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At my lowest

Chapter Text

Apparently classes didn't really matter anymore.
Chanyeol was sucking on Kyungsoos lower lip, who had shifted on his lap a while ago.
Now that it was more morning than dawn, more and more people were passing and the couple on the bench earned strange looks, which they couldn't care less about.
Kyungsoo stroked through Chanyeols hair and couldn't stop smiling. It may have been years since he had last kissed someone while being sober. But now it seemed so easy, everything seemed easy.
Chanyeol forced his attention away from Kyungsoos lips, placing one sweet last kiss on them.
"Do you want pancakes?", he asked, grinning.
Kyungsoo shook his head.
"What? You food hoe number one doesn't want anything?"
Kyungsoo pinched him in the side, to which he made a high pitched noise.
"I don't want you to spend money for me all the time", he said. "And I'm tired as hell"
"So how about leftover breakfast in my apartment?"
Kyungsoo stopped and looked at him, raising an eyebrow, not sure what to think about an invitation like that.
Chanyeol must have read his thoughts and chuckled.
"I'm not like that, you idiot. Just food and sleep"
"Hmm, sounds good", Kyungsoo said drawing patterns with his hand on Chanyeols cheek.
He had absolutely no idea what the hell was happening right now, because he was definitely not used to being out of his head like this. The innocence, soft- and cuteness of this moment was in drastic contrast with the rest of Kyungsoos life and he was all in for it. Fuck thinking about anything else right now. He just wanted to enjoy this moment as long as it lasted. And even if fear started creeping up his spine that this would have to end and it essentially felt too save, he violently dragged that fear out of his body while kissing Chanyeol softly on the lips and letting himself get shoved off his lap.
Kyungsoo stood up reluctantly and followed Chanyeol out of the park. It was a bit awkward, because they didn't know if it was okay to touch each other now, so Kyungsoo just walked next to Chanyeol, hands in his pockets.
They walked up the hill to Itaewon station, passing people getting to work and a few same as them, looking like they weren't sleeping for the whole night trying to get home. A bunch of people were looking extraordinary done in front of Cakeshop club and Kyungsoo had to smile, thinking about his past with the club. The long nights he had spent there with Junmyeun and the evening when he first met Kris.
Thinking about those two, he made a promise to himself to text those two after getting enough sleep.
They entered the subway through exit 4, and stopped by at the small convenient store at the ticket vending machine to buy a bottle of water.
When they were waiting for the subway Chanyeol took out his phone and headphones.
"Do you usually listen to music when you ride?"
Kyungsoo nodded, ready to take out his own headphones when he remembered something.
"Do you have something of your stuff on your phone?"
Chanyeol looked confused, like he was surprised.
"You remember me telling you this?"
Kyungsoo shrugged.
"Sure why shouldn't I?"
"Sometimes my friends say I talk so much that they blend out most of it. But yes I have a few pieces on my phone"
They stepped into the subway, which was not as crowded as on weekdays and sat on the bench. Chanyeol handed him the right headphone bud and searched through his phone. Kyungsoo noticed that Chanyeols shoulder was the perfect hight to lean his tired head against and so he did. From his right ear a silent and melodic piano tune started playing. Soaking up the instrument he closed his eyes. He tried to listen to the piece Chanyeol had shown him, because he was appreciating a lot that he was sharing his music with him, but his tiredness took advantage of him.

A soft shaking woke Kyungsoo, who tried to wake up fast, blinking excessively.
Chanyeol slung his arm around Kyungsoos waist, supporting him to walk outside and he would lie if he wasn't acting a little more tired than he really was at the moment. He had no regrets.
They changed the subway line and Kyungsoo forced himself to stay awake, watching Chanyeol scrolling through his social media sneakily. He didn't care what was happening on the phone, but he liked seeing Chanyeol so casual, when he didn't know he was being watched. He frowned a bit because when he was concentrating, biting his lip mindlessly, sometimes shaking his head to get his fringe out of his eyes.
They left the subway, reaching the campus which was almost empty, just a few students passing.
"Won't Baekhyun be in the dorm?", Kyungsoo asked when he remembered that it wouldn't be his dream situation to run into the walking cotton candy head now.
"He is being a responsible student, at class right now"
"Wasn't he with you last night?"
"He was", Chanyeol answered grinning.
"Jongdae, Taehyung, Luhan, Baekhyun, Yixing, Minseok.." Kyungsoo made a face, he still needed to talk to Minseok.
"You're like the cliché university clique", Kyungsoo noted snorting.
Chanyeol started to laugh. "Yea and your friends look like those arrogant rich kids you hate in high school"
Kyungsoo frowned.
"They may look like it, but they are wonderful dorks"
Raising his eyebrows Chanyeol looked at him.
"I know it was a joke. But you have to admit they seem like it.
Do they know you talk so nice about them?"
"They totally look like it! Sometimes I don't know if I look like the adopted hobo next to them", but then he smiled sadly. "But maybe no, they don't know I talk about them like that"
After crossing the campus they reached the dorm and walked up the stairs until they reached Chanyeols room.
They closed the door and Chanyeol yawned, blinking sleepily.
He looked at Kyungsoo.
"Fuck breakfast?", he asked and Kyungsoo nodded thankfully.
Chanyeol opened the door to his room and fell face front flat on his bed, letting out a pleased groan.
His room was messy, but not depressed messy, more forgetful messy from actual using the room and it's content a lot. Inside where a few weird things but Kyungsoo was too tired to look around.
Without lifting his head from the blanket, Chanyeol waved his hand in Kyungsoos direction, making an inviting gesture.
"If you want to change, your favourite sweater is on the pile of clothes under the window", Chanyeol said, voice muffled coming from beneath the blanket.
Kyungsoo took the familiar black pullover from the floor and threw a look at Chanyeol. Even if he was comfortable with him, he left the room to change. Not that he was particularly ashamed of his body, but there were a few things that weren't necessary for Chanyeol to see.
Kyungsoo looked ridiculously tiny in that pullover, with it reaching almost to his knees, but it was comfortable as hell.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do now. This situation was unusual for him.
But Chanyeol just patted his flat hand a few times on the blanket until he found Kyungsoos arm, pulling him shamelessly closer.
Kyungsoo let himself get dragged next to him, who buried his face in Kyungsoos shoulder and slung his arm around the tiny figure next to him.
Drawing little circles on Chanyeols much bigger hands, before he interwined their fingers without really thinking about it, like a reflex, he fell asleep softly.

When he woke up he was a little disoriented at first, then remembering where he was. Chanyeol was laying with his back to him, snoring quietly. Kyungsoo decided to let him sleep and looked at his phone. One missed call from Junmyeun. Shit, he wanted to be the one to initiate contact this time, but it was already late noon.
Trying to not make too much noise he stood up, ruffled his hair, yawned and patted outside the room. He closed the door quietly and turned around. Just to look straight into the faces of Baekhyun and Jongdae who were sitting on the couch, studying materials spread on the table in front of them.
"Suck it Byun, you owe me 5000Won!" Jongdae was clapping his hands together and hitting Baekhyun on the back who looked at Kyungsoo with a face of betrayal.
"I thought you were innocent Kyungsoo!" He was shaking his head theatrically. "Look at you, squish in the streets, hoe in the sheets"
"Ah shut the fuck up Baek, you're the one to talk", Jongdae was rolling his eyes and Baekhyun just grinned at Kyungsoo.
"I'm just teasing him"
Kyungsoo just ignored them, maybe he was a little embarrassed, looking at his phone.
"What are you doing Kyungsoo? I'm sorry, we're just teasing. Do you want coffee?"
Kyungsoo nodded without looking up, seeing Baekhyun standing up, preparing coffee.
"Do you have a charger? I need to call Junmyeun"
Jongdae pointed next to him at the couch and Kyungsoo sat down, plugging his phone in.
"Junmyeun is such a posh name", Baekhyun said, seating himself next to Kyungsoo, placing a cup on the table.
Kyungsoo thanked him and nipped in the hot coffee.
"Suits him. We just call him wine mom", Jongdae said laughing.
Kyungsoo giggled. "THAT suits him"
Jongdae threw his head back on the lean and let out a distressed noise.
"Fuck studying. I shouldn't have eaten those fucking cookies yesterday"
"Yixings cookies?", Kyungsoo asked laughing.
"Nah, Yixing is just eating them like sweets, Minseok bakes them"
Kyungsoo almost choked on his coffee.
"Kim Minseok makes hash cookies?!"
Jongdae and Baekhyun were just laughing, leaving Kyungsoo nipping his coffee, when suddenly Jongdae looked at him kindly.
"How are you with Minseok? I wanted to ask yesterday, but he was too wasted"
Crunching his teeth, Kyungsoo was turning the cup around in his hands.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. He overreacted, I can tell you that. But let me say you one thing", he was looking untypical serious now. "The meetings with Luhan are necessary, so please be considerate"
So Luhan was this mysterious Ex Junmyeun was talking about? He was sitting with Jongdae and Chanyeol at Da Ninos when Kyungsoo had his argument with Minseok. But why were they necessary? What was going on? Did Junmyeun talk with his boyfriend? Were they fine now?
"I'm not blaming him", Kyungsoo just said, seeing that his phone was charged enough to make a call and stood up.
He leaned against the kitchen counter and dialed Junmyeuns number.
"Hey sleeping beauty", Junmyeun said mocking on the other side of the line. His voice was carefree and Kyungsoo was relieved.
"Why do you assume I was sleeping?"
"Because you always are. Except at night"
"Is this wine mom?", Jongdae was shouting from the other side of the room.
"Tell him a big thank you that he drove us home yesterday with his unnecessary expensive car"
"Did you hear that?", Kyungsoo asked.
"How can you not hear his voice? It's haunting me in my dreams, I can tell you that"
Kyungsoo could picture Junmyeun massaging his temples.
"Wait, why are you with them Soo?"
Embarrassing silence.
"I was staying overnight", Kyungsoo said quietly.
A loud squeak.
"Oh my god. Tell me everything!"
"There is not much to tell", Kyungsoo said in defence.
"No, no, no, don't pull this on me"
"Okay, how about later, you can come over"
"You invite my into your apartment?" Junmyeun sounded genuinely surprised.
"Uhm yes, is there anything wrong with that?"
"Absolutely no! It's just been..a while"
Kyungsoo jumped and almost died when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Fuck", he grabbed his chest, his heart pounding in surprise.
"Sorry", murmured Chanyeol, clearly not meaning it.
He rested his head on Kyungsoos and slung his arms over the smaller boys shoulder.
"Did you sleep well?", he asked, volume low, so his friends couldn't hear it.
"Oh my god Kyungsoo", Junmyeun was dying on the phone, who had heard Chanyeol clearly.
"Do you want to come back to bed?", Chanyeol asked sleepily.
"Say yes!!", Junmyeun was excited.
"Fuck your cute bullshit, Park Chanyeol, you get your ass on that couch and review what you missed today", Baekhyun said in a parental voice. "And Kyungsoo, wine mom can pick you up"
Chanyeol was audible exhaling.
"Junmyeun can you give me a ride?"
"Sure. 10 minutes okay?"
"Yes, I'll be waiting on the main entrance"
Kyungsoo hung up and turned around to look at Chanyeol who was looking incredibly soft with his messy hair, puffy face and comfortable hoodie.
It was a weird chain of circumstances, he thought, that brought him here. Wearing nothing, but the hoodie that made him get to know Chanyeol in the first place, with the two loosers he had played the drinking game with. Life took weird turns and Kyungsoo was proud of himself all of the sudden. Proud of how far he had come in the last weeks, even if he still had breakdowns, he felt safe with a person again and had learned to open up to his friends a bit, he had the feeling of connecting with them again.
"I need to change", Kyungsoo said and waddled towards Chanyeols room.
The ladder was leaning on the door frame, looking sleepy as hell.
"You know what? Keep the pullover, I like you wearing it", he yawned, turned around and closed the door.
Kyungsoo picked up his clothes from the floor, put on his pants and socks, throwing the rest carelessly over his arm, stepping out of the room again.
Chanyeol was waiting at the door, reaching with his head almost until the upper frame.
"Take care Kyungsoo", Jongdae said without looking up, grinning knowingly.
Baekhyun waved in his direction, smiling cutely.
"See you next time Squishy!"
Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes, looking at Chanyeol.
He didn't know what to do now, what was appropriate. His opponent visibly didn't know what to do either, so they just looked at each other awkwardly.
Jongdae was moaning annoyed in the background, Baekhyun shutting him up by hitting him.
Chanyeol moved his hand in the direction of Kyungsoos face, touching his cheek softly with his fingers, so careful, he almost couldn't feel it. But involuntary he leaned into the touch, which made Chanyeol smile.
"Goodbye Kyungsoo"
He was sad when Chanyeol lowered his hand and he walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind him. A part of him wished he would have just stayed in that bed, maybe being able to stay there forever, not getting up.

Junmyeun was back with the asshole grin, driving smugly slow, window rolled down in front of Kyungsoo. He lowered his pimp sunglasses a bit and stared at his friend.
"Hoe Kyungsoo, if I may lead you home"
Kyungsoo tossed his clothes at the back of the car and took place in the front.
"Why is everyone calling me a hoe? I'm doing nothing hoe like. Just because all your salty asses are in boring fucking relationships"
"Maybe you're in a 'boring fucking relationship' soon"
Kyungsoo snorted. He really hadn't considered that at all, and he really didn't want to think about it. It would give him a headache.
The drive was not too long and silent. Junmyeun was just bad in controlling his grin and Kyungsoo looked out of the window, noticing that he was still tired. But when wasn't he?
They were entering Kyungsoos apartment when Junmyeun was widening his eyes in amazement.
"What happened here?"
Proudly Kyungsoo looked around.
"Jongin happened"
Junmyeun was letting himself fall into the couch, placing his feet on the table, like he owned this place.
"Okay, now tell me", he demanded with a hectic hand gesture.
"Soon", Kyungsoo said, walking into the kitchen, searching for water. He really wanted to brush his teeth and drink at least five teen bottles of water.
In his pocket he felt his phone buzz.
Confused he looked at the number on the screen, he had never seen it before.
Frowning, hesitating, he picked up.
"Is..is there..Do Kyungsoo?"
A girls voice, weak, almost cracking, like she had cried for a long time. But he didn't recognized that voice.
"Yes, who is there?"
Silence. Nervousness crept up Kyungsoos spine. Something inside him screamed that there was something incredibly wrong.
"My name..is..Amber"
Kyungsoos grip around the phone tightened, his breath was coming faster.
"I don't know if you know me, if Sulli..ever talked about me. Well, she talked about you"
"She talked about you a lot", Kyungsoo said. He had no idea what was going on and he couldn't assess this situation.
"I found this number in her notes..", Amber's breath was heavy, like she was trying to control herself.
"I left it for her", Kyungsoo stated, talking more to himself than to the phone.
"I called because.. because", Kyungsoo could picture how she was biting her teeth together.
"Because Sulli.. she", Amber started to cry and panic overcame Kyungsoo. Naked panic taking over him.
"What about her? Amber?"
"She killed herself, Kyungsoo!! Last week"
Amber talked more, but Kyungsoo didn't hear it. The phone fell on the floor with a dull noise. Kyungsoo was staring at the wall. He wasn't able to form a thought, he wasn't able to move. His hand was still curved like he was holding the phone.
"Soo, you know I will annoy you until you..oh my god what's wrong?!" Junmyeun stood in front of him, his face changing instantly when he saw Kyungsoo.
But he didn't realize, something was moving on his stomach, something was breaking inside him. Out, he needed..OUT! His vision turned blank as he turned around and threw up in the sink.