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Pick-Up Corgi

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It’s way too damn cold. Kyungsoo thinks after he checks the weather on his phone. The one time he has a craving for coffee and his barista roommate isn’t around to make it for him for free. It’s criminal. It’s illegal. It’s not allowed. It’s just plain not right, and, dammit , he’s already putting on clothes to get some stupid coffee.

Aw, fuck it all, he grabbed Minseok’s pants. The hamster hybrid has no tail hole in his pants, and now Kyungsoo’s is all squished up against his ass. He takes a split moment to decide on changing out of them before ultimately deciding to pass since who in their right mind would go through taking off one uncomfortable pair of jeans for another uncomfortable pair of jeans? Kyungsoo hates jeans. He hates any clothes that even suggest they’ll restrain his movement.

Anyways, Kyungsoo throws on a knit hat, some cool-ish mitten-glove sort of things that his mother got him last Christmas, shoves his arms into a thick jacket, and mutter and grumbling “ Fuck , it’s cold” to himself as he steps outside. The nearest coffee shop isn’t far, thank god, but any walk in this damn cold might turn Kyungsoo into a bob-tailed cat.

Kyungsoo steps into the heated coffee shop felling his ears twitch beneath his hat as they try to regain some of their warmth and gets into the line. He orders coffee or whatever and sits in one of the back corners away from the windows so he can dick around on his phone without anyone spying because he’s just that interesting.

Just as he’s about to burn his tongue on his first sip, someone has the nerve to knock their knuckles onto his table. When he looks up, he sees the wagging tail of a dog, the drooping eyes and smile of a dog, and, you guessed it, the stand-tall ears of a dog.

“I heard penguins keep their eggs between their legs. Can I be yours?” The dog barks with a boxy grin.



“If you go home with me, you’d be waddling funny, if you catch my drift.”

“Excuse me?”

The dog, a corgi Kyungsoo has guessed by now, is unfazed, “I heard penguins mate for life. Want to be mine?”

Kyungsoo looks around the coffee shop to see if there could possibly be anyone this guy was talking to ‘cause it sure ain’t him.

The corgi leaned a palm on the table, “What’s black and white and my potential mate for life? I’d say you,” and he points a finger directly at Kyungsoo.

“What the fuck,” Kyungsoo mutters. “Who are you?”

The corgi swallows and becomes visibly more nervous, “I’m Baekhyun and I’ve run out of penguin pick-up lines to use.”

“W...why were you speaking to me in penguin pick-up lines in the first place?”

Baekhyun hesitates, “’re a penguin hybrid?”

“What the fuck-no. I’m not a penguin hybrid.” Kyungsoo responds as he rips off his has to reveal his black-and-white ears, “I’m a cat.”

Baekhyun pales, “Wh...wheres your tail, then?”

“Okay. First of all, rude. Second of all, my roommate doesn’t have a tail and I’m wearing his pants. Third of all, it’s none of your damn business.” Kyungsoo takes an annoyed sip of his coffee, internally cringing in the pain of the burn.

“Right,” Baekhyun nods, “I’ll just...go now.” He turns and sulks back to his table, tail between his legs.

Shut up, Kyungsoo does not feel bad.




Fifteen minutes of mouth burning and technological tomfoolery later, knuckles once again rap on Kyungsoo’s table.

Suprise, it’s Baekhyun in full confidence.

“Are we in a litterbox? Because I’m digging you.”

Kyungsoo sighs, “You’re really doing this again, aren’t you?”

“Give me a chance, and I’ll make you purr”

“You can't possibly be making these up on your own.”

“You must have been sleeping in the sun because you are hot !”

“That was actually oddly clever, but I still get the feeling you’re not done.”

“You know, I like cats more than dogs.”

“You are a dog.”

That seemed to have stopped Baekhyun in his tracks, “Um...y-yeah you're right.”

Kyungsoo lets himself chuckle, “So I’m guessing you just went on a quick google search for some revamped pick-up lines?”

Baekhyun swallowed, “Maybe…”

Kyungsoo grinned, “Nice try, pup-pup, but maybe be a bit more sincere next time.”

Again, Baekhyun sulked back to his table, and again , shut up, Kyungsoo didn’t feel bad.


Fuck you, yes he does feel bad and oddly charmed because, really, that guy thought Kyungsoo was cute enough to sport some obviously-going-to-fail pickup lines to him despite his impending crash-and-burn doom. Kyungsoo stands and makes his way to the counter grabbing a water bottle from the drink display and asking for a sticky-note.

Taking in a deep breath and pulling his cap firmly over his ears, he marches his way past Baekhyun’s table and bolts after dropping the water bottle and sticky-note on the table.

Kyungsoo is just in the process of unlocking his front door when his phone gives off a tiny ping!

Kyungsoo allows himself to smile.




Baekhyun sulked at his table after being rejected a second time by the Cutest Thing On Earth. Desperately, he searched on google how to recover from horrendously failed pick-up lines, but it seems like nothing could help him. He was doomed. He was cursed. He’d never find a love like he just experienced. He’ll never be happy again.

No, Baekhyun is not dramatic, thank you!

While Beakhyun is sulking in his own dark could of despair, a heavy thunk snaps him out of his thoughts. He looks up to spy a water bottle rolling toward him on his table with a sticky-note attached to the wrapper. He looks over the bottle and reads the note:


You’re a dog, right? Well, fetch something original, and then we’ll talk.


  • xxx-xxx-xxxx



Baekhyun quickly looks up to spy the World’s Ultimate Cutie fleeing from the cafe and grins. He rapidly pulls out his phone and types in the number.




From: Unknown


  • Dinner and a mewvie? =3



To: Pick-Up Corgi


  • Mewbye