“I’m home!” She called as she stepped into her house, closing the door behind her. She stopped and waited for the pitter-patter of feet and the call of Mama!, but was greeted with silence. At first, she thought something was wrong, maybe they had gone out? Then she remembered. Taking off her shoes she walked to her lounge and sat down, taking a deep breath of air in her quiet, broken, home. No, not home. This was just a house. A sad house with no one living in it, for she was only breathing and that was all she had left.
She was in a daze as she cooked dinner, her hand automatically stirring the pot before she began to set the table, grabbing a set of plates and placing them out. As she walked back to the kitchen she got a sinking feeling in her stomach, did she forget to turn off the stove? No. Was anything burning? No, all she’d done was set the table. Three plates, three cups, three spoons…she turned around and grasped two of the plates with a blank expression on her face, shuffled back to the kitchen and silently set it back in the cupboard.
As she sat down at the table and ate her soup she thought. Ignoring the taste of ash in her mouth her mind wandered to tomorrow or maybe it was the next day? It was all the same either way. The silence never changed no matter how much music she played, how many people she surrounded herself with and how many times the godforsaken words “I’m sorry for your loss” crawled their way out of everyone’s mouths as if they could make up for the FACT THAT- her soup was bland.
It was seven o’clock, as she got up from the couch and walked down the hallway. She got to the end and turned left into an empty room with pink walls, and flicked on the lights. She froze as her mind blanked. Why is it empty? Where was…Oh. She stayed frozen for a minute, or maybe it was an hour, staring at nothing in particular before the light was turned off, the door was closed, and she was back in the lounge room. She was sat in front of an empty mug, and a slowly cooling full one that she made for… no one. No one was going to drink it because hot chocolate was never her favourite but it was forever finding its way into her shopping trolly because- it was cold anyway. Tipping it down the sink in the kitchen she sat on the tiles and breathed. In. Out. In. Out. Stop.
Her room was quiet. And cold. Too quiet and too cold andwherewas- she was tired. Sitting on her bed with a glass of cloudy water in one hand and a picture frame in the other, gazing at her own smiling face and a smaller one that looked so much like his and too much of her own. Stroking the image with calloused fingers, and shakey hands she let her eyes travel to her own in the reflection. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Where are you? I’m here and your not, I’m sitting in bed and I can’t hear your laughter or your sighing or your sweet voice telling me that you're almost home but There’s been an accident Miss and I am very sorry for your loss. If you could come with us down to the station- Miss? Miss?!
Her mind blanked.
The glass was empty, and the frame shattered on the floor pieces of glass scattering everywhere. Lying down in bed she pulled the covers over herself and the empty spot next to her, ready to fall asleep and wake up to the sound of Mama! once more. Her heart ached but her mind was soothed. The weight pulling her eyelids down was hard to ignore and the foggy feeling filling her head frightened her in an indescribable way. The pit in her stomach deepened as all feeling left her leaving nothing behind but anxiety and the longing for something beyond this soul-deep weariness that filled her so utterly and completely. With that last thought in her mind, she closed her eyes and counted back from ten. And as the fell asleep the sweet, sweet embrace of peace her for the first time in what felt like an eternity and what was supposed to be their forever. She had finished her work and tied up all of the loose ends and now she could finally come home. Home. What a wonderful thought. What a wonderful place. In the arms of her loves and surrounded by the voices of angels.
“Welcome home Love,”