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Richie always hated closing his eyes. If he could he would never close his eyes again, just so he wouldn’t have to see it. The ethereal red string that seemed to dance behind his eyelids. It taunted him at every moment of the day when he blinked and was practical torture to watch when he tried to sleep. A constant reminder of who he was and what he could never have. He hated it.
Ritchie cursed the string under his breath as he shot up out of bed. He definitely wasn’t going to get any sleep like this. He rubbed at his eyes in a failed attempt to make the string go away, it only seemed to burn the red into his vision when he opened his eyes. Groaning he reached out to his bedside table to find his glasses. His fingers found the frames and he pushes them onto his face. Finally, being able to see he looked around his dark bedroom; part of him almost expected to still see tangled red slipping and curling around the clumps of mess on the floor. He let out a slight sigh of relief when he only saw flashes of the string when he blinked. Ritchie flopped back onto his bed, maintaining a glare at the ceiling while he wiggled around to push his sheets away from him. Once the blankets where bunched up at the corner of his bed, and far away from him, Ritchie looked towards the window. The curtains were slightly parted, and he could see that the sky was still a shade of woeful early morning grey, as if the sky mirrored the boy’s feelings.
Ritchie pushed back up off the bed and sat, slightly fidgeting where he sat. He wasn’t quite sure what to do until the sun came up. Even if this wasn’t the first night of sleep he lost over the stupid red string he couldn’t seem to find anything to do with himself. So, he waited- rolling around on his bed, watching the world outside his bedroom; anything to take the focus off the red behind his eyelids, the string that tied him and his soulmate together by their left pinkie fingers.
He was exhausted by the time the sun came up. He could feel the bags under his eyes, like his skin was weighed down. But no matter how tired he felt he just couldn’t get to sleep- would he even let himself sleep if he could?
Trudging down the stairs he was greeted with an already empty house, his parents already leaving for work. Another groan escaped his lips and he rubbed at his eyes from behind his glasses. He was not in any state to go to school, but he had done it before, and he was sure he could do it again. Ritchie searched around in the cupboard to find his parent’s box of instant coffee. He turned the kettle on as he tipped the packet into a cup. When the water boiled he poured it in, adding milk and stirring the liquid around. Without a thought he started to drink and instantly regrated it when he burnt his tongue on the scalding drink. He cursed at his mug before blowing on it lightly and continued to drink it quickly, something had to keep him going through the day.
The rest of his morning almost seemed a blur as he got ready for school, not having the energy or care to focus on what was going on around him. Ritchie only tuned into his surroundings when he got to the entrance building. He took a deep breath and forced a smile onto his lips before walking inside. He finds his friends huddled around in a small group in the usual spot. He casually leans against the wall and smirks at his friends but before he can get anything out Eddie speaks up first, “You look like shit.” His brows furrowed looking over Richie’s face, the lack of sleep must be showing.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m as sexy as ever.” He attempt to shrug off the concern of his wellbeing.
He frowns at him, shaking His head. Eddie doesn’t press the issue, but he also doesn’t take his eyes off of Richie- He can feel the other boy’s eyes burn into his skin. Although Eddie was still watching him Richie let out a soft sigh, thankful that no one else was paying enough attention to the mask that was ready to slip off if he was pushed too far. He didn’t need anyone seeing what was really behind the persona he kept up.
His friends continued to talk, and he watched them. He knows that they might get suspicious if he keeps being quiet for too long, but he couldn’t stop himself from getting caught up in his own thoughts. He let his eyes linger on Ben and Bev, the way they so casually held each other. The two of them had found each other as their soulmates soon after Ben moved to their school, both of them mentioned something about their red strings becoming more intense and brighter when Ben had come to the small town. Richie dreaded when he would be closer to his own soulmate, if he thought the red is currently unbearably bright he couldn’t imagine how much more torturous it could get. Would it be blinding behind his eyelids? Burning red into his vision to push him to find his soulmate.
Richie had to drag his eyesight away from his two friends and scolded himself, reminding him that he was happy for both of them. Although he knew it wasn’t completely true. Richie was happy for his friends, but a part of him held a small distain for it. The string was hope for them, a connection that reminded them that they were never alone- that they were loved and accepted. But not for him; the string was a source of shame. A constant reminder that he wasn’t normal and that his sexuality isolated him from everyone around him- that no one would accept him and if they found out he was in fact gay they would leave him. He didn’t know what he would do if that happened, he didn’t want to lose more people he cared about; so, he hid who he was behind a mask.
The school bell is what snapped him out of his thoughts and their small group split up to go to their own classes. Richie stuffed his hands into his back pockets and walked along in the overcrowded halls when some guy hit him with his shoulder as he passed calling out, “Watch where you’re going, queer.” The guy’s friends laughed as Richie threw a look over his shoulder to see who said that, but he was lost in the sea of people before he saw anything. The brunette boy just sighed and kept walking, there wasn’t much he could do about it without confirming people’s suspicions- and he knew what they would do to him with that information was a lot worse than bullying.
He numbly went through the motions of the day, he just had to get through it then he could go home- and then all he has to deal with is the string beckoning him outside instead of watching it weave through the crowds of students from behind his eyelids.
In his last class Richie sat next to Eddie, who seemed just as bored with the day already as he was. Richie couldn’t seem to focus on the information being taught as he couldn’t stop his eye shifting over to Eddie. Part of him wished that the smaller boy was his soulmate, to be able to touch him without pangs of guilt shooting through his stomach. To be able to love him; Eddie just would be able to love him back. The smaller boy would never love him back because Richie was gay and Eddie was not, as far as he knew; but Richie refused to entertain such ideas, they would only end in heart break. So, he let himself love the other boy from a far; with painful longing in his heart for him.
Richie took a deep breath and leaned over to the other boy, “Hey, Eds, do you want to come over to my place after school?” He asked not only because he wanted to be with Eddie more but also because he knew his parents wouldn’t be home yet again and he didn’t want to have to sit in the empty house with only himself and the red sting bothering him.
Eddie glanced over at Richie, he hummed before replying, “Only for a little while- you know my mum has a strict curfew. Plus, I need to pick up some first aid things from the store after school- I’m starting to run out.”
Richie rolled his eyes, “How much shit do you need? You’ll be fine without it.” He holds his hands up in surrender when Eddie shot him a glare. He felt a little better knowing he wasn’t going to go stir crazy from the red tormenting him all day- maybe he could try and get some sleep tonight if it let him.
When the final bell rang both boys grabbed their book and left the building together, walking down the street towards their goal- get Eddie more first aid shit. Once they entered the store Eddie beelined away from Richie to look for whatever it is that he dragged them into the store for. Richie trailed behind slowly, looking for anything to distract him from the red string that snaked through the store, then his eye catches the magazine rack. A smile spreads across his face as he moves over to it, his eyes scanning over the glossy covers. Without second thought he grabbed one and rushed over to Eddie, “Hey, since you’re already buying something can you get me this? I’ll pay you back later.”
Without taking his eyes off what he was looking at Eddie held his hand out and mumbled, “Yeah, whatever.” Richie hands the magazine over. With it firmly in his grasp Eddie quickly looks down to see what exactly Richie wanted so badly. Heat rushes to his cheeks and Eddie hisses under his breath, “Richie, I am not buying you a porno magazine.” His eyes narrow at the taller boy as his face becoming dusted with a bright red blush.
A smirk creeps up Richie’s lips at the reaction he got out of Eddie, “Oh come on, Eds, don’t be such a baby and get this for me.” He whines.
Eddie glared down at the cover once again, taking in the image on the front. Richie decided that it might not have been the best idea to pick up the one that was obviously filled with naked men. Despite that realisation it was too late, he has keep going he couldn’t give up now- not when he was having so much fun with Eddie’s reactions to the whole situation. Soon enough it seemed that Eddie just accepted that Richie was only fucking around with him, so he seemed to decide to fuck right back, “Fine, Rich, if you really want it so bad I’ll get it for you.”
With his face still burning red Eddie stomped up to the cashier and dumped the magazine and his own items onto the desk. Richie’s heart was hammering in his chest as he stood behind Eddie, watching the man throw the two of them a dirty look as he scans the magazine. This wasn’t a good idea, Richie felt sick the whole time watching the transaction- this really was his stupidest act yet. God was he fucking stupid.
The two boys made their way out of the store and Richie could feel the cashier’s glare burning into their backs as they left. When the door swung shut behind them Eddie reached into his shopping bag and pulled out the porno, smacking it to Richie’s chest, “You owe me, you fucking asshole.”
Eddie walked off as Richie rolled the magazine up and shoved it into his back pocket. He let out a forced laugh, hoping to hide his nerves, “Come on, wait for me!”
Eddie just flipped him off without looking back and calls out, “Fuck you.”
Richie watched the smaller boy leave him behind- as much as he hated being away from Eddie he sure did like watching him walk away. Richie let his eyes trail over Eddie’s figure, taking in every curve and every movement. Richie quickly looked around to check if anyone saw him while he wiped off his sweaty palms on his jeans. He then started to jog to catch up with the smaller boy. Richie reaches around and rests his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, “You know you love me.”
Eddie takes hold of the taller boy’s wrist and pushed his arm off of him, “Ugh, you’re so annoying.”
“So, I’m annoying but you still love me- it must be true love, Eds.” Butterflies bloom in his stomach as he lets out a laugh.
“Don’t call me that- And I don’t love you! I hate you.” Eddie’s cheeks warm up once again, red spreading across his face as he mutters the last part to himself, as if it was only meant for his own ears. Richie watched him fondly, catching himself before he could start wishing the other boy was his soulmate again.
The two of them walked back to Richie’s house, talking and slightly brushing against each other the whole way. They arrive and Richie pushes open the door to the empty house. The boys dump their bags on the floor. Richie quickly goes over to the kitchen and pulls the magazine out from his back pocket, which he had been pulling his shirt over the whole walk home. He gave it one more glace and the feeling of shame raised its ugly head inside him once again, without another second of hesitation he threw it away. It was like a weight was lifted from his chest- he had less evidence of his identity on him and was thankful to any god up there that no one else saw him with it.
He walks out casually from the kitchen and drops onto the sofa, “What do you want to do?” He watches as Eddie follows him and sits down next to him, slightly leaning towards him. Richie’s heart starts hammering in his chest and he looks away, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath to calm his nerves, running his left hand through his hair. The red string wriggled, and he watched it curiously for the moment he had his eyes closed. He opened them and looked at Eddie who was watching him with wide eyes. The other boy had gone rigged next to him, “Hey, Eds, are you okay?”
Richie reached out to touch him but the other boy flinches and shoots up from his seat. “I- I just remembered that my mum wanted me home earlier today- Sorry.” He said as he rushed out the door.
Richie followed him, something was wrong, and he wanted to make sure he was alright. He ran after the smaller boy and grabbed hold of his hand. Eddie stopped and looked at Richie’s hand with tears in his eyes. He wasn’t sure what to do, Richie just let go before speaking, “You can talk to me, Eds. What’s wrong.” He tilted his head and followed his gaze down to his own left hand. He was confused, was there something wrong with his hand? Richie was about to close his eyes when Eddie grabbed hold of his face and yanking him upwards, his eyes now looking just past Eddie. “Okay- You have to talk to me, I’m kind of confused.” Eddie still held onto his face, pushing his head to the side more when Richie tried to look at him.
“I- I don’t know what to say.” His voice trembled. “I’ve been scared of this my whole life.” He whispers so low Richie wonders if that was even meant for his ears. Richie just frowns more and tries to look at Eddie, only receiving the other boy trying to push his face further away as to not see him, “Don’t look at me- Don’t” Eddie pauses, “Don’t close your eyes.”
“That’s kind of impossible.” He says, something started to swirl in his stomach- he knew what Eddie was talking about, but he pushed it down telling himself that it wasn’t what was happening. “I can understand if you’re scared- I’m scared of things too. But I want to help you with whatever is bothering you.”
Eddie lets go of Richie’s face and he finally gets to look at him, the smaller boy’s eyes are bloodshot and has a heated glare set into his features, “Whatever is bothering me?” He hissed under his breath. Eddie’s face softens as he turns his head away, like looking at Richie was paining him. Richie’s stomach churns, making him feel nauseous as Eddie starts to speak again. “I’ve been afraid for so long- of being sick.”
“You’re not sick-” Richie begins, slightly moving to try and look at Eddie.
“I am! I am sick and there’s no getting around that- Not now.” He squeezes his eyes shut and turns towards Richie. With his eyes still closed his tilts his head down and scrunches his face up. “I was always sick, just like mummy always said- I’m sick.” His voice is small and defeated.
Richie shut his eyes too, looking at his left hand. The bright red string tied to his pinkie finger with almost a sad looking bow. He follows the wriggling string until he stops at the other end, an equally sad bow tied to someone else just in front of him. Richie’s eyes fly open to look at Eddie, the one tied at the other end of his string- their string. Richie meet’s Eddie’s eyes as tears slips down the smaller boys cheeks, “Rich, I’m- I’m- I’m” Eddie couldn’t seem to find the words or maybe he was afraid of saying them. In a quiet voice he finishes what he was trying to say, “I’m gay.” Tears spill from his eyes freely and he uses the back of his hand to scrub at his eyes.
Richie reached out and grabbed hold of Eddie’s hand, he was just as scared as he was- and he wasn’t sure what they were going to do now that they have found each other. But Richie ran his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles. Even with all the shame and fear, he was sure more than ever that they could get through this together. They were soulmates and although it was going to be difficult, they were going to love each other- no one could stop that. “I am too, Eds.”
Eddie flung himself at Richie, holding onto him tightly, almost like a lifeline, and Richie held him too. Even with silent tears rolling down their cheeks and all the fear of what was to come from this swirling around the two of them they took comfort in the sanctuary of each other’s arms, letting it all fade away. Letting their love guide them both to something better- to each other.