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[ADULTS ONLY 18+]

Chapter Text

FIRE EMOJI has added Chestnut, Mr. Boss, Sneezy, and ELEVEN OTHERS to the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI has changed the chat’s name to ADULTS ONLY 18+

 

FIRE EMOJI: Adults against children group chat. Don't be stupid.

 

MR. B has left the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI: That’s fair.

yaoi hands: that title certainly carries some inappropriate connotations, no

Soda pop: no, not everyone is a pervert like YOU

yaoi hands: im not a pervert!

Buffalo: It is a little scandalous.

FIRE EMOJI: ?
FIRE EMOJI: O h
FIRE EMOJI: I should probably just

 

FIRE EMOJI has changed the chat’s name to ADULTS AGAINST CHILDREN

 

Mr. Boss: I don't understand what's happening

 

SNEEZY has renamed MR. BOSS to BOSS BABY

 

Boss Baby: WHAT

Sneezy: welcome to hell.

Meow: watch your mouth!

Food-For-All: shut the hell up

Chestnut: Get her good, Gramma!

Food-For-All: nobody was talking to you!

Meow: bash me all you want, at least I can cook
Meow: even my garbage can won't touch that casserole you brought me last week

Food-For-All: well i never!

archer boy: I must agree! It’s rather bad

Food-For-All: and to think i let you have entire meals, robin!

archer boy: you didn't LET me have anything
archer boy: i stole it!

Food-For-All: oh yeah, SURE you did
Food-For-All: you think you were sneaky?
Food-For-All: i saw your gaudy outfit from a mile away

archer boy:
archer boy:

 

ARCHER BOY has left the chat

 

Chestnut: Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been witness to an absolute murder

Chapter Text

slappy hands: loev iss dead and never exissted
slappy hands: all youh did wasd betray me as ii lay sick and festerring
slappy hands: you are rhe defenition of dread

Sneezy: Holy fucking shit are you okay??

slappy hands: one o @Meow ‘s cats stole myf uckign boysenberrh candy

Sneezy: ASBDDHSJ

slappy hands: @Meow tell fhim to gvie it back

Sneezy: @Meow Fess up
Sneezy: @Meow
Sneezy: @Meow

slappy hands: @Meow

Meow: CAN YOU IDIOTS STOP @ ING ME

FIRE EMOJI: I swear to god I'm going to delete this chat and kill you all one by one.

Sneezy: Do it coward
Sneezy: I've been prepared to die since day one
Sneezy: With my last breath I'll give you a horrible case of seasonal allergies

FIRE EMOJI: God you're so weird.

Sneezy: It's a hobby

FIRE EMOJI: I'll kill all of you except Common Cold.
FIRE EMOJI: Just because he'd probably enjoy it.

Meow: He would

Sneezy: I would

slappy hands: OKAY BUT WAHT ABOJT MY FUCKGIN BOYSENBERRY CNADY THOUGH

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Soda pop: god, i want a soda
Soda pop: somebody's got to give me some motivation not to get any

Boss Baby: Uh… don't, then?

Soda pop: it's not that easy!
Soda pop: i know i shouldn't but it just
Soda pop: keeps calling out to me

Toilet Boy: i believe in you! you don't have to fall back into it!
Toilet Boy: drink something else, like water!

Soda pop: ugh, if only such a thing would satisfy me
Soda pop: my old soul can only be soothed by the fizzy, carbonated taste of an ice cold rootbeer

Boss Baby: You're not even that old!

Soda pop: oh please
Soda pop: im so old, my bones are like cereal

Boss Baby: ...Explain.

Soda pop: snap crackle pop

Toilet Boy: ASJFBTJDMS

 

TOILET BOY has renamed SODA POP to SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP

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Meow: Okay, SO
Meow: We have GOT to address the elephant in the room here
Meow: @Boss Baby, you have to quit flirting with Toiletnator!
Meow: We get it, you're gay.

yaoi hands: SOMEONE SAID IT

Toilet Boy: huh??

Boss Baby: I'm not flirting!
Boss Baby: And I'm not gay either!

Toilet Boy: (he's bi)

Boss Baby: I'm bi.
Boss Baby: YOU’RE NOT HELPING!

Chestnut: So, half-gay, then

Boss Baby: I’m bi. That's it. Not half-anything.

Adult Braces: Basically the same thing

FIRE EMOJI: No.

yaoi hands: no

Toilet Boy: it's really not

Walrus: It’s not

Buffalo: No.

Adult Braces: Okay, okay, I get it
Adult Braces: I'm sorry

Boss Baby: Apology accepted.

Chestnut: Sounds fake but okay
Chestnut: I just think you should pick a side
Chestnut: It's kinda greedy

FIRE EMOJI: Oh my god.

Toilet Boy: uhh…

yaoi hands: ew

FIRE EMOJI: We get it, you're biphobic.

Buffalo: It is about time someone said it.
Buffalo: He called me some rather colorful terms once upon a time.

Walrus: You never told me about this.

Buffalo: I did not want you to worry.

Walrus: @Chestnut
Walrus: Step away and refrain from insulting my husband. It is not your right or even privilege in the slightest. I think he is wonderful exactly the way he is.

Buffalo: <3

Walrus: <3

Toilet Boy: [this_is_the_cutest_shit.png]

yaoi hands: they truly are the sweetest couple

Chestnut: Why is everyone acting like I'm attacking them?!
Chestnut: Look, you're either gay or you're straight, YOU CAN’T BE ATTRACTED TO BOTH!
Chestnut: Bisexuality isn't a real thing!

 

FIRE EMOJI has banned CHESTNUT from the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI: Good fucking riddance.

Walrus: Yes.

Buffalo: Agreed.

Boss Baby:

Toilet Boy: mr boss sir are you okay???

Boss Baby: I'm fine.

Toilet Boy: too late im coming over to check on you

Boss Baby: PLEASE don't.
Boss Baby: I'm FINE.
Boss Baby: And honestly I'm busy.
Boss Baby: I shouldn't even be on here right now.

Toilet Boy: mr boss!!
Toilet Boy: mr boss???
Toilet Boy: sir?

Adult Braces: Leave the poor man alone
Adult Braces: It's kinda been a rough day I would imagine

Toilet Boy:
Toilet Boy: ill check on him later

FIRE EMOJI: So, not to intrude on your business, but are you two actually an item or not?

Toilet Boy: oh
Toilet Boy: uhh
Toilet Boy: i dont...think so?

Meow: But you're into him.
Meow: Because I mean, it's pretty obvious.

yaoi hands: preach

Adult Braces: Preach x2

Food-For-All: you know stuff is going down when even knightbrace knows it.

Adult Braces:
Adult Braces: I wanna be offended but you're right

Toilet Boy: uuhhhhhhhhh
Toilet Boy: i dont, uh
Toilet Boy: i dunno??
Toilet Boy: i never really thought about it…
Toilet Boy: hes more like a friend i think!!
Toilet Boy: at least, i like to think we’re friends

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: @FIRE EMOJI bet you're pretty happy

yaoi hands: what

Meow: What?

Food-For-All: what

Toilet Boy: what??

Adult Braces: Hey okay so @Snap Crackle Soda Pop @FIRE EMOJI what the actual FUCK does that mean

Food-For-All: I KNOW RIGHT

FIRE EMOJI: I'm gonna snap crackle pop your fucking NECK Angelo.
FIRE EMOJI: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: yes you do

FIRE EMOJI: NO I DON’T!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: direct message me you idiot

FIRE EMOJI: I swear to god I am THIS close to killing you.

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: what's new
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: dm me

FIRE EMOJI: Fine, whatever.

Adult Braces: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

Toilet Boy: is it something i said????

Food-For-All: holy fucking shit

Chapter Text

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has opened a direct message chat with FIRE EMOJI

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has changed the chat’s name to BEN’S DATING DISASTER

 

FIRE EMOJI: For christ’s sake Fizz, I'm going to KILL you for this!
FIRE EMOJI: Every single thing I told you was absolutely confidential!
FIRE EMOJI: You had no damn right to say or even IMPLY anything that you said!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: yeah, sure, whatever fire-boy
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i'm just trying to get you a date my friend

FIRE EMOJI: And I don't want one!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i'm officially calling horsefeathers on that
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: look
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you've been interested in lou for what, a few months now?
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: at the very LEAST since your little run-in with him at last summer’s pride
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you know he's bi, and now you know he's single, too
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: ask him out!

FIRE EMOJI: Not the time, Angelo! Not the time!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop:
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: okay so i can't send emojis with this phone right now but imagine i’m sending one that has a VERY skeptical face
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: stop with the fake anger and open up
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: we’ve been through this before

FIRE EMOJI:
FIRE EMOJI: I just.
FIRE EMOJI: I dunno.
FIRE EMOJI: What am I supposed to do if he's not interested?
FIRE EMOJI: It's gonna be really awkward for everyone involved and I'm basically going to die.

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: ben, he's not going to turn you down, i can almost assure you of that
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: he basically worships the ground you walk on
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: plus, not to be rude, but he's not exactly in a position to be turning ANYBODY down

FIRE EMOJI: And that's the thing!
FIRE EMOJI: What if he just says yes because he feels like he has to, or because I'm the only one who's ever asked?

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: oh for god’s sake, ben, this is ridiculous! you sound like you're sixteen
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you're a fully grown adult and you're FATHER. one of, if not THE most recognizable and feared villains around
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you can certainly ask some stupid boy-crush on a date with you!

FIRE EMOJI: He's not stupid, Angelo!
FIRE EMOJI: But I guess you're right.
FIRE EMOJI: I can do this, can't I?

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you're damn right you can!

FIRE EMOJI: Yeah, I can!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: then go ask lou out, you ridiculously stupid baby!

 

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has closed the direct message chat BEN’S DATING DISASTER

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Meow: Okay not to be gross but I just found Cuppa and Fizz fooling around in a closet and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information

bean water: I SSAID SORRY
bean water: IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YYOU

Meow: No it's not actually!
Meow: I was just trying to find the restroom at the Villains’ Convention!
Meow: I do NOT need to see you two sucking face!

Sneezy: i mean normally id side with her here but honestly?
Sneezy: get it

Meow: NO!
Meow: @Snap Crackle Soda Pop
Meow: I swear, where even IS Fizz?

bean water: HESS GAMSKDJFHNNNA. SHJIWOE

Sneezy: dude are you good
Sneezy: like do i need to call someone for you orrrr

bean water: SORRY
bean water: CSNT SEEM TOM TYPE VERH WELL RIGHT NOW

Sneezy: too much coffee again, huh?

bean water: NEVER EBPUGH OF THR STUFF
bean water: YOU KNOW THAT

Meow: Not to ruin you two’s bromance, but I still don't know where on god’s green earth Angelo is!
Meow: You and him are BOTH gonna get a piece of my mind if he ever shows up
Meow: @Snap Crackle Soda Pop

bean water: I EAS TRYING TO SAY
bean water: HES TAKING A SHOEKE
bean water: SHOWER

Sneezy: eyes emoji
Sneezy: what, you saying there weren't enough cleaning supplies in the janitor’s closet you two were necking in

Meow: Eeeew

bean water: NNOT LIKE THAT
bean water: WE WERE TALKING AND I SSTARTED SHAKING MOREE
bean water: SSPILT COFFEE DOWNN OART OF HIS SHIRT
bean water: HESS JUST CLEEANING UP

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: why am i getting so many notifications?
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i mean, i get it, i’m a popular guy, but why right now?
Snap Crackle Soda Pop:
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: oh

bean water: YEAH
bean water: IM SORRY
bean water: TTRIED TELLING THEM WE DIRNT INTEND TO GETT CAUGHTH

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i didn't know we were…

bean water: OH MYG GODD

Sneezy: w h a t

Meow: ARE YOU TELLING ME
Meow: THAT YOU DIDNT EVEN *NOTICE*

Sneezy: HJASBDHEHDNXBS

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: I WAS DISTRACTED AT THAT EXACT MOMENT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Sneezy: YEAH IM SURE YOU WERE BUDDY

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: SHUT IT I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU

Sneezy: I COULD CRY ANGELO DO YOU EVEN HAVE E Y E S
Sneezy: SBSHSJSMEBESJSH

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: NONE OF YOU ARE FREE FROM SIN!!!!!!!

bean water: GODD KPLESE
bean water: I JUST
bean water: DAAKSAMANSBSAAK

Meow: I hate all of you

Sneezy: :,( you wound me….

Meow: Shut the hell up

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: I am L E A V I N G

Meow: Good riddance!

Sneezy: okay wig
Sneezy: lmao

Chapter Text

ADULT BRACES has opened a direct message chat with FIRE EMOJI

 

Adult Braces: Hey, um
Adult Braces: So

FIRE EMOJI: God, what is it now?
FIRE EMOJI: Kids not brushing again?
FIRE EMOJI: I told you, putting toothpaste in their ice cream isn’t going to work.
FIRE EMOJI: That’s not healthy, Knightbrace, that’s downright disgusting and a waste of good ice cream to boot.

Adult Braces: It's a good idea!
Adult Braces: But, no, not that
Adult Braces: It's just
Adult Braces: okay I know this is weird but

FIRE EMOJI: Great. Wonderful.

Adult Braces: How did you first figure out that you were uh
Adult Braces: Into men

FIRE EMOJI: Oh.
FIRE EMOJI: To be quite frank here, that is absolutely none of your fucking business, and if you're here to grill me about my preferences then I won't hesitate to fling you into the damn sun.
FIRE EMOJI: I’ve heard it all before, and I am not going to take it from YOU of all people.

Adult Braces: No it's not that I swear
Adult Braces: I just, uh
Adult Braces: H
Adult Braces: Never mind, it was stupid

FIRE EMOJI: Uh.
FIRE EMOJI: Is there
FIRE EMOJI: Some particular reason why you're suddenly interrogating me about my personal life?
FIRE EMOJI: Which is rude, by the way. Not that I think you care.

Adult Braces: I just don't know
Adult Braces: I've been thinking and I don't understand any of this
Adult Braces: And I'm pretty sure anyone else would laugh me out of the vicinity if I brought it up
Adult Braces: Except like, maybe Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb. But I would feel weird bothering them because they kinda freak me out a little

FIRE EMOJI: Are you somehow suggesting I wouldn't?
FIRE EMOJI: Also, I have no idea what “it” is referring to, Knightbrace.

Adult Braces: I mean
Adult Braces: I was just
Adult Braces: I know you, I know your sexuality
Adult Braces: How are you so open with it

FIRE EMOJI: Well. I don’t know why the hell I’m telling this to you.
FIRE EMOJI: But truthfully?
FIRE EMOJI: A lot of years of practice.
FIRE EMOJI: I’ve known since I was a kid, when I realized that the idea of marrying a woman gave me cold sweats.
FIRE EMOJI: I know it’s terrible, but honestly there was nothing for me to do BUT be open with it. Back then, the way I acted… it was a miracle no one else could tell. Looking back on it anyone on earth could have clocked me as a homo.

Adult Braces: I get that
Adult Braces: But what I mean is how did you come to terms with it around other people
Adult Braces: how can you just say you’re gay and not worry

FIRE EMOJI: Mm.
FIRE EMOJI: It isn’t easy.
FIRE EMOJI: Even now that people don’t care as much, it’s a scary thing to admit. The judgement seems to keep coming no matter how much I don’t care. It’s hard to not cave under the pressure of it all and just pretend I’m heterosexual.
FIRE EMOJI: I don’t think it would work for very long anyways, but I digress.

Adult Braces: …I see

FIRE EMOJI: I don’t mean to assume here, but are you asking for yourself here?
FIRE EMOJI: I’m still not understanding why any of this matters.
FIRE EMOJI: Even if you are, I’m not here to play therapist to a grown man with identity issues, as much as I can relate.

Adult Braces: Sorry
Adult Braces: I just
Adult Braces: I’ve never really had an attraction to anyone before, and I was wondering if I might be
Adult Braces: You know
Adult Braces: Gay

FIRE EMOJI: I see.

Adult Braces: But I don’t think I like men either
Adult Braces: Honestly I’ve never met anyone I was interested in, ever, romanticslly or physically

FIRE EMOJI: Really? Not a soul?

Adult Braces: That’s the thing! Not even one person, ever!
Adult Braces: It’s just that I’m getting up in years you know
Adult Braces: And I know I’m not exactly the town stud, but if I was going to settle down and marry someone my window is drawing to a close
Adult Braces: I feel like I should want it
Adult Braces: but I dont

FIRE EMOJI: Mhmm.
FIRE EMOJI: So, Knightbrace?

Adult Braces: Yeah?

FIRE EMOJI: This entire personal identity dilemma you’re having?
FIRE EMOJI: It has nothing— and I mean NOTHING— to do with me.
FIRE EMOJI: Go bother Wink and Fibb
FIRE EMOJI: Good chat or whatever.
FIRE EMOJI: Best of luck to you— and I do mean that.
FIRE EMOJI: Now fuck off.

Adult Braces: :(

 

FIRE EMOJI has closed the direct message chat with ADULT BRACES