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Three's a crowd

Chapter Text

“Kurt, stop!” Diane giggled as he danced his lips down her throat, his hips grinding into hers as his hand snuck under her silk top to cup her breast. She groaned, throwing her head back into the cushions of the couch as his skilful digits teased her. “I’m trying to watch the movie!” she groaned, her fingers threading through his hair as she used it to pull his mouth from her neck. “Later,” she promised eyeing him seriously.

Kurt raised his eyebrows; swiping his thumb across an erect nipple and making her bite her bottom lip.

"Ahhh," she whimpered, her hips bucking up into his.

“You sure you want me to stop?” he asked with a smug grin, dipping his lips down to capture hers in a slow, seductive kiss. Diane moaned into his mouth, her tongue twirling with his as she momentarily lost herself to the sensation.

“Stop,” she groaned pulling away, her eyes shut tightly as she held him away from her. “I really want to watch!” she whined, blinking her eyes open meaningfully. Kurt frowned sadly, sticking out his bottom lip in a childish pout and Diane couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her lips, this man.

Kurt’s hand continued to expertly massage her breast, his thumb pricking across her nipple repeatedly and purposefully. Diane whimpered, turning her head to look longingly at the television screen. Kurt’s lips dipped back to her throat, his moustache tickling her skin as he pressed playful kisses there.

“It’s almost finished,” she tried, shying away from his touch and stifling another giggle. Kurt dropped his head exaggeratedly into the space above her shoulder, huffing out a large breath of air.

Diane’s attention drifted back to the movie, her smile growing as the characters on screen confessed their love.

“You don’t even have to move,” Kurt offered lifting his head above hers; catching her blue eyes. Diane’s eyebrow rose incredulously, a smirk tugging on her lips. “You keep watching and I’ll be quick.”

Diane threw her head back in a loud laugh, her eyes twinkling as she met his amused smirk. Before she could reply, Kurt struck again; his dexterous fingers beneath her pyjama top tweaked a nipple, his lips pressing soft kisses to her exposed torso.

“Stop,” she giggled playfully, as she squirmed beneath him.

“Wiggling like that isn’t helping your case,” he murmured against her soft skin, thrusting his hips into hers so Diane could feel the beginnings of his arousal.

“Kurt!” she gasped, the smile on her face and her chuckling only spurring him on. “You’re insatiable!”

Kurt lifted his head at that, grinning down at her.

“Only for you baby,” he joked in a smooth tone, his eyebrows bouncing suggestively. Diane cackled at that, biting her bottom lip as she tilted her head backwards in amusement.

She was just about to call him out for the use of such a blatant line, when her doorbell chimed. Diane frowned and Kurt pulled up, lifting his body higher off hers as the pair’s eyes darted to the front door.

“Expecting someone?” he asked still glancing over his shoulder at the entrance to her house.

“It’s almost midnight," Diane replied; answering his question as the bell rang again. Her hands found their way to his chest, trying to get him to sit up.

“Just leave it,” Kurt whined, looking down at her with a childish pout. Diane shook her head giggling again, pushing him off her and swinging her legs over the couch. Grabbing the remote she hit pause, casting a pointed smirk over her shoulder and catching Kurt rolling his eyes.

With a laugh she stood and walked to the door, opening the latch and unlocking it. A large grin was still in place on her lips as she tried not to giggle at Kurt’s grumpy antics. Pulling back the heavy oak, the smile fell from her lips; her eyes widening.

“Will!” she gasped, tugging at her silk robe and trying to fasten it together to hide her skimpy pyjamas. Will smiled sheepishly, looking her dead in the eye in a clear attempt to avoid seeing her state of undress.

“Hi,” he offered with a casual shrug, as if it was commonplace for him to show up on her doorstep in the middle of the night. Diane’s hands pulled at the silky nightgown tightly, mortifyingly aware of it’s length and her exposed legs.

“What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise, her eyes dipping to the gym bag in his hand.

“Looking for a place to crash actually,” he said with a grimace. Diane cocked her head to the side, leaning on the door and making sure he couldn’t see in fully. “There was a fire in my apartment block,” he began and Diane’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God!” she gasped, stepping forward in alarm, wrapping him into a hug. “Are you okay?” she questioned as she pulled back, her hands still resting on his shoulders; smoothing over his shirt in an attempt to assure herself he wasn’t hurt.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. It was on the second floor – nowhere near me, but the fire department evacuated the building for the night, just to be safe.” He explained, his heart warming at the concern on her face.

“Oh my, that’s awful!”

“Yeah, I was gonna try for a hotel, but it’s late and you know how I hate them, so I thought I’d see if I could stay in your guest room for the night?” he asked with a sheepish smile, his green eyes hopeful as they met her blue.

“Oh,” Diane gasped, clearly taken aback. With a quick glance to Kurt over her shoulder, she weighed her options. Will watched her reaction, his brow furrowing as he took her uncertainty as a no.

“If it’s too much of an inconvenience…” he began, turning his body to leave and indicating with his hand that he could go elsewhere. Diane let out a soft sigh, shaking her head with a kind smile.

“No, no of course you can stay,” she replied, her heart thundering against her chest as she accepted what was about to happen. “Come in,” she said with more confidence than she felt.

Will grinned widely, stepping into her home and dropping his bag to the floor as he shrugged off his coat.

“Thank you, you’re a lifesave-“ his sentence was cut off as he glanced at her couch, his long coat hanging half off one arm as he stared. “Oh,” he exclaimed, unable to hide his surprise.

Diane shuffled awkwardly on her bare feet, glancing between the two men.

“Will,” she began with a nervous edge to her voice. “You know Kurt,” she offered and the men greeted each other with varying gruff hellos.

Will spun to face her again.

“I didn’t realise you had... company,” he said in a hushed tone, his surprise still etched onto his features. “I should go-“

“Nonsense!” Diane cut him off, pulling on his coat to remove it properly. “There’s plenty of room.” Will glanced warily between the others, unsure of his welcome. Diane hung his coat on the rack, before awkwardly coming to stand beside Will again.

She could feel her face flushing. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on. Kurt in his grey sweatpants and white shirt, her barely-there pyjamas, the wine glasses, the romantic lighting. Will obviously knew what had been happening before his interruption, but it didn’t make it any less awkward.

“Let me show you to your room,” she offered if only to break the deafening silence that had fallen among them.

“Thanks,” Will replied, picking up his bag and nodding to Kurt. “Goodnight,”

“Goodnight,” Kurt replied shortly, still standing in his spot by the couch.

“Could you lock up?” Diane asked softly as she walked by him, her meaning clear, they were retreating to her room to hide. Kurt smirked beneath his moustache, his amusement, although hidden to Will, very apparent to her. Her eyes widened pointedly as she passed him and led Will down the corridor. Casting a glance over her shoulder, she watched as Kurt chuckled to himself, flicking off the TV and gathering their empty glasses. She scoffed internally, knowing Kurt was thrilled they wouldn’t be finishing the film.

“Here you go,” she smiled as she opened the door to her guest room, showing Will in. “Towels are in the top drawer and you know where the bathroom is.” Will threw his gym bag onto the bed, turning to her. His hazel eyes met her blue and she could tell he was barely able to keep from interrogating her.

“I can really find a hotel,” he repeated, but both knew his offer was more for show than anything else. Diane rolled her eyes, stepping into the room and closing the door slightly.

“Spit it out, Will. Before it gags you.” she said seriously, folding her arms across her chest pointedly as she awaited the mocking. Will chuckled lowly, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“You and McVeigh, huh?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and Diane let out a scoff of a laugh; rolling her eyes, as if that awkward exchange in her living room wasn’t confirmation enough.

“Yeah,” she said with an amused grin. “Me and McVeigh.”

“Our ballistics expert,”

“I’m aware of his job title, Will.” she replied blandly, preparing for the next teasing remark. She’d known Will for years and could almost predict his next words.

“He’s a right-wing, gun-slinging republican,” he responded pushing her.

“Yes, and he screws like one too,” she fired back hotly, her sarcasm pointed and her eyes viciously dark. Will bit back a smirk at her snarky reply, knowing from her tone alone she wasn’t going to take his mocking sitting down. Mulling over his next words carefully, he decided not to tease her any further, after all he wouldn’t put it passed her to kick him out for making fun of her boyfriend.

“How long?”

“A couple months,” she responded and Will’s eyes widened at that, making Diane smirk. He wasn’t the only one who had a love life.

“I’m happy for you,” he smiled after a long beat of silence and Diane’s eyes thinned.

“Really?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah really!” Will replied with a chuckle. Diane laughed along with him, the tension falling from her body in a puff of air. Both partners clearly seeing the humour in their current situation.

“Okay then, thank you,” she replied genuinely, meeting his eyes earnestly. She knew Kurt wasn’t Will’s favourite topic – it had been months since the Bianca Price trial, but she knew he still held a grudge for that and so it was a great feat he’d handled this all so well, teasing aside. “I’ll see you in the morning.” she finally said after a another awkward silence and Will nodded in agreement.

“Goodnight, Diane.”

“’Night, Will.”

Stepping into the hallway, Diane closed his door with a click. With a quick glance back in the direction of the lounge she noted all the lights were out and moved to the room opposite Will’s. Pushing through the door she found Kurt lying on her bed, his back propped up on the headboard as he flipped through one of her novels.

“Will all tucked in?” he mocked with a grin, tossing the book onto the side table. Diane shot him a dark look, a smirk sliding into place on her lips as she let the door shut, resting her back against it and taking him in greedily.

“Yes,” she sassed back. “Just gave him his goodnight kiss.”

Kurt chuckled lowly at her comeback, watching her intently as she untied her gown and slid the silky material off to uncover equally silky shorts and spaghetti shirt set. His eyes immediately darkened as she strolled through the room, flicking out lights as she went, until, finally, only their bedside lamps coloured the room.

Folding back the covers she smiled at Kurt, climbing onto the bed and scooting closer to him.

“Is it time for my goodnight kiss?” he flirted lowly, his dark gaze locked on her mouth. Diane licked her lips before leaning over and kissing him soundly; her hand curving around his cheek. Her tongue slid against his, tangling and twisting as their embrace deepened. Diane moaned as Kurt rolled them over, his body coming to rest atop hers as they continued to kiss.

Pulling back breathlessly, Kurt looked down at Diane.

“You better not have kissed Will goodnight like that,” he said meaningfully and Diane smiled; biting into her bottom lip.

“No,” she whispered, staring up at him dreamily. Kurt grinned back, dipping his head to kiss her again, his hands sliding down the sides of her body, cupping her breasts. Diane groaned as he pulled away from her mouth, moving to place slow, wet kisses down her throat. His teeth scraped her flushed skin as his hands tugged on the flimsy material of her shirt; inching it up.

“No,” Diane gasped, her hands coming up to his chest and pushing him away. Kurt pulled back with a confused look, his hands frozen on the skin of her abdomen. “What are you doing?” she asked and Kurt let out a chuckle, sliding his hand further up and cupping a breast with a dashing smirk.

“What do you think?” he questioned lowly, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Diane laughed shaking her head as her hand curled around his, pulling it out from under her shirt. Shifting so she was sitting, she met Kurt’s frown.

“We’re not screwing with my partner across the hall!” she said seriously, her incredulity splashed across her features.

“Why not?” Kurt replied with a confused look on his face.

“Because!” she hissed back, shuffling away from him. “He could hear!”

“Well you’ll just have to be quiet then…” Kurt trailed off sexily, moving toward her and looping a hand around her waist.

“Kurt, no!” she shrieked in a hushed laugh, trying to stop his advances, her hand placed firmly against his chest. His frown was deep as he cocked his head to the side, looking at her.

"Come on," he pleaded like a little boy denied dessert. "It's not like we haven't done it in your office while he was there!" he reminded, dipping his lips to press kisses to her shoulder, pulling at the delicate strap of her shirt with his teeth.

"Yes, behind my bathroom door and a reception area! It was different!" she replied, her head falling back against the headboard as she gulped; enjoying the sensations he was creating. It wasn't that she didn't want to, quite the opposite. Kurt had been away the last few days and although it was hardly a record for them, she still wanted him terribly.

Kurt’s mouth drifted up her throat, his teeth tugging on her earlobe and making her groan.

“Please stop,” she begged breathily, her head tilting toward his mouth. Kurt smirked, his hand falling to her stomach, lifting the hem of her shirt and splaying his fingers across her smooth skin.

Diane gasped biting her bottom lip and curling into his hand unintentually.

“No, no!” she moaned, pushing away from him and scooting more onto her side of the bed. Kurt groaned defeatedly. Rolling onto his back he stared up at the ceiling. Diane turned onto her side and smiled at him. Scooting closer, she snuggled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder and curling her leg between his.

Kurt remained stoic for a long moment, trying and failing not to curve into her embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered placing a chaste kiss on his neck, her breath hot on his skin. With a sigh Kurt’s hand moved to curl around her waist, tugging her closer while the other reached for the bedside lamp plunging them both into darkness.

“You owe me,” he murmured gruffly, his lips falling to the crown of her head and placing a delicate kiss there. Diane giggled shifting to get comfortable.

“Is that all I am to you? Sex?” she joked lightly and Kurt laughed.

“Oh, didn’t I make that clear?” he teased running his hand up and down her silk covered back. “I’m using you for your body.” Diane giggled at that, placing a soft kiss to his jaw.

“Goodnight Cowboy,” she whispered, breathing in his scent as she snuggled deeper into him, her eyes already fighting to stay open.

“Goodnight Diane.”


Will woke with a groan, throwing his arm across his face to block out the sunlight streaming into the room. Flopping over onto his stomach he cursed Diane and her girly curtains, they were pretty sure, but it was clear that’s all they were.

With a defeated huff, he resigned himself to the fact that he’d have to get up; he wasn’t going to fall back to sleep now. Reaching over to the side table, he grabbed his phone.


Dear Lord. Yawning, he rubbed at his sleepy eyes, deciding to go grab a coffee and start his day. Stumbling out of the bed, he crossed the hall to the bathroom, using the facilities before heading in the direction of the kitchen.

Will padded through Diane’s home barefoot, thankful it was so early and that he wouldn’t have to face her and her new beau without the crutch of caffeine. Rounding the corner to her kitchen he suddenly came to an abrupt halt.

There on her kitchen island sat Diane, her legs wide as Kurt stood between them. His hands were on her hips and his lips trailed down her throat as she giggled, her eyes closed.

“Kurt,” she laughed her hands threaded through his hair and holding his mouth to her skin. “Stop it!” she chastised without conviction. “Will could come in at any minute!”

Will smirked to himself, entranced by the couple. God, they were like teenagers! He watched as Kurt’s hands wandered his partner’s body, touching her and slipping dangerously under her pyjama top. Diane whimpered.

“You promised me last night,”

"I know, but not now! Will could wake up at any moment." she groaned, clearly enjoying his attentions despite her words.

"I can be quick!" Kurt replied and Will bit his lip to keep from scoffing.

“No, you can’t!" she reprimanded as his lips trailed across her collarbone. Kurt chuckled against her skin, his teeth nipping at her playfully and making her moan. Diane tilted her head back, allowing Kurt better access to her throat as she continued. “You always say that and then I end up two hours late to a client lunch with a hickey I can’t hide!”

Will frowned at that, recalling how a few weeks ago she’d blamed traffic for her late arrival to a lunch with Sweeney. Dear God, he didn’t want to know this!

“I believe you were the one that begged me to leave that hickey, and all the others,” Kurt growled lowly and Will grimaced, stumbling backward quickly. His face was scrunched up in disgust and his ears felt like they were on fire. He didn’t want to think about that. Kurt and Diane. He didn’t want to know his partner liked to be marked. He didn’t want to question her tardiness with the image of her screwing their ballistics’ expert.


Will moved swiftly back to his room, opening the door and slamming it loudly. He stood stationary for a few moments, listening to the shuffling and hushed whispers coming from the kitchen. Figuring he’d given them enough time, he slowly made his way back toward the kitchen.

Upon turning the corner, he smiled. Kurt was now on the opposite end of the room, rinsing his coffee mug in the sink while Diane fastened the sash on her dressing gown.

“Will!” she greeted brightly, her cheeks flushed in what Will was sure must have been panic.

“Morning,” Will replied kindly, nodding to Kurt as the man murmured a hello.

“How’d you sleep?” Diane asked trying to lean on the kitchen island casually.

“Good,” Will responded with a knowing smile that made his partner’s eyes thin. The pair stared at each other for a long moment; Will amused and Diane fearful. She knew that naughty smirk, something was up.

“I better go get ready,” Kurt interrupted their staring contest. He moved toward Diane, curling his hand around her waist as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “See you later.” he whispered and Diane smiled dreamily as he walked off, leaving the partners alone.

Diane’s eyes followed Kurt until he disappeared round the corner, only then snapping back to Will’s. Her partner bit back a cheeky grin, his eyes heavy with amusement.

“Don’t,” she warned pointing a finger at him dangerously, her eyes now thinned and her lovesick expression wiped blank.

“I didn’t say anything!” Will responded raising his hands in surrender but failing to conceal a knowing grin.

“You didn’t have to.” she fired back darkly, folding her arms across her chest. “Go on,” she prompted after a moment, her eyebrow raised pointedly.

“You love him,” he sing-songed like a school girl, his smile wide and teasing.

“I do not!” she spat back quickly, her mouth falling open in horror.

“Oh, you so do!” he chuckled at her indignation. “You’re in love with a republican! Your dad must be rolling in his grave!” he continued watching Diane blush more and more.

“Will!” she shrieked in a hushed tone, her eyes wide as she cast a look behind him to make sure Kurt hadn’t returned.

“Admit you love him.” Will prodded, his eyes evil.

“I will not!” she replied petulantly.



“Fine, then I guess I’ll be forced to tell him!” Will joked spinning on his heel and walking toward the hallway. Before he could get three steps, Diane’s hand had grabbed his wrist and pulled him to face her.

“Fine!” she huffed out angrily, looking down the hallway before continuing. “I love him, okay?” Will smiled widely at her admission, his green eyes no longer teasing as he met her blue.

“You should tell him.” he advised and Diane shook her head.

“Relationship advice from Mr. One Night Stand?” she laughed out lowly and Will shoved her shoulder.

“Hey! At least Mr. One Night Stand doesn’t rock up late to meetings!” he fired back sarcastically and Diane’s eyes widened in horror.

“Oh no,” she moaned closing her eyes and bringing her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she realised he’d heard them.

“Oh yes, I’m afraid I have that information now and I intend to use it.” Diane groaned at his smug look, her shoulders slumping as she resigned herself to the fact that he had her.

“What do you want?” she asked defeatedly as she met her partner’s eyes.

“Let’s start with coffee,” Will bargained, with a dark smirk. “And we’ll take it from there.”

Diane rolled her eyes and stormed over to the coffee pot in a huff. This was going to be unbearable, she knew Will was gonna milk this until the cows came home, and yet, somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Not one second.

Chapter Text

Will blew out a loud puff of air as he sunk further into his chair, tilting his left wrist to reveal the time. With another heavy sigh, he rolled his eyes and threaded his fingers together behind his head. He blinked back a yawn as he settled into then old worn leather, listening as his partner as she continued to rant and rave. 

“You know what he did today?” Diane questioned shrilly, pacing Will’s office with her hands planted firmly on her hips. Will bit his cheek, amused. Diane’s strides were purposeful as she wore a hole in his carpet. 

“He went down and volunteered. After I asked him not to! Kurt volunteered, went down, signed up, and volunteered, Will! And for that, that woman! My husband went to help that child get elected! As if it isn’t bad enough that he donated money to her campaign? Now he has to get personally involved! I mean what the hell!” she growled in frustration, her hands gesticulating wildly as she vented. 

“This is about Senator Hayes?” Will asked with a frown, his voice low and calm as he tried to placate her a little. 

“That skanky blonde republican? Damn right it’s about her!” Diane snapped back grumpily, pausing to look at him in outrage, her blue eyes wide with incredulity. 

“Okay,” he drawled, leaning forward on his knees. “And you’re angry because...?”

“I’m angry because he’s spending time with her!” she shrieked throwing her arms into the air. Will frowned again, puzzling at her erratic behavior. In all the time he’d known this woman he’d never seen her quite like this, never seen her so unraveled. “He’s working on her campaign and she’s blonde, and brilliant, and beautiful. And he, he’s there and he shouldn’t be! He should be working on my campaign!”

“You don’t have a campaign,” Will pointed out cautiously, his brow furrowed and eyes squinting at her. 

“I know I don’t have a campaign!” she hissed back viciously, her blue eyes thinned maliciously. Will gulped. “But I could have a campaign! I could have a campaign and I want him on it, I want him on my side-, I want him-“

“For your fictional campaign...” Will tried to follow, carefully navigating her anger. 

“Exactly!” she said pointing at him triumphantly. “I want him to be on my side.” 

"Okay," he replied pensively, his voice a low drawl that he used whenever he knew she was on edge. It was a practiced murmur he’d perfected to stay in her good graces.

"Okay?" she gasped in a squeak. "That’s all you can say?" Will swallowed hard, shifting in his seat.

"Well, it’s just," he began mindfully. "Diane, you married him." he shrugged with a small smug smirk.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she raged, towering over his seat in too high heels.

"I’m just saying," he tried again, diplomatic as he gazed up at her compassionately. Diane set her jaw, not liking his almost patronizing tone.  "You knew his views when you married him, he was a republican when you said I do. It’s not like he changed parties.You had to have known he'd support candidates you wouldn't like." 

"I know but-" Diane started but Will cut her off, gaining momentum in his argument. They'd been here for over an hour now, he'd been forced to listen to her fret over her husband's affiliation to the RNC on repeat for the last sixty minutes and he was done. 

"You must have known there’d be disagreements. You’re both political, you had to have known he would be a... well, he'd be a republican!" Diane blinked at her partner with wide blue eyes.

"I just-, Will she's blonde and clever and leggy and he's campaigning for her, she's pro-life and for guns and he's out there selling that nonsense to everyone who'll listen-" she whined out and Will rolled his eyes.

"Oh good god." he grumbled loudly, his thumb and pointer finger pinching the bridge of his nose as he finally cracked. "Is this how it’s going to be every time there’s an election?" he pushed, staring at his partner with an exhausted expression. "Because if so, you should get a divorce - for the sole reason that I can’t handle another hour of this. Get a divorce for my sanity. Just please end it now." Will finished annoyed, his expression grumpy with exasperation. 

"Hey!" Diane replied outraged. Will heaved out a sigh, dragging a hand over his face, attempting to wipe away his irritation. He knew this was a big deal to Diane, but really, she knew what she was getting into.

"I’m sorry." he offered with a sigh. "I just, I’m tired."

Diane's shoulders deflated slightly and she walked over to the couch, plopping down into the cushions. The soft material soaked her up as she looked to the ceiling mournfully. 

"What if we’re too different?" she questioned softly, her voice cracking slightly. "Will, what if we’re so different, we can’t make this work?"

Will frowned deeply, pushing himself up from his arm chair and moving to sit beside her on the sofa. His arm curled around her shoulders and he hugged her petite frame to him, planting a soft kiss to the crown of her head. 

"Do you love him?" he asked quietly and Diane turned her head, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Of course I do." she replied defiantly, her whisper of affirmation strong.

"Then you’ll be fine." he replied decidedly, his smile small but lighting up his entire face. Diane sighed.

"You don’t know that," she whispered meekly. Her lips pressed together glumly as she let her head fall to Will's shoulder. 

"Yeah I do." he said confidently, nudging her until she looked up and met his earnest eyes. "Senator Hayes isn’t the only beautiful, brilliant, blonde." he teased and Diane scoffed at his praise, nudging him with her shoulder. 

"Plus, you’ve got something she doesn’t,” he added grinning.

"What’s that?"

"Him." Will replied pointing to the man standing outside their offices in the reception area.

Her blue eyes widened. 

"You called him?" she gasped.

"Texted. A little while ago. And he came." Will told her. Diane’s brow furrowed slightly. "Diane, you guys are in the middle of a fight, he was at Hayes' headquarters and all I had to do was say you needed him and he came running. It doesn’t matter how different you are, he showed up."

"Thank you, Will." she said softly, smiling sadly as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're a good man."

"You should apologize, let him work on the campaign, he'd do the same if the roles were reversed." he added wisely and Diane shook her head with a smirk.

"Relationship advice from Mr. One-Night-Stand?" she joked weakly and Will shrugged.

"What can I say, those who can't do, teach." Diane chuckled at that, squeezing his hand lovingly before standing. With a quick nod to Kurt through the glass, she moved toward the door.

"Hey, Diane?" Will called out and she spun back round to face him. 


"The makeup sex you’re about to have? Try and keep it out of the office." he smirked casually and Diane’s eyes widened comically.

"Will!" she shrieked and her partner merely chuckled shaking his head. 

"Don’t even try to act outraged! I know what you two do in your private bathroom." he sassed back. 

Diane felt her cheeks flush. 

"I, we just-" she tried embarrassed.

Will smirked at his partner, deciding to put her out of her misery.

"Have a good night." he said with some finality and Diane let her eyes slide shut, releasing a deep breath.

"Goodnight Will," she replied smiling back at him before slipping through the door and heading over to her husband

Will watched as she marched right up to Kurt, ignored his greeting and kissed him. Her hands gripped either side of his face as she held his lips tightly to hers. Kurt’s hands flailed slightly before finally finding refuge on the small of her back as he deepened the embrace. Will grinned toothily, finally looking away when he noticed one of Kurt’s hands slip down over Diane’s ass. 

They were gonna be fine. 


Chapter Text

Diane sat typing furiously on her laptop, Will standing over her shoulder dictating from a long document. 

“...and to amend the settlement to the above mentioned amount." he finished with a sigh of relief. Diane's dainty fingers tapped out the last few words, her eyes scanning the newly typed brief anxiously. 

"Anything else?" she queried, glancing over her shoulder to her partner who shook his head. Diane nodded smiling slightly as she moved her cursor to the top right corner and clicked send. 

Letting out her a sigh of her own, she rested her elbows on the desk as her head fell heavily into her hands.

"We did it!" Will said joyously, squeezing her shoulders lovingly. With an exaggerated groan Diane looked up at the computer screen again, rereading the sent mail.

"We did it." she agreed in a whisper, her smile growing as she spun her chair round to face Will. Her partner smiled that boyish smile of his, reaching out for her hand and pulling her up from her seat. 

Diane giggled as Will's hand snuck around her waist and he twirled them around the office joyously. Her hands fell to his shoulders as she began to feel dizzy, silently asking him to stop. The pair swayed slightly as Will ended the spontaneous dance, his grin was big as he met her blue eyes.

"You think they'll accept it? We did cut it awfully close!" she worried her bottom lip anxiously, her voice wavering slightly. 

"Diane," Will laughed loud, spinning them in a circle once more. "They aren't even going to check their email until Monday, and by then the claim will have gone through, and they won't be able to reject it!" 

His confidence was bold and reassuring and Diane bit her bottom lip excitedly, her blue eyes happy and sparkling as she met his hazel. 

"Bourbon?" she offered with a sly smile and Will threw his head back in a loud chuckle. 

"Hell yes!" he agreed, letting her go and walking over to the cabinet designated to their celebratory alcohol. Diane kicked off her heels, and folded her legs beneath her as she flopped back into the couch. 

"Double?" Will asked already knowing the answer as he shot her a smirk over his shoulder. 

"What do you think?" she snarked back with a quirked eyebrow. Will turned back to pouring the alcohol before grasping a glass in each hand and moving over to sit beside her. Diane took a tumbler from him, raising it into the air in a toast.

"To us!" she cheered with a bright smile, her silky shirt sliding down to her forearm as they clinked their glasses. The partners sipped their drinks, Diane relishing in the burn of the alcohol. They'd managed to submit their claim  and Will was right, the opposition were going to be forced to accept it. Shaking her head happily, she was unaware of Will's murderous gaze.

Taking another sip, her blue eyes opened to meet his green, her smile exchanged for a frown as she took in his serious expression.

"What?" she asked, her eyes wide with worry. Will's mouth hung open ever so slightly, his eyes glued to her newly exposed wrist. He placed his glass down calmly, his large hand reaching over to hold her arm delicately. 

Diane's eyes grew in size as she followed his gaze to black and blue fingerprints littering her wrist. 

"Will-“ she breathed out, shaking her head.

"Who did this?" he demanded taking the tumbler of alcohol from her and placing it on the table beside his. "Diane" he repeated, reaching out for her other arm, finding matching bruises there. "Who did this?" he asked a little louder this time, his eyes stern and filled with rage.

"Will, it's not what you think," she tried feebly, pulling her arms back toward her body, tugging the silk of her shirt down, trying to hide the marks.

"Like hell it isn’t!” Will snarled, standing up in anger. "Does McVeigh know?" he questioned, his brow furrowed; the outrage plastered across his face as he began to pace.

Diane blushed at the name, tilting her head down slightly to hide her hot cheeks from her partner; a mistake she soon realized.

Glancing back at Will, she saw how he had misinterpreted her shame. 

"He did this!" Will whispered in disbelief, the tone of his voice scaring her. "He did that to you?" he confirmed nodding toward her wrists as he came back to sit beside her again. 

"Will, it's not like that," she began again, reaching out to take his hands in hers. “Please," she begged and Will shook his head in disgust. 

"I'll kill him," he growled meanly, his jaw set. Shoving her hands from his, he stood abruptly again. 

"Will! Please!" she called standing too as he stomped toward the exit. 

"No Diane, he's not gonna get away with this!" Will threw angrily over his shoulder wrenching the door open, slamming it against the opposite wall. 

"Will!" Diane finally screamed, stopping her partner in his tracks. She watched his shoulders rise and fall as he breathed deeply before slowly turning to her. "It isn't what you think." she explained sternly, meeting his eyes, hoping he'd read the truth in her words.

"Diane," he sighed shaking his head in exasperation. "Don't be that woman." he pleaded and Diane felt a pang of anger shoot through her; how dare he, she wasn't that woman. 

"Kurt didn't hurt me." Diane spoke clearly deciding to let his previous comment slide. Standing up as straight as she could, she tried to project authority. "He would never."

"Really?" Will's eyes thinned incredulously. "Roll up your sleeves, Diane." He pushed her meanly, his gaze dark and expectant. Diane let her eyes slide shut, heaving out a large sigh.

"Will," she said softly, gathering patience before meeting his gaze; her eyes begging him to understand. "Kurt didn't hurt me, he's never hurt me."

"Diane," Will growled gruffly with a roll of his eyes and she could tell his anger was boiling again.

"Will you just listen to me?" she hissed out in annoyance. Will breathed out heavily, throwing his hands up in the air in a move of defeat. Diane smiled a small smile at his display of acceptance. "Thank you," she said, and Will crossed his arms, waiting impatiently for her to finish her fabrications so he could go and murder a certain Republican. 

"The bruises are from Kurt," she started calmly and Will's mouth opened about to curse loudly when her steely eyes stopped him. Gritting his teeth, the vein in his neck bulged in anger and Diane could tell she wouldn't have long to explain before he tore out of her office and tore into her husband. "They're from him, but it's not what you think. I asked him to." she explained in a soft voice and Will's look of disgust intensified. 

"Maybe that's what you think, but Diane, those bruises-" he began in a sneer, shaking his head viciously, unable to keep quiet any longer. 

"It's not what I think, it's what happened, Will!" Diane replied adamantly. "I asked Kurt to hold me down and things got... out of hand..." she trailed off awkwardly, her inward self dying from embarrassment. 

"You asked him to hold you down?" Will spat back sarcastically. "Diane you don't seriously expect me to believe you asked Kurt to do that to you!" he continued, his hands gesturing viciously to her arms.

"Yes, I do!" she fired back and Will shook his head in disbelief.

"Why?" he yelled hoping he'd get her to admit the lie. “Why would you ask him to physically harm you!?”

"God, Will!" she huffed, rolling her eyes. "Use your brain!" 

Will frowned at her, his mouth hanging open in confusion. Diane cocked her head to the side eyeing him meaningfully. Will merely shook his head, aghast as he moved to exit he room. 

"Jesus!" Diane screamed throwing her hands into the air in annoyance and causing her partner to turn back once more. Blowing out a deep breath she met Will’s gaze head-on. "Sex, Will!" she yelled out in a huff and Will's brow furrowed deeper.


"Sex." she screamed back, far passed embarrassment at this point. "I like it rough, Will. I like Kurt to hold me down and fuck me." she spat out losing her cool completely.

Will's look of horror changed to one of shock and then all to quickly; to disgust.

"Oh God!" he grimaced, his features wrinkling in revulsion. His eyes squeezed shut as he processed her sentence. Of all the things he'd ever expected Diane to scream at him that didn't even make the top billion. 

"Last night things got-" she tried to continue but Will shook his head vigorously, holding his hand up to stop her.

"Nope," he cut her off, unable to open his eyes and look at his partner. "Don't! Don't say anymore. I can't-" he trailed off finally blinking his eyes open to meet her sheepish expression.

Running his hands over his face with a loud exhale, he gulped.

"We're not gonna talk about this ever again." he finally spoke and Diane nodded earnestly. 

"Okay." she agreed her arms hanging loosely at her sides as she stared at him.

"Okay," he replied his jaw set. There was a long pause in which neither partner knew what to say, both embarrassed beyond belief.

"Do you want to finish your drink?" Diane offered weakly after a long awkward moment, gesturing to the two glasses filled with amber liquid. Will grimaced, scrunching his face up.

"No," he said simply, shaking his head again. "I think I'm gonna head home,"

"Will," she tried feeling awful for the turn this evening of celebration had taken. She knew she should have worn a cuffed shirt.

"No, Diane," he paused looking at the floor. "It’s fine, really. We're fine," he added looking to her with a forced smile. "I just can't look at you right now without thinking about.." His voice was laced with disgust and trailed off as a wave of nausea crashed over him. “It’s fine, I just wanna go home and not think of my best friend like...that.”

Diane nodded along understandingly. If she was honest, she was quite grateful he felt this way, she herself need time to process the fact that her business partner now knew what got her off.

"So tomorrow?" she asked hopefully and Will tried another grin, the corners of his lips barely curling up.

"Tomorrow." he agreed, turning away from her and moving through the doorjamb."Goodnight, Diane." he called over his shoulder as he disappeared quickly into the halls of the offices.

Diane sighed loudly, falling back into the couch and grabbing her drink. With a pinched face she downed the burning liquid in one large gulp before repeating the action with Will's glass. 

“Shit!” she cursed as she eyed the marks on her wrist, part of her mortified that Will now has intricate knowledge of her love-life, and another part entirely turned on by the black and blue marks and the memories they sparked. 

Resting her head against the back of the sofa in a sigh, she let her eyes slid shut and the full extent of the situation wash over her. 

God, tomorrow was going to be awful. 

Chapter Text

With a low groan and a pinched frown, Kurt McVeigh cast an accusational glance in the direction of his buzzing cell. The obnoxious ringing had been interrupting him all afternoon, call after call from his client, disrupting his work process and diverting his focus. It was as if he thought calling him constantly would make him work faster, when, in actual fact, it was the exact opposite. He really missed the days when signal didn’t reach this far out. Flicking the safety off on the nine-millimetre he was currently holding, he raised his arms and emptied the clip into the target in front of him loudly, deciding to ignore the call.

With a satisfied smirk, he lowered the weapon, beginning to dismantle it as the cell buzzed to life again.

“Son of a bitch!” he hissed under his breath, rolling his eyes as he moved toward the offending item, fully intending to throw it across the room or smash it into a thousand pieces. Picking up the phone aggressively, his eyes suddenly caught her name. 

Kurt grinned despite himself, his annoyance dissipated quickly as his thick, rough fingers fumbled to answer it.

"Di," he greeted softly, holding the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he walked back to the weapon, laying the pieces methodically into an evidence box.

"Hi," she replied, her smile shining through her voice. 

It had been four months since they’d decided to give their relationship a real chance, four months of trying and for the most part, succeeding. After she’d taken back her firm, her first call had been to him. They weren’t getting married and Costa Rica wasn’t happening, but they were putting themselves first and they were very much committed. Half the week was spent at hers, stealing late nights and early mornings, and then the weekends were reserved for his farm, shooting, relaxing, and other, more... salacious activities. 

“Almost didn’t answer, phone’s been ringing all afternoon.” he grumbled, scrawling his name onto the box with the date. Diane laughed softly through the phone, the joyous sound tainted with a hesitance he didn't recognise. 

He waited a good few seconds for her to say something. She knew how hard his client had been pushing him for results, knew how frustrating he found their constant hovering. He had expected a snarky remark or at least some words of encouragement, but the line remained quiet.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked, uneasy with her silence.

"Nothing," she tried, and he rolled his eyes, leaning back against the countertop. 

"Diane," he warned slowly. 

"Okay, something, kind of," she began hesitantly, her apprehension unnerving. Kurt frowned, it wasn’t like Diane to play games or whatever this was. "Have you left yet?"

"Just wrapping up, what is going on?"

"I need something from the store," she offered up after a long pause. Kurt scratched the back of his neck, waiting for more, but nothing came. 

"Okay?” he began after another pained silence. “Want to tell me what I'm buying? Or shall I just guess?" His tone was light, laced with amusement but there was still an underlying hint of concern.

"Tampons," Diane replied softly, so softly he wasn’t sure she’d actually said anything at all.

"Tampons?" he repeated the word, his nose scrunching as if he'd just eaten something sour, confusion and distaste etched onto his features. He could hear her gentle breathing through the mobile. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, tampons explained her odd behavior for the last few days, all her morose lounging and the copious amounts of sex they’d been having, of course it was that time of the month... again. 

"Yes," she said in response.

"You need..."

"Tampons, yes." 

There was another awkwardly long pause, a moment where neither said anything and both their minds weighed on the significance of such a request. They'd only been back together for a few months, and despite their feelings for each other and the obvious history, this request was something of a milestone in their relationship.

It struck her, perhaps a few minutes too late, that maybe they weren't quiet at the stage where she could ask him to buy her sanitary products. Licking her lips, she finally managed to speak again.

"Look you know what,” she began uncomfortably. “We're not there yet, I shouldn't have asked, I can go out and get a box, you don't need to—"

"Diane," he cut off her rambling.

"Yeah?" she sighed, feeling bathed in embarrassment. It wasn’t so much the fact that she asked him to get her tampons, more the mortification of her realising their relationship still had a ways to grow. She’d thought they were pretty solid, after all, he’d practically asked her to marry him, but apparently they weren’t as sturdy as she’d thought, especially if something as ridiculous as tampons could rattle them.

"I'll get 'em. See you in twenty," he replied curtly, his tone giving nothing away before the line went dead. 

Diane smiled foolishly at the receiver for a moment, unsure of what this meant for them, what it said about their relationship, but infinitely grateful she could just lie in bed with a good book and hot water bottle until he arrived.


Kurt frowned deeply, shifting awkwardly on his feet as a gang of teenage girls giggled beside him. Clearly, they could sense his unease. Setting his jaw, he tried to project some confidence as he looked back at the brightly coloured shelf. 

It wasn't that he minded buying Diane... tampons, he wasn't one of those men who were completely repulsed by the mere suggestion of menstruation, his mother had raised him better than that. However, standing here in a supermarket aisle, faced with so many options, it was a little daunting, not to mention the pack of rabid teenagers beside him wasn’t helping. He wished he'd had the foresight to ask her how many she needed or at least for a brand she liked before he’d hung up, anything that would make the selection process easier.

He knew she didn't want the pad things, but that was about it. Did she need small, medium or large tampons? Did she want a sporty fit or an everyday fit? Was it a heavy flow day? What even was a heavy flow day? Did she want Tampax, or Kotex, or some other brand entirely? What colour should he get? Did colour even matter? Surely they all ended up the same way? Did she want the expensive biodegradable cotton ones, or the cheaper mass-produced ones? Should he buy them scented? And if so, what scent should he get? Bright Meadow ? Was that even a scent? And what in the hell was an applicator ?

God, this was torture, absolute torture.

His hand hovered over the pocket his phone resided in as he contemplated calling her back for more information. No, he wouldn't call. He could do this, he just had to pick one, surely just a basic box of ' regular ' would do? He suddenly wished he'd paid more attention to her bathroom cupboard, but besides an impossible number of nail polish bottles he couldn't recall if she'd even had a box in there. 

Glancing to the side, he let out a sigh of relief. The group of giggling girls had finally left, now he could at least struggle in peace. Glancing back at the boxes, he reached toward a simple blue box with swirling green stars... Maybe these would—

"McVeigh?" Kurt's heart fell through his feet, his eyes sliding shut. Of course, it was just his luck he’d run into someone. And of all the people he could have run into, it had to be—

"Will," Kurt greeted, meeting the other man's eyes with a tense smile, the awkwardness of the tampon aisle suffocating them both. Will let out a short, uncomfortable laugh, his hand snaking through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" the younger man asked, instantly regretting it.

Kurt shot him a curious look, his eyes thinned and a smirk tugging at his lips. 

"Right," Will said, gritting his teeth as he glanced around the aisle. "Stupid question." 

Kurt felt a small sense of relief, at least he wasn't alone in this god-awful situation. Someone had obviously sent Will here too, and Kurt found solace in that. There was a long silence between them as they both contemplated how best to handle this heinous coincidence.

"I'll uh,” Will began finally. “I guess I'll see you around," he decided, putting an end to their mutual suffering and reaching for a non-descript box off the shelf. His fingers gripped the bright little box as he turned and made to walk away.

Kurt exhaled heavily and closed his eyes. He knew what he had to do next, his desperation outweighing his pride as he opened his mouth,

"Will?" he called before the man could round the corner and leave the aisle. The lawyer spun back quickly, a look of surprise splashed across his face. "Do you, uh, do ya know which...?” He awkwardly gestured at the brightly decorated shelf as Will walked back toward him slowly. 

"First time?" the younger man asked, letting out a breath of sympathy, his smile less forced this time. 

"Buying for her , yeah," Kurt replied and Will nodded.

"Well, it really depends on the woman," he tried, his brow scrunched as both men turned back to the shelf, studying it seriously. 

“She want tampons or the other kind?” the lawyer asked pragmatically.

“Definitely not the other kind,” Kurt replied, confident for the first time since he entered this godforsaken aisle. He may not know much, or really anything, but he knew this.

The pair stood shoulder to shoulder for another minute, both sets of eyes dancing over the shelf.

“What uh, her, uh, what size is she?” Will asked pensively and Kurt’s eyes snapped to his almost violently wide with incredulity. The younger man gulped under the formidable glare, uncomfortable. 

It took a while for Kurt to process the bizarre question. Of all the things he’d thought he’d ever discuss with Will, Diane’s uh, size wasn’t one of them. 

“Are you asking?” He frowned deeply, not entirely sure he understood what Will wanted to know. Did he mean her physique, or…?

“Oh!” Will gasped with equally wide eyes, catching on to how his question could have been interpreted. “No, not like that, I mean is she athletic, or—"

“Slim,” Kurt replied with a look of relief. “She works out, but she’s slim, tall too.”

Will nodded seriously turning back to the wall of tampons. In all honesty he wasn’t sure that information helped him all that much, but at least he sounded knowledgeable... sort of.

“Well, maybe just go for a standard box of those?” Wil offered up, gesturing in a general direction.

"These?" Kurt asked, pointing out the box of 'regulars' he'd been leaning toward before. Will shook his head almost violently, his eyes wide.

"Oh no!” he exclaimed. “No, not the scented ones, women don't like them," he continued very seriously, and Kurt almost let out a laugh. This was ridiculous.

"Okay," the older man drawled back, slightly despondent at the fact that his choice was wrong and he'd have to start all over again. 

"Maybe just," Will said, grabbing a box that matched his own. “Maybe these."

Kurt nodded, taking the tampons from Will with a grateful exhale. 

"Thanks," he said tersely. "Diane just called out of the blue and I—" he tried to explain, hoping to ease some of the awkwardness between them. 

"Diane?" Will queried with a shocked look and Kurt could have kicked himself. He wasn't sure if Diane had told her partner about them, and now, here he was outing them. Shit. 

Will made a curious face and turned back to the wall quickly. In one swift swoop he’d crouched down and snapped up a black and pink box, before standing and handing it to Kurt.

"She likes these," the younger man said blandly, his tone as casual as the shrug of his shoulders.

Kurt gaped at him, his eyes wide and jaw hanging slack. He hadn’t expected that. 

The men stared at each other for another tense moment before finally, Kurt shook his head, allowing the amusement and awkwardness of the moment to dissipate some and reach for the new box of tampons. Will nodded as he handed them over, taking a half-step back, more than ready to leave.

"Look, we never have to..." Kurt started in his usual drawl.

"Tell her?" Will piped up.

"I was going to say speak of this again, but that works too." 

Will chuckled, shaking his head and meeting the older man’s eyes fondly.

"Good," he added with another nod, smiling before spinning on his heel and heading down the aisle, leaving the ballistics expert behind him.

"Yep," Kurt exhaled lowly, shaking his head in disbelief, his body deflating some as he once again found himself alone.

"Oh, and McVeigh?" Will suddenly called, and Kurt turned to look over his shoulder, meeting the lawyer’s steady, almost amused gaze. "Ben and Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Chip," the younger man said. "Don't show up without at least two pints!"