deepened a kiss someday, Jimin knew he wouldn’t be able to stop him, not matter how loud his heart cried because of that.
Month 3, IV.
Jimin had been thinking about those long kisses for days. The soft lips, the hands gripping his skin, Jungkook panting against his mouth. He had never dreamt this big.
But now they were not boyfriends , just Jungkook and Jimin, in their apartment, watching a film together. They had been laughing since the first scene because the main characters were a funny mess that never stopped making dumb decisions while they shared a bowl of popcorn. And they had also moved over the couch, looking for the most comfortable position, until Jimin’s head found Jungkook’s shoulder, they both curled up, cuddling in a way that a few months ago wouldn’t have made Jimin nervous at all. Or not as much as he was now.
“I think the neighbour is going to help them to confess to each other,” Jungkook commented, pushing his glasses over the bridge of his nose. “His character seems to be important but he hasn’t done anything important yet, you know?”
“Shut up,” Jimin groaned. “You always guess how movies are going to end.”
“Don’t you think it’s going to be the neighbour?”
Jungkook had laughed cutely when their fingers brushed inside the bowl and the sound was still vibrating in Jimin’s chest when he pouted after hearing his words.
“I don’t know. Yes? I wasn’t thinking about it.”
Jungkook was who loved to think too much , but not in a bad way. He loved to think about his new projects, about the ending of a movie, about what he was going to do the next day, about that dinner he was going to have on Friday even if it was Tuesday morning.
A high-pitched sound left Jimin’s mouth when he felt Jungkook’s finger bopping his nose and Jimin ended up giggling when Jungkook did it again.
“Stop trying to make me laugh! I’m sure you’ve ruined me another ending!”
Jungkook looked at him and Jimin pulled away from his shoulder to look him back.
The cheeks of his best friend turned the most beautiful shade of pink. The warm kisses filling Jimin’s brain while they were staring at the other. Having him so close was so different after what had happened at the library. What was happening to him? He was still Jungkook and it wasn’t Jungkook’s fault that his heart was so in love with him.
They were friends.
Jimin was helping his friend .
But why said friend’s gaze was sliding down his face until he was looking at his lips?
Was that something usual between friends?
Maybe they were just getting used to stare at the mouth of the other at this point. Even if they were not friends with benefits or real boyfriends, they had kissed and last time they got so lost in the other that they were breathless when the kisses ended.
It must be because of that.
Jungkook and him seemed to lean closer at the same time, like magnets, but they both seemed also to remember that they were alone, at home, right in the same second, because Jungkook blushed even more, Jimin smiled and rested his head again on his shoulder.
“I’m not forgiving you for spoiling me how the movie ends,” Jimin complained when they kept watching the movie in time to see the neighbour helping the chaotic main characters.
“But I didn’t know it was going to really end like this…,” Jungkook murmured with his hands hidden inside the sleeves of his gray hoodie.
“I’m going to stop watching movies with you.”
Jungkook’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him so close that Jimin could have touched his neck with his nose if he wasn’t a coward. “I don’t let you.”
His heart was beating so fast that Jimin needed to make an effort to pay attention to the dialogues of the film they were watching. Jungkook wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary but apparently his heart now was an expert in panicking all the time.
But Jimin knew they were just friends.
Even though Jungkook was looking at his lips, and Jungkook kissed him breathtakingly, and Jungkook also tried to give him a peck at Namjoon’s house.
Could Jungkook love him back?
Maybe it was time to start dreaming that big .
Month 2, I.
Jimin recognised Jungkook’s white hoodie in the middle of the library. He had his headphones over his head and was focused on the screen of his computer, probably editing some new pics for a project. Jimin walked towards his table, catching Jungkook’s attention when he let his bag on the chair in front of him. He smiled as he put the headphones on the table.
“Hi,” he murmured.
Jimin’s lips pressed against Jungkook in a quick movement and Jimin felt his cheeks warm when he looked at Jungkook’s computer to see what was he doing today.
“It’s for the project you told me about?”
Jungkook took his glasses off to clean them with his hoodie. His tongue run over his lower lip as if he was trying to taste Jimin a bit more. Jimin knew he shouldn’t be so nervous around Jungkook but behaving like this in public was still so weird. Especially now that they also kissed .
“Yeah. I’m trying to decide if the black and white version is better than the original or not,” he explained, intertwining his fingers his Jimin’s so casually that Jimin felt also his soul getting warm. Jungkook’s thumb over the skin of his hand. The caresses so soft he only wanted to kiss him again. “What do you think?”
“I like the black and white version more.” Jimin smiled. “Jin always kills it. He looks so stunning.”
“He should drop everything and start working as a model.”
“Hobi and Taehyung would print all his pics and put them everywhere.”
Jungkook laughed quietly and tilted his head to kiss Jimin’s jaw, still caressing the back of his hand with his thumb. How was Jimin going to survive four months more like this? He couldn’t believe how easy it seemed to be for Jungkook.
Maybe it was because, for him, they were just the same but pretending to be boyfriends. He didn’t have extra feelings bothering him.
Month 4, I.
Even if Jungkook was doing better now, that didn’t keep anxiety away from him, even though Jimin would have loved to have the power to erase it from his brain. This time it wasn’t because of him, he had just gotten overwhelmed with some projects from college. Too many things in such a short amount of time.
The combination of that with his tiredness hadn’t made any good to him.
“Are you feeling better?” Jimin asked when he heard a knock on his door and Jungkook’s eyes peeked out.
He couldn’t see his whole face but Jimin didn’t need that to know he was pouting.
He put the book he was reading on his nightstand and tap the empty space next to him. Their beds were a little bit bigger than the classical single size so they both fit perfectly. Jungkook closed the door behind him and hid under the sheets after leaving his glasses on the nightstand too, over the book.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m just… trying to tell my brain that everything is going to be fine and that it shouldn’t be thinking about all the things that can go wrong,” Jungkook said as he rubbed his eye. He curled up close to Jimin and Jimin’s fingers found his hair.
“We can plan a way of doing everything on time tomorrow. You still have two weeks.”
Jungkook closed his eyes when Jimin’s fingers kept touching his hair. It seemed to relax him. Jimin touched his forehead, following the lines of his brows and tracing forms over his cheeks.
“Would you do that for me?”
Jungkook talked so softly when he was tired. He wasn’t whispering but he was close to that. If only his brain gave him a break to rest…
Jungkook hummed. Jimin was used to soothe him with those little caresses but they felt so different after all that had happened between them. Now Jimin was more aware of his feelings for that boy of the bunny smile and the kind eyes. He still remembered how real everything seemed to be in their living room a some days ago and his mind hadn’t stopped wondering if it might be a sign.
If maybe Jimin should confess.
“Thank you, Chim.”
Jimin smiled. “Do you want to sleep here with me?”
Jimin switched the light off and touched Jungkook’s hair again. He knew his best friend felt safe if he was sleeping in Jimin’s bed. They spent so many nights together during those months in which Jungkook couldn’t close his eyes without seeing nightmares.
Jungkook shifted closer to Jimin until his nose brushed Jimin’s shoulder.
“Can you hug me?”
Slowly, Jungkook crawled on top of him and Jimin circled his arm around his waist, tilting his head to let him space to nuzzle his nose against his throat. This was genuinely new. Not the hug but the way Jungkook was holding him and how he was leaving a soft peck on his neck. It didn’t feel like something a friend would do.
Jimin had to kiss his head. Just once.
“Deep breaths, remember?”
Jungkook nodded, his nose still against Jimin’s neck.
“Good night,” Jungkook whispered.
Jimin was staying awake for Jungkook, waiting until his breathing got more deep and stable, but, at some point, the tiredness crawled on top of him too and he started falling asleep even if he didn’t want to. The sound of Jungkook’s breathing was so soothing. His body hugging him made him feel so lucky .
Jimin loved him so much.
He was barely awake when Jungkook brushed his neck with his nose one more time. Jimin thought it was an accidental move but…
“I don’t want this to end,” the quiet and tiny whisper against his skin didn’t sound like that.
Jimin didn’t reply.
He needed to talk to Hoseok and Yoongi first.
He needed someone telling him that his words meant exactly what Jimin thought they meant.
Fuck, his heart could combust if Jungkook had really just confessed, somehow.
Month 2, II.
“It’s so different,” Jungkook said.
They had been watching a movie in the living room and, when they should have gone to bed, they had started taking about the film, their classes, the dinner they had this weekend with their friends…
And, now, about their fake relationship.
“I know it’s sad to hear this but, even if it’s not real, you’ve treated me way better than him,” Jungkook kept saying. “I think… that this is the type of relationship I would want to have.”
Jimin had a bowl over his legs and was eating noodles in silence, letting Jungkook speak about all those things that, not long ago, used to bother him. He looked calm that night, with his messy hair covering part of his forehead, his sweatpants and the basic big sized black t-shirt that matched his round glasses.
“I wouldn’t be able to do this with anyone else.”
“Me neither,” Jimin replied. “It’s easy because it’s you.”
What Jimin didn’t tell him was that he would do anything to make their fake relationship a real one because it wasn’t only that he would love to have a romantic relationship like this one. He would love to date Jungkook for real.
And take him on dates, and kiss him sweetly in the middle of the street, and tell him that he loved him so much it could hurt. But it didn’t. Because good love shouldn’t hurt and, with Jungkook, Jimin only felt that everything was right where it had to be.
“But why would you date someone if it’s not to have something like this?”
Jungkook gave him a bittersweet smile. “I think that, sometimes, we get lost in other things. We feel too much and that makes easier to justify anything.”
Jimin looked at his bowl.
“He hated to talk about this or about anything that involved feelings.” Jungkook shook his head. “But you always listen to me. And you love to talk about anything.”
“But I’ve always been like this.”
Jimin squeezed Jungkook’s leg with a small smile on his lips. “I’m sorry you had to go through that with that asshole but I’m sure you will be happy with someone someday.”
Was there any chance to be that someone ?
“You deserve to be loved and that person would be so lucky to be dating you.”
Jungkook pressed his bare foot against Jimin’s thigh in an attempt of making him shut his mouth but Jimin only smiled wider. He was telling the truth, just stating a fact. Jungkook was caring and a good listener. He was always there when you needed him and if he had to hug your for an entire day to make you feel better, he would.
“Your future boyfriend would be so lucky too.”
Why this conversation was, at the same time, cute and also sad? Why everything sounded so off?
“For now, I just hope my fake boyfriend is happy to fake date me.”
“I couldn’t have found a better fake boyfriend.”
Jungkook sat next to Jimin and caught one of his hand between his fingers.
“I hope you, as my best friend, know how thankful I am,” he murmured, his cheeks shining in the sweetest pink. “You could have said ‘no’ and you decided to help me. I… think I must have done something really big in my past life to deserve a best friend like you in this one.”
The pink looked so pretty spread all over his face.
Maybe, other person would focus on how Jungkook was repeating the term “best friend” and would feel sad about it. But Jimin was thinking about the message. About Jungkook confessing that having him in his life was a gift.
His eyes were bright and his vision slightly blurry when he looked at Jungkook again.
“I love you so much, Koo.”
He didn’t let his hand go.
“I love you too.”
Month 4, II.
“This is too much information!” Hoseok yelled. “The kissing session at the library, the cute cuddles on the couch that almost had another kissing session, Jungkook thinking you were asleep and confessing his feelings for you…”
“I didn’t say he confessed his feelings…”
“But he did,” Yoongi commented as he made dinner for them. “You should confess yours too.”
“Yoongi, you should tell him,” Hoseok said as he poked his best friend’s ribs with his fingers.
“Tell me what?”
Yoongi sighed and leaned against the counter, tilting his head to the side to look at Jimin. His face was impossible to read and Jimin almost asked him to not tell him anything. He knew better how to handle curiosity than truths.
“I can only tell you that you should confess and that you shouldn’t be nervous about it.”
Hoseok pursed his lips and Yoongi half-smiled at him.
Jimin felt so lost in that conversation. It wasn’t unusual that Hoseok and Yoongi talked about things that only them understood but, this time, Jimin was so sure this was something more . Something related to him.
He bit his lip.
“You are lucky you sleep at Namjoon’s tonight.”
“I’m still here,” Jimin reminded them as he waved his hand. “Can you stop with your soulmate thing?”
Hoseok crossed his arms over his chest and walked towards Jimin.
“No soulmate thing tonight, let’s leave Yoongi cooking for us while we drink some soju.”
“The conclusion is that I have to confess and I’m not reading Jungkook’s words wrong?” Jimin asked, getting dragged by Hoseok away from the kitchen.
Yoongi started nodding but soon was out of his view.
“What we are going to plan now is how you are going to confess,” Hoseok told him, sitting on the couch. “Have you thought something?”
“I have some vague ideas…”
Month 5, I.
Jimin had needed an entire week to organise his surprise.
His fingers were shaking as he hung all the polaroids of him and Jungkook he had been able to find in his phone and in Jungkook’s computer on the threads that went from one wall to another of the living room. Jimin lit the candles carefully after finishing with the pics and looked at his reflection one more time.
Fuck, he was going to pass out if his heart kept beating like this.
Was this too much? Jungkook deserved a beautiful confession but maybe Jungkook didn’t like it. Hoseok and Yoongi had repeated him a thousand times that he had nothing to worry about but, suddenly, Jimin was even worried about his light makeup.
If Jungkook didn’t arrive soon, Jimin would lose his mind.
He was going to tell his best friend he loved him more than best friends should love each other. He was going to do it. For real.
Jimin flinched at the sound of the door and welcomed Jungkook with a nervous high-pitched giggle. From the door, Jungkook could see the living room and also Jimin there. He let his bag on the floor to walk towards him, frowning cutely.
“What is… t-this?”
His eyes were widening, reading the small texts Jimin had written behind every polaroid.
I should have kissed you that day.
Your fingers were so warm.
You looked so good with that hoodie.
Jungkook adjusted his glasses over his nose and Jimin waited until he finished reading everything. The silence was not tense, it was just filled with expectation. With dreams. With kisses that tasted like juice and noses that touched necks softly in the middle of the night.
Some tears rolled down his cheeks and Jimin soon walked closer to cup his face and wipe those tears that shouldn’t be there.
“Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t… cry.”
That only made Jungkook sniff but the tears kept falling from his puffy eyes. If he didn’t stop crying, Jimin was going to start sobbing. His feelings were hanging around them too and even though he was dressed, it was like being naked.
His bare soul in front of Jungkook, waiting for a response.
“You used o-our pics,” Jungkook murmured. “It l-looks so beautiful.”
Jungkook took off his glasses.
“I never thought…. I…” He shook his head, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. “Sometimes you looked at me in a way t-that made me… But I never thought…”
Jimin barely registered Jungkook’s next move when he took a step to make their lips crash in a kiss that erased Jimin’s fears. He parted his lips and Jungkook slid inside, still so soft but so intense. Jimin’s feelings weren’t the only ones floating around them.
“I’m so in love with you,” Jungkook said against his mouth, incapable of pulling away.
The words slapped Jimin with force but the only part of his body that reacted to them were his hands, that pressed firmer Jungkook’s cheeks. Was this real? Just in case it wasn’t, Jimin didn’t open his eyes. Their noses kissing now while their lips drank the other’s breath.
“Can you say it again?”
Jungkook’s lips curved in a smile. “I’m… s-so in love with you.”
Jimin choked down the first sob but the second one was muffled against Jungkook’s lips. A storm of short kisses raining over his best friend, that seemed to be just smiling while his other hand gripped Jimin’s waist.
“I want.” Kiss. “To date.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. “For real.” Kiss.
He only tilted his head back to covered his eyes and let the tears fall. They were a mess, weren’t they? Crying just because they were in love and their hearts couldn’t handle all those emotions.
God, his skin was burning.
Jungkook put his hands off his face.
“Yes.” A sweet peck on Jimin’s lips. “I wouldn’t be able to do this with anyone else.”
He quoted himself and the whole conversation popped up on Jimin’s mind. All the confessions hidden in his words.
“I’m s-so l-lucky,” Jimin cried, taking a deep breath. “I think m-my makeup is ruined.”
“You are stunning tho.”
“S-shut up. I prepared a speech f-for nothing.”
Jimin sniffed, nodding. “I was… afraid of forgetting something. I just w-wanted to… tell you everything. About me, about us. About… my feelings for you. B-but then you had to tell me that you were in l-love with me and…”
“Chim, stop crying. I’m going to cry again.”
Jimin pouted and his hands slid down his face to wrap around Jungkook’s body, pulling him closer to hide his face on the crook of his neck.
“I love you so much, Koo.”
The meaning was complete now.
He had loved him as a best friend for years. He was ready to love him as a partner too.
“I love you too.”
Month 6, I.
Month 1, again.
Jimin was wearing only his underwear and a big hoodie when he dragged his feet to Jungkook’s room, crawling over the mattress and curling up besides his boyfriend, who was editing his new shoot.
“You are trying something different with that one, aren’t you?”
Jungkook didn’t reply at first and Jimin tilted his head to see if he hadn’t heard him. His eyes were looking at Jimin’s bare legs and his cheeks were bright pink. Jimin straightened up his back to reach his jaw, leaving a soft kiss over the skin.
Jungkook swallowed, rubbing his cheek, flustered.
“T-thank you.” He exhaled a shaky laugh. “I mean, yeah. Hm.”
“I can put on some sweatpants if you want.”
Swiftly, there was a warm palm against Jimin’s thigh. Jungkook’s fingers slid over the smooth skin of his leg and Jimin smiled.
“Your legs are distracting but I like them.”
Jimin had learnt that already but when Jungkook said it, he shivered. Four weeks after the confession, Jungkook and him seemed to be really used to date each other. Their little kisses had now printed their feelings everywhere, for everyone to see. And they could kiss at home too, when they were cooking, when they were on the couch watching a movie and Jungkook made an accidental spoiler, and when they were lying on bed and Jungkook circled his arm around his waist to pull him closer.
Apparently, after processing that Jimin loved him back, Jungkook had gotten both shy and bold around him. He stuttered more, especially if Jimin was only wearing a hoodie and his briefs, but he also kissed him more too.
Jimin still had his teeth on his collarbones.
He kissed Jungkook’s jaw again and, this time, he whispered, “I think that the only thing distracting you right now is your computer.”
“H-hm,” Jungkook stuttered, his skin was boiling and his hand still resting over his thigh. “I can… l-later.”
Jimin thought that it was really funny how, when they were fake boyfriends , Jungkook handled better having Jimin this close to him. Funny and so fucking cute. Because Jimin wouldn’t say he had changed at all, or not too much . Maybe he enjoyed too much teasing Jungkook just because he loved to see him all blushed but, apart from that, he was pretty much the same guy that melted if the photographer with round glasses was near.
Jungkook put the computer on the nightstand and Jimin kissed his neck this time, taking off Jungkook’s glasses too.
Jimin straddled him, smiling when Jungkook’s hands found his legs again, and moved up, running over the skin until he grabbed the hem of his hoodie, tossing it to the floor. Jimin played a bit more with Jungkook’s big sized t-shirt but it ended up on the floor too, with his hoodie.
He gasped against Jungkook’s mouth when his palms squeezed his butt.
“We should think about that friendly breakup,” Jimin murmured, nipping Jungkook’s throat.
“I’ve been thinking…,” Jungkook whispered as he started a path of kisses down Jimin’s chest. “T-that maybe it wasn’t a good idea.” He said the last part with his lips around one of Jimin’s nipples, sucking softly just to hear Jimin moan.
Jungkook could stutter and blush but that didn’t mean he didn’t know what he was doing. He seemed to be a perfect mix of cute smiles and tempting hands, of pink cheeks and a naughty tongue.
“It has been... our worst idea,” Jimin managed to say, breathless, with his back arched and his fingers pulling his hair slightly. “Would you like to…. fuck , Koo. Date me for six more months?”
Jimin pushed Jungkook over the bed and soon the rest of his clothes were gone. He needed a second to devour that sight, that naked body that was all for him. Jungkook tilted his head to the side, embarrassed, and Jimin took his opportunity to kiss that precious neck again.
“We can t-talk about… the friendly breakup in six months then,” Jungkook’s voice sounded like a whine.
His fingers sank in the back on his thighs when their lips met again in a messy and open-mouthed kiss that made Jimin touch Heaven with his fingertips. Jungkook let a moan escaped his lips when Jimin’s hand moved upwards, until he was so close to touch him right where Jungkook liked it so much.
Jungkook whined again and Jimin kissed him one last time before reaching out for the lube. He wasn’t even surprised when he turned around to find Jungkook already lying on his stomach.
Jimin didn’t even apologise when he bit his hip, and lower, and lower, until Jungkook melt over the mattress when his tongue found his rim and his fingers joined it later. But Jimin melt too when he aligned himself and slid inside.
He thought that, after the first time, Jungkook was going to stop feeling like too much but his heart always jolted inside its rib cage just by seeing him there with him. Under his body or on top of it. With his arms around Jimin’s neck or his hands on his knees. Asking him to touch him, bite him and kiss him.
Blushing and panting. Smiling with his eyes. Telling him how much he loved him and repeating it, just in case.
Jimin moaned, his throat sore, his lips swollen. The pace becoming erratic.
“I’m close,” Jimin breathed.
Jungkook kissed him as his hand moved between their bodies, building together a climax that exploded all over the room with pants and gasps.
Being in Heaven was always going to be too much.
The sound of the shutter made Jimin open his eyes. They had cleaned themselves but they still needed to take a shower and put on some clothes. He was spread all over the mattress, with his arm above his head and the other crossed over his stomach.
“Sorry,” Jungkook murmured, and Jimin wondered how he could be so hot and also so cute, still naked, with his round glasses and his camera, biting his lower lip and rubbing his cheek, filled with embarrassment. “Y-you know I’m a sucker for backlighting and you look so ethereal there, I-...”
“So now you are into nude photography?”
“It’s i-impossible to know you are not wearing clothes. I wouldn’t take a pic like that ,” Jungkook swallowed. “Without your consent.”
Jimin caught Jungkook’s hand to kiss the back of it.
“I know. I was joking.” Jimin pulled Jungkook closer. “Show me.”
Jungkook turned the camera around and Jimin smiled.
“You should post it. For our late six month anniversary.”
“Can I take a few more so I can pick?”
Jimin’s lips brushed Jungkook’s shoulder before he rested his back again on the bed.
Jungkook smiled, widely and cutely, and came back to his spot to keep taking pictures of him. Jimin closed his eyes, the sound of the shutter vibrated on the walls. Jimin had needed to have Jungkook as a fake boyfriend to decide it was time to confess while Jungkook had needed to fake date Jimin to understand that what he felt was real love. That was what Yoongi was trying to tell him that day, weeks ago. Jungkook had been talking to Namjoon about his feelings and Yoongi knew everything because of him.
Without knowing it, they were just going through the path that connected being friends and being a couple. And now they were still the same, but also different.
Jungkook was still his best friend.
But also something more that, definitely, wasn’t fake at all.