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Severus Snape and the Fin-de-Millennium Case of Pashmina-ism

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Title: Severus Snape and the Fin-de-Millennium Case of Pashmina-ism
Author: laeb
Pairing: SS/HP
Rating: Everyone
Summary: There is no such thing as platonic friendship. ~600 words.
Warnings: Humour. Mention of bondage.
Date completed: 3rd June, 2006
Disclaimers: The characters & co all belong to the nice lady Rowling, Warner Bros and various publishing houses. I don’t make money out of this and I mean no disrespect at all. Solely done for entertainment purpose. 
Feedback: is the snort in my laughter, the smirk in my smile.
Beta: Since it was a birthday gift from me to me, I was the only one to beta, but there shouldn’t be any mistakes left. *crosses fingers*
Author notes: Happy birthday to me! =) Please, also see the A/N at the end of the fic for further explanations on where this all came from.




Severus Snape and the Fin-de-Millennium Case of Pashmina-ism


The noise at the Head table was considerably high and that was why Harry, Hermione and Ron didn’t lower their voice, thinking no one would hear their conversation. Of course they should have known better; Severus Snape sitting only two seats down from the three of them.

‘… Honestly Harry, you should stop pinning. I though you said you two were just friends!’

Ron shook his head. ‘Don’t bother, Hermione. I tried talking sense into him, but he won’t listen to reason. He’s completely smitten with the bloke—just friends or not.’

Harry wished the children weren’t there so he could have banged his head on the table as much as he wanted. ‘You don’t get it, either of you. We’re friends. He doesn’t fancy me, and I don’t fancy him either. No sex involved.’ 

Hermione gave him the eyebrow, then shook her head. ‘All this pashmina-ism … Sometimes, it almost makes me wanna cry with despair, the way you two tip-toe around each other.’

Harry suddenly had his indignant look on his face. ‘Wait a minute there, I don’t tip-toe around him—what do you mean, pashmina-ism?’ He suddenly looked puzzled.

‘No you don’t tip-toe, you barge around like an elephant! You’re so obvious that Severus has probably known you had a thing for him long before you did. That’s pashmina-ism. You wanna shag him—that’s you being his pashmina—and he diminishes you ––that’s him being your pashmaster. He could make you do anything he wanted if he only decided to.’ Hermione ended her lecture only to realise that Harry and Ron looked gobsmacked and Severus—although focused on his bowl of porridge, entirely too satisfied. 

‘Don’t you look at me like that, you two!’ Hermione went on. ‘It’s been proven that pashmina-ish is the fin-de-millennium way of dealing with the nightmare of relationships. Just look at Ron and me. If I’d waited for him to make a move…well. We wouldn’t be here now, would we?’ She cut Ron off before he could utter a single word. ‘Don’t you dare say the opposite, Ronald. You know I’m right.’

Ron sighed. ‘That she does. Alright. You win, love. But just so I understand that pashmina theory of yours…Am I your pashmina, or are you mine? Cos you kinda lost me, there.’

‘Oh, Ron.’ Hermione, shook her head affectionately, laughed and kissed his cheek gently. And, to Harry’s greatest delight, they changed topic.

****

‘Professor Potter…may I have a few minutes of your time? There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.’

The velvet voice made him shiver just as it always did and Harry quickly followed Severus to the dungeons.

The second the door of Severus’ private rooms had closed behind them and was locked, the older man pinned Harry to the wall. ‘Pashmina-ism?’ Severus’ mouth was so close to his ear that Harry could feel the man’s breath against his sensitive skin, seconds before the lips slowly moved downwards and stopped at the pulsing point near the junction of his throat and shoulders. ‘I think, Potter,’ the voice caressed his skin just as much as the lips did, ‘that it’s time you let your friends know I haven’t been your pashmaster in a long time. Not that there aren’t any pashminas involved in this relationship… but I’d rather they served as means of tying you to the bed than as a way of defining our relationship.’ Severus moved a step back, released Harry and stood immobile, a question in his eyes.

With a delighted smile, Harry walked straight into the Potions master arms and kissed him thoroughly. ‘Agreed—I’ll tell them later today, o great pashmaster. Can we have sex now?’

~*~ finis ~*~



A/N. Of course, Hermione was quoting a book—how could she not? I was inspired by the follow scene from Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, which can be found on page 191 of the Picador edition.

… and Tom announced there was no such thing as platonic friendship.

‘Of course there is,’ slurred Jude. ‘You jus obsessed with sex.’

‘No, no,’ said Tom. ‘It’s just a fin-de-millennium way of dealing with the nightmare of relationships. All friendships between men and women are based on the sexual dynamic. The mistake people make is ignoring this, then getting upset when their friend doesn’t shag them.’

‘I’m not upset,’ muttered Shazzer.

‘What about friends when neither fancies the other?’ said Jude.

‘Doesn’t happen. Sex is what drives it. “Friends” is a bad definition.’

‘Pashminas,’ I slurred, slurping on my Chardonnay.

‘That’s it!’ said Tom excitedly. ‘It’s fin-de-millennium pashmina-ism. Shazzer is Simon’s “pashmina” because she wants to shag him most so he diminishes her and Simon is Shazzer’s “pashmaster”.’