it’s not your fault.
yeong shin sounded like someone he never wanted to hear because consolation is nothing but irritating to the grieving but he did because that is all he could offer and he hated hated it because chang deserved so much better so much better than him and maybe he should just excuse himself –
but chang looked up with those dark dark orbits, yeong shin never felt more naked how is he able to freeze me so damn easily
why do you think so?
yeong shin’s heart stopped nonononono a sudden hot rage enveloped him like ice, but not at him, never at him but at the world. it was not the first and it will never be the last
they gave all they had and have to a single faith, you, your highness. there is no knowledge that would make them regret it, even in death.
if chang did not look mildly horrified before he did now and yeong shin could feel himself drop below the earth shitshitshit ineedtodosomethinganything
his hands his hands need to do something anything anything
his hands surged forward, cupping chang’s face with his roughened hands in an uncharacteristic panic.
both of them went still, very still. yeong shin constricted with horror.
your – your highness damn it don’t stutter from where I come from, trauma never heals and nobody cares; its either you manage it or you don’t. Any return from it is a lie.
chang did not move a muscle.
things like this will eat you worse than your worst nightmare and make you fucking marbles.
yeong shin felt like a complete fool for stating the obvious but there are worse things to come so he braced for it, at the same time feeling as if he was undressing right in front of his highness –
so what i’m trying to say is give sorrow words, this pain and grief that does not speak, make it tangible. if you don’t, it will wrought your heart and break it.
i can’t see it happen to you, your highness. i’d hate to be a spectacle of it.
but never fear solitude when it happens either. yeong shin added silently in his head.
there was a finality to what he said, so yeong shin dropped his hands from chang’s face before deeply examining his facial expressions despite him never actually be good at reading people.
chang’s eyes was engulfed with emotions. emotions which unfortunately yeong shin could not decipher and made him even more lost
yeong shin – chang’s voice started, unfortunately sounding like a grieved whine so he immediately used his arm to silence the suddenly very palpable sorrow and
wished he could just disappear
yeong shin, more urged than before, reached for him again. this time placing his hand in chang’s free hand –
tears are strength your highness, it means that the shitty is leaving your body. Then there will be more space for resilience and strength to occupy.
chang shrunk away even further, his body racking with pounding grief. he was chocking in thin air –
gently, yeong shin enveloped him with his right arm and continued to hold his left hand repeating again and again and again –
we’ll bear this together. we’ll outlast this terror. we’ll endure. we can and we will. we will.