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classroom thoughts

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Tsuzuru doesn’t know when it starts.

He’s in class, tapping his pen against his temple. The lecturer in the front drones on about something that he’d been desperately trying to take notes on, attempting with every bit of energy inside him to stay awake. (He’d stayed up the last night, working on Spring Troupe’s new script. It was going to be an absolute banger, he was sure of it.) 

The slide changed in front of him, and Tsuzuru looked down at his notes, copying the slide down onto paper, when a thought floats into the forefront of his mind.

What is Miyoshi-san doing right now?

Tsuzuru taps the pen against the table, a quiet movement that still garners him an angry shh! from the girl sitting in front of him. He apologises quietly, and returns to staring at the slide, but the thought doesn’t leave his mind. What is Kazunari doing right now? Is he in class like he is? Doing something chaotic? Painting, maybe, or doing graphic design?

The times when Kazunari works at his computer are the times when he’s quietest, the only sounds in the living room the scrape of his stylus against his tablet, or the click of his mouse, or the tap-tap-tapping of his keyboard keys. Kazunari types like he’s running out of time, Tsuzuru realises, and chuckles to himself about it. He’s not the one rushing to write a script.

Another thought floats into mind, and Tsuzuru rubs his temple.

I miss him.

No, he doesn’t. He just misses...He misses the noise. It must be because his class is so quiet. Tsuzuru tries to imagine what this class would be like if Kazunari was around, chatting up some of the girls, or waving at him from the front seats, or trying to talk the girl next to him out of sitting there so he can sit next to him, his hand on his thigh as he --

Tsuzuru snaps to attention. The lecturer has moved three slides, and Tsuzuru’s pen flies across the paper as he catches up on the missed slides on his laptop. 

He has to stop thinking about these kinds of things -- they’re only distracting him.

When class ends, he packs his laptop up, carefully putting it into his backpack, and slings the pack over his shoulder, groaning a little to himself. He’s glad he doesn’t have any more classes today -- he’s got enough of a load to carry back as is. Homework has been starting to pile up, so now is not the time to be thinking of a certain sunny boy with blonde/brown hair and green eyes who was absolutely not standing at the school gate right n --


Fuck .

“What are you doing here, Miyoshi-san?” Tsuzuru asks, heaving his bag over his shoulder as it starts to slip. 
“I came to pick you up, Tsuzurun!”

Ever-familiar, Kazunari wraps an arm around Tsuzuru’s shoulders, pulling him into his side. Tsuzuru pretends that his heart doesn’t skip a beat -- or more likely, he actively denies to himself that it does.

Woah , what is in your bag!” Kazunari says, patting the cloth of his backpack. “Carrying something heavy like this on your back is a total NG! Let me help!”
“No way, no way.” Tsuzuru replies, squinting at him. “You don’t have to help with anything, Miyoshi-san.”
“Aaaah, come on! Your back’s gonna break!” 

Kazunari’s already pulling things from Tsuzuru’s bag. Tsuzuru doesn’t know how to stop the force of nature that Kazunari often is, as reluctant as he is about Kazunari carrying his things. His mind tells him it’s because he’s worried he’ll drop it, but his heart gives him a feeling of worry that he’s going to vacantly ignore.

“Hey hey, want to hear about my day?” Kazunari asks.
“Even if I don’t say anything, you’re going to tell me, right?” Tsuzuru replies, glancing over at him. 
“So there I was, the class was empty except for me, and…”

Tsuzuru wants to tell himself to tune out, to not listen to whatever odd tale Kazunari had to tell him today, but he finds himself hanging on to every word, trying to avoid getting hit by Kazunari’s gesturing. He rambles on, and Tsuzuru listens, surprising even himself with the amount of information he’d taken in from this session. He rubs the back of his neck, seeing MANKAI come into view.

“...and that’s how I got myself a free lunch pass!” Kazunari finishes, and for once, Tsuzuru looks over at him. "And you should come with me!"
“You’re telling me you convinced a girl into giving it to you.” he asks.

Kazunari’s eyes widen -- it’s a small movement, but it doesn’t escape Tsuzuru’s view. Surprise -- Kazunari’s surprised. As if he hadn’t expected him to be listening.

Something inside Tsuzuru sinks slightly. Was this how he’d been coming off to Kazunari? He swallows, a strange sort of guilt starting to rise in the pit of his stomach. He shoulders his bag, and his eyes flicker over to Kazunari, who’s still staring at him.

“Should we go in?” Tsuzuru asks, and Kazunari nods. “...Um.”
“Eh?” Kazunari tilts his head to the side. “What’s up, Tsuzurun?”
“I’ll go to lunch with you. With your free pass.” Tsuzuru replies. “So don’t look so upset. It’s killing me.”

Kazunari nearly drops all the books he’s holding onto Tsuzuru’s feet. (Tsuzuru knew it was a bad idea to have him carry his stuff! If he wasn’t careful, he would have absolutely destroyed his feet, and he wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere , much less to the cafeteria where Kazunari had his lunch!)

“I said it,” Tsuzuru replies, feeling a flush begin to rise on his cheeks. No, go away. He tries his best to will it away, but it’s clear Kazunari’s already seen it, the way his eyes start to sparkle. “W-Why, is it bad?”
“No, it’s just -- “ 

Kazunari’s glowing. Tsuzuru can see it, even in the clear blue skies of the morning -- he’s glowing more than he’s ever seen before. It’s almost blinding.

“I’m so happy, Tsuzurun!” Kazunari says, setting his books down on the doorstep. “I didn’t think you’d wanted to go, and I was scared to ask you because I thought you would think of it as a date, and while I do kinda think of it as a date I didn’t want to bother you with the implication of it, and -- “
“H-Hang on a second!” Tsuzuru interrupts, raising his hand at him. “Did you say date?!”
“Aaaaaaah, wait, Tsuzurun, before you change your mind! I said it didn’t have to be a date!”

Tsuzuru’s not sure what’s weirder to him -- the fact that Kazunari seems to be begging him to come to lunch with him, or the fact that their meeting being referred to as a ‘date’ isn’t exactly...bothering him. He stares at Kazunari, who’s (for some reason?!) gotten on his knees in front of him.

“Tsuzurun,” Kazunari begins, only to be interrupted suddenly.

There’s a soft feeling on his lips -- brief and chaste, but it leaves Kazunari stock still, staring up at Tsuzuru, who has a determined-looking expression on his face. He blinks, and Tsuzuru looks back down at him.

“...I’ll come to lunch with you tomorrow.” Tsuzuru says, and he picks up his items, heading inside the dorm.

Kazunari’s heart thumps like a drummer following a heavy metal song, but the triumph in his veins is more than enough to carry him, floating throughout the dorms, the feeling of Tsuzuru’s lips on his. 

If he played his cards right, perhaps he could refresh the memory of it, but for now, Kazunari finally has what he’d wanted -- a kiss from Tsuzuru. The joy from that first kiss of his will never change.