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Ike's New Fan

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There should have been an unspoken rule that when Peach asked for something from Master Hand, bad things would follow. Luigi mentioned that this was a thing since the Melee era and something terrible always befell the Smashers. During the Melee tournament, Peach managed to increase the amount of spectators at the expense of creating a cult that still existed to this day. In the Brawl era, Peach made the suggestion to invite people outside of the scoop of Master Hand's watchful eyes. That resulted in Sonic becoming a permanent member of the Smash roster and Snake joining for that season (and thus did the requests for unreasonable people to join the roster began). For the Shi season, Peach brought abominations to the mansion.

It all began with the washing machine. R.O.B. had taken some of the clothes left around by the fighters and proceeded toward the laundry room on the first floor. There were no clothes in the washer but it was on regardless. R.O.B. peaked into the washer and noticed that there were rabbits inside being washed. The robot knew that these animals weren't supposed to be in there and turned off the washer. The moment he opened the washer, the animals threw themselves out. One of them slammed into R.O.B.'s visor completely covering his vision. One of them landed nicely and started taking pictures of everything in the laundry room. The last two Rabbids went flying against the wall and made a dent in the wall as a result. The noise immediately alerted Mr. Game and Watch. He made a long string of beeps upon seeing the destruction of the wall.

The noise not only alerted Mr. Game and Watch but the other Smashers who were on the first floor. Peach, Mario, Rosalina, Link and Pac-Man all heard the sound and hurried over to the laundry room. It was then did they see who Peach's friends were.

"Oh no, not these Rabbids again…" Mario mumbled. "I thought you were bringing Daisy and Plum and the other girls…"

"Uh...I meant the Rabbids, Mario," Peach corrected. "They're our friends too."

The Rabbid that looked like the princess turned around upon hearing Mario's voice. She made a sound of adoration as she rushed over to hug him. Mario's mood dampened upon reuniting with Rabbid Peach.

"Bwaaaah!" Rabbid Peach hummed before holding her phone in front of her and Mario's face before snapping a picture.

"It's good to see you too…" Mario said half-heartedly. "Peach, I hope you know I am not babysitting these crazy Rabbids…"

"It's okay Mario. I'm sure everyone will love them. Right?"

That was where Peach was wrong. Rosalina had decided to teleport away upon seeing them. Link laughed nervously wishing he could leave as quickly as the Goddess of Space. Pac-Man seemed to be in agreement with how he was helping the other Rabbids and R.O.B. from their predicament.

Mario had to count the number of Rabbids. There was Rabbid Mario who immediately took out his trademark ukulele upon getting out of the wall. There was Rabbid Luigi who would be the least of his worries with how much of a scaredy cat he was. Spawny was the adorable one and the only one Mario would even look after if given the choice. And then there was Rabbid Peach who had stopped hugging him and went to take pictures of Link. The Hero of Twilight had no idea how to react to the strange creature's fascination with him.

"There's only four Rabbids. Where is Rabbid Yoshi?"

Mario would get his answer soon after asking the question.

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The terrible scream came from Cloud. Peach feared for the worse and rushed toward the third floor. His room was at the end of the hallway of the third floor east wing. The ex-SOLDIER shared a room with Corrin so one was confused on why Corrin was underreacting to Cloud's terrified scream.

Corrin had opened the door for Peach.

"Corrin, what's wrong with Cloud?!" Peach asked in a worried tone.

"Uh…"

Cloud screamed again. At that point, the door to the restroom opened up and a Rabbid wearing a Yoshi costume was thrown into the wall. Corrin intentionally looked away so he wouldn't have to see Cloud with his pants down. Then again, Cloud was polite enough to pull his pants up before opening the door. His face was incredibly red from that Rabbid.

"Bwaaaa-haaa haa!" Rabbid Yoshi laughed even though he was violently thrown across the room.

Peach blinked before she sighed. "Cloud, are you okay?"

"No!" Cloud yelled. "That little shit somehow showed up in the toilet!"

Cloud refused to say anything after that. The idea that a Rabbid decided to make it's entrance via the toilet instead of the washer machine only disgusted the blond. Peach shook her head in annoyance as she looked over to Rabbid Yoshi. He continued to laugh while holding a plunger in his hands. Corrin's lack of emotion to the entire situation worried her a little more.

"Corrin-"

"Peach, is that the friend you were talking about?" Corrin interrupted. "He's rather weird."

"You think?!" Cloud hissed. "Get that thing out of my room! I don't want to be anywhere near it or any others like it!"

It's not like Peach could argue with Cloud once he was in one of those moods. The ex-SOLDIER was already directing Peach out of the room once she picked Rabbid Yoshi off of the floor. Corrin waved innocently at her before Cloud slammed the door in her face. The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom wished that these Rabbids made a better first impression. She took Rabbid Yoshi with her and headed back to the first floor.

It did not take long for things to go straight to hell in the five minutes she was gone to get one Rabbid. Spawny had run off due to being chased by Bowser Jr. Rabbid Peach zoomed off to take pictures of the many hot male fighters within her reach with Rabbid Luigi trying his very best to stop a few Smashers (specifically Marth) from impaling the "abomination" in front of him. Rabbid Mario at first was the most well behaved of the bunch but that was thrown out the window when he caught sight of Bayonetta. The Umbra Witch just returned from whatever mission she was doing and to be greeted by a disgusting animal only worsened her already sour mood.

"Hey Bayonetta, you mind not destroying everything? Mr. Game and Watch will keep everyone up if something breaks again."

The Umbra Witch huffed as the Mario look-alike continued to shower her with affection.

"Why are these disgusting things even here? Who allowed them here?"

"...Probably Peach."

"Oh her…" Bayonetta clicked her tongue hoping that Palutena was somehow involved. If the Goddess of Light summoned the Rabbids, she had every right to attack Palutena for disturbing the peace. "How long are these things going to be here?"

"...Until Halloween ends...which is at least a month."

Bayonetta tried to act like those words didn't sting. As good as she was at masking her emotions, Ike could tell she was worried. He was too. These Rabbids had way too much energy. How did Peach expect any of the Smashers to look after them?

Rabbid Mario continued to sing to Bayonetta until the Umbra Witch decided to take her pistol and shoot past him. The action caused the cassanova to stop singing but he still continued to ogle the beautiful lady before him. The Umbra Witch sighed in defeat realizing she would need to disguise herself to get away from him and any unwanted fans.

The bullet did catch the attention of another Rabbid. Rabbid Peach jumped the moment the bullet flew right past her. Bayonetta should have counted her lucky stars that the bullet didn't hit anyone at all. Then again, Rabbid Peach was walking with her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. Once she looked up, her heart skipped a beat. Another handsome swordsman graced her presence and to top it all off, he was physically buff. She flinched when the blue haired mercenary glanced at her.

"Do you need something?"

Rabbid Peach didn't respond or even move. She gave the 1000 yard stare that caused Ike to freeze up. He had this nasty feeling she was undressing him with her eyes. Said eyes have become hearts. Only those who could see beyond the 4th wall would notice that the entire background have become pink with nothing but hearts and magical girl flowers all around Ike.

"Bwaaah?!"

Rabbid Peach charged at Ike immediately to his horror. Too bad for her that someone had walked in front of her at that moment and blocked her with his Guardian Orbitars.

"Sorry girl! Ike's gay!"

Ike facepalmed at the declaration. "Pit, shut up."

It's not like Rabbid Peach would care about Ike's sexuality. She got up and madly started to type on her phone. She made this weird noise before taking pictures of Ike. Bayonetta and Pit didn't exist in her eyes.

"...I think you have a new fan Ike," Bayonetta teased. "You should show her around the mansion."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I have stuff to do."

That was what Ike said but he really had nothing to do. He wasn't schedule for any tournament fights. He had the option of going home to visit his family and the Greil Mercenaries or to stay and help the Smashers prepare for the huge Halloween Party at the end of the month.

Pit and Bayonetta would allow Ike to leave them to the crazy cosplaying Rabbid had Peach not made her appearance known.

"Oh, there you two are! I was looking for you!" Peach exclaimed addressing Rabbid Mario and Rabbid Peach. "Please get over here so I can introduce you all."

To Pit's surprise, the Rabbids obeyed Peach. The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom asked them to line up side to side. There were only four Rabbids total and that was because Bowser Jr. wasn't letting Spawny out of his sight. Peach made it quick to introduce Rabbid Mario, Luigi, Peach and Yoshi to the three Smashers before she would take them inside and introduce them to everyone else. While she was talking about each and every Rabbid, the Rabbids did their best to remain mature and professional. However, Rabbid Mario kept blowing kisses toward Bayonetta while Rabbid Peach kept sneaking in pictures toward Ike. Both Smashers were not amused.

"I hope you all will welcome my friends and get along with them," Peach said while forcing a huge smile on her lips.

The Rabbids couldn't keep a straight face for long before they started making the usual dumb faces. Pit noticed that Bayonetta's body was shaking. He prepared to ask her what was wrong before the Umbra Witch turned into a panther and ran off. That was her way of saying, "Screw this!"

"...Well...if Bayonetta doesn't want to get along, maybe you two and the rest of the Smashers will," Peach repeated with a twisted smile on her face this time.

Ike and Pit glanced at each other with worried expressions in their eyes. Both had different reasons to be worried but it was Ike that was concerned about everyone's well being.


At the end of the day, no one wanted to babysit the Rabbids. Not even Peach could handle them for a prolonged period of time. The only Rabbid that the Smashers even remotely liked was Spawny. Unfortunately for the adorable Rabbid, Bowser Jr. made it clear he was going to play with his friend. The Koopalings would start fighting over who got to play with him and finally, the other children who also wanted to know Spawny. The small Rabbid might die from all the affection he was being showered with but at least he wouldn't cause the Smashers any problems.

Only a few Smashers could take care of the Rabbids. While some fighters had made up excuses to not handle the obnoxious Rabbids, others simply dumped the responsibility onto someone else until there were only a few Smashers left that could watch the Rabbids and make sure they wouldn't ruin anything. Pit was one of them and he had every intention of milking the Rabbids for all they were worth. The other was Ike who honestly wanted nothing to do with the Rabbids especially since Rabbid Peach had taken a liking to him. Every day, Ike would find his items missing and every day, he learned that Rabbid Peach had somehow gotten into his room and stole his stuff. It wouldn't be long until she started stealing his underwear. Ike already complained to Peach about it but she had said something among the lines of "She must really like you."

When Peach refused to help with the situation, Ike went to Pit for assistance. Pit at least would listen to his woes and assist him in anyway he could. Pit may have been sympathetic toward the mercenary but if he was in the mindset of "I want to get back at this person" it was best to just leave Pit alone.

The brunette may have been in charge of the Rabbids but he didn't seem the least bit annoyed. When you were as obnoxious as the Rabbids, it made sense why he was perfect for the job. Too bad he wasn't earning money for babysitting these little monsters.

"Rabbid Peach, please show me all the hot studs you have on your phone," Pit hummed. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation of the blonde Rabbid agreeing to his request.

Rabbid Peach glared at Pit. She debated on whether or not she wanted to share her pictures with the angel captain. Given how he was one of the few fighters who enjoyed her and the presence of the other Rabbids, she decided to reveal the pictures.

"Oh boy!" Pit exclaimed. "I can't wait for pictures of me in here! Show me! Show me!"

Rabbid Peach flipped through her phone to show Pit of all the hot studs she had. Pit recognized the people for the most part.

"Okay, let's see. You got Mario, Waluigi, Link, Marth, Ryu…Dante…" Pit had to stop for a second. How the bloody hell did she manage to sneak a picture of Dante? "Uh…why is Dante's face all distorted here?"

"Bwaaah!"

Pit rolled his eyes, "Capcom? Why am I not surprised the picture turned out like that? Who else do you have? You don't have me in here but you have that one pretty boy from Tekken, you got that hot guy from Dead or Alive and…Dabuz…" Pit shoved the phone back to Rabbid Peach. He had a surprisingly serious look on his face. "Girl, we went too far into the 4th wall. We need to go back."

"Bwah…"

Pit groaned in annoyance. How did she get pictures of these men with no shirt on? Another important question came to mind…

"So…how come I'm not on here? I'm hot…right?"

Rabbid Peach made a quick thumbs-down hand gesture. Pit felt a part of him die being told he wasn't hot enough for her.

"Oww…"

Ike smirked seeing Pit get rejected yet again. Rabbid Peach took note of Ike's presence and immediately snapped a picture of him. The smirk flipped upside down as Rabbid Peach skipped over to him.

"Hey Ike! What do you need?"

"...Do you have a way of getting this Rabbid to stop following me?" Ike asked going straight to the point.

"What's the problem? She finds you attractive. Unlike me…"

"Is that a good thing?"

"Of course it is! Don't the ladies chase after you back at home?"

Ike had to think about that for a moment. There was only one woman he knew for a fact stalked him but Soren had effectively chased her away. Other than that, he wasn't used to this sort of affection.

"...No."

"Figures. You're too into your tactician to notice a pretty girl."

No matter how many times Pit praised Rabbid Peach, she still wasn't going to add Pit to her collection of pictures. They say flattery gets you nowhere and the angel captain was proving that.

Ike attempted to push Rabbid Peach away nicely when she attempted to hang on his arm. He really didn't want to be near her but Pit had an idea that could distract her and the other Rabbids.

"Hey, Ike! Let's take these Rabbids and go find Bayonetta! She would 'love' to see them."

Ike gawked at the suggestion. The Rabbids heard Pit and turned their attention toward him. Rabbid Mario specifically was interested because of a chance to see the beautiful witch. Ike wanted to speak but couldn't find the words at that moment.

"Oh, it looks like everyone is in agreement. Come on! I'll show you where she is!"

Annoying Bayonetta was something that shouldn't be happening. The Umbra Witch had made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with the Rabbids and decided to loathe around Smashopolis while they were around. So what does Pit suggest the Rabbids do? He tells them to follow him and take the Smash Bus to Smashopolis. Pit got word she was going to do her not so secret job as a nun as a way to avoid everyone. The angel captain was ready to ruin her day. Ike had gone along in a vain attempt to get Pit to stop. Whether or not pranking Bayonetta was successful, she would probably have his head.

"Pit, I'm serious. You're going to get yourself killed…" Ike grumbled. "You're already on bad terms with her, so why are you making it worse?"

The angel captain looked over to the taller male and smirked. "You know me. She always has a way of scaring me. It's October so it's my turn to repay the favor."

"The Rabbids don't scare people Pit. They annoy people."

"Whatever. She's still not going to be able to sleep at night." Pit glanced over to Rabbid Mario who was already singing a song on his ukulele. "That guy over there has a crush on Bayonetta. Who am I to deny him the chance of trying to win her heart?"

"People are going to die…" Ike told him. "Either Bayonetta is going to kill someone because of you decided to do this to her or it's going to be Corrin-"

"Corrin can't hurt a fly!" Pit insisted. "Relax. If anything bad happens, you can just run away."

"Yeah...I don't see that happening…" Ike complained. He noticed a flash behind him and turned around to see Rabbid Peach was still staring at him. He shivered when she blew him a kiss and pretended that she wasn't there.

Eventually, the bus would reach it's destination. Smash Church wasn't really used by anyone. Pit and Palutena used the place to communicate with other angels around heaven and Bayonetta used it as a getaway place but other than that, no one would even think of praying here. In a place where different communities came together, it would be odd if the place favored one religion over another.

Ike couldn't stop his heart from pounding. They were making a mistake and he was allowing it to happen. It didn't help that the Rabbids had hopped off the bus and were heading straight to the doors of the church. The Radiant Hero gulped seeing Rabbid Luigi attempt to open the door. To his and everyone else's' surprise, the door to the church was locked. Pit couldn't help but laugh.

"Bayonetta is so paranoid that she actually locked the door to the church," Pit joked. "I'm pretty sure if you want to convert people to your side of religion that you got to make the church accessible to all."

"That's...not how it works Pit…" Ike groaned. The light angel wasn't listening to him but he continued to speak. "I guess your plan failed anyway. Can we do something that doesn't involve the risk of getting killed?"

"In a bit," said Pit. "I'll buy you KFC if Bayonetta doesn't open the door."

"If you say so…"

Ike banked on the Rabbids attempting to open the door before giving up. If Ike had to guess on how the church was shut tight, it had to be magic. He might not be able to see it but he felt something powerful was blocking entrance to the church. If Ike could sense it, Pit probably could see the magical aura emanating from the church.

The Rabbids didn't see or feel anything. They wanted in. They were told they were going to have a good time. Rabbid Luigi would point out to the others that there was a doorbell next to the church. Why would anyone have a doorbell in the church?

"...Don't tell me the doorbell is connected to the church bell…" Ike started.

The two Smashers would soon find out. Rabbid Yoshi rang the doorbell and flinched when he heard the church bell inside. He suddenly had an amazing idea and started to repeatedly punch at the doorbell.

"Bwah-bwah-bwah-bwah-bwaaah!" Rabbid Yoshi started singing. "Bwah-bwah-bwah-bwah-bwaaah! BWAHH BWAHH BWAH! BWAH BWAH, BWAH BWAAAH!"

Pit felt a small tear roll down his cheek. "He's singing This Is Halloween."

Ike wanted to die. He was going to get his wish very soon. Every time Rabbid Yoshi pushed on the doorbell, the sound of the church bell rang. Rabbid Yoshi attempted to have the bell match the speed of his voice. Anyone inside the church probably heard a loud beep. Then again, the only person inside should have been Bayonetta. Ike really shouldn't have been surprised seeing the church door creek open. The Rabbids cheered that the noise finally reached someone but it only scared the two Smashers.

"Hey Bayo…" Pit started but he shut his mouth immediately when he received a nasty stare from the Umbra Witch. There were so many things Pit wanted to do. He wanted to laugh at her nun outfit. He wanted to turn around and flee before Bayonetta decided to kill him. He wanted to make fun of the Umbra Witch for bringing someone along with her to her job.

"Cere, I know it's just a bunch of kids messing around but-oh hey Pit!"

Corrin was the Smasher with her. Of course it would be the Nohrian Prince. Why wouldn't it be? Bayonetta took him everywhere like a pet. Once she was done doing whatever in the church, they would probably go off somewhere and eat.

The Rabbids had a plan of their own. Rabbid Yoshi stopped ringing the doorbell but continued singing. Rabbid Peach took pictures of every part of the church and took more once Bayonetta and Corrin came out. Rabbid Luigi trembled knowing that things were going to go to hell real fast. Rabbid Mario had taken out his ukulele and started singing a different song from Rabbid Yoshi.

"BWAH BWAH-BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAHH BWAAH BWAH BWAAAH! Bwah Bwahh bwaah bwahh bwahh bwaah bwa BWAH!"

Pit gave a nervous smile to Ike who had no idea what Rabbid Mario was trying to sing.

"Is it the same thing as the other one?" Ike asked.

"Nope. He's singing Tomorrow is Mine to her heart. And I'm getting out of here."

The angel captain had every right to move out of the way. Rabbid Luigi started cowering upon reading the atmosphere of the situation. Corrin too noticed that Bayonetta wasn't going to hold her temper back once it became apparent that these weren't children trying to prank the church. Even though it was Rabbid Mario and Rabbid Yoshi that were being the obnoxious Rabbids, it was Rabbid Peach that ended up the victim.

Without warning, Bayonetta summoned Madama Butterfly to shut the Rabbids up. The giant fist somehow missed Rabbid Mario who continued singing. Rabbid Yoshi shut his mouth immediately and moved out of the way. Rabbid Luigi already ran off in a state of panic. Rabbid Peach was too busy taking selfies that she ended up getting hit. Madama Butterfly's fist went further than just hitting Rabbid Peach. Ike just happened to stand right behind the princess Rabbid and he would soon find a huge fist hitting his chest. Pit's worried scream was the only thing he heard before he and Rabbid Peach were sent flying to God knows where. The only thing left of the two was a shooting star.

"Bwahhhhhhhh!" Rabbid Luigi cried.

Pit started to laugh uncontrollably before he had picked up Rabbid Mario and Yoshi off the ground.

"I think I overstayed my welcome," Pit said quickly as he dismissed himself before he too would get hit by Madama Butterfly. Rabbid Luigi did not want to become the next victim and rushed after Pit soon after.

"Cere...they're gone…" Corrin murmured when he noticed that Bayonetta was going to command Madama Butterfly to punch something again. "I think you went too far…"

The dragon prince gently pat Bayonetta's back hoping it would snap her out of her rage. While the purple aura went away, she was still furious.

"...And don't come back…" Bayonetta growled.

Corrin sighed in defeat. He glanced at the sky where Ike and Rabbid Peach were sent flying.

I hope you two will be okay.


A few days later, Master Hand would obtain a letter from someone from Ike's world. It was written by Ike's tactician Soren with a map of where Ike and Rabbid Peach were in Tellius. While the letter was written professionally, there was a hint of snarky dialect in the letter while Master Hand read it. The right hand had sent a few Smashers to retrieve the Smasher and the Rabbid and bring them to safety. Suffice to say, when Rosalina brought the mercenary back, he had retired to his room in the mansion and curled up into a ball. Some Smashers swore that Ike was sobbing like a baby. It only took a glance at Rabbid Peach's phone to see what she had done to traumatize the Radiant Hero.

"I changed my mind. I don't want to be in that list of hot studs!" Pit exclaimed when Rabbid Peach showed off the pictures of Ike. The pictures he had seen are not meant for the innocent mind. It's best to use your imagination of what this crazy Rabbid did to Ike…