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the whole of the moon

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A violent chug of fresh lemonade and yet things still taste bitter.

Jackson swings his legs back and forth on the edge of the roof and cranes his head to feel the warming sun on his face. He cries, silent and shakily. 

Yesterday, he thought he saw the moon through his window but it ended up being too bright city lights. His heart broke into small pieces and he rolled over once more, willing himself to sleep. How hard could it be for one to wish upon a glowing rock? Wait, no one makes wishes to the moon, never mind. 

He doesn't have the best day at work. 

Being a Chinese Gatsby came with major downfalls and he lets out an empty laugh because apparently being rich implies that your feelings can't get stepped on. He's just a ‘brat spoiled silly’. He hates everything about the fact that it's 1997 and people still believe that he isn't anything more than the balance in his bank account. 

Fuck them. He doesn't quite understand the punk movement, but he certainly feels where they come from emotionally. Although, grunge would be more fitting to this day and age? He needs sleep, desperately, he thinks. 

His bottle of lemonade is empty. 

In the time that he was reflecting on his life yet again, he has downed the entire bottle. Still, he feels nothing. The sun is burning him at this point and his tears dry against his skin but the discomfort does not perturb him in the slightest.

Jackson remembers something significant then. 

Jaebum. 

A Korean with sharp eyes and sex slapped across his entire body. 

He is by no means in love but he definitely likes the man, enough to risk exposing that he might not be into the opposite gender. He thinks of the soft muscles, sweat and his lover's manly but open personality. It's unfair. When he hasn't been spending time with Jaebum, he sees him roaming the city streets. On every single occasion, he's had the urge to call out to him but he stops himself because Jaebum single handedly owns Hong Kong. He doesn't even know it when he walks in a relaxed manner. His lover glows under the sun and Jackson can't help but notice that when he doesn't catch a glimpse of him in the city, the weather is dreary. 

He is interrupted by his cell ringing.

He sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and answers with a tired voice. 

 

“Hello?”

“Jackson? Are you okay?”

This is where he would have plummeted to his death but he composes himself and hurriedly makes his way back inside. “Jaebum, hey . I'm okay, sorry I just woke up, are you okay?” His heart is beating unsteadily and he's embarrassingly out of breath.

“I- I don't know what I'm doing but please, can I come over?” Jackson is surprised at the man's desperation and he immediately is concerned for the other. He's never heard him sound so wounded and his heart clenches, he hopes Jaebum is okay. 

“Baby, of course you can come over, I'll have my driver pick you up okay? I'll see you in a few.“ With a quiet thank you, Jaebum hangs up and Jackson frantically shoves his driver out of his apartment, haphazardly spewing out the address. He politely orders his personal staff out with the promise of a weekend bonus and makes sure he has enough tea available. 

He realises that he feels like a teenager with a proper crush. He's never experienced it when he was younger purely due to the fact that no one piqued his interest and sex was as easy as tossing a cigarette out the window. 

He sits.

His watch lets out ticking noises which grow louder by the second in the large space he is surrounded by. His shirt sticks to him uncomfortably despite the air conditioning. In any other situation, he'd be mildly displeased at his lack of self control but it's Jaebum. Nothing is ever steady when it comes to him. 

He breathes in and out, in a faux attempt to calm himself down. 

Tick, tock. 

The intercom crackles, he buzzes him in. 

The door opens and Jaebum is there, a storm so wild, it's vaguely soothing. 

They stare at each other for a few moments. Jackson takes him in. He's a mess with disheveled hair and a crumpled shirt. There are beads of sweat on his upper lip and all he can think to do is wipe it off with his thumb. So he does. Jaebum lets out a subtle shiver and in a blur, his arms are wrapped around Jackson's waist tightly and his face is shoved in his neck. He is momentarily thrown off guard but relaxes into the embrace quickly. With a content sigh, Jaebum walks them backwards and the backs of Jackson's knees hit the couch. 

He goes to sit down but Jaebum beats him to it and pulls him onto his lap gently. He happily obliges and threads his fingers into the longer strands of hair at the back of Jaebum's head. 

“You need a haircut.”

He whispers into the quiet of the room and Jaebum hums against his jaw. 

He lightly nudges his nose against Jaebum's and when the other leans in for a kiss, he pulls away, smiling at the whine he lets out. 

“Are you okay? Baby, on the phone-” He doesn't get to finish the thought because Jaebum places an open mouthed kiss on his neck. Jackson groans quietly and runs his fingers through Jaebum's hair, reveling in its thickness. He is briefly distracted though and gently yanks the other back to look at him. 

He lets out a heavy breath. 

Jaebum is staring at him with wide awestruck eyes and he can't help but know that he's mirroring the expression. The man below him is beautiful. For reasons unknown, his heart clenches and he suddenly can't stop the stream of tears running down his cheeks. He wants to cry further when Jaebum lets out a pained noise and pulls him closer to him. He doesn't know why he's crying this much. 

He's so tired. 

His sobs turn into hiccups, then soft sniffles and finally, he lifts his head off from Jaebum's chest and frowns at the wet stain its left on his shirt. 

“Sorry.”

He mumbles out and like a child, wipes his eyes and nose with his sleeve. 

When he musters up the courage to look at Jaebum once more, he is met with a hurt expression. 

“Jackson, why the hell are you apologizing?”

He pauses. 

“Please don't cry.”

Barely a whisper, but a Jackson hears it anyway and he hides himself in Jaebum's arms. To his surprise though, the other picks him up and walks swiftly to the bedroom, placing him gently on the bed. He then proceeds to take off Jackson's shoes one by one, so tenderly, he feels the urge to cry again. He doesn't deserve this, not in the slightest. He wants it though, and he chides himself for being ungrateful when he has what he wants in front of him. His eyes burn and he's swallowing saliva. Fuck, he's a mess. He flops back onto the bed and Jaebum pulls him back up shaking his head. 

“Jackson, I need to take your shirt off.”

He snorts. 

“That's romantic.”

A sigh. 

“You know that's not what I meant.”

Jackson sits up regardless and allows Jaebum to remove his clothes for him. Oddly, he feels like a baby and wonders when their dynamic had switched from hot and passionate to domesticity that rivaled film style romance. He's not complaining, not in the slightest but it scares him because he wants this. The more he wants it, the more he'll let himself go and he can't do that because Jaebum is going to leave him soon. He's not going to think about that now though. He watches him neatly fold his shirt and place it on a chair but recklessly chuck his shoes in the same direction and Jackson now realizes that he's only wearing boxers. 

Jaebum stands in front of him and he sort of wriggles back to watch him. 

He waits for a minute. 

“Are you not going to join me?” He tries to say in his best bedroom voice but Jaebum doesn't seem affected by his tone. He obliges nonetheless and climbs on the bed to join him. Jackson opens his arms and Jaebum crashes into him with a tired sigh. 

“Sorry.” Jackson mumbles into the top of his head and Jaebum almost headbutts him, whipping his head up to face him. 

“Stop, please. I一 are you okay?”

Jackson idly runs his fingers through Jaebum's hair and stares at the ceiling. 

“Can I be completely honest with you?”

He clears his throat. 

“I don't know. I've been like this for a while but I chose to ignore it in favour of dragging my ass around the city. Elegantly, of course.” Jaebum lets out a soft snort and he continues. 

“Jaebum, it's been raining so much, but whenever you're around, it ceases.” They both turn to look out the window.  “It's raining now though.” Jaebum looks skeptical and Jackson shakes his head. 

“Not in here, you've brought the moon I've been seeking out for ages into my room. You've created your own world around me and I, I can't thank you enough.” He trails off quietly. This time, Jaebum lifts himself off of Jackson and cradles his face but doesn't quite meet his eyes. Jackson can't seem to look at him either but he's forced to when Jaebum lets out a confession of his own. 

“I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave you.”

Jackson holds him tightly and he feels tears on his neck, he goes to wipe them away but he is also crying silently and in turn, Jaebum burrows further into the sheets. His heart is doing little skips because Jaebum looks beautiful tangled up in white sheets. He looks beautiful doing everything, even with his stupid mullet, the man in his arms is the definition of a God. He's not exaggerating, and he's certainly not condoning any of the actions the Greeks committed to have the one they most desire but he gets it. Fuck. He's changing his mind. 

He really likes Jaebum.