Bonnie turns over, facing away from the clock that seems intent on taunting her tonight. Instead facing Frank; the man who loves her possibly even more than she loves him -
and that’s a lot of love to beat.
Frank is sound asleep, as anyone should be at that time of night, but Bonnie’s mind won’t stop working overtime.
It’s one of the bad nights.
She scolds herself for still thinking about it.
It stopped 25 years ago.
He was dead, he couldn’t hurt her anymore.
But still he did.
He never stopped.
She wasn’t even aware of the tears running down her face until an arm snaked around her waist.
“What’s wrong?” comes Frank’s voice, quiet, thick with sleep.
Bonnie attempts a reply but it instead comes out as a sob, Frank wordlessly pulls her in closer. A position they’ve become well acquainted with over the past year. Frank doesn’t even mind that Bonnie accidentally knees him in the crotch almost every time.
She sniffles in response and shakes her head.
“Is it him?”
That did it. Bonnie couldn’t hold back the tears that came out of her like a flood any longer.
Frank holds Bonnie as she cries for what feels like an hour before leaning in closer to her, speaking so softly his usual deep voice and tough guy demeanour disappear, bringing out the real Frank. The Frank who just wants to love her as she deserves.
“It’s cliche, I know... but” Frank pauses, trying to collect the right words. “You’re more than what happened to you, Bon. That’s not who you are”
Bonnie lifts her head up to look at him, tears covering her cheeks. Faint black streaks from the mascara she forgot to take off before bed.
“It’s not that easy though. This is going to follow me around for the rest of my life”
“Hey, lemme finish okay?” he soothes.
Bonnie lay her head back down so’s to let Frank continue.
“Remember when you told me that Annalise accused you of not dealing with it?”
“Yeah” Bonnie mumbles. Reluctant.
“Well you DO deal with it. You get through every one of these bad nights. You get up for work every day without fail. You take on cases that you know could bring back memories because you know those people need your help. You coped with finding out what Asher’s friends did. You coped with that amazingly, by the way, much better than I would’ve in your shoes. Bonnie - you ARE a survivor, no matter what you think”
Bonnie acknowledges what Frank says but is too mentally exhausted to discuss it. Her current frame of mind only able to focus on the negative sides.
“Whatever I do this is just... there. At work, night, sometimes we’ll be sat watching tv, could be nothing to do with it on what we’re watching but it’ll still pop up and every single time I just... it’s hard, Frank. It’s too hard” her voice gives in on the final sentence, the floodgates reopening.
“I’m not gonna say I understand because I don’t, I can’t, but I’m here. I know you feel like you need to keep it all to yourself but you don’t” Frank’s fingers play in Bonnie’s hair, comforting her as she lay on his chest, gently sobbing, but also in an attempt to keep himself grounded, not wanting to get upset at seeing Bonnie so hurt.
“You know I probably won’t”
“Talk. I’ve never been able to talk to people about it before, why break the habit of a lifetime” Bonnie laughs dryly. Fake.
“I know you care, I appreciate that, I do, I know it probably seems like I don’t right now. But when it’s this bad...”
“I know” he kisses her head. “I know”
“Thank you for killing him”
“I wish I could do it again. Each time more painful than the last”
“Yeah, me too”
He wraps his arms tightly around Bonnie and kisses her head one more time.
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure no one ever hurts you like that again, and that you don’t have to go through the memories alone... I promise”
Bonnie gently squeezes her hand on Frank’s waist. They both know that’s as good as words for now.