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warm memories of a cold ex

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"I was faster!"

"Mhm... actually... I think Osamu was faster this time."

"Gin! You hafta pick a side!"

"Osamu."

Osamu hides a laugh behind his hand after covering his mouth because of Gin’s words. Atsumu complains and Gin laughs. He has only been faster than his brother for just a few seconds, but in snowboarding those seconds are still the most important part of the races, since they can define the first place in a competition, or the winner of a race against his brother as on that occasion. The fact that the two as well as Gin are wearing the same red and black uniform indicates that they belong to the same team and so compete together rather than against each other in official competitions, but that doesn’t prevent Gin from continuing to witness all the competitions that he and Atsumu don’t hesitate to hold.

They have been up in the mountain all morning, again and again descending the track prepared for them and the others who practice the sport of snowboarding, preparing for the races that will be organized in a month when the winter games begin. His muscles hurt but it’s a good pain, he is satisfied with his development, and even more so after winning against his brother, who at that time pretends to want to hit Gin with the snowboard in his hands after again assuring him that Osamu is the winner of the day.

He loves snowboarding and it’s something he has been doing for as long as he can remember, always with his brother by his side, and now also with Gin since they have decided to form a team to participate in the competitions; but despite the snow and the wind against his face, he thinks that the best part of the day is that moment, once they come down from the mountain and are ready to balance all the energy expended with a good hot chocolate from the most luxurious hotel bar in the valley. It’s a kind of routine that they have created to keep their bodies warm and their stomachs full.

He shakes his head to finish brushing off any traces of snow that have ended up on his black locks even if he wears a beanie most of the time, but he stops doing it just as he stops walking when he hears the beginning of a song surpassing the chatter of the people around him. To get to the bar they must pass by the ice rink, so he opens his mouth because his first thought is to warn his brother that Sakusa is practicing, but as soon as his eyes rest on the windows that allow him to see the ice rink, he raises an eyebrow since the one he sees skating is not Sakusa, but someone else.

A person he knows too well.

Or at least, a person he thought he knew.

He approaches the windows, his eyes following the skater who is moving through the ice, sliding through it as if it were the ground, using the space around him in the same way that he uses his board on the snow, as something natural but also as something he has managed to conquer with years of repetition and practice. He moves gracefully but also firmly, the movements of his body accompanying the rhythm of the music that turns out to be totally different from the one he is used to hearing when his brother tugs at him because he wants to see Sakusa. It’s not classical music and that decision gives him the opportunity to make definite and solid movements, safely, stretching his arms at the end of each move.

Osamu licks his lips as he allows a silent sigh to leave his lips.

He knows those movements, or at least how they used to be in the past.

He performs one jump, and then another, and he keeps sliding through the ice as if it were the easiest thing to do, as if he didn't need to train every day or have enough strength or the necessary mentality to carry out those movements. He had applauded those movements, he had been happy, and then he had been angry. He knows these movements, they are familiar to him. Memories invade his head, and he swallows heavily. How long had it been? More than three years? And yet—

"Hey, what's keepin’ ya so quiet?"

His brother appearing next to him to rest an elbow on his shoulder startles him, forces him to take his eyes off the ice rink, of the skater, but for Atsumu, it’s enough to take a look at his facial features equal to his to realize that the silence of that moment is not a good one, so he stops looking at him to rest his eyes on the ice rink, allowing a grimace to appear on his face.

"Ugh, you have more bad luck than me."

Maybe.

"What?" Gin asks them, confused and appearing next to Osamu. Osamu knows the skater. He knows, he recognizes the movements, knows the person behind them. He knows too much, or perhaps he knows little. He no longer knows. "Who is he?" Gin asks, seeing the two brothers looking at the skater.

Atsumu tries to stay serious but a chuckle leaves his mouth. "’Samu's ex."

Osamu lets out a breath.

Black hair that is actually dark brown.

Golden eyes decorated with black eyeliner.

A smile as mischievous as his routines.

Personality as provocative as his sarcasm.

Flexible body and fast thoughts.

Hands as cold as his heart sometimes is.

"Suna." Osamu says.

Saying his name after so long feels strange, leaves a weird taste on his palate. Many questions appear in his head. Why is Suna there? Why right now? Why didn't he say something to him? Didn't he contact him because Suna doesn't know he is there or because he doesn't want to talk with him? He shouldn't mind, he knows that the correct option is to shake his head, head towards the cafeteria and pretend that nothing has ever happened, that Suna is still an image in his head, a projection that accompanies him every so often, sometimes when he can't sleep and his mind begins to wander. He knows that’s what he has to do, go ahead and pretend, but his feet don’t move, nor do his eyes.

"Watch out, or a skate will end up against yer face," Atsumu's whispered words transform into a loud complaint when Osamu doesn't hesitate to hit him on the head. "Auch! I'm just warnin’ ya!" Atsumu expresses ruffling his blond hair, rubbing where his brother has hit him.

"Just cuz yer a jerk with Sakusa doesn't mean that all skaters are like that."

"Ironic that you say so, brother. Yer the one with a skater as an ex."

Gin stops laughing at the exchange of words as soon as Osamu remains serious and for the same reason Atsumu copies his expression. They both know when to slow down and what the limit of their words is, and Atsumu understands that perhaps, even though the years have passed, the feelings are still present, so he chooses to clear his throat.

"Omi-Omi didn't mention anyone new comin'," He says, assuring him that he didn't know Suna would be there.

"Omi-Omi." Gin teases Atsumu.

"Shut it!"

"Maybe Omi-Omi didn't know that." Gin teases him again.

"Maybe he hasn't mentioned it to ya cuz he doesn't really mention anythin’ to you, he doesn't talk to ya." Osamu assures him.

"Just because we don't speak in public doesn't mean we don't speak when we're havin' se—"

"Yeah, I really, really don't care." Osamu covers his brother's mouth but removes it and rests his attention on him when Atsumu licks his palm, both acting like five-year-olds instead of twenty three. He really doesn't know how Gin, and their coach, are still with them. Or maybe they are tired, but their snow skills are good enough to rule them out just because they behave like the brothers they are.

"Didn’t Sakusa throw a skate at ya cuz you didn't call him the next day?" Gin asks.

"I thought I had lost my phone in the mountain, 'kay! It doesn’t matter! Can we go to the bar please? My body is freezin'."

"That's my line." Osamu gives him an incredulous look.

"Well, clearly, seein’ him again has even made ya forget ‘bout the food you always want. Why don'tcha talk to him?"

"What?"

Atsumu snorts and Gin looks at them both as he decides to leave them alone, going ahead to go to the bar with the excuse that he will look for a table —although all three are aware that the cafeteria is never completely full. Osamu would have folded his arms if he didn't have his skateboard with him, while Atsumu would have left his hands on his waist.

"You want me to speak to him?" Osamu adds.

Why should he do it?

"’Samu, I know you wanna do it."

Osamu holds his chin up regardless of being aware that his brother is right. He should already be in the cafeteria, but Suna being a wall away is a detail that is not really easy to miss. "D’you want me to do it?"

"Does my opinion really matter here?"

They are both surprised. When the relationship between them was over, Atsumu hadn’t hesitated to insist that it didn’t matter, that life was about moving on and that he would probably find someone with complete ease because 'Samu, you just have to look at us, everyone loves us"  but the years have passed and Osamu hasn't found anyone else, probably because he hasn't taken his time to do so either, and they both know it. Atsumu knows that his brother will do whatever he wants despite his words, and Osamu believes that his brother is right in thinking that the easiest option is to speak rather than avoid. And besides, that place is still his place, and if there is someone who should feel uncomfortable, it’s Suna, and not him.

"Talk." Atsumu insists.

Talk to him? He is not like his brother who simply interrupts a workout to yell at Sakusa that he likes his way of skating, but in the end he guesses that he is right because he has even forgotten the muffin with which he usually accompanies his hot chocolate; only for Suna, and the ice rink still belongs to the place and it’s not a private training since it’s not the schedule of it, so he bites his lower lip before rolling his eyes because he really can’t believe that he is paying attention to his brother.

The years go by and Suna keeps provoking him, he thinks he's a fool.

He moves towards the doors of the ice rink to open them, and allowing the cold air of the place to embrace him is enough for him to close his eyes for a moment, the frozen atmosphere making him remember moments that by then were already memories. A few years ago, he had spent a large part of his time there, then he had begun to avoid them. Now, again, he is there.

Fortunately, he continues with his jacket on, as well as his snowboard, and it’s at that moment that he realizes how stupid he must look to others after entering an ice rink with his snowboard in hand, but the reality is that there’s no one to see him, except for Sakusa, whom Osamu finds off the ice rink and strangely without his skates on, arms crossed over his chest and watching Suna until Osamu's presence distracts him and a grim expression settles on his face.

"Hey, you hafta stop reactin’ like that every time you see me." Osamu says.

For the first time he is grateful to meet Sakusa because he doesn’t doubt that without him, the tension would have invaded the environment in a matter of seconds. He feels nervous, and he doesn’t want to feel that way. He should feel sick, perhaps, but he can only feel a jumble in his stomach.

"Your fault for having the same face as your brother."

"Of course, there's a reason of why we're twins, y’know."

Sakusa rolls his eyes and Osamu appreciates being able to hold a lopsided smile.

Most of the time he doesn't show it, but he’s glad that Sakusa has a relationship —or whatever term they choose to use for the fact that they sometimes sleep together and during the day pretend not to know each other— with his brother, since Sakusa drops his selfishness to the ground and doesn’t hesitate to confront his sarcasm with the same type of irony. Admittedly, maybe Atsumu sometimes talks and talks about none other than Sakusa, but he prefers Atsumu to talk about the skater in front of him rather than about how he’s the best in the snow, eventually getting Osamu to turn off his brain and focus on the dinner that he prepares for both of them, because of course, despite the fact that sometimes he only wants to use his snowboard to hit his brother, he still lives with him in one of the valley apartments and so he must take care of him and worry about him.

"Weird, yer not skatin’."

"I wanted him to try out the ice rink to see if he likes it." Sakusa mentions, and they both rest their eyes on Suna, who is now simply sliding through the ice to keep moving because the song is over. Osamu swallows, and realizes that Sakusa knows him, but before his head can start producing more questions, he keeps talking. "Weird that you are not with your brother."

Osamu avoids smiling because he knows that this is Sakusa's way of showing that he wants to know where Atsumu is. "He's at the bar."

Sakusa looks at him and arches an eyebrow. "I'm going to ruin his day." He says, unfolding his arms.

"Oh please, go and do me that favor," Osamu steps aside and points to the door with his snowboard, holding a small smile to which Sakusa reacts by giving him a serious look before heading towards the door and leaving.

Osamu giggles because he thinks the two of them are just as stupid.

"I'm going to assume that he went to see your brother."

Osamu's giggle turns into a cough when he turns his head after recognizing that voice too close to him, familiar, a little changed, just as serious, perhaps a little more calm, relaxed; and he clears his throat because Suna has stopped sliding down the ice to approach him. His hands —Osamu licks his lips at the thought of all the times he has had the opportunity to interlock his fingers with those fingers— remain on the railing that separates the floor from the rink and Osamu finally raises his head, sees, and swallows dry because again, many years later, he has the opportunity to admire Suna up close. His chest is rising and falling after recovering from the physical effort just made, the black of his outfit marking the definition of his muscles after wearing dark clothing fitted to his body, stronger, with more years of experience on him. They have gone from being totally far away to being totally close, his facial features graceful but defined, just like his skating. Only once the gold he knows so much —or knew— mixed with the green of his eyes blinks several times, Osamu realizes that he is still silent.

"Why d’you assume that?"

It's the first time he's been talking to Suna in years, and his brother is the topic of conversation. He is not surprised. Comments on Atsumu is always better than a furious look, or a bad reaction. He wonders if he should react in a bad way, but he knows why he is not acting like that.

"Because only your brother would get Sakusa to leave the rink."

He had once represented that to Suna.

An excuse. A distraction? He doesn't want to think of himself that way.

"Yes, he went to see my brother."

Suna holds a small, proud smile —he can't call that a smile— on his face, and Osamu can't help but sigh. Days, months, years. His eyeliner is perfected, his gestures remain the same. He wonders if he should consider himself cursed or blessed. "I knew he was seeing someone." Through the windows that connect both spaces in the building, Suna chases Sakusa when he sees him walk, and Osamu wonders if he does it to stop looking at him. "I'm never wrong."

"Ya sure about that?"

Suna stops smiling and the two look at each other, but then Suna runs away his face.

"Before asking me if I think you were mistake, shouldn't you say hi?"

Osamu is not surprised that Suna still has the ability to read him.

"Hello, Suna."

Suna is in front of him. He is speaking to Suna. For months, years, he hasn't heard from him, even with Sakusa being a skater and hovering around his brother. Perhaps Atsumu has made sure that Sakusa doesn’t mention Suna when he’s present. Perhaps Atsumu does know about Suna's life and has chosen not to tell him. He can't blame him regardless of his decision. Although most of the time they are fighting for small things, he knows that his brother seeks to protect him. Sometimes he does the same for him.

Suna smiles, but it doesn't seem like a nice gesture. "Suna." He repeats his own name. "It's weird to hear you calling me like that." He says before seeing him again.

Osamu is watching the news, or at least waiting for them to tell the temperature to see if it will be possible to climb the mountain or not. He keeps his arms crossed over his chest, in front of the television, a part of him waiting for the day to be accompanied by an adequate temperature since a new day is a new opportunity to demonstrate to his brother that he can be just as fast as him. He got up just a few minutes ago, his hair remains disheveled, but any trace of sleep has already been erased from his face; while another part of him hoping that the temperature won’t indicate a good number and so he will have the necessary excuse to return to his bed to continue as comfortable as he had felt when he had woken up. Happy, warm, calm.

He hears noise behind him but doesn’t turn.

"Rin, ya think the day will be nice today?"

The noise is heard closer and Suna appears next to him to sit on the back of the couch, with his arms crossed, hugging himself as he has just got up and his locks pointing everywhere is evidence of the same, as well as his sleepy face. Osamu finally stops keeping his eyes focused on the television screen to watch him and lets out the first laugh of the day. He stops crossing his arms to leave his hands on his cheeks and Suna allows a small, sleepy smile to appear on his face when he leaves a kiss on his forehead.

"You do know you could have checked your phone for the temperature, right?" Suna asks, still with his eyes almost closed even if that doesn’t prevent him from surrounding Osamu's waist to attract him towards him and thus be able to hide his face between his neck and his shoulder. Osamu laughs when he realizes that he is right. "I have to train anyway, you can stay if the day doesn’t look good, what time is it?"

Osamu watches the television. "Half past five." Suna groans against his skin and Osamu laughs again. "D’you really hafta go?" He asks at the same time that Suna separates from him and both listen to the forecast announcing a good day to go up the mountain.

Suna rubs his eyes and allows his shoulders to drop.

"Yes, I can't not go. Will you make coffee?"

"You know the answer."

Suna gives him a still somewhat sleepy smile before getting up and leaving his visual field, but after a few seconds in which Osamu continues to watch television, two arms surround his waist from behind and Osamu laughs while resting his hands over Suna’s.

"Still sleepy?"

"You called me Rin." Sun murmurs with his forehead against his back.

Osamu raises both eyebrows, realizing that he is certainly correct. He had done it without realizing it, perhaps because it’s still early and he’s still asleep although his face shows otherwise, or perhaps because he’s in Suna's apartment, he had spent the night there, and had already lost count of all the times he had stayed, so there’s no point in forcing himself to keep calling him by his last name when much more intimate words were those of being sighed in the middle of the night.

"Yer right."

Osamu looks at him.

"Hello, Miya." Suna says, and it's Osamu who pursues his lips.

"It's weird to hear ya callin’ me like that." He copies him.

"Do you want to go for ice cream?" Akaashi asks him.

Suna gives him a sideways glance before finishing tightening his boot laces. "I still can't believe you want to eat ice cream with this weather."

Akaashi shrugs as he leaves his bag on his shoulder. Both usually share training a few days since their coaches have arranged their schedules that way, and the same allows Akaashi to know that Suna always wear black while Suna knows that Akaashi likes to eat ice cream no matter if they have to wear a lot of clothes as soon as they leave the ice rink.

"I think it's Bokuto-san's fault."

Suna takes a second look at him, this time with a mischievous smile on his face, and Akaashi rolls his eyes because he knows the intentions behind that gesture. "Thank you, but I can't," Suna says after copying him by taking his bag and putting it on his shoulder. "Osamu will come for me and we will have dinner together."

Akaashi is the one who raises both eyebrows as Suna pursues his lips.

"You and Osamu?" Akaashi holds an amused smile on his face.

"Shut up, don't tell him I called him like that."

"Sure, you tell him." Akaashi looks behind him and waves at him to then walk past him.

Suna turns around and bites his lower lip when he sees Osamu close to them. They greet each other with Akaashi and Suna is the one who approaches Osamu although he doesn’t hesitate to roll his eyes because the fun on his face is completely evident.

"Don't say anything." Suna tells him.

"Please keep talkin’," Osamu laughs before resting his hands on the back of his neck to feel his gaze between him and his lips. "I can hear ya say my name all day."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"You are so cliché."

"I think we've both lost some privileges, don't you think?"

"D’you consider me a mistake?"

Osamu pays no attention to his question because he has already greeted Suna, and therefore has permission to ask that question, causing Suna to stare at him for a few seconds. Osamu thinks it's funny, maybe sad actually, that they have been so long without knowing each other, and yet they both look at each other the same way after a few words.

"You know I can only give you a negative answer." Suna assures him. Osamu wants to speak but Suna slides his eyes towards the snowboard he is still holding. "This is not the mountain." He says as if it weren’t the most obvious thing in the world, and Osamu pursues his lips because of course Suna doesn’t hesitate to make that kind of comment. "It's only a drawing." He adds, pointing to the drawing of it on the wall.

"I know." He doesn't doubt to assure him.

The two of them are actually used to the silence between them, because if the relationship had flourished it was because in the same way, the two had learned to find comfort in the absence of the other's words, but now that the silence has manifested itself, Osamu only wants to speak. He wants to ask questions, he wants to hear answers. He has so much to say, and wants to demand so much to know, but again, Suna is always one step ahead of him.

"Sakusa has told me about you."

"Of us?

Suna tilts his head before looking him up and down, and if Osamu feels slightly intimidated, he hides it behind the firm placement of his shoulders and solid grip on his snowboard. "The Miya twins," He says, and Osamu feels that he can relax when he hears him.

"Does he know ‘bout... us?"

Us.

Something from the past, not the present.

"No." Suna answers. "I don't tell him everything."

"D’you know him?"

Suna moves a little in his place, allowing his skates to slide on the ice just as he stops holding his hands on the railing and leaves them behind his back. "Why are you here?" He asks as he moves one leg to slide a little to the right.

Osamu believes that it’s actually up to him to ask that question. But Suna also has validity in his question. He could have gone with his brother and Gin, and he hadn't. Suna deserves an answer as much as he does.

"Does it bother ya?" He chooses to ask him.

"You know that if you bothered me, I would have told you."

Osamu thinks he is right. Suna always makes his opinions clear.

At least most of the time.

"You like it? The way I skate?"

Osamu leaves the edge of his board on the railing as well as his arms on it. "I liked the song," He assures him, and Suna tilts his head because he knows that his choice of words has been on purpose. "Since when are ya interested in my opinion?"

"You're not a skater so I don't know how much I care about your answer. I only care about the opinion of the judges and my coach. Sometimes Sakusa's." He adds, "Sometimes no one else's but mine. But it’s the first time you have seen me skate in a long time, I would like to know your opinion."

"Always so honest."

Suna lowers his gaze, and Osamu takes the opportunity to inspect him with his own.

He should feel angry, he should be angry, maybe irritated. The relationship between the two hasn’t had a good ending, but he can only feel sad, a little frustrated. Nostalgic. Seeing his ex after so many years is a fact that probably affects anyone no matter what state the relationship has ended. Suna is still as beautiful as he remembers, and he still can't decide if he hates or continues to admire his beauty. Probably both.

"I like how ya skate." He assures him.

Suna raises his head and moves towards him, now the distance between them being a few centimeters. Osamu forces himself to remain still, his body is listening to him. Being close to Suna has always been a dangerous thing, and being far away, too.

"You still skate." Suna mentions when he sees his snowboard.

"I do."

"With your brother?"

"We have a team now."

"Did he see me?"

"He told me to speak to ya."

Suna looks at him, and tilts his head. "He doesn't hate me?"

"The two of us hurt each other, Suna. He knows that."

"‘Samu."

"I already told ya, Atsumu. I don’t wanna talk now."

In any case, Osamu is not surprised when his brother doesn’t listen to his words and insists on staying by his side, copying him as he leaves his arms on the railing to look at the landscape around them. It’s cold, it’s late and the lights of the town give a warm aspect to the view they have. The mountain is barely visible, it’s a dark image, but they are not afraid of it.

"Look, fuck him." Atsumu says, and Osamu finally stops looking around to leave his serious gaze on his brother, who swallows when he sees him. "I mean, y’know. Not like that, ugh, you know." Atsumu allows a sigh to leave his mouth, grayish air contrasting with the winter environment. "If he hurt you he doesn't deserve ya, whatev—"

"The two of us hurt each other." Osamu interrupts him before licking his lips and turning his eyes back to the snowy streets. "I have hurt him as much as he has hurt me so don't think that I am the only one hurt here."

Atsumu rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything, he actually chooses to snort.

Osamu can’t blame him since he would probably act the same way in case his brother ended a relationship, but he is aware that he is not the only one hurt, and that although he shows it, by trying to hide on the balcony of his apartment even if Atsumu chases him anyway because they are brothers and they are like that; while Suna doesn’t, they are both equally hurt. They are done. It hurts. Both are to blame.

"I hate him." Atsumu says.

"You don’t."

"I know, but let me say it anyway."

Osamu chuckles, and feels lucky to have Atsumu as his brother.

The two look at each other, knowing that Osamu's words are certainly true.

There is nostalgia, melancholy, and also memories, some good, some bad.

"Now answer me," Osamu asks him. "Why are you here?"

"Do you want to know if I knew you would be here?" Osamu sometimes really hates Suna's abilities. He doesn’t forget, it’s impossible to forget, that Suna is always looking for the weaknesses of others, but apparently he is so focused on looking for them, that he doesn’t realize that he also creates them. "I did know it." He confesses, and Osamu chooses to straighten up, his hands still on the edge of his snowboard.

"You know Sakusa." Osamu says, since it seemed to him that Sakusa had referred to him informally.

"I met him after..." Osamu knows that Suna is silent because he wants to say after we broke up, "after one of the competitions." Suna chooses to say. "Now we have the same coach so we had two possibilities. Sakusa had to move or I moved, and apparently Sakusa is interested in someone and I’m not, and I am a good person, so here I am."

Osamu wants to hit himself with his snowboard in the face because he knows that his mind has focused on the fact that Suna has mentioned that he is not interested in anyone. Does that include the present, now? Should he be happy, should he care? He knows that he shouldn't be asking himself so many questions for a few simple words, but it's always like that with Suna. Suna talks, generates, and does it without realizing it.

"I won’t tell my brother," Osamu chooses to say, since what he least needs is his brother with enough motivation to make them spend even more time on the mountain just because he is aware that Sakusa has avoided moving out of the valley just for him.

"Smart." Suna assures him, glancing at him.

"Thank you actually, it means my brother won't be in a bad mood cuz Sakusa is gone."

"You're welcome."

"Apparently we have the same type."

Suna stares at him. "Have?" He asks, and Osamu knows he should be more aware. He knows a lot, but thinking is easier than carrying out all the little warnings his mind is sending him. "Not had?"

Osamu repeats that being close to Suna is dangerous. It’s difficult to fool him.

"Have." He repeats, and he doesn't regret it because Suna loses some of his seriousness. "Ice skaters."

Suna still keeps one of the corners of his mouth elevated. "Well, Sakusa and me too."

"You what?"

"We have the same type as well." He offers, and Osamu knows, really knows, that it's not just a simple casualty. "Snowboarders."

Osamu bites the inner part of his cheek because he realizes that he wants to talk to Suna, that he wants to be there with him, at that very moment, and that having chosen to delay his snack time to be there is enough proof of it. "Wait." He says after noticing a small detail that up to that moment had passed over him. "You said that Sakusa has told ya ‘bout me."

"Yes, Sakusa told me about you."

"I don't trust Sakusa. What did he say?"

"That you are more mature than your brother and that you cook well because he ate what you cooked once. And that you are good when it comes to snowboarding."

"Did Sakusa say that?" Osamu asks, puzzled.

"But of course, I guess I shouldn't trust his words."

"No wait. Then I trust."

Suna curls one of the corners of his mouth, and Osamu knows that he shouldn't lower his eyes to his lips for an instant. "He also said that you are just as brute and foolish as your brother, and that I should stay away from you."

Osamu snorts but can't blame Sakusa for his words. "Away from me?"

"Yes, but... I don't listen to him all the time."

The two look at each other, in silence. They haven’t known anything about each other for years, and suddenly they are face to face, talking, chatting, speaking to each other as if they had been together the day before instead of years ago. Osamu hasn’t asked about Suna and Suna probably hasn’t asked about Osamu, but regardless, the two still know each other, so when Osamu opens his mouth, Suna also does so because he knows what Osamu will say.

"Can you pass that to me?" He adds, pointing to the skate guards Osamu finds behind him.

Osamu is frustrated. "Sure."

Suna moves towards the entrance of the rink and Osamu stops holding his snowboard on the railing to turn around and then offer him the protectors, pursuing his lips and keeping his eyes on their hands when his own fingers brush against the smooth texture of Suna’s black gloves. He has to breathe.

"Thank you." Suna says, covering the blades of his skates to finally leave the rink. If Suna is still taller than him, Osamu doesn’t mention it.

Osamu follows his movements with his eyes when Suna goes to the music device next to the rink to disconnect his phone that had provided him the music for his routine, and keeps it in the pocket of his hoodie once he puts that on.

"We broke up, Rin."

Osamu looks at him but Suna runs his gaze.

"I know you wanna say it."

"Because you want to say it, too." Suna watches him.

"Cuz I rather finish this instead of continuing like this," Osamu says, pointing vaguely between them. "Shoutin’ at each other, almost without seeing each other, I'm tired of fightin’ with you, Rin. I really don't wanna fight anymore." He keeps saying, without being able to believe that he is really saying those words because he had never thought of himself agreeing to end the relationship between them.

But what is between them is no longer a relationship.

There are only screams, glances, silence that hides many words, sentences.

"I'm tired too, Osamu." Suna assures him. "I see you and I, I no longer... I don't—"

"I know, it's not the same as before."

Osamu brings his hands to his eyes to rub them because perhaps they both agree with the situation they are talking about but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to go through it, and Suna forces himself to cross his arms because although he knows he wants to prevent Osamu from having his gaze crystallized, he also knows that it’s his fault that the gray of Osamu's eyes is that way.

The two look at each other.

Suna wonders when he has lost control.

Osamu doesn’t want to think about the minutes that will follow.

Suna lets out a sigh and swallows. He doesn’t need tears to show that he is not happy with the situation either because the seriousness installed on his face is enough to be evidence of the same. "Will you think I'm a fool if I tell you that I really thought we'd be together forever?"

"No, cuz I thought so too." Osamu replies.

The two look at each other again.

They are not knowing each other for the first time, they are not totally alien to each other. They know each other too much, there’s a past, a story between them, months of a relationship which end has led them to find themselves in that way at that moment; looking at each other, without words, both being aware that they can’t pretend that nothing has happened. Until Osamu decides to continue talking.

"How long has it been? More than three years? I have heard absolutely nothin’ from you."

"Because you have forgotten me or because you have been doing the opposite, avoiding me to try to forget me?"

"Didya hear ‘bout me?"

Suna takes his bag and leaves the strap on his shoulder as he keeps his hands in his pocket. Osamu wants to smile because his posture is still a mess even though he seems to have never stopped skating all that time, but he remains serious because he wants Suna to stop answering his questions with other questions to answer him with the words he really wants to hear, he needs to hear answers.

"No. I don't consider you a mistake but you were a distraction, and you know it."

"Then I have been nothin’ to ya but a distraction."

"Don't you dare say that." Osamu straightens up because Suna's glare is still just as strong. "You know, and you are aware that if we broke up it was because you were so much more than a distraction. You are my ex boyfriend, not my ex distraction. Now answer, why haven't you heard from me?"

"Why d’you sound like you want me to know ‘bout ya? It was painful."

"It was painful because we were naive, Osamu."

Osamu pursues his lips because he knows that Suna is right.

Now they are twenty-three and twenty-two, but they had both been nineteen after spending months together, frequenting the same places, getting to know each other quickly, getting used to each other just as quickly, showing how the winter cold makes them happy in the same way. They were mature, but still young, they still are. They thought about each other but Suna had competitions —he still has them-— while Osamu still didn't consider snowboarding as a totally valuable sport.

"I know I was unfair with you, but you have also been unfair with me." Suna says.

Osamu still knows that Suna is right.

Suna telling him that he can’t continue the relationship because he has competitions.

He getting angry because he believes that the months together have been a lie.

Suna assuring him that he doesn’t have the right to mention those words.

He getting even more angry because he knows that always, always, Suna is right.

"I lost." Suna tells him, and Osamu already knows that. "I lost the competition and maybe I got mad at you because I didn't want to accept that it was also my fault for not knowing how to balance my life on and off the rink, because I allowed you to be part of both. I was mad, but you were never just a distraction, and you know it."

"I know." He decides to assure him out loud. "I know."

They had decided to end because the fights were more than the good times. Suna kept skating, Osamu moved. Now Suna has found him again. Osamu wonders if they are destined to meet in an eternal cycle, and furthermore, he wonders what that moment means then.

"Look, I haven’t told anything to my coach or Sakusa because I don’t need to be judged, if I have a new coach and I have let Sakusa be a person close to me, it’s because I know that they will keep me focused." Suna tells him crossing his arms over his chest. "Perhaps, I don’t deny it, I have also accepted for me to be the one to move because I heard your name and I was curious instead of disgusted. I think we can both be mature, years have passed. But if you really don't want me around, I'll find another coach and leave. I am good, I have improved, I have been winning, I know that there are other sponsors who want me."

Osamu licks his lips because his first thought is to prevent Suna from leaving.

He doesn't want him to go.

Not again.

He has been the one to move, but Suna has been the one to leave, to walk away.

"Shouldn't we go outside? You hafta stretch." Osamu chooses to say.

Seriousness doesn’t leave Suna's face but nods.

The two head towards the doors of the track, and feel the warmth of the environment after leaving the cold behind them. Suna leaves his bag on the floor as he sits down on the bench next to him to take off his skates, while Osamu leaves his back against the wall as well as the end of his snowboard on the floor. Suna glances at him before replacing his skates with his sneakers, and Osamu clears his throat.

"I don't want to." He says. "I don't want ya to go." He clarifies.

"You know I can arrange my schedules so that we don't see each other."

Osamu chooses to move to sit next to him, leaving his snowboard aside and making Suna look at him because their shoulders don’t brush just for a few centimeters. "I don't want ya to avoid me, and I don't want to avoid ya." Osamu tells him, since he also knows that he is not capable of doing it, not when Suna suddenly becomes part of his life again.

"You know that you don't always have to take care of me, you don't have to keep doing it." Suna says, looking at him and then facing forward again and lowering his gaze to his lap.

Osamu looks at him, and knows, he is fully aware, that years of seeking to know nothing about Suna doesn’t imply not wanting to know about him in the present. Both had acted unfairly with each other, without trying to understand how the other felt, the feelings and thoughts behind the words spoken out loud. Both are taken as calm people, but both know that their personalities can collide with each other when the situation demands it, when they demand themselves, and the other, to be equally tense.

"I want to see ya smile again."

"D’you always get up early?"

"I'm used to it, that’s why I always have eyebags."

Osamu lets out the first laugh of the day before rubbing his eyes, just getting up but wanting to wake up in a real way because turning around and seeing Suna looking at him is enough motivation for him to want to stay conscious instead of continuing to sleep even if it's the first day off both have in a long time. He turns and leans into the contact when Suna leaves his hand on his cheek, his hands are always cold but he's gotten used to it, in a way Suna has forced him to get used to him.

"Ya plannin’ to do somethin’ today?" Osamu asks him.

"Absolutely nothing."

Osamu allows a smile to appear on his face as well as a few seconds to pass before finally waking up after moving and getting Suna to make an exclamation leave his lips by moving and ending up on top of him. Suna laughs until a pleasant morning smile remains intact on his face, and Osamu looks at that gesture before returning to let their eyes meet.

"Good, cuz I just wanna spend all my time with ya."

Suna wraps his arms around his neck to draw him to him while Osamu leaves the palms of his hands at the sides of his head. "Let's take advantage of the time then." Suna whispers on his lips and Osamu immediately shows that he agrees with him after kissing his smile.

Suna looks at him when he hears him mention those words.

So far Suna has only been lifting one corner of his mouth. Osamu wants more, he wants to see again that smile that continues to prevail as one of his favorite images, above the rest of the memories of discussions, arguments, fights. "I bet that if I fall with this, you'll smile." He adds, nodding at his snowboard.

Suna raises one of the corners of his mouth as he takes off his gloves.

"Maybe." He says.

Osamu wants more.

"You don't deny it."

"No."

Osamu chuckles and then smiles. He thinks it’s so strange, both he and Suna, people in general, the way in which people relate to each other. The two of them have known each other, they have dated for a couple of months, they have stopped talking for years, and now they are again side by side, talking, without fighting, without yelling at each other, being aware that both have changed, have grown. He had forgotten the last time he had talked with someone in that way, fluently and easily, not needing to think of every word because the conversation appears on its own as they continue to speak.

"In case yer interested, tomorrow I will be on the mountain in the morning," He says, but he immediately realizes that perhaps he is acting the same way as years ago, wanting Suna to focus on him when skating is clearly important to Suna. "I mean. That’s, I'll be, y’know, with my snowboard, in case you want— I dunno. Skate, my snowboard. Snow, I know you like snow and cold because—"

"Osamu." Suna stops him and Osamu inhales a breath. "I'm not the same person as three years ago and neither are you."

"Right."

He must understand that despite talking to Suna, three years have passed, even a few more months. Yes, they have been together, yes, they have ended their relationship, and yes, they have spent a great amount of time without knowing anything about each other. Maybe Suna's tastes have changed, maybe he doesn't like the cold even though he skates on ice, maybe he doesn't like the cold anymore because he's always on the rink and it would actually make sense for him to like a warmer weather to compensate, but Suna has always told him that he hates summer. He knows that again, and again, he is asking too many questions and assumptions, but he stops focusing on them when he hears a giggle, and finally feels that he can breathe and relax his shoulders when he blinks and listens, he sees Suna laughing.

"Your face is funny when you think too much."

Osamu loses his own smile when he hears him. "Hey."

"So you were telling me that you're going to fall?" Suna asks him.

"Hey, I'm good, but I also fall. You must know."

Suna arches an eyebrow. "Are you implying that I fall?"

"I am implying that you are good despite yer falls."

"Thank you," He says, "I guess." He chooses to take a look at him, and smiles again because Osamu is giving him a smile. "I'll train in the week, in case you have free time." He comments, looking at him as if behind those words there was something else hidden.

Osamu continues to smile, and wonders if Atsumu will laugh at him or scold him.

Probably both.

"D’you like the place or d’you already regret comin’ here?"

"I don't regret it." Suna looks at him as he says those words and then moves his legs to sit in a butterfly position and bring his hands to his sneakers. Osamu looks down for a second when Suna's knee brushes his leg but looks up when Suna turns his head towards him. "I don't know much."

"Would you like me to help ya?"

Suna looks at him again, too serious on that occasion, but then stops doing it after focusing his eyes on his sneakers and lowering his knees until they touch the bench as if it were something extremely easy. "Now I understand why Sakusa told me to stay away from you."

"I'm just bein' a nice person with the new person in the valley." Osamu assures him.

"Do I look like I need help?"

"No, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't accept it. I know how to advise ya very well what you could ask for at the bar."

Suna shakes his head and Osamu forces himself not to smile when he can assure that one of the corners of Suna's mouth has been raised despite making that negative movement with his head. " I like the hot chocolate from the bar, it's a bit sweet for my taste so I only put half of the chocolate."

"What?" Osamu asks exasperatedly, as if Suna had just confessed to him one of the worst crimes carried out, which for him, not eating all the chocolate represents. "You can’t do that."

"Well, I do so." Suna looks at him and then goes back to leave his feet on the ground. He rests the palms of his hands at the sides of his legs as he seems to be considering something after keeping his eyes on the front, until he decides to speak again. "But if you want, so as not to feel bad about the chocolate, you can come with me and I'll give you the other half." He adds.

"Are ya inviting me?" Yer inviting me."

"I need someone to eat the chocolate."

Osamu doesn’t avoid smiling for that occasion. "Sure."

"Just wait for me to stretch and we'll go if you want."

Suna slides to the ground to perform a split and places the palms of his hands at the sides of his body as if he wants everyone who continues to pass from one side to the other to have the opportunity to admire and envy his elongation, but as if that doesn't really matter to him because he is only focused on himself.

The two continue walking through the street, Osamu observing the way in which the gold of Suna's eyes shines after being distracted and fascinated with all the Christmas decorations on the street. Red, green, gold lights, illuminating the paleness of his face as well as the color of his gaze. Osamu smiles and avoids giggling because he had thought that Suna is not one of those people who celebrate Christmas but it’s clear that at least he is fascinated and happy with the idea of walking around the town, holding hands while seeing all the decorations of the stained glass windows of the local shops. It’s cold and as always they are wearing gloves, as well as scarves and beanies, and thick and warm jackets.

"Y’know, my brother asked me what I want for Christmas." He says.

Suna finally looks at him as soon as he hears him. "And what did you say?"

"I don't want anythin’ cuz I already have ya." They both stop walking and Suna looks at him, a small smile peeking over his scarf. "And he got mad cuz he said that then he should have never given me gifts cuz I've always had him." Osamu adds and Suna laughs before taking his other hand with his.

"Then I am your gift?"

"Yer my present."

 Suna bites his lower lip and doesn't care if he feels his cheeks burn.

A little warmth is good with so much cold around.

Osamu closes the distance between them after taking a step towards him.

"I love ya, Rin."

Suna copies him by taking a step towards him.

"I love you, Osamu."

Osamu chooses to cross his legs. They don’t plan to erase the story between them or introduce themselves again, pretending that they have never met, pretending that this is the first time they have seen each other, and that the memories of the two are non-existent. Osamu knows that they can create new ones without needing to completely replace the old ones. With his eyes he travels Suna's body and continues to smile when Suna gives him a glance over his shoulder, again, his mouth forming a mischievous smile that he remembers too well despite the years.

"Sure, I can wait." Osamu assures him. Perhaps he has been waiting all those years without really being aware of the same thing. "I can wait all day."