Prologue? to want for Wings:
"What do you think of this Yue?"
Yue had been watching his Master with detached wonder for many hours from across the garden. His master seemed to enjoy being outdoors rather than in and confounded Yue many times with his daylong fascinations. He had not known Clow had been aware of him which was, of course, a foolish assumption.
"Come now." Clow urged him, gesturing with a graceful gloved hand.
The Being straightened his back and wings to approach, trying to keep the curiosity from hastening his steps.
Clow smiled as he drew closer and stepped aside, clearly proud of his work.
Yue peered over Clow's sweeping arm of presentation.
It wasn't much.
It was a small sapling planted in the damp earth. It had but three thin branches and was all in all a pitiful site among the glorious things planted or growing wild around it.
Yue searched around it thinking perhaps he missed what his master was trying to show him.
"What do you think?" Clow asked.
Yue felt sudden worry, he could not see anything but this small unexceptional seedling. He took a deep breath and braced himself. He felt he should not let his Master down after being asked his opinion. "I think…I think you should provide a fence for it.
Clow raised an eyebrow. "A fence?"
He glanced around for the troublesome large cat. "Keroberos will most likely step on it."
Clow's abrupt laughter embarrassed him and Yue lowered his eyes back to the ground.
"Do not be ashamed Yue." He assuredly him softly. "I find you remarkable."
Yue felt his embarrassment shift to the blush of uncertain pride.
"It is quite safe, do not worry," He told him crouching down next to it and patting the earth around its roots with affection. "This tree will grow to be tall and old as the mountains."
Yue did not know what to say so he said nothing. Clow frequently did and said things he did not understand.
Clow righted himself and turned towards Yue pleased. Even though he had been just handling the damp soil his hands were clean, and he placed both of them on Yue's face.
"This tree will bring you shade to sleep in and peace with its blossoms."
Yue froze as the warmth of his touch suffused his cool skin and flowed through his form and out to the very tips of his wings. His master fed him this way, this contact, this exchange of power that kept Yue alive and his strength intact.
"This tree will be here long after I have passed from this earth."
Yue felt a flare of anger at the idea, the thought, the mere mention of being left behind in such a way.
"You were not created just to serve my friend." Clow whispered, "You must know the joys, sorrows and beauty of the world. Even if it means one day with another."
"I may be gone."
Within the Outside
There were times when the being Yue reached dormancy to the point where Yukito's life was like a half remembered dream, unimportant and insignificant. However, since the First Born of Clow arrived, everything had changed.
The memory of his capture and then torture was still vivid, and despite that the danger had passed, Yue had not been able to truly descend down deep into the state he had dwelled in before. It was not that he was incapable, but apprehension brought him back every time his shroud grew too quiet and distant from the waking world that his false form inhabited.
His prior complacency had cost him much.
Yue had never been adequately schooled in that sort of pain. Though Clow had been adamant that he became experienced in all things, he had never learned to take these bitter lessons with much sincerity. After all, why should he have feared anything? He had been fashioned infallibly. Physical pain he could tolerate, it could be buried and forgotten with ease. It was the humiliation, the forced betrayal of his mind and body that wounded him now. Kept him alert, like a human. Wary, like one. Pathetic. To wholly forget this disgrace would be ground hard won. Why had Clow never warned him of such dangers? Even after death, he had left him incomplete. How Yue longed for him now to explain this horrible waking half life. The torture of bearing witness to the goings on of this Yukito, this husk, careful of every step, mindful of every shadow.
And now this other.
He was never far away from the false form.
Yue was forced to listen to inane conversations, take their long walks, and bear incomprehensible jokes.
There was however, something familiar in the contours of the tall dark haired teenager's face, the lilt of his voice, even the manner in which he moved or walked. It suggested there was something more to this boy than it seemed.
The sense of it also accompanied the signature of the child's power. In the span of Yue's life it was not very long ago, but it now seemed like a century had passed since he had taken Touya to the skies and listened to him plead for Yukito's life. Yue had felt it then in Touya's flesh.
So it was during one of those many times Touya was near by, Yue had reached into his thoughts to discover where this familiarity lay. He revealed Touya's energy amassed like thunderclouds in mind and soul flickering darkly as a storm. Was this human someone like his previous Master? Did this school boy house some tie to the great magic?
Touya soon sensed him and Yue had withdrawn immediately. It made him afraid. Yue expected him to know what had happened. He expected Touya to seek Yukito's eyes with questions.
But he hadn't.
Yue sighed. No, he was not like Clow at all. He lacked the perception.
That soon changed.
As Yue continued to observe Touya from behind Yukito's eyes, he was alarmed to discover that Touya had begun to take notice. Perturbing at first, Yue soon found as the days turned weeks and weeks turned months that he deeply loathed Touya's awareness of him. This was one other that knew he existed just to hide, someone to witness that he dwelled as some weak phantom no one else could see or hear.
His once proud service and stature was reduced to living within the shell of a fragile boy and this Touya, this young human, could watch him suffer his humiliation there.
It began to grow intolerable when Touya began to look for Yue instead of just noticing him.
There were smiles. Glances. Even comments not meant for Yukito at all. Touya grew braver and more brash with his communication, unaware of the effect it had on the being he could not see but only feel.
Touya played with him. With his pride. With his ire.
Why had Clow done this to him? While the false form slept he curled into himself and wished for a new Master. Not this girl named after a beautiful flower. On the days Yukito was alone kneeling in the silence of the house, Yue sometimes found himself sighing in time with the false form as if they had for one moment been in perfect synch in their loneliness. Yukito's family was a lie. This teenage boy Clow had made had nothing but a shell of a house and grandparents that had never known just an existent past.
As these days turned to nights, Yue's thoughts drifted back to the days that had once seemed without end. His years with Clow Reed and their travels were his comfort and almost all he had to sustain him through the quiet darkness until dawn.
"Oi, Yuki! Look at this!"
Touya looked over to see Yuki rummaging through the same dusty boxes he was. It was late in the day and the school was quiet. Most of the students that lingered were there not by choice but assigned various tasks the school required. Organizing the sport equipment lockers. Updating the message boards with flyers and posters. Cleaning erasers and stacking text books. Or like today, taking old used cartons from the library and bringing them to storage.
Yuki looked to him, tired. "Heh?"
Touya had always been ambivalent towards his surroundings but he was particularly fond of the school library. Open to two floors the one outer wall was an elaborate design of stained glass that served the vast windows. He liked the soft glow the cobalt, gold, red and emerald light created at this exact time when the day was more than half done. He had been digging through a stack of boxes that lined up against the wall for them to carry and put away. They were all very old, some of the cardboard containers had ripped and spilled piles of crumbling magazines onto the floor. He was pulling out a larger box from underneath them all.
A glance over his shoulder saw Yukito had not paused in his work. "Come here."
Yukito put down the heavy load he had in his arms. "What did you find?"
Touya had, with some difficulty as the content was heavy, pulled the box on its end side and had leaned it up against the wall.
Yukito watched as Touya carefully tucked the yellowed newspapers down around its sides revealing a small marble statue.
It was extraordinary even though the stone was flaking at the edges.
Yukito smiled at the wonder of it. It was made of a pure white stone, the slender arc of wings at the figures back met like hands at their tips, its serene gaze cast demurely to the ground, its robes flowing with its carved hair.
"What do you think?" Touya asked brushing some of the dust from its surface almost reverently.
Yukito's smile widened. "I think it's beautiful."
"It is." Touya agreed thoughtfully
It was a shame it was hidden away in that box for who knew how many years and left for no one to see it. Touya wondered why it had been put away in the first place, surely someone must have missed seeing it sitting under the brilliant glow of the colored windows. Touya looked back up to him from where he crouched on the floor, he felt his expression shift slightly, looking past Yukito. Changing the tone of his voice, Touya addressed someone else in the room although they were alone.
"It reminds me of you"
Yukito's smile faded and he blinked at Touya with vague sense of awareness.
Touya felt it there behind Yukito's eyes, something rippled through, bright and shrill as though it didn't belong to him.
It was a reaction. It was stunned. Hostile.
"I'm hungry. Do you want to have dinner at my house?"
Yukito nodded numbly, pulling on a jacket sleeve.
Not another word was said as they road their bikes home.
Yukito laughed softly as he took off his glasses and carefully folded them before placing them on Touya's bedside table.
"Stop that, I had my Vertigos all in order-"
Yuki shook his head with another laugh and set the collected comic books in an even neater pile before relaxing.
"What's so funny?" Touya asked as he lay down next to Yukito on his bed, making room for him while he watched him rub at his gray eyes.
"I was just thinking about that angel." Yuki sounded like he was confessing.
Touya took the glasses from the table and put them on.
"What about it?"
"The librarian is going to be so pleased to see it on her desk, it was stolen a very long time ago."
Touya lay on his back and tried to look at his ceiling through the thick glass. They made his room a featureless blur of color and light. They were already making his eyes strain and he could feel the beginnings of a headache. "Ouch."
"TO-ya." Yukito clicked his tongue irritably.
Touya dragged the glasses off and rolled onto his side, propped up on his elbow, to study Yukito's face. He looked so different without his spectacles on. Touya had been surprised the first time he had seen him without them. He had expected him to look younger but it was the opposite. He looked older, more serious, strangely focused.
"How do you know it was stolen?"
"I don't know." Yukito shrugged, sleepy and unconcerned and more interested in a pillow. "I just have a feeling. Sometimes."
Hm. Yukito needed these thick frames of glass to see but apparently he could still see some things without them. Opening his mind slowly, Touya touched Yukito with a tentative brush of power.
Yue was there. Touya felt the draw he always experienced when the winged being came into focus, no matter how faint or meager. He felt pushed to try to provoke anything from its brooding silence. Yue tried immediately to sink down deep to where it drifted in a sleep state but panic anchored. The being there upon knowing Touya had spotted it shimmered nervously so close under his other form that Touya paused and could clearly see Yue in the confused gray eyes.
Fascinated, and without thinking, Touya tilted their face towards his and his lips were on theirs.
Yue's panic boiled and manifested, pushing Touya violently away.
Yukito was suddenly struggling to breathe
Yukito rubbed at his chest as it hitched trying to take in air. "I'm-I'm sorry-"
Yue was there fighting to not flow forth unheeded, fighting not to lose control.
Touya sat back in astonishment at the sudden presence of them both at the same time. He had not known this was possible. He could see Yue read the look of shock on his features. The Being felt Touya's wonder.
"Is something wrong?" Touya's eyes flashed with curiosity.
"No." Yue said with Yukito's mouth and voice.
Touya sat and stared. He was waiting. Would Yue recede and allow Yukito to come back to himself?
There was still something in Yukito's face, now, of... Want. Need.
"Forgive me." There was a trace of anger in the voice the creature within used. Yue did not want to apologize for this intrusion between them but he was willing Yukito back, gently nudging the other side up into his place.
Touya gripped Yukito's shoulders. "Wait."
Before Yue could ebb back into the welcoming comfort of darkness, Touya projected a wall, blocking Yue's path, willing if he could to halt the retreat just for a moment. Caught, Yue blinked back up at him, not quite there, but not quite gone. Touya decided to kiss him hard, his thumb against Yukito's chin to open his mouth, and his other hand on the small of Yukito's back to press up into his hips. It was Yue who growled back into Touya's mouth, and Yue's hands that gripped Touya's arms painfully.
A flare of Yue's rage stabbed through, a brief agony behind his eyes making him break off. Yue had sent Touya's small but effective stay on him crashing back tenfold in his anger. The creature slipped down, rushing to pass the lower limits of Touya's range and reach its refuge.
Touya knew that it infuriated the being that he could still sense its shame behind Yukito's now puzzled smile.
He wondered if he had not made a large mistake.
Yue and Yuki stumbled onto their bike.
They had to go home.
Though Yukito's own hands shook and his mind scattered aimlessly, these emotions were not his. The smile was gone from his face as he walked alone along the now empty streets. To some empty false home. The false boy was fading quickly. Yue caught them before they fell into the street. Yue smoldered, pure and hot within him, threatening to break through the unstable barrier of forms. But to what end? It had plagued Yue all this time but at last he realized the game. He knew now what Touya thought he wanted. He looked up. The moon was beginning to rise. Already he could feel its pull, calling to him, amplifying him.
The moon would aid him.
Then and only then did the shadow pass out from behind Yukito.
The high school boy alone on the street shook his head at his own bewildering mood, reshouldered his backpack, and went home.
Touya tossed and turned in bed and sighed. He didn't know why he had done it. He shoved a pillow over his head and hit it a few times with his fist. He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Touya tried to breathe softly in and out but soon found there was no way he could let himself relax.
His skin felt flushed. Touya tried to focus on something else. The memory of the kiss replayed over and over in his mind. He bit at his lower lip reliving the feel of Yue's anger.
The square of his window was bright with the moonlight. It was a full moon Touya noted idly. It was round and perfect and somehow closer than the moon usually appeared in the sky. It was one of those nights that it seemed drawn closer to earth and every detail of its white face was easy to see with the naked eye. He blinked and shut his mouth realizing that he was staring at the full round moon and had become mesmerized.
He focused on the thud of his heart, letting the strange thrum of the night wash over him, soothe him, until every one of his senses was filled with it. He felt his breathing slow, a sensation like the pleasant stupor after good wine overtaking him. Half asleep, he was peaceful and drowsy when the world shifted. A firm grasp on his wrist yanked him from his bed and he landed with a hard thud onto the cold floor. Touya hissed when his head hit the wood under the thin carpet.
The broad pale form of Yue leaned over him in the dark.
How had he gotten inside without Touya sensing it? Speechless, he could see the faint waves of his power drift and dissipate off Yue's form. His twitching wings. Each swell as it traveled the short distance between them and brushed against his mind, so heady and strong it made him dizzy. This was the source of what made everyone drawn to either form this being took. It was raw, overflowing and unchecked. So bright blinding white.
Was it the moon so close and radiant drowning its child in its own power, camouflaging the creatures passage through the night?
The broad wings were gone, put away however the creature managed it. The long white robes were as Touya remembered them. The severe expression on Yue's face was the same.
Yue spoke close to his ear.
"Do you enjoy taunting me?"
The sound of his voice unnerved Touya. It was Yukito's but changed, lower, heavier, older.
"Watching me. Speaking to me." Yue whispered to him. "Did you think you were safe from an answer?"
Touya's eyes blinked in a slow drugged way.
The moon shone large and round behind him, the stark light washing his bedroom white. Touya was entranced by the dark slits of Yue's pupils. As he stared at the strange eyes they pulsed menacingly. Through the haze of all the intermingled energies, he considered that he might be in danger. Touya jerked back away from the being but it caught his wrist as he struggled to stand.
Touya lost his footing as Yue yanked him backwards. Touya was pulled awkwardly into the being's lap as it sat down on his bed. Touya twisted in Yue's grip but it was useless, his efforts doubled when he felt a hand cover his mouth. Yue's strength surpassed his own even without the euphoria of his power running through Touya's veins.
"UNgh! stop-" Touya protested loudly behind the firm hand when his t-shirt was pushed up exposing his chest to the cool night air. The hand that stifled him pushed down hard, forcing Touya head back on Yue's shoulder, his back pressed against the creature's chest. It was a simple gesture of warning.
Footsteps in the hall stilled them both.
Touya's breathing stopped and he shifted his gaze to the door and heard the gentle tentative knock.
"Touya-kun?" It was his father. "Are you alright?"
Touya squeezed his eyes shut then glared sideways at Yue. Did this creature really want his father to open that door to see why he didn't answer?
The cool blue eyes flared once again and it slowly retracted its hand from his mouth and locked it across Touya's chest.
"I-I'm fine." Touya's voice cracked, the creature's free hand was pulling the sweat pants he slept in down his hips and past his thighs. Besides his shirt, it was all he wore to bed.
"Are you... are you sure?"
His sweats tangled around his ankles, Yue slipped a strong hand under Touya's bare knee and pulled it up back almost against Touya's chest. The door was right in fron
"Ye-Yes." Touya managed behind clenched teeth.
His father seemed to hesitate but his footsteps retreated and the sound of his door closing was enough for the creature called Yue to be satisfied that they were once again alone.
In one smooth and silent movement, Yue moved Touya back to the floor left in his crumpled T-shirt.
"Let go of-"
It closed a hand back over his mouth and the long lithe body crouched between Touya's thighs, keeping his legs firmly apart.
He strained, his hands trying to remove Yue's hand but Yue held him down, graceful long fingers holding him silently willing him to be compliant.
Touya calmed slowly.
It was the energy that flowed from Yue like warm water, and the gush of it that passed over Touya made his eyes flutter closed. Touya realized Yue was being deliberate, subduing him completely. He relaxed unwillingly, no longer resisting when the hand on his mouth forced his cheek to lay against the floor. He felt his legs untense, his thighs which had been flexing and straining against Yue's sides, fell slack.
One delicately shaped hand was exploring him, moving across the exposed skin of his chest and then under the bunched up fabric of his shirt under his chin, touching along his collarbone, his shoulder to the curves of his biceps, then sliding down the hard flatness of his stomach... Touya groaned.
He felt the depth of his inexperience along with the certain shame that it was so obvious. Yue knew this, held his vulnerability like a prize. Nothing now could be kept from him. The thought that he might have hoped to shock Yue with his simple adolescent kiss now made his cheeks burn with his foolishness.
"Do you know what I am?"
Touya shook his head weakly.
The air shifted in the room and Touya saw in his minds eye the seal that held Yue's energy confined was beginning to unfasten. At the very same moment, against his will, Touya felt the safeguard he kept over his own source of power eased forward and then released with a swiftness that brought Touya physical p
He watched the two founts of energy meet silently in the ether above them. Touya's darker, swirling not unlike the spirits that his gifts made plain to him. Yue's was bright white, stronger, ancient, and twining around Touya's as if it meant to consume it. But instead, it began to merge with him. What Touya had experienced until this point was nothing compared to what the angel harbored in each burning particle of its composition.
He felt the power begin to fill him, slowly at first. Touya gasped, uncertain and afraid, as it started. The sensation of Yue's force radiating in the room was one thing but actually having it flow into his own reservoir of power made his back stiffen. He had never felt anything like it, the intimate presence of another in a place that had been so absolutely his own.
With a small sigh, Yue let all he possessed rush forth, unchecked, uncontrolled, and flood into Touya's prone body.
"Do you know what I can do to you?"
Touya shuddered violently in the angel's arms when it hit, his back arching off the floor.
A sweat broke out on his naked skin and he let out a small whimper behind the firm hand that still covered his mouth. Touya was pushing back up, his hands grasping at the floor then pushing at Yue's shoulders, but the creature did not budge. His muffled desperate groans did nothing to change the passive expression the being wore.
Touya was blind to anything but sensation when he felt Yue's hand fall away from his face. He could barely speak. "…please... stop…"
"Not…yet." Yue sounded different, strained to the limit of his magic. He was as diminished as Touya was saturated.
"I …can't…" Touya moaned, his gasp tinged with the staggering good of it balanced with the terror of the enormity of it. It would extinguish him, incinerate him, swallow him whole and burst through his mind, undoing him from the inside out.
There was the hard tug of Yue to begin the end of the exchange, but something stopped his command. Instead, Touya felt the flow become impossibly larger, his own fount untying and locking onto what Yue had started, taking control of it, forcing it to spill open everything it contained instead of just what Yue willed.
Touya heard Yue gasp in pain and surprise somewhere above him.
It wasn't stopping, it was filling him and growing in intensity passing each moment when Touya thought he would be incapable of absorbing any more, but then, somehow did… he shook uncontrollably against the feel of the silk that hung from the angel down against the bare flesh of his throat, his chest, his hips.
Yue finally broke away and fell heavily against Touya's bed. Attempting to right itself, one arm gave way under the angel's weight and it slumped limply to the floor.
It was spent.
Touya lay still, panting, blinking rapidly at the sparks that exploded in his vision. He raised an unsteady hand to his face to see his flesh had taken on Yue's luminosity and left trails of its glow in the air when he moved.
He hadn't meant to take it all but the result was astounding. It was all within him now. Every last scorching speck was now a maelstrom inside his flesh. How had it happened?
Touya moved to Yue's side, his body's movement seemingly effortless with its newly given power. Yue watched him warily, so weakened that it could barely turn its head. Pulling the being upright, Touya held the drained body up when it threatened to slump back to the floor. They both faced each other on their k
Touya curled a fist into the soft white hair at the base of Yue's neck, and tipped his head to look into those strange eyes. There was a look in the alien gaze that Touya now could read. He knew he could give Yue what he needed by the simplest physical touch. But he knew Yue could have done the same but hadn't. This creature had a heart and it pounded fiercely, in doubt and anxiety. It was unsure of what Touya meant to do.
He smiled, causing Yue's brow to furrow and worry to increase.
Touya brought their mouths together, and felt Yue's body stiffen in his arms.
Touya let the given power flow back, mimicking what Yue had done, slowly at first, then stronger, the first large surge of it causing the angel to make a small sound of mortified pleasure into Touya's mouth. Liking the sound, Touya opened the channel to its fullest and dipped the slighter body back, sliding one knee between long tensed legs. As the body he held began to gain once more, Yue's hands struggled to brace themselves against the floor behind himself.
The feel of its departure felt as intoxicating as the feel of its deluge, and while Touya released it he realized the body he held was the same shape and feel of Yukito, familiar and comfortable. Even his smell was what Touya knew, like the garden after it rained, cool and clean. He felt the last of it go, and then he was alone again, his power seemed a faint spark compared to what it had been when combined with another's, a glimpse of what lay with this being, the incredible difference and the sameness.
The founts closed and sealed.
Touya withdrew and felt somewhere the wooden floor rush up to meet his body as his consciousness left him. The moon's light faded as he did, until the night was silent and pitch black.
ue left Touya where he lay on the floor and exited the house as he had come. Quietly, unseen and unnoticed.
He had wanted to frighten him. Shame him back. He wanted to prove that this was a game he was not capable of playing but it had all gone wrong.
Yue's hands shook in crackling fists.
Pale fingertips touched his mouth that still tingled from being touched. Touya's capacity for it had astonished him. He had underestimated the energy kept within that boy. The level of Touya's control, as rough and unused as it was, could be compared to maybe even…
Yue stood in the cold wet dew of the grass and looked back up to the darkened window of the boy's room. The moon was disappearing with the approach of dawn. The dark blue field was staining the softer blue of the day and putting out the stars one by one.
No, nothing like Clow.
Yue summoned his wings and spiraled up into the sky not watching the house he left vanish behind a layer of dawn layered clouds.