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this ain't gonna feel like a love tap

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They make it a month before they get figured out. The embarrassing part is who does the figuring out.

“Doesn’t Venom need more than that?” Dan asks over the perfectly normal dinner Eddie is perfectly normally third-wheeling at. Eddie freezes with the salad tongs still in mid-air.

“Dan!” Anne hisses, swatting his arm.

“What?” Dan looks around like he’s expecting the waiter to have overheard or something. Eddie wants to sink into the floor.

“Um,” he says. “You know?”

“Am I not supposed to?” Dan looks baffled. “I thought we just weren’t talking about it.”

“You were just talking about it,” Anne says.

“Well, I don’t want him to go hungry,” Dan says.

I like him, Eddie, Venom says.

“Since when?” Eddie mutters.

Since now. Tell him we need his steak.

“What? No!”

Eddieeeee . . .

“See, that,” Dan says. “You haven’t stopped doing that.”

“Lots of people talk to themselves,” Eddie says.

“Yes, but you answer,” Dan says.

“Loudly,” Anne says.

“A lot,” Dan says.

“We do not,” Eddie says.

Yes we do, Eddie, Venom says.

“You are not helping,” Eddie says. Anne and Dan give him pitying looks. He drops his head into his hands with a groan. It’s not that he wanted them never to know--he’d really thought Venom was dead, at first. It’d taken him hours to recover, and at first Eddie’d thought he was imagining it. It’d been the better part of two days before he’d realized it really was Venom whispering in his head, and the better part of a week before Venom had fully recovered. Eddie’d kept his mouth shut at first because he’d been afraid he’d either been crazy or that Venom would disappear if he’d said anything. After that, it’d just felt like it was too late.

It really shouldn’t have, just--it had.

“Did you think we’d be upset?” Dan asks.

“What? No,” Eddie says. “Why, uh--why would you think that?”

“Why would you keep Venom a secret?” Dan says.

“From us,” Anne says. “We already knew. So what was the point?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie says. It’d all just been so much. Maybe he’d just wanted a secret again. Maybe he’d still been afraid he was crazy.

You’re not crazy, Eddie, Venom says.

“Says the voice in my head,” Eddie says.

“The voice in your head says a lot,” Anne says.

Well, she’s not wrong.

“I really did think he was dead at first,” Eddie says. “The fire--there was so much fire.”

“I know,” Anne says. “I saw.”

“Yeah.” Eddie looks at the salad tongs he’s still holding. He hasn’t touched the salad.

“You can be honest with us, you know,” Anne says.

“I know,” Eddie lies. Venom is one thing. There’s other stuff he can never say to them. Ever.

I don’t see why not, Venom says, like he knows anything about human relationships. Look who’s talking.

Eddie ignores him. He doesn’t want to have even half of this conversation where Anne and Dan can hear it. That’s just asking for trouble. He puts salad on his plate and eats it. Venom complains about the lack of steak like they didn’t already inhale a porterhouse. Eddie eats a vengeful grape tomato.

Are you two eating okay?” Dan asks. “I know your diet is pretty specialized.”

“You’re making us sound pregnant, man,” Eddie says. The waiter, of course, chooses this moment to appear. Eddie has become mostly invulnerable to embarrassment, at least in front of strangers, but that’s still a bit awkward.

“More water?” the waiter asks, heroically nonplussed.

“Yeah, thanks,” Eddie sighs.

They get through the rest of dinner without too much more awkwardness, at least, so Eddie’s got that. Anne drives him back to his place while Dan goes on about nutrition and the importance of not pseudo-cannibalizing vital organs. He actually knows more about Venom’s diet than Eddie remembers telling him, which raises all sorts of questions about how much time Dan’s been spending on this. Eddie is either touched or weirded out, he can’t decide. Venom is definitely pleased, although Eddie assumes that’s because everything Dan says basically boils down to “are you two eating enough, you should eat more”, which is Venom’s personal life philosophy.

Somehow they end up getting sent home with all the leftovers, which was definitely not Eddie’s idea.

“Thanks for coming,” Dan says.

“We had a nice time,” Anne says.

We had a DELICIOUS time, Venom says.

“Us too,” Eddie says. Anne leans out of the car and kisses his cheek. Venom makes a delighted noise. Eddie sighs.

“See you later, boys,” Anne says, and they pull out and leave them. Eddie feels an irrational loneliness, despite the obvious.

Delicious, Venom says again. We should do that more often..

“You don’t find it, uh, a little depressing?” Eddie asks. “Or extremely?”

No, Venom says. What’s depressing? We got steak. And kissed.

“Forget it,” Eddie says, and heads inside.

I will never forget steak, Venom says. You do realize if you want them to do something, you need to actually mention it to them. THEY’RE not in your head..

“Up my ass, you mean,” Eddie mutters. He can’t lie to Venom, which he doesn’t usually mind but can be annoying as shit. It’s especially annoying in this situation. “You realize that is not a normal thing to ask a couple, right? Like, you get that?”

I don’t see why THAT matters, Venom says.

“Well, it does.” Eddie unlocks their shitty apartment and lets them inside. They should move, probably, but it’s not like he’s worried about living in a dubious neighborhood.

Anne and Dan would probably come inside if we lived someplace nicer, Venom speculates. Although it might be harder to find snacks.

“They are not coming inside, no matter where we live,” Eddie says.

We should live with them, Venom says. That would be most convenient.

“That is definitely not happening,” Eddie says. “Even without unpacking all the rest of that, they don’t even live together yet.”

We could fix that, Venom says. Eddie sighs and heads into the kitchen to put away the leftovers, then into his bedroom. It’s been a long night. He really just wants to lay down. No you don’t.

“Yes, I do,” Eddie says.

You want a LOT, Eddie, Venom says. Going to bed alone is not on the list.

“Since when do I go anywhere alone, man?” Eddie asks, kicking off his shoes and dropping down onto the bed at least partially out of spite.

Is that an invitation? Venom purrs. That particular tone does some dangerous and slightly fucked up things to Eddie’s . . . everything, pretty much.

“It is not,” he says. “As weird as asking a couple upstairs is, that’s even weirder.”

I know everything about you, Eddie, Venom reminds him. You’ve thought much weirder. And I know just what you like..

Eddie’s hand moves to his crotch and squeezes He is definitely not the one who moved it.

“That is not on, man,” he says, snatching it back. Venom makes a disappointed sound that also does dangerous and fucked up things to Eddie.

Come on, Eddie, Venom coaxes, and Eddie feels the other’s weight on his chest as he seeps out of it. He is paying way too much attention to it. It’s been such a long time since you got spoiled, hasn’t it? Let me help.

“I don’t need helped,” Eddie says, very intimately aware of the way Venom’s body feels against his. His clothes are not particularly useful when he knows just how easily the other can get under them. They’re really not useful against the way Venom says “spoiled”.

Spoiled, Venom purrs again, spreading up over his collarbones and down his stomach, plastering his shirt to his body. Eddie’s legs spread a little, heels digging into the mattress, and he’s not sure if he can blame Venom or not.

“Venom,” he says, trying to make it sound like a warning. It doesn’t come out that way at all. Venom purrs again, and this time it’s an audible sound in the air that makes heat pool low in Eddie’s groan. “Venom.”

Eddie, Venom rumbles back at him. Let me spoil you, Eddie. I want to know how it feels too.

“Fuck,” Eddie says, and Venom ripples against him. There is absolutely nothing sensual about the sight of Venom’s oil-slick form or the slow writhe of it, but tell that to Eddie’s stupid dick.

His dick is very, very stupid, he’s learning.

“This is very fucked up, you know,” he says.

It’s only fair, Venom says, spreading up his neck and down into his pants, fuck--Anne and Dan are probably doing the same thing.

“Anne and Dan aren’t even home yet,” Eddie bites out. He needs to stop Venom. He needs to tell him to stop.

You are assuming they bothered going all the way home first, Venom says, and Eddie can’t help picturing them pulled over someplace private with their hands all over each other in the backseat. He briefly remembers what those hands feel like, and Venom’s shape shifts into the memory-shape of them and drags down his sides. Eddie curses viciously, biting the back of his wrist, and Venom ripples against him again.

It doesn’t quite feel like being touched by a human--or two humans--but Eddie is fucked up and does not mind that at all. Likes that, might be more accurate to say.

“Venom--” he groans, and Venom makes a delighted sound and does way too many things at once. There are fingers tugging at his nipples and dragging down his sides and wrapping around his cock, and he can’t stop panting, can’t catch his breath.

Touch us, Eddie, Venom croons, and the next thing Eddie knows he’s got his hands full of the other and his own chest. He squeezes, because that’s the most logical thing he can think to do, and Venom swells in his hands, pushing into them. Eddie looks down and hisses at the sight of inky black breasts sitting on his chest and overflowing his hands.

“What are you doing, man?” he manages, and Venom pushes into his hands again, spreading down his arms and fattening over his hips and cinching at his waist.

You liked it when I looked like this, Venom says.

“When you looked like this!” Eddie snaps. Venom overtakes him completely, and it feels completely different from usual. He doesn’t know if it’s because his body is so sensitive right now, or if it’s Venom doing something different. Venom squeezes their breasts again, and Eddie feels a low jolt of pleasure. They’re too big for the bed, long and lean and powerful, and Venom pulls their legs up and drags their feet along the mattress. They look like Venom looked with Anne, which is a thought that Eddie can’t stop thinking.

“We are beautiful, yes,” Venom purrs, sliding their hands down the curve of their sides with languorous pleasure. Eddie’s brain is trying to short out.

This is SO fucked up, he says, and then Venom puts a hand between their legs and their fingers slip in and Eddie’s brain really does short out. He can feel his body wrapped up tight and secure in Venom, but he can feel this body too, and it’s a greedy, needy one.

Maybe that’s just Venom, though.

Venom finger-fucks the cunt he’s given them with thick, broad fingers and Eddie shakes inside him. It feels nothing like having his cock touched, but it’s making his cock ache. Venom curls their tongue over their breasts and pushes their fingers in as deep as they’ll go, then grows them just a little longer. Eddie feels stuffed full and wild with it, but Venom’s in control and he can’t move at all.

Venom, he gasps, and Venom drags their tongue over one nipple and plucks at the other, their fingers growing inside them again. VENOM! Fuck, fuck, it’s too much!

“Nothing is too much for you, Eddie,” Venom croons.

I can’t--I can’t--

“Come on, Eddie,” Venom coaxes. “Come inside me.”

Eddie comes. Nothing could’ve kept him from coming at that. It tears through him almost painfully hard, a shock that goes through every part of him and them, and Venom makes the most blissful sound and squeezes around him.

He doesn’t stop fucking their cunt. Eddie can’t breathe. Eddie can’t think. He tries to get control of their hands, but Venom doesn’t let him.

“I’m spoiling you, Eddie,” he scolds. Eddie tries to talk, and Venom fills his mouth so full he can’t close it again. It makes no sense, but it feels like being kissed.

Too much, too much, he chokes, and Venom purrs. He feels like he could come again, almost, but it’s not quite--it’s not like--

They come with their cunt, an orgasm that burns right through them, and Venom throws their head back and roars. Eddie’s shaking so hard he feels like he’s about to fall apart. Venom squeezes around him again, slowly pulling slick and sticky fingers out of them with an obscene sound that sends a sharp aftershock through Eddie’s wrung-out cock.

“Nice,” Venom rumbles in satisfaction. Eddie feels numb with pleasure, and moans in defeat as Venom wraps their tongue around their sticky fingers. They taste so good, fuck.

How is that so good? Eddie asks dizzily.

“You like it?” Venom asks. Eddie can’t lie, and doesn’t even try to. Venom makes another pleased noise and spreads their legs wide. Eddie is still too orgasm-stupid to think, but even if he weren’t he’d never have guessed what Venom had in mind next. Venom leans far further forward than Eddie thinks he’d be able to manage so easily on his own and sticks their tongue right into their wet, swollen cunt. Eddie howls--they’re so fucking sensitive!--and Venom licks them out aggressively. Eddie can feel himself salivating around the fullness in his mouth.

They taste so fucking good, it’s ridiculous how fucking good they taste, and the fat press of their tongue inside them is even better. If he were on his own, he doesn’t think he’d be able to move at all, but with Venom their tongue and hips are both pumping fast and greedy. A fresh wave of heat is building in their gut, growing in Eddie like nothing he’s ever felt before, and it’s taking everything in him to stay any kind of focused on what Venom’s doing to them.

Too much, for the record. He’s doing too much. Eddie feels like there are hands on his pecs and ass and like he’s being kissed and like their tongue is fucking them so deep it might come up the back of their throat. He’d be screaming if he could, but the best he can manage is choked moans and near-sobs. It’s too much.

They come again just like that, too much and too intense and impossible to resist. Eddie might lose some time, because all he can feel is wave after wave of crushing pleasure and it’s impossible to think past it. He comes back to himself with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his hands stuffed down his pants and covered in come, Venom reabsorbed inside his body. He groans in--something, maybe relief or maybe regret, and is too exhausted to even pull his hands out. His mouth still tastes like their cunt.

Venom is purring.

Oh, I liked that, Eddie, he says, licking their lips. We should do that ALL the time.

“I’d fucking die,” Eddie says, his cock making a valiant attempt at twitching. Venom chuckles.

You liked it, he says. You want to come like that again.

“This is so fucked up,” Eddie groans. His sticky hands squeeze his cock and rub behind his balls. He is, obviously, not the one doing it. “Venom!”

We should practice more, Venom says.

“My dick is gonna fall off,” Eddie says. Venom squeezes it again.

I can fix your broken bones, he says. Fixing your dick is easy. I could keep you hard all night.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie says, and Venom hums in pleasure as his cock responds. It might not even be Venom doing it.

Like this this time? Venom asks. Eddie watches his pants tent. Tent much bigger than usual.

“Oh God,” he says. His zipper strains, digging in painfully. Venom tugs it down and his cock springs up, oil-slick black and goddamn huge. So not his cock, obviously--their cock. His mouth goes dry.

You want to suck it? Venom asks in obvious delight. Eddie groans.

“I said this was fucked up, right?” he asks, wrapping a hand around their swollen dick. It’s like grabbing a beer can. Hell, it’s like grabbing a forty ounce. “You realize we could never use this fucking thing, right?”

We are using it right now, Venom says logically, wrapping his other hand around it too. Eddie grunts at the contact, and grunts again at the sight of just how little real estate his hands actually cover. It is--not a lot. Not a lot at all.

“This is way too much,” he says, and they both squeeze. Eddie shudders and Venom ripples, which makes him shudder harder. He probably could suck it--the damn thing’s big enough. Not like he hasn’t already had a mouthful of Venom tonight.

I want you to do it, Eddie, Venom says, which--so goddamn much for controlling himself, Eddie thinks.

Well, he’s only the one doing that about half the time anyway.

“Fucking Christ,” he says, and leans down. He hasn’t sucked too many cocks, but he’s had his sucked plenty, and it’s not like the basics are that complicated.

He licks the head, sending a jolt of pleasure through both of them, then wraps his lips around the thing. It’s big and fat and stretches his mouth, and he’s got no hope of swallowing more than a few inches. It feels good, though, fills his mouth up in a way he didn’t think he’d like, and that’s not even taking into account how his mouth itself feels.

Oh, EDDIE, Venom sighs blissfully. Their cock moves in Eddie’s mouth, and gives him that feeling of being kisses again. He sucks, pushing his lips down and his tongue up, and Venom pulses inside him. He sucks harder, and they both groan.

This was a terrible idea, Eddie thinks, but he’s probably had worse ones. Definitely, in fact. And a lot of his better ideas sure as shit didn’t feel this good.

Eddie drags his tongue up over the head of their cock and he and Venom both stroke it. He sucks it into his mouth again and is almost positive it’s gotten bigger. Is getting bigger, he corrects a moment later as it forces his mouth open wider. He should tell Venom to stop that. Instead he swallows them deeper and wishes he knew how to deepthroat, though he’s pretty sure he’d choke trying.

Venom makes an intrigued noise, and Eddie feels something lick the back of his throat. Heat pools heavy in his gut, sparks across his skin, and he starts bobbing his head. Their cock keeps licking the inside of his mouth and Venom strokes it harder, too rough for what Eddie’s alone would be able to handle. Eddie tries to keep up but it’s not happening, so he does the smart thing and drops his hand to fondle their balls instead. It’s harder than usual, given the size of them, but he manages.

It feels so GOOD, Venom says. Eddie’s mouth is too full of cock to answer, but Venom’s not wrong. This is the best he’s felt in months. More than months, probably. Their cock is throbbing and his mouth is stretched wide and drooling all over it, and despite the alien strangeness it’s a much more familiar way to come than their cunt provided, and easier to surrender to.

They come together, because of course they do, and their cock spills wet and sloppy in Eddie’s mouth and tastes indescribable and delicious. Eddie swallows without thinking, messy and greedy, and Venom strokes them dry. Their cock falls out of Eddie’s mouth, a last few pulses of come dripping down his chin, and he falls back shakily and hits the mattress in a daze. He tries to breathe and Venom pulses around his exhausted dick as they soften. Venom lets their wet and sticky length settle heavy onto Eddie’s stomach and he feels the irrational urge to pet it. Even limp, it’s still so fucking big.

I knew you’d like it, Venom says smugly.

“Fucker,” Eddie groans. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to be able to move again. Venom chuckles. Then Eddie’s cell rings, and he jerks upright with a curse and grabs it without thinking. It’s Anne’s ringtone--of course he does. “Annie?”

“Hi, Eddie,” she says, and then he’s suddenly aware of the inhuman monster of a cock in his lap and the come all over his face. “Sorry to bother you so late, I just wanted to talk for a minute.”

“Sure, yeah, no problem,” Eddie says, scrubbing frantically at his sticky mouth with the cuff of his sleeve. “What’s, uh, what’s up?”

“It’s about Venom,” she says. Venom perks in interest. Around his dick, Venom perks in interest. Eddie barely holds back the moan. “You know you can still tell me things like that, right?”

“I know,” Eddie manages, trying to figure out if he can pry Venom off without making the problem worse. Probably not, it’s looking like. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you.”

“You don’t have to explain,” she says. “It’s okay. I just want you to know, you can tell me anything. You can tell us anything.”

“Ngh,” Eddie says.

Tell her she’s pretty, Eddie, Venom says. Tell her how much we want to put our cock in her face.

“Ngh,” Eddie says.

“I just want to know you’re okay,” Anne says.

“I am,” Eddie lies. It wouldn’t be a lie, except Venom is seeping and spreading across his lap and over his hips, and he has a bad, bad feeling about where this is going.

No, it’ll be a GOOD feeling, Venom says, and squeezes his ass so hard Eddie almost bites his tongue in half.

“Okay,” Anne says. Venom purrs at the sound of her voice and squeezes his ass again, seeping in past the useless buffer of his clothes. Eddie has never been so aware of the way the other feels against him. “Thank you for coming out with us tonight. It was good to see you.”

Tell her how much we want to put our cock in her BOYFRIEND’S face, Venom suggests, rubbing behind their balls.

“It was good to see you too,” Eddie says. Venom rubs harder. Their cock twitches against Eddie’s thigh.

“Same time next week?” Anne suggests.

Same time every NIGHT, Venom says. Eddie’s staring helplessly at their swelling cock. Is it bigger again? It looks bigger again.

“Sure,” he says, like an idiot. Some part of Venom licks between his legs, and he nearly bites his tongue again.

“Same place?” Anne asks, and Venom just. Fucking. Keeps. Licking.

“Any place you want,” Eddie manages in a cracked voice, and then has to listen to her list off restaurants while Venom licks a wet circle around his hole. He needs to tell him to stop. He needs to.

“What’s Venom’s favorite?” Anne asks, Venom’s tongue flexing against Eddie’s suddenly hypersensitive hole.

This, Venom rumbles.

“He’s not that picky,” Eddie says.

“I’ll let Dan pick, then,” Anne says.

“That’s fine,” Eddie says.

“Okay,” Anne says. “I’ll let you know tomorrow. Bye, Eddie.”

“Bye,” Eddie says, then ends the call and throws his phone across the room. “Venom--!”

Eddie, Venom croons, and pushes his tongue inside of him. Eddie only has so much self-control--he yelps, and his hips jerk into it. Venom purrs smugly and twists his tongue. Eddie yelps louder.

“You fucking--!”

I should do this every time we see them, Venom says. If I fuck you good enough, maybe you’ll finally ask them upstairs.

“Do not,” Eddie says, because that would be a humiliating disaster. His cock doesn’t agree with his head, though, and Venom clearly doesn’t either.

It’d be efficient, he says. You’d be all ready for them already, and we’d still last long enough to wear them both out.

“That’s not how this works,” Eddie says. Venom’s tongue thickens inside him. He imagines how impossibly deep the other could go, if he wanted.

I could crawl right through you, Venom says.

That should not sound hot.

“We’re not inviting them up,” Eddie says, hips jerking involuntarily as Venom twists his tongue again.

That’s a shame, Venom says. I bet they’d want us in the middle. We’d have a nice warm cunt and a nice big cock to share.

“You’re fucking greedy,” Eddie groans. Venom ignores him.

You know how good Anne feels inside, he says. Dan’s cock is just as good.

“You don’t even know that,” Eddie says, struggling to stay focused on the conversation as Venom licks deeper into him. It’s not easy.

Of course I do, Venom says, and then Eddie remembers--of course he does, he was with Anne. Venom knows exactly how good Dan’s cock feels.

Eddie really wishes that thought were making him jealous.

It really is not.

“Oh God,” he groans, and Venom curls his tongue inside him and grabs their dick. Considering how many times he’s already come, Eddie’s this close to it again embarrassingly quickly. Venom strokes them with brutal efficiency and fucks Eddie with a tongue that feels more like a cock. Eddie just tries to hang on.

Venom absolutely cannot do any of this in front of Anne and Dan. Eddie’d never be able to keep it together. Right now all he can do is gasp and moan and lose his fucking mind. He can’t even keep himself from thrashing against the bed.

“Venom, Venom, Venom--” he chokes desperately, spreading his legs in an instinctive attempt to get the other deeper and pushing up into his hand.

Eddie, Venom purrs. I love spoiling you, Eddie. He wraps around Eddie completely, growing and covering him until the bed strains under their weight. He keeps their hand around their cock and puts their fingers inside them, moving like a piston, going and going and going--

Jesus. Jesus, Jesus fucking Christ--

Come inside me, Eddie, Venom coaxes again, and Eddie comes like a fucking freight train, comes so hard he sees stars, and Venom purrs and purrs and purrs.

Oh, this was a bad idea.

Eddie comes out of it breathless and panting and face-down on the mattress, pants down around his thighs and Venom’s familiar weight on his back. He doesn’t remember rolling over, but it’s all he can do not to hump the mattress like a horny teenager. Everything is still so sensitive. He groans. Venom strokes his back, then sinks back inside him. Eddie’s not sure if they’re done, and even less sure if he wants them to be done.

He doesn’t think he does, is the problem.

“You’re a fucking menace, man,” he says.

Next time we will take our time, Venom says, his voice soaked with satisfaction.

Eddie bites his blankets.