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Fuck This

TaoTao: Do you guys ever think about how many toes there are in the world?

Kyungsoo: I hate this chat and everyone in it.

Lu: ^

Hot dad: ^^

Yeol: but not me right soo?

Kyungsoo: Especially you.

Jongdae’s hoe: and that kids is the sound of all of Chanyeol’s hope dying

Yeol: soos just joking!! i know that

Kyungsoo: Do you guys ever think about how much quieter life would be without Chanyeol around?

Yeol: but i love you soooooo

Kyungsoo: That’s nice.

No.1 Vivi supporter: Why did no one tell me savage Kyungsoo hyung was out?? You hoes would really let me miss that??

Myeonie: Sehun! Language!

No.1 Vivi supporter: But hyung you know you’re my favourite hoe?

Myeonie: Awhh Sehun

Baekhyun’s hoe: and here comes Jongin in 3

Jongdae’s hoe: 2

Baekhyun’s hoe: 1

Dog lord: Sehunnie I thought I was your favourite hoe?

Hot dad: I can’t believe that works every time

No.1 Vivi supporter: I -

No.1 Vivi supporter: Shit u right, sorry not sorry Junmyeon hyung

Dog Lord: ^-^

Yeol: #whipped

Kris: you can hardly talk Chanyeol

Kris: and babe you’re my favourite hoe

Myeonie: I would hope so if you want to get any tonight

TaoTao: I would like to delete that image from my brain

Lu: But then your brain would be empty

TaoTao: @Hot dad Your boyfriend is being mean

Hot dad: Last I checked, there’s nothing mean about telling the truth

TaoTao: Xiiiinnnnggg

XingXing: Come on guys, leave poor TaoTao alone

TaoTao: Luv u XingXing

No.1 Vivi supporter: Suck up

XingXing: What was that Sehun?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Nothing Yixing hyung!! I was just saying how hot you looked today

XingXing: Thank you Sehunnie ^-^

Dog lord: “Sehunnie” ??????

Lu: Uh oh

Dog lord: “S e h u n n i e” ?????

Myeonie: Okay kids, don’t you think it’s about time you get on with uni work?

Kris: you know they’re not actually our kids, right?

Myeonie: W u Y i f a n

Kris: okay kids, listen to your mother

Yeol: #whipped

Kyungsoo: Shut up Chanyeol.

Yeol: anything for u soo

Jongdae’s hoe: i’m gonna puke

Baekhyun’s hoe: don’t worry babe, i’ll hold your hair

No.1 Vivi supporter: Do you think chanyeol realises how obvious he is?

Kyungsoo: Obvious about what?

Dog lord: .....

Jongdae’s hoe: .......

Baekhyun’s hoe: .........

No.1 Vivi supporter: I give up

TaoTao: Does anyone wanna help me with this essay i’m stuck on?

Read by 11 people

TaoTao: Y’all can go suck a dick

Jongdae’s hoe: gladly

 


Fuck This

Yeol: @Kyungsoo can u come to the studio to record vocals?

Kyungsoo: Why?

Yeol: youd sound so good on the song we are writing

Kyungsoo: You think I have the time for that?

XingXing: Come on Kyungsoo, your voice is perfect for this song!!

Kyungsoo: Alright then, i’ll be there in 10 minutes hyung.

XingXing: Yay!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: @Yeol Ouch you okay hyung?

Yeol: never been better hahahaha

Yeol: hahaha

Yeol: ha

Yeol: i have to get back to the studio bye guys

Lu: Great, you broke Chanyeol

 


The Hoes™

Yeol: hahahaha dont you love being rejected by ur crush

Baekhyun’s hoe: oh boy, here we go

Jongdae’s hoe: dude he’s still coming to the studio

Yeol: BUT HE NEVER DOES THINGS WHEN I ASK!!!!!

Baekhyun’s hoe: okay but no one says no to Yixing hyung

Jongdae’s hoe: yeh it’s the rules

Yeol: maybe ur right i mean he wouldve said no too if jongdae was the one asking

Baekhyun’s hoe: I am offended

Jongdae’s hoe: woah babe, a capital “I”? calm down

Baekhyun’s hoe: i’m chill i’m chill

Yeol: asdfghjkfhfsfnlkjgoerhgerlrgndkfsm

Jongdae’s hoe: you okay there hoe no.3?

Yeol: whydoeshehavesuchaperfectsingingvoiceplsENDME

Baekhyun’s hoe: you need me to come to the studio for moral support?

Yeol: p l e a s e

Baekhyun’s hoe: i’ll be there in 5 mins

Yeol: jongdae ur my best friend ily

Jongdae’s hoe: uhm bitch i’m right here

Yeol: srry dae ur my best friend after baek

Jongdae’s hoe: too late bitch go choke on Kyungsoo’s dick

Yeol: dtfyguhijonfwpmdksuwuohgfiejhfuck

Baekhyun’s hoe: do i need to call an ambulance?

Yeol: i choked on my drink bc of baeks text and soo started patting my back HE TOUCHED ME GUYS

Jongdae’s hoe: why am i friends with you

Baekhyun’s hoe: i’m at the studio, Chanyeol looks like he’s dying and Yixing hyung is v concerned

Jongdae’s hoe: don’t care let the hoe suffer

Baekhyun’s hoe: this is why i’m the nice friend Baek

Jongdae’s hoe: it’s more fun being a bitch Dae

Yeol: j o n g d a e

Baekhyun’s hoe: gotta go, the hoe is struggling

Jongdae’s hoe: Jongdae: i’m the nice friend

Jongdae’s hoe: Jongdae 2 secs later: calls Chanyeol “the hoe”

 


Fuck This

Hot dad: Why do Monday’s drag so much? Work seemed to last forever today

XingXing: Tell me about it, Yeol and I spent hours in the studio today

XingXing: It’s 8pm and I only just got home

No.1 Vivi supporter: Yeah Chanyeol hyung only got home 10 minutes ago and went straight to his room

Lu: Speaking of, Chanyeol hasn’t said anything here since Kyungsoo rejected him

Kyungsoo: I didn’t reject him, I still went to the studio.

Lu: Because Yixing asked

Kyungsoo: You don’t say no to Yixing hyung.

Jongdae’s hoe: it’s the rules

Baekhyun’s hoe: where did these rules come from?

Hot dad: Junmyeon probably

Lu: Junmyeon

Kris: Myeonie

TaoTao: Probably our literal mum Junmyeon hyung

Myeonie: YES OKAY WE GET IT

Kyungsoo: Luhan hyung is right though, Chanyeol’s never this quiet.

Jongdae’s hoe: .......

Baekhyun’s hoe: ...........

Yeol: @No.1 Vivi supporter pls come to my room

Kris: is anyone surprised anymore that Chanyeol shows up as soon as Kyungsoo mentions him?

Yeol: oh hey soo didnt notice you there

TaoTao: I call bullshit

Kyungsoo: What do you mean Tao?

TaoTao: I.....

TaoTao: @Yeol What do you need Sehun for?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Yeah we literally live in the same house, come to my room hyung

Dog lord: is that a good idea?

Yeol: what if i cant leave my room and you clearly have headphones in so i have to message you here

No.1 Vivi supporter: .... You got stuck under your bed again didn’t you?

Yeol: maybe...

Myeonie: Again? This has happened before?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Sigh i’m coming now hyung

Baekhyun’s hoe: Sehun is done on a whole new level

Yeol: ur the best dongsaeng!!!

Kyungsoo: Idiot.

Yeol: soooooo dont be mean

Yeol: comfort me in these hard times

Kyungsoo: Oh, would you look at the time, I have to go.

TaoTao: Every day I lose more and more faith in Chansoo being real

Kris: ^

Lu: ^^

Dog lord: ^^^

Jongdae’s hoe: sorry Chanyeol but ^^^^

 


Hot dad + Kyungsoo

Kyungsoo: HE GOT STUCK UNDER THE BED.

Kyungsoo: AGAIN.

Kyungsoo: WHAT A DORK.

Kyungsoo: I WANT TO PROTECT HIM.

Hot dad: Y’know, instead of just yelling to me every time he does something you apparently find cute, you could just be nice and stop pretending you can’t stand him?

Kyungsoo: Sounds like hard work.

Hot dad: Lord knows I need at least a bottle of wine to deal with this...

Hot dad: Okay but y’know maybe he’d realise your feelings then?

Kyungsoo: That’s exactly why I act the way I do hyung

Hot dad: But Kyungsoo if he knows your feeling then you could maybe idk, act like normal people and date?

Kyungsoo: But Chanyeol doesn’t have feelings for me?

Hot dad: Breathe Minseok breathe

Kyungsoo: ?

Hot dad: Sigh whatever go back to telling me about your dork

Kyungsoo: Well considering you asked.

Kyungsoo: HE’S SO CUTE. HE’S SO TALL BUT HE ACTS SO SMOL THAT HE PROBABLY FORGETS HOW TALL HE IS SOMETIMES.

Kyungsoo: HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE GOTTEN STUCK UNDER HIS BED? THAT’S ADORABLE, HE’S ADORABLE.

 


The Gays

Hot dad: Babe I need like a bottle of wine right now

Hot dad: Oh god he’s gushing about Chanyeol’s ears now

Hot dad: Make it two bottles

Lu: Babe it’s Monday night, you have work tomorrow

Hot dad: Did I fucking stutter?

Lu: I’m about to head home, i’ll pick some up on the way

Hot dad: I love you

Lu: I love you too baby

Hot dad: Buy me the good wine and i’ll suck your dick later

Lu: 2BOTTLESOFGOODWINECOMINGUP

Chapter Text

Mystery Inc.

TaoTao changed the chat name to Mystery Inc.

TaoTao: It’s been 3 days and I still don’t know how Chanyeol hyung got stuck under his bed

TaoTao: Gang let’s split up and look for clues

No.1 Vivi supporter: @Dog lord I thought we agreed to stop Tao watching Scooby Doo late at night?

Dog lord: i live with him, i’m not his mum

TaoTao: Sehunnie tell us what happened

Dog lord: what was that hyung?

TaoTao: My finger slipped I meant to call him Sehun I promise

Dog lord: that’s what I thought

TaoTao: Y’all that was terrifying he came into my room and stared at me until I wrote that message

No.1 Vivi supporter: Really?

Dog lord: no, what? tao hyung was just joking around, why would I do that?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Tao hyung I thought we’d gotten past your compulsive liar phase?

Myeonie: Okay kids let’s chill before Tao gets pissy

Lu: What I want to know is why Jongin only uses a capital letter at the start of Sehun’s name but not the rest of us

Kris: huh, you’re right he does do that

Dog lord: Sehunnie is the only one who’s worthy

No.1 Vivi supporter: That’s the sweetest thing anybody’s ever said about me I think i’m going to cry

Dog lord: don’t cry Sehunnie, do you want me to come round to cuddle and watch films?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Why aren’t you here already?

TaoTao: Jongin just ran out the house I shit you not

Lu: @Hot dad I thought we were gay for each other but

Hot dad: No one’s as gay for each other as Jongin and Sehun

No.1 Vivi supporter: We’re just best friends hyung, what are you talking about?

TaoTao: ....

TaoTao: Back to more important matters, how did Chanyeol hyung get stuck under the bed?

Jongdae’s hoe: @Yeol

Yeol: oh i didnt realise you guys cared that much

Kyungsoo: We don’t.

Yeol: i dropped my favourite guitar pick on the floor and it bounced under my bed so obviously i had to get it back

Yeol: sometimes i forget how big i am though and my back was hunched so it stopped me from sliding back out idk im dumb

Kyungsoo: HOW PRECIOUS.

Jongdae’s hoe: @Baekhyun’s hoe babe it’s HAPPENING

Yeol: wait really soo?

Kyungsoo: Oh sorry were you saying something Chanyeol? I was responding to the conversation I actually cared about.

Kyungsoo: I’m referring to Jongin and Sehun being cute by the way.

Hot dad: Can you guys hear how loud i’m sighing rn?

Myeonie: Same hyung

Baekhyun’s hoe: you took me away from my game for a fucking false alarm????

Jongdae’s hoe: i’m sORRY BABE ILY

Baekhyun’s hoe: whatever just come home soon I miss you

XingXing: YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE I’M SOFT

Yeol: SAME I LOVE MY SOFT HOES

Myeonie: @Kris When will you ever talk to me like that?

Lu: @Kris Run


Mum, dad and their confused son

Kyungsoo: FUCK.

Kyungsoo: WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?

Myeonie: @Hot dad It’s breakdown time again

Hot dad: Oh great my favourite time

Kyungsoo: HOW COULD I SLIP UP LIKE THAT I’M SO DUMB.

Hot dad: I can’t believe they were all dumb enough to believe you were talking about Sehun and Jongin though

Kyungsoo: HE WAS JUST SO CUTE! HE HAS A FAVOURITE GUITAR PICK, THAT’S ADORABLE.

Kyungsoo: I JUST WROTE THE MESSAGE WITHOUT EVEN THINKING PLEASE END ME.

Myeonie: Kyungsoo chill, no one’s even talking about it

Hot dad: Yeah you’re lucky Baekhyun and Jongdae were being so cute

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol probably saw right through me and is now laughing at me in his stupid The Hoes™ chat.

Hot dad: I’m pretty sure Chanyeol is moping in that chat right now

Kyungsoo: Why would Chanyeol be moping?

Hot dad: Junmyeon you better hold me back i’m ‘bout to strangle this child

Myeonie: Hyung calm down, he’s young and confused

Kyungsoo: Why are you talking about me as if I'm not here?

Hot dad: Because whatever I say won’t get into your thick head, honestly how can you be so oblivious?

Kyungsoo: I don’t understand.

Kyungsoo: You’re confusing me, hyung. It’s a little upsetting.

Kyungsoo: Do you really think I’m stupid?

Hot dad: Sigh no I don’t i’m sorry Kyungsoo

Myeonie: Minseok hyung just got a little carried away, work’s been tiring him out

Hot dad: Yes exactly, I didn’t mean to snap at you

Kyungsoo: I can stop screaming about Chanyeol to you guys if it’s annoying?

Myeonie: NO

Hot dad: N O

Myeonie: It’s not annoying, i’d much rather you talk to us about it than keep it all bottled in

Hot dad: Yeah we’re your hyungs, this is what we’re meant to do

Kyungsoo: Thank you hyungs, I really do appreciate it.

Kyungsoo: And thank you for keeping it a secret for me.

Myeonie: You’re welcome kid

Hot dad: Anything for our smol child!!


Ew

No.1 Vivi supporter: TAO

No.1 Vivi supporter: TAO

No.1 Vivi supporter: ZITAO

No.1 Vivi supporter: HUANG ZITAO

No.1 Vivi supporter: BITCH

TaoTao: WHAT?

No.1 Vivi supporter: JONGIN FELL ASLEEP WITH HIS HEAD IN MY LAP HE’S SO CUTE

TaoTao: Bitch don’t touch me I am soft

No.1 Vivi supporter: WHAT DO I DO?

TaoTao: What do you mean what do you do?

No.1 Vivi supporter: I NEED TO PEE

TaoTao: NO YOU FUCKING DON’T BITCH YOU HOLD THAT SHIT IN

No.1 Vivi supporter: BUT

TaoTao: NO BUTS. THERE IS A PUPPY ASLEEP ON YOU, DON’T YOU DARE WAKE HIM

No.1 Vivi supporter: Shit u right

No.1 Vivi supporter: VGYFECBHIJNCODFKMCDNCJSKNCSCBH

TaoTao: SEHUN?

TaoTao: WHAT HAPPENED?

TaoTao: ARE YOU OKAY?

TaoTao: OH SEHUN YOU ANSWER ME RIGHT THIS SECOND

No.1 Vivi supporter: HE WOKE UP AND STRETCHED AND LOOKED UP AT ME ALL CUTE

No.1 Vivi supporter: AND HE SAID

No.1 Vivi supporter: HE SAID

TaoTao: WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAY?

No.1 Vivi supporter: “Sehunnie you’re so warm, maybe I should sleep next to you every night”

TaoTao: BITCH

TaoTao: OHMYGOD

No.1 Vivi supporter: I KNOW

TaoTao: WHAT DID YOU SAY???

No.1 Vivi supporter: I JUST GOT ALL RED AND FLUSTERED AND TOLD HIM I NEEDED THE BATHROOM AND RAN OUT THE ROOM

TaoTao: Sehun you idiot! You should’ve said something like “maybe you should”!!!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: I KNOOOWWW but I didn’t want to scare him off

TaoTao: Why would that scare him off?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Because he doesn’t like me obvs

TaoTao: OH SEHUN YOU’RE GONNA PEE AND THEN YOU’RE GONNA GO FLIRT YOUR ASS OFF

No.1 Vivi supporter: BUT HYUNG

TaoTao: S E H U N

No.1 Vivi supporter: Fucking fine but if this ends badly then i’m exposing you in the group chat

TaoTao: Empty threats don’t hurt me bitch


Mystery Inc.

No.1 Vivi supporter: TAO HYUNG HAS A SUGAR DADDY

TaoTao: SEHUN

Yeol: vgdbhfjeoe henedjdhbncjk

Baekhyun’s hoe: OH MY GOD

Kyungsoo: Interesting.

Kris: eyyy good job son

Myeonie: KRIS

Kris: I mean, that doesn’t seem very responsible son

Lu: @Hot dad I TOLD YOU TAO WAS THE MAIN HOE

Hot dad: FUCK I SO HAD MY BETS ON SEHUN

Dog lord: ??????????

No.1 Vivi supporter: ????????????

Jongdae’s hoe: TAO HAS A FUCKING SUGAR DADDY I’M SCREAMING

XingXing: You have a sugar daddy Tao?

TaoTao: Uh sort of?

XingXing: I thought you’d be more responsible than that

TaoTao: SEHUN LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YIXING HYUNG IS DISAPPOINTED IN ME

TaoTao: NOW I HAVE TO GO CRY FOR 5 HOURS

No.1 Vivi supporter: I TOLD YOU I’D EXPOSE YOU IF IT WENT WRONG

Dog lord: if what went wrong?

No.1 Vivi supporter: I...

No.1 Vivi supporter: Uh...

No.1 Vivi supporter left the chat

Dog lord: ??????????

Kyungsoo: Interesting.

Yeol: very interesting

Kyungsoo: Shut up, Chanyeol.

Yeol: okay soo!!

Myeonie: I worry about all of you kids

Chapter Text

Mystery Inc.

Dog lord added No.1 Vivi supporter to the chat

No.1 Vivi supporter: About fucking time

Dog lord: sorry Sehunnie I was busy most of today

No.1 Vivi supporter: It’s okay Nini!! I was referring to the hyungs not doing it

Yeol: maybe we liked having a quiet chat for once

Kyungsoo: Does that mean I can kick you from the chat, Chanyeol?

Yeol: :(

No.1 Vivi supporter: He’s pouting at his phone rn

Myeonie: Kyungsoo that wasn’t very nice

Kyungsoo: He can pout all he likes, it won’t make me care any more.

No.1 Vivi supporter: He’s whining and it’s really annoying

Kyungsoo: Fine, for the sake of precious Sehun, I won’t kick Chanyeol from the chat.

Yeol: :3

TaoTao: Sehun and precious are words that shouldn’t go into the same sentence

Dog lord: Sehunnie is precious!!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: Thank you Nini!!!

Dog lord: ^-^

Kris: just fuck already

Myeonie: Kris!!

Kris: sorry I meant just hug already

No.1 Vivi supporter: But Jongin and I hug all the time?

Lu: We should all just give up at this point

Dog lord: oh god our neighbour is having sex and they’re so loud like shut up

No.1 Vivi supporter: Are you sure it’s not coming from Tao’s room?

Dog lord: unless Tao is suddenly no longer gay or has started moaning like a woman then I would say no

Jongdae’s hoe: LMAO TAO NOT GAY

Baekhyun’s hoe: THAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID JONGIN

No.1 Vivi supporter: Chanyeol hyung is laughing so much he’s started crying

Hot dad: Same tbh

TaoTao: Okay thanks guys we get it, i’m really fucking gay

No.1 Vivi supporter: So who’s your neighbour Nini?

Dog lord: that Hwasa girl from my dance class

Yeol: lmao sehun just said thank fuck out loud

Yeol: drtfgyhuijoefneijnjefjdhelpsbjbdsnlc

Yeol: uwvbidocjwposdnwgc dsy chsdbclka

Kyungsoo: I’m glad Chanyeol’s finally getting beaten up by one of us.

Dog lord: ??????

Yeol: OKAY I WAS JOKING SEHUN DIDNT SAY THAT IM SORRY

No.1 Vivi supporter: No one likes a liar hyung

TaoTao: Hypocrite

No.1 Vivi supporter: So let me tell y’all more about Tao hyungs sugar daddy

TaoTao: Wait who said hypocrite? Wasn’t me nuh uh nope

Jongdae’s hoe: Hwasa? damn I would

Baekhyun’s hoe: lol

Myeonie: Uhm Jondae, doesn’t that upset you?

Baekhyun’s hoe: nah i agree with Baek, have you seen her thighs?

Lu: I’m 100% gay for Minseok but I admit her thighs are amazing

Hot dad: You still love my thighs though, right?

Lu: Uhm your thighs are my favourite why would you even ask that question?

Hot dad: U right, I know how much you love my thighs

Dog lord: they finally stopped fucking!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: Remind me to tell Hwasa to keep it down so she doesn’t put Nini in another uncomfortable situation

Yeol: .....

Kyungsoo: Don’t say it.

Yeol: #whipped

Kyungsoo: I hate you.

Yeol: thats okay ily

XingXing: Sorry about the noise Jongin, i’m leaving now anyway. It won’t happen again!!

Lu: Wait

Kris: Yixing did you just

Jongdae’s hoe: YIXING HYUNG NO

Baekhyun’s hoe: YIXING HYUNG YOU’RE TOO PURE

Myeonie: Yixing please tell me you’re joking

TaoTao: My entire life is a lie

Yeol: Sehun looks like he’s about to cry

No.1 Vivi supporter: I ALWAYS THOUGHT YIXING HYUNG WAS THE ONE KEEPING OUR GROUP PURE AND NOW EVERYTHING IS A LIE I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE

Kyungsoo: I have to admit even I’m surprised.

XingXing: Uh everyone needs a good fuck guys, nothing wrong with a one night stand

XingXing left the chat

Myeonie: I cannot believe

No.1 Vivi supporter: I nominate Jongin as the new pure one of the group

Yeol: there aint nothing pure about the way jongin dances

No.1 Vivi supporter: shit u right I guess we’re all hoes

Myeonie: ?????????

Kris: babe I love you but stop tryna act like you’re pure

Myeonie: Good luck finding someone who’ll suck your dick as well as I do

Lu: Are you guys ever not fighting in this chat?

Baekhyun’s hoe: but onto the more important topic, one night stands yeah or nah?

TaoTao: Is that even a question? Yeah, one night stands are fucking great

Jongdae’s hoe: I did love them back when I was single

TaoTao: You’ve been in a relationship since like the 5th week of first year

Jongdae’s hoe: and? don’t underestimate my ability to get laid

Baekhyun’s hoe: you tell him babe

Myeonie: I will never understand your relationship

Jongdae’s hoe: well it seems like more fun than yours

Lu: FUCKING SAVAGE

Hot dad: Baekhyun, you did me proud

Jongdae’s hoe: thank you Minseok hyung :3

Yeol: @Kyungsoo what do u think about 1 night stands soo??????

Baekhyun’s hoe: Chanyeol when will you learn to be subtle?

Yeol: fuck off Jongdae i do what i want

Jongdae’s hoe: ooh rebel child

Kyungsoo: Why would I care about one night stands when I have an education to focus on?

Baekhyun’s hoe: did anyone else just hear Chanyeol’s sigh of relief??

Lu: I did

Hot dad: Same

Dog lord: me and tao did too!!

Lu: Okay but Sehun you haven’t answered the question

No.1 Vivi supporter: 10/10 love one night stands and would probs fuck whoever invented them

Dog lord: oh

TaoTao: Thanks Sehun now I have to go cheer him up

No.1 Vivi supporter: ??????? Why is Jongin upset? Who do I need to fight?

Hot dad: Sigh don’t worry Sehun, just go back to watching films with Chanyeol

No.1 Vivi supporter: Okay, if you say so hyung

Kris: @TaoTao let me and Myeonie know if we can do anything to help

TaoTao: Any chance you can order some chicken for him

Myeonie: It’s already on its way to your house

TaoTao: Hyung you’re the best

Myeonie: Just look after him Tao, make sure he knows his hyungs are here for him

Hot dad: Do you ever realise we’re probably too soft for our dongsaengs?

Lu: But they’re so cute and smol we must protect

Jongdae’s hoe: Chanyeol and Sehun are hardly smol

Kris: THEY ARE SMOL OKAY

Jongdae’s hoe: yes dad

Kris added XingXing back to the chat

XingXing: I sensed there was an upset dongsaeng, do I need to do anything to help?

Lu: Go back to acting pure

XingXing: Okay hyung :3 :3

Kris: how the fuck does he do it??


Mystery Inc.

 

No.1 Vivi supporter: Does someone wanna tell me why Chanyeol hyung’s moping in my room?

Hot dad: Kyungsoo kicked him out the library because he was “being distracting”

Yeol: i wasnt even talking!!!!!!!

Kyungsoo: Your presence alone annoys me.

Hot dad: Kyungsoo....

No.1 Vivi supporter: I’d stop now hyung, he looks genuinely upset

Jongdae’s hoe: hoe no.3 do you need me and Dae to come over w/ snacks?

Yeol: pls

Baekhyun’s hoe: on our way!!

Yeol: i love u guys

No.1 Vivi supporter: Hoe no.3? Why do you call him that?

Jongdae’s hoe: let me tell you all a story of great importance, one full of mystery and adventure

Baekhyun’s hoe: we’ve been trying to convince Chanyeol to have a threesome with us since we started dating

Jongdae’s hoe: babeeeeeeeee I was gonna tell a story

Baekhyun’s hoe: sorry ily

No.1 Vivi supporter: Wait really? Why didn’t I know about this?

Yeol: did u think id just come home and be like “hey dongsaeng my friends have been asking me to fuck them for like 2 years”?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Uhm yes i’m one of your closest friends

Lu: So you’re telling me y’all wanna fuck Chanyeol?

Baekhyun’s hoe: have you seen his fucking arms? yes please daddy

TaoTao: ....... I approve

Myeonie: I do not

Kris: so you know your best friends have the hots for you and you’re chill with it?

Yeol: yeh? its flattering

Hot dad: Is no one going to mention Jongdae calling Chanyeol daddy?

Dog lord: i approve

Yeol: sehun just choked on air

No.1 Vivi supporter: Shut your mouth and go back to being sad

Jongdae’s hoe: really tho, Yeol is daddy as fuck

Lu: Tbf i’ve seen him shirtless and shit that boy is ripped

Kyungsoo: This conversation is dumb.

Hot dad: Can anyone else smell that jealousy right there?

Yeol: awh soo its okay youll find a best friend who wants to fuck u one day

TaoTao: @Jongdae’s hoe Has he always been like this?

Jongdae’s hoe: a dumbass? yeah since the day I met him in high school

Baekhyun’s hoe: fun fact: Baek’s highkey been wanting to get fucked by Yeol since high school

Jongdae’s hoe: all we ever did was make out I am upset

Myeonie: Wait, Baekhyun’s kissed Chanyeol?

Yeol: thats old news its been like 4 yrs since

Lu: Chanbaek rise

Kyungsoo: Luhan hyung please shut up.

Lu: Why me?

Hot dad: Babe just do it if you wanna live

Lu: Would it be worse or better if I said Chansoo rise?

Kyungsoo: What was that hyung?

Lu: noTHING

Kyungsoo: Glad someone knows when to shut up.

Dog lord: @Yeol he’s referring to you hyung

Yeol: i didnt even say anything ????

Kyungsoo: You always need to shut up.

TaoTao: Damn what’s got Kyungsoo so pressed?

Baekhyun’s hoe: we’re almost at yours Chanyeol, try to hold it together for a bit longer

No.1 Vivi supporter: Please hurry up he looks so sad that it’s breaking my heart

XingXing: Sehunnie you’re so cute!!!

Dog lord: @XingXing fuckin fight me hyung

XingXing: Ah how cute!! Dw Jongin I could never steal Sehunnie from you

Dog lord: adsfdghhm that’s not what I meant

XingXing: If you say so ;)

No.1 Vivi supporter: Can y’all stop being weird and help me stop the big baby pouting?

Yeol: i am NOT A BIG BABY

Jongdae’s hoe: of course you’re not, you’re daddy as fuck

Yeol: ily baekhyunnie

Baekhyun’s hoe changed Jongdae’s hoe’s name to Baekhyunnie

Baekhyunnie: ???

Baekhyun’s hoe: oh come on, it’s cute and it’ll cheer up Yeol

Baekhyunnie: fuckin fine but i’m still your hoe

Jongdae’s hoe: I know :3


Hot dad + Kyungsoo

Kyungsoo: HYUNG.

Kyungsoo: HYUNG THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

Hot dad: Uh huh okay, what’s wrong?

Kyungsoo: WHAT’S WRONG IS THAT CHANYEOL IS GOING TO FUCK BAEKHYUN AND JONGDAE, THAT’S WHAT.

Hot dad: That’s definitely not going to happen

Kyungsoo: WHAT DO I DO??

Hot dad: You do nothing, it’s not gonna happen

Kyungsoo: But Chanyeol’s kissed Baekhyun!!

Hot dad: Yeah, when they were like 16

Kyungsoo: He’s going to fuck them and then they’ll all fall in love and get married and Chanyeol will never look at me again.

Hot dad: I’m pretty sure that if Chanyeol was going to fuck them, he would’ve done it already

Kyungsoo: Oh god, what if he’s done it already?

Hot dad: “we’ve been trying to convince Chanyeol to have a threesome with us since we started dating”

Hot dad: Does any part of that sentence make you think they’ve already fucked?

Kyungsoo: Okay, maybe you’re right.

Hot dad: Of course I am

Hot dad: You know how to fix this situation?

Kyungsoo: How hyung?

Hot dad: Ask Chanyeol out and then you’ll be the only one he fucks

Seen at 18:35

Hot dad: Unbelievable


My wife :3

Hot dad: How’s Chanyeol doing?

Baekhyun’s hoe: ngl hyung he’s actually pretty sad

Hot dad: Really? Kyungsoo acting like this doesn’t usually affect him that badly

Baekhyun’s hoe: i know but i think he’s finally giving up hope that Kyungsoo will ever like him

Baekhyun’s hoe: he started telling Baekhyun in this really sad voice that he’ll never be good enough for Kyungsoo and that it’s so tiring trying to make Kyungsoo like him

Baekhyun’s hoe: as you can imagine, Baek’s pretty pissed off

Hot dad: Shit

Hot dad: I’ll talk to Kyungsoo

Baekhyun’s hoe: We don’t want him to apologise to Chanyeol if he doesn’t mean it

Hot dad: Oh don’t worry, he’ll mean it


Tired parents

Hot dad: We have a problem

Myeonie: What’s wrong hyung?

Hot dad: We have to scold Kyungsoo

Myeonie: Do you want us to die?

Hot dad: Jongdae told me Chanyeol’s really upset

Hot dad: He said Chanyeol doesn’t think he’ll be good enough for Kyungsoo

Hot dad: I don’t know about you but I won’t let Kyungsoo make Chanyeol feel this way


Mum, dad and their confused son

Myeonie: DO KYUNGSOO

Myeonie: YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW

Kyungsoo: What’s wrong hyung?

Hot dad: What’s wrong is that Chanyeol thinks he’s not good enough for you

Kyungsoo: What are you talking about? Chanyeol’s fine.

Hot dad: Look, I know why you act that way around him but I refuse to let you take it so far that Chanyeol gets upset

Kyungsoo: Wait, Chanyeol’s actually upset?

Myeonie: YES

Myeonie: I WILL NOT LET YOU TREAT MY SON THAT WAY

Hot dad: Okay Junmyeon, chill, I think he gets it

Kyungsoo: Why is he so upset? Chanyeol’s never upset.

Hot dad: I don’t know about you but I’d get very upset if someone told me my presence alone was annoying

Hot dad: And that I always need to shut up

Kyungsoo: Maybe you’re right, I guess that was a bit harsh.

Myeonie: Go apologise

Kyungsoo: But then I’ll give away that it’s an act.

Hot dad: Kyungsoo this isn’t a fucking joke, he’s genuinely upset

Kyungsoo: You’re right, I’m being selfish. I’ll message him now.

Hot dad: Thank you


Tol and smol

Kyungsoo: Hey Chanyeol.

Yeol: this is Baekhyun. If you’re here to upset Chanyeol more then you should stop messaging him

Kyungsoo: Baekhyun, just give Chanyeol his phone.

Kyungsoo: Please.

Yeol: fuckin fine but i’m watching you

Yeol: hey soo...

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol! I have something I need to say

Yeol: look its okay i wont bother you anymore

Yeol: i get it you don’t want me around

Kyungsoo: NO.

Kyungsoo: That’s not what i’m trying to say.

Kyungsoo: I’m sorry.

Yeol: you are??? for what???

Kyungsoo: I don’t find your presence alone annoying.

Kyungsoo: And you don’t always need to shut up.

Kyungsoo: You’re a great guy and I took it too far this time.

Kyungsoo: So, I’m sorry for upsetting you.

Kyungsoo: I took my bad mood out on you, you didn’t deserve that.

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol?

Kyungsoo: Please say something.

Yeol: hey it’s Jongdae, Chanyeol’s crying right now

Kyungsoo: Oh. I didn’t mean to upset him more, I promise.

Yeol: nah he’s rambling on about how sweet and lovely you are

Yeol: honestly i can’t agree but

Yeol: thanks for apologising to him, we hate seeing him sad

Kyungsoo: I went too far, I don’t like seeing him sad either.

Yeol: KYUNGSOo

Yeol: YOURE SO CUTE MY HEART HURTS

Yeol: IM SORRY FOR ALWAYS BEING ANNOYING

Kyungsoo: You’re not annoying, Chanyeol.

Kyungsoo: I do want you around, you don’t have to stop talking to me.

Yeol: REALLY?

Kyungsoo: Yeah, sure. I guess you’re not that bad.

Yeol: WOW THATS THE NICEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID TO ME

Kyungsoo: Okay Chanyeol, calm down now.

Yeol: sorry

Yeol: thank u for apologising

Yeol: im gonna go eat ice cream with the boys

Yeol: see you later!!!!

Kyungsoo: Have fun!


Mum, dad and their confused son

Kyungsoo: I apologised.

Myeonie: And?????

Kyungsoo: He was so happy he cried.

Hot dad: Of course he did, what a softie

Kyungsoo: He called me cute.

Myeonie: Why are you being so calm about that?

Kyungsoo: I screamed into my pillow and Yixing hyung came into my room to check on me.

Kyungsoo: HE FUCKING CALLED ME CUTE!!

Hot dad: There it is

Kyungsoo: HE’S SO SOFT AND ADORABLE, I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM.

Myeonie: Ahh young love, how cute

Kyungsoo: Oh, also.

Hot dad: This is the part where he tells us we’re dead

Kyungsoo: Thank you for calling me out hyungs, I took things too far. I never wanted to hurt him, I forget he’s not as strong as he seems sometimes.

Myeonie: OUR BOY IS GROWING UP

Hot dad: I’m so proud!!!!

Kyungsoo: Hyungs, you’re so weird.

Hot dad: True

Myeonie: Still proud

Hot dad: ^^

Hot dad: I’m so glad I took you under my wing before Kris did

Hot dad: One less kid he can ruin the innocence of

Myeonie: I want to defend him but

Myeonie: You’re 100% right

Myeonie: Ow! Note to self, don’t let Kris read my phone over my shoulder

Hot dad: R.I.P

Kyungsoo: Rookie mistake hyung.

Chapter Text

Mystery Inc.

Yeol: i went home to visit my pupper

Yeol:

Yeol: isnt he the cutest

Yeol:

Baekhyunnie: ohmygod

Baekhyunnie: a doggo!!!

TaoTao: He’s so soft and fluffy I love him

Myeonie: Look at my cute Grandchild!!!

Kris: babe it’s just a dog

Myeonie: He is my G r a n d c h i l d

No.1 Vivi Supporter: Hyung your dog is cute and everything, but he isn’t the cutest

No.1 Vivi Supporter: I mean have you seen my dog?

No.1 Vivi Supporter:

Dog lord: Sehunnie you know I love Vivi but

Dog lord: my babies are clearly the cutest

Dog lord:

Dog lord: LOOK AT THEM

Hot dad: Jongin, did you really make a photo collage of your dogs?

Dog lord: it’s what they deserve hyung

Sehunnie: Okay fair enough, your babies are as cute as Vivi

Baekhyunnie: excuse but I think my dog is actually the cutest

TaoTao: As if! Have you seen my lil Candy?

TaoTao:

Baekhyun’s hoe: EXCUSE U THAT IS MINE AND BAEK’S SON UR BEING RUDE ABOUT!!

Baekhyun’s hoe: can y’all’s sons do this? no? didn’t think so, mine and Baek’s child is the best

Baekhyun’s hoe:

Yeol: i love my godson what a talented boy

Hot dad: Y’all hoe’s can shut up because we all know my cat is the cutest

Hot dad:

Lu: True though

Myeonie: Look at the lil softie I love

Myeonie: @Kris buy me a cat

Kris: We have dogs though?

Myeonie: Did I stutter?

Dog lord: @TaoTao why did I just sign for a huge delivery for you?

TaoTao: That’ll be my Gucci!!

Kris: how the fuck do you afford Gucci? you’re a student

No.1 Vivi supporter: Sugardaddyyyy

TaoTao: Sehun you shut your mouth

No.1 Vivi supporter: Make me

Dog lord: Do Not!!!!!!

Yeol: i want a sugar daddy to buy me stuff

Hot dad: @Kyungsoo You better start working more hours to provide for your man

Kyungsoo: Haha you’re so funny hyung. Remind me when you finish work today?

Hot dad: noPE

Lu: I know he deserves it but please don’t kill my man Kyungsoo, he’s really a precious softie

Hot dad: That’s not what you said in bed last night

Dog lord: please stop talking

 


Mystery Inc.

Myeonie: I know we joke about it but, Tao I just have to know

TaoTao: Hyung please don’t

Myeonie: Is this sugar daddy dangerous? Are you being safe?

Baekhyunnie: Junmyeon hyung’s rlly out here tryna give Tao the sex talk

Myeonie: As Tao’s favourite hyung

Lu: EXCUSE

XingXing: E X C U S E

Kris: Myeonie everyone knows Tao’s fave hyungs are chinaline

TaoTao: It’s actually Baekhyun hyung but what were you saying Junmyeon hyung?

Baekhyunnie: fuck y’all bitches I knew I was someone’s fave

Myeonie: Anyway, I just want to know that this guy isn’t going to get all obsessed with you and end up kidnapping you or something?

TaoTao: Nah he’s chill, I don’t even have sex with him, just keep him company sometimes

No.1 Vivi supporter: Yeah dw hyungs, LeeTeuk hyung isn’t a bad guy

TaoTao: OH SEHUN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

Myeonie: L E E T E U K ????????????

XingXing: You mean THE LeeTeuk hyung? The teacher’s assistant in Sehun’s lectures?

No.1 Vivi supporter: I may have made a mistake in revealing that information

Hot dad: So you’re telling me, that Tao has a sugar daddy because of Sehun?

TaoTao: Can we not talk about this?

Dog lord: okay but leeteuk hyung is a chill guy

Baekhyun’s hoe: he’s also very hot

Baekhyunnie: yeah he’s on mine and Dae’s threesome list, guess we should cross him off now

Myeonie: I CANNOT BELIEVE

Kris: Junmyeon used to have the biggest crush on LeeTeuk hyung

TaoTao: Oh i’m sorry hyung, I didn’t know

Myeonie: OH SEHUN

No.1 Vivi supporter: ....... yes?

Myeonie: YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR A WEEK

No.1 Vivi supporter: Uh you can’t do that, you don’t even live with me

Myeonie: @Yeol GROUND SEHUN FOR A WEEK

Yeol: sehunnie u have to stay home when u dont have classes which is totally not what you do anyway....

No.1 Vivi supporter: Can Nini come round still?

Myeonie: NO

Yeol: sure!!

Dog lord: yes good we can play all the games!!! chanyeol hyung you’re the best

Yeol: ur welcome kids

Kyungsoo: This is so dumb. Why is Sehun getting “grounded” because Tao has a sugar daddy?

XingXing: Actually I said I was disappointed before but LeeTeuk hyung is an okay guy, you’re all good TaoTao!!!

TaoTao: THANK U HYUNG ILY

Lu: Does anyone else find Tao and Yixing’s father - son type relationship a lil too close to be just that?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Well we all know Tao likes calling people daddy

TaoTao: CAN YOU STOP EXPOSING ME THANKS

No.1 Vivi supporter: Love you TaoTao

TaoTao: Suck a dick

No.1 Vivi supporter: Send a guy my way then

Chapter Text

Tol and Smol

Yeol: soo

Yeol: soo

Yeol: kyungsoo

Yeol: do kyungsoo answer me

Kyungsoo: What Chanyeol?

Kyungsoo: It’s 7am, what could you possibly want at 7am?

Yeol: i want breakfast

Kyungsoo: Go make it then.

Yeol: no i mean i want to take u for breakfast

Yeol: and then u could come work on the vocals for my newest song

Kyungsoo: I see what this is.

Kyungsoo: I can’t be bribed Chanyeol.

Yeol: but sooooooo

Yeol: u used to love going out for breakfast

Kyungsoo: With Junmyeon and Minseok, yeah.

Yeol: oh

Yeol: okay dont worry then

Kyungsoo: I can visualise the sad puppy eyes you’re making right now.

Kyungsoo: Come to my place whenever you’re ready, I’ll make you breakfast.

Kyungsoo: Then we’ll go and work on your song.

Yeol: really?????

Yeol: ill leave my place in 5 mins

Yeol: cant wait!!!!

Kyungsoo: Yeah okay, calm down you excitable puppy, go get ready.

Yeol: bye soo!!!!

Kyungsoo: See you soon Chanyeol.


Mystery Inc.

No.1 Vivi supporter: Gang we have another mystery to solve

No.1 Vivi supporter: Where the fuck is Chanyeol hyung?

No.1 Vivi supporter: @Yeol Where are u? I want breakfast

Lu: Chanyeol makes you breakfast?

TaoTao: Chanyeol hyung can cook?

Baekhyunnie: Chanyeol’s breakfast is to die for

Baekhyunnie: like u don’t understand, it makes ur day 10 times better

Hot dad: Chanyeol’s no.1 fan has arrived

Baekhyun’s hoe: excuse u, Baek and i share that title

Hot dad: And there’s the other one

No.1 Vivi supporter: So no one’s seen him?

XingXing: He’s at my place

Myeonie: Why?

Hot dad: Is he okay?

XingXing: Kyungsoo’s cooking breakfast for him

Baekhyun’s hoe: ohmygod

Baekhyunnie: does this mean??

No.1 Vivi supporter: Nah, Chanyeol hyung was here when I went to bed last night

Kris: What if he left during the night?

Baekhyunnie: oh my god

Myeonie: Kris please don’t encourage them

No.1 Vivi supporter: That’s possible

Dog Lord: kyungsoo doesn’t like yeol tho?

Lu: Oh you sweet child

Lu: So innocent and oblivious

Dog Lord: i’m not oblivious

No.1 Vivi supporter: Luhan hyung don’t be mean to Nini

Hot dad: You’re just as oblivious

No.1 Vivi supporter: @Yeol The mean couple are being mean to me, I need support

Yeol: morning guys!!!

Yeol: hyungs pls don’t be mean to sehun in the mornings, he’s sensitive

Baekhyunnie: someone’s in a good mood

Baekhyun’s hoe: i wonder why.....

Yeol: soo made me breakfast! it tasted like heaven

Kyungsoo: Don’t get used to it.

Kyungsoo: But, thank you, I’m glad you liked it.

Myeonie: So out of curiosity, why did you make Chanyeol breakfast?

TaoTao: Love that Junmyeon hyung wants to know the gossip as much as we do

Myeonie: No, i’m just being curious

Baekhyunnie: gossip gossip gossip

Baekhyun’s hoe: GOSSIP GOSSIP GOSSIP

Kyungsoo: Are you guys going to let me answer?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Go ahead hyung

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol wants me to work on the vocals for his new song and he wanted to go out for breakfast. It made more sense for him to come to mine to eat than spend money on food out.

Lu: This is so fucking cute, why don’t you make me breakfast, Minseok?

Hot dad: I let you sleep with me

Lu: Fair point, I can go without breakfast

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol and I are going to go work on his song now.

Yeol: bye guys!!! love u all!!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: Love u too hyung!!

Baekhyunnie: ....

Baekhyun’s hoe: ......

TaoTao: ........

Baekhyunnie: do u think they’re gone?

Baekhyun’s hoe: they must be

Baekhyunnie: so guys, who’s gonna spy on them?

Myeonie: Children, stop

No.1 Vivi supporter: It needs to be someone unsuspicious

TaoTao: I volunteer as tribute

Kris: Nah, you’re too close to Baekhyun and Jongdae, Kyungsoo would figure it out

Myeonie: KRIS STOP ENCOURAGING THE CHILDREN

Hot dad: What about Yixing?

Myeonie: MINSEOK HYUNG

Hot dad: What? We all wanna know how it goes

Lu: Yeah that works, Yixing uses the studio regularly so it wouldn’t be weird for him to be there

Dog Lord: @XingXing you up for it hyung?

XingXing: I really shouldn’t, the boys trust me

No.1 Vivi supporter: Tao, u know what to do

TaoTao: Come on XingXing, for me?

XingXing: Fuck

XingXing: Fine, I’ll do it

Lu: Knew we could rely on you Yixing

No.1 Vivi supporter: Thank u Tao, you’re the best!

Dog Lord: better than me?

No.1 Vivi supporter: No!! Of course not! You’re the best in my eyes Nini

Hot dad: Ridiculous...

TaoTao: Sehun, you’re such a suckup

No.1 Vivi supporter: Fight me Tao

No.1 Vivi supporter: Anyway

No.1 Vivi supporter: What’s the plan @XingXing?

XingXing: Already on my way to the studio, I’m going to tell them I have final edits to make on a song I’m working on and that they’ll barely notice I’m there

Myeonie: Guys...

Baekhyunnie: please just allow this once hyung?

Myeonie: I was just going to say we should probably create a new groupchat for this, without Yeol and Kyungsoo in it

Baekhyun’s hoe: YES! RIGHT! GOOD!

Baekhyun’s hoe: @Baekhyunnie spam this chat so they won’t bother to read the conversation later

Baekhyunnie: okay!!!!

Baekhyunnie: so like

Baekhyunnie: what i don’t get

Baekhyunnie: is how Tao is still friends with Sehun

Baekhyunnie: even though

Baekhyunnie: Sehun always mugs him off for Jongin?

Baekhyunnie: like if that was me

Baekhyunnie: i’d have told him to fuck off long ago

Baekhyunnie: so i really admire Tao

Baekhyunnie: and truthfully i think Sehun should act like a better friend

Baekhyunnie: because Tao’s literally always there for him

Baekhyunnie: if Yeol did that to me or Jongdae, i’d fight him

Baekhyunnie: okay maybe i wouldn’t

Baekhyunnie: but i’d be really pissed off

Baekhyunnie: Yeol wouldn’t do that tho

Baekhyunnie: not to be rude but i think u should learn from Yeol, Sehun

No.1 Vivi supporter: Hyung...

Baekhyunnie: okay that’s enough, have a good day everyone


super secret spy mission

Baekhyun’s hoe added Myeonie, Baekhyunnie, Hot dad and 6 others to the chat

Baekhyun’s hoe: so @XingXing how’s it going?

XingXing: I’ve just made it to the studio, Kyungsoo’s singing and Chanyeol has major heart eyes

Dog Lord: very cute

Hot dad: I want the real gossip though

TaoTao: Yixing hyung’s just arrived, give him time

Lu: Tao always defends Yixing

TaoTao: Uh we’re here to talk about chansoo thanks

Baekhyunnie: Chansoo, my favourite thing

Baekhyun’s hoe: big mood

XingXing: Okay so I went into the studio and Chanyeol startled and then Kyungsoo was the one with heart eyes and he literally giggled

XingXing: Do Kyungsoo giggled

Hot dad: I’m screaming

Lu: Can confirm, he’s scaring the cats

XingXing: Anyway, I put on my best innocent face and told Chanyeol I just needed to work on a song and transfer my files, and told them they wouldn’t even notice I was there

XingXing: Chanyeol seemed suspicious but Kyungsoo was like “Come on Yeol, let’s carry on”, so of course Chanyeol did straight away

Baekhyunnie: HE CALLED HIM YEOL

No.1 Vivi supporter: Major breakthrough for Chansoo

Myeonie: Anything more happening?

Kris: Junmyeon, are you seriously getting involved?

Myeonie: ... Shut up Kris

Kris: Make me

Dog Lord: gross

XingXing: So Kyungsoo just finished singing harmonies for the song, and he asked Chanyeol if he did okay, and Chanyeol was just staring at him

XingXing: So Kyungsoo just says “Yeol?” and Chanyeol like splutters and stammers before saying “Oh my god, you were amazing”

XingXing: Kyungsoo starts blushing and telling Chanyeol he’s being overdramatic and Chanyeol keeps insisting he’s serious

TaoTao: I feel like I’m reading a fanfiction

No.1 Vivi supporter: Do u think either of them realise how smitten they are for each other?

Lu: If they did then we wouldn’t be discussing this in a separate group chat

Baekhyun’s hoe: Tru

Kris: Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve done this anyway

Dog Lord: what do you mean hyung?

Kris: Uh.. I just meant that y’all had that chansoo fanclub chat before

Baekhyunnie: why did we let that die?? best chat ever

TaoTao: Because Junmyeon hyung found out and made us delete it

Baekhyunnie: oh yeah, fuck u Junmyeon hyung


My dumb husband <3

Myeonie: I can’t believe you almost slipped up and revealed the Sehun and Jongin chat

Kris: I WASN’T THINKING

Myeonie: CLEARLY

Myeonie: Pretty sure Jongin would have a mental breakdown if he found out Sehun actually does like him back

Myeonie: And that we have a group chat discussing it

Kris: I worry about them

Kris: Like we have all this focus on chansoo that they just get pushed to the side

Kris: They need just as much support as chansoo

Myeonie: I know babe, but the moment you try to help either of them they freak

Kris: Why are they like this???

Myeonie: I’ll ask Chanyeol to keep an eye on Sehun and give him some advice since he’ll only listen to Chanyeol and Tao

Kris: Thank you babe, love you

Myeonie: I love you too nerd

Kris: Speaking of Tao

Kris: I swear something’s going on between him and Yixing

Myeonie: Nah, they’re just close friends

Kris: I’m serious babe, something seems off

Myeonie: You’re going to investigate this now, aren’t you?

Kris: The detective hat is coming back out the closet

Myeonie: Why do I love you?

Kris: Because i’m a dork

Myeonie: True


super secret spy mission

XingXing: Sorry for the silence, they actually started acting professional so I had nothing to report

XingXing: However...

XingXing: Kyungsoo asked Yeol to go for lunch with him after the studio and obvs Yeol said yes

Baekhyunnie: find out where they’re going so i can stalk!!

Myeonie: NO

Myeonie: This is enough for today, let them have their lunch date alone

Baekhyun’s hoe: but how will we find out the goss??:(

Lu: You can literally ask Chanyeol and he’ll tell you everything

No.1 Vivi supporter: That’s very true

Kris: This Chansoo fanclub meeting is concluded

TaoTao: But hyung

Kris: CONCLUDED

XingXing: Please don’t yell at Tao, Kris hyung

Kris: ...


My dumb husband <3

Kris: See what I mean!!!!!!

Myeonie: You’re ridiculous

Kris: Taoxing is alive

Myeonie: That’s a dumb ship name

Myeonie: Can you come home please? I want cuddles

Kris: On my way

Kris: I’ll just go into the office tomorrow instead to finish off

Myeonie: Sorry I’m so demanding

Kris: Shut up, you know I’d literally do anything for you

Myeonie: You’re the best

Kris: Love how the kids think all we do is fight, they really have no idea

Myeonie: I’ll tell them how amazing you are eventually

Kris: Nah it’s fine, as long as I know you love me then I don’t care what they think

Myeonie: I do love you

Myeonie: Are you coming home soon?

Kris: Just got in the car, see you in 15 minutes babe

Myeonie: <3


Ew

No.1 Vivi supporter: Hey

TaoTao: Okay what’s wrong? Usually you greet me by calling me bitch

No.1 Vivi supporter: So I was thinking about what Baekhyun hyung said

No.1 Vivi supporter: I’m really sorry if I always make u feel second best to Jongin, Tao hyung

TaoTao: Sehunnie...

TaoTao: You know I don’t mind, like I understand

No.1 Vivi supporter: But I shouldn’t put u through that, ur way too understanding

No.1 Vivi supporter: Like ur one of my best friends and u know me so well and i’d be so so lost without u

TaoTao: Bitch i’m crying

TaoTao: Shut up I love you so much

TaoTao: I know you have zero mean intentions when you “mug” me off, i’m honestly fine with it

TaoTao: As long as you don’t ever cancel our plans to hang with Jongin instead then i’m fine

No.1 Vivi supporter: I would never

No.1 Vivi supporter: Please accept my apology, I’m so sorry if I ever take it too far, I don’t want to hurt you

TaoTao: You’re so cute, you don’t hurt me, we’re fine

TaoTao: You know I don’t hesitate to call you out when you’re in the wrong

No.1 Vivi supporter: It’s one of the reasons I love u bitch

TaoTao: <3 <3 <3


Mystery Inc.

Dog Lord: uhm why is tao hyung crying??

Hot dad:: You live with him, why don’t you just ask him?

Dog Lord: he never cries, this is scary

XingXing: Who the fuck made my Tao cry?

No.1 Vivi supporter: My bad

XingXing: SEHUN WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?

XingXing: I swear to god, if you hurt him

TaoTao: Woah Yixing hyung, calm down, i’m fine

XingXing: But Sehun made you cry?

TaoTao: Because he was adorable and apologised to me. I’m crying because he’s such a cute friend

XingXing: Oh. I’m sorry for yelling Sehun

No.1 Vivi supporter: It’s okay hyung, i’d act the same way if someone made Tao hyung cry

Kris: “my Tao”

Myeonie: Not the right time, Yifan

Dog Lord: Why did Sehun apologise?

TaoTao: Uhm

No.1 Vivi supporter: I just thought about what Baekhyun hyung said earlier and realised he’s right

Dog Lord: Oh

Dog Lord: Interesting

Dog Lord left the chat

No.1 Vivi supporter: ???????? ?? ??????

Hot dad: @Baekhyunnie Look what u did

Baekhyunnie: fuck

Kyungsoo: I’ll handle this.

Hot dad: ... is that a good idea?

Kyungsoo: I said, I’ll handle it.

Hot dad: Okay okay, go ahead


Softies

Kyungsoo: Are you okay?

Dog Lord: i feel like shit hyung

Kyungsoo: Why?

Dog Lord: i never realised how much Sehun mugs tao off for me and now he’s apologised to tao, i feel awful

Dog Lord: like i wasn’t trying to steal Sehun off tao just because i have feelings for Sehun, they’re best friends

Kyungsoo: You know you’ve done nothing wrong here, right?

Dog Lord: i kept trying to get Sehun’s attention whenever he would compliment tao, i was being unfair

Kyungsoo: I honestly don’t think Tao is bothered, he would have said something if he was.

Dog Lord: he’s my flatmate hyung, i should treat him with more respect

Dog Lord: i’m just going to back away from Sehun and move on

Kyungsoo: That’s literally the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo: Why would you completely throw away your chances with Sehun as well as your entire friendship?

Dog Lord: because i’m hurting tao

Kyungsoo: I really don’t think you are. The solution to this situation is clearly talking to Tao to clear things up. You can also just try not to step in as much when Sehun compliments Tao, but you can decide that after your chat with him.

Dog Lord: you’re so logical hyung, i wouldn’t have even thought of that

Dog Lord: i’m scared tao will shout at me though

Kyungsoo: Tao would never shout at you, he finds you too adorable.

Dog Lord: you’re sure it’ll be fine?

Kyungsoo: 100% certain.

Dog Lord: thank you kyungsoo hyung, i needed this

Kyungsoo: You’re welcome.

Kyungsoo: Oh, and Jongin?

Dog Lord: yh?

Kyungsoo: Be more flirty with Sehun, he won’t get the hint you like him if you just keep acting the way you do.

Dog Lord: but i don’t know how to flirt hyung

Kyungsoo: Don’t be ridiculous, you used to flirt with me all the time before Sehun.

Dog Lord: ... sorry about that again hyung

Kyungsoo: It’s not your fault i’ve been smitten for Chanyeol since we met. Sorry I didn’t like you back.

Dog Lord: the moment i met Sehun i got over it

Kyungsoo: I just want you to be happy, Jongin.

Dog Lord: i know hyung, i want you to be happy too. i’m gonna go talk to tao now!

Kyungsoo: Good luck!


Mystery Inc.

TaoTao added Dog Lord to the chat

Dog Lord: hey guys!!

Myeonie: JONGIN

No.1 Vivi supporter: Are you okay??

Dog Lord: i’m fine

Dog Lord: side note: kyungsoo hyung and tao hyung are the best hyungs and y’all should treat them right

XingXing: I always treat Tao right!!

TaoTao: No one treats me better than you Yixing hyung!!

Kris: Interesting

Myeonie: Kris, be quiet


Dance hoes

No.1 Vivi supporter: Are you sure you’re alright Nini?

Dog Lord: of course!! i just freaked out a little is all

No.1 Vivi supporter: I’m sorry if I upset u

Dog Lord: you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for Sehunnie

Dog Lord: are you okay though?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Ngl I was super worried about u but i thought i’d make it worse if I messaged u

Dog Lord: you could never make things worse, but kyungsoo hyung was the most helpful to me in the moment

No.1 Vivi supporter: I’m glad u had support Nini, I hate seeing u upset

Dog Lord: you’re so cute Sehunnie, i’m glad i have you in my life

No.1 Vivi supporter: Me too!!!

No.1 Vivi supporter: I don’t want you thinking things are gonna be different between us now, I still feel exactly the same about you as before

Dog Lord: good

Dog Lord: so i have a showcase coming up soon, i was wondering if you could critique my new choreography?

No.1 Vivi supporter: I uh yes of course!! When?

Dog Lord: how about tomorrow after my last lecture?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Perfect, I can’t wait!

Dog Lord: thank you Sehunnie!!


The Hoes™

Baekhyun’s hoe: so Yeol

Baekhyun’s hoe: how’d your day with Kyungsoo go?

Baekhyunnie: i’m surprised you haven’t talked about it yet

Yeol: i mean it was going great

Baekhyun’s hoe: was?

Yeol: like it was super cute this morning and he kept calling me yeol and my heart was melting

Baekhyunnie: he called you Yeol!!! how cute!!!

Yeol: and then we went for lunch

Baekhyun’s hoe: that’s good, isn’t it?

Yeol: it was so good until jongin got upset

Baekhyun’s hoe: .... Yeol

Yeol: dont get me wrong, i hated that jongin was upset and was happy kyungsoo was helping him, thats not the problem

Baekhyunnie: oh thank god i thought we were going to have to lecture you and i hate doing that

Baekhyun’s hoe: so what was the problem boo?

Yeol: i didn’t mean to see it

Yeol: but kyungsoo put his phone down when the food arrived

Yeol: and i sort of read his messages with jongin

Baekhyunnie: gasp! Chanyeol!

Baekhyun’s hoe: we’ve trained him well, i’m so proud

Yeol: calm down hoes

Yeol: anyway

Yeol: the messages i saw said that jongin used to flirt with kyungsoo loads

Yeol: so i think jongin and kyungsoo have a past, kyungsoos so private so he totally could have dated jongin w/out us knowing

Yeol: hoes?

Baekhyunnie: i. am. shook.

Baekhyun’s hoe: what the fuck???

Baekhyunnie: we know e v e r y t h i n g, how did we not know Jongin used to flirt with Kyungsoo????

Baekhyun’s hoe: this. is. major. m a j o r

Yeol: so im worried bc

Yeol: just hear me out a second

Yeol: what if jongin still likes kyungsoo and kyungsoo also has feelings for jongin and then not only will i be hurt but my poor little sehun too

Baekhyunnie: see i want to tell you that’s not the case but like

Baekhyun’s hoe: we thought we knew Kyungsoo and Jongin and now we’re very confused

Baekhyunnie: i don’t want either of you to get hurt

Yeol: now all i want to do is protect sehun

Baekhyunnie: so what did you do after you read the messages?

Yeol: i guess i just kinda shut down a lil but soo was too busy helping jongin (which im still fine with!!) to notice

Yeol: after we finished the food, i just paid and told soo i had to head home and then i rushed out and left him sitting there

Baekhyun’s hoe: and he hasn’t messaged you at all?

Yeol: n o p e

Baekhyun’s hoe: shit

Baekhyunnie: you’re home now right Yeol?

Yeol: nah im at the studio

Baekhyun’s hoe: what? why?

Yeol: i couldnt face sehun yet

Baekhyunnie: Yeol it’s late you should go home

Yeol: nah ill just sleep here

Baekhyun’s hoe: we disapprove

Yeol: im fine

Baekhyunnie: at least come stay at our’s

Baekhyun’s hoe: yeah i’ll order you a taxi!!

Yeol: nah its fine u two deserve an alone night

Baekhyunnie: Chanyeol istg you better come here or go home

Yeol: nope bye have a good night

Baekhyun’s hoe: PARK CHANYEOL


Mystery Inc.

Baekhyunnie: @Myeonie tell Chanyeol he needs to go home from the studio

Yeol: baek u gotta be kidding me

Baekhyunnie: this is what you get for not listening hoe

Myeonie: Park Chanyeol you better have a fucking good reason to stay at the studio this late

Yeol: oh trust me i do

Myeonie: What is it then?

Kyungsoo: The studio? You said you were going home.

No.1 Vivi supporter: Are u not coming home tonight hyung?

Yeol: the reason is unimportant

Yeol: probably not sehunnie, there’s leftovers in the fridge if you haven’t eaten yet

No.1 Vivi supporter: Thank you hyung, i’ll miss you!!

Yeol: ill miss u too

Hot dad: Did Chanyeol just

Lu: Ignore Kyungsoo?

No.1 Vivi supporter: Found your answer Junmyeon hyung

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol?

Yeol: hyung u did not just send kris hyung to come pick me up

Myeonie: Damn right I did bitch, you’re sleeping over at our’s

Yeol: i hate u all

Yeol: apart from sehun

Dog Lord: even kyungsoo hyung?

Yeol: well im being escorted to the car by kris hyung so i guess this is goodnight

Dog Lord: oh... night hyung!


The Hoes™

Baekhyunnie: i don’t think ignoring him helps anything

Yeol: honestly i dont care rn

Baekhyun’s hoe: Yeol we didn’t do this to upset you, we’re just worried

Yeol: I kno, i just need to be angry for a while

Baekhyunnie: okay but u know we’re here for u always, right boo?

Yeol: of course

Yeol: id be lost w/out u boys

Baekhyun’s hoe: we love you lots and hope you feel better

Yeol: thank u i love u both

Baekhyun’s hoe changed Yeol’s name to Baek and Dae’s hoe

Baekhyun’s hoe: there, now you’re ours until you decide not to be

Baek and Dae’s hoe: thanks i love it

Baekhyunnie: Dae you’re gonna cause drama

Baekhyun’s hoe: i know :3

Baekhyunnie: i love u

Baekhyun’s hoe: love you too hoe

Baek and Dae’s hoe: cute!! night hoes

Baekhyunnie: night Yeol!!!

Baekhyun’s hoe: night!!


Tol and Smol

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol?

Read at 01:26am