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Oh Rao And Other Things A Luthor Will Pretend Not To Hear

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Oh Rao. It’s a phrase Kara has let slip around Lena hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Yet it’s something the Kryptonian herself never seems to catch onto. So, when Kara lets it slip for the fifth time that night, Lena just scrunches her nose and laughs. It happens often enough in her presence that Lena has a running tally going. Alex has also been keeping up with this tally, if not for Kara’s sake but for her own. Because she needs to know how many of those times are actually Kara being a blithering idiot or how many of those times she’s just distracted by Lena. It seems that they’re all because of the Luthor and not simply because she forgets because there have only been tallies on the right side of the notebook. The right side is for if it’s said about Lena or to Lena. The left is if it’s not.

The first time Lena heard it though was different. Different than the hundreds of thousands of other times. It was the only time that Kara had screamed it. It was the only time that...

Lena had knocked on Kara’s door to let her know that she was ready for their planned afternoon lunch date. Usually, Kara was good at remembering these sorts of things. Or if she was late, Lena at least knew her excuse just by turning on a tv and looking for any major news channel in National City. So, after the fourth time knocking, Lena decided to see if the door was open. And to her surprise it was.

Lena mentally scolded Kara for leaving her apartment unlocked. But then she remembered who Kara was and thought better of it. And speaking of the girl of steel, she swore she just heard noise coming from the bedroom which meant Kara was here after all. Lena assumed that the blonde was probably getting ready. But she assumed wrong. Very wrong.

Kara’s apartment was small, so it didn’t take long for Lena to get halfway to the kitchen before stopping suddenly in her tracks.

“Oh Rao, Lena.”

Oh no no. This was not happening. She is not hearing “Oh Rao” a lot and she definitely isn’t hearing it paired with her name and that’s not moaning and whining in the background. That’s not what is happening at all. Except it is. And Lena can’t move. Or at least that’s what she thinks she’s doing. Her body seemed to have a mind of its own and somehow she found herself walking closer to the source of ever-growing expletives.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

If Lena had thought Kara was straight before, that went out the window as the chorus of fuck’s continued. And they didn’t stop. Kara resumed chanting the word as she brought herself closer to finishing.

Lena wanted to look away, she did. How could she watch her friend in such an intimate moment without said friend knowing? It was wrong. But it was also wrong that Kara started doing this, knowing she would be here.

After a few more choice words were vocalized, or rather shouted, Lena collected herself and walked back towards where she had come from in the first place. And once she had exited the threshold of what could potentially be more and friendship, she sent a text to Kara saying she could no longer make it.

She wasn’t sure why she did it. But some part of Lena wanted to save Kara from the embarrassment of having to face her after what had just happened. Of course, Kara didn’t know that she had seen that. However, that did get her to wondering how many times, if there had been any, that Kara had masturbated with her in mind. She also wondered when the girl would finally admit to being Supergirl. But that wasn’t the problem at hand. The problem was that Lena was growing increasingly wet just thinking about it all. So, she did what Kara did. She went back to her apartment and took care of things. Well, Supergirl took care of things with her long fingers and her…

“Ow.” A fry had suddenly flown across the air and struck her on the arm. It didn’t actually hurt, but Lena favored being dramatic more than anything.

“This is called Girl’s Night for a reason, Lena. You’re supposed to finally stop thinking about work and hang out with us.” Alex didn’t look up from her place opposite the couch where Lena and Kara sat as she munched on fries and scolded Lena.

“I wasn’t thinking about work.” Lena rebuked with nothing more than a slight change in tone from her normal voice. She hadn’t realized how deep into her thoughts she had been buried.

“Oh really? What possibly could you be thinking about then, Miss CEO?” Alex raised her eyebrows in awaiting Lena’s answer.

“There are lots of things to think about in today’s climate, Alex.” Lena bit back.

“Sounds work-related.” Alex said nonchalantly.

“Not work-related.” Lena retorts, becoming more annoyed with each question and response.

“Then, what was it that had you all… spaced out?” Lena studies Alex very carefully as she says those last two words. It was almost as if the red-head had said them that way on purpose. Lena squints her eyes and Alex mirrors her.

“Is there something you want to ask, Director?”

“Hey, guys, still here. Why don’t you two stop questioning each other so that we can get back to eating?” Kara moves her eyes between the two women hesitatingly.

“No one’s stopping you from eating. Wings are all yours.” Kara hears the words, forgets her question, and immediately begins to inhale the boneless meat in such an inhuman way that both Lena and Alex almost forget what they were talking about too. Then Alex turns away in disgust to bother Lena with a question again, but not before throwing a bunch of napkins at her sister.

“Why were you thinking about Kara earlier?”

Kara splutters and has to choke down everything that had been in her mouth. Lena, on the other hand, turns bright red and nearly spills her beer.

“I was not thinking about Kara!”

“You were. Your face is doing the same thing it was a few minutes ago.”

“My face isn’t doing anything.”

“Red’s a good color on you.”

“Purple’s about to be a good color on you.”

“Threatening the Director of the DEO? That’s a new one.”

“Oh Rao, would you guys stop already?!”

Both Alex and Lena turn to see Kara looking at them rather annoyedly. Then they turn their heads to look at each other because that’s another tally. Lena sighs as Alex throws another fry at her and expectantly glares at her with a look that says “tell her you know.” Lena just rolls her eyes, but Alex is right. If she had to make one more tally tonight, she would lose her mind.

“Kara, do you know how many times you’ve said Rao tonight?”

“The same amount of times you’ve denied you’re a bottom?” Lena throws a fry back at Alex, hitting her in the eye. Alex rubs at her eyelid, mumbling something about how she didn’t throw any directly into any orifices or places that would actually hurt.

“Quit complaining. Not my fault you have terrible aim.”

“It’s a french fry, not a gun. Don’t make me want to prove you wrong.”

“Shut up, Alex.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go on.”

“As I was saying…” Lena fixes her eyes on Alex to make sure she doesn’t interrupt, but she does anyway.

“Lena knows your Supergirl, and she and I have been keeping a running tally of how many times you’ve said the word Rao in front of her.”

Kara’s loss of speech startles Lena into her nerves. She begins to think that Kara might become angry with her or that she might ask Lena to leave. But she doesn’t do that. She stops gaping and stops her staring between Alex and Lena.

“Can I… can I ask how many tallies there are?”

“Do you really want to know how many times you were too busy being distracted by this one right here to notice that you were doing this?” Alex walks over to her bag and pulls out a tiny notebook. Pages and pages of it were filled with small black scratches to signify Kara’s idiocracy. At the end of each day, Lena and Alex would text each other how many times they heard her say it while Lena was present and Alex puts it down in the book.

“Was it over 100?”

“Ha. You’re shooting under, kid.”


“Still low balling.”

“There’s no way it’s over 300.” Kara’s incredulity brings Lena to enter the conversation again.

“Darling, it’s even over 500.”

“No way. That’s not possible. I wouldn’t have said it that many times.”

“You’d be surprised how much one says it in a little less than a year.”

“A year?!” More shocked disbelief crosses Kara’s face. “It’s been a year since you started this?!”

“It’s been almost three years since I found out you were Supergirl. But you didn’t start slipping up until a little while ago.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“Well… you better believe that you have said the phrase 1,572 times.” Glee passes over Alex’s face as she reads off the big number that holds a large truth to it for the two sitting in front of her.

“There is no way that I’ve slipped up that many times with Lena around.”

“Hmm, it’s almost true. Alex, you need to add one more tally.”


“Because I didn’t start on the day I first heard it. Wasn’t sure if it counted.”

“Well, if you weren’t sure, why didn’t you ask me?”

“It’s not something you would want to hear.”

“Tell me then.” Kara cuts in. “I want to know exactly when I first forgot.”

“I mean, technically, you didn’t know.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see. Come here.” Lena pulls Kara closer so that she can whisper into her ear every detail about the day almost a year ago on which they were supposed to get lunch only for Lena to cancel because she wasn’t “feeling well.” Lena tells her that that was a lie. She tells her of how she knocked and knocked and knocked, and when Kara didn’t answer, she came in. And then she tells her what happened, and Kara fucks up again.

“You caught me masturbating?!”

“Woah! Eww. Big sister present. Did not need to know that.” Both Kara and Lena ignore Alex.

“Not exactly my fault, Kara. The door was unlocked.”

“Oh Rao.” The embarrassment is ever present on Kara’s face as she puts her head in her hands.

“I’ll give you another reason to say Oh Rao.” Lena’s sultry tone comes out of nowhere. Kara whips her head back up, pink still dusting her cheeks. They gaze at one another before the clearing of a throat can be heard.

“Okay, that's most definitely my cue to leave. Enjoy the rest of the night. Use protection.”

Alex’s words barely reach either of their ears. By the time she’s out the apartment door, Lena has her legs on either side of Kara. And now, well now Lena wanted Kara to say Oh Rao like it was the first time. She wanted it screamed and moaned and whimpered all night.

And later, if she got an angry phone call from Alex after sending a text only with the number 103, well… what could she say?